#looking forward to feeling worse

[galofmanyinterests]

Listen university is kicking my ass I don't have the time or mental capacity right now to watch Dan's video but if someone could give me cliffnotes or something I'd super appreciate it

[a-lil-perspective]

Me: *is severely depressed, suicidal, crying and angry and irritable and moody af like clockwork at a very specific time of the month*

Also me: *doesn’t menstruate*

[leverage-ot3]

y’all I kinda feel like hot shit rn,,,

just got nominated by my teacher of multiple classes to be interviewed to be featured on the school website

dr [redacted] i love u with my whole (whole) heart

[saltywinteradult]

My period: Prepare for trouble :)

Covid-19: And make it double :)

[mihai-florescu]

He has such a cute design and for what honestly

[bangcakes]

.

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

is it normal to be dreading your birthday because you don’t want to be older and closer to adulthood because you’re scared of not being able to handle yourself so you just want to stay as young as you are even though you also don’t like being a teenager? because uh

[boyplushie]

i feel so selfish but also im gonna start crying bc of this

[running-in-the-dark]

.

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

sometimes i take on a hobby thats meant to be relaxing but then i end up building a strict schedule around it bc im a fucking idiot and then i stress about it to a point where ill give myself a full on panic attack bc im not progressing as fast in the thing as i wanted to progress in it and the 32719832 different ideas i want to do with it are overwhelming me all at once and then i take a step back and procrastinate until my brain stops panicking and it magically resets me to normal

[firewoodfigs]

[pessimisticfvck]

i’m. not. okay.

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

me: *is sick and needs to get more sleep than usual*

also me: *stays up til 2am*

[kellystar321]

.

[angstmonsterwrites]

Got some advice from a physician who did their residency in psychiatric inpatient care today. I think this might benefit others, so I'll put it here.

The methods of CBT and successfully talking oneself down from anxiety or catastrophizing normally should produce a dopamine-based "reward" response in the brain. If the brain is suffering from dopamine deficiency, this can hamper even the best efforts of trying to practice coping mechanisms. If all your brain has to say about anything normally relieving, pleasurable, or rewarding is "meh", it's going to be incredibly difficult.

In addition to the spiralling depressed state it might cause, dopamine deficiency also can lead to executive dysfunction, increased rejection sensitivity, unusual clumsiness, sleep disturbances, and nervous shaking and small tremors. The brain may also produce extra serotonin and adrenaline to compensate, leading to further mood instability and high blood pressure. (I check ALL of these boxes.)

In people (like me) with CPTSD, becoming trapped in a sort of "feedback loop" of triggers is a hint that a dopamine deficiency might be at fault, thanks to the above issue with how it chemically short-circuits the "reward" response associated with successful coping mechanisms.

Dopamine deficiencies are typically also found in individuals with ADD or ADHD. Stimulants such as Adderall are typically used to treat it.

Sub-clinical/OTC or non-medicinal alternatives include increased intake of vitamin D, magnesium, increased sunlight exposure, physical exercise, and micro-doses of THC of about 5mg. (For those interested in the weed route: While small doses of THC have been shown to encourage more regular dopamine production, too much can have the opposite effect.)

At any rate, I'm tentatively relieved to have an answer as to why my focus, energy level, motivation, and capacity to enjoy anything has been decreasing or unstable over the past year in spite of decent counseling. Hopefully this is the missing piece that allows for real recovery. I probably won't go straight for RX medications, as I've had enough bad luck there to make me mildly phobic of them, but I have options.