#IDK WHT IM RAMBLING SO MUCH TODAY

[kafus]

i do not talk about it much because i have a complicated relationship with being perceived as a “furry” (word i never picked for myself but that was moreso chosen for me) for a variety of complex reasons but i do actually really care about animals and while i wouldn’t necessarily call myself a full therian i’m like… therian adjacent? i think the closest i’ve come to describing it is voidpunk but i’m not a huge fan of the term nor is it quite right. but i don’t think any label can really properly describe it nor can i fit into any specific animal centric community. i have complex trauma surrounding animals and a long history with Stylized Art of said animals that makes me feel isolated from pretty much everyone else with adjacent feelings about the topic. but thank god i’m at least comfortable enough again to draw my ocs. i hope my arm feels better soon i still wanna be drawing AGH

[transrightsjimin]

i couldnt work today bc i had issues w both the computers in the office and the laptop at home nd have to get it fixed tmrw again but might not have an office to work in so then have to go back home again nd my body feels so weird w nausea nd stress nd feeling hot nd cold etc

but it's not even like i think it's a virus thing, my body has had these complaints every day for years but it's jst been bugging more nd more over time nd has been rly distracting when im trying to be less overstimulated. idk why im complaining on this shitty website either

[adrianicsea]

thts fine pls answer whnever! last weekend i came out as trans to my manager by accident, i work night shifts in a department store w a team of only 5 ppl nd tht night i hadnt done laundry so i was wearing a shirt w a trans symbol on it nd i didnt think it wld matter bc normally i clock in and go through the meetings nd briefings in my coat bc the store is cold nd then go to my floor so basicallt no one sees what im wearing but tht night my new manager worked the same floor nd he saw it (1)

and he knew what the symbol was and asked if i was trans and i said yh and told him nd he took it well! he was like oh so you're a boy instead of so u want to be a boy like so many other ppl ive told hv said nd he was cool w using the right pronouns whn i decide to come out nd evrything so i think it went well! but now im struggling w coming out to everyone else and im not sure if i should? like i dont pass at all, my chest is still big even with my binder, im very short and curvy (2)

and i have longish hair which i dont plan on cutting and a very feminine face so idk whether coming out would b a good idea when i know that i dont look like a cis boy. im on the waiting list for an nhs gender clinic so maybe i should wait until i start t and hopefully pass a bit more but that will be like late 2018 and being misgendered at work makes me want to die nd idk if i can wait that long. but if i do come out idk how to do it ive never had to @ work this is my 1st job nd im worried (3)

sry tbis is rly rambling i guess wht im basically asking is do u think coming out when i dont pass like at all would b ok or a bad idea and if i shld come out how shld i go abt it like wld it b weird to like hv a mini meeting or shld i speak to them each individually or?? idk. i asked my manager bc he's worked here for yrs nd he was just like tell evryone ur pronouns nd thts it but i kno they wont just accept it like tht like svn my friends hd to hv it explained to thm lmao (4)

im done now lol sry for sending so many messages nd thank u in advance for any help!

hi! so unfortunately i don’t have a ton of firsthand advice to offer here, because i’ve never been in this position before. what i do know is that anytime i’ve been in a situation where i get consistently misgendered, it just makes me wanna never be in that situation again. i think being at work is hard enough without having to deal with all of that on top of it, you know? as much trouble as it would be, i think you might be better off coming out--

but ONLY, of course, if you think you’ll be safe doing it. your manager sounds like he’s on your side here, and that’s definitely good, but if you think there’s a chance one of your coworkers could react to it with a more negative reaction than confusion, i would probably stay closeted for the time being.

maybe you could ask your manager to help you with coming out, if you’re afraid of doing it yourself? maybe he could send out like an email or bulletin or something on your behalf. as sad as it is, people tend to take cis people more seriously than they take us about our own gender, so that might be something to consider.

i’m sorry i don’t have more like... specific/better advice to share! he’s busy today and idk if he’d be willing to answer regardless, but my friend oliver @bottommac has also had to deal with coming out at work within the past 6 months or so, so you could try asking him for advice! since he’s actually done that and i never have

[transrightsjimin]

just watched a documentary abt kurt cobain on tv and man, in the beginning i thought oh right i want to listen more to 90s rock, but also this rly got me feeling depressed nd thinking abt an old friend who was in a similar place (without the fame though) nd who i had to call 112 for and this weird mother who tried to befriend me and uses drugs nd doesnt believe in regular medication, nd then to yoongis lyrics which i thought abt earlier today, and also just how much couldve been prevented for him nd other depressed ppl if they had been stimulated better in their childhood (considering he appeared to have undiagnosed adhd from wht i understood), but at the same time the whole depressed grunge thing where youre critical of authority and simultaneously feel like killing random ppl nd are just guiltrrippy in the end is such a typical angry white ppl thing, and i thought abt my own depression and childhood and felt sad abt how i felt already mentally pretty bad in groep 3 (?) (the year after two years of kindergarten) partially bc i had the most horrible teacher nd partially bc my brother was doing criminal stuff nd got in trouble so my parents were more busy w him, logically, and i felt neglected and lied to the school that my dad kicked me every day (which the school luckily took seriously so my parents had a talk). like i thought i went depressed in groep 5 but i think it started earlier on bc i truly didnt remember being happy in the two school years before that. then from groep 5 to 8 i got bullied rl bad (i think less bad in groep 6) and im still angry at how i wasnt diagnosed w depression officially ever in my life (and still not rly, bc the therapists ive had said that i just have depressive complaints instead of a disorder, even if ive had this for years, but bc im not suicidal its hard for them to call it depression, nd like i never gpt my diagnosis for autism or depression on paper or information after my autism diagnosis) nd only had to keep a diary in groep 5 to deal with stress bc that would worsen my skin allergies. i wish i had more than that and like, saw a person abt it. like i hate whining abt my childhood bc it wasnt the worst, i had classmates in primary school who were in much worse abusive / traumatizing situations, nd it might be why they tried to act out their power over me, but for me it was just being bullied by the class nd it seems so small. but idk it still frustrates me that the last time i was truly without depressive complaints was prob when i was like. 6. i think it was less bad in high school bc there i had a few more friends and i felt happy when acting like the weird autistic kid i was and bc literally everyone was awkward nd Random it was fine and quite liberating. but then when the end of the 6th year was nearing and exams were coming and i had no more structure of a timetable bc less classes, i fell into worse depression similar to what i had at worst in groep 7 and 8. like just, responsibility, discipline, concentration, durability, etc were demanded amd ive never been trained in those things. and as i got older things aldo went downhill between me nd my parents bc they wanted me to be a responsible adult but at the same time prevented me from learning these skills bc they were faster nd more capable and im just stupid and a nusance. im sorry for rambling but my thoughts are all over the place. i wanna read yoongis lyrics more bc im emotional nd crying and i know im sounding very dramatic but im still mad i lost like 80% of my life to depression. and i would like to think its not lost but idk. i just want to be completely better but idk if thats possible since im so susceptible to depression bc of my autism. its a bit reassuring to read yoongi share that hes also not where he wanted to be yet and that thats fine. ugh i just cant stop crying and idk why