#IDK im hopeful I hope they dont do a racism or else Im gonna scream!

[classychassiss]

BRO ARCEE AND MIRAGE AND CHEETOR LOOKIN REALLY GOOD NGL??? Also HII RON PERLMAN HIIII

Im curious why they didnt have Mirage speak though like is it because they didnt have time or bc theyre waiting a bit for any Pete Davidson blowback to bowl over??? Idk They didnt have Arcee speak either for that matter

[queerdiaz]

ADJSJS BUCKS “ IM FINE IM NOT THE ONE WHO GOT SHOT”

LIKE SIR

SURE IT WASNT YOU WHO GOT SHOT BUT IT WAS UR HUSBAND UR ALLOWED TO NOT BE OKAY

OH GOD NO BUCK DONT THROW YOURSELF INTO DANGER JUST CAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT HOW SCARED YOU ARE

NO WAIT IS THAT THE SNIPER

BUCK HOW CAN YOU JUST SEE THAT AND NOT TELL ANYONE

OH MY GOD NO HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED

IM CRYING

ikr??? Buck not being okay AT ALL to the point where he blames himself so much that he thinks it would've been best if it was him instead of Eddie and he wanted to get shot by the sniper. I just alsjsjshehehe Buck bby let me hug you.

WAIT NO TAYLOR WTF

WHYD YOU KISS HIM HIS HUSBANDS IN THE HOSPITAL

SHDJSNS NOW SHES LEAVING

YAY EDDIE'S AWAKE

'his husbands in the hospital' alajsjsh 😂😅 and seriously! Like Taylor I get this is an emotional time and Buck could've gotten shot again but now is not the time to kiss Buck. I'm still not over the timing of Eddie waking up right when Taylor kissed him. Eddie's Jealous Ho senses were tingling and had to wake up immediately and talk to the Buck 😂😂

yo wait i just realized this is the first time i’ve seen ana since he got shot kinda sus how the “love interest” has been absent 👀

Very sus indeed. Like Ana said one line this entire episode. Hell we didn't even see Eddie wake up to her or her reaction to him getting shot (both of which we saw with Ali when Buck's leg got crushed). All we saw was her sitting at Eddie's bedside one time, then when Buck arrives, she literally stepped aside so that Buck and Eddie can fully see each other and reunite (I'm sensing a symbolism here). My sister described her as an ornament and she basically was. Interesting how the love interest is a bg character that doesn't have one-on-one moments with Eddie while Buck's entire arc this ep was pretty much what usually a love interest's role is when something like this happens 👀🤔

OH MY GID NO BOBBY

BOBBY GOT SHOT

I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

Bobby getting hurt too was so hard. But I just LOVED how Buck and Athena worked together (along with everyone else) to save Bobby. Mother and son working together to go save the dad. AND WHEN ATHENA LITERALLY WALKED THROUGH FIRE. Aksjshsjsj these two are SUCH goals I swear.

OH MY GOD MADDIE MY LOVE

IM SO WORRIED ABOUT HER

I know my poor Maddie. But I'm so freaking happy that she asked for help. That scene and this entire sl in general is so incredibly important. This is a giant step in a better direction for her and I'm so yet again so freaking glad that she has Chimney in her life. Hope things get better for them.

OH MY GOD ITS THIS SCENE

OH MY GOD THE WAY THEY TRUST EACH OTHER

“ NO ONE WILL EVER FIGHT FOR MY SON AS HARD AS YOU”

IM SCREAMING

“YOU ACT LIKE YOURE EXPENDABLE BUT YOURE WRONG”

I'M SCREAMING RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. It's officially been a week (crying about it) and I'm STILL screaming about this scene. Will I ever stop? Absolutely not. The way they trust each other indeed. Like good luck Ana and Taylor or anyone else who wants to date them bc Buck and Eddie sure as hell aren't gonna trust anyone more than they trust each other, which includes their SO's. Can't wait for them to realize what's wrong with this picture and actually do something about it. But yeah this scene will forever make me feral I can't even. (It's like the emotional version of The Kitchen Scene™ if tho that one had emotional moments but still).

OH MY GOD AND HEN AND KAREN SEEING NIA AND HER MOM

THE PICNIC

listen I am SOOO freaking happy that we saw Nia again and her being happy but still remembering Hen and Karen and Denny. And then her mom.thanking them. And the picnic asdfghjkllsha. I cried ngl.

THE WELCOME HOME PARTY

Ah the welcome home party. Where we see Eddie reunite with his everyone, but especially Christopher as the camera focuses on the father and son and then pans to Buck smiling brightly at them. Like they're girlfriends are literally RIGHT THERE and yet we focus on the Buckley Diaz family. Ajajsssksjsh. That entire moment warmed my heart.

WAIT OH MY GOD ALBERTS A FIREFIGHTER

"FIREFIGHTER HAN"

AGDJAKMSKSJ

right??? like earlier this episode when Albert picked up Hen's phone my mind immediately went "hmmm I wonder if Albert will be a firefighter next season" but then I completely forgot about that thought and then that ending scene came I aksjsjshssksjs I was so freaking happy I can't even (also Ravi the Probie was there in that scene which made me really happy bc I really love him). Seeing the 118 firefam being there to support Firefighter Albert just alwjakajshshshs *clenches heart*

OH MY GOD AND THE SUPPORT NOTICE FOR PEOPLE WITH POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

THIS SHOW REALLY IS DOING A LOT TO BRING ATTENTION TO LOTS OF SERIOUS THINGS AND THAT IS SO AMAZING

I know right?? ngl I'm in awe with how many important and serious things they bring up that need to be talked about. Especially something like Postpartum which is incredibly important to talk about and show but rarely is. Along with everything else they talk about which is either rarely shown or not at all (like Hen's story with the medical racism and prejudices or the conversation that Athena and Hen had about that missing girl). One of the many, many reasons why Iove this show so damn much.

IM CRYING WHY IS IT OVER

I'M CRYING RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. Tonight was the first night without a new episode and I'm a mess. idk how I'm gonna handle this summer hiatus until s5. I'm probably gonna do a rewatch lol.

Anyways, sorry this is late and I hope it's okay that I put the rest of the asks together. But I'm freaking glad you finished the show and loved it so much too! It truly is *chef's kiss*

[icestorm1196]

you know how sometimes you just want to stop?  or maybe you just want everything else to stop?  i don’t know.  i am not at my most coherent right now i guess.  not that it matters.  no one’s gonna read this right?  i mean, i’m posting it to the internet, but it’s mostly just me screaming into the void.  mostly i am hoping that writing some of it down will make it easier for me to put the damn safety pin away.  or at least cut my nails or something. 

im white. i have a ‘job.’  im fine. im fine.  

why am i not good?  theres nothing currently drastic happening. i sort of have money.  more than some, though my rent is obscenely high and i am not making enough to keep paying it for the next six months without help from my parents (and i can’t ask) or a new job (and no one wants me).

i have no marketable skills other than food service.  im gonna die a waitress. i cant even get a job as a receptionist because no one is hiring someone with no experience.  im several years out of college and i can’t get a job in my field, or an internship because all the internships go to college students.  

but its one of those things.  i know im gonna be stuck in jobs i hate my whole life.  im never gonna do the things i want, or the things i love. i wont get to travel. i wont get to act.  im gonna be miserable and useless and poor forever and i don’t want that.  

its one of those ‘are my friends really my friends’ things.  i dont think so. none of my friends have ever really been friends. ive always been an out of sight out of mind person. sometimes ive tried to reach out.  it doesn’t tend to work.  even when i was in college, everyone i hung out with tended to spend breaks together. i lived a few hours away. i didnt get invited.  or they’d all go to the movies and maybe theyd text someone to join...not me though.  

wah wah wah right? who the fuck cares?  boo hoo, i don’t get invited to things. 

even when i do, half the time i feel like i invited myself and i spend the whole damn time worrying that everyone secretly wishes id leave.

im nothing.

my sister would care if i died.  my parents.  my brother?  who knows.  and if my mom ever finds out that i am not straight then she’d fucking disown me anyway. would anyone else give a fuck though?  idk.

im not gonna kill myself or anything.  i know these aren’t real problems.  body image issues etc whatever. who doesn’t have them?  no one. im boring. my problems are boring. and they are stupid.  and it is stupid that i let them get to me.

people have real problems. people face addiction, homelessness, mental illness.  girls are getting raped by their family members or sold into sex slavery and people are being made into child soldiers.  there’s a madman in the whitehouse and people have to deal with racism and bigotry on a day to day basis.

i have such stupid, pointless little white girl problems.  and i can’t even handle those without having a fucking panic attack at 2 am apropos of nothing.

im nothing. my issues are unimportant. im not gonna change the world by being in it, or by leaving. im a blip. most of us are, really.  why does it bug me so much?  im ridiculous.

the only real problem i have is neurofibromatosis. and that’s mostly physical. its all vanity. these horrible little tumor bumps that just show the fuck up in the most inconvenient places.   and its not like they are cancerous or anything.  just ugly.  

i hate that i cant control these things.  my body keeps fucking betraying me.  food i used to like seems to make me sick.  maybe that’s good cause if i can’t eat things then i wont be a fucking fat ass anymore.

whatever.

im fine.

i keep thinking that i should maybe talk to someone? but who the fuck? my sister? she’s eighteen, i cant lay this shit on her.  who else? the only times ive ever tried talking to people who told me that i can talk to them ‘whenever’ about these things, ive been basically shat on. ‘sorry, im kinda taking a nap,’ ‘sorry, im busy’.’its 3 am, i was asleep’ blababla. and the friends i have that don’t know that im a mess (or don’t know how deep it goes i guess) i dont want to know.  i have a reputation to uphold.  im the ‘perky’ one.  suicide hotline? except im not gonna kill myself and calling there would just get in the way of someone who actually needs help.  therapist? why would i talk to a stranger that i pay to pretend to care about my stupid problems?  so that leaves me with the internet.

a blog no one gives a fuck about seems just the place to post the incoherent 2am rambling of a twenty something never-will-be.  (can’t be a has-been if you were never anything). 

anyway. im done i think.

i don’t really feel better. i had hoped i would.  maybe im tired enough to sleep now.