#IT WAS CHILL UNTIL HE MENTIONED STAR RAIL AND I WAS JUST 'DONT SAY THAT

[elegyofthemoon]

😊

[all-hail-the-witcher]

loving too hard

so at the last minute i put this in the spies verse although it can 110% be read as a standalone. im not sure when it takes place so dont ask.

by popular demand here's the playlist of songs i was inspired by:

la devotee thin white lies lose you too dying in la 8 letters the reason who knew this is gospel

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genre: sad 

ship: platonic ralbert

words: some

editing: nah

warnings: its sad, one brief mention of a shootout and weapons, use of the word love, feelings of regret, emotions, albert is stuck in his head and he made a bad decision, race just wants his hot pockets, he was at walgreens

_____

What the hell are you doing here?

Albert stared down at his hands, the light from the setting sun bathing them in gold, accentuating the purplish bruises scattered across his knuckles. Half moons of dried red framed his nails and dirt streaked his forearms. The gentle breeze stung his cuts. But no part of him was compelled to clean off the remnants of the work day. He’d fought willingly, hell it was his job after all, but suddenly it seemed so strange and weird and...wrong. Normally the last day of a case was thrilling and crisp with satisfaction, but all he could bring himself to feel was hollow regret.

It couldn’t be his job. Albert had known exactly what he was signing up for: long nights of research, stakeouts, codenames, fake identities, tailing criminals, not being seen, broken bones, scars, fights, shootouts, outrunning the inescapability of death time after time again...the endless prospects gave him goosebumps. He was a danger seeker. If he were told to take down a criminal with his eyes closed and hands tied behind his back he’d say well bring it the fuck on already!

And yet here he was, contemplating going back inside and opening his laptop to type a very half assed resignation letter. Why?

The view from the cheap hotel room was nothing special (the parking lot of a run-down strip mall mostly populated by a flock of crows) but he found himself leaning forward against the rickety hotel balcony railing to get a better look. Part of him knew that there was a very real chance it could snap and he would plummet 3 stories, but he found himself not caring. He’d fallen from higher places before. If anything, Race would yell at him for being stupid and reckless.

Race. Where was that bastard anyway? He’d left 45 minutes ago to go get first aid supplies or something, Albert hadn’t really been listening. Still, he was pretty sure that it didn’t take 45 minutes to run into Walgreens and grab some rubbing alcohol and gauze. He should have been back by now and Albert couldn’t bring himself to care.

Race was the whole reason he had this job. Why he had left home. Why he had seen so much of the world. Why he knew how to carry on half decent small talk in Russain (thanks Duolingo). Why he was one of the best field agents in the country. Why he could order meat-lovers pizza in 15 languages and counting. Why he had become such a better person than he had been in high school. But then again, Race was also the reason he had nightmares. Why he had nearly died countless times. Why he felt as though he was stuck in a life he wasn’t sure he would pick for himself if he had had the option.

Everything he had done had been for Race. Every bullet he’d taken, every scar he’d gotten, every panic attack he’d had, every time he’d hid his doubts and his fears about the mission...that had all been for Race. To protect him, to make sure he was happy.

Not like that plan had worked anyway. He knew that every time he so much as scraped himself Race panicked. And then they would ignore it until it became too much and Race would end up revealing just how much it hurt him that Albert was doing stupid shit behind his back and why can’t you just think about how this will affect me for once!?

But Race always came back, always tried to mend the rift. He made sure Albert was comfortable and he wasn’t pushing any boundaries. And what did Albert do in return? Kept fuckin hurting him. Race didn’t deserve that. Hell, no one did, but certainly not Race.

Race was too good for him. He had always been too good for him. Albert didn’t deserve a friend as good as Race, he never had and he never would.

The light’s clicked on in the parking lot below. It was no surprise that the lights, much like the strip mall, were shitty and flickering. Still, he was able to make out one lone figure holding two Walgreen’s bags. Only Race would be able to justify spending an hour in a Walgreens. Even from the balcony Albert could tell that Race’s hair was still coated in a thick layer of dirt and that he hadn’t bothered to change out of his mission clothes yet. Seeing him walking calmly back lifted a weight in his chest.

Are you sure you wanna leave this?

Albert turned swiftly, wrestling with the near-broken door for a moment before bursting back into the hotel room. Blindly he grabbed his backpack and threw random clothes and weapons in. Race was safe. He didn’t need to be here anymore now that he knew that Race was safe. Race was smart, he’d be fine, he didn’t need Albert.

He was in the middle of scribbling Race a half assed note when the door opened, bringing Race in with it. Shit.

“Hey Albie, sorry it took so long, I decided to get us food also but then couldn’t decide what to get and also Walgreens doesn’t have the best food options so I got hot pockets and chips and salsa, which, now that I’m saying that I realize that those are essentially the same thing, I hope that’s okay…” He finally looked up, noticing Albert. “Are you going somewhere? Is everything okay?”

“I’m so sorry Antonio.” Albert kept his voice low, knowing it would break if he spoke too loudly. “I can’t do this.”

Race dropped his bags on the bed and stepped closer to Albert, reaching out to grab his arm. “Do what?”

Albert flinched, stomach tightening as he stepped back to avoid Race’s touch. He felt guilty, but he couldn't do this, he couldn’t do this, fuck why couldn't he- “This,” he waved his hands as if in explanation.

“What Albie?” Race asked gently. “Stay in the hotel? The mission-”

“Us!” Albert blurted out. “I can’t do us.”

“What?” Race’s voice was small and broken as he stepped back, eyes suddenly glassy. Instant regret swelled up in Albert’s throat, but he forced it down. He couldn’t keep doing this anymore. It wasn’t right of him.

“I’m sorry. You’re too good for me Tonio. You’re too good for me and all I do is hurt you. I can’t be friends with you knowing that. I loved you too hard. I need time.” He picked up his backpack, unable to look Race in the eyes. Once his back was turned he tried to wipe at his own tears subtly, but winced when he remembered that he had too black eyes.

“Will you be back?” “I don’t know.” Albert picked up the note he had been writing and held it out to Race.

Race took the letter gently, looking at Albert thoughtfully. “I love you Albert,” he whispered finally. “You can always come back.”

Albert reached for the doorknob. “I-” his tongue stuck in his throat like sandpaper. He couldn’t say it. “Thanks,” he mumbled instead before stepping out into the hallway.

What did you just do?

_____

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[bartsugsy]

Which period of relationship has been your favourite and which has been your least favourite? Boyfriends, fiances, just marrieds or exesbutclearlystillinlove? and why.. For whenever you next have spare time to answer, I always enjoy reading your insightful Robron posts :)

ooohh ajsksk this is sO HARD BECAUSE THERE ARE POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES IN EACH OF THE ERAS AND LIKE… THEY’RE HARDCORE POSITIVES AND HARDCORE NEGATIVES BUT OK I’M GONNA DO THIS

So my brain roughly sort of splits it all up as:

Pre-affair era

Affair era 

First and Second Break up era

Abuse era

Boyfriend era 

Fiancé era

Husband era

Third break up era 

U KNO IM JUST GONNA SIT HERE AND RANK THEM BECAUSE I LOVE AND HATE THEM ALL OK LETS GO

also happy long post day, this shit is going under a cut

ROBRON ERAS RANKED FROM WORSTEST TO BESTEST

7. FIRST / SECOND BREAK UP ERA

Now on the one hand... OK THIS IS WHY THIS IS HARD BECAUSE THIS ERA HAS MY FAVOURITE STRING OF EPISODES BUT ALSO MY LEAST FAVOURITE STRING OF EPISODES -. Ultimately the "least favourite" string lasts way way longer than the good stuff, which is why it's sitting pretty at the bottom. But like. The good stuff is real damn good.

CRYIN IN A GOOD WAY OVER: Cain vs Robert, Aaron to the rescue, FLIRTY! FARMING! FUN!, the portacabin, THE GOD DAMNED LODGE, some of who shot robert, some of the affair reveal, everything about robert getting aaron out of prison

CRYIN IN A END IT ALL HERE WAY OVER: most of who shot robert, most of the affair reveal, ☠️Donny☠️

IN CONCLUSION: ok ok oK DONT GET ME WRONG. THE GOOD STUFF IS FUCKIN INCREDIBLE AND MONUMENTAL AND WHAT ULTIMATELY MADE ME THE HARDCORE SHIPPER I AM TODAY. SO. I HELLA WOULD NOT BE HERE WITHOUT IT. I ACTUALLY WOULDN’T THAT WHOLE LITTLE BIT OF TIME IS EMOTIONALLY WHAT LED ME HERE. IT SHOULD BE HIGHER TBQH.

I JUST HATE THE DONNY PERIOD THAT MUCH.

6. AFFAIR ERA

WHERE IT ALL STARTED. ICONIC. GREAT. ENJOYED IT ALL BUT… IT NEVER QUITE REACHES THE HEIGHTS OF ANY OTHER ERA IMO. THERE’S A LOT OF GOOD BUT NONE OF IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THROW IN EVERYTHING I OWNED AND COMMIT MYSELF TO THEM FOREVER.

THE GOOD SHIT CELEBS ARE BUYIN: HOOOOME FAAARRRRM WEEEEEEEK, that time rob killed katie and had to go to his own wedding immediately afterwards, christmas, the barn, the hotels, just… all the sexin’, rob telling aaron he pushed katie, high! drama! everywhere also the fact that they literally jumped straight into a relationship after two bones is incredible.

THE STUFF THE RANDO IN THE TOILETS IS TRYING TO SHIFT ON U: rmr how we never actually knew whether rob was being sincere at any point, aaron ending up in hospital and everything being terrible, their relationship was just pretty awful as a whole tbh lbr

IN CONCLUSION: GET READY FOR THIS CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BUT LIKE… everything in this era was reaching highs of 7 where every other era has stuff that, to me, hits highs of 52? On the other hand, the lows are much higher than every other era - this is the one era where you can say that as much as nothing soars quite as high as SSW, but equally, nothing is hitting the lows of rebecca. I look back on this era a lot more fondly than I felt about it originally and I'm trying not to rely too heavily on my hindsighty feelings because that's unfair to more recent eras. So. NO RISK NO REWARD KIDS. THIS BAD BOY IS GETTIN PLACED DOWN LOW AF SORRY SON

5. BOYFRIEND ERA

OH MAN THEY!!!! ARE!!!! BOYFRIENDS!!!! AND THERE’S NUTHIN BUT DRAMA AND PAIN. COOL.

LIVIN MY LIFE AND LOVIN MY TIME: REUNION BABYYYYY, Rob basically moving in immediately, Rob actually moving in, Rob and Liv bonding, ~Get stuck in~, slowly understanding that DOMESTICITY WOULD BE THE WAY FORWARD FOR A BIT AND GETTING A HELL OF A LOT OF IT

HATIN THE WORLD AND BEING SAD AT MY SCREEN: The Chill™ was a thing. Memories.

IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS GREAT ONCE THEY WORKED OUT WHAT THEY WERE DOING BUT THEN IT WAS A LITTLE BORING AND ALSO CHRANDY

4. HUSBAND ERA

THE ERA OF BIG! FUCKIN! INCREDIBLE! EPISODES! AND PRECIOUS FUCK ALL IN BETWEEN.

TOLD ME THEY LOVED ME AND ONLY ME: THE WEDDING, THE GOODBYE EP, THE FIRST PRISON VISIT, THE ROBLIVION EP, THE ONS YEAH ITS IN HERE I FUCKIN SAID IT WELCOME TO CONTROVERSY LAND STARRING ME IT’S FASCINATING ROBERT CHARACTER WORK IMO, CHAS FINDING OUT, THE REUNION, THE REVEAL, MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND WHO I LOVE AND THE EPISODES EITHER SIDE, THE WEED HEIST PLUS THE MIIIIIIILL

KNOCKED UP THEIR EX: well… rob knocked up his ex didn't he

IN CONCLUSION: if I were to rank these eras by how much fun I had in fandom this would be at both the top and the bottom and lbr…. lbr that about sums up this era in general, doesn't it? Horrendous, horrible, terrible pacing - everything post-incident pre-Aaron getting out and everything before the reveal and urgjejd why…. BUT but but the good stuff was just… legendary. that’s why this shit is bang fuckin in the middle.

3. THIRD BREAK UP ERA

CURRENT DAY TIMES THIS IS IT THIS IS WHERE WE ARE. And I’m sure this will change when the era is over but like. My current rn feelings are all for it.

PARTY ALL NIGHT: THE BREAK UP! EVERY SINGLE ROBRON SCENE SINCE THEN. EVERY SINGLE ONE IM NOT JOKING THEYRE ALL ICONIC! THE FESTIVAL AND FUCKIN JASON COMING BACK AND BEING HORRIBLE AND WORRIED AARON AND WORRIED ROBERT AND THE BARTSY AND BARTSUGSY AND THE TWO OF THEM GOING OFF THE RAILS IN THEIR OWN SPECIAL WAYS AND JUST. THEYRE SO FUCKING IN LOVE. PLUS ROB IS GETTING A NUTTY #WILD STORYLINE AND THEY MADE ME INVESTED IN THE STUPID PLOT BABY FROM THE SHEER LOLS OF IT ALL AND THE ROB/LARRY MESS AND JUST AARON AND ROBERT GUYS THEYRE IN LOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND ITS JUST SOMEHOW SO MUCH EASIER THAN BEFORE LIKE THEY NEEDED THIS STUPID BREAK UP GUYS I WILL DEFEND IT WITH MY LIFE AND MY SOUL

DISCONNECT MY INTERNET AND CRY: where's my make outs. also it's painful and sad. also we all have to come to terms with plot baby. did i mention it's sad af? the lead up to the break up was the worst too like murder me right here why

IN CONCLUSION: IM RIDE OR DIE ABOUT IT ALL UNTIL THEY FUCK IT UP BUT ITS STILL SAD AS HELL

2. ABUSE ERA

Can u believe this time was real no me neither

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES: THE SMITTEN KITTEN DATE, rob being ride or die aaron and aaron slowly growing to trust rob again because of it, ILL WAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!, the whole best friends who are totally in love but not in the right place to do anything about it vibe,

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES: it was hardcore A Lot because of the subject matter but mostly they knocked it out of the damn park and so idk what the bad would be honestly it was just… real good

IN CONCLUSION: just real real good and like… as a redemption storyline for rob and a vehicle for danny to do his thing and fuckin kill it and liv’s entrance… oh i just love it my dudes (but i can't rank it right at the top purely because it's TOO MUCH to rewatch on the reg for me because it is so big and heavy and dramatic)

1. FIANCE ERA

THIS COVERS EVERYTHING FROM JUST BEFORE ROBERT PROPOSES TO JUST BEFORE THE WEDDING. IT WAS… PRETTY BIG. Pretty… big….

‘GOLD.MP3′: SSW. There’s other stuff but like. Who cares. That’s enough of an explanation. Tbh.

THE FUTURE POP ONE HIT WONDER ‘POOP EMOJI.WMA’: Rob and Rebecca kissing that one time (hilarious but pointless). Rob and Rebecca kissing that second time (less hilarious slightly less pointless). The general Aaron being jealous at all times and prevalence of Rob/Rebecca and just… the absence of fun things… outside of a few key episodes. The whole initial weirdness over buying the Mill that I still hate bc it completely ignored Robert’s presence.

IN CONCLUSION: THE LOWS ARE REAL FUCKIN LOW KIDS LIKE IT GETS BORING AF TOWARDS THE END OF THE YEAR. ALSO ALL OF NOVEMBER UP UNTIL MAXINE’S EPISODE WAS WANK. T B Q H. THE GOOD STUFF THOUGH… THE GOOD STUFF IS THE STUFF THAT I REWATCH AS OFTEN AS A HUMAN BEING CAN. EVERY BIG ARGUMENT. THE!!! JANUARY!!!!! ARGUMENT!!!!!!!!!! AARON’S BIRTHDAY! AARON ROBBING HOME FARM, THE PUB QUIZ, ALL THE BARTSUGSY, CHRISTMAS. AND. YOU KNOW. SSW. WAS. OK. I GUESS. YEAH. NO RISK NO REWAAAAARD!!!!

HON. MENTION: PRE-AFFAIR ERA

LITERALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY BUT I CANNOT JUSTIFIABLY RANK IT ALONGSIDE ALL THESE OTHER MUCH MEATIER ERAS, GIVEN THAT IT LASTED ABOUT 3 EPISODES BC THEY COULDN’T ACTUALLY KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS IF THEY TRIED

AND ROBERT SURE DID TRY

DURING THAT… ONE HOUR… WHEN HE WAS BANGING CHRISSIE… uh.

~~~~ THE END FOR NOW ~~~~