#IT'S SO STUPID. none of this is canon and i rarely get invested in kid AUs but i DO love kid AUs that are really fucking funny.

[crimeronan]

Hunter notices Amity is really distressed about that new kid Odalia somehow has, so he eventually suggests kidnapping because Odalia sucks as a parent and why not? Amity is still in her bloodline deduction state of mind so she blurts out that people will then make the awful mistake of assuming Grimwalker Alador is THEIR child, which is the wrong thing to say because for Hunter that's hilarious and even more reason to go kidnap him.

i love the shitpost horror-comedy universe where lumiter just keep acquiring grimwalker babies that look like them. in increasingly stupid & ill-conceived ways. between luzwalker and aladorwalker anyone who knows the three of them is like damn hunter why does the universe let you have unprotected sex with Two girlfriends. while hunter is out here like. ok. i have literally never even Attempted to touch either of these women in my life. and have no idea What The Actual Fuck is going on. however i Will commit to the bit if prompted.

[thiefking]

Do every single one from the danganronpa ask meme. All of them. Every question

HE HE HE…

obviously spoilers for entire danganronpa series under the cut, along with very specific character hate, a TINY dash of ship “hate” which should not be taken seriously, me being indifferent about characters you might like, and also me being fairly morbid. my opinions are all over the place! boy do i have a lot of them. some of them probably won’t be yours, because people can have opinions. all kinds of em! fascinating stuff. please oh please, let this post not somehow make someone start arguing with me because i didn’t put a thousand asterisks everywhere

1. Favourite game?

sdr2 is the best just like factually speaking

2. Favourite Protagonist?

i tried to answer this and my answers were “komaeda. wait he isn’t-- KIRIGIRI! wait no” so there’s that. i like all of them though

3. Favourite antagonistic character?

i assume this means the Rival characters right... i like komaeda and ouma. in my danganronpa rp server, i had my oc rob and also humiliate and cyberbully togami, and drew a squirtle on his stupid bald head because hagakure asked him to, so there’s that

if antagonistic also covers the characters who are murderers + masterminds/villains, then... ok gonna be real here? there’s only one character i am familiar with who i know i hate and it’s t*ruteru

4. Favourite character?

entire sdr2 cast (except t*ruteru), most of the dr1 cast (hifumi is gross, i don’t honestly care either way about leon or sayaka, and for clarification i like togami as a character but dislike him as a person), most of the v3 cast (i haven’t actually played v3 yet and once i do it’s probably gonna be more like all of them or all of them except one. i do know the general plot and characters, it’s just that i get way more emotionally invested when i actually play the game)

5. Best girl?

don’t you go making me choose...

6. Best boy?

the same as above except the answer is komaeda and we should all hurry up and acknowledge this

7. Favourite class trial from all the games?

i have multiple favourites but because it was the first one i thought of, i’m gonna give kudos to the third trial in sdr2. it was especially interesting because the murderer seemed obvious if you only took in the basic facts, but when you know what kind of person mikan is, it seems completely preposterous that she’d do such a thing-- which makes the solving of it all the more DELICIOUS... oh it was so good i loved it... the whole time i kept searching and searching for any answer other than mikan and coming up with nothing, and knowing that, i knew that it had to be her, but i couldn’t fathom the why and that alone was enough to keep me in doubt for ages... the very end when she starts to break down eliminated my doubt but my questions of “why” only increased tenfold and it made it even MORE delectable i fucking LOVE puzzle’s and mystery’s

8. Least favourite character?

i am physically incapable of summoning empathy for t*ruteru even with his sad backstory. i hope they tossed him in another volcano after the dr3 anime was over

9. Least favourite class trial?

i actually legit keep putting off playing v3 because i know who dies first and it makes me so mad

10. What would be your Ultimate SHSL Title?

HMM... i think i’d be a shsl ??? which i understand isn’t a real title but like... that’s sort of just... how it’d be, considering my personality and the existing characters i kin... later would be the reveal of my actual title, though i’m not too sure what it’d be myself. probably something like shsl detective, shsl writer/storybuilder, shsl puzzle/mystery enthusiast, shsl kinner of mysterious smart autistic bishies with pretty hair and ptsd... something along those lines

11. Favourite cast?

sdr2. next

12. Favourite Danganronpa 3 character?

the teacher, the large gay bodyguard guy, the small gay animator guy, and the chick who komaeda went to for his constipation issues

i don’t remember any of their names

13. What’s your opinion on the Danganronpa 3 anime?

forgettable but the parts with sdr2 kids’ school life is blessed and so is the happy ending

14. What do you think about Danganonpa 1 anime?

i saw it when it first came out and not once since. i will probably not watch it again because i prefer a more hands-on mystery-solving experience, even when i already know the answers

15. Your absolute OTP?

OUMAMI!!!!!!!!!!! IS CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also komahina good

16. Your absolute BROTP?

sdr2 cast is all best friends. some of them are also dating but most importantly, they are all friends

17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?

i probably do but i can’t think of any serious business ones because i’m too busy thinking about a ship that came from rp called “horsepack” that consists of souda/momota/hinata

18. Favourite rare ship?

okay get ready for this: fuyuhiko/chihiro

it came to me in a dream once. fuyuhiko was like yo chihiro check this out and he showed her a box with a bunch of mice in there and she was like :O! and then the two of them just like. took handfuls of mice and hung out like that. it was good. 

the laws of shipping fuyuhiko and chihiro are these: fuyuhiko is a trans boy and bi, chihiro is a trans girl and also bi, and they have to hold handfuls of mice together at some point

19. Who do you think is an underrated character?

i refuse to acknowledge the fandom for long enough to notice which characters are classified as underrated for the most part because i live in my own brain palace where i can love every character and that is all that matters. that being said, i think it is fairly obvious that hoshi from v3 is underrated just... factually speaking? people do not pay attention to him very much it seems but it also seems he is a good little man. i know little about him, but that is the technical definition of underrated, so that is my answer i guess

20. Who do you think is an overrated character?

again i don’t know if he even IS overrated in the fandom but i think leon is kinda boring. i don’t hate him or even dislike him necessarily because i don’t... care enough about his character for that... i could probably be influenced by someone who is passionate about him, but right now he’s just kind of      existing

21. Favourite voice actor?

megumi ogata snatched me bald. megumi ogata didn’t even leave me with my scalp

22. Favourite talent?

shsl luck is a neat concept to play with, shsl adventurer is flat out aesthetically Pristine, shsl detective is fun, and shsl ??? is delicious and interesting even if it’s not a real title

23. Favourite mascot?

my brother got me a monokuma plushie for my birthday and the first thing i did was choke it. also, monokuma is hilarious and i hate his slutty little ass but love to watch it go, which is the same opinion i have about dimple from mp100

also, i’m really sleepy writing this and i don’t know what the fuck i am saying right now

24. Favourite Monokub?

i haven’t played v3 and i already know the answer is none

25. Least favourite mascot?

none probably? maybe?

26. Favourite execution?

okay this question INVITES morbidity so. like. i get to be morbid.

the ones that make me laugh the most are celestia’s and (look i was very sad but i can explain) alter ego’s because ... when i see them i can’t stop thinking about two specific vines. celestia’s execution is funny on its own but when i think about this fucking vine it gets worse and HERE. LOOK. I LOVE ALTER EGO BUT THIS MAKES ME GO HAM

the most brutal and ultimately chilling? leon’s, by far. it was EXTREMELY well done and sets the tone for the game so well

the one i like because the character deserved it? gee i wonder if it might be t*ruteru’s just can’t tell

and then there is only one that fills me with a sort of mysterious, enigmatic emotion-- very strong, but indescribable and neither positive nor negative. junko’s. really, junko in general elicits this emotion from me, she’s very interesting. what an excellent villain

27. Least favourite execution?

gonta didn’t deserve that and he definitely didn’t deserve such a weird-ass fuckin execution either

28. Favourite unused execution?

i don’t know any actually El oh el

29. Which character should survived in your opinion?

rantaro and ouma actually ARE alive and v3 is fake

oh also... all the characters i like. those ones should have lived

30. Which character would’ve deserved to survive?

hey i dunno how this question is different to the last one so i’m just gonna say that actually, you know how in sdr2 everyone is in a virtual reality and they’re shsl despairs being cured? the same is true in v3 and izuru also revives all the v3 kids. this is fact, and kodaka signed the rights to danganronpa over to me

31. Is there a character you think who shouldn’t have survived but did?

t*ruteru

also, realistically? like not because i dislike him. the opposite is true, i like him a lot. just realistically speaking. the fact that souda somehow survived sdr2 without dying seems almost unrealistic, not because anyone would have killed him but because he’s a dumbass

32. Least favourite protagonist?

none

33. Character with the best clothing?

take a wild kinnie guess

34. Best character design?

celestia, sakura, chihiro, sonia, gundham, gonta, touko, korekiyo, kirumi, chiaki, and junko

and once more, take a wild kinnie guess

35. A character who should’ve got more character development?

all of them lol

36. Character who looks amazing but you don’t like?

i mean. junko sucks as a person, does that count even though junko as a Character and villain is immensely interesting to me 

37. Favourite minor character?

komaeda’s pet dog

38. Favourite eyes?

*kinnie answer*

39. Smartest murder plan?

once again, while it’s really obvious the most likely culprit is mikan, the DRASTIC contrast between her personality and the concept of murder ITSELF, let alone the way she went about it, is enough to cause some pretty goddamn severe doubt, though not enough for her to get away with it

actually all the murder plans from mikan’s onwards were really smart and very fun to solve

40. Favourite culprit?

(i count sakura and komaeda as victims, not culprits, and kaede and chiaki are also excluded)

culprit who as a character i just love dearly: gundham

culprit who made things the most interesting: gundham, mikan

culprit who offed a character i didn’t like: celestia

41. Person you’ve never expected to become a culprit but they became? (Doesn’t include Chiaki)

mikan, gundham, and... junko probably counts, eh?

42. Honest opinion on Tsumugi Shirogane?

she’d have a really bad twitter account with a smug anime girl icon and do nothing but post just the worst tweets about the worst anime. she watches sword art online and thinks it’s a masterpiece

43. Describe Monaca Towa in 3 words!

didn’t play drae

44. Describe Nagito Komaeda in 3 words!

kin me id

45. Unpopular opinion?

komaeda doesn’t deserve to be treated the way y’all treat him and i wish you BEASTS would treat him with any decency considering he’s actually a very interesting character but no y’all just gotta treat him like a meme. fingers in his ass isn’t even funny, man... it’s really not... it’s like the epitome of Haha Sans Undertale Cringe Epic XD why don’t you calm down and find a real jokes

46. Unpopular headcanon?

all of my headcanons are popular in my brain palace, so actually i don’t have any unpopular ones

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

i have a lot but i’ll pick just one... uhhhh oh how about this fuyuhiko and nidai are both trans men and fuyuhiko is a lil jealous/Self Conches because nidai passes better than him but nidai is actually extremely supportive of fuyuhiko and validates him every time they see each other and they become buddies

also, nidai runs warriormale

48. Favourite OST?

sdr2 island 5 theme

also enjoy the intro theme, dr1′s execution & hangman’s gambit themes and... like, a LOT of the music in general. excited on the Stonecold Jam front for v3 that’s for sure

49. Favourite mini game?

i assume this means the in-trial minigames....? i actually kinda like logic dive especially because it also happens in ace attorney which is hilarious to me, also the end comic thing? but that one is less about the minigame and more about the ART STYLE they use for it... it’s so nice

50. Favourite game design?

you know the bonus parts where it’s basically just a dating game and nothing bad happens? ign 10/10

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

i can’t really remember, probably ouma just because i saw him and was like “oh god his hardcore stans are gonna be terrible aren’t they” but turns out he’s my little rat baby and his boyfriend is rantaro

52. Character you thought you would like but disliked in the end?

t*ruteru... what a disappointing little wretch...

53. Favourite game end?

sdr2 because everyone lives

54. Least favourite game end?

v3 is fake, refer to my above True Facts about how it’s actually in reality sdr2 again

55. Favourite love hotel scene?

i haven’t played v3

that being said i like how rantaro’s isn’t even remotely sexual or even that romantic at all but if i went into my rantaro headcanons/analyses that’d take way too long, also i’m only halfway through this thing and it has taken forever and i am so very sleepy

56. Best free time events?

basically all the sdr2 ones but ESPECIALLY komaeda fuyuhiko and gundham, i haven’t done the dr1 ones yet..., also rantaro’s

57. Character who should’ve lived longer?

rantaro

58. V3 Pregame! headcanon?

I THOUGHT THIS ONE SAID PREGNANT

59. Favourite moment?

EVERYONE GO AMUSEMENT PARK AND BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!

60. Saddest moment?

danganronpa existing

61. Character who looks like the love child of ???

this one is dumb and i’m starting to rush this because i wanna go to bed and play acnl til i pass out. also rantaro, n harmonia and kirumi are siblings in an alternate universe

62. Describe Mikan Tsumiki in 3 words!

good lovely wonderful

63. Describe Kyoko Kirigiri in 3 words!

good lovely wonderful

64. Which character seemed like they were gonna be a culprit but they wasn’t?

“but they wasn’t”...

fuyuhiko is my answer

65. Who did you never expected to die but they died?

when i saw komaeda’s body discovery my mouth was legitimately agape and i just sat there staring for a few seconds

66. Describe the last trial from V3 in 3 words!

didn’t play yet

67. Which character would you never want to meet in real life?

are you fucking kidding me have you PLAYED danganronpa even amongst the characters i love are ones i literally could not physically or mentally handle being around in real life for extended periods of time. if nidai came up to me screaming about shitting i’d cower like a tiny trembling mouse

68. Which character would you like to meet in real life?

sakura oogami... i can trust her

69. Choose one character which you would take with you on a trip.

sakura oogami again because i get tired easy and she can just like... carry me if my legs get bad

70. Character you would have a sleepover with?

chiaki, chihiro, naegi, sonia, gundham, gonta, twogami. silly but not overwhelming and the perfect crew for some video game fun

71. Character you can relate to?

komaeda rantaro we been knew

72. Character you can relate to but you dislike them?

i’m just gonna start responding to the questions i have no answer to with things i made in blender by mixing animations/textures or just fucking with the models to incredible results

73. Character who deserved better?

this is a funny joke question since the answer is obviously god damn near all of them

74. What do yo think of Hiyoko Saionji?

i like her. little gremlin girls are good

75. Describe Gonta Gokuhara in 3 words!

baby boy. baby

76. Favourite research lab?

77. What do you think of the fandom?

it was hell in 2013 and i know without a doubt it’s still hell now but i have the wisdom to avoid it

78. Favourite random/unnecessary scene?

part in dr3 anime where the sdr2 kids play video games in class together

79. Which character has the cutest design?

chihiro is just a little baby ...

80. Hope or Despair?

hope

81. Could you be the Ultimate Lucky Student?

my boyfriend gets mad at me almost every time i send him a screenshot of one of my 10/10+1 pulls in bandori or sif

82. Favourite chapter?

sdr2. just, sdr2. also final chapters of dr1

83. Least favourite chapter?

84. Which character do you easily forget?

mahiru... also it’s weird like. she was put in the game As a tsundere, but whenever i read her Tsundere lines it genuinely feels out of character for her, even though she’s literally in her source material. it’s strange

85. Could you be a Dangan Protag? Why?

no, because i’m WAY better suited to the mysterious assistant character who actually knows what the hell is going on way ahead of the protag lmao

86. Favourite Anthology chapter?

i don’t know if i should know what this means or not SO

87. Describe Peko Pekoyama in 3 words!

good lovely wonderful

88. Describe Mondo Oowada in 3 words!

domestic bakery au

(just think about it. just a little bread shop that he and ishimaru run as husbands. chihiro helps out there)

89. Least favourite Danganronpa 3 character?

i don’t think i managed to end up liking the guy with white hair despite dr3′s best efforts

90. Do you like Junko?

yes she’s interesting

91. What do you think of Monokuma?

he’s funny and i hate that he is. he sucks, but he’s great

92. Least favourite Monokub?

93. Did you like the Monokubs?

haven’t even played v3 but the answer is no. some freak in a server i was in cemented this dislike

94. Did you like the Warriors of Hope?

i am so fucking tired and it’s been like almost a year since i last played any danganronpa game i don’t know what this means

95. What do you think of Gundham Tanaka?

he’s perfect and looking at him fills me with happiness

96. Who’s an overrated character you dislike?

(i didn’t make this one but i was partly responsible for its existence also looking at it makes my fucking sanity drop like looking at the grunt for too long in amnesia)

97. Overrated ship which is your NOTP?

sai*uma is fake, oumami is canon and also, rantaro would treat ouma right and actually put forth effort to understand him

98. Outfit you dislike?

tenko honey i’m sorry but what on earth is with that skirt... also gonta please put some shoes on

99. Your absolute NOTP?

komaeda/any woman but especially junko what is wrong with people

100. Opinion on all the Protagonists!

[mushroomminded]

On Sharkmatt!Eduardo

submitted by @saint-j92000

We’ve established Eduardo turned Jon into a kid as yet another means of competing with Edd- another attempt to one up him, somehow. It’s safe to say that, at the time, Eduardo was fairly close to how he’s depicted in canon- an enormous, emotionally stunted manchild with a pathological NEED to always be Number 1 at anything he does. Even in the utterly ridiculous situation he has often found himself in when competing with Edd, whom he sees as a rival and has done for years, and whom the latter saw as a massive annoyance (I’m going by the flashback of him and Edd and the other lads attending Primary School at the same time, therefore he and Mark/Jon have been a presence in the Edd Gangs lives to some capacity for… let’s say A While). So, naturally, he was gonna turn one of his friends into a toddler as well- and he picked Jon, who I like to think he DIDN’T like as much as Mark; his dislike of Jon didn’t reach the cartoonish levels of ‘I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FAAACE’, but it was clear his being a part of the trio was more of Eduardo trying to one up Edd (something Jon didn’t really ever know, and that Mark knew but frankly didn’t care all that much so long as he got some damn peace and quiet from time to time).

Thing is, though, Eduardo didn’t count on not being able to reverse the damage he did when the “adventure” was over; that this time, there’d be no status quo reset. That must have been daunting, and the temptation to just give Jon up for adoption or leave him on the doorstep of a church would have been huge- but, again, there were Edd and Tom, seemingly to settling in to their new roles as parents to someone that was once their friend. ‘Oh, what, they think THEY’RE gonna be good parents? Screw them, I’ll be a better parent then BOTH of them COMBINED’.

And so he takes on the role of Jon’s caregiver. For a while, it’s all performative; a means of proving his superiority. But it’s hard not to form legitimate bonds with people or critters you become deeply invested in the care of, and given Eduardo has probably never been in a position where he’s HAD to work so hard, it’s no wonder this had never really happened before. Shit; is it out of the realms of possibility that he too had a difficult childhood? I don’t think so; it is rare for people as bitter and nasty as he could be to be born as such, without a combination of nature and a twisted form of ‘nurture’ shaping them that way. The poor dude has probably never had a wholly genuine connection or relationship with another human being up until the point the naive, dim, but nice and friendly ‘moron’ he took for a ride for years became his son (a… weird sentence to type in retrospect, but hey ho).

His affection for the boy grows; his investment in his wellbeing becomes genuine. His discovery of the scars on the boys back and assumption that they carried over reminds him of his own harsh lot in life, no matter how different it may have been then what he can deduce the old Jon went through. The guilt over the fact that he, essentially deleted a man from existence as a part of an ongoing petty pissing contest catches up with him, big time. Through all this, he grows low, and he grows sad and despairing, getting in touch with emotions and feelings he hasn’t felt in years without the emotional intelligence to properly process it. He confides this all in Mark purely because he has nobody else he CAN confide it all in and, to his surprise, he listens. He is at times brutally honest and not afraid to call him on his screw ups, but he listens. He offers advice where he can. Quite a shocker, considering Mark’s supposed apathy and coldness. Perhaps Mark has begun to grow somewhat with the passage of time?

The truth is, they all did. Eduardo, Mark, Matt and Tom; when this ridiculous scenario started, they were in their very early twenties. Barely adults, totally unfamiliar with life beyond college/university and, let’s be real, all pretty damn immature to varying degrees. Being thrust into parenthood by their own daft mishaps kinda forced them to grow up, and to grow up fast.

When all’s said and done, though, it changed them for the better. Though still flawed in small ways, they all grew kinder, more responsible, more fully formed people (even Mark, to a degree). Perhaps none of them moreso then Eduardo, though; as time went on and the new Jon grew into a teen, Eduardo too grew into a genuinely kind, if strict and still brash at times, young man.

The guilt persists, definitely. And Eduardo knows that this entire situation is predicated on a stupid mistake he made when he really should have known better. But he can’t take that back, not now; all he can do is work hard to keep his son safe, sane, and happy. And he does; he puts his all into caring for Jon, and their bond is infinitely stronger then it ever was before. Eduardo knows that can’t excuse or make up for that initial mistake; that isn’t what he’s trying to achieve. He’s a good dad, a caring man, because after a lot of figuring shit out and personal evaluation, that is what he wants to be. He cares about Jon not to make good on a past transgression, but simply because he does. And though that doesn’t eliminate the guilt, it- and the thousands of genuinely happy times he and his son have shared- dampen it significantly.

[cookinguptales]

update: lmao I am so fucking doped up right now. sorry to the world that I got behind on shimamatsu translations, but have you ever tried to translate while on muscle relaxants? it’s a bad scene. god, I’m in a lot of pain rn.

gonna talk about some of the movies from the film festival below the cut. doped up af but I’ve seen like 14 movies so far, hella. tomorrow I probably have to skip bc I just took two cyclos and that is gonna fuck me the hell up.

movies I’d recommend:

thelma a norwegian film which is basically a coming-of-age story for a fundie christian girl who goes to college and realizes she’s a lesbian. oh, and that she has insane supernatural powers. (it’s kind of carrie-ish but with canon f/f, but imo a lot better than carrie.) the love story is really interesting, if incredibly dark. like if you’re in the mood for dark, kind of mindfuck-y f/f, this is your film. despite the very long upcoming list of potential triggers, it’s not as scary or brutal as it sounds. lmao. highly recommended, probably the film I’ve enjoyed most so far. (tw: violence, nudity, drug use, death, [spoilers] child abuse, possible mind control, child death)

custody a french film based on a short film that I saw a few years ago, and it’s fantastic and gut-wrenching. the short film was about a woman running away from her abusive husband with her children; this feature-length film is about what happens when a stupid judge ignores what both the wife and children have to say and gives him joint custody. (spoilers: it doesn’t end well.) interestingly, it has all the same cast as the original short film, though the kids are markedly older. idk if it’s meant to be a straight sequel or if one just inspired the other. really well done, tho, I was fuckin white-knuckling it in the theater. people were like. yelling. the climax of that film is INTENSE. probably the best quality film we’ve seen so far, though I think the plot could’ve been tightened up a little. (tw: very explicit depictions of physical and emotional abuse, very terrifying moments. [spoilers] but no child death.)

I, Tonya tonya harding biopic. I’m not really a big one for biopics, but this was a good one. it tried to explain how harding’s life led her to where she got, but didn’t necessarily paint her as some innocent victim. it was sympathetic where it needed to be, empathetic where it needed to be, but rarely let her get away with bullshit. lot of good performances here, but Margot Robbie (even though she looked way too old for the part) did a great job. (tw: explicit child/spousal abuse)

the villainess Korean lady-gets-revenge-on-shitty-men bloody action flick. not really my genre, admittedly, but I feel like anyone who likes this kind of movie would really enjoy this one. very Kill Bill-esque. it’s the story of this girl who basically gets passed around between illicit assassination organizations, in-fighting, revenge on all those who wronged her, etc. it is Very Bloody and many people die. the action scenes are HQ if you are into that kind of thing. I was mostly invested in the huge amounts of f/f potential. like at one point she joins an assassin organization where all the operatives are female and that whole part of the movie!! was very gay!! the actual canon relationships are het, but there is a strong potential for dark f/f murderwives here. (tw: haha oh boy if it’s a problem it’s probably here. implied CSA, child abuse, creepy relationships, violence, gore, nudity, child death, everyone else death, non-con facial surgery...like it’s bloody af okay...)

love means zero this is a documentary about nick bollettieri, who’s this super famous tennis coach. (apparently.) I knew next to nothing about the world of professional tennis going into this documentary, but I still enjoyed it bc wtf this guy is a piece of work. it’s basically all about how he fucked over a ton of people (especially kids) when he was trying to make tennis champions. and how he succeeded! by fucking over a ton of people! the interviews with him are honestly kind of wild bc he’s just such a crazy narcissist. this was especially weird for me to watch bc I grew up in the sarasota/bradenton area and never even knew all this shit was going on there. it was weird seeing my hometown on the screen like that, but also interesting. (tw: child abuse, just generally being a fuckboi)

MOVIES THAT WERE OKAY but like I had Issues

brimstone and glory I feel like I really recommend going out to see this one if you can see it on the big screen. it’s a documentary about a fireworks festival in Mexico and honestly the cinematography is stunning. it’s just so, so, so cool. but the actual documentary part is kind of boring sometimes, and you gotta have a strong stomach bc it also shows some of the injuries people get at this insane festival. like I don’t think showing that is a bad thing; I think it’s the only responsible way to make a documentary about this festival. like it’s amazing, it’s so cool, but also these people are like. going blind, losing hands, dying. and taking their kids!! like if you cannot handle watching kids in dangerous situations, don’t go!! dad was freaking out, lmao. (tw: graphic depiction of real-life injuries)

radiance a Japanese film about a woman who writes audio description for blind movie-goers. the same director made An (Sweet Bean Paste) a couple years ago, which was notable for its depiction of what Japan does to its citizens who have Hansen’s Disease. (leprosy.) it was weird to me when that movie came out that none of the reviewers really talked about that aspect of the movie; they were all like “UGH IT WAS SO POINTLESS AND CLOYING” and I’m like “did you miss the point of the movie?? which was critiquing the social ostracization of these people in Japanese society??? did that completely go over your heads????” anyway, I appreciated the depiction of PWD in Japan bc having lived there while disabled, I know that shit isn’t easy. that’s why I went to go see radiance. it was...okay? I think the most interesting part was when they let the blind characters talk. the movie was otherwise pretty pretentious and self-indulgent. lmao. like... it’s a rent, don’t buy situation.

marlina the murderer in four acts this movie was not bad! it’s an indonesian film about a woman whose home is invaded and she kills all the invaders. it’s definitely a film that critiques misogyny in indonesian culture, but I feel like it undercut its own message by showing such incredibly graphic rapes. like honestly, I don’t really ever recommend movies that have very graphic rape scenes, but I guess she does end up killing her rapists during the rape scenes. I just. I feel like it could have been done in a way that won’t get people all sexually excited while watching a violent rape. : / y’know? other than that, though, I really liked the female characters in the movie and sympathized with marlina’s journey trying to get society to help her and realizing she had to just go it alone with her female friends. bc like. she’s attacked by men, but she’s also revictimized by shitty ordinary men all the time she’s trying to get to town, report the attack, etc. and so are the other female cahracters. so they just. have to be vigilantes. (tw: GRAPHIC rape, violence, mild gore, spousal abuse)

newton Indian film about a guy going out to the jungle to get votes in the main election. but like. none of the people out there even know who the candidates are, there’s a lot of anti-government violene, the villagers are caught between anarchists and the police, it’s just a mess. and I do think the movie was good at showing the futility of it all and showing how the people who really end up getting fucked over are the poor people in rural areas, but at the same time like. pacing was uneven, tone was ???, and I found the protagonist irritating. and there was what appeared to be some pasted on het which made no sense. (like honestly I cannot figure out why she ever wanted to talk to his dumb ass again.)

blade of the immortal it’s takashi miike making blade of the immortal. I mean. I feel like if you are familiar with those names, you already know if you want to see it or not. if you aren’t, idk how much you’d like it anyway. after already having watched miike’s ace attorney adaptation, I sense a pattern. the guy just looks at a HUGE corpus (like a VG with 5 cases, or a manga with 40 volumes) and is like “welll....then I guess we better make things fast.” so you have Big Bads being introduced in the same breath that they get killed, 30-second backstories, just a frenetic pace and a huge amount of information, and it’s confusing and overwhelming if you don’t already know it. and honestly, I haven’t read BotI so I can’t say how faithful this was. but if you already love the characters and just want miike’s trademark bloody action flick style, then I mean. fair enough. this here’s a bloodbath. I had a hard time getting emotionally invested as a fresh viewer, tho. highlight of the evening: an old man walking out grumbling about how he only likes classy martial arts movies, and apparently this did not qualify. having seen a lot of classics of the martial arts genre, still unsure what a “classy” martial arts film looks like. (tw: offscreen rape, death, blood, gore, just an unreasonable amount of killing honestly like it was funny by the end, attempted CSA)

gemini this is a “neo-noir” thriller. so essentially a murder mystery. unfortunately, the title of the movie basically gives away the entire story lmao. so while the build-up wasn’t bad, the entire last 15-20 minutes of the movie are a total letdown. it was nice to see canon f/f, I guess, but I feel like the movie never went in hard enough on that. like were they trying to make a point about how hard it is for celebrities to have same-sex relationships? I’m not sure!! I can think of a lot of things that would make this plot more interesting, but they just didn’t do them. acting was fine, I guess. John Cho was in it, even if his character was pointless. Zoe Kravitz is always fun. (tw: I mean it’s a murder mystery. so...murder.)

DID NOT ENJOY

scaffolding (israeli film, boring af)

the workshop (french film, kind of boring, makes questionable points about neo-nazis)