#If I see one more terf in my notes I'll kill god

[onesaltysir]

Hi yes I am a HUGE antinatalist however I'm REALLY going to need the insane side of tumblr to stop interacting with my posts please 😐 Terfs, radfems, so called pro life people, evangelicals, etc this means you thanks. I am antinatalist for my own reasons and to be associated with their lot in any way feels like a punch to the gut.

This is just a reminder: No I am not and will never be part of their group. To any of the bigots in said group, stop interacting with my posts for gods sake I want nothing to do with you or your rancid views.

My hands are tired from blocking so many blogs before typing this up. Bigots, leave me alone 🖕

[fatal-furry-mark-of-the-tigers]

Alright, I guess since Ao3 has a goddamn waiting list just to make an account, I'll vet this stupid fanfic here first. It ends on a light enough note without Griffith's usual shit, but it is still generally explicit, so I'll just say CW: cock and ball torture, burning alive, French people, and put the rest below the title.

Jalter × Griffith - A Match Made In Super Gay Superhell [For The Extra Dysfunctional "Evil Gays"(TM)]

It was a dark and stormy night.

"Boy howdy, I sure do hate certain women of color!" said Griffith, quite misogynistically racistly, as he prepared his loins for a midnight rendezvous he would never forget.

He casually sauntered (very casually racistly) into a super duper spookums spooki old haunted mansion at midnight, hoping to scare some kids off the property so he could scam Old Man Jenkems out of his generational nepotism wealth from his distant Japanese ancestor, Old Man Janken-dono at a more leisurely racist pacist pace. No hippies or dogs were there to be found, but a faint screech could be heard from a dark corner of the Foyer…

"HEY MAN, YOU LOOKIN TO SCORE SOME FUCKING MAGIC GOTH PUSSY?!"

A scraggly screaming pedophile called to Griffith with his inside-est voice. It was none other than Griffith's idol himself, one of the OG white boy pedophiles of history, Gilles de Rais in his most dark purple pimp suit.

"Sir, I'm a big fan, but I'm more partial to magic goth dick myself," said Griffith with very racist sincerity thinking about Guts' sword-thick cock again, as was tradition every 2 milliseconds.

"OH, THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM! I GOT SOME INCUBUS CONNECTIONS WITH A MAGIC VTUBER WHO CAN HELP WITH THAT LATER!" replied Bluebeard Gilles de Rais with his entire French Blueballed Gilles de Rais nutsack.

"Oh! Cool. Will a $20 bill get me some light masochism until then?" responded Peter Griffith's Griffin Penis.

"HA! FUCK NO. GIMME THE $666.69 FEE OR MISS ME WITH THAT SHIT AND GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU FU-"

Bluebeard's words were cut short by Griffith's Femto Balls(Registered Trademark of LifeAlarm(TM)) being shoved in his usually wet throat encrusted in dried cum until the life drained from his eyes and gave him the world's longest case of Rigor Mortis known to man as he had fallen but could still easily GET UPPP(Registered Trademark of LifeAlart[Patent Pending])

"Oy! What's all the fucking noise, Gilles, you cunt?! You been LARPing as my pimp again, you giant bitch?!" shouted a less racist French voice about to have a very positive White Woman Moment with the nearest bystander.

It was Jeanne d'Arc Alter. She found her not pimp laying dead with his French White Flag flying 1.01 inches high.

"Oh hey, is he dead? Nice. So what's your deal, old lady? Anything I can do for ya? N-not because I l-l-like you or anything b-b-b-BAKA, I'm just contractually obligated by magecraft 'god' to follow a single order of whoever kills my former Master."

"Oooh, ok, I see what's going on here," Griffith racisponded racistfully. "In that case, I have a very clear simple demand…"

"Ah shit, you're a guy. Well, hopefully you're more interesting than the last pasty little twink that wanted to fuck the dragon…" said Jalter disgustedly.

"…Anyway, I'll cut right to the chase. I need you to take those big honking heeled boots and any other weapons at your disposal and go completely nuts on my Femto Nuts. Just absolutely fucking ruin me for life with cock and ball torture while I call you Guts and imagine you as my very platonic boy crush. I may tip later, but for now I~"

CRACK

"You don't gotta ask me twice, buddy!" said the mallgoth money printer grail baby with her right heel firmly impaled through his left Femto Ball into the floor. "Good thing I wore the Bayonetta-inspired gun heels tonight! She's such a girlboss, golly, I sure do hope whoever came up with or voiced her isn't an absolute piece of shit or a TERF or anything. That'd Grind My Guilty Gears hard enough to ruin my fucking day, I tell you hwhat!" she exclaimed before pulling her foot out and firing off several rounds of feet pic bullets into Griffith's Very Racist Free Willy.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH, GODDAMNIT GUTS, YOU ARE A FUCKING FREAK TONIGHT, HUH?" he racistly rejoiced in his tomboy-hating testicular torsionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGHHHHMMMMMNNNNJKFJKDGHSKHGDSUHGIHGEGJ E

"What the fuck kind of sturdy Legos(tm) is this dude Gorilla Glued(COPYRIGHT LAW IS VERY WELL-INTENTIONED, SOURCE: I MADE IT THE FUCK UP) together with?!" said J-Money(hi jeff <3) angrily as she fired several more rounds of magic JFK murdering bullets into his ribs and slashed his right Femto Ball against the spooky old wooden floor with a burning French Flag surrounded by the inextinguishable black flames of Amaterasu while his left one seemed to endlessly regenerate.

"KEEP GOING, GUTS! I SWEAR, I CAN ALMOST FEEL GENUINE EMOTION AGAIN, MAN!" shouted the Bigoted Berserker [1997 TV Anime] [Original Soundtrack Composed by Susumu Hirasawa] as he rapidly approached a True Berserk [1997] Number 4 GATTSU Moment(Trademark).

"Ughhh, this is getting old real fucking fast…" said world's angriest honorary non-French girl with a sigh. "LE GRUNDELMENTAL DU WHOREHAUSHAINE! OHOHOHO!" she screamed as stakes arose from the ground to imapale Griffith's Femto Cock and Balls(tm) and have the world's most tasteful weenie roast with the world's most tasteless weenie.

And before Griffith could make use of the World's Most Intense Edging Case(TM), it was done.

Griffith's tiny flaccid boyish twink sausage was burned to a crispy state of submolecular ashes that no French Monarchies past would ever even dare to eat as a status symbol.

"Pfft. Bitch."

The Tsundere Witch of the West kicked his teeth miles into the distance for the usual covering of her tracks and walked away thinking the job was finished and she could enjoy a good celebratory off-screen bang with her girlfriend, Goth King Arthur, when she heard a faint groan and glared back to see him holding out a jar of thousands upon thousands of pennies.

"Just…the…tip……." Griffith moaned misogynistly (he is still also very racist) before feeling the majority of the coins thrown through every part of his body and brain simultaneously like a barrage of gay ninja shuriken from an angry tired White Woman having the usual angry tired White Woman Moment(fucking trademark) with him.

"Fuck off. I'm gonna go bathe extra thoroughly and get my girlfriend's dick wet in a Shed somewhere."

She strutted away like a goofy goober, a gigglepuss loser even, as she carried the the 420 pennies left in the jar to go laugh at a Coinstar(DID SOMEBODY ORDER A FUCKING COPYRIGHT JOKE???) machine.

As she took her Swag off into the night, a van of Hippies arrived through a time warp to go have the worst Stand By Me(tm) Moment(fuckyoucopyright) of their young horny lives.

"Jinkies!" said Velma.

"Jeepers!" said Daphne holding Velma's asscheeks for comfort.

"Ruh Roh!" said Scoobert-Doo, curling up in a ball in Shaggy's strong lanky arms.

"Zoinks!" said Shaggy holding Scooby's asscheeks for comfort.

And of course, Fred came in with his own (Trademark)'d catchphrase to tie the bookend together with a resounding…

"Fuck."™cw