#If you decide to look at my lists and condemn me fuck you I don't want you around

[zoekrystall]

I watch/listen to trash taste while playing splatoon and instead of playing further did I think oh I should write that anime down -> let's see where I can watch em subbed -> oh that site is good I should maybe make smth like that finally. Cue almost 4 hours later. Updating that with everything in the past will be a pain oof. At least I found out there are nami line stickers (plus a site that makes the zip file easier to download than my past method yay will come handy in the future)

I genuinely think that bar w how many days and all that site got going on makes me push more to watch again bc number go up is fun.

Like I want to fill that life on anime thing up so badly I wonder what it'll say when I got everything from the past on there. Once it's more up to date will I maybe slap it on my socials crd bc why not.

[veliseraptor]

top 5 fictional villains

oh man how am I supposed to choose from my entire villain warehouse. let's see.

1. Xue Yang. I mean, if this wasn't obvious from my [gestures] whole blog. But boy did I fall hard from pretty much scene one of my first watch of The Untamed, and then never looked back from there. He's just! What a guy. An icon. I love him so much. Fucks up his own life irreversibly and doesn't even realize he's doing it until too late. Whoops.

2. Maeglin. #my trash son. I waffled between putting him and Celegorm on this list (I could've done both, but, well, I felt like I should pick one per canon) and decided to go with Maeglin because he's arguably worse? Though I guess it probably depends on your metric. (I'm not really interested in arguing on that one, I don't particularly care, they're both my beloveds and there's no changing that at this point.) Seriously fucked up childhood that's got to fuck some things up in one's head to begin with, and then making some terrible choices later on that just go rapidly downhill, and again, tragedy of condemning oneself but also how doomed was he from the beginning (pretty doomed).

3. Vegas Theerapanyakul. I kind of hesitated about putting him on here because it feels sort of weird to call him a "villain" but like. He did sexually assault the protagonist in an early episode and threaten to kill him later on, so, like. Even if the story turns around and gives him a happy ending (iconic) I feel like he counts. Disaster of a man, kind of an awful person ("kind of?", you say, and okay, that might be so), and it's very sexy of him. Pete thinks so too, apparently.

4. Shen Jiu. Yest all right I know he's technically Sir Not Appearing In This Book but he is technically the titular scum villain so I'm counting him. Awful man. Miserable history, miserable story. I'm irresistibly drawn to tragedies created by characters themselves and that's what this guy's got going on.

5. Moridin/Ishamael/Elan Morin Tedronai. We! Love! A nihilistic villain just craving the end of everything! Of tenuous sanity and an abiding obsession with the protagonist! Anyway I didn't have a lot of feelings about this guy the first couple times I read Wheel of Time but then on my second to latest reread he came roaring out in front and plop, in the villain warehouse he goes.

thought about including He Xuan but he only sort of feels like he counts as a villain somehow; honorable mentions here go to Celegorm (disney prince murderer), Jun Wu (king of creating a toxic work environment), Clytemnestra (queen of my heart), Azula (since I just mentioned her), Jin Guangyao (generator of infinite discourse) and Jinx. I feel like I'm forgetting folks here. but that happens, I suppose.

and this is not including villains who are just so much fun for me to watch, who live in a slightly separate corner of my brain but are beloved of me nonetheless.

[multi-lefaiye]

MUTUALS POWERPOINT NIGHT: MULTI EDITION

HELLO gamers! it is i, tumblr user xavier multi-lefaiye, here to present my very good powerpoint to y'all. i am posting this early because i like being early <3

as some of you may know, i had a few other ideas for powerpoints, one of which i finished before going "hm i wanna do something else" and doing something else.

as i am sure you are all very well-aware by this point, my biggest fixation is tales from the gas station. so i decided to do my powerpoint about that instead of explaining in-depth how i'd rewrite every episode of notable bad horror tv series lost tapes. you're welcome <3

tagging the participants real quick (if i forgot you i prommy i am just forgetful and it was not intentional, ilsym): @wherearetheplants @nicola-writes @cnnamonrolls @abouttogetshellshocked @approximately20eggs @yourlocal-lichen @astralrunic

anyway! my slides will be under the cut, but if you'd rather see the actual presentation, here's the google slides link: [link]

comments are enabled but no one is obligated to leave any for any reason! i mainly enabled them because i may send this to some discord folks later who enjoy leaving silly comments.

anyway let's gooooo

[Transcript:

TALES FROM THE GAS STATION: A BRIEF SUMMARY

OR: an explanation of my blorbos

by tumblr user multi-lefaiye

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

what the fuck is this series?

Tales From the Gas Station started as a creepypasta series on the NoSleep subreddit

Then it kinda blew up and became popular enough that the creator reworked and rewrote the series to make them into books

There are four books total and also a seven-part comic series in the works!

Essentially, this is a horror-comedy series centering around a character named Jack Townsend, the minimum-wage employee of a shitty gas station at the edge of an even shittier small town, which also happens to be the epicenter of many supernatural happenings

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

DISCLAIMER

I haven’t finished reading the full series yet because [redacted] redacted] [redacted]

But regardless I’m MOSTLY basing this presentation on book one to avoid spoiling later events for people who wanna check this out themselves :)

This is not an exhaustive presentation unfortunately.

Look at this raccoon

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: An image of a raccoon behind the wheel of a car, positioned as though it's driving. End ID.]

[Transcript:

Content warnings!!

So I’m not gonna go into the triggering stuff in this presentation, but if you wanna check out TFTGS yourself I wanna give a heads up where I can.

I also will try to give context to things where I can if I feel that it’s needed, but yeah point is I want to make sure anyone who checks this out knows what they’re getting into.

Anyway full list of warnings on the next slide let’s go

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

Okay here are the actual content warnings

There are a few side/minor characters who are really blatantly racist and xenophobic b/c TFTGS does not shy away from the fact that it takes place in a small, shitty southern US town--these characters are condemned by the narrative and clearly The Assholes but still, tread lightly.

Casual ableism, especially towards Jack, including the use of the r-slur (once again also condemned by the narrative but still)

Lots and lots of violence and murder

Suicide

Lots of talk of terminal illness

Drug use

Cults

Psychiatric abuse

SOME graphic depictions of blood n’ gore n’ corpses, but the gore is never the focus thankfully

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

CHARACTERS!!!

FULL DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL PRETTY MUCH MY INTERPRETATIONS OF THE CHARACTERS. Many of them don't have much in the way of physical descriptions and these are all just my personal designs for the characters :) Yay

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

JACK TOWNSEND

The universe’s favorite punching bag

He’s got that autistic tboy swag and I love him so so much

Chronically ill since he was in high school

Just fucking vibing

Frequently gets insulted and beaten down and it stresses me out but he gets less and less chill about it as the series goes on. I think he deserves to throw rocks at people

I relate to him a lot and idk what that says about me <3

Blorbo <3333

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Jack Townsend from Tales From the Gas Station, a tired young white man with dark bags under his eyes, a small beard, and shaggy black hair. He looks worried and is wearing a blue shirt under a black hoodie. End ID.]

[Transcript:

ANTONIO / TONY

So I’m not quite sure how to talk about him without spoiling a bunch of shit

Ah well

One of Jack’s coworkers and his best friend in volume 1!

Kind of a sweet, anxious guy who’s just trying his best

What’s a little accidental murder between besties??? It was an accident, it’s fine.

King of being a really good and trustworthy guy with nothing else going on

I love him genuinely

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Antonio from Tales From the Gas Station, a young Latino man with tan skin, curly brown hair, multiple piercings in his ears, and a beard. He has his mouth open as though he's speaking, and he wears a blue collared shirt under a denim jacket. End ID.]

[Transcript:

JERRY PASCAL

Jack’s emotional support human and bestie

Kind of like a puppy, except that puppy does a lot of illegal shit and kills people

Former member of a murderous cult called Mathmetism

Referred to as Marlboro for most of the first book b/c Jack doesn’t know his name

Big stupid energy but also the smartest bitch in the room. Depends on what would be funnier

Would fight god in the parking lot

If he’s being serious, something is wrong

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Jerry Pascal from Tales From the Gas Station, a white man with shaggy blond hair, a small beard, and multiple piercings in his ears. He has a wide smirk on his face and wears a yellow t-shirt with a graphic of the sun across the front under a red hoodie jacket, and one hand is visibly holding a cigarette. End ID.]

[Transcript:

SPENCER MIDDLETON

MY POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW

Too sexy and evil for gender

My design for him is very far from canon and I am aware of that. However I think everyone should draw him as a long-haired prettyboy <3

He’s just so babygirl <3

I hate him and love him in equal measure

God let him live another day and that’s everyone else’s problem

Anyway I just think he’s neat and should do more crimes

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Spencer Middleton from Tales From the Gas Station, a white man with long ginger hair, a light beard, and pierced ears. He has a sharp grin on his face, showing his sharp teeth, and is wearing all black. End ID.]

[Transcript:

AMELIA O'BRIEN

Cop (unfortunate)

I have very mixed feelings about her as a character ngl and most of them tie back to her being a cop

I do think she’s interesting though

Wish she’d cool it with the casual ableism though <3 Like I know it’s not just her but goddamn

Anyway I guess she counts as a #girlboss

One time one of my friends compared her to the gay cop in Onward and I can’t stop thinking about it because God So True

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Amelia O'Brien, a Black woman with dark hair pulled back into a bun and pierced ears. She has a stern expression on her face and wears a light shirt under a dark vest and brown jacket, with one hand holding a cigarette. End ID.]

[Transcript:

ROSA VASQUEZ

Sweetest girl in the world

Technically doesn’t show up until volume 2 but I love her so much so I’m talking about her here

Newest hire at the gas station and completely unprepared for The Horrors

She adapts pretty quickly though

Has a really huge really obvious crush on Jack and tbh I think it’s cute

Unfortunately he is oblivious

Besides that though she’s a very fun character and makes me very happy :)

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Rosa Vasquez from Tales From the Gas Station, a young Latina woman with brown skin, dark brown hair that hangs loosely around her shoulders, and pink earrings. She has a wide smile on her face and is wearing a pink shirt under a dark denim jacket, with one hand held up in a peace sign. End ID.]

[Transcript:

SABINE

We don’t need to talk about her

So we’re not going to talk about her

You have to read volume 2 to get this backstory

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picrew of Sabine from Tales From the Gas Station, a young woman with lightly tanned skin, pierced ears, curly brown hair, and freckles. Her mouth is open slightly and she wears a black choker, a black t-shirt with a skull on it, and a red jacket. Two of her hands are held up and her pointer fingers are pressed together. End ID.]

[Transcript:

MISC. CHARACTERS I'M NOT MAKING PICREWS OF

Kieffer - the world’s most killable man! A local politician and, arguably, part of the reason everything goes to shit.

Benjamin - a monster hunter who’s convinced that there’s something evil in the gas station. And he’s gonna kill it.

Vanessa Riggin - another employee at the gas station who unfortunately disappears during volume 1.

Brother Riley - local bookstore owner and ray of sunshine! Got basically excommunicated for teaching kids to read

Dr. V - psychiatric abuse: the character! (Jack’s psychiatrist who doesn’t seem particularly interested in actually helping him)

Deputy Tom - cop (unfortunate), but also Jack’s kinda father figure.

Agents Brick Roscoe - idk how to even get into this so I simply will not.

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

PLOT!!!

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: Two edited memes featuring raccoons. One shows a raccoon facing the camera, with a photoshopped human hand holding a gun pointing at the viewer. The other shows a raccoon in front of a sunset and looking to the left, with a faded image of a screaming raccoon behind it. The second meme reads: "Physically pained, Mentally drained" / End ID.]

[Transcript:

Volume 1 Premise

The premise of volume 1 centers quite a bit around Kieffer, a local politician.

Picture this: your best friend pulls you aside at work and asks you about the guy who just came into the store. After you explain who the guy is, your friend says, “No, that can’t be him. I killed him last night. His body is in my trunk.”

That’s the day Jack is having.

A wild series of events follows, made worse when Jack starts documenting his experiences in a blog to keep himself sane

People start going missing! Other people start dying! Kieffer especially starts dying!

Jack is not being paid enough to deal with any of this!

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

Other things about volume 1 I wanna say, minus context

I think Spencer Middleton is babygirl material and I will not be silenced b/c I am so right

There is a genuinely really clever bit of writing in volume 1 centering around Jack’s leg injury but I don’t know how to explain it without spoilers so just know I think it’s really cool

The Bathroom Cowboy is a cool dude and I think I would like to be his best friend

I think Jack should be allowed to have a nice day for once in his fucking life

Rita the raccoon is a girlboss

The Man in the Raincoat is so gender

Agents Brick Roscoe confuse and frighten me. They’re also really funny

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

Here's a quote from volume 1 that I think captures the style of comedy well

She walked up to the counter and smiled and asked, "What do you think?"

What a great question. I think a lot of things, actually. I ran through a shortlist of answers. I think people spend too much time mowing their lawns. I think Marlboro's probably dead, and I may be somewhat responsible. I think no man ever steps in the same river twice. I think that, in terms of reality, perception outweighs actuality in every case, but if I were to say something like that in this town I'd get my ass kicked for being a pretentious dick. I think Tony was too hard on 'Temple of Doom.' I think every magazine is a scam. (Why should I pay for a magazine when it's already full of advertisements?) I think forcing children to recite the pledge of allegiance is creepy, and hot dogs are not sandwiches (they are, in fact, American tacos). I think things at the gas station are getting worse and I can't explain why.

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

by viewing this presentation you promise that if you ever read tftgs you have to tell me (tumblr user multi-lefaiye) all of your thoughts about it

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

i’m kidding, you don’t have to, i just wanna talk about this series with people

/ End Transcript]

[Transcript:

Thanks

/ End Transcript]

[Image Description: A picture of a raccoon sitting up and with its forepaws together, its teeth bared in a way that makes it looks like it's grinning evilly. End ID.]

[revoleotion]

Okay so some Critical Role drama from a couple years ago, in one of the episodes a kid died and that upset some members of the fandom, so some of them decided to try to start an project that lists trigger/content warnings for each episode, which by itself aint too bad of an idea, except for 1 big big problem, the people running it were incompetent. And the person(let's call them Red) running it had a very holier than thou I know better then you attitude.

One of their ideas for a cw was "Graphic plant suffocation" and "violence", violence for a dnd Livestream/podcast

Also one of the rules established early on was that they wouldn't tag for characters, except that they tagged one of the characters Astrid because "abuse storyline" and refused to tag when her abuser showed up.

Near the end of campaign 2 the character Lucien showed up, a cult leader who is a pos, well Red made a huge thread on Twitter talking about how it's obvious that the main party are actually the bad guys here and are excited because they didn't expect Matt to go there. They even claimed that they wouldn't tag cw for when Lucien gaslights people because "he believes what he's saying". Cue Lucien fully going evil. Red still refused to tag anything about him because "it's obvious that he's evil" like you fucking fell for him.

Well when some people complained about how this "serious" project was being handled red would complain about them on Twitter or the project discord server going so far as to call one of them "an emotionally draining tiring little bitch".

Ah yes. I don't even know where to start, so I will just mention my favorite phenomenon I've noticed when it comes to this sort of drama: the slippery slope of "I must only like morally correct things" to "people liking an evil character are automatically evil too" to "every character I like must be a good person because I am a good person" to "actually I knew the character was evil and irredeemable all along, so I liked them CRITICALLY, all of you guys are abuse apologists though"

Gets me every time.

There is also something very amusing about a dnd podcast viewer trying to condemn violence because. If you want dnd without the battles and violence, maybe look into a system that isn't made for battling monsters? Pen and paper, my beloved. (Not that fictional violence is a problem in itself, of course, it's just.... why complain about fictional violence in the violent goblin kill simulator game)

[schooltrashers]

Chapter 8: The End Of The Groomer

So it looks like @broken-obsidian decided to avoid the KEY arguments I made about morality, avoiding the fact that I don't hate gay people and he is unwilling to acknowledge that there are sex predators within his own community.

Exactly which ideas do you think are bad? The part about peace? The part about being against war? The part that I condemn violence and murder? The part that I don't want women to get raped? The part that I want rapists and child molesters executed? I think you have no morals whatsoever, especially since you're against any of the ideas and morality I have. So instead of addressing my questions, you dodge them. Which makes you the one on the losing end here.

If your idea of a better world is death, rape, child molestation, and violence, the world is better off without people like you in it.

You're literally okay with exposing yourself to kids as long as "parents" are around, which makes you a groomer because no one should expose themselves to kids at all. No one should be naked out in public either, adult entertainment should be restricted to nightclubs with adults in the crowd. I keep calling you a groomer because you exposed yourself to be one. As for the "gay night club shooting", I heard it was a trans person who shot it up last time. I noticed you didn't produce receipts of conservatives saying anything about those people "deserving it", which makes me think you're making shit up.

Funny you mention Jim Crow because he's a fucking Democrat! Also I only refer to pedophiles as groomers, which applies to anyone of any sexuality whether they're straight, gay, bisexual, or lesbian. I have no issues with anyone of any sexual orientation or gender or transgender. I'm only against sex predators or pedophiles. The term groomer is a slur against pedophiles.

Pride parades can be done without exposing yourself. The fact that you don't see an issue with this, is a problem because it shows that you don't care if kids see you naked.

There's no proof that Trump, Andrew Tate, or Matt Walsh are groomers. By the way, Epstein was friends with a lot of rich people from both Democrats and Republicans. Whether or not any of them were aware of Epstein's activities is unknown because Epstein's client list will never be public. But I do know that anti-establishment Republicans like Donald Trump Jr and Lauren Boebert want to see Epstein's flight logs go public. While Democrats are silent about it.

The only ones panicking over the word groomer, are pedos like you. The lynching of black people is what you Democrats are guilty of. Either way you lose this debate.

[sumeun-bimireul-bwa]

Concerning Behavior in the Twisted Wonderland Fandom

We're done sitting on this. We've agonized for the past couple weeks on how to go about this, but I'm just going to come out and say it for everyone: @/the-heartslabyul-hatter has an incredibly alarming pattern of behavior of bullying and hypocrisy going on and she needs to change her behavior for good.

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'm going to start at the beginning of our involvement in this and what led us to a lot of this information. Back in September 2020, we ended up stumbling into the Team Avalon and Tumblr user poison-apple-tarts drama. My friends and I did some digging into this as none of us knew who Team Avalon was so all of the posts were reading weird to us. We learned poison-apple-tarts was trying to get people to turn against Team Avalon, who was fandubbing Twisted Wonderland. She claimed it was illegal and that Team Avalon was profiting from their fandub. I am not even going to get into this because this would make this post even longer, but keep a pin in "Team Avalon was profiting from copyrighted material."

During our search, one of my friends found that poison-apple-tarts had commented under a Tumblr post that was a video of one of the Night Ravens' performances saying she was glad people liked the video. And what do you know, they found a post where poison-apple-tarts admitted to being ProudHufflepuff on Youtube.

We kept an eye on things for a while, because to be honest, we were wondering if there was a story there and we could do a video in the vein of When Posting Goes Wrong, or something. We thought this would be some weird, petty drama like Ms.Scribe or Cassandra Clare's laptop drama. But nothing seemed to happen, so we stopped looking for things (and our internet drama channel idea collapsed), but one of our friends kept our receipts because they never delete anything from their computer ever.

Now let's jump to the present, July 2021. I was scrolling through someone's blog looking for something to read when I stumbled upon the drama surrounding the-heartslabyul-hatter, Proud Hufflepuff, and kulfiedraws. I immediately recognized ProudHufflepuff from our previous investigations and while looking through the drama, I saw an "apology" post from the-heartslabyul-hatter where she denied being ProudHufflepuff, but something about it felt off to me and others were suspicious that Hatter was lying. So my friends and I decided to do some more digging, this time trying to find evidence that tied Hatter and poison-apple-tarts/ProudHufflepuff together

We found out that Hatter had, at one point, a Wattpad account, and they had a fic called "Poison Epel." Hatter explained she had deleted the account and fic, so one of us decided to dig through the Internet Archive to see if it'd been captured (it hadn't). So I decided to go and Google around to see if someone had reuploaded it or if others were talking about it. We figured if

What I found was old listings for Posion Epel, attributing it to, you guessed it, poison-apple-tarts. Here is our receipts compilation. I'll explain everything underneath.

Now, either hikariart1st isn't Hatter and reuploaded it without permission, which honestly that's awful if true, or hikariart1st was poison-apple-tart/the-heartslabyul-hatter's Wattpad username and they just had different names for different sites. But either way, that fic, Poison Epel (among others) was attributed to poison-apple-tarts. She wrote Poison Epel. The-heartslabyul-hatter claims to have written Poison Epel. Poison-apple-tarts admitted to being ProudHufflepuff. They are all the same person.

So why are we bringing this to light? Because Hatter has a history of harassing and bullying other creators under the guise of protecting copyright. Let's call it what it is: bullying. Hatter, we don't know why you're doing this, but knock it off. For starters, it's so hypocritical of you to go after people for allegedly making money off fanworks when YOU HAVE YOUR FANFIC COMMISSIONS OPEN. Listen, I totally get it, all of us get it: it's fucking unfair that fanartists can get money from their fanworks but us writers can't. My friends and I regularly complain about it. That's not our problem in this situation, you get your money however you want. Our problem is that you are doing what you condemned and accused others for doing.

You have hurt so many people and clearly, this is your brand. You have been doing shit like this for months and this needs to end now. Look, we don't know you. We don't know why you're harassing people. Is it for clout? Is it to feel superior to others? Or maybe you just like making people feel like shit? We don't know, but this behavior needs to end NOW. You tried to smear Team Avalon's name. You bullied a LITERAL CHILD OUT OF THE FANDOM. You have hurt COUNTLESS people and there's probably even more that my friends and I don't even know about!

You need to stop this. This is hurting so many people, and to be honest, this behavior isn't helping YOU, either. This isn't healthy and if you keep being this toxic, this is going to take a huge toll on you. This toxicity you keep running off of isn't healthy. If you're going to change for anyone, do it for yourself. Your behavior is hurting so many people and I am begging you, WE are begging you, stop this. Take accountability for your actions and change for the better. We know you can be a better, happier person. We want you to change for good and we want you to stop hurting people.

We've said our piece. We're leaving the conversation now. We just hope you change for the better, Hatter. This behavior is unacceptable.

[schweiggiemydear]

Regarding the Super League - A Rant

Ok, since the League was more or less officially announced today, I want to talk about it. If you haven't heard about it, you can read the Sky Sports article explaining it here.

I want to add a disclaimer that since I am an Arsenal and Real Madrid fan, my views are biased since both teams have been selected for the league.

However, there are a few things I want to address as a general football fan that are not affected by my club loyalty. I'll include a section at the bottom of this post on my opinion on the new league just because. Editing to add another disclaimer that I do NOT support the Super League. I am just discussing the issues I have seen brought up about it.

Fan Response

A lot of football fans have taken to social media to voice their opposition to the league. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough, but I haven't actually seen any reason for this hatred towards the new league other than "It will ruin football" and "It's just another way for the clubs to make more money." Again, maybe I just haven't seen it, but these two "reasons" aren't really explained at all:

"It will ruin football": It's another competition that only the "elite" and "best" clubs of Europe will be a part of. This is basically the Champions and Europa leagues already. These two competitions will not be eliminated and you can still see underdogs play European football.

Is the concern here that this elevates top clubs at the expense of smaller clubs? (like Champions League already does?) Is the concern here that mechanisms for fair competition will be dropped for the sake of greed? (like Champions league already does?) (Like FIFA does every time they make a decision?) Is the concern here that it undermines the concept of competition and the idea that any team can win a trophy in Europe? This is the only valid criticism I can understand and support, but when was the last time a big club didn't win the Champions league? When was the last time a small club Leicester or Roma held the trophy? If you can count Olympique de Marseille as a "small club", then the answer is 1993.

"It's just another way for the clubs to make more money.": I hate to break it to you folks, but football is a business. (I have a lot of opinions on this - mainly regarding women's v. men's football and equal pay - but that is not the point of this post.) Clubs are always looking for ways to make more money and this pandemic has killed revenue for every club, even top league clubs, and they are looking for new and more steady sources of revenue.

Is the concern that without a ruling body like FIFA, the money for the competition will not be handled fairly? Is the concern that fans will have limited access to matches? If you take even a cursory glance at what FIFA/UEFA done regarding finance, transparency, match fixing, and fan access, you would know this isn't a valid criticism. Well, it is valid. But only if you also regularly call out FIFA, UEFA, Premier League/FA, Bundesliga, La Liga, League 1, Serie A, etc., for these same infractions. Which people don't.

Now if the criticisms were closer to "I think this brings unnecessary competition to top clubs already vying for European trophies", "This competition will make these clubs think they're better than everyone else", or "This puts a strain on players in these clubs who already play for club and country", I'd understand the concerns and would absolutely agree. But right now, the actual fan backlash seems more guided by a general misunderstanding on how football really works. Which leads to the next issue I want need to address.

FIFA/UEFA Response

Now here's where things get interesting because the backlash from FIFA and UEFA has been swift and aggressive to say the least. They are refusing to allow players who play in the Super League to be eligible for the 2022 World Cup and will likely impose fines or even ban clubs from the leagues that do participate. The Premier League/FA and the other major European leagues have issued a joint statement condemning the league. The statement mentions solidarity, a united front, fair competition, and sporting merit and claims that this new league is greedy and self-serving.

Ironic words come from institutions that are all well-known for their own corruption. Absolutely banger response from institutions that milk fans, players, and leagues every year. In fact, people on twitter made really great points and I'm going to provide the tweets here because they said it better than I could:

(including the last one because of Slavia Prague specifically)

We all know the main reason FIFA and UEFA are against the Super League is because they wouldn't get a cut of the revenue. I don't have any money to bet, but know that if I did, I would bet it all that if the Super League offered FIFA and UEFA each a significant cut of the continued revenue, they would get the green light immediately and that trophy would be physically bigger than the Champions League cup.

I just cannot get over the irony, hypocrisy, lack of awareness, and just BALLS of these organisations to make claims of greed and lack of fair play when they are guilty of these exact things. I think Toni Kroos said it best:

"European Super League? We are just puppets of FIFA and UEFA. If there was a players' union, we would not be playing the Nations League or Supercopa de Espana in Saudi Arabia." (Kroos in a podcast on 11/11/2020)

My Humble Opinion

Now here's what I think. And again, my teams would be involved in this Super League so I do have a stake in the game here.

Firstly, I absolutely agree the Super League is elitist in nature and affects the fair play nature of European football competitions and domestic leagues. No doubt that smaller clubs would be financially hurt by this new league and it puts these "top teams" on a pedestal, especially when the last thing they need is an even more inflated ego (Arsenal included). Every club has been hurt by this pandemic and needs funds. Every club has been hurt by FIFA's practices and there's a good chance this will really mess with smaller teams' chances of earning revenue themselves.

Second, FIFA and UEFA can go fuck themselves.

Third, FIFA plans to ban players and clubs who participate in this Super League and to that I say good fucking luck with that because those clubs are your biggest earners. Absolutely no hate or shade to the Bundesliga or League 1, but they just don't bring in the same revenue as Barca, Real Madrid, or Premier League teams. Bayern Munich did recently overtake Man United as the 3rd richest club in Europe, but they are still vastly out-earned by RM and Barca. PSG is #7 (after 3 english teams) and Juventus is #10 (after 5 english teams) (source). The revenue FIFA and UEFA would lose from banning Super League teams would be astronomical. Not just in the domestic leagues themselves, but the Champions League, Europa League, and the World Cup. I mean, what's a World Cup without Messi? (personally, I'm okay with that but you get my point)

Fourth, and hear me out, I genuinely believe that the Super League is a good TEMPORARY idea. The Super League should be used as an experiment to see how competitions would function outside the influence of FIFA and other regulatory agencies. This would be a League run by clubs and players and is a better representation on how football SHOULD be organised. If these clubs take a stand against FIFA, maybe, just maybe, we can get rid of some of the corruption inherent in football. Don't get me wrong, the Super League is definitely meant to be revenue generating for sure. But it's also a middle finger to FIFA and, if its done well, the rest of Europe might take a harder look at how much they don't actually need FIFA. Do I think this is the right way of doing it? No. But has it clearly stirred things up and now people are talking about the issues? Yes.

Lastly, I want to talk about Kroos' comment above. A players union is a brilliant idea and I think the European Super League is actually a great way for players to argue for it. They can use the leverage of the new league to bargain for better rights and a union that actually tells FIFA to go fuck itself when it decides things like revenue gouging Brazil in 2014 or a Qatar World Cup. Or the many hundred other shitty things FIFA has done. For a full list, please see John Oliver's amazing coverage of FIFA in his series "Last Week Tonight" (found on YouTube or HBOMax).

If you made it to the bottom of this post/rant, thank you! Let me know what you think about this Super League and what would you do if you were one of the teams involved?

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan in 2020

I've sort of dropped doing detailed chapter posts on the series because that type of writing wasn't very fun for me anymore and I have taken a liking to a bullet point kind of approach where I list the elements that stood out for me in the chapter or make a separate post for some specific topic I'd like to talk about in it.

I've started like 10 different posts to attempt to talk about AoT this year and I always end up with incoherent rambling because of all of the elements I'd love to to talk about.

This year's chapters were 125-135 and this year's episodes episodes 1-4 of season 4.

The anime episodes in particular have given me a lot of food for thought, so I'm just saying fuck it.

I think the biggest misstep of the story for me will forever be the fact that it decided to use fairly specific historical imagery.

The Eldians are clearly supposed to have allegorical equivalency with Jewish people, but the Jewish people were never the oppressors. There weren't any Jewish empires. That's conspiracy theory bullshit.

But on the other hand, the series clearly takes great effort to not stereotype any of the groups it's portraying and gives complex reasons for what both sides do. It's one of the few Japanese series that I've seen not stereotype Middle Eastern-coded people (Ramzi and Halil) or black people (Onyakapon). Everyone are people, it says. It even champions diversity:

(Chapter 118)

It is also very much true that a bunch of fascist states use long-term history as an excuse for their actions:

(Chapter 127)

Nation did X 2000 years ago therefore our conquest of them is justified.

This makes discussion about the series' themes like a minefield.

The people who are very critical about its imagery are right, but the people defending the series aren't wrong, either because it condemns all of those nasty ideas of conquest and hurting innocent people.

You can't have a more clear-cut condemnation of genocide:

(Chapter 127)

If you combine all of these details instead of zoning in on them one by one, to me what the story is saying is that *even if* all of that conspiracy bullshit is true, innocent people don't deserve to be slaughtered no matter the reason because they are still people who have their own feelings, thoughts and wishes.

The story clearly gets the baseline, but fumbles the details. I decided to look up some more discussion surrounding this these past few days and I just wish there was more good faith discussion about it. A lot of it feels like a moral superiority contest.

I think it's these kind of flawed stories that actually deserve detailed scruitiny over stories that are rotten to the core because they are *almost there*. Talking about them is a good topic starter in what to do and not to do in a story like this.

Speaking of rotten to the core, I think the absolute highlight of the chapters this year is Eren and some of the chapters this year finally gave me a pretty clear picture of what is going on with him.

Context from 123 certainly helps, though:

(Chapter 131)

This is about Eren's perspective. He can't accept the destruction of Paradis.

It's not that this solution was inevitable looking in from the outside (which is one of the interpretations I see around for Eren's actions), it's that *Eren* can't see any other way out of this except the most extreme because of all of the horrible things he has seen from the outside world. It is very similar to the way suicidal people can only focus on the negative.

You can tell them everything is going to be okay, but those words won't reach them because their mind won't let them and loops them back to those negative thoughts.

Eren can't see the ice cream or silly clowns. But he can see how the other Eldians in the league of Eldians are willing to push Paradis under the bus. He can see how Grisha's sister was killed. He can see how racist and cruel Marley is towards the Eldians in Liberio (and how the people have racist leanings towards other nations, too).

He can only see those bad things. But he also understands how everyone outside of the walls are human just as the people inside of the walls are.

So he is torn to pieces by guilt.

He doesn't want to do this, but he can't see any other solution.

This is why I also think he can't rob his friends of their agency. He is fighting for them to have a good future:

(Chapter 133)

(Chapter 131)

What really stood out to me on a revisit is that Eren considers himself much worse than Reiner.

I've seen criticism on how the story pushes the narrative of both sides being the same and this detail is really important to me because this is the story acknowledging that what Eren is doing is worse and gives all of the following exchanges about this the context of it being a similarity in principle.

Both sides have killed for what they think is right and have to deal with how they have killed people. This is such an important detail in the Uprising arc, too, where Erwin firmly acknowledged that overthrowing the government might not actually be the right choice by him. It was simply what he saw as right. On a narrative level this avoids absolute truths and preference of one character perspective over the other and once again makes it about individual perspectives.

The theme of individual perspectives is so ingrained in this story at this point in my eyes that it's another cornerstone in understanding what is going on with Eren to me.

I think it's great.

I also really appreciate Annie and what was done with her in this chunk of chapters.

(Chapter 127)

There has been this narrative going around that proposes that the story is in Eren's corner too much. But these chapters are nothing but questioning Eren and Annie is one of the main voices in this. It's the Marleyan girls, really and I think this is a very necessary part of making the narrative work. Once again, it separates the narrative and character perspective.

It says that the Paradis side caring is about character perspective, not what the narrative sides with and Annie is even sympathetic to Mikasa in that instance.

She gets it. Unexpectedly, I think Annie might play a bigger role in taking down Eren than expected. Her character arc about deciding to no longer go with the flow because she doesn't want any more tragedy to happen is basically calling for it.

(Chapter 128)

Another element I've seen brought up is the fact that nobody seems to address the Bert-sized elephant in the room, but some of our characters are certainly thinking about him.

This is such a thematically strong element and really interesting because Connie joined the military to make his mom proud and be a good soldier. This is the motivation behind his claim when he says they are going to save the world. But what does becoming a good soldier mean, exactly?

Well, apparently possibly gunning down people you care about.

This moment is so good because it's another moment where the idea of glory in war is taken down a peg.

The moment with Connie declaring they're going to save the world is so often criticised, but it is actually turned on its head in 128. There is no heroics in this. This is actually Connie's big "killing a person" moment because it strips away the final bit of comfort in killing in war, the excuse of killing for good moral reasons.

It is also a wonderful complex evolution of the series' themes. Trost was about fighting monsters. In the Female Titan and Clash of Titan arcs some of those monsters turned out to be human. In the Uprising, Return to Shiganshina and Marley arcs all of those monsters turned out to be human and here in the War of Paradis arc, everyone is human and the only separating system is what everyone views as right.

I really hope the anime will let this chapter breathe a little bit more.

Moving on, I guess it is time to address the rumbling.

I love it as a horror spectacle.

(Chapter 130)

And I really I think it needs to be non-CG when animated. CG is fine in spectacle battles, but not in horror settings because it is too clean.

The rumbling needs to be disgusting and dirty.

Chapter 132 gave me one of the few moments in which I truly cared about Levi. I think him telling Hange to dedicate her heart was a very good moment to cap off their relationship. He sent another SL commander to fulfill their duty.

The speech about hatred in chapter 134 also stood out to me. I think it definitely should be fitted in there somewhere in this, but I also see a bunch of criticism for it.

I want to point out that this is the side of present Marley talking here. It's the military dictatorship.

It's the Nazis. I think the Nazis should feel regret for exploiting innocent people and admit they're wrong.

I also like how the horrors here are undoing the brainwashing and showing the truth to the citizens.

I guess you could read it as heavy-handed, but it is also something that needs to be addressed and in principle, it's not wrong.

I'm also going to put a mention of Historia here. I've talked about how this is my biggest and most glaring problem with the series because of how thematically unfitting it feels, but I've also talked about it in many posts. I wanted to focus more on other stuff in this post.

So now, we make it back to chapter 135.

I think having stewed on it for a month now, I like the element of mindscrewing our cast with the Titans of the people they love is the strongest element of it. It's making them face their personal traumas and we also get some great character moments and payoffs from it.

Mikasa ended off the year in a very good note in my eyes.

Even this deep in the story, this chapter left me in a situation where I have no idea how things might turn out.

I might have rough ideas, but not anything specific and that's fun.

Well, this is it on my retrospective.

2021 is confirmed to be AoT's final year of publication as volume 34 is set to be the story's final volume.

Those who hate the story can finally be free of it and those who care for it, can look back on it with fondness and sadness and many other emotions and evaluate.

It's been 7 years for me. What a wild ride.

So, I'm asking everyone, what are some of your observations on AoT in 2020?

Is there anything you'd like to add or do you have any observations or counterarguments for anything I've said?

I'd be curious to see what everyone else thought of AoT in 2020!

[reyofsunlight666]

Hey, I'm responding to a tag from you on something you shared... don't give up on SFF if you want to write that. Not all SFF is escapist mainstream twaddle. SFF has ALWAYS been a struggle between the normies who are almost exclusively into franchise work and work that espouses mainstream beliefs. There are probably the next prophets buried under the heap of mass market tripe. Unfortunately the actual prophets tend not to be loved as more than a niche thing in their own lifetime, witness Philip K. Dick and Isabel Fall.

Good SF can show people other ways to solve problems. It can point problems out. I'm writing hopeful SF that shows people solving problems and surviving and working shit out, and I've read so much sci fi that makes you think and come to your own conclusions. Look at some of the genres of the past (especially 60s-90s counterculture influenced and the biggies like Ursula LeGuin and Philip K Dick).

Here is a thing that's personal...

In my own writing, I've decided that I don't want to give an instruction manual for a dystopia. So I am going to show a world in the process of overcoming that dystopia and building a new way of life that forces them to overcome their differences. Everyone has to make the choice to do that, and most will, and it's not going to be a problem fully solved by the time we engage the setting, but we'll be almost there and the goals are in sight, and we're willing to work hard and overcome our differences to make it happen and it's a choice that lays with the person engaging this material and not made for them. That's all I am going to say.

So this is a tricky topic for me to talk about, because, in the words of the meme, I am not immune to escapist twaddle. :P I'm on probably my millionth playthrough of Skyrim right now, my AO3 bookmark list is like a mile long...you get the idea. And I don't like condemning escapist twaddle wholesale either, because (a) I suspect it's how most people into SFF get into it in the first place (b) I don't think people should be ashamed of harmless hobbies and (c) you can innovate artistically in a work while also incorporating elements of escapist twaddle or even making something that is wholly escapist twaddle (see: Horizon: Zero Dawn's use of Chosen One tropes, Nineteen Eighty-Four being like 'fucking younger women is an essential part of revolting against authoritarianism'). What I don't like are two things. First: people acting like works of escapist twaddle are equivalent to artistic masterworks. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but that attitude seems much more widespread in nerd communities than it used to be. There used to be a distinction between the likes of Le Guin and space opera pulp, right? Whereas now websites like Tor and The Mary Sue post glowing analyses of the MCU alongside write-ups of the biggest innovators in SFF. Second: the sheer amount of escapist twaddle. Amazon. The cinematic universes. The neverending Steam queue. The hours-long fan videos. And the algorithms that can hone in on whatever your particular escapist kink is and milk you dry. That is to say, I appreciate you reaching out and saying this to me. The relative unpopularity of the masters in their own lifetimes is something I've definitely noticed in my own reading. I don't know if I want my work to have political goals, per se. But I do want to tell the truth as I see it. To explore ideas with real nuance. To push the boundaries of speculative concepts. And the modern abundance of escapist twaddle, as well as the vanishing boundaries between it and higher culture, make me wonder if there'll be any room for that kind of work, or desire to engage with it. Your work sounds really interesting, and tbh it sounds like you have similar goals to my current big WIP. I don't want to talk about my WIP too much, but suffice it to say - your interest in depicting building a better world with nuance is shared. :D

[gracefull-mess]

I am with you 100% on walking away. Sure, the spoilers aren't great and I was planning on waiting until after 10c to see what people thought... but the whole MM/NR/(TWD/Ride) thing is truly really, really getting to me now. As you said. I just feel uncomfortable with all of it... and has put some weird reflections looking back on some things now. so. Yeah. Don't let anyone shame you about your choices and YOUR conscience.

(Excuse the late reply. I no longer have notifications for tumblr turned on)

Let me start this rant by saying thanks for the nice words and support.

First thing I want to talk about is the Spoilers. I have no problem with the TWD spoilers at all. It never bothered me because I viewed them as a plot device. They honestly didn’t sway me in the slightest and they have no connection to my leaving the TWD Fandom.

Norman Reedus’s connection to Marilyn Manson does make me uncomfortable. They are good friends, anyone on Instagram knows that. They have spent a great deal of time together and not just while filming Ride.

Then there’s the fact that TWD has had this man attend their premiers, appear on the talking dead and we have Greg Nicotero, who was gearing up to have Marilyn Mason appear on his production ‘creep show’.

All of this shows me that Walking Dead was completely fine with having Marilyn Manson as apart of their world,... until Rachel Evan Wood’s publicly named Manson as her abuser.

This was when TWD distanced themselves from Manson, this was when Nicotero dropped mason from creepshow and this was when Reedus decided to start deleting posts from his Instagram. 

They didn’t hesitate. They didn’t even consider standing beside him, they just got out of the line of fire. It sounds odd to say, but if they'd had Manson’s back, I would have felt better. I would have thought “hey, these guys really believe that Manson is innocent...that explains why they kept this piece of shit around”... But that’s not what happened. It was more like, this guy is about to be exposed and we need to distance ourselves from him now. (This is my perception anyway)

It was no secret that Marilyn Manson was ERW’s abuser and now more women are coming forward. Now more people in the industry are saying that it is a well known fact that Manson is an abuser, rapist and predator. 

ERW’s herself has talked about how Manson has been protected by the industry and how his actions have been ignored and overlooked. And I can’t help but feel like TWD has been apart of that. (As I have said in the past, this is my perception and I do not expect anyone to turn on anyone or anything. I am not trying to start an argument or debate. This is just how I feel.)

I only recently found out that on top of everything else (though apparently it was common knowledge) that Manson has swastika’s tattooed on him and that he collects Nazi memorabilia..... the list of disturbing information just goes on and on....And it makes me wonder why all of this was ignored. Why he was being asked to be on episodes of Ride, why Norman was appearing in his music videos, why he was on the talking dead or why he was going to be on Creep Show. 

The fan-girl in me wants to brush it all aside. It would be easy to overlook everything, just as I have been doing since Manson somehow became entangled in the TWD Fandom. But I can’t anymore.

I’m not delusional enough to think I know Norman Reedus. You can watch all the interviews you want, go to meet and greets, and watch every scrap of footage that you can get your hands on, and as a fan, you still need to accept the fact that you do not know him. You don’t really know any of these famous people. What you do know is the persona they have created for the public eye. 

If you decide to believe everything they put forward then that’s fine, it has nothing to do with me or anyone else what you are comfortable with.

Lastly, I am disgusted with certain members of the fandom and their reaction to this news. I have seen people saying the most disgusting things about these women. I have seen, not only Reedus stans, but members of my own ship calling these women horrible names, twisting their words, blaming them for being abused and shaming them for the time it has taken to come forward. I mean, fuck!  here we are, a bunch of people who support an actor, that was made famous by his portrayal of an abuse victim...but when someone in reality speaks out about their abuse, we throw them to the wolves??? 

I don’t understand why people need to shame, condemn or attack these women, all because it affects a fandom, a ship, or an actor they stan, but I don’t want to be associated with it in the slightest. I also can’t ignore it,...yet, I also know there is no point arguing with them..so there isn’t much left for me to do but leave.

I am sad to go. I love the majority of the people I have met in this fandom and on this ship. But this whole thing had the exit sign flashing for me.

[antifainternational]

I'd love to go to a solidarity demo for Rojava today, but there's no one coming with me and I suffer from terrible social anxiety, I feel so guilty... What can I do?

We’re glad you’re asking this.  Here’s what a friend in Rojava had to say about this today: A lot of people have been asking me what someone in Europe can do to help the people in Rojava so I decided to make a public post about it that you can share: 1. Absolutely the most important: Spread the message. I don't just mean retweeting my shitposting on twitter (@lapinesque) or liking my facebook posts. I mean actually speaking in person to you friends, your parents, co-workers, *everyone* about what is going on. People should be fucking livid even if they have no personal connection to the cause: A NATO state of 100 million people is literally using an army of former ISIS and Al-Qaeda militants to commit ethnic cleansing on the very people who defeated ISIS militarily. This isn't propaganda: Turkey's use of jihadist forces and gross human rights abuses are well documented and have been going on for years now with zero condemnation from the intl community. 2. Fight the social media fight. Look at any post on twitter, reddit or facebook about this war and you will see an army of Turkish nerds and their bots commenting, downvoting and generally stirring shit. We have an amazing campaign running called #RiseUp4Rojava as well as #WomenDefendRojava but we need all the help we can get. Sharing our content is great, but even better is contributing: if you get photos from demos or actions send them to us, if you know how to edit videos, offer your services, if you can translate, let us add you to our list of translators. 3. Organise. If you are not a member of a solidarity group like London Kurdistan Solidarity or YXK, join now. Go to their meetings, organise with them. One of the things that the Kurdish diaspora are great at is community organising and action and they will welcome you with open arms. 4. Act! Whenever you can, go to a demo. Whenever there is a meeting and you can go, go. Generally these are being organised under the umbrella of RiseUp4Rojava but there will be others too. 5. Even better is direct action, but to save myself another line on my arrest slip when I get back I won't make any suggestions exactly what. 6. Contact you MP, local politicians, celebrities, your trade union general sec. Ask them to use their platform to support this cause. Explain to them passionately the the international catastrophe that is happening here and how we can stop it. 7. Prepare to come to Rojava. Seriously. If you were in YPG/YPJ/IFB before, if you're a doctor, nurse or EMT, or someone with skills useful in these times (engineers, technicians, linguists, whatever), get ready At some point there will be open call by the movement for people to flood the region like there was in the time of Kobanê. They will be preparing the legal and logistical framework to get large numbers of volunteers across from Başur (Iraqi Kurdistan) now and will make the call in the near future. [please don't contact me about this as I am not involved at all and can't help] Finally, and this might sound like a sore point but I have to be honest: So many people have been telling me to 'stay safe'. I appreciate the sentiment, really, but it is not safe here. Not for anyone, and there is no way to leave.I do not know a single internationalist here who will not fight if the frontlines come to them. If you want to help prevent that scenario, you can make a big difference by following the advice above and taking the fight to the Turkish state in Europe and around the rest of the world. An serkeftin. An serkeftin. Victory or victory.

[freespiritdani]

"But I didn't mean for this to happen..." Part 2 of 2

NOTE: I teach AP English at a high school in the USA. When I began this class this semester, I gave my class an assignment to write a fan fiction essay based on their favorite story, movie, show, or game. All but one of my students are Choices fans and wrote accordingly, Two of them (my daughter and my daughter-in-law) decided to team up and write one 2-part story. They gave me permission to share it here. You've already read Part 1 (I hope), now...submitted for your approval, here is Part 2.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaitlyn stepped off the Gulfstream at a little tiny airport just outside Northbridge. Ryan Summers, actor and fellow Hartfeld alum, had let Kaitlyn borrow his jet and pilot when Zack called her and told her about finding Alex dead.

She had slept fitfully during the cross-country flight. Alexandra Day and Kaitlyn Liao had been best of friends from the moment they met on their first day at Hartfeld. They were also lovers for a short time during freshman year. The memories of all the good times they had together was all that was helping Kaitlyn keep it together right at the moment.

Zack was waiting on Kaitlyn when she entered the terminal building. He ran up to her and gave her a bear hug, then he began to cry.

"I'm sorry I called you last night, but I didn't know who else to call," Zack said. "I went over to check on her like you or I have always done ever since she started drinking....and....and...she was lying on the couch, eyes open....not...not breathing...and..." Zack started sobbing.

Kaitlyn had started crying by now. She patted Zack on the back and said, "Don't apologize, Zack. Somebody had to let me know."

"And, Bec--" Zack started, but stopped abruptly when Kaitlyn's phone went off. She pulled it out of her hip pocket and checked it. A puzzled look came across her face.

"What the.....an email from Alex???" Kaitlyn asked, confused. She clicked on it and read it. "Ohhhhhhh myyyyyy god..." she said under her breath. "Alex, you little fool..." She bowed her head and slumped down into a seat in the lobby.

"Are you all right?" Zack asked.

Kaitlyn reached her phone to Zack. "She sent this at seven last night and queued it so I wouldn't get it until this morning after it was too late to do anything about it."

Zack read the email, then plopped down in the chair beside Kaitlyn and sighed. "Well, dear Alexandra," he said with a tone of resignation in his voice, "you're in good company, girlfriend."

"Zack Zilberg, the is the most inconsiderate thing I have ever heard you...." Kaitlyn paused, then it dawned on her that Alex's suicide wasn't the only bad news. "Is there something else you need to tell me?" she asked slowly.

Zack bowed his head. "Yeah," Zack said quietly, "there is. It's what I started to tell you when Alex's suicide note email came in. Becca committed suicide last night, too. Jumped off the eighteenth floor of the Hyatt here last night."

Kaitlyn's mouth dropped open. "Why? Did she leave a note?" she asked.

"No need. Madison was with her when it happened," Zack answered, then he proceeded to tell Kaitlyn what Madison had told him about the events of the night before.

Kaitlyn looked toward the ceiling, then began to cry. Zack silently reached over and held her to comfort her, as much for his own benefit as it was for hers. After a few minutes of this, Kaitlyn composed herself and stood up.

"Zack," Kaitlyn whispered, "I need to see them. Will you take me to them?" Zack opened his mouth to object, but Kaitlyn quickly continued, "Please, I beg you....I have to see them...I gotta do this for my own peace of mind."

Zack rose from his seat. "Okay," he said, trying to smile at his friend, "let's go."

An hour later, Zack and Kaitlyn were standing in the mortuary lobby, looking at the board listing all the bodies there. Kaitlyn found what she was looking for:

ROOM 2: DAY, ALEXANDRA J.

And a little farther down:

ROOM 8: DAVENPORT, REBECCA L.

They walked down to Room 2 and looked in. Near the coffin containing Alex's body, Kaitlyn spied a blonde woman standing and looking somberly in the coffin. No, it can't be! she thought. It's not possible! Then she remembered the girl in psychology class that went to Braidwood Manor and what she found. Or is it possible?

"Zack....would you mind waiting in the lobby? I need to be alone right now..."

Zack replied shakily, "Frankly, I want to get out of here, period. After finding her last night, right now I...I...I can't...can't see her...her..."

Kaitlyn put her hand on his shoulder. "If you want to leave me here and go, that's okay," she told Zack. "I understand. I'll be okay, and once I'm done here, I'll go get some rest and meet you back at your house at four. Okay?"

Zack put his hand on Kaitlyn's and smiled weakly. "Okay. Thank you."

Kaitlyn watched Zack leave, then she turned and walked to where Alex's body lay. She gently stroked Alex's cheek. "She's so beautiful," Kaitlyn whispered, then said in a normal voice, "Why'd you do it?"

The blonde said plaintively, "I didn't mean to! I didn't mean for this to happen.... I didn't want her to die...I just wanted to make things right between us..."

Kaitlyn turned and faced the blonde. "I know you didn't want her to die," she said gently. "I want to know why you wanted you to die, Becca. Why did you take that dive off the balcony?"

"Because my...." Becca paused. "Wait a second... You know I'm here? You can hear me? Because you're the first person who's even acknowledged my presence since...since...I landed on the street...."

"Kinda surprised me to see and hear you too," Kaitlyn replied, chuckling. "Then I remembered Hannah and her girlfriend and took the chance I wasn't hallucinating. So, I still wanna know: why did you jump?"

"Because..." Becca hesitated, looked in Alex's coffin, then said, "Because she's now dead and I caused it. She drank herself to death because of me...I know it. She drank herself to death because I was a selfish bitch that let my pride get the better of me."

Kaitlyn asked, confused, "How do you figure that?"

"You remember the blowup and breakup after I got accepted to transfer to Hawg," Becca replied. "Well, after it all went down, I knew the way I went about it hurt her....I'd made her cry....I was afraid to chase after her because I didn't want to make her cry again....so I threw myself into my studies, got my J.D., worked my way up to become the youngest District Attorney in California history....there's even talk -- scratch that, there WAS talk -- of me running for Attorney General next year....but...Kaitlyn....all that success, all that that glory...was hollow. It didn't fill the void that Alex left in me when we split up. All that I have -- had -- achieved...meant and means nothing without her... As each day went by...that empty feeling kept getting bigger, kept gnawing at me....It got worse every time I saw her on TV being interviewed after each best-seller she wrote, because she looked so happy without me....Finally, I'd had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to talk with her and try to make things right...you know the rest....so, yeah, I killed her. I didn't mean for her to die .."

Kaitlyn sighed. "You didn't kill her, Becca. She killed herself. She sent me a suicide note by email," she said.

Becca was puzzled. "If I wasn't what caused her to take her own life, what was?" she asked.

"Well, technically, you were," Kaitlyn answered, "but not in the way you think. It wasn't anything you'd done, but something she'd done. According to her note."

"But...she never did anything to me! She was nothing but good to me!"

A voice came from behind them. "Yes I did, Becs. I did something bad to you. Three times."

Kaitlyn and Becca spun around. "ALEX!!!" Becca cried out.

"The first time was when I acted like a spoiled brat and walked out on you during the law school blowup," Alex continued. "The second time was last night when I gave you hell and walked out on you a second time without giving you a chance to talk....I screwed us both over with that one...had I taken the time to talk and listen, we probably wouldn't be in this situation..."

Kaitlyn looked at Becca. "She got you there, Davenport," Kaitlyn said, then looked at Alex and continued, "but you said three times. That's only twice."

Alex chuckled slightly and said, "Considering that my corpse is in this room, and that Becca's is three doors down because I made the one in here a corpse, number three is kinda obvious, don't you think?"

Becca looked at Kaitlyn and said, "She got you there, Liao."

"Oh, shut up!" Kaitlyn shot back.

Alex walked over and looked at her own body lying in the coffin. "I wish I could take it back, Becca," she said, regret and remorse showing in her voice. "The woman I loved, the woman I longed for, the woman I wanted to hold in my arms again, the woman I wanted to come back to me and take me and make me her wife...came back to me wanting to make things right between us....and I fucked it all up, ruining any chance of that happening...I couldn't take it. My life was over because I couldn't go on another day without her...so I sent Kaitlyn a suicide note via email, grabbed two bottles of tequila, guzzled both down in two minutes flat and...next thing I know... I'm standing up, sober as I can be, looking down at my dead body....".

Alex looked at Becca. "I died needlessly by my own hand. And because I did, you took your own life, also needlessly," she said ruefully. "I killed us...I'm ultimately responsible for both our deaths. Our blood is on my hands...and I can't do anything to make up for it and make it right...and...." She looked at Becca with sorrow and regret in her eyes. "...I have to deal with that for all eternity....I can't take back what I've done...I've condemned us to...to this....and...now...I have to face the fact that..that I caused us to never be together, ever...I'm so sorry, Becca...I never meant for it to be like this...."

"Are....Are you saying you don't love me anymore? You don't want to be with me anymore?" Becca asked dejectedly.

"I love you very much, Becca! I never stopped!" Alex replied. "But... we're dead. All we are now is a pair of ghosts. That sorta puts a stop to being with each other, doesn't it?"

Kaitlyn interrupted. "Umm, Alex... If Eleanor being a ghost didn't stop her and Hanna from being in love and being together, why would it stop you two?"

Alex thought, then looked at Becca. "After all I've done, after all the damage I've caused,":Alex asked nervously, "can you ever find it in you to forgine me?"

"I forgave you a long time ago, my love," Becca said gently. "Can you forgive me?"

Alex put her arms around Becca and kissed her tenderly. "I already have."

Becca put her arms around Alex and returned the kiss passionately. "Will you stay with me and be my woman?"

Alex smiled and looked Becca in the eyes, a deep love replacing the pain and regret that had been there earlier. "I'm yours for all eternity, my love! For all eternity!"

Kaitlyn smiled. It wasn't the way she wished it was, but her friends were back together at last.

[grey-eyed-menace]

"Tell me then, why limit yourself to the simplicity of good verses evil? This world of ours was made with a million different colors in mind, countless sides to align yourself with. It'd be boring otherwise."

___

"...Silva above, fuck it. Hide, your the newly instated Grandmaster of the Doctors Guild."

"I'm a roboticist, hell, I'm not even formally trained."

"Does it look like I care? Just make sure they don't become seven opposing factions of a fucking cult, and we'll call it even."

___

"Wait, hold up, you're twelve."

"And the local equivalent to the Pope is nine, your point?"

___

"How selfish must you be to still ask for the love of someone you've betrayed?"

"How twisted I must be to still love you after you hurt me."

"You're far from twisted."

"That's what you focus on?"

___

"I'd have found a way to bleed sunlight if he asked it of me."

___

"The world is a fucked up place to live in. Challenges with no end in sight, no true peace to be had, one fight after another. And what do I have to show of it? Damned by my birth, condemned for the choices that lead to my survival, and no one to look at me and see that sad little girl who just wanted someone to love her. To hold her. To leave her the fuck alone. I am nothing, I was born a nothing, I lived as nothing, and I'll die as nothing. There's nothing to live for, nothing to stand for, nothing to even try for... and fuck you for making me want to continue living in this shithole."

___

"I never said your path would be kind, I never promised mercy."

"You didn't, did you? You also never told me it would be one I would have to walk regardless of your interference. You never told me anything. I expected the truth, at the very least. Truth, and what did you give? Endless lies."

"You shouldn't trust Gods, child."

"And yet it was you who implored trust, demanded it even, give you my blind, unending, faith just so you could watch me dance for your amusement."

___

"There is quite a list of things I've learned to put up with in my lifetime, as short as it's been in comparison to other's, really, it's almost hilarious, but I've never quite been able to shake the frothing rage that raises to the surface whenever someone lies to my face when I know the truth behind their actions."

"You wouldn't understand."

"No, I don't think I do. So, let's lay it out shall we? Diodora Astaroth. Explain his continued acquisition of Nun's from the church after his second Bishop had a breakdown in the middle of Faustus not nearly four decades ago."

"We were not aware that his entire Peerage was outfit-"

"Bullshit. We both know your not stupid Lord Lucifer, it's an open secret amongst the lower echelons, and it's something the upper one's outright envy. Try again. Why was Diodora Astaroth allowed to continue acquiring Peerage members from the church when you were demanding peace?"

"Do you truly want a crash course in political matters of the last century Miss K-"

"There you are, deflecting again. I said to lay it out, didn't I? I want an explanation. I want answers. So explain. In detail. Why he was allowed to continue raping his Peerage while you sat by and told others to practice peace with their sworn enemies, outright ignoring it."

"You have no right to qu-"

"I asked for an explanation, and all I've gotten so far is angry denial and deflection. Let's move on, since you're so reluctant to talk about it. Hilda Mammon, and by extension, Uri Adalhard."

"Urisha Mammon, I believe, is her actual name."

Kuroka doesn't so much look at Ajuka as she does pierce right through him. He, rather easily, steps back after that.

"Her name is Uri Adalhard, Urisha Mammon is the name you branded her with after you decided that she was to die at seven years old. For being born Evectus's bastard child. Do you even know her legal name? Do you not know the name of the little girl you sentenced to death? Urisha Mammon was not her fucking name. It never has been. You owe her that much after everything you put her through."

"She was a threat."

"At seven? Good fuck. You know what, while we're on this topic. Beelzebub. Why didn't you release the knowledge that Senjutsu was far from the cause of my murder of Naberious. We both know I'm not the first nekomata to be inducted into a Peerage. Far from the first to use Senjutsu in a rating game."

"Your young, it's understandable that-"

"I'm. Not. Hearing. An. Explanation. Why were my siblings allowed to be condemned by my sins? No, wait, I know. You wanted to gift them to your baby sister. As pets. Yet of course, you're much too human to not want to feel the crushing weight of your mistakes, so, you play the hero. Give a different solution."

"Your siblings are well cared for, Rias cherishes them as family."

"Yes, which I am grateful for, Rias is a sweet girl. It doesn't take away from the fact that you did not extend the same courtesy to the rest of the Nekomata living in the Underworld. Not even a little bit. There were no official statements. No strategically spread rumors. Nothing. You saved my sibling because they were youngest, and thus easiest, to mold into the perfect little pets for your darling sister."

"Kuroka."

"More than that, you didn't even deem them important enough to share the Godsdamned truth, and don't give me more of the 'it was for their own good' excuses. You didn't do it because it made them easy to control, if they hated themselves, if they feared themselves, if they were nothing more then empty husks to use and throw away."

"You understand nothing."

"Then. Fucking. Explain."