#JUST TO BE CLEAR THAT I MEAN MAMA HOOK NOT FAKE HOOKS KID

[saveme-storybrooke-potc]

Emma: It seems like it was just yesterday Hope was so nice cute little smile, little blonde curls.

Alice: I have blonde curls.

Killian: Yeah, you do, Ma. You do.

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The First David Job

leverage 1.12

sophie organized the notecards for the intervention

- - - - -

Sophie: Drunk again?

Nate: Are we still unclear? I'm a functioning alcoholic, you know? And the trick is not to get hung up on the "alcoholic." But celebrate the "functioning" part of the sentence.

- - - - -

Nate: Yeah, I- I know all this.

Hardison: No, no, no. See, while you are well-versed in dead-guy art, I myself am not. My entire criminal career is based on technology built after 1981. So I am riveted. Quite so. Please, do go on.

- - - - -

Hardison: Man, am I glad I don't have to break in there. That is one sick security system.

Parker: What, with our tools? Give me three days of prep, it'd be like taking diamonds from the French national bank. That's like taking candy from a baby.

Hardison: I got it.

Parker: A very easy thing to do.

Hardison: Got...it

I love her

- - - - -

Parker: Oh, look, little buddy. (picks up fake statue) That's your new home!

Hardison: Can you please not play with the little naked man? Please.

Parker: I'm not. (sets the statue down)

- - - - -

Eliot: You guys--you know each other?

Ian: Of course. Maggie is Nate’s ex-wife.

Eliot (nervously): Oh.

eliot being completely RATTLED lmfao

- - - - -

Parker: Which conversation do you want to listen to?

Hardison: That's what stereo was invented for.

- - - - -

Hardison: Now, Nate, is Maggie a very good Art Inspector?

Nate: Yeah, she's the best.

Parker: No, no, no, we can't let your ex-wife anywhere near our little naked man!

parker: don’t talk to me or my naked son ever again

- - - - -

Hardison: No, no. Nate, we haven't done any prep. We don't have our tools.

Parker: You want me to break into a secure storage facility with whatever I can scrounge up at the buffet table?

Nate: Pretty much, yeah.

Parker: Cool. I think Sophie left some dresses in here. (turns to look through things)

Hardison: I'll go, too. I, uh, I got a white shirt. I can go wait staff.

(Parker takes off her shirt and Hardison looks the other way, turning the fake statue away from her as well)

hardison is a bashful lil respectful boy and we stan him for it

- - - - -

parker walking in in that amazing dress and everyone looking? good, it’s what she deserves (I’m gay)

- - - - -

Parker: Door's got a silent alarm. (to Sophie) You should hide. (to Hardison) We should pretend to make out.

Hardison: Make what?

(Parker grabs Hardison and they begin to kiss and she pushes the door open a little)

[Founder’s Reception]

(Nate and Eliot turn to look at the building as the sounds of making out come over the comms)

[Museum]

(Sophie goes around a corner out of sight)

Hardison: Let's talk about-- A little bit--

(Parker and Hardison continue to make out. Two guards approach and seem embarrassed. One clears his throat)

Guard: You, uh, bumped the door there. Sets the alarm off.

Hardison: You know what?

Parker: Oh.

Hardison: We, you know how it is.

Parker: Sorry.

(guards walk away and Sophie rejoins them)

Parker: Makeup. (takes makeup from Sophie) Come on. (goes through door)

Hardison: Can we talk about the pretending? That was nice.

(Sophie pushes him after Parker and returns to the party)

poor hardison’s heart must be beating wildly

- - - - -

Eliot: Which one of you did she kiss?

(Sophie sighs)

IMAGINE IF IT HAD GONE THE OTHER WAY THO

- - - - -

parker’s laser grid dodging skills are legendary + her delight when she stands up to see the first david !!!

also we stan a QUEEN who broke into a vault with only a glass of ice, a roll of aluminum foil, gum, and eyeshadow (and a fake makeout sesh)

- - - - -

Hardison: You did not just think about this on the way in from the van.

Parker: Some people do crosswords

- - - - -

Maggie: I-I just, I’m just trying to tell you that I still care.

Nate: No, I-I was –

Maggie: Care what happens to you, I mean. I've never stopped caring about you, Nate

maggie is such a genuinely good person and we love her for it

- - - - -

Parker: Ready?

(Hardison uses his phone to access remote system)

Parker: Come on, come on.

[Parking Lot]

(alarms begin to blare an all the cars)

[Security Control Room]

Guard 1: Hey, the vibration alarm just went off in the restoration room.

Guard 2: Wait. (points at monitor) Look. The car alarms all went off in the parking lot.

Guard 1: Little earthquakes.

Guard 2: Just another tremor.

that’s so smart tho???

- - - - -

Parker tosses the real David to Hardison who catches it)

Hardison: Wha-you-- Don't throw the David.

Parker: You caught it, didn't you?

Hardison: You're crazy

I would have had a HEART ATTACK

- - - - -

Maggie: Adam!

Eliot (turns): Uh, yeah?

(Eliot stops as Nate continues away)

Maggie: Let me give you my number.

Eliot: Great.

[Leverage HQ]

Eliot: I'm sorry your wife gave me her phone number.

Nate: Don't want to talk about it.

Eliot: I-It was only to coordinate where we were gonna go anyway.

Nate: Not talking about it.

hardison is enjoying it so much in the background dnjsjajsjsnnsnn

- - - - -

(Parker puts the statue on the table between them)

Parker: We just stole an $8 million statue on, like, our day off! (she shakes their shoulders happily)

SHES BABY

- - - - -

Pilot: Uh, work? W-what are you talking about?

Hardison: Spot inspection. FAA. Now, look, I want to see this plane's TCAS, VRSM, and 8.1 FM spacing in operation to make sure it's fully functional and in compliance with the new FAA regulations.

Pilot: New regulations?

(Hardison takes out a pen and writes on a clipboard)

Hardison: Pilot unaware of latest regulations.

Pilot: Oh, the new regulations. Of course. Please, come this way. I'll take you right up.

Hardison: Oh, no, no. It's cool, it's cool. I don't need to go up. Just taxi me around the building.

Pilot: Taxi? I thought you need to get up in the air.

Hardison (writes on clipboard): Uncomfortable with black authority figures.

Pilot: Sir, please don't write that.

Hardison: Oh, I will write a letter to your mama if I feel like it.

Pilot: This way, please. It's in order. I-I promise. This way. It's okay. (to copilot) FAA, he's a hard-ass.

(copilot tries to get bags)

Pilot: Screw the bags. Let's go!

this was really funny but also SUCH A GOOD WAY to con people

- - - - -

quinn’s hair did nothing for him in this episode. i said what i said.

- - - - -

(Sophie and Nate get into his car and leave while Quinn continues to take pictures from the open door of the hanger. Eliot walks up behind him)

Eliot: I'm gonna count to three.

(Quinn turns and hits Eliot hard, knocking him across the floor)

Eliot: Nate, we're blown. W—

Nate: Eliot, what’s--

(several feet away, Eliot’s earpiece is lying on the floor. Eliot tries to scramble away, but Quinn kicks him in the ribs, throwing him back, and kicks him several times more)

Quinn: That rib's broken.

(Eliot manages to get to his feet)

Quinn: He said you'd be tougher than this.

quinn: *is a really good fighter*

eliot: *surprised pikachu face*

ALSO the reason eliot was beat up so bad in the beginning was because he kept on trying to get back to his comm every chance he got INSTEAD of truly fighting back. his first priority was warning his team over his own personal safety and ugh we stan a man who cares about his family

- - - - -

,,, imagine you’re driving on a highway and see a chick jump off a bridge onto an armored car, pick its lock and then BREAK INTO said armored car ,,, wyd

- - - - -

poor hardison was ready to relax ,,, he got a soda and made himself some popcorn too

- - - - -

(Quinn and Eliot both stand hunched over, breathing hard)

Quinn: Why won't you go down?

(Eliot laughs, blood falling from his mouth to the floor. Quinn comes at him again, but Eliot catches him and knees him in the chest several times before pushing him away. Quinn falls to his hands and knees, gasping for air)

Eliot: Now that rib's broken.

(Eliot hits Quinn in the face hard, sending him to the floor. Holding his ribs, Eliot walks to the earpiece and puts it in)

payback is sweet

- - - - -

Sterling: Mr. Spencer?

(Quinn is still unconscious as Eliot walks out the hanger doors, breathing hard, limping and holding his ribs)

Eliot: Hey, Sterling. I got some dental work with your name on it. What do you say me and you hook up so I can give it to you?

- - - - -

Sophie: Sterling knows us. He knows how we think.

Nate: So we think like somebody else

THEY THINK LIKE THEIR KIDS

- - - - -

Nate: With a couple broken ribs and a concussion, I don't think Eliot can take out six guys.

(Eliot looks like he’d give it a try)

Nate: You know, but then I thought, "what would Hardison do?"

(Hardison looks at Nate in surprise)

(Eliot pulls out his phone and accesses the computer system, sending a high pitched whine into the comm. devices of the guards. They all bend over in pain. Eliot punches the one closest to him. Nate grabs Geary and slams his head down on the table. Hardison hits another guard in the face with his tied hands)

THAT MEANS ELIOT WAS ALSO THINKING LIKE HARDISON IF HE KNEW WHAT TO DO WITH THE PHONE AND WAS READY FOR IT

also YEET hardison is a badass but wbk

- - - - -

(Parker runs for Sophie. Sterling and his men run for Sophie and Parker. Parker reaches Sophie first and the dive from the roof, Sophie screaming and Parker laughing all the way down)

parker is the only character I’ve ever seen that can scream “yeehaw” and “yahoooooo” without it sounding ridiculous

- - - - -

(Eliot walks into the lobby, holding his ribs. He turns to yell over his shoulder)

Eliot: Hardison!

(Eliot follows Nate toward the door)

Hardison (breathing hard): Wait, Eliot. Eliot, come on.

(Eliot goes back inside)

Eliot: You've got to be kidding me, man.

(Eliot goes to help Hardison carry the painting out)

Hardison: Bring it out, come on.

Eliot: This is just weird.

Hardison: I painted this

okay so we all know that hardison actually hit a lot of cash in the painting but also, eliot actually goes back to help instead of just rolling his eyes and leaving hardison behind. eliot can get annoyed with him but he’d never leave him behind. not even on day one when hardison fell in the exploding building in the nigerian job. eliot was there for him then and he will be there for him for the rest of their lives.

ALSO I really hope eliot got his ribs checked out sometime soon after

- - - - -

Sterling: You're fired. Dust the whole place for fingerprints, okay? I want a forensic computer spec—

(the monitors come to life, showing Hardison’s face)

Hardison: Hey, Sterling. Get out of my house.

(display changes to a 30 second clock that begins to count down)

Sterling: Run. Run!

(all of the men run from the office, coming out onto the street)

Geary: Maybe he was bluffing.

(the entire floor of the building explodes, shooting fire)

Sterling: That's the funny thing about con men. They don't bluff.

- - - - -

the third “scattering scene” of the series

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {24}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 24: Mama Don’t Preach

-Vixen-

  “We think a June grand opening would be more than feasible,” Kassius informed. Your jaw dropped.

   “June as in six weeks away June?” He laughed and nodded.

   “Precisely and that is just stretching it. I have the projected dates that everything will be completed. I’m just overestimating at this point.”

   You spun around the space that was still under reno but was shaping up very nicely. The last few weeks were design intensive and you’d nearly pulled out all your hair with all the back and forth. No one seemed to understand your vision. That was until Nexus stepped in with a mock-up. She got it fully and made sure they did as well. the estimated time was always around summer for the opening anyway you didn’t know why you were so shocked.

“Are you okay?” You looked back to Kassius and nodded.

   “Yes,  I’m sorry. I was just—surprised.”

  “I understand. The next few weeks will just be finishing up design and setting up décor. My marketing team has been savages when it comes to marketing and we have a pretty big buzz. If it’s one thing Los Angeleans love is to not cook so a new eatery has everyone excited.” You laughed at his joke and were so grateful that the breakup with Zack didn’t made anything weird or switched up any terms.

   “Wow, okay. So, this is your sweet spot besides a few meetings here or there your only focus is what you’re a pro at, recipes, menu planning, staff, distributors, vendors, that sort of stuff.” At the mention of recipes and menu planning you got excited. It was cool and everything to run your own restaurant, but you took the most pleasure in the cooking aspects, the creative points.

   “All right. What do you say we head out then?” You nodded and looked around the space once again, butterflies began to flutter, it was a mix of nervousness and anxiousness. You followed Kassius out the door. Once outside the two of you said your goodbyes and you made your way home to begin the fun part of this whole partnership.

   One stop for snacks and ice-cream turned into an extended stop at the mall where you spent the next two hours shopping. You didn’t even need anything but still you shopped, you only did this when you needed a release, but your kitchen was too far. Last night’s conversation with Chris was still fresh on your mind. You’d gone over it with Nex already and the two of you had come up with a few things.

   Nex was happy he didn’t hate you, although you thought he did underneath everything but just was afraid to tell it to your face because of how much he wants Ella. You reasoned that he probably thought if he pissed you off that you’d make it difficult for him to spend time with Ella. That wasn’t the case, you wouldn’t do that. Nex believed as she’s believed for weeks that he liked you. you disagreed, he probably wanted to have sex with you, but he didn’t like you. She pointed out things he said in the conversation that to her were dead giveaways but everything she pointed out you turned right back around as the opposite meaning. It was always like this, you liked to be realistic and Nex had a tendency to have the rose-colored glasses on. When she called you jaded you didn’t object. You were jaded. You would rather remain jaded than give anyone the chance to turn your life upside down.

   When you made it home it was almost six and there was an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Part of you thought it was Chris and your stomach did somersaults. When you walked inside you could heard playful giggles and whispers. After kicking off your heels you tip-toed down the hall and into the living room to see Nexus laying on the couch with some guy on her. You’d seen worse than this in your lifetime. Glancing at the baby monitor on the table you saw Ella was napping. You leaned against the wall and cleared your throat in a loud and obnoxious manner. The figures on the couch lurched. The man jumped off her and stood to the side. Your eyes widened.

   “Anthony?!” he smiled widely and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh, hey there Vixen.”

   “I can explain,” Nexus began. You looked to her with an amused look.

   “Oh you better but there is no need, I have eyes I know just what is going on here. What the hell Antony! Do you respect my sister at all?”

   He looked confused. “What? Of course I do, I respect her a hell of a lot.” You took a step to him.

   “It sure doesn’t look like it. it looks like you’re over here creeping trying to get in her panties. What is it with you actors who think every woman is at your beck and call?”

   Anthony raised his hands defensively. “No, Vixen you’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like that.”

  “Oh really? So you’re not trying to fuck my sister?”

   “Just now? No I wasn’t,” he quickly responded.

   “Uh-huh, and you’re saying you don’t want to fuck my sister.”

  With that he snapped his mouth shut and looked to Nex who gave him a look, offering him no assistance. He looked back to you as you crossed your arms before you and gave him your best confrontational look. “I can’t lie to you, I wasn’t trying to just now, but eventually when we both develop more feelings for each other--.”

   “Feelings? Oh ho, what in the hell kind of feelings are you talking about? Sexual ones huh, it’s always sexual with you guys.”  Again, Anthony looked to Nexus for help but she offered none.

   “Nex what did I tell you? They are all the same.” Nex looked down but it was then Anthony stepped closer to her.

   “No, we’re not all the same. I am not like anyone else Nex. Since the moment I met you I felt something between us, I couldn’t explain it for the longest but after meeting you I knew I had to see you again. every time I saw you I just fell harder and harder for you. you’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met and I love that you don’t take my shit and you call me out, a lot. I even love that you’re so damn stubborn. I am not looking for a quick fuck and a notch or a side piece I’m looking for a partner, someone to ride with, travel with, grow with and build with. I want it to be you Nex. I really, really like you, like a lot.”

   You stood there smiling unable to hide your amusement. He’d fallen for it hook line and sinker. You could see the tears in Nexus’ eyes and knew she had fallen for him just as hard as he’d fallen for her. She peeked at you and broke character with a giggle, you couldn’t hold back anymore and laughed along with her. Anthony looked between the two of you confused.

  “What the hell is wrong with the two of you?”

   “I was just kidding Anthony.” You smiled again and he looked at Nexus finally getting that she was in on it from the beginning.

   “You played me Nex?” she laughed louder. Anthony shook his head faking hurt feelings. “Wow, that’s cold.” Nexus softly caressed his cheek.

   “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad. Come here.” She wrapped his arms around her waist and gazed into his deep walnut colored eyes. “I really, really, really like you too.” He searched her face for any hint of a joke.

   “Really?” Nex nodded and smiled widely. “Boy duh, no other fool would have me all in my feelings, just your gap toothed ass.” He smiled wider then laughed before he dropped his lips to hers. You stood there witnessing their genuine feelings for one another and you were so happy for them but it also made you feel empty. When they pulled apart they looked to you and laughed.

   “Don’t mind me, I’ll just get to cooking dinner.”

   “That was dead wrong Vix,” Anthony expressed. You smiled widely. “But you should have seen your face—priceless!” Nexus snorted and dropped back onto the couch.

   “Shit, maybe you should change careers, there is hope for you in acting.” You laughed and walked out the living room before you poked your head back in.

   “Oh by the way, after that declaration you won’t ave to wait much longer for the fucking.” Anthony’s eyes bugged then looked to Nexus who was having difficulty keeping a straight face.

   “Oh, is that right? How much longer have you calculated.” You snorted. “I’d say tonight it your lucky night, sisters know best.”

   “Oh-ho, really?” he looked to Nexus who didn’t say a word. “Is that right?” Nexus looked right into his eyes before she spoke. “Sisters know best.” Anthony’s jaw dropped before he turned into a devilish smirk, one Nexus giggled at. With that you made your exit to begin preparing dinner.

   Forty minutes later halfway through making dinner the doorbell rang and Nexus was the one to get to it before you. from the hall leading from the kitchen you heard her gasp. “Mom, dad, what are you doing here?” you began to panic. You hadn’t expected to see them until opening night. You wondered why they were there. As you approached you heard your mother ask Nexus who the man was. You stopped and waited to see how she would handle it. after a short pause she spoke. “This is Anthony, my boyfriend.” You smiled widely at her guts. When you stepped out you saw a big smile on your mother;s face as she stared at Anthony.

   “Vixen, honey. Did you know Nexus had a boyfriend?” you smiled at Nexus and Anthony, standing next to each other with smiles as big as Spain. “No mom, I had no idea.”

   “Wow, she’s only been here a few months and has a boyfriend. See, it’s not hard, Vix.” You shook your head and knew you were in for one of those nights.

   Nexus ushered them inside the house and you took note of their luggage. They were going to be here for more than a few hours. Your parents happily chatted with Anthony asking him all the polite getting to know you questions  while you and Nex scurried to the kitchen under the guise of getting wine.

  “What the hell Nex, what are they doing here?” she shrugged. “I don’t know. They didn’t tell me anything.” You closed your eyes in annoyance. This was not what you needed now. “They have luggage Nex, bags. This is not a pop in and see you later. This is a stay for a few days thing.” You paced the kitchen, your mind running a mile a minute. you tried to figure out a way to get them out of LA but every idea you came up with either left you being the asshole or the worse daughter in the galaxy. You tried to decide which one you’d hate the most. You could honestly take either one.

   “Let’s just act normal and get through tonight.” You both nodded, she took the bottle of wine and some glasses and walked back out while you returned to cooking. You knew that it was only a matter of time before your big secret came out.

   Dinner was only slightly uncomfortable. Your mother fussed over Nexus and Anthony and asked every single question in the book. Anthony was a charmer and answered accordingly. As he spoke you could see how much Nex liked him written all across her face. If you didn’t know any better you’d think she was already in love with him. It made you happy, she deserved all the happiness in the world.

   Your mother slipped sly comments in about your single status and even went as far as to ask Anthony if he had any brothers or friends that were single he could set me up with. You nearly laughed out loud because if she only knew. You were proud of yourself, you focused on Ella and eating and didn’t say one thing that was slick or that could be taken as you mouthing off. You let everything she said roll off you like it hadn’t been said. You didn’t know how you did it, but you did. You weren’t angry either.

   By the time dinner finished Anthony made an excuse to leave as did Nexus stating she was his ride. You knew better, you knew you wouldn’t see her until the morning, or mid afternoon. Hell, at least someone was getting their back blown out. When they left your mother helped you clean up while your father kept Ella busy. It all felt like old times, except things were different now. You knew you had to tell her. It would be ten times worse if Chris showed up and they met him and saw the resemblance.

  After you put Ella to bed you decided now was as good a time as any. You were nervous because you knew what she was going to say. You knew what she was going to ask and how she was going to respond. That was probably why you stayed in Ella’s room longer than necessary just watching her sleep. It always calmed you. When you went downstairs your parents were talking amongst themselves. You smiled because you’d always admired their marriage, they’d been married for close to forty years and they still looked so in love. When you were younger you always said you’d find what they had but as you got older you realized what they had was probably extinct. Watching them from the doorway you chickened out. This was not the can of worms you wanted to open right now. Calling to them you showed them their room and said good night.

   Lying in bed that night your mind wandered to Chris and you wondered if he’d had better luck than you.

   -Chris-

Oh she was fuming. She was angrier than he’d seen her in a long, long time. When he told his father that morning he was surprised but he took it well considering. Yeah he was angry because he knew what being a father meant, he knew what an important thing it was and for you to have taken it away for so long was vexing. After he’d cleared the air and they’d had a talk about things that stretched well past you and the situation into the kind of man he’d been and how his actions had an impact on this alone, things calmed down.

   When he showed his father the picture of Ella he melted. Apart from normal questions, when did it happen, why did you keep it from him, and what’s his plan to do the right thing, he was really chill about it. They had breakfast and talked about the current season of baseball and the standings of his teams.

   This was fifty times different. His mother paced back and forth in front of him not saying one word. She hadn’t spoken since he began with his explanation. He sat there feeling like a child who’d broken all of his nana’s fine china. He remembered how he felt when he’d just broken one dish. He was scolded for a good hour. He tried to gauge her anger by studying her face, her body movements and ultimately how thin was the line of her mouth. All he could decipher was she was pissed, pissed. Suddenly his mother stopped and looked at him. Her mouth was tight and her cheeks red. Oh boy, he thought realizing she was more than pissed. She was livid.

   “Say that one more time.” Her jaws were clenched, and he could tell it took great effort for her to get the words out. She was trying to hold on tightly to her anger. He took a deep breath and slowly released it then cleared his throat.

   “Three years ago, almost three years ago when I was in Vegas. I met someone and we had a quick fling. I hadn’t seen her since and a few months ago I saw her again and she now has an almost two-year-old who is—my daughter.” The room was quiet again. From behind his mother he saw his siblings peering into the window from the front porch where his mother banished them. They’d come for a show and she denied them the amusement.

   “So, some woman hid the fact that she has your child.” This was the philosophical teaching voice, he shifted in his seat being extra cautious. “Wait, you had unprotected sex with some random woman? In Vegas of all places? Christopher!”

   “I know ma, it was stupid.”

   “Don’t interrupt me when I am speaking young man! It was beyond stupid. Stupid is driving after one drink. This—what you did--it was reckless!” Her voice bounced off the walls and slammed into his ears. “We had this talk decades ago--.”

   “I know ma, I know.” She narrowed her eyes. He realized he’d interrupted her again. He lowered his eyes from hers as if she were a charging lioness and he had to refrain from eye contact to stop her attack. He knew the preaching was going to begin.

   “Of all the stupid, reckless, dangerous and infuriating things you’ve ever done, this has to take the cake. I’ve told you from before you started having sex to always wear protection. I even stressed it much more when you began acting. While the world is filled with good women it is also filled with it’s equal share of opportunists who will seek to use you and take from you. Now look!” She shook her head and he could feel her disappointment. He hated her disappointment; it was worse than her anger. "What kind of woman hides a child? That is underhanded.” He nodded, he expected this.

   “Are you sure the child is yours?” He dug out his phone and found Ella’s picture and showed her. The anger in her face faded and her features softened. He watched on as her entire demeanor changed. She sighed and sat down in the seat across from him. “Chris. Wow.” She looked up and he saw the tears in her eyes. Her emotions made him choke up.

   “You have a daughter. Oh my god, you’ve wanted a child, we spoke about it and I prayed on it for you honey. I prayed really hard for God to show you your way and light your path. Oh, Chris.” His mother crossed to him and wrapped her arms around him. He was stunned and didn’t move; afraid this was some trick. This was not what he expected at all. He expected shouting, disappointment, anger and maybe some , not this, well not right away.

   “She looks just like you, my god. She’s gorgeous.” He nodded and smiled allowing the tension he’d held for the last two days to dissolve. Just as he relaxed he felt her hit him on the back of his head.

   “Ouch! Ma!”

   “That’s for not listening to me.” He sighed then relaxed again. he soon felt another hard slap at the back of his head.”

  “Ma!”

  “That’s for not wearing protection. Really Chris this could have been very different than a secret child. Not that a secret child is a walk through the park. This screams messy. What in the world. What are you going to do?”

   He rubbed the back of his head and took another deep breath hoping there were no more hits coming his way. “Be involved. I’ve been spending time with her, getting to know her and she is pure joy. She’s amazing. There is no way I couldn’t be involved.” His mother smiled and nodded.

   “That better have been your answer or so help me God your brother and sisters would have had to pry me off of you. I raised you better than to be the kind of man to run away from his responsibilities.”

   “Of course not ma, I’m running toward the responsibility. I want it all.”  She smiled and nodded.

  “I can’t wait to meet her.” He smiled at the thought of seeing his mother with a child of his own, the thought made a new wave of emotions fill him. he really did start to think it wasn’t in the cards for him. Turned out he’d never been more wrong.

   “What about her mother?” Taking some time to gather his thoughts he tried to form the right sentence.

   “She’s not a bad person.” She took his hand then sighed before she spoke.

  “Are you sure about that? Are you sure you’re not seeing what you want to especially since you may be in love with her?” His head almost snapped off his neck from the force of which he looked at her. She didn’t speak again she just had that all knowing smile on her face. It was the same smile she had every time she was right about something.

   “Well shit, this took a turn.”

   “I’m not—it’s not like that. We’ve talked. While I don’t condone what she did, I understand ma. I hate to admit it, but I was a mess then, I was an asshole--.” With the stern eye of his mother he dipped his head. “Sorry ma, I was a--.” He searched for the right word, a respectful one.

   “In my day we called men like you players,” she filled in. He snorted and nodded, then shook his head. She loved calling him out. Still it was better than what Shanna and Carly had called him.

   “Okay, thanks ma. I understand why she kept this to herself.” His mother nodded and took a deep breath.

   “So, you’ve forgiven her.” He made a face. That definitely wasn’t the case, but it may not be too far off. “I wouldn’t say forgiven, I can empathize with her. I want to move forward ma, I don’t want to throw things at her and make things difficult, I want to find a way to parent with her.” His mother continued to study him, and he wondered if she’d call his bullshit. She took a deep breath and lowered her head to look at the picture again.

   “Do I say congratulations for finding out about your child you had out of marriage?” He looked at her and she snorted then laughed.

   He couldn’t stop himself from joining her. When his siblings peeked again they stood there with their mouths gaped no doubt shocked just as him that this was so easy. He knew if he would have told her or any of them the other half this would not have gone so smoothly.

   “When do we meet her?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

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[tanadidreamer]

Too Much Info

► Name ➔ “Vodiastia Corr, but call me  Vodi since that’s a mouthful. Everybody does, or it’s Corr. Take your pick.”

► Are You Single ➔ “*snorts* Am I single? Nah, happily married to two Cathars.....even got kids.”.

  ► Are You Happy  ➔ “For once, yeah. Y’see, I’m from Balmorra, been betrayed, got scapegoated, but I ain’t gonna give the whole sob story. Yeah, I got my partners and our kids.”.

► Are You Angry ➔ “We are not going down that rabbit hole.”.

► Are your parents still married ➔ “Mama died when I was still a baby and Papa followed after her when I was about five so maybe in the afterlife? I don’t know, hell, I don’t know if they were even married. And Tavus was a player.”.

 NINE FACTS

► Birthplace ➔ “Balmorra, that Imp-infested hellhole.”.

►  Hair Color➔ “Blond. Go ahead, crack the jokes, I dare ya.”.

► Eye Color ➔ “Blue, a bit on the hazel side.”.

► Birthday ➔  “Ah.......I really don't know. I know how old I am and that I was born in the spring, I have an adopted day which I use as my birthday.”.

► Mood ➔ “I’m pretty even-tempered and calm unless you put me in a room with somebody I really don’t like. Or stick me with Leonar because somebody else finally gets why droids are great and why Forex is so fascinating!”.

► Gender ➔ “Female.”.

► Summer or winter ➔ “Summer, definately summer. Winter brings back unwanted memories and I hate the cold.

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Morning. Just not super early like certain people.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

►Are You In Love ➔ “Yeah.....Yeah, I am. Aric and Zeer’ana.......Arcann better watch himself.”. 

► Do you believe in love at first sight  ➔ “Personally? Nah, it was interest at first  sight.”.

► Who ended your last relationship➔ “My ex-boyfriend. Hell of a way to do it too. *clears throat* C-Can we not talk about it, please?”.

► Have you ever broken somebody’s heart➔ “Those assholes deserved it.”.

► Are you afraid of commitments➔ “It depends, but no, not any more when it comes to my family and friends.”.

► Have you hugged anybody in the last week ➔ “Yeah, my partners and my kids.”.

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “Probably.”.

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “No, but it has been shattered by others.”.

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Both, it depends on who I’m with.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “I’m not picky, I like both.”.

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “I’m married to two feliods.”.

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “I have plenty of regular friends, considering my career, but definitely have a preference for a few best friends.”.

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “With Aric and Z? Oh, believe me, both are very tempting.”.

► Day Or Night ➔ “Night for sure.”.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS  

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Oh, yeah. I could put Waith to shame.”.

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “I am in Special Forces so more times than I can admit. And who the hell falls up a staircase? Wait.....no, Theron would.”.

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “I wanted my squad back. I......I wanted things to go back to how they were. Pretty stupid, right?”.

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Paran family reunion, Z brought Aric and I along and......yeah.......”.

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Eyes are the window to the soul, a smile can be faked.”.

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Personally, I like being short and it offers advantages. Partner wise.......I like tall.”.

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “Intelligence. But look is an advantage, have you seen Z? Sexy and freaking brilliant.”.

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Before Z and Aric, definitely hook up. No strings was perfect.”.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “You mean by adopted family? Yeah, the best people around! As for my mates and their familes, the Jorgans are a wonderful lot. The Parans  aren’t allowed near my kids or Z.”.

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Well, let’s see, I’m a Balmorrean orphan who grew up fighting against Imps, nearly died numerously, my squad betrayed me and let me be a scapegoat, spent five years thinking my wife was dead, and I could keep going. But ain’t everybody’s life like that?

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “Nope.”.

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “A couple bars, yeah. Plus that Paran family reunion.”.

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “Arcann. He took Z away so Kaida can have her fun.”.

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “I’d like to think to, yeah. Cormac's my partner-in-crime after all.”.

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Don’t tell Elara or Cormac, but it’s Jonas. But those two are tie for second.”.

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “Aside from my old squad? Z, Aric, and Jonas. And......Ad Uncle Orgus, he could read me like a damn book.”. ****

Tagging: @gabelikesart @flufflyspartan110 @beastlysoul @outcastcommander, @avatarpabu97​and last but certainly not least, @overcaffeinated-creative​

[medea10]

My Review of Aggretsuko

Her one bright spot in this day-in, day-out hellhole is her mic, a karaoke business, a solo room, and blazing death metal. Once she’s singing some hardcore death metal and unleashes her fury of her hectic workday, she’s ready to take on the world again. And just like with the Hello Kitty world, this series has many animals with quite the interesting line-up of quirks. For example we’ve got a sly fox who monitors Instagram, a suck-up dog, a hygena who is into rock, a fashionable gorilla who’s friends with a bird, a hippo that’s a spy, and yeah, the chauvinistic pig who’s also the boss. BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: So this anime is sort of exclusive to Netflix in every aspect (that includes in Japan). I’m noticing a lot of popular anime titles are being exclusive to Netflix. I mean, if they’re able to air them weekly as they air in Japan, I have no problem. It’s just the waiting for something to air and then they decide to bundle everything so you can binge watch is where I have a problem. Believe it or not, I’m not a binge-watcher. Every now and then I can breeze through at the most 6 episodes in a whole day, but a whole series or season, no! Yeah, Medea has a life outside of anime reviews (shocking)! I only did that once and that was a good eight years ago. But I digress! I will say that Netflix got their shit together better than Amazon. Anime Strike was such a major fuck-up from day one. Thank God it’s dead. Anyways, this does include an English dub. By the looks of all the Netflix exclusive animes, they all seem to be dubbed by VSI in L.A. (I guess a smaller version of Bang Zoom productions) with Patrick Seitz doing a lot of the casting. This was a very well casted dub (which is more than what I can say about a certain redub they did recently). But I really do love this dub with Erica Mendez, G.K. Bowes, Ben Diskin, Ray Chase, and many others. And oh my God, Jamison Boaz is like the best with the metal Retsuko moments! With the sub, you will not find much info on the voice of Retsuko. Rumor has it that she’s married to the guy who does the screaming death metal for Retsuko (who is also the director of Aggretsuko). Here’s what you might recognize these folks from. JAPANESE CAST: *Retsuko is played by Kaolip *Retsuko (metal version) is played by Rareko (director of Aggretsuko) *Haida is played by Shingo Katou *Fenneko is played by Marina Inoue (known for Aria on Pokemon XY, Armin on Attack on Titan, Yoko on Gurren Lagann, Jessica on Umineko, Kyouko on Skip Beat, Wataru on Hayate, and Rei on H.O.T.D.) ENGLISH CAST: *Retsuko is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Uranus on Sailor Moon redub, Emma on The Promised Neverland, Nico on Love Live, Yuuki on SAO II, Tsuruko on Anohana, and Tsubaki on Your Lie in April) *Retsuko (metal version) is played by Jamison Boaz *Haida is played by Ben Diskin (known for Sai on Naruto Shippuden, Satoru on ERASED, Joseph/Jojo on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Umino on Sailor Moon redub, and Numba 1 on Kids Next Door) *Fenneko is played by Katelyn Gault (known for Prof Badcock on Little Witch Academia) FAVORITE CHARACTER: I’m a Fenneko fan. What’s not to like? Her mischievous behavior, her social media activity, and that freakin’ laugh! DISLIKED CHARACTER: It’s hard to find characters to hate here! Believe it or not once you get past the debut episode of an asshole character, you see them for more than just an asshole and think, maybe they’re not that much of an asshole. Yeah, in all good conscience I can’t really add Ton even if he’s a sexist pig. And Anai just needed to be pushed in the right direction so he can succeed. I don’t fully hate Anai…I fear him. Wait a second and I’ll talk a bit below! Then there are those characters who still rub on me the wrong way and those characters are Tsubone, Tsunoda, and Komiya. But I’m laying off Komiya. I don’t know why! Maybe it’s because Todd Haberkorn plays this little brown-noser that it makes me laugh to a point where I can’t hate on him. Yeah, Haberkorn is that good! Tsunoda knows the game and does what she has to do in order to survive in the office and on social media. I’m not thrilled to witness females put on the charm at the workplace the way she does, but you know it happens. Tsubone just seems like such a bitch so for the moment I’ll leave her on my dislike corner. Okay, anybody else? Shit. Retsuko’s mother!

Yeah, as I mentioned recently in my Top 10 Worst Anime Mothers list, I had to put Retsuko’s mother on there. She was such a pushy mama that she did so much damage to her daughter’s life. Okay lady, lay the fuck off! Your daughter is not living with you at home, she has a stable job, and she’s making the most of her life. She doesn’t need you giving her embarrassing clothes to wear, hooking her up with random bachelors, flat-out lie to her with photoshopped photos, force her on speed-dating, break into her apartment, and just be a complete hypocrite! SHIPPING: Retsuko has had quite the romantic cycle throughout the 20 episodes. Let’s go down this list, shall we? Retsuko x Haida: Ah, the little ship that can’t even leave port. Haida has had this humungous crush on Retsuko throughout the entire series. However this love is unrequited. Retsuko just sees Haida as a workmate and a friend, nothing more. Haida has been friend-zoned so many times. Even when he tries to release his feelings towards Retsuko, most of the time it would fall on deaf ears or in the case of season one’s finale/Christmas special, a rejection. Then again, it came right after a break-up and no one wants a rebound! But I do find myself rooting for this little ship to one day set sail. I know one day they’ll be together and I will await for that to happen. Retsuko x Resasuke: I really don’t know what drew Retsuko to this pot-plant. Yeah, I call Resasuke a pot-plant because of his nothing phases him attitude, his abundance of plants at home, and monotone voice. IT DOESN’T HELP THAT HE’S VOICED BY SAITAMA! It was pretty clear that there were a lot of loose connections between this couple that despite both Retsuko and Resasuke having some things in common, not going to work. It was not the best of ships. Retsuko x Tadano: Tadano was the man in Retsuko’s life that could have given her anything her heart desires. Everything except a family since Tadano doesn’t want to get married or start a family. Retsuko always dreamed of having a sugar daddy of a husband so that she could quit her soul-crushing job (at least that’s what she wanted in season one). But in season two she realized that she likes her job and wants to be with someone that resonates with her. As for wanting a family, Retsuko kind of grew to the idea of one day becoming a wife and mother. But Tadano wants nothing to do with that. Retsuko x Shirota: Aw, this was kinda cute even though these two were totally hooked up because of their nosy mothers. Retsuko at the time was scared at the prospect of getting married and Shirota completely understood. But when Retsuko asked about Shirota after some time had passed, Retsuko’s mother said that he was hooked up with another girl and it’s going well. I felt that sting all the way over here. I know he was the right guy at the wrong time, but I felt for Retsuko. Second place for me in the shipping department. Retsuko x Anai: GOOD FUCKDOM NO! Who would ask for this to happen?! TWO THINGS THAT FRIGHTEN ME: Yep, two things frighten me quite a bit. First thing would be whenever Ton smiles. I know most of the time when he’s smiling, it’s one of those fake as hell smiles, but they are frightening to see regardless. And the whole floor agrees as seeing that scared the ever-loving crap out of everyone there. And second…Anai! When you first meet him, you think he’s a positive go-getter. But when he’s behind his cellphone, he is downright scary. He ends up cyber-stalking half the office including Retsuko, Haida, and even Ton. ENDING TO SEASON ONE: We all know how much Haida has a this huge crush on Retsuko right? Let’s add a new love interest to spice things up! An absolute space cadet by the name of Resasuke! Retsuko has seen him around the office and on the train when she’s on the way to work. The only problem is, no one is able to get through to him…he’s so spacey! So one night, Retsuko gets roped into going on a speed date with some of the girls in the office. And the men they met are also some men from the office. And Retsuko surprisingly wound up having a meaningful conversation with Resasuke. Through text messages. Even though they’re right in front of each other. Sighs in disgust because I really hate that in real life as to showing my real age. Actually, I probably shouldn't scold the boy as he could be on the Autism Spectrum and has problems communicating normally with people in social interactions. Unfortunately, Retsuko winds up drinking too much alcohol that night and forgets key parts of what happened. All she knows is that when she woke up, her heart was all pitter-patter. It must be indegest…no, it’s love! Retsuko definitely sees something in Resasuke that no one else can see. Not even Washimi or Gouri can see it! But the important thing is that Retsuko is on cloud nine that nothing gets her down and when nothing gets her down, she’s not going to go “metal”. However, the “metal” side was ready to peak out. It’s clear that Resasuke doesn’t know much about relationships or other social interaction for that matter. He can’t tell when Retsuko is in pain and isn’t that considerate to her. Plus he wasn’t really the one who wanted to go on the dates. He was always put up by one of his co-workers. Meanwhile, Haida (who has had a major crush on Retsuko from the beginning) has been super moody. He gets so drunk one night and ends up the hospital because dumbass injured himself accidentally. So the following day at work was hectic for Retsuko, Fenneko, and Ton. During that long day of work, Retsuko’s boss (while always grumpy and insulting to Retsuko) made a little sense to her today. His words kinda hit Retsuko in the terms of the relationship dilemma. I know he meant it in terms of the accounting job, but I think it struck a nerve with how Retsuko is in her relationship with Resasuke. “If you keep giving out more than what you’re getting back in return, eventually there ain’t gonna be anything left” So…Retsuko took Resasuke to karaoke and expressed it all out. In the end, Retsuko and Resasuke split up. But could there be hope for Haida now? Well, we close things out in Haida’s hospital room and Retsuko visits him. And surprise, surprise, it looks like a love confession! What will Retsuko say? Tune in next ti…end of the season now! CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: Unlike all the other episodes (which are 13 minutes long at most), this one is a full 22 minute special. We start the Christmas special with what Retsuko said to Haida. It was a rejection. So you know Haida was going to be a depressed basket case for a while. But let’s not worry about that now, it’s Christmas time! And the episode focuses on what everyone around the office is doing for the special holiday. Tsunoda’s going out with a guy (no surprise there). Kabae is spending it with her husband and three kids (and also hide the presents so the kids won’t find them). Before Retsuko could figure out what she wants to do, in comes Ton with paperwork that needs to be done by the end of the night. Retsuko still put up a brave front finishing her work and also fooling social media that she’s having a fabulous dinner. But Fenneko knew that was a lie when she saw the picture and told Haida that she’s at work suffering through paperwork. And being the hopeless romantic, Haida tries to get to the office to help her, but found she was no longer there when he arrived. After Retsuko finished, her friends Gouri and Washimi swooped in and treated her to dinner. But after dinner, Retsuko bumped into Haida…so Haida got a little lucky there. And he got to spend a few moments alone with Retsuko. SEASON TWO: After the success Aggretsuko made in 2018, strike twice while the iron is still hot! Season two dropped this June with brand new characters, new love interests, and so much METAL! Actually, not as many metal moments as season one, but still there. Retsuko had her hands full all through this season with her mother setting her up with “eligible” bachelors, work still giving her the business, a new guy at work who’s possessed by Beelzebub’s cellphone, getting her driver’s license, and possibly meeting the man of her dreams. And with all those, Retsuko’s going to need some time in the karaoke booth to let out this pile of rage. And this season we meet Retsuko’s mother (a different shade of panda than her daughter), a woman who is way too invasive of her daughter’s privacy and home life. Then we have Anai (a badger), a straight out of college newbie at work. If even one thing is said to him that even seems 1% offensive, he will break out his phone and cyber stalk that person and threaten them with a harassment charge. And then there’s Tadano (a donkey) who Retsuko meets in a driver’s education course. Oh, wait until you meet Tadano! END OF SEASON TWO: As it turns out, Tadano (the guy Retsuko meets at Driver’s Ed) isn’t really a slacker like she thought at first, but a multi-millionaire with his work in A.I. He’s a major celebrity in the tech world and Retsuko’s company wants to partner with him. Meanwhile Tadano has eyes for Retsuko…as a love interest! This could be it! This could be Retsuko’s chance at absolute happiness, where she can have anything in the world with this sugar daddy. There’s a drawback to this. Recently, Retsuko has been thinking if she’s really wife/mother material after seeing some of her coworkers (like Kabae and Ton with their families). Plus the whole marriage conversation with her mom probably got to her too. So she’s thinking more and more about starting a family. However… Tadano has NO interest in either marriage or having kids! For some time, Retsuko and Tadano were seeing each other privately. But somehow, someone got pictures of them together and it spread throughout the internet. And everyone, including Retsuko’s mother, friends, and co-workers were blown off their asses when they saw pictures of Retsuko with Tadano. Meanwhile, Haida got drunk and wound up on his back again! Retsuko tried her best to see the bright side of all this. But she kept running into hate-filled posts bashing her for dating Tadano. And the whole dilemma that she and Tadano aren’t on the same wavelengths when it comes to marriage and family is digging at her like a shiv. Add to that, Tadano wants Retsuko to quit her job since he believes her job will be obsolete once his A.I. business takes over. After some soul searching, Retsuko came back to work after a few days of being AWOL and was ready to hand Ton her resignation letter. Ton sat back and watched all this happen and wouldn’t accept this. He gives her shit literally every day of her job, even giving her the nickname “Calander” because her “days are numbered”. But he knows that all of this isn’t even her deciding. Tadano is doing all the talking and actions for her. Once again, Ton was able to reach Retsuko with his words. So Retsuko knows what she must do. Retsuko’s friends Washimi and Gouri put aside a heated fight they previously had in order to help. So they ambushed Tadano, had Haida take care of his entourage, and have Retsuko hijack his limo. Their destination, the karoke bar! And that’s when Retsuko released out everything through METAL! In short, Retsuko and Tadano split up. So she’s (once again) back at square one. But it was fun, right?! Wow, this is pretty…real to me. In fact, it’s almost on Bojack Horseman levels. Yeah, you can tell I’ve dived into Netflix. Cartoons with cute animals in it…but they deal with adult issues. Yeah, animation’s not always for kids (otherwise I would have watched a lot more Ralph Bakshi when I was 7). Anyways, this anime does speak to me and just about anyone with a job that causes you immense stress. Retsuko gets the shit-deal at her work which causes her to vent it out in a karaoke booth. A job that chips away at you every single day you’re there. Disappointment of every variety when some shred of hope pops through. Workers who take advantage of the hard work you put in. Drunk boss that stumbles into work late and passes out hungover. Working 10 hour days with no overtime pay! Having that drunk idiot boss always calling in sick because he’s hungover from the night before. Whoops, those last three were my bad experiences with a bad job. The working world can be cruel. I’m glad I left that nightmare job for the good old store that rhymes with Mole Goods. It has its ups and downs but it’s been kind enough to me for me to stay in the company for almost 12 years at this point and time. But everyone has their own reasons for staying at a job that abuses you. Mostly survival! Retsuko wishes that she could find a rich husband so that she could quit this horrible job. Don’t we all? Sadly things can’t be like the way they were in post-war era United States (or so I imagine). In my case, the middle class is a gangrene arm ready to be chopped off, cost of college is expeninential and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to pay off my student loans 30 years after I die. Depending on what economic world you’re in, it’s almost impossible to quit your stable job to be a housewife. Unless you’re Marge Simpson or part of the elite 1% there’s no fucking way. And then Tadano shows up! But funny thing, money can’t buy you happiness! Sure it’s great if you could find a sugar daddy husband, but if there’s no real love or compatibility, it’s not gonna last. The love issues Retsuko had these last two seasons…I can’t really relate. Thankfully, my mother is not as neurotic about me finding a husband. As I have been butt-fucked in the relationship department, I don’t give a shit about finding a mate (at the moment) and my mother has accepted that. And I’ve never really felt anything for workmates nor have I ever met a young entrapeneur. I’m sure other people can relate to some of these issues, but not me. Thankfully we see different views on marriage from different characters. Fenneko believes people her age don’t even think about it and hopefully they’ll be the generation to kill the idea of marriage, Haida is still a hopeless romantic when it comes to Retsuko, Gouri will get back up after being heartbroken time and time again, Washimi thinks marriage isn’t worth it and even sheds light on an old marriage during the second season, Ton is married and has two kids (though he seems pretty put-off by them), and then you have Kabae who has a husband and three little kids and she’s happy with her family every single day! Back to the working world topic, Aggretsuko showed how much the working world impacts us. Without having a character say it, this anime brought out many thoughts when we see many of these characters. For example, Anai! Many fans hated this guy the second he started cyber-bullying Retsuko. But others see Anai as a guy with the adult world finally crushing down on him. An ugly glimpse at how life can be (particularly in Japan). He’s fresh out of college and sometimes college does NOT prepare you for the real working world. And as we all know this cruel statistic, Japan has the highest rate of suicides in several age brakets in the world. Including young teenagers! An atmosphere of failure can cause one to do that or act erraticly. Aggretsuko doesn’t necessarily say this, but it’s very much felt that it’s implied if you think about it. Yes, I still find Anai to be a bit of that millennial shit that feels offended by anything even when a co-worker is trying to help them. But if you think about it, all of this feels new and scary. I’m sure everybody in the office at the beginning of their job experience had felt this scary feeling before. Man, these shows really get me to think a bit! I do recommend this anime to just about anyone. Just note that this anime is NOT as depressing as Bojack Horseman. But it can get real at times that makes you step back and say, “Wow, I can totally relate.” And to anyone who is a total metal-head (like me) might enjoy those parts when Retsuko screams into a microphone. This anime is only available through Netflix. It shouldn’t take you too long to finish though as each episode is approximately 15 minutes each and there’s only 20 episodes overall (+ one special). Okay, now that Aggretsuko is done...what's next?

Little Witch Academia it is!

[seasonofthegeek]

Just for Tonight: The Origin of Nathalie

Turns out I may never stop writing these.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8:

37 Years before Just for Tonight

“I don’t know if I can do this, Nathalie.” Gabriel loosened his tie and Nathalie stepped closer and tightened it again.

“It isn’t difficult, sir. You’re going to go stand in front of people you don’t really know or particularly care about and parrot some words and then it’s over.”

“No, not the ceremony,” he huffed, pushing her hands away and loosening the knot once again. “Marriage. I can’t go through this again.”

Nathalie stepped back with a sigh. “You’re deciding this a bit late.”

“I’ve been able to keep myself distant through our courtship but once Adele is here, what if I grow fond of her?”

“I would hope you do, sir. Eternity seems like a long time to be tied to someone you have no love for.”

He studied her for a moment. “Do you ever resent that I turned you?”

Nathalie pursed her lips. “Sometimes,” she nodded.

“I see.”

“But other times, not at all.” She met his eyes and something silent but sincere passed between them.

“Very well then.” Gabriel turned to look at his reflection in the mirror. “I suppose my biggest fear is losing her.”

“You aren’t sure you even care about her,” Nathalie pointed out.

“Yes, but she will be the mother of my child. I’ve seen how Felix has changed since Madeline’s death. I don’t want to see that happen again with my new heir.”

“I believe that is just a part of life.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” a voice drawled from behind them. They both turned in surprise to see Lila standing in the doorway. Her mouth stretched into a lazy smile. “I hope you don’t mind, your highness. I told your guards I wanted to offer my wedding gift in person and they let me through.”

Nathalie’s eyes narrowed. “Then they will need to be replaced since that isn’t a strong security stance.”

“What do you want?” Gabriel demanded.

Lila sauntered into the room, eyes catching the purple brooch on his lapel. She reached for it, pressing the pad of her index finger against it and Gabriel visibly relaxed. “I’m glad to see you’re still wearing this, Gabriel.”

“You said it was important.”

“I did,” she grinned fiercely. “It’s nice to see a man such as yourself so obedient.”

Nathalie stiffened, waiting for Gabriel’s angry reply but it never came. He looked back at Lila with a placid expression as if still waiting for her to speak. It left Nathalie feeling cold.

“Now, as for your wedding gift. I understand you’re afraid of losing your new bride in the manner you lost your previous one. The Fae use bonds to keep our loved ones safe. I would be willing to do that for you as a gift if you would like.”

“What does that mean, a bond?” Nathalie interjected before Gabriel could reply.

Lila looked back at her in irritation. “That’s none of your concern.” She then turned to fully face Nathalie. “Although...”

Gabriel followed Lila’s gaze but Nathalie felt as if he was looking straight through her. His blue eyes were clear but there was nothing behind them.

“A man such as yourself shouldn’t be bonded to your wife through magic. Romantic but not rational. You’re to be king. No, you would need to bond your new bride to someone else, someone you trust completely,” Lila continued, eyes on Nathalie.

Nathalie felt the sudden intense desire to run but she held her ground.

“I trust Nathalie more than anyone else,” Gabriel replied, his voice emotionless.

“Yes, I thought you might,” Lila smiled. “Nathalie, do you accept your sire’s request to be bonded to his new wife for her safety?”

“You haven’t explained what bonding is. I would like to know the details if--”

“Nathalie, you once told me you would do whatever it took to keep Felix safe,” Gabriel said.

“Yes, but--”

“And you have said that I need to remarry to keep Felix safe.”

“I did, sir, but--”

“I am marrying Adele and if you can keep her safe through a bond, you would be keeping Felix safe.”

Nathalie swallowed hard. “Sir, if we could talk alone--”

“Your highness, the ceremony is about to begin.” A servant bowed in the doorway and then disappeared. 

“I can do the bonding ritual between the ceremony and the reception,” Lila offered, voice sickly sweet. “They both may feel a little drained afterwards though. Perhaps it would be better to wait until after the reception.” She turned to Gabriel, reaching up to the brooch once more. “This isn’t something anyone else needs to know about.”

“I understand. Nathalie, please go assure that Adele is ready.”

Nathalie looked between her sire and the elf a moment longer before reluctantly leaving the room.

________________________

The ceremony had been a stuffy affair and the reception was filled with fake smiles and even faker sentiments. Adele seemed truly happy which baffled Nathalie but it made sense with the vapid facade she seemed to show the world.

Felix was as sullen as ever during the whole event. Arms crossed with plenty of glares for any haphazard member of court who attempted to talk to him. Although Nathalie was still warring with herself over the thought of slipping out and never looking back, she settled down beside the young boy with a slice of cake and a glass of blood.

“I’m not eating that,” he muttered. 

“Of course you aren’t,” Nathalie sniffed. “It’s mine. Don’t be a spoiled prince.” She saw the corner of his mouth lift slightly before it dropped again.

“You can’t eat cake.”

“I can still smell it. Now hush.” Nathalie lifted the expensive crystal glass to her lips and took a sip of blood.

“No one dares talk to me like that. Everyone here is all ‘Oh, Prince Felix, you’ve grown so much!’ and ‘Oh, your highness, you’re so handsome!’ and I want to punch them in the throat.”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Felix. I don’t find you the least bit scary.” Nathalie gathered a bite of cake onto her fork. She felt his eyes follow the cake as she held it to her nose and made a show of inhaling deeply. “Are you sure you don’t want cake?”

“Yes.” He crossed his arms. “I’m sure she picked out the flavor.” He glared in Adele’s direction as she and Gabriel stiffly danced amid a gathered crowd.

“I’m going to talk sincerely with you. Can I do that?”

He eyed her warily and straightened in his chair, folding his small hands in his lap. “Yes. I’m very smart. I can handle it.”

“I know you are.” Her expression softened and she set down her plate. “I know you’re hurting. I am too. But this is done. Adele is here to stay. I’m not saying you have to like her, but you do need to try to let go of this bitterness because it’s not going to end up hurting her as much as it hurts you.”

He balled his hands into fists, crinkling the expensive fabric of his suit pants. “I’m just so angry,” he whispered. “Father is forgetting all about Mama.”

“I promise you he isn’t,” Nathalie said softly. “He’s trying to do what he thinks is best.”

“She’s not going to be my new mom. I don’t care what anybody says.”

“She could never replace your mother. We both know that.”

Felix glanced up at her. “You know, you’re the only one who talks to me like I’m not some dumb kid.” He yanked at the sleeves of his jacket. “Hey, Nat?”

“Yes?”

“Will you promise not to like Adele either?”

“Felix.”

“Please? It can be our little secret.”

Nathalie sighed and watched Adele laugh and kiss Gabriel’s cheek. “Sure, I promise.”

________________________

“I don’t understand,” Adele whispered, her smile beginning to crack around the edges. “What just happened?”

Lila made a low sweeping bow that bordered too close to mocking. “You’ll be safe now, your highness. Nathalie will see to that.” She turned to Gabriel. “We’ll leave them here to rest. Sometimes the bonding can be a bit much. Let’s return to the reception, shall we?” She hooked her arm through his and both left without a backward glance, Gabriel back in his robotic state.

Nathalie felt her knees give out, the couch the only thing keeping her from falling to the floor.

“What just happened?” Adele repeated, her voice higher. The large skirt of her wedding dress crinkled as she moved, the stiff material brushing against Nathalie’s arm.

It had been an instantaneous thing. As soon as the door closed, Lila was cutting them both and chanting under her breath. With quick movements, she’d smeared their blood in each other’s cuts and Nathalie watched Adele’s heal within seconds while hers continued to ooze. 

She felt completely drained as if she hadn’t fed in days even though she’d finished off a glass of rich blood not an hour before in the ballroom. She looked down to see the blood beginning to run down her arm. A path of it splintered to the side to run toward Adele’s white dress that was pressed against her skin. With numb fascination, Nathalie watched the red soak into the bright fabric.

Adele began to shake and crumpled down to the couch beside Nathalie, her dress billowing up around her. “Gabriel?” she whispered.

“Gone,” Nathalie said quietly. “Just us.” Her voice sounded tinny in her head as if her words were coming from an old speaker. What was happening to her?

The princess was breathing too rapidly, her chest heaving against the tight bodice of her dress. “I don’t...what...”

Forcing herself to concentrate, Nathalie reached over and used all the energy she had to grasp Adele’s hand. “It’s okay.” She felt compelled to comfort this ridiculous woman and it irritated her on a level she was too tired to contemplate. “Everything will be okay.”

Before Just for Tonight Drabbles

Just for Tonight

Buy me a cherry coke?

[ellanainthetardis]

Let’s be honest, it couldn’t stay fluff up until the end...

[ff] or [ao3]

72. 22 Months & 10 Months

“Blue, really, do you think?” Effie hummed, accepting the color pencil April handed her. Half of the kitchen table was occupied by pencils, felt-tip pens and stacks of white papers. The almost two year-old loved to draw picture after picture and the fridge was covered with what could only be described as abstract art. Effie had been distractedly sketching an evening gown that would never see the light of day because nobody in Twelve would order one. Apparently, it was to be a blue gown.

“When isn’t it blue?” Haymitch snorted from the stove where he was stirring the tomato sauce for the pasta that were boiling in another pot for lunch. He had a point. April loved blue. Every declination of it.

“Bue best.” April beamed, slamming her own blue pencil on the drawing she was working on – a blue tangle of lines.

“Is the best, darling.” Effie corrected.

Their daughter looked up at her with a focused expression on her young face and then looked back down at her drawing. And yet, Effie knew that the next time she used that phrasing, more likely than not there would at least be a verb in there. Her speech abilities were advanced for her age, Larcher had confirmed it.

And it made Effie and Haymitch so proud they could burst.

They had very gifted children.

And Aidan demonstrated that by using the cupboard’s handle to stand up from where he had been sitting in the corner of the kitchen, trying to interest Snowball into playing with him. The dog hadn’t really been in the mood but had indulged the boy in a game of tug with his purple monkey.

Aidan was unsteady on his legs still but he could take a few steps alone before crashing down.

Effie dropped the pencil and opened her arms, grinning wide when her son’s lips stretched into a bright smile and he stumbled toward her. It was a short distance and he collapsed into her arms with a delighted laugh.

“Well done!” she praised, peppering his face with kisses.

“Apil too!” April exclaimed, bolting from her chair to run around the table, stretching her arms above her head. Effie hauled her on her other knee with the ease of practice and started kissing and tickling her too. Soon, she had two children in hysterics on her lap and Snowball was barking, jumping around her chair, clearly more interested in that sort of games. After a couple of minutes, April twisted around and outstretched a hand toward Haymitch. “Dada!” she half-screeched, half-giggled. “Dada, hep!”

“Oh, Dada must help, yeah?” Haymitch chuckled, lowering the flames under the pot so it wouldn’t burn before making a show of slowly stalking toward them. “But does Dada have to help the shrimp and the jellyfish or Mama?”

“Mama!” Effie requested, playfully pretending to bite Aidan’s ear. “I think we should have them for lunch, Haymitch. They look tasty.”

April screamed in fake terror. “Hep Apil! Hep Apil!”

“I don’t know, little princess…” Haymitch wriggled his eyebrows. “The two of you do look tasty!” He pounced, then, pretending to eat the children while kissing them and tickling them at the same time. Effie made sure to keep a strong hold on them so there would be no accident but they were wriggling like worms on a hook.

Aidan was laughing hard, not quite following the game but happy to play nonetheless.

“Balls!” the girl called, out of breath from too much laughter.

Snowball immediately barked in answer and lifted on his hinder legs, propping his front paws on Haymitch’s side. He didn’t growl or even made any sign that he was about to attack but his desire was clear: he wanted Haymitch to step away from April.

“I’m just playing, you silly dog.” he mocked. He shrugged the Samoyed off but took the time to scratch him behind the ears. “I think Mama’s more tasty anyway… What do you say, kids? Should we eat Mama?”

“Yes!” April shouted and, helped in no little way by Haymitch, started taking her revenge by tickling Effie’s side and her neck.

She wasn’t particularly ticklish but she couldn’t help but laugh, straining her neck to escape the little hands and Haymitch stronger ones. Aidan was the only one who didn’t turn against her and tried to help her attack his sister instead.

It was in that joyful chaos that the phone started ringing.

“Enough…” Effie begged. “I surrender.”

“We win!” Haymitch triumphed, grabbing April by the waist and lifting her high over his head to the girl’s obvious delight.

Effie shook her head but she knew it was only a way to take the girl off her hands without making it too obvious that Aidan was still on her lap – the two were thick as thieves but there were some jealousy problems between the two of them sometimes – so she bit back her instinct to remind him to be careful.

He was always careful with their children anyway.

He propped April up on his hip when they reached the phone and picked it up, his grey eyes still alive with mirth and the simple happiness that always shone in them when he spent time with their babies. Effie could only relate. Lately, she had felt completely happy too.

“Hello?” he said in the phone in that tone that meant he expected to talk to her mother – because Elindra was the house’s main caller.

She arranged Aidan on her lap and let him grab one of the pencil, quickly switching a few blank papers for her half done gown design and making sure he didn’t draw on the table. She had spent hours trying to get the felt-tip pens squiggles from the glass coffee table the other day and she wasn’t too keen on a repeat. If April’s art could only be described as abstract, Aidan’s was barely more than random lines crisscrossing, he lacked the dexterity to do much else.

“Plutarch.” Haymitch made a face in Effie’s direction and she pouted, silently telling him to be nice. It wasn’t that she was particularly well disposed toward the former Gamemaker because he tended to be very liberal about what he let the press print about them but he had his uses and he never begrudged them a favor if he could grant it.  Haymitch rolled his eyes but shrugged, jostling April and making her giggle as if it was still part of the game. “No, it’s not that I’m not glad to hear you, it’s just that when you call, it usually means I’m not gonna like tomorrow’s headlines.”

It had been months since the last mention of Twelve’s celebrities in the newspapers, since the children’s engagement had become official. The star-crossed lovers being finally about to properly tie the knot had been on the front of every magazine for weeks – and had puzzled some people since they had been pretending to be married during the war. They hadn’t made the headlines for a while but every time paparazzi managed to sneak a picture of them with their children, Haymitch raged against Plutarch’s hypocrisy.

Truth be told, the Capitol’s hands seemed only tied when it suited him.

She couldn’t begin to guess what they had done now that warranted a phone call from the Secretary of Communications. She wasn’t pregnant, she hadn’t killed anyone, they weren’t having a secret wedding and she hadn’t had a public panic attack. She hadn’t had a panic attack in months actually. Life was good and peaceful, which meant that they were boring to the press, which suited her perfectly.

Unless it was about Lyssa’s engagement but she didn’t see why Plutarch would call to warn them. Lyssa was famous in her own right, just like her mother was. She was sure her name would be mentioned once her sister released the announcement but it should be all about Lyssandra not…

“What about it?” Haymitch frowned and then scoffed. “No, I don’t plan on coming. I haven’t come the last four years why would I…”

“Where does he want you to go?” Effie asked, wrapping her arms more tightly around her son. She didn’t like the thought of him going anywhere.

“The fifth anniversary of the surrender.” he explained for her. “Apparently, it’s gonna be huge this year.”

“It would be.” she hummed. “Five years is a milestone.”

Not to mention, elections would take place not long after that for the second time since the war and, from what she had seen on news channel, it wouldn’t be as much of an easy win as Paylor probably wished for.

“What?” Haymitch asked, clearly distracted by Plutarch. Then his face really turned sour. “Oh, yeah, we have that…” He glanced at Effie. “He’s asking if we can put him on video and speaker. You mind?”

She glanced around the kitchen, took in the mess that never used to be there before – a lived-in mess of toys, bottles, children winter boots and woolen mittens – a mess she was usually ashamed to show anyone who wasn’t their family or Eileen Clarke’s but just like she had resigned herself to bring her customers in the slightly untidy house, she granted permission with a wave of her hand.

The new phone had been a gift from her parents, the latest Capitol technology and Haymitch’s newfound most hatred object. It could work as a phone usually did but it also had a square screen and a camera that allowed to see and be seen if that was one’s wish. He had only relented faced with her parents’ fears that the children would forget what they looked like and that they wouldn’t otherwise be allowed to see them grow up. It had been pure emotional manipulation on her mother’s part but, for some mysterious reason that she attributed to something that had happened during her second pregnancy while she was trapped in the clinic, Haymitch was now firmly considering Elindra like a part of their family and let himself be manipulated more easily than before.

Haymitch tinkered with the settings, always a bit hesitant when it came to handling the new phone, and suddenly Plutarch Heavensbee’s face appeared on the screen. He looked older, Effie immediately noticed, and if she wasn’t mistaken he had had some Botox shots done. He was sitting in what she assumed to be his office given the bay windows she could glimpse behind him. There were skyscrapers in the distance but she couldn’t identify them.

April, who was used to seeing her grandparents or her aunt and nobody else on that screen, immediately hid her face in the crook of Haymitch’s neck.

“Oh, hello there, little lady!” Plutarch beamed with a genuine smile. “Why, you look just like your mother…”

April took another peek at the former Head Gamemaker and then pressed her face against Haymitch’s woolen sweater again. “Who he, Dada?”

“A friend.” Haymitch answered even though the word clearly cost him.

“Good morning, Plutarch.” Effie greeted politely, standing up so she could be in the camera’s line of sight. She kept Aidan in her arms but the boy wanted to wriggle free and, eventually, she placed him down, letting him crawl back to the dog. Snowball bumped his head against the boy’s and then crouched low, wriggling this way and that, leading Aidan on a merry crawl chase all around the kitchen. Effie smiled but returned her attention to the phone. “I trust you and Fulvia are well?”

“In perfect health.” Plutarch assured. “And yourself?”

“We are all doing very well, thank you.” she answered.

Haymitch rolled his eyes.

“So polite.” he muttered as if it was a bad thing. He crouched and put April back on her feet, gently detaching her arms from his neck. “Why don’t you go play with your brother and Balls, sweetheart?”

“Don’t encourage that nickname.” Effie pleaded because her daughter shouting for balls in the street had drawn more than one stare.

“Your children are positively cute.” Plutarch declared.

He sounded sincere and Effie was never one to pass on an opportunity to accept compliments about them so she grinned. “They are.”

“So? What were you saying about the victory anniversary?” Haymitch said, once he had convinced April to go play with Aidan and the dog.

He kept an eye on the three of them but he also moved back to the stove to turn it even lower so the sauce wouldn’t burn. Katniss was supposed to come over for lunch, she thought, and Peeta too if he could get away from the bakery and, between the lot of them, they went through more food than they used to. There needed to be something on the table in twenty minutes and preferably nothing charred.

Plutarch sighed and played with something on the top of his desk just out of the camera’s range, maybe a pen or a paperknife. “I was saying it would be opportune for you and the children to attend. And, before you ask, Johanna, Annie, Beetee and Enobaria will be my next calls although if Enobaria declines to attend I won’t be too sorry. Her position in the war was ambiguous. The rest of the Star Squad all confirmed they are coming.”

Haymitch let out a snort. “Want to reunite the whole gang?”

“It is an election year, Haymitch.” the Head Gamemaker sighed. “And President Paylor herself asked me to call you in hopes… You still support her, do you not?”

Haymitch and Effie exchanged a long glance. She wasn’t interested in politics, she never really had been, but that was a topic Haymitch could be very passionate about – and on the subject of which he had shared numerous debates and fights with Peeta, her father and sometimes Lyssa’s boyfriend – she knew he disagreed with some of Paylor’s policies, the ones he attributed to a need to accumulate political capital rather than doing the right thing.

There were a lot of debates about what Paylor had managed to accomplish in the last five years lately. Mostly, it seemed to be positive but there were still sore points, like the welfare system. Amongst other things, the fact that wealthy people had access to medical technology an average insurance couldn’t hope to cover divided the country. Her main opponent, if she wasn’t mistaken, was campaigning for a more equal repartition of resources – which in her opinion didn’t seem fairer at all given that it would be brought through taxes.

“Yeah.” he said after a few seconds, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I still do. But I don’t see how…”

“If you follow the news, you know her main challenger is a man from Thirteen.” Plutarch cut him off.

“I’ve seen a few of his speeches and I’ve read about his program. Not anywhere as bad as Coin.” Haymitch dismissed. “A bit more conservative than Paylor but he didn’t trigger any alarm.”

“That is not the point.” the Capitol countered.

Effie started losing interest in the conversation. She knew it could go on and on forever when those two started talking politics so she gathered the papers and the pencils and cleared the table so she could get it ready for lunch.

“Seems the point to me.” Haymitch shrugged. “If he’s not a tyrant…”

“Do you want to see Patina reelected or not?” Plutarch argued. “According to the polls we have running… The Capitol, One and Two are going to be decisive.”

“Don’t see how us coming to the anniversary’s gonna help.” he grumbled and lifted his hand before the Capitol could object. “Yeah, I know. Optics. It’s good for her to be seen with victors and famous rebels, never mind the Mockingjay. You’re gonna lose Thirteen though.”

“Thirteen is already lost to Danos.” Plutarch shook his head. “So is Eight, Four and Ten. We’re hoping having Annie over will help with Four but… Truly, the swing Districts will be One, Two and the Capitol.” Hence the invitation extended to Enobaria, Effie figured, placing plates on the table. “Haymitch, if we are going to win this, we need a show of unity. We need you at the anniversary events. There will be a commemoration ceremony… We’re having a monument in Capitol Park with the names of fallen soldiers… There will be interviews too but we can limit Katniss’ and Peeta’s participation to that, I promise.”

“You get I have a two year-old and a ten months baby, yeah?” he scoffed.

Plutarch lifted his hands as if it was no problem at all. “Everything will be taken care of. We can arrange for babysitters and nannies for your children and Finn Odair. Lodgings will naturally be provided too. I was thinking perhaps your old quarters at the Training Center…”

“No.” The word passed Effie’s lips without her consent and she paused, her fist bundled around a handful of forks. The two men had stopped talking and she was aware of their dual gazes on her but she simply cleared her throat and resumed dressing the table. “If we are doing this, we are not staying in the penthouse. Do I need to remind you what was going on underneath the Games Compound? I do not understand why you haven’t tear that building apart yet.”

She wasn’t entirely surprised by the venom in her own voice but she slowly breathed out, forcing her erratic heartbeat to something calmer. Her eyes fell on the children playing a game of roll the-more-than-wiling dog on the floor and she relaxed.

It was long ago, she reminded herself, it is over now. Over.

Haymitch’s gaze lingered on her long after Plutarch had awkwardly coughed.

“Of course.” the Head Gamemaker said. “My apologies. It was insensitive.”

“Yes.” she said simply, fetching glasses from the cupboard. “It was.”

She glanced through the window over the sink, checking the grey sky, wary of more snow coming down. February had been plagued by short snowing sessions that left the ground muddy with patches of ice. Winter didn’t seem in any hurry to die.

“Say, I’m willing to come…” Haymitch let his sentence trail off, probably waiting for her to interrupt.

She didn’t. She understood that he had been more or less cast aside at the end of Katniss’ trial, when he had volunteered to be her guardian, but that, initially, he would have liked to have been involved. He had fought for that new government and he had his own set of ideas. If things had been different… She wouldn’t object to him getting involved now if that was what he wanted to do. He liked Patina Paylor and if he wanted to support her more actively…

“It would be a huge help.” Plutarch breathed out.

“What about my wife?” he challenged, making Effie frown at him. “Cause I know you and your politician tricks. She ain’t exactly a point that’s likely to make people scream unity. If you make us come all the way over to the city only to ask her to keep a low profile…”

“Effie is more than welcome to appear with you.” the Secretary of Communication eagerly assured. “In fact…” The Capitol winced and then cleared his throat, his attention turning to Effie. “My dear, I am afraid I have news that may upset you as well as an offer… The decision is entirely up to you, understand, we will not force your hand. Despite what her advisors would have us do, President Paylor and I stood very firmly on that, the decision is yours alone but I must stress it would be a tremendous help if you…”

“What are you talking about?” Haymitch barked, far too aggressively.

“Dada?” April asked, a touch of uncertain fear in her tone.

Haymitch hardly ever raised his voice in the children’s vicinity. They weren’t used to it.

“Everything is fine, sweetheart.” Effie promised with a loving smile she had to force a little. “Do not worry. I think Snowball would like to play some more, don’t you?” April’s attention wasn’t so easily averted but instead of running to one of them, she wrapped her arms around her brother’s shoulders and hugged him like she did with her stuffed toys. Her eyes remained on Effie until Snowball distracted her with a lick on her face. When Effie was sure her daughter wasn’t listening anymore, she stepped closer to Haymitch and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I am fine.”

“Until he upsets you.” he mumbled, too low for Plutarch to hear. “This is gonna be bullshit, I can smell it.”

She squeezed his shoulder and turned to the screen. “What is it you would have me do?”

The former Gamemaker lowered his eyes and played with whatever it was, betraying how nervous he was. Whatever they wanted to ask her, he knew Haymitch wasn’t going to like it. “You heard of the AFCR, I presume? The Association For Capitol Recognition?”

There was a lump in her throat and she leaned against Haymitch’s side a little but jutted her chin in the air. “I will not dispute their claim that some Capitol people were victims in this war, Plutarch. I will not lie to cover how out of hands the Purge became and I will not say no Capitol were tortured by Snow’s government despite what Thirteen would have us believe.”

Haymitch’s arm sneaked around her waist and held her firmly to him.

“We are not asking you to, Effie, you misunderstand.” Plutarch denied. “At the commemoration, President Paylor is going to give credit to Calmus Caldwell’s claims and publicly acknowledge that Capitol citizens were detained, tortured and killed during the war and that, of those who survived that treatment, some of them were afterwards killed in the Purge. She will acknowledge that the Purge was little more than a revenge bloodbath, that there was no more justice in shooting the defenseless eighty year-old escorts and Gamemakers than there had been in sending children to arenas. She will also acknowledge that while some met their fair end during the trials, some had been forced into the Games business the same way victors were. She will, in short, acknowledge that there were zones of grey in this war and it is going to cause no small amount of uproar, I believe.”

Both she and Haymitch remained speechless for a while because this was huge.

And then Haymitch let out a bitter snort. “The Capitol, One and Two… That’s who you need so that’s how you get them.”

Because One and Two were the most Capitol friendly Districts.

Politics.

Suddenly, the idea of leaving Twelve, her house, behind to go back to the city and its smoke screens and mirrors left her nauseous. Ever since the conversation had begun, she had thought she might be able to do it now, that it would be a good opportunity to grant her mother’s request for a visit because Tadius and Elindra kept making the trip and it wasn’t quite fair… A part of her was curious because according to her sister the Capitol looked like a completely different city… But now that she was reminded of how fake everything always was there…

She wasn’t sure she wanted to bring her children there, not even for a few days.

“Always the cynic, Haymitch.” Plutarch rebuked. “Paylor is doing this because it is the right thing to do and it might be her last opportunity. If Danos is elected, there will be a power shift toward Thirteen and good luck to the Capitol then.”

“And I’m supposed to care because…” Haymitch scowled.

“Because I do.” Effie finished before Plutarch could. She rubbed her forehead. She truly hadn’t missed that sort of games. “It was not that upsetting a news. What was it you wanted me to do, then?”

“Ah…” Plutarch winced. “I am afraid I haven’t got to the upsetting news yet. Again, I want you to know you do not have to do anything you do not want to do. If you decide to stay in the Victors Village where you are safe from the media circus… I would not hold it against you and I will shield you as much as I can, I promise.”

“What the fuck are you going to do?” Haymitch hissed, tightening his hold on her waist.

She whacked his arm. “The children.”

Haymitch’s grey eyes darted to their children but soon came back to Plutarch. “Spit it out.”

“It is not me, personally.” the Head Gamemaker shook his head. “I was actually against it. Paylor always advocated an open book presidency, in the interest of transparency. In the wake of that announcement… The war archives will be made public so that the families of people who were executed after the war but who had actually been tortured by the Capitol can find their peace and know the truth. The list of captives, the list of…”

“No.” Effie cut him off, trying to take a step back but only bumping into the kitchen counter. The walls were closing in on her and her ears were ringing. It had been so long since the last time it had gotten that bad that…

Haymitch turned her around and brushed her hair back, framing her face in his hands. “Breathe, sweetheart.”

She focused on him and blinked fast, working to keep her breathing steady. Once he was sure she wasn’t going to have a panic attack, he looked past her shoulder to the screen. “You can’t do this. You release her name, they’re gonna pounce on her. You know what it’s gonna be like! We have kids for fuck’s sake!” He shouted the last part and Aidan started crying, scared by the raised voice. April’s lips were wobbling too. “Shit.” he spat and let go of Effie to march to their children. He lifted both of them easily, one in each arm, and pressed a quick kiss on their daughter’s head before nuzzling Aidan’s blond hair. “I’m sorry. Papa’s sorry. It’s alright. Everything’s alright…”

“If my name comes out…” Effie whispered and then she repeated it louder so Plutarch could hear her over the boy’s crying. “If my name comes out…”

“Please, believe me, I am deeply sorry.” Plutarch insisted. “I suggested redacting some of the names from the list for privacy reasons. You are not the only one on that list I would rather protect from that kind of attention… My request was denied. Apparently, transparency cannot be redacted.”

Plutarch snorted that last part with bitterness and some weariness.

Haymitch was staring at her, their children close to his chest. “We’re not going. We’re staying here. We’ll… We’re gonna stock up on food and we’ll wait for the storm to pass, yeah? Elections are in less than two months… It’s gonna blow over fast.”

But it wouldn’t.

And hiding wasn’t a solution.

Perhaps it would save them from the press for a little while but when they eventually ventured out of the Village…

Everyone would know.  

They would look at her and they would know. Everything she had been through, they would know.

Perhaps the government would only release the names but how long before the details were leaked? Every humiliating word, every insult, every time they had spat on her or peed on her just for the fun of it… Everything that had been perhaps worse than the physical pain of being torn apart.

They would know.

Everyone would know.

She was going to have to walk to the grocery store, look at the nice man who owned it and see the pity in his gaze. Every man and woman whose eyes she would happen to meet in the streets, she would see the knowledge in their eyes. And she would never be able to forget. Because it would be forever there, on their faces.

And it wouldn’t be just pity.

It would be hatred. The satisfaction that she had gotten what she deserved.

“What do you advise?” she asked Plutarch, resolutely ignoring Haymitch. Because Haymitch would want to protect her to the last and she wasn’t sure there was any way of protecting her that didn’t involve facing the reality of the situation.

Her dirty secret.

She had always known it would come back to haunt her, always.

“I advise accepting our offer. Take a hold on the story before it takes a hold on you.” the Head Gamemaker said gently.

“You need someone famous to confirm the AFCR’s claims.” she deduced. “You need someone with firsthand knowledge, so to speak.”

“If you are agreeable, we would have you make a speech before Paylor’s acknowledgement.” Plutarch confirmed. “You could… Honestly, I think it would be the time to properly clear your name, to explain why you were pardoned. Whatever crime people felt you committed, you paid for it down in those cells, Effie, I firmly believe that it would turn Panem’s opinion about you.”

“I do not care much for Panem’s opinion.” she snorted with some bitterness.

It hadn’t always been like that but now… Now the only opinions that mattered…

She looked at Haymitch who was simply standing there, the now calmer children still in his arms. Her family.

She wanted to be strong for them. She didn’t want to be the escort who escaped execution because she was Haymitch Abernathy’s lover. She wasn’t sure being the escort who escaped execution because she had been tortured to a breath of her sanity was better but… At least it was the truth and she found she was ready to acknowledge it.

She had been hiding what had happened to her for so long…

It was a weight around her neck, the dirty secret that made her feel filthy and weak…

“What do you think?” she asked Haymitch.

He studied her for a long time before shrugging. “I think I took the decision for you once and I don’t want to do it again. You want to do it, I’m gonna be right beside you. You don’t want to, I’m gonna make sure they don’t come near our family. Your choice, Princess. I’m with you no matter what.”

She held his gaze, swallowing hard around the heart that seemed to be beating in her throat. “I think I need to.”

“We can have someone write something for you…” Plutarch suggested.

“No.” she denied. “If I do it… It will be my story, my words.” She licked her lips and twisted her shaking hands this way and that. “They will want interviews. After…”

“You won’t have to do anything you do not want to.” the Capitol promised. “I will make sure they leave you alone. I can only do so much, please understand. I know you sometimes think I control every newspaper in Panem but it is a free country now, I cannot very well advocate for democracy and then tell them what to print but… I will do my best. And we can have you shipped back on a hovercraft at a moment notice if you feel the need to go home.”

“Alright.” she whispered, aware that Haymitch was coming closer. She melted against his side, pressing her face against their daughter’s back. The children looked puzzled, clearly picking up on the tension. It wasn’t long before Snowball came to lean against her leg, offering silent support. Surrounded by her family, she felt brave, braver than she had felt in a long time. “I will do it.”

Plutarch nodded once and then turned to Haymitch. “I assume that means you will make an appearance at the anniversary, then?”

“The two of us for sure.” he grumbled. “I ain’t speaking for the kids. And April and Aidan stay out of the spotlight, yeah? Tell your minions… Tell them I’ll record an exclusive interview if everyone agrees to leave my babies alone. No stolen pictures, no harassing them, no following them around in the city.”

It was a major concession but that was the game. You didn’t get anything if you were not ready to compromise.

She was already tired of the whole thing.

“That seems completely acceptable to me.” the Head Gamemaker agreed. “Do try to convince Katniss and Peeta.”

Haymitch rolled his eyes and handed the children to Effie before stalking to the phone. “Bye, Plutarch.” It wasn’t exactly polite but he just hung up and the screen faded to black. Then, he turned to her. “You’re okay?”

She took a deep breath and then offered him a shaky smile. “I think so.”

“Going back to the Capitol…” he hesitated.

“I do not like it much either.” she offered and then she placed April and Aidan down on their respective chairs. “We will stay at my parents’ if it is alright with you. Or at Lyssa’s if you prefer. I do not want to go to a hotel. I…”

“It’s fine with me.” he cut her off. “Whatever.” He sneaked his arms around her waist and held her close, coiling his hand around the back of her neck. “As long as you’re sure it’s okay.”

“You will be with me and I will be safe.” she countered. “We will be safe.”

He answered that with a kiss that had April clapping in delight and Aidan wrinkling his little nose because he wanted to be the only one to get cuddles from his mama.

The children barged in at that point, laughing and carefree like they had been before that phone call. It didn’t last. As soon as they glimpsed their faces, both of them grew apprehensive.

“What happened?” Katniss asked, grabbing Peeta’s hand.

“Sit down and let’s have lunch before it is entirely burned.” Effie sighed. “We will tell you all about it.”

Haymitch did most of the talking. She mostly pushed her pastas all around  her plate, staring at her glass of water or helping April eat without putting food everywhere. She felt Peeta’s knowing gaze on her a few times but she never glanced back.

“And you’re going, then?” the boy finally asked, once Haymitch had finished explaining.

“Yes.” she said directly to her plate of pasta. “I am. But do not feel you have to. I am sure the anniversary events will be fabulous but I know how much you dislike parties and…”

“That’s not about the parties or the anniversary, Effie.” Katniss cut her off. “It’s about you. What you’re going to do… It’s huge.”

“Paylor’s announcement will certainly make history.” she granted.

“No.” the girl countered again. “It’s huge for you.”

Effie licked her lips but still did not look up, not even when she felt Haymitch take her hand.

“What Katniss means…” Peeta declared after a few seconds of silence. “Is that, of course, we’re coming. We want to be there to support you.”

Stupid tears burned her eyes and Haymitch’s squeezing her hand didn’t help one bit. It did not help either when Peeta stood up and walked around the table to hug her and she completely lost it when Katniss did the same.

Nerves.

It was all nerves and she got the tears under control before it turned to an embarrassing display but...

“I love you all so much.” she confessed.

Her family.

They made her feel like she could move mountains.

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2019

2019 was a fantastic year for music, but then again every year is. We as listeners have been blessed with abundance, and tasked with the delightful work of sifting through freshwater to find gold. This year, the most reliably golden genres were West African pop and West Coast Rap. Go figure.

The following represents my favorite 100 songs of the year. My only rules: 1) one song per lead artist (a lucky few earned multiple placements through the “featured artist” loophole).

Below are the write-ups (everyone’s favorite part) and stay tuned for my albums list, coming next week. Don’t forget to scroll all the way down for a Spotify playlist of the full list!

25. Desperate Journalist - “Satellite” - A sweeping, emotional rock song by a veteran rock band that can uncork one of these in their sleep. What makes this one special? The dynamic changes in the pre-chorus, the soaring guitar solo, and the passionate performance from lead singer Jo Bevan.

24. Jacques Greene - “Stars” - A brilliant bit of ambient techno that evokes the seminal electronic classic “Little Fluffy Clouds,” by The Orb. Instead of desert clouds, the anonymous female narrator describes a pastoral dream about the night skies of her youth. A transporting piece of music that should’ve been twice as long--five minutes is a cruelly short lifespan for this kind of bliss.

23. Rosalía - “Con Altura” ft. J Balvin - After the brilliant and singular El Mal Querer demonstrated Rosalía’s singular talent, “Con Altura” announced her intentions for worldwide domination. Created with frequent Rosalía collaborator El Guincho and chameleonic superstar J Balvin, “Con Altura” contains two of the year’s most insidious hooks--the soft-spoken call-and-response chorus, and Rosalía’s snake-charming bridge, the strongest indication yet that global stardom won’t stop the Catalonian chanteuse from pushing music forward.

22. Faye Webster - “Room Temperature” – 2019’s answer to “Swingin’ Party,” the Replacements’ great anthem for introverts, the introductory track on Webster’s Atlanta Millionaire’s Club album drifts along with Hawaiian-flavored pedal steel and a palpable sense of regret, as the 21-year-old singer longs to escape her perfectly comfortable surroundings. 21. Yhung T.O. - “Lately” ft. Lil Sheik - Easy, breezy, beautiful Bay Area rap, carried by T.O.’s dulcet tones and Sheik’s unrepentant dirtbaggery. The beat by Armani Depaul is one of my favorite retro-facing rap beats in a while, complete with smooth digital strings and security-pad synths. 20. The New Pornographers - “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver” - Every five years or so, A.C. Newman writes a melody so strong that it requires Neko Case’s ultra-powerful alto to properly do it justice. This year, that song is “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver,” which strives for, and nearly approaches, the heights of previous Pornos stunners like “The Laws Have Changed” and “Champions of Red Wine.” 

19. Floating Points - “LesAlpx” - Surrounded by outré synth experiments and beatless soundscapes on Crush, the first Floating Points album since 2015, “LesAlpx” is Sam Shepherd’s gift to club-goers everywhere. It’s a lean and mean house track, foregrounding propulsive percussion and rubbery bass, but it’s also deeply cerebral, creating a sense of foreboding urgency with detuned synths and ambient sine waves. 18. Daphni - “Sizzling” ft. Paradise - Built around a sample of Paradise’s seminal single “Sizzlin’ Hot,” Dan Snaith’s “Sizzling” extends the best moments of the classic post-disco smash to create five minutes of pure euphoria. The song starts in media res, with the groove in full form, and peaks at the end, when Snaith finally allows Paradise’s June Ventzos to finish her thought atop jubilant trumpets. 17. J Hus - “Must Be” - The latest genre-blending collaboration between J Hus and genius producer JAE5 proves that no man is safe from Hus’s dazzling logic, as he stacks syllogism after syllogism over an irresistible, afropop-flavored groove: “If it walk like an opp/Talk like an opp/Smell like an opp/Then it must be.” 16. Vampire Weekend - “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” - Ever indulging his literary ambitions, Ezra Koenig uses the final track on Father Of The Bride to examine his Jewish identity, and to reckon with a world that hasn’t made sense since World War I. The prettiest melody on an album dripping with pretty melodies, “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” packs enough symbolism into three minutes to inspire a seminar at Koenig’s Ivy League alma mater. Supported by yearning, spritely piano, Koenig ends the song with a poignant plea for peace, within reason: “So let them win the battle/But don't let them restart/That genocidal feeling/That beats in every heart.” 15. Great Grandpa - “Bloom” - The highlight from Great Grandpa’s outstanding Four Of Arrows album, “Bloom” is two songs in one. Part one brings punchy acoustic guitar that recalls ‘90s adult alternative (think Matchbox 20) and prime-era Saddle Creek (think Rilo Kiley) in equal measure. The second par tcompletes the song’s emotional arc, slowing down for a hypnotic wordless chorus, backed by weeping violins,. The key line here: “Please say I’m young enough to change.” 14. Spellling - “Real Fun” – Gleefully dramatic and overflowing with evil-sounding synths, “Real Fun” synthesizes Neneh Cherry, Bauhaus, and Cabaret into something that sounds like a villain’s theme in an animated musical that hasn’t been written yet.   13. Earthgang - “Proud Of U” ft. Young Thug – There’s no straight man to ground this ATL trio, as all three emcees lean into their vocal eccentricities while expressing their thanks to the women in their lives atop a mutating, guitar-driven beat. 12. Stella Donnelly - “Tricks” – In which the young heroine attempts to rid herself of a particularly toxic ex, who isn’t just misogynist, but a potential white supremacist sympathizer (her subject’s “Southern Cross Tattoo” is like an Aussie version of the MAGA hat). Heavy stuff, but Donnelly delivers everything with a grin, as if she’s wondering in real time why the hell she ever bothered with this jamoke. 11. Jenny Lewis - “On The Line” - The title track and emotional climax of Jenny Lewis’ latest album, “On The Line” boasts one of the finest vocal performances in her long career, sweetly assassinating her cheating ex-lover with a lilting melody and wry smile.

10. Lucinda Chua - “Whatever It Takes” – Lucinda Chua makes languid art pop in the tradition of fka twigs, but I prefer her understated longing to twigs herself. Her main instrument is the cello, but this track foregoes that sound almost entirely, opting instead for resonant Wurlitzer keys and multi-layered vocal harmonies, and shunting traditional song structure aside in favor of one enigmatic verse, repeating at odd intervals throughout: “Wait/The demons I carry are fake/I will fight our fire, too late.” 9. ShooterGang Kony - “Charlie” – The year’s most cold-blooded mob banger starts with the line “fuck the police and your mama if you ask me” and only escalates from there. Rhyming without affect over hiccuping bass, Kony mercilessly ethers cops, R&B singers, and women named Ashley before threatening to shoot you with a gun that sounds like Fozzy Bear. 8. KEY! - “Miami Too Much” – My favorite Atlanta rap song of the year gets its power from its hilariously specific central conceit, with KEY’s impassioned vocal selling the bit: “If you seen that ass, you'd make a song too.” How often must someone visit Dade County before it becomes an irreconcilable difference in an otherwise healthy relationship? 7. Raphael Saadiq - “Something Keeps Calling” ft. Rob Bacon - Named after his older brother, Raphael Saddiq’s towering Jimmy Lee album examines the personal cost of the crack epidemic, and the outsized role addiction plays in the lives of the destitute. “Something Keeps Calling” is the album’s crushing centerpiece, painting substances as at once a seductive lover and a heavy burden, one that overrides all common sense and decency: “My friends say I can never pull it together/Well they might be right, at least tonight/My kids say I'll never come home again/And I know they're right, at least tonight.” The song climaxes with Rob Bacon’s wailing guitar solo, which tries in vain to reach out to those beyond hope. 6. Bad Bunny & J Balvin - “La Canción” - Nestled in the middle of Balvin and Bunny’s summer smash OASIS, “La Canción” takes a break from the party to dwell on the inherent emptiness of their hedonistic lifestyle, as a mournful trumpet echoes the Reggaetoneros’ longing for meaningful connection amidst their chaotic lives. 5. Polo G - “Pop Out” ft. Lil TJay – Only Polo G would interrupt his own robbery to examine the sociological causes of his behavior: “We come from poverty, man, we ain't have a thing.” But on the rest of “Pop Out,” Polo leans into the dark side of his persona, before 2019’s most unlikely guest verse assassin Lil TJay brings the pathos: “If I showed you all my charges, you won't look at me the same.” In contrast to how effortless the two rappers sound atop the dramatic piano loop, listening to Lil Baby and Gunna wheeze through the remix hammers home the high degree of difficulty of such nimble melodics. It’s a testament to how fast rap music moves these days that Polo and TJay can make last year’s It Duo sound like geezers. 4. Octo Octa - “I Need You” – It starts as an intoxicatingly minimal expression of dancefloor lust, but halfway through, “I Need You” morphs into a sincere and moving tribute to everybody who helped Octo Octa become the woman she is today. It’s a moving moment tucked within an epic club track that works equally well as build-up or comedown.

3. Purple Mountains - “All My Happiness Is Gone” - It’s hard to find the words for this one, a matter-of-fact documentation of a man slowly losing his will to live--which became heartbreakingly clear when David Berman committed suicide in August. But because it’s Berman, “All My Happiness Is Gone” is packed with genius-level wordplay and devastating observations, and enough gallows humor to truly emphasize the gravity of his situation: “Friends are warmer than gold when you're old/And keeping them is harder than you might suppose//Lately, I tend to make strangers wherever I go/Some of them were once people I was happy to know.” I’ll keep going: “Ten thousand afternoons ago/All my happiness just overflowed/That was life at first and goal to go.” And one more: “Where nothing's wrong and no one's asking/But the fear's so strong it leaves you gasping/No way to last out here like this for long.”

2. Big Thief - “Not” - A torrid, slow-burning rocker, “Not” showcases lead singer-songwriter Adrienne Lenker’s skill with oblique imagery and wild-eyed intensity. Lenker rattles off a long list of poetic observations, trying to get to the heart of something (everything?) without ever finding a satisfactory answer, as the music morphs from a controlled simmer to a cacophonous freakout. “Not” climaxes with a riotous guitar solo from Lenker herself, one that reaches towards the cosmos and echoes her frayed vocal. As always with Big Thief, though, the song soars in the smallest moments, like when guitarist Buck Meek enters with plainspoken backing vocals, and at the beginning of the second verse when the guitars drop out and Lenker’s voice stands alone.

1. Burna Boy - “Anybody” - Sometimes the best song of the year is the one that makes you feel the best, and no song this year made me feel better than “Anybody.” “Anybody” is both inviting and aloof, urgent and relaxing. Riding an irresistible groove defined by syncopated keys, driving percussion, and an eager-to-please saxophone, Burna Boy slides between Pidgin English and Yoruba chasing a feeling that resonates beyond the capabilities of language. It’s a song about demanding and receiving respect, dripping with the contagious confidence of an African Giant. And for three minutes, you’ll feel like a giant too.

THE REST: 26. DaBaby - “Intro” 27. Perfume Genius - “Eye On The Wall” 28. Yves Jarvis - “To Say That Is Easy” 29. Doja Cat - “Cyber Sex” 30. Mannequin Pussy - “Drunk II” 31. Better Oblivion Community Center - “Dylan Thomas” 32. Shoreline Mafia - “Wings” 33. Kehlani - “Footsteps” ft. Musiq Soulchild 34. Obangjayar - “Frens” 35. Ariana Grande - “NASA” 36. Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch - “Ballin” 37. Baby Keem - “ORANGE SODA” 38. Jessie Ware - “Adore You” 39. 03 Greedo x Kenny Beats - “Disco Shit” ft. Freddie Gibbs 40. Martha - “Love Keeps Kicking” 41. Lucki - “More Than Ever” 42. Park Hye-Jin - “Call Me” 43. DaVido - “Disturbance” ft. Peruzzi 44. The Japanese House - “Worms” 45. Spencer Radcliffe - “Here Comes The Snow” 46. Dawn Richard - “Dreams And Converse” 47. ALLBLACK & Offset Jim - “Fees” ft. Capolow 48. David Kilgour - “Smoke You Right Out Of Here” 49. Sandro Perri - “Wrong About The Rain” 50. Nilüfer Yanya - “In Your Head” 51. Julia Jacklin - “Don’t Know How To Keep Loving You” 52. Miraa May - “Angles” ft. JME 53. (Sandy) Alex G - “Gretel” 54. Kelsey Lu - “Due West” 55. glass beach - “classic j dies and goes to hell, pt. 1” 56. Peggy Gou - “Starry Night” 57. Cate Le Bon - “Home To You” 58. Busy Signal - “Balloon” 59. NLE Choppa - “Shotta Flow” 60. Dee Watkins - “Hell Raiser” 61. Ari Lennox - “I Been” 62. The National - “Not In Kansas” 63. Shordie Shordie - “Both Sides” ft. Shoreline Mafia 64. Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” 65. Angel Olsen - “New Love Cassette” 66. Young Dolph - “Tric Or Treat” 67. Koffee - “Throne” 68. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - “Half Manne, Half Cocaine” 69. Noname - “Song 32” 70. Anthony Naples - “A.I.R.” 71. Samthing Soweto - “Omama Bomthandazo (feat Makhafula Vilakazi)” 72. KAYTRANADA - “10%” ft. Kali Uchis 73. Moodymann - “Got Me Coming Back Right Now” 74. Drakeo The Ruler - “Let’s Go” ft. 03 Greedo 75. Teejayx6 - “Dark Web” 76. Cass McCombs - “I Followed The River South to What” 77. Gunna - “Idk Why” 78. Sharon Van Etten - “You Shadow” 79. Tresor - “Sondela” ft. Msaki 80. E-40 - “Chase The Money” ft. Quavo, Roddy Ricch, ScHoolboy Q & A$AP Ferg 81. Spielbergs - “Running All The Way Home” 82. 24kGoldn - “Valentino” 83. Quelle Chris - “Box of Wheaties” 84. Emily King - “Go Back” 85. AzChike - “Yadda Mean” ft. Keak Da Sneak 86. Club Night - “Path” 87. Zeelooperz - “Easter Sunday” ft. Earl Sweatshirt 88. Kim Gordon - “Murdered Out” 89. YS - “Bompton” (Remix) ft. 1TakeJay & OhGeesy 90. Future - “Never Stop” 91. Lowly - “baglaens” 92. SAULT - “Masterpiece” 93. Earl Sweatshirt - “TISK TISK/COOKIES” 94. Fireboy DML - “Energy” 95. Rio Da Young OG & Lil E - “Buy The Block” 96. Sacred Paws - “Write This Down” 97. Wilco - “Everyone Hides” 98. Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Real Lovin” 99. Sleepy Hallow - “Breakin Bad (Okay)” ft. Sheff G 100. Aimee Leigh & Baby Billy - “Misbehavin’ (1989)”

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the full list: 

[kashforgold]

My Top Tracks of 2016

So after months of struggle and conflict, I have conceded that I need to just settle on a list of tracks that I thought banged. This is it:

(visuals courtesy of my fly photoshopping skills)

Before I elaborate on this list, you need to know I have tried to limit this list. Anyone who has spent more than 10 minutes talking to me will know that I am obsessed with Our Lord and Saviour, Yeezus. If you’ve managed to guide the convo away from Kanye, I probably will mention that I am an ardent follower of Lord West’s disciple, The Rapper of Chance. And if you’ve gotten to know me really very well… Frank Ocean will have definitely popped up on the playlist.

In this list, I have imposed rules:

1. No Kanye West

2. No Chance The Rapper

3. No Frank Ocean

4. Avoid the glaringly obvious…

This final rule means I have had to take out a few tracks that have defined 2016 (Work, Black Beatles…), but I have included a few big hits I feel aren’t given the critical acclaim they deserve. Now I’m cutting the crap and starting from the bottom…

Level 5

James Blake - Noise Above Our Heads

I will happily tell you that I don’t know what James is singing about. The lyrics confuse me and parts are distorted to the point of being indistinguishable from noise… but good lord it is a powerful noise. I don’t need to know what James is singing because I feel it in his voice, I feel it in his instruments, I feel it in the layers and the distortions. This track creates longing, a melancholy hope, an unsatisfying acceptance. James Blake creates environments around his songs that push you not just to listen, but to feel, and this track is loaded with them feels.

Disclosure - Boss

I’m thinking back to Electronic music before Disclosure and I don’t remember it being this clinical and precise. Disclosure are clinical and precise, but they got just enough Funky for this Beat Junky. Firstly, that bassline rolling over throughout the track has some direct link to my arse. My movements once it starts are involuntary. I can try my hardest, but there will always be a little grind in my waistline when this drops.

Kodak Black & French Montana - Lockjaw

So who knew that excessive MDMA usage can cause your jaw to lock? What if I told you that in various ‘hoods’ pants aren’t worn low for style, they simply sagging under the weight of weaponry… Kodak Black and French Montana are depicting these 2nd World Problems in relatable scenarios, and with one of the smoothest flows I’ve heard all year. Kodak has had a solid year with killer flows, and on this track he flows in and out, around, inside, outside and all through Montana’s bars. They blend together the way you wish your Stir-Fry Noodles and Vegetables would.

Katy B x Chris Lorenzo - I Wanna Be

Apparently, this beat has been floating about in Lorenzo’s sets for a while. I can understand why. It hovers in that period just before dawn. You don’t want the night to end, but this would be the perfect conclusion. You don’t want the comedown, but this is the soft pillow you want cushioning you as you float back: sleepy and uplifting. There aren’t many scenarios where this song would feel right to me, but when it does, I know it will be magical.

Mist - Karlas Back

I saw a tweet that summarised this dude’s situation perfectly. It was something along the lines of “The only person from Birmingham allowed to speak is Mist”. All Brummies struggle in life with their misfortune of an accent, but this guy BANGS. Grime is dominated by Roadmen from LDN, so its refreshing to hear an exotic accent (yes, I did just call the Brummie accent exotic).

Danny Brown - When It Rain

Danny Brown sounds over the top and completely bonkers, so it makes sense for him to rap “When it rain, it pours”. Brown’s showing how extreme the world he knows is. Bullets are not raining, they’re pouring… This isn’t another rapper glorifying the violence he grew up in, nor is he looking back at it having escaped. Danny Brown shows you how this life be straight from the hectic streets! He ain’t slowing or dumbing it down for you. Danny’s out of his mind, and this shit is real.

Level 4

MØ - Final Song

This ain't as funky as Kamikaze, or as cool a song as Kamikaze. But it still gives me an energetic joy. It’s gotta be MØ’s quirky voice, or the odd emphasis she puts in at unorthodox points in words. but whatever it is, this song is trash and awesome.

Kungs vs Some guy and some other Bollocks - This Girl

The more you analyse it, you find a number of elements plucked straight from the catchiest tracks of recent years: a guitar riff lifted out of Get Lucky, trumpets that wouldn’t sound out place with Omi, a chopped up and screwed vocal in the bridge/chorus. There are probably more, but this is too vibey to even care. If a track makes you feel too glorious to analyse, its doing something right.

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Come And See Me

A song about one-sided casual relationships. PND gets some sassy lines in (”talkin lot about ‘we’, Oh you speak French now”), but this light bravado depicts him more as the antagonist. This whole song makes us empathise with his ‘victim’. PND and Drake make weak arguments for their case, but their ‘cold’ front is made weak and brittle. This track is a soft light on the fragile facade of heterosexual masculinity. 

Solange ft Lil Wayne - Mad

The Angry Black Woman is being asked why she always gotta be so mad. This song isn’t complex at all. It’s as though, not only is Solange explaining that there is a lot for her to be mad about, but she’s dumbing it down for us sheep. The double standards and discrimination are clear in society if you know where to look, and Lil Wayne offers some examples. But Solange keeps this track very maternal, and it gets more comforting with every listen. It’s a protest song that is aware that anger and proactivity achieve nada. The revolution is gonna be patient and will delicately empower us to pick apart the lies.

Giggs ft Donaeo - Lock Doh

Giggs is barely even rapping here. A few carefully selected words, couple tings name-checked, a raw minimal beat, and Donaeo on the hook: somebody make some mash cos this looks like the recipe for a Banger!

Level 3

D.R.A.M. & Lil Yachty - Broccoli

Back in 2015, D.R.A.M gained a cult following. Hotline Bling was one of the best tracks of 2015, but I feel Cha Cha set the tone that Drake polished off. Many other artists have fallen away having gained an initial boost with a Drizzy connection. D.R.A.M looked like he was to follow this path. He was too weird, his great musical ideas to few and far between, and just seemed a bit too off-centre… *In walks Lil Yachty*. The kids love him and I appreciate the boyish immaturity he raps with. The Broccoli beat perfectly complements this boyish immaturity. Lil Yachty stole this track and looks set to get bigger, but hopefully not better.

Lil Uzi Vert & Future - Too Much Sauce

Lil Uzi Vert is another artist riding this new wave in Hip Hop with Yachty, and the aforementioned Kodak. His voice is a little whinier (in a good way) than your average rapper, and this track again is the springboard shooting Lil Uzi and his style up the wave. Despite Lil Uzi’s efforts, Future is the star of the track. Future is the blueprint of contemporary Hip Hop! His sound is all over this. Every other big track this year can be classed ‘Inspired by Future’. Every other rapper in this new wave is Future’s child. And my favourite word of 2016, is #Sauce.

Mura Masa - What If I Go

I love Mura Mama’s production and on this track he smashes it. It’s twinkly and swirly in the verses and the instrumental after the drop has just enough weight of bass. There’s an enduring sweetness that carries through the whole track. It’s like a Vienesse Whirl.

Alicia Keys - In Common

In Common keeps the rasp and Polish I expect from Keys’ brand of polished R'n'B, but mixes the flavours a little. Some genius in a studio polished off some slightly tribal drum beats which have no right to sound this smooth. This isn’t a normal beat, and this Alicia isn’t singing a conventional song. She is embodying the wooing process of today. She’s breathlessly nervous during the flirtatious part, then she sounds strained and stuck between options when she tells me that we have way too much in common. And then she’s announcing with certainty that I’m messed up too. And still I have no idea whether I’m in or not…

Level 2

Skream - You Know Right

I was on the M3 stuck in the 50mph zone when I caught this, mid-track, on Radio 1. It intrigued me, so I stayed. It was building up to something and it felt like forever. Still in the 50 zone, and still the track was building. The end of the limit was ahead, and the track switched up. It had to be turnt up. I was getting turnt up. I was at the end... I'd made it... but what do I do now? The song silenced to offer me a moment to think. Man, machine, and music were in a magical moment of synchronisation. BOOM! 

This track is everything great in British Electronic music. Elements of house, trance, dnb, two-step, garage. To fully appreciate these, you need to listen to the full-length version. It's a prime example of escalation. It's a demonstration of how the same beat, with the right escalation can switch from hard, to melt your face gassy

Yuna ft Usher - Crush

Instead of the awkward, terrifying, uncomfortable trainwreck I went through, I wish my first crush was more like this. Pure, innocent, untroubled. A little coy, with destiny guiding you where you needed to be. This track feels like its been touched by destiny. Every stage of the song seamlessly flows and blends. Usher and Yuna seem to be able to feel each other’s vocals and glide through this 4 mins making you wish it would never end.

Drake - Fake Love

Drake is the zeitgeist of 2016. He was on your radio, your phone, your fake news, your memes. But people still don’t understand that Views is probably his weakest album! The only track Drake dropped in 2016 that would make it onto his greatest hits (due 2018), is Fake Love. Some of Drizzy’s best work comes from his throwaways: Club Paradise, We Made It, Ransom, Draft Day, Hotline Bling, Dreams Money Can’t Buy, 9am in Dallas, 5am in Toronto... I could go on. IYRTITL was a mixtape of experiments that became one of his most critically acclaimed bodies of work. 

Drake is at his best when he’s experimenting, switching things up, venting. Fake Love is just this. He sliced up the tropical dancehall vibe he popularised w/ Rihanna, switched his style to mimic young Tory Lanez, and sprinkled a little of Hotline Bling’s Cha Cha magic. It shouldn’t work as well as it does, but there’s no point complaining because Drizzy is gonna keep dropping the catchiest bangers.

Level 1

Flume - Never Be Like You

I’ve not liked Flume for a while. It stemmed from an early disliking of some his remixes. Not my cup of tea. And I’ve swerved around this teacup since, but then I heard Never Be Like You. Turns out this Flume kid can create audio magic.

Contrary to all the OTT maximalist stuff I associate with Flume, this sounds like its being forcibly restrained. There's an angst being held back, with twinkly hope popping through in sweet bursts. It's disjointed with silent patches specifically placed to enhance the overarching rise and fall. This wave is coursing throughout the whole track, constantly gathering momentum until the end when your ears yearn for it to crash, that never comes. This is an exhilarating, breathtaking journey that exhausts you, but never truly ends, no matter how many times you try to find one.

Beyonce - Hold Up

The reason I had to allow Beyonce in this list is because everyone else would have you believe Formation should be up here. They are mistaken.

Look at the origins of this track. Ezra Koenig tweeted “hold up... they dont love you like i love you”. This already sounds like it could’ve been Vampire Weekend’s most profound song ever. Then Diplo, the most influential producer this decade, gets Ezra into a studio and they create a demo converting this tweet into the shell of a masterpiece. *In walks Queen B*

Ezra probably repeated the ‘They don’t love you like I love you” for rhythmic purposes. Beyonce, with the torturous relationship of Lemonade, flipped the spine of the song. First, its ‘Hold Up, please don't hurt me like this’ and then its ‘Slow Down, you ain’t never gonna get better than me’. Each line has its own angle on the revelation of this infidelity. There’s a feminist strength in this song and Bey’s delivery adds an independent defiance. The beat carries a bumptious swagger to gloss over the delicious rage Bey is ready to ‘fuck her up a bitch’ with.

The reason this tops the list is unexplainable. The instrumental is on sitcom level of comical. On any other beat, this song would be nothing special. But they combine gloriously. Beyonce’s sweet, sharp Jam is so much more fulfilling with Diplo’s salty, gloopy Peanut Butter. It's another one of this universe’s mysteries as to why this piece combines so well together, but Diplo has a knack for this, and Bey’s gonna slay regardless.