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nervoushottee · 4 days

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Flaws and All CH. 3 | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: you getting jiggy with it with a knife to a can of frank and beans (no blood though)

Summary: You and Joel are on the road to Abe's place but stop to make camp before it gets too dark. You thank Joel for saving you.

Note: AHHHH GUYS HI! You have no idea how happy I am to post this. Fall is ever so approaching and I've been getting more into the comfort mood of the cold. I have been honestly writing this fic off and on throughout the time the last chapter was posted. I think I was at my previous job when I started this fic. But I quit that job and then I got a shitty 9-5 job and I quit that one haha! But no need to worry, just so happy my fingers are tapping on a keyboard again to write stories I can't stop thinking about.

Enjoy hottees!

(Light editing)

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Besides old cars and debris, the roads were thankfully quite bare. Nothing but the frequent deer and occasional squirrel crossing the road, that would scare you from time to time. But you would rather the fleeing animal stop you both than a group of raiders any day.

Rain came an hour or so into the drive and washed away the snow dusted roads. You would miss it but it was better to not worry about snow if the two of you would need to camp for a night before reaching the place Abe talked about. You and Joel hadn’t said much of anything beside you giving him directions if he needed it. And the two of you learned early on that you didn’t really know how to read a map.

You got pretty embarrassed after that, and it was one of the main reasons why you hadn’t spoken up. So the two of you rode in silence, you laid your head in the palm of your hand against the passenger window and watched the scenery pass by.

You don’t know when or how long you fell asleep for but a bump in the road wakes you up. Blinking once or twice and rubbing your eyes with your good hand, you look around to see if any of the scenery has changed. “Sorry.” you hear Joel mumble.

“I tried to avoid any bumps or potholes. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He says in a low voice. Almost as if he keeps his tone soft and serene, you’ll fall back asleep.

Shaking your head to dismiss his apology, you sit up straight from the slumped position you once were in. “I needed to get up anyway.” You yawn a bit, covering your mouth while doing so. “How far have we gotten?”

Joel nudges his head softly to indicate the road ahead, “Not too far now. Maybe six or seven hours til we get there, give or take.” he pauses before saying something else.

You’ve noticed so far that Joel takes his time in trying to find the right words to say to you. Even if it's just about the simplest things like the coffee he handed you back at the station. You wondered if there was a reason behind his pauses and his hesitance. Was it because of the way the world was now? Having to choose the right words to say to strangers who may or may not rob you in your sleep. Or was he like this before all of this happened?

You didn’t think he was a stranger to you, not anymore. And maybe that was stupid to think on your part to let your guard down so early on and think of him as your partner now. But something in you felt it was alright to.

“Reckon it might be time to call it a night though. I don’t want to be on these roads when it’s dark. We haven’t seen anyone for miles and we’re lucky, but that luck might run out when the sun goes down. So it’s best to not stay out here and test that.” He finally tells you. You don’t disagree with him either. It's been a straight miracle that the two of you hadn’t seen anyone since the day when the settlement went to shit.

“Have you ever been here? Abe's place?” You couldn’t pronounce the city from the map that sat on your lap and you were still kind of groggy to even try.

“Not particularly. ‘Ve heard of it but I’ve never been. It’s another reason why I’m not too keen on taking these roads at night.” He tells you.

You hum in response, closing the map and tucking it back into your backpack that sat at your feet. After a few minutes, Joel found a clearing that was wide enough to push the truck through and head into the forest. The drive was bumpy, and you were thankful that the tires hadn’t popped with how many old branches and rocks it drove over. Once Joel felt it was a good spot deep enough into the forest to not draw any attention he parks the truck and shuts off the engine.

“Okay-” you say to gather yourself while unbuckling your seatbelt and turning to open the truck door. Your hand on the cold medal. ready to push it open until you feel a gentle touch against your elbow that stopped you.

“Wait-” Joel hesitates, removing his hand from your arm in the process. He looks at you, pausing again like he wants to say something else after that but falters. He turns his head to look out the front window then the rear view mirror before he eventually speaks.

“Let me take a look around first, just in case.”He asks you shyly as if you would deny his request. To take the initiative to look out for any danger before you come out.

And maybe you would've put up a fight a few hours ago, but your body hasn’t fully woken up from your nap. Still fuzzy, warm and comfortable in your sitting position. You nod your head in which gives Joel the reassurance of you staying put until he says it's safe.

With the light slam of the truck door, you see Joel’s fleeting form in your side view mirror. Gun in one hand and flashlight in the other, he walks around the area you two have called home for the night to make sure it’s safe. And you tried to stay awake, you really did, but the sleep called you back so easily that you slipped right back into it.

When your door opens unexpectedly you awake in fright. Your eyes widen as you frantically pull out the knife that you were sitting on the whole ride. Your healing hand is screaming at the harsh friction.

“Hey-Hey it’s me. It’s just me, you’re okay.”Joel says to you with his hands raised. You refocus your eyes and see that Joel is in fact in front of you. It’s not a raider that killed Joel and now is after you and the goods in the truck. Just the man that’s been your traveling partner these few days. The man you’re starting to trust with your life.

With his eyes never leaving yours, he nods his head softly. Silently telling you that it’s okay, there’s nothing to be afraid of. That it’s just him. He places one of his hands on yours in a sign of comfort before slowly reaching for your knife. “Sorry I scared you. I tapped on the window but it seemed like you were out cold.”

You nod your head in response. Placing a hand against your chest, feeling the rapid pitter patter of your heartbeat from the scare. You close your eyes for a second to try and catch your breath as you inhale and exhale slowly. You hear the soft mutter of Joel repeatedly telling you that you’re okay and that it was just him. He’s still so close to you, the warmth of his body, the smell of his skin and the sound of his voice help you to relax. You open your eyes when you feel Joel's calloused thumb move lightly back and forth against the top of your hand. Continuing the gesture, he uses his other hand to take the knife out of yours.

Looking down at his hand placed on top of your injured one, your heart doesn’t let up from the rapid heartbeat. Now it has a different meaning. Not from being afraid of dying or being tortured or whatever bad thought you had moments before. But from the small gesture of tenderness from the quiet man in front of you.

As quickly as the gesture happens it goes aways. As Joel clears his throat, moves his hand and steps back. He moves enough for you to get out of the truck.

“The spot is good. Once it gets dark, you won't be able to see the truck from far away. I had a hard time lookin’ even now.” That explains why you were able to fall asleep. He had been gone for a while.

“We might have to keep the fire low tonight or even just sleep in the truck after we eat to keep ourselves from sticking out in the dark just in case.” He explains to you.

“Makes sense.” you say to him as you pull a few items from the back seat of the truck. “I’ll get dinner started then.”

The two of you work silently. Joel goes around to collect pieces of wood and bark to make a small fire. You gather a few cans of food to start dinner. Noticing that the supply was getting scarcely low, even with the small amount of things you found in the gas station. Making a mental note to tell Joel about it later, you sit on the ground across from him while he gets the fire going. You place the cans down in front of your crossed legs and get to opening them with your knife.

The sounds of aluminum cracking and the crackling of burned wood filled your ears as you worked to open the cans. The tip of your tongue sticking out of your mouth absentmindedly as you push through the top of the can with your knife firmly.

“What are you doin’?”

You look up to see Joel staring at you, still kneeled in front of the slow growing fire.Your tongue going back in your mouth as you pick up the can you already have half open. You hold it up and look at him confused. “Making dinner.”

“I see that. But why are you using the knife? You tryin’ to get a cut on your other hand?” He asks you smugly, a small faint smile curling on his lips.

You roll your eyes, “This is how I always do it. How do you think we had cold tomato soup last night? Or When we had uh- slimy chicken soup the other night.”

“I have a can opener.” He states. It was true, he did have a can opener. A small one that annoyed the hell out of you with how hard you had to grip the metal and turn it with all your might. You’ve used can openers all your life and you had never seen a can opener as shitty as that one. “I know you do.” You tell him.

“And yet you still want to use that to open it? You could cut yourself.” He points at your knife. “Hey. If I don’t use this, I will be battling with that stupid thing for 10 minutes to open one, let alone two. This is way is easier.” You explain as you extend out your knife.

“Let me do it then so you won’t overwork your hand.” Joel says as he begins to stand up.

“No, no, I’m fine Joel. You get that fire going.”

Joel shakes his head, the small gleam in his still there before he lets out a breath that can almost sound like a chuckle. “Well be careful, that’s all I’m saying.”You hum a response and get back to work, your tongue sticking back out as you concentrate. Nearly finishing the first can, you still feel the heaviness of someone staring at you. Looking up to see Joel watching you and your hands work against the aluminum can.

“Well I can’t work carefully with you staring so hard. I’m gonna lose my focus.” you tell him dramatically. He relents by lifting his hands up in surrender, turning back his focus on the fire. You open the second can a lot faster without his ogling.

After the fire was set and the cans were warming , the two of you sat by the fire. The sun was setting, the sky nearly dark and the sleeping bags underneath you both to aid against the cold damp ground. Your jacket zipped up to your neck and Joel’s zipped up to his chest.

With fire crackling embers that float toward the sky, the moon hovering over you and the stars twinkling in the night. It almost feels normal. Like you’re out camping instead of surviving and it nearly makes you start crying. How nothing will ever be the same again.You would think after dealing with raiders and runners and whatever the hell else that's out there for a couple years would make you used to it. And it did for the most part. But there’s always that small faint feeling that creeps up on you when you hope the next day will be normal. That you wake up and you're back in your apartment waking up on your couch from this crazy dream

Clearing your throat, you force the thought away. You carefully pick up the warm can wrapped in one of your shirts to keep yourself from burning your hands. You blow lightly against your spoon to keep the food from burning your mouth before eating. You eat in silence, occasionally stealing glances at Joel who looks as if he’s staring right at you. But you know he isn’t. He’s looking past your shoulder seeing if there’s any danger lingering in the dark. Hiding behind a tree waiting to sneak on you both at the perfect moment.

“I think we’re okay.”you say to him.

His eyes move towards you before flicking down back to the can of frank and beans you gave him a few minutes prior. “You did a sweep before you started eating. If there was someone out there, they probably would’ve come out by now.” You don’t know if you were saying this is for his reassurance or yours.

Joel eats a couple spoonfuls before speaking, “Can never be too sure.” he shrugs.

“We should clear this up soon and call it a night in the truck just in case.”

You don’t fight him on the decision. He’s kept the two of you safe for this long and you hadn’t complained, so you weren’t going to complain now. The scar on your palm itches in remembrance of how he saved you the first time.

Joel finishes his can before you, so he begins to gather the items you brought out back into the truck. You finish your food right when he’s done, the only thing left to do was roll the sleeping bag that was under you and to put out the fire. Joel pours a small amount of water on the flames and stomps the rest out, making the small area turn nearly pitch black.

The air is colder without the heat of the blazing orange. You opted not to put your sleeping bag away, but to use it as a makeshift blanket for the truck. With your passenger door open, you slide into the seat of the car, tossing your backpack in the back, Joel doing the same.

You let out a sigh, trying to get comfortable but you somehow feel Joel’s stiff movements. You turn to look at him and see his door still open, half of his body out of the truck. “You okay?”

Joel and his hesitance. He stares at you for a few seconds. “I’m gonna check again before we call it a night. Just to see how the truck looks at night and see if we need to move or not.”You don’t respond to him immediately, and it seems to almost make Joel falter in his words. “Okay.”you pause, “Be careful.” He nods his head before getting out fully, telling you he’ll be right back.

“Wait!” you say a little loudly. Joel opens the door and sticks his head in first with his eyebrows raised at your request. You twist in your seat to get to your backpack, and pull out your knife and slowly hand it out to him. His lips slowly quirk up into a smile as a way of thanking you. “Lock the door. I’ll knock on the back of the trunk first so I won’t startle you again.”

With the plan set, Joel closes the door and gets swallowed by the darkness of the night. Your heartbeats a bit quicker when you think of anxious “what-ifs”. What if he doesn’t come back? What if he does and he’s hurt? What if there actually is someone waiting in the shadows for the right moment to act?

Morals were the last thing on anyone’s mind in this world. Now, it was only about survival of the fittest. No matter what you had to do or who you had to hurt to see another day. And in the beginning, it made you sick. The killing and the screams and everything else in between. Some days it still does.

But with Joel, it felt a little easier. Especially with how cautious and attentive he’s been today. From what you’ve gathered from the short time of being at his side, he seems to have always been a cautious and attentive man. But since the gas station, since the call with Abe, he’s even more so. You won’t ask him about it though. You won’t pry just yet because it makes you feel safe. Something you haven’t felt in a long time and you truly don’t know what he’ll say if you ask him. Or that he’ll stop altogether.

Just as Joel had said, you hear two taps against the back of the truck before seeing Joel’s dark form. You reach over the front seat and unlock his door so he can get inside.

“All good?” you ask him.

He takes a second putting his flashlight in one of the cupholders and starts to make himself comfortable. Letting out a sigh of relief or exhaustion (you couldn’t tell which one). He finally nods, “Could hardly see the damn thing in the dark, and even with the light.” he gestures to said flashlight.

“That's good news.” Joel hums in agreement.

The two of you sit in silence, the only sound is crickets in the trees and the rustling of forest animals. “Nearly forgot-”Joel says as he takes out your knife and hands it to you.

“Oh.”you say in surprise, forgetting yourself that you had given it to him in the first place. You were glad he didn’t have to use it and told him as such. He agreed right along with you.

“So when we get to Abe’s place, what’s next?” you ask him softly in the dark. If it wasn’t from the moon cascading its light against the front glass of the truck, you probably wouldn't be able to see him. You can’t see much as you would with the daylight or even the evening haze. But enough to see that his eyes open when you ask him the question.

“Keep moving I guess.” He says simply. “Abe said we could stay temporarily but we won’t know how the place is until we get there. We don’t know how secluded it is or if it sticks out like a sore thumb so, we can’t really make much plans until we get there.”

You turn to the sound rustle at the side of your door, but don’t see anything. And Joel doesn’t make any movements that indicate danger. If you listen as hard as you can, you can hear the small sounds of squeaking. A rat or a squirrel you tell yourself with a sigh.

You subconsciously scratch at your clothed palm as you look out the window. Accepting that the rustle sounds weren’t an animal but a raider.

“Lemme take a look at this.” Joel says as he softly takes your injured hand into his. It causes you to move your attention from outside to him. Turning your head you watch as Joel repositions himself so he’s turn slightly towards you to get a better grip on your hand. “How’s it feeling?”

You shrug, “It doesn’t really hurt anymore, just itches from time to time.”

He nods before slowly untucking the end part of the cloth. “Should be okay to take this off now.”

You watch as Joel holds your hand in his as he attentively unwraps the cloth. Despite telling him you’re not in pain he’s still just as gentle as the first time he helped you. After the last piece of gauze falls from your hand, the two of you see a red angry scar in your palm. A scab forming over it.

You slowly make a fist with your scarred hand a few times to see how it feels. It’s not all the way healed, but it’s freeing to not have the gauze on all the time. Joel hasn’t said a word as he watches you make a fist and open your hand back up again. He uses his thumb to lightly trace the scar. Your breath falters slightly from the sudden touch. You hope he didn’t hear it.

“How’s that?” He asks, staring at you, waiting for your reply.

You nod your head, Joel turns back to your scar and this time his thumb rubs against it a bit firm then before. It stings a little but it isn’t terrible and you tell him as such.

He nods at the information before softly placing your hand back down on the truck’s center console. “Good. Should be fine then without the cloth. It needs to breathe so it can heal fully.”

After that, silence engulfs you both as you try to sleep, but sleep doesn’t come to you as quickly as it did hours before. Thinking too much about these past few days. About Joel and how safe he’s made you feel. And how he didn’t leave you to go to that other place Abe had mentioned. You never would have thought you would have partnered up with just one man for as long as you have been with him. You’ve been with groups with men before, you’ve been alone and you even stayed at settlements or bad attempts at QZs. But never a one on one partner like this.

“Thank you by the way.” You say out loud without much context for him to understand. You hear Joel turn his head towards you but you don’t look at him. Your eyes straight as you squint to watch the trees move slightly against the cold wind.

“You don’t have to thank me for that darlin’, I told you already it wouldn’t have been right-” Joel starts to explain to you seriously. The endearing name hits your heart, making you turn your head the second he says it. But you don’t speak on it as Joel pleading eyes tell you not to. You assume it as an accident and try not to make anything out of it. Thinking it’s that southern hospitality subconsciously creeping back out of him.

“No, not that.” You slide the sleeping back from your lap up to your chest to keep yourself as warm as possible against the cold to distract yourself. You take a breath,

“Thank you for letting Abe know I was there, that I was with you. With how shit this world is now, it's still very surprising to not get tricked or left behind.” you exhale out with a humorless laugh.

You sneak a look at Joel to see if he smiles even a centimeter at your terrible attempt at a joke but he stares at you with an intensity that you’ve only seen twice. The first time when Joel rescued you from your near death experience and the second when he was on the radio with Abe. It causes you to freeze in your seat and not dare try to move your eyes away from his. “I’m not gonna leave you.” he tells you.

Those five words, so simple yet mean so much. How serious it sounds when he says it to you. His eyes almost daring you to say something otherwise, and you’re almost tempted to. And it’s as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders and your chest, you sink a bit into your seat. You nod your head softly to him in understanding before turning your head to your window.

A small smile grows on your lips as you see small white flakes fall from the sky.

“It’s snowing.” you say quietly. Joel doesn’t say anything to you, but you don’t mind. Feeling comfortable in the silence as you watch the snowflakes fall down. And slowly but surely, your eyes drift close and you fall asleep.

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