#Jule'sffs

[dreamlikeafangirl]

Perfect [Chapter 1]

Summary: Nico has been looking forward to this skiing trip. Spending a long weekend in the snow with his friends, and, most importantly, Levi - what could go wrong? (A lot, apparently.)

Pairing: Levi Schmitt x Nico Kim (Grey’s Anatomy), side Jolex

Warnings: fluff, angst, skiing, minor injuries

Words: 4k

credit for the screencap of Levi and Nico cuddling: mygreyscaps on tumblr

Read on AO3

———

It would be a perfect day, Nico could feel it in his fingertips.

As a surgeon, the body part he trusted most were his fingertips. Not his stomach, sometimes not even his brain. And his heart? At the moment, it was pounding so much, Nico could feel it, well, right down to his fingertips.

He was looking forward to skiing, the feeling of loose snow beneath his skis, the fresh cold air in his lungs, the adrenaline and of course, intimate togetherness with Levi in the evening. Simply put: A perfect day.

They had decided to visit a Ski field over a long weekend; Nico, his mentor and friend Link, Link’s childhood friend Jo and her husband, Alex. And, how could he forget, Levi. Glasses. Or Schmitt. But in reality just Levi. Levi, his boyfriend. Levi, who seemed to constantly smile, but even more often looked as if a warm gust of wind just hit him directly in the face – adorably bewildered. Levi, who would tell endless stories about himself that were so absurdly honest and funny, Nico would have silently accused anyone else of making them up. Levi, who could make Nico laugh just as fast as he started to bug him – but in a good way, of course. In a let-me-interrupt-you-with-a-kiss way.

When the group of five doctors left the cable car that morning, the sun was shining down on them like a white spotlight. The freshly fallen snow looked like cotton and cream. And the wind blew with the (non-existent) force of a light breeze.

“The weather is great today!” Alex exclaimed. He was carrying his skis over one shoulder, and because he was a gentleman, he was also carrying Jo’s snowboard. She stuck her face out towards the sun and smiled consentingly.

“Right?” Link caught up with them, his snowboard under his arm. “I can’t wait to hit the slopes.”

“Same here!” Nico said. “I bet the pistes are fantastic, now that everything is still smooth.”

“Spoken like a true winter sportsperson” Levi mumbled while leaning on his skis for support. He was looking incredibly cute today, with his hair peeping out from under his helmet and his skis that were so much shorter than Nico’s.

Nico patted him on the back, almost throwing him off-balance in his ski boots. “Just wait, you’ll get there.” He grinned. “Two days, and you’ll talk like that, too.”

Levi shook his head. “I doubt it.”

The five came to a stop at the edge of a small hill that led from the cable car station to the first slopes. There, they began to clip on their skis. Jo was the first to finish and, while waiting, surveyed the others with narrowed eyes.

“Is something wrong?” Link laughed and put on his snowboard goggles.

Jo eyed Levi thoroughly, before answering: “I’m just not at all used to seeing you in anything else than blue scrubs.”

Nico followed her eyes with his. Levi wore a ski suit that was black, grey, white, and yellow, grey boots, and a black helmet, all of which suited him perfectly. Having heard Jo, however, he looked a little uncertain.

“Oh, don’t listen to her” Nico whispered, leaning over to Levi. “You look amazing.”

Levi laughed unhappily. Nico just now noticed how pale he’d become. He seemed shaky and nervous.

“Are you alright?” Nico asked.

Levi nodded his head unconvincingly.

Meanwhile, Alex shouted: “Guys, let’s go!” He let out a loud cheer and then pushed himself off the edge of the hill. Jo followed right in his tracks, laughing out loud as the wind caught her loose hair.

Nico couldn’t wait to go after Alex, too. The bright snow, the clear sky, it enticed him. Link, grinning widely, exchanged looks with him one last time, before boarding off. He went down the hill in wide, confident turns, and Nico pursed his lips, almost in awe. Link was not only the best surgeon he knew, he was also the best snowboarder.

“You ready?” He asked Levi, only then noticing that his boyfriend was still fiddling with his bindings.

“Obviously not!” Levi replied sharply.

Nico bent down as much as his skis would let him helped Levi secure his boots to his skis. “Don’t want you getting hurt.” He said with a playful tone when they were finished.

Levi just shook his head in silence and used his ski poles to push himself towards the edge. When he reached it, he started to slide down. Nico looked after him, stunned for a second. Briefly, he asked himself if it was something he did wrong. Then he dropped the thought. Levi was probably just a little angry at himself for appearing slow in front of his colleagues.

Finally, Nico slipped over the edge of the hill. He spotted Jo, Alex, and Link at the start of one of the slopes, waiting. Levi was about halfway down. Nico copied his turns, but after two curves decided he was going to slow. So instead, he just went straight downhill. This caused him to quickly gain speed and the pressure of the wind against his face to increase. His surroundings began to blur slightly and then suddenly it was only him and his skies. It was almost like Nico had fallen into a trance, one that caused him to block out everything but the cold air all around his body and the swooshing sounds in his ear and the speed and the adrenaline that made his every nerve tingle with excitement and joy.

Oh, how he had missed this feeling. “Whoo-hoo!” Nico exclaimed and pushed one of his fists into the air. His friends came closer way too quickly for his taste. Why wasn’t this hill longer? Sighing internally, he forced himself to slow down.

“That. Was. Amazing!” He shouted towards Link.

His mentor nodded, an excited look in his eyes. “You were right, the snow is perfect. This is going to be a great day!”

Nico noticed Jo doing impatient little feet-tied-to-the-snowboard jumps towards the edge of the next slope, and Alex staring in the opposite direction, the one they all had just come from. His gaze was fixed on Levi, who was still making his way down the hill, taking noticeably more time than the rest of the group had.

“You think Schmitt is gonna be able to keep up?” Alex asked Nico.

He furrowed his brow and just let the question sit between them for a second. Then he said: “Of course he will. We’re all equals here, right Karev?”

Alex just nodded. “You can count on it.”

By now, Levi was catching up to them. When coming to a halt, he accidentally caught an edge and lost his balance.

“Whoa!” Nico quickly wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s waist, holding him up. “Easy.”

“You alright, Schmitt?” Link asked with a grin that was half-concerned and half-amused.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Levi hissed.

Nico bit his lip. If his boyfriend wasn’t going to have a good day, he wouldn’t have one either. And he wanted to. For himself, and for Levi.

———

The group advanced to the next edge. The first piste they had picked was marked red, which meant it wasn’t easy, but not very hard either. Link had opted to start with a blue one (blue meant easy), Jo, Alex and Nico wanted to do red and Levi had stayed out of the decision.

So, red slope it was. Nico risked a glance over the edge, realizing it started off with a pretty steep section, after which it became gradually flatter.

“Well, that first bit could’ve very well been marked black.” Link said. Black was the highest difficulty.

Nico clutched his ski poles. It didn’t matter, he was ready.

“Are you still up for it?” Jo asked.

Link shrugged. “It’s our first run for today, and we all haven’t skied in a while. I still think we should do another one first, but I’ll do what you guys are doing.”

“And here I thought you were afraid.” Jo grinned.

Link laughed. “Oh, you wish. Race you down?”

“What’s the winner get?”

“Let’s say, uh, bragging rights for the whole trip?”

“You’re up!”

They both jumped to the edge awkwardly with their snowboards, and then got into their starting positions. Alex counted: “Ready … set … GO!” And then the two plunged themselves down the hill.

Nico and Levi looked after them, Nico chuckling, Levi wide-eyed.

“I’m betting on Jo” Alex suddenly said in a challenging tone.

“Alright, my money’s on Link then” Nico replied, still chuckling, and held a hand out towards his colleague. They high-fived in their thick skiing gloves and grinned at each other.

“What are we betting on?”

“Whoever loses has to buy the drinks for tonight.”

“Deal.”

Levi was already standing at the edge, ready to start. “You guys coming?”

“Right behind you, babe.” Nico smiled and pushed himself towards him.

As anticipated, the piste started off pretty steep. Nico struggled to maintain balance from time to time, even with the still flawless snow beneath him. Link had been right; this was not the ideal slope to begin the day with. But before he could think too hard about it, the difficult part was already over.

He stopped by the side of the piste and looked back for the first time, noticing that Levi was not far behind him. In fact, he caught up with him only a few seconds later.

“Wow, now that was a wake-up call” Levi said, a little out of breath.

“Yeah” Nico replied. “I don’t think it can get much harder.”

“I can already feel my muscle aches forming!” Levi laughed.

Nico joined in, and so did Alex, who had arrived last of the three. “Let’s just hope it stops at muscle aches.” He grinned. “Because one of us, lying on top of an operating table by Monday, instead of standing beside it? I can already see it in front of my eyes.”

“Bailey would kill us” Nico smirked. “Remember how she wouldn’t even let us go on this trip at first? Because ‘risk of injury’? Besides, I have surgery scheduled for Monday.” Monday was the day they would all be going back to work.

Levi gave Nico a long precarious look with, before sliding off.

Nico, a little confused, looked after him for a second before turning to Alex. “Let’s see who’s gonna get those drinks, huh?”

“Absolutely!”

The rest of the slope was no problem for Nico. It was exactly the right width, his skies were going smoothly, and not many other people were there. Perfect conditions. Once again, the piste was over way too soon, ending at the entrance point of a chairlift.

Link and Jo were waiting there with snow sticking to their ski suits. Both had red cheeks and big smiles on their faces.

“So, who won?” Alex asked after stopping next to Jo.

Jo and Link exchanged a look before bursting out into laughter. “We may have crashed into each other at the last second.” Link finally said, brushing a bit of snow off his jacket. “No one got hurt though, no worries.”

“So it was close, obviously, but there is no winner” Jo added.

Nico, who stood beside them with Levi, shrugged at Alex. “Well, I guess we’ll have to go to bed thirsty.”

“We made a bet” Alex explained to the two racers, wrapping his arm around Jo. “Looser would’ve bought tonight’s drinks.”

“Had I known that I would have put more effort into it.” She said.

Link laughed. “I thought this was all you got.”

“Oh, not by a long shot.”

“This again?” Levi mumbled to himself.

“Levi’s right” Nico said. The others turned their heads towards the two. “Let’s not waste our time standing around. You two can continue your bragging match on the lift.”

Link laughed, playfully shoving Jo. “‘Match’ would imply that we are on one level, and I don’t think so.”

“Ooh, you are moving on thin ice, Atticus Lincoln!”

One chair of the lift could transport four persons, so Alex, Link, and Jo (who were still bickering) got on one, and Nico and Levi took the next.

When they were sitting comfortably, Nico took off his ski goggles. “Levi, are you having fun? Because I don’t feel like you do.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked defensively.

“Well, you’re reserved towards the others. And me. And you’re a lot quieter than usual.”

“It’s not easy drowning out all this talk about drinks and who’s faster and whatnot.”

“I … do you want me to apologize? What do you want to talk about?”

“Ugh!” Levi threw up his hands. “You’re not getting it!”

“What am I not getting?!” Nico asked, voice stern. Then, he took a deep breath, calming himself down. “You’re right.” He said then, slowly. “I’m sorry. I don’t get it. I’m not you, I don’t know how you feel.”

The hint of a smile appeared on Levi’s lips. “I forgot. I always have to spell everything out for you.”

“Come on, that is not fair” A smile started to form on Nico’s lips, too, and he leaned his helmet against Levi’s. “But for real. What’s going on?”

“The others … I feel like they are treating me like a child. Like I’m an intern, here, too. Judging my look. Asking me if I’m alright, just because I took it a little slower on the first hill. And did you notice how Doctor Karev started talking about how one of us might end up on an operating table? It was right after I mentioned muscle aches.”

Nico frowned. “He did ask me if I thought you could keep up with the rest of us.”

Levi straightened himself in his seat. “Who did? Karev?”

“Uh-huh.”

He huffed. “I may have not skied in a while, but I am at least as good as he is!”

Nico gave him a little kiss on the cheek (which turned out a bit difficult with the helmets, but still). “I know you are.”

Their chair was slowly reaching the top station. “We can separate the group if you want to” Nico said. “Let Jo and Link have their races, while you and I get some peace and quiet on another slope.”

“Link’s your buddy. And I know you like spending time with the others, too.” Levi gave him a smile. “This is your trip as well.”

“But I’m not happy if you’re not happy” Nico replied, just as the chairlift was approaching its end.

“You’re so corny!” Levi shook his head, trying to keep himself from giggling.

Then, they got off the chairlift and joined the other three, who were standing beside a giant map of the ski field.

“Alright, guys. We are here.” Alex said, pointing towards a spot on the map with one of his ski poles. “Which means we can either take this next blue slope or go for another red one.”

“Let’s do blue.” Link suggested.

Levi agreed with him, earning them both an amused look from Alex and Jo. “Are you guys tired?”

“Come on, let’s not exhaust ourselves already. We have been here for less than an hour.” Link argued.

“Besides, if we take the red piste now, we’ll have to take another black one afterwards if we want to reach a lift of some sort” Levi said, gesturing to the map. “By taking blue, we are gaining access to a whole bunch of other slopes without having to take another lift.”

Nico nodded, smirking. “Good point.”

“So blue it is.” Link clapped his hands.

Before sliding off, Nico approached Alex. “Can you lay off Schmitt? This is supposed to be fun, not a competition. Except maybe for Jo and Link.”

———

Even though Levi did not ask for it, they ended up agreeing to split up after lunch. At noon, they stopped at a small restaurant by the side of one of the main slopes. It was furnished to look like a typically alpine chalet, and served traditionally Austrian and South Tyrolean food as well.  

Nico and Levi ended up sharing a huge plate of Kaiserschmarrn, which was basically a big pile of fluffy sugary pancake pieces served with lingonberries and applesauce. It tasted amazing and had Nico wondering if he knew any restaurants back in Seattle that made alpine food. He decided to google it later and if yes, to definitely go there one day. Take Levi. Have a nice date night, and look back on lots of hopefully amazing memories.

“Did you know this dish was named after one of Austria’s emperors?” Levi asked, still munching on his last bite. “He loved it so much that they apparently just decided to rename it to honor this guy.”

Nico smiled quietly, and gently wiped a little bit of powdered sugar off his boyfriends chin.

Alex, Jo and Link were sitting across the table from them, also still digging in on their meals. “Would you guys mind if we both went off alone for a little after lunch?” Alex suddenly asked.

“Not at all.” Link said. “What about you guys?” He looked at Nico and Levi. “Do you want to go on your own, too?”  

Levi shrugged. “Let’s decide along the way.”

“Alright.”

Back on the road – or better, on the slopes – Jo and Alex went on their ways. Meanwhile, Nico, Link and Levi decided to make a little round tour of the ski field to skim the area.

When they got on the first chairlift, the sun was still shining from the clear sky, with almost no wind and almost no people on the slopes as well. Nico could hardly believe their luck. Hopefully the whole weekend was going to be like this.

Unsurprisingly, the tour turned out to be lots of fun for him. He was with the man he loved; Levi, and his best friend; Link. Nico and Link both skied (or in Link’s case: boarded) in similar ways: better fast and a little loose than too slow. Levi on the other hand had a cautious style of skiing, which didn’t mean he was slow, just that he was taking it a little safer. Nico didn’t mind. He didn’t think the few instances he and Link actually had to wait for him were a waste of time. The others might have felt that way, but for him it was a welcome break to just catch his breath, appreciate the overwhelming view of the snowy mountains or have a quick chat with Link about the slope they just conquered.

Levi was also visibly happier than before. He got along really well with Link, the final ice breaker having been the discovery that Link was a fan of the X-Men comics, just like Levi. The next few chairlift rides they had then spend arguing whether a guy named Cyclops or a guy named Wolverine was cooler.

When the day slowly came to an end, Nico was still high on Endorphin and probably a whole bunch of other happiness hormones, too. His cheeks literally hurt from smiling all the damn time, but he couldn’t help it. He was sweaty and his limps were starting to get heavy, but still he felt like he hadn’t been this happy in a long time. But, he thought to himself, why wouldn’t he be? He’d spent the last hours with two people whose company he genuinely enjoyed, and had had probably the best skiing experience of his life. Why overthink this perfect afternoon?

Well, it was about to become the opposite of that.

They had agreed to meet up with Jo and Alex at the entrance of the cable car, which would bring them back down into the valley, where they had rented a cabin. The last piste Link, Nico and Levi needed to take was one marked black. It was short, narrow and pretty steep, and judging by the piles of loose snow all over it, it had already seen quite a lot of people today.

The three of them stared down the hill, nobody wanting to be the first to say ‘Let’s do it’ or ‘Let’s not do it’. Jo and Alex were waiting at the end of the slope, waving and calling their names.

Nico was pretty confident he could make it. A few short-radius turns, and it would be over. He just had to be careful not to hit one of the snow piles, because they had the nasty habit of slowing the skis down abruptly, causing the person attached to them to loose balance and fall – which was not a pleasant experience on a hill that steep.

He looked at Link first, who nodded, and then at Levi, who pressed his lips together, and after a short while nodded, too. After spending the day with them, Nico had no doubt either of them would make it down the hill.

“Well then.” Link said, adjusting his goggles. “Let’s do this, the others are waiting.” Then he pushed himself off the edge with a little jump and started to curve down. He was controlled, but not slow, and after barely a minute, arrived next to Jo and Alex at the end of the slope.

“Let’s not go at the same time” Levi said, still staring down.

Nico agreed. Better safe than sorry. “After you.” He smiled. “Again – I’m right behind you.”

Levi laughed, pointing a finger. “Hah, you better not be.”

He took his first turn, slow and steady. The second as well. Then, he got a little more confident and allowed himself to gain speed. Nico blinked, and the hill suddenly looked like a vertical wall. Levi seemed so tiny, his skis so short. Dusty ice was splattering out from under them when he took his next turn. The edges made a scratching sound, and Nico flinched. Oh no. Hidden under a layer of snow, he could suddenly make out floes of ice, and there were probably more all over the piste.

Levi just drove over one at a fast speed. Skis were made to slide over a surface of snow, not ice. On ice, skiers often had difficulties to maintain control. And Levi hadn’t seen it coming. He tried to slow down, but couldn’t do so without risking to loose balance. So instead he tried another turn, and barely made it.

Nico held his breath hoping for the icy part to be over. Then, he gasped when one of Levi’s skies suddenly lost its grip and slipped downwards. It pulled his foot and leg down as well, and now his balance was completely lost.

“Levi!” Nico called out. At the bottom of the hill, Link, Jo and Alex were shouting as well.

Luckily, it was just a scare. With a grunt, Levi managed to get back on his feet. Supporting himself with his poles, he was now standing still about halfway down the piste, breathing heavily from shock.

“It’s okay! You can do it!” Nico yelled, hoping his boyfriend could hear him.

Levi looked up to him, and then down to the others, who were still shouting inaudibly. With a determined look in his eye, he prepared for his next turn, gaining speed again. And while doing that, he completely missed the big pile of snow in his way. Levi’s skis got caught in the loose white powder, sending his body flying forward from the sudden loss of velocity. His helmet hit the ground with a loud cracking sound and then he started sliding downwards head-first, leaving behind a small trail of red in the snow.

“Levi!” Nico shouted again, this time from the top of his lungs. He was suddenly freezing cold. Levi was bleeding and not moving. Was he conscious? What had happened to him? A concussion? Or maybe something worse? A thousand thoughts were flying around in Nico’s head.

He saw Jo and Link running up the slope in their snowboard boots to catch Levi and only then realized that he was still standing at the top of the hill himself. But suddenly, knowing that he had to get to Levi as fast as possible, that stupid little hill didn’t feel like a challenge at all.

———

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this first chapter!

I have outlined the whole story, as of right now three or four chapters, but written only this one and parts of the second chapter. Hoping for a bit of feedback to motivate me :) But the story will definitely be continued.

Please feel free to point out any spelling/grammar mistakes I made, especially with the skiing vocabulary :) I'm always looking to improve my English :)

[dreamlikeafangirl]

The Last Skywalker

Summary: Fighting the knights of Ren on Exegol, Ben is too late to save Rey from making a fatal mistake.

Pairing: can, but does not have to be read as Ben Solo x Rey; Ben-centric!

Warnings: TROS spoilers, dark!Rey, violence, a whole lot of angsssst, ending is open for interpretation

Words: 1,4k

A/N: This takes place towards the end of tros, SPOILERS!, This isn’t really a fix-it fic … but it also kind of is? I would have liked an ending like this one.

Ben groaned with pain as his body repeatedly hit the stone floor. Something had successfully hit him in the chest, a scythe, probably. His breath was shaking with anguish. The knights of Ren were rigid and merciless fighters. Sometimes they attacked him one-on-one, sometimes they came at him from multiple sides. With nothing but the force as his last and only weapon, he struggled to retain the upper hand. Ironically, underneath all the fear, uncertainty and pain, Ben felt hint of pride. Even though he had never even bothered to learn their names, he had trained the knights well. So well he now feared they would actually kill him. Him, their former Commander.

Not that it mattered anymore. Ben had returned to Exegol a changed man. He wasn’t Kylo Ren anymore. He wasn’t the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He was only Ben Solo, the last Skywalker. Nothing more.

The next blow followed immediately. Ben twisted himself to the side and a Mandalorian ax pierced the ground right next to his head. Without missing a beat, the knight pulled his weapon back out of the stone like it was soft snow and struck again. But Ben was better prepared this time. He pushed himself off the ground with one hand, right towards the ax that was certain to split his skull in half, then used his free forearm to forcefully shove the weapon out the way mid-air by its blunt side. It stung quite a bit, after all, he wasn’t wearing any armor. The knight stumbled to the side, the spire of his weapon hitting the ground with a metallic high-pitched clang. Thereby, of course, he only made way for the next attacker.

Ben forced himself up on his feet again. The next knight swung his club at his chest, then his neck, then his legs. Panting, Ben dodged each blow. Blaster bolts were flying towards him from two sides; with the help of the Force he redirected them towards their originators. From the corner of his eye, he saw one of the knights collapsing to the ground. He felt the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. A small victory. With a thrust of the Force, he hurled the knight with the club into the air. He crashed into a nearby cliff and fell to the ground, dazed. At least temporarily.

The knight with the ax had decided to attack again. Breathing heavily, Ben got ready to avoid his blade by rolling underneath it. When his opponent lunged out, he prepared to lower himself to the ground. He closed his eyes as he felt the weapon charge towards him. He practically saw it, the Force clearing his vision. He knew exactly what to do to. A simple roll. The knight would not be able to hit him, and then –

The feeling was sudden, like an explosion. An unfamiliar coldness spread in Ben’s chest, making him open his eyes, gasping with confusion. For a second, he lost his concentration and his balance. His feet, unwilling to carry him anymore, indulged and he tilted to the side. The axe missed him, but Ben didn’t even realize it. He managed to catch himself on his elbow, pain shooting up his arm. He was feeling sick to his stomach. Sick and … alone. For the first time in what was feeling like forever, alone. A word fell from his lips. Not even a real word, a gasp, a breath.

“Rey.”

She was gone. The Force bond was broken. Ben was certain of it. A terrible emptiness suddenly burned inside of him. What – ?

He wasn’t able to finish the thought. A blade hit his torso, slicing through skin and flesh. He cried out in pain as black as red spots began to dance in front of his eyes. His head hit the ground. His arms and legs began to numb. Ben gripped the rough stones underneath him in an attempt to regain full consciousness. Every time he took a breath, it felt like another blade being rammed in between his rips. He winced. No. What had happened to Rey? Was she … ? No. She couldn’t.

Meanwhile, the knights of Ren had gathered around Ben, looking down on him through their grim masks. The one with the axe, who had delivered the last blow, was nearest to him. The weapon was hovering mere centimeters above his neck. Ben couldn’t for the life of him remember the knight’s name, yet he still spoke to him.

“You – don’t – need to – do this.” He gasped and coughed after ever other word.

The knight scoffed and lowered his ax until the cold metal brushed Ben’s skin. “Are you begging for your life?” He asked, his voice sounding hollow and lifeless behind the mask.

Ben felt his lips trembling. Even if he’d chosen to pursue that strategy, it wouldn’t work on the knights. Of course not. He had taught them. But the second he was dead, they would start going after Rey. And he could not let that happen. If she was still alive, he had to buy her as much time as possible. That was the least thing he could do for her now.

“Don’t – do – this.” He managed.

“We don’t take orders from you anymore.” The knight said, his voice oozing with venom.  

At that moment, a sharp female voice resounded from the end of the room. “If you kill him, you are just as much of a traitor as he is. All of you are.”  

The knights turned around, Ben blinked. With the ax still being pressed to his neck, he wasn’t able to lift his head. But he felt it nevertheless, a foreign presence in the Force. Dark. Incredibly powerful. And somehow still familiar. Rey? Ben closed his eyes. No. No. This couldn’t be true.

She came closer. Every step of hers, echoing in Ben’s ears through the Force, seemed to suck more and more air out of his lungs. Tears filled his eyes.

“Step away from him. Now.” She ordered the knights.

The weapon vanished. The knights disappeared into the darkness. And Ben lay there, not knowing if he’d find ever the strength or courage to open his eyes.

“Kylo Ren. Look at you.” Rey spoke. “You abandoned the Dark side, and the Light side seems to have abandoned you.”

When he felt a lightsaber pointed at him, Ben’s instincts got the better of him and his eyes shot open as he started to drag himself backwards, ignoring the pain in his chest.

Bathed in the blue light of Luke Skywalker’s old saber, Rey looked like a ghost standing above him; pale, distant, her eyes blank and emotionless. A black coat was draped over her shoulders, half covering her white clothes.

“Rey.” Ben choked out. “What – happened to you?”

“You wanted to save me, I know. But you were too late.” She answered. “I killed the Emperor. I accepted my heritage. A thousand generations of Sith live in me now.”

Each sentence felt like another ax being thrusted into Ben’s chest. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

Rey smiled. A cold, joyless smile. “No need. Today is a day of glory for the galaxy.”

She was still pointing a lightsaber at him. But not an active one, not Luke’s. The weapon she held towards him, almost invitingly, was switched off. Ben had never seen it before, but felt its spirit like a warm kiss on his forehead. The saber … it belonged to his mother.

“Join me, Kylo Ren.” Rey continued, while Ben slowly reached out towards the saber. “And all will be forgiven. You will have your place as a leader back. You will have your power, and your honor back.”

Ben carefully gripped the lightsaber and pulled it towards him. Rey didn’t even seem to care. Instead, she further extended her now empty hand towards him. “Join me. Be by my side. Be who you are meant to be. Live out your legacy. Kylo Ren.”

“My name – is Ben Solo.” He struggled. “My legacy – is the light.” The saber in his hand seemed to emit warmth to his arm.

Rey shook her head slowly from one side to the other, laughing quietly under her breath.

“Do you think – this is – who you are meant to be?” Ben coughed, slowly pushing himself off the ground. New strength had awakened inside of him. “It’s not.”

“You are weak.” Rey answered. “You will never overpower the Dark side.”

“Your name – is Rey. You’re not – a Sith. You’re a resistance fighter. A pilot. A Jedi.”

“And you are Ben Solo.” She said sneering. “You’re an orphan. Both your parents are dead at your hands. The last Skywalker.”

Nothing more. Ben took a deep breath before activating Leia’s lightsaber. “I will not be the last Skywalker.”

[dreamlikeafangirl]

A Christmas Carol

Summary: Loki can’t stand Christmas. You can’t stand Loki. But everything might change when he is forced to visit a Christmas market with you.

Prompts used: 113 (I’m good to go), 90 ([I] felt that winter wind blow cold), 55 (With you), 50 (Hand in my hand)

Pairing:  Loki x gender neutral reader

Warnings: just festive fluff I guess  

Words:  5,3k

A/N:  My first fanfic on here, yay! Please feel free to point out any mistakes I made so I can improve my English :)

 „I can’t believe it.“ You said. “It’s Christmas Eve, and I am alone on my way to the Christmas market. How is this happening?” Angrily, you threw your hands up. “They all let me down, even though they know how much I looked forward to it! Some friends they are.”

Your enraged breath created little clouds in the cold air when you continued walking along the street. You faced the ground underneath your feet, mumbled a few more unflattering words, and then took a deep breath. “Pull yourself together, (Y/N). It’s Christmas, the time of giving and forgiving. Let them stay home. I can have fun by myself, thank you very much.”

It was no secret to your fellow Avengers that Christmas was by far your favourite holiday. That’s why they had promised to join you to visit your favourite Christmas market many, many times. However until today, December 24, there had always been something in the way; important missions, meetings or training. But now it was Christmas Eve. Everyone had a day off, and therefore time for the market – right? You wished.

Clint, the Hawkeye, visited his family over the holidays and his best friend Natasha, Black Widow, came with him. In a last-minute-decision, he also took Wanda, the young Scarlet Witch. And naturally, Vision had followed in Wanda’s footsteps, so he was gone, too.

The same applied to War Machine Rhodey, who was also across the country with his family.

Then there was Iron Man Tony, who had declared loudly and dramatically that he would be spending the entire day with his fiancée Pepper and only her and God help the person that bothered them.

Steve, Bucky and Sam, aka Super Soldier, Winter Soldier and Falcon Soldier, had all volunteered to spend time with veterans and their families.

And lastly, Thor, to everyone’s complete surprise, had caught a heavy cold on one of your last missions. Nobody, including Thor himself and his wickedly smart stepbrother Loki, had known that could happen to Norse gods. But nevertheless, Thor was forced to stay in bed on the greatest day of the whole year. Bruce, part-time-scientist and Thor’s best friend, part-time green rage monster, was in charge of him. But spending Christmas Eve bringing Thor warm soup and enduring his never ending rants of self-pity? Even going to the Christmas Market all alone sounded better than that.

 -

So you’d taken off, had left Avengers HQ and were now on your way to the next bus station. After checking the timetable (luckily the next bus would arrive in just a few minutes), you sat down on a bench by the station.

Finally, you were able to completely calm yourself. It was Christmas, the happiest time of the year. You were going to have a great day at the market, it did not matter with (or without) whom you were going to spend it. The Avengers didn’t know what they were missing.

It was only then that you noticed something weird. Being an agent, your senses were pretty well trained and it confused you that this was the first time you had this odd feeling. Your intuition told you that you weren’t as alone as you had thought you were.

You looked around and saw nothing. Nobody. Empty streets, empty sideways. “Aw, what the hell?” You muttered. You really weren’t in the mood for an ambush right now. Even though you could, of course, easily level a few robbers. But you hadn’t stretched or warmed up today, after all, it was a day off.

“Please, will you finally stop talking to yourself?”

You spun around. Where was this voice coming from? You still couldn’t spot anyone. “Show yourself!” You demanded loudly and hopefully in the right direction. Your muscles tensed and you clenched your fists, ready to defend yourself.

“Calm down.” The disembodied voice spoke. It sounded even more annoyed than the first time. “It’s me.”

“Ugh.” You began to figure out who it was – the only person you knew who turned himself invisible simply for the fun of it. “This isn’t funny, Loki.”

With a flash of green light, Loki appeared next to you, seemingly out of thin air. He chuckled softly. “It was for me.”

You scoffed and got up from the bench. “Douchebag. What do you want?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Your friends seem to feel guilty for letting you go all alone. So my brother and Bruce insisted I kept you company.”

You groaned again. Thor and Bruce had send Loki to accompany you? Really? Him of all persons? You decided to have a very serious talk with them about that when you got back.

“Thanks, but I don’t need a chaperon.” You said, waving him away with your hand. “Bye.”

“Trust me, dearest (Y/N), I don’t like this any more than you do. But it is happening.” He said.

“There is no need!” You saw the bus coming. The time to get rid of Loki was running out quickly. “Really, Loki. I’m good to go alone. Thanks again.”

Loki crossed his arms. “I thought you didn’t want to go alone.”

You looked at him. “How do you … ?” Then you remembered. “Right! You made yourself invisible and eavesdropped on me.” I stressed the words in an attempt to make him feel bad about his idiotic behaviour. Judging by his cheeky smile, you didn’t succeed.

“You were the one talking to yourself. I had to listen to your whining.” Loki spoke, imitating my tone of voice.

What an absolute a-hole! Speechless, you turned towards the bus and stepped inside, not caring if Loki followed you or not. You couldn’t believe this was happening.

 -

Loki had lived on your planet for quite a while now. Apparently he was a danger for Asgard and his throne, so to avoid being executed he had to move to earth, into Avengers HQ. You could tell he hated it. Hated the living conditions and the human society with its rules and values (including everything that had to do with Christmas). Hated having to be with the Avengers all the time. Hated to actually do good things when he joined you on missions here and then. But Thor had to have an eye on him almost 24/7, that was the only kind of freedom Loki got. And yes, it sucked. But it didn’t make him likable or his behaviour okay.

Being an Avenger, you were often around Loki. And just like your teammates, you had your unspoken quarrels with him. It didn’t matter that he was kind of good now. He’d still attacked your hometown New York with aliens. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t from earth; him being rude and completely oblivious to any human customs was still annoying as hell. It also didn’t matter that he was really attractive, you still didn’t like him one bit. That’s why you never talked to him if not necessary. And you had decided to keep it that way for today.

So you stayed quiet during the whole bus ride. It wasn’t very hard, you were still pissed.

When your stop came up, you got up from your seat and walked towards the nearest door, Loki did the same.

“Get lost.” You started a last attempt to make him leave.

He sighed. “I really want to, but I can’t.”

You got off the bus and a gust of cold winter wind blew you right in the face immediately. You shuddered and pulled your beanie down to cover your forehead.

Meanwhile, Loki eyed the Christmas market which was now right in front of you. It was a big square confined on three sides by tall houses and a church in one of the corners. In the middle of the place stood a giant Christmas tree next to a big decorative Christmas pyramid. Even though it was only early afternoon, everything was illuminated by bright lights. The place was crowded with groups of people, strolling by the many festively decorated stalls, drinking hot beverages and generally enjoying themselves and the time they spend with their loves ones. Everything oozed joy, happiness and Christmas spirit. Loki definitely hated it.

“You’re cold, let’s make this quick.” He said.

You didn’t even bother explaining to him that being quick didn’t make sense at an event like a Christmas market. You were too mad at him. How could a person be so barefaced? This was your visit to the Christmas market – on Christmas! And were you going to let Loki ruin it? Not a chance. That strategy would not work on you. You wanted this time, and like you’d told yourself earlier, it didn’t matter who you spend it with. Screw Loki and his dislike for anything human-y and nice. He had been annoying you from the start, now it was time to give back.

You turned towards him, a flashing smile on your face. “You can go anytime you want, you know.”

He just closed his eyes and sighed in defeat.

 -

The Christmas market was every bit as beautiful as it had been in the last years. The market stalls radiated warmth and the smell of pine cones, punch and marzipan. Some of them played Christmas songs from the 80s and 90s that just towed the line between annoying and iconic. All these strings of lights were the most beautiful thing you’d seen in a long time. People chattered, the sky was a bright white. The wind hadn’t slowed down, but you didn’t care anymore. Your senses were overwhelmed, but in a good way. In a holy-crap-I-missed-Christmastime-so-much-way. It didn’t even matter that Loki’s presence resembled a dark shadow following in your footsteps, his eyes full of quiet impatience.

After you’d crossed the whole square, you stopped by a table. It was time you got something to drink. “I’m going to get some mulled wine, you want some too?” You asked, kind of throwing your no-talking-policy overboard.

Loki wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Mulled wine?”

“Yeah.” You replied, internally rolling your eyes at his immediate aversion. “And Loki, if you never try anything new you’ll never–”

“I’ll take it, (Y/N).” He interrupted you.

You raised your eyebrows sceptically. “Really?”

Instead of answering, Loki just sat down at the table and crossed his arms in an expectant manner.

You shrugged, turned around and went to get two cups of the deliciously sweet, heated wine. You’d seen Loki having discussions with your teammates several times. Giving up this quickly was very unusual for him. Had he accepted the offer just to satisfy you? To shut you down? You shook your head. Whatever. Even if so. You didn’t care.

When you returned to the table, Loki looked as grumpy as ever.

“Here.” You handed him one of the cups of mulled wine you just bought. “Wine a bit, it’ll make you feel better.”

His eyes shot up to you. “What did you just say to me?” He asked sharply.

“Woah.” Even though you weren’t exactly afraid of him, you took a step back. “It was just a joke, a play on words.”

He didn’t look convinced.

“Wine – whine.” You explained. For a god, and a smart one for that matter, his brain seemed to work pretty slowly when it came to puns. But you didn’t make the mistake of saying that out loud. However there was something else you just had to get out: “Besides, Loki, even if it wasn’t a joke, you told me earlier that my talking sounded like whining, so it’s only fair.”

Loki raised the cup of wine to his lips and drank. You noticed that this was already the second time of him not answering to something you’d said. And it made you grin widely. Had you really been able to freeze that silver tongue of his? You were so going to tell the rest of the team.

You drank your own wine standing up while looking around at the people passing you by. The beverage was just delicious. And another reason you loved Christmastime. Too bad that drinking this stuff was considered weird during summer. You could drink it all year long.

When you were done, you turned back around to Loki. He was slowly putting down his emptied cup, his eyes closed, and a light smile on his lips.

You blinked in surprise. A smile. He was smiling. Not that you had never experienced that before. No, Loki was often smiling. Just always sarcastically. Or maliciously. Never had you seen him smile out of joy. Not until today.

You pushed lightly at his shoulder. “Stop having so much fun, Loki!” You chuckled.

He opened his eyes and the smile faded. You almost regretted teasing him, but then he looked at you and said: “That tasted surprisingly well. It was not nearly as good as the wine in Asgard, but, for Midgard …”

You tilted you head, now making the same expectant expression he’d done earlier.

Loki rolled his eyes, but the smile returned. “Thank you, (Y/N).” He finally said.

“You’re welcome.” You answered, very pleased with yourself. “Now give me your cup, I’ll return it. And afterwards … if you want, we can get out of here. Go home.”

He handed me his cup. “We don’t have to leave yet.”

“Really? I thought you didn’t like it here.”

“I never said that.”

“Not with your words.”

He sighed. “Fine, I didn’t like it at first. But with you, it’s almost bearable.”

You laughed, and then turned around to return the cups, leaving Loki with these last words. “With me it’s ’almost bearable’, huh?” You said to yourself, giggling. You felt your cheeks turn red with happiness, and you didn’t know if it was because of Loki’s hidden compliment or because you now knew you could stay even longer at the market.

 -

“Can I ask a question, Loki?” Now that you were exploring the Christmas market together, with him not just following you but actually walking beside you, you didn’t want the two of you to remain quiet. You hated uncomfortable silences. So you’d decided to start a conversation.

“Certainly, (Y/N).” He answered.

You had never noticed how soft and velvety his voice was. For a second, you almost forgot your question. “Do … do your people celebrate Christmas as well?”

He looked at you. “The Æsir?”

“U-hu.” You nodded.

“The Æsir are not my people.” Loki spoke. You could tell he was trying to hide the bitterness in his voice, but it wasn’t working well.

“Sorry.” You said quickly, even though you weren’t sure what exactly you’d done wrong.

But as quick as the topic had come up, Loki dropped it. “The folk in Asgard celebrates a festival called Yule.” He told you. “I believe it to be similar to your Christmas.”

“Yule.” You repeated the word. “Sounds beautiful. Tell me more.”

He sighed. “It’s a winter holiday celebrating faith, family and love, what more do you need to know?”

You bit your lip. Faith, family and love. From what you knew about Loki, he had little of either one. No wonder he hated Christmas. Or Yuletide. You looked at him, but his eyes were full of defiance rather than sadness. You decided not to bring it up. You didn’t know him well enough for that. Instead you said: “Anything else? What’s different from our Christmas here on earth? ”

“Hm, let’s see.” Loki looked at the sky, thinking. “Well, for once, the presents aren’t brought by an overweight old man.”

“Hey.” You gave him a playfully serious look. “Not a word against Santa.”

“Your ‘Santa’ looks like my adoptive father, Odin.” Loki grimaced. “Only the eyepatch is missing.”

You laughed, even though you’d never laid and eye upon Odin. “Does your adoptive dad also have a flying sleigh with eight reindeer?”

Loki shook his head. “No, but he does have an eight legged horse.”

You stopped walking and forced him to stop, too. “You’re kidding. Eight legs?”

“Exactly.” He seemed surprised you doubted him.

“No. That’s not possible!”

“Actually, Sleipnir is my offspring, (Y/N).”

You started laughing out loudly. “I don’t believe you, Loki.”

“I’m serious!” He asserted.

“Shut up!” You almost snorted with laughter. “There is no way, an eight-legged horse is your – how did you put it? – ‘offspring’.”

Loki sighed. “I guess I should call myself lucky to get this kind of reaction.”

You wiped away a tear. Loki’s story was too absurd, it could never be true. “So, then, if not Santa, who does bring the presents in Asgard?” You wanted to know.

“Will you believe me this time?” He asked.

“Depends.”

“Okay.” He sighed again. “It’s a goat. The Yule goat.”

You tried your absolute hardest to remain a neutral face and voice. “And, this Yule goat, is he your offspring too, Loki?”

“You offend me, (Y/N).” He said dead serious, looking into your eyes.

Then you both broke out into laughter. You hadn’t laughed this hard in a long time. Your eyes started to tear again and your belly hurt. But these things faded to the background when your gaze met Loki. You had never seen him laughing out of joy before, either. He was bending his head slightly backwards and one of his hands was pressed against his chest. Every sliver of spite, every hint of annoyance had vanished from his eyes and his features. He looked like a whole new person, a healthier one, a happier one. He wasn’t just attractive anymore, he was good-looking. Plus his laugh was one of the most pleasant sounds you had ever heard. You were completely in awe.

It took you a few seconds to notice that Loki had stopped laughing and was now looking at you with an awkward expression on his face. “Are you alright, (Y/N)?”

“Uh, yeah.” You stuttered. “I … I just had an idea. I’ll be back in ten minutes, Loki, just wait here, please.” And with that, you quickly turned around and practically ran away into the isle between the two nearest market stalls. Away from Loki and your embarrassment. You had probably stared at him with glassy eyes for who knows how long. The mere thought made you cringe. What would he think of you now? And in the same heartbeat you wondered since when cared what Loki thought.

 -

The sky had already darkened when you were finally ready to leave the Christmas market.

You and Loki had both gotten another cup of mulled wine and you had introduced him to roasted almonds which (surprise!) he liked more that he’d previously thought he would. Then the two of you had inspected a good portion of the many market stalls selling all kinds of festive odds and ends. And you’d explained the Christmas pyramid to Loki and in that context also the whole story of Baby Jesus’s birth. He found the tale just as ridiculous as I had found the one about the Sleipnir, eight-legged horse.

But by now, it really was time to leave; even you had to admit that. You guided Loki back towards the bus station, which was overcrowded with people. Apparently this was a popular time to leave the market. “Oh, no.” You sighed. “I doubt we will all fit into one bus. We’re going to have to wait for the next one or even for the one after that if we want to get home.”

“Or” Loki took your arm. “We could walk. It’s not that far.”

You tilted your head. It was starting to get pretty cold pretty fast. And despite what Loki said, the way home was not only a short hop. But waiting for the bus? At least walking would keep you warm. “Alright.” You decided. “Let’s go.”

Turned out you were wrong. Even though you had chosen a swift speed, you immediately started to freeze. Shivering, you wrapped your arms around yourself.

“How are you not cold?” You asked Loki to distract yourself. You had noticed a while ago that he was only wearing an opened black coat over a thin grey sweater with a green and gold scarf decoratively draped around his neck. Nothing to cover his head and no gloves. Yet the cold didn’t seem to bother him at all.

You, on the other hand, had put on your warmest hoodie underneath your winter jacket. You wore your favourite woollen beanie and on your hands your thickest gloves. They were buried in your pockets as deep as possible. And you were still freezing cold.

“I do not get cold.” Loki said and shrugged. “After all, I am a Frost Giant.”

You were surprised. You hadn’t known that about him, but then again, until today you had never really cared for Loki. “That’s why you said that the Æsir weren’t your people.”

He nodded. “Now if you start asking questions about how the folk in Jötunheimr are celebrating Christmas …”

I cut him off, laughing. “I wasn’t going to.”

“Good.”

“For a giant, you’re kinda small, Loki.”

Okay, technically, Loki was a tall person. He was certainly taller than you, taller than Bruce and even taller than Cap. But you had seen humans larger than him. And that, in your opinion, made him small, at least for a self-proclaimed giant. And then another thought crossed your mind and you grinned. “Thor is taller than you!”

Loki stopped walking and turned towards you with a suddenly outraged look, pointing his finger. “Why did you have to mention Thor, (Y/N)? I swear, next time I–“ He interrupted himself. “Stop shaking.“

“I can’t.” You answered, your teeth chattering. “It’s really f-f-freaking cold. Can we w-walk again?”

You continued walking on the sideway. Luckily, Loki had forgotten his anger about being compared to Thor. He seemed to be more concerned about your wellbeing, his eyes never leaving you. Strangely enough, it made you feel like you were melting under his eyes. Even though the only heat you were feeling was the warmth of your bright red cheeks.

“C-can you please stop s-staring at me?” You asked after a few minutes as you felt slightly embarrassed by his behaviour and the lack of talking. “Or is the c-c-concept of freez-z-zing that f-foreign to you?”

“It isn’t.” Loki answered. “I just want to be able to catch you should something happen.”

Your breath caught in your throat. What did he just say?

“My brother and your friends would kill me if I let you get hurt.” He continued. “After all, they sent me to have an eye on you.”

Oh. Yeah, you were stupid. What the hell was going on with you? A few hours ago, there had been few things you loathed more than this guy’s face, and now? You could have looked at his face all day. And so, you did exactly that: you turned your head and looked into his eyes. “That excuse gets old, you know.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Excuse?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You could have had one of your illusions to ‘have an eye on me’.” You said. “You’re smart enough, Thor and Bruce would have never noticed. You could have made it stay invisible the whole afternoon, and I too wouldn’t have known.”

Loki laughed nervously. “That’s an allegation, (Y/N). I would never betray my brother like that nor would I invade your privacy.”

You nodded sarcastically. “Oh, sure you wouldn’t. You chose to spend this afternoon with me at the Christmas market, just admit it!”

Loki shook his head. “Even if I did, I–”

Fortunately for him, in that exact same second a large truck rushed alongside the two of you. And not only did the motor of the vehicle make ridiculously loud noise, but it also left you and Loki in a cloud of stinking exhaust gases.

“So, do you regret it?” You asked once the dust had settled and could remove your hands from your nose.

Loki shook his head after a few seconds of thinking.

“You seem to get used to our earthly customs, because anything else would have been rude.”

He ignored your comment and said: “Now it’s my turn. Why’d you run away from me earlier? What was that idea of yours?“

“You want to know if that was also just an excuse?” You smiled sweetly.

Loki sighed. “(Y/N), are you aware of how obnoxious you are acting?”

“I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine!” You argued.

He laughed, but not happily. “You remind me of Thor.”

“Are you insulting me?” You couldn’t help but raise your voice.

“Being compared to your friend Thor should hardly be and insult to you!” Loki said just as loud.

“It was to you, and you’re his brother!”

“So what why did you run away from me?”

“I was buying you a Christmas present!”

Loki went silent.

You gladly did the same. You were freezing too much to really follow what just happened anyways. Also you were out of breath and it didn’t feel good, because the air was ice-cold.  

“You bought me a present?” Loki asked.

You coughed and pressed your hands to your chest. Your lung was feeling like it was being pierced with a thousand knives every time you took a breath.

Loki’s eyes changed from surprise to concern. “(Y/N), are you feeling alright? Look at me!”

You would’ve loved to, but tears clouded your vision. You squirmed and gasped for air. It felt like your own breath was choking you.

You felt Loki’s hands on your back and shoulder, steadying you. “Breathe, (Y/N)!” His voice was near your ear. “Just breathe, slowly.”

It took you a little longer to collect yourself. But finally the pain wore off, so you could wipe away your tears and catch your breath. Loki was still holding you, which was a good thing, because your knees felt week. “Thank you, Loki.” Was the first sentence you said when you regained your ability to form words.

“Let’s get you home, (Y/N).” He simply answered.

For the remainder of the way, Loki let you lean on him, your hand in his hand. He held you as if he feared you could slip away from his grasp.

 -

Half an hour later, you were lying in your bed in Avengers HQ. You had tucked yourself under a warm blanket and Bruce was bringing you hot chicken soup.

“Please don’t you get sick too, (Y/N).” He said when he sat down the bowl on your bed stand.

“I won’t” You promised with a weak smile. “I’m just tired. I – we – walked around a lot.”

Bruce scratched the back of his head. “I still feel bad about sending Loki after you, but he was the only one available. Did you have an okay day with him?”

“I did.” You were still smiling.

Bruce nodded. “I’m glad. Get better, (Y/N).”

“Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

You left your bed only once that evening, to return the empty bowl to the kitchen and make yourself a hot chocolate. On your way back you saw Loki sitting alone in the living room, reading a book, his forehead resting in one of his hands. His eyes didn’t seem to be focused on the pages at all, but maybe that was just you imagining things.

 -

The next day was Christmas Day. You woke up early and tiptoed to Loki’s room, his present in your hands. You had figuratively and literally lost sleep over the question of when would be the right time to give it to him, since he didn’t have a Christmas stocking like all the others. Eventually you had decided on leaving it at his door, secretly, so that he would notice it when he left. A handover without personal contact. And definitely not in front of the other Avengers. That meant the least amount of embarrassment for you.

You crouched down in front of the door carefully. Everything was quiet, it didn’t sound like Loki was awake yet. So you carefully placed the present on the ground. It was a Yule goat, made out of straw, about the size of a shoebox. Sometime yesterday during your conversation with Loki about Yule, you had remembered seeing a market stall selling traditional Scandinavian Christmas decoration. Then, after, well, running away from him, you’d gone back there and bought the goat.

After delivering the present it was time for breakfast with your friends before everyone would empty their stockings. Bruce and Tony were the only ones in the kitchen yet, but that wasn’t the first thing you noticed after you’d entered. The first thing you noticed was Tony’s bright red Christmas sweater – the ugliest one you had ever seen. Christmas spirit at its finest. You loved it.

“(Y/N)! Merry Christmas!” Tony shouted when he spotted you and ran to give you a hug. He squeezed you tighter than usual and laughed a little louder as well. Was he drunk already? Probably. He was Tony Stark after all.

“Woah, good morning!” You chuckled and took a seat at the big table.

In doing so, your eyes crossed with Bruce’s, who had just wrestled the breakfast champagne bottle out of Tony’s grip. He looked exhausted already. Poor man. Yesterday it had been Thor, now he needed to take care of Tony. You gave him a sympathetic look. “Hey Bruce. Merry Christmas.”

However before Bruce could react, a tall figure sat down next to you. You turned around and looked right into a familiar pair of eyes.

“Uh, Loki, good morning.”

“A good morning, indeed.” He said with a broad smile.

You laughed awkwardly. “How comes?”

Loki leaned forward, his face only inches from yours. “Earlier, a little Yule goat came by my door and brought me a present.” He whispered.

Thor, who had apparently arrived alongside with Loki, settled himself next his brother. “Really?” He asked with his booming, yet at the moment a little husky voice. “A Yule goat?”

Loki shot him a murderous glare. “Eavesdropping is considered rude on this planet, brother.” He spoke sourly.

Normally, you’d now said something like ‘I really am a good influence on you, huh?’ And it would have ruined the moment.

You really had acted obnoxiously yesterday. Not everything needed to be said out loud. Sometimes it was enough to know. And right now, it was enough to know that you had made Loki a tiny bit of a better person.

“Thank you for the present, (Y/N).” He finally said.

“Do you like it?”

“Very much. It … it makes my room feel a little bit like home.” You met Loki’s eyes, and they smiled, he smiled.

And you smiled back at him. “You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Loki.” Then, you leaned in and gave him a hug, wrapping your arms around his chest. It had been a completely spontaneous action, a kind of reflex, but you were glad you decided not to fight it.

You felt him taking a deep breath. “Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

-

 It was like a little sun had risen inside of Loki on this day. A light that fought away the bitterness. You could hear its warmth radiating in his voice every time he spoke, saw its glow in his eyes when he looked at you. You even felt the heat through his skin whenever he gently took your hand – which, from this Christmas Day on, would happen increasingly often.