#Kisei ~NEVER FORGET~ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tenspontaneite · 6 years

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Paper Cranes (23/?)

Hikaru’s stress, and also actions, begin to catch up to him.

Chapter warnings: stress, negative thinking. More detail in end notes.

Of all the various friends Hikaru had dicked around during his demon ordeal, he probably felt worst about Yashiro.

Yashiro was just too nice. He was a grumpy bastard and too insistent on cleanliness for him to be a natural teenager, but he just…objectively was not a dickhead. After several unpleasant conversations, Hikaru could now (begrudgingly) admit that he felt guilty about how he’d treated Touya, but at least Touya had been a dickhead right back at him. He always gave as good as he got, especially when it came to being an arsehole. But Yashiro?

Yashiro had just been worried. He’d pushed once he’d overheard Hikaru on the phone to Utagawashi, yeah, but…he’d been pretty okay about it. It had been annoying, but okay. And Hikaru was hardly going to forget how he’d opened his home at the drop of a hat when he’d needed it. And he’d called Hikaru about the news, possibly saving his life in the process, because what if Hikaru hadn’t been prepared for Kaminaga to come that night? It…might have been nasty. Nastier, he amended to himself, because the night had already been plenty nasty.

Generally, Yashiro was not a dickhead, and that meant Hikaru felt much guiltier about being a cagey bastard with him than with Touya, and especially for what he’d probably put him through with calling the police and whatever else. So, logically, Hikaru had been steadfastly avoiding thinking about the boy.

This was made much more difficult when his mother brusquely informed him that she’d given Yashiro permission to stay over that weekend, because he’d wanted to visit Hikaru and couldn’t do it in the week.

Hikaru stared at her as the words sank in, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. “…When’s he getting here?” He asked, eventually, and felt far less cheerful about his imminent release from the hospital than he had been before.

“This evening, actually.” His mother said, casting a befuddled glance to the flower arrangement at his bedside. “He’ll be there when you get home tomorrow. It might be useful for you – he can be your hands while he’s here, after all.”

“Great.” Hikaru said, unenthusiastically.

“Don’t be like that.” She said, tone automatically shifting to the sternness that was her ingrained response to Hikaru-in-a-mood. “He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, a little morose. He had been hoping to get through at least two days without having any more highly uncomfortable talks, but that had probably been overly optimistic of him. “Well. I guess he can play Go, at least.”

“You’re not allowed to play a game for six weeks.” She reminded him, eyes wandering back to the flowers again.

“Verbal. Verbal Go. I’m not going to use my hands.” He clarified, shuffling on the bed. “He can place my stones for me.”

“That’s nice.” His mother answered distractedly, clearly not listening past the initial assurance. “Hikaru, weren’t there more flowers than this? I thought there were six of the sunflowers.”

He was honestly surprised she’d noticed that, but… “I gave one to a friend.” He shrugged. It was hardly a secret.

“Oh, I see. Akira-kun?”

“You think I’d give Touya a sunflower?” Hikaru asked incredulously, then paused to consider it. “…Maybe I should give him one. Just to fuck with him. He’d be so confused.”

“Hikaru. Language.”

“Yeah.” He said, already delighted at the idea. He could just imagine the faces the other pro would make. “Anyway, no, it wasn’t him. I gave it to Setsu.” He made sure to say it very casually. Dismissively, even.

Her eyes narrowed at him. “Setsu, you say. I was told that someone by that name had visited you, but I’d never heard the name before.”

Hikaru gave her an oblivious stare. “What, I haven’t mentioned Setsu before?” He said, affecting a tone of confusion.

“You haven’t.” She confirmed.

“Oh. Well, I guess we’ve not been friends that long.” He mused, consideringly, as though it all made sense now. “Well, anyway, we played a game a while back, and we’re friends now.”

“Oh.” She said, already sounding less interested. He could practically see her slotting Setsu into the ‘Hikaru’s Go friends’ category. Excellent. “I see. Is Setsu good at Go?”

“Good-ish. Better than most amateurs I tutor, but nowhere near as good as me.” He said, and threw in some more technical stuff to throw her off. “I mean, if I was going to guess, I think Setsu would probably either pass the pro exam or get one of the top spots. But, like, that joseki is old, and it’s old and clumsy so there’s tons of weaknesses. Any pro could win against that, probably.”

“That’s nice, Hikaru.” She said tolerantly, clearly not listening anymore. Success.

He nodded to himself with satisfaction, and allowed her to work out her remaining bits of small talk and idle news at him before she left for the day. He had, quite expertly, made it so at least one person would accept Setsu as an acknowledged real friend-of-Hikaru if it ever came up. After all, if Setsu was walking around embodied now, it was best to make some preparations. It wouldn’t be enough of a bastion against the bull-headed curiosity of his crazy friends, but it was better than nothing.

Later that day, after his mother had left, Waya and Isumi came to visit. Hikaru felt them approaching not long after they walked into the hospital, identifying their somewhat-familiar souls once they were close enough to ambiently feel. He made a face at his bedclothes as they lingered at reception, presumably signing in.

Clearly, he had been far too optimistic in hoping he’d manage to go two days without awkward conversations.

He sighed, resigned, and sat up to watch the door as they approached. It was Isumi who knocked, calling “Shindou-kun?” through the door. “It’s Isumi, and Waya.”

“Yeah, I know.” He said, unthinkingly, and then shook his head. Ugh. “Come in.”

The door opened, and two faces poked their way in, eyes immediately fixing on him. The mood-patterns on their souls twisted oddly as they processed his appearance, and he wondered what it was that they were seeing. Isumi stepped in, and then Waya, closing the door behind him.

“…Huh.” Waya said, looking distinctly bothered by the sight of him.

“Don’t just stand there, it’s weird. Pull up some chairs or something.” Hikaru told him, a little crossly. If he was going to have more awkward conversations, he at least didn’t want them looming over him for it. There was a distinctly uncomfortable quiet as they followed his directive, situating themselves by the bedside. Hikaru made sure to plant his hands in plain view, just to get that out of the way.

“I’m glad you’re alright, Shindou-kun.” Isumi said, once he was seated. “We haven’t heard much, just that you’d been injured and ended up in hospital but it wasn’t serious.”

Waya nodded, taking the opening to speak. “I was just kind of pissed about you not coming to the Kisei match, at first.” He ventured, tilting his head a little to stare at Hikaru’s hands with a befuddled expression. “I guess no one called the Association until later, so at first your match was ruled as a forfeit, and, uh…”

“You thought I was being a match-forfeiting tool again?” Hikaru guessed, unamused. It seemed that streak of unpleasantness would, quite literally, forever be haunting him.

“I didn’t really think anything, I was just pissed off.” Waya denied, somewhat shifty-eyed. “I may have sent some angry messages.”

“Don’t bother reading them.” Isumi advised him. “They’re terribly rude.”

“Anyway, we didn’t hear from you at all for like two days and that started to be weird, so we texted your neighbour, and she said you were in the hospital.” Waya went on, as though Isumi hadn’t spoken. “And she just didn’t say anything else, so…”

“I think I was still unconscious then?” Hikaru suggested, thinking it through. “I was out for like three days, so probably she didn’t know enough to tell you.” Both Isumi and Waya stared at him, visibly taken-aback.

“…I didn’t know that.” Waya admitted, unusually subdued. “Three days? That’s…I guess it makes sense we didn’t hear much from her, then. A day later she got back to us and said you were fine but had injured your hands, and that didn’t sound too bad, you know?” He gestured to Hikaru’s hands, which were still in plain view in their orthoses. “But that looks more serious than I thought, you know. I guess I sort of thought that somehow this whole hospital thing was just more bullshit and I’d walk in and you’d have, like, a tiny cut or something, but…”

Hikaru sighed. He was just…so tired of all of this. “I was unconscious for three days, I’ve got permanent hand damage, and also I’ve got an infection.” He said, flatly. “It’s gonna be a good two months before I can play a game with my own hands again.” Predictably, both of them looked quite stunned at that.

Any moment now, they were going to ask what had happened. And he’d have to tell them, because they’d been worried, and they were his friends, and that meant he should tell them something, because it wasn’t fair otherwise. But he was just so sick of it. This whole week had been stuffed full of horrible talks and he was completely, utterly tired. And he still had to talk to Yashiro.

At least he was starting to run out of people who he had to be somewhat truthful with.

“Do you mind telling us what happened?” Isumi asked, and despite himself, Hikaru felt some tension release. That was…an unexpectedly nice way of asking. He shrugged tiredly.

“I got attacked by a guy with a sword.” He answered, dully, slumping back against the back of the hospital bed. “And then I got away, but a load of my tendons were cut up so they had to do surgery.”

Both visitors stared at him. Isumi was observing him with a slightly furrowed brow, the look of his soul somewhere between an instinctive flash of dubiousness and a more dominant understanding, but Waya…

He folded his arms. “Shindou,” he said, a little tightly. “I swear to god, if you’re choosing now to bullshit when you’re in fucking hospital-“

Hikaru’s face twisted in tandem with the tense, unhappy lurch of his guts, and he turned away with an angry, hissing huff. “I’m not bullshitting.” He retorted. I learned my lesson there with Touya, he almost said, but he bit back the words.

“A sword.” Waya said, voice rising with disbelief, and no small edge of his own anger. “Come on, Shindou, who the fuck gets attacked with a sword? That’s not even a little believable!”

He supposed, really, that this was kind of his fault. If he hadn’t made such a habit of saying complete crap when questioned about uncomfortable topics, it might be more believable, but… “Me, obviously!” He shot back, the distinct and unpleasant sensation of stress seething in his limbs and bubbling through his voice. “I didn’t ask to get attacked by a crazy swordsman, but it happened! If you don’t believe me you can just fuck off.” His energy bristled and churned around him, but he held it inwards, not risking something like what had happened with Touya.

Waya half-stood up, looking very ready to get argumentative, and while his soul wasn’t as weirdly expressive as Touya’s, it was easy to see similar emotions there as during the fight earlier that week. It just figured that Hikaru would get the same response by actually telling the truth, didn’t it.

Then, suddenly, like a breath of fresh air, Isumi held his hand out as though to bar Waya from moving. “I believe you.” He said to Hikaru, voice quiet and sympathetic.

Waya stared at him incredulously. “What? Isumi-“

“It was on the news, wasn’t it? That man in Yokohama was killed with a sword, and it was reported that there was a linked incident last Friday here in Tokyo.” He went on, looking perfectly calm, though his soul didn’t quite match that outwards appearance. “Was that you?”

Hikaru averted his eyes from Waya, fixing them on Isumi. His shoulders loosened a little. “…Yeah.” He agreed, woodenly. “Same guy. I had to talk to the police about it, once they finished operating on my hands.”

“I’m sorry.” Isumi said, completely and sincerely sympathetic. “That must have been a horrible experience.”

He looked away again, because the sympathy was uncomfortable to look at, too. “I’m fine. I lived, didn’t I?” For a given value of ‘lived’, since one of the consequences was that he was now sort of dying. Hikaru grimaced at the thought, and then deliberately pushed it away.

Waya looked between him and Isumi, face contorted into conflicted confusion. “…What?” He asked, almost uncomprehendingly. “Are you trying to tell me you actually got attacked with a sword?”

“I fucking said so, didn’t I?” Hikaru bit out, voice positively caustic.

“Yeah, but most of the time when you say stuff like that it isn’t true.” Waya said, and Hikaru considered telling him that, in fact, a lot of the bullshit he spouted was actually true. “But…you actually, like, got attacked?”

Isumi sighed. “Waya.”

Hikaru considered saying something very uncomplimentary, but breathed, and fell back on Akari’s advice. “Yes, Waya. I actually got attacked. With a sword. And I don’t want to talk about it.”

Waya looked almost personally affronted at the last sentence. He leaned forwards in an quick, thoughtless motion. “Not even why it happened? I mean, why the hell did the murderer guy go after you? Is it someone you know, Shindou? Do you know if they caught him yet?”

It was like Touya all over again. Hikaru restrained another biting response. “I just said I didn’t want to talk about it. And no, they haven’t caught him yet.” That was probably something else he’d have to deal with, once he left the hospital. Kaminaga.

Hikaru really wished he could spend maybe two consecutive days just…resting. Not having to have horrible conversations. Not having to deal with someone who was partially responsible for some of the horrible things that had happened to him.

“So you do know him?” Waya pressed, as if he’d heard a completely different response.

Hikaru scowled. “When the hell did I say that?” He demanded.

“You didn’t, but you didn’t deny it, so-”

“That doesn’t mean it’s true! I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” Under ordinary circumstances, he’d have clenched his fists. Paced around. Maybe thrown something. Instead he held rigidly still, eyes fixed determinedly on his hands as frustration prickled at his throat.

Waya started to talk again, but barely got another syllable out before he was mercifully stopped.

“Waya.” Isumi said, firmly. Almost sternly. “He’s literally sitting in a hospital bed. Now isn’t the time to bother him, and if he doesn’t want to talk, you need to respect that.”

Cautiously, Hikaru looked over. Waya was staring at his friend, looking somewhat betrayed. “But-“

“No.” The older pro reiterated, and fixed him with a surprisingly steely look. “Don’t be unkind.”

Sullenly, Waya fell quiet. Hikaru was briefly very, very relieved that he hadn’t come to visit alone. It would have been a nightmare.

Isumi looked over at him. “Shindou-kun? Would you like us to stay for a while? We could discuss some of the games you’ve missed in the last week, if you like.”

He blinked, and leaned back. “No.” He said, bluntly. “No, I’m tired. I want to rest.”

His friend nodded, and…that, apparently, was that. He rose from his chair, pulling Waya with him. “We won’t stay any longer, then. Come on, Waya.” He ignored the younger boy’s protests as he herded him easily to the door. He looked back briefly. “I hope you feel better soon.”

“…Thanks.” He said, and held carefully still until the door was closed and his friends’ presences were receding down the hallway.

Slowly, he slumped into the bed, the beginnings of a stress-headache clawing at his brain. He wished he could look forwards to getting out of hospital, but…

Yashiro.

Hikaru sighed, and turned over to go to sleep. It wasn’t even late afternoon yet, but he was tired, and utterly fed up with dealing with everything. Sleep was easier.

---

The morning of his release, Hikaru went through the usual wound-checking and hand exercises with a distinct feeling of trepidation. He nodded through the comments on the progress of his healing, made approving noises over the apparent slight improvement of his infection, and obligingly twitched his fingers in all the ways he was told, but his thoughts were manifestly elsewhere. He had slept off some of the tension, but his mood felt alarmingly fragile, and he was not at all looking forward to another unpleasant conversation.

Then nurse Furutani brought in the clean, non-hospital clothes his mother had dropped on, and Hikaru was instantly intrigued.

“That’s a real t-shirt.” He pointed out, oddly charmed by the sight of the completely normal clothing. “And real trousers. Not….hospital crap.”

“They are indeed.” Nurse Furutani agreed, looking secretively amused. “We’ll see how well you do at getting into them, hm?”

“Why would I-“ He started to ask, then looked at his hands. They remained, as expected, within the hell-implements that controlled their positioning. “…Right. So putting clothes on is going to be a pain now.”

“I think I can safely say that lots of things are going to be a pain.” The nurse nodded, looking far too cheerful about the whole thing, and cajoled him into accepting the clothing. “See how you do on your own to begin with, I’ll help if you need it.”

In the end, embarrassingly, Hikaru did indeed need help. It was just a normal t-shirt, no buttons or anything, but manoeuvring his hands through the thing without pulling his fingers into bad-feeling positions proved to be basically impossible, so he had so sit sullenly while the nurse did it for him and pulled the shirt over his head. He managed the trousers through sheer bull-headed determination, using judicious applications of weight through his elbows to hold them in place on the bedside while he pulled his legs into them. Actually fastening them proved to be a pain, though. He managed the zip but not the button, and stubbornly pulled his shirt down over it to conceal that small failure.

“I emerge victorious.” He said to Nurse Furutani, who obligingly offered some applause. After that it was just a matter of waiting for his mother to show up and sign a load of papers.

When she did arrive, she arrived with not only Akari but also Yashiro in tow. Hikaru was thankfully forewarned to this by his far-reaching senses, but it made the initial moments no less awkward.

Hikaru ignored his mother and Akari entirely in favour of staring tensely at Yashiro. Yashiro, for his part, folded his arms and looked very accusative. His soul revealed a great number of conflicting feelings and looking at them made Hikaru feel distinctly guilty.

“Oh god, am I going to have to mediate again?” Akari said, after looking between them for a few seconds. Hikaru was inclined to forgive her the words, because it neatly broke the awkward silence.

“Mediate?” Yashiro asked, as the group as a whole led Hikaru out of his hospital room. He’d only been down the corridor to go to the toilet in the whole time he’d been there, so approaching the stairs felt almost exciting. “What did you need to mediate?”

Hikaru noticed that his mother looked quite interested in the answer, too. “Hikaru and Touya-kun had a fight and they were being idiots about it, so I sorted it out.” She peered at Hikaru. “Did it go alright, on Thursday?”

“….It went okay.” He admitted, grudgingly. “But then Waya came yesterday and made a pain of himself, like I knew he would.”

“Oh dear.” His mother said, sounding mildly concerned.

“In fairness, I feel like you’ve been putting off all these conversations for a while, so I think you’re just overdue.” Akari pointed out, with just the slightest edge of sympathy. He didn’t feel particularly comforted.

Yashiro side-eyed him, and said nothing. The silence was very expressive. Hikaru instantly felt both guiltier and more stressed.

“Maybe.” Hikaru said, vaguely, and allowed the polite conversation of his mother and Akari to fill the quiet, interspersed with an occasional comment by Yashiro.

His mother had actually hired a taxi to get them home, which was unexpected, but pleasant. He wouldn’t have enjoyed navigating public transport with his hands as they were. Humiliatingly, Akari had to plug in his seatbelt, as he couldn’t move his fingers enough to get the necessary leverage. There would probably be a lot of things like that, in the weeks to come. Hikaru produced a long and rather depressed sigh at the thought of it, and turned his head to the side.

Hikaru stared out of the window, watching the streets progressively become more familiar. At the same time, he could feel a bright patch of energy growing closer, a familiar mesh woven into brick and wiring. The house-wards. He was surprised by how much he was looking forward to walking through them, considering what he’d seen happen to the ones on the shrine. They still felt safe, even if he knew that they didn’t stand up to serious threats.

Eventually, they arrived. His mother paid the taxi driver, and then went to unlock the front door. At the sight of it Hikaru felt a lurch in his gut, and hurried after her, suddenly almost desperate to get home again. He passed through the threshold, the wardlight shimmering over him as he breathed in the familiar air of home, and felt suddenly far more emotional than he’d anticipated. He lingered in the doorway, closed his eyes briefly as he struggled for composure, and then stepped in to kick off his shoes.

When he looked up, Akari was just beyond the doorframe, and inspecting him with an annoying understanding look. “…I’ll leave you to get settled back in.” She decided, and stepped back. “I’ll drop by sometime this weekend, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response, merely flashing a smile at him and then turning away in the direction of her own home.

Yashiro shrugged, and stepped inside, closing the door. Hikaru didn’t pay much attention to him, though, instead turning to walk into the familiar space with something painful clenching in his chest at the sight of it. The walls, the doors, the light through the windows-

Hikaru shuddered, and breathed, and found himself near-running up the stairs before he could help himself. Distantly, he heard footsteps following after him, felt Yashiro’s presence trailing in unhurried pursuit, but couldn’t bring himself to care much about that.

He burst into his room, breaths coming uncomfortably fast, and wanted to weep at the sight of it. His room, his goban, his window, the kamidana-

Something guided him, some bright hint of power, something he needed – Hikaru stumbled over to his chest of drawers and pulled on a drawer-handle without even thinking about it, rummaging as carefully as he could with his mangled hands until his fingertips brushed against paper bright with energy.

He stilled. Carefully, he drew it out, balanced carefully between two fingers and the orthosis.

Quietly, he dropped to the floor, cradling the closed fan and struggling to calm his breathing. He trailed his fingertips over the paper, the contrast between the insensate skin and the undamaged fingers horribly apparent.

The door closed. Yashiro had stepped into the room and pushed it shut behind him. He stood for a moment. “…Shindou?” He asked, uncertainly. Concern moved on his soul, as oddly noticeable and distinctive as it was on Touya.

Hikaru swallowed. “Yeah?” He said, thickly, and tried to unfold his posture a bit.

“Are you okay?”

Despite himself, he laughed at that. A short, and unhappy noise. He decided against answering.

“…Stupid question, I guess.” Yashiro mused to himself, and carefully crouched beside him. “…is that your fan?”

“Duh.” Hikaru answered, and looked down at it. His gut twisted, because…it looked…well. He held it carefully and then flicked sharply with his wrist to open it, and…

The paper was stained. Almost everywhere, there were smears of blood, smudges, fingerprints. Along one edge, it looked as though it had spread out from the hand that held it, soaking along the paper and staining the ribs, dripping down in places. It was dry, red-brown, and crusted in places. The intact white paper was far more sparse than the marred part.

How oddly appropriate. Hikaru choked down another bitter noise, and brushed off some of the crusty bits with his thumb, blowing the blood-powder off.

“…Is that your blood?” Yashiro asked, just a little incredulous.

He shrugged, heavily. “That’s what happens when you try to hold a fan when your hands are all torn up, I guess.” He said, unable to force the flippancy that the words would have been suited for. The sight of the stained fan was quietly, deeply painful.

“So you had it with you when…you know?” The boy sounded terribly confused. “How is it here then? Wouldn’t it…I dunno, be taken for evidence or something?”

“…It wasn’t. It got taken back here.” He carefully avoided saying who had conveyed it. “I guess I can’t carry it around anymore, all stained like this.” Could he have the paper replaced, maybe? Would that disturb the energy imbued in it? He sighed, heavily, and resolved to ask Utagawashi about it. “What a pain.”

Yashiro looked at him, wearing the scowl his face usually settled into whenever he was thinking particularly hard. He felt concerned enough that it was practically shouting out from his soul, enough that he was actively pushing down on the edge of wanting-answers that curled in strangely coherent spirit-shapes near one edge of him.

Hikaru felt even shittier at the sight of it. “I’m sorry.” He said, abruptly, unable to bear the weight of it anymore. “I’ve been a complete dick to you during all this – I just…” He wanted to bury his face in his hands, but his hands were in orthoses. Another pitiful surge of unhappy stress rose in him at that inability, no matter how trivial it was. “Sorry.” He said, again, unable to find words any less inadequate than that.

Tentatively, Yashiro shuffled around so he could look Hikaru in the eye. Sort of, anyway, because Hikaru wasn’t exactly feeling great about eye contact right now. “There’s some stuff I’d really like to ask about.” He said, voice awkward but very serious.

Hikaru nodded, jerkily, and braced himself. He owed answers to Yashiro, at least. He owed something. He could wait a little longer to collapse into a pathetic stressed mess. He inhaled slowly, and tried to press the ambient distress a little further away. Just a little further.

Yashiro eyed him quietly for a few more seconds before he spoke again. “That said,” He voiced, standing up. “You look like complete shit. I can hold off for a while.” He sighed, and stepped back, as though to give himself more room.

Hikaru stared, uncomprehendingly. The pit in his chest where he was squashing his emotions down held firm, still braced as though for impact. “….What?” He near-blurted.

“You heard me.” Yashiro rolled his shoulders, producing a couple of distinct clicks. “I’m not going to grill you when you look like that. Have a nap, or something. I’ll just go sit with my laptop downstairs for a while.”

“…What?” Hikaru asked again, stupidly.

He gestured pointedly in the direction of the bed. “Have a fucking nap, Shindou. You obviously need some rest.” He straightened, nodded, and then went for the door.

Hikaru watched, utterly still, as the boy opened the door, stepped out, and closed it behind him. His presence receded down the hall and down the stairs, engaging in brief conversation with his mother, and then settling comfortably into the living room. He…didn’t come up again.

It took at least a minute of confusedly monitoring Yashiro’s lack of movement before it started to sink in that…actually, he wasn’t going to have to talk right now. The relief came in a hesitant trickle, and then opened abruptly into a dizzying flood. Hikaru gasped for breath and shook and hunched over his knees as the rest of his denied emotions were dislodged, emerging in a horrible and stomach-twisting tide of upset.

“What the fuck.” He mumbled at himself, setting the fan aside to wipe at his face with his sleeve, and then abruptly descended into a thoroughly pitiful mess of a human being that cried all over himself for basically no reason. A while in, he wanted to go to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water, but the realisation that his hands would get in the way of that made him break out into another awful wave of blubbering. He wasn’t even that upset about his hands…was he?

It felt much as though all the collective stress and unhappiness of the last several weeks was clawing its way out through his eyes and throat, but not before it made an enormous mess of his stomach first, twisting it up into nauseating, thorny knots. Hikaru wept so hard he gagged, unable to get his breathing to settle down, even though he was fine. He’d lived, he’d survived, he was home and he was fine. He hadn’t even needed to make himself talk to Yashiro, but here he was, completely incapable of controlling himself. It was at least fifteen minutes until he managed to get anything approaching a hold on himself, and even then it was tenuous at best. Hikaru wrested a towel out of his wardrobe and buried his face in it, then finally tried to take Yashiro’s suggestion.

He crawled into bed and bawled a bit there for good measure, and then after who-knows how long finally managed to drop into the sleep of the completely exhausted.

---

He had very little idea how long he slept for, but he woke eventually, a headache pounding behind his eyes and pressing insistently at his temples. He felt no less exhausted than he had before he fell asleep, but somewhat more settled. The seething stress was still there, but…lower. Less insistent. It felt somewhat less like it would boil up and bubble out of his skin at the slightest provocation. Instead, he just felt…drained. Oddly empty.

He heaved himself out from under the duvet, and staggered out to the bathroom. He negotiated his way around the various obstacles therein, eventually managing to turn the lock on the door, and then successfully navigating the issue of the toilet, and then finally the tap and its cold stream of water. He dunked his face under the spray of it, not particularly caring that he got his hair wet, and wiped at his face and head afterwards with the bath towel. He returned to his room, and sat on the floor, and felt somewhat better for it.

Hikaru sat purposelessly for several quiet minutes, eyes resting somewhere in the region of his knee and fixing there. He sat, and breathed, and after a while felt somewhat more like a human being.

Carefully, he retrieved the fan from where he’d left it, and moved to put it in front of the kamidana. He stood there, impulses warring. He wanted to light some incense and sit at the shrine, but that was motor coordination he didn’t think his hands could manage at the moment. His lighter was a bitch to work on the best of days, and even if he had matches, those might be even harder.

He sighed, and went to try anywhere, hoping he wouldn’t set fire to himself in the process.

In the end, judicious and careful manoeuvring of his thumb managed to ignite the lighter, but it took several frustrating tries to maintain the flame while also balancing a stick of incense precariously between two fingers, and even more attempts to light the incense, and convey it successfully to the burner. All told it took a good twenty minutes to get the damn incense lit, but as soon as the smell hit he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

He swayed back, staggered by the familiarity and the way a good part of his soul thrummed in response, choking up his throat with fresh and heart-twisting grief.

It was almost pleasant, was the thing. As always, it hurt like Sai had only just gone, like he was still reeling, like he was still looking for white robes when he turned around. But…it was clean. Clear. As long as he didn’t let himself sink into it too much, the anguish was sharp and awful in the same way as the shining edge of a blade, and so much less complicated than the thorny mire of stress and exhaustion he’d found himself in.

Hikaru supposed that was as good a sign as any that he really needed a break. His literally crippling soul-wounds were less unpleasant than the accumulated muck of the last few weeks.

He stared at the kamidana, and didn’t know what to say. I survived? I nearly died, but I didn’t? I was almost possessed, but I wasn’t in the end? I broke a demon that was even older than you? I saw spirits die? I’m going to have to deal with the damage to my hands for the rest of my life?

…I survived the demon, but I’m dying anyway?

His breath hitched, and he shook, and then apparently he wasn’t done crying yet after all.

The incense had burned out by the time he stopped, this time, but the scent of it lingered. It helped, in its way. The spark in the shrine remained, as quiescent and unaware as ever.

“…ugh.” Hikaru sighed, after a while, wiping his face with his sleeve again. He wondered how puffy his eyes were now, with the salt burning at his eyelids and scouring his cheeks yet again. “Fucking hell.” He expressed to himself, and then rose to walk over and collapse on his bed.

He had no idea what to do with himself.

After a while, it occurred to Hikaru that his phone was probably around somewhere. He got up and looked around for it, eventually finding it in plain sight on his bedside table, which for some reason he’d neglected to check in the first place. He tapped at the power button, but it seemed to be out of charge. He shrugged, and plugged it in, and left it on his bedside table where he’d found it.

He looked around his room, wondering if there was anything else he should be doing. Naturally, his eyes lingered on the goban, but it wasn’t as though he could meaningfully interact with it for a while. He shook his head, and for lack of anything better to do, laid back in bed and reached out with his energy to feel the house wards.

They didn’t feel as strong as he remembered. He wasn’t sure whether that was because he was stronger, the wards actually were weaker, or because he’d seen what happened to the wards on the shine. He felt at them dubiously, and wondered if a few offerings at the house shrine would brighten them up a bit. That, in turn, reminded him that he really needed to be particularly devout at the house shrine for a while. Inari had, quite literally, directly saved his life. There probably weren’t many people who could say that they’d been saved through direct divine intervention. It was quite a thought.

Hikaru sighed, and reached out further, and further, finding a couple of fairly weak spirits that felt like Inari-foxes, who twisted away from his energy with alarmed sparks of something-powerful-reaches. He didn’t find any spirits he recognised.

Hesitantly, he moved the reach around. Directed it in the direction of his grandfather, the shrine, Utagawashi…and, presumably, Kaminaga.

Something felt odd in the ambient energy, as his reach extended. As though something was spilling, churning, exhaling sourness into the air. For a moment, he felt a jolt of pure, instinct-level fear – but it wasn’t demonic. It was utterly different. The low-level energy he felt his way through was stained with pain, as though someone had dropped hurt like ink into water somewhere up-stream, and it had filtered down as it flowed. Dilute, but still evident. Pain, said the spirit-layer, like a ripple from a stone. Something suffers.

The further he reached, the stronger the feeling became, until it fed back through into his own energy like a stain. The eddies of someone else’s agony broke on him, vague and indistinct, with a choking edge of horror and shame.

Hikaru shuddered, and pulled away. He’d felt enough.

His awareness returned to his surroundings in an odd shift of attention. He had so much energy now, and so much reach, that the sensory feedback from it seemed to block out the actual sensations from his body, though only when he was actively reaching. He cleared his throat and blinked rapidly, finding that he’d apparently not been blinking while he investigated the surrounding area.

He became uncomfortably aware of Yashiro’s presence downstairs. A distinctive soul, like Touya, and very easy to notice.

Hikaru shifted on the bed, and checked the time. There was still probably hours to go until dinner. He’d slept quite a long time, but he’d arrived home in the morning, so it wasn’t that late. He sighed, and pulled himself upright, rubbing his face lethargically on his sleeve. His cheeks felt raw and sore from all the salt, and the edges of his eyes ached even more caustically. He offered an unhappy grumble to the empty room, and then staggered out of the bedroom door.

Yashiro’s soul flickered a bit at the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and Hikaru watched it as he descended. He wandered reluctantly into the sitting room, where Yashiro was sat with his laptop, and offered a vague noise of greeting.

The boy looked over at him critically. “...Did you sleep?” He asked, tilting his head. “You still look exhausted.”

Hikaru snorted, and went to sit beside him. “That’s life, I guess.” He said philosophically. “I slept, but it didn’t help that much.” Physically, at any rate. It had helped to settle the stress a bit. “What are you doing?”

“I was reading kifu for a bit, but now I’m reading manga.” He indicated his screen, where indeed there was what looked like a manga page. Hikaru blinked.

“On the computer?” He asked, utterly confused. “You can do that?”

Yashiro rolled his eyes. “You don’t get on the internet much, do you?”

“I look at Go stuff.” He protested.

“Exactly.”

Hikaru looked at him. Yashiro, very calmly, looked back.

Hikaru shifted on the sofa, and fell into an uncomfortable silence wherein he experienced both an intense need to say something and an intense desire not to. He struggled wordlessly for several expectant moments until Yashiro finally took pity on him.

“Are you feeling any better now?”

He shuffled again. “Yeah. I mean…yeah, I guess.”

Yashiro inspected him for several seconds, and nodded. “I should maybe put my laptop upstairs.” He suggested, leadingly.

“…Yeah.” Hikaru agreed, and stood from the sofa, making his way awkwardly back towards the stairs. Yashiro shut his laptop, unplugged it, and followed.

He took a seat on the floor, not far from the goban, as though it might offer some moral support. Yashiro entered and shut the door behind him, setting his things down neatly in a corner. He took his time about it, arranging all the stuff so it looked immaculate, and seemed to be in no hurry to talk, so Hikaru gathered his courage and just…did it himself. Just to get it over with.

“You can ask things now.” He said, abruptly, forcing the words out in a brief moment of willpower. “You know, if you want.”

Yashiro made a thoughtful noise, still tidying his stuff, but sat down after a few seconds, back against the wall. He tended to look odd, sitting down like that. He was tall with particularly gangly limbs, and his legs always looked unnaturally long when he sat on the floor. “Yeah?” He expressed, amiably, as though he didn’t much care either way. He did, though. It was all over him. Outwardly he just seemed to be wearing his near-permanent serious-face, but the conflict between wanting-to-know and concern was abundantly obvious on his soul.

Hikaru stared at him confusedly, and made a face. “Yeah.” He echoed, since the other boy seemed to be waiting for some form of confirmation.

He brought a hand up to itch at an eye, and after a moment, fixed a look at Hikaru that was far more serious than his usual perma-face. “I can wait, you know.” He said, plainly. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” Hikaru’s head drew back at the words, in a sort of reflexive recoiling. It didn’t seem to go unnoticed.

“…But you want to ask things.” Hikaru pointed out, stupidly. He blinked quickly, trying to figure out what Yashiro’s angle was, but…

“Yeah, but you’ve been through some nasty shit.” Yashiro said sensibly. “I do have things I want to ask, but I figure I know more than most people already. I can wait.”

Hikaru flinched back in another almost-recoil, bizarrely flustered by the words. “That’s…” He started, and stopped. That’s not what you’re supposed to say, he almost said, but that barely even made sense to him. “That’s…not…” He shook his head, oddly frustrated and distinctly off-balance. He’d expected resistance, and found none, and now… “Just – ask your questions. It’s fine.” He insisted. Get it over with, he repeated to himself.

Yashiro observed him for several more frustrating moments, and nodded. “Alright.” He said, straightening slowly. “First thing, then. Did you know that guy was going to come after you, when you were on the phone to me?”

That…wasn’t a question he’d been expecting, somehow. Hikaru blinked rapidly, and set his shoulders rigidly. “I mean, I was pretty sure he’d come after me eventually?” He hedged, in a reflexive dodge of the real question being asked. Yashiro didn’t react outwardly to the vague mistruth aside from a very slight shift in his expression, but…there was an obvious shade of disappointment, to be felt by spiritual means. Hikaru winced at it, all the painful prickling guilt surging up again, and exhaled gustily. “…Yeah, I knew.” He admitted, to the real question: did you lie when you said nothing was going to happen? Did you know he was going to come after you that night, when you made me wait?

Yashiro’s expression tightened, a little, and the breath that escaped him was almost a hiss. “That was a shitty thing to do, Shindou. Making me wait to get the police involved.” He informed him, directly. He wasn’t angry, was the thing. Wasn’t even annoyed. He was just sort of…unhappy, disappointed, and a bit hurt. It twisted in him.

This was why Hikaru didn’t like telling the truth.

“…Yeah.” Hikaru agreed, offering no defence. If he’d died, Yashiro would have been in the spectacularly shitty position of someone who could have got the police involved, but hadn’t. It probably wouldn’t have helped. But he didn’t know that.

“Why the hell did you leave the house then, if you knew he was coming after you? Why didn’t you get help?” This time, the frustration actually made its way into his voice, his expression. It rather twisted the knife in Hikaru’s gut. “I don’t get that at all.”

Hikaru bit back the first three instinctive half-truths that tried to bubble out of him, swallowing them down with considerably difficult. How to answer this that was true? “A lot of people would have died if I didn’t go out. Like, a lot.” If he’d called the police, it would have been them, to start with. The demon would have clawed its way through their unprotected souls and murdered a path through however many other people it needed to, to get to Hikaru. And if he hadn’t, and had just left the city….Utagawashi would be dead. All of the foxes, too. And who knows who else.

Yashiro visibly processed that, a heavy scowl furrowing his brow. He always looked so angry when he was thinking particularly hard. “…He was threatening other people? …Did you agree to go out and meet him?”

“No, he was just going to come for me whatever I did, and I wasn’t going to stay home for that.” Hikaru exhaled, fighting back the reflex to run his fingers through his hair, because his hands were out of commission. “I…look, I can tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone else about it.”

He looked up, at that. “If it’s something that could get you killed, I’ll tell whoever I like.” He informed, without an ounce of guile or regret.

Hikaru flinched, and shook his head. “It’s not. It’s just…I had people helping me. With Kaminaga. Not just Utagawashi. They were all at the shrine. That’s why I went there.”

Yashiro straightened, surprise more evident on his soul than his face. “So the priest guy was there?” He demanded, after a moment, and then belatedly added “How many people?”

Hikaru stared down at his mangled hands. “Does it matter? We won. I’m alive. It’s fine now.”

“If you ‘won’,” Yashiro said, and when Hikaru looked up, the boy’s eyes were very sharp. “How the hell did Kaminaga get away?”

“Uh.” Hikaru said, eloquently. He tried to say no one chased him, or they were more worried about me, but it didn’t come out.

Yashiro stared with a sort of steadily dawning horror. “Shindou,” He uttered, slowly. “Do you know where he is?”

He tried to say no, of course not. He failed. The silence was particularly telling.

“Holy shit.” Yashiro said, flatly. “Shindou, what the fuck.”

“It’s…not that bad.” He offered, weakly. “Like…it’s complicated, but he’s not dangerous anymore.”

“What, he magically saw the error of his ways?” His guest snapped, almost sarcastically. “He’s not dangerous when he killed a guy and nearly killed you?” he shook his head, as though vigorously trying to dislodge the notion.

“….Yes?” Hikaru said, and then regretted it when Yashiro’s scowl deepened and he stood up, angling himself decisively towards the door. “Where are you going?” He demanded, alarmed, rising up himself.

The boy stared at him for a very short second. “I would be a really shitty friend if I made the mistake of keeping this crap to myself a second time.” He said, and walked to the door.

Hikaru panicked. He made an abortive lunge for Yashiro, the orthoses pulling oddly at his fingers as he tried to stretch them beyond their capacity to grab- “Yashiro-“

He didn’t even turn back to look at him. Just kept going. “No, Shindou. You don’t get to-“

“It wasn’t his fault!” Hikaru near-shouted at him, and then the over-straining of his fingers fed back in a shooting pain that quivered strangely at his fingertips and then speared up to his wrist. “Ow, fuck.”

Yashiro had reacted to the first part of that, and then turned around fully at the expression of pain. His expression transformed dramatically as he took in the sight of Hikaru cradling his right hand inwards to his chest. “Are you alright?” He asked, immediately, stepping forward to hover anxiously. “Did you fuck up your hand?”

“I dunno.” Hikaru said, worried, and carefully twitched his fingers like he was supposed to for his exercises. It felt fine, and worked fine, but… “It seems okay?”

That concluded, he was worried Yashiro would go for the door again, but the burst of righteous action seemed to have left him. The wind had gone from his sails, so to speak. The fight was no longer in him. “…How can you say it wasn’t his fault?” He asked, finally, tall enough that he loomed a bit, looking down at such short range. “And don’t just say ‘it’s complicated’.”

Hikaru shuffled backwards a little, since Yashiro no longer seemed like an imminent flight risk. “It is complicated, though.” He muttered, uncomfortably, and avoided Yashiro’s eyes.

The boy frowned at him, and then shoved him lightly back into the room, guiding him over to the bed. “Sit.” He instructed, and while rather perplexed, Hikaru obeyed. Yashiro stepped back and folded his arms, but didn’t sit down. “Explain it to me, then. Is this about the mental health thing? You said he was having a psychotic break?”

Hikaru made a face. “Sort of.”

“That sort of thing doesn’t really go away, Shindou.” Yashiro said, almost gently. “If he slipped on his meds once and killed someone, it could happen again.”

“That…was kind of a metaphor.” Hikaru said, instead of responding to what had actually been spoken. “The psychotic break thing.”

Yashiro tilted his head, looking unsurprised. “Well, I did know you weren’t telling me everything.” He responded, and waited.

Hikaru took a deep, shaky breath, slumping forwards. Thinking. “There was something wrong with him and now there isn’t. He’s not going to hurt anyone.” It was a weak explanation. He knew it was a weak explanation, and Yashiro obviously thought the same. His expectant expression didn’t change at all, as though he were waiting for the real reply. Which, well…he was.

Hikaru breathed.

Then: “There’s actually an explanation for everything,” He said, a little distantly, looking away. “But it’s not really believable.”

He couldn’t see what Yashiro’s face was doing, since he wasn’t looking at it. But the soul implied anticipation. Curiosity, even. “Yeah?” He prompted, like earlier. A sort of gentle, easy-going way to prod for a response. He even sat down again, in what seemed like a calculated move to put Hikaru at ease.

It didn’t really work. Hikaru’s pulse felt uncomfortably heavy, and the stress headache of earlier had resurrected itself, pressing painfully behind his temples. He exhaled, slowly, and then did it again. Yashiro remained patiently silent for a long time, probably at least a minute, while Hikaru attempted to conceptualise the idea of telling the actual truth.

Objectively, Yashiro might be the best person to actually tell. He didn’t live nearby, so couldn’t cause too much bother by pestering him. And, on top of that, he was weirdly good at not pestering unless it was really important. And Hikaru really didn’t want him telling the things he knew to the police. “If you get me put in an asylum, I’m going to get you haunted.” He said, feeling oddly breathless and slightly hysterical with nerves.

Yashiro offered him a look that was equal parts confusion and exasperation. “An asylum?” He repeated, incredulously. “It can’t be that unbelievable.”

Immediately, without giving himself any time to back out of it, Hikaru said “A demon did it.”

The boy stared back at him uncomprehendingly, expression not really changing, as though he were still waiting for words to emerge that weren’t nonsense.

“The killing.” Hikaru clarified. “A demon did it. It was….demonic possession. Kaminaga literally wasn’t in control of himself.” He resolutely ignored the way his blood seemed to all making a concerted effort to rip its way, screaming, out of his body.

Yashiro waited, blank-faced, for a few more seconds. When more words failed to emerge, he said, finally, “You’re right. That’s really not believable.”

Incongruently, Hikaru laughed. It was just…really ironic, that telling the truth was the best way for him to not be believed. Very ironic, and in a kind of shitty way. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

The other boy sat there, wholly perplexed, for a seriously long time. A whole gamut of emotions ran over his soul while he did, too complex and fleeting to properly identify. The thinking-scowl returned in full force, transforming his face into a dire glower that failed to make Hikaru feel threatened. Miraculously, there still wasn’t any anger. No annoyance or anything of the sort.

“That’s….probably the least believable lie you could choose?” He said, eventually, voice exceptionally confused, brows still heavily furrowed. “Like…if you wanted me not to tell people about Kaminaga, there’s got to be better lies?”

“Yeah, probably.” Hikaru agreed. His emotions had gone so far past ‘anxious’ that now he just felt sort of giddy, limbs trembling oddly and his foot tapping frenetically on the floor. He fought back the urge to giggle hysterically

Yashiro stared. He waited, it seemed, for Hikaru to say something, but gave up after a while of that not happening. “Could you maybe elaborate on that bullshit?” He asked, almost hesitant.

Hikaru blinked. “Like how?”

“I don’t know. Just…explain?”

“Uh.” He offered, and then started producing disconnected bits of information. “Kaminaga’s demon wanted to possess me? So it was going to go through him and basically anyone else to do that. It got control of him and came after me?”

“And you went to a shrine.” Yashiro said. It wasn’t a question. There was an expression on his face that looked like a steady realisation, like he was thinking of things and finding they matched up. That Hikaru’s bullshit behaviour meshed quite well with this bullshit explanation. “And, you said that Utagawashi guy is a priest?”

Hikaru blinked at the reminder, and straightened. “Yeah, actually, if you ask him about this he’ll tell you the same thing.” He said, almost surprised at the realisation that, actually, there was another human person who’d back him up here.

“…Okay.” Yashiro stood up, and for a moment Hikaru was worried, but he just sort of paced in a brief agitated circle. He made no move towards the door. He stopped suddenly and looked straight back at Hikaru. “So, in this story, what happened to the demon then? Is it gone?”

“…Yeah. We killed it.” He said, watching the other boy with a considering eye. Was he actually considering it? Without needing to be actively convinced?

“There was a thing on the news,” He announced abruptly, out of nowhere. “About how a lot of people in Tokyo said they saw a pillar of light near this part of the city.”

Hikaru stared. “That’s what happened when we killed it.” He explained, a sort of weird, wondering feeling poking through him like the stem of a plant through soil. “…Do you believe me?” He asked, unable to help the question.

“No.” Yashiro answered, immediately, but it sounded like a lie. And looked like one. His soul, by all appearances, was beginning a sincere and very chaotic bid to start freaking out. Possibly his worldview was in the process of being shattered.

“You do.” Hikaru observed, utterly stunned. “You actually believe this bullshit. If you tried to tell me this crap I wouldn’t believe it. Not for a second.”

“I absolutely don’t believe this shit. Of course I don’t.” Yashiro flat-out lied, and just to make himself less credible, immediately followed that up with “Can I talk to that priest?”

He tilted his head at the boy who was trying very hard not to believe him, and failing. “…You know, I was going to go visit him, soon.” He said, completely uncertain of what to do. He had not prepared for any of this – not for trying to tell someone, and certainly not for being believed. “We could go tomorrow, maybe? Then you could talk to him.”

“…yeah, okay.” Yashiro agreed, faintly, looking around until his eyes fixed on a particular point on the wall. “Shit, is this what the ofuda are about?”

“I thought you didn’t believe me?” Hikaru asked almost mockingly, restraining a desperate giggle. Everything had become, very suddenly, completely hilarious.

“I don’t.” He replied firmly.

“The ofuda put a sort of ward up around the house.” Hikaru volunteered without being prompted, oddly elated at the ability to just say it. “It stops most spirits from getting in.” Or he thought, anyway.

Yashiro very determinedly did not reply to that, so of course Hikaru had to up the game.

“Spirits are real. Ghosts are real. Kami are real.” He said, delightedly. “I’ve got weird spirit powers. I can feel people coming from half a mile away if I’m paying attention. I could definitely find you blindfolded, if you wanted to try that.”

The boy made no sound, but the expression on his face was beginning to look somewhat pitiful.

“You’ve had a spirit in your apartment. It was following me to protect me from the demon.” Hikaru elaborated. “That’s what I was doing when I suddenly started talking about that Honinbou game out loud.”

Yashiro looked like a kicked puppy. Albeit a very large, confused one. “Stop?” He asked, a little helplessly.

Hikaru nodded, because he was trying to be less of a dickhead now. “Yeah, okay.” He said agreeably.

“I’ve got the kifu for the Kisei games you missed.” Yashiro offered, in a very blatant and desperate attempt to move the conversation elsewhere. “We could look at those?”

“Sounds good.” Hikaru said, stared at the boy for several increasingly strained seconds, and then burst into hysterical giggles. He couldn’t quite help himself. After all the bullshit, and all the secrets, he’d just told Yashiro and he’d believed him. It was ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. He laughed so hard it went silent and soundless, wheezing slightly, chest starting to hurt from the force of it.

“What are you laughing at?” Yashiro asked crossly, folding his arms.

Hikaru took one look at him, managed to restrain the laughter for a second, and then burst into giggles again.

What the hell was he meant to do with something as ridiculous as this?

---

End chapter.

Detailed warnings notes: Hikaru has perfectly normal emotional responses but thinks some very uncomplimentary things about himself for having them. This involves a long-overdue stress meltdown.

Notes:

I have known for a long time that Yashiro would be the first to find out. I wasn’t certain exactly how the scene would go, and this wasn’t how I planned it, so I’m not completely sure of it. But I read it over and it didn’t immediately scream wrong at me, so idk. Feedback would be appreciated.

I was originally going to cover the Visit to Utagawashi in this chapter and make it gigantic, but…I’ve been on hiatus long enough, and this was a good place to end the chapter. Have it, and pray the next one doesn’t take me as long. It should contain Utagawashi, Kaminaga, and also Yashiro having to cope with both of those things and also Hikaru’s spirit nonsense. Poor bastard.

Currently, my estimate for something I’m Very Excited About is for chapter 26, but knowing me that’s going to be drawn out several more chapters.

#fic: paper cranes #paper cranes #paper cranes chapters #hikaru no go #hikago #shindou hikaru #yashiro kiyoharu

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ngildin · 2 years

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Tonight and tomorrow we reach a new milestone in sadness - the 30th yahrzeit of my mother, OBM. She was a Holocaust Survivor who managed to keep her sanity during and after the War despite being imprisoned in Auschwitz.

Among her many wonderful qualities, she exuded personal warmth and kindness. I will never forget how she always collected coins in a "tzedakah" purse to be sure to put collections in one of the tzedakah boxes we kept in the house. To this day I still get letters addressed to her from charities she mailed contributions. She did this without fanfare. Maybe that's where I inherited my sensitivity to fundraising. And always with the sweetest smile.

May her neshama have an Aliya next to the Kisei Hakavod and may she continue to be a good "beter" for our family. Miss you and love you Ma!

#yahrzeit #Holocaust

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ii9ir3iri30ri30ir93ir03ir903 · 4 years

Text

shitty parallel paradise translations ch 101-104

Shitty Parallel Paradise Translation Chapter 101 to Chapter 104

a duwang quality parallel paradise translation transcript draft from chapters 101 to the first few pages of chapter 105. My brother asked me to do it but I really can't put that much effort into something I don't really care. This was sitting on my computer so i thought I'd put it here even if it is half-assed but if this gets enough likes or reblogs or DM's I'll do it more seriously and give the translations to the group who's doing it (or whoever wants to clean this up and typeset this I can give u photoshop if u want). Scans are from rawdevart.com don't go to the other one because that one is full of ads.

notes: I've never read parallel paradise so I don't know how the characters sound. It's a draft so there's lots of brainstorming words and sentences.

Enjoy the duwang. Namazu out.

Chapter 101

The dreaming maidens target is…?

The dreaming maidens spearhead is aiming towards?

I can't stay as a dreaming virgin?

Peko is looking this way like she doesn't want to get along.

Peko!!

You're here aren't you!!

Come out here!

Tch,

Peko's stupid but she's skilled

Accompany him to sandorio

Go together with him until sandorio please.

I think it would be enough with ruumi and amane though

It probably is but…

Even though peco has talent, she's not a guardian/has no guardian (?)

And therefore she doesn’t know the world outside/outside world.

Because of that I would like to use this chance to give her some experience.

About this world's absurdity (不条理）

You can make her carry your stuff (make her a porter?/carrier?)

Please bring her with you

Carry your stuff!?

…alright.

Peko once you're ready we're moving out.

Tch

Argh dammit

I can't take this!/I can't do this

Me as a stuff carrier you say!?/me carrying stuff you say!? This genius me!!

For this ugly guy!!

Yes yes ill do it ill do it I'll get ready!!

It's misaki sama's orders so I'll obey it!

But I definitely won’t listen to this guys orders you hear!1

I can't believe this humiliation/disgrace!!

On second thought, can I refuse/

Please can you do something about it…

Well then we'll be going

Yeah, be careful

You'll overthrow the (deep jealousy god)(?),

And I believe you will erase the (hougetsu) from the humans

Yeah

Where's peco

She's waiting outside

I see, peco's a unicorn huh

Hng

Kia, what happened to your face?

I got kicked by a unicorn. It was a shock.

Even though I've been taking care that much care of it all this time…

Aahhh…

Unicorn's hate non-virgins so…

I put a saddle on a bicorn.

Arai 荒いrough rude wild

Kisei nature

Odoroki

I am surprised that it was this easy to put a saddle on a bicorn despite such wild nature.

Its because Bicorns like non-virgin girls

Yota-dono

Once the battle is over, I want you to definitely come back.

Because you want to copulate?

Because I like you.

I'll come back.

For sure.

This time, il come back to this city…

Is When I've triumphantly return from defeating the (god of deep jealousy ?)

Well, let's go!!

Taa

uWaa!!

Too fast too fast!!

Is it alright if we go this fast!?

If we're going the same as a unicorn it's totally fine!

Okay

Let's set up tent here

Wow we've progressed quite far in one day…

Yes

At this rate It might not even take 7 days to reach sandorio

Peco how about you come here and eat together with us

I'm good

I am the sole luggage carrier here

I very well can't partake/join in with hero-sama and the guardian-dono

I will go and patrol around the edge of the vicinity

Everyone else please go ahead and go to bed before me.

If something happens be sure to call me immediately!

Huuuh?

Don't make fun of me

There's no way I would depend on someone like you ba-ka

It’s dangerous alone!

Don't mind me

I have confidence in my skills so

What the hell is up with her

She was always a strange child but

It seems like she got even more worse during the period we didn't meet.

The human man that she admired turned out to be yota I wonder if she was greatly disillusioned…

Shut up!

Tch

Who was it, who was the one who said lets set up the tent at a place like this!?

Parallel paradise 102

I want to penetrate! A maidens policy!

Fufufuffu huhuhuhuh…

It's one of me vs 9 of them huh

It's definitely not enough you know

Okay that’s 2

From here on it's the debut of my specially made reverse KARU personal knife!

That makes four

Fufufu if I used this then the KARU are like walking tofu!

Nope nope

Your presence is totally not erased so

Okay 7

Now

Theres only you know

What will it be?

Bui-ru

You can go and call your comrades if you want?

Since im here anyways I'll exterminate all the KARU in the area

Geez, misaki-sama too

Whats up with the 'I want to show her the absurdity of this world"

Even though I am so much stronger than it.

For real?

Sorry…

As I thought

The world is wide…

Tch

The probability of hitting its weak point is 1 out of 4…

No good huh!

Don't fuck with me!'

What the hell is this

Just by one punch I cant move my body anymore…

"call me as soon as there's something!"

If I call now,

I wonder if that hero-dono will come and save me…

There was no point in trying that hard to train in martial arts

No matter how much you train the body it'll be the end if you get punched once.

I'll just be used for these guys sexual desires and die…

To think that…

I was this weak

Save me…

Pp chapter 103

Looking down from above, a peeping danger!?

s-save me…

You're late to call

Baka

You okay?

Why did the KARU run away?

I don't know the reason but

For some reason when they hear my voice the KARU run away,

Whats up with that

That kind of thing is cheating right…

Well

That's why when you're with me you won't get attacked by the KARU

As I thought… I hate you…

Men… are too unfair…

even though I couldn't defeat that stupidly big KARU no matter how hard I tried.

You're right

That's not true

Ru-mi -sama

If youta was bad man then I think he would've used his powers for his own self interest

He is the only man in this world after all.

And besides if you copulate with a man you won't die of moon destruction when you turn 20.

Eh?

If those are the circumstances then we definitely can't go against yota.

In exchange for extending your life he could make all the women in this world do whatever he wants

Every single day copulating with lots of women.

I won't do that

That's right, yota won't do those kinds of things

Even though If he wanted to he could've done countless horrible things.

Forget about trying to use us.

He's putting his life fighting to free us from the destroy moon.

It's very fortunate that this world's only man is yota Is what I think.

It was written in a book in sindoria/

That's unusual

Amelia spoke

3000 years ago the man who appeared…

Brought this world into the brink of atrocity

He did as he liked with all woman

And made them into toys to satisfy his urges

Took their value has humans

he left them along the sidewalks

Laugh at their pathetic forms.

And brought a period of treachery.

Akugyaku no kiri wo tsukushita to

See as I thought its good we got yota

Was it truly like that

Even I, if I stay in this world forever that could I also…

So peko

Don’t you have anything to say to the hero-sama that saved you?

So the KARU will just run away when you use your vice,

So just by using your voice you make the KARU run away, pretty nice position you got there that you can experience the glory of a hero so easily like that

You

I hate you even more now.

Lets go and sleep now

Ahh!

What's wrong what's wrong?

The unicorn!!

The unicorn ran away!!

Did you tie it up properly…

I did… tie it up I think…

It might have ran away from the giant karu's howl yesterday

Can this bicorn ride 4 people?

If it's this big then it should be fine, the problem now is…

Peco, try and touch the bicorn

Ehh…

Ouch!

As I thought it would not let a virgin ride it huh///

Yota…

Well… it cant be helped huh.

We can't just leave peco here and we can't just walk either.

Peko take of your underwear and face your ass here

We're copulating

Huh!?

If you're a non-virgin you can ride the bicorn

Hurry up and take it off

If you hate me that much then let's copulate in the agreed way and business like way

Chapter 103

I'll copulate with you

Haa

I'll do it how you want it professionally

Hurry up and take of your underwear and face your ass here

Just with one prick you'll be able to ride a bicorn.

Know your place

(mi no hodo wakimaenasai)

Huh?

(Peco, her only option left is)

If I have to copulate with you then I'd rather die right here right now.

In the first place I didn't have any business anyways, I'lll just go and head home alone.

If I have three days then I can walk back to mi-su so don't mind me please go on ahead without me

I've already learned plenty how wide the world is.

Even if I put in effort its useless

To lose to a man just by way of him existing is

No matter what dangers I face, it's better than procreating with a man who feels like a hero just for existing.

You know what peco

Then why is your pleasure fountain overflowing?

Eh!?

I get it peco…

We also walked the same path so…

You're getting excited imagining opulating with yota right?

You're wro-!

You should just give up

I know you know?

That peco draws lots of naked

Wai-!?

Why!?

It's famous.

That there are lots of pictures of naked men hanging in the room

Didn't you know?

You're interested in men aren't you

It can't be helped

It's alright

I'm sure it's the same for everyone so

It's not something to be ashamed about

You'll get it if you copulate with yota

To be honest

I am interested about copulating

But…

I thought that men would be more beautiful but…

But… this…

For them to be this rugged and bony and an ugly being like this is…

Give it back…

Give back the beautiful men that I imagined

Give it back…

I've been denied whole heartedly while in tears

If you really don't want it, it can't be helped but…

If you have even a little bit of interest in copulating then please

I don't want to leave you here all alone.

At least…

Inside the tent please…

Oh my oh my

Hurry up and get it over with it already

If you look at her closely even though she's cute what an amazing smell

Well it's not like she's taken a bath yet

Even though you look like you really hate it your pleasure fountains bursting you know

Even though I haven't even touched you yet you're already really excited aren't you

Shut up!

What is this what is this?

Good it's come out already the non-virgin mark

With this it's settled then

Let's ride the bicorn and head off to sandorio.

But… if you want to apologise for all the rude things you did regarding me then I’ll continue copulating with you (?)

What will you do

She said lots of conceited things already…

Let's mess with her a little

Will she fall

Or perhaps she'll endure it

Tears

Eh!?

Hero-sama

Hero sama…

For not knowing my place and all the incalculable rudeness

I am sincerely very sorry

Oh Please bless this wretched pervert with copulation…

You didn't have to fall that far!

What's with you

Kuaah

I… I'm a pervert who loves men!

Always!

I'm a pervert who always imagines copulating with men!!

I didn't know!

That men were such strong beings like this!!

It's totally different

Than women!!

Thank you

Huh?

It's not something you have to say thanks for

Yesterday

For saving me

Aahh

105

Even with for people riding it this bicorn seems to be totally fine

Yeah! Because it's this big!

Before,

They say the humans of this world came out from that castle right

Yeah

Everyone was born in the castle and leaves the castle to start living in their own cities/towns

You leave the castle between when you become old enough to be self-aware or not so there are only hazy memories.

In this world without men, girls being born from a castle…

If you think about how it is, inside that castle it's like there's something pretty nasty about it inside…

Who on earth lives in the castle

The empress

Nobody has seen her face though

The empress has already lived for thousands of hears and protects this country

Eh?

Isn't that?

Could it possibly the witch?

But here,

Whether you can say bad things about the ruler of this land…

Well then let's head off

What a creepy forest

The shortest course would be through here right

We can't go fast here so it's also an opportunity to let the bircorn rest.

Please save me!

Uwah!

Kobold

What are these guys?

Kobold loves young girls and metal

They're aiming for our weapons

Peco?

Small fry…

As expected her martial arts is ruthless/can’t be excused

Are you alright?

b-big sister thank you…

It was scary…

She has an unexpectedly kind face huh

Everything is alright now

Peco had a little sister

They were killed though

Hey ru-mi sama

I want to take this child all the way to the city

That's impossible

Why?

I mean that child can't ride a bicorn right?

Wai-!

You planning on copulating with a child this young!?

I wasn’t!

Oh alright!! Then I'll walk and drop her home to the city myself!!

You guys can go on ahead first!

Like I said it's impossible peco

You definitely can't walk in the outside world alone.

LUMI=sama…

Aren’t you underestimating me a bit too much?

Just because I was saved once yesterday…

It's alright

There's an easy solution so

Eh?

Amane

I feel a bit sorry for them but this way it's settle

Let's hurry and move on

Peco look closely!

That childs a ghoul

Ghouls turn into people to let their guards down and then attack and eat them

Even if you cut of their arms and legs they’ll regenerate but their stomach is their weak point.

I'm sure it teamed up with the Cobolt to attack people.

The Cobolt for the metal and the ghoul for the human meat

How di did you know?

Ghouls have a special smell

The smell of human corpses

The ghoul made you let your guard down So I apologise I ended up saying it in such a roundabout way

But with this you understand now right?

I understand you have confidence in your martial arts but you can't walk the worlds outside of the city with just that.

I think that's why misaki wanted you gain experience.

See, look peco

Aren’t you glad you didn't have to go back to mi-su alone?

If you didn't mate with me you would've been dead by now.

Shut up

Why don’t you go die instead!!

Die you!!

Pp 106

The weather has been fine all the way…

At this rate we should already be arriving at sondorio!!

Just a bit ore nishina…

I defeated garia and I obtained the card that will free you from the cold sleep./ that will release the cold sleep

Once I get to sandorio I'll awaken nishina…

And then…

What on earth happened to her,

Why did she become the "wtich of deep jealousy"

Everything that I don’t know I'll hear from her!

It's sandoria!

Eh?

What's the matter amane?

What the? It's/something burning?

You're wrong

It's a beacon/signal fire right?

Does that mean something happened in sandoria?

What, is that…?

That’s…

What on earth happened?

We haven't met in the while huh

Kaduchi

Banyuu

Nakuta sama… what on earth does this mean?

It's proof of my resoution

#parallel paradise #parallel paradise translation #my translations

0 notes

x-sparker · 8 years

Text

The Ski Trip

Part of Akihika Reboot [2]

After Akira had just earned his Meijin title, Shindou wanted to help him celebrate the win with something special. He knew Akira didn’t like making a big deal out of these kinds of things, but it had also been a while since they had done anything outside of playing or studying Go, and December was coming up. Shindou and Ashiwara came up with the idea at the Go salon one afternoon, when the TV was on and there was news about record snowfall this year.

“Touya,” Shindou said that night after returning home. “When’s that first Shin Shodan match you have to play as Meijin?”

“Hm?” Akira looked up from the life-and-death problems workbook he was reviewing. “I think it’s the 12th, why?”

“The 12th?!” Shindou said. “Can’t you reschedule?”

“Why?” Akira frowned. What is he up to?

“Well… Ashiwara-san and I were talking about going on a trip, with a group, you know? We’ve already asked a couple of people and they’re interested. Even Yashiro said he could come!”

“What trip?” Akira asked. Why doesn’t he ever get to the point in one go?

“A ski trip.” Shindou scratched the back of his head, a little sheepishly. “We were thinking of leaving on the 12th. We could take a plane up to Hokkaido, or a bullet train to Aomori… Just for like, three or four days.”

“You want me to reschedule the Shin Shodan match so we could go on a ski trip?” Akira asked. “Shindou Hikaru, how is your own Go study going? You know, just because the championship season’s over doesn’t mean you get to slack off. You failed out of the preliminaries to the Kisei League again this year!”

“Oh god not again…” Shindou felt his shoulders slumping.

“No, Shindou. I’m not going.” Akira said, returning to reviewing life-and-death problems. “Go have fun with them yourself.”

“Come on, Touya! You should come with us! It’ll be fun!” Shindou said. “And we’re not going to slack off; we’re going to play 10-second Go with each other at the hotel! We’ll bring the boards! It’s a different kind of training!”

“No.” Akira said once more. To him it was a ludicrous idea that anything else could be more fun than Go. And to ask him to reschedule a match on top of it?

“Gah, you’re really something else, Touya!” Frustrated, Shindou resigned himself to going to take his shower and calling the night. “Can’t you tell what I’m trying to do for you?”

“Do what?!”

“Help celebrate your Meijin title!” Shindou shouted. And your birthday!

“I don’t need it!”

“Oh, you must be so fun at parties, Touya!” Shindou have had it. “Except of course you don’t go to any!”

“Shindou!!”

“I’m gonna go take my shower! Don’t talk to me!” Shindou ended their shouting match one-sidedly. Sometimes Akira wondered how they manage to live in the same house and not kill each other with the way they’ve been fighting.

Suddenly no longer in the mood to review Go, Akira took off his glasses and folded them, leaving them on top of the book next to the Go board. He cleaned up the stones and went to set up his futon, hoping to get to sleep before Shindou comes back out. He was nearly dozing off when he heard footsteps coming out of the shower. He laid there on his side, listening as Shindou made his way around the kitchen for a drink of water, then came back into the bedroom. He could feel Shindou’s feet crossing over his own to the closet where the other futon is kept. Then he heard the soft puff as Shindou laid it out behind him, a bit ways farther apart than usual. And then there was a moment of silence.

He heard a bit of shuffling before suddenly feeling Shindou’s fingers touching his hair, brushing back a few locks that had fallen onto his face. Akira kept his eyes closed, not daring to move a muscle.

“Did you forget your own birthday, you idiot?” Shindou’s voice was extremely soft. Then Akira felt Shindou’s lips on his temple, leaving a light kiss. There was more shuffling, and then Shindou was back in his own futon.

“Shindou…” Akira turned to Hikaru and whispered.

“Oh my god!” Shindou yelped. His heart practically jumped out of his chest. “You were awake?!”

“Sorry.” Akira propped himself up in the dark. “Shindou… when is this… trip again?”

“Eh?” Shindou said. “Forget it. If you won’t go then I won’t go either. There’s no point.”

“No…” Akira said softly. “I’m saying… I’ll see if I can reschedule the match… so we can go.”

“Really?” Shindou nearly jumped up at that.

“But you have to promise me you’ll come to the study sessions with Ogata-san after we’re back.” Akira said.

“Ugh… Ogata-sensei, eh?” Shindou’s face turned sour. He was never very good at dealing with Ogata, and had a bad gut feeling about the man’s motives towards Akira, too. “Alright, fine, I’ll go.”

“So when’s the trip?”

“We were planning on leaving the 12th; dunno if we’re staying for 3 nights or 4 yet…” Shindou eyed Akira. “I guess we’ll figure it out, once we know who else is coming.”

“Ok. I’ll go ask the scheduling department tomorrow.” Akira said, and settled back into his futon. He was planning to fall asleep for real this time, when suddenly he felt something bump up against his futon. Hikaru had moved his futon up against Akira’s, like usual, and his arms reached around Akira from behind. Akira huffed an amused sigh, and went to sleep.

They managed to reschedule the match to a week earlier, so it took place on the 5th, instead of the 12th. In the end they decided to take a bullet train and bus to a resort in Aomori since it was easier to travel by train as a group. The group ended up including the two of them, Waya, Kurata, Ashiwara, Saeki, and Yashiro, who took another train up to Tokyo in the morning. They spent the first day traveling, and then renting equipment at the destination. It was the first time Akira ever skied. He had absolutely no prior experience whatsoever, having spent literally the majority of his entire life playing Go and doing nothing else. Shindou and Waya were snowboarders; Yashiro actually brought his own skis. Kurata, Ashiwara, Saeki and Touya would all be renting skis.

“Why is Touya here?” Waya grumbled to Shindou as they tried out their snowboard boots respectively.

“What do you mean ‘why’? This is a trip to celebrate his title win.” Shindou said.

“What?! Really? Nobody told me!” Waya said. He had come along because both Shindou and Saeki (who was dragged into this by Ashiwara) had invited him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why do we have to celebrate for him anyway?!”

“Gah, Waya, you ask too many questions.” Shindou frowned as he tightened his boots. “If you don’t like it you can go home.”

“Well, I didn’t mean-”

“Excuse me, I’ll take these.” Shindou said, standing up and walking to the counter. Waya followed him hurriedly.

“Ok, whatever, but I’m definitely not rooming with him.” Waya said.

“Of course you’re not; I am.” Shindou said as he paid. “You’re rooming with Saeki-san and Ashiwara-san. I think Saeki-san is too scared to room with Ashiwara-san on his own.”

And thus their sleeping arrangement was decided: Shindou with Touya, Kurata with Yashiro, Waya with Ashiwara and Saeki. The next day they headed out early in the morning into the cold all geared up and ready. They took a lift ride up to the base of the mountain, and there they discussed each person’s skill level to decide how the group would split up and move. As expected, Yashiro’s skills were high - he could ski black routes just fine on his own. Shindou and Waya were both comfortable with the red routes. Kurata might not look it, but he was actually fairly good at skiing as well, though he decided to stick with Akira, who was inexperienced. Ashiwara was the same, and would help coach Saeki on the green runs.

“Uh, Shindou…” Akira couldn’t help himself from saying when he heard Shindou and Waya would be taking a higher lift on their own.

“Hm?” Shindou looked back. Akira had a complicated look on his face, like there was something he wanted to say. “You stick with Kurata-san.” Shindou said. “You need to learn, right?” With that, he waved his hand and headed off to an intermediate lift with Waya. He was excited - it had been a long while since he last went snowboarding, and he could really use the physical exercise.

Akira stared behind Hikaru, his brows slightly knitted together. He understood that he couldn’t just go up and start skiing down intermediate routes immediately, but something about not being with Shnidou (and Shindou’s attitude about it) irked him.

Nevertheless, the first day proved to be a lot of fun for Hikaru. He and Waya would race each other down the mountain, zooming past the beginners who stopped and fell frequently. He had fallen less times than he’d expected too - only once or twice - and laughed about them with Waya at lunch. On the other hand, Akira was having fall, after fall, after fall. He was never the sporty type; his hand-eye-leg coordination seemed to refuse to cooperate. Time and time again he saw Shindou and Waya speeding past him as they got down to the easier bottom part of their routes, while he sat hurting from another fall, or with his skis dislodged from his boots (which is a huge struggle to get back up and into). His bones were aching by the time they got back to the hotel room in the evening.

“So, do you want to play a proper game of Go?” Shindou asked, taking out his portable Go board. “Or 10-second Lightning Go?”

Akira was lying face down on his bed, his face stuffed into the pillows with only one eye looking up at Hikaru.

“You’re having fun, Shindou.” He said, his tone edgy and unforgiving.

“Huh?” Shindou frowned. “Yeah sure I am, what’s the problem?”

“No, no problem at all.” Akira said, his frustration growing at Shindou’s seeming insensitivity. “Of course it’s no problem for you when you can ride faster. Nevermind the slower people.”

“Dude, look, what do you want me to do? You’re learning to ski, but I’m snowboarding.” Hikaru said. “There’s nothing I can do for you down there; I’m too fast to stay on green runs!”

“You’re the one who dragged me here, Shindou!” Akira exclaimed. “If it weren’t for you, I’d rather be doing something else!”

“Well that’s why I said we don’t have to come if you didn’t want to, but you decided to come anyway!” Shindou yelled back. “So do you want to play Go or not?!”

“Play it yourself.” Akira turned away from Hikaru, lying on his side. This is one of the things about Shindou that really griped him and always got on his nerves.

“Fine, I will.” Shindou said, reaching for the life-and-death problem workbook he brought along in his backpack. They stayed like this through the whole night, ignoring each other in silence. At dinner they sat apart and talked with everyone else but each other.

This continued on to the next day. Some of the others started to catch onto the tension, which was only relieved when the two were separated by their different routes. Seeing how much Akira was struggling to stay on his feet in skis, even Yashiro volunteered to help coach him, so that Kurata could go on some fast runs and at least have some fun for himself. Yashiro was a very patient teacher (Kurata was too), and encouraged Akira with kind words and expert advice.

The next time Shindou passed by down the green portion of his run, he was surprised to see Akira smiling at Yashiro. Akira had finally managed to ski his S’s without falling at the turn, and was presently slowly skiing down the gentle hill while Yashiro was skiing backwards in front of him. When he failed to brake, he crashed into Yashiro and nearly fell, if not for Yashiro catching them both in time. Akira chuckled with an apology, embarrassed, as they straightened themselves up.

Something bubbled in Shindou’s heart, and foolishly he approached them at a moderate speed. Passing by, he yelled, “Touya, you suck!” before speeding off down the hill. It caught both Akira and Yashiro off guard, with Yashiro remarking, “what’s gotten into him?”

His remark absolutely ignited a fire in Touya Akira. His eyes were burning with anger throughout lunch and everyone felt a little edgy as the tension in the air seemed to thicken twofold. Shindou wouldn’t tell Waya or Kurata what happened. Yashiro felt the need to say something to Shindou for how immaturely he acted.

“Shindou, what was that all about?” He asked. “I don’t think Touya has done anything to deserve that.”

Everyone quietened from their own chitchat and listened. Shindou took another bite of his hamburger.

“Shut up, Yashiro. It’s true anyway.”

“Hey, that’s enough, Shindo-”

“Forget it, Yashiro.” Akira suddenly spoke. “Don’t get worked up over someone like this. Let’s go; you have to show me how to brake properly.” He said as he stood up, taking his finished tray of food with him.

“What’s going on?” Kurata jabbed at Waya’s side with his elbow. Waya shrugged, and looked at his friend, who had the same burning anger in his eyes now. Someone like this, he said?

The afternoon had a bitter aftertaste from the conflict at lunch. Shindou was snowboarding so fast that he won all his races against Waya because Waya just couldn’t keep up. Akira was ardent in learning his new skill with Yashiro, as though he was spurred on by something. They returned to their hotel room that night separately, still staying in silence. Shindou reviewed life-and-death problems on his Go board, while Akira read a book. After dinner time, Yashiro dropped by their room to give Akira some pain relief patches he brought, knowing that Akira had gained a few new bruises with his falls today.

“These don’t smell as bad.” Yashiro said. “I’ve used them a lot.”

“Okay, thank you.” Akira thanked him with a smile.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Yashiro. Thanks for everything.” Akira said as he saw Yashiro out the door. “It was really fun today.”

“Sure, no problem!” Yashiro said, before heading out to return to his own room. Akira then turned back inside, the smile still on his face as he returned to his bed to apply the patches.

“What are you smiling so much for?” Hikaru suddenly broke the silence. “Just so you know, being able to ski the S is the most basic of basics! It’s nothing to be so happy about!”

“I know that!” Akira said loudly. “I don’t need you to tell me!”

“Then stop smiling like an idiot!” Hikaru shouted.

“Whether I smile or not is none of your business, Shindou!” Akira shouted back. “What is your problem?!”

“Nothing! Except oh who was it that said he’d rather be doing something else yesterday?! And all of a sudden today it’s ‘oh it’s so much fun’?!”

“And what’s wrong with that?! You’re the one who said this trip would be fun! So I AM having fun now!”

“Yeah, I’m sure you can have a lot of fun with Yashiro!”

“Shindou!!”

“Hey, what’s going on in there?” Kurata’s voice suddenly came from the other side of the door with two knocks. “I’m hearing a lot of shouting.”

“Don’t open it.” Hikaru said. Akira frowned, his lips down-turned, and stormed towards the door. “Touya!!”

Akira opened the door with a fervent swing. Kurata was surprised to see his angry face, his breath slightly running out from the fight. Behind Kurata was also Yashiro, Saeki and Waya.

“What’s going on?” Kurata asked. “You guys fighting again?”

“Nothing; Shindou’s just being an idiot.” Akira said, moving aside to let Kurata step in.

“I am NOT!!”

“That’s enough, Shindou-kun.” Kurata said. “Now I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been getting a bad vibe from you this whole day. You need to calm down.”

“Yeah.” Yashiro agreed. “Especially after what happened earlier in the day. It was uncalled for.”

“…” Shindou’s lips were pursed in a childish pout. “Fine!” He grabbed his backpack and swung it over his shoulder. “Waya!! I’m going over to your room! I’m switching with Ashiwara-san!”

“Eh??”

“Saeki-san, you don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Shindou continued.

“Well, n-no… but…” Saeki replied, knowing that Ashiwara probably wouldn’t be happy. The person in question was not here; he was down at the lobby, because of an errand…

“Then let’s go.” Shindou said, making his way past the group and down the hall. “Waya, come on! Let’s play some Go.”

“Um… uh, ok.” Waya didn’t know how to react. He followed after his friend, and let Hikaru into the room.

“And you’re ok with this?” Kurata turned back to Akira, who stood by the door with a dark face.

“It’s fine, whatever.” He shrugged, turning away. “Let him be. I don’t care.”

“…” Kurata and Yashiro glanced at each other. This is a mess.

“Hey, I’m back! They’re going to bring it up soo-” Down the hall came Ashiwara’s voice as he ran towards the group, then he covered his mouth with his hands when he saw Akira. Oops. “Um, what’s going on? Why is everyone here?”

“Uh… Shindou-kun just had an argument with Touya-kun.” Saeki said. “Shindou-kun said he wants to switch rooms with you.”

“Eh????!” Ashiwara exclaimed with disbelief. “But I…”

“Excuse me, sorry for the wait.” A voice came from down the hall again. A hotel employee was leading another employee with a cart, rolling it towards the group. “We are ready, Ashiwara-sama.”

“What’s this?” Kurata asked. Everyone looked curiously at Ashiwara, except Akira, who was preoccupied with thoughts.

“Um… Let’s go inside first, shall we?” Ashiwara rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, motioning the group towards the room. “Akira, you don’t mind us coming into your room, do you?”

“Huh?” It took Akira a moment to react. “Oh, sure, no problem.”

So the group was ushered into the room by Ashiwara. The hotel employees followed behind him with the cart. Once they were inside, one of them dimmed the lights in the room while the other pulled out a lighter and some candles. Then she pulled the fabric cover off the cart to reveal a quaint birthday cake on a cake dish with a glass cover over it. Silently they worked to put the candles on the cake and light them.

“Happy Birthday, Akira.” Ashiwara said. Everyone else expressed some surprise, before they all got together to congratulate Akira and sing a birthday song for him. Then they let him cut the cake and share the pieces among the group. For everyone else, the cake was delicious; for Akira, it was bland. He was grateful, but he wasn’t happy.

Back in Waya’s room, Shindou played a fairly crappy game of Go with his friend, losing quickly without thinking through his moves. Normally Waya would’ve cheered his victory over Shindou, which was rare nowadays, but his friend’s disquiet bothered him.

“Shindou… Did something happen between you and Touya?” He asked.

“Not really.” Shindou lied. “I just… don’t want to be in the same room with him right now.”

“O-oh, yeah! I totally get what you’re saying!” Waya laughed. “I mean, a guy like him… He can really get on people’s nerve sometimes…” He stood up to go get a drink from the mini-fridge. “Although, I kinda feel sorry for Ashiwara-san.”

“Yeah… I guess I did something mean to him.” Shindou said. “He seems to really like Saeki-san.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure Saeki-san is actually grateful for you switching. It’s like you said, I think he’s scared of Ashiwara-san.”

“Speaking of whom,” Shindou said, cleaning up the stones from the board after reviewing what he did wrong. “Where is Ashiwara-san?” The switch isn’t technically finalized yet, since he never got the chance to ask.

“Oh, he had to go to the lobby.” Waya answered. “He went to go order a cake. Did you know that today is Touya’s birthday? Haha. Not that it matters, I guess. Sure as hell ain’t gonna celebrate it for him, right?”

Shindou’s heart stopped. That’s right, how could he forget?! That was part of the reason why he brought Akira on this trip! A horrible feeling overcame Shindou. He was so caught up in his emotions that he let them get the better of him. Those were some pretty awful things to have said to Touya on his birthday. How did he always manage to end up in fights with Akira? Couldn’t he just be a little more honest with his feelings?

That night, neither of them slept well. Ashiwara was ultimately generous enough to agree to the switch; in fact, he was a little concerned over Akira’s moodiness, and so decided to stay with him through the night. The next day they would ski for the last time, then take the bus and train ride home in the afternoon.

Shindou kept going down the same route again and again. Even Waya drifted away from him to try out some other, more interesting routes with Kurata. Hikaru was taking 5-minute lift rides and snowboarding down two-thirds of the same route just so he could check for Akira and Yashiro during the last third of it. Akira was getting better; he was still struggling with balance sometimes, but he was starting to be able to finish green runs on his own, with Yashiro watching from further ahead below.

“Shindou!” Waya’s voice suddenly came from behind Hikaru, who stood watching Akira with his heels dug into the snow on the back edge of his board.

“Oh, Waya.” He said. “Kurata-san.”

“What are you doing?” Waya asked.

“Nothing, just taking a break.” Shindou replied. Waya looked past his shoulder and saw Akira losing his balance once again for another hard fall.

“Look at him!” Waya said leering, unable to hold his laughter down. “Say, Shindou, I think he’s trying to catch up to you.”

“Huh?” Shindou whipped his head around to find Akira struggling to get up from his fall, Yashiro being too far down to come up and help him.

“I think he wants to get good enough to ski beside you, like, race you.” Waya said, chuckling. “Even though he’s so bad at it!”

“Ahh, I see.” Kurata said. “It’s like you guys’ rivalry in Go. He wants to be your rival in skiing too!”

My ski rival? Shindou thought. Even from where he stood afar, Hikaru could see the determination, the ambition being reflected off Akira’s eyes as he groped around the snow for a way to get back onto his feet. It was the same look he saw when Akira set his mind on chasing Sai, and the same look he must have worn himself when he chased Akira. Akira was trying to chase him again, this time in skiing, the same way he’s been trying to chase Akira in Go. Only the difference is, in Go Akira always turned around and reached out to pull Shindou closer, higher up, whereas he himself…

“Waya, Kurata-san.” Shindou said. “Go on without me. I’ll catch up later.” And then he set his board to slide down the hill again, heading in the direction of Akira.

“There he goes.” Kurata said, impressed. Waya eyed the older man, confused. “Sometimes I can’t figure out if those two are really rivals or what.”

Shindou braked sharply by Akira’s side. He grabbed Akira’s arm and pulled him up. Akira was surprised at first that someone came to help, but then scowled when he discovered that it was Shindou. He yanked his arm away, and without a word pushed himself in the other direction with his poles.

“Touya, I’m sorry.” Shindou said, following behind Akira. Since Akira was going slow, it was easy for him to follow just by doing his fallen leaf.

“Oh, you’re sorry now?” Akira said snappily.

Patience, Shindou Hikaru, patience… Shindou inhaled and tried again, “Yes, I am.”

“…” Akira was silent. Hikaru reached for his shoulder.

“Touya.”

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“Let me go!” Akira jerked his shoulder forward, trying to escape Hikaru’s clutch, but it had the unintended effect of upsetting his balance, throwing him forward towards the snow again. Hikaru barely reacted in time, throwing his arms forward to grab ahold of Akira. Akira’s poles flew out of his hands and slid tumbling down the hill as the two of them looked on.

“Don’t do that again! That was dangerous!” Hikaru shouted, his face full of concern and worry. They were a little too close to the trees on the side for comfort, if this ended more severely.

“Sorry…” Akira blurted quietly, not quite recovering from the scare himself. His shell-shocked look snapped Hikaru out of his anger.

“Oh, no, I mean… I’m sorry.” He said. He didn’t have to yell. It took both of them a moment before they were able to process the shock, then Akira was the first to break the ice.

“I feel like we’ve been saying nothing but ‘sorry’ for the last few minutes.” He chuckled.

“Er… Yeah, I guess.” Hikaru smiled sheepishly, then finally let Akira go. “Touya… Happy belated Birthday. I’m sorry… about last night.”

Akira took a deep breath and exhaled. Then he smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Hey, are you guys planning to get down here or what?” Yashiro yelled from the bottom of the hill, waving Akira’s poles that he had picked up.

“We’ll be right there!” Shindou waved back, then turned to Akira. “Hold my hands.”

Akira did as he was told. Without his poles, he had to rely on Shindou to guide him down the hill. Hikaru slowly descended, snowboarding in a gentle fallen leaf motion while facing the mountain. It worked quite well to guide Akira on his S. Akira’s hands were holding onto his firmly, trusting him with his weight.

“You should lean more forward.” Hikaru said as they made their last stretch. “It’s easier to control your balance when your center of weight is low and forward.”

“Okay…” Akira mumbled, far too concentrated on looking down at the snow kicking up against his skis to look forward (he realized too much snow kicked up is what trips him).

For the remainder of their last day, Hikaru coached Akira, pulling him ahead, teaching him how to find his own balance. They were both exhausted by the time the trip was over and they boarded the bus on the way back. Sleep would soon visit them, but not before Hikaru looked at Akira with a triumphant smile.

“So?” He asked.

“So what?” Akira replied.

“Was it fun, Mister Touya?”

“…” Akira frowned at Hikaru. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Hikaru’s shoulder. “Fine, yes, it was fun.” He said grudgingly, but added, “but still not as fun as Go.”

Hikaru chuckled, shaking his head, because he agreed, and they were both hopeless Go fanatics. He put his head against Akira’s, and soon they fell asleep together.

#dorks #akihika #akihika reboot #hikaru no go

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