#L kissin feet

[god-of-this-new-blog]

“For a master of deception and subterfuge, You’ve made yourself quite the bed to lie in”

[letras2wi]

Monaleo - I Luv My N***a Lyrics

Monaleo – I Luv My Na ( Lyrics Letra ) Letra Monaleo Monaleo – I Luv My Na ( Lyrics Letra ) Chorus Bitch, I’m back, I could never miss a beat (Yeah) I would never miss a nigga (Yeah), I cut off, he missin’ me (Yeah, uh-huh) Like, bitch, are you kiddin’ me? (Huh?) I’m a player, this is me (The fuck?) We not lockin’ lips but he still kissin’ ass and kissin’ feet Verse Yeah Big L-E-O (Uh-huh) I gave…

[neopuppy]

Sit Down (M)

Preview: “I thought I taught them better than that.” His lips move over the cut, stinging. Dizzily stirring your thoughts around. Sultry eyes stare down at you as if he already owns you. “Never let your opponent win.”

or

‘Rumors traveling that even coach Suh had a tryst with you at some point.’ Gasp. The rumors are true.

Pairing: Johnny x female reader

Word Count: 4k+

Genre: baseball AU, pwp…what plot, explicit smut, M/F, established fwb, sadistic dom Johnny, Coach Suh™️

Smut Warning: degradation, humiliation, voyeurism, blood licking, thigh riding, ass play, choking, oral(f receiving), dumbification, strength kink, multiple orgasms, breeding

Bottom of the 9th. 3 men on base, and Haechan hits a home run, soaring out of the field. An uproar of cheers erupts. Screaming in celebration from the front bleachers, nearest the dugout area. Close enough for the team to hear your noisy praises.

Jeno catches your eye on his way out, sparing you a suggestive nod. A familiar one that says ‘come find me’.

Excitement buzzes through your chest waiting for the crowd to clear. Fresh cut grass tickles at your nose as a lawn mower explodes to life. Signifying another game over, a successful one as usual.

Jeno hasn’t texted, probably occupied with cleaning off before he heads out to meet up with you. Another visit to the locker room seemed hard to resist after last time. Your feet carrying you in the direction the team had disappeared into not long ago.

“What’re you looking for?” Coach Suh spots you near the dugout. Lurking around after games as usual. “..I mean, who?”

He smirks knowingly, hoisting a bag full of bats over his shoulder. Bending at his knees to scoop up the mess left behind. The team had gone off to hit the showers as he instructed them to after another winning game. Missing the scolding he’d give them with an alternative outcome.

“Uh, Jeno?..We’re s-supposed to l-leave together..” you start to stutter. Johnny- or Mr. Suh, as you’d come to know him, turns around, standing up straight. Giving you a full view of his overpowering size.

“Yea, he’s in the lockers. You’re familiar.” He smiles again. More arrogant and full of himself than the team combined. They had to learn it from someone after all.

“Hah..” you step back nervously. Eyes darting around for your clear escape. Catching a glimpse of Jeno’s mitt on the edge of the bench. His initials etched in bold lettering, something about it being his ‘lucky glove’. You pause to reach for it, Jeno would be upset if he’d lost this thing. “Ow what the fu-..”

You hiss dropping the stitched leather. Thumb catching on the edge of sharp metal protruding from the corner of the bench. Nicking your skin enough to draw blood, accompanied by a throbbing pain.

“Ah, I keep telling the maintenance crew about that.” Coach Suh takes a hold of your wrist. His eyes squinting, scanning the damage. Clicking his tongue, he brings your hand closer to his lips. “We better get this cleaned up.”

Brown eyes land on yours, flicking up, turning his playful expression serious. His cheeks sink in, tongue hanging out lapping up the trickle of blood from your thumb.

“Coach…Mr. Suh..” you gasp, jerking your wrist. His large palm encasing you completely leaving you with no room to budge. “It’s…it’s okay..I..”

“Saw your little movie you know.” He goes on speaking over you. Dragging the tip of his tongue up and down. Gaze boring past yours, never breaking contact. “It’s no wonder you’re walking around getting into trouble like this. Fucked so stupid, surprised you can even stand up after that.”

Your jaw hangs, humiliation draining through your face. Coach Suh only taking your moment of shock to suck down the entirety of your thumb. Lips swallowing down to where your fingers align. Teeth tug at your flesh with every pull. Your eyes water, burning from the heat rising up your cheeks. The vulgar display too much after hearing he’d watched you. Saw you tossed around like nothing but a..

“Slut.” He finishes, kissing over the cleaned off cut. “Letting all of those guys fuck and use you like that.”

“I..”

“I thought I taught them better than that.” His lips move over the cut, stinging. Dizzily stirring your thoughts around. Sultry eyes stare down at you as if he already owns you. “Never let your opponent win.”

“It’s not like that..” you try to defend yourself. Not that it mattered anyway, Johnny didn’t actually care. “Who showed you?”

“That’s not important. We need to get this properly sealed up.” Johnny observes your thumb, still bleeding profusely. Waving off your curiosity. Pouting his lower lip in ridicule. “Poor baby, it hurts doesn’t it?”

“Coach..” you squirm, taking a step back. A hopeless attempt to calm yourself.

“Shh shh..” Johnny’s cheek wrinkles to one side. He has to bend in to meet you at eye level. Tilting his chin in to keep you rendered docile under an intense gaze. “You always want it to hurt. Beg me to keep going even when you’re crying? Biting back those pretty screams for me until your lips look raw?”

A pitiful garbled sound jumps from your throat. Johnny quick to cradle the back of your head. Almost too gently, cooing as you arch forward into his torso. Clutching at his sides for some sort of traction. Reality fleeting the longer he speaks. Older, wiser, too suave and mature compared to what you’re used to. Johnny knew how to control your strings, turn you into a pile of putty off mere words.

“Nothing to say already? So soon?” Long eyes blink down at you with a mocking glint. The perfect person to lead a team to victory. Strategic and observing, picking up on weaknesses and strengths off body language alone.

Johnny knew from the first time you’d met from the way your breath hitched how he’d affected you. Hiding a knowing smirk with a charming smile. Raking your figure with a conspiring look. Asserting an almost sweet dominance with the way he controlled any conversation. The vibrato in his vocals lowering whenever he spoke only for you.

It was chance, fate, or Johnny figuring out your class schedule through some eavesdropping. Bumping into him abruptly as you raced to your car. An apology that swerved into smoky thinning eyes, faint fingertips on your skin. Johnny was 29, experienced, too enticing to pass up the chance for more. As he expected when you’d agreed to ‘hanging out’ that night, and many more.

“Fuck..” you manage to utter. Earning a displeased click of his tongue. The palm splayed at your nape jostles you a bit, enough to make your brain rattle. Emptied already, filled with blood pumping in a rage through your chest.

“Is that how you talk to me?” He tuts, turning you around too fast. Sure enough to lose your balance and fall right on your face without his hold. A lick of whisper traces a path down the shell of your ear- “You know better than to use language like that with me. I’m not one of those stupid little boys you fuck around with when you’re bored.”

Drool gathers at the corners of your lips, too embarrassing to suck down. Johnny’s deep voice travels over your spine, passing through your gut. Releasing rapid shots of dopamine better than any high. That’s what he did, that’s what he was best at.. winning, getting his way. Control, manipulation, pulling strings on a puppet. Losing never really felt like a loss with Johnny.

“I’m sorry, coach I-.. I’m sorry.” Your vocal chords tremble. Maneuvered through the dugouts hallway leading to the locker rooms. Johnny presses your front to the wall, clear in the open where anyone can catch you. Thick girth nudging at your backside. Squatting a knee, he shoves between your thighs from behind. Forced to mount his flexing muscle, a burly arm circles your ribcage. Lifting you with ease to straddle his thick thigh comfortably.

“Actions speak louder than words. You’re sorry?” Johnny blinks slowly. It’s all just to further fuck with your head. Get you sloppy and stupid how he likes. “Then show me how sorry you are.”

“Fu-..” your lips purse into a thin line. Johnny really emphasized how ‘ladies’ never use such foul language. That was ‘childish bullshit’, you want something? Then use your words correctly. Speak up, put on a real show for him. “Johnny..”

The sound of his tongue clicking along the backs of his teeth accompany a shake of his head. Grabbing a hold around your jaw, jerking your neck back to look at him. Trapped between the wall and his body covering your entire frame. “I won us that game. It’s coach today.”

His thigh nestled between yours bounces up, manipulating you to grind down. Wet panties cling to your core, pushing down with an experimental roll of your pelvis. His nose buries against your cheek, nodding with approval. Flexing his muscles between you for assistance.

“Rubbing your little cunt on me like some brainless whore.” He starts mumbling, patting your chin roughly upon releasing you. Large hand skimming down beneath your casual summer dress. He seethes underneath, tracing up and down the crevice of your ass. Pressing kisses over your cheek with his speech- “Do you even know how wet you are already? It’s leaking right through my uniform. You’re worse than some dumb slut aren’t you? Good for nothing but taking cock.”

“Uh-huh” you stammer out, lacking the brain cells to form anything coherent anymore. Johnny’s hardened size digging into your lower back distracting you from forming any real thought. Frothing at the mouth, such a mess already. Begging for more with a fiercer swivel of your hips. Clit dragging against your underwear roughly as you move faster.

“You want more. You need more.” Johnny says adamantly. Collecting wetness spilling from your entrance. Thick digits trail back and forth. Meanly teasing at your hole, enough to feel your heat pulsating. “You want everything. Greedy little slut is what you are.”

He sniggers, tracing your rim with wet fingertips. Satisfied by the breathy hiss you let out, working back faster into his touch despite the areas evident swelling. He almost pities you, recalling how Jaemin had taken it out on you in the video.

“That hurts doesn’t it baby?” Johnny croons softly. Deliciously rubbing around your rim in succession with your incessant grinding. “But that’s how my little pain slut likes it..”

“Ugh..f-..” you muffle the string of curses attempting to escape. The idea of Coach Suh punishing you with another hour of edging was more than enough to contain yourself. Your palm smacks against the wall, hissing from the burn of your cut brushing along the plaster. Vibrant streaks of blood stain in their wake, catching Johnny’s attention.

“You gonna cum like this? Like my good slut. Fuck yourself faster on me, you can do it.” He rasps, tangling a hold in your hair. Encouraging you with a jerk of his thigh. His digits lower back to your pulsing hole. Sleek movements get him knuckle deep.

Gasping on a choked breath as your eyes roll up. Bouncing down on his thigh with speed, stimulating your sensitive bundle of nerves at a needier pace. Johnny continuing to murmur praises through your first orgasm.

“That’s it.” Hot lips press a trail of kisses along your neck. Settling you to stand up straight and catch your breath.

He lifts you with ease, as if you weigh nothing to him. You duck into his chest as he kicks through the locker room, expecting to be met with a bunch of sniveling bratty faces. Steam clouds and a familiar pitter-pat of water droplets hitting tile floor fills the entire room.

Johnny walks the pathway to his office, not even bothering to glance around for any curious bystanders. He sets you on your weak ankles upon entering, shoving open the door with his shoulder.

“Sit down.” Johnny says, earnestly. Nodding ahead to his chair. You stand, paused, unable to rip your eyes away from the very open blinds. Blinds meant to cover a window facing toward the entire locker room. Pondering how Coach Suh could have had quite the view if he hadn’t already left for the day. You chew at your lower lip, shifting around nervously.

“But..”

“Don’t make me repeat myself. You know I don’t like when you don’t listen to me.” Johnny comes up behind you. Chest flush against your back until you begin to step further in. The shutting click of his office door following suite.

It’s not much of a shove at your shoulder that has you planted in his fancy work area. An expensive leather chair, ergonomically equipped for long hours spent seated. Planning out tricks and techniques to ensure the opposing team never saw them coming. Johnny the real mastermind behind a continuously successful team.

He starts unbuttoning his uniform slowly. Divots of defined abdomen peaking between the opening garment. Meticulously unveiling faint marks of now barely there scratches. The last time you’d hooked up had been a couple of weeks ago. Enough time to heal over the areas on his hips you’d dug your nails into.

His shoulders drop, shimmying off the sleeves. Hovering above your awestruck gaze. Cock twitching in response to how you always seemed at a loss for words in his presence. Obsessed and weak, re-evaluating your life to dedicate everything to him.

He slinks down onto his knees. Leaning back proudly showing off the physique he works hard for. Taking a hold of your wrist to drag your limp fingers down the center of his chest. Smug smirk growing, taking in the rapid pace your breasts rise at. Sucking down air on a choked breath, letting you trace over the lines of defined muscles down to his navel.

“It’s been too long..” Johnny winks, passing your hand across the faded marks adorning his pelvic bone. “Miss catching fresh traces of you over my skin.”

He reaches for a drawer nearby, long arm flexing. Bicep contracting delectably, biting down on your lip harder with anticipation. Johnny pulls out a first aid kit, returning his attention to your other hand.

“Ah, look at this mess.” He mumbles to himself. Cradling your wrist gently to get a good look at your thumb. Cleaning up the now dried blood that made its way down to the middle of your forearm. His brows furrowed in concentration, handsome as ever even under hideous cheap lighting.

He makes it look simple, covering your wound with gauze and tape. Gazing up with a pleased smile- “All better?”

Johnny tugs your bandaged thumb to his mouth. Passing you over slow enough to catch on little lines between the skin of his lips. Blinking up curiously, he whispers, deep and low- “Or does it hurt anywhere else?”

You nod, controlling yourself to not act over eager. Parting your thighs open, giving him a full visual of your drenched underwear. Johnny sighs. Licking up your inner thigh with an intense gaze trained on you. A practiced gaze that always worked to weaken his opponent.

“Hurts here? Doesn’t it?” His forehead wrinkles in question. Pouting a press of his lips against your hole. He sucks on the material with vigor, moaning at the essence dribbling down his throat.

“H-hurts..s-so much..” you nod, writhing up to meet his mouth working over your covered mound. Tongue sinking in, shoving the strained fabric into your hole. He slurps obscenely, rolling his eyes shut as if you taste too savory to not fully enjoy. “Ah, Coach, please. Need more.”

Johnny nibbles down on your clit, pinpointing exactly where it is. Making you twist up with a suppressed shout. He nuzzles in, growling through his chest. Ripping your underwear off in one go, face burying back between your thighs full of hunger. Tongue gathering the wetness sopping onto his chair. He groans, rubbing his nose around your clit. Repeatedly landing kisses on your convulsing entrance. An apology for what was about to take place.

“Are you that desperate for me?” He mouths over your cunt. Engulfing you entirely, laving his tongue all over. Breaching inside with a pointed wiggle until your thighs tremble around him. His nose huffing at the top of your mound as you ride out another climax. Falling back bonelessly into the seat. Dizzy from heavy lungs making it harder to breathe.

“Yes yes, please! N-need it, need you!” You whimper, wheezing for air.

“Wanted to get fucked so bad didn’t you?” Johnny pecks over your clit. “Doesn’t even matter whose dick it is. Such a nasty slut.”

“No, no no!” You whine, grabbing onto his broad frame. Johnny squatting, scooping you up from your bottom. Setting you on the edge of his desk. Pulling at your dress until you’re nothing but exposed flesh. Surprised you’d even had a pair of panties on to begin with. Too slutty for that from what he’d come to learn.

His hands wrap around your thighs, tingling all over with a harsh press of his fingertips. You glance up over his shoulder, noticing sets of eyes watching you through the parted blinds. Some look familiar, too familiar. Especially as a camera flashing through the glass brightens up the cloud of darkness masking smiles. Bright teeth, a mischievous curled up mouth, that had to be Jaemin..

“Coach, the blinds..” you mention again, blinking rapidly. Dropping your face to hide in his shoulder. Skin aflame from bubbling excitement, or embarrassment. Most likely both.

Johnny props you to sit up straight, cupping your jaw until you’re blinking up at him under the fluorescent office lights. The gleam making it all the more difficult to keep your heavy eyelids from drooping down further. He slaps at your cheek, hard enough to have you hissing. Biting back a sound of pain, a risk he may stop if you let it out. Johnny never really wanted to hurt you, no more than you wanted him to.

“They stay open. A pretty thing like you needs to be seen. On full display, give the boys a real reward for winning today.” Johnny grins, bumping the tip of his nose against yours. “Besides, you love that. So pathetically desperate for your loyal servants to worship you. I know you just love thinking about it later when you touch yourself. The way they all submit to you, wrapped around some invisible leash.”

“That’s not—“ Johnny interrupts you with another scoff. His mouth hovering right above yours, close enough to follow his words without listening.

“You’re thinking too much about it still.” He sounds upset now, convincing enough. Circling your windpipe with a large splayed out palm, he pecks you gently. Licking between your pressed lips for entrance. Impelling you to let him inside, in more ways than one. “You’re thinking too much.”

He mumbles between languid laps of his tongue. Easing your nerves, massaging through your hot greedy cavern. Thick lips that command dominance, spine held up only by the hand now gripping your throat. Stifling breaths pass, swallowed down by the much larger. A squeeze at your throat that reminds you how easily he can fuck you up, ruin you, if you allowed.

With a firm kiss, Johnny stares you down. Brown irises blown wide beneath bulky eyelids. Features sharp enough to cut you deep, as deep as the metal bench had earlier.

“So beautiful like this..” he smiles, a real smile. Trailing a finger along your cheekbone. “Head empty, nothing but a stupid hole to fuck, hmm?”

He’s fixated for a moment, toying with your loose neck. Tapping along the edges of your jaw and chin. Admiring the lost look in your gaze. He takes a hold of your cheeks, pushing your lips into a pout. Shaking your face side to side- “Nothing inside that pretty fucking head. You know why? It’s all mine. Can’t have it back until I’m done with you.”

He nods your head for you, cheeks glowing happily. With one last hard grip around your throat he tosses your arms over his back. Circling your waist, picking you back up. Cupping your ass in his large palms. You let out a sound of confusion, met with a chuckle. Johnny setting your bottom down on the tiny window ledge. It digs in uncomfortably, making you shimmy forward.

“Don’t move.” His tone drops back to a serious one. Keeping an arm wrapped around you as he shoves his bottoms off with the other. “You wanna cum on my cock don’t you baby? Be a good slut for me?”

You keep nodding, not fully understanding what he means. Johnny throwing your arms back over his frame to get you in position.

“Don’t let go.” His nose hits your forehead with enough force to bend your neck back. Cock drunk gaze staring up at him. Johnny’s chest rumbling loudly, reaching his own desperation.

He’s got you pressed up against the window. Your sweaty skin painfully pulling on the glass. Hoisting you up, he grabs around your thighs. Cock seething fully inside making the crown of your head knock back. Screaming more off the deep penetration than the throbbing passing over your skull.

“Your loyal following showed up.” He grunts. Lifting and lowering you on his length. Overwhelmed by his mass every time. Already too stupid and incoherent to understand anything he says. Amused laughter travels through window crevices.

Lights flashing behind you, illuminating all of Johnny’s working muscles. His chest glistens with a small amount of alluring sweat. Making it clear how hard this isn’t for him. Throttling your limp body up and down on his dick effortlessly.

“We’re gonna have a whole fucking collection of you by the time seasons over.” He stammers. Bending at his knees for extra power.

“C-cum, just wanna cum.” You whine, enraptured by the thick body in front of you. Feeling smaller than ever under his strength. “So fucking big. You’re so fucking big!”

Your mouth hangs open breathless, sputtering nonsense. Johnny tossing you up and down like nothing.

“So so s-so b-big..” you stutter between sucking at drool that won’t stop spilling from your lips. Dazed by the way Johnny reshapes your insides. Dazed by his flawless firm muscles. Displaying brute strength with each piston upward. Cries and whimpers escape you, kneading at his chest.

“Stuffing your slutty hole full just how you love.” Johnny growls disrupting your thoughts. Thrusting faster, pulling you from the ledge until your nails are burying into his collarbone. Cutting through his flesh as you scream.

Fucked thoroughly and precise, pussy clenching harder the longer he stirs your insides. Johnny’s hips snap roughly, muttering through exertion- “Wet, so fucking wet and tight for me. Taking all this big dick.”

“Ah! Johnny!” You let out a drawn out noisy whimper. Stiffening up when Johnny pierces in at a new angle. Shuddering in his hold as a powerful orgasm rips out. This one rendering you completely weak, full and empty.

He chokes on a breath, lower half coming to a still. Eyes fluttering through your convulsing heat. Just enough, listening patiently for your breathing to regulate

He turns, keeping you slotted on his length. Thigh muscles pronounced, bulging out ridiculously as he returns you to his desk. You fall back into a high arch, fucked up into again the second your ass meets table. Reaching around yourself for some type of purchase, something to keep you connected to reality. Lost in the sound of low guttural moans above you.

“I ca-can’t, can’t!” Your eyes crunch shut, gritting your teeth with a scream. Filled up to your belly button. You can feel Johnny’s size jabbing deep inside with each thrust. Spinning your mind further and further away.

He slaps at your cheek, snaking around your neck with a tough grip. Your eyes shooting open, coughing on dry air.

“Eyes on me.” He instructs, throwing his lower half into rapid action. Coughing up more, a burn of tears painting down your face. Steaming as they roll down your heated skin.

“Love that don’t you?” Johnny spurs on. Ruthlessly hammering his hips down. Wasting no time to chase his release. Jostled up his desk with each impaling thrust. “Fuck you so stupid. All you know is my cock baby. It’s all you can think about.”

His staminas insane, sounding hardly short of breath even as he throws your legs back. Adjusting your limbs over his shoulders to pin you down, keeping you in place with the weight of his merciless pistoning hips.

“Y-ye—can-can’t…too…s’too good..” you stutter, eyes rolling far back. Leaving nothing but the whites surrounding your pupils visible. “Cu-cum…again..g-gon, cum!”

He gives you no warning, no time to even get your garbled words out. Thumb slithering between your smashed together torsos. Johnny presses down on your clit with a growl. Rolling your bundle of nerves around roughly, biting through your gripping orgasm.

“That’s it pretty baby, cum around me just like that.” He grits. Fucking through your pulsing cunt. His ramming pace never slowing. Chest flexed as he grabs your ankles holding you down. Folded up in a complete half. Johnny letting out a throaty animalistic scream as his cum spills free. “Fuck fuck!”

His hips don’t falter, pushing hot spurts of cum deep inside your walls. Expeling grunts that sound near painful, earning another orgasm out of you through his messy thrusts. Cum trickles out under the sloppy slams of his hips. Smeared over your bottom and his desk.

“Coach..” your throats scratchy, coughing up as he finally begins to slow down. Delivering one more filthy thrust before drawing free. The lewd wet pop as he pulls out lighting a scorching heat under your cheeks. Johnny sighs, easing your legs down slowly. Cock nestling back inside still like a plug.

“Did so good, even if you lost, again. Good game as always. Valiant effort.” Johnny smiles, a comforting soft smile. Rubbing large palms up and down your sore aching thighs. “Ready to hit the showers?”

Next—> Haechan

@seuomo @unknown5tar @sunoosi @ahsshilee-me @jenoslutie @nc-teen @if-i-like-i-reblog @johnjaespeach @nohyuckieduckie @xxhoseoksie

[realcube]

secretly dating the haikyuu!! boys 🤫

summary: you’ve been dating your partner in secret up until now, when their team finds out 

characters: hinata, oikawa & bokuto 

thanks to anon for the request 💗

tw// fem! reader, sexual references, swearing

Shōyō Hinata 

he kept the relationship a secret bc of noya IEFBEVAGLEB

ok ok lemme explain

you said jokingly once that you were into shorter guys in response to hinata asking something lovey-dovey along the lines of ‘what did i do to deserve you? 😍’

and hinata has been on edge ever since pfft

i mean, he just thins noya is such a cool guy and an awesome upperclassmen- why wouldn’t you want him?

but he couldn’t afford losing you to this teammate so he did everything in his power to make sure that you never crossed paths with nishinoya- which included not telling his team about you 

it was so hard for him as well bc he wanted to show you off to his teammates so bad especially stinkyshima 🥺

but he couldn’t :((

you never really inquired about it though, even when he’d get all weird when you’d come pick him up from practise

then the faithful day arrived, when kageyama watched you stroll into the class, hand hinata something, place a kind kiss on his cheek before taking your leave

he didn’t question it though- he couldn’t be bothered lol

the only time he ever brought it up was 2 weeks later in the changing room when tsukishima was making fun of him for being unable to ask out a girl for an upcoming dance

so kageyama retorted with ‘it’s not like you get any girls either, shittyshima! even hinata gets more action than you!’

hinata’s blood ran cold and he froze

tsukishima hummed in response, prodding kageyama to elaborate, ‘i saw him kissing a girl in class the other day-- have you ever kissed someone before?’

although that last part was meant to be a dig, it sounded more like a genuine question

yamaguchi peered over his shoulder to join the conversation, ‘is that true, hinata?’

hinata stood frozen for a little while longer before releasing a heavy sigh, ‘yes. but please don’t tell anyone else.’

‘why not?’ tsukishima pried.

‘none of your business, stinkyshima!’

that nickname was what prompted tsukishima to stroll out of the changing the room and disguise ‘hinata has a girlfriend’ behind a cough in front of the whole team

‘you said you weren’t going to tell anyone!’ hinata yelled, slightly red from the fact everyone was now staring at him - including coach ukai, takeda, kiyoko & yachi

‘what? it was just a cough.’ tsukishima snickered but promptly received an elbow to the stomach from yamaguchi

daichi rubbed hinata’s back while reassuring him that he didn’t have to tell them anything he didn’t want to but meanwhile, hinata’s eyes were fixated on nishinoya 

‘i- i do have a girlfriend.’ he stuttered, figuring that he wasn’t going to be able to hide it forever  — plus, he felt foolish for not trusting you to begin with. ‘her name is (l/n).’

yachi choked on her water, ‘she sits next to me in class!’

ngl yachi probably had a lil’ crush on you at some point but these are just headcanons, not a full blown fic so i cba to write a love triangle

‘cool’ hinata murmured in response before continuing, ‘she said that she will come see me after practise today so i guess you’ll see her then.’

by now, most people were shooting hinata comforting smiles and muttering their congratulations but those were all drowned out by nishinoya and tanaka’s loud offers

‘wow, hinata. you really got a chick before your senpais. i’m not sure whether to be proud or jealous!’ tanaka said, wiping an invisible tear from his eye

‘proud, ryū! we clearly did a good job in teaching him how to make advances on the ladies.’ nishinoya cheered before turning to grab hinata’s shoulders and pull him close, ‘now, hinata, if you ever need advice remember that you can come to us! we’re kinda professionals when it comes to relationships and stuff!’

hinata nodded rapidly, his lips slowly curling into a smile as he wondered; what was i so worried about? of course (y/n) would never cheat on me and noya would never make moves on my girlfriend

when you arrived, you were rather confused when hinata greeted you with his usual vigour rather than his hasty, rushed greetings for when you met him after practise

also, you were perplexed as to why many peeping eyes were staring at the pair of you from the gym door as he peppered your face with kisses - and why was one of them Yachi?

‘uuh, shō, are those your teammates?’ you inquired, gesturing to the peepers behind y’all

hinata peered over his shoulder and chuckled at how ‘discreet’ they were being,’uh- yeah.’

suddenly, yachi and sugawara popped out from behind the walls, ‘hello, (l/n)!’ they both yelled in unison

you smiled, looking at them and realising this was probably the first time you’ve ever been acknowledged by his teammates

‘hi, yachi and--’

hinata hastily whispered in your ear, ‘sugawara.’

‘sugawara!’

hinata finally got to introduce you to all his teammates and he was so hyped 

he had a foolishly wide grin on his face the whole time 

he’s just so happy that the person he loves can finally meet the people who help him do what he loves 

Tōru Oikawa

y’all kept the relationship secret bc you didn’t want to get nasty glares from oikawa’s fangirls and he didn’t want to get teased by iwa so it was a win/win

although you had to be cautious when showing PDA, it didn’t mean y’all didn’t do it at all

there was just something about knowing that what you were doing was risky, which made you want to do it even more

so sometimes y’all would do that thing where you arrange certain times to ask for the bathroom during class so you could see each other in the corridor

and since it was during class, there was virtually nobody else in the hallway 

so y’all would literally just go for it

kissing as if you had never experienced human affection before

but since you both were so into it, you’d never notice kyōtani walk by, on his way back from the principal’s office

he’d even let out a low scoff every time

but you were both just so in the moment that you’d never even notice 

word spreads fast in the seijoh boys’ volleyball club, though

but slightly slower when it starts with kyōtani

like what reason does he have to tell anybody about what he saw? he doesn’t want to relive those events

but during a bitching session with yahaba, he spilled about oikawa and you since the captain had been working them extra hard lately, as if he was the coach tsk

so ofc the gossip spread across multiple bitching session from yahaba, to kunimi, to kindaichi, to watari, to hanamaki then finally to matsukawa

(iwaizumi didn’t get to know bc firstly he didn’t join in with bitching sessions and secondly, everyone knew that iwa would just immediately tell oikawa and that would ruin all the fun)

it got to the point where almost everyone on the team knew about you and oikawa so whenever he would walk into practise, a chorus of low giggles and whispers would spread across the gym

this had been going on for about a month now and at first, oikawa was too self-indulged to notice

but after a bit longer, he kinda noticed and brought it up to iwaizumi

‘hey, why does everyone start acting weird whenever i walk into the room?’

iwaizumi rolled his eyes, shoving a ball against oikawa’s chest, ‘what? no, they don’t; stop being so paranoid. now, throw me some sets.’

that was enough reassurance for oikawa to ignore it for a while but then hanamaki accidentally made one of the jokes a bit too loud

oikawa fell face first into the gym floor after tripping over his lace and the whole gym seemed to erupt into laughter

‘hah!’ matsukawa wheezed, ‘stop kissin’ the ground, tōru!’ 

‘mwah, mwah!’ yahaba teased

hanamaki suddenly chimed in, ‘yeah, save that shit for (y/n)!--’

silence spread like a plague across the whole gym room

it was only broken when iwaizumi let out a clueless, ‘huh?’

oikawa quickly scurried onto his feet, ‘how do you know about (y/n)?’

hanamaki chuckled awkwardly as he looked left to right for help but was just met by blank stares, ‘uh- she’s- erm, in my homeroom class.’

obviously, oikawa didn’t buy it

‘who told you about me and (y/n)?’ he inquired in a sinister tone of voice, his glare seeming anything but kind 

‘watari!’ he yelled accusingly, pointing his index finger at the poor libero 

after all eyes shifted onto him, watari wasted no time in redirecting everyone’s attention onto kindaichi, ‘it was turnip-head who told me!’

‘well, it was kunimi that told me!’ kindaichi shouted with no hesitation

kumini crossed his arms over his chest, ‘yahaba told me.’

yahaba’s eyes widened at the sudden accusation before turning to oikawa and defending himself, ‘mad dog was the one that saw you and (y/n) kissing in the hallway!’

mad dog glared at the pinch server, then turned to oikawa and shrugged 

oikawa was livid DIUVBEVILS

‘YOU ALL KNEW ABOUT ME AND (Y/N) BUT DIDN’T TELL ME?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN GOSSIPING ABOUT US FOR?!’

yahaba took it upon himself to reply, ‘mad dog only told me about a month ago-’

‘THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHOLE MONTH?!’

faint hums of ‘yeah’ and ‘uhuh’ were heard across the gym hall

‘wait-’ iwaizumi cocked his head to the side, ‘are you dating (y/n)?’

this inquiry was only met by blank stares as oikawa pinched his temple, wondering what he should do now

‘why did you try to hide your relationship for so long?’ kindaichi asked before kunimi added, ‘yeah, can we finally meet her?’ 

matsukawa rolled his eyes, ‘she literally goes to our school; meet her in the hallway or something.’

oikawa shook his head, quickly shutting down matsukawa’s idea, ‘i’ll ask her to come over after practise today but be on your best behaviour.’ he sung, quickly grabbing a ball and going back to practising receives

everyone was rather shocked at how fast the captains’ demeanour changed

while you were at your own club, you got a message from oikawa asking if you wanted to meet his team

you had already met most of them outside of volleyball but you figured now was perhaps a good time to introduce yourself as oikawa’s gf to rub it in /j

before you arrived, oikawa made it explicitly clear that they weren’t to tell anybody about the relationship or else oikawa’s fangirls would come for you

they all agreed and patiently waited for you to arrive

honestly, iwaizumi was probably the only one with pure intentions when it came to finally meeting you — as he simply wanted to see the girl who has oikawa’s heart

the rest of them of the other hand 🙄

matsukawa and hanamaki planned to have a competition to see who could seduce you first 

watari, kindaichi and kunimi wanted to just tease oikawa in front you 

and yahaba was going to try get you to tell him all the gossip about oikawa 😈

(kyōtani left early)

so needless to say you were hardly charmed when you formally met the bunch of boys oikawa spends his time with 

‘so are you free tonight orrr?’ hanamaki questioned, promptly getting a slap to the back of the head from both oikawa and matsukawa

‘makki, a lady like her shouldn’t be spoken to like that,’  matsukawa pushed his friend aside, ‘watch this: hey, sweetie. what is a gal--’

matsukawa got the same treatment as makki except this time it was kindaichi pushing him away, ‘so how much is oikawa paying you to play his girlfriend?’

you couldn’t help but giggle, especially as you could see oikawa from over his shoulder, shooting him the deadliest glare

kunimi poked his head around kindaichi arm to look at you, ‘i’m guessing ¥3000 an hour.’

‘(y/n) is worth way more than ¥3000 an hour!’ oikawa yelled from behind the crowd of boys surrounding you 

yahaba hurried forward, slipped his arm around your waist and escorting you a few paces away from the others to whisper in your ear, ‘does oikawa have any embarrassing childhood pictures?’

you snickered, leaning in and whispering back, ‘yeah, i’ll send them to you on instagram.’

ok. although they weren’t the most charming- they were definitely a fun bunch lol

Kōtarō Bokuto

a secret relationship w/ bokuto has hardly a secret lol

plus, the ‘secret’ part is only gonna last MAX a month ✋

he tries to ‘act natural’ around his teammates but it’s a bit- too natural 

he’ll come back from a make-out session with you, lipstick smeared across his face and just be like ‘hey y’all! ✌ good vibes today’

or when he’d take off his shirt to reveal the scratch marks on his back, that he wasn’t even aware of 

or the hickeys that he wouldn’t even bother try to hide 

so the whole team were aware that bokuto had a partner- they just weren’t sure who it was

but they didn’t really mention anything to bokuto bc they srsly didn’t care which left bokuto under the impression that he was sneaky as hell

akaashi was kinda upset that bokuto didn’t tell him about you tho but he kept that to himself

everyone was silently curious as to who bokuto was dating but none of them actually spoke up about it

until one day, konoha was chatting to komi, thinking they weren’t being listened to since bokuto seemed preoccupied with practising spikes, ‘psst, komi. i saw bokuto walk home with (y/n) the other day, i think she might be the one he’s da--’

but bokuto develops super-hearing when you’re involved

he was now looming over komi and konoha in what felt like a blink of an eye, ‘what did you say about (y/n)?’ he asked in a rather gruff voice

both boys were taken back by their captain’s sudden change in mood but komi managaed to stutter out, ‘oh- konoha just saw you walking home with her the other day; you both make a very cute couple.’

all sense of menace or threat was washed out of bokuto’s tone as his lips formed a bright smile, ‘awww, thanks! we do-- wait!’ 

bokuto cut himself off and the boys started snickering, ‘so it’s (y/n) that you’re dating.’ komi stated the obvious, this time loud enough for the whole gym to hear.

bokuto couldn’t help but face-palm, his sweaty hands making a loud, wet slapping noise against his skin. ‘ugh! i wasn’t supposed to tell you that.’ he grumbled, eyeing everyone in the gym that was sending him astonished looks

after a while of sulking in his emo-mode..with help from akaashi, bokuto finally tried to see the positives in the situation

‘well, maybe today she can finally meet you all.’ bokuto murmured, eyes full of hope which could hardly be seen passed the strands of his deflated hair that hung in front of his face

‘sure.’ akaashi shrugged, seeing nothing wrong with this idea 

there was a lot of things wrong, though

firstly, you were at your own club which finished ten minutes after practise ended, which means bokuto had to use his puppy-eyes on everyone on the team to convince them into staying for ten minutes extra

secondly, bokuto was so hyped that you were finally meeting his teammates, an introduction for each person took like 5 minutes 

bokuto inhaled sharply to catch his breath from the last introduction he just did, ‘ok next, this is washio, he’s one of our middle blockers bc he is so damn tall - say hi, washio. his eyebrows might make you think that he is a meanie or something  — that’s what i thought at first — but he’s really not. he offered me some of his lunch after i forgot to bring money that day so he’s definitely a good egg. he’s also a really good blocker and he has similar hair to me so i think that’s why he’s so good. also, he’s really good at making tea.’

ok now imagine that but for every. single. member.

he also gives you an extra ass intro too lol

‘(y/n), this is onaga. onaga this is my beautiful, stunning, flawless girlfriend (y/n)  — she’s the sweetest person ever and she give the sweetest kisses on the face of this earth.’

please don’t be embarrassed he just loves you so much 

[sereinegemini]

Two Dark Princes ₊⋆ ☾

— Chapter IV

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader x Theodore Nott // Cedric Diggory x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: Two years after Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord during the Triwizard Tournament, Hogwarts and most of the Wizarding World has returned to normal. But, F/n’s mundane life is flipped upside down after she learns that two of her best friends, Draco and Theo, are secretly in love with her. When this knowledge begins to affect her relationships, she is faced with difficult decisions, each one laced with promised heartache and the potential to awaken an unexpected darkness.

Warnings: cursing

Hogwarts

Sunday, April 20, 1997

You didn’t fully grasp your surroundings as you strolled down the dim halls, thoughts racing with all that had just occurred.

You’d just made-out with Draco. 

At the thought, you absentmindedly reached up to trace over your still kiss-swollen lips. The urge to go back and be with him again was suddenly so overwhelming you didn’t notice the figure coming your way. 

You flinched as hands gently gripped your shoulders, your body stiffening until Theo’s voice sounded in the empty hall, “You okay, L/n?”

Fingers still on your lips, you looked up at him. “Oh, hey Nott.”

Worry creased his brow at your faraway expression and, taking in the way you were grazing your lips, he realized what had happened. “You– You kissed him?” He tried to ignore the sinking of his heart, as if soon it would simply tumble from his chest and onto the floor at your feet.

Taking his reaction as disappointment in you, you smiled at him sadly. “I didn’t plan to. He was there an’ apologizin’ to me an’ I couldn’t stand it ‘nymore an’ the next thing I knew I was kissin’ him an’ his hands were in my hair an’ I was on top of him an–”

“I don’t need every detail, L/n.” Theo cut you off tightly.

“Sorry..” You jumped from your thoughts at his tone, still not fully present.

Theo sighed, recollecting himself. He hadn’t meant to be rude. You couldn’t know how the thought of you with Draco would hurt him, let alone have you describe it to him. His hands slid around your frame and pulled you to his chest. As you relaxed into him, he tried to convince himself the hug was meant to comfort you and not himself. “I can help you fix this. No one needs to know an’ we can get Draco to back off–”

“Theo,” You pulled back to look him in the eye, “I– I don’t regret it. I wanted to kiss him. More than I’ve wanted anything in a really long time.”

“What ‘bout Cedric?” he asked, recalling how mere hours ago you’d been hysterical over not wanting anything to ruin your future with the Hufflepuff. How nice it’d felt to know that even though he would never have you, neither would Draco.

“I don’t know..” Your voice was so, so small.

He was thinking of some comforting bullshit he could say when footsteps suddenly sounded down the hall. “Who’s there?” a nasally voice called out.

“Fuck. That’s Snape. Run.” Theo whispered, grabbing your hand and pulling you along. If you were caught by Snape after curfew the punishment would be a lot more than some deducted points. His detentions were known to be gruesome. You’d heard that in fourth year he’d made poor Neville Longbottom disembowel a barrel of Horned Toads.

And the grouchy professor wouldn’t care to even hear the reason you were out of bed before giving detention.

Footsteps echoed against the castle walls as you blindly ran down the halls. After a few turns Theo pulled you through a door, pressing against a wall out of sight and holding you to his chest.

“Shh.” he warned, his hands planted on your stomach. You could feel his heart pounding against your back as only your labored breaths filled the small room. Trying to discern your surroundings as best you could in the dark, you thought you could see a couple brooms and some supply littered shelves. A cupboard. Footsteps resonated outside the door, quieting as Snape rushed further down the hall.

Once you were sure Snape had gone, you let out the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding as he passed. “That was close.” You made to step from Theo’s arms, but his grasp remained steady around you. So, instead you turned in his arms to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

Theo was looking at you with glossed eyes, his heart still racing beneath your hand despite his breathing long since returning to normal. His thumb rubbed the bare skin of your side where your shirt had ridden up, the touch sending shivers down your spine.

A low groan resonated in his throat at your reaction, his grip on you tightening slightly. “F/n..”

“Are you okay?” you asked, ignorant of Theo's current fight with his emotions. You reached up to comfortingly cup his cheeks, worried he’d somehow hurt himself. 

“No.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Do you love him?” he croaked.

“Cedric?”

A moment passed where he took in the sincerity of your expression, preparing himself. “No, Draco.”

You were taken aback. “I– I don’t know, Theo. Is that what’s botherin’ you?”

“Yes.” His answer was barely more than a breath and you strained to hear it even inches away.

“Why?” You stroked his cheekbone with a thumb, causing his eyes to droop like a purring cat’s. Though, a sadness tangled with the ease on his face.

“Because he’s not me.”

You stilled as you realized the weight of his words. Hoping you’d misunderstood, you asked, “What d’you mean?”

“I ‘ave loved you since the day I was nothin’ but stranger and you smiled at me.” He couldn’t fully believe he was confessing to you right now. And in a cupboard, no less. “Truly smiled at me—as if I was someone even worth glancing at. Someone more than a brooding Slytherin boy. The son of a Death Eater.”

Your gaze flicked between his eyes, mouth gaped in shock and unable to find the words to respond.

“I had convinced myself it was fine.” Theo continued. He’d already begun; might as well finish spilling his heart. “Fine that you were with Cedric. Because I was clearly second best to you, and if I couldn’t be your number one that was better than anything less. Then I learned Draco liked you too and I still convinced myself I was okay, because at least I was still your favorite and you’d never choose Draco over me. Because at the end of the day, you loved Cedric.”

“Theo–” you managed to breathe, your chest heavy with his words.

“But then you told me you couldn’t stop thinking about Draco.” His voice was cracking now and tears coated his eyes. But no matter how much he internally screamed at himself to stop talking, the enthralled look on your face gave him a bit of hope to continue. “And I couldn’t understand what I’d done. How I’d messed up so completely that the universe would guide you to him and not me.”

“Theo, it’s okay.” You brushed away the few tears that’d managed to escape down his cheeks. “Please don’t cry, it’s okay.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing, I promise. You’re okay.” You leaned your forehead against his. You'd had no idea how much you were hurting him.

“The only girl I have ever loved just made-out with my asshole best friend.” He chuckled dryly. “Have you ever even thought of me in that way?”

You glanced down at his lips, remembering occasional times you’d wake up from dreams of Theo, convincing yourself they were merely signs of how much he meant to you. You’d repressed them, a part of you knowing they meant far more than that. “Honestly?”

Theo wet his lips. “Honestly, please.”

“Sometimes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And what about right now?”

His words made you suddenly aware of yourself. You were flush against Theo, foreheads pressed together. Your heart was tight from the proximity and your stomach fluttered at the thought that with one small movement your lips could be on his. The same way you had felt with Draco.

Theo was watching you impatiently, his hands now resting on your hips as you leaned your body further into him. “Right now I wouldn’t mind if you kissed me, Theodore Nott.” you whispered.

And that’s all he needed to hear, leaning forward to connect your lips as you eagerly met him in the middle. The kiss was passionate but soft. He tasted of mint and white tea. And every place your bodies connected was heaven—hot and electric and ethereal.

And he was so different from Draco, yet so similar. As if they were two sides of the same coin.

· · ─────── · ✧ · ─────── · ·

“An’ you’ll be ‘lright alone? Not gonna overthink ‘nything? We could go back to the cupboard. I wouldn’t mind stayin’ up all night if it was with you.” Theo was back to his usual cocky self, if not more. Only now he was voicing all the desires you now knew had always been there, hidden away.

The two of you had spent over an hour in the cupboard, exploring one another and relishing in the feeling of your mouths meshing together, hands brushing over hot skin. And he was right, if you were alone you’d probably start to think about how royally you’d fucked everything up. Without the dopamine rushing through you, your morality would pay a visit. Tomorrow it was going to be difficult to look any of the boys in the eye.

“I won’t be alone. I’m goin’ to Cedric’s dorm.”

Theo winced at the mention of your boyfriend, filling you with instant regret. You’d have to start choosing your words more carefully now that you knew he and Draco liked you. The last thing you wanted was to knowingly hurt them.

“No need for a reminder you’re not truly mine, L/n.” he muttered. “I can do that on my own.”

You fiddled with your fingers. “Sorry..”

The two of you passed under one of the hallway’s torches, it’s flame highlighting the yearning in Theo’s eyes. “Everything’s goin’ t’ be different now.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not if it means I can do this.” he said with a smirk, pushing you against the wall with his hands on your hips, his knee settling between your legs.”

“Theo–” Your heart began to race not only from the position but also the idea that anyone could stumble upon you at any moment.

“I’ll never get enough of you.” he breathed, lips running along yours. You moaned as he kissed you, tangled your fingers in his dark curls.

He slipped his right hand under your shirt to trail the tips of his fingers across your back, drawing shivers down your spine again. “Stop doing that.” you whined against his lips, back arching from the sensation.

Theo chuckled at your reaction, his eyes clouded with desire. A look you now realized he’d held often, without you ever noticing.

“I can’t believe I never realized the way you look at me before.”

“Like you’re the only person in the world?” he suggested, placing small kisses along your jawline.

“Sure.” you giggled, “But I was thinking more possessively than ‘nything.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind ‘aving y’all to myself.” he said darkly, using his teeth to tug at your earlobe.

“Is that why you and Draco argue so often?”

He stilled at the other boy’s name, “Yeah.”

You studied him when he reluctantly pulled away. “Did I say something wrong?” you asked smally, unsettled by his blank expression.

“I’d just prefer not to ‘ear about Draco—or any boy really—when I’m kissin’ you.” He gave you a small smile but didn’t seem mad, which thawed your worry.

“‘m sorry. ‘m not used to thinking ‘bout that.” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pecked a kiss to his lips.

Theo followed you as you pulled away, wanting your lips pressed to his once more so he could get lost in you. The way you tasted. The way you smelled. And to relish in the way kissing you was better than any drug.

Giggling, you held him away with your hands on his shoulders. “Theo, we should go to bed. We ‘ave classes tomorrow.”

“Just one more kiss? Then I promise I’ll let you go.”

“Just one more.”

“Deal.” He smirked, holding both sides of your face and covering your mouth with his once more. It wasn’t a rough kiss, as one would assume by his eagerness. No, it was gentle and full of desire, as if he was memorizing every breath and sound you released. The way your lips and tongue molded into his effortlessly.

And something told you every time he kissed you would be the same story.

· · ─────── · ✧ · ─────── · ·

“Hey, love.” Cedric said tiredly when you hesitantly creaked open his door.

“Hey, Ced.” You offered a shy smile, going to grab some clothes from his dresser. Today had been a lot, and you wanted nothing more than to melt into bed. “Wasn’t sure you’d stay up waiting for me.”

“‘Course. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Thank you. I was just sitting with Draco. He woke up, so we were…talking.”

It was silent as you undressed, slipping into one of Cedric’s oversized tees.

“Is ‘e okay?”

“I hope so.” You climbed under the covers with him, finding that you couldn’t fully relax as his arms and warmth wrapped around you. “But it’s a good thing we ‘ave potions for this kinda thing. The healing might be uncomfy, but it’s quicker than waiting over a month like Muggles do.”

“‘ave you ever had to wear one of those…uh..”

“Casts?”

“Yeah, that.” he chuckled.

“Once, when I was eight. I jumped off a swing and fractured my ankle. Using crutches just to get anywhere was awful.”

“I would’ve taken care of you.”

“Not when you were eight!”

“Nope, even then. I would’ve been infatuated with you no matter what age. I love you with my very soul.” He grinned, pecking slow kisses all over your face.

You tried to ignore the sinking of your stomach at his words. “I– I love you too, Ced.”

“G’night, baby.” he whispered in your ear, placing one last kiss to the top of your head.

“G’night..”

After a few minutes you heard his breathing deepen with sleep. You stared up at the dark ceiling, thoughts swirling. How could you cheat on a boy who was good and kind and thoughtlessly did caring things for you? The boy you’d loved for three years. Still loved.

And yet you couldn’t help the way you were drawn to Draco and Theo—they were new and exciting. And so were the feelings they gave you. And so, despite your guilt and impending heartbreak, you knew deep down you couldn’t stop now. Go back and have things the way they were. It was too late for that. Because being with Theo and Draco, kissing them, being held by them—it all felt so right. And how could you turn your back on something that felt so intense and real?

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[peggingtaron]

Spectacle

‘Mad’ Teddy Smith x Reader

The Krays need publicity for the reopening of Esmeralda's Barn. As a famous heiress, it’s important that you’re seen enjoying yourself there; so the Krays assign ‘Mad’ Teddy to make a spectacle out of you.

Contains: Smut, with a capital S

Words: 4.7K

Masterlist

><><

Echoes of incessant whispers. Stares burning over your every move. These things were only to be expected everywhere you went. You were (Y/N, L/N), the ‘Duchess’ of Haggerston, informally dubbed by South London’s most prominent gangsters. 

Sure, you weren’t out there arbitrating criminal activity or enforcing illegal transactions as the men were. You worked for the mob in your own way. Your value to them was your mere presence and approval. Being the heiress of South London’s most influential mobster, you were an asset to both friends and foes. Allowing yourself to be seen enjoying yourself or purchasing goods and services at certain business establishments was considered an endorsement.

The recent buzz surrounding Esmerelda’s Barn since the Kray twins had taken over, had caught your eye. No doubt, the Krays were waiting for you to make an appearance to attract more attention. To you, they were doing just fine on their own. The casino had been the talk of London’s West End thanks to Reggie and Ronnie Kray’s dealings. Nonetheless, you walked alone into that casino with confidence and that signature enigmatic demeanour that never failed to turn heads. No matter how successful and popular a place was, you carried yourself there as if you were the very foundation holding the establishment together. It was all in the attitude; you could fool anyone into thinking they needed you.

You knew it was working by the way the Krays observed you from their table, glancing at you while talking amongst themselves. Every time you saw them look your way from the corner of your eye, you’d feign boredom just to get a kick out of how it would cue them to engage in a discussion of how to keep you entertained. 

The gentle vibrato of the star of Esmeralda’s Barn had been lulling over the casino. At this point in the night, most people had retreated to a table or a seat by the bar to watch the songstress. She was enchanting enough that you were willing to forfeit the act of seeming bored, to engage in the show. This was not lost on the Krays.

You finally allowed yourself to look their way from across the room. You met eyes with Ron, who greeted your gaze with a slight grimace, stiffening up his posture and turning over to Reggie, a silent yet gruff request for you to carry your eye contact to him instead. You did as he wanted, meeting eyes with Reggie who happily took the responsibility of greeting you. He etched his signature smooth smirk, giving a gentlemanly bow of his head. Reggie turned his head to Ron, whispering something in his ear, and while the two were engaged in conversation, your eyes wandered to where Ron’s arm reached round.

You were careful not to meet eyes with the man by Ron’s side. At least not right away. Looking at someone so intoxicatingly striking as ‘Mad’ Teddy was something you needed to do in doses. Your eyes started at his elbow that rested atop the table, slowly trailing up to peer at his hands, his fingertips lightly tracing the rim of his glass, stroking slowly to the rhythm of the music. The dose from that was intoxicating enough already, observing the delicacy yet precision of how his fingers curled around the glass edge. You lingered your gaze there a little longer before you began eyeing his suit, up his torso and finally resting your eyes on his shoulder where Ron’s arm was wrapped around. 

A cigar hung in between Ron’s fingers, his hand perched on Teddy’s shoulder. Teddy’s lips came into your focus as he turned his head, leaning in towards the cigar Ron was holding and taking a drag from it. Your eyes followed his lips as they pursed around the cigar ever so slightly grazing against Ron’s fingers. He turned his head, leaning back as the smoke escaped his mouth, misting around his face to frame a pair of roguish green eyes that were burning right into yours. You were finally looking at him. All the features you took your time observing individually now came all together in a complete picture.

As you finally let your gaze settle in his eyes, a smirk plastered across his face, one that started off coquettish. Subtle, yet alluring enough to lure the weakness in your centre. Though as Teddy’s ego became aroused by your stare, his grin grew wide and smug, a grin that made you surrender your eyes from him, making sure to roll them before returning your attention to the enchanting songstress on stage.

You and Teddy weren’t unfamiliar with these types of exchanges. This was one of many times you’ve met eyes, many of which ended with you rolling your eyes to assure him of a disinterest — which was ultimately a lie. You engaged in conversation a few times, mere small talk with the occasional flirtatious nickname on his part. Each conversation brief, yet tantalising enough for him to remain on your mind, the lingering image of him keeping you company on the ride home alone, and keeping you warm in the comfort of a lonely bed. 

Pretending your own fingers were Teddy’s each night was a task that grew difficult the more you bumped into him. Your imagination couldn’t do him justice and your own touch was not nearly enough to satiate your need. However, it was all you could content yourself with, as no scenario that you could think of would prompt Teddy to so much as caress you. Entertaining your yearning gazes at him were merely a means to crow in cockiness that he had such an effect on you. 

As these thoughts returned to your mind, you accompanied it by soaking in the image of Teddy’s fingers from across the room, rhythmically tapping along the side of his glass. You knew he was watching the way your eyes scanned him feverishly. Adding fuel to the heat that you felt rising within yourself, he clasped his fingers around his glass, lifting it up to take a sip, guiding your gaze to his lips once more.

As he took one faint sip, you watched as he removed the glass from his lips, giving you a clear view of his tongue teasing its way out of his parted lips to savour the taste of his drink. You found yourself mimicking his actions, your lips parting in a daze. You were so enchanted by every faint move of his, that you failed to notice that Ron’s arm hadn’t been around Teddy’s shoulder anymore, but waving beside you to get your attention.

Your breath hitched in your throat, ripping your attention away from Teddy to see the Kray twins standing beside your table. Ron stared down at you, the light glaring off his glasses, adding a complimentary intimidating tone to the gravelly way he greeted you. 

“Why don’t you crack a fuckin’ smile, eh? Wouldn’ fuckin’ ‘urt, now would it?”

A light chuckle escaped you, his tone barely hindering your composure. “Alright, Ron?” You greeted him sweetly. 

“Either flash a big smile, flash some quid at the roulette table, or fuck off.”

“Allow me to translate, love.” Reggie interjected, placing an affection pat on his brother’s shoulder, before stepping forward to lead the conversation. He helped himself to the seat next to you, turning to face you with a beguiling smile. “Forgive me brother, he’s been down on his luck lately. You on the other hand, seem to have a natural attraction with luck. Considered having a crack at the roulette table yet, Duchess?”

The roulette table was the centre of the casino, and you, the Duchess of Haggerston, were bound to be seen having a good time there. You planned on going there either way, but having that slight bit of attention paid to you by the debonair brothers themselves was the minute of entertainment you needed before you obliged with their wishes. You allowed yourself to show how charmed you were by Reggie, though your eyes shot back at Ron, amused by how he was staring you down. “I quite prefer Ronnie’s approach.”

“Good, cause I ain’t fannin’ up your dress and kissin’ your arse.” Ron’s eyes wandered, not caring to hide how disinterested he was with talking to you. “Speaking of kissin’ arse… where is that Barney Rubble?” He muttered to himself, turning his head round back at their table, snapping his fingers at an amused Teddy who was watching them from afar. “Oi, Teddy!” Ron nudged his head as an order for him to come over, a gesture that had Teddy on his feet in a heartbeat, making his way to your table and gussying himself up. 

“You see, ‘ere, dear Duchess, I’m not your fuckin’ babysitter. Got better things to do, so this…” Ron gave a firm slap on Teddy’s backside, cueing a child-like giggle from Teddy, “...is my gift to you.” 

“You like ‘im, don’t you?” Ron frowned slightly at your scoff of a response which was prompted upon seeing the pompous grin Teddy had plastered across his face. Waving his hand dismissively, Ron scoffed in return, “Nah, ‘course you do. Can’t blame you — look at ‘im, he’s like a vanilla wafer, you just wanna dip in your tea, doncha?” Teddy was beaming at the compliments Ron showered him in. 

“I don’t mind, be good to get ‘im off me ‘ands for a while anyway.” Ron gave one last squeeze on Teddy’s behind before stiffly walking off, past Reggie. “I’m gonna go find me a cupcake.”

Reggie patted his brother on the shoulder as he passed. “Yeah a’right, Ron, go find yourself a cupcake.” Reggie shook his head and chuckled under his breath, “Tosser. Can’t get ‘im to pay attention to one thing for more than a minute.” 

“Alright, then.” You piped up.

“Alright, what?” Reggie looked at you.

“I’ll give a crack at it, shall I? The roulette wheel.” 

Reggie smiled, holding out his hand for you. You took it and got up from your seat, hooking arms with him as he guided you to the heart of the casino, Teddy following not far behind.

“I think you’ll find you won’t be disappointed.” Reggie let go of you, smoothing his hand around your shoulder. “Listen, love, I’d love to stay and keep you happy, but I’ve got some business to take care of. You be ‘right if Teddy kept you company?”

You bit your lip slightly, avoiding eye contact with Teddy, who peered over Reggie’s shoulder. “I suppose.”

“There’s a doll.” Reggie winked at you, nudging your chin affectionately.

Before Reggie walked off, he made sure to pass on a few words to Teddy on his way. “Ay, Teddy, listen, ‘right? You stay ‘ere. If she ain’t tipping her head back with joy within the ‘our…”, was all you could manage to hear. You let yourself look at the two men. Teddy nodded along to the stream of instructions Reggie whispered in his ear, his smirk etching wider, his eyes dancing up and down at you.

“I’ve got it, Reg. Don’t worry.” Teddy nodded, his eyes trained on you. Reggie excused himself once more before disappearing.

You turned your head back to the roulette table, occupying yourself with watching the wheel spin. “Don’t look like you’re enjoying yourself there, Duchess.” Teddy’s voice piped up, as he stood beside you.

“‘fraid I’m not.” You responded dryly. 

“You could do us a favour and fake it, eh?”

“Never been quite good at fakin’ it.”

“What you doin’ in a bloody casino, then?”

Teddy scoffed when you didn’t counter a response. He turned, leaning his face near yours, beckoning you to look at him. “Come on, how ‘bout a smile for ol’ Teddy Bear, eh?”

“Fuck off.” You didn’t budge. 

“Don’t act all coy, now, babes.” He kept leaning in and arching his head in attempts to make you face him. He was determined to break through that stoicism with an agitating persistence. “What was you thinking about before, looking a’ me like that? Back at the table.” It was already working.

You paused for a moment before countering, “What does Reg want you to do with me?”

“I asked first.” Teddy responded abruptly. “Oh sod it. I suspect both our answers are the same.”

You finally looked his way, furrowing your brows in bewilderment. What you were thinking while looking at Teddy was obvious, so Teddy implying that Reggie had asked him to do something similar was something you couldn’t understand.

Teddy shifted himself closer to you, his shoulder brushing yours as he brought his hand to the small of your back. “To put it vaguely, I’ve been told to make a spectacle ou’ of you. I think I’ve something in mind that’’ll suit all our interests, including yours.” He drew out the last word into a whisper, his breath tickling at your ear.

You stiffened at his touch in an eagerness to veil how flustered you were. “Make a spectacle, how?” 

You could feel him smirking as his lips brushed at your ear. “Could spin my fingers round your cunt like a roulette wheel.”  Teddy’s hand inched lower, smoothing around the curve of your backside, giving it a firm squeeze. You sucked in a breath as his hands dropped lower, fingertips dangling across the back of your thigh and curling around the bottom of your dress. He turned his head in a way that guided you to face the roulette wheel. You felt as Teddy began circling his fingers at the back of your thigh in perfect unison to the spinning of the roulette wheel your eyes were fixated on. 

You bit your lip trying to steady your breaths. You ripped your eyes from the wheel, the sight of its speed accompanying the growing speed of Teddy’s circling becoming unbearable. You subtly looked around behind you, surprised to see that Teddy’s overt groping hadn’t caught anyone’s attention.

“You’ve done most of the work for me, so thanks for that.” His voice beckoned you to face him, and you finally did.

You frowned at him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“No need for me to warm you up. Seems like you’ve been doing that for yourself ever since you set those pretty little eyes on my fingers.” You knew exactly what he meant, though you preferred to feign oblivion, staring at him blankly. Half in a desire to continue the nonchalant act, the other half in a desire for him to seek proof. It didn’t take long until his fingers began rising up your legs from behind you, inching up your inner thigh, delicately gracing over your panties. His tongue spilled slightly from his mouth as he looked at you, coating his bottom lip in a sheen of wetness mirroring the dampness he felt through your panties. “This for me, innit?”

Your shuddering breath, coupled with you closing your eyes in bliss, was a sufficient enough response. Teddy stepped behind you, allowing more access to you while also shielding his action from that much view from others. He began stroking you through your panties, and you couldn’t help but tip your head back against his shoulder as you tried to stifle a moan.

Teddy began smoothing his other hand around your waist to your front, curling his fingers to bunch up your dress. “Let’s show everyone that dripping cunt, shall we?”

You lifted your head, grabbing Teddy’s wrists and prying his grip off you. You didn’t allow yourself a second to reconsider, as you walked up to the roulette table, helping yourself to a seat. The dealer asked if you’d be joining for this round and you nodded eagerly, trying to compose yourself and recover from Teddy’s touch.

Teddy chuckled as he took the seat beside you, turning his whole body to face you. “Hm… ‘spose I’ve gotta find another way to make a show outta you...”

As you placed your bet and waited patiently, Teddy’s hand rested on your thigh. You didn’t make an effort to remove it. It was under the tablecloth away from everyone’s view. Teddy beamed upon seeing that you didn’t even pretend to object to his advances this time. “See, now was that so ‘ard?” He chuckled. “This time, Duchess, no need to bite back them moans. Let everyone hear what a dirty littl—”

“I wasn’t moaning.” Your responses were becoming weaker and less effective after every advance he made, your tone withering in its assertiveness. 

“Oh I beg to differ. Plus, you said yourself you wasn’t that good at fakin’ it, innit?” Teddy chuckled as nothing but silence came from you, your mind too occupied trying to formulate a response while attempting to ignore Teddy’s fingers that were inching closer. Swiftly prying his way under your panties, the heat of your clit was washed by the cold of his fingertips. You breathed in a sharp gasp, gripping onto the edge of the table, trying to quiet the moan that shuddered its way out of you. Luckily, those around the roulette table and those passing, misconstrued your moans as an exclamation of anticipation as the roulette wheel spun. 

“This is in the best interest of us all.” Teddy’s voice dropped lower, and his mischievous smirk was replaced with a stormy eagerness in his eyes. His fingers were moving at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“How exactly is this in the Krays’ best interest?” You were surprised you were composed enough to speak again.

Teddy circled your clit, resting his chin on the palm of his other hand as his elbow propped up on the table. That cocky grin returned. “You can pawn off those pathetic moans as excitement for the game.”

“That’s…” 

“Clever, eh?” He let out a light giggle.

You wanted to frown, but your mouth hung open at the feel of his fingers working at your core. “Allow me to offer an example.” Teddy began delving his fingers inside you, your arousal that pooled a while ago allowed seamless access, as he abruptly curled his fingers harshly without warning. You yelped loudly, coincidentally in unison to the cheers coming from the aristocrats surrounding the roulette table, who watched as the dolly was placed on their winning numbers. Teddy spat out an obnoxious chuckle amused at the timing. “Ha! That was too good!”

You scowled at him. “You’re a little shit.”

Teddy quirked an eyebrow at you. “Sorry, what was that, darling?”

“I said— ah!” You moaned loudly, as Teddy picked up his pace, massaging deep inside your walls thoroughly. No doubt, the attention of everyone round the table was caught, so you disguised the moan as a triumphant cheer, smiling through it. The dealer made a humorous comment on your cheer of victory as he swept away the losing bets and made payouts to the winners including you.

The dealer asked if you were up to make new bets, though too distracted by Teddy who had kept his pace steady, you hummed. 

“Is that a yes, miss?” The dealer frowned at you confused.

“Y-Yes…” You found yourself gasping as Teddy picked up his speed. “God, yes!”

Everyone chuckled at your enthusiasm, interpreting it as anticipation towards a winning streak. To your mercy, Teddy stopped. Though to your disappointment, he drew his fingers back from you, adjusting your panties back on and removing his hand from you. You hated the whine that escaped you from the absence of his touch. 

You steadied your breaths. You didn’t have time to process what had happened, as everyone was waiting for you to place your bet. Doing so in a hurry, you had knocked some of your own table chips off the table. You cursed under your breath, urging yourself to calm down. Before you could reach down to grab the table chips, Teddy stopped you.

“Allow me.” Teddy smirked and waggled his eyebrows at you.

Your eyes widened, but before you could object, Teddy was already diving underneath tablecloth under the guise of collecting the chips. Somehow without arousing any attention from anyone else, he didn’t return back out from under there.

The roulette wheel was spinning again, and you bit your lip at what was to follow. Keeping your eyes trained on the wheel, you felt Teddy’s fingers begin smoothing up your legs again. He gripped each one hard, lifting them over each of his shoulders. In a swift motion, he grabbed the legs of your chair, pulling you in hastily towards him, your stomach pressed against the edge of the table. Your body jerked forward, your core meeting with his mouth forcefully. Your fingers were gripping hard onto your table chips, the feel of Teddy’s tongue through your panties driving you insane. 

It was as if Teddy read your mind when his fingers dug underneath the elastic of your panties, pulling harshly until they tore off, the cold air of the casino greeting your bare center. Teddy’s tongue ran the length of you, his voice humming, a rush of vibration running through you. A few thorough sucks of your clit made you bang your fist against the table. “Fuck!”, you exclaimed. As luck would have it, you were losing your bet in the game and your exclamation was interpreted as one of disappointment. 

Your body stiffened. You had to be more cautious. Those first few times were just luck, your next rush of pleasure may not coincide with a moment to cheer or exclaim in frustration about, in the game. Teddy could sense this hesitance from under the table and gave a harsh playful bite at your inner thigh.

You bit your lip to stifle a gasp, and instead clenched your thighs around his head and squeezed as a means to chide him. Though he groaned in slight pain, it only cued another vibration from his voice to surge through you. Feeling a dose of impulsiveness, you wrapped your legs tighter around his neck pulling him back to your core.

Taken aback, Teddy nuzzled against your clit again. You could feel a smirk begin to etch across his face again and you raised an eyebrow curious what was to follow. Teddy delved his tongue deep inside you, turning his head in a way that buried his nose against your clit while his tongue made work against your walls. Your breaths became out of sync with his, as you began bucking your hips around for deeper contact. Your movements were thankfully disguised as a bouncing of impatience by the surrounding people.  

You tipped your head back in pleasure, though as you looked up, you saw Reggie. He took one look at you and fluttered his eyes down, grinning to himself. Teddy must’ve done exactly as he was instructed. You furrowed your brows at Reggie, who greeted your stare with a mockingly innocent raise of his eyebrows, before moving along and disappearing into the crowd. You chided yourself for thinking you had the Krays wrapped around your finger. You had your fun thinking they were worrying over your enjoyment at the casino, all the while they were certain that they could ensure you were having a great time, and profiting off your endorsement while making a fool out of you.

The roulette wheel took its last spin, when you found yourself on the brink of release. Teddy was merciless, not allowing your growing sensitivity to hinder his speed. “Oh… oh… oh…” Your gasps and moans grew louder, coinciding with the slowing speed of the wheel as everyone looked to see where the ball would land.

A loud wave of cheers from everyone took over, as you let out a long moan, Teddy removing his face just in time for your release to drip down your legs. Your breaths grew heavy and quick, your core sore and your head weak from a violent rush of pleasure. You didn’t care that you had won yet another bet. All you wanted was Teddy to lick you clean of the mess he caused between your thighs, before you’d pull him back up from under the table forcing him in a heated kiss. Despite your hunger for him being satiated, you still wanted more. And you hated it. He made a spectacle out of you, and not only did you oblige, but you couldn’t get enough of it.

Before you could allow Teddy to coax anything more from you, you got up from the table, retreating quickly. Paying no mind to the cold rush between your legs, your release dripping down you, you briskly made your way to the stairs leading out the casino. You picked up your pace upon hearing a set of footsteps catching up behind you, but you were too late.

“Not so fast, love.” You gasped as a pair of arms reached around you aggressively. Teddy pulled you flush against him, his teeth grazing against your ear as he whispered, “I’m not finished with you.”

You turned your head slightly to face him, almost moaning at the sight of your juices lingering on his lips. “I’m to make spectacle outta you, ‘member?”

Still weak and disoriented, you muttered. “Reggie seemed pleased with you. Your job is done.”

“Oh, I’ve done that first part for the Krays, sure. This is for me.” He grinned. 

You greeted this with a confused frown. “You’ve no interest in me. I was just a job for you and when I’m not that, I’m just something you love goading to arouse your damn ego.”

“You’re exactly right, darling.” That stupid hope you felt that he would argue against the notion of you meaning nothing to him, was shot down in a heartbeat. His apathetic, blunt tone nearly sparking a rise out of you. “Nothing gets my cock harder than being revered. Being in dear Ronnie’s shadow all the time, I don’t get revered often, y’see...” Teddy grinned against the back of your neck, his breath steaming your tender spot. It took everything in your strength to refrain from shivering at the sensation. 

“Now, you… You are no stranger to it…” Teddy’s hands ran its way up your body, feeling up your curves before pulling you even closer against him, his fingers grasping around your breasts. “If people saw me parading the Duchess of Haggerston around the casino... her letting out those pitiful moans ‘cause of me, cum dripping out her cunt and down her legs ‘cause of me… the stares I’d get… I could wank to that prestige for a whole bloody year.”

You pulled Teddy’s arms off you, turning around to face him and shooting him a brutal glare. Your eyes flickered down, spotting your panties blatantly hanging out the breast pocket of his blazer. He followed your eyes, grinning smugly at the panties, as if it was a medal of honour he wanted to flash proudly. “You’re psychotic, Teddy.”

“Do you object, Duchess?” He flashed a smile. You hated how confident he was, how sure he was that he had you wrapped around his finger. 

You felt a heat rising within you. Whether it was in a rage at Teddy’s intentions to humiliate you to arouse his ego, or in a reluctance to acknowledge the desire for him that still remained, it grew unbearable. You could feel everyone’s eyes on both of you. Your eyes glanced down at Teddy’s lips, and he lifted his head daring you to proceed with what you’ve been pining for since the moment you set eyes on him. 

With everyone looking, it would earn him the kind of attention that could supposedly make his cock hard, but for you, it was a mere case of quenching the mad desire to taste as much of him as you could. You knew by kissing him, he’d of won, and you would’ve surrendered your dignity all for a mobster’s boy toy.

“Fuck it.” You hissed sharply before tugging Teddy’s tie, forcing his lips against yours. You kissed him feverishly, desperate to savour the taste of him and the taste of yourself that still remained on his lips, paying no mind to the stares that burned your way. 

After all those times you would bear witness to ‘Mad’ Teddy Smith being nothing more than Ronald Kray’s toy, it seemed it was time Teddy was granted a toy of his own. 

[deathonyourtongue]

Willow Run | Ch. 7

Summary: On a horse ranch in Texas, life is far simpler than on the streets of Bakubah, but Syverson has a bad habit of taking in strays of all kinds, no matter what demons may be after them. Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC Word Count: 3K Warnings: Drug use? A/N: Y’ALL ARE THE BEST!!!! CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | 

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“I’m a nice guy, right? I mean I got a place, roof don’t leak none, got food...Hell, I gave it to her good, too. She always moaned like a whore when I gave it to her. She loved it, especially the rough stuff.”

“I mean, you did say you were gon’ kill her.” Wade giggled, inhaling deeply from a bong and momentarily taking his eyes off Travis. His shaggy blond hair was in need of a wash, but from the state of his shirt, it was clear cleanliness wasn’t at the forefront of any of his thoughts. 

Tapping on a dying lightbulb that sat next to his recliner, Travis grinned. He took a long drag off his cigarette, swilled it with lukewarm beer, and finally nodded. “Well, that’s ‘cause she disobeyed. She doesn’t have a lot to remember, really. Keep the house clean, keep the food hot, keep her legs spread, keep takin’ ‘er pills. Four things. That’s all she needs to remember, but that seems too hard for ‘er. You tell me Wade. If someone finds it too hard to remember four things, should they really be breathin’?”

“No sir,” Wade laughed, grabbing a handful of pretzels and putting the whole lot in his mouth at once while shaking his head. 

“Exactly. And seein’ as how she’s mine, it’s my right to do with ‘er as I please.” 

“Can’t argue with that one, boss.”

Standing, Travis made his way to the kitchen, pausing in front of a mirror his fiancee had broken with her face some time ago. Slipped into the frame was a picture, taken years before on a Polaroid. He stroked over the image with his thumb, smiling. Travis could remember the day like it was yesterday. She’d tried to surprise him by bleaching her hair a white-blond with pink streaks. He took a deep breath,trying to keep from getting hard as he remembered how rough he’d given it to her that night after the party at the drag strip. In his experience, blondes were always bimbos, good for one thing and one thing only. He treated her like a blonde that night, then made her dye it back to its original color the next day; it didn’t matter to him that she had a hard time moving her hands up to her head, so long as she got the job done. 

His reflection, disfigured among the cracks of glass, made him look more sinister than usual and it suited Travis’ mood. His grin grew as he met his own gaze; tri-colored eyes reminiscent of a broken marble stared back, amplifying the decision he’d already made. Running a hand through his mussed russet hair, he looked over his shoulder at his best friend before opening the fridge and grabbing a fresh beer.

“Wade? What d’you do when a deer runs away from ya out into the bush?”

“Y’hunt it. Why?”

“Well, my dear ran away, Wade. Get your stuff and call the guys. We’re gonna go huntin’.” 

Sasha couldn’t help but smile as she read over the second note Sy had left her in as many days. To him, it was probably nothing more than common decency, but to Sasha it was such a tender gesture of affection that it nearly brought tears to her eyes. 

Feeling better than she had in a long time, she slipped out of bed, leaving the puppies to sleep and moved to get ready for the day, intending on finally surprising Sy with the breakfast she’d planned on making the day before. After a quick stop in the bathroom to tie her hair up in a floppy bun, Sasha put on a touch of the makeup she’d bought, slipped into the second outfit she’d tried on, and with new shoes in hand, headed downstairs to start cooking. 

Though she hadn’t cooked from scratch a lot in her past, Sasha had always felt it important that a person have one or two recipes that they could make to near-perfection. Her favorite by far was her breakfast burritos and she’d yet to have someone fail to compliment her on them after trying them.

After a quick rummage through Sy’s fridge, she set about making two for him and one for herself, Sasha watching the clock closely, knowing full well she had a limited time frame to get the food to him before his meeting with the buyer. Where Sy sang, Sasha preferred to dance in the kitchen as she cooked, every movement accompanied by a happy little shuffle of her feet, whether or not there was music playing. 

Before, she’d have to watch herself, as dancing was looked down on, but now, feeling freer than ever before, she couldn’t  help but make her movements a little more grandiose. To anyone looking in, she might have looked a little strange, dancing and smiling from ear to ear when there was no music playing, but Sasha couldn’t have cared less. She was happy for the first time in a long time and she wasn’t going to hide it.

With the kitchen cleaned and the dogs all given a bit of bacon for their good behavior, Sasha set off with everything she’d made, the food wrapped in tin foil then gathered in a clean kitchen towel for easier carrying. Along with the thermos of hot coffee and a bottle of water in place of her OJ, Sasha headed off by foot to find Sy, not ready to try her hand at the ATV that sat parked at the back of the house. 

Her smile grew as she neared the barn, hearing an upbeat country tune playing through speakers she could only assume were hardwired into the building itself. Seeing Wyatt, Sasha put a finger to her lips, silently asking him to stay quiet. The taller man only smiled, shifting his gaze back to a horse he was grooming while discreetly tilting his head to the left, giving away Sy’s location. 

She was expecting him to look as he always had when working in the heat; sweaty, a little disheveled, and wearing his beat up baseball cap. What met her eyes however was something closer to the cover of a romance novel, and Sasha was momentarily stunned into stillness. 

Wearing a navy and black plaid button-down, tight blue jeans with a black belt, and a far less trodden pair of black, round-toed boots, it was the black Stetson on Sy’s head that made her stomach explode into a million butterflies. Biting her lip, Sasha felt a stirring she couldn’t remember ever feeling for her ex, the realization a startling one that nearly made her drop the thermos. 

It took a deep breath to refocus her mind, but once she had, Sasha tiptoed as close to Sy as she dared. With a quick look to Wyatt, who gave her wholehearted approval, Sasha leaned up as far as she could, standing on her tiptoes to try and reach his ear. 

“Morning, handsome,” she whispered, echoing his morning note. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Sy jumped a mile, turning and banging his elbow into the stall as he tried to figure out what was going on. Seeing Sasha, his fear instantly turned to elation, and he placed a hand over his heart as he took her in. Even more radiant than she had been the previous morning, Sy could tell she felt a million times better, not just physically, but emotionally. The gleam in her eye said it all, and before he could even register it, Sy was grinning like a fool. 

“Morning, mama,” he said with fondness, his voice quiet and sweet as he tipped his hat back enough to kiss her cheek. 

Though Sasha was momentarily confused at the formality of the kiss, it only took one look at Wyatt’s raised eyebrows for her to realize why Sy was being a little coy with the PDA. Everything was still new. Blushing a little, she pulled her surprise from behind her back, smiling hopefully up at Syverson.

“I thought I’d make your morning a little easier,” Sasha said, her smile growing as Sy slipped a hand around her waist, guiding her down the aisle towards his office.

Sy’s face showed genuine appreciation as he took a seat in his high back leather chair, pulling Sasha down into his lap so she wouldn’t have to sit on the perpetually hay dust-covered chair. 

“You didn’t need to do all this, darlin’. You made coffee and everything. Thank you.” Sy met her eyes, his own gaze making it abundantly clear that he wasn’t used to being treated. Turning her face with his hand, he kissed her deeply now that they were in private, Sy sighing happily when he finally pulled away. 

“Been thinkin’ about kissin’ you all morning,” he confessed, Sasha unable to keep the small squeak of happiness from escaping, her head falling to Sy’s broad shoulder as he reached around her to unwrap the kitchen towel. 

With the tinfoil off in a hurry, Syverson’s face turned into one of delight as he immediately recognized what she’d made. 

“Did you use the chorizo?” He asked, bouncing a little in his seat when Sasha nodded. Laughing softly, Sasha held off on taking her first bite in lieu of watching Sy. While his food always tasted amazing, he usually didn’t have much of a reaction to his own cooking. Now, with someone else’s handiwork in front of him, it was a totally different story. 

Sy’s eyes rolled back into his head the moment the first bite touched his tongue, a loud, appreciative moan coming next as he began to chew, followed by more bouncing and a bob of his head that was unmistakably made in time with the music. 

“Damn, woman! You could make some serious coin off these! It’s so good! I think you’ve ruined me. Never, ever tell her I said this, but... Even my mom’s isn’t this tasty! Holy shit!” 

Blushing profusely, Sasha hid her face deeper into the crook of Sy’s neck, her smile wide as she felt his free hand come up to cup the back of her head. Warm and safe, she almost forgot about her own meal until the baby moved and her stomach growled simultaneously, both Sasha and Sy laughing and the loud interference. 

“Might wanna eat quick, mama. The lil’ one’s gettin’ restless,” Sy grinned, his hand slipping under her overalls to rub her belly gently over her shirt. The touch made her heart skip a beat, Sasha still amazed that Sy seemed to have no qualms over the fact that she was pregnant, even now that they’d declared their interest in one another as more than just friends. 

Unwrapping her burrito, she took a hearty bite, Sasha glad that her appetite was coming back a little stronger now that she was well away from her previous situation. Still watching Sy, she felt her blush returning as his excitement over the food didn’t waver a bit. It was so opposite of what she was used to, Sasha didn’t quite know what to do with herself. 

“Seriously, Sash, I could have these as my last meal and I’d die a happy man.” Giving her a squeeze, he looked up at her and something in his eyes changed. 

“Darlin’, you’ve got a little somethin’...” Sy’s voice softened as he leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Sasha’s lips and knocking her heart into overdrive immediately, with how charming he was. 

“Stop,” she whined playfully once they parted, her broad smile making it clear she didn’t actually want him to do anything of the sort. “You’re too cute for your own good, mister,” Sasha added, pressing the button of his nose, her own scrunched up playfully. 

“Nuh uh. That’s all you, mama. I’m just the big ‘ol rust bucket that works with horses,” he joked, Sy about to lean in to kiss her again when Wyatt’s soft throat-clearing interrupted them. 

“We got about five minutes. He’s all ready to go, trottin’ around the pasture so he’s seen as they drive up. You need my help with anythin’ else or am I good to get back to the trees?” Wyatt asked, trying his hardest not to let his face show how surprised and happy he was for his best friend. 

It had been eons since Sy had shown any interest in a woman, and despite only having met her briefly, Wyatt could already see how much of a difference Sasha was making in his former C.O., a difference for the better as far as Wyatt was concerned. 

“Nope, I’m all good to go. D’you mind if I share this with Wyatt, darlin’? He hasn't’ eaten yet either and he’s about to go out and break his back.” Looking down at Sy as he asked for permission, Sasha only let the shock of his request flash briefly across her face before nodding quickly. Men never asked her for permission; they usually just took and took and took. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, Sasha found herself slowly getting off Sy’s lap, mouth parted slightly. 

Was it too good to be true? Would he end up being like every other man she’d ever been with? Was this all a dream that would leave her sobbing when she woke?

Managing to keep the smile on her face, she bent down and gave Sy a sweet kiss to his cheek, letting her lips linger just a little longer than was customary. 

“I think I’m gonna head back up to the house.” Sasha murmured, stepping backwards while trying to keep her composure. Sy frowned slightly, confusion marring his features. 

“You alright, darlin’?” Nodding quickly, Sasha waved the two men goodbye before turning on her heel and heading back towards the house as fast as she could manage. 

Hearing the buyer’s truck pulling up as she crested the hill, it was all Sasha could do to keep from running, afraid seeing her might deter Sy’s prospective customer. Inside, the cool air hit her and without anyone watching her, Sasha let her tears spill, elated that she’d found such a wonderful man, but terrified that it was all going to go south like it did any time she had even a modicum of happiness to herself. Overwhelmed with emotion and forgetting all about the hormones coursing through her, Sasha kicked off her shoes before beelining the couch, curling up with Hudson and letting the tears fall silently until sleep overtook her. 

Sasha wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she felt soft lips on her face. Moaning quietly, she braced for the kisses to turn to punches. With her eyes squeezed shut tightly, she was certain she’d feel the familiar wakeup call tear her out of her dream, which would put her right back to everything she’d run away from. 

“Travis, I’m up, I promise,” she mumbled, whimpering even as she put her hands up to block whatever violence was coming her way. 

When the gentle kisses stopped and all she felt was the circulating air of the AC, Sasha finally opened her eyes, confused; the sight before her put a lump in her throat instantly. Sy sat on the coffee table, back hunched over, his eyes gazing into a spot on the rug. Lips pressed in a tight line, two tear drops clung to his lower lashes, streaming down his face only when he finally looked up, their path cutting through the fine layer of dust on his face before he wiped them away slowly. 

“Ah, sweetheart. Wish I could take all your fear, all your pain away,” he whispered, sniffling and wiping a little harder at his eyes when the tears wouldn’t stop. 

Sitting up, Sasha found herself at a loss for what to say, her own eyes already red-rimmed from having cried herself to sleep. Looking at Syverson, she couldn’t help but feel the same guilt she’d felt during her first day with him. Only now, she could add making him cry to the list of things she felt responsible for. 

“I feel like I’m a burden on you already, nevermind you wanting to take on my pain,” she admitted, her voice small and pinched, Sasha looking anywhere but at Sy. 

Opening his arms, it only took a moment before Sy had Sasha in his embrace, holding her as close as he could and letting her fresh tears fall into the crook of his neck. Rocking her back and forth as he stroked her hair caringly, Sy could only think of one response to her words. 

“No, not a burden. A joy.”

[notanacousticsetcal]

the way i loved you - calum hood

summary - based off of the song “the way I loved you” by taylor swift. 

warnings - none

word count - 2.6k (oops)

a/n - I have some of these planned for luke too tehe. go check out my other two in the song series “begin again” and “broken pieces” also, this is not in chronological order. there are 2 calum flashbacks during the first two choruses looking back at 2 moments in their relationship.

He is sensible and so incredible and all my single friends are jealous. He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better.

“Damn.” You shook your head in disappointment at the marked percentage atop the crumpled white paper. He glanced up at you with a look of concern.

“What’s up?”

“I got an 82 on this math test and I thought I aced it.” Grabbing a nearby pillow and shoving it in your face, you fell back against your bed as he laughed at your dramatic gesture from his seat on the floor. 

He sighed softly. “An 82 is still a great score. I’m sorry. I know you worked hard studying for that test. How can I make you feel better?” He asked sweetly.

“Hmm,” you ran your pointer finger and thumb along your chin like you were pondering a big decision. “You could... grab me a chocolate bar from the kitchen?” You smiled innocently up at him and he returned it.

“It would be my honor.” As he left to grab your candy, you opened your phone to a new message from your friend, Katie.

She had just received the picture you sent her a few hours ago of the beautiful, expensive, bracelet James had just bought for you. 

Katie: holy SHIT! that must’ve cost an arm and a leg. what I would give to have a boyfriend who cares enough to get me gifts. hold onto that one, he’s a keeper.

Katie was right. He was a keeper. A total gentlemen -- smart, kind and gentle. He always knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. But when you looked at him, directly into his sparkling blue eyes… you felt absolutely nothing. And it killed you. Because you really, really wanted to feel something.

He opens up my door and I get into his car and he says “you look beautiful tonight.” And I feel perfectly fine.

“Hey! How are you?” You said, approaching the brunette leaning against the white SUV. 

“I’m great now.” He smiled. He reached over and popped the passenger door open, gesturing for you to step inside and you quickly thanked him, sliding into your seat.

He sat down next to you, starting up the car. 

“You look beautiful tonight.” 

You wished you could even conjure up a small blush but you just looked down and let out a meek “thank you.” Where were the damn butterflies? Weren't you supposed to be feeling those right about now?

All you wanted was to feel something -- anything -- when you looked at him. You wanted to dream about him, miss him when he was gone, long for him to hold you.

But you think all that is still reserved for one person.

The one you haven’t quite gotten over. 

But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain and it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

“Cal, pull over.” You sat up from your seat in the car, tugging off your seat belt and laying a hand on the door handle. 

“What? Why, are you alright?” Calum grabbed your thigh and gave it a squeeze. His brown eyes looked clouded with concern.

“I’m fine, Cal, just pull over. Please?” You gave him your best puppy dog face and watched him give in like he does every time and you smiled, laying a kiss on his cheek. 

As soon as the car was securely in park on the side of the road, you started to get out. 

Calum wasn’t sure what he expected you to do, but it wasn’t that. 

“(Y/n)? What the hell are you doing, baby, it's pouring outside!” He called after you but you shut the door before he could protest further and ran out into the street. It was a warm summer night around 1:00am and you wanted nothing more than to run around in the rain with your favorite person in the world.

Calum got out of the car and chased after you, wrapping his hands around your waist and spinning you when you tried to run away. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Shivers traveled up your spine at the sound of his voice in your ear. You could barely hear him above the sheets of rain bucketing down onto the street. 

The street light above you illuminated him slightly and you shifted in his arms to look at him.

Your hand reached up to move his damp hair off his forehead.

“Dance with me?” The question leaves your mouth before you can stop it. 

“I’d jump off a cliff as long as it was with you.” His eyes never left your lips.

Before you knew what you were doing, you were leaning into him and catching his lips over your own. It's like you were built for each other. Crafted to fit together perfectly. Like he was your missing puzzle piece. You pulled away feeling tingly and filled with butterflies like it was the very first time.

His smile said it all. 

He pulled you into his chest and you swayed together, feeling the cool water on every inch of your skin. You were appreciative of the rain in that moment because without it, you were sure you would’ve burst up in flames. 

He respects my space and never makes me wait and he calls exactly when he says he will. He's close to my mother, talks business with my father. He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable.

You sat in your parents’ living room next to James, awkwardly silent and letting him do the talking. Your parents gave you questioning looks but honestly, you were just sitting there trying not to scream at him for always being so goddamn perfect. 

Calum always pushed you past your breaking point. He constantly poked the bear and didn’t give two shits about how much he annoyed you. He would slip up on dates and cancel plans and forget to call. He wasn’t perfect. Far from it.

James, he backed off when you were tense and never forgot a single date. He always asked about your day. He made an effort to be there whenever he felt like you needed him. He was sitting here with your parents carrying a pleasant conversation. 

You should be in love with him right?

“I’m working under my father right now, actually. It's fantastic experience and he has a lot of great connections already which is super, super helpful,” James said. But you didn’t really hear it at all. Your hand was in his but there weren’t those tingles. It didn’t make you giddy.

You felt bored.

“That’s wonderful. Being in a sturdy, reliable position that young is rare in the industry,” Your father responded, looking extremely impressed.

“Thank you, sir. And Mrs. (y/l/n), how’s that garden you started been going?” He turned to your mother as an appreciative smile bloomed on her face. It made you happy to see them happy.

You should be in love with him.

But you weren’t.

Your heart still belonged to that stupid boy with the big brown eyes and the even bigger heart. 

But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain and it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

“Don’t walk away from me, (y/n), goddamnit!” Calum shouted as you stormed out into torrential downpour, outside of Calum’s apartment building. The street lamps were the only source of light this late in the evening. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, Calum!” You tugged harshly on your hair, groaning in anger and frustration. “Leave me the fuck alone, I’m walking home.” You continued to walk down the sidewalk but Calum was persistent. 

“(Y/n) stop! Why the hell are you so fucking stubborn all the time?” Calum called after you. His shirt was clinging to him tightly and his hair was stuck to his forehead. How did he always look good?

You whip around at his insult, wagging your finger at him in fiery disapproval. “Oh I’m the stubborn one? Don’t act like you care about me, Calum. If you did, you would actually spend time with me. You wouldn’t forget the little things. You would be there.” You admit you were being harsh, but he always found a way to push you. Every. Single. Button. You had. 

He made you want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. He made your stomach heat up and your heart rate quicken and your mouth dry. 

He made your head spin and your heart hurt and your knees weak. He made you a mess and you didn’t know if you loved it or hated it. 

“Do you actually think I don’t care about you?” Calum asked. You noticed his bottom lip quiver slightly and wondered if the dampness on his face was tears or the rain. 

“Sometimes it feels that way, yeah.” You cross your arms over your chest, feeling soaked to the bone and so cold you couldn’t feel your toes anymore. You looked down at your feet, trying to hide the fact that you were really hurting. You hoped the hot tears streaming down your face could be concealed by the cool rain. 

Calum noticed and stepped closer to you, pulling you into him. You attempted to resist but he started moving the hair out of your face and you were putty in his hands, like always. It felt like that first time on that summer night, dancing in the street. That felt like a lifetime away. 

“You know I care about you. More than anything.” He looks broken.

“I know, Cal. But I don’t know if that's enough anymore.”

He can't see the smile I'm fakin' and my heart's not breakin' 'cause I'm not feelin' anything at all.

You welcomed James inside and he went in for a quick hello peck on the lips but you felt yourself awkwardly turning your head so he only caught your cheek. He pulled away, clear confusion written across his face but you just gave him a small apologetic smile and tugged him towards the couch. “I think we should talk.”

James was perfect in every way. He was perfect when he bought you flowers. He was perfect when he remembered your coffee order. He was perfect when he remembered your sister's birthday.

But he wasn’t perfect for you.

You wanted him to be. 

Fuck, did you want him to be.

But you couldn’t do anything to change the fact that when he kissed you, you felt nothing.

When he hugged you, you felt nothing.

When he called you baby, you felt absolutely nothing.

You wanted it to hurt when you broke things off with him. Truth be told, neither of you took it very hard. He wasn’t the one for you and you both knew it.

And you had a feeling you knew who was. 

And you were wild and crazy just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated, got away by some mistake and now I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain. It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name. I'm so in love that I acted insane and that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and comin' undone, It's a roller-coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you

“Ash, what if he doesn’t want to try again?” You bit at your nails anxiously while you talked to the drummer. Your phone was tucked securely between your cheek and your shoulder. 

“(Y/n), I’ve seen him every day since you two ended things and I can say with utmost certainty, he’s a mess. He finds a way to bring you up in every conversation and he regrets how much he let you down. He tells me literally every single day. It's getting really annoying, actually. My point is, if you gave him another chance, he would absolutely take it.” Ash finished his point with a sigh. “I have to go, (y/n). I’ll talk to you later, alright? Hang in there, kid.”

You smiled. “Alright, Ash. See you later.” You hung up the phone and laid on the plushy couch for a few moments longer, contemplating as you stared at the ceiling. 

“Fuck it.” You sat up and pulled on your shoes, tugging a jacket over your pajamas, bolting out the door before you had a chance to change your mind.

Hands fumbling in nerves and eyes darting all around, you found yourself standing outside Calum’s apartment. You reached up hesitantly and made two, crisp knocks on the door. You stepped back in anticipation, concerned you might vomit any second.

You heard some commotion from the other side of the door. “Coming!” Calum called. You hadn’t heard his voice in so long. 

The door swung open revealing Calum, shirtless and in a pair of sweats. His hair was longer and shaggier, like he hadn’t cared much to maintain it. 

You could see the moment of realization in Cal’s face. His eyebrows scrunched in surprise and confusion. “(Y/n)?”

You cleared your throat. “Um. Hi Cal.” You gave him a small apologetic smile.

“Are you alright? What’s going on?” Calum’s face became concerned as the reasons why you might be here circled his brain. He wondered if you might be in trouble. 

“I.. I um. I don’t really know why I’m here.” You shook your head in frustration as all your thoughts jumbled together and you found it hard to explain what you were doing at his front door. “Alright. I’m just going to say what’s on my mind and I want you to listen, alright?”

Calum opened his mouth to protest but you continued on rambling before he got the chance. “I’ve been with James these past few months, as you probably know.” Calum’s expression turned sour but you kept going. “I broke things off between him. Like 2 days ago.” You almost wanted to laugh at how quickly Calum’s face lit up. “He was perfect in every way for me. Like, perfect. And you and I are so not perfect…” There's that sour expression again. “But when I was with him… When I was with him… I wished I was with you. I missed the way I got butterflies when you held my hand and the adventures we had together and I missed your stupid dumb brown eyes and your lips and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t stop missing you. I wanted to love James. I really, really did. But loving someone is not the same as wanting to love someone. I couldn’t love him… I couldn’t because I-- well, I… I’m still in love with you.” You huffed and began fumbling with your fingers again. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“Are you saying you want to try again?” Calum asked, stepping past the threshold and closer to you.

You bit your lip as you pondered the thought. You didn’t really think about much past telling him how you felt. “I… I think I do, yeah.” 

You felt Calum’s hand tuck itself under your chin and pull your face up to look at him. He ran his thumb softly over your cheek and you found yourself leaning into his touch. 

“I love you, too. I never stopped.”

I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you.

[monochromemedic]

Bar Chat

I stood nervously at the bar, shifting my feet as Deacon laughed and leaned against the wall, staring me down. from behind the lens.  “You just took down a group of super mutants! And you can’t order a meal or a drink. You just gonna let me go thirsty Jen?” Deacon opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out a little bit, pretending to lick up any moisture in the air “I’ll just... hope there’s a few water droplets in the air and... drink from that.” “You’re such a drama queen...” “Hey... i’m a king, baby.” Deacon retorted, giving a couple of snaps of his fingers before going up to the counter, and beginning to talk to the bartender, holding up a couple of fingers as he talked. I stared at him and sighed, crossing my arms and looking to the ground, nervously thinking about the eyes that would dart from me and Deacon, the newcomers, or just about how Deacon would take the lead in more social situations.  Bartering was a big one. If it wasn’t for Deacon i’d be selling guns for 5 caps a pop no mater how fancy it was. Convincing people of things or pushing people at times could come, depending on how severe it was needed like serious situations but as for how well it worked... well. It was not alot.  Deacon was the charmer, the face, the chatter box, the looker.  And I was more of the uh... gun. Deacon was also a gun but out of the both of us he was certainly more of the hide and prod. I was the uh... heart? The bullet sponge that was for sure... Deacon came back, smiling wide as he tapped two glass bottles together, handing me the Nuka-cherry. “Look what they had in stock~. Look at how considerate I am, remembering your favorite drink and even picking it up... “ I smiled a little, perking up and grabbing the drink. “I owe you. I’d say I could even kiss you.” “Well you know this cheek is always free for kissin” I felt my cheek grow pink as I struggled with the cap on the bottle, tapping it a bit before trying to yank and twist it open.  I shifted a bit nervously, not wanting to ask him for help. It was just a bottle I could open it. I could feel Deacon’s shadow form over me, hand reaching over to grab at my bottle. “Baby... baby, baby hands... Baby hands give me. Big strong dad hands will open it for the baby.” My cheeks reddened more as I turned away from him, trying to twist it harder and hurting it in the progress. Deacon’s hand grew closer, fingers twitching. “Little infant hands... so soft...” “You... are so mean to me.” I whined, sighing and giving up my pride as he easily opened it, pocketing the cap for himself. “I’m only mean to the people I care about. You should be jumping for joy when you hear my insults! Every insult is hand crafted, analyzed with such precision to tailor just to you...” Deacon opened his beer and took a swing, eyeing up a table in the progress.  He moved over, sliding a chair out and sitting down, nudging his head over to the chair beside him. “Take a load off.” I sat down in the chair, scooting it close to him  and leaning my head against his arm. “Maybe I should insult you more... I mean like... if it means you love or care about someone then I should give some harsh love.” I turned to look at him, squinting as I tried to pick at something to rag on. “I uh... hate how you can just go up and talk to people. Like you own the damn place.  You don’t you own nothing your... you’re the owner of nothing. “ “Bad, but you’re getting somewhere keep going.” He encouraged. “You... act like your such hot shit... Your voice is so sickeningly sweet at times it’s like... are you compensating for something? You... you uh... got a little dick?” I asked, giving a little laugh before looking away, smacking my head on the table and resting it there at my shitty insult. Deacon feigned a gasp, putting a hand to his heart “How... dare you... I’ll let you know I have a surprisingly average penis. But then again I don’t kiss and tell.” “How do I know that’s not a lie hmm? You are a liar.” “Oh well... maybe just ask around more. People will tell you about how good I am. Or you could just find out for yourself-” I cut him off by coughing and choking on my cola, hand hiding my face as I gasped for breath. “D...Deek. You can’t just say that...” “What you were dishing it out, why can’t I say some stuff back?” I pressed my hand against my mouth, eyes darting away from looking at Deacon. Deacon was a bit of a flirter, then again he flirted with everyone. It was his charm. Though he seemed to do it alot with me. Was it because he was comfortable, or that I was his friend? Was it because he knew that I loved him?  I could never tell and it drove me crazy. I eventually l looked over at him, Eyes lidded as I searched him and down. “I mean you can it’s just...  I uh... Well I just... you know how I am.” “...In this context? No.” “Uh well a romantic... nervous. Shy.” “Oh I mean yeah. But you make dick jokes all the time. Does me just saying stuff make you nervous cause you know if I say something you don’t like you can just tell me.” “It’s... not that. I just.. When... you say it.” He paused, tapping his bottle and giving a soft ‘oh’ in response. A small silence filled the air as we listened to the chatter of the bar, the sound of diamond city radio in the background. “I shouldn’t tease you about that. I’m... being a real ass about that. That’s not fair.” He spoke up “I don’t wanna give excuses but, well I uh... I don’t get that alot. Maybe... drunk one offs or... alot of one offs. They don’t end anywhere. That’s not... love it’s lust. They don’t know who I really am but I told you... things. Things I don’t tell anyone and you still stick around, hell you got even closer. I don’t get that and I don’t deserve it so I just... joke. You know.” I gave him a little smile, hand nervously and gently touching his arm. When I saw he wasn’t pulling away I spoke up. “It’s ok Deacon, really. It doesn’t bother me that much, just makes me blush. And I mean... your going though some emotions you don’t get alot. I’m doing it too.. We’re both just awkward assholes. Just two dumbasses not knowing how to deal with shit. And well... you know how I feel about your past and showing more of yourself. I just care about you big guy, You deserve good shit. Even if you don’t reciprocate it just knowing that someone thinks you’re a stud,” I stopped to laugh, pushing a strand of hair back “It feels good. At least, I think it would, to be called hot shit so... just take the damn compliment is what i’m trying to say “ Deacon seemed to let out a breath, a smile returning to his face as he took his other hand and placed it on top of mine. “You’re nice... and right. I should take the compliment. So thank you for saying i’m a total hunk. I’ll be sure to rub that in Carrington’s face.” That earned a little laugh from me, nudging his side. “There you go, that’ll piss him off like nothing else.” Another small silence, as we closed up our thoughts on that matter. I tried to savor the moment, touching the rough skin of his hand and arm, feeling his grip tighten a bit before letting go, going back to silly chats as Deacon ruined the moment by commenting on the goofy painting that was plastered on the wall, making me chuckle. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe he would never love me but just having him around and being my best friend would be enough for me in the end.

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

The Devil In Me Michael Langdon x Reader Chapter 6

It was hours later and they were all gathered in one of the lecture rooms. “Just focus Star you can do this sweetheart.” Myrtle encouraged her softly. Star closed her eyes to focus on the object from across the room it was a copy of the book The New Adam And Eve. Slowly the book moved from it's hiding spot making it's way to her hands. “One down six to go.” Cordelia responded with a smile, Star was being given the tests of the seven wonders as a way to reawaken her powers. Telekinesis was marked off as accomplished “Wow I didn't realize I could even remember that.” Star replied incredulously.

“It's surprising what one can remember even though your powers were dormant during the identity spell.” Behold answered. “When Michael found you he awakened them though you may not have realized it.” John crossed the room to where his daughter was standing “you two are very powerful together you add in Madison and you three are unstoppable.” He explained to her. “The three amigos!” Madison called out with a smile placing her hand on Star's shoulder. A lot had transpired in just the last 18 hours from Michael finding her to now being here at Hawthorne it felt like an obscure dream in some ways.

“I know this is intimidating right now going through this test.” Cordelia stated placing a hand on her arm “but I believe in you.” “Wait will this mean I will be the next supreme?” Star suprised herself with the words that came out of her mouth just then. “We knew back then you were powerful and had intended to test you sooner that is until we had to protect you by placing you under the spell.” Myrtle answered her. “You are one bad bitch girl you got this!” Madison encouraged her. Star just shook her head “she's incorrigible and she  know it.” “You know you love it!” Madison teased her.

“Next is Transmutation.” Cordelia explained to her. Star crossed the room making herself enough room focusing on an area she planned on transmutating to the others stood back giving her the room she needed. Star closed her eyes focusing hard within seconds she was on the other side of the room by the blackboard. “It may seem simple now but things get harder as we go along.” Cordelia told her, Star swallowed as the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach arose.

They went through the other tests Star getting them easily one by one all that was left now was  Descensum. Star laid on the floor while the others surrounded her she repeated the phrase three times. “Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum ut salutaret inferi. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum ut salutaret inferi.   Descensum.” she disappeared from sight as she decended down to her personal hell. Star looked around she was in her father's office they were deep in an argument about Michael, she tried to explain in a valid way that people can change. “Star sweetheart he is the Antichrist himself!” John all but yelled. “People can change daddy I honestly believe that.” Her father shook his head “can I not make it any clearer?” John was now rubbing his temples in frusteration. The both went back and forth for a while and it seem like it was stuck on reply.

She had to find her way back to real life to get out of her personal hell. Her eyes snapped shut she focused on getting her way back to the here and now. She felt her presence pull as the scene began to dissipate from her sight. “Star Star!” Michael called out bringing her to present day, she slowly opened her eyes she was back in the lecture room with everyone surrounding her. “You made it back, you completed the seven wonders successfully!” Myrtle praised. Star attempted to wrap her mind around this, she was the next supreme? A surge of power coursed through her “I feel my powers returning” Star said after a brief moment. Michael helped her from the floor “this is just the beginning my love.” Star grabbed his hands as her mind brought her to a memory.

I want to kiss you again read the text from Michael.

Star touched her lips and recalled her first kiss with Michael.

“Star let's make this official." Michael whispered while she was looking into his mesmerizing eyes.

Next thing she felt was his caress.  He tasted her lips tenderly. His hand caressed her back while the other slid into her hair. She felt butterflies in her belly and her chest constricted. She felt warmth, excitement, happiness, fear, and desire jumbled in one whole package. Desire won. She leisurely glided her hands from his stomach to his chest to his neck and placed her hands on his nape.

“Damn I got a hot boyfriend." Star thought while gazing at him

"You can look and you can touch me. Don't hold back baby." Michael said. He could see awe in her eyes, that made him chuckle.

Michael groaned in pleasure and ended the kiss, he said. "If you touch me like that again, I'll lose control and touch you the same way." He was smirking while he slowly gazed from her belly to her breasts

Star reddened and placed her arms crossed against her chest in defense.

"L-Let's go to my room Michael” she stammered flustered.

“You know chocolate cake used to be my favourite, but when I met you, you smelled of vanilla. That changed my preference." Michael confessed

"Really?" Star whispered

"Really. Now let me have a taste of you again."

Michael leaned in and took her lips. This time he gently nibbled and he teased her lips with his tongue. He pulled away a bit and staring at her.

“You're delicious. Kiss me again."Michael looked into her eyes, she looked back and she saw desire in them

Star leaned in to initiate the kiss. That started their lip lock. Michael wrapped an arm around her and his other hand caressed the back of her neck.

Star was feeling euphoric. He made her feel so damn good. His lips were hungry and it infected her. She felt hungry for him too. She bit him back when he bit her. She enjoyed biting his lip so she did it often.

Star felt something hard poke her bottom that's why she ended the kiss. She was surprised to find herself on his lap. She quickly get off and sat beside him.

"Oh that was…damn." Michael was staring at her, she had a worried look on her face

"W-w-why are you hard?" Star shrieked

Michael chuckled. "It's your fault for being so hot. When you sat on my lap well I couldn't control it."

"I didn't sit on you." She blushed

He raised a brow.

We ain't gotta make love (yes sir)

We can just cuddle up (yes sir)

But if she want me to beat it up (yes sir)

Then damn it, I'll beat it up (yes sir)

My body, your body (it's burning up)

My body, your body (it's burning up)

My body, your body (it's burning up)

My body, your body (it's burning up)

I don't know why but the ladies call oh

They take me and rape me

And make me the victim

I lick em and freak em

Gonna let you do what you want to do

You can feel on it if you really want to

We kissin and huggin

She complain when she catch back spasms

But she love when she get

The back to back orgasms

Yes sir, the game is automatic

Give it to em one time

They come back like addicts

Star felt herself go flush seems like the first memories that come back concerning Michael were the most intimate ones. Star locked eyes with Michael she could see parts of her past, and even parts of her future it seemed so surreal. A quote came to mind one that her birth mother had told her some years ago, she wasn't even sure why at this particular moment that it did honestly. John watched her expression shift ever so slightly, “Star, what is it?” Concern slipping through his voice. “ A quote that mom told me years ago, I don't know why I would even think of it now but it came to mind.”

//Tell yourself pain is normal.

A cliché. The sky

at your feet. You feel pity

for the way it lies there. It has

no mother, no father. Yet.

You have the urge to stomp on it,

to beat it to death.

Chelsea Dingman, “How to Survive [a Stillbirth]” //

“That was written in your mother's journal” John replied quietly, “it was one of her favorite quotes”  Star could clearly envision her mother's journal in her mind. When she was about 8 she remembered seeing it opened on her mother's lap on the bed, she had fallen asleep with it like that. She remembered seeing this on one page that laid opened before her.

According to the apocryphal Books of Enoch, two hundred fallen angels called the Grigori or the Watchers fell to earth and had children with humans. These humans were taught forbidden knowledge: writing, astrology, sorcery, technology, weaponry, cosmetology, the bitter and the sweet. Those angels were gendered as male in the bible and called the Benei Elohim, the Sons of God. Their hybrid children were called the Nephilim. All witches are descended from angels, from the ones who fell because of the beautiful—sinful—women they loved.

«  Nephilim love once and fiercely, don’t be afraid of what you feel Star »

« To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed »

“Half human, half Angel and a witch…” Star murmured to herself, it was a lot to process the how, what, where, when and why. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted though when they heard gun shots.

[twdixonimagine-blog]

Work song//Negan

Song imagine based off the song Work Song by Hozier

Warnings: swearing, implied smut, mentions of religion (Heaven, hell, God), mentions of death

Boys workin' on empty Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby I'm so full of love I could barely eat

Negan watched as his prisoners worked in the heat, in sweatsuits, working on nothing. These men have betrayed Negan and his Saviors in one way or another, so they got what was coming. They had to chance to owe Negan, work for him and repay him, work up to own their name but they chose not to. By choosing that, they worked on the fence, placing walkers on a fence, dodging them all day. They ate one meal, one poor meal, a day and went on that way. 

Something else kept Negan occupied as he tried to look busy, his one and only, y/n. It kept him going, made his day just a little easier. He had to keep fear installed in these men, just his presence did so, so he could just stand and think of y/n, not even pay attention to them but they work ten times harder. SO he did that, in his best interest. Negan used to have multiple wives to keep him busy, but when he met y/n, something changed. He felt love once again, dare he say stronger than his love for Lucille. The love filled him up, he didn’t need a new wife to fuck everyday, he’d wait his whole life to have one touch of y/n. Granted, he didn’t need to, but he would’ve.

There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree Cause my baby's sweet as can be She'd give me toothaches just from kissin' me

Y/n was the sweetest girl any, and everyone knew. She just brought a positive vibe to the room she walked in. Only Negan knew how sweet she truly was. She gave him all of her, physically and mentally, and him to her. She was kind, giving, grateful and so much more. Just a kiss from her could make Negan ache for more. Her love was so overwhelming to him, it hurt, but he couldn’t help but want more.

Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

Y/n found Negan after he had wandered too far, after one too many drinks. It wasn’t hard to go missing when everyone was asleep or drunk out of their minds. It was careless of their part, dangerous for all of them. But he kept drinking, even after being gone. He just needed to get by and alcohol helped, but not really. 

She had found him passed out, she dragged him and his bat back to her shelter. She made it home like to her, leaving all the old furniture. She decided to lock him in the nursery, it wasn’t used often. That’s where Negan woke up, alone and confused.

And I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did

He was burning up, his face hot and sweaty, but not like normal. He thought maybe this was it, somehow he was bit and was turning. Nothing mattered, he had nothing to live for really, nothing he truly loved anymore.

“Hello, I’m going to come in now” She warned from outside.

She stepped in, gun pointed and ready to fire. Negan was out of it, thinking he was hallucinating and dying for Christ’s sake.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“Negan, I have a compound somewhere around here, I hope. I’m a pretty mean guy, but that doesn’t matter anymore” He replied with a half grin.

“How many walkers have you killed?” 

“A shit ton, baby”

“How man-” She stopped herself, it didn’t matter. Those questions weren't hers, not anymore.

“Hi, Negan, I’m y/n”

My babe would never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

After days, months, years of being together, who he was was revealed. But y/n’s love and devotion for him never faltered. That was still the confused, drunk guy she stumbled across in the woods. She had seen him kill with his own two hands, though horrified, she knew what he did was justified by some God.

He knew that if the Lord wouldn’t forgive him and let him into heaven when he died, at least he’d have y/n. That’s all that mattered to him, as ling as he had her, it’d all be okay. He’d been through worse than hell, without y/n, so he could definitely do it with her.

When I was kissin' on my baby And she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamp light I was free Heaven and hell were words to me

The night after the meeting with y/n’s old group, Rick and others, they came back home and laid in bed. She saw him kill two of her old family members.

“I’m sorry about today, baby” Negan spoke into her hair.

“Don’t matter, I still love you and I know why you did that” She replied tracing patterns on his bare chest.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, positive”

He grabbed her chin lightly and tipped her head up to his, laying his kiss on her lips. She kissed back, giving him true forgiveness. That night they made love for the first time, in dim lighting, nothing mattered to him. Heaven, hell, it was all bullshit, just words to him. He had her and he didn’t have to think about where he’d go when his time was up.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

“Baby, when I go, when it’s my time, l-” Negan started to speak.

“Stop” She stopped him “Don’t talk about that, Negan”

“It’s gonna happen, sooner or later and you need to know what to do, so just listen, please”

“Negan, I”

“Just fucking listen to me, please” He strained, struggling to hold back the yell he wanted to release “Put me down, in a grave, two feet wide and six foot deep. Just know, no matter what, I’ll come back to you. Somehow, someway, you need to know that. I love you too damn much” He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes, he knew he found it, love.

@negans-network

[damienthepious]

tuesday time for soft and angst and soft (and kisses)

No More Changes (I’ll Still Love You The Same) [Chapter 4]

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [ao3] [chapter 5] 

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, (tho not THIS chapter certainly), Curses, human!arum, (but not… because he WANTS to be), (it ain’t good y'all), Panic Attacks, Overstimulation, Rilla Is Queen Of Comfort, Damien Does Not Consider The Consequences Of His Words, The Keep Is Best Mom, Body Dysphoria

Summary: Lord Arum and his Keep have fought off curses before, but they have never dealt with one quite like this. They have never dealt with a curse while having a couple of humans around to help them, either… though it remains to be seen exactly how helpful Arum’s lovers will be, in the effort of restoring him.

Chapter Summary: Self-care is vital in times of crisis.

Chapter Notes: We all needed a little soft. And therefore this is. the LONGEST chapter so far. Chapter title from the song Riches and Wonders, by The Mountain Goats. However the song that best fits the general tone of the day is Soft, by Babygirl.

Chapter 4 - Guardians of a Rare Thing

~

Rilla steps through the portal and emerges on the other side in Arum’s workshop. She sighs in frustration, ready to scold Arum for trying to work in his current state, but as she glances around the workshop she realizes it’s empty. Is the Keep really that disoriented by all this? Did it bring her to the wrong room? “Uh, Keep? Where’s Arum? I need to see him.”

The response comes slow, and maybe a little softer than usual, but Rilla can hear the warning in its tone all the same. Of course. After Damien… Of course it would be afraid for Arum- afraid of Rilla, and what she might say to him. If he’s really as upset as Damien said…

“Keep, please. Let me see him. Damien made a mistake. You have to let me see him. Please, he has to know that we’re going to fix this. He can’t think that-“

She cuts off as the Keep lets out a relieved sigh, and she hears the shifting of vines. She watches as the Keep carries a mass of vines and leaves over to her and deposits it gently at her feet. She can see the shape of Arum curled up, nestled and tucked into the bramble. She can just barely see his face through the tangle of foliage, and his (painfully plain) gray eyes refuse to meet hers.

She gives a relieved sigh of her own, setting her bags down and moving closer to the vines.

“Arum-”

"Has he sent you to convince me?" Arum says, low and bitter, only half his face visible through the Keep’s embrace. "To present me with some ultimatum? Some simple human mathematics to bolster his case?"

"Arum, you know-"

"I suppose the numbers add up, when you truly simplify it, don't they? The happiness and convenience of two humans held against the desires of one monster- oh, and the monster's home, as well, but it isn't as if there is anyone left to understand and translate for it, so it does not really matter what opinion the Keep holds on the matter, does it? And besides, I am sure we are all well aware of the relative value placed on the wishes of a monster, anyway. Or- ha, or do my desires count for more, now that I am one of you?"

“No. Listen to me-”

Arum laughs, or chokes, she can’t quite tell. “A more effective curse than even they intended, I would wager. Weaken me, mute my bond with my creator, force me to face the conditional nature of human affection-“

“Arum. Damien is an insensitive ass, and he fucked up.”

Arum’s eyes finally meet hers, then, and it nearly breaks her to see the pain and hope shining there, the redness from the tears already shed, the shine from those that might still fall. Saints, oh saints but he doesn’t deserve this-

“What?” he says, suspicious, and Rilla sighs.

“I’m sorry,” she says gently. “I know- I know that Damien said some just- profoundly callous things to you. He’s- he’s just-” she shakes her head. “I just shouldn’t have left like that. I’m so sorry you and the Keep got stuck alone like this. That wasn’t what I wanted for you.” She pauses, biting her lip. “Are you- are you gonna let me in, or do you wanna have this conversation through branches? That wasn’t a judgment- whatever makes you more comfortable is fine by me.”

Arum looks away again, working his jaw soundlessly for a moment before he mutters something she can’t quite hear. There is a pause, and then the Keep shifts the vines around him, creaking them apart but not away until it opens a little window. She can see him a little better, then, see him shrunk in on himself, curled into an even tighter ball inside the embrace of his home.

She plops down on the floor beside him, because she'd rather die than try to pull him away from the Keep right now, and he tilts his head just slightly, though he does not move either towards or away from her.

"If the Keep is giving hugs, mind if I get in on that? Group hugs with mom are honestly the best," she says mildly, and it startles a weak laugh out of him, and after a moment or two he lifts his arms and the vines part a little more, widening the cozy space inside the tangled thicket. Relieved, Rilla slips in beside Arum, and the steady softness of the moss and leaves around the both of them is almost too comforting for Rilla’s worried mind to bear.

When she’s settled in the small space, her arms safely around Arum, she sighs, her brow furrowing. Arum very clearly doesn't know what to do with himself. He keeps moving his hands, slipping them from her shoulder blades to her arms to her lower back, unsettled and uncertain, and she realizes after a moment that he can’t settle because he wants to be holding her more tightly. He wants to hold her as he usually does, and he can't, now. He only has half the hands he is used to holding her with.

"I'm so sorry, Arum,” she says, and this close she barely has to do more than whisper. “We're gonna fix this, though. If we can keep from killing each other over methodology, we can figure out anything, right?"

Arum sags against her.

"I..." he hisses through his teeth, a pale shadow of the noises he should be able to make. "I intended to say that I have overcome worse. I do not actually know if that is true, this time."

“I mean, we’ve both almost died more than a few times by now, so…”

“And yet,” Arum mutters, his soft blunt fingers fluttering against her shoulders. He sighs. “Amaryllis, I…”

“I’m sorry, Arum,” she says again, steady as a boulder, soft as moss. “I’m here, now. I’m here.”

For a moment, he’s glad he’s slumped into her, that she can’t see his face. The line between crying and not-crying is becoming blurrier, and Arum is so, so tired. He can't even tell, anymore, if he's crying because of the near-pain, or out of relief because he knows that it's going to be okay because Amaryllis is here now and she’s promised they’re still going to fix this, that she understands how hard this is for him, or if it’s because even despite his relief at her presence, his thin belief that they will somehow make this right again, that still doesn't mean any of this is okay now.

"Of course-" he tries to straighten up, but she can feel the way he's trying to accommodate for a tail that is no longer there, and she has to force herself not to wince, not to let the heartbreak show on her face. "Of course, you are the only human whose mind I would trust with a task such as this. Brighter than the lot of your entire tepid species."

Normally she would poke him in the snout for a comment like that. Right now she just scowls, the look in her eye indicating clearly that she knows he's being snarky on purpose. "And you're not so bad yourself, obviously. We'll figure it out. We'll get your real body back."

Arum closes his eyes, sighs, nods against her shoulder.

"We need to get you more stable before you start trying to do science or magic, though, Arum," she says, and he grumbles but he is shaking, just a little, and he knows her stubbornness too well to protest, just now. "And... and then at some point, we need to talk to Damien."

Arum flinches, his eyes flying open, and then they narrow disdainfully. "No."

"Arum-"

"He- Amaryllis, I cannot bear to look at him. I cannot- Amaryllis he looks at this body- this stranger, and his eyes shine, already wondering at all the ways this will fix things, will fix his aberrant affection for such a horrible monster-"

His cheeks are wet, again. Rilla can feel her own heart cracking, and she wishes she could parse out how much of this is just the strange new body, and how much is the hurt. It wouldn't help to know, but- "I know. I'm sorry for that, too, but you know that he loves you, Arum. He does."

"Then why? Why look at me that way? Like he is already living in the future, where his days with a monster are past and forgotten? Why yearn for proper kisses, as if every affection passed between us was some poor imitation?" He scoffs. “He loves me. Perhaps. But it is always in spite. In spite of everything I am. Despite the fact that I am a monster, he loves me."

“Arum,” she says softly.

"He loves me and feels it as a flaw in himself,” he continues, sneering. “He loves me and feels himself broken because of it. That has- that has been thrown into stark relief today, Amaryllis. And I cannot push the question from my mind- if this is how he l-” he squeezes her tighter, and the pressure is all wrong, halved and without the cool touch of claws, and when he tries again, his voice has gone so very quiet that she would not be able to hear him if she pulled away another inch. “If this is the way he loves me, Amaryllis, in contempt of everything I am, is that- is that love at all? Is that anything like it? I have very little practice in this arena, certainly, but it cannot be- it cannot be this.”

Rilla can’t help but press a soft kiss to Arum's brow, not wanting the touch to be overwhelming but unable to clamp down on the need to soothe. "He's still caught up in how the Citadel expects him to be. He does love you, Arum. He loves you so much, just like I do, and he's trying. And when I talked to him he- he knows that he's messed this up. He knows he hurt you. And I know that none of that makes this any better, and I know that you’re really vulnerable right now and he tripped right into that, Arum, but-" she feels her heart clench, "but even if you can't forgive him." She stops again, and dammit she's not going to cry too. She's not. "Even if this is how this thing breaks, I think you owe it to him and you owe it to yourself to tell him exactly how you feel. To tell him yourself how he hurt you, and if he wants your forgiveness he can ask for it then."

He doesn't respond right away. She imagines the ticking rattle that usually accompanies his slow thoughtful pauses and it burns like a hot coal in her stomach, and then Arum presses his face into her collarbone and clenches his jaw.

"Please," she says, just quietly. "We don’t have to do it right now, and honestly it’ll probably be better to let things settle a little bit first, but I don't... I don't think you really want the last things you say to each other to be... to be that."

Arum sighs again after a long moment. "I don’t… understand. You are just as human as he is," he mutters. "Yet you seem as eager as I, to restore my proper body. Certainly it would be freeing," he sneers, "for you as well, to love another human. That is- that is what I find most painful, Amaryllis. The longer I consider his words the more I fear he may be right. I only make your lives more difficult, do I not? My own pain and discomfort aside, would your lives not be so much simpler if I were human? We would not have to hide, you would not have to lie to protect me or yourselves-“

“But you aren’t human.” Rilla scowls, and she feels hot with anger. “It doesn’t matter what they did to you. You are not a human. You are Lord Arum, He Who Rules the Swamp of Titan’s Blooms. You are a monster, and that’s exactly who we fell in love with. Not some human. You. We fell in love with you. We fell in love with Lord Arum.”

Arum sinks further into her embrace as she speaks, his breaths slowing, growing more even.

"Love is always complicated," she continues, voice softer. "And yeah, loving a monster is new for both of us, just like I bet loving humans is new and strange for you. But it’s… harder for Damien, to let go of the way he thought before. I was never like Damien, though. I never wanted to fit into the Citadel the way he did. There's a reason why I'm still 'of Exile', Arum. I chose to keep that, and I chose to be with you. I chose to be with a magical construct with gorgeous scales and four arms and a tail and a bad temper, and I'm not giving you up without a damned fight."

Arum pauses for another long moment, and then he swallows roughly. "Amaryllis... I- you know that I- I love you," he rasps. "Very dearly."

Not going to cry. Dammit. Dammit. "I love you too, Arum." She closes her eyes, pressing her face into his neck, missing his frill, trying to let his arms and the vines of the Keep around them steady her. "I'm sorry we can't seem to catch a damned break," she says with a weak, wavering laugh.

"If..." he hesitates, "if you think I should... speak with him again, I will... I will trust your judgment," he murmurs, eyes downcast. "If you believe he will listen to what I need to say. Truly listen."

"I think he will," Rilla says softly, and then she kisses his cheek and lets herself smile. "And if he doesn't? I'll just go ahead and kick him in the shins, and then the Keep can dump him in the wettest part of the swamp to think about what an asshole he's being for a little while."

The Keep gives a satisfied sort of warble as Arum half chokes on a laugh, and if it sounds like a sob on the back half Rilla's certainly not going to mention it.

She cups his face in her hands. "Whatever happens, I love you and I'm with you, and we'll figure the rest out together. Okay?"

"... Okay." Arum leans up, hesitates, and then presses the line of his mouth against the edge of her jaw, and it's strange and stiff and awkward and she is not going to cry, no matter how much her heart is breaking for the casual nuzzle of a scaled snout. They're going to fix this, so there's no reason to cry about it. "Okay," he repeats. "I believe you. Despite my better judgment."

“Okay,” Rilla says, her hands gentle upon him.

“It’s not as if I could stop you anyway,” he mutters. “I think the Keep can hear you better than it can hear me, just now.”

Well. That hurts too.

“Alright,” she says. “Alright, we’ve done enough collective moping for today, huh?”

Arum makes a noise, and she imagines that he’s attempting to growl. “I am not moping, Amaryllis-”

"No, no, I think we both were, for a minute there. But I’ve had about enough of it, I think. And as cozy as it is cuddled up in here - thank you, Keep, I really needed this too - I think we need to get you a little bit cleaned up, maybe.”

“Cleaned-” Arum hunches, defensive, and swipes his hand across his face again.

“First thing you did in this body was to fall in the dirt, Arum, and your hair has literally never been washed before. And, yeah, I think you’ll feel better if you can wash your face, too.” She smiles, as best she can. Little things, just little things until she can shift her focus to fixing the one big thing. “That sound good?”

“I don’t need you to- to coddle me,” he mutters, but he makes no move to push her away.

“Look, it won’t fix anything, but you’ll feel better if you’re not all grimy and stuck in robes that don’t currently fit you.” She shrugs. “If you wanna call that coddling, fine, but I just want you to be as comfortable as possible right now.”

He considers that.

“Fine, fine. Keep,” he pauses, mouth pressing awkwardly closed for a moment. “Keep, can you… hear me?”

Another pause, perhaps a little shorter than before, and then the Keep sings around them, light and attentive, and Arum exhales in obvious relief.

“Prepare a bath, if you would,” he asks, soft, and the Keep chimes a clear affirmation, the leaves of their small shelter shivering around them. “Good. Yes. Th-thank you.”

Rilla holds Arum gently for another moment, then releases him so she can press her palms against their shelter, and the tangle surrounding them slowly creaks outward until they can clamber out. Rilla carefully helps Arum back to his unsteady feet, making sure that he’s leaning safely against her as she leads him through the new portal the Keep has provided to the washroom. It’s heartening, that the Keep is stable enough to do so without explicit instruction.

“Alright,” Rilla says as the enormous cupped-leaf basin that serves as the Keep’s bathtub fills with gently steaming water, “get your robes off, and then when we’re done I’ll find something that fits you a little better for the moment.”

Arum- flinches, clinging to the soft purple cloth covering his unfortunate new frame despite the way it still overwhelms his senses. “I- but-”

“Arum, I’m a doctor, I’ve seen like, hundreds of naked human bodies. It’s not even close to a big deal.” She glances away, and then back towards him with a painfully understanding look, and she does not say that she knows he does not want to look at himself like this, not bare and vulnerable, but he knows that she knows, all the same.

He huffs, but then he rolls his eyes. “I suppose that makes sense,” he grumbles, and then he steels himself and starts to pull the robes off, wincing as he goes, gritting his teeth as the cloth slides over his sensitive skin, shuffling it down and baring a decidedly uncomfortable amount of this soft terrible skin to the open air.

“Oh- dammit, Arum, hold on-”

Arum blinks and freezes as Rilla comes close, wrapping her fingers around his wrist and angling the limb so she can see his forearm. With no small degree of bewilderment he sees a distinct scrape, speckled with grit and purpling dark with bruise beneath the redder parts of the wound.

“I- when did-”

“Probably right when you first changed- when you fell,” Rilla says, her brow furrowed with irritation. “You must’ve hit a rock or a root or something, and you didn’t notice because of all of the rest of it.”

Arum huffs, gritting his blunt teeth together. “Ridiculous fragile body cannot handle a fall of a few feet? Absolutely absurd-”

“Hold still, would you?”

Her medical bag is still at her hip, and she starts methodically pulling out what she needs to treat the injury as Arum stands and scowls and shuffles his feet. Now that he is aware of the wound it feels sharp and strange, much more present than a similar scrape would have been on his scales. That would have merely been superficial, and certainly this must be as well (humans cannot possibly be fragile enough to take permanent damage from so small a mishap, they simply cannot), but regardless it feels so vivid. To feel an injury this much in his proper form, it would need to truly pierce his scales, not- bruise him.

There is a safety in the look on Amaryllis’ face as she attends him, though. A familiarity. In matters of healing her focus is always unwavering, a universal force he trusts without needing to even consider it. By the time the bandages are safely wrapped around his new skin, his new injury (do bandages always itch on human skin?), he feels reassured for more reasons than just the treatment of the wound.

Amaryllis solves problems.

Foolish as it may be, he trusts that she will help him fix this one.

“There,” she says, voice soft and steady, and instead of letting go of his arm, she simply slips her hand down to take his, brushing their fingers together with barely any pressure at all. “Now. Let’s get you in the water, okay?”

Her grip on his hand is a bit tighter as he dips his toes in, and it’s a good thing, too, because these damned feet have no grip, no claws or scales for traction, and he nearly slips on the edge. She keeps hold of him, though, and with no major incident and only muted grumbling he settles into the mellow warmth of the water. It is still… somewhat overwhelming, but less so than the cloth of his robes, and at least with the water in the way he doesn’t really have to look at his current form. He cups his hands in the water first, then, and splashes his face, as if one sort of water can pretend away another. He does… feel marginally better, after even just that little bit.

Rilla sets her bag aside and settles to sit by the edge of the basin behind him, taking the basket of soaps and other mysterious jars and oils that the Keep dutifully hands to her with a smile, and Arum tries his level best not to feel like a damned helpless hatchling, forced to rely on Amaryllis and his Keep for something so very simple as bathing himself.

The frustration must show on his face, though, because Rilla’s expression goes infuriatingly sympathetic again, and she sets the basket down and reaches out, gently nudging him forward.

“Lean back for me?” she says, soft, and he gives her a suspicious look. “Gotta get your hair wet before anything else,” she elaborates, and Arum works his jaw stubbornly, still feeling so unutterably humiliated for a tense moment before Rilla exhales sharply. “C’mon, you’ve helped me wash my hair before, just- let me do this for you. I want to do this for you, Arum.” She pauses. “Please.”

Arum looks away from her, his throat feeling tight, and then he leans into hands, allowing her to dip his head into the bath, the bizarre sensation of warm water on his scalp making him shiver.

“Okay,” she murmurs when he’s up again, and then he hears her uncork something, and then she says, quite seriously, “You have to let me know if it feels like too much, Arum. Okay? Last thing I want right now is to make anything worse.”

He grumbles something wordless, not really wanting to acknowledge the idea that a simple touch might push him past some limit, but she does not touch him yet.

“Promise me you’ll tell me, Arum,” she says behind him, and Arum is absolutely certain that he has never in his entire long life done anything to deserve this degree of care.

“Fine, Amaryllis, fine, I will inform you if this pathetic form is overwhelmed by soap, are you happy?” he gripes, and he is satisfied to hear her laugh lightly at his back.

He sighs, settling an inch or so deeper into the water, covering his shoulders, and then he feels her hands, just light at the nape of his neck, slipping up into his unfamiliar mess of hair, and Arum’s eyes slip closed without a thought.

It feels-

It is intense, certainly, especially when whatever soap she is applying starts to foam, and when she starts to work her careful fingers through the tangles, attentively working them out, her blunt nails dragging along his scalp, he understands why his humans- why Amaryllis enjoys it so, when he runs careful claws through her own hair.

“So, obviously, this whole situation is rough,” Rilla says suddenly, without preamble, and Arum scoffs at the understatement as he pulls his knees towards his chest, curling into a more awkward ball. “I'm not going to pretend that it's not, Arum, and I don’t expect you to be happy about any of it. That being said, though… you know, it doesn't have to be all misery and gloom. You've got a pretty unique opportunity, here!" She grins, pulling a hand from his hair and rinsing off the soap so she can touch his shoulder, stroking her thumb over the crook of his neck and watching the way that makes him shiver. "We'll get your body back. Obviously." She shrugs, as nonchalant as she can manage even though he’s still facing away, even though he can’t see her. "But in the meantime, you get to have, just, a bunch of unique new experiences that it's unlikely that any other monster has ever gotten to have!"

"Such as... what, precisely, Amaryllis?" He glances at her suspiciously over his shoulder, but he is leaning towards her as he resumes his former position, allowing her hands back in his hair and obviously more curious than he wants to let on.

Which. Saints bless. It's been so hard to see him this unsteady, this upset, and if she can just draw back some of the fire in him- well, he deserves to at least have some good in this horrible ordeal. Plus, gauging his reactions to new stimuli might turn out to be helpful in figuring this mess out, too. Rilla is a big fan of tasks with multiple purposes.

"Like... right now, like how you’re getting first-hand experience in how it feels when you play with my hair." She grins, and Arum’s posture goes a little stiff, his face a little blank, because it feels as if she has plucked that thought from his very mind. "You can see how it feels to us, to touch things with our fragile human skin. I can show you how kissing like a human feels, just for comparison." She pauses, and he glances over his shoulder again to see the slightly awkward tilt of her smile. “If- if you would like that, I mean.”

“A-ah.” He flushes dark. She misses the frill pretty acutely, for a moment, but it's interesting to have confirmation of her perpetual suspicion; Arum blushes easily.

Her smile softens again, and she cups his cheek very, very gently in her less-soapy palm. "We'll fix this sooner rather than later, so you'd better see what all this being human stuff is about before we change you back, right?"

“If… if you say so, Amaryllis.”

“I do say so,” she says, and he assumes that the smugness in her voice is a veneer. He can respect that. Her hands scrub across his scalp with just slightly more pressure and he- he cannot give the gentle throaty rumble he wishes he could, but he can sigh, at least. “Lean back for me again?”

He does as instructed, indulging the herbalist with a mild frown, and when his hair is submersed her careful touch works to rinse the soap out, and even if it feels just on the bare edge of overwhelming it is the most pleasant sensation he has felt in this body so far.

Damien always loves to say that their herbalist has healing hands. Arum abhors hyperbole, but at least in this assessment, Sir Damien speaks with precision.

He lifts out of the water again, and Rilla works something new into his hair, something smoother. Then she holds out a cloth over his shoulder, for him to take. “Here. Help me multitask and we can get you out of there before the water gets too cold.”

Arum takes proffered cloth from Amaryllis, but as she hands him the bottle of soap he fumbles it. His grip is all wrong, he no longer has to accommodate for sharp claws, and so his loose grip and stubby fingers are not strong enough to hold the nearly full bottle. It falls into the bath with a loud splash, and he snarls automatically and flinches away from the water that splashes up into his face. This- this absurd body, these hands. The frustration- the frustration he cannot even find words for, of trying to reach, trying to catch with limbs that are no longer a part of him, and he feels so useless as Amaryllis gently reaches around him to pull the bottle up out of the water and pour a bit of soap onto the cloth for him.

He bites back a snappy remark about how at least she trusts him with a cloth, if not a soap bottle, because she’s… trying. This is difficult and frustrating for him, but that doesn’t mean he has any right to take it out on her. She’s trying so hard to make this better for him. He knows she’s not… judging him for this. He hates feeling pitied (Damien’s voice in his mind, overly saccharine and indulgent and eager: I am sorry you have been so maligned, darling, but no curse could ever-) but Rilla doesn’t make him feel that way. Of course she’s sorry for him and he knows that, but she never makes him feel uncomfortable. She’s always rational and logical, never overwhelming him with emotions like… well.

He shakes his head to clear that thought and focuses on the feel of Amaryllis’s hands in his hair again, slow and easy. After a moment, he takes the washcloth and begins to run it over his arms. As he runs it over his left arm - careful to avoid getting the fresh bandages wet - he notices the skin there, just above his elbow, is unmarked. The scar that he’s… grown accustomed to, since his first meeting with the little knight, is gone. As if it never happened.

It’s… fitting, he thinks bitterly. He can almost imagine what Sir Damien would think of this new development. You see, my love, just as this new form brings a new kind of freedom to our relationship, so, too, are the old injuries and mistakes erased.

He bites down a laugh he would be unable to explain to Amaryllis. How Damien would thrill at the idea of that old injury merely ceasing to exist. How happy he would be, to know the harm he had caused could simply vanish from the world as though it never occurred. The harm, yes, and also- also the erasure would absolve Sir Damien of his heresy, that blasphemous mercy his Citadel would only ever condemn him for. As if it never occurred.

It would never occur to Damien that the mark he left on Arum would be… significant. A reminder of exactly why he lo- of where his interest in Sir Damien began. A single act of mercy, and with it a promise. A promise that Arum’s monstrous nature was not enough on its own to condemn him to death. A promise that Damien wanted him, a monster. Wanted him alive, if nothing else, and then more than just that.

Now even that simple, meaningful mark is gone. Just as Damien-

Well. Amaryllis does not wish for him to wallow in misery in gloom, does she? Why he is even thinking of the poet now- it’s ridiculous. He is being ridiculous, and all the while Rilla is steady behind him, hands holding him as safe as he can be in this form, and he should allow himself to enjoy that, shouldn’t he? He cannot say how much longer he will be allowed it, after all.

Because even if Amaryllis is correct, even if they can overcome this, even if this time tomorrow Arum is wearing his own skin again, he cannot say what will come of his- his relationship with these humans he has allowed into his home. Into his- into his heart. His two partners were intertwined long before they knew him, after all. If he breaks from one of them-

How could he expect the other not to break as well?

Arum feels his throat clench again, feels the tension in his chest that he is unfortunately becoming quite familiar with.

Arum- Arum needs to let her know. To let her know it’s okay. She has offered so much- so much gentleness and care, more than he could possibly deserve, and-

He may as well say it now, he thinks. He may as well say it while her hands are upon him, while he needs not look her in the eye. He does not think he would have the bravery to say this, otherwise.

"I know you have promised, Amaryllis, to... to assist me in this. To help restore my form." He pauses, and she doesn't, her hands steady and soothing in his strange new hair, working some mysterious softness through his dark locks. "But… but I will understand, if Sir Damien and I cannot reconcile-" he swallows, and forces himself to continue. "I will understand if you and I must part as well, in turn."

Her hands finally stop moving, and she pulls them away to rinse off in the water before she tilts his face back towards her, cupping his cheeks in her hands. "Arum. What?"

"I would not ask you to part with your betrothed," he says, and he still cannot meet her eye because if he does he will dissolve again to nonsense, because all he wishes to do is draw her closer and closer until she can never leave, because he is selfish. "If he and I- if we cannot endure this together, I do not expect that you will humor me alone after you are finished with the task of restoring me to myself. I would not ask this of you."

Her breath catches, and it doesn't sound quite like a laugh. "Arum. Do you really think that I would just-"

"There would be a symmetry to it," he murmurs, very suddenly unwilling to hear her confirm his suspicions. "A symmetry- you came into my life because I needed you to heal my Keep- if we parted after you helped to heal me- yes, it would be a rather logical arc-"

"I'm not going anywhere,” she says, her voice thick, and when he glances to her in surprise her eyes take on a determined glint. She pushes closer, lifting her leg over the edge of the basin and slipping into the warm water beside him fully clothed, despite his surprised yelp of protest, and she wraps her arms around him, squeezing tight. "I'm not giving you up, you absolute idiot."

"Amaryllis- I- I know you feel the need to- to comfort me,” he says, his new voice shivering wild like an aspen in a light breeze, “and I- I admire your kindness, you commitment, but-"

"Idiot," she hisses. "I don't know how things are going to work out between you and Damien, Arum, and yeah, I'm not going to pretend that doesn't break my heart. I'm not going to pretend it's not going to be hard, no matter what else happens. But I love you," she presses her face into his neck, the pads of her fingers digging sturdy and solid into his shoulder blades. "I love you. And I already told you, I'm not going to give you up without a fight."

"Amaryllis this… us. It's all so new, and difficult, and... Damien and yourself- you fit together so perfectly already, as though you were made for each other. I do not… I do not belong with you the way that he does."

"I don't believe in fate, Arum. I believe the choices we make create our fates. And I chose you, just as much as I chose Damien."

Arum squeezes his eyes shut. Why she chose him, he’ll never understand. After all he did to her, after what he almost did to all of them-

"And... to be honest, Arum? If... if Damien can't see how much he's hurting you-" Rilla pauses, and Arum can feel the tension in her frame, can feel that she's holding herself rather tightly. "If he really has convinced himself that this could be better for you, somehow, if he's really willing to be that selfish, and that cruel… I have a hard time believing he's still that deluded, but- if he really is... I don't know." She exhales, her shoulders drooping. "I don't know. I- it would be... hard. It would be hard to- to be with him, after that. I feel like I would need some time- that he and I would need some time away from each other, at least. To figure out how I feel about that."

“But-” Arum’s mouth hangs open for a moment, “I-” he pauses. “And if- if Damien and I- if we cannot reconcile, and Damien remembers that he does not wish to share you with some- some monster any longer?”

She scoffs, her expression going wry. "Frankly, Arum, I don't respond all that well to ultimatums. If I actually felt like I was in a position where I absolutely had to-" she makes a noise that's not really a laugh, "to choose between the two of you, I don't have the first clue what I would do with that. I love both of you. I love both of you so much, I don't know how I would- how I could possibly-" she pauses, inhaling sharply and visibly centering herself. "But. And honestly I very much doubt that Damien would ever do this, but if for some reason he thought he could come and try to twist my arm in some tacky "it's him or me" scenario- well, let's just say that I don't think that would end particularly well for him."

Arum cannot speak, not for a number of breaths after that. Rilla doesn't speak either, but her silence feels more deliberate. "A-Amaryllis," he says eventually, uncertain and unsteady. "You- you should not be forced to toss aside your bond with Damien, not for my sake-"

"I wouldn't be," Rilla says, and her own voice is even, now, her cheek resting easy on his shoulder. "I’m not saying I’m gonna snap my fingers and say goodbye, but depending on how this breaks- I might need some time to think about whether or not he’s the person I think he is. And- and if that's the way it works out, it will be a choice I make for myself."

There is no response Arum can give to that. He can hold her, though. He can hold her, even if it feels like a half-measure, less secure with two less limbs, as if she could slip from his grasp with barely any effort.

She does not want to, though. He reminds himself of that.

“You’re gonna get all pruney if we stay in here much longer, though,” she sighs, squeezing him and then pulling back enough to meet his eye. “Did this help? Even a little?”

“You helped,” he mutters, glancing away and feeling strange heat in his cheeks. “You always help.”

She makes a noise, and when he looks towards her again, she-

There are tears in her eyes.

“Amaryllis,” he breathes, and she laughs strangely, lifting her hands and brushing the heels of her palms beneath her eyes.

“I know, I know,” she says in a thick sort of voice. “I’m sorry, ridiculous human emotional whatever, I’ll have a handle on it in just a second-”

“Amaryllis,” he says again, and he draws her closer, lifting a hand and almost, almost touching her cheek. “No, no apologies, Amaryllis. You-”

She has been holding herself so carefully, he realizes. Spine straight, hands gentle, smile sturdy. And she has been doing so for his sake.

“No,” she says, sighing as if the tears are an irritating sort of imposition, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it, just gimme a sec, here-”

“I love you,” Arum says, helpless against the tide of it, and her breath hitches as he cups her cheek and thumbs away a tear and he- he hates this curse all the more, that it is hurting her, too.

She looks up at him (less up than usual, but still), her lips tilting wryly, and Arum-

Arum sways towards her.

He is accustomed to brushing the thin, inelastic line of his mouth across their lips in request, accustomed to allowing the humans to lead a ‘kiss’ as they desire it, but this time when his mouth meets hers he has even less idea what to do than he normally does.

He understands the fondness they have for the act, though. Why this gentle human curve is so intensely sensitive is beyond his understanding, but the strange sharp tingle of even this unpracticed, unsure kiss is like some sort of wildfire. Skin. However humans manage not to collapse from the intensity of every touch is a mystery.

He also realizes, with some mortification, that he does not know at all what to do next.

In his own body, he would-

He parts his lips, nipping Rilla’s bottom lip with these odd blunt teeth, and she laughs in surprise, pulling away just enough to meet his eye before she dissolves into laughter again.

That is like wildfire, too. Her laughter. The brightness it kindles in his own heart. He smiles when she collects herself, and she shakes her head at him.

“Ridiculous lizard,” she mutters, breathless, and Arum can’t help but laugh along with her.

[scarletscreamo]

The Way I Loved You - Connor Murphy x Reader

He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better You stared into the mirror at yourself, gently smoothing the skirt of your dress. It was you and Evan's 6 month anniversary. After everything that happen with The Connor Project and his lying, you ended up forgiving him in college, despite the false hope he had given you about your ex boyfriend's social life. You heard a familiar soft knock on your door and rushed over to answer it. You opened the door to Evan standing there with a bouquet of lilies. "Happy anniversary, dear." You smiled fondly taking the flowers as he stepped inside, "These are lovely Evan. Thank you. Let me put them in a vase and then we'll go." "Make sure you-" "Snip the ends." You giggled, kissing his cheek. "I know babe." You headed to the kitchen and grabbed the gardening scissors Evan had gotten you on your fourth date. You began snipping the flowers and placing them in a pretty vase filled halfway with water. He opens up my door and I get into his car And he says, you look beautiful tonight And I feel perfectly fine We finally got outside and Evan, as usual, opened the car door for me. I got in shooting him a grateful smile. He got in the driver's side and began driving to our destination. "You look beautiful tonight, (Y/N)." I smiled at him even though he kept his eyes firmly on the road. "Thank you Evan. You look quite handsome as well." But I miss screamin' and fightin' And kissin' in the rain And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name You're so in love that you act insane And that's the way I loved you You couldn't help but think back to your 6th month with Connor. You nervously played with your hair as you waited outside your house. Your parents didn't like Connor very much so you always agreed to meet him outside. Finally after what seemed like hours of fiddling with your clothes, Connor's beat up truck finally pulled up. He got out and walked around the car, his eyes glimmering with a certain emotion you couldn't quite place as they rolled over your outfit. You walked over as you took in his slightly cleaned up look. Non-ripped jeans, a plain black t shirt, and a grey hoodie. That was about as fancy as Connor could get. He immediately wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a feverish kiss. You giggled into it knowing he did it solely because of your mom watching out of the kitchen window. He always loved shoving your relationship in their face. He pulled away when both of you were completely breathless. "You look cute." You smirked at him playfully. "Just cute? I spent at least 30 minutes on this outfit." "I'll tell you, you look like trash next time. Be grateful." You laughed lightly as you opened his truck door and climbed inside. Breakin' down and comin' undone It's a roller-coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you You pulled up to your usual spot at the local park. It was long closed but you knew where to get in every time. Connor pulled up the broken bit of fence allowing you to get in first before following closely. He put an arm around you leading you into the small wooded area of the park. He then got behind you and covered your eyes. You quickly grabbed his hands trying to pull them off. "Connor! I'm gonna run into a tree!" He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "So little faith in me. I'm hurt really." You giggled as he pressed his chest to your back and guided you. "I didn't mean it like that you dumb ass!" "Rude." He uncovered your eyes and you let out a gasp at what you saw around you. Your little clearing was covered in fairy lights and had a small picnic in the middle. Connor rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I know it's not much but-" You tackled him in a hug. "Connor, it's perfect!" He gave you his usual half smile before leading you over to the picnic. You spent the rest of the night cuddled up eating the fast food he had bought. It may not have been perfect for every girl but it was perfect for you. He respects my space and never makes me wait And he calls exactly when he says he will He's close to my mother Talks business with my father He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable You and Evan decided to visit your parents for Thanksgiving. Your mom greeted him with a hug and your dad immediately pulled him into a conversation about college. You watched with a heavy feeling in your chest. You always got this way when watching your boyfriend and parents interact. It felt like something was off but you never explored the ideas further in fear of what you might find. Your mom pulled you into the kitchen to help with dinner. "You know, Evan's a really nice boy." You gave your mom a side glance as you cut up the carrots. "Yeah..." "Nice husband material." You choked on air giving her a flustered look. "Mom! Evan and I aren't that serious!" "You've been together for almost a year (Y/N)! When will you be serious?" You paused at that looking back to your task. "Definitely not now." She stared at you for a long moment. "Is it because of Connor?" Your whole back tensed at the mention of his name. "What?" "I'm just saying, it's been 3 years and you should be more than ready to-" "Don't!" You turned to her with a volatile glare. "Don't you dare talk about him, about what we had, like it's a simple breakup! You don't know anything about what happened between me and Connor!" She blinked at you in surprise as you stabbed the knife into the cutting board and stalked off. You headed up to your old room which was still the same as you left it. You walked over to your bed and sat down feeling under the edge of the bed until you found the small envelope taped to the side of the frame. You pulled it out and opened it up pulling out the letter and picture that resided inside. You stared at the picture of Connor's half smiling face with your lips pressed against his cheek, with a lovely view of the night time city behind you. You smiled sadly as you looked at it, thinking about the day it was taken. But I miss screamin' and fightin' And kissin' in the rain And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name You're so in love that you act insane And that's the way I loved you You pulled Connor along eagerly as you walked through the fair. Connor had been feeling particularly down that day and what better way to cheer someone up then a fair? You gasped as you spotted a Ferris wheel. "Let's go on it!" He grumbled reluctantly as you pulled his dragging feet along. You got in line and ended up in a red car going up slowly. You watched the sunset with wide eyes as you leaned against Connor. He put an arm around you instantly causing you to look up at him. "Sorry about being a depressed fuck all day. I know this is supposed to be our date night." You smiled kissing his cheek. "You can make it up to me by letting me take a picture of us." He half smiled rolling his eyes as you reached the top and stopped. "Fine." You cheered and pulled out your phone leaning up and kissing his cheek as you snapped the picture. You knew you couldn't exactly pull him out of his depression by force but small outings like this really felt like they could help. Breakin' down and comin' undone It's a roller-coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you "God, why are you so annoying?!" You glared at Connor strongly despite the hurt in your chest. "Why are you so depressing all the time!? Just once I'd like to not have to drag my boyfriend out of the house just to get him to smile at me! Just once I'd like to have a boyfriend who wants to go out and show me off not keep me like a dirty secret!" "Well why don't you go find one then!? Maybe you can date someone who isn't a shitty boyfriend who doesn't even know why you bother to stay!" You immediately calmed down seeing the hurt written across his face hidden by a thin veil of anger. "Connor..." "Just leave already!" You reluctantly left him alone knowing it was usually best to let him calm down a bit before trying to talk to him. You headed back to class knowing that if you skipped another one they'd become suspicious. If only you had stayed with him, you thought pitifully as you stared at the picture perfect couple forever frozen in their happy state. He'd left school after that fight and never came back. You found out the day after that he had ended his own life. They found him in the park, at your spot with a bottle of pills. You knew there probably wasn't much you could've done but you never could stop the if only's. He can't see the smile I'm fakin' And my heart's not breakin' 'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all You finally went back downstairs after putting the envelope securely in your pocket. Evan met you at the bottom of the stairs with a worried look. "You okay? Your mom said you had a fight about... him." You put on your best fake smile, one you wore a lot around this time of year. "Yeah I'm fine." He smiled back sadly, kissing your lips quickly. "Just tell me if you need anything." You tried to feel something, anything; a rush of warmth, nerves, a feeling of comfort, but his kiss did nothing to you. And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now You remembered what you felt the first time Connor kissed you. You had been arguing playfully about some horror movie you had just watched... "I'm telling you, they would've lived if they just accepted that their kids were insane." You scoffed at him. "Is that what you would do to our children at the first sign of trouble? Just write them off as insane." He smirked with raised eyebrows. "If they put our pet goldfish in a sandwich then yeah!" You tried to continue glaring at him but you broke and began laughing with him. You didn't even realize he had begun leaning closer to you until you felt chapped lips press against yours. Your stomach flipped and tied itself in a knot as you kissed back, cautiously putting your hands on his jaw. You chest felt warm, your heart was exploding with feeling, your breaths felt as if they made your chest tighter and tighter each time. You both pulled away for a moment looking at each other before you quickly pulled him back. You continued this for what seemed like years, pulling back only to allow yourselves to catch your breath before pulling each other back in. It was rushed and frantic, but so full of adoration and emotion that you couldn't help but want more. I'll be screamin' and fightin' And kissin' in the rain It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name I'm so in love that I acted insane And that's the way I loved you You stared at your bedroom ceiling in the dark as Evan slept soundly next to you, unable to stop thinking. You looked at the time to see the bright 2:46 am lights staring back at you. You sighed silently getting up and heading downstairs. You grabbed your jacket on the way out the door and walked down the familiar streets to the park. You smiled slightly when you saw that they still hadn't fixed the fence. You pulled it back and snuck in. You followed the familiar pull until you ended up at your clearing. You sat down against the tree, surprised to see your little makeshift cross was still stuck in the ground. You pulled out the envelope from your pocket and pulled out the letter. You opened it slowly revealing Connor's neat handwriting. Hey. So if you're reading this, that means I'm dead. I guess I'm just not strong enough to make it through this. Face it, no one else cares, hell maybe you don't even care. Who's to say? But I will always care about you. You were the first person to tell me I mattered. The first person to truly even act like they cared about me. I will cherish every moment we spent together. And don't you dare blame yourself for this. I know we just had a fight and you're probably thinking 'what if I stayed' but it was pointless from the start. I'm a lost cause, (Y/N). I won't ever be fixed. So please try to move on from me. I know it won't be easy but hey, when have you ever taken the easy route? Forever yours, Connor. (God, that sounds gay). You chuckled through your tears as you pressed the letter to your chest, to your heart. "God, Connor. You really were a romantic, huh?" You let a small sob as you looked to the cross next to you. "I know you said to move on but how!? What we had... I'll never even get to know if it was... if you were 'the one', y'know? It was something we had to work for and you weren't exactly prince charming but it was real! It was something we both wanted, something that made us happy! And now..." You deflated slightly leaning your head back to the look at the trees. "I'm with Evan... and he's 'prince charming'," You drawled out sarcastically scowling slightly. "He's perfect. All my friends are jealous, my dad is practically adopting him, and mom... she's asking when we're getting married. I tried to say we weren't serious but it's been a year! She was right! If not now, when will we be serious?" Breakin' down and comin' undone It's a roller-coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you You winced as you woke up feeling a sharp pain in your lower back. You blinked your eyes open to see you had fallen asleep in your clearing. You sighed getting up slowly and glancing down at the makeshift cross in the ground. You blinked in surprise when you saw a flower sitting there. It's the same flowers that grow here every summer but it was the middle of November. You slowly picked it up and carefully put it in your hair smiling slightly. "Is this your version of a sign Connor? Saying to stop being stupid." "Stop being stupid babe. You look great with flowers in your hair." You could almost hear his voice in your head. "All you have to do is try. Just tell him the truth. You've lasted this long, right? And you do feel something for him... just try harder." You swallowed the lump in your throat and decided to head back. When you got back Evan immediately pulled you into a hug rambling about how worried he was when you weren't there. "You could've gotten hurt or worse! Don't do that!" "Evan!" He stopped talking giving you a worried look. "We need to talk." He nodded sitting down with you on the couch and holding your hand tightly. "About what dear?" You sucked in a breath before explaining your feelings to him softly. Everything, from your struggle with accepting Connor's death still to your feelings for him, even the fact that you want to work things out and actually try to be with him. You didn't know why but as Evan began explaining that he had been feeling something similar but more related towards his old feelings for Zoe, you felt as if some weight had been lifted and like someone was smiling at you from across the room. When you looked up you half expected to see your mom but instead you saw nothing but a glimpse of an old grey hoodie. And that's the way I loved you I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you