#LOOK ive had my fair share of people who talk shit abt their work just cause it's a bit gross

[poliodeuces]

shaking whenever i see a post abt fisarum. his impact....he's something else...........

[yyxgin]

im so glad you had your first day!! how was it? did you get into a groove? make some work friends? i believe in you bestie 🥺💗

over the moon today. i took the jelly desert thingies (remember me telling you about the food runner who shared one w me?) n i told everyone if they want one to take some n i told the barman n he was like hmmm okay n then i said if he didn’t like lychee i had mango n he was like 😋😋 mango yum so i’m taking those tomorrow. me n two of the girls were giggling at his expense (he doesn’t know) bc he said to the girl ‘not to point out that i’m staring at your ass but you’ve got chocolate on your bum’ n i kept making sly comments for the rest of the evening. i carried some plates back to dishwash n i got some food up me on my boobies (🤢) n i went back to the girl n was like ‘okay girl tell me if there’s anything i haven’t got bc ben’ll point it out otherwise’ n we just laughed. i kept saying stuff like maybe you should just bend over n ask if there’s anything on your bum n she screeched 😂😭

my manager gave my friend a job. i was mildly annoyed bc out of all the new starters i genuinely think i was the only one who had a real interview. my friends mum dropped us off n i literally went to get changed n when i came back she was gone. she messaged me n said my manager just gave her the job. like thank goodness! but also sis what how comes?? she said she trusts me n my word so… also the area manager was there today n my manager isn’t supposed to be hiring anyone but the area manager asked her why she was hiring n asked if it was my friend n asked if she could work as good as me bc otherwise why was she hiring 😳 my supervisor told me this and said ‘don’t let her drag you down’ i was like 👍 yes bestie never!! like i love my friend but at the same time i do not want to be responsible for her every step of the way. in the nicest way possible, i did the first part, asking if my manager was hiring to help my friend out bc she hates her current job etc etc but the rest is down to her. like if she messes up, that’s on her. if it had been the other way around i wouldn’t expect anything different, you know? but i’ve always known when and where to draw the line. im good at standing my ground. speak to me like shit and it’ll come right back around, right?

one of the girls today said her table was quite rude/stand-offish to her n she was like ‘i really needed you there bc you would’ve put them in their place’ and i said afterwards ‘do you want me to have a word with them?’ deadly seriously n she panicked n was like no it’s okay!! unless they properly upset her it wasn’t to worry about. i can’t stand people who are rude unnecessarily to 1) cleaners 2) food servers (waiter/ess, dinner ladies, the likes) and 3) people who’s first language isn’t the one spoken widespread in the country they’re in (so if someone was rude to the lovely thai food runner bc there’s a language barrier i would actually fight them bc she’s literally the sweetest). i get so mad at people n now i feel weird. like i have all this energy inside me now waiting to be used bc i was not best pleased with the women who was rude to one of my girls >:( n now i just want to explode but i don’t have a reason? i need to release this energy soon. nobody has massively annoyed me recently though but i was ready to say something if they said anything to my girl.

goodness me!! also not the biggest fan of people who stay when we’re literally getting a delivery 😐 like, go home, fr. respectfully, leave the goddamn premises.

im so sorry i feel like ive mostly ranted today!! but yeah. my motherly instinct is kicking in… except ion have kids. noice. n e way!! ly bar 🥺🦋💗 ~ 🌻

aaah my first day was super weird. there was a lady ive never seen before bossing everyone around,,she had like the classic short haired tattooed smoking 40year old look and i was lowkey scared of her but apparently shes there only until tuesday ?? i think she is like,,the boss of the whole chain or something ?? idk. anyways my manager was nice, i was chipping clothes and then they like uhh forgot i was even there and they all went to leave so that was funny. the other coworkers there offered me a ride home but i declined bc my dad went to get me but that was cute <3 they seem nice but too old to be my work friends djsjks i am going again on monday so we'll see how that goes !!

DJSKSK THE BOY I WAS INTO DID THE SAME TO ME 😭😭 he was like "bar you have something on your butt" and i went "are you staring at my ass?" and he went all 👁👄👁 no.

I totally get why you were "mad" abt your friend getting that job so easily. I would feel like that too, like,,you worked hard to get that job and she just chimes in and gets it just like that ?? i felt like that when we were on our internship that I got for me and my friend (that wasnt even talking to me at that time bc she was annoyed by me lmao) and i was the one getting the hard work while she did nothing all day. like i had to write all the emails and do the paperwork so we could intern there in the first place and then she just chimes in and doesnt even do anything and just walks around the whole day and gets a good grade for nothing. djsjsk or maybe im just too dramatic. that might be the case too.

you are so protective i love that🥺you look like that kind of friend i'd trust with my whole life cjsjsk also i get why you feel like that bc i get that too😔 i even stood up for my classmate multiple times but now my whole class just hates me and i am the bad one so💔💔💔but im done talking abt it i had my fair share of mental breakdowns yesterday when the drama was happening (also the reason why im replying so late,,,sorry about that😔)

IM ALWAYS HERE WHEN U NEED TO RANT !!! I ranted in my reply too so sorry if im being annoying but you just gotta get it out some days. 😩 ily more hope u have a great day !! <3

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[gayregis]

okay it’s time for me to post stupid parental-mentorship headcanons for regis and angoulême!

angoulême bares her teeth and shows the whites of her eyes when she waves her sword around like a fucking maniac. she was already doing this a little bit before she met the hansa but meeting regis solidified this behavior in her bc he encouraged it. fang-bearing is a good strat js

when angoulême was learning how to shoot with milva teaching her, she accidentally shot regis in the arm and he had to pretend to be hurt bc people were watching. angoulême was actually distraught and vulnerable for a good moment before they all got inside and regis plucked the arrow out of his shoulder nonchalantly and handed it to her. angoulême wasn’t on the battle of the bridge so... she didn’t know he could do ... that... and she was crying so hard bc she thought she legit hurt him

after this incident angoulême DEMANDS regis tell her all the cool shit he can do. he’s kind of awkward about it for a while because things like leaping at throats isn’t really a family friendly activity and isn’t who he’s trying to be, but then he realizes yea he better start practicing because they all are going to an epic battle to save ciri, right?

angoulême is caught selling drugs out of the palace and geralt asks regis for help deciding how they should proceed. regis is like “ground her” and geralt’s like “right, good idea” and regis is like “no flying for a month!” angoulême is like “FUCK i couldn’t even fly in the first place! this sucks” and geralt is like “... regis... what” and regis is like “what. that’s what grounding means. you’re grounded because you can’t fl- ok do humans have different rules for this or”

regis is more concerned that her prices were too low and that she wasn’t keeping a tidy lab/was cutting it with some other ingredients/partially contaminated the end product so he helps her with this business venture and then they both get shut down by geralt. geralt cracked down on them both before the concept of mandrake fisstech could ever be realized, unfortunately

angoulême was sniffing powder and then regis just walked past and took the metal case out of her hands. when she immediately protested he said “you’re a gram away from an overdose i can smell it in your blood” and then she just sat there like oh. could have died thx i guess

regis walked into the living room to see angoulême with her ear pressed up against a door trying to hear what the fuck geralt and dandelion were talking about. regis was like “what are you doing,” she was like “shhh spying wtf does it look like.” regis just stands 2 feet away from the door and hears the whole thing with Cool Vampire Hearing and at the end is like “ok how much of that did you catch what parts do you need me to fill you in on” and shes like “everything, i couldn’t hear shit.”

angoulême says like “damnit i wish i had a knife.” regis disappears and reappears two seconds later with a knife and gives it to her and is like “here you go”

they have a semi-serious discussion about addiction and regis is like “honestly i just think all addiction ends in decaptiation sooner or later, so that’s my advice” and angoulême slowly eases off the fisstech. also because another one of regis’s pieces of advice was basically “don’t get high on your own supply.”

and/or regis and geralt were discussing this topic and regis didn’t seem too worried about angoulême, was pretty laizze-faire, ‘everything will work out in the end’ and all, and then geralt said “okay but just keep in mind. humans don’t regrow their fucking heads.” and then regis got up to go convince angoulême to be safe

one time at night because she was trying to even out odds with some old ‘acquaintances’ but they brought some other guys that she wasn’t expecting, angoulême was being cornered in a toussaint alley. they stole her knife and she hadn’t gone out with her sword so she was like fuck... really in some shit. now as you’re probably predicting regis uses Cool Vampire Powers to help but there’s honestly two ways this could go down. the first way is that he appears at the end of the alley and is like “hey . you shouldn’t threaten teenage girls” and then ofc the bandit guys are still violent... so neck slitting is in order...

but the second way is (if it’s a more open area, a little outside of toussaint) as angoulême is being cornered by bandits all around a giant fucking bat swoops in out of nowhere and snatches her up into the sky, flying a few miles away (out of sight) before landing in a field. angoulême is freaking out for the entire flight because she doesn’t know what the fuck is going on/who it is and when regis lands and reappears as like A Man and is like “what the FUCK were you doing you could have DIED” she isn’t even thinking about the fact she could have died she’s just like “you can be a BAT??????”

angoulême often offers a lot of deep insight or reflective thoughts to regis. not on purpose but the overall message is like “you shouldn’t feel guilty about what you did in the past because we can’t change the past, we can only move forward/youth are stupid, it’s the one time in your life where it’s not socially inappropriate to be stupid. what matters is that you learn and don’t think too much about what the fuck you did”

it’s literally canon that regis thinks angoulême’s witty (and sometimes strange or innapropriate) catchphrases are epic because he starts using them, so i don’t even need to mention this one.

angoulême shares about her insecurities that stem from not knowing/not having a relationship with her biological family and regis consoles her but is also like . vampires don’t ever really visit or see their parents again after they learn to fly and it’s just the normal social thing to form bandit-like, hell-raising groups so i don’t think it’s that weird

“so you can like be stabbed a thousand times and still be ok?” “more or less” “wow. if i could do that i’d-“ “do a lot of stupid shit?” “more or less” “you’ve just neatly summarized my entire life”

angoulême starts to pick up on the ancient vampire language because regis curses in it frequently when he’s frustrated and then in the living room later at night she swears (saying some phrase that regis said before, she doesn’t really know what it means beyond the context of This Is A Bad Word) and regis is like whoa. hold on. WHAT did you just say . angoulême is like uhhhhh nothing ?

angoulême “stole” a book from regis because she wanted to pawn it for cash and it was probably the first time she felt guilt and regret from stealing... i say “stole” because ofc vampire ‘sleep’ isn’t like human sleep, so he was aware that she was in the room and took something out, after she left she got caught by milva who was walking past the door and they talked abt it. angoulême explained why she was doing what she was doing and said the title of the book she needed to pawn, etc. milva disapproved and advised her to leave it in the living room or sneak it back in. after all this (which regis ofc. heard.) he actually looked and realized she took the wrong one bc it was dark and she couldn’t see. so when she goes to pawn it regis shows up with the correct book and they pawn it together. angoulême gets emotional and is like “this is the first time ive felt bad for stealing, wtf,” and regis is like “dont worry watch this” and disappears to reappear, with the book, moments later. he says “we just got 75 crowns for free” and angoulême is like “:0 thats so smart wtf.” she offers him half of the gold they just got but regis declines and when she asks why he holds up a coin pouch and is like “because i also stole the rest of his money along with the book. and an apple too”

[featherdownmoor]

tw mention of self harm

The day i traumadump onto him will be the day im really hanging on by a thread

Looked thru old texts and saw one from 2019

It was late @ night and he was having a breakdown

Some girl from his school had sent his friend unsolicited pics of her cutting

And he was so angry and sad for his friend

And then that same girl texted him just minutes later and tried to start talking about cutting and he blocked her immediately

But by then it was already too late. So he was crying now and i was trying to calm him down (long distance style)

He was saying how he gets random people trying to dump their shit onto him

Stuff about drug addiction and self harm and suicidal thoughts and he says he hates hearing those people tell him that shit

Because he wont be able to help them or do anything about it. It’s probably triggering as well so yea

And i still don’t know whether I’m just a random person to him or not. He’s called me his close friend before but like how do I know he isn’t just saying that?

These days ive been introspective, and i think I’m too codependent, like to a fault. Regular friends can not talk for a while and everythings fine, but when it happens w me and him i get very antsy and when he doesnt reply asap i get irritated, which isn’t very fair of me to do. (I’m working on it tho, it’s getting a little better)

But i cant help but wonder if he sometimes feels codependent on me too. Maybe his standards for codependency are different than mine. What if to him, when i text first, it’s because im bored or lonely, but when he texts first, he thinks it’s him being clingy and codependent.

Usually i wouldnt think about this angle because when someone doesnt really text you first, the reason is pretty straightforward, they just dont wanna talk to you. But there was something that made me think a bit differently.

There was a girl called Ve who was talking to him for a while last year. She also befriended me thru him. She was kind of weird. She also had a sort of dysfunctional crush on him that coalesced into her masturbating on video call w him and him finding out and then they just stopped talking ig. But for some reason she was weirdly supportive of my friendship w him, to the point where she seemed overly interested in us.

In the beginning she was nice to talk to, so I did share some things with her, like what I thought of him and some insecurities i had towards our relationship. He trashtalked her a lot and said she was weird and pervy (he was right in the end) but at the time it just made me want to confide in her more. one of the insecurities i told her about was the fear that i talk to him too much and that he wants to avoid me, which is basically me being too codependent.

And for some reason she was really shocked that i would say that. She sent me a screenshot of her chat w him. She asked him if he had talked to me todat. He said no, and he started telling her how i was having my year end exams for the entire week. Ve said he could just text me anyway and he replied saying he “didn’t want to disturb me”. Then he said “i miss her sometimes tho”.

So reading that screenshot was like getting the breath knocked out of me. Having random affectionate language keenly used about me in third person, completely unsolicited, by someone I thought didn’t give a shit abt me. It was very obvious he didnt like Ve but here he was talking about me happily with her. It stumped me. I think about it sometimes.

Basically, i still dont know where I stand with him. I’m just gonna keep working on my codependency issues and give him and myself space. We should learn how to be casual, text when there is things to say. And if one day he misses me enough to tell me about it honestly, then we’ll see how it goes.

I won’t traumadump, but the second i try to do it is when it’s bound to have gotten very bad. So im not gonna be spending that second in my house behind a screen. At 2am I’m gonna take my bike and cycle to his house. I’ll call him when I’m at the guardhouse and he’ll walk me down the street to his house. Then we’ll climb up and go through the window into his room. And then i guess I’ll stay there.

[teachers-are-nerds]

why does my brain keep saying very loudly and rapidly “i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to fucking die” even though i absolutely do not want to die right now i dont even have the motivation to scream but i wonder if a solid scream would be cathartic

theres just so many things i need to complain about my heart is pounding so hard im in pain and im shaking and everything feels bad and i cant change my meds bc i cant contact my psychiatrist from france or like... more importantly figure out the logistics

i dont wanna go back to the states though bc gburg is probably gonna be hella toxic for me again even though my schedule for next year is super good and im super looking forward to it

why did i send home all of my sheet music and why didnt i send home my jackets holy wow that’s gonna be a lot of weight i cant pay for with the luggage on my way home

what if im not mentally ill enough for meds i know i have to change them bc at this moment i am NOT feeling helped by them but what if another med will make me even worse and what if i am actually just shitty at managing symptoms and how come everyone else seems to be able to manage or hide or work through their shit and i have to go and make a big fucking deal out of it all and i literally even wrote my prof like “hi btw ive been suicidal thats why i havent been in class” and that’s just using mental health as a fucking excuse it’s not like an hour and a half of sitting through a class from which i glean approximately nothing would actually kill me, as it were lol

i have to get the key to christine but that means 20 min walk home and 20 min walk back and maybe the sunlight will be good for me but i also need to write the other two pages of my paper that im obviously not doing now since im complaining and making a bajillion zillion posts all over social media lol it is a cry for help how come i cant make myself do the things i need to do im literally in physical pain because i cant make myself do the paper that was due an entire week ago !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how the actual fuck did i even graduate high school how did i fucking survive

well i mean i didnt drink in high school but i also got apx 3h of sleep a night so idk

im not drinking today though like i refuse to do that today bc money and also i need to just uhh not drink for a while because that’s what healthy people do. not day drink on weekdays.

i thought i was better abt that this year than last year but i guess not as much as i thought but at least im not sleeping in my friend’s bed every other night?? which is an improvement

god i fucking hate that i cut myself out of the queermmunity like that even though it’s better for me i just wish i did it in a more mature way im so fucking angry at myself im not even homesick at all i miss like 4 or 5 people from the states in total and i feel fucking awful that theres a bunch of people who will message me like “omg miss u” and i know i miss them too but like i feel like im lying when i respond “miss u 2″ and that isnt fair at all and i hate it i hate feeling like im lying to my friends i hate that i dont miss them i hate that this semester is supposedly the best semester of my life and i still have to convince myself not to step in front of a bus sometimes and i hate that The Brain Demons are clawing my stomach out from the inside but at least i havent purged in a while so there’s that and usually i can talk myself out of other self harm shit

and putting the content of my complaining post in the tags is to warn people if they read it but also it’s gonna make some people like OH NO UR IN DANGER LET ME READ THIS and i dont ?? i dont want that???????? but i also do???? good fucking lord i hate being such an attention whore

i hate that im a whore in general

like i dont regret any sexploits ive had whatever but i hate that i feel jealous of some people because i dont want to monopolize their lives and i dont want to prevent them from sharing love w other people i jsut want people to cuddle and kiss and be romantic with and it hurts but i also cant ocmplain abt it with my friends bc they also are like dammit i want a partner and me i have a few consistent sex partners but i want romantic partners but i need to change the people with whom i spend my time because they are not great for my mental health and i hate that bc i love them dearly but im destroying myself just in a different way from last year

the people i loved last year are driving me up a goddamn wall and i hate that i hate that i hate that so much bc i still care about them but im such an idiot i cant stand up for what feels right or against what feels wrong to me bc ill jsut get yelled at and i know that means i shouldnt be close to them im so hurting today

everything feels like too much and im shaking and still avoiding responsibilities and idk if writing this post is gonna get it out of my head enough bc on one hand i might tire myself out and not feel the need to write about it more to people and not have to bother them or like idk continue distracting conversations or maybe having people worry and try to talk to me will give me something to ignore so i can make myself write my paper idfk!!!!!!!!! but on the other hand uhh what if this is just going to make me fixate even more on my problems im screaming in sid e

oh ps im realizing that my family dynamic, while much much miuchn much much better than so fuckin many other people (feels conceited to say but im grateful for it and feel i cant or shouldnt talk abt it in case it triggers something in those with shitty home situations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) im recognizing that smth about the dynamic feels unstable as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what if i finish my paper, turn it in, sit for 20 minutes of class, go breathe, come back for the end

idfk othe rstudents need to talk to the prof too i cant monopolize him with the same content from my email to him and the same “i need help but idk what help i need” statement from last week or whatever

idk

idk idk idk will summer help me at all? will i live at home? will that be better or worse for me? can i remove all the materialism from my life? obv no but i feel i need to get rid of everything i own to cleanse myself of whatever and also i feel like cutting my own stomach and other organs out of myself but i obv cant and promise i wont try that lol

what work will i have or internships i dont have money i feel trapped will i hate myself forever will i be stuck in loops forever i will absolutely live long enough to find out and i will overcome things but like jesus chriiiiiiiiiiiiist im Not Good rn im sorry

yells

[maahistrash]

all of them >:3 all the asks

OH WOW THIS BLOG’S FIRST ASK !!!!! OKAY VERY LONG POST AHEAD🕸 1. Who’s the oldest character of yours that you still use?vincent and francis! my boys have been through a fuck ton of development, from halloween of 2015 to now.. they used to be youtuber ocs, and.. well.. yeah i love them both with all my heart!!!⭐️ 2. Who’s the oldest character of yours, defunct or not?a pegasus named raven who is highkey defunct  (mlp oc oof) but lmao her story makes me think i should give her an arc, and maybe put her in another form.. 💡 3. Has creating a character ever made you realize something about yourself?a bunch of times this has happened actually.. vin made me realize im not straight, nargis made me realize im not cis at all, and vin/nate really made me realize how much i self-project, esp in vin’s case🦋 4. Any minor characters that have either taken over or branched off into their own stories?nar was originally supposed to be a very side character, but his concept hit me right in the spot and i wanted to make him a main oc! and kenny has branched off into his own story, so has alde!🐲 5. Do you prefer to make human, animal, monster, or _____ characters? Why?i like humanoid ocs better bc its a more familiar thing to me? its easier  for me to write human-like ocs than animals, but monsters are also REALLY FUN. demons are fair game, usually my ocs are humans with powers, or humanoids as i say.elves also  play a big role in my stories but i guess that also counts as humanoid!🎨 6. When creating a character, do you come up with the visual concept or the written concept first?it really depends on the kind of oc itself but usually i write up the backstory before i even try designing. that way its easier for me to add elements of their past in their appearance, for consistency i.e. scars, birthmarks, style, etc.📌 7. Do you have characters that you know you’ll never use, but can’t bear to get rid of/recycle?elijah :( i dont think i can fit him anywhere in the big story arc and that makes me sad bc i really love his concept! (he’s a half-swedish half-american water witch with gay moms) (and his last name is jerkeryoff… he was a joke oc i fell in love with)💖 8. Is there a character that embodies your good traits, or traits you wish you had?fran or nar have traits i wish i had. theyre both sweet, helpful, unselfish, and though fran’s slightly more a pushover than nar, they’ve both gone through hell and come back shining and stronger. i wish i could do that. i hope i can.💔9. Is there a character that embodies your bad traits? Several characters? Which ones and what traits?i put a bit of myself in all my ocs, and it shows sometimes. vin has a lot of my bad traits (mentally ill [badly], prone to addiction, self-doubt, actually self-loathing really) and nate does too (selfishness, aggressive, mouth runs before brain does)rip♨️ 10. Is there a character that explores your interests or fetishes (orrrr is that just all of you characters)?interests? yes. vin does music, which im VERY interested in, and fran is really interested in space and astrology, like me! fetishes? ………….maybe…. talk to me to find out :^)✒️ 11. If you have characters that embody certain traits of yours—good or bad—has writing them changed how you view those traits? Has it affected you in any way?yeah. it’s been both, tbh. vin’s family drama  and stuff and how it affected him kinda helped me, or is helping me, get through shit. it’s changed my view on divorce. not really elaborating but yeah. fran’s anxiety also worked this way, and his shyness too. the more i wrote of these things, the more i realized how much i empathized. then i realized i self project lmaO💭 12.  Do you fantasize about being any of your characters, or are you more detached?if i was detached from my kids would i make a separate blog for them and have tags……… i love them and i think abt them all the time,,, fantasizing is the #1 reason i have any backstories whatsoever!🎵 13. Do you create playlists for your characters?ive been WANTING to for a WHILE but theres so many ocs and not enough time. one day i will .. i can’t use spotify because its banned where i live so maybe youtube or 8tracks? idk but when i end up making these lists i will share them!!!🎇 14. When writing for specific characters, is there anything you have to do to get into the right mindset?oh yeah def!! i need to be able to relate to the character, and see myself in their shoes, otherwise it’s hard for me to write them properly !!🌻 15. Which character is your guilty pleasure?cam…. for sure audsdafhnai he’s what i aspire to be honestly🌩 16. Is there a character of yours who’s a real struggle to write/draw? Why do you think that is?nobody really, i have a good time writing/drawing all my ocs! 🔑 17. Which character is the easiest to draw/write?the ones ive had for a longer time, i find, are easier for me to write.. so fran/vin, honestly. ive had growth with them, it’s kinda like we went through development together, and we did!!💎 18. Is there anything you really wish you could do, character-design-wise, that you feel is outside your current skillset? A concept that you wish you could pull off but are uncertain about?yeah… i wish i could pull off demons and stuff related to them. i want to make my lore super deep but then it’s not easy bc i barely have time to give, and demons in my universe would be super immersed in the lore. or um.. yknow, ships within my own ocs, instead of other peoples.🏆 19. What’s more important to you: visual design, unique personality, a trendy character aesthetic, etc? If you’re not sure, then what’s the first thing you usually nail down in a character?the first thing i nail down in a character is how theyre related to the big story. this means how they can be linked to other ocs, relationships, familial or friendly, or even past romances. then i figure out their personality from these things, and then i make the design! to me an in-depth personality is more important than anything, it’s a key to character  development. people think cool designs are all that matters, but to grab attention, a complex character makes sense. of course, i feel this because i’m planning to write a book, not make comics. visual appeal does exist ! and i believe in it. but i link personality to looks, and making the personality complex is more realistic and it’s easier to avoid mary sues then.🎬 20. Do you ever plan to do anything (comic, animation, etc) with your characters? Or are you just happy to have them?originally i never wanted to write a book with my kids! i was content just roleplaying. but one of my friends said that they have potential in a story arc, and that the way these people are connected is interesting (this is 2016, with my first three, and oldest ocs, fran, vin, and nate) i was really happy to hear that and got interested in writing a book, hopefully a series, with my ocs! and i plan to make this happen!!!thank u for asking, droki!!