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theorphicangel · 9 months

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𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫. | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐱 (𝐟𝐞𝐦!) 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 |

[ “𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿?” ]

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

synopsis: You're pretty good at sticking to rules. Always have been. And for the past three years you would think that you've been good enough to stick to the rules of being a roommate.

Rule number one: Don’t fall in love. Under any circumstances.

Rule number two: Follow to rule number one.

Easy enough to follow.

Right?

series | previous chapter | next chapter

Chapter 4: April.

cw: suggestive themes, 18+

“Levi! Come look at this rock!”

Levi comes to a stop. He’s only a little ahead of you and yet you can already imagine the frown on his face before he turns.

“Why? So you can throw it at me? That’s attempted murder.” He deadpans.

You snorted aloud, watching him stroll over to you with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, don’t start giving me ideas, not when we’re getting along so well. I might just use it against you, and it’s not attempted if I succeed.”

“Too bad we’re in the open. Save it for later.” Levi turns to make his way back to the path but he stops again. “Who said that we were getting along well?”

“Well, you stopped calling me an idiot for one. That really annoyed me at one point.”

Levi snorts. “I’d like to see you try and pick that shit up anyways… idiot.”

“Hange’ll help me.” You say, purposely ignoring his insult.. At your comment Levi merely rolled his eyes as, unfortunately, you had a point.

If anything Hange would agree to any stupid thing you’d say. Together you were like tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum…only twice as worse. If Levi could prevent one moment from happening, it would have been the moment that the two of you met. If he’d known that you and Hange would live up to the expectations of making Levi’s life a pure hell, he wouldn't have taken you over to Hange’s house that day.

You laugh out loud suddenly, as if you had read Levi’s personal thoughts. “Don’t tell me you actually think we’ll carry this out.”

“Wouldn’t beat it past you.” Levi spoke, turning around and heading back to the path. You follow him diligently, wanting to keep up with him.

You quickly join his side abruptly bumping into his side. With this action you smoothly link arms with him. For a second you feel his body go stiff, freezing up in surprise but shockingly he doesn’t seem to protest by it.

You lean into him slightly as you tease. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on murdering my favorite roommate just yet.”

Now it’s his turn to laugh as you both walk down the path together, taking a slow pace.

“Okay one: I’ve been your only roommate… two: ‘just yet’?... I may as well take your guilty ass down to the police station myself.”

You shrug casually, ignoring his last threat. “One: Not many people have had the ability to earn the title of favorite roommate, so be grateful you jackass… and two: sure, I’ll give you credit for being the first but what about when I move out?”

Levi frowns almost immediately, a horrible taste in his mouth at the slight proposal of your last point. Levi feels his stomach suddenly drop and he tries to keep a light hearted tone in his voice as he questions you further. “What’d you mean when you move out?”

“After I murder you, I’ll need to find a new roommate of course, I can’t pay rent by myself.”

Levi rolls his eyes again but this time his shoulders seem to drop with a sort of internal relief. Levi hopes you won’t bring that up again, not even as a joke. He’s not looking forward to that conversation. Not for a long time anyways.

“So you’ll go off and find a new victim?”

“Something like that, although I don’t think anyone else will be as annoying as you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Levi scoffs in reply.“And where exactly are you planning to hide my body?”

“Not sure.” You murmur softly. “Wanna help me with ideas?”

“Fuck no.”

You pull a frown. “I want to find a comfortable spot for you.”

“Comfortable? I’m dead.”

“Whatever, I still want to keep your soul in peace y’know?”

“You are absolutely fucking ridiculous.” Levi mutters. “I should’ve recorded this so that I can prove to the whole world how fucking crazy you are.”

“They would never believe you.” You taunt. “Plus it was you who made the suggestion in the first place, doofus.”

“Are you sure about that?” Levi asks, tilting his head to look over at you. You notice his dark locks falling gently beneath his brow.

“Positive.”

Letting out a giggle and him a withdrawn scoff you continue to stroll down the path, arms still linked with his.

The local park was pretty quiet, give or take for a few lonesome people. You put this to the responsibility of the gloom of rain clouds approaching your overhead. You and Levi both randomly agreed to go out for a walk to clear your minds from rotting in the apartment all day. But it was suggested to you in particular.

Over the past few days Levi had noticed how you had been cooped up in your room all day, waiting for a text back from… him.

Earlier, Levi had thought for a second that you were alluding to about moving out to go live with Daniel. It was simply a joke. You didn’t even explicitly mention Daniel at all but it didn’t take long for Levi to quickly jump to conclusions.

Although you’d played it off as a lighthearted joke Levi would be lying if he said that he wasn’t worried about it turning to reality one day.

But who is he kidding? You’re only roommates. Friends even. Not…lovers. He has no right to get upset about what you choose to do in the future.

It’d be wrong to think of you as his. Completely wrong. And it’d be wrong to think of the ways you’d touch him. Particularly, late at night when he can’t sleep he’s conjuring up the ways that you would please him. It’s certainly wrong to think of you with his fist wrapped around his cock, imagining that it was yours.

How would you react?

Would you be gentle with him?

How would you sound when he touches you?

How would you sound when he enters you for the first time? When he fills you up? How would he feel when you're clenched around him? And what would the look on your face be when you–

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he shouldn’t be thinking that. Not when you’re right next to him.

“Are you alright?” You ask, noticing Levi’s silence. You felt his body suddenly stiffen.

“Yeah, yeah.” He plays off, trying to fixate his mind on anything, anything at all. Anything but you. In order to succeed in this, he thinks of the worst thing possible. And it seems to do the trick on getting his past thoughts to evaporate.

“Have you heard back from–”

He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence to get you to understand what he’s trying to say. Levi can barely say his name, mentally cursing himself for bringing him up. This walk was supposed to be an attempt to get your mind off him.

Lately, Levi’s noticed how you linger around your phone. Constantly refreshing your screen in the hope of receiving an immediate notification.

You shake your head beside him. Levi notices your facial expression drop at the topic of conversation and a sea of regret floods his entire body.

“No but…” you pause, taking a moment to search for some words. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

“It wouldn’t be reasonable enough.” Levi mutters under his breath, and he succeeds in getting a small smirk from you. The two of you continue to walk at a slow pace down the path, a comfortable silence emerging.

“I know you hate him.”

“What made that obvious?”

You chuckle at the sound of Levi’s sarcastic tone. “From the moment he came into the apartment and forgot to take his shoes off I knew that he would never be able to live up to your expectations ever again.”

Levi huffed, as if the remembrance of that occasion physically pained him.

“But I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now. You probably scared him off with all your glaring.”

“I was not glaring.”

“Oh yeah? And the sky is purple.”

“I didn’t say a word to him.”

“You didn’t have to.” you remarked. “It was obvious by your face that you didn’t like him.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Try and tone it down next time.” you sigh. “I really do want to make it work with him y’know?”

“I know.” Levi says, a random feeling of dejection in his heart and it takes all of him not to add to the end of that sentence ‘but you deserve so much better.’

A crease appears between his brows at your words of a ‘next time.’

Levi hopes there won’t be a next time. Deep down he hopes that there won’t be another time of Daniel coming over invading Levi’s personal space with his shitty jokes and pathetic conversation. He hopes there won’t be a next time of witnessing how Daniel eagerly tries to show off constantly to try and win your heart, blissfully unaware that you deeply dislike it.

He hopes there won’t be a next time when Daniel comes to stay over for the night and Levi is left to hear your muffled moans through the walls. It’s a violent reminder that he’s not getting the privilege of knowing you intimately. He hopes there isn’t a next time where he has to watch Daniel sneak out through the front door, not bothering to wait until you wake with claims of work at his excuse.

Levi truly hopes that there won’t be a time where he watches your innocent heart get played with.

“Ducks.” you say randomly, causing Levi to emerge from his thoughts.

“What?”

You’ve both now reached the lake that stretches wide and far, creating an oval shape in the center of the park. Over to the right there’s a bridge that leads to the other side of the park.

“Ducks.” You repeat, now delving your hands in your pockets to look for your phone. “Lemme take a picture.”

“Swans.” Levi points out impassively.

“And ducks. Same thing.”

“Hardly.”

You ignore his last comment as your thumb clicks the white circle, taking multiple photos of the scenery despite the gray sky and all.

“Take one with me in it.” You turn towards him, holding out your phone to him. For a few seconds he merely stares at your phone in silent protest. You tilt your head in pure persuasion. “Pretty please?”

He rolls his eyes, unable to resist your somewhat adorable charm.

“Whatever.” He mumbles taking your phone as you walk ahead of him ready to pose. Levi sighed before tilting your phone landscape to get a full view of the lake and the swans behind you.

“Smile.” he deadpanned before focusing on taking the photo.

A cheesy grin spread across your face, your hands gesturing towards the swans and ducks. Levi couldn’t help but shake his head at the way you posed bashfully.

“Are you finished?” he mutters, after you start changing poses numerous times. “I think your storage is full.”

Your face drops. “Wait really?” And in a blink of an eye you’re by his side with a concerned look on your face as you glance at your phone screen. “Wait where?”

It then dawns on you that he just wanted you to stop.

“Fuck you.”

“It was for your own reputation. Murderers can’t be seen making goofy poses in the local park.”

“They were not goofy–”

Your argument soon gets interrupted by a stranger approaching and you could tell someone was coming based on the way Levi’s eyes squinted behind you and how his teasing expression began to disappear.

You turned to see an elderly woman, who you assume to be out on possibly on her daily walk.

“Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but admire the two of you and I was wondering if you would like me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend?”

The question makes you double take immediately. Your cheeks grow warm and you stutter for an answer as you and Levi both go silent.

“Oh, no he’s not my–” you begin before you’re interrupted by Levi.

“Sure.”

Levi hands her the phone, your phone, and the two of you both shuffle backwards,

At first you’re unsure of how to pose but quickly relax and wrap an arm around Levi’s waist. Once again, you can feel how his body stiffens yet he ends up positioning his arms around your shoulders.

“Thank you!” you say, taking back the phone after she had taken a few pictures.

“The two of you remind me of my late husband and I. We met when we were quite young and we’d come to this park almost every day together.” As she comes to a pause, she bows her head making your heart ache for her as she remembers her gone soulmate.

“Keep each other close and don’t take each other for granted.” The older woman murmurs her advice. “You two are a beautiful couple. Please cherish every moment you spend together and don’t regret it.”

“Oh uh– thank you.” You nod, the idea of breaking the truth now a thought that you had pushed away.

You nudged Levi discreetly, who was listening silently with a blank expression, to say his gratitude. You wave at the woman who shuffles away, heading over to the bridge.

For a moment, there was a silence between you and Levi. Neither of you are sure how to carry on from that experience.

You take the opportunity to go first. “Why would you say that?”

Levi shrugs, “It’d be more embarrassing for us if we had to explain ourselves. It’s not like it’s the first time people have assumed, so I just thought to let it–be.”

You nod slowly, coming to realize that he’s right.

It was an honest and harmless mistake and that lady was not the first to think that you and Levi were more than just roommates or friends. It has gotten pretty exhaustive and repetitive to state your friendship so now, you don’t really care about the assumptions that people make about the two of you and by the looks of it…neither does he.

A small smile reaches your lips before carrying on with your stoll and in silence the two of you admire the lake which stretches to the other half of the park. On approaching the bridge, dark clouds of rain seem to be heading your way and this is the moment where you internally curse yourself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Maybe…we should start heading back to the car.” You suggest, anxious of the heavy shade of gray that looms over you.

“I second that.” Levi murmurs, beside you. “Let’s head back.”

Making a U-turn, the two of you decide to leave the opportunity to explore the other side of the park for another day as your weather app informs of heavy rain to begin in the next ten minutes which will continue for the rest of the afternoon.

You’re a little deflated, disappointed that your day had to come to a short end. Making your way back to the car, you and Levi briskly walk in an attempt to make it back to the apartment with your bodies as dry as possible but once you felt a large raindrop fall onto your skin, you knew that the raingods had come to curse you.

“Fuck’s sake.” you mutter underneath your breath, eyes watching the once dry pavement beneath your feet soon become patterned with raindrops. In a rush, Levi grabs your hand fiercely, taking you by surprise as he continues his pace despite the rain beginning to unleash its worst.

For a second he was optimistic. Thinking that perhaps this would be a slow start before the real downpour was set but his thinking has failed him as the light raindrops turn heavy and every inch of his body seems to become an antonym to the word dry.

You pull at his hand which causes him to abruptly halt for a moment to turn and look at you.

And by god were you a sight for sore eyes.

Your face is dripping with rain, clothes dark with precipitation and your waterproof mascara suddenly not living up to its name. It’s more than obvious that you needed to get somewhere dry. You both are in need of it.

Levi looks around, scanning for a place where the two of you can find shelter, the number of people in the park now becoming scarce. Unfortunately, there’s no buildings nearby but Levi spots a large oak tree whose branches seem to provide a decent enough roof for the two of you.

His hand, albeit wet, is still tightly wrapped around yours, guiding you to the tree as you try to blink away the on coming raindrops from your eyes. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to reach your safe haven whilst the rain is still smacking against the concrete.

Contrastingly, the ground is soft underneath your feet and you can feel yourself slightly sink a little into the ground with each step. Levi, of course, makes his complaints known by cursing as loudly as he can over the rushing sound of rainfall.

“Shit, I didn’t know this would be muddy. Maybe we should go somewhere else?” His eyes were already searching for a new location, a location with shelter and of appropriate ground.

You shake your head, raindrops falling from your head. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go back out there again.”

Although the leaves of the oak tree aren’t completely dense, you’re still glad that the amount of raindrops that are now falling on you has now slowed to a much relaxed pace.

You sniffle a little, wiping off the raindrops from your face, trying as much as you can to dry yourself up but you don’t seem to get much luck from your otherwise soaked sleeves.

“You alright?” Levi asks. And now you can hear his voice a little better as the volume of the rain has quietened down.

You nod wordlessly, straining your clothes from any damp, watching as water is squeezed out of your materials. You curse aloud, only now realizing the extent of being in the rain without the umbrella. You’ll just have to manifest to the universe tonight that you won’t catch a cold but you can’t completely disregard that consequence.

“Take this.” Levi mutters before taking off his black jacket. “I mean it’s pretty soaked, but you should stay warm. You don’t want to be catching a cold.”

You smirk a little at his offer. “I’m pretty sure it’s set in stone by now, don’t worry. You should keep it on, you might catch a cold.”

“Says the one whose immune system is weaker than an egg shell.”

You roll your eyes. “Alright jerk, just ‘cause you only get sick approximately every 5 years.”

You expected a laugh from him, maybe even an insult but instead you watch the frown on his face grow deeper, him still gesturing for you to take his jacket. “You’re shivering. Take it.” His tone is a little more forceful and before you could even respond, you found comforting material wrapped around your shoulders.

It's only now that you're aware of the sudden close proximity between the two of you. His features are somehow more prominent in the rain. The front locks of his jet black hair have raindrops dripping down onto his face, dripping from his nose and sliding down his cheeks to meet his sharp jawline.

Somehow the rain just makes him look even more…attractive.

“Levi, I’m fine I swear.” You grumble, trying to distract your mind as the warmth from his body transitions to yours. Your retaliations are continuously ignored, leaving you no choice but to accept the gesture gratefully.

“Thanks.”

Levi’s eyes meet yours. “No problem.”You blink and you’re suddenly lost in them.

The gray of his iris mixed with a hint of light blue, which is apparent if you squint and you can’t help but worship their beauty.Your eyes move to glance at his lips. Pink and plump, with water dripping from his cupid’s bow. You’re not really sure why your eyes suddenly fixate on those, but your heart does seem to race faster and all of a sudden you’re now wondering how soft he would feel against your own lips, your own skin.

Looking back at him, he’s still fixated on you and the two of you are stuck like a photo in time. The only thing that reinforces the notion that you’re not living in a freeze frame is the rush of downpour that streams behind you.

Swallowing thickly, you just wonder…whether…maybe…if you just leaned in to –

You clear your throat suddenly, stepping back and sniffing. You turn away to wipe the tip of your nose.

No. Absolutely not. Get that thought out of your head.

“Sick already?” Levi presumes and there’s a hint of playfulness in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah.” You brush off. “Do you think it’ll ever calm down?”

The rush of downpour continues to aggravate the stone pavement, water dripping off the leaves above.

“Should do.”

“Or should we just run for it?”

“You’ll get sick.”

“Which is inevitable either way I’m sure.” you shrug.

Levi raises a brow. “You sure?”

“Undoubtedly sure.”

“You’ll regret it.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to step forward where the downpour of rain doesn’t hesitate in drenching you again. “Are you coming or not, Ackerman?”

Rolling his eyes, he follows you, making a mental reminder in his mind to get his favorite stash of tea out when you both get home. Immediately.

And boy, did you regret it.

There’s nothing more you hate in life than being constrained to your bed, with endless tissues that come with an endless amount of sneezes and snot. Not to mention the sore throat or the banging headache that returns every hour even after taking medicine.

But what you hated the most was having to deal with a smugass roommate whom you had to rely on for basic needs. After multiple ‘I told you so’s’ and his own endless amount of complaints and criticism for you, you decided to fulfill his ego and express your regret for your decision.

It was bad enough that you were sick but now you had Levi taking care of you. You were currently under the pretense that he absolutely hated every single moment which, unbeknownst to you, was terribly false.

Entering your room with your third cup of tea this morning, he caught you in the midst of a sneezing fit whilst placing the steaming hot china cup down on your bedside table. And of course he loudly grimaced as he did so.

“Shut up.” you groan, your voice croaky from your illness.

“I–”

“I told you so, yeah, yeah are you finished?”

Levi frowned. “I was going to say that I could get you another pack of tissues if you wanted them?”

“Oh.” you say dumbly. “Right. That would be great thanks.”

Levi quickly disappeared from your room and arrived by the next minute, a new pack of tissues in his hands.

“Sorry.” You mumble, accepting the package.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s really not.” you sigh. “I’ve got you running around the house like a madman all because I’m sick.”

“Again.”

“Again.” you repeat, a small smile appearing across your lips.

“Thank you.” you say, after a long pause of silence.

“For what?”

You roll your eyes, honestly sometimes you really want to smack Levi against the wall. He can be so dense, which is surprising for someone who has achieved the highest grade possible at university.

“For this.” you gesture around. “For helping me out.”

He shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t done before.”

You hummed, “I’m getting pretty used to having you as my slave, maybe I won’t kill you at all.”

Levi clicked his tongue. “Don’t get too comfortable, princess.”

Whether it was the pet name or your fever spiking up again– though you wish to believe the latter– your cheeks suddenly burned and you looked away in hidden embarrassment. You cleared your throat before speaking again.

“I really do mean it though, thank you.”

Levi sat on the edge of your bed. “It’s the bare minimum I can do as your roommate.”

There it goes again. Your constant reminder.

You’re roommates, nothing more, nothing less. At the end of the day, you’re around each other merely because of a single contract.

You’re roommates, this is normal, the bare minimum.

This is what friends do. Not lovers.

Yet… you can’t stop yourself from thinking about if you were. Shaking your head you attempt to pull that thought out of your head. No, no, no, you’re with Daniel. Thinking about Levi? That would be wrong.

But could it be so wrong that he’s the only thing that you can think about late at night?

When you touch yourself underneath the sheets, it’s Levi’s name that you moan softly to yourself, fantasizing over the ways he would touch you. It’s embarrassing to admit but… Daniel’s never managed to please you properly. The only way that you can reach your full release is by imagining if it was Levi.

But it was wrong. So wrong. Yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering.

How would he touch you? What would he feel like? Would he be soft and gentle with you or the complete opposite? What would he sound like when he–

You inhale sharply which catches Levi’s attention.

“You okay?” He asks.

You nod. “Just really cold.” You play off, trying to get rid of that dirty thought about your roommate.

You couldn’t. You were loyal to Daniel, even if he seems to take weeks to respond.

You couldn’t ever because you’re pretty sure Levi doesn’t even feel the same way.

If he did then you would’ve known by now. There would’ve been a hint.

You think back to Valentine’s day. Perhaps if you didn’t have a date with Daniel would he have asked you out?

No. Don’t be stupid. You are roommates.

The number one rule of being roommates is universal: Don’t fall in love with each other.

Snapping you back to reality, Levi picks up the cup of tea on your bedside table.

You cough a little. “Levi, I’m fine, really. You don’t need to babysit me.”

“You can’t murder me if you’re sick right?”

You laugh, which soon falls to a series of heavy coughs. With his free hand, Levi rubs reassuring circles on your back, once you’re alright he holds out the teacup for you to sip. You do so obediently, the hot liquid satisfying your body. You let out a deep exhale, reclining back into your bed.

“So when I get better you’ll watch out?”

He nods, smirking a little. “I’ll always watch out for you. Always.”

reblogs are much appreciated!

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taglist:

@xxdarkdarlingxx@katestrophes@drdaddystrange @bejewelledd @medli-komali @fondalilly @alyssa212 @apolloshaiku @xinsonyax @chunea @asa-the-ace @thevelria @midnightdrearyyy @hybridrainbow @mrsackermannx @burningxaces @omlbarnes @flowersun @taehyung-luv @velouria17 @444chim @sujiroses @aslantes @pepsicolacoochie @you-always-made-me-blush @woozzz @meowjaa @L1zk4 @geektasticjustine @crazychaoticizzy @booksoffracturedescapes @yevskys_crime

#lover.#angel writes #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #levi x you #aot x reader #snk levi #levi snk #attack on titan levi #levi #levi fanart #aot levi #levi ackerman.#levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagines #levi ackermann

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oggirlboss · 6 months

Text

༺ ♰ ༻ eat! ༺ ♰ ༻

pairing[s]: rich! yandere!levi ackerman x anorexic!afab!reader

warning[s]: disordered eating, insecurities, and implied [light] stalking.

summary: reader struggles with eating healthily and levi isn't blind to it.

artwork belongs to gemmsenn on twitter [i refuse to call it x]

word count: idk, work with me here

the last bell of the day resonated in the hazy minds of everyone in the classroom. the teacher sighed, quickly jotting down the page numbers for the upcoming homework assignment while everyone scrambled to put their school supplies away into their backpack. you piled all your books into your bag and slung it over your shoulder as you morphed into the crowd that was forming at the door, pushing and shoving past each other into the hallway. you tried your best to weave through the sea of people, carefully maneuvering yourself to avoid all contact with unwanted persons. upon emerging into the sunlit courtyard, you began your trek back home. it's roughly two miles to get from school to your house, but the walk home wasn't very familiar yet. you started walking to and from school at the beginning of this week so you could get some extra exercise in each morning and afternoon. you were glad for the opportunity it provided you and your mother because she didn't have to worry about driving you, and you didn't have to worry about her pestering you into eating breakfast before you left for school. it allowed her to get a good night's sleep everyday, which she really needed after she started working a combined afternoon and evening shift at the local diner in order to put away some money for your college fund.

she's such a good mom. you smiled at the thought. she deserves a better daughter.

these self-deprecating thoughts washed over you in waves, and if you didn't snap yourself out of it, you would be caught in a lethal undertow. just as you closed your eyes to submit to the numbing feeling, you heard a car engine purr to life, and were startled to see it heading your direction, going faster and faster by the second. it screeched to a halt beside where you stood on the sidewalk, suspense held a tight grip on your bones as the driver's window slowly rolled down, the inky blackness inside the car becoming exposed to the sunlight that illuminated the world outside of it.

"oi, [l/n]!" a deep voice sounded from inside the car, it made you uneasy that this random person knew your name, but something about it was strikingly familiar. you tried to remember who this person could be, but before you could could actually think, the driver leaned his head out the window to smile up at you.

"levi?" you hunch over and grip the straps of your backpack tightly. levi was the vice president of the student council and the co-founder of a food bank on the outskirts of town. levi ackerman was also notoriously known around school for the large sum of money he inherited from his deceased uncle kenny. levi and his mother used to be nobodies that lived in the less savory parts of town, but now they owned the biggest mansion on sina avenue, where all of the other rich people lived. it was also thirteen miles in the opposite direction. "what are you doing here? don't you live on the other side of town?" you didn't mean to sound rude, but his behavior was a little weird.

"oh." levi let a faint blush dust his cheeks. he didn't think you knew that about him, but he was pleased that he had gained a big enough reputation at school for you to notice him. after all, he had worked very hard for it. "in all honesty, i was following you. you looked lonely and i wanted to offer you a ride home."

"that's nice of you." you smiled, thinking of a way to decline without being rude.

"is it?" his head tilted to the side as a weary smile graced his features.

"i mean... yeah." maybe it was your imagination, but something about him was a little off-putting. you'd thought it was weird how during lunch today you turned around to look at levi and saw that he'd already been staring at you. it was odd to see that the day after you lost your chapstick, he started using the same brand. it was unsettling to see that he was always reading a book that you had read before and placed on the bookshelf in your room. it was all just too weird for your liking, but you were raised to trust your intuition. "i'm fine, thank you for the offer though. have a nice afternoon." you quickly spoke out before walking briskly in the other direction.

"wait!" he shouted. slowly following you with his car. "please let me drive you home. i don't want you walking alone on the side of the road."

"it's really no problem. it's how i've always gotten home." a harmless lie, but it couldn't be helped. you needed to get this guy off your tail. he let out an exasperated sigh.

"please, [y/n]. get in the car." you didn't want to be mean to him, since he's never been anything but nice to you. you really were getting too soft. wordlessly, you walked around and sat in the passengers seat of his car. he smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "thank you."

his car had an all black interior, and his bag was in the back seat. you pulled the straps off your back and leaned over the console to place yours beside his. he couldn't stop himself from admiring the swell of your breasts as your back arched to reach where you wanted to place your backpack. he waited patiently for you to buckle your seatbelt before driving off. you thought it would be best to pursue a conversation rather than sit in an awkward silence. you pondered over a question to ask him as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.

"what kind of music do you listen to?" you inwardly applauded yourself for the excellent on the spot question.

"i try not to listen to music very often. it's distracting."

"oh." maybe your attempt to make conversation wasn't as excellent as you thought. you didn't excel in small talk, and your small circle of friends definitely proved that. it's not like they weren't good people, but sometimes they spread rumors about you and even say disgusting things to your face. sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. your earliest memory was your mother bandaging up your scraped knee after mikasa ackerman pushed you to the ground and called you nasty names. that lesson was ingrained in your mind, but it's message never rang true. words do hurt. they sit in a boiling pot in your brain until it spills over the edge, scalding everyone it touches. it was becoming more and more difficult to keep focus lately, your mind was barely holding on by a thread. there was white noise filling up the car, distracting you from everything that existed outside of your thoughts. you didn't even notice he was talking until he poked your shoulder. shaking yourself out of your stupor, you looked over at levi with a dazed look on your face.

"i'm sorry, did you say something?"

"i asked if you wanted to grab some food along the way." he tilted his head, wondering where your focus had gone for those few seconds. it may have been a bit weird, but it didn't raise any alarm in him. meanwhile you were panicking at the thought of food.

"no no no. i'm good." you hurriedly stated. "thanks for the offer though."

"really?" levi asked, looking down at the way you held your shrunken stomach. "because it's no problem."

"no, i promise i'm not hungry at all." he must've seen through your façade, his eyebrows furrowed as he scrutinized how odd you were acting.

"not even if it's fast food? i promise it won't take any time at all."

"no. no, i just want to go home."

"please?" this immediate refusal of food was beginning to trouble him. what if there was something really wrong with you? "i insist."

you slowly began to understand that you weren't winning this battle. concessions needed to be made. "okay, i guess." levi visibly relaxed.

"alright, where do you want to eat?"

"anywhere should be fine."

"okay..." he paused as he thought of a restaurant you might like. "what about jack in the box?" you hissed at the thought of their high calorie menu.

"i dunno. what about panera bread?" you felt a bit guilty about the suggestion since it was so far away from where you were, but seeing levi's eyes light up at your choice made it all melt away.

perfect. he thought. the only panera bread is two towns away, it'll give me more time to spend with her. "that sounds wonderful. much better than anything i would have come up with." you smiled a bit at his kind words.

"thank you."

the drive there was less awkward from then on out. levi seemed very interested in hearing you talk about books you like, and sometimes he would chime in if he didn't understand what you were saying. you however were very excited to have someone who was willing to listen to your raving antics. at least levi payed attention to you, and didn't brush you to the side like your few friends did. once you reached the drive through, you told levi your order and he relayed it to the person on duty. he handed you your food and tore at the wrappings of his sandwich as he drove away. you set your soup in your lap, wrapping your hands around the warm sides of the plastic container. he frowned at this.

"you aren't going to eat it?" he asked as he took another bite.

"not yet."

"but your soup will get cold?" you could have laughed at the innocent look in his eyes as he expressed his concern over your soup.

"oh, no. it'll be fine. i can just heat it up in the microwave when i get home." and before you knew it, you were already parked outside of your house. "this was fun. we should do it again." you smiled as levi nodded. he was already looking forward to it. you opened the door as you tried to exit the car, but you were probed by your curiosity to ask him the question that had been gnawing at you. "by the way, levi-" you turned around in your seat and met his cold eyes. dark brown hair fell over them, half obscuring his vision of you. he obviously needed to give himself a haircut. "how did you know where i live?"

"well, uh," he stalled trying to think of a good excuse. "i'm the vice president of the student council. it's only natural that i have access to the files of every student beneath my command and know their places of residence." you carefully saw through his defense.

"that doesn't sound like it would be nessacary to do your job though."

"what are you going to do? tell on me?" his words spoke of a challenge, but his eyes flaunted a certainty that reminded you that you stood powerless against the vice-president.

you bit your lip, hesitating to find the right answer. "i guess you're right." you grabbed your soup and your backpack and left him alone in his car. once you were back in the confines of your room, you thought back to your conversations with levi as you sipped at your cold soup.

levi's so pretty, but he'll never like you in that way unless you're skinny. there were some days where you saw the thicker girls on instagram and thought about how cute they were and how nice it would be to get back to a more stable weight, but other days made you feel disgusting for even considering that option. you used to be so passionate about losing weight and seeing the fat roll of your body. the lack of motivation to lose weight lately has turned you lazy, and it's gotten so bad that you've started to almost enjoy food again. there was a part of yourself that still harbored those thoughts, the ones that said it was better to be a combination of skinny and sad than fat and happy. but that didn't mean that you cared enough to change it.

most nights were spent crying into your pillow while scrolling through the saved thinspo on your phone and re-reading the underlined sections in your purchased copy of wintergirls by laurie halse-anderson. your mind always wandered off when you did these things. that was by far your biggest obstacle when it came to losing weight. the rational side of your brain tried to convince you that you were just like everyone else, and you deserved to eat just as much as they did. these thoughts were always drowned out by the self-deprecating ones. but that little seed that told you how worthy you were of food was always lingering, and sometimes you listened to it. of course you were overwhelmed with guilt when you binged, but that couldn't be helped. you needed to renew your vigor to stop eating so you can get to your goal weight. the hope that you could get smaller and prettier was the only thing that gave your life any meaning. it was by no means a life worth living, but it was yours. there were girls your age enjoying what life had to offer at parties and preparing for the rest of their lives in dim-lit libraries, but you didn't have the energy to spare much of either. instead you let the walls of your room cage you, and nested into the comforts of your bed as soon as you got home every night.

you couldn't afford to be doing those things now, not while you were fat. the bottle of laxatives rattled around in your backpack, but the sound was easy to ignore while your raging headache was at the forefront of your mind. it wasn't as if hadn't drank enough water to drown a fish today, and the three tylenol pills you swallowed in second period weren't helping to ease your pain at all.

all of this suffering will be worth it though when you get your new body. you'll be able to take pictures of yourself in the mirror and not feel embarrassed, and have boney hands that will look like they were picked off of a skeleton. you could sit daintily in levi's lap and feel him rub bruises into your staunch hipbones. but most of all you'll be pretty. you can finally look how you feel on the inside. but until then, you'll just have to suffer.

you were shivering down to your bones as you walked to school the next morning. you knew that you were more at risk for contracting an illness because of your abnormal eating habits, but as always, here you were placing your academics above your health. it was a struggle to open the wrought iron doors of school, the few people in the hallway oblivious to how you pulled and tugged at the handle to no avail. a scuffle of shoes behind you and a half-hearted sigh alerted you of the presence of a person beside you. "tch. can't even open a shitty door. you froze, recognizing the voice instantly. why did it have to be levi, of all people, to see you so weak?

"ah, sorry about that." you said as you moved to the side, allowing him to open the door for the both of you. he ushered you inside, quickly taking notice of how thin your sweater was. you clearly couldn't take care of yourself. not if you couldn't even look over the damn weather report that said the temperature would drop below freezing today. he walked slowly, not wanting you to get too far behind him. before he knew what he was doing, he turned to his side to say some snide remark to you about your clear lack of athletic prowess, only to go pale as he sees you aren't even there. he turned around to see that you were still breathing heavily and leaning against the wall. he hurried back over to where you stood, providing an arm for you to cling to as he supported your weight. you must've been quite the sight for him to be staring at you so worried. "you're pale as death. you look like you've seen a ghost." you joked, hoping that he would laugh and ease your nerves, but he didn't. he continued staring at you unblinkingly, like you had sprouted a second head.

"there is something wrong with you." he spoke softly so only you could hear.

"wow." you put the remaining energy you had into laughing and throwing a light punch into his shoulder. "you sure know how to offend a girl. i didn't even know you could be so rude."

"that's not what i meant and you know it." there was a flaming intensity in his face, he was only a few steps away from looking furious, and with every joke you tried to crack he stepped closer to that line. "do you need me to take you to the infirmary?"

"no, i'll be alright. plus you must have heard the horror stories that are told about nurse jaeger. can you walk me to my next class though?" you smiled up at him weakly. the worried expression on his face dropped, he looked like he was back to his old self. back to not caring enough to show a single emotion. he let you hold onto his shoulder as he walked you closer and closer to the nurses office. "very funny. this doesn't look like a classroom." you said as he helped you settle into one of the beds.

"i'll wait with you until the nurse comes back." he said. a sudden shout from the hallway roused you out of your thoughts. you turned to see nurse jaeger chewing out a kid for running through the halls as she chased after him, also running in the hall. it was quite the sight. by the time she'd tired herself out, she had come back to her office trying to catch her breath.

"ah, levi." she swallowed some air heavily. "it's good to see you again. what are you here for?"

"[y/n] wasn't feeling very well, so i decided to bring her to you."

"is this true, [y/n]?" she said turning over to you, bringing her hand up to feel for your temperature. you nodded, not meeting her gaze.

"well i'll see what i can do." carla quickly set out to gather all her medical instruments and place them on the bed as she started to tend to you. the bright light she shined in your eyes was starting to give you a headache and the tongue depressor she shoved down your throat tasted like it had been used. she pushed the thermometer too far underneath your tongue and squeezed your arm too tight as she took your blood pressure. "well, the good news is that you don't have strep, but the bad news is you're running a low grade fever, and your blood pressure is astoundingly low." she sighed. "i'll call your mom to come pick you up." your eyes widened as you realized the severity of this situation. if your mom found out you were sick she'd spoon feed you her awful chicken soup and you didn't have the time or patience to deal with that. the calories that alone contained were enough to give you a headache.

"wait! you don't have to do that. i can walk myself home. promise." carla was surprised at your outburst, especially since excuses were the first thing out of your mouth. carla hated excuses.

"well tough titties, sister. she's getting a call." carla was just about to place her hand on the phone before levi spoke up.

"you know nurse jaeger, i could walk [y/n] home and pump her full of advil and be back before school even starts." he pressed his index finger to the hollow of his chin while he thought about it. "and nobody would be the wiser." carla's brows furrowed as she sighed.

"i suppose that would be alright so long as you come straight back to school. no funny business." she waved her finger back and forth as she shook her head.

"thank you, ma'am." levi said as he helped you out of bed and out into the hallway. you were long out of earshot when you decided to speak again.

"thanks."

"for what? for helping you, or for getting carla to not call your mom?" he felt awkward trying to half carry you while others watched. "what was that about?"

"i guess i just don't want to bother her." you frowned at how pathetic you sounded. "she already does so much for me. i don't want to be a burden." levi opened the door for you and started ushering you towards the passengers side of his car.

"but she's your mother. you're allowed to be dependent on her, especially if you're sick."

"i know. i know. it's just, it's that, i don't want her to find out what i've been doing." levi tilted his head as he opened the car door for you and buckled your seatbelt. he thought about all of his observations, everything he'd written down about what he's seen from you, and it wasn't like he had seen you doing anything wrong. you were his perfect angel.

"what do you mean by that?" you were halfway passed out, leaning against the window as he rushed to get you back home. you felt a migraine start to form as you tried your best to loosen your aching body.

"i don't want my mom to find out i've stopped eating because i don't want her to worry." before you could comprehend what exactly you had said, you felt the momentum of the car halt to a complete stop. you were just at the exit of the school's property as levi put the car in park and turned to face you. shit. you were never going to make it home at this rate. you didn't mean for it to slip out so casually. your brain was just so foggy lately, and with this fever adding on to it, your thoughts were even more scattered. levi tried his best to remain calm as he thought of all the questions he had.

"why did you stop eating?" his brows furrowed. "is it to lose weight? i promise that you don't need to do that." you rubbed the tip of your shoes together and kept your gaze to the ground so you didn't have to look him in the eyes. you knew that if you looked into his eyes it would all feel too real, and that's when the tears would start. god, i'm such a crybaby. you thought as you pondered what your response would be to levi's question.

"it's less about losing the weight and more about experiencing what i'll have once i lose it."

"well what's that?"

"you know, people treat you nicer when you're skinny, and they call you pretty and stuff." your teeth pressed into your lip and were seconds away from drawing blood. "but that sounds stupid, doesn't it?" levi ignored your question entirely.

"is that it?" he sighed. "you want to be called pretty? i'll call you pretty right now and you won't have to lose the weight." your face scrunched together as you tried to think of another excuse.

"it's not just that, it will be easier to move without all the extra fat hanging off me, and i'll be able to fit in cute clothes, and i'll be able to sit in someone's lap without worrying about crushing them, and i'll have a flat tummy." you drummed your pointer finger on the tip of your chin as you tried to think of anything that would justify you starving yourself. "my ribcage will start sticking out more and i won't be insecure about having a double chin, because it'll get starved off my body. oh! and thin legs too. i really want to have skinny legs."

levi couldn't find it in himself to reply, he just stared at you with his mouth agape. how could you be so blind? how could you not see yourself the way that he sees you? "you don't need all of that." levi felt his voice crack more than he heard it.

"that doesn't mean i can't want it." your lips trembled as you felt the tears start to form. you knew this wasn't fucking normal, but you pretended to believe that there was no other option for you. "i want to be prettier, levi. i don't want to get better." you shifted around in your seat to face him and shoved your face into the crook of his neck. your arms wrapped around him and your heart plummeted when he didn't move to embrace you back. you just sobbed into his shoulder, getting the fabric of his nice shirt wet with your tears and snot. this was awful, but when he brought his arms up to hold you closer to him, you knew that this was the worst part. it wasn't the headaches or the purging or the memory loss. it was the feeling of being weak in front of the person you admired most that made the pain of every other part of life pale in comparison. you realized as you clung onto each other like a lifeline, that things couldn't get worse. you were comforted as you thought about how much better things could get if you kept levi by your side.

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