#Liam and JJ are so done

[rosey100]

When you finish get out for doing something stupid, your mom cuts in

🛹: MAN Come on, we gotta go before mom ki-

⭐️( angrily staring at both at her sons while standing on the other side of the door)

💥: MOM, it was just a bet 😨

⭐️: A BET, Lim I don't care

⭐️: Now Liam, you are going to Montgomery Park tonight, In fact, none of you are going to Montgomery Park tonight!

👤: What a minute

⭐️: BOY do not you text with me 😡

👤: Yes ma'am 🥺

[rafesfavgirl]

treat you better — j. maybank

❝ tell me, why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead? i know i can treat you better ❞

pairing: best friend!jj x cheater!reader

context: once again, you went through your boyfriend's phone and found things you didn't wanna find. but for some reason, you can't seem to build up the courage to finally end things with him (he was your first love, after all). so, you turn to your best friend, jj, for advice and comfort.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: reader's in a toxic relationship, mild cheating (physical & emotional, but i don't condone it!!), a little angst, fluff

you sat at the edge of the pier at the chateau, your eyes focused on the way the moon reflected off the marsh. you had just snuck out of your boyfriend's house after he fell asleep and you looked through his phone.

adriana. kelly. paige. maya. lauryn. the number of girls' names you found in his insta dms and messages went on and on.

why did you put up with this? i mean, sure, he was your first… everything, but was he really worth it?

"y/n?" you hear a familiar voice call out your name and turn your head to find jj walking down the dock to join you. "what are you doing out here?"

"just needed some time to think," you said, looking back out towards the marsh.

jj lets out a sigh, already having an inkling of what must be bothering you, and takes a seat beside you. "let me guess… liam again?"

"i just don't understand why it can't just be me," you shrug, a thousand things running through your head. most of the time, liam told you the girls were just his "friends". but deep down, you always wondered whether or not he took it any further with any of them. and that thought, alone, made you sick to your stomach.

"i mean, am i doing something wrong?" you turn your head to look jj, only to find that he was already looking at you, a certain kind of sadness filling his baby blues. he hated that you even thought you were the one in the wrong.

"it's not you, y/n. whatever he's doing, it's on him," he tells you. "stop putting up with it."

"but i love him, j," you admit, your voice cracking a little. you knew that you shouldn't. he was a scum bag. nothing but a cheater. but he was also the guy who made you feel like the most special girl in the world. the one you'd completely laid yourself bare to. "what am i suppose to do about that?"

the defeated look in your eyes broke his heart. but instead of listing off different ways you could deal with liam, jj decides to be a friend, and opens his arms up to you, "come here."

for the first time all night, you let yourself break, and immediately fall into his arms.

"i just don't get it," you sobbed into jj's chest, as he ran a hand through your hair and rested his head on top of yours,

in an attempt to soothe you. "i've done everything, j." you continued. "everything he needs from me, i do. everything he wants me to be, i try to be. so why can't he just let the other girls go? why can't i just be the one?"

hearing you cry about this guy was not only breaking jj's heart, but also making his blood boil. liam didn't deserve you, he knew that much.

after a few minutes in silence of jj just running his hands through your hair and pepperring soft kisses on your head, you finally pull away from him, looking like a complete mess.

there were now black stains under your eyes from crying some of your mascara off, and pieces of your hair stuck to your tear-stained cheeks, as you sniffled.

"i'm sorry," you said, attempting to rub off the mascara stains also leftover on jj's shirt. "your shirt's all stained with tears and mascara now."

"i don't give a shit about my shirt, y/n," he tells you, bringing a hand up to tuck your messy hair behind your ear. "are you okay?"

you sighed, the tears threatening to well up in your eyes again. ugh. after hearing yourself going on about the way you've felt about liam treating you, you were beginning to wonder whether or not it was really love you were feeling for him or not.

but if it wasn't love, why did you still feel like crying?

"i don't even know anymore," you say honestly, shaking your head and running your fingers through your hair. "i mean, how do you even go about loving someone who's hurt you so much?"

"you don't," jj tells you.

"you don't think i love him?" i asked. i wasn't sure why i was asking jj, but i also knew that he knew me better than anyone. maybe even better than liam. so if there was anyone who could tell whether or not i was in love… it'd be him, right?

"i can't tell you how you feel, y/n," he says.

"i'm not asking you to," i reply. "i just wanna know what you think."

he sighs, and shifts his eyes between yours. he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure it was his place to do so—more so, he wasn't sure you'd like his take.

"promise you won't get mad?"

you chuckle, feeling uneasy now. "why would i get mad?"

"i think you're scared," he says, causing you to furrow your brows.

you scoff, thinking he sounds ridiculous. "scared? why would i be scared?"

"because he's your first," he shrugs. "i mean, he was your first, right?"

"so? what does that have to do with anything?" you ask, knowing damn well the information was relevant.

"i know you, y/n," he says, locking his eyes with mine. "you're a hopeless romantic who has your head buried in those romance books all the time because that's what you want. you want your first to be the one. and you're a perfectionist. you can't stand the idea of putting your all into one person only for them to not be worth it… so all this time… that's what you've tried to do."

you stay quiet. jj was actually making sense.

"i'm not saying you didn't love him," he continues. "i think you really did, but the love you felt before isn't what you're feeling now. i think it's just indifference. you don't want to believe that you've actually lost feelings for someone you've fought so hard for, so you try to convince yourself those feelings are still there. because that way… at least you won't be the bad guy."

your mouth had fallen agape, as you realized that jj was right. "wow."

"but you're not the bad guy anyway," he assures you, placing a hand on top of yours. "you've done all you can. what he does isn't your fault. your only fault would be staying."

"but what if he's fucked me up so bad that i've become unlovable?" you ask, voicing your real fear. truth was, you weren't always the best girlfriend. since liam made you feel so insecure about his feelings towards you all the time, it made you act out in ways you never thought you would. you'd call him incessantly when he wouldn't answer. you'd demand he cut certain girls off. ask for his location at all times. he saw the absolute worst of you. and yet, he stayed. what if no one else did?

"is that really what you think?" jj asks.

"i wasn't always the perfect girlfriend, j," i admit, glancing down and fiddling with his fingers on top of mine. "i was insecure all the time. i constantly-"

"because he made you feel that way," jj cuts you off, and picks your head up with his hands to make you look at him. "don't you get it, y/n? whatever you did, it was because of him. anyone made to feel insecure would act out. that's not your fault. you're just…" his eyes shift between yours. "human."

"but what if-"

"but nothing," he shook his head. "you are the absolute perfect version of yourself, y/n. and liam's an idiot for not realizing that. it doesn't get better than you."

without even thinking and being overwhelmed by the sweetness of jj's words, you lean in to kiss him.

he doesn't even hesitate to kiss you back, his hands on your face immediately tangling into your hair. 

your hands make their way to back of his head, the kiss deepening as they do.

your tongues dance together in perfect harmony, until you abruptly pull away.

"wait, wait, wait," you say, and he looks at you, a mix of confusion and sadness at the lost of touch present on his face. "this feels wrong."

he glances down, "oh."

"no, not like that. i mean-" you take a deep breath to get your words together, while jj just looks at you. "the kiss was great. amazing, even. it's just… i'm still technically liam's girlfriend."

his eyes light up at the compliment about the kiss, before he chuckles, "shit."

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

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[callitwh4ty0uwant]

Who is he ?

Pairing- JJ maybank x fem! Reader

Synopsis - Kiara sets her up on a date but JJ just so happens to be working the night of..

Warnings - idk like kissing ? Well A kiss

The moonlight shone down on her, as she stood outside the country club waiting for the date Kiara set her up with, to get over the maybank boy she was lucky to call her best friend. She was hopelessly devoted obviously.

She repeatedly kept checking her phone as time went on she gave in and texted Kiara. *are you sure he’s coming? You said eight right? Am I here to early?* a moment later a ding ! Came from her phone *yes, y/n. I promise, you do realise it’s 7:50 right ?* the girl sighed *all right let you know how it goes?* she replied *yes of course now go enjoy yourself and DON’T think about JJ* she chuckled to herself before another message came through *love you !!!*

8:00 is what her phone read she was getting worried, but a car pulled into one of the many car spaces that were empty. The engine was turned off and the nerves were making her feel like she was about to Puke. A figure was walking up to her, oh god.

“Hey y/n right? I’m Liam. Sorry I’m late” he said pulling her in for a hug, “yeah nice to meet you” her voice came out stuttered, but she flashed him a smile “Kiaras friend ? She’s told me a lot about you” he put a hand on her lower back she winced at the action, that’s what JJ does. as he guided her into the restaurant.

“I have to say y/n your even more prettier in person, than what Kiara showed me” the small tint on her cheeks was noticeable now since the bright light that came from the celling was now shining down on her

Her lips were pulled into a smile, until a tall figure appeared at the table for two, she looked up a small frown appearing on her face as she saw the one person she didn’t want to see…at all.

“Hi I’m JJ..” he trailed as he made eye contact with her smirking down “and I’ll be your server tonight..can I get you any drinks?” He asked pulling out the note book “I’ll have a water” she smiled up at the boy acting as if she never blinked an eye his way

“I’ll take a-.” JJ cut Liam off “woah, Woah, Woah, y/n” She glanced at Liam who pulled a confused face “you know this guy?” Liam asked her “yes she does” JJ said “who’s he ?” JJ looked at you “my date” she looked forward playing with her fingers.

“Your on a date?” The sound of JJs voice dropping was obvious but she kept her composure “yeah” she nodded.

“Dude, this is confusing. You guys seem as if yous have some unspoken love story, I’m going to leave” Liam stood up she sent him a sympathetic face as he left “you know what I’m going to leave aswell, thanks for ruining my date, maybank” tears were threatening to spill as she stormed out of the country club.

But she knew JJ was right behind her. as she was texting Kiara to come pick her up JJ placed a hand on her “look y/n, I’m sorry” he said “JJ that’s not the point i kinda liked him. Seriously kie set me up with him so I’d get over you, now I’m starting to think why I ever liked you” she rambled not even realising what she confessed out loud with JJ “I’m texting kie to come pick me up”

“Y/n, what?” His shocked face was confusing as she looked up at the boy “what?” She furrowed her brows “what did you just say?” He said “I’m texting kie to come pick me up?” She raised one brow

“No before that” he raised a Brow, oh shit what has she done. “I that I can’t believe I ever liked you?” Her lip quivered “you liked me?..” he asked, she slowly nodded.

Before she had time to react JJ’s lips were smashed onto hers.

[moved-mainblog]

Anon Ask

Got this ask for Hope and Morgan so I decided to answer this over my main blog so I don't have to answer it twice. Keep in mind the order means nothing. I write everyone down in the order I followed you.

@antvnger: The very first person I found here and interacted with. The Mun is such an amazing Scott and also as mun one of the sweetest persons I ever met. I literally hear Scott's voice in my head and imagine him in this moment everytime I read something that he posted. I'm so lucky that I found him here and that I can interact with this mun. I love stalking his page and read all the answers to ask that he gives and I also love his Bloodbrothers AU with Tony and Scott being brothers.

@spideymn: Spidey Mun was the second person I interacted with here on tumblr and I had so much fun with him. I love talking to the Mun ooc but als to rp with Peter. Spider Mun is such a perfect Peter and just like with Scott I can hear Peter's voice saying the stuff that the Mun writes and imagine him. Spidey Mun is such a sweet and lovely person and I love her and her Spidey so much. She really manages to captures Peter's nerdy, awkward and wholesome character and he's the best Peter I could find here on tumblr and the best big brother I could hope for Morgan. If Morgan hadn't already adopted him Hope would have done it right away. But I know that Peter belongs into the Stark Family. But at least Hope can be like his Bug aunt or something like that.

@neonsoundbite: The both of us haven't interacted that much but we had some ooc conversations and she is also really sweet and lovely and her Oc Lucielle is so amazing. I really love her and I really need to finally read her fanfiction.

@silently-judgingyou: The best MJ that tumblr has. I'm so glad she reached out to me and asked if we want to do something with her MJ and my Morgan. Tbh for some reason it never came to my mind to send Morgan her way but I really love what we have done so far and the plan we have plotted together. I can really see how Morgan is going to see a big sister in MJ as our story progresses and I can't wait to see where our RP will take us. As Muns we haven't interacted that much but from what we wrote together she's such a lovely person and I'm still suprised from that one post how similar she is to MJ. Like the others before it's not hard for me to hear and see MJ in every answer.

@zimnyayavdova & @brooklynbred: One of the sweetest and loveliest person I've got to meet here. Her Oc Anya is just a chef's kiss and her portrayal of Steve is just as amazing. I love RPing with this two characters so much and I also love talking ooc with this Mun. So glad I had the courage to reach out to JJ. I just love her characters so much. JJ's Steve is hands down one of the best Steve's here on tumblr and for me personally even the best! She really manages to capture Steve and his personality perfectly. He's just the sweet and wholesome guy that I always pictured him to be and it's so easy for me to hear his voice and imagine him acting in the situation. It's also so much fun to plot and share ideas together. I mean we really made up the team of the young howlies just because of a picture that I put together in less than five minutes... as a joke... I can't wait to see where our story will take us and how Anya and Katya will grow together but also how Katya's relationship with Steve will progress.

@skallagrimulfhedinn: We also haven't interacted that much yet but when I saw the Mun's Oc I just knew I had to ask if we want to do something together. Till now I only wrote with the character Ash and a bit with her brother Liam but Ash is such an amazing character. She's really a sweet person and I can't wait for Freya to meet Skallagrim.

@azuresrp: The two of us mostly wrote ooc together but this is one of the sweetest persons I found here on tumblr and Ryan is also such an cool and awesome character. When I found him here on tumblr and then also wrote with the mun and we started to plot together I just knew this is going to be so awesome and so much fun. Even if we haven't done that much so far I enjoyed every second and I just love how easy it is to talk with this Mun ooc and to talk about our characters and stories etc.

@vekovoysoldat: The two of us haven't had a rp yet but I went through his page and we talked a bit ooc. And from what I saw I can tell how amazing this person is. I went through some conversations of him with JJ's Anya and Steve and gosh their so amazing. I love their interactions so much and he's such an amazing Bucky. Hopefully we'll manage to start something at one point too. And if I'm already talking about this Mun go and check out his commissions. He is making such amazing things and he's really talented. Can't wait to see how my commission turns out. For anyone interessted here's the link to his page @wintercommissions.

@stxrksarc: The two of us also only interacted ooc together. But I'm stalking his page every now and then and I love his bond with antvnger's Scott. The two are just so cute cool together and he really is doing an amazing job in portraying Tony and his character. He isn't playing Tony he IS Tony.

@sah1x1s: Another Mun who I haven't interacted that much with but we talked ooc and I love going through her blog and see what she's posting. She has so many muses and it's so hard to decided with which I want to interact.

[bradshawsbaby]

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon for Hannix please 😊

When Hangman and Phoenix become grandparents, they’re so indulgent and easygoing that JJ, Ben, Liam, and Ellie are like, “Um, who are you and what have you done with our parents?”

Even Jake, who was always the goofier parent to begin with, is even more silly and playful than his kids have ever seen him. And Phoenix just loves to spoil her grandkids rotten.

They’re the grandparents who always have the best snacks and treats at their house, and who let you eat them right before dinner because, “Why not? You’re only young once.” And they always give the best presents, many of which are “just because.”

The grandbabies definitely love spending time with Pop Pop and Grams, as they call them.

Headcanon Ask Game

[spookyblazecoffee]

‘Discipline’

!!!TW CHILD ABUSE AND TRANSPHOBIA!!!

Liam's brothers had always taken the brunt of their father's ‘Discipline’ ; he had only gotten the worst of it a few times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time he got ‘Punished’ was when he was six. It was the first time after the divorce that he and his brothers were staying with their father for longer than a day.

He remembers hearing Cam shouting, "He's a kid, don't do this, please!" and his father responding with shouts and a thrown plate in Cam's general direction.

He remembers being placed in the freezer in the basement and punching the walls to try and get out.

He remembers crying so hard he passed out. He remembers waking up and crying some more. He remembers his father telling him not to tell his mom or anyone really.

He remembers Camden and Jordan comforting him and cleaning the blood off of his hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second time it happened, he was almost seven, and it was after he stood up for Jordan because his father had told JJ that he'd never be a boy. 

He remembers this time more than the first.

He remembers his brothers crying for their father to put him down. He remembers being put in the freezer. He remembers punching the side so hard he broke his hand. He remembers passing out because of the pain.

He remembers getting out of the freezer and Cam driving him to the hospital while their father was at work.

He remembers Dr. Geyer calling their mom. He remembers his mom asking him what happened, and him almost telling her what their father does, but he also remembers what his father had said the first time this happened.

He remembers Camden telling her that he got angry and punched a wall. He remembers having to wear a cast for a few weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The third time this happened, he was seven and a half. He remembers being put in the freezer with Isaac. He remembers crying into Isaac's shoulder and asking what he had done wrong.

He remembers Isaac's voice, all shaky and scared, and hoarse. He remembers being cold and hungry and scared. He remembers Isaac starting to whisper comforting things in Gaelic because they could only speak it in secret while at their father’s house.

He remembers falling asleep to the sound of his big brother's voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another time was when he was ten, his father had been yelling at him and Isaac about how: “It was perfect when it was just your brother and sister but then you two came around.” he remembers wanting to stand up for Jordan and correct his father, but he remembers what had happened the first time he tried to and keeps his mouth shut.

He remembers his father throwing a vase at him and Isaac, and getting glass in his skin under his eye and around his mouth.

He remembers a few tears falling from his eyes as Isaac gets the glass out of his skin. He remembers Isaac whispering: “Bidh e ceart gu leòr.”* he remembers himself responding with: “A bheil thu cinnteach?”**

He remembers his father had heard them and demanded for the translation of what they said he remembers not telling him and being put in the freezer again.

He remembers going back to his mom’s house the next day, he remembers his mama and David asking why there’s scars on his face.

He remembers Isaac telling them that he fell off his bike and got some glass that was on the road under his skin.

He remembers that this was the day he swore he would never be like his father. Those scars didn’t heal when he got turned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week after his father threw the vase at him and Isaac it happened again. Isaac hadn’t walked Liam to the house from school because he had gotten detention. Liam went straight to his room because their father had still been at work.

Their father got to the house before Isaac and started yelling for the two of them. When Liam went into the living room he had asked: “Where’s your brother?” not because he was worried but because he was mad. Liam had answered with: “I don’t know.” his father had known he was lying and asked again: “Where’s Isaac?” Liam looked at the ground and mumbled: “I told you, I don’t know.” he had gripped Liam by the shoulders and said: “I know you are lying to me, now, where is your brother?” just before Isaac walked in.

Liam had loosened himself from his father’s grip and ran up to Isaac, hugging him as tight as he could while trying to keep tears from falling. He had come up to the two of them and pushed Liam away from Isaac and to the ground.

Isaac was about to say something when their father said: “And where have you been?” Isaac looked at the ground and he repeated what he had said. Isaac mumbled something incoherent under his breath. Their father had asked: “What was that?” Isaac responded with: “I was in detention.” he looked pissed.

He asked: “Why were you in detention? You know you’re supposed to walk William home from school everyday.” Liam had always hated being called William. Isaac had started to say: “I’m sorry, but-” he interrupted Isaac saying: “No ‘buts’ you didn’t walk William home from school. You are at fault.”

Liam walked in between him and Isaac. He looked at Liam and said: “What are you doing, William?” Liam didn’t falter when saying: “I told Isaac I would walk home alone, so if you’re going to punish someone, punish me. I didn’t wait for him to get out of detention. It’s my fault. I lied to you, I didn’t tell you where he was." by the time Liam finished talking a few tears were falling from his eyes. He looked at Liam and said: “Go to your room William.” Liam stood still.

Their father got angrier and repeated what he had said. Liam didn’t budge. He started to yell at Liam to go to his room, Liam didn’t move an inch, however, more tears did start to fall. Isaac interrupted his father’s yelling by whispering in Liam’s ear: “Go to your room, Li. I’ll be okay.” Liam looked away from their father and turned toward Isaac who looked at him with a comforting look in his eyes so he went to his room.

He remembers hearing his father yell for him to go to his room some more until Isaac said: “He’s in his room already.” because he didn’t realize Liam had left. He remembers thinking about how Isaac shouldn’t have interrupted their father. He remembers hearing his father shout at Isaac some more before he heard the door to the basement slam shut.

He remembers hearing his father leave the house. He remembers leaving his room and going into the kitchen where there was a note on the table along with the keys to the freezer.

The note said: Let your brother out when you get hungry, William. Don’t try and make food for yourself, you’ll just burn the fucking house down like the incompetent boy you are.

He remembers ignoring the first part of the note and going to the basement and letting Isaac out immediately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another time it happened was after he got fired from being the swim coach at Beacon Hills high school. Liam had been twelve and Isaac had been fourteen.

Liam remembers that his father had come back to the house late and really drunk. Liam had been in Isaac’s room reading one of his history books about the middle ages when he burst into the room yelling: “Why isn’t the kitchen clean?” and grabbed Liam’s book. Isaac answered by saying: “We cleaned it right after we ate dinner.” to which he responded with: “Oh, so you ate dinner before I got home?” Liam remembers that he didn’t like the smell coming from the man yelling at him and his big brother.

Isaac just looked at the man in front of him and calmly explained: “It was getting late, and we needed to do homework and go to bed.” Liam remembers that his father had turned to him, his book still in hand, and said: “This doesn’t look like homework.” Liam looked at him and replied with: “We’re learning about the middle ages in social studies. I just happen to already have the book that Mr. Hadley is reading from, I thought I could refresh my memory on what we’re going over, considering I have finished my homework already.” he looked at Liam with disdain and turned back towards Isaac.

Isaac visibly stiffened when his cold gaze was turned to him. Their father had just stared at him and said: “And what work are you doing? Hopefully chemistry.” Isaac stared down at his work and answered with: “I’m working on chemistry.” he looked at Isaac and asked, anything but politely: “Can I see it?” Isaac lifted up the paper and showed it to him to which he promptly yanked it from Isaac’s hand and looked over it before throwing it back down slightly crumpled and saying: “Your second answer is wrong.” Isaac looked over it in confusion and responded with: “I checked it five times and asked Ms. Sparrow if it was correct, she said it was.” he looked pissed.

Liam remembers that his father was about to start yelling at Isaac when he said: “Don’t get mad at him please.” he looked at Liam, getting close to his face, and said: “Why shouldn’t I? He talked back. He deserves it, William.” Liam looked the man in front of him dead in the eyes and said: “My name is Liam.” he looked at Liam and grabbed him by the shoulders.

Isaac stood up from his bed and walked over, trying to pull Liam away from the man in front of him. He just tightened his grip on Liam’s shoulders. Liam remembers that Isaac kept pulling and his father kept squeezing so much that it started hurting. Isaac kept trying to pull Liam away until they both fell back onto the floor.

Their father lifted them off of the ground and dragged them out of Isaac’s room, brought them down to the basement, and threw them in the freezer.

Liam remembers punching and scratching at the walls of the freezer. He remembers eventually stopping and curling into Isaac, trying to stay warm in the cold, small space. He remembers Isaac held onto him as tight as he could and whispered into his hair: “Tha mi gu math, Liam. Bidh sinn ceart gu leòr, tha mi a ' gealltainn. Gheibh sinn air falbh bhon taigh seo agus thèid Sinn Dhan Fhraing, No Alba, no àiteigin mar sin.”*** Liam just responded by tightening his grip on Isaac’s torso, crying into his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another time it happened was when Liam was thirteen and Isaac was fifteen and at a friend's home for the night, he couldn’t have stopped Isaac either considering Isaac’s friend had insisted, and their parents had convinced him to let Isaac stay the night. Their father had gone out to a random bar like he did almost every weekend and he had gotten back to the house at ten o’clock at night. Liam had been asleep when he got there, but was woken up as soon as the door to his room burst open.

He had apparently forgotten Isaac wasn’t there and asked Liam almost immediately after he entered the room: “Where is your brother, William?” Liam looked confused so he repeated his question. Liam looked at the man in front of him and answered: “He’s at Javier’s house, remember?” he looked at Liam and yelled: “He left you home alone?” he was pissed off. Liam stayed quiet until he said: “You need to come clean up the kitchen.” Liam got up and went into the kitchen, looking around for what he hadn’t picked up when he saw the plate he had left out for his father.

Liam heard his father stumble from his room into the kitchen before he said: “Well, clean it up.” Liam turned around and told him: “It’s the leftovers from dinner, I left the plate out for you to eat because I didn’t know when you would be home." he looked at Liam and yelled: "You will listen to me, William, I am your father, now, clean up the kitchen." Liam walked over to the kitchen table, picked up the plate, and started to scrape the food into the trash can before going over to the sink to rinse the plate.

He set the plate down in the sink when he finished rinsing it and tried to go back to his room before he held up his hand and walked over to the sink picking up the plate. He stared blankly at Liam before asking: "Why didn't you wash the plate, William?" Liam was about to say something when he threw the plate at the wall next to Liam making it shatter, large shards got under his skin on his right shoulder and even on his neck as well.

He started to walk out of the kitchen, before turning towards Liam who was cowering in the corner, and saying: "Clean up this mess and then go to your room, I'm going to bed."

Liam cleaned up the glass shards and went into the hall bathroom to get the glass out of his skin and clean the blood away before going to his room and going back to sleep.

Liam remembers that he could hide the scars on his shoulder and neck for a while. He remembers his mama and Isaac had caught a glimpse of the scar on his neck after his father had died. Those scars hadn't healed when he got turned either. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last time it happened was the day before his father died. He had just gotten back from the store because his father had left the house as soon as the closest bar opened and told him to go to the store, leaving him some money. Isaac wasn’t there that day, he had told Liam and their father that Coach Finstock had decided to keep practice super late and that he would probably go over to a friend's house so he didn’t get to the house late at night.

Their father had gotten back around nine o’clock, he went into the kitchen immediately. Liam was cleaning up the mess from the dinner he had made for himself when he heard the door shut.

He had asked Liam: “Why aren’t you asleep?” Liam stopped what he was doing and answered with: “I lost track of time and had a late dinner, sorry.” then he went back to washing the dishes he used.

His father had turned and went to the living room, sitting on the couch. Liam finished up the dishes and went to his room to try and go to sleep.

Liam remembers he barged into his room just as he was about to fall asleep. He had said: “You forgot a dish. Come pick it up.” Liam knows he didn’t forget anything, but he decided to humor the man in front of him.

Liam went into the kitchen and saw what his father had been talking about. There had been a cup on the kitchen table, one that hadn’t been there when he went to bed. Liam walked over to the table and picked the cup up, rinsing it out, washing it and putting it away before he turned to go back to his room.

He had stopped Liam, before saying: “What is wrong with you today, I come home and you barely talk to me. I tell you to finish cleaning the kitchen and you do it slowly when it was just one cup, it shouldn’t be that fucking hard to wash a single cup.”

Once he had finished his rant Liam looked at him and said: Sorry, but-” he interrupted Liam by smacking his face and yelling: “There are absolutely no excuses for how you’ve been acting lately. Or if you would like to give an excuse, we could take this down to the basement.” Liam looked at him and shook his head, tears in his eyes.

He looked at Liam’s reaction and said: “Good, now go to your room.” Liam went to his room putting his head down to hide his tears from his father.

He cried as he waited to hear the door to his father’s room close before he packed up his backpack, tears falling on his clothes and books.

He snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a few snacks from the pantry, putting them in his bag along with some water bottles from the fridge before he left through the front door and locked it. He took his key to the house and threw it onto the ground.

He remembers that it was cold and raining outside as he ran towards the apartments where he knows Jordan lives.

When he arrived at the apartments he was soaked and freezing as he looked around the lobby. The woman at the front desk had looked at him and asked: “What are you doing here kiddo, it’s really late right now.” Liam looked at her and answered with: “I’m here to see my brother, I know he got off of work thirty minutes ago, his name is Jordan Parrish. Can you call him down, please?”

The woman, Mary was the name written on her nametag, looked at him a little longer before pressing a button and saying into a microphone: “Jordan, there’s a kid here to see you, he says you're his brother.” Liam stood in the middle of the lobby with the woman staring at him. There was some sound on the other end of the line and the woman responded with: I know it’s late, but he’s soaking wet and has clearly been crying, plus there’s a bruise starting to form on his left cheek.” when Liam heard that he covered his cheek with his hand turning away from the woman.

He remembers there was some more sound, worried sounds, on the other end before the woman let go of the button and said: “Your brother will be down here shortly kid. In the meantime, do you want a sucker?” Liam looked at her, and walked over to the desk mumbling: “Thanks.” she smiled softly at him and nodded.

Jordan exited the elevator and wrapped him in a hug, Liam broke down in his big brother’s arms, crying as Jordan let go of the hug and started leading him to the elevator, mouthing to Mary the words: “Thank you.”

He remembers Jordan bringing him into his apartment and taking his bag, setting it down on the couch. He remembers Jordan saying: “You can sleep here tonight, but I have to take you to mom’s house tomorrow, okay. We’ll tell her and David everything that he does to you and Isaac. Alright?” Liam nods silently. He remembers Jordan giving him some clothes to sleep in.

He remembers Jordan telling him: “You can sleep in my room, I’ll sleep on the couch, bub.” he remembers grabbing Jordan by the sleeve and asking: “Can you sleep here too?” he remembers Jordan nodding and lying down next to him, wrapping his arms around Liam. All Jordan can see when he looks at Liam is his six-year-old baby brother who would stand up for him no matter what.

Liam remembers Jordan moving his hair out of his face when it falls in his eyes. He remembers Jordan kissing his forehead softly and holding him tightly. He remembers Jordan whispering: “I’ve got you, bràthair.”****

They had gone to his mama’s house after Jordan got home from work at eight o’clock at night when they find out that their father has been killed and Isaac is nowhere to be found.

*It will be okay. **Are you sure? ***We'll be fine, Liam. We will be okay, I promise. We'll get away from this house and go to France, or Scotland, or somewhere like that. ****brother.

[soughthopeoldd]

Hello friends !! Welcome to my blog I hope you enjoy your stay. I'm a pretty laid-back kind of partner. I don't expect you to reply to every one of our threads, every day. I don't need fast replies. I'm okay with long or short threads and convos/one-liners but please be nice. I do not come here to perform for anybody. Talk to me privately. resolve any issues considerately and I think we'll have fun! Also I follow damn near everyone back lol I just love writing so lets chat!

This blog will also contain nsfw themes, triggering content, violence, and other things but it will be tagged.

Note: I am very slow and selective and my interests shift quite often so forgive any delays in our threads.

ABOUT THE MUN:

Call me MEADOW or SUNSHINE. I'm 30, I've been writing on here and other sites for probably 15 years I think and I've done it all but right now I just wanna have fun. My reply speed will be random. I'll use icons some days, gifs others, and sometimes larger images so I would recommend blacklisting " large image cw ". Be patient with me, please.

QUICK RULES:

21+ only for follow

Personals DNI or you will be blocked

MAINS AND FOLLOW FOREVER

@soughtbirthright

@chrissyfied

@petitsdieu

@theolderhenderson

@entangledmuses

@deermooses

@dcmure

@ner0tic

IMPORTANT LINKS:

Rules | Cast | Credits | Verses | Mains & Exclusives | Promo Credit

MUSE LIST:

ORIGINALS

Grace Scott ( One tree hill )

Allison Roe ( One tree hill )

Joshua Scott ( One tree hill )

Princess Bean ( Fantasy )

Tessa Cameron ( Fandomless )

Prince Finnegan ( Fantasy )

FILM

Layla Williams ( Sky high )

Kate Schmidt ( Fear Street )

Princess Aurora ( Malecifcent )

Mckenzie Fox ( Teen Beach movie )

Evie ( Descendants )

Benjamin Florian ( Descendants )

Troy Bolton ( High School Musical )

Violet Parr ( Incredibles )

Rapunzel ( Tangled )

Emmett Cullen ( Twilight )

Jacob Black ( Twilight )

Bella Swan ( Twilight )

Charlie Swan ( Twilight )

Leah Clearwater ( Twilight )

Noah Flynn ( Kissing Booth )

TELEVISION

JJ Maybank ( The outer banks )

Rafe Cameron ( The outer banks )

Wednesday Adams ( Wednesday )

Klaus Miklaeson ( Legacies )

Landon Kirby ( Legacies )

Hayley Marshall ( Legacies )

Maya Hart ( Girl Meets World )

Carly Shay ( Icarly )

Barbara Roberts ( Babie Media )

Cat Valentine ( Victorious )

Nathan Scott ( One Tree Hill )

Liam Dunbar ( Teen Wolf )

Scott McCall ( Teen Wolf )

Stiles Stilinski ( Teen Wolf )

Derek Hale ( Teen Wolf )

Eddie Munson ( Stranger Things )

Robin Buckley ( Stranger Things )

Steve Harrington ( Stranger Things )

Max Mayfield ( Stranger Things )

Dustin Henderson ( Stranger Things )

Jim Hopper ( Stranger Things )

Meg Masters ( Supernatural )

Dean Winchester ( Supernatural )

Jo Harvelle ( Supernatural )

COMICS

Peter Parker

Tony Stark

Frank Castle

Bruce Wayne

Harley Quinn

Kara Danvers

VIDEO GAMES

Nathan Drake ( Uncharted )

Joel Miller ( The Last of Us )

Chloe Price ( Life is strange )

Nathan Prescott ( Life is strange )

Kate Marsh ( Life is strange )

Max Caulfield ( Life is strange )

Alex Chen ( Life is strange )

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (Pt. 9)

Pairing: JJ x Reader / Topper x Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: swearing, mild smut, angst, fluff

Part Summary: Y/N goes to see JJ after the party and she begins to think everything will work out

Masterlist

The Pogues are gathered around the bonfire, chatting over a couple of beers and joints. JJ keeps checking his phone every few minutes, wondering why you haven't texted him yet. You agreed for him to pick you up at your house at eleven, but he wants to wait for your text saying you're home. He's considered just going over anyway, assuming you're already there since dinner would've ended at least two hours ago. Before he has the chance to even rise to his feet to go, you and Topper roll up the driveway. None of the Pogues recognize the gray BMW, except Sarah. 

“Is that Topper dropping off Y/N?” She frowns in confusion as the car comes to a steady halt at the end of the gravel drive. 

Pope presses his fingers to his temples, wide-eyed. “Am I hallucinating?” 

“Okay, enough weed for me," Kiara declares, passing the joint to John B. 

Topper stops the car and turns to you. “You’ll be okay?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you nod, collecting your bag between your legs. 

“Call or text if you need me,” he instructs, still somewhat reluctant to drop you off. 

“Will do,” you offer him a reassuring smile. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow," he complies, leaning over the divider and planting a quick peck to your cheek. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” you return, granting him a kiss on the cheek as well. You climb out of Topper's car, walking toward the fire pit where JJ and everyone watch you utterly dumbfounded. “Hi guys,” you greet, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“Topper knows his way around The Cut?” John B pokes fun. 

“Did he drop you off to scope out the place?” Kiara grumbles. 

“He didn’t want me driving," you explain as you take a seat next to a silent JJ. "We went to Kelce’s for a little after dinner and I’ve been drinking." 

“What a gentleman,” Sarah mumbles sarcastically. 

“Hi Baby,” JJ greets you with a soft smile, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“Hi,” you grin, leaning in and planting a kiss to his lips to which he reciprocates. 

“I could’ve picked you up,” he whispers against your lips. 

“I know," you state, parting from him for a second. "I just didn’t want to make you do the drive." 

“I’m surprised Topper let you out of the car,” Sarah snickers. 

“We came to an understanding,” you describe vaguely. 

“Oh yeah?" Kiara raises a brow. "What’s that?” 

“We’re just friends,” you reply confidently. 

“I don’t just kiss my friends goodbye...” John B mumbles under his breath. 

“We’re just friends," you reiterate, starring the boy down warningly. 

“You bet you are,” JJ agrees, pulling you into his side. “I missed you today.” 

“I missed you too," you blush, peering over to meet his gaze. 

“Movie anyone?” John B suggests suddenly rising to his feet. 

“Yes!” Sarah bursts. 

“Comedy!” Pope votes. 

“Romance!” Kiara challenges. 

“Actually," JJ sighs, standing up next to you. "I was going to head to bed, wanna come?” He asks as he glances down at you.

You hum. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired actually." 

____________________________________________

You and JJ lay in bed, facing each other as you talk about everything under the sun. You could've watched the movie considering you've been up for hours talking, not once trying to fall asleep. Yet, spending hours laying in bed, talking to JJ, is a much better pass time. 

“Fish tacos from The Wreck,” JJ answers without a moment's hesitation. 

“Ooo, you know I’ve never been there,” you confess, intrigued. 

“Really?!" JJ's eyes grow wide. "We’ll have to go ASAP! Kie’s dad makes the best hush puppies,” he dramatically gestures with his hands. 

You giggle, “sounds amazing.” 

“Okay, now your turn." JJ's arm drapes over you and rubs his hand up and down your back. 

“Hmm," you hum, thinking it over. "My grandma’s chicken and dumplings. She always made it when I was sick and it’s like a warm hug.”

“Yum," he grins. “Dream vacation?”

“Anywhere with a beach,” you answer easily. “I love to travel, but I also love the ocean so can’t be too far from it. You?”

“Surfing trip around the world," he nods, clearly having thought about it before. "I’m talking Australia, Japan, Brazil, all over.”

“Surfing world tour. Very surfer Pogue of you,” you tease playfully. 

“Would a Kook Princess like to come?” He offers with a sly smirk as his eyes fall to the small space between you. 

“Sure I’ll follow,” you accept with a soft smile. 

JJ jokingly nudges you on the shoulder with a slight blush to his cheeks. “Stop," he chuckles. "If anything you pick the places and I follow. Follow you around the world.”

“You would?” You narrow your eyes at him with a smirk. 

“What’s that Carol King song?” He tries to recall and whispers some of the words. “Where you lead...”

“I will follow," you add in a sing-songy tone. 

“Anywhere!” You both say in unison to each other, causing you two to laugh. 

JJ exhales deeply, catching his breath after laughing.“Talking to you is so easy it’s scary," he confesses, taking your hand in his between you two. 

“I never felt so understood until I met you,” you tell him. 

His brows scrunch together as he watches your hands move around one another. “You don’t think Topper understands you?”

“I do... to an extent,” you shrug, not fully convinced. “He’s known me longer, so he knows why I am the way I am, but he’s not necessarily accepting of all of it.”

“What do you mean?” JJ wonders aloud.  

“If I told him that I don’t want to go to every party and rather stay in, he’d wonder why. If I said I don’t like the Club and rather spend a day on some remote island somewhere he wouldn’t relate. I could tell you that I want to move to Guam and you’d be game for it. Some days I don’t want to have any responsibilities or social obligations which confuses Topper. He’s satisfied where he is. He’s satisfied being stationary and though I’m told I have everything, I don’t want any of it." You pause, finding yourself coming to a hard conclusion. You peer up at JJ who's eyes have left your hands and pour into you. "There has to be more right? There has to be something different out there.”

“Life beyond the OBX?" He seek to clarify to which you nod. "Yeah, there’s an entire world outside of here!”

“That’s what I want..." You whisper. "Something entirely my own and somewhere where no one knows me.” 

“Maybe we should explore it together,” he smiles gently with content. “I mean, as long as it’s okay for one person to know you.” 

“You don’t count," you blush. 

JJ releases your hand, bringing his own to caress your cheek. “I want to see the world with you." 

You lean into his touch, his warmth making you feel safe, seen, and understood. “I think that can be arranged...”

JJ shakes his head, as though he's come to a profound realization. “You’re everything to me." His words slip by in a whisper as he leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, sealing his statement. 

You run your fingers through JJ's hair, pulling him in deeper. He smiles against your lips, loving your reaction. He moves to hover over you, encompassing you with his body. You take matters into your own hands and press JJ down to lay down beside you. Swiftly, you move to straddle him. A grunt leaves him and you cower slightly. 

"Did I hurt you?!" You nearly panic. 

“No, no,” he’s quick to assure you, bringing his hand to your face and brushing your hair back. 

You hadn’t noticed when he got into bed, the bruises and cuts scattered across his torso. You remember them from the Boneyard and in the hot tub. You had thought perhaps they were from Topper. 

JJ can tell that your mind isn’t satisfied. "What else is troubling you?" He frowns. "Babe, look at me, please."

"If these weren't Topper, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it,” he scrunches his face with a shake of the head. “Don't worry, it's taken care of,” he tries to change the subject, reaching up to kiss you. 

You gasp. "Did someone do this to you?!" You quickly realize. 

"Y/N..."JJ exhales deeply. 

"JJ, I have to know!” You argue. “If someone-"

"It was my dad okay!" He confesses. 

You heart sinks has the dark reality hits you like a ton of bricks. 

"He... he gets mad sometimes..."JJ describes, looking anywhere but you. He begins to fidget with the hem of your shirt. When... When things weren’t good between us... I picked a fight with him. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, but I did! I think I wanted it. At least then I could control the pain,” he explains, killing you.

You lean down and plant a gentle, comforting kiss to his lips. When you pull back, JJ stares at you, stunned by the action. You swallow hard as you slide down, keeping eye contact with him as you plant a kiss to his bruised peck. JJ’s heart begins to race as he watches you. You continue on your path to his multicolored rib. JJ’s hand brushes over the top of your head gently. Your fingers curl under the hem of his boxers as you leave a trail of kisses over his cut and bruised stomach. 

"Y/N..." He breathes heavily as his eyes fall shut. 

"Never again,” you tell him warningly as a demand. “You never go back there. Here, Kie's, Pope's, my place, anywhere else but there. Morning, noon, or night, you need a place, come to me. You hear me?"

JJ nods, too consumed in you to voice anything. 

"I see marks like these on you again, I'll kill him and they won't find the body. I've seen enough crime documentaries. I can be like Liam Nison in Taken,” you joke slightly. 

"I'm sure you could," JJ smirks, peering down at you. 

You lift yourself up to hover just above his face. You cup his cheeks, making him look you in the eyes. "I'm never going to leave you, ever! You never have to suffer alone again. I promise. Your pain is my pain. Whatever you inflict on yourself you also do on me."  

"I promise too. You're my world, Y/N,” he tells you and you know he means it. “You're my life now."

Suddenly, there's a ruckus coming from outside in the hall. The sound of the screen door slamming against the frame and shouting. 

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I’ll go get her! You stay here!” You hear John B yell. 

“Like I’d listen to you!” Another voice barks. 

You break from JJ, trying to listen. “What’s going on?” 

“I don’t know,” he frowns, peering over at the door. He climbs off of you and slips out of the bed. He grabs a t-shirt from the chair in the corner and pulls it over his head, his boxers still slightly exposed. 

“JJ, be careful!” You beg, worried that it could be someone looking for trouble. 

"I will, Baby. It's okay," he promises, heading toward the door to check it out. 

“Cool off Topper!” Pope shouts before you hear a bang. 

“Topper?” You mumble in disbelief, flying off the bed and toward the door.

“Y/N!" JJ grabs your wrist as you open the door. "Baby, wait!” 

Before he has the chance to stop you, you stumble into the hallway. JJ rushes out of the bedroom, nearly running into you. Standing at the end of it, in the archway of the living room, Topper turns his attention away from the Pogues. His eyes land on you and a wave of relief consumes him. 

“Y/N...” Your name falls from his parted lips faintly. 

“Topper...” You stand frozen. 

“There is almost an equal Kook to Pogue ratio in this house and I don’t like it,” Pope huffs from behind Topper. 

“I need to talk to you," the tall blonde announces urgently. 

You speed walk down the hall, despite JJ's efforts to stop you. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I just... I... uh...” Topper stutters, nervously avoiding your gaze, and focuses on the small floor space between you. 

“Have you been drinking again?" You question, coming to the conclusion he has. He smells of beer and weed, more than he did hours ago. "Did you go back to Kelce’s!” 

“I was losing my mind, Y/N!" He bursts, uncharacteristically, causing you to jump and JJ to step forward toward you. "I needed a distraction, but nothing was working!” Topper explains in a rush, all fidgety. “Can we just go somewhere to talk?” 

JJ immediately steps in, moving to stand between the two of you. “You’re not going anywhere with her!” 

“Oh shove it,” Topper snaps at JJ. 

“You forget you’re on my side of the island, Kook!” JJ barks, shoving Topper in the chest. 

“Enough!” You scream, pressing a palm to each of their chests. “For Pete’s sake!” 

“Back off JJ!” Kiara yells. 

“I just need to talk to you,” Topper pants. 

You exhale deeply, glancing between JJ and Topper. You know JJ won't approve and won't allow it without a fight, but you agree to speak with Topper. “Okay, let’s go outside.” 

JJ laughs, pacing around. “You can’t be serious-” 

“Ten minutes!” You shout at him, escorting Topper toward the door. 

“She sure told you,” Topper mocks JJ as he backs up to the exit. 

“Oh shut up,” you grumble, urging Topper through the doorway leading to the front yard. 

You and Topper settle down on the hammock, swinging back and forth on the edge, side by side. The sun has long since set and the lights in the large tree illuminate the yard. Unable to sit still, Topper rises from his spot and paces in front of you. 

“What’s going on Topper?” You ask worriedly. 

The boy stops, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck nervously. “I’m losing my mind, Y/N!" He finally breaks his silence. "I feel like there are weights strapped to me and I’m being pulled to the bottom of the ocean, struggling for air!” He rushes out in a pant. “I’ve been an arrogant ass and too scared to pay attention, but now I’m just scared and I’m afraid if I don’t tell you this now that I’ll never get a chance like this again!” 

You stand, taking his hands in yours. "Just take a deep breath!" 

He yanks his hands free of your hold, running his fingers through his hair as he paces away. "I'm about to be the most selfish person on the planet!" 

“Topper, just say it! It can't be that bad!" You try to reassure him, the pit in your stomach growing with each passing minute. You can only assume the worst. 

“I love you!” Topper bursts out, meeting your gaze pleadingly. 

A weight lifts off your shoulder. You thought it was something bad. “That's it? I love you too,” you laugh lightly. 

“No!" He stops you. "Not the way you mean it... it’s not the same! I love you!” 

Neither of you notice the Pogues hiding in the enclosed patio, watching everything go down. 

“I knew it!” Pope announces from his spot by the window. 

“Pay up!” Kiara holds out her hand to John B. 

JJ's heart sinks when he hears the confession leave Topper. He wants to run for the hills, but he can't help but observe you stand there in shock. 

Topper's chest rises and falls rapidly. “I didn’t realize it fully until I dropped you off and saw you with him. I know what I said earlier, that I’m okay with this!" The words fly out of him like a freight train going full speed. “But I’m not! I’ve been in love with you for two years! Before Sarah, during Sarah, after her!” 

“Okay ouch...” Sarah mumbles from her spot on the patio. 

“I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, I’ve just been too caught up in everything else to notice!" Topper's voice cracks with emotion. 

"You tell me this now!" You shout, growing more frustrated with each passing second. 

He sighs, "I know, I know, I'm sorry-" 

"No! You don't get to apologize!" You snap at him, utterly pissed off and frankly hurt. "You could've had me! You had me, Topper!" You correct as your eyes begin to swell with tears. "You had every opportunity to change the status quo and you didn't! You let me feel like a toy, there to satisfy you when you needed company! Yes, it was fun! Yes, it was great sex! Yes, I fed into the holding and touching, even when you and Sarah were on a break because I thought..." You swallow hard, processing what you're about to say. "Because I thought that eventually, you'd love me!" You break, tears falling down your cheeks. You finally let go of a truth you've been holding in for years now. "If I kept sleeping with you that one day you'd realize that we were more than just friends! Everyone else thought it! But you were caught up on Sarah and then it became not letting Sarah be with John B! I had to break it off after Bermuda because it was killing me! I couldn't take it anymore! I had to begin to move on!" 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot!" Topper rushes up to you, taking your hands in his pleadingly. "Tonight, feeling you again, I saw the rest of our lives and I want it! I don’t give a shit about our friends or golfing or the Club or Sarah because none of it matters if I don’t get to experience it with you!” He begs, “so pick me! Be with me! Love me!” 

You whimper, unsure of what to do or say. Everything is happening so fast. 

"You slept with him?" 

You turn over your shoulder to find JJ standing just a few feet away. His eyes glisten under the lights of the tree. He swallows hard, taking your silence as enough of an answer. He nods his head, pressing his lips together to hold back his emotions.

“You’re exactly as everyone says!” He yells, pointing at you aggressively. 

In a second, he's sprinting away down the gravel drive. You step forward, ready to run after him, but Topper grabs your wrist. 

"Y/N, don't!" He pleads. 

You yank your wrist free, before running him. "JJ!" You call, "JJ wait!" 

"Y/N!" Topper shouts, running after you. 

"JJ!" You beg for him to stop. 

"Y/N, wait!" Topper grunts, sprinting. 

"JJ!" You struggle to keep up with the boy. Soon, he disappears into the dark woods across the street and you have no choice but to halt, losing all hope. 

You fall to your knees on the gravel. The sound of Topper's feet hitting the gravel quickly approaching. You slam your fists to the ground with a scream, hitting your boiling point. How much is a girl expected to take? 

______________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @starkeythinker @bethii1 @thegunnerkelly@cc13723things@hockeybabe87 @jolomez @plutooryectors

[scandinavian-girl]

December 5th: “It’s snowing!”

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader (she/they pronounces)

Trigger warnings: mentions of knifes, killing and murder.

Word count: 696

It was 7 am. The team had gotten an anonymous call about their unsub being on his way to Greenville. Spencer and the team then headed to Greenville as fast as they could in their black SUV. 

They had profiled that he was going to get some kind of revenge on his mother, who they knew lived in Greenville, so when the call got to them, they knew they had to go to her place as fast as possible.

And they were right, because when they landed at her house, they saw the unsub, whose name was Liam Roberts.

“Liam Roberts!” Derek called through the house. “FBI!”

Spencer walked upstairs and into the large master bedroom with some swat agents.

“Liam! Put that knife down. You don’t wanna do that.” Spencer said to Liam who was holding his mother by the hair and a large knife by her throat.

“Don’t kill her. She has done nothing wrong. So I need you to put down that knife so you don’t hurt her.” Spencer pleaded.

Liam put the knife closer to his mothers throat being really close to killing her.

“You don’t know what she has done! She deserves this!” Liam yelled at Spencer as he watched more agents coming into the bedroom.

But then something clicked in him.

Liam broke down in tears, realizing what he was about to do, so he dropped the knife and let go of his mother. Spencer quickly went over to him to put him in handcuffs.

Spencer and Derek took Liam and followed him down to a police car so he could arrested and convicted for at least 3 murderers and for attempted murder on his mother.

—

Spencer and the team were in the jet on their way home from the rather disturbed case.

Derek was sitting with his headphones on, Emily and JJ were talking about girls stuff like always, Aaron was looking over the case to his report and Rossi was looking out at the sunset.

Spencer however was sitting all by himself reading one of his many books he had brought along. He really wished he was with you. He missed you, your soft touch and just the way you gave him so much love.

Luckily he didn’t know you would pick him up from the airport. Normally the team drove back to headquarters together but when you asked Aaron if you could drive Spencer, he said yes.

Once the team had landed, they took their luggage and headed out where the cars were parked. 

Outside you were leaning against your blue sedan sized car, waiting for the team. You didn’t wait long before you noticed a familiar body. It was Spencer. The best looking nerd on the planet.

“Hey hot stuff.” you smiled once he had reached a fitting distance to talk.

“Hey sugar plum. I didn’t think you would drive me back to headquarters.” Spencer smiled and gave you a big ‘I missed you’ hug.

“You have a great boss who would let me.” you smiled and gave him a soft kiss.

--

When you and Spencer finally arrived at home, you saw another bouquet of flowers at your doorstep. There was pink, purple and red in between, it wasn’t as large as the others but just as pretty as the other two.

“I swear, you are too good for me.” you giggled and took the bouquet and the small card inside.

“What does the card say?” Spencer smiled as he slowly undressed himself from his winter clothes.

“It says; On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.” you chuckled and put the card on the fridge beside the other two.

When you walked towards your living room you noticed how light it looked, considering how late in the day it was.

It was snowing.

“Look, Spencer! It’s snowing!” you almost yelled in excitement.

He giggled at your action. “I’m right behind you. you don’t have to yell.” he wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you from behind.

Man it felt good being in his arms again.

[buckyjamess-archive]

𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲 ❁ 𝓫𝓾𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼

chapter sixteen • wordcount: 2.1k • warnings: squint and you'll find a tiny bit of fluff, cheating, kids, parenthood, crazy ex, talk about sex, just good old angst

summary

going through  rough years after losing your husband, you try to raise your daughter the best you can. With the help from the wilson's you make the best of it but the road is bumpy when sam introduces you to his friend.

masterlist

"He's teething like crazy– cleo told me she used to freeze watermelon for Liam but I don't know, wouldn't that be too cold?" 

taking a sip of hit freshly brewed coffee, his eyes follow you over the rim of his cup and back to the little boy sitting in his high chair next to him, his carbon copy, JJ– drooling and chewing on a set of colorful teethers in the shape of keys while gurgling the last remaining sounds of a crying fit.

Bucky sets his cup back on the table and shrugs, it beats him, he read some things on the internet and the books but nothing could really prepare or help him out in any way possible, this all was a first for him and without your help, he wouldn't have made it this far raising his son. 

"We could always try." 

"Yeah." Your voice is muffled, barely audible over the closing of the fridge and chopping  against a cutting board "Rosie never really had problems with teeth coming through this bad." 

Bucky chuckles softly and reaches his hand out to wipe away a lost tear from JJ his chubby cheeks "You're being a pain in the ass again pal." 

"Like your dad." 

Only if you knew doll, only if you knew. 

With a plastic blue plate filled with fruit in your hand you make your way out of the kitchen– knocks the air out of bucky his lungs like it has for the fifth time that morning; gorgeous and breathtaking, like always but after everything he's started to appreciate you so much more.

The summer dress dancing around your figure, cute and plain– he's never seen that one before and he wonders if you bought it new or found it somewhere in the depths of your closet. Hair pulled up with sunglasses resting on top, silver dangling earrings he's bought you for no other reason to show you he loved you.

Loved you, God he still does and always will, even if you'd break his heart in a million pieces but he's done that himself already; broken his own heart and he still has to break it to you, break your heart. 

For the last two weeks he'd to watch and endure how you treated him like a king, as if he'd been the brightest star out there, not knowing what he knows and though it hurts him, he couldn't bring himself to come clean– you looked so damn happy, feeling amazing like you'd said. 

"Do you have any plans for today?" 

So we can talk later.

You shrug "I need to run into town real quick, get some stuff for school," you start. "Have an appointment with Dr. Weiss at 2 so I'll be in time to pick up Rosie from daycare." 

Bucky nods and watches how you take the teethers out of JJ his hands, leaving the boy frustrated, a squeal leaving his lips as he prepares himself for another meltdown but the sob dies when you place the plate with food under his nose. Two tiny hands digging into a piece of banana, mashing it between his fingers and stuffing his face with it.

"So we get this morning all for ourselves man," Bucky states, though his son is more occupied by his food "wanna hit a stripclub later?" 

"Make sure to take one dollar bills with you." you snort

as quick as you walked into the kitchen seconds ago, as quick as you are to leave it. The sound of footsteps echoing through the hallway– a mantra of curse words muffled; probably that pink and blue, frozen umbrella and red rainboots Rosie had left in the middle of the way that morning.

"Oh, I'll have to use your car, mines making that weird noise again." Your voice comes from where you are. 

"Again?" Bucky chuckles "you had that fixed a week ago." 

"Look I'm not a mechanic but it's like something is loose." 

Nodding to himself, Bucky hums. The air knocked out of his lungs once again when you enter the kitchen, same dress flowing around your body, this time a plain beige shoulder bag thrown over your shoulder and sandals peeking from underneath your dress..and god, he's going to lose it all if he tells the truth one of these days.

"I'll take a look at it." Bucky states and shoots you a smile "we'll take a look at it, right pal?" 

Averting his eyes to JJ, you and bucky snort at the sight. A mess made from pieces of fruit picked out of his plate, smeared all over his highchair and face; JJ holds up a piece of fruit – impossible to identify as to what it is, and waves it into Bucky's direction who thanks the boy and tells him to eat I himself.

"I'll be back before 2." It throws Bucky off but he memorises the kiss you place against his cheek. Memorises every single detail, like he has for the past few days. Your soft touch, skin, lips. Every curve of your body. Every perfect imperfection, the twinkle in your eyes and the scrunch of your nose– remember it for when you're not around anymore.

"James, you're nasty." 

With your index finger and thumb around the little boy's chin, JJ gurgles a high pitched sound, showing off a toothless grin and claps his sticky hands together – bucky realises his mistakes all too well, this perfect family life hanging on a loose treath.

Dead silence, tension sharper than a knife, not as bucky had predicted. He didn't picture Melissa standing in the kitchen after forcing herself in, proudly and casually dropping the bomb and he didn't think he'd have to come clean this way– agreeing with his damn ex and he certainly didn't picture his son and stepdaughter in the same room while it all went down. 

Rosie all showered and dressed in her purple dinosaur pyjamas, her latest obsession, her short legs swinging back and forth as she's seated at the dinning table, a rainbow of crayons and half finished drawings scattered across the wooden surface. Unbothered by the unfamiliar woman standing in her parents kitchen.

JJ just out of his bath, dressed in his own dark blue pyjamas, star printed all around. His head laid upon your chest and hands in fists as he holds tight onto the fabrics of your shirt, pacifier bobbing back and forth on his mouth– ready for bedtime. 

You're calm, frighteningly so and though Bucky knows you're keeping it together for Rosie and JJ, he's scared, petrified even. You've never been like this during one of your arguments or fights, a sobbing mess like he thought you'd be during...this.

"You want a round of applause for that, bake you a cake, congratulate the both of you?" 

"Doll-" bucky can't even finish his sentence, stopping midway when your eyes snap from the woman next to him and to himself– if looks could kill, he'd be six feet underground, dirt stomped and spit on by you. 

"Don't call me doll. You've lost that privilege seconds ago." 

Bucky nods and swallows the lump in his throat. Your eyes snap back to Melissa, a shit eating grin on her face. 

"You enjoy this, breaking families apart?" You ask genuinely "because you can't have it yourself, can't keep a man by your side because of your ugly personality." 

The grin on Melissa's face falters, she crosses her arms in front of her chest and straightens her back "say the woman who couldn't keep her own husband." 

"Hey–" Bucky hisses in a poor attempt to calm things down while he can "get out of my house." 

"No–" you chuckle deeply and I'm a swift motion move JJ to your other hip "She's right; maybe I should've told Riley to stay home and skip that last mission. Could've raised our daughter together, lives happily ever after but instead I got this..whatever the fuck it is." 

With your free hand, you point to bucky and wave it up and down– well deserved. 

Bucky wants to scream, yell and throw the woman next to him out; call her names, curse her but he can't, he's frozen to the ground. The end of a book he wasn't done writing, pages turned to a chapter without you.

"Well, Riley is dead honey–" another grin on Melissa's face. 

Taking a few steps forwards, you face the woman who bluntly admitted to sleeping with the father of your child, dark eyes piercing into her soul. 

"I'll slap that fucking grin off your face, I'll even do it in front of my kids." 

it got real, you never cursed with rosie and JJ in the same room– you're livid, seeing red and for the first time Melissa shuffles on her feet and let's her arms fall down her sides in defeat. 

Bucky reaches out for you, a desperate attempt to pull you back as he wraps his hand around your wrist but you're too quick and  pull it away– sending him another death glare, his heart aches.

"Now if you don't mind, I've got bags to pack."

in the safety of your bedroom, with both babies in bed and fast asleep and Melissa kicked out long ago– bucky can't even hear your soft sniffing and gasps for air, can't bear to see your tear stained cheeks and the tears that still fall down. Your anger is replaced by sadness and disappointment; you let your façade fall. 

Bucky stands at the other side of the room, head hanging low yet keeps his eyes on you; a duffel bag placed on the bed while you're viciously packing your clothes. 

"Doll-" he tries again "please, say something." 

"Like what?" Voice so quietly, he can barely hear it.

"Just talk to me, yell at me if it makes you feel better." Bucky sighs. 

A silent second or five falls like a thick blanket of snow, suffocating– you sniffle and sigh yourself while trying to find the right words "I just– I want to know why, that's all I want to know." 

"Baby, I don't know-"

"What do you mean you don't know?" You scoff and stuff another shirt deep in your bag "you did it." 

I didn't think with my brain but with my dick?

But bucky knows you know the reason, you're thinking exactly what he's thinking and it breaks his heart even more knowing you know– he stays silent and keeps his eyes on you. His own tears are now falling down his cheeks.

"Like I gave you a kid and you decided I wasn't any fun anymore?" you're voice breaks again

"Baby– doll, that's not it. I'd never get bored of you." 

It's an attempt, a desperate one and he knows you won't believe him anyone but Bucky keeps trying.

"I did everything you asked me," you state "I moved here, left my work, one of my best friends, who by the way was right about you," sam, he knows you're talking about sam and addie "I let you into rosie's life." 

Another shirt, a pair of pants and some socks are tossed into your bag, tucked in so deep to make sure most of your clothes would fit in one go. 

"I'm sorry I'm no longer that girl you met– I'm just out here trying to raise two kids, balance work, get things ready for this study and trying to figure out who I am." 

"You have nothing to be sorry about," bucky sniffles and runs a hand over his face, wiping the tears away "I made a stupid mistake." 

Defeated, you toss a sweater into your bag and let your arms fall down your sides and slump down on the edge of the bed "I just don't understand– I'm so fucking stupid." 

Taking careful and small steps towards your side of the bed, bucky inhales deeply and sits down next to you and with hesitation and a heavy stomach wraps his arms around your shoulder, pulls you closer and buries his nose into your hair where he places a kiss and to his surprise you don't even pull back. Rubbing his hand up your arm, he lets you cry.

"You're a fucking idiot." 

"I know," Bucky chuckles with a sob "stay, I'll take the couch and we'll talk about it in the morning." 

Taglist; @farfromshawn @Nicollettemarie @wooya1224 @felicityofbakerstreet @agentmstark @sierrax023 @lilyevanswhore @qhbr2013 @buckybarnesobsessed @themaddies-obx @aloserwithoutacause @aanngie @sebby-staan @sweetth1ng @starrystarkey93 @libidinexx @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @gasly-kvyat @brown-bi-beautiful @peter-laufeyson @im-squished @meshlababy @lindseyrae20 @cb97skies @qwccrr @ssprayberrythings @yougottalovefandoms @jbcalway @realgaytrash @natyvwe @poetryazenth @winterberryfox @ahahafudge @okiegirl24 @0moondoodler0 @why-wait-4-eventually

[camillemonty]

Crush

JJ x Reader|Kook

Summary: You just moved to outer banks and you are not so thrilled about your new kook life as your parents and are curious about how your summer will be.

As the summer goes on surprises come along with ups and downs, tears and laughter, new friends and family.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter three - Jealousy

The shopping day with the girls went well, they were fun to be with but at some point it was exhausting, the only thing they talked about was clothes, shoes, and what to post on Instagram. So when the time arrived you got out of the car and waved at them goodbye letting go a sigh you didn’t know you were holding, you walked inside the house with a couple of bags of the stuff you bought and threw them on the floor of your bedroom. After looking for your mom and dad for a couple of minutes you realized you were alone, back in your room you arranged the clothes in your closet. Your parents had not returned home yet so you went out again. You walked through all Figure 8 and beyond until you ran into an ice cream shop, it was almost empty so you took your chance and entered.

You sat at one of the tables outside, the day was beautiful and at that moment you regretted not taking a book with you so you just started scrolling through your phone while eating your ice cream.

On the other side of the street close to the ice cream shop was JJ, he was alone, which was weird, he just wasn’t in the mood today, he kept walking down the street when he saw you sitting alone, it took him a minute to recognize you but when he did a smirk appeared in his face, he would not let this opportunity pass. So he came close to you, but you didn’t notice until he talked.

“Princess” he said standing right in front of your table.

You looked up to meet with his eyes “hi” you were confused about his presence.

“Eating ice cream alone? That’s kinda sad” he sat at the table.

“I like my own company” you ignored his glare and looked at your phone.

“Oh I see, the princess does not need their kook bitches all around her” he teased.

“Could you not call me that?” you roll your eyes “I mean I’m sorry for yesterday but I have done nothing to you”

He laughed “One you moved in, two you are the new Kook princess, and three you are friends with Rafe” he counted with his fingers.

“Well one I had nothing to do with the moving decision, two I’m not the princess of anything and three I’m not friends with Rafe” you mimic him.

With the faint of a smirk on his lips and ignoring your attempt of mocking him, he leaned over the table, getting closer to you, you straightened your back at his closeness but he didn’t move, and with his lips now in your ear he whispered: “then why is he coming here?”

You tilted your head so you could look at him, confusion running through your eyes; he smiled at you with his face still close to yours and stood up.

“Sup kooks?” he said to the boys behind you.

You turned your head and saw Rafe, Topper, Kelce and Liam, “great” you thought.

“What are you now? The fantastic four?” he joked “Well not fantastic, maybe assholes suits you guys better” you had to keep your lips sealed not to laugh “Know what? I really don’t give a fuck” he shrugs “see you around princess” he said at you and walked away.

It happened all so fast that the boys were still trying to find the words to reply at the insult, Rafe and Topper face was red with anger, Kelce couldn’t care less, he was looking at his phone, but the sight in Liam's face, he was mad at you, you rolled your eyes, knowing that he was going to scream at you later, he was a jealous person, and you hated it. 

“What were you doing with him?” Rafe grumbled.

“I was alone actually, he just came and sat” you keep eating your ice cream, trying not to make this a big deal.

“You better stay away from him” said Topper as the four seated with you.

You rolled your eyes at him “Your problems with them are not my problems” you saw Liam narrowed his eyes “I don’t even know the guy why would I hate him?”

“We are just warning you” Kelce spoke “they aren’t worth the trouble”

You nodded with annoyance, hoping they will leave it there. Liam didn’t say a word about it, which was weird; the four guys kept you company and took you back home, ending your walk.

JJ entered the Chateau with a smile on his face, Pope and John B were there, he sat on the couch and stretched his arms around his neck.

“Dude where were you?” Pope asked.

“Just walking”

“Why? Are you high?” said John b.

“Not yet” JJ chuckled “I was just pissing out some kooks, you know, my favorite sport” They both laughed “well no, my favorite is getting girls in my bed, if you know what I mean” they rolled his eyes on JJ.

“Gross” the two friends said.

“Talking about kooks we meet Y/n yesterday at the Kegger” said Pope.

“Who?”

“The new kook, the one that moved to Carter’s house”

“Oh the princess” JJ laughed “yeah I meet her too”

“You did?” John B asked confused.

“Yeah she and her boyfriend interrupted me with the touron yesterday” he sat with his elbows on his knees and started rolling a joint.

“She is really nice actually” John B spoke.

“Yeah she even played beer pong with us” Pope said.

The sound of the door distracted all three, it was Kie.

“Hey guys” she said sitting on the kitchen counter “what are you talking about?”

“Y/n” Pope answered “JJ met her”

“Really?” she asked and JJ nodded, lighting the joint.

“I was pissing her off today at the ice cream shop” he said letting the smoke out of his lungs.

The other two looked at him in confusion “I thought you said you met her yesterday at the Kegger” spoke John B.

“I did, I just saw her again today and decided to go bother her a bit, but then Rafe and the others arrived”

The three friends shared a glance between them.

“So you like her” Kie stated.

“What? No” JJ said “She’s a kook”

“A kook you met yesterday and are already pissing her off” Kie laughed and JJ rolled his eyes.

“Whatever” JJ rolled his eyes again and gave the blunt a smoke.

The sun was setting and inside the Chateau the party was on, music out loud, drinking and smoking, Kie was dancing at the table as the guys screamed at her, it was all laughs and fun. John B's phone started ringing.

“I’ll be back in a minute Sarah wants me to go pick her up” he said.

“If you go in the boat it will be faster” Pope pointed.

“I’ll go with you” said JJ and winked at Pope.

“Yeah we will be back in a minute you two continue the party” he saw between then and mouthed to Pope “Go for her”.

“At least bring more beer” said Kie.

“Count on it” John B winked at her and went out the porch with JJ following him.

“You think he will make a move on her” JJ asked.

“Don’t know man” John B started the boat “I knew he liked her but never thought he will do something about it”

Pope was right as always and they arrived at Sarah’s house fast, she was already waiting in the dock with two six-packs of beer. She jumped in the boat and kissed John Bs. JJ winked at John B and throws him a kiss, making him laugh. They were going to start the way home when screams cut the silence, they saw at each other confused, trying to know who was screaming.

“Look” pointed Sarah “it’s Y/n”

The guys looked at where Sarah was pointing and saw you and Liam in the backyard of your house, close to the dock, you two were screaming your lungs out, the three were frowning at the fight you two were having without understanding a word you were saying.

Sarah gasped loudly in surprise and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Dude!” said John B.

“What the fuck” Spoke JJ, anger running through his veins.

You were on the floor with your hand on your cheek; your eyes wide open as the shouting pain in your face grew. “What the fuck just happened” you thought, Liam was still standing in front of you, in shook for what he just did, he has slapped you right in the face with all his strength, you tasted the blood from your broken lip, tears burning the corner of your eyes, but you resisted them you weren’t going to cry. You stood up by yourself rejecting Liam's hand.

“I’m so sorry y/n” he said immediately.

You looked at him and noticed the red eyes you didn’t notice before, he was drunk and there was something about him that made you think he was also high, but not for weed. He took you in his arms, hugging you, but you didn’t hug him back, you pushed him away seconds after and said goodnight, walking away and inside the house, he stood there a couple of minutes and then started walking home, but ended up with Rafe, again.

In the distance the three in the boat saw everything; still shocked about it, when Liam was gone John B started the way back home.

“We all saw that right?” John B said after minutes in silence.

“I can’t believe it” Sarah spoke.

“That fucking kook” JJ sigh running his fingers through his hair.

“That fucking idiot was doing shots with Rafe an hour ago” anger in Sarah's voice.

“If he was with Rafe then it wasn’t only shots what they were doing” said JJ.

They knew he was right, that was the last comment the entire ride back to the Chateau. They jumped out of the boat and walked inside without saying a word, the music was still loud, Pope and Kie were sitting on the couch.

“Finally” said Kie smiling but the look on their faces made her and Pope worried.

“Dude what happened?” Pope spoke.

“Yeah did someone died or something?” said Kie.

The three saw each other, waiting for someone to talk first “We…” John B started “We just saw Y/n’s boyfriend hit her”

"What?” Pope and Kie screamed.

“What the hell… where?” Kie asked.

“We were right in front of her house when we heard the screams and then he hit her” continued Sarah.

“Oh my god… poor Y/n” Kie said.

JJ didn’t say anything; he just clenched his jaw every time the scene went through his head. After a couple of minutes in shock, the five started to drink again and continued the night laughing and drinking. But JJ couldn’t forget the scene.

When you were in the safety of your room you let the tears out, you felt horrible and your face hurt like hell, you went straight to the bathroom end gasped at your reflection, your cheek was still red and the left side of your lip was swollen, you felt weak and powerless. Slowly you took all your clothes and went inside the shower, the hot water washing everything away. You knew Liam was a jealous person, this was not your first fight out of jealousy but he had never hit you before. You started remembering the whole thing.

"Y/n you can’t hang out with them” he said “you don’t want these Pogues around you like Topper said they are low life people they are not worth it” there are those words again.

“Stop saying that” you said “besides I don’t care what Topper or Rafe say”

“Why not? They have been nice to us; you are just being an ungrateful bitch”

“They have been nice while talking shit about other people” he rolled his eyes “And I don’t know if you are too drunk to remember but if I’m using the terms right, you were Pogue before you arrived here”

He clenched his jaw “But I’m not one anymore”

“And it’s so hypocrite of you that you insult them” you huffed “you became a perfect kook, but maybe I don’t want to be one”

“I see what is happening here” he came closer to you.

“You do? Then tell me please”

“You like that blondie”

“Oh my god” you sigh and rolled your eyes “are you serious?”

“Yes I’m serious” he screamed.

“You are out of your mind! I only ran into him, it’s not like I was looking for him” you tried to reason with him.

“You like that miserable Pogue and don’t tell me you don’t” he kept screaming, rage taking over him.

“Stop calling them that” you screamed back.

“See, you are defending him” he yells.

 “I’m defending someone who has done nothing wrong!” you shake your arms in the air.

“I saw the way you looked at him today, I’m not stupid y/n!” he shouted.

“Stop being so fucking jealous of everyone!” you screamed.

“I saw the way he leaned on you, you didn’t even move, instead you let him whisper in your ear” he came closer “I knew you were a slut” he shouted.

You laughed, you had enough of this “I bet if it had been Rafe you wouldn’t say anything”

“Rafe will never do that I’m his friend” he said “The blondie instead, I bet you are waiting to cheat on me with him, that fucking Pogue!” He screamed.

“Oh my god you are so full of shit, you are a totally different person” you yelled, fingers tugging of your hair.

“Maybe this is me, maybe I had to come here and meet Rafe to realize that” he throws his arms in the air “but you… I knew it from the beginning you were a whore” he screamed pointing at you with his finger, getting even closer.

“Realize what? That you are Rafe’s little bitch?”

And then he hit you, you felt it in your cheek like if it just happened. You stepped out of the shower and put your pajamas on, you saw your reflection again, for a second you felt bad for what you said to him, that it wasn’t his fault, that he was drunk and maybe high; you knew he will be all day apologizing for what he did if he remembered, but you couldn’t forget it, you don’t know if you will forgive him, it was all too much. You lay on the bed hoping to fall asleep fast, you were so tired, and you did, in a matter of minutes, you were sleeping.

You woke up at your phone ringing on your nightstand, it was Liam, he has already called you four times, so you picked up.

“Yes”

“Y/n thank god, I came by your house and your mom told me you were sleep, I thought you were avoiding me” you rolled your eyes.

“No I’m not Liam, that’s why you called?”

“No, I… I wanted to invite you to give a stroll, just the two of us, promise” you sigh and he heard “please say yes” he begged “I’m so sorry for yesterday I just want to have a nice day with you, my girlfriend” you sigh again and thought twice about it, but you knew that he wouldn’t stop until you accepted.

“Ok” you said.

“Perfect, thanks, see you in thirty?”

“Yes”

You hanged up and sigh, you rubbed your eyes tiredly and got up from bed to get ready, your reflection was better this morning you felt rested, but you couldn’t forget what happened, the scene went through your mind almost every five minutes, and the cut on your lip wasn’t helping. You wanted to feel pretty today, not for Liam but for yourself, you deserve that, so you put on your favorites high-waisted shorts and a blue crop top, you put on makeup and your favorite necklace, you saw your reflection again, this time smiling; finally you put on your favorites vans. Downstairs you saw your mom, when she asked for the cut on your lip you said you didn’t saw the door, apparently, she believes it, she knew you were distracted sometimes; you ate and waited for Liam to arrive. The doorbell rang so you stood up, knowing it was him.

“Ready?” he said when you opened the door, he got flowers “wow y/n you look amazing” you gave him a fake smile “this are for you” he hands you the flowers.

“Thank you” you place them on the table at the entrance and closed the door behind you “let’s go”

You were walking around with Liam and couldn’t help but notice that people looked at you, not because you were pretty, they looked at your swollen and broken lip, even the other boys, they looked at you and then stopped on your face, frowning, you rolled your eyes, wanting this to be over and go home.

And then he threw all the plates in the air, my dad was so mad” Kie said laughing; she was talking about a customer from this morning.

“I would’ve loved to be there to see it” Pope said.

“No you don’t, I had to clean it” Kie rolled her eyes “hey you guys want ice cream?”

“I could eat an ice cream” Pope said.

JJ and John B nodded in response, Kie smiled and grabbed Pope's arm leading the way to the ice cream shop. The two friends saw at each other.

“You think he told her yesterday?” JJ asked.

“I don’t know he hasn’t said anything”

John B went inside but the shop was full “I’m going to look for a table outside, you know what I want” JJ said and John B nodded.

Already seated JJ was tapping his finger on the table, waiting for his friends when he overheard your name.

“Y/n do you want an ice cream?” he looked at you two in the distance, you were on your back “well I’m going to the bathroom wait for me here” you nodded, he saw Liam come inside and stood up immediately, coming towards you, his eyes scanning your body, you looked different and he couldn’t help but bite his lip.

“Princess” he said, you rolled your eyes with a smile “we have to stop meeting this way” you turned around and he stopped, his gaze on your lips, he felt anger at that moment but he had to play dumb “wow what happened there?” he touched the spot on the cut in his lips.

“I was distracted and didn’t saw the door” you said the same lie you told your mom.

“Really?” in his mind the scene repeated again “It almost looks like someone hit you” he frowned.

You laughed; nervous “Maybe next time someone asks I’ll say that, it’s more interesting”

“Yeah I mean, I get in fights a lot and I always end up with a cut like that in my lip” he shrugged his shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Oh” you mumbled and he realized you were nervous.

The other Pogues went out of the shop and saw JJ talking to you, they looked at each other and went towards you two. Kie was the first one in saying hi, followed by Pope and John B, they all looked at your lip, but John B was the only one that asked.

“You ok?”

“Yeah I didn’t saw the door” you shrugged your shoulders; they looked between each other but didn’t say anything.

“y/n” Liam said getting closer, everyone turned around to see him when he saw the blonde, whose name you don’t know yet, his jaw clenched, you closed your eyes for a second hoping he wouldn’t do a scene right here right now, he gave them a fake smile and arrived at your side, putting his arm around your waist, you also put on the fakest smile, you could cut the tension with a scissor if you wanted to, it was all so awkward. John B and JJ stared at Liam, while Kie and Pope looked at you.

“Well see you around guys” you said.

“Yeah see you” the three replied, the blond was quiet.

When you were giving you back at them following Liam he spoke “actually there is a Kegger tomorrow, at the Boneyard, if you two want to come” you turned around and smiled, not faking  “you can tell Rafe and his friends too” he added.

“Thank you I’ll give the message” Liam answered and dragged you away.

“Dude what the hell was that about?” John B questioned.

“Yeah man what the hell?” Pope said.

JJ was smiling, a smirk on his face, thinking about a plan he could only understand, he shrugged his shoulders as a response, and the three rolled his eyes at him.

“Here your ice cream is melting” Kie handed him the almost melted ice cream.

Liam drove you home in complete silence, you were a little surprised, you expected screams after he found you with the blond and his friends. He parked in front of your house and reached the hand that was in your leg without looking at you, you turned over him and a couple of seconds later he did too.

“I love you” he said looking at you right in the eyes, the words coming out of his mouth for the first time, but something inside you knew he really didn’t felt them, the lack of emotions in his face was obvious.

You leaned over him and kissed him, he didn’t move “see you tomorrow” you smiled and he nodded.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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@pink-meringues

[kylo-renakin]

Death in Star Wars, and How Ben Solo Was Shafted: A Mini Meta

Something has been bothering me about Ben’s death in The Rise of Skywalker. While I’m upset that he died, I echo the sentiments of other fans that just as offensive was the way that he died and how his death was treated in the context of the film. It bothered me because death has always been a part of Star Wars, but usually handled much better.

And so this meta was born.

I will be doing a brief analysis of significant character deaths from the Star Wars movies. I don’t want to touch on all of them because there are simply too many, so I’ll focus on the ones that were either major characters (i.e. trio billing or main villain) or narratively important (i.e. Shmi Skywalker).

This list will be approached chronologically within the Star Wars universe, beginning with:

Qui-Gon Jinn; portrayed by Liam Neeson

Personal feelings: I cried like a baby. Qui-gon holds a special place in my heart. His death was both epic and sombre. It hurt to watch other main cast celebrating their victory after defeating their respective challenges and then cut to Obi-wan cradling his master’s head in his lap, crying.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Maul at the end of The Phantom Menace. His actual death takes a few minutes of screen time, an outburst/scream from another main character (Obi-wan). He has last words to say to the person he has the closest on screen relationship with.

Aftermath: Held by a visibly devastated Obi-wan while he died. Sombre funeral pyre. Death discussed on screen by the council and Obi-wan.

Narrative purpose: To enable Anakin’s training under Obi-wan, which is pivotal to the overall arc of this trilogy. To provide a tangible loss and character growth for Obi-wan, who failed to save his master from a Sith--later mirrored by Obi-wan’s inability to save Anakin from becoming a Sith in Episode III, thereby providing a narrative ‘tail-end’ to Obi-wan’s journey in the trilogy. To cement the master/apprentice relationship as loving, emotional, familial, which then adds narrative depth to the bond between Obi-wan and Anakin. To introduce a cohesive theme of death, failure, and loss at the hands of the dark side that would pervade this trilogy.

Overall response: This death is both emotional and narratively important. It’s given the weight and time it deserves to have an impact on the characters. 

Shmi Skywalker; portrayed by Pernilla August

Personal feelings: Rough acting aside, watching a person die in their family member’s arms is always sad. It’s an extremely dark moment in a film that otherwise leans heavily into romance, action, and detective-mystery storytelling.

Mode of death: Tortured by Tusken Raiders. Died from her injuries. Again, her actual death takes a couple of minutes of screen time. She is able to say some last words to her son, the most important character relationship for this character.

Aftermath: Dies in the arms of her visibly devastated son. Anakin murders the Tuskens for revenge. On screen funeral where she is mourned and memorialized by her family/loved ones.

Narrative purpose: To drive Anakin further to the dark side by taking advantage of his love and compassion and turning this into anger and hate (revenge against the Tuskens). To plant the seeds of Anakin’s inability to save the ones he love. To emphasize his failure to keep his promise to return to his mother and free her. (Despite being freed off screen, she essentially died in captivity anyway, and Anakin was not the one to free her.) To further the cohesive themes of the trilogy: death, failure, loss, the power of the dark side.

Overall response: While not as moving for me personally as Qui-gon’s death, it has a very relevant thematic purpose and furthers the story. Shmi’s death is given adequate time on screen and we are able to observe the responses and aftermath of that loss.

Padme Amidala; portrayed by Natalie Portman

Personal feelings: We make jokes about how she lost the will to live, but her funeral was beautiful and Natalie’s delivery of the line “you’re going down a path I can’t follow” feels extremely important in this story.

Mode of death: Up for debate. She has lost the will to live after giving birth to Luke and Leia in the wake of Anakin’s fall to the dark side. Some have theorized that her life force was taken (or given?) to keep Anakin alive, but this is not made explicit in the movies. She dies beside Obi-wan Kenobi, and has the time to say last words--words of hope for Anakin’s eventual redemption. Her death itself takes several minutes and is followed up with screen time for a funeral where characters acknowledge her death.

Aftermath: The gorgeous and enormous funeral, mourned as a queen and a senator and a good woman. Anakin (as Darth Vader) mourns with a devastated and poorly acted “nooooo”.

Narrative purpose: To fulfill the themes of death, loss, and failure (Anakin’s failure to keep her alive) at the hands of the dark side. To provide a character loss that mimics the loss of democracy, freedom, and goodness that has fallen to Palpatine’s control. To provide a visual and narrative parallel between the death of Anakin (through the death of his love) and the birth of Darth Vader.

Overall response: While this death was definitely poorly handled it did have narrative significance and it was arguably necessitated by having to have this trilogy line up with the original trilogy. Her short funeral was one of my favorites in the series.

Obi-wan Kenobi; portrayed by Sir Alec Guinness/Ewan McGregor

Personal feelings: I feel weird having an opinion about this one because this movie was made well before I was born, and so I didn’t feel a real connection to/nostalgia from these characters the way I did with the prequels and sequels. Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan was a huge part of my childhood, so watching A New Hope in retrospect makes this death sad for me.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Vader/becomes one with the Force. Essentially sacrifices himself so that Luke doesn’t try to come after him.

Aftermath: Luke shouts “no!”. In a later scene, Luke further acknowledges his death--”I only wish Ben were here”. Ben is later seen as a Force ghost in Episodes V and VI, continuing to acknowledge his character’s death and ongoing influence on, importance to, and relationship with Luke.

Narrative purpose: To provide growth for Luke’s character as he grapples with losing a mentor and surrogate father figure who was also the last person (he believed) who was a link to Luke’s (supposedly) dead hero father that Luke looked up to--and setting us up for this narrative complication in VI. To demonstrate that the Jedi/good guys of the film win through self-sacrifice and not through anger, hate, or fear, which is very thematically resonant in this trilogy.

Overall response: Narratively meaningful, and the character’s death is immediately recognized. We get to see the response of the characters who he has the closest relationships with.

Yoda; portrayed by Frank Oz

(I just love The Last Jedi, okay??)

Personal feelings: It was kind of sad, in the way any person dying of old age is. It did feel more overtly spiritual than Obi-wan’s death.

Mode of death: Dies of old age, in his own home, in his own bed, with Luke beside him. His death scene lasts a few minutes and he has some last words.

Aftermath: We see Yoda again as a force ghost, which we are expecting as an audience since his body fades like Obi-wan’s did. There is sufficient closure. Luke is present for Yoda’s death and, at this point in the films, is the only character relationship Yoda has left alive--therefore this is the most significant his death can be to someone. Luke doesn’t look overly upset but this is not painted to be a sad death, as death by old age is usually more a fact of life and a nice reprieve from untimely losses.

Narrative purpose: Honestly, it’s been a long time since I watched the original trilogy so I’m kind of stretching here. I’m going to borrow from The Last Jedi and say that Yoda’s death allows Luke to grow beyond his master and stand on his own two feet as a fully autonomous agent of goodness. He no longer has the crutch of wise older men to lean on and must make his decisions on his own. Yoda’s death frees Luke to be the master of his own destiny, now knowing the truth of his parentage and no longer being guided by others to do what they think is best (kill Vader).

Overall response: One of the less impactful deaths in the series, but I do appreciate how it adds to Luke’s growth as a character and transition into Jedi Master.

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader; portrayed by James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen, and Jake Lloyd

Personal feelings: This is the big one™ of the trilogy, and it shows. Watching Luke trying to literally drag his father to safety is raw and heartbreaking. Seeing him unmasked for his son is chilling. The funeral pyre is beautiful. This definitely made me feel the feelings.

Mode of death: Sacrificed himself to kill Palpatine. Death lasts several minutes. Dies in Luke’s arms and Luke cries as he dies.

Aftermath: Funeral pyre. Force ghost Anakin bringing peace to Luke and cementing his redemption.

Narrative purpose: Too much to list! Reinforcing that good guys sacrifice themselves to protect the people they love. Bringing balance to the Force by killing the Emperor (thanks JJ for messing that up by the way). Finding peace with Obi-wan as a force ghost. Showing that the belief that people can be saved from themselves is validated. I’m sure there’s plenty more besides but this one is so narratively rich that it would take forever to mine.

Overall response: Extreme narrative importance. Basically ties together six movies. Emotional, beautiful, resonant.

Han Solo; portrayed by Harrison Ford

Personal feelings: Ouch, ouch, ouch! This was... this was angsty. I love angsty. I cannot possibly find adequate words to describe how well done this scene and this death was. One of my top three moments of The Force Awakens.

Mode of death: Struck through the chest with a lightsaber by his son, Ben Solo (under the alias of Kylo Ren), after an attempt to save him from the dark side and bring him home. His body falls into the pit on Starkiller Base.

Aftermath: So. Much. Rey screams “no!” Finn is visibly upset, too. Chewie roars in agony and shoots Kylo Ren with his bowcaster. Leia can be seen feeling Han’s death and cannot find the strength to keep standing. Kylo/Ben looks immediately shaken by what he has done. Rey and Leia share a sad hug at the end of the film. In The Last Jedi, reactions continue. Luke is shaken by the revelation of Han’s death and spends a quiet moment in the Falcon mourning him. Kylo/Ben’s reaction continues to spiral. Snoke, in one of my favorite lines in the film, announces that “the deed split [his] spirit to the bone”. Rey grieves Han and accuses Ben of hating him. Luke warns Kylo that he will always be with him, “just like [his] father”. Han’s shadow is felt all over The Last Jedi without him being present. Even without the further reactions in The Rise of Skywalker (Rey saying Ben is haunted by him, the literal memory scene on the Death Star), the impacts of Han Solo’s death are the most significant in the entire franchise.

Narrative purpose: To advance both internal and external character conflicts. Kylo killing Han provides an external conflict between him and the heroes--particularly between him and Rey as Rey yearns for parents who love her and Ben (seemingly) rejects/kills his that do. It also provides a meaty internal conflict for Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, who is the most nuanced villain I have ever seen in film. While Han’s death doesn’t seem to serve a main theme in The Force Awakens (it is my perspective that JJ does not have cohesive overarching themes in his two entries in the saga), it does blend in pretty well with The Last Jedi’s preoccupation with killing the past. The thematic takeaway from The Last Jedi is that you can’t and shouldn’t kill the past, you should learn from it and move on--and Kylo killing Han neatly fits into this theme by showing that Kylo tried to kill his past by killing his father, and yet he was unable to move on because of it.

Overall response: Poignant. Purposeful. Well-crafted. The effects are long lasting and felt throughout the trilogy. This is not a meaningless death. Of the entire saga, this is the death that is given the most acknowledgement.

Supreme Leader Snoke; portrayed by Andy Serkis

Personal feelings: I was on the edge of my fucking seat. This is not emotionally resonant because we don’t care about Snoke but it was huge and shocking and had these enormous narrative implications moving forward.

Mode of death: Cut in half by Kylo Ren while he narrates his own death.

Aftermath: The Praetorian guards spring into action to avenge their master. In a later scene, we see Snoke’s severed legs topple to the floor. Hux is visibly shaken and angry. Kylo Ren acknowledges the death (by blaming it on Rey) and takes Snoke’s position as Supreme Leader (”the Supreme Leader is dead”, “long live the Supreme Leader”). I’m... going to ignore how The Rise of Skywalker handled Snoke. It was unnecessary to have Snoke clones from a storytelling perspective. It added nothing to the narrative, just used as a clumsy way to justify that Palpatine was really pulling the strings all along.

Narrative purpose: To deepen the perceived conflict within Kylo Ren and showing his unwillingness to kill Rey. This further complicates their relationship moving forward as we’ve established that the new head honcho powerful villain has no real desire to hurt the hero. The narrative implications of this moving forward were so rich. Pity JJ ignored them. Additionally: To show Kylo Ren symbolically surpassing Darth Vader. In Episode III Anakin claims he will overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy with Padme. He never achieves this. But Kylo Ren does (minus the Empress by his side). To deepen the theme of Kylo Ren trying to kill/bury the past in order to become stronger (and ultimately failing). To add Snoke to the list of characters in the movie who embody the theme of failure. To shake up an expected narrative trajectory and provide new pathways for future storytelling. (Again, JJ, looking at you.)

Overall response: Loved it. Loved it. Not as resonant as some of the other deaths but by far to me the most shocking.

Luke Skywalker; portrayed by Mark Hamill

Personal feelings: Okay, this is a big one. Here’s the thing. I did not grow up with the original trilogy. I never really cared for Luke (didn’t dislike him either, just ‘meh’). But this movie. This movie. I went on a journey with Luke. I saw him as fallible. As human. Making mistakes. Failing. Falling into depression. And overcoming it. I cried when Luke Skywalker died. I did not think that would happen. I did not think I would ever love Luke so much.

Mode of death: Force projects himself across the galaxy to face his nephew and save the Resistance; the effort kills him. Luke’s death takes a couple of minutes of screentime, and it is gorgeous. Hamill acts his ass off. The music, the visuals, everything combines to make this the most emotional death in Star Wars--a fitting end for its first hero.

Aftermath: Leia and Rey feel his death in the Force. They speak to each other quietly about it. They know it was peaceful. Luke, knowing he was going to die, came and saw his sister first and gave them beautiful closure and a message of hope. Just before Luke dies, he warns Kylo/Ben that he’ll always be with him. Just like his father. Luke fades into the Force and we know we will see him again as a force ghost (which we do, but JJ managed to trash even that). The boy on Canto Bight and his friends are inspired by the legend of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. He ignites hope throughout the galaxy once more.

Narrative purpose: Multiple. As above, inspiring hope throughout the galaxy once more. To serve the theme of self-sacrifice. Achieving victory without violence (pacifistic). Preventing Kylo Ren from killing more people he cares about (Rey, Leia, Luke) and thereby protecting him, at least a little, from himself. Also serves a similar purpose to Yoda’s death--with both Luke and Snoke dying, Rey and Kylo Ren are without masters, the arbiters of their own destiny (thanks again JJ for fucking that up too).

Overall response: I can’t decide if this or Han Solo’s death is more emotionally impactful to me. They are both so, so moving, and so essential to the narrative.

Leia Organa; portrayed by Carrie Fisher

Personal feelings: This is hard. I don’t think her scenes in The Rise of Skywalker worked. They were cut from The Force Awakens for a reason--and then cobbled together like some kind of Frankenstein’s Monster for this movie. As much as I love Leia and Carrie, I couldn’t feel emotion for her death because it was so wooden and artificial.

Mode of death: Uses the last of her energy to reach her son (it is unclear exactly how she is reaching him. Force projection? Did she create the Han memory? Who knows.) Even with so little to work with, they still managed to focus on her death with her lying down, her hand falling to the side--trying to give this some weight.

Aftermath: Chewie mourns. Ben and Rey both feel her death and are clearly devastated. The Resistance gather around her body in mourning. Her body fades at the same time as Ben’s (wtf, JJ) and then we see her as a force ghost with Luke (but not Ben because fuck him apparently). 

Narrative purpose: To bring her son back to the light, something that has been a central struggle of this trilogy. Sacrificing yourself to save that which you love.

Overall response: It has a purpose, but I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have gone this way if Carrie hadn’t died. It doesn’t seem as organic as the deaths of Han and Luke.

NB: I’m skipping Palpatine because his death was literally nothing else than “defeat the big bad”. It wasn’t even fulfilling a prophecy, it had no significant narrative weight for Rey, it was a nothing burger.

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren; portrayed by Adam Driver

Personal feelings: Twofold. In the cinema, I felt nothing. Nothing. I actually laughed in surprise. Like, “what was that”? The next day, at home, I cried. I don’t think I cried because he died. I was open to that possibility. I cried because I was so, so angry at how poorly his arc and death was handled. Like he was a footnote in his own fucking story. I think him living was a much more interesting story, narratively and thematically, but I wasn’t necessarily opposed to his death if it was done well. And it wasn’t.

Mode of death: Uses the last of his life energy to resurrect Rey. Falls over. (Plop, there he goes.) Fades into the force.

Aftermath: Like, none? Rey looks kind of surprised and blinks for a couple of seconds. No words are exchanged. He just tips over and dies. Cool.

Narrative purpose (or failure thereof): I am fucking reaching here because all of the previously established trajectories and themes are dashed by this ending. We could argue that this is a self-sacrifice to save what you love theme point. Which is fine, but like, no one mourns. He doesn’t become a Force Ghost. No one acknowledges his death. Ben fading into the Force is a metaphor for him fading from people’s minds. It’s like he doesn’t even exist in the context of the story anymore. Which is insanely baffling because all three of the original trilogy heroes sacrificed their lives, at least in part, to save Ben Solo. So that he could in turn save Rey? So he’s just another cog in the machine? This was always about Rey and never about the love Han and Leia had for their son, or that Luke had for his nephew? If you think about it, the only other ‘main’ characters to die during the course of their trilogy were Qui-gon and Padme. And both of those characters had funerals, and people mourning, and huge narrative implications. The death of Ben Solo reads like the death of a minor character. It serves one very narrow and already over-represented theme. The death of all of the rest of the Skywalkers had huge emotional ramifications for the other characters in the films. With Ben Solo, the Skywalker legacy fades as well, as if JJ is telling us that this saga was not about this family at all, but their whole story existed only for the point of saving Palpatine’s granddaughter. How fucked up is that?

Overall response: Narratively, this just doesn’t make sense. It’s lazy and not impactful. When a character dies in films, you want the audience to feel something, so you show other characters reacting to it. Are they sad? Then we should feel sad too! Are they elated? We should be celebrating! No one reacts to Ben’s death, so we’re not sure how we’re supposed to feel, either. The people who are devastated by this death are the ones who love the character itself and are upset that he got treated this way--the death itself was hollow and emotionless.

So, there you have it. Ben Solo was shafted. Death is extremely prevalent in these movies, and yet, being the only new Skywalker of the sequels and half the protagonist (thank you Rian), Ben Solo has arguably the least emotional or narratively impactful death in the franchise.

Rian Johnson would never do this to Ben Solo.

[mydogisveryadorbs]

blue ain't your color | jj maybank

masterlist

summary: song fic based on blue ain’t your color by keith urban.

warnings: mentions of mentally and physically abusive relationships, underage drinking, mentions of drugs, angst, fluff, v soft jj

PSA: this is not in any way meant to idealize or romanticize abusive relationships. if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please get help. below are some resources and learning tools. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799 – 7233

Love is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331 – 9474

more hot lines and info: https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/

learn more: https://www.thehotline.org/psa/

lyrics in bold

3.8k+ words

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

I can see you over there

Starring at your drink

Watchin' that ice sink

All alone tonight

You look down at your drink, moving the straw in a circular motion causing the ice to swirl around creating a small tornado.

Glancing at the time on your phone, you realize you've been waiting here for almost two hours. 

Your boyfriend was supposed to meet you at Topper’s party at 9. In the first thirty minutes, you weren't surprised. Liam, your kook boyfriend of 10 months, was late for almost everything, so this didn't come as a shock to you. 

When the one hour mark hit you were honestly quite worried. What if he was in an accident? What if he got jumped? Maybe your thoughts were most likely irrational, but you couldn't help but worry about your boyfriend.

One hour later, you had gotten past the worrying stage. Now you were simply angry, no, furious at him. Had he stood you up? Did he forget about you? These thoughts were definitely more rational. It wouldn't be the first time Liam stood you up, but you would make sure it was the last. 

At the beginning of your relationship, everything had been sunshine and butterflies. About two months in, however, he asked you to stop seeing your friends.

You see you were a born and raised pogue. Your dad was a close friend of Big John so you had practically grown up with John B, JJ, and Pope, in more recent years becoming close friends with Kiara.

At first, it was little things. Liam would get upset if you left to hang out with the pogues instead of him. Then one day, he asked you to stop seeing them all together. You, of course, retaliated, telling him that you would never leave your friends. But Liam had a way with words, and not a good way. He told you for months that your friends would never love you and that you were lucky that he had even taken pity on you. Slowly, you started to believe him. You stopped seeing the pogues, pushing everyone who truly loved you out of your life.

Liam became more and more distant as the months went on. He would leave you almost every night to drink and party, not even bothering to let you know where he was headed. The two of you had been fighting nonstop for several weeks. It had gotten physical only a few times and the next morning he would apologize profusely, so you stayed.

Seeing him walk in with two girls wrapped around his waist, nearly two and a half hours late, was the last straw for you.

Grabbing your purse, you walked up to Liam, who's eyes widened with the realization the moment he saw you.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he says, slightly slurring his words as his arms still holding the two skinny blondes at his sides, “It's not what it looks like.” You can see his red-rimmed eyes and dilated pupils, telling you that he was coked out. 

You roll your eyes, knowing that this was it for you. “Really, Liam,” you snap back, “‘Cause it looks like we are done here.”

Liam’s eyes widen in shock, never having seen you lash out like this before. He shakes it off and his expression quickly contorts into one of disgust. “Okay,” he says with a shrug, “Good luck finding someone else to take pity on a whore like you, dirty pogue.” He walks away with the two girls, leaving you in shock.

It takes a moment for you to realize that you had just ended this almost one-year relationship. 

The first emotion you feel is one of freedom and relief. No more would you have to be held down by this weight of not being able to do and say what you want.

That feeling slowly dissipates as the feeling of dread starts to overcome it. You had pushed away all of your friends for this boy who had let you go like you were nothing to him. Maybe you were nothing.

You walk back to the bar area, grabbing another drink, feeling the need to drown away your sorrows.

And chances are

You're sittin' here in this bar

'Cause he ain't gonna treat you right

JJ Maybank hated kook parties with a passion.

Thankfully he hadn't had the opportunity to attend too many of them in his lifetime. But now that John B was macking on Sarah Cameron, it wasn't uncommon for the blonde boy to get dragged along to one of these events.

John B had left JJ to fend for himself as soon as they had arrived at the party, slipping off somewhere to find Sarah. JJ looked around the extravagant home that belonged to one of his enemies, Topper Thornton. His ring clad fingers fiddled with an expensive-looking vase, trying to find the perfect moment to snag it and slip away.

JJ’s eyes filtered through the crowd when they landed on something, or rather someone, that he had least expected to see.

His hand slipped from the vase, letting his gaze drink you in. You definitely looked different. Your once long hair was now cut just below your shoulders and your typical style of denim shorts and a cropped shirt was exchanged for a lavish-looking dress and sparkly stilettos.

JJ admits that he probably wouldn't have recognized you if he hadn't spent so many years unable to take his eyes off of you whenever the pogues were together.

The boy had loved his life long best friend since the day she clocked a boy in the face for making fun of JJ’s worn-out clothes. They were seven. In addition to being the day JJ had met (Y/N) and John B, it was also the day he fell in love with the (Y/E/C) eyed girl.

When you started dating your kook boyfriend at the beginning of your junior year, JJ was initially devastated. He soon brought himself to realize, however, that a lowlife like him would never be able to deserve someone as beautiful and kind-hearted as you. His thoughts were confirmed when you abruptly stopped hanging around the pogues and him. You were too good for him. The blonde boy had no idea of the pain that Liam had caused you in the past ten months.

Now looking at you, JJ could see that you were upset. He had gotten really good at analyzing your body language over the many years of being your best friend.

All thoughts of stealing the vase flew out of his mind as his feet started in your direction.

Well, it's probably not my place

But I'm gonna say it anyway

'Cause you look like

You haven't felt the fire

Had a little fun

Hadn't had a smile in a little while

You felt a figure move to sit in the bar stool chair next to you, but you choose to ignore whoever it is, not particularly feeling up to socializing with a contemptuous kook after what you just went through.

The figure didn't move after a few minutes so you turn to look at them with a glare in your eyes, ready to snap at them and ask them to leave you alone. Your gaze immediately softens as you realize the person next to you is in fact the last person you would ever expect to see at a party like this, JJ Maybank.

Tears begin to prick at your eyes as you continue to stare at the side profile of the blonde boy who hasn't yet turned to face you. 

Everything you had done so well to hide over the last ten years of knowing and loving him comes rushing back. Your love for the boy next to you consumes every fiber of your being. 

A lone tear falls down your cheek as you begin to curse yourself and Liam. How did I let him control me into giving this up? This feeling?

Blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

JJ finally turns his head to look at you and feels his entire resolve crumble. You were crying. The sight nearly breaks his heart in two.

His eyes lock with yours and he can see the pain and heartache swirling within them.

“What did he do to you,” JJ mutters, letting his eyes roam the crowd for the boy he despises most in the world. Almost a year of suppressed anger starts to bubble up to the surface.

“JJ,” you whimper.

The sadness and hopelessness in your voice makes every ounce of anger in him evaporate as he turns his head to look at you again. The look in your eyes tells him that the kook boy had hurt you worse than he ever knew.

JJ wants nothing more than to pull you into his arms and never let anything else in the world harm you. His hands itch to wipe the tears off your face and pull your head to his chest.

However, JJ also wants you to be as comfortable as possible and he's not sure if you're ready for the amount of love he has to give you just yet.

You surprise the blonde boy by reaching out to your arms out to him. The blonde wastes no time in standing up and pulling your body flush to his chest.

Everyone else in the world disappears as the two of you clutch each other with all you have. Both of you realize how much you had missed the comfort of each other's embrace. 

You're not sure how long you stand there like that, face nuzzled into JJ’s shoulder as the boy strokes your hair comfortingly.

“I'm sorry,” you mumble into his shirt, not willing to pull away from the warmth he radiates.

JJ’s eyebrows draw together in confusion as he pulls away enough to look down at you. “What do you mean,” he asks with a softness in his voice that is reserved for you only, gently lifting your chin so that you are looking into his beautiful cerulean eyes.

You sniffle. “I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for breaking down in front of you. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. But most of all, I'm sorry for ever believing that I could live without you. I-I mean if it weren't for you I don't know what I would do. I understand if you don't want to talk to-” your ramble is suddenly cut off by JJ pressing his lips to yours.

The boy knows that this is probably not the best time to confess his feelings towards you, but he can't watch you talk down about yourself like that anymore. Do you not know how much he adores you? 

The kiss is soft and passionate. JJ can taste your salty tears on his slightly chapped lips as they work against yours. Both of you poor every ounce of emotion you have into the kiss. 

JJ reluctantly pulls away when the two of you run out of air, placing his forehead delicately on yours as your arms wrap around his neck.

I'm tellin' you

You don't need that guy

It's so black and white

He's stealin' your thunder

Baby, blue ain't your color

Both of you pant as you look into each other's eyes. “I've wanted to do that for so long,” JJ says, as the smile you cherish so much graces his features.

“Really?” you ask and JJ can hear the vulnerability in your voice. What did that shithead do to you to make you so insecure?

“You have no idea, baby,” he says, tenderly kissing away the tear that has slipped out of your eye and onto your cheek.

Not having the words to express how you feel about the boy in front of you, you pull his head back down, kissing him so sweetly that it makes his knees buckle.

“JJ,” you whisper as you pull away, but you never get to finish your statement because you are suddenly ripped out of his embrace.

“You fucking whore,” Liam seethes at you taking a stride towards you and you instinctively take a step back. “You break up with me and two minutes later you've moved onto another guy. Slut.” His words cut you deep and you know by the tone of his voice that a punch to the gut or a slap to the face is coming. Liam raises his hand and you brace yourself for impact, but it never comes.

The sound of yelling fills your senses and you open your eyes to see JJ punching Liam in the face repeatedly. You are frozen as you watch the scene in front of you.

“JJ,” you hear John B yell, turning to look at him, “You're gonna kill him.”

Your eyes widen in realization at his words and you take a step forward.

“JJ,” you call, but your voice is drowned out by the sound of everyone yelling around you. You clear your throat and try again, louder. “JJ.”

This time JJ stops mid punch, turning to look at you. Fear fills your body when you see that his wide, normally baby blue eyes are nearly black.

His gaze softens as he takes in your anxious look.

JJ steps away from the beat-up boy and you see a few of his friends pull Liam’s limp body away. You lock your eyes back to JJ’s and he takes a careful step towards you causing you to involuntarily flinch back slightly.

I'm not tryna

Be another just

Pick you up

Kinda guy

Tryna drink you up

Tryna take you home

He wants to cry out at the sight. Don't you know that he would rather die than ever hurt you? 

You do know this, and you're not afraid of the boy in the slightest, but the last five minutes have put you on edge.

Seeing the broken look in the blonde’s eyes, you take quick steps toward his body, wrapping him in your embrace. He melts into your arms, allowing his face to nuzzle into the crook of your neck.

The crowd that had formed around the fight disperses, realizing the show is over.

“(Y/N).” The sound of your name being called pulls your attention away from the sweet boy in your arms.

You pull away from JJ slightly, still keeping an arm around his bicep.

Looking over, you see John B standing to the side with Sarah Cameron. You had heard about the two of them getting together and you suddenly realize why JJ happened to be at this party.

The sadness in John B’s eyes as he looks at you breaks your heart. The two of you have been like sister and brother your whole lives and, besides JJ, he was the hardest for you to stop talking to.

You feel JJ’s grip on you loosen, urging you to go to John. The two of you walk towards each other and John B pulls you into his arms. 

“I missed you, (Y/N/N),” he says unto your hair, “So much.”

You smile, tears softly rolling down your cheeks. “I missed you too, JB,” you say, pulling away to look at JJ who looks back with a sad smile on his face.

But I just don't understand

How another man

Can take your sun

And turn it ice cold

The four of you decided it was best to leave. John B dropped Sarah off at her house and drove the three of you back to the Chateau. Your stomach drops at the sight of the small shack.

JJ notices your facial expression, placing his hand softly on top of yours. “You okay?” he asks gently as John B parks the van.

You nod with a small smile and JJ helps you out of the van, holding your hand as he leads you to the porch. You stop walking, causing the two boys to turn around and look at you.

“I'm sorry,” you say, tears pooling in your eyes again. JJ gives you a knowing look. “(Y/N),” he says, almost sternly.

“No,” you say, wiping your eyes, “Let me talk.” JJ nods and John B looks at you expectantly. “I left you. Both of you. I- Liam, he just made me feel so useless and I didn't want to be a bother to you guys anymore.”

JJ lets out a sound, almost like a growl, and pulls you into a hug. “You are not useless, (Y/N),” he says seriously, “You are so important, to both of us, and we missed you so much.”

You nod into his chest as John B comes to wrap his arms around both of you.

The three of you group hug and you sigh contently, happy to be back with your boys.

Well, I've had enough to drink

And it's makin'

Me think that I just might

Tell you if I were a painter I wouldn't change ya

I'd just paint you bright

John B helps JJ set up the pull out while you change into a pair of John B’s sweats and JJ’s t-shirt. John B says goodnight and goes to “hit the hay” as he puts it, leaving you and JJ alone again.

“I'll sleep on the other couch and you can take the bed,” he says sweetly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

The two of you settle into your “beds”, but you can't seem to fall asleep with so many thoughts running through your mind.

Everything that has happened since you left the pogues seems like one big sad blur. Your mind wanders to JJ. What does this mean for you two? 

“(Y/N),” the voice you love so much calls. You hum in response. “You ‘wake?” he asks. You sit up in the pullout shaking your head.

“Can't sleep,” you say, rubbing your eyes. 

JJ sits up as well. “M’sorry, baby,” the nickname makes your heart flutter.

You open your arms for the boy who looks at you warily. “Are you sure, (Y/N),” he asks. You nod quickly and he stands up, falling into the pullout and wrapping you into his arms. He tucks your head under his chin, pulling you closer.

“JJ,” you ask.

It's his turn to hum in response. “This may be weird for you, but I feel like I just have to say it,” you tell him. JJ pulls back just enough to look into your eyes. He's worried about what you are going to say but tries to hide it for your sake. “I love you, J.”

JJ smiles, leaning down to nuzzle his nose with yours in an Eskimo kiss. “I love you too,” he says sincerely, but you're afraid he doesn't understand what you mean.

“No, J,” you say, looking away from his eyes, “I love you. Like, I'm in love with you.”

The blonde boy only smiles bigger. He leans down pressing a passionate kiss to your lips, pulling away when you run out of air. JJ trails sweet kisses down your jaw and neck before placing one last kiss on your lips.

“I'm in love with you too (Y/N),” he says kissing your forehead. JJ wonders how he went so long without being able to kiss you and hold you. Even after only confessing a few hours ago, it feels so natural to have you in his arms. The thought of not having you makes his heart ache. 

“I have to ask you something, but you can say no and it won't change anything and I understand that this is hard because of everything that just happened,” JJ rambles. You kiss his jaw softly, urging him to continue. “Will you be mine. Ya know. Like my girlfriend, or whatever.”

You smile wide. “Of course I'll be yours, J.”

JJ copies your smile leaning down to press another kiss to your lips.

He pulls away, snuggling into you, and the both of you bask in the feeling of being in each other's arms. Your hand reaches up to play with JJ’s hair as your eyes start to droop.

“Love ya, pretty girl.”

“Love you too, J.”

'Cause blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

You are sitting down on a beach towel, watching the sun slowly fall into the ocean, lighting the sky with a beautiful rainbow of colors. Your feet are outstretched in front of you and your hands prop you up behind your back. The Outer Banks heat is making your skin warm, but you don't mind, letting the steadily depleting sun hit your skin.

You watch as JJ catches another wave, surfing it perfectly. You giggle as he raises his hand in a fist, clapping for him. 

It's been two weeks since you finally ended things with Liam. You were able to mend things with the rest of the pogues and Kiara and Pope welcomed you back with open arms. Things with JJ have been going amazing. The two of you agreed to take things slowly seeing as you were just getting out of a toxic relationship. It was different to finally be in a place with JJ where you weren't afraid to show him and tell him how you feel, but you loved it.

JJ runs towards you, gripping his board in one hand as the other pushes back his blonde locks.

When he gets to your towel, JJ throws down his board and plops down next to you, pulling you into a sweet hug.

You giggle. “You're all wet, J,” you say, not making any move to get out of his warm embrace. The boy peppers your face with soft kisses causing you to giggle even more.

A few minutes later you are seated in between JJ’s legs and he has his strong arms wrapped around your waist, his head nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

“I love you, J,” you say, still watching the sunset.

“I love you too, pretty girl,” JJ says kissing your neck. He begins humming the tune to a song you recognize. 

“Blue ain't your color, umm mm,” he sings, “No, no baby, come here baby, let me light up your world.”

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

[bradshawsbaby]

Omg I totally forgot about the sleepover and I'm way late 😭😭 BUT I do have a question if you don't mind answering. When it comes to the Bradshaw/Seresin kids, who out of the dagger group do they each gravitate towards? Like they've all got to have a favorite "uncle", and for some reason I just get the vibe that Payback is such a natural with kids and they all love him to death. Goose's favorite totally has to be Mav, and Lydia gives me Phoenix vibes bc girl power lol. I'm unsure about James, and then I need to read up on your Hannix fics because you may have turned me....I may or may not have been seeking out Hannix moments when I watched TGM yesterday 😂😂

All the kids totally adore Mav! He’s definitely like the grandfather of the group, and the kids all follow him around like baby ducks and beg for stories 😂

The Bradshaw and Seresin kids love all the members of the Dagger Squad, but there are definitely some they naturally gravitate towards.

Goose and Hangman have a very good relationship. When Hangman and Phoenix found out they were having a baby, Hangman started spending more time with Goose (who was only a little over a year old at the time) and the two of them bonded a lot.

Lydia loves her Aunt Phoenix. She thinks she’s super cool and amazing. All her dark-haired Barbie dolls are named Phoenix or Natasha. “They’re pilots, just like Aunt Phoenix,” she tells her parents proudly.

James and Fanboy are buddies. They share a love for comic books and superheroes, and so they’re attached at the hip whenever they’re having conversations revolving around that.

Just like his dad, JJ is super close with Coyote. Coyote think it’s hilarious how JJ is Hangman’s mini-me, even down to the smallest mannerisms. He’s always telling JJ ridiculous stories about things Hangman has done. Whenever Hangman overhears, he’s like, “Okay, Coyote, that’s enough!”

Ben is named after Bob (his full name is Benjamin Robert) and that’s who he’s closest to. Even though Ben and his twin are very rambunctious children, Bob has a way of getting them to calm down and listen. “We might need you to move in with us, Bob,” Phoenix always teases.

Liam has a great bond with Rooster. After he got the scar on his chin from his bike accident, which Phoenix told him was just like Uncle Rooster’s, Liam has looked up to him in a special way.

Ellie is obsessed with Payback. She thinks he’s so funny and loves being around him. When she was really young, she used to be amazed at how tall he was—“even taller than Daddy.” She would always squeal with delight whenever Payback put her on his shoulders and spun her around.

Woohoo, join the Hannix ship! 🥳 They’re so much fun!

[criminalminds4days]

Let Him Go (S.R.)

Hello Friends!!

I am doing finals so I decided the best choice for me was to write a long Spencer Reid Fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: None, except mentions of murder, and violence. Swear words.

**************************************************************************************

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” The words came out before she could think them through. She knew exactly what he needed because she wanted it too, but she just couldn’t say it, it frightened her.

“Really? You don’t know what to say?” He scoffed, ready to give up all hope. “I love you; I’ve loved you for years… I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but I need to know if that is something that’s ever gonna happen. I can’t keep going like this, I am done playing games, I am done going in a circle.” He was hurt, his brown eyes reflected it perfectly, the tears that threaten to escape him almost made her break. 

Almost.

“I can’t give you what you want.” It was true, and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to, of course, she wanted to grow old with him, wake up next to him every single day, but the fear that engulfed her, of one day him realizing he could do much better and walking up and leaving, that was enough to ground her. 

She wasn’t ready. She repeated to herself, hoping one day it would be believable.

“Then I guess that settles it.” His voice broke, knowing full well what this meant for them, “I can’t keep doing this and you can. We are simply not at the age where it’s for fun. I need stability, I need a partner who knows what they want in a relationship and that is obviously not you.” A sole tear left his face, hiding underneath his chin. “I really wish it was.” He mumbled as he left the room. There it was, the image she feared so much, caused solely by her actions, it was better now than later, she reminded herself but that did not make the heartbreak any less painful.

Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, and for the past three years, her lover. They had met in 2005, after she had joined the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, quickly bonding over their shared love for books, despite her hatred of some of the classics, as they were often referred to. Soon enough, those brown eyes, that awkward smile, and his tall figure had become engraved in her brain to the point in which she could no longer ignore it. She kissed him and that was the best decision she had ever made.

For three years they had been happy, and it seemed to everybody that soon enough they would be engaged, married, and with kids. When the conversation of this possible future arose between them, she couldn’t help but panic, leading to their current situation. He had left her, and she regretted every minute she didn’t run after him. She was going to run after him, she really was but as soon as her hand touched the doorknob she stopped herself. 

Fear. 

It was stupid, she knew it was, but it was paralyzing her in place, preventing her from ever reaching for that happy family she hoped to have with him one day.

Years went by, her regret never subsiding.

Why was she there?

It was clear this was a mistake; she knew it was. He was getting married and she simply sat there, wishing it was her who he smiled at, who he was gonna have a family with. Nonetheless, there she was, watching the man she loved get married, while she remembered that day, five years ago, in which she let him go. She smiled at the couple and congratulated them. She toasted, danced, smiled, laughed, and joked all while her heart was being torn to pieces at the sight of the happy newlyweds. That was the moment she decided she couldn’t stay. The offer she had been considering finally making sense. It was time to leave the BAU, time to leave the heartbreak, and time to leave Spencer Reid for good. She hoped the woman he was marrying would be horrible, that she could hate her, but Maeve Donovan was anything but. She was a kind soul, smart beyond reason, with all truthfulness, she could just see how she made Spencer happy and that was enough to eradicate all hope for hate.

Starting over was painful, saying goodbye was painful, but it was necessary. When he asked what prompted her decision she said, “I think I need to take the next step in my life.” He nodded and wished her nothing but the best and she smiled, not wanting to tell him she felt she had already lost it. When she arrived at her new office in Paris, she couldn’t properly appreciate the fact that her dream home was now her actual home. Her room growing up had been filled with Eiffel towers, and by the age of twelve, she was fluent in the language of the city of love. Granted, it helped that her parents both spoke English and Spanish, so learning French was a breeze.

She began work and soon found herself so immersed in it, she didn’t realize there was a life she left behind, there were friends she had not contacted in years. It wasn’t until she saw Emily Prentiss and heard what happened that she realized just how much she had forgotten when she decided to leave. She allowed her old coworker to take her out of her comfort zone and soon enough she found herself dating a tall dark-haired man named Liam Gardner, that happened to work as an undercover agent, just like her. Was there something about dating coworkers that got to her? She laughed at the suggestion.

It had been a year since she had dated this man when he asked her, she was in the same position she had been almost a decade ago and the regret of that night, and how strongly she felt for the man in front of her, made her answer different. It made her realize he couldn’t lose him like she had lost Spencer. “Yes, I do want to marry you.” She found herself saying, and for once, her life was on track.

She wasn’t terrified, and that was her first mistake. She figured it out on their first anniversary, as she patiently waited for him at their favorite restaurant, the Eiffel Tower shining in the distance, and the diamond ring that never left her hand, unless she was within a job, reflected the lights of the establishment.

“Excuse moi, mademoiselle?” A man had approached her, and her gut told her something was wrong. Her husband had infiltrated an organization that sold kids around the world, he hated the idea more than anything, but didn’t give a second thought to the offer, he loved children and would do anything to make sure more kids were safe. He had been organizing a raid that would tear down the whole system two days ago and he would be home just in time for their anniversary. But something went wrong, the operation was messier than they expected, and he was caught in the crossfire.

He died a hero.

People reminded her, but that didn’t mean much when the man she loved was buried six feet under. Once again, she experienced the loss she was so afraid of, and once again he reminded herself how this was what she was destined for, and she was a fool to think otherwise.

How long had it been? A year since he passed? She wasn’t quite sure, but she couldn’t bring herself to take the ring off. Her phone rang and she almost didn’t recognize the voice on the other side “Hey, It’s me JJ.” Jennifer Jareau, one of her ex-coworkers spoke on the other side. She didn’t have much of a long history with JJ, but that was partly because of her history with Spencer, who happened to be the blonde woman on the other side of the phone’s best friend. Despite their estrangement, after the woman said “We need you” she immediately accepted and grabbed her bag, buying the first plane tickets available to her, letting Emily know where she was going. Once she was on the plane she realized she did not even know why she had been summoned by her old team.

“Catch me up.” Were the first words that she said to the people in front of her.

She wanted to say hello and maybe even hug them, but as soon as she saw them she knew she had to get down to business.

His voice came out so broken, so hurt that she couldn’t help but want to hug him how she used to. It had been almost five years since she last saw him, but underneath his longer hair, and his very visible facial hair and his overwhelmingly sad eyes, was the man she once loved. “It’s Maeve, she’s been kidnapped.” That phrase returned her to the present. “You are the best when it comes to stalker cases and I can’t even make a coherent thought, please help us.” She nodded, as if they didn’t already know she would do anything in her power for any of them, but especially the brunette.

She forced herself to not draw parallels between his situation and the night she lost her husband, but it was impossible not to, especially when she knew that everything was lost. They entered the warehouse after they heard the gunshot, to find them at odds. Spencer begging to take Maeve’s place and the woman holding his wife hostage questioning how much he was willing to give up for her. Too late she realized what was going to happen, too late did she aim and shoot, too late to change any outcome but the one in front of their eyes. Her shot was wasted, landing on the wall directly behind the woman who now laid on the floor, covered in her and Reid’s wife's blood, both of them gone. She couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing she couldn’t stop her, knowing it was her fault Spencer’s wife was dead.

She couldn’t say goodbye and she couldn’t look him in the eye every again, so she sent a simple text to Hotch:

I got a case, I had to leave. Tell Reid I am really sorry.

That was it, no goodbye, no see you guys later, no hugs, and no catching up. She should have stayed home, she shouldn’t have gone knowing what she causes, once again she was reminded of the luck she carried around, affecting those she loved.

“It is not your fault!” Emily said.

“Of course it is, they needed me. Spencer and Maeve needed me, and I failed them.” She couldn’t stop the tears for much longer, but she tried.

“No, you didn’t you did everything you could.”

“Did I? Did I really? Because that’s what I tell myself every time I look at this ring and remember sitting in a restaurant wondering why he’s not there while he was dead. That’s what I told myself when I fired my gun too late to stop the woman even though I knew exactly what she was going to do.”

“Stop it! Stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control!” Emily stood from her chair, the frustration clear in her eyes. “I will not watch the closest friend I have throw a self-pity party when she knows full well these things are not something that our luck creates. There are sick people in this world, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for any of it! I will not allow you to!” After that, the woman left and the tears fell.

It had been at least three weeks since that discussion, Emily and she had made up but her friend had to go into hiding once again, knowing full well that the level of exposure she had because of their friendship could put her in danger, making her yet another person she couldn’t help. There was a knock at the door, and she presumed it was the woman mentioned, excited she opened the door to be faced with a tall brown-haired man with sad brown eyes and a satchel that she knew too well.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Hotch made me take time off, and I didn’t want to be alone… I didn’t know where to go and I just… I ended up here.”

“Oh.”

“Can I come in?”

She questioned it for a moment, not sure how she could deny him anything but also afraid of how her guilt would get the best of her. “Sure.” She said finally and moved, letting Spencer Reid enter her home like she had done so many times before, and yet this time it felt different. Her house was never the same after her husband was gone, their pictures still stayed, some in the coffee table and bookshelf, one of their wedding pictures in their room and album upon album he had made for their home once they had moved in together. Her new home gave a different feeling than her small impersonal apartment in Washington D.C. that had no pictures and barely enough evidence that someone lived there. She knew if it were up to her, the house would be the same, but Liam made sure this house felt like home. Now that he was gone it felt hollow and cold, not something she thought Spencer needed in his current state. “I am sorry I didn’t go to the funeral. I had to come back.” She absurdly excused herself.

“It’s okay, I understand.” There was a silence that engulfed them as she offered him a seat in her living room. “I don’t blame you.” He clarified and she nodded, not sure how that made her feel. “I also don’t think you should blame yourself.”

“Please stop, don’t profile me right now.” That gained a laugh from him, as he raised his hands in surrender. As he looked around realization hit her. He had no idea she was married, or that Emily Prentiss was, in fact, alive. She quickly texted her telling her friend that the man was in the city and to be careful. She knew it was probably safe, that she was already long gone but she couldn't be too cautious.

“You texting your…?” He looked at her hand, noticing the ring for the first time and she fought the urge to hide it. It somehow felt like a betrayal to him, her getting married after telling him that wasn’t something she was ready for. “Did you have that when you went to D.C.?”

“Yes.” She answered quicker than she hoped. “I’ve had it for a couple of years.” He nodded as if contemplating and analyzing her answer. “And I was not texting my husband, just a friend from work.”

“Oh.” He looked at her as if asking for permission before speaking. “Is he at work?” She shook her head no. “I didn’t interrupt you guys or anything, right? That would be so embarrassing… I can’t believe I didn’t even consider… I am so sorry I-“

“Spencer.” She stopped his rambling; she took a deep breath before she continued. “My husband, Liam, is not here.” She explained. Part of her didn’t want to talk about it, he had enough heartache of his own, but she felt compelled to. She never could hide anything from the genius. “He died in a raid about a year ago.” She said as her hand instinctively moved to her ring. 

“I am so sorry.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“I-“ He paused for a moment, looking for something else to say, but then what he really wanted to know escaped his thoughts. “Does it get better?”

“I want to say yes. I want to tell you one day you stop missing them and it seems like the sun shines as bright again, but I haven’t gotten there.” A sad smile played on her lips. “I can’t even get myself to take his close out of the closet.”

“Yeah, I can’t look at her parents in the eye.”

“I haven’t spoken to his mother since the funeral.”

“We were trying to have kids.”

That was enough to break the mental boundaries she had. Despite how wrong she knew it was she hugged him, tight, hoping he understood that she wanted him to be okay, that he had her on his side even if that meant nothing to him.

“Sometimes, talking about them helps.” She said once she let go of him, his hand now in between hers. “I didn’t really get to know Maeve; I would love to hear about her.”

And so they sat there, sharing the stories of yet another loss love, the irony never lost on her. The one person she relied on to talk about Liam, the one person to fully understand how she felt was no other than her first love. She let aside the guilt and accepted the comfort and help he provided, even after he went back to Washington, and she remained in France. They still talked, almost daily. Letters, emails—despite him hating emails—and calls. Soon enough it was like they never lost touch like their past relationship never was and they were two friends who lost the person they loved and found comfort within each other.

And after two years she realized that her heart raced every time her phone rang, a tad of guilt for the idea of falling for the brunette while she still wore the wedding ring her late husband had given her. She considered putting it away, she considered telling Spencer what she was feeling once again but the fear stopped her. She couldn’t ruin something so important, she couldn’t sabotage their friendship, but she knew what it was like to be loved by Spencer Reid, and boy did she want to feel that way again. It took her weeks to decide what she was going to do, but before she had a chance to execute her plan, her keeping of Emily’s secret came back to haunt her.

“You knew?!”

“She came to Paris, and she found me.”

“And you never thought to mention it?”

“Emily was long gone into hiding when you and I reconnected.”

“That is not an excuse.”

“It wasn’t my place Spencer.”

“It never is your place, is it?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just that with you I always know what I am getting into, but I am always stupid enough to fall for it. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I wasn’t the one who looked for you!” She spat, trying to hide the effect his words had on her. “Do not make this my fault!”

“I’m not.” His voice was harsh, like that day it all went wrong for the first time. “It’s my fault. For trusting you, for thinking we could be friends. I should know better than to trust a liar.”

“Fuck you, Spencer!”

“Right back at ya!”

And with that, the two years of their rekindling were gone, and once again she watched Spencer Reid walk out of her life. Once again faced with the decision of letting him go or stopping him. As her finger hovered over the call button she froze, this time not by fear, but anger. She understood, he lost his wife and friend, he mourned their death for one of them to suddenly come back to life? It wasn’t fair to him, but it wasn’t her fault! Spencer couldn’t blame her for Emily needing to hide from them, for Emily asking JJ, Hotch, and her to keep it a secret.

I heard the conversation; I’ll talk to him.-Emily

She got ready for bed and pushed aside the feeling of guilt that wished to overwhelm her. This time it wasn’t her fault, she knew it, but she couldn’t help but wish he knew that as well. Instead, she simply responded to the message and turned off her phone.

Don’t bother, it’s not worth the trouble. Love you Em!

Doctor Spencer Reid was a force much too big for her heart and mind to handle. As much as she wished he could stop having such a big influence in her life, she highly doubted that would ever happen, so the least she could do was try and forget their conversation.

Despite her previous determination, she still hoped he would call, say that he was sorry and he didn’t mean those things then she could simply accept his apology, apologize for her language and everything would go back to normal. But as the days turned to weeks and those to months she decided she couldn’t be at this crossroad waiting for him anymore. She could either let him go for good or finally step up and speak to him. The idea of never speaking to him, never hearing him laugh or seeing him smile again, never saying his name, or hearing hers out of his mouth was too much for her to simply move on. She loved Spencer Reid, maybe a part of her always would. She couldn’t let herself stay put while he moved on, not again. They were no longer two twenty-seven-year-olds who had their life ahead of them.

But the fear struck again, she couldn’t lose him too. She couldn’t sit in a restaurant waiting for him just to be greeted by the news that he was no longer in this world. She couldn’t build a home with someone when she had barely taken down all of Liam’s things from their closet. She couldn’t, but part of her wanted to build something with the doctor. That same part of her that screamed at her to follow him the first time. This time she decided to listen to it. She painfully removed the ring in her hand and placed it in the top box, all full of the memories of the man she intended to spend her life with, hoping he would understand. She let a couple of tears fall, knowing that he would always hold a place in her heart, and she made her way to the US. If this backfired and she ended up heartbroken, she could always return to her empty home in Paris. When had reality gotten so dark that she would seek Paris as a place of emptiness? A place to ignore her broken heart until it mended? Life had a funny way of making the things we wished for a twisted reality.

She sighed as she prepared herself to walk up the stairs. She had reached out to JJ, who had given her his address. It was the same place he used to have, as apparently after his wife’s passing he had sold their house. How did he gather the strength to let go of something as meaningful as the home he shared with Maeve? She would never know, but she was proud he continued to try living his life. She knocked and the door opened soon after his gaze confused, and this feeling later replaced by embarrassment.

“Hello, Spencer.” Her mouth was dry, the speech she had prepared long forgotten, fear running through her veins telling her to simply forget all this and run. Return to France and pretend the man in front of her never existed. “Can we talk?” She said as she noticed he hadn’t said a word.

“Yes, um, yeah… come in.” He moved and she did as she was told. “Listen, I was trying to work up the courage to call you, I am sorry I spoke to you like that.” He began as soon as he closed the door.

“Did you mean it?”

“What I said to you that day? No, never!”

“It had to come from somewhere, did it not?”

“Yes, it came from a part of that felt betrayed.” He looked around his apartment, avoiding to meet her gaze. “The more you spoke about him, the more I felt like what we had didn’t mean anything to you, and when I found out you knew about Prentiss, it made me angry but that was because I was already mad at you, I just couldn’t bring myself to accept why.”

“Why are you angry with me?” She asked. “Because I know why I am angry with you. I’m angry because you broke my heart twice, even though I played as much of a part as you the first time. I’m angry because you waltzed right back into my life and turned it upside down. I am so angry that I can’t seem to move on and leave you behind like I wanted to when I left for Paris. I am angry that you are the reason I was finally able to take my ring off.” His eyes drifted to her hand, the mark of the band clear, but no ring in sight. “So, tell me, Spencer Reid, how did I make you angry?”

“You…” He raised his eyes, finally meeting hers, and forced the words out. “I am mad because you moved on. I am angry because you left me and didn’t look back. I am angry because I wanted a family with you and you simply decided to make one with someone else.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “I am mad because you made me hurt for you, and when I finally found someone I wanted to spend my life with, someone who loved me… She was taken from me and the only person I could talk to about it was you. I am angry because you made sure none of us even knew of Liam and then you spent hours talking about how he made you smile, and he made you happy. I am angry at you because you knew how much grief I had and still you did not tell me about Emily, I am angry because I still love you, despite all this. Because if you told me right now you wanted to be with me I would fly to Paris and never let you go again.”

“I feel guilty for loving you.”

“I feel guilty for loving you too.”

“I should have stopped you; I should have told you I was scared, but I wanted a family. I was ready, but I was scared someday someone would make you realize you could do better than me.” She sighed, the tears now leaving her eyes. “Now I am scared one day I will be at a table, on our anniversary waiting for you and someone will take you from me. I’m scared the grief I feel for Liam will consume me and I won’t be able to love you.”

“I am scared that my grief won’t let me love you either.” He gulped, approaching her for the first time and he laid his hands softly on her shoulder, tears now made both their faces wet. “I can’t walk away from you again. If Maeve taught me anything about love is that you fight for it, to the bitter end. You do not give up on it.” She sobbed, and his grip tightened in a reassuring gesture. “It doesn’t have to be today, nor tomorrow. We do not need to rush; we can take our time.”

“What if I’m too broken?”

“You aren’t. You're hurt, your heart was broken, but if it can be broken, that means it still works.”

“Spencer, I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I’m not going to.”

“Good.”

That was all she needed, the confirmation that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere. The fear subsided, the anger fell, and she embraced him, as tight as she could, and smiled as she felt him embrace her. One did not need to be a genius to know it would take time, grief and heartache take time, but both of them knew that it would get better. It always did.

As she laid beside him, in their new home, she couldn’t help but question how much time she had, how long it would be before fate, or destiny, or whoever was out there would decide to take him from her. This time, though, she didn’t let it get to her. She was married to Dr. Spencer Reid, and they were about to be parents. She smiled at the thought and got out of bed ready for the day that would change their lives forever. It had been almost five years since they spoke again, both grieving the loss of their first spouse. It had taken them three of those five years to decide to move forward and just last year they had sworn to love and protect each other in front of their friends and family. She sighed, contently. She felt her life back on track, as she returned to the BAU shortly after their engagement, selling her Paris house and opting to buy a more modest summer home. She had returned Liam’s clothing to her mother, and even some pictures, while others were in their attic. She did not mean to hide him or push him aside, but both she and Spencer decided it was best to keep them close without letting them become an obstacle in their lives together. Maeve and Liam had shown both of them how to love, how to fight for the person you want to spend your life with, and when it was okay to let go, and that was something neither of them would ever forget.

“Ready?” Her husband asked as she grabbed her car keys.

“As ready as they come, Dr. Reid.”

“What do you think it will be, a boy or a girl?” He joked.

“Very funny.” They held hands as she drove to the building, nerves, and excitement building up. Soon enough they were at no more than thirty seconds of being parents of two beautiful kids.

“I do have to say, it is rare for a couple who is already expecting to want and adopt. What made you do this?”

He looked at you, a smile full of pride and love clear on his face, knowing the answer to this question. “There are so many kids that need a home, and love. I figured if my husband and I can offer both, why not do it? Any kid deserves two loving parents and whether I gave birth to them or not shouldn’t matter.” The woman smiled at the couple.

Her two-month belly was barely barely showing, but the agency knew about it already. It was true they had decided to adopt before she found out she was expecting, but that didn’t change their plans, it simply meant another baby would join the family. The two kids, a brother, and sister about eleven and twelve joined the adults. Their nerves and fear obvious in their expression. She couldn’t help but want to hug them and never let go.

“Are you guys our new mom and dad?” The girl asked, her brother frowning at the thought.

“We are not here to replace your mom and dad.” She assured them, the frown on the boy disappearing. “We would love it for you guys to live with us, we want to take care of you if that is something you guys would like."

After a long conversation with the children and them accepting to live with the couple they made their way home, Spencer rambling about statistics on videogames as a way to excuse his lack of skill. She laughed at the sight and couldn’t help but feel complete. She smiled and turned for a second to look at him before returning her eyes to the road. “Fourteen, almost fifteen.” She mumbled to herself. Spencer looked at her with confusion. “That’s how long we’ve known each other. That’s how long I’ve dreamed of this day but was too afraid to fight for it.”

“Do you want the exact time?” He questioned.

“No. It will make me feel old.” They both laughed.

Soon they arrived in their home, their children next to them and they showed them their rooms. After having dinner together and making sure the kids felt comfortable and at home they returned to their bed and laid there, her head on his chest and his hand on her lower back. “I love you; you know that?”

“I know, and I love you too.” He left a soft kiss on her hairline.

They heard small steps and a knock, he stood and turned on the lights before opening the door, the girl in the door had fear written all over her face and her brother was behind her. “Megan doesn’t like to sleep in the dark.” He noted.

“I don’t like to sleep alone.” She corrected. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Of course sweetie!” Spencer picked her up and placed her on the bed next to her, as she moved to make space.

“Do you want to sleep with us too Dylan?” She asked the boy. He was reluctant but ultimately nodded running up to the bed and laying in between his sister and her. Spencer turned off the light. All four slept together, not once letting go of each other. It felt right, exactly where they needed to be.

The memory of the day she let him go still came from time to time, but her fear that he would leave her never did. She loved Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, companion, husband. She loved him and he loved her. And now, now they had a family, the past made them who they were, but it didn’t have to define who they could become.

[babyangellee]

Critical Condition

AHHH PART 3!

Summary- Upon further assessment, your injuries are a lot worse than expected

Warnings- too much cuteness and angst 

Word Count- 1.7k

AN- Please don’t kill me, I know it kind of short but I hope you love it!

[Part 1] [Part 2] 

The doctor quietly walked into the waiting room to see the group of agents, all of them were asleep except one. Spencer sat with his head in his hands, getting more anxious as the time ticked by. 

 "Y/N Y/L/N?" The doctor spoke causing Spencer's head to whip up immediately, quickly tapping JJ who was resting next to him. She jolted awake seeing the doctor, she tapped Emily which started a chain reaction. Soon enough all the agents were wide awake waiting for the doctor to continue. 

"Hi, my name is Doctor Feller. Let me start by saying that Y/N is definitely a fighter. When she came in we assessed that she had acute hypothermia, a concussion, and two stab wounds. Upon further examination, we realized that the stab wound to her abdomen was made at an angle and pierced her left lung. We were able to stabilize her long enough for surgery. We did have to restart her heart once but she bounced back right away. She is out of surgery and in the ICU now." 

No one knew how to process the doctor's words. They all stood there in shock trying to think of something to say or do. "Can we see her?" Your mother finally spoke up after a moment of silence. "She is still in critical condition but you may see her, I ask only two at a time in the room." Everyone nodded knowing that your mom and Spencer would go in first, there was no question about it. 

The doctor led them to your room and opened the door for them. Spencer walked in first, upon seeing you he closed his eyes. You laid there hooked up to machines and IVs. Your normally glowing skin was pale and your lips were blue. Your mom sighed and sat down in one of the chairs by your bed, Spencer following suit sitting on the other side. 

 Liv reached out and grabbed your hand with hers and brought it up to her mouth to kiss your knuckles. She couldn't stand to see you like this, she had already lost one of her children, she definitely couldn't lose the other. She was horrified when Hotch had informed her that it was Danny that did this to you. Her immediate reaction was to call her sister and scream at her for what her son had done, what pain he had inflicted on the family. Of course, her sister was just as shocked and scared as your mother was, begging to be kept informed of your condition. 

 Your mom was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Spencer talking. "Liv?" He asked gently. She looked up at him nodding for him to continue what he was going to say. "Can I show you something?" He was quiet and careful with his words, like maybe if he spoke too loud or in a certain tone, something bad would happen. "Of course sweetheart," She responded, matching his tone and volume. 

He slowly took the hand that wasn't holding yours and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small velvet box and handed it to your mom. She gasped reaching out and grabbing it. She let go of your hand to open the box and saw a gorgeous diamond ring inside. "I've been carrying that around for three months, waiting for the right time to ask." He slightly chuckled to himself. He wanted everything about his proposal to be perfect because to him you were the most perfect girl in the world.  

 "She's going to love it." Liv breathed out examining the beautiful rose gold ring. "I hope so, I had to recruit JJ and Will to help me pick it out. It took us weeks to decide." He explained, remembering them yelling at each other in the middle of a jewelry store while the worker tried to call them down. That was just the first trip, after that, they decided that they needed to bring Will along to play mediator.  

 After about an hour Spencer and Liv finally stood up and left the room wanting to give everyone else a chance to see you. Emily and JJ went in next, they only stayed for a few minutes, the sight of you being too hard to look at. Then Rossi and Hotch went, leaving Derek and Penelope to go in last. 

 Seeing you was hard on Derek, you were like a little sister to him and he hated seeing his family hurt. Seeing you tied to that chair in pain was still burned into the inside of his eyelids and all he wanted was to wake up and realize that this was all some sick, twisted nightmare. He'd wake up on the jet to see you and Spencer sitting across from him playing an intense game of chess (that you were of course losing) giggling about some stupid little fact. But it wasn't a dream. This was real life and you were her sitting in front of him in the hospital. 

 Much like JJ and Emily, Derek and Garcia couldn't stand to see you like that so they made their visit brief. Within 45 minutes, Spencer was back in the room holding your hand, while your mom went to go get some food and coffee for everyone. 

"Hey Y/N." He breathed tears forming in his eyes again. "I don't know if you can hear me or not but I hope you can. I love you, and I really need you. I can't do this without you, I don't want to do this without you. So I need you to keep fighting and to wake up and come back to me, come back to all of us. I need you to wake up because Y/N I want more than anything to marry you and grow old with you. So you need to wake up. You need to come back. Please." Spencer couldn't stop the sob that racked his body as he stared at you. 

 After a while Hotch had told everyone to go home and get some rest, they could visit you tomorrow. Your mom and Spencer had stayed behind, wanting to be the first ones updated if anything happened. It's a good thing that they did because around seven in the morning Doctor Feller came in to do his checkup. 

 "Good news! Her O2 stats are going up, at this rate we should be able to take her off the ventilator tomorrow and wean her off some of the medication." He smiled writing something down on his clipboard. "What does that mean?" Your mom asked sitting up for her sleeping position on the couch in the room. "That means she's on the path to waking up real soon." With that, he grabbed his clipboard and left. Spencer and Liv released a breath neither realized they were holding. 

The next couple of days were painstakingly long for everyone, you weren't getting any better but you weren't getting any worse either. Everyone came by to visit you multiple times and your mom even called your dad. Spencer was originally taken aback by it knowing that your dad was a touchy subject with your mom after he left he still wanted to stay in contact with you and Liam. After Liam died it was weird, Your mom and Dad didn't speak to each other anymore, and you hardly went to see him. After the funeral, you didn't see him again until a year later at your high school graduation. He knew that your parents hadn't spoken in twelve years. 

Hotch offered to have an Agent fly out to Pasadena on the jet and get him but he declined. He said he would be on the next flight out and he was. He arrived a day after he got the call. 

 "You must be Mr. Y/L/N, I'm Spencer." This was a rare exception to Spencer's rule about handshakes. Despite the current situation he wanted to make a good impression on your father. He reached his hand out giving your dad a firm handshake. “Call me Kevin.” While the time passed Spencer got to know your dad and even told him about the ring. Your dad gave his approval and his blessing which meant a lot to Spencer, seeing as they had just met.

 Days turned into a week before the doctor finally told them that you were stable enough to be taken off the ventilator. A day later they started taking you off some of the medications and you were scheduled to wake up. "She should be waking up soon, she's going to be a little out of it but she will definitely be happy to see some familiar faces." And with that Doctor Feller walked away urging someone to go in. After much discussion, Spencer decided that he was going to go in alone. 

 When he walked in he could have sworn his heart melted. You were starting to look better already, your skin wasn't as pale, your lips were back to their normal color, and your chest was rising and falling all on its own. He sat down next to you and grabbed your hand giving it a small squeeze, but what he didn't expect was to feel you squeeze right back as you started to stir and your eyes fluttered open. 

"Hi love," Spencer breathed out with a huge grin on his face. You mustered up all your strength and gave a small smile back whispering a hey back. He looked at you before reaching out and brushing a hair out of your face and then reaching down and grabbing your hand again. "Listen there is something I need to say and it really can't wait any longer." He was talking fast which he only did when he was nervous. You just squeezed his hand again and nodded to the best of your ability urging him to continue. He didn't know if this was the right timing or not but this is something he needed to do and he needed to do it now. He just hoped that you liked it because this was a big deal and he needed it to be just right. 

"Will you marry me?"

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