#jj angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maybaenk · 1 year

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Moth to a flame

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: She always goes back to him, no matter how much JJ hurts her. This time, however, is different and JJ slowly sees that.

Warnings: cursing, smut

Like a moth to a flame

I'll pull you in, I'll pull you back to what you need initially

It's just one call away

And you'll leave him, you're loyal to me

But this time I let you be

JJ had seen this before.

Y/N being sick of his shit. Tired of the way he’d constantly lead her on and then shutting her out completely. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, so she’d find someone else.

Someone sweeter, someone who’d want her. She’d find someone who’d give her all the attention she needed.

He watched them sitting on a log, the boy’s hand on her leg. She was smiling at him.

He thought about how she’d immediately go back to him if he called her right now. He imagined the way she would moan as his hands roamed her body, buried inside of her and the way the idiot she was looking at would be nowhere near the back of her mind. His hands hitched to grab his phone and make her leave the poor guy, but he knew it wasn’t right.

Y/N deserved something better, someone who wasn’t as messed up as him.

His jaw was tensed as he watched them, his eyes never leaving the pair. The guy was getting closer, his hand resting on Y/N’s thigh. Her eyes were happy, she was happy, but they didn’t sparkle like they did when she looked at him.

Suddenly, those same very eyes were looking right back at him. Her lips parted slightly, almost in surprise. He didn’t back down, continuing to stare at her.

Y/N knew that look. He was challenging her.

Go on.

He looked so good in his black tank and with his red cap on, she itched to get up and reach him. To touch him.

But then Y/N remembered their last encounter, the things he had said to her.

She was waiting for him, sitting in the porch at the Chateau. The old couch was comfortable and in her anxious state she almost wanted to lay down and let the sleep embrace her, but the nerves were eating her alive and she needed to talk to him.

It was eleven in the night when JJ got back, she heard his bike first. His footstep just minutes after and finally he was walking up the steps of the porch.

“Hey.” He said, surprised to see her, “What’s up?”

She couldn’t even look at him, “JJ.”

Her tone was low, disappointed, but always so sweet.

“What’s got you looking so down, baby?” He walked closer to her, raising a hand to touch her face but she turned it to the side.

“Someone told me about the girl from last night.” She spoke softly, “The blonde one?”

JJ took a step back, a sigh leaving his mouth. Y/N didn’t dare look at him, afraid she would cry.

“Who told you?” He sounded pissed off, and she found herself to be offended.

She finally looked up at him, “What does it matter, JJ?”

“It matters, okay? It’s none of their business, or yours for the matter.” He raised his voice.

Y/N looked taken aback and he almost apologized.

“I thought that— that-“

“What, Y/N?” He groaned, “What did you think? You know we’re not together, we’ve been over this.”

Her lips trembled, but she didn’t show him. She looked down, on the verge of crying. The sigh she let out was shaky.

“You didn’t want me to go out with Sean three weeks ago. I stayed with you. I’m such an idiot.” Y/N put her hands on her face.

JJ knew she was crying. It made his heart fall.

“Fucking doesn’t mean we’re together, Y/N.” He accused her.

“You know it’s not just that for me.” She finally looked at him, tears running down her cheeks, “You were my first time.”

Her voice was feeble, and JJ wanted to beat himself up.

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” She stood up.

He took another step back.

“It’s not like that for me and you know it.” His tone was stern now, “It’s not my fault you keep coming back to me, Y/N.”

JJ would never forget the look on her face.

“Right.” She nodded, head low as she surpassed him.

He watched the girl get on her car and leave, he could see her raise her hand to swipe the tears away before she was driving off.

That was the last time they’d seen each other, Y/N hadn’t been around the pogues since then.

She needed to remember the many times he had done this. He had broken her heart so many times she couldn’t let herself be a fool once again.

Y/N looked into his blue eyes one more time before shaking her head and turning away from him.

It caught him off guard. JJ expected her to shy away from the situation, to come back running to him.

This time was different.

'Cause he seems like he's good for you

And he makes you feel like you should

And all your friends say he's the one

His love for you is true

“It doesn’t bother you?” John B was speaking to him.

The blonde’s eyes were set on the couple sitting a few tables away from them at The Wreck.

The pogues had come in long after the two and found them already eating their food there. JJ didn’t expect Y/N to be still going out with the guy, so his heart missed a beat upon seeing his girl having a date with the idiot.

“He’s temporary.” He gave John B a smirk, although his friend could see the jealousy in his eyes.

“You’re so lame.” Kiara snorted, eyes on her food.

“Agreed.” Commented Pope.

“Just talk to her, bro.” The curly haired girl continued.

“About what?” JJ rolled his eyes.

The girl scoffed, not having the strength to put up with his act. She returned her attention to her food before Pope jokingly elbowed her and the blonde couldn’t help but wonder how good it must feel to be so effortlessly in love, without any problems and doubts in the way.

It didn’t help that Sarah and John B were also sitting in front of him, looking so in love it made him almost sick.

It wasn’t even ten minutes later that he heard a sweet voice by their table.

“Hey, guys.” Y/N was standing beside their table, a smile on her face as she tried avoiding JJ’s gaze. The douchebag was standing awkwardly behind her, waiting for the interaction to be over.

“Hey, Y/N/N.” Sarah grinned up at her, trying to fight off John B as he tried getting ketchup on her face.

The others greeted her too, everyone expect for JJ.

She had a disappointed look on her face as she listened to John B.

“We missed you today, think you’re gonna make it tonight?”

Y/N appreciated how the pogues didn’t mention the distance she had put between them and herself lately. They clearly knew about JJ and wanted to leave her be.

The blond was staring at the boy, so much that he was starting to be visibly uncomfortable. He scratched his neck under the scrutinizing gaze. Y/N noticed.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Me and Jake had planned this days ago.” She felt awkward, he could tell, “This is Jake, by the way.”

The others smiled at Jake, all but JJ, as expected. He just waved, a nervous smile on his face as he noticed.

“Jake, huh?” He finally spoke up, a slight smirk on his face, “Didn’t expect him to be your type, Y/N.” His eyes were finally on her as he blatantly ran them over her figure, especially focusing on the way the dress she was wearing accentuated her breasts.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked, an irritated expression on his face.

“She knows what I mean.” JJ’s eyes never looked away from Y/N’s.

Her cheeks brightened before she looked away.

She wanted to slap him. And then kiss him. But mostly slap that smirk off his face.

It wasn’t her fault he looked so handsome right now.

“Shut up, JJ.” She rolled her eyes, although he could see the way the pink lingered on her cheeks making her all flustered, “Bye, guys.”

She grabbed Jake’s arm and just like that they were gone.

He watched them leave before John B’s voice caught his attention.

“C’mon, man. You know I love you, but either you step up or leave her alone.”

“He seems like a good guy, JJ. I haven’t seen her so at peace for like, I don’t even know.” Kie scolded him, “You always do this, you don’t want her then you get all jealous and weird.”

JJ didn’t respond, instead their words about how Jake was making his girl feel resonating in his head. He thought about it; why was this thing lasting so long?

Was he really the guy for her? The good, well mannered wealthy guy?

But does he know you call me when he sleeps?

But does he know the pictures that you keep?

But does he know the reasons that you cry?

Or tell me, does he know where your heart lies?

Where it truly lies

It was one A.M. and JJ couldn’t sleep. He kept tossing around in his bed and the minute his eyes closed, visions and nightmares of his sweet girl moaning under another man clouded his mind.

What was happening to him? Why was he imagining her fucking the idiot?

He guessed it was his worst fear, her being taken away from him forever, someone else touching her.

He was just about to get up to get a glass of water when he heard his phone ring. He raised an eyebrow, wondering who the hell could it be this late at night.

He reached for the phone on his nightstand and he swore his heart missed a beat when her name flashed upon the screen.

“Y/N.” He answered, he couldn’t help but be worried about the reason she was calling this late when the two of them weren’t even on speaking terms. Had something happened?

“J.” She breathed, her voice a sweet whine.

Was she…?

“Y/N?” He repeated, a small sense of satisfaction beginning to grow in him. He could read her like an open book.

“I miss you,” She whispered, “I missed your voice.”

There she was. Coming back to him.

She always came back to him.

“Yeah?” He smirked, sitting up against the headboard.

“You know I miss you, come over?”

He felt his heart beat faster.

“You’re drunk, Y/N.” He answered.

He heard her sigh and shuffling around on the other side of the phone.

“I’ve just had a couple of drinks with the girls.” She sounded annoyed, her words slurred.

He was glad she was home safe.

“Don’t you miss me?” She countered, and JJ could hear her getting on the bed.

“You know I miss you, baby.” He gave her the truth, “But you’re drunk. You’re gonna regret this tomorrow. What about Jake?”

“As if you could care less about Jake.”

He chuckled, knowing it was the truth. He just wanted to speak some sense into her knowing she was drunk and not wanting to take advantage of her.

“You’re right, you know that?” He heard her humming in agreement, “But you’re still drunk. Are you tired, baby?”

“A bit.” She yawned, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart swell.

“Can you lay down and close your eyes for me?” He suggested, voice low and sweet and she was entranced by his voice.

“Hmm.”

“Did you close your eyes?”

“Yeah. I still wish you were here, though.” Y/N went on, her voice sleepy.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Yeah

You should be with him, I let you go from time

You should stay with him

Y/N had avoided the pogues like the plague. They hadn’t seen her in almost a week, Kie being especially disappointed in her best friend.

What she didn’t know was that she wasn’t avoiding them to be with some stupid boy, it was because she was embarrassed about her call to JJ.

But he knew this and, although he kept silent as not to expose her, the deep feeling of satisfaction was even bigger in him as he watched Y/N and Jake by his spot on a keg at the kegger.

Y/N had just arrived, she was on his arm but JJ could see she was nervous.

Her eyes were scanning the whole crowd, not sure how to approach her friends. She hoped the blonde hadn’t said anything to them but deep down she knew he hadn’t. She knew him.

She spotted Kiara having a conversation with some people she didn’t recognize and didn’t want to miss the opportunity. She wasn’t with the pogues and she had to talk to her.

She wanted to talk to Sarah too, but she guessed she was with John B where John B was, JJ was too.

“Hey, Jake.” She drew his attention, “I’m gonna head over there to say hi to Kiara. See you later, alright?”

He nodded, plastering a kiss on her cheek before the two parted and she was walking to her best friend.

“Hey.” She spoke up once she got there, “Can we talk?”

Kiara looked at her before a smile took over her face, “Look who decided to show her face.”

“Yeah, sorry.” She sheepishly countered, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

The other girl nodded, saying her byes to the teens she had just been chatting with before grabbing her best friend’s hand and walking a few feet away from the group.

Then she stood, waiting for Y/N to speak up, “What’s up?”

Y/N looked around her to ensure none of the pogues were around. She had yet to see them.

“So…” She was so embarrassed, “I called JJ when we got back from the bar a week ago, I was drunk — but you know that, and asked him to come over.” She covered her face with her hands as she finished, not wanting to see the amused expression on Kie’s face.

She heard her laugh, “That’s why you’ve been avoiding us. You could’ve told me sooner.”

She removed her hands from her eyes, “I know but it was so embarrassing.”

Kiara chuckled, “God, Y/N, you’re such a simp.”

The girl’s cheek brightened, a laugh leaving her mouth. She knew it was true.

“What about Jake?” Her best friend asked.

Y/N just shrugged.

“Girl.” Kie deadpanned, ready to smack her friend.

“What am I supposed to do?” She sadly told her, “It’s not like JJ wants something to do with me. At least not anything serious. I love him but Jake is a good guy and he treats me well, don’t I deserve that?”

The curly haired girl sighed.

“Of course you do. But you may end up hurting him as long as JJ’s on your mind.”

Y/N knew she was right. She just wanted to forget about everything and not have to worry about anyone.

The two girls continued to chat and laugh while the night escalated.

JJ had watched a bit of the interaction just to be sure Kie wouldn’t lash out on Y/N. He knew she wouldn’t but the girl was unpredictable. He was glad when he saw them laughing together just a few minutes later and returned to his beer and his conversation with Pope and John B.

“Hey, guys, I’m gonna go get a refill.” JB announced after a while, his red cup empty in his hand.

“I’m coming too.” Pope got up with him.

“Be right back.” They told him.

He took a sip of his beer and just as his gaze was about to return on a certain girl, he heard a voice from beside him.

“Y/N told me about you two.”

It was Jake, and the blonde couldn’t help but chuckle. He had waited for him to be alone.

He was clearly intimidated by him and didn’t want him to have his friends as back up in case something had happened.

“That bothers you?” JJ looked up at him from his spot on the log, a small smirk on his face.

“Not at all.” His voice was tense, “I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get in the way.”

He was already beginning to piss him off and it was the second time he opened his mouth to talk to him. However, he tried maintaining his calm and laid his hands behind him on the log, gaze scrutinizing the other teen who was standing in front of him.

“Sounds to me like it does.” He just answered.

Jake’s jaw ticked.

“No offense, man, but how could it?” He looked JJ up and down, trying to take a dig at him.

JJ laughed humorlessly, it wasn’t certainly the money that made Y/N come back to him every single time.

“I don’t think that what she cares about.” JJ smiled up at the boy, a hint behind his eyes.

“What’s happening?” They heard a voice just as Jake was about to respond.

“Nothing.” He quickly spoke up.

“Just your boyfriend trying to make sure I won’t get in the way of your relationship.” JJ retorted, Y/N could hear the amusement in his voice, “Nothing I can guarantee though, big boy.”

Jake launched himself towards the boy, an angry expression on his face and hadn’t it been for Y/N, who promptly put herself between the two boys, he would’ve tackled JJ to the ground.

But she had, and now he stood up, a new found rage behind his eyes that intimidated even Y/N.

The girl knew about his anger issues, about all the times he’d been in fights. She knew about his dad and the way all JJ waited for was to unleash his anger in these kind of situations. He’d learned how to fight from the master himself; Jake didn’t stand a chance.

“You want to be the tough guy, yeah?” He smiled, it made chills go down the girl’s spine, “I’ll show you how though you are.”

“Stop. What the fuck, guys?” She exasperated, arms in the air.

“You tell your boyfriend to chill before I do it.” JJ snarled.

“Jake, are you out of your mind?” Y/N looked at the boy accusingly.

“Why are you taking his side?” He spit.

“Aren’t you the one who started this nonsense?” She raised an eyebrow.

The commotion was starting to draw attention, and JJ could soon spot Kie making her way over.

“Why are you taking his side?” Jake repeated, an offended look painting his angry features.

“It’s not about sides, Jake.” She crossed her arms, “It’s about you coming here and starting this shit. What the hell are you doing? He’s my friend.”

Jake scoffed, and even JJ was tempted to. But he stayed silent, glaring at the idiot from behind Y/N.

“Friend my ass.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, pushing a hand through her long locks.

“What’s going on?” Kie’s voice resonated in the air.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” John B and Pope were there too and Y/N just wanted to be home and away from everyone. Sarah, who’d been with some of her old friends from the kook academy until now, was there too now, her hand in John B’s.

“It’s me or him right now, Y/N.” Jake spoke up, completely ignoring the girl’s friends.

JJ chuckled, although he could feel the nerves starting to form. What if she left with him?

“Oh, so that’s what’s going on.” John B’s amused face was making Y/N want to smack him too.

“What?” There was an expression on disbelief on her face and JJ wondered how she didn’t see this coming. He was an idiot after all.

“You heard me.”

Y/N looked back and forth between the two of them, and she knew it was time she made a decision.

She knew where her heart laid. A golden boy with hair the color of the sun and eyes the color of the sky was who her heart would always belong to. She thought about his touch, his scent, his kisses. She thought about the way he would make her feel beautiful and loved. But then she thought about the way he would make her feel so worthless she had never felt so alone. She thought about the days she couldn’t get a hold of him, or the times he’d been with others and she’d wondered why he couldn’t love her.

It’s not like that for me and you know it. He’d said to her.

So she chose her mind. She chose the boy who’d been nice to her all along. He’d took her on dates and bought her flowers and although he didn’t make her heart beat faster she knew he was the one who made her warm and safe.

She made a step towards Jake and without ever looking back, she said her feeble byes to her friends and walked away.

JJ felt his heart shutter. He didn’t think it was possible up until then.

He looked at Jake and felt the rage swirling in his veins at the grin he was giving him. He thought about tackling him to the ground and beating him up but what would the point be? Y/N had made up her mind and she’d chosen him.

He watched them walk away before he turned around and stormed out of the beach.

He didn’t stop when his friends called out his name, nor when he heard Kie beg him to stop.

But what did he expect? He knew what he’d said to her that night. He knew.

As Y/N left the party in Jake’s car, all she could think about was how JJ hadn’t mentioned their call to the boy.

'Cause he seems like he's good for you

And he makes you feel like you should

And all your friends say he's the one

His love for you is true (hey)

Y/N felt suffocated in the tight dress she was wearing.

Smile and introduce yourself to everyone. Jake had told her and she did just that, wanting for this to be over.

It was Midsummer’s and he’d invited her to attend with him and his family. She guessed this would make things official.

She felt uncomfortable the whole time, this was not her habitat and everyone knew that.

Kie was there, too, forced by her parents, but Y/N didn’t find it in herself to find this of any comfort. That was how sad and lonely she felt these days.

It had been a week since the kegger and things weren’t great for her. She hated herself for this but she missed a certain blond and nothing could take him off her mind no matter what.

She’d seen Kie and Sarah two days ago but even her best friends hadn’t been able to cheer her up.

“I can’t fucking believe it.” She heard Jake growl from beside her.

“What?” She looked up.

She saw him looking at something in front of them and she followed his gaze and there, all the way across the room, was JJ, clad in a waiter’s uniform and serving drinks.

She couldn’t explain the way her heart reacted upon seeing him even if she wanted too. She felt alive for the first time in a week.

“Of course he’d be here too. The guy’s everywhere.”

“Stop.” She deadpanned, giving him a nasty look.

But when she returned her eyes to the boy, her heart made a leap when noticing those same eyes she’d been dreaming about all week, were looking right back at her. There was a strange emotion behind them, one she’d never seen before. She wanted to run over there and hug him and kiss him, but knew she couldn’t.

JJ, on the other hand, didn’t expect her to be there either. His heart felt like it was breaking even more upon seeing her there with him, but then he noticed her sad eyes and all he wanted to do was get to her and make everything that was hurting her go away.

The exchange of longing looks was quickly interrupted by Jake who hooked their arms and pulled her away to go meet yet another disgusting kook when his parents called him over.

She looked back at JJ while Jake dragged her away and her heart missed a beat when she noticed his eyes following her.

The night passed quickly, JJ couldn’t wait to get out of there and get wasted to forget the way she looked on his arm, with his family and dressed like one of them.

He guessed it was his own fault. He’d been the one to push her away, so why was he so angry? He’d seen the way Jake tended to Y/N all night, the way his attention was constantly on her. He behaved like a gentleman and he knew then why she’d chosen him.

He gave her everything he couldn’t.

Maybe it was for the best.

But does he know you call me when he sleeps? (No, no)

But does he know the pictures that you keep? (Oh)

But does he know the reasons that you cry?

Or tell me, does he know where your heart lies?

Where it truly lies

He didn’t know she’d be laying in her bed just hours laters, tears running down her cheeks. She felt so lonely, it was breaking her heart.

She had everything she wanted in a relationship so why was she feeling this way?

It was the pictures on her phone.

The one where JJ stood behind her, his arms around her frame and his head on hers.

The one where he kissed her cheek.

The one where they laid naked in bed, her arms around his neck.

The one where they smiled at the camera.

The one where they slept on the hammock entangled in each other that JB had taken.

Her favorite was one Kie had taken; it pictured them sitting on the couch, her legs thrown over JJ’s. She had stolen his cap and she was putting it on her head. The thing she loved was the adoring look he had on his face as she looked at her, a small smile on his lips.

There were so many she couldn’t even scroll through all of them because she felt her heart shutter at the thought of never having him this close again.

Right here with me, babe

Where it truly lies

My bed, babe

Where it truly lies

In my arms, babe

Where it truly lies

It was two days laters when Y/N decided she’d had enough. She’d been spending her days crying at home, avoiding Jake and never answering his massages nor his calls.

She missed her friends and wanted to bask in the comfort of their presence and this was the only thought in her mind when she showed up that night at the Chateau after meeting up with Jake to end things. He hadn’t taken it very well.

“Look who’s here!” John B had announced.

Seconds later she was engulfed by the comforting embrace of Sarah. She’d almost tackled her to the ground with her hug but Y/N didn’t mind, the familiar touch and perfume of the bubbly blonde almost enough to make her cry again.

She said hi to everyone before she sat down by the fire with them.

She couldn’t help but notice the absence of JJ, and although she was a little disappointed she thought it was better this way; she actually felt relieved.

She was grateful when none of her friends asked her invading questions. They just let her be and enjoyed her presence again, making her feel part of the group again immediately.

She tried keeping up with the conversations and jokes but her mind was very tired. She hadn’t slept in days and now that she felt this much comfort again she just wanted to lay down and rest.

“Hey, John B.” She called for his attention, her voice sweet as always, “Do you think— do you think JJ would mind if I used his bedroom just for a bit? I haven’t slept in days and I feel really tired.”

Sarah threw her a sympathetic look from beside JB, who answered immediately, “Yeah, go ahead. I haven’t seen him all day, I don’t think he’s gonna show up tonight.”

She felt content and at peace in the Chateau. The pogues were her family and she couldn’t love them more. She smell of JJ’s cheap cologne surrounded her and relaxed her whole being. It didn’t surprise when she felt sleep embrace her.

That was until she felt a familiar bike approaching the house before pulling up.

She felt panic rise in her chest as she sat up. Her heartbeat accelerated. What would she say to him?

Too late, the bike had already stopped and minutes later, she felt the door of the Chateau open. She guessed the others told him she was in there.

She scrambled to get up in time and made her way to the door, opening it.

There stood JJ, his hand raised to open it too.

She took a step back, redness exploding on her cheeks and she started stuttering.

“Uh, sorry— sorry J. JB told be you probably wouldn’t be here tonight and I was just trying to sleep but I heard your bike.” She rushed, “I’ll go.”

She tried making her way past him but he grabbed her arm. She shuddered under his familiar touch.

“It’s fine, you can stay. I’ll sleep on the couch.” His eyes never looked away from hers, making her all the more a blushing mess.

“Okay, thanks.” She agreed without even thinking.

What?

They stood there, looking at each other. So much was on their minds they wanted to say, but neither spoke up.

“Okay then, goodnight.” She ended the awkward moment.

Y/N tossed around the bed all night. The thought of his presence just mere meters from her made her heart go crazy. She craved his touch, his presence. But she couldn’t so instead she resoluted to turning around every now and then in hope of sleep engulfing her again.

At four A.M., she decided to get up and get something to drink. JJ would surely be asleep by now.

Her feet carried her to the kitchen lightly.

Her heart jumped to her stomach when she noticed the light of a phone where the couch was. JJ was awake and scrolling through his phone. His raised his eyes from the phone to look at her when he noticed her presence, a surprised look merely taking over his features.

“Oh.” She mumbled, “Sorry, just wanted a glass of water.”

He watched her as she opened the refrigerator and poured herself some water, then quickly drank it. It looked to him as if she wanted to be gone as soon as possible.

“C’mere, Y/N.” She suddenly heard his voice just as she was about to walk back to JJ’s room.

“What?” She whispered, heart thumping against her ribcage.

“Come here.”

She did. She didn’t know why, but she had stopped questioning herself around JJ. It was as if his mere presence made her drunk, her mind never properly working.

She stood in front of him, hands fidgeting at her sides.

JJ grabbed one of them, pulling her towards him. He dragged her down on him until she was straddling him, she gasped as her hands came up to his shoulders for support after the sudden movement.

“What are you doing, JJ?” She asked, panic in her voice.

“I miss us, Y/N.” He simply said, making her heart stop beating.

How could he say something like that so easily?

She wanted to slap him.

“We can’t.”

“I say we can.” He whispered as he got closer, lips millimeters from hers.

She lowered her hands, now pushing back against his chest. He sighed, sitting down against the couch and looking up at her. There was a longing look behind his eyes.

“I can’t.” She repeated, this time making herself very clear.

It was as if Y/N had just thrown a bucket of cold water on him, he looked as if he had sobered up.

“Jake’s an idiot.” He whispered, even the mention of his name irritating him.

“He’s not. He does everything a boyfriend is supposed to.”

He scoffed.

“That’s the only reason you like him for?”

She tried thinking of anything else, but she ended up lying to herself over and over again, for every reason she came up with. Was that really the only thing he liked him for?

Sure, he was a good looking guy, but that wasn’t a reason. He was nice, but a lot of people were. He treated her well. There we go again.

“I deserve to be happy, JJ.” She sadly said.

He knew she was referring to him, his hands itched to grab her, to comfort her.

“I know you do, Y/N/N.” He said.

“Then what is it that you want?” She angrily asked, her hands pushing him again.

Suddenly she was angry, not understanding why he couldn’t let her be. Why he couldn’t let her be happy.

She knew that if she really stopped to think about it, she would have realized what she was feeling now, with Jake, was far from happiness, but nonetheless she took out her anger on him.

And JJ, who couldn’t help but feel like an idiot, couldn’t really answer her question.

What do I want?

“Y/N I-“ She was already getting up to leave when he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

JJ didn’t let her leave this time.

He’d done that again and again, and every time he’d hurt himself and Y/N. He wouldn’t let her go this time.

He grabbed her hips and pulled her down again; she began pushing at him nonstop, fighting the willing to cry.

He could see her eyes getting watery, her lips trembling and she fought against him.

“I want us, Y/N.” He finally told her, grabbing her face with his hands.

Y/N stopped writhing, a few tears cascading down her cheeks. His hands were resting on each side of her face, a thumb wiping them away.

“Stop fooling around, J.”

But he could see the hopeful glint behind her emotional eyes, he could see the way she’d stopped breathing, waiting for him to go on.

He felt his heart hurt a little less knowing she was still waiting for him. Knowing she still wanted him.

“I’m not.” He promised, “I want you, Y/N.”

One of his hands left her face, coming down to rest on her hip. The other continued to caress her cheek as she subconsciously leaned into his comforting touch.

“I can’t do this again, J.” She brokenly whispered, afraid it would be like every other time.

“No, no.” He reassured her, “I mean it this time, baby. I’m serious about me. I’m yours, if you still want me.”

Y/N felt her heart beating so hard against her ribcage she feared he would hear it, too. It felt like some kind of dream.

She’d been in love with this boy for so many years, for so much time that she didn’t think it was possible for him to finally reciprocate her feelings for him.

What she didn’t know, was that he had all along. JJ was just— JJ. He was afraid, and these kind of things were never his forte. He was afraid she would leave like everyone else and he’d get his heart broken, had he ever let her in. So instead he just pushed her away. Time after time.

“What are you saying, J?” Her hands came up to his shoulders again, shaking slightly.

“I’m saying I’m ready, Y/N.” He pushed a strand of hair away from her beautiful face, “No more running away from my feelings, no more denying.”

She just stared at him, too entranced by the whole situation and his words. Her eyes held that adoring look that he loved, making him feel some type of way.

“What do you say?” He asked her.

“I don’t want this to be just because of Jake.” She told him.

He heard the sadness in her voice and saw the fear behind her eyes.

“It’s not that, baby.” He went on, “Seeing you with him just made me realize things. I know you feel nothing for him and I certainly know he doesn’t mean anything to you, alright? But it made realize I can’t stand here and let you go just because I’m so afraid of my feelings. I can’t imagine myself feeling these things for anyone else, Y/N. And I don’t want to push it away any longer.”

Her smile made his heartbeat stutter, and it suddenly felt happy again.

“I’m yours, JJ.”

And then he kissed her.

And it was something Y/N could never describe. She felt happiness again, she felt home.

His arms circled her waist bringing her closer to him. They kissed until the two of them couldn’t breathe, and then they kissed again. And again.

She moaned into his mouth when she felt him underneath her. She moved her hips against his and he groaned, suddenly standing up and carrying her to his bedroom.

She laughed, securing her arms around his neck. He continued kissing her neck until they were in the bedroom, kicking the door shut and gently throwing her in the bedroom.

Chuckling, she got ahold of his t-shirt and dragged him down with her. Her hands found his shorts in a matter of seconds, bringing them down his legs as he too undressed her.

“I missed this body.” He whispered against her skin, lips trailing down her stomach.

Y/N didn’t remember how they were suddenly naked, she could however remember the feeling of his lips gracing her, his fingers tracing her thighs.

“Tell me you didn’t let him touch you.”

“I didn’t.” She shook her head, eager for his touch, “I promise.”

It sounded like a beg, and Y/N didn’t miss the way he smirked before his fingers were inside her.

Her back arched, a moan leaving her own mouth as she squeezed the sheets between her fingers.

“J.” She whined when his tongue joined his fingers.

He worked like a God, and Y/N had missed him. She missed the way he could make her feel and although she didn’t have anyone else to compare him to, she knew he was the best she could ever have and the voices about him on the island confirmed it.

His touch was driving her crazy, moans escaping her as her hips bucked up to meet him.

“So sweet.” He mumbled against her.

He added another finger making her tremble, she was completely at his mercy.

And then, between the pleasure and his touch, Y/N had started to become needier.

She whined, coming up to rest on her elbows, “I need you, J.”

JJ thought he’d die right then and there.

He looked up at her, that smirk of him gracing his features. Her hand came down to meet his face as she encouraged him to come back up. He did, leaving a last kiss on her and making her shudder before meeting her lips again. She could taste herself on him.

“Please.”

It was all it took for JJ to stop teasing her.

She felt his member at her entrance, chills running down her spine as she arched her spine from that pleasure alone.

His hand was on her cheek as he pushed inside of her, his mouth immediately opening in pleasure and a groan leaving his lips. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Y/N closed her eyes as a gasp left her; they hadn’t been together for some time and she was having a bit of difficulty readjusting to his size, the slight burn hurting her. It was a good hurt.

“I know, baby.” He kissed her, “Haven’t been taking good care of you lately, have I?”

She raised her head slightly to kiss him again, needing the comfort. Her hands found his cheeks as the kiss deepened, his pace fastening causing whimpers to fall from her lips between the kisses.

“I know you can take it.” He prodded her.

She nodded, moaning when the pain slowly started to melt into pleasure.

“I can take it, J.” She gave in to him, her legs finding her way around his waist and bringing him closer.

His thrusts became faster and harder as time passed, sweet nothings whispered into each other’s ears.

It was the most intense feeling Y/N had ever experienced, being with JJ.

Again, she’d never been with guys before him, but she knew it couldn’t have been like this for everyone — sex with JJ felt like daydreaming. She couldn't put it into words. It wasn't just physical; it felt as if their whole beings, bodies and souls became one.

And this time felt so much more intimate, loving, and as thought the two of them were meant to be together. And Y/N was sure they were.

She moaned a bit too loudly when he hit a particular spot, pleasure exploding in her lower stomach as he repeatedly thrusted inside of her. Her nails left marks on his back, her arms now around his neck as she stifled the sounds she was making by biting down on his shoulder. JJ moaned, one of his hands coming down her back to lift her up against him as she arched her spine.

“I missed you.” He kissed her neck, “Mine.”

Then she was pushing her hands against his chest and made him sit down on the bed, coming up so straddle his waist. Her hand wrapped around his cock, giving it a few pumps before lining it up with her entrance and then sinking down on it.

She sat down completely on his member and JJ threw his head back in pleasure, his jaw tense as his hands found her waist, squeezing the flesh.

“You look like a Goddess.” He groaned out as she began moving up and down on him, hands on his shoulders.

Her pace fastened, hips coming down to meet his waist in hard motions. Y/N felt she was close.

“God, JJ.” She cried, her movements becoming sloppier as she came closer.

She loved the sounds he was making, loved the way his eyes were shut in pure bliss and his abs were tense in please.

“You take me so good, baby.” He told her, “I’m gonna cum.”

“I want it inside, J.” She whispered in his ear, “I want you to come inside of me.”

It was enough for JJ to cum, his high triggering her own.

She placed open mouthed kisses on his chest as she came down.

“Fuck.” She panted.

One of her hands came up to her face, her thumb caressing his skin as he brought her closer to him, eyes never leaving her.

“I love you, Y/N.”

And it was that night, their bodies tangled together in his sheets that JJ understood that no matter what happened, her heart would always lay with him.

Taglist: @soapiebear @70smaybank @maybankslover @myguiltypleasures21 @chaoticavrey

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downbadf0rficppl · 3 months

Text

well, my left hand's free

JJ x F!Reader

Summary: JJ's been staying at your house for a bit, and you catch him doing something you definitely weren't supposed to see.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Masturbation, Smut

Repost

You slipped out of bed to grab a glass of water. It was just passed midnight and you were sure everyone was asleep. The floor was cold against your bare feet and you wrapped your jumper tighter around you. It got cold on the beach, even in the summer.

You heard shuffling from your brother's room. It took you a second to remember that you'd put JJ up in your brother's room for the night.

You were walking home from work when you overheard JJ talking about needing a bed for the night. You considered yourself a friend of JJ's - more an acquaintance, but you sat next to him in half of your classes and let him cheat off your tests. Plus, he bought you new pens when he stole so many of yours that you ended up not having any left, and he invited you to every kegger personally. Yeah, you guys were friends. Your house was also closer to John B's than JJ's, and since your brother hadn't come back from college on the mainland yet, it seemed perfect.

JJ had tried to argue with you about it, saying that he didn't want to be in the way, but you were far too stubborn for him to even try to reason with you. "Plus, my parents aren't going to be home. They're going to dinner. It's their anniversary."

You walked past his room and went to the kitchen. You grabbed two glasses of water, given that JJ was up, and you softly padded back over to your brother's room.

You were knocked on the door with your elbow, holding a glass in each hand. "Shit." You heard him whisper through the door and then a loud thump as he fell off the bed.

"You good in there? JJ?"

You went to push the door open, but he yelled out quickly, "Wait, wait, wait. Give me a second."

You waited for a second before the door flung open. You were met with a flushed - and very shirtless - JJ. You shamelessly checked him out as he moved out of the way to let you in.

"Like what you see?" He smirked.

"You didn't need to go to all the lengths of taking your shirt off. It's not anything I haven't seen before." JJ raised his eyebrow at you, "Gym class, JJ, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry." He muttered as you elbowed his chest, "I - um - sleep naked." He said, scratching the back of his neck, "Didn't think you were still up."

You shrugged, "Thought you might want some water. Heard you shuffling around." You handed him a glass of water, before walking over to the window, "You can open the window, by the way. My brother said it gets really hot in here sometimes."

"What are you doing up?" JJ said, taking a sip of water.

"Just making sure you're not having sex in my brother's bed. He'd kill me if he found out." JJ choked on the water. You looked at him, mischief glinting in your eyes, "I'm kidding." JJ smiled unconvincingly.

You walked out of the room, and JJ shut the door quickly behind you. You smirked at how easy it was to fluster JJ.

JJ sighed heavily when you walked out of the room. Shit. He'd almost been caught. His head had flown out of the gutter when you knocked and he'd fallen off the bed trying not to get caught with his hand on his dick. Just thought of sleeping in your house, with you less than 15 feet away, had his cock standing at attention. He downed the glass of water and grabbed the towel that you gave him, headed to the bathroom for a cold shower. Maybe that would stop his racing thoughts.

He forgot that you had told him about the faulty lock and that he should knock to make sure no one was inside. You were inside having a shower when you heard the door open. You shrieked, and tried to cover yourself with the curtain, except the curtains you had were practically sheer.

JJ's eyes dragged over your body before his mind caught up with him. He spun on his heel quickly and slammed the door shut behind him, quickly retreating to his bedroom. He threw himself face down on his bed, and groaned, head in his hands, cock somehow harder than before.

You stormed into his room, towel wrapped tightly around yourself, "I told you to knock!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't think anyone would be showering right now!" He said, refusing to face you.

"Well, it doesn't matter, just forget it ever happened." He groaned, "It's fine, JJ, you didn't see much."

"Yeah well, maybe that's the problem." He muttered under his breath.

You looked at him, stunned, "What?"

"Shit." He sat up to face you, trying to apologise and explain himself, but as his eyes met yours, you dropped the towel. His eyes went wide, drinking in everything he can. You crawled over to him, his legs widening as you settled between them, straddling his cock.

You gently pressed your lips to his, hoping you haven't massively misjudged the situation. But JJ's hands moved to rest on your ass as he kissed you harder. You broke away for air and pressed light kisses down his neck.

"As much as I'd love to have sex with you. I'd prefer if we didn't do it on my brother's bed." He chuckled into your neck, picking you up with ease. Weeks of working in the junkyard lifting scrap metal had definitely done JJ some favours.

He attached his lips to yours as he walked over, kicking open the door with his foot and carefully dropping you onto the bed. He shut the door and ripped off his t-shirt before re-attaching his lips to yours. He bit your lip gently, eliciting a low whine from you.

"Just like that pretty girl, keep making those pretty sounds for me." His fingers ran over your slit, caressing the clit as you bucked up against him, "Didn't know you were this dirty, acting so innocent in class. Makes me wanna fuck your brains out every time you bite your stupid pencil." The thought of that makes you smile.

JJ thrusted a finger into you without warning. You shrieked, grabbing his hand as a hot pain burst through you. He looked at you in concern as he retracted it quickly. You held on to his hand, not letting him move further away, as he lifted you up and into his arms.

"What's wrong?" He searched your face for any secrets that you were hiding from him.

"Just...hurt. Never done that before." JJ looked shocked. You were mortified.

You tried to crawl away from him, covering your body with your hands and trying to find some clothes.

"I'm sorry, baby," The nickname sent a hot flame straight to your core, "I didn't know." He came up behind you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, pulling you back to rest on his chest. "I'll be more gentle."

"You still wanna have sex?"

"Of course, I do, baby." He turned you around, eyes gazing into yours, filled with adoration. He leans down to kiss you again, but this kiss was different. The other kisses were fervent, lust-filled, driven by purpose. This one was slow, understanding, driven by trust and love. He carried you back to bed, lips never leaving yours. He trailed kisses down your throat, in between the valley of your breasts and down your stomach. Each kiss made your back arch, the sensation completely unfamiliar to you.

"You ready?"

"Please, JJ. I swear to God, I need this so bad. Please, JJ, please, please... please." His head dove between your thighs, placing small kisses on your clit and slit. He let out a low groan at the sight of your glistening cunt, the hot air making you shiver. His tongue slipped between your folds, parting your pussy just for his view, pulling a loud moan out of you.

He delved further between your folds, tongue-fucking you as you writhed above him. He placed a hand on your stomach, keeping you in place as he continued his ministrations. JJ drank like a man starved, letting out moans every now and again. You couldn't believe it. There was no way JJ was truly enjoying what he was doing.

He sure acted like it though. His mouth attached to your clit, sucking harshly, as rutted into your bed. He moaned loudly before he pulled away. Arousal coated his face, and the sight alone made you want to combust. "You ready for more?" You could only nod.

He returned to your clit, tongue running over it, flicking it before sucking it again. He slid a finger into your now dripping pussy, and the intrusion felt much less painful now. His pace was slow, his finger pushing into you completely. He watched your face for any signs of discomfort, but all you could do was throw your head back and moan out loud in pleasure. The pad of his finger circled over the spongy patch at the top of your vagina. You bucked your hips up, eyes watering in pleasure.

"You like that?" He placed a gentle kiss on your clit, before he picked up the pace with his fingers. Your moans had become silent, mouth stuck in an 'O' shape. JJ rutted into your bed beneath you, speed picking up with his fingers.

"So close," you whispered, moans breaking through you. “JJ… feels so g-good JJ… oh shit… oh, JJ-” Your orgasm crashed over you like a wave, a white-hot lightning strike bursting low in your stomach and shockwaves through your cunt. It made your ears ring, black spots covering your vision.

You felt JJ brushing the hair out of your face and kissing your forehead gently when you came around. His fingers were still pumping in you slowly as you rode out your high, "Just like that, baby girl, just like that. There you go, you did so well. So good for me, pretty baby." He pulled his fingers out of you, and you whined at the loss of fullness. It felt nice.

Your cum clung to his fingers, and brought the digits to his mouth to lick them all clean. You moaned lowly at the filth of his actions, pulling his lips to meet yours again.

He kissed you, but stopped you again, "I think that's enough for now. Got to let my favourite girl recover."

You blushed at the compliment, but looked at him confused, "What about you?"

"I kinda already took care of myself." He said, sheepishly. You looked down to see a wet patch on the front of his shorts.

You burst into laughter as JJ let out protests of, "Hey, it's not my fault you look so hot when you cum."

You clean yourself up with your towel as JJ changes your bedsheets, and then you find a pack of unused boxer shorts in your brother's drawer.

You throw the pack at JJ's head, and he creeps into the bathroom to clean himself up. You throw his boxers and his shorts into the washing machine, before heading back to your room. JJ comes in a few seconds later with a glass of water in his hand.

"Drink. Or you'll get dehydrated."

You smile and down the entire glass. JJ turns to leave, but you grab his hand. "Stay?"

"Tut tut tut. What will your parents say?"

"They don't have to know."

"Still I'd rather not get beat up by your dad." You pouted as he pressed a tender kiss on your lips, "I'll see you in the morning."

"In the morning."

fin.

buy me a coffee

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featherandferns · 1 year

Text

you find out (fic)

jj maybank x fem!reader | part of the F.W.B universe, but can be read as a stand-alone

content warning: abuse; mentions of drug use/abuse; mentions of sex

word count: 2k

Blurb: you find out about JJ's tumultuous relationship with his dad one night.

Within a split second, your body registers the feeling of the bed dipping, the covers shifting, and the brief brush of something cold on your shin. All of this jolts you awake, eyes shooting open to face the wall. Heart pumping adrenaline. The pressure of a hand on your shoulder does little to ease your anxiety until you hear his voice.

“Just me,” JJ sighs. You exhale with relief and relax back into the covers, eyes closing once more.

“You scared the crap outta me,” you mumble back.

“Sorry,” he grunts. He’s wriggling around, trying to get comfortable, and you turn over in the darkness. Your eyes are still shut. Naturally, you begin to worm yourself into his presence, tangling your legs amongst his and burying your head against his chest. JJ laughs and you feel his body shake with it. “You’re like a Goddamn koala.”

“Shut up,” you mutter.

The two of you had an affinity to become soft and simp-like when tired. Secretly, you loved it.

One of his hands comes to your back, slipping underneath the cotton of your top and stroking your skin. You smile and sigh against him.

“I missed you today,” you tell him against his bare skin.

“Missed you too,” JJ replies in a gravelly voice.

“Are we becoming that gross couple that’s always attached at the hip?” you worry, only half-joking.

JJ laughs. “Can’t be any grosser than John B and Sarah. You know they have little pet names for each other? Vlad and something.”

“Gag.”

The two of you laugh quietly. Sleepily. JJ’s chest smells of saltwater, suncream and the remnants of sweat. His skin’s turning warm from the cocoon of sheets that he’s made his way into. You rub your foot against his inner calve and nuzzle against him. JJ silently chuckles, another hand coming up to pet your hair.

“Where were you today?”

“Had to do something,” JJ ominously tells you.

“Is that code for murder?”

“Sometimes. Not right now, though,” he replies. “How was training?”

“Hard,” you reply through a yawn. “There’s a match in a couple of weeks though. You gonna come?”

“Course,” he says. With that, he plants a kiss to your forehead. “How come you’re at the chateau tonight? I didn’t know if you were gonna be here.”

“Went surfing with Kie and John B after training, and we sorta just ended up here. It got late and I just decided to crash. Wasn’t sure if you were gonna be here either.”

“We need to text each other more,” JJ points out, making you laugh.

You shift so there’s a bit more space between you and then half-open your eyes. The room’s pitch black and you can barely make out the silhouette of JJ’s face. You know his presence well enough to be able to pin where his lips are though. You press a kiss against them. JJ doesn’t let you pull back. He moves the hand that was playing with your hair to cradle your jaw, keeping you against him. Both of you are too tired to have sex, but you have just enough left in the tank for a half-asleep make-out. Lazy and lavish. As you go to kiss at his jaw, one of your hand slips around his side, letting your fingers and blunt nails lightly dig into his flesh, just like usual. What's unusual is the way JJ flinches, suddenly hisses (as if uncontrollable), and pulls back on reflex. The moment he does, you get this feeling that he didn’t mean to. This only spurs you on more to pull away and sit up, face contorted in concerned confusion. You try fumbling around for the lamp’s light switch. JJ starts protesting immediately.

“Baby, wait—” JJ’s saying, a little panicked, but you don’t let his hold on your arm stop you.

The light flashes on and you wince against it with a groan, blinking a couple of times to adjust. Turning around, you take in JJ’s face, and the sight makes you gasp.

“JJ, what the hell,” you gape.

You’ve seen your fair share of face wounds from boxing, on yourself and others - split lips and some discolouring around the cheek and eyes - but nothing like this. This is malicious and spiteful, done with something more than intent.

JJ’s looking away from you, his expression somewhere between annoyed and embarrassed.

You go to reach out a hand and take his face, as if needing to check the bruises are real, but he’s pulling away from your reach.

“What the hell happened?”

“It’s nothing. Doesn’t matter,” he mumbles, looking around the other bedside table for something. Probably his vape or papers.

“JJ.”

“It’s just from some dumb fight with some Kooks or something,” he barely says, still not meeting your gaze. Mhm.

“Or something?”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll put some cream or something on it in the morning.”

Sarcastically, you agree, “yeah, that’s what you need. Cream.”

He finds his vape but decides against it, going to look for his bud and papers to roll. You know why: it’s not gonna hold his attention long enough to have an excuse not to look at you. You sit back atop of your folded legs and cross your arms. Your eyes have fully adjusted now and you’re wide awake. Whatever softness the two of you had been in before has long gone, and you’re not going back to sleep until you know why JJ looks like a rip-off Picasso painting of a starry night.

“Why won’t you tell me?” you ask him.

JJ pauses in his search.

“It doesn’t matter, okay?”

“Yes, it does.”

“Why does it matter so much to you that I tell you?” JJ huffs, becoming annoyed. You watch as his shoulders begin to tense, the muscles flexing.

“Because I haven’t seen you all day, only for you to show up black and blue,” you tell him, irritated. Then, softer, you add, “and I’m worried about you.”

“Why’s it always about you?”

“What?”

JJ sits back, abandoning his search, and goes on, glaring at you. “It’s always about how everything’s effecting you. What? Cause you get your way a lot, you think you deserve the answers to everything? You’re a spoilt brat sometimes, you know that right?”

Maybe in another situation, his words would hurt. You’d worry if there was some truth – that maybe that was why your exes had left you and had done what they did. But as he talks, all you can look at is the cut on his lip and how it’s threatening to break open again into a bleed, and how the bruising around his eye is making it swollen. The strange beauty of the colours: blotchy purple and orange and brown.

Keeping your temper level, you calmly shake your head. “You can’t try and stir up the pot between us to get out of talking about this.”

JJ briefly meets your gaze before looking away and down at his hands. He messes with one of his rings. It’s now that you have enough strength to pull your focus from his face and to his chest. To the reason that he flinched away, giving up his secret. The sight of the marks – red and pink, some tinges of blue – scattered across his body, probably from someone kicking or punching him, makes your eyes water. You bite on your lower lip to keep it from trembling. That means he was on the ground at some point. Somebody had enough strength and power over him to get him on the ground. Funny how half your life is spent in purposeful violence, but the sight of wounds like this, on someone you care about, catches you off guard in the worst of ways. It doesn’t put you off fighting, though. If anything, it spurs you on.

“Who did this, JJ?” you ask, firmer.

He looks you in the eye at your change of tone. Maybe he can read your face, see your intentions, because he starts shaking his head.

“It’s not like you can do anything about it, alright?”

“Who says?” you shrug.

“Baby, I’m asking you to let it go. Please,” JJ implores. His voice cracks. Jaw tenses, like he's holding back.

His gaze is all over the shop: your eyes then his hands, then the window and the door. You follow it. When he looks at his hands, fiddles with his rings, you notice how they're shaking. He’s shaking.

The moment of vigilante is gone. It feels as if you’re seeing a different part of JJ. Vulnerable and raw; his silly, cocky, energetic facets of personality stripped away. You’ve only ever seen him like this once. Well, heard him, to be more accurate. In the bathroom, at the party, where you both agreed to give this relationship a shot.

Shuffling nearer, you move to straddle his lap (careful of his bruises), hoping it might help ground him. He doesn’t push you off. Instead, JJ places his hands on your hips, a thumb stroking over the bone. Your hands find place on your thighs. You lean forward and press your forehead against his, making a point to close your eyes. JJ shakily exhales.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

His head shakes from side to side, ever so slightly. “It’s not okay,” he barely makes out. Your stomach constricts like a boa.

You bring a hand up to his hair and gently rake your fingers through some of the strands, and something about your touch makes him break.

JJ starts crying.

He drops his head against your shoulder, body shaking from the sobs. You’ve never seen him cry before. Never been able to picture it. JJ didn’t get upset; he just got angry. But this was the hidden layer, buried behind humour and anger and aggression. The thing he seemed to try and keep six feet under. His arms come up to wrap around your body, pulling you nearer, and you bite at your lip to save yourself from crying too, folding your arms over his shoulders. You swaddle him in your presence, let him cry against you. You whisper things into his ear, somewhere between sweet-nothings and soothes. The lump in your throat never leaves.

“It’s not his fault,” JJ gasps against you.

You don’t know what he means but don’t force anything. You just keep holding him.

“I know,” you say softly, hugging him tighter.

“It’s not his fault. He…He has a problem and…If I was better than it wouldn’t happen…”

You shake your head but don’t speak. You’re not sure if you can. His voice doesn’t sound like his own. It’s as resistless as a sheet of ice.

“He loves me. I know he does. I know he does. I know…”

His chest is rising and falling too quickly now and you have to pull away. His eyes are clenched shut and he can’t breathe. The panic of this realisation only makes it worse. You take his face in your hands and shush him, coaxing him to listen to you.

“You gotta breathe, okay baby? You've gotta breathe.”

“I don’t understand…”

“It’s alright. Just focus on breathing, okay?”

JJ’s mumbling still. How he doesn’t understand. How he doesn’t get it. How he just has to do better. Why can’t he be better?

The whole time, you’re counting aloud. Giving instructions. Trying to block out the tears, the pain, from his words. In - one, two, three. Out - one, two, three. In…

Somewhere, somehow, he listens. At first, it’s useless. His panicked gasps interrupt his measured breathing, and he almost spirals again. But then he seems to find some new determination. His fingers press into your waist, a little tight but you’re not going to complain, and JJ tries again. Eventually, it mostly levels out, and the panic attack has subsided. You press your forehead against his again and move to take his hands into yours, interlocking your fingers together. You stay like that for a long while.

In that time, JJ stops crying and you let your own tears silently fall. You press a chaste kiss to his lips. His breathing mellows out into tired, steady inhales and exhales. It’s then that you feel it’s safe enough for you to ask.

“It’s your dad, isn’t it? The ‘ugly’ thing you were scared to tell me about; the thing you mentioned at the party,” you whisper.

JJ stills. His breathing temporarily halts. You feel the reluctant nod of his head.

Face warping into a deep, sad smile, you let some more tears fall. A smile, because whilst it kills you to know the truth – and one that painful – it’s also somewhat of a relief to know. Know why he does the things he does and why he never wants to go home. Why he’s never invited you to meet his parents or crash at his, and why – right from day one of knowing you – he’s been at the chateau. Why he’s currently black and blue.

You press another kiss to his lips.

“I’m staying, JJ,” you reassure him.

Before you can pull away, he places a hand on the flat of your back and pulls you back, kissing you firmly. I’m staying.

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locker42 · 1 year

Note

Hey hey what’s up

Just wondering if u could do one where Luke comes back and is furious that jj trashed the pills. After jj has to feel the aftermath of Lukes rage, Y/N finds him hurt and angry and they get into a really bad argument. to which Y/N goes to Lukes place without JJ or the others knowing to confront Luke/ or secretly get Jjs stuff and ends up getting beaten up?

Something into that direction would be great

Shitty Father

Warnings: swearing, violence, abuse, injuries.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Kook!reader.

Word count: 4702.

Masterlist.

Sorry it took me so long, had quite a lot going on. Gonna start posting again!

It wasn’t unlike JJ to disappear for three days but it still worried you every time. Because you knew it had something to do with his dad - it always had. All the times he came to your window, face all bruised up and bloody, holding his tears in. There were too many times. You wanted to go to his house and check on him, however after remembering his warnings about coming anywhere near his house, you hesitated.

As you drove towards the Chateau the only thought in your head was if JJ was alright. You hated the feeling in your stomach, because you knew something was wrong. You haven’t seen your boyfriend in three days, and with every passing hour your worry grew.

After locking your car you walked up the stairs to the porch of the Chateau. What you did not expect to find there was JJ, sitting on the couch with his hands in his hair. You walked towards him slowly, careful not to make any loud noises. “JJ.” You called quietly, but it was enough for him to lift his head up.

You almost gasped when you saw the purple bruised around his swollen eye, the dry blood on his nose and the cut on his lip. There were dry tears on his cheeks and the sight made you want to pull him into your arms and never let go, but you knew better than that.

“Hey,” you started as you slowly knelt in front of him, “can I take care of you?”

He didn’t seem to hear your question as he stared at the floor beneath you. You could hear his rapid breathing and his hands that were gripping his hair to hide the shaking.

“JJ, please.” You tried again, gently bringing your hands to his wrists and pulling them away from his face. He didn’t object and let you lift his head, but his eyes refused to meet yours.

“Let me take care of your injuries. You don’t have to talk to me, just let me help you.”

Still not making eye contact with you he nodded, allowing you to pull him up and lead him towards the bathroom. You already had a first aid kit ready there for when him or John B or any other Pogues would get into a fight. JJ took a seat on the toilet and you knelt on the floor before him. Grabbing the slightly wet gauze you started cleaning his face.

“I’m sorry.”

He whispered, so quietly that you almost missed it.

“Sorry for what, love?”

He lifted his eyes and finally met yours. And it hurt. Because you saw how much pain and sadness were in them. And it hurt you, to know that the person you love most in the whole world was treated the way he was. If just you to see him hurt.

“For disappearing on you, again. You don’t deserve the way I treat you, Y/N. God, you’re so good to me and I’m-“

“Im gonna stop you right there.” You cut him off, stopping your work to clear your hands and to cup both sides of his face, careful around the bruises. “I’m gonna stop you right there because whatever more you are going to say is bullshit. JJ, you are everything to me, and that’s not a small amount. You are the light in my life, the laughter, the happiness. Without you, JJ, we’re all doomed. All the Pogues. You don’t need to apologize about this nor do you need to explain yourself. I love you, that’s why I’m good to you. Because love isn’t about deserving, it’s about giving. And I’m choosing to give you everything because you give me the love that matters the most to me.”

He stared at you for a few second before one tear fell from his eye and down his cheek. You quickly wiped it away with your thumb. He leaned in, placing his lips against yours in a soft yet passionate kiss that delivered all the love he felt toward you.

“I love you so fucking much, you know that?”

“I do. I love you, too, JJ.”

After you cleaned him up you laid on the bed beside him, his head on your chest and your hand in his hair, playing with it. His hand was holding your free one, tracing circles on the back of it. You could hear his breathing, no longer fast and panicked but slow and relaxed. His whole body relaxed against yours and you felt relief at that. Relief that your JJ was right there, with you, safe and protected from all harm. You pressed your lips to his forehead, a small smile rising on your face as he hummed to the little act of love. At that moment you knew that no matter what or where, everything was alright as long as he was by your side.

________

As the sun rose, you were already awake, drowning in thoughts. Although JJ was back you were still haunted by the thoughts of what went down with him in those three days. He’s already agreed on staying at John B’s or yours when things got rough so why was he back home? And why did it take him three days to come back?

Before you could drown yourself in your worries, JJ walked into the kitchen. He was shirtless, all the bruising on his torso exposed. His hair was a mess, part of it because you played with it all night. He walked all the way beside you and hugged you from behind. You smiled, leaning back against him and reaching to rub his arms.

“Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?” You asked, turning in his arms to face him.

“Good, only because you were beside me all night.” He answered with a soft smile and placed a light kiss to your lips. “What about you? What are you doing awake so early?”

“Noting, just thinking.” You shrugged, placing your head under his chin.

“About?” He asked, running his hand through your hair.

“What happened, JJ? When you were gone, what happened?” You dared ask him, lifting your head to look at him. He sighed, letting go of you and running his hand through his hair, leaning on the counter behind him.

“I came back home to get some clothes, but when I was leaving I saw a bottle of pills on the coffee table and I just- I don’t know what I was thinking but I just knew that I didn’t have the energy to deal with one more relapse of his. So I through the pills away and I walked out of the house when he arrived. He noticed the pills were gone and, well..”

He trailed off, and you didn’t need to guess to know what happened next. But it angered you, it angered you that he was still going back there and looking out for him. But most of all, you were burning with hatred for Luke. What kind of father beats their own child? And then he claims to love him.

“I still can’t understand why are you always going back there.” You said, and he immediately sighed, knowing what conversation was ahead. “No, I mean, seriously, JJ. And why didn’t you tell me? God, I could just kill him.”

“You’re not gonna do anything, okay?” He said sternly, grabbing you when you tried to turn around. “Look, I know it’s fucked up but, he’s my dad, Y/N. I can’t just ignore that.”

“He’s you dad? What has he ever done for you?” You challenged, letting your anger and frustration overflow.

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” He refused, but you were not done.

“Answer me, JJ. You say he’s your father but what kind of father does this? You keep justifying his behavior and standing up for him when any of us say something bad about him. But it’s all true. He’s a no-good, low-life, shifty asshole. I just don’t-“

He didn’t let you finish, grabbing your shoulders tightly.

“Just shut up, okay? You’re not making things better or easier by saying those things. You will never understand it, Y/N.”

You wiggled yourself out of his grip with a frown on your face. “Then help me understand, JJ. Because I can’t stand watching you get hurt all the time, and then you only come back for more.”

“We’re different, okay?” He raised his voice. “You and I,” he pointed, “were different. We come from different worlds. You’re a Kook, as much as you don’t like to admit it, you’re a Kook. You don’t have to deal with this type of shit I deal with. That’s why you will never understand this.”

“Really? You’re pulling the Kook card on me? Why, ‘cause I was born on a different side of the island?” You said, feeling yourself grow angrier.

“Yes!” He yelled. “That’s exactly why. Ever since you’ve been born you’ve been been fed everything with a silver spoon. You have parents who will do anything for you and you have a roof to live under without having to worry about who pays the bills or whether we have water and electricity this month or not. That’s not how people like me live.”

“I know that, JJ.”

At this point, you’ve created a space between you, not wanting to get close to him at the moment.

“I know that there’s an obvious difference between us. But first of all, my parent will not do anything for me, they have proven that the second I started hanging out with you. I’m not saying that we’re the same, I’m saying that I am able to understand what you’re going through-“

“No, you don’t!” He cut you off, making you jump at the raise of his voice. “You don’t understand, Y/N. You know why? Because all your life you’ve been a spoiled Kook who didn’t have a clue that in order to live you have to work. I mean, why would you? Your parents are a pair of arrogant assholes who probably fed you some shit about the low-lifers and about the fact that it’s our fault that we’re living in poverty. Because, admit it, you’ve never really gave a fuck about us Pogues until you met me, is that right?”

You were face to face, closer than you’d like. Your eyes were burning with tears of anger, hurt and frustration. You couldn’t believe he was saying those words. You really thought that he didn’t care about Kook or Pogue, that he cared about your relationship over your status.

“Well, I’m just some spoiled Kook, how would I know?” You said, your voice shaking slightly but you didn’t let it affect the glare you sent him as you moved across to the guest bedroom to get your stuff and get the hell out of there. You were sure John B had heard everything from his room but you didn’t care, all you wanted was to get out of there and far away from JJ.

You walked straight past him as he tried to talk to you, heading to the front door.

“Y/N, please, just let me talk to you.” He continued, but you ignored him. You opened the door and walked to your car, not sparing him a glance as you pulled out of the driveway.

________

You didn’t really believe in hate. You never believed that hating someone would benefit you. It was just intoxicating yourself to the point where you think more about the person you hate than they think about you. You found the whole thing pointless. Luke Maybank, however, was an exception. You hated that man with all your heart. Having witnessed all the pain he had caused to the man you loved most in the world. So when you walked into the small market by your neighborhood, your eyes immediately located Luke. He was standing in front of the alcohol isle, browsing through the different kinds with his eyes. His eyes, that were red from whatever drug he took this time. Unfortunately for you, you needed milk, which was right by the end of that isle. So, instead of going straight you turned right and made a detour to get to the fridge. You opened the glass door and sighed as the coolness seeping from the fridge, which was the total opposite of the weather outside. You picked up one gallon of milk and put it in your basket.

“Y/N L/N, there’s a girl I thought I’ll never see again.”

You heard a hoarse voice from behind you, sending chills down your spine as you immediately recognized it to be Luke’s. You slowly turned around, having no intention of starting a conversation with the man.

“What do you want?” You asked sharply, sending him a glare.

“Well, aren’t you a feisty one?” He said with a smirk, and you felt nauseous just by looking at him.

You moved to walked past him but he was quick to grab your arm, pulling you back.

“Where are you going? I need to ask you something about that little shit.”

You rolled your eyes.

“First let me go or I’ll scream.” You threatened, but the only response you got was a chuckle.

“Where is JJ? He hasn’t been home in a few days.”

You shuddered at the thought of him ever reaching JJ and very much possibly putting his hands on him.

“I don’t know, and even if I did why would I tell you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re a shitty excuse of a father, Luke. Or moreover, you’re a piece of shit. You don’t deserve to have JJ as your son because all you do is hurt him. So no, I’m not going to tell you where he is.” You pulled your arm out of his strong grip and pushed past him, leaving him behind as you quickly paid for your things and walked out of there to your car, desperate to get as far away from him as possible.

You prayers weren’t answered, as Luke opened the passenger door and got inside the car. You heart started beating fast and you gasped as you saw a gun in his hand - aimed at you.

“You think you can just talk to me like that and I’ll let it happen? Who do you think I am? Some bitch like your little boyfriend?!” He raised his voice, pressing the gun to your stomach.

“Luke, this is ridiculous. Just get out of the car and I’ll leave, I promise.” You said, trying not to let your fear show.

“No, I got a better idea.” With his free hand, he put the car in drive, forcing you to press on the breaks. “You and I are gonna take a little trip back to my place, and there we’re gonna wait for JJ to come back. I bet he’ll run straight home once he found out you’re with me.”

“Okay,” you said, handing gripping the wheel tightly to prevent your hand from shaking, “I’ll go there, just put down the gun, please.”

“Why, so you could do whatever you want? Nah, this gun stays on you until you’re sitting on my couch in my living room.” He said and pressed the gun even harder against your side, making you clench your jaw. “Now drive, bitch.”

Your drive slowly, trying to stall as much as you could but he quickly noticed and aimed the gun to your head to make you speed up. You have never been more terrified in your life. This was your longest interaction with Luke, and you had no idea what he was capable of, especially under the influence.

After you parked the car in the driveway Luke got out of the car and walked to your side, opening the door and pulling you out of the car. He dragged you up the stairs and opened the front door, pushing you inside the house. You fell onto the floor, trying to get up but he kicked you, pressing his boot down on your back, making you yell out in pain.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going, huh?!” He yelled. He then grabbed you from your hair and pulled you to the couch. “Now, you’re gonna sit there and shut up.”

He walked over to the kitchen counter, opening the cupboard and pulling out a bottle of cheap whiskey. He poured some into a glass and then turned to you. “You want anything to drink?”

You shook your head, refusing to talk to him.

“Hey, use you goddamn words.” He said sternly, grabbing two glasses from the counter and walking over to you. “You’re almost as bad as JJ.”

As much as you wanted to shut up and not make him even angrier, you had to control your own anger. Because nothing made you angrier than the man that was sitting next to you.

“Here,” he said and handed you a glass of whiskey, “be a good girl and drink.”

“I don’t want to.” You said calmly.

“Well, I didn’t quite ask you. And when I did you didn’t answer.”

You swallowed thickly before taking a small sip from the glass, feeling the burning sensation down your throat.

“That a girl. You know, I will never understand what you see in that boy.” He said and took a sip of his own beverage.

“Maybe that’s ‘cause you spend all your time with him beating him.”

You knew you shouldn’t have said anything the moment he grabbed your neck, but it was too late.

“What did you say to me?!” He asked and tightened his grip on your throat.

“What? That a surprise to you? I saw your knuckles, it’s no secret that you’re an abusive asshole.” You said, voice straining as he choked you.

“Fucking bitch.” He muttered before pushing you down go the floor, the glass falling from your hand and shattering into the wooden floor. He turned you around, and before you could comprehend what was happening he sent a punch to your jaw.

“You don’t talk to me like that, understand?!” He yelled before dragging you up and slamming your body against the wall. “There will be a price to pay.”

The sent another punch to your stomach and you bent forward from the pain, all the air leaving your body.

“Pathetic slut, can’t even take some beatin’.”

His words fueled you and you finally found the power to fight back. You used all your momentum to push him away from you, and then you tried running for the door. But he was too quick and you were too slow. He grabbed you hair and spun you to face him, his face inches from yours.

“You think you can just run away? Well then let me tell you something. You ain’t leavin’ til my son gets here. And when he does I’ll let you go, but he stays here.” He was gripping your face with his hand, making you wince as his nails dug into your skin.

“Why? So you could hit him a little more? You’re just a sad, lonely man who takes his pain out on his son - the only person he has left.” You snapped. “You think I’m pathetic? Just look at your own life, man.”

He laughed, another hand now gripping in by you hair, pulling your face closer to his. “You’re gonna regret that.”

His psychotic smile was the last thing you saw before her dropped you to the floor, slamming your head against the coffee table.

You work up at the sound of glass shuttering and yelling. You sat up, your hand going to the cut you had on the side of your forehead. You winced at the headache, looking down at your hand and seeing blood on it. You looked around the room and figured you were in JJ’s room, on the bed.

“You fucking no-good piece of shit.”

You heard from outside the room. You stood up, leaning on the wall to not fall down from the dizziness that flooded your head. You slowly walked towards the door and opened it, the noises getting louder. You peeked down the hallway, and almost gasped at the sight of JJ pinned down to the floor, Luke above him, delivering punch after punch. You started walking towards them as quietly as you could, picking up a beer bottle from the kitchen and slamming it onto Luke’s head. He stopped his punching, and you took it as an opportunity to push him off JJ. You crouched down next to him, cupping his face in your hands.

“JJ, are you okay?”

He looked at you in utter surprise, clearly not expecting you to be there.

“Y-Y/N? What the hell are you doing here?!” He asked in a panicked voice.

“Long story. Come on, we need to leave.” You said and tried to pull him up with you, but he stopped you. “JJ, come on, we need to-“

You were cut off by two arms pulling you away from JJ and pushing you against the wall.

“No!” JJ yelled, trying to stand up. “Don’t you fucking touch her.”

Luke didn’t listen to him and turned to you.

“Well, look who’s awake.” He said with a smile.

“Fuck you.” You spat, trying to get loose of his grip.

“You have a really dirty mouth, sweetheart. Time to clean it up, don’t you think?”

Before you could object he was already punching you, blood running down from your nose. He raised his hand to deliver another one but JJ caught it.

“Let her go.” He said through clenched teeth. “Get the fuck off her or I’ll fucking kill you.”

He wrapped his arms around his father’s neck and choked him. You took the opportunity the slid away from his arms. You ducked down and picked up a big piece of glass from the floor and pressed it against Luke’s throat.

“You let us both go, right now.” You demanded, but he only laughed.

“I don’t think you have the guts to kill me, baby girl.”

From behind him, JJ squeezed his throat harder. “Don’t even fucking talk to her.”

He dropped him to the floor and slammed another beer bottle to his head, knocking him out cold. He turned to you, the glass was still in your shaking hand and your face was frozen. He walked to you and took the glass out of your grip, discarding it to the floor. He pulled you into him, whispering ‘you’re okay’ over and over again and you were pretty sure those words were meant for himself. He pulled away and grabbed your hand.

“Let’s go, we can talk about this at the Chateau.”

You both walked out of the house and to your car. You let him drive to John B’s place, knowing you couldn’t drive at the moment. You were both silent the whole drive, however a hand on your thigh kept you calm. He parked the car, but made no move to get out. Instead, he moved his gaze to you. Your gaze was focused on the Chateau rather than on him, hand fiddling in your lap.

“Y/N…” he said quietly, hesitation clear in his voice. “Let’s get you inside so I can take care of you, okay?”

You knew it wasn’t what he wanted to say, your current state was probably the reason he changed his words. You nodded your head, opening the door and getting out of the car. He was by our side after only a second, wrapping his arm around you and telling you that you could lean on him if you needed. As you made your way inside the Chateau, the pain in your stomach and all the other places Luke hit you started to hurt more and more. JJ opened the screen door, stepping aside the let you walk in first. You saw John B sitting on the couch, a questioning look on his face as he saw your face. You didn’t pay him any mind and just kept walking towards the bathroom, JJ right behind you. You sat on top of the counter and waited silently as JJ began taking care of your cuts.

“I know it’s usually you who’s in this position, so I just hope I’ll do a good job.” He tried to joke with half a smile, but you didn’t respond.

He sighed. “Look, Y/N, I know you probably don’t want to talk about this but, baby, I need to know what happened. You had me so fucking worried when I saw you there.”

You took in a breath, trying to find the words to describe what happened.

“I was at the supermarket, and he was there. I tried to avoid him but he saw me anyway. He started talking to me and he mentioned you and I just-“ you paused, running your hand through your hair. “I just couldn’t let him. I got so mad, J. I told him that he was a piece of shut and walked out of there. I got inside the car and he got in after me, a gun pulled out and aimed at me.”

“Fuck.” He cursed, dropping his head low. He couldn’t believe his father did that to you - that he dared aiming a gun at you.

“He told me to drive to your house so I did, and there he told me to sit on the couch. He offered me a drink and told me to ‘be a good girl and drink’.” You quoted, noting how JJ’s face stayed still, jaw clenching in anger and eyes fixed on the wall behind you. “I drank. And then he started talking about you again and how he didn’t see what I saw in you. I muttered some response and then he- well, started hitting me. Then he banged my head against the coffee table and I passed out.”

JJ stepped away from you, running his hands through his hair and down his face, leaning on the opposite wall. He cursed quietly before leaning back and punching the wall.

“JJ.” You tried, but he paid no mind, throwing another punch to the wall. “JJ, stop, you’re just gonna hurt yourself.” You raised your voice a little, standing up and pulling him towards you. His eyes were filled with tears, reflecting the anger behind them. “Calm down, please.”

“I can’t, I can’t, Y/N. I can’t just calm down when I know what he did to you. I’m gonna fucking kill him for even touching you.”

He tried to pull away again but you didn’t let him, cupping his face to make him look at you. “JJ, I’m okay, I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me that bad.”

“But he hurt you. He hurt you and he knew how much you fucking mean to me. I can’t just let that go.” He explained, cupping your head, looking at you like you were his life. “I can’t deal with the thought of him hurting you.”

“I know, trust me I know.”

You actually did know. You knew exactly how he felt because you felt the exact same thing whenever you saw the damage Luke did. You felt the same anger and the same urge to kill him for even touching him. But you couldn’t let him spiral out of control - not now.

“I love you so much, you know that?” He said, placing a kiss to your cheek. “And I’m so fucking sorry for what I said to you. I had no right to tell you those things. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“I know, J. It’s okay, I forgive you. And I love you, too.”

You rose to your tiptoes and kissed him gently. He grabbed your waist and deepened the kiss, running his tongue against yours. You hummed in delight, running your fingers through his soft hair. You were truly lucky to have found someone that you truly love, and that he truly loved you.

“It’s all good now, J.”

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fanfiction #outer banks jj #jj maybank #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj obx #jj angst

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d0wnb4df0rf1cm3n · 1 year

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well my left hand's free

JJ x F!Reader

Summary: JJ's been staying at your house for a bit, and you catch him doing something you definitely weren't supposed to see.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Masturbation, Smut

AN: In case y'all didn't know, the title track of OBX is kinda an innuendo on masturbating, and that's definitely not what inspired this fic. Also, OBX3 comes out tomorrow and I'm excited! Ok, bye!

You heard shuffling from your brother's room. It took you a second to remember that you'd put JJ up in your brother's room for the night.

You walked past his room and went to the kitchen. You grabbed two glasses of water, given that JJ was up, and you softly padded back over to your brother's room.

You were knocked on the door with your elbow, holding a glass in each hand. "Shit." You heard him whisper through the door and then a loud thump as he fell off the bed.

"You good in there? JJ?"

You went to push the door open, but he yelled out quickly, "Wait, wait, wait. Give me a second."

You waited for a second before the door flung open. You were met with a flushed - and very shirtless - JJ. You shamelessly checked him out as he moved out of the way to let you in.

"Like what you see?" He smirked.

"You didn't need to go to all the lengths of taking your shirt off. It's not anything I haven't seen before." JJ raised his eyebrow at you, "Gym class, JJ, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry." He muttered as you elbowed his chest, "I - um - sleep naked." He said, scratching the back of his neck, "Didn't think you were still up."

"What are you doing up?" JJ said, taking a sip of water.

You walked out of the room, and JJ shut the door quickly behind you. You smirked at how easy it was to fluster JJ.

You stormed into his room, towel wrapped tightly around yourself, "I told you to knock!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't think anyone would be showering right now!" He said, refusing to face you.

"Well, it doesn't matter, just forget it ever happened." He groaned, "It's fine, JJ, you didn't see much."

"Yeah well, maybe that's the problem." He muttered under his breath.

You looked at him, stunned, "What?"

"What's wrong?" He searched your face for any secrets that you were hiding from him.

"Just...hurt. Never done that before." JJ looked shocked. You were mortified.

You tried to crawl away from him, covering your body with your hands and trying to find some clothes.

"You still wanna have sex?"

"You ready?"

Your cum clung to his fingers, and brought the digits to his mouth to lick them all clean. You moaned lowly at the filth of his actions, pulling his lips to meet yours again.

He kissed you, but stopped you again, "I think that's enough for now. Got to let my favourite girl recover."

You blushed at the compliment, but looked at him confused, "What about you?"

"I kinda already took care of myself." He said, sheepishly. You looked down to see a wet patch on the front of his shorts.

You burst into laughter as JJ let out protests of, "Hey, it's not my fault you look so hot when you cum."

You clean yourself up with your towel as JJ changes your bedsheets, and then you find a pack of unused boxer shorts in your brother's drawer.

"Drink. Or you'll get dehydrated."

You smile and down the entire glass. JJ turns to leave, but you grab his hand. "Stay?"

"Tut tut tut. What will your parents say?"

"They don't have to know."

"Still I'd rather not get beat up by your dad." You pouted as he pressed a tender kiss on your lips, "I'll see you in the morning."

"In the morning."

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hazyspiderwebs · 7 months

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Moments like these aren’t meant to be forever

“I have cancer.” The words felt so foreign coming out of your mouth. JJ let out a shocked laugh “Baby that’s not something to joke about.” “I’m not joking JJ.” You replied voice barely above a whisper.

JJ tried to be supportive but he was still somewhat in denial. He tried to keep living life the same way with you often having to remind him you couldn’t do as much. He adjusted as well as he could. But he just couldn’t bring himself to believe the love of his life was so sick.

One day JJ was talking to the rest of the Pogues about how you weren’t doing as much. “JJ she’s sick! She doesn’t have the energy to go on a goose hunt for gold we don’t even know exists.” Kiara spoke while throwing her hands in the air. “Why don’t you just do movie nights and maybe the occasional game night?” Pope suggested.

JJ took his friend’s advice and got way too much of your favorite snacks and struggled to smuggle them through your window. JJ knew you wouldn’t feel like answering the door. And JJ being JJ he loved crawling through windows. He would always do a special double knock before making his grand entrance. You tried to stifle your laugh this time seeing JJ struggle with what looked like half the store coming through your window. JJ felt his heart flutter hearing your laugh as weak as it was.

“I present the Y/N buffet.” JJ attempted a fancy accent as he showcased the snacks. He handed you your favorite drink and proceeded to empty the snacks all over the bed. He laid down beside you and put your favorite movie on. As you focused on the movie JJ couldn’t help but look at you in awe. Just seeing you smile and enjoying your favorite movie made him smile. The thought of you not being there brought tears to his eyes. He sniffled quietly and wiped his tears before you could see them. He put his arm around you and cuddled closer desperately wishing he could freeze that moment in time.

JJ and the Pogues made it a point to spend as much time with you as possible. It was obvious to the others that you weren’t getting better. JJ however was oblivious.

He did his special knock and crawled through your window. As he came in he was shocked to see your room pitch dark. He assumed you were just in the shower or something and didn’t think too much of it. Until your mom came in. JJ was about to open his mouth to make small talk before your mom cut him off. “Oh honey.” She simple said before breaking down and crying on his shoulder. JJ couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. The tears uncontrollably fell down his face as he hugged your mom. An unspoken bond had formed between the two.

Once your mom collected herself and walked out the sound of JJ’s sobs could’ve been heard around the neighborhood. As he sat on your bed memories of the two of you flooded his mind. Evidently your mom had told the others as they soon filled your room to comfort JJ.

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athenaeum-simps · 2 years

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Credit:- @scenesofobx

#jj angst #jj maybank #jj maybank angst #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank smut #jj maybank wallpaper #jj mayback x reader #jj mayback imagine #outer banks #obx x reader #rudy pankow obx #jj obx #jj x reader #obx jj #rudy obx #rudy pankow

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sublimecatgalaxy · 1 year

Note

Prompt 23 with JJ?? where JJ and Reader get into a fight and it kinda starts with angst (the prompt) but ends with fluff and just JJ feeling horrible after everything that happened? It’s okay if not!

I love this, this is a perfect storm of angst and healing!

"Hey, what happened?" I catch JJ's wrist before he can walk past me and into the Twinkie, John B's incessant eyes stalking JJ as he stops, interrupting their journey into town. Of course, right when I get here they're going off on some secret mission.

"Don't wanna talk about it." He mutter, turning his chin so I can't completely see the bruises littering his cheeks but I can see enough, enough to make my blood boil with anger.

"JJ, you're face is smashed in, I think you need to talk about something." I scoff, looking past him and at our friends who sit in the old, beat up van, their eyes going from a look of impatience to a look of concern and sadness.

"Fine, I don't want to talk about it." He turns to me with stern eyes, asking me quietly to drop it and I gulp, looking up at him through my lashes with a drooped frown.

"Okay, I'm just saying if you did want to talk about-"

"For gods sake please just drop it and stop fucking nagging me, alright?" He asks in a loud tone, taking me completely off guard as my jaw drops and eyes widen but not in a look of fear, instead a look of utter and complete disappointment. The JJ I love would never talk to me like that. "Wait, Y/n I'm sorry-" I spin around on my heel, making my way towards the Chateau to wait for them, deciding to be done with this conversation before it gets any worse.

"No, I'm going. You made it clear that you don't want my help, you don't want to talk." I hear John B call out JJ's name and the blonde shoves a finger into the air as his desperate eyes flicker back and forth between mine. "You don't have to worry about answering to me anymore, I'm done." I sit down onto the steps with a sigh, looking up at him with teary eyes.

"You're dumping me?" He asks with a cracked voice, blue eyes suddenly red and not from the weed he abuses his body with.

"You want space, you've got it."

"Stop, wait-" He holds his hands up, quickly rushing down to sit beside me and I glare at him, waiting for him to apologize like I know he will. "Stop, I'm sorry." He whispers, turning to me completely, ignoring the way the Twinkie drives off without him. "Fuck I'm sorry." He reaches out to me, taking me in his arms and I let him, just because I know him and I know his anger, I know he reacts poorly so sometimes he just needs the push.

"You’ve always pushed people away, JJ. I just never thought you’d do it to me." I whisper, cradling the back of his head as he shakes his head.

"I'm not trying to. I know you want me to talk about my dad, I can't right now, okay? I'm okay, I'll be okay." He leans back, cupping my cheeks in his strong hands, sincere eyes flickering back and forth between mine. "I'm sorry, please don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push." I shake my head with a sad smile, knowing that I crossed the line but only out of love for him, wanting and needing to get into his head to know what he's going through. He can't just keep it bottled up forever.

"You didn't, you're my girl, I should just talk to you." I smile, placing a hand on his cheek as I lean towards him to give his lips a small peck while whispering.

"Your girl."

#jj #jj x reader #jj angst #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank angst #outerbanks #outerbanks fic

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lvstcd · 1 year

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my sweet boy ⟶ rafe cameron x gn!reader

REQUEST: "Hi I love your writing !! I was wondering if you could do an obx imagine where the reader is on her period and Rafe takes care of her and it’s just super fluffy 🥺 thank you 💗"

A/N: ofc anon!! sorry for such the late response :(

SUMMARY: rafe taking care of you on your period

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: mentions of blood, mentions of periods, mentions of pain medications, swearing

WORD COUNT: 1.0k

(gn = gender neutral) not edited!!

lower case intended

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AS the bright early sun rolls into outerbanks, you feel your boyfriends soft breathing underneath your head. his chest slowly rising and falling every couple of seconds.

you groggily roll over and rub your eyes before snuggling your face into the blanket and trying to go back to sleep. as you start to doze off you get a weird pit in the bottom of your stomach. your eyes widen and you sit up straight wihtout waking rafe up.

you slide out of bed and feel the blood leaking out of your uterus drop. you gulp and pull back the blanket, noticing a partially dry yet still damp blood spot on your boyfriends light grey bedsheets.

"fuck!" you whisper shout, before grabbing a tampon and new underwear before walking towards his bathroom. as you go to close the door you slightly trip on the air, as one does in the morning, and loudly slam the door behind you, causing rafe to jump up out of his sleep. you, not realizing you awoke your boyfriend, continues to try to clean yourself up.

"baby?" you hear rafe yawn before gently knocking on the door, "you okay?" you let out a frustrated sigh as your flow is super heavy and just everywhere on you.

"im fine." you let out sharply, continuing to clean yourself before your cramps hit you right in the lower abdomen, "shit."

"is it okay if i come in?" he asks softly, leaning against the door and resting his ear against the wood. you give up and sigh, lowering your head in defeat, "yes." rafe opens the door quietly, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion when he sees you covered in blood and crouched over in pain.

"you okay, baby?" he groggily asks, rubbing his left eye with his knuckle before stepping over to you and placing a kiss to your forehead.

"no," you sigh, "i woke up with my period and it decided to be really heavy today. im covered in blood and my cramps are killing me and i just feel like absolute death."

he shakes his head jokingly and runs his hand through your hair, "it's okay. i can wash the sheets and get the blood out. why dont you get in a hot bath?" you nod and stare at the floor.

"baby, im not mad about the bed sheets. i promise, just try to relax, okay?" he asks gently, kneeling in front of you and placing his hand on your knee and squeezing softly.

"come on," he says tiredly, grabbing some of your leftover period wipes and setting them beside you on the counter before gently grabbing the sides of your panties and pj shorts and sliding them off your legs.

"clean yourself up as much as you can and i will be right back." he steps out of the bathroom and digs through your purse, looking for your pain meds and a bottle of water before walking back in towards you.

"here, baby." he smiles, kissing the top of your head before stepping out again. you take two of the pain meds and clean yourself up before standing up and flushing. rafe comes back in with your phone, playing a playlist of your favorite songs. he sets your phone down and gently grabs the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your head and setting it on the sink.

he starts the water for you, checks the temperature, and reaches his hand out to help you step into the bathtub. "okay. im going to take the sheets and your bloody clothes down and start them in the wash. i will be right back, okay?" you smile and nod before he grabs your shirt and walks out.

as you lay in the hot water with your eyes closed, you start to doze off, the fatigue hitting you quite quickly. rafe shuffles back in with a towel and some new fresh clothes, his to be exact. "okay, love, i brought you one of my shirts and a pair of my boxers that are loose on the stomach so they wont hurt your stomach more."

you smile with your eyes closed and blow him a kiss, "thank you, baby." he smiles back at you and walks out doing god knows what. 15 minutes later, he stumbles in.

"you done, baby?" he asks while he grabs the fresh towel and unfolds it. you nod and stand up, carefully stepping out of the tub before letting it drain. he holds out the towel before gently wrapping it around you. he dries you off completely, squeezing the water out of your hair. he hands you a tampon and a panty liner so you don't leak and leaves you to it by turning around and facing the wall.

"you dont have to look away, baby." you chuckle as you grab the boxers and put the panty liner on before using the tampon. "i know, i just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." you softly laugh before poking his back. "im all done, can you hand me your boxers?"

he grabs his boxers and turns around before softly lifting one leg up at a time and sliding the boxers onto your legs. he grabs your hands and helps you stand up before he reaches down and grabs the hem of his boxers, pulling them up for you. he grabs his shirt, which is oversized on you, and slides it over your head and gently puts your arms through.

he grabs your brush off his counter and brushes out your hair. as he stands infront of you, he quickly leans down and pecks your nose, every couple of seconds while he finishes brushing your hair.

"'okay, baby. i have a heating pad plugged in for you, chocolate, i didn't know which kind so i brought up all three, and i have the tv ready for whatever you wanna watch." you smile brightly, bringing your hands up to his cheeks and passionately kissing him.

"i fucking love you." you whisper, face inches from his.

"well, i love you too, baby." he leans in for another kiss and pecks your nose before grabbing your phone, pausing your music and lacing his hand in yours and carefully dragging you out of the bathroom.

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TAGLIST: @luvhann @pappydaddyy @slytherinambitious @alinag11 @conniesanchorr @instabull @vk2222-blog

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maybaenk · 2 years

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Aftermath

Summary: In which JJ is the only one who can ease the pain.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Warnings: SA, mentions of SA, mentions of ED, cursing

NA: this story is about the reader dealing with the aftermath of a SA so be careful before reading. Also if you’ve been through this, please speak up to your loved ones. My dm’s are always open if anyone needs to talk.

This is very personal to me, it hits home, so please do not judge. Just scroll.

————

JJ Maybank had never been one to be silent.

He would constantly be telling stories, cracking jokes and teasing people. His voice would often be loud and he would sweet talk his way into just about anything, his way of speaking just captivating. He was the kind of person to lighten up an entire room as soon as he’d walk in, everything about him enthralling.

That’s why, upon noticing him grow quiet one Friday afternoon at The Wreck, the pogues immediately knew something was off with him. They silently decided to let him be, although they quickly grew worried over what was happening to him. They brushed it off as him being mad at something his shitty father had done, that usually being the reason of his bad mood.

However, Kie had noticed the way his eyes would linger on you. You were sitting, quietly, in front of JJ. She observed from her spot next to him as his eyes would frequently flicker to your frame. You were playing around with your food, not really hungry it seemed, as your mind wandered to what seemed to be a world of your own.

She sighed, eyes softening upon seeing her best friend look so off. You’d been distancing yourself from them for the past days, and she remembered how JJ had told them he thought it was weird you’d suddenly grown sick the day after the kegger that took place five days ago. That’s what you’d told them, you’d been sick and would stay in bed until you’d be better. JJ had told them he was worried when the fifth day had passed and you still hadn’t reached out but didn’t want to invade your personal space.

This was the first day you’d shown up since then.

Kie asked herself how she couldn’t have understood immediately JJ was acting this weird because of you.

She sighed, returning to her conversation with the boys and thinking of ways of approaching you later to ask what was wrong.

JJ’s eyes, however, never strayed from you. He watched you pick at your food with your fork and he furrowed his eyebrows; you loved fries.

“Hey.” He softly spoke up.

You didn’t answer, didn’t even seem to have heard him. His leg nudged yours under the table.

Your eyes snapped to his, for the first time today, and he was taken aback by the void dullness in them.

“You okay, baby?”

If this had been any other time, you would have blushed at the nickname he’d often use for you. He was your best friend in the whole world, your golden boy, and yet you couldn’t deny your feelings for him. Sometimes you’d wonder if he felt the same.

But this wasn’t any other time. Something had happened to you, and you couldn’t let him find out. So you put on the best fake smile you could before answering.

“Yeah, sorry. Just tired.” You replied, eyes averting from his own in hope he wouldn’t see right through your lie. He always seemed to.

JJ saw the way your smile didn’t reach your eyes. His frown deepened when he saw the sad look you were trying to hide behind them and he shook it off. You were already starting to zone out again.

“You not hungry?” He inquired, choosing not to say anything about your evident lie.

You shook your head lazily, placing your chin on your hand as you returned your eyes to him, then to your plate.

“You never say no to fries.” He spoke, and before you could think of another lie as to why you weren’t hungry, he did again, “C’mon, bub, you have to eat some.”

Your heart swelled at his sweet tone, but you couldn’t bring yourself to smile. Nor to answer.

You looked at him when you heard him move and saw him pick up a single fry, holding it up for you to bite. He gave you the best puppy eyes he could, and your heart quickened at the look he was giving you, and you would do anything to make him happy.

“Just one.” He pleaded, smiling at you, “For me?”

You sighed, finally cracking a smile at how cute JJ Maybank was. You could never say no to him. His grin widened when he saw you smile for the first time today and he brought the fry closer to your mouth.

“Fine.”

You bit it, gently taking it from his hand. You chewed slowly, really, really not in the mood for eating.

“There you go.” He praised you once you were finished, “One more?”

————

Your friends took off to the Chateau, of course asking you if you’d be crashing there. They’d tried convincing you with the promise of a bonfire and a lot of beer.

Any other day, that would’ve done it. But this wasn’t any other day, so you’d gently reclined, telling them you were still feeling a little off. They’d eventually given up, telling you if you had changed your mind, that’s where you’d find them.

JJ had offered to walk you home, but you’d told him your mom was on your way to pick you up. A total lie, but he didn’t need to know. Of course, being the gentleman he was, he’d told you he’d wait for you but you’d insisted on him going with the others so he wouldn’t have had to lose his ride to the Chateau. He’d reluctantly agreed before taking off, too.

You’d walked the whole walk home in silence, trying to find peace within it.

The water now cascading on your skin did nothing to help you with the uneasy discomfort you felt in your whole body. This was the third shower of the day, and it was doing little to nothing to help you soothe that feeling. You scrubbed at your skin, too hard. You scrubbed every inch of your body, washing it again and again. Your skin became red when you scrubbed too hard in the places he’d touched the most.

You tried shaking the thought out of your mind.

Stop thinking about it.

You shuddered, a memory of the feeling of his hands grabbing your legs suddenly flashing through your mind.

It wasn’t long before you were sitting on the shower floor, knees brought to your chest with your arms around them.

You sobbed quietly, shaking, the hot water falling on you and burning your skin. You wanted to forget the feeling, you wanted to forget it all. The steamy water was nothing compared to it.

————

You’d ditched them again that night. This time you’d told them your mom needed your help with something.

You sure everything’s okay? JJ had texted you.

Please, God, don’t let him find out.

You hadn’t replied.

You were in your bed, knees to your chest as you laid on your side in one of JJ’s t-shirts he’d leave over when he’d sleep here.

You’d hoped JJ’s scent and the feeling of being in his shirt — it always comforted you, would make you forget about what had happened. About him.

You found yourself wishing to be with him right now, craving his touch.

You soon realized you needed to be in his arms, you needed nothing more than his comfort right now. The only comfort you could have.

You needed him now more than ever.

You grabbed your phone.

I need you

You hoped he would see the message, not feeling like calling him. You knew he’d leave his phone laying around the Chateau when crashing there.

You didn’t know JJ had kept his phone with him the whole time, hoping you’d answer his text or to have some news.

He answered just a minute later.

Are you home?

Yes

Leaving now

Twenty minutes later his last text you heard a knock on your window. He chose not to ring on your doorbell, assuming your mom would be home since you’d told them she’d needed your help, not knowing if you wanted her to know he’d be over.

A little startled, you looked up to see JJ standing there. You sighed in relief before getting up to open the window for him.

“You could’ve come in by the door.”

“Thought your mom was home. Didn’t know if you wanted her to know I was here.” He explained, climbing over the window edge.

You felt panic rise in your stomach, before you had to tell yourself he wouldn’t think much of it.

“She left a while ago.” You quietly told him, deciding to leave the window open, the summer breeze light on your skin, “And you know she doesn’t mind.”

JJ wanted to tell you about how he thought you didn’t want her to know because maybe, just maybe, you didn’t want her to know something was wrong with you. You didn’t usually go and talk to your mother about your problems, not wanting to burden the poor woman, already too much on her hands. JJ knew that.

But he decided to change the topic because you yet had to admit to him something was wrong. He was hoping you’d tell him tonight, given the fact you’d told him you needed him.

He got closer to you.

“What did you need me for, Y/N/N?” He gently asked you, his voice so sweet you thought this boy would be the death of you.

You shrugged, eyes tired. You grabbed his hand and pulled him to your bed.

“Just needed you here with me.” His eyes softened.

He couldn’t even be disappointed at you for not telling him the truth, you looked so tired and sad it was starting to pain him.

“Okay, baby.” He whispered, hand coming up to place a strand of hair behind your ear, then resting on your cheek, “Just let me change and then we can cuddle and watch a movie or something, yeah? How’s that sound?”

You smiled feebly, feeling the urge to burst out crying. You pushed your emotions back, nodding at him.

“Yeah? Okay, I’ll be a minute.”

JJ was quick to grab one of his sweat shorts from your closet, changing into that and removing his t-shirt. He placed it on your dresser before taking off his shoes and plopping down on the bed with you.

He adjusted himself on the pillows before tugging you to him. You laid down on your side, resting your head on his chest and your arm around his torso. His arms was around you as he pulled you closer.

“That’s better. Now, what do we wanna watch?” He asked, picking up the remote control on your nightstand.

You let him pick the movie, loving to hear him rent about the new sequel of an action movie he was dying to see once it came out. He settled for the first movie, telling you you just had to see it so you could watch the second one with him.

You smiled into his chest, comfortably nestling into his arms. You didn’t really care about movies right now, just his presence, but you loved listening to what he was saying. You always did.

You were the only one out of his friends who actually enjoyed listening to his bullshit. It made his heart warm.

The movie started playing, and it was a few minutes in that you spoke up.

“Thank you, J.” Your voice was low.

“For what?”

“For being here with me. I’m sorry if I forced you here, I know you’d have more fun at the bonfire.”

You felt him pulling you impossibly closer.

“Don’t say that, you know I’d rather be with you.” He replied, making butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You sighed, nuzzling further into him.

He was easing the pain.

You thought the conversation was over when you heard his voice again.

“I know something’s wrong. It’ okay, you don’t have to tell me right now. I’ll be waiting.” He whispered.

You didn’t know how you managed to keep the tears at bay this time. You held on to him tighter as you silently wished for it all to stop.

————

It had been a week and a half since that day. The Outer Banks’ summer breeze swept through your hair and gently caressed your skin as you sat on the HMS Pogue, silently looking out at the water.

This was the first time your friends had managed to convince you in coming with them on one of your ritual days on the Pogue. You relished in the feeling of comfort being here with them brought you, momentarily stranding your mind away from what tormented it. JJ had been by your side all this time, giving you your space but nonetheless providing you the comfort of his touch and presence whenever you needed him. He’d been so careful with you your love for the boy had become unbearable.

You flinched when you felt a hand on your thigh, quickly calming down when you turned your head to see JJ. He looked concerned at your sudden movement.

“Sorry.” You quietly said, your hand reaching down to touch his fingers on your skin.

A frown was on his face, but he didn’t let it sit there for long before he changed the subject.

“You wanna swim?” He asked, carefully.

You let your eyes roam around the boat, shamefully noticing it had been stopped at your usual spot and everyone had long dipped in. Your thoughts had distracted you from reality.

“Oh.” You let out, masking the surprised tone in your low voice, “I don’t really feel like it today. But you go ahead.”

JJ’s eyes stayed on you, eyes scanning your face. He gave you a small pout.

“Come on, a little dip.” He gave you that pleading look that always made you give in, “It’s really hot today, you’re gonna burn yourself.”

You sighed, already knowing putting up a fight wouldn’t be no use. With a little nod, you sighed softly before following him in standing up when he took your hand.

“Can’t have my princess all burned now, can I?” He grinned, happy you’d agreed.

He let your hand go when you needed to remove your clothes. You slipped out your shorts before removing your t-shirt.

JJ’s frown returned when he took in all the weight you’d lost. He took you in carefully, his eyes noting the way your ribs were starting to lightly show and the way your thighs did no longer touch each other.

“I’m ready.” You told him, averting your eyes from his scrutinizing gaze.

“Y/N…” He started, voice unsure.

He was worried now.

“Let’s go.” You interrupted him and pulled him away by his hand.

The water was cold against your skin, the refreshing sensation making you almost hum tu yourself.

With a little push from JJ, you timidly joined the others who were currently floating and joking around. Sarah and Kie were splashing each other when you swam towards them.

John B immediately lightened up at your presence, smiling softly at you.

You couldn’t help but feel disappointed when you felt your mind slowly begin to drift away as soon as they brought up a topic you didn’t really care about. Normally, you would have. You cared about everything your friends said.

The cold water was starting to make you shiver. You were starting to feel lightheaded, the contrast between the hot sun burning on your already hot skin and the water that minutes ago had seemed so refreshing was now starting to bother you. Your head felt hot and throbbing. You sighed as you started to feel dizziness fog up your mind.

“You okay, Y/N/N?” Kie’s voice brought you out of your daze and you looked up to see them all staring at you, worried looks painted on their faces.

“Yeah, you’re looking a bit pale right now.” Pope stated, eyebrows furrowed and a concerned expression on him.

JJ was immediately by your side, hands coming up to grab your hips and hold you against him.

In the suddenly confused state you were in, you remembered feeling relief just by his touch.

“Hey, hey, what’s happening, baby?” JJ rushed as your body slumped against his.

Black dots started to blurry your vision, and you shuddered against your best friend.

“I’m not-“ you started, “I think I’m going to faint.”

“Fuck, JB help me out here, man.” He frantically began, voice panicked as John B immediately swam to you.

They helped you back on the boat and you didn’t remember anything but the hot sun beating down on your skin, your head felt burning and your heart racing.

“Shit, don’t faint on me, baby. Come on.” All you heard in your semi-unconscious state was his voice.

They made you lay down on a towel messily laid on the floor where there was a bit of shade. Kiara grabbed the cooler and got you water as fast as she could, throwing the bottle to JJ.

“Lift her head up, JB.” He instructed briefly before helping you drink it.

You couldn’t really understand what was going on. Everything felt hazy, you tried waking up but you could feel sleep luring you into unconsciousness.

When you woke up a few moments later, a cold bottle of water was placed on your neck and JJ’s eyes were the first thing you saw.

“There she is.” His shuttered voice breathed out in relief.

You could hear the pogues muttering grateful words.

The concerned look in them, the desperation, almost made you cry and you wanted to apologize for making them worry but you couldn’t. You still felt a little dizzy.

“Come on, baby, let’s get you up so you can drink some more.” He placed a hand behind your back to help you up, then placed himself behind you so you could rest against his chest and between his legs.

“Feel any better, Y/N/N?” John B hopefully asked.

“A little.” Your voice felt hoarse, your head still a little dizzy.

You could fill the unspoken questions lingering in the air, the hesitant looks. They were debating whether or not to finally speak up, to finally demand to know what the hell had been going on, why you were suddenly so skinny and why you were acting so distant. You hoped they wouldn’t ask.

And they didn’t. Maybe they thought it was a conversation JJ should have had with you.

As the boat moved to shore, you became painfully aware of the swinging of the boat. You thought you’d be throwing up had you had food in your system. You were kind of grateful for that.

The rest of the ride home you didn’t remember very much. You still felt fuzzy, your mind fogged. You could hear the pogues worrying around you and offering water to you but the only thing that mattered was JJ’s touch on you. You were pressed up against his chest, safe in the protective embrace of his strong arms.

JJ carried you inside the Chateau as soon as the boat stopped at the dock, not even waiting to help. He placed you softly on his bed, the one in the guest room that was now practically his. You whined playfully at the loss of contact, reaching your arms out for him. He didn’t seem as amused.

“When is the last time you’ve eaten anything?” His blue gaze suddenly felt cold on you, he sounded angry.

You looked away, eyes immediately filling with tears. It wasn’t often that he was mad at you, and you hated it.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was low, trembling.

When you’d gathered the courage, your eyes found him again. His expression had softened, realizing he’d been approaching this the wrong way.

He sighed, hands coming up to cover his face.

“I’m gonna make you a sandwich or something, and you’re gonna eat it for me, okay?”

You relished in the familiar sound of his sweet tone, you couldn’t take him being mad at you.

Without even thinking, you nodded.

He disappeared, leaving you alone. Maybe it was time to open up. Maybe you had been hurting him and the rest of your friends for too long now. He deserved to know.

When he came back, you let him help you eat the sandwich. He sat beside you and encouraged every single bite, his voice honey as he helped you. You didn’t want to, you weren’t hungry; the bread felt disgusting in your mouth and you hadn’t eaten in so long you couldn’t even get past half of it.

But you did, because he was looking at you with this pleading look in his eyes and JJ Maybank was your weakness.

“There we go. All finished.” He happily praised you, a lingering kiss on your forehead.

You gave him a small smile, the best one you could master.

“I need to shower.” You told him.

You surprised yourself by not wanting to be left alone, by wishing he could come with you. Would it freak him out if you asked him to come with you?

“That’s fine.” He whispered.

When you got up to leave, he spoke again.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s going on with you.” His voice was strained, and when you turned back to look at him again where he was sitting on his bed, his head was in his hands.

You felt your heart shutter, pain immediately blossoming in your chest at the sight of the boy you loved pleading, begging you to just tell him why you had let yourself fall apart. To let him in. To let him help you.

It really was time to tell him.

You sighed, walking back to the bed.

When you sat down your hands began trembling. You didn’t look at him, you looked forward into nothingness. You could feel his gaze on you now.

How did one approach this? How did one get this kind of thing out? You spent what felt like minutes trying to get the courage to speak up, to say something.

And JJ waited. He sat silently, waiting for you to be ready.

It was only when his hesitant fingers touched your hand that you found the courage hand that you spoke up.

“It was that kegger.” You started, voice feeble, “It was like — like, two weeks ago.”

“What about the kegger?” You could hear the confusion in his voice.

“I don’t know if you remember that touron that flirted with me all night, the one I left with.”

A pause.

JJ was starting to get it, a terrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

“What did he do?” His voice was stoic, hard. You felt your hands tremble.

It wasn’t unusual for you or him or any other of the pogues to leave with someone, to hook up with someone met at a party. You’d always told him you’d never went further than making out. Just once had you went third base with a guy, someone you’d been seeing for a few months at the time. (Of course, being in love with him, you’d always hoped JJ would be your first time, and so you’d been waiting for him. Even if you knew he certainly wasn��t a virgin himself.)

So It wasn’t anything new for you to maybe leave with someone, but what had him dreading your next words was that he’d already started connecting the dots. You’d been miserable for weeks and it had something to do with this guy. JJ didn’t think of himself as smart, but he also didn’t think it would take a genius to figure it out.

“He—“ how could you go on? How could you shutter his heart? “JJ I can’t…”

You felt your eyes beginning to sting, the burning anticipation of tears. You exhaled deeply, trying to look at him. You weren’t strong enough.

His hands found your face, gently forcing you to look at him. His eyes were begging you, an angry and desperate storm simmering behind the blue ocean.

You let go then, completely crumbling beneath his touch, his hold. A broken sob left your lips as the tears cascaded in an endless flow on your cheeks.

JJ shut his eyes, looking like he was straining himself, like it physically pained him to see you like this. He took a deep breath, his gaze found yours once again and this time his eyes were watering.

“Did—“ he stuttered, his voice completely broken, “Did he touch you?”

You knew he meant raped, but he didn’t want to trigger you even more. You knew he knew now the boy had taken you against your will, had taken the very thing you’d saved for someone special in a brutal, scarring way you would never forget. You knew he’d ruined you forever.

You found the will to nod softly.

His hands suddenly left your face, the absence of his touch leaving you feeling cold and alone. You sobbed, again, as you watched him storm out of the room. You tried following him, calming him down, but how could you when you didn’t have enough strength for yourself?

You placed your hands on your ears when the yelling and shuttering of glass reached you. Despite this, you could still hear the rumbling of objects being thrown and the voices of the pogues now intervening. You could vaguely make out Kie’s voice trying to calm him down and John B screaming at him to tell him what happened.

You don’t know how you found yourself curled up in the corner of the room, knees to your chest and hands still covering your ears. Your eyes were shut as your chest heaved uncontrollably as you fought the panic attack you felt coming.

Then, silence.

A shattered sob. Someone crying.

JJ.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before you felt the touch of someone on your hands, prying them away.

“Hey, hey, it’s me.”

Kie crouched down before you, her eyes glossy and lips trembling as she reached her arms out to you.

She knew. Everyone knew now.

“I’m sorry.” She cried and you found yourself engulfed in her embrace, her arms around your body and your head buried in her neck.

You couldn’t breathe, you felt the anxiety and the panic swallowing you as you fought to stop the sobbing.

“JJ.” You hoarsely let out between broken cries.

“Okay, okay, babe, calm down.” She whispered to you, standing back to hold your face in her hands, “Try to breathe for me, he’ll be here in a minute, okay?”

She turned around quickly, and only then did you notice Sarah standing in doorway. Her hand was on her mouth as she silently cried, too shocked to do anything.

“Sarah, please get JJ here.” She pleaded, her voice as serious as ever.

The blonde was gone in mere seconds, disappearing in the hallway to supposedly retrieve her friend.

You needed him, and hoped he’d find the strength to be there for you. You hoped he’d be there to hold you.

“Breathe for me, okay?” Kiara’s eyes found yours and you felt your heart warm at the worry you saw in them.

Your friends cared for you so much, and yet here you were making them cry.

You nodded, just for her sake but really couldn’t.

“I love you.” You sobbed out and reached your hands out to hold her hands, still trying to breathe.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to show you how to do it. Tears flowed down her cheeks at your sweet words, and Kiara had never felt so guilty in her whole seventeen years. How could she have been so blind? It was so clear something had been wrong with you, yet she’d never pushed it as not to overstep any boundaries you had put between yourself and the pogues lately. She just though you needed your time.

“I love you too, Y/N/N.” She sniffed, her hands finding their way around your shoulders again in a desperate attempt to hold you to her, to protect you. It was too late, she’d been a shitty friend, she felt it was her fault.

“Kiara.” Sarah’s worried voice sounded from behind her.

Kiara backed away to look at her blonde friend, her eyebrows furrowed at the concerned tone in her voice. Something was wrong.

“JJ’s gone.”

You don’t know how you recovered from the sinking feeling in your chest and the panic attack that sentence triggered, you don’t remember how long it took them to calm you down, how long they’d tried helping you breathe for. At one point, Sarah had been so scared she’d proposed calling an ambulance. But then you’d grown so tired, slumping against Kie’s chest as she softly ran a hand down your back, silently thanking God. You just remembered them laying you down on the bed, each of them on either side of you as they held you close in their familiar, comforting embrace. The last thing you remembered was the thought of JJ in your mind.

JJ.

Even in your sleep you could swear it was his scent that was engulfing you. You could vaguely sense his strong arms around you as you stirred awake.

You opened your eyes, and you could feel how swollen they were. They were probably red, too.

And there he was. You’d been right.

You don’t know when, but he’d moved you so you were laying on him. His arms were around you as he rested against the headboard, your face buried in his neck.

You moved your face away, slightly, just so you could look at his face.

You felt your breath hitch when you found him staring right back at you. An intensity in his eyes you’d never seen.

“JJ.” Your voice was hoarse, broken.

His eyes immediately softened. You could see the dark bags under them and your heart shuttered.

“I’m here.” His voice was soft, broken.

You sighed, falling back into his embrace.

You had a terrible feeling about his disappearance, a fear in the back of your mind about where you were almost sure he could have gone during the time he was gone. What he could have done.

You knew he remembered who the touron was, and knew for a fact he’d still be on the island for a whole month. The two things combined didn’t make for a good ending.

You didn’t want to ask, though, just wanting to be with JJ. You didn’t want to think about him, about what JJ could have done to him. The only thing that worried you was the consequences, but you knew your boy was smart, so you pushed the thoughts away for now and just enjoyed the way his presence subsided your pain.

“Don’t leave me again.” You whispered.

He inhaled, like it pained him to hear you say that.

“I won’t.”

You knew he wanted to say more, he was just trying to figure out the best way to do it. He’d never been one to talk, never good at expressing his feelings. You didn’t mind.

“Does it hurt?” He cut the silence, deciding on voicing his worries regarding the physical part first.

You frowned, tightening your grip on his shirt.

“Not anymore.” You let out.

You could hear his rage in the silence.

“What time is it?” You tried diverting his anger, suddenly wondering how long it had been.

“Four.” His hand found his way to your head, his fingers starting to play with your hair. He knew it calmed you.

You loved him so much, it hurt you. How you wished it was him instead. You’d always thought that maybe, somehow, he would be. That’s why you’d been waiting, saving your special moment for the person you loved most in the world.

Your mind started to wander. You imagined how it could’ve been, how sweet JJ would be with you. You imagined his lips on yours and his strong arms around you and his scent clouding your senses. You imagined his sweet words when it would hurt, and then your mind betrayed you and instead carried you to your pained cries and his threatens to stay still.

You opened your eyes, trying to forget about it.

In a daze, you let the words out.

“You know, I’d always hoped it’d be you.”

You felt surprised hearing yourself voicing your feelings for him after all this years.

You didn’t regret it, it was how you felt. And it was time he knew. You were kind of grateful of the numbness that brought you to confess yourself to him, or else he’d probably never known.

You felt his breath hitch, the movements of his hand stopped.

It took him some moments to speak up.

“What do you mean?” He tried, hesitant.

There was no use in trying to take it back, you wanted him to know.

“I’d always hoped you’d be my first time.” You admitted, being completely honest now, “For so long, I’ve rejected everyone because I was waiting for you.”

You didn’t want him to say he felt the same about you, that he loved you. You didn’t care if he reciprocated your feelings because you were just so glad you’d finally told him the truth that either way you’d be happy. You’d love him nonetheless.

Silence.

Obviously, though, all of your heart hoped he would.

You didn’t expect what happened next.

You didn’t expect the broken sob that left his mouth, you didn’t expect him to pull his hands away from you to cover his eyes with their back.

You knew your heart was already completely broken, so why did it feel like this was the most painful thing you’d ever gone through and that it was shuttering for real this time? You felt devastated at the thought of being the cause of this. What had you done?

You sat back, looking at him and you felt tears running down your cheeks before you knew it.

“JJ, I’m sorry.” You hurried, “You don’t have to say anything back. I swear, I don’t care if you don’t feel the same.”

He cried, his knees coming up to his chest and his hands staying on his face, shielding its view from you.

It took him so long for him to speak up, you’d already concluded he was feeling guilty about not feeling the same. You waited, tears cascading down your skin as you watched the boy you loved break down in front of you.

You didn’t know how long it passed when his voice cut the silence.

“Maybe-” he started, but had to breathe a few times in order to go on, “Maybe if you’d known — if I had told you I love you and I’d do anything for you, you would have never met that fucking sick-”

He stopped, now sobering up and realizing the mention of that guy could have triggered bad memories for you.

You stayed silent, refusing to believe this.

JJ actually felt the same about you?

You felt something, something for the first time in almost a month. You felt happiness swirl inside of you and you had to breathe out in relief at the feeling of something other than pain.

JJ removed his hands from his face.

“This is my fault.” His eyes were completely broken.

You could see behind them the guilt that would forever torment him. Suddenly you put your happiness aside and the realization hit you that he believed if he’d confessed himself to you, this could have been avoided.

“JJ, what are you saying?” You rushed to him, your hand coming up to meet his beautiful face, “Don’t ever believe that. This is none of your fault. It’s his. No one else’s.”

He shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. JJ looked away from you, a pained expression on his beautiful features.

“You don’t understand, Y/N.” His voice was strained, “I could have avoided all of this.”

You couldn’t believe he was blaming himself.

You shook your head, “No! JJ, you couldn’t have known. You couldn’t have know how I felt about you. Stop blaming yourself, please. You’re hurting me.”

He turned to look at you again, his gaze immediately finding yours.

Only then did something shift in his eyes. Another realization. This time, JJ felt extremely selfish. He looked into your eyes to see the pain behind them and could only think about how extremely selfish he was being in giving you another burden to carry. The worry of him feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry, angel.” It was all he said.

Exhausted, he slumped against the headboard again, laying down on the cushions. You were hesitant, not really knowing if he wanted your comfort. It was paining you, the absence of his touch. You needed him, but also knew he was fighting another battle in his head.

Then he extended his arm to grab you by your waist and pull you against him. You sighed in relief once in his arms again.

“I really want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. Nothing could have changed it.” You sniffled, your hand coming up to play with his hair.

JJ felt like shit. Here you were, trying to make him feel better when you were the one who’d gone through it.

He nodded for your sake, although in his mind he’d always think that if he’d just told you, maybe you two could have been together. Things could have gone differently for you.

It wasn’t about courage. In fact, JJ didn’t have a single amount of shame in him. It was just that he loved you so much and he was so sure you could never reciprocate his feelings that he preferred not to ruin your friendship. He always thought it was pretty clear he liked you, that the pet names and the constant physical contact gave it away. But apparently they didn’t. Not for you at least.

There wasn’t time for you to wonder about what was going to happen now, the distraction from this moment already subsiding to the pain you’d constantly felt all of this time. It was draining.

You’d love him no matter what, whether he wanted to be with you or not. That, you knew.

Now, you just wanted to feel the comfort he brought you and you just wanted to be with him. To have him so close to you. Because he was the only one who could ease this never ending pain.

His voice cut your thoughts off.

“I wish it could have been me, baby.”

You guessed with all of the tears you’d cried, it’d be physically impossible for you to have any more in you to spill. But apparently not.

“I know, now. That’s all that matters.” You spoke, “You’re all that matters, JJ.”

You felt his heartbeat quicken underneath your head.

“We’ll figure this out together, okay?” He asked.

You held him tighter. You nodded, grateful for his presence.

He spent the rest of the night whispering sweet nothings in your ear, wiping away your tears and caressing your hair. You’d barely speak, too drained from everything.

At some point, you felt sleep carrying you away. But not before a thought occurred to you.

“I love you, too, by the way.” You whispered softly.

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icanfixhimclub · 1 year

Text

𝑇𝑤𝑖𝑛 𝑆𝑖𝑧𝑒𝑑 𝑀𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠 || 𝐽𝐽 𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑘

Pairings: JJ x fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Running away, mental abuse, attempted suicide, drug overdose, mention of blade, bullying, depression

Summary: Based off the song Twin Sized Mattress by the Front Bottoms

This is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames

Of my friends' bodies

You look around at the people around you, almost looking like shells of their old self, well at least to you, maybe you’re just self projecting. You didn’t feel like yourself lately, you didn’t feel like anything really. Maybe your friends just didn’t notice the change, or maybe they didn’t care. You wouldn’t blame them, you didn’t want to be around yourself either. Not when she’s around.

When the flood water comes, it ain't gonna be clear

It's gonna look like mud

But I will help you swim, I will help you swim

I'm gonna help you swim

Even with what’s been going on lately, as you look around the fire, everyone laughing together, you realize that these are still the people you’d do anything for, help them swim when waters muddy, sacrifice yourself in order for them to breath. These are your friends, your family, you’d give them the moon if they needed you too.

This is for the snakes and the people they bite

Josie. The blonde haired, green eyed snake that you had lovingly welcomed into your friend group when Sarah had brought her. She didn’t like you, you didn’t know why, but it hurt. She would whisper things to Sarah and Kie and they would give you funny looks. A sinking feeling started in your chest whenever she would lock eyes with you and smile, a cruel, spiteful smile.

For the friends I've made, for the sleepless nights

For the warning signs I've completely ignored

Watching as Josie cozied up with all your friends hurt more than you’d like. Watching them cozy right back almost hurt more. It wasn’t fair, these were your friends, the friends you made all by yourself, the friends that you earned. Sometimes, you’d stay up, late at night and scroll through pictures. You’d realize that as you scrolled, your pictures become more and more sparse around the time Josie came.

Maybe you should’ve noticed it too, how she would always nudge you in the wrong direction. When everyone would hang at your place when your parents weren’t home, you’d find a razor blade were Josie had sat. She would offhandedly mentioned how sometimes ‘people don’t know when they weren’t welcome’ as she looked directly at you. Red flags were popping up left and right, but you cared too much about your friends happiness to notice.

There's an amount to take, reasons to take more

Josie had given them to you, the were painkillers, stronger than any you had ever had. She had said ‘you looked a little stressed lately, thought these would help. Don’t take more than three, or you could overdose, and we wouldn’t want that’ it was unnerving, the way she said it with such ease yet such demand. You stared at the bottle in your hands, leaning over your sink. Your mind is racing as you shook out five. You knew she was probably lying. You knew that five probably wouldn’t even do anything, but deep down, you hoped it would. You swallowed the best you good, and laid down in bed, texting your friends.

‘I took some pills, I don’t know what will happen, if it something bad then I’m sorry. I love you guys.’

At the chateau, JJ and John B were panicking. Sarah and Kie were trying to calm them down and Pope was sitting in silence, staring off. Nobody was able to reach you at all, and they were seriously considering driving to your house and busting down your door. Just then, Josie walked into the Chateau, smiling.

“Why the fuck are you smiling! Y/n could be dead! Are you just ignoring what she sent all of us?!” JJ was livid, did she not care? Josie only looked at them,

“I didn’t get a text”

“We think y/n/n tried to kill herself! She took some random pills and texted all of us!” John B was screaming and Josie backed away. You weren’t supposed to actually take the pills, just get the message and leave. “That’s it, we’re going to her house.” Everyone followed John B out the door and to the Twinkie, except Josie, but nobody noticed, maybe that was the wake up call they needed. They pounded on your door three times before running to the back of your house and climbing in through your window. You were passed out on your bed, barely breathing.

It was a blur to everyone after that, carrying you to the Twinkie, taking you to the hospital, getting your stomach pumped. Nobody would ever forget that night, and it was agreed between everyone silently, this had something to do with Josie.

It's no big surprise you turned out this way

When they close their eyes and prayed you would change

They could all hear it. The screaming of your parents coming from your hospital room. This was they first time they’d experienced it, but they knew it was bad. For as long as the could remember, you did everything you could to please your parents, and that had transitioned to everyone else too. After particularly bad nights that you would run off to chateau, you’d flinch whenever the boys would get rowdy or yell.

You had broken down to JJ one drunk night, crying to him and telling him everything. How they would never be happy, how they wanted you to be completely different, how one night as a kid you had heard your mother praying over her bed that you would change. You cried until you fell asleep, and JJ spent all night holding you close to him, whispering to you everything he loves about you that you would never know.

And they cut your hair, and sent you away

You stopped by my house the night you escaped

It had only been a week since you’d been back from the hospital that your parents sat you down at the kitchen table. “This was your last straw y/n,” your father came behind you with a pair of scissors as your mother talked, “We have given you so much and you still do this…this SHIT!” You heard it, the sound of scissors chopping away at your hair until it was at your shoulders. “We want you out. You’re getting sent to a boarding school in Georgia. You’re leaving tomorrow, now go upstairs and pack.”

She had turned her back to you before you could say anything. You sprinted to your room, tears clouding your vision as you shoved everything you could in a large duffel bag. You shoved in your jewelry and your secret stash of money you kept hidden from your parents. Your ID and a secret credit card you had hidden from your parents were stuck into a hidden pocket as you zipped up the bay forcefully. If you were leaving, it was on your own accord. You slipped on your shoes and slipped on a sweat shirt, the one you had stollen from JJ last summer. You crawled out your window and sprinted as fast as you could to the chateau, banging on JJ’s room window.

With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay

“Y/n/n’s? What the fuck, it’s like 3 in the morning.” He opened the window and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m leaving.” Well that definitely woke him up, “They wanna send me away, some school out in Georgia. I can’t let them send me away, if I leave, they don’t get the satisfaction of making me. I’m going to the mainland JJ.” He stared at you with his mouth hanging open, speechless. Before you even noticed them, tears starting rolling down his face.

“No no no, please don’t leave, we can’t do this without you, I can’t do this without you.”

“JJ-“

“We can hide you here, it’ll be okay, please stay, please. Please, y/n, I love you.” You almost didn’t register it, but you know that if you listened, they’d still find you and you would drag all your friends down with you.

So, you swallowed and fought off tears, staring at JJ,

you said, "Hey man, I love you, but no fucking way!"

#jj mayback x reader #jj mayback imagine #obx imagine #obx angst #jj angst #jj maybank x fem!reader #jj maybank #john b routledge #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #pope heyward

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featherandferns · 9 months

Text

hurricanes (fic)

jj maybank x fem!reader | angst central

content warning: mentions of drinking and drug use; mentions of sex; arguments and fights; unhealthy relationship

word count: 7k.

blurb: for so many of your memories, bad and good, it feels as if hurricanes are at the forefront. One night, during the midst of a storm, JJ comes to your house, seemingly to bring you one last memory of him.

You hate hurricanes.

They’re unruly and unpredictable; thrashing and destroying anything in their path. Chaos incarnated.

From inside your house, the windows rattle from a vicious blow of wind. Sighing, you leave the comfort of your bedroom to go to the kitchen. There’s no chance you’re getting to sleep anyway. Better brew a pot of coffee and maybe get some homework done throughout the night. As you stand over the machine, waiting for it to brew, you look out the window. It’s dark. Rain is splattered across the glass, droplets chasing after one another in an undisclosed race. You manage to make out your reflection. Bags under your eyes. Clothes hanging sadly on your body. Only recently had you managed to start eating well again, putting on weight and getting through more than one meal a day. So, knowing the effort that you’ve been making, you manage a smile.

The t-shirt you’re wearing is one of your favourites. It holds memories: the fit of laugher that had you in tears one night at a bonfire; the day you got your first A on an exam; a date with JJ. Your finger comes to tease at the collar, fingering the fabric, your smile growing from the memories. It felt nice to finally reminisce about your ex-boyfriend without wanting to crumble. Without the thought feeling like someone was twisting the knife that had yet to be eased out of your chest.

The coffee machine stops buzzing. You look down, coming back to yourself, and pour yourself a cup of coffee from the glass mug. Moving to sit on the sitting room sofa, reaching for the remote, you decide to try and distract yourself with a show. Your parents aren’t home and brother’s at college, granting an empty, quiet house. As you flick through the options on Netflix, you hesitate on one. Narcos. JJ loved that series. Had you watch some of the episodes with him – explaining the characters’ motives and filling in the plot-points from whatever you’d missed. A part of you deliberates watching it and letting yourself slip into some fantasy that JJ is sat by your side on the sofa, his hand comfortably on your knee, eyes glued to the screen. But you don’t. There’re new shows to watch, so why go back on the old? Settling on some Netflix-own drama, you sigh and have a sip of your coffee.

“No way, John B actually thinks he’s found the Royal Merchant,” you snort.

JJ shrugs. “That’s what he says.”

“Where?”

“At the bottom of the ocean,” JJ replies.

“No doy, idiot. I mean where abouts at the bottom of the ocean?” You chuckle, rolling your eyes.

“Oh! Somewhere off the continental drift,” JJ tells you.

He’s opened a bottle of beer for you and is passing it over. The two of you are lounging on your dad’s fishing boat, taking advantage of the nice weather.

“Bullshit,” you say, taking a swig.

“I’m telling you; he’s found it. The stuff in that motel room safe was fucking insane. The cops just pocketing the cash, too?”

“Cops are dirty: shock horror,” you sarcastically return.

JJ laughs with a nod. Then, smiling at you, he says, "well, all I know is when we find the Merchant-”

“-If-”

“When!” he corrects loudly, making you laugh. Then he’s shuffling up so he’s sat right next to you, hooking an arm comfortably around your waist. “When we find it, I’m using my share of gold to spoil my girl rotten.”

“Oh?” You prompt, raising a brow at him with a grin. He nods down at you.

“Mhm. I’m talking fancy dinners and expensive jewellery and that perfume you always check out whenever we’re at the mall but never buy.”

“It’s overpriced,” you brush off, rolling your eyes.

“It’d smell perfect on you,” JJ affirms. Makes your cheeks go warm.

Nudging him with your elbow, the bone digging softly into the flesh of his abs, you say, “well, I guess I could get on board with that then.”

“Just you wait until we find it,” JJ promises, raising his bottle in a silent toast.

Rolling your eyes lovingly at his ways, you lift yours to clink the neck of your bottle against his. JJ leans down to capture your lips in a kiss, sweet and summer-filled, with the lingering taste of beer. You gladly kiss him back, sinking into the familiar feel of your boyfriend. This is going to be the best summer yet.

About ten minutes into the second episode, you think you hear a knock at the door. No; it’ll be a branch having blown away in the breeze. Sighing, you go back to the show, coffee nearly finished and luke-warm. Then, it comes again. Two short raps. Pausing the show, you turn and frown at the door. You can see it from the sofa. There’s a pause, maybe a minute, and then three knocks. You get up and make your way to the door, deliberating who in the hell could be coming to your house in the middle of a hurricane at (you glance to the clock on the hallway as you go) ten to midnight?

As you undo the latch on the door and twist the key to unlock it, you feel your gut twist. It’s as if it knows something you don’t. Then, pulling the door open, wincing against the cold and the wind and the rain from outside as it fights its way in, you come face to face with JJ. The sight of him makes you colder than the weather ever could.

“JJ?”

“Can I come in?”

“Wh—”

Your voice trials off, throat running dry, and you glance back into the house for some reason, as if the coat-stand might have the answers. Looking back to him, brain muddled, you see how he’s leaning against the wall of the entryway. How he’s holding his flask in his hand, the lid unscrewed, and you close your eyes with a sigh.

The rational part of you screams to close the door on him. Do the right thing, the hard thing, and turn him away as if you have barely acknowledged him being there. But it’s not that simple. Nothing is, the moment any sort of feeling has been involved, and you find yourself looking into his red-rimmed eyes. You’re not sure if he’s high or he’s been crying.

“Please,” he says, voice quiet as if defeated. “I just wanna talk.”

He’s dripping from head to toe, drenched from the rain. Hair sticking to his forehead, leaking water down the back of his neck. Hands shaking from the cold and the booze. Wordlessly, you open the door fully and step to the side, making space for him to walk in. After he catches on and enters, you catch a whiff of his cologne. Musky yet fresh; so wonderfully him. It makes one of the scabbed cuts on your heart crack open. Closing the door, fighting to keep in the warmth, you sigh and face JJ. He’s standing there awkwardly, unsure of where you want him to go. He’s barely able to keep his balance right, fumbling from leaning his weight on one leg to the other.

You gesture to the kitchen. “Go sit down. I’m gonna grab you a towel.”

JJ nods and does as you say, heading into the kitchen. You try not to spiral in your thoughts as you go to the boiler closet, fishing out a fresh bath towel. There’s only one thought that you can’t seem to silence. What is he doing here?

A part of you still feels as though you can hear the wind of the storm beating against the thin walls of the police tent. The sirens and the chatter and the panic. The chaos of trying to help John B and Sarah escape, and the never-ending torture of waiting for any news. That they escaped. That they were caught. That they were even alive.

That was a week ago now.

JJ’s not answering his phone. You haven’t been sleeping well. Your nights are nothing but restless, nightmares plaguing you about all the ‘what ifs’ and the guilt of waving them off in the boat, practically sending them off to their grave. It’s a lot for a seventeen-year-old to burden. Your parents tried their best to help you. They brought you breakfast the first morning that you stayed back at your house (they’d let you crash at the Chateau with the others for a couple of days at first, understanding that all your friends needed one another at that time), and never forced you to come down for dinner. Wallowing felt about the best you could do. You just wished it wasn’t so lonely.

Sighing, ending the call that never stopped ringing, you glance over to your trainers. Since coming back from the Chateau, you haven’t left your house once. Hell, you’d barely left your bed. Then you’re staring at your phone again. At the string of missed calls and ignored texts from JJ. You knew him well and knew how easily he could slip when things changed for the worse. John B was like a brother to JJ. Their bond was so close that it sometimes challenged your own and JJ’s, though never in a malicious way.

Getting up, you put on your trainers and lace them up. You had to check that JJ’s okay.

The air feels fresh on your skin, like a plant gulping down water after days in a drought. You bask in the rays of sun that push through the cloudy overhead. Walking to JJ’s was familiar and quick. Soon enough, you’re trudging up his front lawn and walking around to his window. He’d always told you to come in via there. You never knew where his dad was and what state he might be in, but the odds were low on his being passed out in JJ’s room. The windows always unlocked and you force it up and open with a grunt. Then, you’re climbing on JJ’s desk and glancing around his room. He’s not in there.

What is in there is countless empty beer cans and bottles. The useless ends of joints and cigarettes. It smells musty and sad, like nobody had cracked a window in days. You sigh and kick some stuff out of the way (used clothing and trash) so you can reach his bedroom door. Gently easing it open, you glance into the hallway and through to the sitting room. On the coffee table, you can make out the toes of JJ’s boots. Taking your chances that his dad isn’t home, you walk down the hall to the sitting room.

JJ’s passed out on the sofa. His head is leant back, mouth parted in silent snores, and in his hand is an empty beer bottle. The sitting room is just as bad as his bedroom, maybe even worse. It stinks of weed and alcohol and mould. Everything about all of it terrifies you. You didn’t think he’d sunk this low, so fast. Why hadn’t he reached out to you?

He gets an email and his phone pings, making you glance to it. It’s on the coffee table. There on the home screen are the several missed call notifications and ignored texts from you. If it were any other situation, you’d label yourself as psycho. But you knew something was wrong. Could feel it in your gut.

“JJ,” you say. Clearing your throat, louder, you repeat, “JJ.”

He doesn’t stir.

You reach out a hand to shake his boot.

“JJ, wake up.”

Nothing.

Sighing, you walk around so you’re stood at his side and lean down to shake his shoulders gently, hoping to ease him awake.

“Wake up, JJ.”

He jolts awake with a gasp, eyes flying open. His hands come to your forearms in a tight grip, reflexively, and you try to pull away. The moment he registers it’s you, he let’s go. He mumbles your name, voice still thick with sleep.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you.”

JJ frowns. He rubs at his face and pushes some of his uncombed hair back. His breath smells like stale liquor; it half makes you want to cringe.

“Why?”

“Because I’m worried about you. And, I guess I was right,” you say, looking to the pandemonium of the room.

JJ gets to his feet and shakes his head. He’s walking towards the kitchen and you follow.

“You didn’t need to, alright? I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, JJ,” you tell him.

He pulls open the fridge. His back is to you. The shirt he wears looks creased and well-worn, as if he hadn’t taken it off for days. It reminds you of everything that happened and just how raw the wounds must be for JJ. How much deeper they are, too.

“Look, I know this is hard for you,” you tell him gently.

JJ grabs a beer and closes the fridge. Cracking open the can, he turns and rests his back against it, taking a swig. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not ‘fine’, JJ,” you say.

JJ shrugs and has another gulp.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” you ask. Gesturing to him, you add, “you look like you haven’t slept in days, JJ.”

“What’re you gonna do? Sing me to sleep?” he snorts. He’s drunk.

“That’s not the point, JayJ. My parents would’ve let you stay over. I don’t like the thought of you here by yourself.”

“I’m not something that needs fixing, alright? I can take care of myself,” JJ tells you, his voice becoming tighter.

“I’m not saying you need fixing—”

“Are you sure? Cause it sounds like you’re pitying me pretty bad right now,” JJ cuts in. His eyes are narrowed at you as if accusing you of some conspiracy.

Trying to remind yourself of the abundance of emotions he must be feeling right now, alongside the fact that he’s drunk and possibly high, you do your best to keep your calm.

“Of course I’m pitying you, JJ. In the way that a girlfriend would pity her boyfriend who’s dealing with some fucking awful loss,” you tell him.

“He’s not dead, alright? Don’t talk about him like he is,” JJ bitterly mumbles, looking down at his boots.

“We don’t know that, JJ—”

“Well, you don’t know that he is dead, alright? So stop talking about it like you want it to be true!” he explodes. He stalks towards you, angry. “Do you want him to be dead, huh? So you have a little project to work on? So you can come visit your scum of a boyfriend and do your charity work, to make yourself feel better. To distract you from your own shitty insecurities?”

“Why are you saying this, JJ?” you whisper, taken aback. He’s never spoken to you like this. Ever. Not even when the two of you argue. In truth, you don’t argue. Merely bicker, with it all resolved within the day. Nothing malicious and intentional, with words sharpened to cut. The way he’s looking at you right now – as he stands over you, shoulders rigid as if preparing for a scrap – is terrifyingly unfamiliar.

“I don’t want you here, okay? I didn’t ask for you to come here.”

“You want me to leave then?”

“Yeah, I do, actually.”

“You do?”

“Yes. That’s what I fucking said,” JJ seethes. You find yourself pushing back, getting in his face just as much.

“Fine. Drink yourself fucking blind for all I care,” you spit back.

It’s only been a week, and already a chip has been chiselled into the sculpture that was your relationship. The first crack in the mausoleum.

JJ’s sat at the round kitchen table, shivering like an orphan, and you have to keep yourself from instinctively wrapping the towel around his shoulders. Instead, you place it in front of him. He’s put the flask away, it seems.

“Thanks,” JJ mumbles, taking it.

As he rubs his hair dry, you head to the coffee machine. He needs to sober up and you’d found that coffee always worked for him. Hell, you could do with another cup too, perhaps just to keep your hands busy.

“It’s crazy out there,” JJ eventually says, hesitant to start a conversation. You close your eyes at the sound of his voice. “Brian’s throwing a tantrum.”

You’re half-tuned in, mostly lost in the droning of the coffee machine as it brews. You look down at your hands to find that you’ve been messing with the skin around your nails. It was a nervous habit you had, and one that hadn’t shone through in a couple of months. Not since you and JJ had ended things.

The coffee is done all too soon. Pouring two mugs worth, you brace yourself as if preparing for a slap as you turn to face JJ at the table. His hair is now damp, no longer dripping down his face. Wet clothes are still stuck to his skin, outlining the perfection of his body, and you have to force your eyes away. It’s hard to think that only two months ago you would be blessed enough to be able to run your hands under his shirt, along the smooth, salt-scrubbed skin of his stomach. What once brought you pleasure in thought now only brought pain.

Taking the seat opposite him, you slide his mug over and take a shaking sip of your own. Your eyes are down, focused on the table-top, tracing the scratch marks in the wood, but you somehow know JJ’s watching you. Can feel his eyes following you.

“Thanks for letting me in.”

“You said you wanted to talk,” you reply.

JJ nods: you catch it in your peripheral. “I do.”

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Us,” JJ says. You close your eyes. You were worried he’d say that.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about, JJ. There isn’t an ‘us’, anymore, okay?” you sigh. JJ’s already shaking his head.

“There is. You know there is,” he returns in a pleading tone. “Things can go back to how they were again.”

“What?” you almost whisper, brows furrowing in confusion.

“John B and Sarah are back now and…And everything can go back to how it was,” JJ tells you, almost hopeful.

You shake your head, lips pressed in a deep frown. Your fingers press against the hot porcelain of the mug.

“JJ. That’s not how this works.”

“I know things got messed up. That it’s my fault that they did, alright? That everything got messed up after John B…”

Died.

Your eyes dart up to meet his. There’re fresh tears gathering in the waterline. It’s weird seeing JJ cry so openly. He only did it once or twice in your relationship, in front of you. He never seemed willing to let you see that side of him, as if it might make him weak. You notice how his hand twitches away from the mug, as if he might reach out for yours, but something in him decides not to. Instead, the two of you keep your distance; a formal width of space, sat on either side of the table, not daring to cross into the others’.

“We can go back to how we were,” JJ privately says.

Your purse your lips, eyes slipping shut a moment to gather your thoughts. Perhaps this is how Eve felt, when the serpent tried to tempt her with the fruit. Here sits the only guy you’ve ever loved, extending an invitation back into the past, of a time when you were happy, and breathing didn’t hurt, and the thought of romance wasn’t something you shunned. But you can’t go back to the past. Time is forever moving forward, continuous and unchanging, and the sooner you make peace with that, the sooner it can start to heal your wounds.

You never spoke about that first fight. Never acknowledged it, really. JJ just showed up at your house, a couple days later, seemingly sober, and you both decided to move forward. You brushed it under the rug as a slip-up. That he needed to reel out of control a little in order to let himself recover, like the way the earth needs a good thunderstorm during summer to replenish the plants. I mean, how were you to know that it was the beginning of the end?

It was the day after you'd made the memorial at the chateau. Yourself and JJ had slept over at the house, after making love on the pull-out. The moment his hands were on your body, it felt like a silent apology for the fight, and you'd let yourself forget all about it. Waking up tangled in his hold, legs a knotted mess and arm tingling with pins-and-needles from his weight, you can't help but smile. It was the nearest thing to normalcy you'd felt in a long time, since Sarah and John B went missing at sea.

"Morning," you mumble sleepily the moment you feel JJ stir. He presses a kiss to your forehead. His skin smells of dry sweat.

"Hey," JJ rasps.

"You want breakfast?"

"What's on the menu?"

You can hear the smirk in his voice, the teasing grin to his words, and it makes you chuckle tiredly. This was the JJ you missed. As one of his hands moves to grope at your ass, you're laughing, gently pushing him off you.

"Perv," you mutter as you get up. Steal his t-shirt from the floor and pull it on.

You trudge to the kitchen, shoving your messed up hair out of your face, and open the cupboards to search for something good. There's no point looking in the fridge; majority of the things in there will be spoiled. This is the first time any of you have been back at the chateau since a couple of days after the incident.

Grabbing a can of soup, you decide it's better than nothing (though far from a classic breakfast). The drawers and counters are a mess. You sigh as you search for a can opener, coming up empty.

"You got your pocket knife with you?" you ask JJ.

He's lounging on the pull-out, scrolling through his phone. The only thing keeping him decent is the blanket that's half-arsedly flung over his waist. You missed seeing him like this, and the sight has you smiling.

"Should be in the left pocket of my shorts," he mumbles in reply, absentmindedly.

You wander over and drop to a squat, digging through his cargo shorts. Nothing, nothing...Your fingers feel something plastic and tactile. Frowning, you pull it out. It's a small plastic baggy containing a white powder. You're not stupid. It's either coke or ketamine. Your frown seems to deepen. Standing up, you hold it up.

"What's this?"

JJ looks up. Spots the bag. Takes in your expression. "Nothing."

"JJ," you say, tone nothing short of serious.

He sighs and rubs at his face, as if finding an excuse to avoid eye contact. "Look, it's fine, alright? I just need a little pick me up, now and then."

"This isn't a pick-me-up, JJ," you say. You know you sound angry, but why shouldn't you be? JJ having an addictive personality was no secret to anyone. His drinking was bad enough. Adding drugs like cocaine to the mix, and your worry trebled.

“What? Are you telling me what I can and can’t do now?” JJ asks. His voice borders on a scoff.

“This is dangerous, JJ.”

“I’m scared straight, hun. Thanks,” he mutters. Leaning forward, he snatches the baggy from you.

“I don’t like the thought of you taking that stuff, JayJ. It’s a slippery slope,” you slowly reply, trying to level your temper.

JJ sighs impatiently, rolling his eyes. It doesn’t help calm the storm brewing inside of you.

“Why’d you always have to ruin everything, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

“Things were finally starting to go back to normal and you have to fucking fixate on another thing. I swear to God, I never do anything right by you. I mean, I’d just gotten over you losing your shit at me the other day—”

“Gotten over it? I’m sorry, let me just check I’m hearing this right?” you interrupt, shifting your weight. “You got over the fact that your girlfriend had to track you down in person to check you were okay, to find you drunk and passed out? Then you yell at me for coming and tell me to leave, several times. And you remember me being the villain in all of that?”

“Don’t flatter yourself. You didn’t do some fucking FBI work to find me; I was in my own Goddamn house.”

“Not the point, JJ,” you loudly counter.

JJ rolls his eyes at you and moves to stand, pulling on a pair of boxers. “You’re such a bitch sometimes, you know that?”

You stare at him. Did you just hear him right? Before you can ask or even respond, JJ’s walking out onto the porch as if you’re not in the midst of an argument.

You watch as he grabs a leftover vape that’s laying on the window ledge. There still seems to be some power left in it. He takes a couple of hits. You simply stare after him. It seems useless to follow. Useless to keep chipping away at this fight that you’re bound to lose. So, instead, you turn back to the kitchen and let the distance between the two of you gape. Another argument unresolved.

Opening your eyes again, meeting his that shimmer blue in the low light of your kitchen, you can’t bring yourself to do anything but frown, your expression the image of sympathy. 'We can go back to how we were.'

“We can’t, JJ,” you whisper.

“Who says we can’t?”

“I say we can’t,” you reply.

“You don’t understand,” JJ tells you, as if ignoring your words entirely. You’re shaking your head, staring down into your coffee, but it doesn’t seem to deter him from continuing. “I can’t picture my life without you in it. These past couple months have felt like there’s a lack there or something. Like something’s missing. And something is missing. You are. You’ve always been there for me, even before we were together. I don’t…I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on with my life without you in it.”

You’re crying now. Silent tears fall down your face. Muffled pain.

The touch of his hand on yours feels electric, but not in a good way. Not in the way it used to. It’s like the shock that it thrills inside of you, which once was excitement, is now merely pain. You half want to jolt your hand back, but that would be too dramatic. Too much.

“Please. Please,” JJ’s begging, crying too. “I just need you in my life.”

“I don’t understand how,” you tell him, voice wet. You meet his gaze again. It feels almost too painful to maintain it for too long. “I can’t be your friend again, JJ. And I definitely can’t be your girlfriend again. So how am I meant to be in your life?”

“You just can! You just have to be there! You have to be there for me!”

Your lip quivers.

He gathers himself, exhaling slowly. “You just…Have to.”

Have to. Like there wasn’t any other way. Like his planet doesn’t spin without you and his universe is empty of planets and stars. Like his world is void of life and you’re the water that can make his plants bloom again. But it doesn’t bring you joy like it would’ve months ago, to hear him say that. It’s too much, too late. Antique coins lose their value.

“I mean…Don’t you miss me?”

Your vision focuses on his tear-streaked face again. Hair still damp. Cheeks pink and nose red.

“Of course I miss you,” you whisper, half-insulted that he’d even ask that. Can’t he see how much this is tearing you apart? “I miss all of it.”

“You don’t have to though,” JJ says. “We can go back to how it was.”

You finally look back down to see his hand still atop of yours. Touch gentle and kind. He used to be kind to you, all the time. Never would raise his voice at you and would never make you cry. But after John B and Sarah vanished, their deaths presumed, it was like something in him snapped. It’s easier to destroy a sandcastle than to build it, and JJ seemed hellbent on destroying whatever bond the two of you had - the love the both of you shared - rather than trying to protect it.

Your relationship with JJ was delipidating. Like a temple built on an eroding cliff, what was once beautiful and serene is now crumbling away, brick by brick. Pope and Kiara and even a stranger in the Goddamn street can see how dysfunctional it is. What was once affection and care is now venom and pain. And yet, underneath all the animosity, there’s still a love that keeps the two of you in place, fighting for things to stay together. After every blowout, one of you ends up in tears and the other is ironically the only person who can comfort them. Then comes the kisses and the apologies and the make-up sex, and the promises to not fight again, and to do better, and to fix what you have. But it’s all a fiction. The next fight comes and it’s uglier still.

JJ seems almost unrecognisable to you most days. The drinking and the drugs and the recklessness is hideous. Brings a pain to your heart that can only be rivalled by the one that comes when you fight. Pope and Kiara don’t see it as much as you do. It’s like he tapers it down for them, only giving them a glimpse. But you’ve always had the honour of seeing every part of JJ, including this. When you beg for him to stop drinking, to try and get himself under control, he goes on the defence. JJ’s words shoot to kill when he’s mad. And it’s like the venom in his words brings out an ugly side of you, too. Infects you with his anger until you're lashing out. When you’re in blind fury, you don’t care what you say, so long as it’s painful. Words that you’d never think come flying out of your mouth. Things you’d never mean are said with nothing short of conviction. About him. About his dad. About him being like his dad. About John B too, sometimes. About it being JJ’s fault. But he doesn’t hold back either. About you. About you and your parents. About you and your exes. About you and John B too, sometimes. It’s ugly and painful and evil.

But it was always words. Sticks and stones, right? You can sooth any cut from a slander with an apology said through soft kisses and softer caresses. Overlay the memory of an insult with sweet-nothings and moans of affirmation. Only words. So, when the next inevitable fight comes with the two of you at his house, after JJ does something particularly stupid at a kegger after flirting with a girl right in front of you to make you jealous, all because you’d said something the other night, you prepare for the hurl of abuse.

“I was just fucking talking to her!” JJ shouts.

You scoff and roll your eyes. “You were practically drooling all over her.”

“Drooling!?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re fucking delusional, you know that?” he chuckles darkly.

“I’m delusional?”

“Yeah, you are.”

“Are you seriously calling your own girlfriend crazy, right now? Do you know how Goddamn sexist that is?” you snap.

JJ shakes his head and does that all-too-familiar walk to his kitchen. You follow as per. It’s like the two of you follow a script when you fight. Insult, jab, insult, jab, drink, jab, insult, cry, silence, drink, comfort, kiss, sex, apologies, promises, sleep. It’s tiresome and it’s pathetic but you don’t want to leave it, because if you do, then you have to face the alternative. You have to face having nothing. No arguments and no JJ. Somehow, arguing with JJ is better than not having him to talk to at all.

But with every fight comes the fading hope that this rough patch will pass, and you’ll be out of the woods, stronger than before.

“Don’t walk away from me, JJ!”

“Stop screaming at me like a psycho bitch!” he shouts back, slamming the fridge door shut. Beer bottle now in hand.

“Don’t call me a bitch, you asshole!” you scream. "Don't you dare drink that!"

JJ laughs at you. "God, it is adorable how you think I give a shit about anything you say to me."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I actually give a shit about your health! Clearly you don't, snorting any fucking thing you can get your hands-on like some deadbeat junkie."

JJ isn't replying. Won't fight back. Drinking from his bottle like he can't even hear you. Makes you angrier. Say something, do something.

"Guess you're just living up to the family-traits though, huh? Like father like Goddamn son. No wonder your mom left you."

It takes you a moment to realise what made you stop shouting. What made your breath get caught halfway in your throat, heart thumping loudly in your ears. Then, your eyes are slowly drifting down to the floor, to the side of your feet.

Shards of the broken bottle are scattered on the floor. Beer drips down the wall, spills onto the floorboards, pools around the pieces of glass. The sound of shattering was so loud when it hit the wall. No wonder; it happened right by your ear. It was practically inches from your face.

The shock subsides enough to let tears come. You let out a shuddering breath as the reality hits that it could’ve hit you in the face. That could’ve been your face.

When your eyes come to focus again, moving to glance up into JJ’s, he looks just as shocked as you. Just as horrified.

“Baby…”

He starts towards you.

You hold up a hand, prompting him to stop, and take a wobbly step backwards.

“Don’t,” you rasp. You sound terrified. Half don't recognise your own voice.

That could’ve been your face.

“Baby, I didn’t mean to,” JJ whispers, his voice breaking. “I didn’t…I don’t know why I did that. I…”

Your eyes lower to the ground as your hand gradually falls limp by your side. You look to the glass and beer on the floor. How ironically poetic.

“What are we doing, JJ?”

“I don’t…I don’t know,” he hopelessly replies.

You shake your head. Eyes still fixated on the broken bottle. “I don’t…I don’t think this is love anymore, JJ.”

“Don’t say that,” JJ says.

“It can’t be,” you continue, ignorant to his pleas. JJ comes towards you once more and you shake your head, turning away from him before he can make a grab for your hands. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“I know,” he says.

His arms wrap around your waist. He hugs you against him, nestles his face in your hair, presses some kisses against your scalp. There’s the inconsistent drip of his tears.

“I’m sorry,” he’s mumbling into your hair. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that again. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to, okay? I’m so sorry, baby.”

But it’s too late, isn’t it?

Before it was words and that was torturous enough. It was painful when he’d say things to you that he knew would hurt, sure, but you’ve never been afraid of him before. But this, now…You can’t go back. You can’t ever go back from that. It’s with a terrifying thought and a fresh wave of tears that you come to the realisation that you’re scared of JJ. You’re scared of the only person who you’re supposed to find comfort and love in. How does that even happen to someone?

“I know you are,” you eventually say in reply to all his apologies.

JJ pauses, settling on pressing more kisses to your head, squeezing his arms around you tighter, closer, as if trying to stop you from slipping away. But a vase covered in cracks can’t hold water in. You push his arms off you and break yourself free from his hold.

“But I can’t do this anymore.”

He mumbles your name. When you don’t turn, heading to grab your jacket from the sofa, he says it again, loud and desperate. You know he’s crying. He’s sobbing. So are you.

“Please, please don't leave me.”

It hurts. It all just fucking hurts. You head for the door. Shake off his hand as it clasps around your wrist.

“Please, baby. We can make this right, okay? We can fix it. I can fix this. Just don't leave me.”

It’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, walking out his door. In fact, you think a part of your soul dies a little as you do. Left haunting his house is the ghost of your past self that you’ll spend forever trying to find again.

You carefully inch your hand out of his touch and get up, walking to the sink, mug in hand. JJ’s sighing. You catch in the reflection of the window as he hangs his head, palms covering his face. Pouring the leftover coffee down the drain, you try and gather your thoughts and feelings. They all conclude into one.

“I think you should leave now, JJ,” you weakly announce.

Your eyes glance at the window's reflection in time to catch his head lift. Then, you’re looking back down into the sink. Remnants of coffee sit stagnant in the basin. More tears fall.

“What?”

“I really think you need to leave,” you repeat.

“Baby,” JJ says, getting up. He’s walking over to you and your heart sinks.

“Don’t call me that, JJ,” you tell him. But there’s no conviction in your tone. How can there be, when all you are is a crying, fragile mess.

“Baby, please,” he repeats, ignoring you once more. His arms are wrapping around your waist, hugging you against him. It's painful deja vu. You shake your hand and put down the coffee mug, moving to try and push his arms off you. It feels claustrophobic.

“Stop calling me that,” you whimper.

This all hurts so much. The knife is twisting and turning and driving deeper and deeper.

“I don’t want you to call me that anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” JJ says. “If we both miss each other then why can’t we just go back to how it was? I can make it up to you. I can be better, this time. I can get clean. I'll be sober for you. I'll do anything.”

Finally, you managed to break free from his hold. You turn around, placing an arm on his chest to maintain some distance. His hands are still open, as if waiting to catch you.

“That’s not that point, JJ,” you tell him.

“Then what is the point? Why is this so easy for you? I mean, did you ever love me at all? Why aren’t you as torn up about all of this like I am? Did you ever care?”

His tone is turning sour, just the way it used to during your fights. It all comes screaming back to you. The desperation and the battles and the pure exhaustion of trying to hold onto a handful of sand, that only will inevitably slip through your fingers. But it makes the emotions catch fire. Searing hot pain.

“Of course I did!” you burst, eyes wet and voice fire. JJ takes a small step back, startled. “Of course I loved you and of course I miss you! I miss all of it, okay? I miss the way we were and the way you used to look at me. I miss you when I go to sleep and I miss you when I wake up. But I can’t have you in my life anymore, JJ. All the shit that happened between us leaves a sour taste in my mouth, and I can’t erase the past like it didn’t happen. Even if we did move forward, the past is always going to be there. There’s no way to get rid of that!”

JJ’s sobbing, looking away from you. You realise that you’re crying too. Hard and heavy and can barely catch your breath.

“I mean, God, JJ. Do you know how selfish it is for you to be here right now?”

His head darts back to face you. Emotions a mess, you feel your forlorn expression morph into a demented smile. Through a tearful, self-deprecating laugh, you manage out:

“I was barely just holding it together. Barely just surviving, and then you come here and say all these things to me and have this assumption that what you want is what’s right. But it isn’t, for either of us.”

“But we could just—"

“No! We can’t be together again, JJ!”

Letting out a shuddering breath, you hear your words almost echo around the room. JJ’s staring at you. Both of you are heartbroken. What a pitiful, pathetic mess it has all become.

“We can’t, okay?” you repeat, voice softer. Anger gone.

JJ purses his lips and looks down at the floor. You watch as he nods, closing his eyes as he does, as if he’s admitted something to himself.

“Okay,” he whispers. Sniffs harshly. Wipes at his face. You do the same. “Okay.”

This isn’t how you want it to end. You don’t want him to walk out the door with this as his last memory of you. You can’t keep letting the season end on a bad episode. So, slowly, you reach out a hand to grab for one of his. His arms are hanging by his side, defeated. At the touch of your fingers, his instinctively wrap around yours, and he raises his head to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. The tears have now subsided, for the most part.

He gives a quivering smile. Bitter-sweet and painful. “Me too.”

He squeezes your hand in his. Now, there’s almost nothing. No zip of excitement or sooth of comfort, and no jolt of pain. Just…JJ.

“I don’t want you to hate me for—”

“I could never hate you,” you say, cutting him off. Smiling yourself, the expression a mirror-reflection of his, you nod. “There’s gonna be a part of me that’s always gonna love you, JayJ. You were my first everything, and that doesn’t go away. Ever. I’ll always be rooting for you and I’m always gonna care for you. But…I have to do it from a distance now, okay? It’s the only way either of us can move on with our lives.”

JJ swallows your words like one might swallow medicine. Unpleasant at the time but affirms a healthy future.

"I know," he nods. "I'm always gonna love you too."

You find yourself wrapping your arms around his neck. Holding him in a hug, tight and secure. His arms coil around your waist and he squeezes you back. The two of you know this will probably be the last time you ever embrace. Ever get to hold him, and him hold you. Neither of you wants to waste it, but neither of you wants to drag it out, in fear that they may never let go. As you pull away, JJ presses a brief, fleeting kiss to your cheek.

Standing in front of one another, once more, you remember the hurricane. The windows are rattling in their frames, rain battering down on them. It’s intense out there.

“You want me to stay?” JJ wonders softly.

You frown.

“I mean-” He gesture to the hurricane-induced storm outside. “I know how you hate them.”

You smile, eyes flitting down. Shaking your head, you sigh. “I need to face them on my own now, I think.”

JJ chuckles soberly. Nodding in understanding, he takes a step or two back. His hands slip into his pockets.

“Then…I guess I should leave.”

“Are you gonna be okay walking home?” you ask. You meant what you said: you’ll always care for him.

JJ nods, smiling brighter still. There’s still the shadow of pain that haunts the expression though.

“Yeah. You know me, I live on the edge.”

With his wink to accompany his sardonic words, you give a soggy laugh. JJ grants you a small wave and another smile. Your favourite smile. Your favourite person. Then, he’s turning around and walking himself to the front door. You hear the gust of wind battle into the house as he opens it, and the hearty slam as he forces it closed.

Standing stoic in the kitchen as if stupefied, you stare after him.

It’s done.

No more new memories. Only the old, to have and to hold, to care for and to cherish. Right now, they’re painful and visceral, but give it time, and they’ll be digestible. You can comb through them and smile and reminisce. Beneath almost every emotion is a tinge of happiness, be it grief or anger. Heartbreak will simply be the same.

Walking back to the living room, you cuddle up under a blanket on the sofa and snuggle against the cushions. Flicking the television back on, you sigh, sit, and continue watching your new show.

From inside the chateau, the windows rattle from a vicious blow of wind.

“What are you doing?” JJ snorts. His voice sounds like it’s come from the doorway.

You look up from the spot you’ve claimed on the floor, cocooned in a blanket. Your cheeks are wet from tears and JJ’s face becomes void of humour, instead morphing into concern.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he worries, quickly coming over to you.

“It’s dumb,” you sniffle.

JJ shakes his head as he lowers to his knees, wrapping you into his arms. “It's not dumb.”

“You don’t know what it is yet.”

“Well, even if it is dumb, I won’t love you any less. Just might judge you a little, is all.”

You gently batt at his stomach at his stupid joke, making him chuckle.

“What is it?” he asks again, shifting so he can look you in the eyes.

Your rolling your eyes at your ways when you answer. “I hate hurricanes. I guess I have a fear of them or whatever you wanna call it.”

“A fear?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, wiping your wet face.

JJ nods, humming in understanding. He glances around the room a moment and you find yourself inching closer to him for shelter. A flash of lightning shoots a dart of light in the room and you can’t withhold your pathetic, childlike whimper, closing your eyes. Then comes the doomsday thunder. It’s a short pause between the two; means it’s getting closer.

“Here,” JJ says, getting to his feet. He holds out a hand for you and helps you up. “I got an idea.”

“You do?” You say.

You tug the blanket around your shoulders like a shawl. JJ starts moving the sofas and furniture into a weird arrangement. You simply stand back and watch.

“My mamma used to do this for me,” JJ says through a grunt. “Whenever I was scared.”

“JJ Maybank? Scared?” You jest.

He rolls his eyes as he perfects the formation of the armchair, smiling. “Yeah, yeah. Hard to believe, I know.”

“What were you scared of?”

“The dark. And the monsters in my dad’s closet,” JJ replies. He’s now grabbing any blanket he can find.

“The monsters?” you repeat, humour clear in your voice.

“Hey, I didn’t make fun of your current fear of hurricanes, did I?” JJ warns, pointing at you.

You nod and hold your hands up in surrender. That’s fair. “So, what did your mamma used to do then?”

“She’d make me blanket forts,” he says. “To hide from the monsters and the dark.”

“A blanket fort?” you check, smiling.

He’s dragging a blanket over the sofas to make a shelter. You catch on and start to gather some of the throw pillows and couch cushions to make it cosy on the floor, whilst JJ finishes on the structure.

“Yeah. It’s like one of my favourite memories I have of her. She’d make them real cosy and then we’d watch a movie, and I’d be safe.”

When it’s all finished, JJ turns to you and grins. Gesturing proudly to his creation – bumpy as it is – you grin, giggling a little. “Ta da!”

“A Maybank tradition,” you say.

He climbs into the fort and settles on the cushions. The light from the lamp casts through the blanket to give the faintest glow. Holding out his hand, you take it with a laugh and move to sit beside him. He shifts you so you can lay with your head resting on his chest. His arm loops around your waist and you place a hand on his side. It’s quiet in here. The rainfall is barely audible and the thunder is muffled. It feels like its own world, safe from anything else. Safe with JJ.

He presses a kiss to your forehead.

“So, what’d ya think?”

“I think this might be the most romantic thing you’ve ever done, Maybank,” you reply, looking up at him.

JJ grins. “Just wait ‘til we get that gold. The blanket forts are gonna be insane.”

You laugh and shake your head. JJ falls into an extravagant daydream of the forts he’ll build for you: with drawbridges and dragons and all sorts of ridiculous crap, that you know he’s only spewing because it’ll get a laugh out of you. Settling against his chest, feeling the rumble of his voice and shaking of his laughs through his t-shirt, you smile. What a sweetly clandestine memory to share.

#jj #jj maybank #jj x reader #jj maybank x reader #obx #obx fic #outer banks #outerbanks #outer banks fic #outerbanks fic #jj angst #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x reader angst #jj x reader angst #obx angst #obx preferences

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ohbx · 1 year

Text

Partnered Up

A JJ x Reader Slow Burn Fic

Author's notes:

This is pretty much PG (with a touch of PG-13, maybe some swearing, mentions of abuse as in the context of the show). No warnings, except it being over 4k words & unedited. I wrote in first person so I just made it a reader insert but I might give the character a name cause she definitely seems like a character. (Y/F/N= Your Friend's name) Also this is a treasure hunt free alternate universe.

Partnered Up

I had obviously noticed JJ and his friends at school. They almost always traveled in a pack. Loud, boisterous and looking like they just rolled up from the beach. Although that was more common than not because I went to public high school on the Outerbanks. Out of his crew, he and John B were especially notorious for leaving a trail of broken hearts throughout the island. Whether it be kooks, pogues, tourons or anyone in between any girl I met knew who they were, and had a crush on one of them at one point or another. While the girls reasoning differed, (Kooks were usually looking for a one night tryst with a bad boy to piss their ex boyfriend off or gain the attention of some kook guy.) the point remained, they were the sleepover talk of girls across the island - every girl secretly thought they would be the one to tie down one of the island boys who were a little rough around the edges.

But now, John B was dating Sarah. A fact that only raised the desperation for JJ throughout the school halls. I could practically hear girls heads turning from their lockers as he made his way down the hall, clutching tattered papers, no backpack in sight. And sure, I understood the appeal. The piercing blue eyes, the charming, shameless flirtation. And of course I had read enough romance novels to understand the “i could fix him” urge for the girls who saw him show up year after year to school with no parents whoever came to end of the year barbecues, busted lips and black eyes monthly, and stoned more often than not. I understood it, I really did. But I didn’t have time to worry about boys. Especially not boys who would never give me a second look. I mean, I had been going to school with him for almost a decade and I doubted he even knew my name. It wasn’t self pity, but rather self awareness, to know a boy like him would never give me the time of day. And for that I never spent that much time worried about what the blonde boy thought of me- since I was pretty sure he didn’t think of me at all. It wasn’t self pity, just self awareness. And for that my self preservation kicked in anytime other girls at the lunch table gossiped about the blonde boy’s smile or dimples - I would have never admitted that I had given him a second glance.

As all high school teachers do, my biology teacher had a penchant for making her class as socially draining as possible. Which meant today when we were being assigned our physiology project for the final 6 weeks of the semester - she announced that she would be assigning us partners instead of letting us pick our own. I glanced longingly at my best friend sitting next to me and slowly rolled my eyes. It would be a lot simpler and more fun if the two of us could just work together. The teacher read out all the pairs and announced my name next to the infamous bad boy himself. JJ Maybank. As the teacher wrapped up her pairings, she projected the topics that each group was assigned to on the board. I slowly and nervously bent over to grab my text book from under my desk. But when I looked up, JJ was already leaning on the desk next to me.

“Hey Y/N - looks like we’re partners,” he said with a sheepish smile.

“Yea!” I replied maybe a bit too enthusiastically.

I offered him my phone number as class was ending for the day and then had to rush to swim practice after school. I told him to just text me before class tomorrow so you could get a jump on planning your project.

After swim practice, as I toweled off at your locker, I picked up my phone to several text notifications from JJ

JJ: Hey y/n it’s JJ Maybank

JJ: Sorry you’re stuck with me as a partner

JJ: Just text me whenever you’re done with swim and we can start a plan

I felt a pit in my stomach. JJ wasn’t known for being the smartest or most studious kid in school but I immediately felt bad that he was apologizing before the project even began. Secondly I was shocked he even knew I was on the swim team.

I quickly crafted a response telling him I was happy to work with him. Trying to keep it casual. Admittedly, that had never been my strong suit when it came to cute boys.

I then texted him that I would do some googling and take some notes about the assigned topic tonight, and we both could chat about it tomorrow.

He replied shockingly fast that he would do the same.

After swim practice the next morning I found myself taking more care in the shower to not smell like chlorine all day and taking a little bit longer on my makeup and hair before I returned to school for first period. I wouldn’t let myself admit that it was because I would be in close proximity to JJ later that day- but deep down that definitely played a factor.

When I got to class that day after saying hi to my best friend, I sat farther towards the back where JJ was already slumped in his chair. He perked up a bit when I sat down next to him. The teacher had given us a free period to discuss and plan our projects , so after a quick hello I took out my notes, and so did JJ.

I offered him my notes to look over while he handed me his but then he cleared his throat promptly.

“I uhhh…” he began sheepishly and then paused.

“I can’t read cursive” he spit out all at once and then half laughed.

I tried to keep my face neutral, and not laugh, as he was clearly looking nervous, but I was confused.

“I uh, I have dyslexia” he quietly offered by way of explanation as he rubbed the back of his neck- not making eye contact.

“Oh!” I tried not to sound surprised or show it on my face. “Here pass me back my notes and we can just discuss what we both learned and then what direction we want to research and create our presentation on.”

JJ just nodded and said “thanks” as he handed we traded notes back.

We spent the next hour or so nerding out and actually having great, very insightful conversation about our disease we were researching, and I scribbled quick messy notes with promises to type them up when we were done so we could both see them on Google docs.

At the end of class everyone rushed out the door at the bell, and I turned quickly with a quick see ya! to JJ on the way out the door.

“Hey Y/n wait” JJ said quickly as he called after me. I spun around to face him.

“Uhh thanks for being so nice and helping me out today. I know you probably wish you had a partner that wasn’t such an idiot"

"You don't need to thank me, you're my partner, we both deserve to be able to work in a way that works for us. Otherwise I wouldn't really be a partner and I'd be a bitch" I said, and I meant it.

JJ had offered some of the best insight you had heard in this class all year. I was confident that he was going to be a good partner for the project despite my initial internal reservations due to his reputation.

JJ just shrugged back at me sheepishly.

"Well, I mean it, thanks. You'd be surprised how few people feel that way. Usually teachers or my group hear that and just decide they'll fail me or do all the work themselves."

"Seriously, you don't have to thank me, I am happy you're my partner, I think things will go well with this project. Sorry - I really gotta go to swim practice. Coach will kill me if I'm late"

He just nodded and offered a brief see ya as I turned and headed down the hall.

It went on this way for a few weeks. We worked tirelessly during class, had a few brief moments of small talk, and then I would rush off to practice. I was secretly thinking about him during the evenings, but I didn't usually hear from him until class the next day.

So imagine my surprise when I powered my phone back on after practice to another two texts from JJ.

JJ: Hey - hope your practice went well!

JJ: I got sidetracked after class

JJ: but I wanted to no if you wanted to come to a party tonite that my friends r having at the boneyard. I know your not a big partier but since its not yet summer it will be pretty low key, you can bring Y/F/N or whoever if you have a bf or something

I found myself smiling slightly to myself with my head in my locker. Y/F/N laughed and asked who was making me blush. I coyly avoided the question... for about 14 seconds until I asked her if she wanted to go to the boneyard tonight.

"Oh so JJ" she joked. "C'mon you cannot be falling for him that is such a bad idea"

"I am NOT falling for him" I rolled my eyes. "We are just becoming friends. Plus I feel like we could use some Friday socialization that doesn't involve chlorine or studying in my living room"

It was late May, and Y/F/N sat on my bed as I deliberated about what I wanted to wear to the party. After a lot of back and forth, I landed on birkenstocks, jean shorts and a tank top. Boring, I know, but it felt the most me, and the most appropriate for the weather.

We decided to walk, as it was only half a mile away, and then we could have a few beers and then walk home after. It's not like my mom was home anyway.

I had texted JJ for the details on when to arrive, but I hadn't expected us to be the first ones there beyond his direct friend group. They quickly ushered us into their circle and we joined in the drinking games they were playing around the bonfire.

Y/F/N was flirting with Pope, and while I didn't think it would go anywhere tonight, I could definitely see them being a cute and nerdy match.

As the party picked up, I was definitely feeling a bit of a buzz from a handful of hard seltzers and beers.

Y/F/N was occupied chatting with Pope and Kiara about who knows what, something scientific that I was too drunk for, so I made my way across the party in search of someone else to chat with.

JJ intercepted me, steadying himself on my arm after we almost collided.

"Wanna walk down the beach?"

I wasn't a big partier, but I definitely knew the insinuation there, and this many drinks in, I couldn't think that far in advance, I think I was just flattered by the invitation.

We broke away from the big group of high schoolers and reached a quieter part of the beach.

"So you're a fast swimmer right?"

"Compared to girls in this county, sure"

"Dont try to be humble, Kiara told me how you're ranked like #3 in all of North Carolina or something"

"#2" I mumbled sheepishly, never good at bragging about myself.

"Damn, so like good?"

"Let's hope so, I am gonna need it to pay for my college"

JJ nodded, thinking something over. A mischevious glint flickered across his eyes.

"Ok let's see it then. Race you out to that swim buoy!?" He challenged, stripping off his shirt and kicking his shoes off already.

As he dove into the calm surf, I peeled off my jean shorts and kicked off your birks. Diving in in just my tank top and thong. I took off swimming messily, but still passed JJ fairly quickly.

I didn't beat him by much, just enough to be standing looking bored when his head popped up at the buoy.

"Damn" he laughed "You got me."

His eyes flitted down to my thick, but definitely more revealing when wet tank top. He took a step closer to me.

For the first time in our friendship, it was silent. He kept a strong eye contact with me as he reached his hands out placing them on my waist, now covered in goosebumps. He pulled himself closer to me or me closer to him, I wasn't even sure my brain was forming coherent thoughts over the sound of my heart fluttering.

And then he kissed me. He kissed me in the way that the world around me went silent and all I could think about was him, and us. I didn't think about the fact I was practically naked about 10 feet from my first party, nor the fact that we were in the ocean at night. Nothing. Just him and us. Not that I had a lot to compare it to, but I knew it was a good kiss.

We continued to make out hands roaming up and down each others upper bodies, until our teeth were chattering and we made our way out of the water.

JJ shook his hair off like a dog before sliding his tee shirt over his head. I shook off suddenly self conscius about my lack of clothes, and slid into my jean shorts. Luckily it was a nice night, so we started to dry off pretty quickly.

Jj snaked his hand through my belt loop and pulled me closer to him. Catching my jaw with his other hand and pulling me into kiss me. I got the vague sense that he had done this before, but not even in a way that I could be jealous, because of how special this moment was making me feel. Well until it wasn't.

"Look Y/n. I like you a lot."

My heart skipped a beat.

"I uh, like you too"

"Do you wanna come back home, er uh, to John B's with me?"

And the other shoe drops. He doesn't actually like me, he just wants me to come hook up with him in his friends guest bedroom. I knew if I did that I would end up feeling temporarily validated, only to be more heartbroken when he inevitably didn't like me at all.

"I cant, I uh, have to walk home with Y/F/N" I said quickly as I started walking back to the party. Tears pricking the corners of my eyes. He followed behind, murmuring his agreement or understanding or something.

I left soon the party after, giving JJ a hasty goodbye hug, before shedding drunk tears on the way home about how he didn't really like me.

The next day I woke up with a pounding headache. I was asleep on the floor of my room and Y/F/N was asleep in my bed. I climbed into it, jostling her awake but I was in need of girl talk.

"So now what?" she asked

" I just like, don't know what to do. He clearly just saw me as another girl, when I had thought we were getting along so well so I guess I will just wait and see if he says anything."

"You could just ask him"

"No way"

My mom was still gone the rest of the weekend, so it was spent going to the beach, and hanging out at home with Y/F/N. I was dreading going back to school on Monday, and I hadn't received a single text from JJ, and knew I had blown my chance.

I arrived in my last period on Monday and slinked my way to the back of the classroom next to JJ. He looked like he hadn't slept since I saw him on Friday. When I sat down he grunted a hello. We pretended that there was nothing we cared about more than our current science project. But we still got almost nothing done. We couldn't agree on which way to go forward, what to dive deeper on, what should be the main focus of our presentation, everything was an argument.

I left the class for practice without saying another thing, barely even a goodbye. I had never swum so fast or hard in my life. Blowing off steam, I buried my head and swam faster splits than I usually swam at meets. I kicked my legs until I couldn't feel the pain in my chest any longer.

I got out of the pool and grabbed my phone out of my locker. I felt my stomach bubble in anticipation of a text but I didn't actually expect one.

The next four days JJ didn't show up to school. Our project was still due in just over a week, so I worked a lot on it in class by myself.

On Friday I finally built up the courage to shoot him a text in the morning when I see he's not there. A few hours went by without a reply. I figure I knew Kie well enough by now, so I asked her if he was ok.

She gave a concerned looking shrug.

"We've heard from him, but he does this sometimes, just kinda drops off the face of the earth and no one can get him to hang out or go to school. Are you worried about your project?"

"He told you about that?"

"Yea he won't shut up about it" Kie laughed " It was all we had heard about for like the past 4 weeks"

TYou exchanged numbers with Kie, and she told me to just text her if I was worried about him or hadnt heard from him by the end of the day and she would try and do a wellness check.

As soon as you sat down for 6th to begin though, JJ had texted me back.

JJ: Sorry I'm not in class. I couldn't.

No further explanation? I wondered to myself

me: Are you ok?

The typing bubbles repeatedly showed up and then disappeared at least 3 times before he responded, completely ignoring your question.

JJ: Can we meet up to talk about the project today? I feel bad I haven't pulled my weight.

Sure I quickly replied.

Me: My place or yours?

he shot back: Cant do mine.

me: that's fine

Then I just texted him my address and the time I would be home from swim practice.

I grabbed a pizza on my way home from swimming. I figured if this was going to be the most awkward friday of my life at least we could have a snack while studying.

I got home, quickly showered, and tried to make myself look semi-presentable in a flannel and jeans, even though I knew that ship had pretty much sailed.

I put the pizza in the oven to stay warm and grabbed a few cokes out of the garage to put on the kitchen island.

By the time I was done, I heard a soft knock on the door.

I opened it to JJ, looking like he had been hit by a car. Probably not today, his clothes were clean, and his hair looks more purposeful than usual, but he had deep, purple bruises across his face, and a dark scab drifting from his eye down his cheek. I let out a slight involuntary gasp and stuttered a little bit.

"what happened? are you ok?"

"Can we please not talk about it" he looked as if he might burst into tears or run off at any moment.

I nodded, not trusting my words.

I just held out my arms and offered him a hug which he wordlessly accepted, melting into my embrace. He wasn't much taller than me, but he slumped down, head on my shoulder he let out a heavy sigh before letting go.

"Thanks, I guess I needed that" he said his words attempting to convey lightness but getting stuck in the back of his throat.

"I figured" I shrugged, helplessly. Lost at what to do as I led him into the kitchen where my books were spread on the island.

I saw him taking stock of my kitchen which had small pads on all of the corners as well as small braille labels on the cupboards.

"Is this like babyproofing?" he asked.

"No" I laughed "My little brother is blind, its for safety but also theoretically so he can find stuff on his own"

"I didn't know you had a little brother" JJ looked shocked as he tried to process that information.

"He lives off the island about 11.5 months a year. He's almost 8 and my favorite person in the whole world. He goes to a boarding school for blind kids."

JJ just nodded.

"That's why my mom's not here. She tries to spend a few weeks a quarter there, whenever she's not running our family business on the island. She feels really guilty about sending him away, even though the only place she can make money is on the island and the only place he can learn is off. So she has a tiny shoe box apartment out in Raleigh where his school is."

"And your dad stays here with you?" Jj asked innocently.

I just shrugged "He's not really in the picture these days"

"I'm sorry," JJ offered.

"It's alright. We get by ok. I've had to grow up pretty fast these past few years since my brother started school, but it's worth it."

"Wait. This is why you were so good at helping me and dictating everything you wrote isn't it. JJ asked.

"I don't even think I thought about it like that, I just have spent a lot of time with my brother who also learns differently so it came easily to me" I answered genuinely.

"That was the nicest way anyone has ever called me illiterate" JJ joked, perking back up to his normal self.

I just rolled my eyes at that comment. We worked for a few hours only breaking for pizza and soda until about 10 pm. Until we decided we were caught up enough to call it a night. JJ promised to work more over the rest of the weekend to make up his share, even though I told him that wasn't necessary.

Normally on Friday nights, I watched a movie after homework, studying and pizza with Y/F/N, but she left right after swim practice to go to her grandparents on the mainland. So I just offered JJ to stay. He accepted, quickly shooting a text to his friends to let them know his whereabouts.

"Kie made it seem like they did a pretty good job of checking up on you" I noted.

"They do, they mean well" he said. Now that I had seen him, I better understood why. They probably knew something that he wasn't ready to let me in on yet, even though I was desperately curious and felt unceasingly bad for him.

As we watched the movie he slid closer to me on the couch. I was keenly aware of his body’s proximity to mine , and not as much so to the plot of the movie.

I was aware that i was a bit nervous and jumpy, after all I had never had a boy at my house alone before. But he put his hand on my thigh, and as much as I had wanted to not be nervous I moved away from him and put my back to the arm rest of the couch, hugging my knees into my chest.

“Oh fuck I’m sorry i knew i misread the vibe I’m an idiot” JJ quickly spat out

“No it’s not…” I struggled to find my words which was rare for me

“I just , I like you, but I felt like I gave you the wrong idea last weekend. I don’t want to have a one night stand, and then I felt like you didn’t speak to me all week or say anything after. I get that that’s what you’re looking for but it’s just not me” I word vomited

“I’m so stupid I’m sorry i should have known you’re too smart to think of me as more than a friend. Can we just pretend I didn’t do that”

“I do like you like that I just. I know you just do hook ups and I don’t know I know i sound like a prude but I don’t think i can do that.”

“Wait. You do like me like that?”

“Obviously. We have so much fun together.” I replied honestly.

“I spent all of last weekend and all week convincing myself that I fucked up by kissing you. And convincing myself that you like every one else just wanted to brag about having some drunken escapade with JJ and never see him again.”

“And I thought you were mad I didn’t sleep with you because you didn’t text me. “ I admitted.

“I’m sorry.” He looked heart broken. “It honestly wasn’t that. No one has ever wanted me in anyway other than for my body. So i assumed if you didn’t want to come home with me you were probably offended I even made a move at all and certainly couldn't like me back.”

My heart hurt hearing his genuinely vulnerable comment.

“I obviously always thought you looked good, but only have developed a crush on you now that I know you for you” you admitted. “But i assumed since you have your pick of gorgeous girls that you wouldn’t want me.” My voice quivered. I had never once admitted to someone how insecure I was about how I looked. It always seemed like there were more important things than appearances, quite literally speaking in my life. But that didn’t make being a high school girl any easier.

JJ scooted back closer to me and pulled me in a big hug.

“I think you’re absolutely beautiful. I always have. Why else do you think the teacher put everyone else together with their normal partners except us and John B and Y/F/N. Because she noticed me staring at you up front all of class.”

“Is that true?”

“I’m pretty sure. Everyone else I know in that class has their normal partner.”

I let out a little laugh.

“I must not have noticed because I was too preoccupied by your insights about our project And your, well everything.”

I pulled away from JJ’s hug.

“Do girls really not talk to you except to get you to hook up with them?”

He shrugged.

“Usually people only think I’m interesting or want to talk to me at a party. That and my dad spent all weekend and Monday night reminding me how worthless and stupid he thinks i am.”

"Did he do this?"

He just nodded. His chin quivered.

“You are actually one of the smartest people I’ve ever been paired with at our school. You are funny and interesting and genuinely a good friend to me day in and day out. “

At this point, my limbs were so entangled that i was sitting in his lap on the couch, your legs basically straddling him. His strong arms were snaked around my back, while mine rested on his shoulders. I leaned back so I could make eye contact with him.

“Maybe we’re an ever better more messed up pair than I thought” he joked.

This time it was my turn to make the first move. I leaned in slowly. Meeting his lips gently as his face was all bruised. He sighed happily. I deepened the kiss. His hands slowly unwrapped from my back and made their way onto my backside, slowly rocking me in his lap.

I hated that I pulled away.

“I thought you didn’t want me to use you for your body.”

“On second thought, please do” he joked, voice husky.

“I wouldn’t want you to think I don’t like you for your brain.” I said as I climbed off of his lap.

Without even having to explain again though, he understood I was only ready to move so fast. By the time we had rehashed all of our misunderstandings and made out through the second half of the movie, I was exhausted, as I had been up since morning practice. Something told me, and it wasn’t just the bags under his eyes, that JJ also hadn’t been sleeping very well.

“Wanna stay the night uh. I mean. Like just actually sleep here?” I asked.

He nodded happily before getting up to follow me upstairs. I quickly changed into pajamas in the bathroom and emerged to JJ, shirtless and littered in even more bruises, a pair of my baggy swim sweatpants sitting low on his waist.

I climbed into my bed at the same time as he did, and he pulled me in close to him. My head rested on his shoulder.

“Can I ask you something ?”

He asked softly.

“Would you wanna be my girlfriend?”

I nodded softly.

“I would love to”

He kissed the top of my head

-Two weeks later-

I entered John B's house, through the screen door on the porch, and came into the kitchen to meet the already gathered pogues. I was joining them in celebrating the last day of school.

Pope immediately asked me when Y/F/N was arriving, so I reassured him that she would be there for the real full party. I walked over to JJ who wrapped his hands around me from behind and placed his head on my shoulder contently.

"Want a beer?" John be asked.

I nodded, and as he pushed open the fridge, I saw magneted to it our final graded report from our Biology final, with an A+ scribbled in red ink on the top corner.

"Aww our project" you involunatarily remarked. JJ stepped over trying to remove it from the fridge out of embarrassment, but John B intercepted him with both arms pulling the other boy close in a half wrestle, half hug.

"We're very proud of him, always" John B smiled ruffling a hand through JJ's hair and laughing while JJ groaned.

You were thankful for this found family when yours was away, but even more so for the love they provided JJ each and every day.

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maybankspov · 1 year

Text

It’s too late / JJ Maybank

SMUT & ANGST, Swearing, Heartbreak, Slight RafexReader.

Summary: Y/N and JJ are friends with benefits and they have been for a few years now. But could it be more than just friends who have sex?

Y/Ns POV

I heard a knock at my door. 1:35am? Who could be at my door at this time of night? i said to myself. I walked up to the door and as i started to open it the door was pushed open from the other side causing me to jump ever so slightly. And before i knew it Jj was coming at me. Before i could even process what was going on his lips collided with mine.

Me and Jj have been friends with benifits for about 2 years now. We both knew the rules, strictly no feelings which we… both agreed on. You see i’d had a crush on him since 5th grade. I already knew that getting into this with him was a bad idea especially since he’d been making sure that i don’t forget the No strings attached rule. So i knew he never felt the same way. Which I’ve learnt to except, which led to me losing feeling along the way.

You see, these past few weeks i’ve been seeing more of Rafe Cameron. I like him. He’s sweet, gentle even which is odd seen as he’s this big kook prince who intimidates everyone with just a quick gaze. But the Rafe I’ve seen is different. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. But Jj? I just couldn’t wait any longer. I had to move on.

Anyways. I kiss him back with just as much force. I could tell he needed it.

“I’ve missed you so much pretty girl” he muttered against my lips as he learned in for another. It’s thinks like that what would’ve made me fall for him even more if i hadn’t been seeing Rafe. And i couldn’t help it but at this moment in time i just wanted to be with Rafe. I just can’t keep giving myself false hope and with Jj that all he ever gave me.

His arms wrap around my waist as he taps my things indicating he wants me to jump. So i did. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked into my bedroom. As he shut the door with only his foot he quickly sun around and slammed my back against the door. I couldn’t help but moan at the thought of what he was going to do next. This is wrong. I know it is. Rafe is waiting for me back at his house. I said i would stay at his tonight, not expecting JJ to turn up on my doorstep. But as he kissed down my neck, sucking here and there i couldn’t help but let Rafe wait just a bit longer. I’m gunna tell him this is the last time we can ever have sex. I want to be with Rafe. Not Jj.

“You have no idea what your doing to me” Jj spoke in my ear and I couldn’t help but clench my things at the thought of him being hard for me. He began kissing down my chest and collarbone towards the neckline of one of Rafe’s T-Shirts. Thank god he hadn’t noticed. He began walking me back to the bed as he threw me down and began crawling up my body stopping at my boobs. He started to fiddle with the hem of Rafe’s shirt indicating that he wants it off. So i sat up and let him remove it himself. Once the shirt was gone he roughly shoved me back down and started his attack on my tits.

He kissed down my cleavage and under each boob starting at the right and working his way towards the left. His kisses were slow and sensual leaving a trail of hickeys from where he started to where he ended. I struggled to keep quiet. His mouth was heavenly. My eyes rolled back as he slowly moved up towards my nipples, softly rolling his tongue around my sensitive bundle of nerves. I wasn’t expecting it but he softly bit my nipple making my back arch of the bed and eyes roll back with a hum of satisfaction. “I fucking love these tits” he moved up hovering over my lips. “My Tits!” He told me with clenched teeth. I let out a small moan at the thought of him staking a claim on me. I can’t help myself.

He lightly chuckled at my reaction but u also couldn’t help but notice the slight blush which appeared in his cheeks but i didn’t think too much of it. “What do you want baby? Tonights about you. Tell me. What do u need?” He slowly started to go down on me. Rubbing the tip of his nose along the inside of my boobs, down my stomach as he planted soft kisses on my waist. “Anything… Jj. Anything please.” i ran my hands through his blonde locks whilst he still leaves pecks on my waist as well as my pelvic bone.

“Hmmm do u want me to fuck you princess” he asked me with a smirk. Only moving his eyes so that he could see me from between my thighs. I could feel my slick running down my thighs just at the sight.

“Please Jj. I need you” I really did. Even tho Rafe was probably worried at this point.

“It would be my pleasure” he said as he moved off the bed taking my shorts with him. I was laid their in just my bra and panties looking up at him as he stripped naked. Yes. My crush on him was gone. But I couldn’t deny he was hot. So hot. I drooled at the sight of his abs. Oh but his arms. Don’t even get me started on his arms. The way his arms would clench every time he had me pinned to the bed, wall or any surface possible. When he’d have his hand wrapped round my throat as he fucked me until I forgot my own name. Yeah i fucking love his arms!

He crawled back up my body wrapping his fingers around my panties gently pulling them down my legs letting his fingertips leave a trail of goosebumps showing where he had been. He placed his hard red tip at my entrance as his arms caged me in. I leaned up and kissed his lips which he reciprocated as he roughly pushed into me.

I immediately felt my walls clench at his first move. “Damn baby… i love your pussy so fucking much. You feel that? Shes clenching me already” he spoke as he began picking up the pace. I couldn’t help but scream at the amount of pleasure i was feeling. My eyes rolled into the back of my head. Feeling his length slam back into my cunt. Over and over again. His soft moan fell directly in my ear as he clenched fists into the pillow besides my head. “Ughh y/n your fucking amazing you know that” he moaned. “i don’t know what I’d do without you… without this pussy”

“Jj… ugh i-“ i felt my high quickly approaching as his hips relatively slammed into mine. His mouth quickly latched onto my nipple as i felt my toes curl at the sensation of his dick in my pussy and his mouth on my tits. “Fuck… jj i’m gunna-“

“Y/n i-“ i felt his dick switch inside of me as he began to reach his climax at the same time i did.

“Cum with my J” i moaned as my stomach began to tighten.

“Fuuuckk y/n, i love you”

JJ’s POV

Wtf did i just say. My thoughts where cut off as i reached my climax and i felt myself shoot my load into y/n. I moaned into her ear as she milked me for all i had. The euphoric feeling slowly started to float away as i slowly began to catch my breath still hovering over y/n’s stunning body.

I opened my eyes to see the shocked but upset expression looking back at me. Shit. I told her i love her. I said it. I finally said it. She needed to know. I’ve loved her for so long now it just came out. But the face i saw staring back at me didn’t look pleased.

“What did you say?” Her small voice cracked as she asked me that. I felt my heart break at the sound alone. I knew it. Why would she ever love you, jj?

“Umm i love you?” I had to be honest with her. I couldn’t lie. I do really love her.

“You can’t love me” My eyebrows scrunched up at her answer. Why couldn’t i love her?

She shoved me off her as she fished for her clothes and started getting dressed. My heart broke even more as i saw her lift the shirt she had on from the floor. I knew that shirt. It was Rafe’s. I’d seen it on him the amount of times he had punched me whilst wearing that exact same shirt. And i just fucked her in it.

“Is that Rafe’s?” i asked her sharply. I was pissed. Beyond pissed.

“Yeah, why does it matter?”

“Are you fucking him?” i asked her as my eyes glossed over. Just the thought of her with anyone else makes me want to smash something against the wall.

“No” Wait, but why did she have his shirt.

“I like him”

“Wow” i scoffed at her whilst a sarcastic smirk appeared on my face as i looked down at my feet. As if i thought my heart couldn’t have broken even more than it already had.

“Jj,” she took a step closer to me. But i put my arms up in-front of me.

“I’m sorry, i did like you. Even before the sex. I loved you for so long. It broke my heart to see you with all these girls you didn’t even know whilst i was saving myself for you. I’m not blaming you for anything. I just feel out of love with you.”

“But you love Rafe now” i looked up at her. I saw the tears in her eyes. I knew she felt bad. I could tell.

“No… i don’t” she shrugged at me “i just like him”

“So what your telling me is I’m too late” i stood my ground looking at the girl I’ve been in love with for the past few years.

“Yes… I’m sorry” “i can’t just leave Rafe, he’s expecting me now anyway” Silence fell amongst the both of us as i began to order l proves what the fuck just happened.

“I love you Jj” i perked up and saw her stood in the doorway.

“Just not the way your want me to… not anymore” And with that she was gone. She just left me. Naked and under her covers. I’m surprised she just let me in her room. Assuming she knows I’d let myself out through her window. I haven’t moved since she pushed me off. I couldn’t. I laid down in her bed and i let the tears flow down and onto her pillow. I was too late. And i hate myself for it.

Ahhhh I’m so sorry. There’s just something about Angst and heartbreak that gets me. But OMG that was my first time writing anything smut wise… so i apologise for that one but i hope you liked it and i promise theres gunna be some happy ones coming soon. Cause let’s be honest JJ MAYBANK deserves the world 🫶🏻

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