#Like today I was online in FFXIV and chatting with them on discord

[fiendir]

I'm so fucking stupid, I really don't have a single fucking functioning braincell left

and if there is? then it is dedicated to making ne suffer

[thorcat]

LF-RP - Lyara Hagane

ᛃ THE BASICS ––– –– –

Occupation: Bow/Arrowmaker | Huntress

Hobbies: Reading, Cooking, People/Animal Watching, Drawing

Race: Au ra | Mixed (Raen/Xaela)

Sexuality: Straight

Relationship Status: Single

Languages: Common, Hingan, Xaelic

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Color-Wheel: Red - Orange - Black

ᛃ PERSONAL ––– –– –

Residence: Lavender Beds

Place of Work: Mostly in the shrouds, but also accepting missions further away from it

Birthplace: Othard

Fears: Violent Tribes aka. Buduga/Dotharl, Crowded places

ᛃ APPEARANCE ––– –– –

Height: 4′9ft.

Build: Curvy

Age: 24

Gender: Female

Skin tone: Tanned

Eye color: Deep red (left) , Soft pink (Right)

Hair color: Jet Black with Stained Copper Streaks

Distinguishing Marks: Black scales growing along her white ones at arm, leg and tail area

Common Accessories: A Bow, handful self made arrows, dagger, some snacks like dried meat

ᛃ BODY LANGUAGE ––– –– –

Walk: Slow, clumsy, unsure | Stable, fast and steady during fights/Hunts

Voice: Soft, gentle, stuttering | Clear, Sharp and loud in fight/hunting

Tics or Mannerisms: She tends to grab her own tail alot to gentle knead it while having conversation. Holding onto anything gives her some sort of safety. When a chat gets embarrassing for her, she will avoid eye contact and try to distract with random objects

Smell: Fresh craved wood, Tea, sometimes ink

Posture: Tensed, rarely relaxed

Disabilities: None

ᛃ PERSONALITY TRAITS ––– –– –

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Addictive / In Between / Nonaddictive

ᛃ RP HOOKS ––– –– –

Hunting Partners: As shy as she is, she always seeks out a partner to go together on a job. It makes everything easier and she gladly shares the prey

Drawing: She is drawing ICly alot. Animals/People/Scales..she tends to seek out people with special sort of fur pattern or scales to draw them down and find some sort of connection like a wannabe detective

Cooking: One of the things she loves to do. Since she rarely left her apartment in the past, she learned a wide variation of meals and tea to prepare them for people.

Tribal Xaela: Since she is half one, it’s interesting to learn more about them. She never fully understood her own tribe and tries to simply write down everything while, again, drawing scales

ᛃ About the Woman ––– –– –

Lyara was born in the dotharl tribe out in the steppes. Her mother was a raen and the reason why the woman was allowed near that rather heavy religious type is unknown. At some point, said woman had some more deeper interactions and the mixed girl was soon born. The girl got taught the xaelic and hingan language and left the, for her, strange place, to find a home in the shrouds. Rumors said that she was not font of the the way her scales grew. That the colors made her feel out of place and she rather have interactions with some who didn’t had scales at all then her own -tribe-. Thankfully some of the wildwood elezen took the woman to their place and taught her a more professional handling of bow and arrow. She still takes jobs from the Archer’s guild to keep the shrouds save. Today she own a small little place in a teashop and makes bows and arrows on request. Of course any sort of hunting job is welcome, as long as she can keep some parts of fur, claws and/or fangs.

ᛃ LOOKING FOR ––– –– –

Hunting RP/Partners: Hunting alone is dangerous and boring. Why not asking to join and share. Or even better..bring a mission and she will follow to simply help out.

Clients: She gladly will make your own personal bow or ammunition to make your hunting go smooth

Conflict: Poachers are interesting with stepping up and trying to yank away the prey she got.

People with different weapons: As much as she loves the traditional way of going out and seeking out her target, she is extremely curious in nature. She is always willed to give a try in different weapons or even magic.

ᛃ ABOUT THE MUN ––– –– –

Who I am: A Transparent Gecko, to licks microphones and eats coffee beans (34 years old mun, who shitposts alot and makes memes, to try making some ppl smile :p)

Server: Balmung, Crystal Datacenter

Time Zone: CEST European time Zone (Germany)

Availability: When i am online, since i work in shifts | Discord

Writing Style: Varies. I am trying to adapt to people and overwhelm them with too much text

Platforms: In Game and In Discord. On tumblr it’s more -what if- situations

ᛃ Restrictions ––– –– –

Generally not up to gore/maiming/killing (people), especially so when not brought up beforehand.

As much as i love writing smut, i want to know the muse a little more, before engaging in any nsfw content

No Erotic or Romantic themes if you or your character are under-age or just SEEM immature.

Even less Erotic themes if you are a lalafell. It’s a no.

Contact: Direct Messages on Tumblr or discord Thorcatte#6253

@mooglemeet , @ffxiv-crystal-rp​ , @crystalxivrp​

[mistsinthenight]

This is long and personal, I'm sorry, I just had to get it out. Writing it like this and putting it out where it could be seen helps. I don't know why, but it helps.

It seems I am even less emotionally stable than I thought. I am sitting at the history section in the college library, because it was the most empty one in this floor. I came here specifically because of that. I needed a place with relative privacy so I could break down (a bathroom stall would make it hard to breath after a while, without AC). It's been building up for around two and a half hours. It doesn't even make sense, for me to be like this. It was not so bad, probably, and it's not like I didn't see it coming. I knew I was getting worse, I just hadn't realized it came to that point. So what happened is that I got a talk from my boss saying I have to improve my social skills immediately. Communicate better, speak louder, and basically be more sociable. He also said people found it hard to talk to me and that sometimes I gave harsh answers (which I don't remember happening but both me not realizing and doing it in the first place are probably because of the sleep deprivation - I get like that when I'm tired. I just hadn't realized it was happening at work). It's not such a big deal, right? I've been like that all my life. Except he had to take the time to point it out and demand that I fix it. And he's right. It's not good that I am like this. It's bad, actually. But I don't know how to be any different. You can ask me to be more sociable, but how do I do that? What does that entail? If I Google "how to be more communicative" I'll get answers telling me to "speak my mind" and "don't be afraid of what others will say" and shit like that. That doesn't help me, damn. When people are talking, I know I'm expected to contribute, say something, state my opinion, but I don't have one, usually. I don't know what to say. I never know what to say. I can't strike conversation, I can't keep conversation going. I can monologue for an hour about something I'm passionate about, if there's the right environment, but doing that with other people? I can't. I don't know how to. I know these people skills are something I have to develop, that I won't be able to stay at any job without them. It has to happen, but how do I make it happen? When I start thinking that "this has to happen, I have to do this, be like this", the opposite occurs. I need someone to tell me exactly what to do, how to act, how to behave, because I can't figure it out on my own. I need help. But what kind of help? From whom? And I know it could be much worse, who am I to talk about this, I don't have real issues, but it still has me a mess in the back of a library, hiding between the bookshelves. I have class in 90 minutes and I'll have to get out of here before that to get something to eat and splash cold water on my face. I've been here almost 40 minutes and I calm down for a while, but later it starts anew. Two times I've cried and I'm calmer right now, but I still feel like the wrong line of thought will get me crying again. I am supposed to figure my shit out today and come to work bouncing tomorrow, suddenly a different person. Is the impression I got from what I was told. How would I ever be able to pull that off? Ah, I'm crying again. I just started thinking that I feel lonely. I am usually surrounded by people, daily, but there's no one I'm close to. My group of friends from high school is growing apart, we've been growing apart since the end of classes in December 2015, we barely talk anymore, we rarely meet. When I try to initiate a conversation in our group chat no one answers, or one person does, and it doesn't go further. I miss them so much, I miss what we had, seeing each other everyday for four years. How do I keep friendships from falling apart? I know it's happening because of the distance, at least mostly. We live in different cities and work and study, there's no time for anything else, it's not just me, or is it? Do they want to keep this? I don't know. I miss what it was like with Jade Eagle, in Guild Wars 2. I joined them in the end of 2014. That's two and a half years ago. There were 13 members, including me. Since then, we grew fast, and today we have (or had, when I last logged in a few weeks ago) just short of 100 members. I don't know most of them. I know the older crew, the guild leaders and officers and senior members, but there are so many strangers now. And guild chat is dead, most of the time I was online. It used to, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. Hasn't for a long time. To be honest, hasn't since I took a five month hiatus starting in May last year, at least. That was the time I joined Lumia, in FFXIV. We have always been small, and happy to stay that way. We're close. I was close to them. It felt like family. It felt /right/, like I belonged. But now I haven't really talked to anyone since college started, because I don't have the time to play anything anymore. What I did with Dragon Age already took it's toll on my studies. I haven't played FFXIV in a month, at least, and I miss Lumia so much. We have a discord channel, and it's pretty active, but I don't usually talk there. I can talk with them in game, it feels natural, but outside it's not the same for me. If I start or join a discussion, or something, it doesn't take long for me to not know what to say, and I fall silent. That happens much less often if I'm talking to someone in game, and that's probably because then we're talking more about the game. Why am I like this? I miss them, and I have a viable method of communication at all times, with my phone, but I don't use it. It's getting dark outside. I got distracted talking about that. Back to the point, where do I even start looking? What am I supposed to do? What's it gonna be like tomorrow, when I have to go back to work and have figured my shit out, but probably didn't? My internship from high school (which had a technical course, I studied electrotechnics) is over, and I'm going to continue as an intern, but through college, since the areas match and I could do it. It wasn't their plan, though. They wanted to hire me to work 8 (actually nearly 9) hours a day, and it wouldn't be manageable while doing 5 classes this semester, which is why I asked for that. Several times after college started I thought that I'd quit after these 6 months are over, in September, but today I made a decision. I am going​ to quit then. I even know exactly how to justify it, and it will be true (it is true), but my main reason is that I can't take it anymore. I hadn't actually thought about what quitting would entail, but today I did. I won't even look for another job this year, I'll wait until 2018. And I know that it could - and probably will - be worse, if I manage to get one. But I knew this was not something I was going to do indefinitely, and that I probably wouldn't be able to stay for over a year. What quitting means, for me, is that I won't have a personal income anymore. My parents are paying for my tuition, for which I'll be eternally grateful, and so I hate to take their money for anything else. I've been buying a lot of stuff that resonates with my core, and fan merch. That'll have to stop, immediately. If I save as much as possible, I could have around R$5000 by the end of this new internship. That's around $1600. It could pay for a bit more than two months of college, five classes, but not three months. I've no idea how long it would last if I didn't help pay for my tuition and used it for the rest of the things I need, though. But it would probably be less than I'm spending daily right now, if only because I'd eat mostly at home, while I don't work. I realize I'm getting to logistics I shouldn't really be sharing, but it calms me, to write everything I'm thinking about. Remnants of the days I used to write, perhaps. (Back at 2011/2012 I used to be a part of some RPG forums, RPGs where everything is written, and the story builds step after step. I grew out of it.) I didn't look up anything I was supposed to - how do I become more communicative? More sociable? Better to be around and talk to? - but I feel more stable, now. I think I'm ready to go outside. I would say I'm sorry about dumping all this on you, if there's even anyone who would read everything, but I'm not. Writing made me feel better and I wrote it thinking about sharing it, so it would've been a waste of time if I don't.

[la-casa-de-xio]

FC/Personal Drama below the cut, feel free to ignore, I just need to record this down somewhere. I will return to my regular, mediocre content soon.

I demolished my room in the FC house today, freeing me so that I can press he leave button at any time.

So for the past month or so there’s been some drama in my FC, mostly because I am tired of logging in and being the only person online. I can understand some of it, as I’m GMT+10/11 (fuck daylight savings) and others are GMT+8. I also work 9-5, M-F and the rest work different hours, or don’t work at all. (Everyone is super active in voice chat after I’ve gone to bed, and they wonder why I never join in?)

But I’ve been alone in game since pretty much Stormbloods release, where I was trapped behind Rhauban Savage, and everyone else blitzed the MSQ and was busy farming the Ex primals while I was struggling with DPS queues. By the time I hit end game, I was incredibly irritated so I took a break for a couple of weeks. During this time, most of the FC either quit the game entirely, or left to go somewhere else.

So I had to find something to occupy myself, so I decided to:

Complete every quest and sidequest in the game

Get all the “Craft <X> unique recpie” achievements

Get all the “Gather <x> unique item” achievements

Obtain as many achievements as possible

But honestly, doing all that was lonely, boring, grindy work and I was about ready to give up, demolish my house and just sub patch-to-patch in order to do the MSQ/Dungeons/Trials/Raids.

I’m sure you can find previous posts on this tumblr where I grapple with the issue. A major change occurred when I posted on the forum seeking an EB partner so I could get the glam, which resulted in me meeting Artorias, who is now a really close friend and the main reason why I stopped caring about my dead fc, after all, I had someone to talk to and do stuff with!

Unfortunantly, they had to unsubscribe temporarily due to various reasons, so rather than just being all lonely again I decided that I’d recurit new players to the FC and attempt to revive it, like a glorous phoenix. So I mentioned it in the officer chat on our discord, giving plenty of notice and everyone an opportunity to raise their concerns. I got none, so I proceeded to create a reddit post, and to my surprise I instantly got 4 new players!

I invited them to the FC, then to the FC discord and I was super stoked because now we had fresh blood.

Now, another bit of backstory I should mention is that throughout the entirety of Stormblood, even though the FC was dead in game, our discord was very active, and people now considered it a social group, rather than a FFXIV FC Discord. A social group that I am somewhat on the outer of, as I’m never in voice chat as I’m either asleep, or am not playing the same game as they are and it’s super fucker awkward being the fifth wheel as I do not get all the new in-jokes and references.

Queue my surprise when I’m dragged into a meeting with all the other “senior” members of the discord and pretty much raked over the coals for recruiting all these strange people into our social discord pretty much on my own. (Except I mentioned it several times and gave people ample time to speak up and isn’t this a FC discord anyway?)

Being that I like to avoid conflict as much as possible and make people happy, I pretty much caved in and apologised, before distancing myself from the matter. New rules were drafted by the others, and we all agreed to them.

Except, one of those rules was, and I’m now quoting:

“ 4. What if I have a friend that I think is a good fit for <FC>'s dynamic? --> Let an officer know! We will still have to run a trial period, but referrals will be reviewed on a case-to-case basis and would have more weight than open invites.”

So one of the new members was like “Can I bring my friends in?” and after mentioning this to the other officers, the response was pretty much “No” which has made that new member sad, and is annoying me because now it looks like we’ll never open up recruitment again.

This is because I am pretty much the only person who does things for the FC, even when prompting others to help nothing gets done. So if I’m not recuriting, NO ONE ELSE WILL. Hell, we never do events anymore because I gave up during patch 4.2 when there was zero interest. I made a crappy 90′s era website in the vain hope someone would help make it better but nope, ppl didn’t like it so I took it down, saying I’d bring it back up if someone helped, but I got nothing but crickets.

We’re going to have another senior meeting this weekend, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna drop the bombshell that I’m leaving the FC. I wonder how they’ll react? Will they allow me to remain in the “social” discord like the other non-fc members, or will I be shown the door?

But now the question remains, do I find a new FC to join myself, or do I create my own FC? Either solution is fraught with danger, as I’m an stupidly awkward person so forcing myself to socalise with strangers is going to be exhausting.

All I can say is that this “drama” is staining what little emotional capacity I’ve got left, so I guess I’ll have to force it to a head this weekend and hope I can pick up the pieces later.

If you made it to the end, I’m sorry you had to read this, but I had to record this somewhere.