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luvonmes-blog · 2 years

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Pierre

in which she’s with him but she wants him.

this is a draft from years ago. probably gonna be posting drafts a lot cause i just recently lost someone and can’t really bring myself to write. it’s based off the song Pierre by Ryn Weaver.

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You trailed your finger across your lover's chest as slowly as you could without waking him up. His chest rose and fell with his breaths as you traced the MMXII on his collarbone, his breathing stuttered as his eyes fluttered open. His eyes were still squinted when he turned to look at you.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Calum usually always wakes up before you. He’d leave a sticky note to your headboard saying how much he loved you and a little smiley face but today was different. It was one of the rare days where you both had off - you weren’t shooting for your movie and he didn’t have to go into the studio with the boys.

“I thought because we had this day to ourselves we could spend it in.” A small smile lit up your face. You straddled his waist and settled on his thighs as your hands trailed down his chest. “I can make us breakfast.” Calum sighed out an ‘mhmm’ in agreement. “Then we can watch a movie.” A small nod this time. You leaned down to whisper in his ear. “Or we can start this day off right with some lazy morning sex?” You were quickly thrown onto your back as Calum trailed kisses down your neck, giggles and squeals leaving your mouth.

You shot awake from the familiar dream looking over to the other side of the bed where your boyfriend lay. His chocolate curls, pale skin, and pouty lips. You gave a quick kiss to the freckle next to his mouth and made your way to the bathroom, after wrapping the sheet around your naked body. You washed up quickly, hopping into the shower and applying light makeup. You left a sticky note on the headboard - just like he used to do... no. You shook your head as if to get the thought to go away. It’s been a year since you’ve broken up, you’re happy with the way it ended but you wish it hadn’t ended at all.

“Y/N it’s not working anymore.” Calum sighed.

“I know.” The tears were streaming down your face, you were trying not to break in front of him. You wanted to seem strong for him, afterall, he was being strong for you.

“We can’t give each other what we need.”

“I know.”

“We barely see each other. Y/N we need people who can give us emotional stability and we’re obviously not doing that for each other.”

“Don’t you think I know that Calum!” You raised your voice. “I know Calum, I know ok?”

“I love you.”

“I know.” A kiss to your forehead, timid footsteps and then the close of your door, only then did you break down. The tears came faster, the sobs drowned out the Los Angeles traffic. It hurt. You thought you had forever but maybe you were wrong. It was only supposed to be a fling, he knew you had someone waiting for you back home, he knew you were taking a break from the relationship and trying to find yourself. But you two fell hard. He was right, you two barely saw each other and when you did all you two did was have sex. The days you two went out you would be bombarded with paparazzi. It wasn't new but when you two got together it was like they multiplied in numbers. You were a new actress rising to fame and dating a very famous bassist.

When you walked onto set for the new movie you were shooting you ran into your manager. “Just the person I was looking for.” Joan said as she gently grabbed your arm. She was a woman in her mid 40’s who bragged about her children and grandchildren all day. While she could be annoying you loved her, she was the motherly figure you never had. “So there’s an event happening very soon and they have requested for you to be there.”

“They?” You questioned.

“The organizers. They want you to come take some pictures to boost it up. I think it’s a charity event but I can’t be too sure. Anyways, we’ve already called your designer and he’s on his way. He said he has some new dresses he wants you to try on but they do have to be fitted.” She pointed at you with the pen in her hands before checking something off her list. “Okay, that's it they want for the scene.” She speedily walked away before turning over her shoulder and yelling; “Bring Dylan!” You nodded at her with a thumbs up before making your way over to the director and asking what she wanted from you.

“We’re shooting the rain scene so I need you in hair in makeup.” You walked to the makeup artist and hairstylist as they sat you in the chair your mind trailed off.

Paris, he had taken you to Paris. It was a surprise, he just appeared at your house and told you to pack a bag and next thing you knew you were on a plane to Paris. The only downside; it was raining but somehow Calum still made it the time of your life. You were running in a field Calum not far behind you. When he caught up to you one arm slipped onto your lower back while the other slipped under your legs. He hoisted you up into the and you let out a scream of joy, your own arms wrapping around his neck. You threw your head back in laughter Calum leaving kisses on your chin.

“I love you.” It was muffled as he whispered it into your neck but you heard it and froze. The L word. Calum felt you go stiff and he looked into your eyes. He couldn’t decipher the emotions swimming through the Y/E/C orbs. He gently placed you back on your legs as you continued to stare at him. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, Calum knew you had trouble opening up, the lack of an emotional outlet as a child might have done that for you. “I- it just came out. I understand if you don’t feel the sa- '' Calum was cut short as your lips met with his, the rain dripping from his curls onto your face, your hair getting soaked onto your face. Your lips moved in perfect harmony against each other. Your finger trailed up his chest and threaded through his hair, his large hands splaying against your lower back and hip. Your lips broke apart with a soft ‘smack’ as you panted against each other's lips.

“I love you too.” The smile that broke across his face could brighten up the whole world. His lips met yours again and he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. That night when you got to the hotel room it wasn’t like your usual nights spent together. Instead of fierce lips and rushed hands trying to get each other naked it was soft lips and gentle hands. That night there was no sex only gentle kisses and cuddles as you fell asleep in eachother’s arms.

“All done.” Dan the stylist on set said after Rita the makeup artist finished touching up your makeup.

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The day went on well, you’d gotten an extra scene done by the time you got home Dylan was sitting at the dining table scrolling through twitter. “Hey baby.” He said as you approached him and gave him a peck to his lips.

“Hey, how was your day?” You asked as you got a glass of fruit punch from the fridge.

“Good, got to spend some time with my mom and dad saw my sister.”

“That’s good. Joan told me earlier today that there’s this charity event she wants me to go to. She didn’t give me a date but with her scattered brain I wouldn’t blame her for forgetting in the moment. Anyway, I’m sure she’ll text me later but she did say she wanted me to bring you along with me. Just wanted to check and make sure it was good for you.” You brought the cup to your lips and took a sip of the red juice.

“Yeah just let me know I’m sure I can be there.” He gave a small smile before standing from the table and walking to you. “I have to go but I just wanted to see you when you got off, ran out on me this morning.” You rolled your eyes jokingly.

“I didn’t run out on you, I had to get to work.” You grabbed his collar and pulled his lips to yours, kissing him gently. “Now go home, you look exhausted.” He chuckled and kissed you again before heading out the door. You looked at the clock reading 10 p.m you decided it was a good enough time to go to sleep. Grabbing your phone from your bag you checked the notification realizing that Joan texted you.

Joan 9:42 p.m

Meet me at the fashion studio tomorrow at one. Gotta get fitted for the event ;)

You seriously regret telling her how to use emoticons. Getting undressed down to your underwear you pulled out a random shirt pulling over your head and walked to the bathroom ready to do your normal night routine before catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The shirt was his.

You walked out of your bedroom knuckling at your eyes and yawning only to stop at the smell of waffles and bacon. Turning to your kitchen you saw Calum standing over a pot with sizzling bacon in it next to him the waffle iron. “What are you doing here?” He turned around at the sound of your voice, taking in the sight of you.

“You gave me a key, remember?” Letting out a small ‘oh’ you walked over to him. “Is this my shirt?” He said pinching to baby blue fabric that stopped right below your hips.

“No. It’s mine.” You gave a cheeky smirk and kissed his cheek. “Food smells amazing, baby.”

“Go sit down.”

“Huh?”

“Go sit down, I'll make your plate for you.”

“Ok.” You turned from him on your way to the dining table when you felt a little tap on your buttcheek. You let out a cackle at him and he wolf whistled.

You felt the tears on your lash line trying to fall over you quickly swept them away and sniffled before pulling out your cleanser. You laid in bed that night thinking of him the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Your last thought of him before you fell asleep was his back as he walked out your front door.

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It was now 1:30 the next day and you sat and Chris tightened the slip dress around your waist. The lavender fabric was loose around your chest, got tighter on your mid section and flowed around your mid thighs, a small slit on the left side. Dylan would be wearing a black suit with a matching lavender tie. You didn’t know who would be at this event but you knew some big names were coming. “So they want you there by 5:00 p.m. It's going until midnight, which is enough time for you to get some good pictures of you chatting around with people.” Joan explained.

“Ok do I need to stay the entire night?” You asked.

“Well it’d be best if you did it’s a charity event, Y/N, you don’t want to look bad.”

“Ok, got it, stay all night.” Chris pinched you with the needle he was using to bring in the fabric by accident and you flinched. “Dude you keep doing that I’m going to pass out from blood loss.” You joked. Chris scoffed at you and kept on with his work. By the time the dress was done you felt like you couldn’t breathe. It was so tight but it brought out your figure. “So it’s this Thursday at five and I will stay all night. Anything else I need to know?”

“Nope.” Joan replied, popping the ‘p’.

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4:30 and you were 15 minutes away from the building the charity event was taking place in. Dylan sat beside you, his hand on your thigh as you were looking out the window. The extravagant houses were more appealing than your apartment, even though you could afford them you’d rather live somewhere more homey. Pulling up outside paparazzi were already flashing pictures at everyone. Dylan gripped your hand comfortingly, leading you into the building.

“Dylan, Y/N how’s the relationship?” One paparazzo asked.

“Have things gotten better since the break?” Another questioned. Dylan continued to pull you into the opposite direction and that's when you saw him. He was standing between Ashton and Luke signing autographs and taking pictures. He smiled and waved to the camera as he walked in your direction. You kept calm but on the inside you were panicking. When your eyes locked you could see his eyes slightly widen, his eyes dropping down to your heel clad feet then slowly trailing back up to your face. You tried to pretend like nothing was happening for Dylan. Of course he knew about your fling with Calum, it was all over twitter he would have to live under a rock to not know.

But you didn’t want him to have to face the reality that you fell in love with another man. You loved Dylan you truly did but you’re not quite sure you were still in love with him. After you and Calum had broken it off you came back to Dylan, claiming you were finally ready to get back to where you were but maybe you just didn’t want to be alone. But he took you in with open arms and that night you stayed up catching up on things you missed out on in the 8 months you were apart. The group of tall aussies continued in your direction. When they approached you you could see they were trying to make it seem as normal as possible. All of them gave you a quick hug and shook Dylan's hand. Calum was the last to come up as he found a way to maneuver to the back of the line when they were on their way over.

“Uh- hi- hey.” He coughed out.

“Hey.” You gave a nervous chuckle. Gazing up at him you felt your eyes soften. His brown curls framing his face, his eyes held an emotion that you couldn’t quite read but he held your gaze. You two slowly leaned for a hug and it wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be in fact you melted into his warm embrace. At some point you had to unwind your hands from his neck so it wouldn’t be awkward. You cleared your throat as you moved back to stand next to Dylan. Calum put his hand to shake your current lover's hand. It was one firm shake then they disconnected and Calum moved back to his group.

Throughout the entire night you could feel Calum's eyes on you. You weren’t sitting that far from each other, each time you would go to look at him his eyes would dart forward. The event went well, you met a few celebrities you idolised and they were all so sweet. As you and Dylan hopped back into your car you pulled out your phone and went straight to twitter. You wanted to see what people thought of tonight but when you opened the app the first thing you saw was not what you were expecting

luke_is_a_penguin_1996

1 image attached

Look at the way they look at eachother. She may be with Dylan but it’s Calum she belongs with. Calum was the love of her life, Dylan is the love for the rest of her life.

It was a picture of you and Calum. Your eyes locked on each other and you could see the emotion on both of your faces. You tried to turn away from Dylan so he wouldn’t see. You didn’t want to hurt him. But he could see the reflection off the glass of the window. It hurt but he knew he and Y/N weren’t working out anymore. He was being selfish by keeping you in the relationship so he knew what he had to do. He has to let you go. No matter how much it hurts him he knows he’s hurting you more by keeping you with him. He looked to you with a teary eyed gaze before turning back to the road.

When he walked you to the front door you walked in and immediately took off your shoes but Dylan stood in the door eyeing you. “You’re not gonna come in?” You asked after realizing he wasn’t standing with you.

“We need to talk.” He sighed.

“Oh. Ok..?” He continued to eye you from the door.

“It’s not working anymore.”

“Y/N it’s not working anymore.”

“What?” You were stunned, the word barely escaped your lips.

“You’re not happy.”

“Wh- what are you talking about Dylan of course I’m happy.” You didn’t know if you were trying to convince him or yourself.

“No you’re not and it’s ok.” He stepped forward. “I know what will make you happy and that's not me.”

“Dylan, stop it. Of course I’m happy. You make me happy so can we just go eat and go to sleep, please?” You were begging. You didn’t want to do this.

“You can’t keep lying to yourself, baby. We can’t keep doing this, we’re only hurting each other. I saw how you looked at him.”

“No-”

“I saw it Y/N, it’s how you used to look at me and, God, do I wish I was him but I’m not. You know I’m not so I’m willing to put my own happiness on the line so you can have yours. Go to him, go live out that fairytale dream you used to tell me about when you couldn’t sleep at night. Go be happy.” Tears were trekking down both of your faces as Dylan brought his hands up to hold your face. He gently swept them away with his thumbs and leant forward to place a kiss on your forehead. He backed away slowly and then he was out of the door. Your eyes darted around your apartment and then you realized it; you were completely alone. You crumpled to a heap on the floor and let the sobs wrack your body, you muffled the loud cries you wanted to let out into your hand.

It felt like an eternity but in reality it was 15 minutes you sat crying and shaking on your floor. Your eyes looked around your apartment and you crawled your way over to the boots you kept by your door. You pulled them on and grabbed your keys off of the dish your niece made you that you kept on the small coffee table by the door. You ran to your car as it started pouring outside. Rain pelting your skin. You started the car and drove to the only place your body would let you go. It wasn’t a long drive, only 20 minutes. How you two never ran into each other was baffling. When you pulled up to the driveway the clock in your car read 1:22 a.m. Almost two in the morning and you were praying to any god that he was awake. That he would answer the door.

When you reached the door your dress was stuck to your body, your hair stuck up in all directions. Your fist hit the door repeatedly and you heard him shuffling and yelling out ‘I’m coming’ before he opened the door. He froze, he took in your appearance as you did his. He changed out of the outfit he was wearing earlier. Now clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Hey what’s-”

“I love you.” You blurted out.

“Huh?” He was dumbfounded.

“I love you, it’s been you since the moment we met and it will always be you. You can tell me to go and I will but I had to tell you. I love you.” You stared at each other for a moment before you felt him envelope you in a hug. Your arms hastily wrapped around him before you melted against him.

“I love you too.” He pulled back to look at you. “I love you so much.” You don’t know who leaned in first - maybe it was you - but your lips met softly. He pulled you into his house and you spent the night under the covers with hushed whispers, sweet nothings and promises that poured from both of your mouths.

You would not want it to end any other way.

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hoped you liked it ig.

#calum hood #calum x reader #calum hood x reader #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader angst #calum hood x reader fluff #calum hood angst #calum hood fluff

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