#My Gifs Are Rubbish

[jamandstuff]

Ted Lasso 3x03-3x08

[bexieawfc]

             i’ll wait forever / alessia russo x reader

childhood friends turned into high school lovesick fools which then turned into long distance strangers, but you both agreed to wait forever, right?

inspiration: i’ll wait - kygo ft. sasha alex sloan

word count: 3.7k

6 years old

you’re 6 years old and have moved town due to your parent’s job. being the ‘new girl’ at school is enough to instil fear in even the most confident of growing children, but from the minute you walked into class and the blue eyed girl with her hair in two ponytails comes skipping over to you exclaiming about how “we’re gonna become best friends!” you knew you had absolutely nothing to worry about.

by the end of that first day, you’ve exchanged friendship bracelets and at the end of the school day, both rush to gush to your parents about the new friend you’d made, both sets of parents contacting eye contact and sharing that soon to be familiar knowing glance and smile of approval. 

10 years old 

true to her words on your first day, you and alessia had really become best friends, you’d become practically inseparable the past 4 years. anywhere alessia was, you weren’t far behind. you spent more time at her house than your own some weeks, and then other weeks it was vice versa. your two families basically combined into one and you wouldn’t have it any other way. in your mind, alessia was your bestest best friend and there was nothing else to it. 

14 years old 

you and alessia are still as close as you have always been, but there seems to have been a shift as of recent times.

it’s not something either of you have discussed out loud but you both can feel it, can sense it. the words dancing on the tip of your tongue but refusing to exit past either of your lips. the lingering touches, longer hugs, the times when you think the other isn’t looking. 

you’ve both noticed it, but made no attempts to verbalise it. after all, you’re both just friends right?

16 years old

somewhere between the non-verbal realisation and lingering touches, one night, albeit with some liquid courage, you finally take the plunge to confess to alessia your feelings and to your evident relief, all your feelings were mutual. the early stages of the relationship sure came with people giving their unwarranted opinions, but you both vowed to never let that get to you. they didn’t know a thing about either of you.

“people say we’re foolish, people say we’re dumb

people say we’re caught up in temporary love

we don’t know what we’re doing, they say we’re too young

but they don’t know a thing about us”

fast forward

for the past few years as alessia had progressed with her footballing dreams and career, you’d stood by her every step of the way. being the overly loud and supportive girlfriend, football shirt with her number across your back for every single game. you were her biggest cheerleader and to watch your girlfriend progressing with her dream job was enough to fill you with immense pride. 

maybe that’s why you were the first person she told about her acceptance into the university of north carolina, maybe alessia knew you’d be the only one to not question the move to america but instead fill her mind with well wishes and reassurance that progressing her career in this way was the best thing for her. it didn’t dawn on you in that moment it meant your sunshine being so far away from you, you were way too wrapped up in celebrating her to let such selfish thoughts infiltrate your mind. 

maybe that’s also why on the day before her flight, you’re at her place helping her to pack anything she needs to bring with her to america, still almost blissfully unaware of the reality that lies ahead. 

“are you sure you’re even gonna be able to close the suitcase less?” you tease her with a soft string of giggles, clothes and belongings currently overflowing out of the already squish packed suitcase. 

“i have too, i already have another full suitcase and i’m only allowed 2 cases on the plane.” she practically whines out, glancing across to you with that same puppy dog eyed expression that she knows has worked on you for over ten years.

with a sigh you walk across to her bed, bend your knees and jump up to sit yourself on the suitcase, helping to put some additional weight on top to try and squeeze it shut. it takes a little bit of manunerving on both your parts but soon enough the zip slides shut - her belongings now sandwiched inside 2 cases, the now somewhat bare room bringing you to your senses and to the reality of what’s happening.

“i am gonna miss seeing you every day..” you speak softly, not even aware the words had passed your mouth till the blonde leans in and presses a soft kiss to your lips, reminding you how intoxicating the feel of her lips against yours is. 

“i’ll call you every day though baby, okay?” and although it’s phrased as a question, her tone of voice speaks it as more of a command, soft hands moving to rest against your cheeks, gaze locked into yours. 

“just try not to forget about me yeah?”  alessia then teases, before giggling softly - that sound of her pure and infectious giggle like music to your ears. 

“don’t worry lessi, i’ll wait forever.” 

you then spend the rest of that night curled up in each other’s embrace, just simple enjoying your last night together before tomorrow.

once the morning rolls around, and you drive alessia to the airport you’re trying to keep a straight and happy face for her, knowing she’s chasing her dream but the reality of just how lonely you’ll now feel has kicked in and once she’s through security and her gate is called, that’s when your flood gates get pried upon, tear sliding down your cheek that alessia is quick to rub away with her thumb. 

“hey, y/n.. baby, remember what we said yeah? a couple thousand miles is just a little space. but you’ll always be here with me, right here.” she speaks, her free hand moving to point to her heart. and with one last lingering kiss she’s then headed off and onto the plane, with a beautiful career ahead of her.

at unc 

true to her word, your girlfriend had called or face timed every day, some days multiple times in that first few weeks. you both knew those first few weeks apart would be the most difficult, given you’d been inseparable since you were 6. neither of you were used to being without the other person around, so these face time calls were like a moment of pure bliss and serenity for the both of you in between your studying and her football training. it wasn’t easy, time zones certainly having an impact too but you made it work because you both wanted too. 

but as the months drew on, the daily face time calls turned into every other day and in turn to weekly. the availability of the both of you became less and less and sure, you both knew this would potentially happen eventually - you both have your own lives to lead, but that didn’t stop it hurting every time you tried to face time to receive a text that was becoming all too familiar 

lessi 💛: sorry baby can’t facetime right now, call you later. love you!

and you wouldn’t mind, if she stuck to that. but later was often days later, not that same day. and you weren’t trying to micro manage or say she always had to be available when you called, you knew that’s not how life worked and you’d also been the one to have to cancel before - you just could sense a shift in both of your lives. both of you were beginning to live lives that didn’t involve you two being glued at the hip the way you were before. 

without even meaning to, you were both beginning to live, without the other.

couple months later

final boarding call for flight AA5673 to Raleigh North Carolina. you just make it through security in time to hear the final boarding call, practically sprinting across the airport to your gate in time making it onto the flight. finding your seat you sit down and it takes you a moment to regain your breath have just sprinted across most the airport to make it onto this plane in time. but now you’re filled with elation knowing that when you arrive in Raleigh, a familiar blonde will be waiting there for you ready to show you what her life in chapel hill has been like these past 8 months.

you don’t recall much of the flight consider you slept through the majority of it, but you manage to breeze your way through the security and customs, now stood waiting for your suitcase foot tapping anxiously as the suitcases begin to pile through onto the conveyor belt. it feels like an entirety till you see yours, when in reality it’s only been a few moments, you then walk with a joyful skip in your step out and into the main arrivals lounge and before you’re given even a second to glance around in search, an all too familiar, and far too missed, pair of arms wrap themselves around you from behind. you can’t help but squeal in excitement, letting go of your suitcase and spinning around with a jump latching you legs around the blonde’s waist, nuzzling your head into her neck. 

“i’ve missed you so much lessi..” you breath out softly against her neck and you can tell by the squeeze of her grip, that she’s missed you too. you stay there just enjoying the embrace until eventually alessia gently lets you down before pressing a gentle kiss to your lips and you’d forgotten how soft her lips felt against your own. she grabs a hold of her suitcase before you could even think to complain about it she’s already taken hold of your hand with her free hand, walking you towards where her car was. 

the walk to the car is a comfortable silence, alessia putting your suitcase in her car as you get yourself comfortable in the passenger seat. settling into the driver seat and starting the engine she’s quick to start the conversation. 

“oh my gosh i cannot wait to show you around everywhere and introduce you to everyone!” she speaks, her words coming out incredibly fast a beaming smile on her face. your hand moves to rest against her thigh as she drives, the gentle yet intimate action causes a blush to creep onto her cheeks. 

“i’m looking forward to meeting everyone! they must be pretty cool people to have the alessia seal of approval.” you tease with a soft giggle passing your lips. 

“so, unc still treating you well yeah?” you question tilting your head to glance across at your girlfriend, smiling softly still feeling like you were in a dream getting to see her again after so long.

“oh my gosh yes it’s so amazing y/n, i love it here! like i already have learnt so much and i feel like my football has really progressed so much you know like? the style of play here in america is so different to england but i feel like, it’s helped me become a better footballer.” 

you can tell by the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her lips how much she loves it here and it’s a sight that warms your heart. the rest of the conversation fills the car easily on the drive to her dorm in chapel hill, catching up on everything that had been happening whilst she’d been here in america and it was almost as if you had never been apart, the giggles and conversation flowing so easily again.

once you arrive she pulls into her parking spot and her friends must of been aware of your visit before similar situation to earlier, almost as soon as you step out the car you’re bombarded with a group of girls rushing to introduce themselves to the point where all their shrill voices merge into one and you cannot make out any coherent words. 

“hey! let my girl at least breath would you?” alessia teases the other females as she grabs your suitcase. simple introductions done and her friends are already pulling you away from the blonde despite your clear attempts to stay beside her. 

“we’ve heard so much about you, honestly blondie over there doesn’t shut up about you some days.” one of her friends teases her before being met by a slap to the back by alessia, a string of giggles passing your lips at the interaction. 

how easily her friends had welcomed you definitely made you smile and it confirmed for you that alessia had surrounded herself with good people whilst she was out here.

i’ll wait forever, it’s never too late

couple thousand miles is just a little space

a week and a bit later

after the initial day full of catch ups and embraces, that same interaction seems to have dwindled down as the week went on. sure you knew she was busy with training and matches, but it felt like whenever she had free time, she already had plans with her college friends and despite how welcoming they were and you were of course always invited along, but you missed your alone time with alessia. even back in her dorm room you’ll go to start a conversation and she’s already fast asleep leant against your chest. it almost feel like your girlfriend was drifting away from you right in front of your own very eyes. 

you finally have a day in her dorm room where it’s just you and her, the idea of some alone time with her enough to fill you with joy but it feels different. she’s typing away on her phone more often than she’s talking or looking at you and it’s almost like its the final nail in the coffin for you. 

it’s the confirmation, her life no longer needs you in it. despite her being all you’ve ever known, she’s created a life without you in it and whilst it breaks your heart to say, she looks happy.

“less... can we talk?” you question and your voice is soft, alessia’s blue eyes piercing into your own as she responds “sure, is everything okay?” she questions with a raise of her eyebrow, sliding her phone into her pocket of her tracksuit bottoms. 

“i just... i feel like the whole distance thing is...” you’re trying to choose your words carefully even though you know there’s no easy way to say this to her.

“i just, think the distance has affected us.”

“what do you mean?” she questions and her almost unawareness to it honestly fuels disappointment inside you that she’s not even realised how she’s been treating you.

“a couple thousand miles is just a little space, and yet here opposite you.. i’ve never felt further away from you.”

you can tell your words have struck a nerve, the shock of it evident across her features as she takes it in.

“you don’t mean that baby..” are the only words that drawl past her lips after she exhales.

“less. i’ve been here a whole damn near two weeks and aside from the day i arrived, the only time i’ve gotten you to myself is when you’re passed out against my chest. and when i was back home, when was the last time we facetimed for a prolonged amount of time? or had a conversation lasting longer than a couple of messages? so excuse me for feeling a little disconnected from you right now.”

“football is important to me y/n!” she almost shrills in response, and your response comes before even a beat of breath.

“yeah. i thought i was important to you too.”

you know your words are harsh, but they are feelings that have harboured silently on your chest for way too long and now they’re all flooding out. this isn’t the kinda conversation you wanted to have because deep down you know where this ends. alessia is all you’ve ever known, and she’s now creating her own life without you and you need to figure out who you are without her.

alessia lives for football, it’s what she was born to do and you would never be the one to want to take that away from her. would never be the type of lover to make the blonde choose between football or you, hell you were her biggest cheerleader whenever she was out on that pitch. but maybe part of you wishfully believed that she could keep up with both, but the distance doesn’t help.

“you are important to me..” she reiterates and whilst you call hear the honesty in her voice, you know deep down she really does mean that. but, it’s all words you’ve heard before, all words that have stopped mending any wounds the distance has created. 

“and i’m sorry if i made you feel like you weren’t but, we’re nearing the end of the season and these are the games that matter and training matters and...” her voice trails off at the end, almost as if she loses her own train of thought mid sentence. 

you let a breath out that you hadn’t even realised you were holding, one hand moves up to tug through your hair before silence envelopes the situation. silence used to be comfortable with alessia, it was peaceful. but now the same silence feels awkward and thick, almost like it’s further driving the pair of you apart. 

the next time you speak, your voice is soft and had it not been for the thickness of silence, your sentence may of gone unheard. “i don’t think i can do the distance anymore...”

alessia had been staring down at her own feet but her head whips up to your face as she hears those words, eyes scanning for any kind of indication you hadn’t meant that, a shaky “wh-what...” passing her lips. 

“it’s getting all too much now lessi..” you choke out, taking a second to compose yourself, keep your voice as one toned as possible to stop any major emotions from spilling out and then being unable to bite back any words that are better unsaid.

“the staying up late even when i have class the next morning, on the off chance you’ll be free to face time or the countless times i’ve found dodgy ass streams to watch your tar heel games on, or the frequent times you’ve cancelled on our video call plans last minute to go out with your college friends - and don’t get me wrong i’m so incredibly fucking proud of you but... i can’t be just an after thought in your life anymore. hell, when was the last time you asked me how my university classes were going?”

the words all spill out incredibly fast as if you’re gasping for your last breath. you can tell the second you finish speaking how she feels, the guilt that plants itself across her face. you never wanted to make her feel bad about the situation, or feel bad about her chasing her dreams. you just wanted her to understand why you could not handle the distance anymore. 

“i.. - i can’t just wait around any longer.”

your own words are like piercing daggers into your heart and yet it’s her reaction to your words though is what’s breaking your heart more than the current situation.

“but.. we - we said..” alessia stutters out, the pain already laced in her voice. “i thought we would wait forever.”

“i’ll wait forever, that’s what we said

16th of september, lying in my bed”

"i know what we said less but, we were different people back then. our situations were different then.”

you wish you were strong enough to wait, wish you could pull it through. people often say absence makes the heart grow fonder and that may be true but, you cannot handle the absence and distance anymore. 

“but i love you,” she chokes out and as you glance up you can see the waters pooling in her eyes. 

“i love you too lessi, please believe me i do. but maybe right now.. that’s just not enough.”

you always used to tell alessia that her eyes reminded you of the deepest oceans you could get intoxicatingly lost in, but now stood here, you were the one who had broken the dam and let those clear trails of waters spill out on her reddened cheeks.

you never wanted to see alessia cry, but to know you were the cause for the tears stung more than you could ever imagine. tears pricked at your own eyes and in that split moment you contemplated taking back every single word that had passed your lips in this interaction. to tell the blonde that you will wait, to wrap her up in your embrace and whisper sweet nothings into her ear as the sound of your heartbeat lulls her into comfort. but whilst your heart aches and yearns to do so, your head knows how irrational that is. knows that this will end up having to happen eventually and would hurt even more so later down the line.

“i’m sorry it has to end like this alessia..” unbeknownst to you, the use of her full name is another kick to her already damaged heart.

before you’re able to change your mind, you spin on your heel and head out of her college dorm room sprinting down the corridor and out the halls doors, the cool north carolina air hitting your already rosy cheeks with a vengeance. after stood there for what was only a few seconds despite feeling like an eternity you feel your phone buzz in your jeans pocket, pulling it out - your vision may be slightly blurry due to the build up of tears but you’re just about able to make out the words in the text.

lessi 💛: i’ll wait for you, forever, y/n.

and in that moment you cannot help but wonder if, even after all this time, you and alessia simply just had different definitions of the word forever.

[taikanyohou]

"I can't convey it through words, so ..."

MY PERSONAL WEATHERMAN (2023). Episode 3.

Bonus:

[canyousonicme]

DOCTOR WHO: "The Giggle" vs "The Time of Angels"

"You might want to find something to hang on to."

[gettingoutthesidedoor]

Chemical World @ Conan O’Brien 1993

[madeline-kahn]

Music in Film: songs by The 1975 (happy birthday @thomasbarrowscigarette)

[jasadhyana]

Yes, Jim stare at his mouth some more… That’ll convince us you’re straight.

[celestialvoyeur]

Feeling decidedly under the weather today, so I’m going to indulge in some self care by climbing under a blanket and reading. Throw your Spirk Fic recs at me please! 💛💙🖖

[macallisters]

just thiago working out and stuff 👀

[justfriendsbestthings]

Because I need Omar twirling in the snow ~ ❄️

[jamandstuff]

Ted Lasso 1x04-3x12

[wah-pah]

3, 4, 12, 13, 14, 17, and 22 for the book asks :)

Thank you for asking, @eroticfriendfictions

:)

3.What were your top five books of the year?

In order of when they were read:

Swan Song by Kelleigh Greenberg-Jephcott

Kaikeyi by Vaishnava Patel

Summer Crossing by Truman Capote

Killers of The Flower Moon by David Grahn

Under The Net by Iris Murdoch (a new ever favourite tbh)

Honorable Mention to Three Daughters of Eve by Elif Shafsk, Excellent Women by Barbara Pym and my re-reads of Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, and Persuasion, all by Jane Austen.

4.Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

I'd say new to me as they are mid-century classics but Iris Murdoch and Barbara Pym. As for contemporary writers, I add Elif Shafak.

12. Any books that disappointed you?

As I had told you, Daisy Jones & The Six is one of them for me. I had heard so much about it and then found it somewhat blah most of the time and that ending wasn't exactly to my liking.

Maybe Taylor Jenkins Reid's books simply aren't for me? I also read The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year and was underwhelmed.

Then there's 'So Much Life Left Over' by Louis de Bernieres. A kind of family saga taking place in the time between the two world wars? Yes, please. Even before finishing reading it? No, please and I don't care about the other volumes. Which segues nicely to the next question...

13.What were your least favorite books of the year?

Definitely 'So Much Life Left Over' by Louis de Bernieres. "all women just want babies", is a very strong thesis in this one. I even wrote a long rant in the wee small hours of the morning but can't seem to be able to find it now.

I may not have liked all the books I read this year (even if they weren't many) this this one made me actually angry.

14.What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

I would love to finish The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe, that I started reading after my Northanger Abbey re-read but I doubt I'll know what's behind that damn veil before the year is out.

17.Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

Of the top of my head, I'd say Swan Song and The Three Daughters of Eve, both mentioned upwards.

It didn't exactly surprised me by its quality (gah, this sounds so cruel said like this) but I would totally watch a TV series adaptation of The Other's Gold by Elizabeth Ames.

22. What’s the longest book you read?

I think it probably is The Mysteries of Udolpho, which I am still reading.

Thank you again, dear Michelle.

[singsweetmelodies]

Currently thinking about the lyric ‘wondering if I doges a bullet or just lost the love of my life’ with piarles and I don’t know what to do with this but thought you may enjoy

first and foremost: whatever Tumblr is doing to asks on mobile lately is TERRIBLE. it looks completely broken & i can barely read it!! *charles_wtf discord react*

anyways!! hello anon <3333 sorry it's taken me this long to respond! i saw this ask at work, didn't have time to reply, and then, predictably, forgot all about it. i am so sorry. BUT here i am now - better late than never, right?

SO. omg. this lyric!! 🙏 a banger... ngl it breaks my heart to think about it in a piarles context, but i also love it. "wondering if i dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life" - i could see this as charles POV after a break-up. he's hurting and he's mad but he's also terrified that he lost the one thing that matters even more than ferrari...

ALTERNATIVELY - and you'll have to forgive me for bringing in something a little toxic/cursed here, but this is where my brain is at lately, i'm afraid - this lyric is still charles POV, but he thinks it about max. after a break-up with max (and, spoiler alert... he DID dodge a bullet with that one.) but it was a good dodge, because guess who is there to pick up the pieces and treat him a thousand times better than max ever could... 😉 pierre, of course. and THEY never break up - no, they have a "call it what you want" inspired romance <3333

either way: there is SO much potential for this lyric + piarles, and i adore you for opening my eyes to it!! tysm anon 🤩

[dont-turn-off-the-light]

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Jac and Kian, talking about Olivia the agency nurse asking them both out in S22E09

[freuleinanna]

masriel + baby names if you feel like it! 💖

three-sentence fics: reqs are welcome!

I do, I do feel very much like it! 💛 i got carried a way A LOT and it turned out bittersweet, but i hope it's okay and sorry for obscenely long sentences!

Youth and worry, when mixed, have a wonderful effect of casting a spell of willing oblivion on those who wish to escape the troubling thoughts; Marisa and Asriel, both young, both worried, are not an exception: whatever time they steal is spent in quiet conversations, heads bowed together, hands touching as they bask in the warm intimacy of now instead of contemplating tomorrow; their beautiful escapism ends with a sudden urge, a movement – so feisty, so alive! – that comes from inside Marisa's body and has Stelmaria rumble a tender warning, 'The little one is growing, you should choose a name.'

So they try; a girl, I'm telling you, Marisa insist with certainty only mothers have about their children, and the search continues: they want something streaming and flowing, and thus true to the nature of their own names – Belacqua, beautiful water, Marisa, of the sea – like hidden legacy; Rhea, they think, a little stream, or Raine like rain, or Morgan – dweller by the sea, or Euna – waterfall; they almost settle on Cordelia, a daughter of the sea – Cordelia Coulter, born under another man's name and with sea water of her parents within.

Then, overnight, a broken future: no hidden sea, no legacy in their daughter's veins, just orphan northern winds and the sweetness of a lyre, rising in her thanks to everyone except her own parents; so with heavy hearts, Marisa and Asriel name her accordingly, because their child has to be brave, so brave to withstand it, much braver than them – they name her Lyra.