#My goodness. What a perfect encapsulation of how one can hurt other's so deeply in the name of love.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Thistle Debut Day!

[bluefirewrites]

While You Sleep

One shot based off a Juke headcanon I had about protective Luke. This is for this momentous March 4th JATP trending day. Here’s to clowning with you!

___________

She noticed him there one night. An almost indistinguishable blob huddled out her window, dark clothes blending in with the shingles, the trees- the night.

It was too late for either of them to be up.

Yes, Julie was aware that ghosts had no need to sleep. No bodies meant no circadian rhythm.

But he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Rubbing her eyes and groping her desk for her glasses, Julie tiptoed across the room, mindful not to make too much noise. It was past midnight after all.

She cracked open her window, the slight breeze playing with her hair as she stuck her head out.

“Luke?” she called, startling the ghost.

“Julie!” He all but yelped. Normally cool and confident, Luke Patterson scrambled, limbs moving wildly, “Uh, hey. What are you- What are you doing up?” he coughed then shot her a smile.

Would have been that perfect smile Julie had raved about to Flynn if it hadn’t come off as hesitant, as a ruse. It didn’t push against his cheeks like they were supposed to. If he hadn’t been a ghost, she would have chalked it up to fatigue.  

She nodded her head at the door, “I had to go to the bathroom.”

A yawn snuck out her mouth. Luke’s eyes softened at the sound.

“You should go back to sleep,”

Julie looked him over again, noting his attire. A beanie, his torn up jeans, and… that flannel. The brown one.

She shimmied out and carefully sat next to him on the roof, knees pulled up like his was, “Luke, is something wrong?”

“No. Just get back inside,” he urged, shooing her away. And when she didn’t budge, his tone grew a tad bit more authoritative, “Julie, I mean it. Go to bed.”

“I’ll go when you tell me why you’re out here,” She may be tired, but two could play this stubborn game. And as if she was going to bed without figuring out what’s bothering Luke.

His shoulders rose and sunk, “To think. For some privacy,”

It came out as more of a question, as if he wasn’t entirely committed to that story. At Julie’s judgemental silence, he continued spinning.

“Not sure if you know this, but Alex and Reggie?” he leaned in, hands cupping his mouth, “They can be a bit much.” he stage-whispered teasingly.

She raised an eyebrow, “Alex and Reggie?”

“They’re, like, so,so loud. Real annoying. Very hyper,” he said, “Like I tell them ‘Boys, keep it down’, ya know?”

“Uh-huh,”

She wondered if he legitimately thought this was working on her. And Julie thought she was terrible when put on the spot.

“You have the power to poof literally anywhere and everywhere, yet you choose my roof?”

Seriously, out of all the places to get privacy, Luke thought being a couple feet away from her window was enough seclusion.

Again, he shrugged, emoting a  ‘don’t know what to tell ya’, which only irritated Julie even more.

She scooted over, getting into his space, but the ghost wasn’t allowing it, bringing up his arms to keep her at bay, and maybe to move her in the direction of the window.

“Luke, enough with the games just tell me what’s going on-” she reached for him and ended up grazing his ever-jerking shoulder. Her hand landed on something behind him.

It wasn’t a shingle or a leaf. Whatever it was, her finding it made Luke’s eyes widen and had him stuttering out pleas to leave it alone.

With cat-like reflexes she wasn’t aware she had at this hour, Julie grabbed it before he could swipe it away.

Under the moonlight, she inspected the item in her hands, confused.

“Salt?” It was the same can of salt that Carlos had tried to use on the boys, supposedly trying to ‘burn their souls out’, “Why do you have this?”

Luke chuckled nervously, “Oh that? Well that’s just… that’s because...” he faltered, “Because…”

He sighed dejectedly.

“Uh, you mind waiting a couple minutes? While I come up with an excuse?” he tried, his usual charm doing nothing for Julie at the moment.

She stared at him, hard and unwavering. “I don’t like it when you lie to me, Luke.”

The ghost deflated. His features tightened, almost pained.

“I never want- argh-” he growled, pounding at the surface before cradling his head, frustrated, “Look, I never wanted to lie to you.”

“Then why do you do it?” her voice warbled as she pressed. He still did this? After all they had been through together? It hurt her to think about, somewhat insulting.

But of course there must be a reason. A good one because whatever he was hiding, it was clearly weighing heavy on him. Much like when he had visited his parents. And when he was suffering from the stamps…

“Something happened,” she surmised.

Luke didn’t want to admit it, she sensed that. But she could sense his resolve breaking, the more she looked at him, looked into his stormy hazel eyes.

Julie inched near him and the moment her hand came up to rest on his shoulder, his whole body shuddered, his breathing becoming less controlled- God, he was falling apart, as if he had spent so long bottled up, the pressure only escaping out now.

He kept shaking his head, refusing to let it happen, but Julie’s hand moved to his other shoulder, pulling herself towards him, her left side locking into his right. He practically melted, and with unplanned synchronicity, their heads rested against each others’.

They sat there, the quietest they had ever been with each other, but the moment screaming something that Julie had yet to decipher.

She thought she could speak ‘Luke’ by now. No two people could engage in something as personal as songwriting without picking up a thing or two on how the other person thinks, feels...

A sort of jitteriness existed in him and all Julie knew was that she just needed to quell it, to calm him down. Her fingers traced patterns into his shoulder, dancing en pointe to the rhythm of her breathing, and soon Luke’s. Slow and steady.  

“The night of the Orpheum,” he finally said, “after you left. We were gonna meet you there, I swear we were. But then…”

“Caleb?” she dared to speak his name out loud.

With the way Luke’s form tensed under her arm, she regretted it.  

He swallowed hard, withdrawing his head from its comfortable position against hers so he could look at her properly.

“He was here, Julie,” he gritted out.

Her stomach dropped.

Caleb had been here. At her house.

Logically, it was to be expected. He was a ghost, like the boys, able to go anywhere and everywhere. It made sense to come here to get them.

But the fact that he could…The fact that he had...

This man, who could so easily inflict pain, who had no qualms in threatening non-existence to three teenage boys, all because they wouldn’t do what he wanted, had been in her home.

The thought rattled her, and she was almost close to losing her regular breathing pattern. Sensing this, Luke’s hand shot out and coated hers, quick to soothe with guilty fingers.

None of them ever told her this. Of how they ended up at the club before the Orpheum. They must have wanted to shield her from the distress, taking it upon themselves the burden of worrying. Worrying when he would come back. If he ever came back.

“Look, Caleb’s this all powerful ghost. The things he’s capable of,” he shut his eyes, breathing deeply, “I don’t like knowing that he knows where you-”

He couldn’t bring himself to finish, voice cracking. Instead,  his hand reached for the can of salt, stealing it back.

Julie noticed it. In the way he held the can, that he didn’t need to open his eyes to grab it; it was instinct. If his palm had been large enough, he could encapsulate the whole thing. He couldn’t be gripping it any tighter.

“But Luke…” she tried to remind him gently.

“I know this doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t burn souls or whatever,” he slammed it down on the roof, “But it’s better than nothing.”

Julie bit her lip, not wanting to ask, dreading the answer.

“Have you been up here? Every night since?”

Luke hesitated.

Oh.

“I don’t spy on you or anything. I’m not a creep or-” he tried, “I just wanna make sure. Make sure you’re alright.”

Julie was at a loss for words.

She didn’t know what to feel. The gesture would have warmed her heart if the visual that presented itself wasn’t so utterly devastating.

The Orpheum performance had been months ago.

That meant many nights of Luke keeping vigil on her roof, outside her room, clutching onto that can of salt like a lifeline, always on edge. Never sleeping, just… sitting there in silence. Anticipating for some attack.

That could drive any person mad.

He didn’t tell the boys either. She knew that. Otherwise they would be up here with him, all armed with their own cans of salt.

Luke bore the burden of worrying.

And he did it alone.

Julie cursed herself for not picking up on it sooner, but there was never any residue of the anxious nights. The electric smile at its full wattage always greeted her when she woke up and visited the studio first thing before leaving for school.

But she should have noticed. Noticed in the way Luke’s gaze seemed to linger on her for a beat too long when he thought she wasn’t looking. In the way he embraced her, squeezing her tight, reluctant to let her go even so she could go to school.

She had always thought it was him relishing in the ability to touch her, never taking it for granted after months of never thinking such a thing was possible.

Finding out why- it hurt. It hurt knowing how much Luke was hurting and he didn’t let it slip once.

All to protect her.

“You don’t have to keep watch, Luke...” she didn’t want to put him through that anymore. Her peace of mind should never be at the expense of Luke’s. She refused.

He shook his head, “No, I do. Because if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t- I couldn’t-”

“Hey. I should be the one who’s worried. You guys almost…” she stopped, not wanting to dwell...

“Look. you’re who he wants. Not me. I should be the one to be,” she eyed the can of salt “to be standing guard outside the studio, protecting you.”

“We’d never want for you to put yourself in danger. Not for us. No way,”

“Well that’s tough because there’s no way I’m gonna let him take you away from me again,” she cried, desperate.

That gave Luke pause and she realized her mistake.

She had meant to say ‘you guys’.

But also at the same time, she didn’t.  

The moment of vulnerability made her want to run and hide, but it was already too late. The damage was done. Luke blinked at her, stunned and sad.

His hand on top of hers shifted, curling around until he was holding it, thumb grazing her knuckles,  “I’m not going anywhere, Julie,” he promised, “We’re not.” he corrected for her.

“Well, neither am I,”

It should feel like a lie. What both of them said.

Nothing about their situation was fixed. A promise from a ghost to Lifer and vice versa shouldn’t mean anything. Not when he could leave, cross over to the great light at any time. Not when she could grow old and leave him behind along with the memories of her teen years.

Their interesting little relationship was already doomed. No Caleb required.

But she meant it. And that felt like enough.

Luke meant it. And it was.  

She wished she could enjoy this.

Another agonizing silence flowed between them, and soon Luke’s hand left, the echo of his touch chilled by the night. She pocketed both of her hands in her sweatpants.

“How did you break free?” she asked, “You were at the club, right? How were you able to get out?”

Luke smiled, “You called. And we came. Duh.”

She sang. Somehow her singing had summoned them, had brought her boys back to her. It had always been that way sorta. There was this feeling she had ever since she played their demo, that there was something tethering them together.

They always knew where to find her. And when.

At first, it annoyed her. Like, who wanted three new responsibilities?

But now it gave her comfort.

She needed to voice this to Luke.

“You can’t be sitting here every night. It doesn’t help anyone for you to be on edge all the time,”

He opened his mouth to interject, but she kept going.

“I know. I know you can’t just turn off all your worrying. It’s scary not knowing what’s gonna happen,” She sneaked one last squeeze to his hand, “But If anything does happen, you’ll know. And you’ll be here” she snapped her fingers, “just like that.”

“But-”

“For me. Please,” she had to say, desperate.

And she watched as any further arguments died on his lips. She was lucky that it took this time.

She brushed away his bangs before cupping his face. His eyes fluttered closed at the contact. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

That seemed to seal the deal.

“Ok. For you,” he nodded. Then he carefully guided her hand off and he cocked his head towards the open window, “You seriously need to sleep though.”  

It was her turn to nod, “I will.”

And with that, they both stood, with Luke guiding her back inside, ensuring she didn’t slip and fall off the roof. Once safe and away from the cold, she hung back, elbows perched on the window sill. Luke did the same from the outside.

“Goodnight, Julie,” he whispered.  

She smiled, a first for tonight.

“Goodnight, Luke,”

The ghost returned it, and it reached his eyes this time. He moved to leave but he froze. Pulling out the can, he opened the spout and began lining the entirety of window sill with a small stream of salt.

“Here,” he remarked upon finishing, “Just in case.”

Julie didn’t have the heart to correct him. Him standing guard may be for her benefit, but the can of salt was definitely for his.

“Thanks,” she said instead, brushing stray particles to fill any gaps in her protective barrier.

She watched him poof away before closing the window and crawling into bed and succumbing to sleep.  

********

Julie hadn’t seen Luke on her roof since.

It had been weeks and there was a definite improvement in the way Luke carried himself from then on out. It was miniscule, of course, but Julie could see it in his eyes that he had been receiving the equivalent of a well-needed slumber.

That didn’t stop him from keeping an eye on her from time to time. Though it never reached ‘stationing on the roof’ status. The boy had found a loophole and she found herself anticipating surprise visits by her locker.

She never did say anything about school.

And everything was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

Julie wasn’t sure why it took so long for the fear that Caleb’s visit had instilled to rear its ugly head.

But it did.

And in the form of nightmares no less.

It was the night of the Oprheum all over again, except when she launched herself at Luke, she merely passed through. No magical hug to save them, she was forced to watch as those jolts, those painful jolts, slowly killed them.

She remembered screaming and crying, the looks on the boys' faces when their light had been snuffed out, when they were nothing more than shimmering particles that faded away into nothing, it was something she never ever wanted to see again.

Her body jerked awake, her body sweating and she was startled to find the screams and cries had followed her- her face damp and her throat coarse. Bringing her knees to her chin, the horror of what she had witnessed was still fresh in her mind, and she was sobbing.

In the midst of all this, she barely registered the tugging feeling, somewhere deep inside her, somewhere she couldn’t really place.

Then suddenly, a telltale sound of a ghost poofing in diminished her cries.

“Julie. Julie!” she heard Luke, frantic. His form, blurred by her tears, moved about the room until he was sitting at the foot of her bed. “A-Are you okay? I felt it, I felt you calling-”

She wiped her face with her sweater sleeve, readjusting to reality, “I’m- I’m fine. It’s just-” she sniffled, “I had a nightmare.”

Once Luke’s face came in view, the nightmare image of his disappearing out of existence overwhelmed her again and some wayward tears flowed against her better judgement.

“Hey,” he moved and was at her side immediately, drawing her to him, “Sh. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She buried her face into his chest just to make sure. Because forget her. He was okay. Caleb didn’t take him away from her. He was still here.

The tears she was shedding were ones of pure relief.

It had been awful. For a second, she was powerless. She had felt that way when she lost her mom, her sickness taking hold. She couldn’t stop it from taking her mom, and that left her feeling so hollow.

Julie wouldn’t know what to do if it happened again. If it happened to her boys.

She didn’t know how long Luke held her, wiping her cheeks dry with his thumbs and keeping her hair from clinging to her forehead. But somehow during all this, they both had reclined on her bed, the worst of it having passed.

Even when she had stopped crying, his arms still encased her.

“What can I do?” he asked, unsure, “Tell me. What can I do?”

“Just…” her fists curled around his shirt, her breathing steadying and eyes pleading, “Can you stay here? With me?”

He nodded,resolute, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Julie sighed and she was struck with that promise they made weeks ago. And she allowed herself to relax into him.

It should scare her. How much she trusted him. To be there. There weren't any guarantees in life. Not for her. Especially not for him.

But she called.

And he came.

A constant.

And as much as she didn’t want him to worry about her, she knew that she wouldn’t easily be able to not worry about him.  

And encased in arms that would phase through others, and even with the threat of Caleb still hanging over their heads, Julie never felt more safe.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. Not in this house. Not in this time of 2020.

But he was.

And she slept peacefully from then on.  

tagging @blush-and-books and @lydias--stiles (I will sleep now)

[star-consultant]

Bright are the stars

You need a Beatle song that perfectly encapsulates your sign? Of course you do. (Spotify playlist) 

Aries—“I Saw Her Standing There” 

One two three FOUR! An eager and intense song for an eager and intense sign. Aries falls hard and fast, with a tendency to rash vows that everyone doubts they mean—but Aries doesn’t doubt. Paul (who later styled himself as a "ram” at a key point in his creative development) makes good on the Cardinal Fire vibe with his exuberant vocals, and John of the Aries rising contributed the street-smart innuendo that utterly makes the song: And you know what I mean. Fittingly, this song kicked off the group’s first album, which itself has plenty of Aries “HELLO I AM HERE TO MAKE A MARK ON YOUR WORLD! (like me plz ok? this is my heart and i am Doing My Best??)” energy. 

Taurus—“All I’ve Got to Do"

A song that takes its sweet time but burrows deeper than the average ear-worm into your consciousness. It’s a patient song that is unassuming but knows exactly what the hell it’s doing. The intensity builds bit by bit, so that you’re unaware when the power of the bridge comes crashing down. Describes the Taurean romantic ideal: lazy, loyal, cozy, constant, tender, and ever-so-true. Also, “All I’ve Got to Do” is featured on the second album, With the Beatles, which has plenty of other Bullish touches, noticeable even with a casual glance at the tracklist: “Don’t Bother Me,” “Not a Second Time,” and “Money (That’s What I Want).” 

Gemini—“She Loves You”

Paul is a Gemini Sun, and throughout his catalogue it shows. But perhaps he never topped the Twinniness of this energetic, optimistic, breathless, gossipy classic. It was composed “eye-to-eye” with John, a truly dual-authored song, and one the rare Beatles numbers where the two lead vocalists double up on every single line, in true (Nerk) Twin fashion. Also the first but definitely not the last of their many “third-person narratives,” Paul’s novelistic instead of confessional slant being distinctly a Gemini thing. The speaker in this one couldn’t be more enthusiastic about this relationship if it were already repaired, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it if it were his. Love is great! People reconciling is great! You should be glad, dumbass! But the real corker? What makes this so Gemini that it hurts? Yoko has confirmed that in the early 70s, during her separation with John, she actually had Paul play agony aunt. Then, during that meetup in L.A. where they were last photographed together, Paul urged John to “apologize to her” and get back together... which he did. That’s right. "She Loves You” is not merely a Gemini’s song: it’s a Gemini’s life. 

Cancer—“Octopus’s Garden”

Ringo the Crab’s musically-complex fantasy about an underwater sanctuary where children are “happy and safe,” he and his lover can be together, and there’s “no one there to tell us what to do.” George (a triple Water sign himself, probably not-so-incidentally) always insisted that his best mate’s song Had Depths, and he himself supplied a lot of them: check out his lead guitar lines. They function as emotional counterpoint. When Ringo’s vocal line is especially wistful, the guitar is bright; when Ringo ends on a confident note, the guitar is quirky, ironic, even stiff-upper-lip pessimistic. Result: a shifting kaleidoscope of FEELS. The Moon approves. 

Leo—“Good Day Sunshine” 

Paul perfectly expresses his own Leo moon with a sublime, vibrant ode to laughter, love, and pride on a cloudless summer day. The bit in the lyrics about she knows she’s looking fine and I’m so proud to know that she is mine? That’s not marring the high tone of the song: that is part of the tone. Hear us roar! And by “roar” I mean "laugh and canoodle, coz Leo is about living the good life, bitches.” 

Virgo—“Please Please Me” 

What’s fair is forkin’ fair, mate! A exemplary blend of Virgo’s Mutable passive-aggressive sensitivity with its Elemental directness... half-critical, half-begging... plus the very sign-typical humblebragging. About their sexual prowess. Damn, Virgo. People forget how Earthy you really are sometimes. But here we are. In very Virgo fashion, instead of ditching the girl he’s decided to harangue her. On a more meta note, the Beatles were still studio virgins when they first began crafting this song, and it took several passes and incorporation of George Martin’s feedback before it became the bursting pop hit as we know it now. There’s that Virgo work ethic paying off.

Libra—“Strawberry Fields Forever”

The imagery of the title suggests an eternal harvest. But the star sign resemblance goes deeper than that: Always, no, sometimes think it’s me, but, you know, I know when it’s a dream. I think, er, no, I mean, er, yes, but it’s all wrong... that is, I think I disagree. Did you just hear your Libra roommate rambling after a joint, or did you listen to verse three of “Strawberry Fields”? Same difference. The song is absolutely lovely, as anything associated with the child of Venus should be, and innovative, as befits a Cardinal sign. Most of all, even in all of Libra Sun John’s weighing and weed-wandering, he knows one thing: he’s got to take someone else along with him. A companion, stat! 

Scorpio—“While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

George of the Scorpio moon and Scorpio ascendant had to really lean into this side of his nature to even get this damn track properly recorded. He resorted to the social power play of inviting Eric frickin’ Clapton into the tense post-India studio just to get Lennon, McCartney, and Martin to give his song proper Beatle recording magic. Which it deserved. The dark drama of the hard-won arrangement is the perfect Scorpio accompaniment to the moody, reflective lyrics about “all the love there that’s sleeping” in this weary world. There’s tender, horrified pity here for those who are stifled into inauthenticity: I don’t know how nobody told you how to unfold your love. I don’t know how someone controlled you; they bought and sold you... Bonus points for the Watery ‘just can’t even’-ness of not being able to so much as pick up a damn broom. 

Sagittarius—“Something” 

You’re asking me, will my love grow? I don’t know, I don’t know! A deeply instinctual lover knows that Cupid has done hit a bullseye. He remains emphatically ambivalent about the future, but he knows what he feels in this moment, and in that moment is romance and wonder that is as deep as the earth is from the heavens. Sags are intense, but of all the Fire signs they are most far-seeing and detached (due to their Mutable quality, which makes them see the world a bit more like an Air sign does). “Something” keeps trying to capture that je-ne-sais-quoi, and despite the speaker’s happiness he can’t help but circle back again and again to take another shot at that the mental target. A philosopher even when in love. Ultimately, however, he doesn’t want to leave her now... which for a restless Sag is already saying a ton.

Capricorn—“Revolution”

John let his unfashionable midheaven Capricorn off the leash with this blunt, pointed savaging of radical and violent revolutions. (Given the tanks on Tiananmen Square and the millions dead on the killing fields of Cambodia, I can’t say that his cautionary note about “destruction” and “minds that hate” was unnecessary.) Few things are more Capricorn than ‘Oh, you want my money? Yeah, first show me that you’ve done your fucking homework, mate.’ Bonus Earth points for the fact that he somehow worked sex—a lot of sex—into this political track. 

Aquarius—“Come Together”

John of the Aquarius moon’s decidedly loony attempt to write a political campaign song in order to stop Reagan. (The result was too weird for Timothy Leary, whose reaction was pretty much ‘wtf? I don’t think even I have enough residual acid in my system for this one... ’) John invokes the ideal of collaboration, but his call to solidarity is built around fantastical lyrics that no one can comprehend: He wear no shoeshine, he got/Toejam football, he got/Monkey finger, he shoot/Coca-Cola, he say/I know you, you know me... Oh, right. The lyrics contain exactly one discernible message: One thing I can tell you is you got to be free. How Aqua. Also in true collaborative Water-Bearer fashion, the arrangement really makes the song (special mention to the tight, tight work of the rhythm section). Bizarre genius that attracts a true team effort—it doesn’t get much more Aquarius than that.

Pisces— “I Want to Tell You”

The wall of sound builds up thickly enough that soon the words seem to be traveling through the sea to reach you: I want to tell you my head is filled with things to say... But when you’re here, all those words, they seem to slip away. A gorgeously, emotionally tongue-tied song... about being tongue-tied. Written by George, a Pisces Sun, this absolute mystery of a lyric is all emotion and no logic. If he seems to act unkind, it’s only him, it’s not his mind. Okay, Fishboy. Good thing the track is compellingly lovely and utterly relatable. Which suits the Pisces life exactly: ‘I don’t know what I mean, but it’s exceedingly beautiful and I want you to share it with you very, very much.’ 

[rainsongdean]

you’re always golden to me

post-mockingjay / pre-epilogue everlark healing together, appreciating the sunset, and maybe even falling in love

"We should head back before it gets dark." Peeta's words rang out in the open air between them, but they were not enough to pull Katniss from her trance-like state.

It had been a rough day. Not enough so to be classified as a bad day, seeing as Katniss had found the motivation to move from the bed to the couch at some point in the afternoon. Now, though, watching the clouds paint watercolors in the sky seemed to bring her back to life. She was encapsulated by the sight.

"Not yet," she eventually spoke, her voice somewhat hoarse from not using it for a while. "I want to stay until it's over. Besides, we could walk home blindfolded from here."

It was true. Katniss had discovered the hill nestled in the woods behind Victor's Village not long after returning from the Capitol. She found solace in being embraced by the wilderness rather than being suffocated in her old home, so when she accidentally stumbled upon the tall mount that overlooked the wide plains and open sky, she knew she had found what she had subconsciously been searching for.

It had taken a few months before she brought Peeta to her secret spot. He'd only returned to District 12 a few days before she had found the hill, and they both needed some time to warm up to each other again. But one day, after suffering through a particularly vivid flashback that ended with him handcuffed to one of Haymitch's spare cages for his geese, Katniss figured it would do them both good to escape into the forest for a while.

That was the first night they watched the sunset from the hill. It had been slightly uncomfortable, sitting inches apart on the dewy grass, no attempt at conversation made by either party. Eventually, Peeta suggested they return home to make dinner before it got too late, but Katniss insisted that she could tell by the shape of the clouds that they would put on an impressive show.

As usual, she was not wrong.

It was the most vibrant spectacle either of them had seen - far more breathtaking than any Capitol party or fireworks display. Sure, they had both watched the sun go down in 12 before, but their view had always been clouded by the thick layer of dust in the air from the mines or obstructed by the cluster of buildings stacked practically on top of one another. Here on their hill, nothing stood between them and the sky. Beyond that, the best part was they got to share it together, just the two of them. 

Since that night, the pair made an effort to hike the two-mile trek to the hill at least once a week, though they typically found themselves there more often than that. Katniss still liked to visit the spot alone, sometimes using the safe space to speak aloud to Prim or Finnick and imagine what they would say back. Other times she just enjoyed the silence.

Peeta, too, ventured to the hill a few times by himself. He had tried on several occasions to paint the landscape, and while he was able to perfect the morning glow and mid-afternoon sun, he couldn't capture the colors of nightfall that he most desired to paint.

Despite the significance that the holy ground held for each of them individually, neither one could deny that they preferred to visit the hill together. Katniss had been unofficially living with Peeta for weeks now, and they even shared a bed most nights, but there was a different breed of intimacy that came with being in the woods, nestled in their own little corner of the universe. 

"Fine," Peeta sighed contentedly, breaking the silence again. "We can stay as long as you'd like." With that, he leaned toward the picnic basket they had brought and reached in, shoving aside the empty containers that once held a selection of berries, cheeses, and breads to reveal a neatly folded fleece blanket he had stashed in the bottom. "I came prepared," he announced with a sense of pride.

Katniss briefly pulled her gaze from the view for the first time since the sun had begun its descent to offer Peeta a small smile of gratitude. The gesture warmed his heart with the blaze of ten thousand sunsets.

Taking care to wrap the soft cover around their legs, Peeta pulled the fabric up to their chests and then eased his back to the ground until he was laying horizontal on the hill. Katniss followed suit so they were both engulfed by the blanket.

Their new angle only served to better showcase the colors stretching endlessly above them. One hue in particular transported Katniss back to a seemingly ancient memory of the two of them.

"Orange. Muted... like a sunset." Katniss didn't break her eye contact with the sky but smirked to herself as she spoke.

Peeta nudged her shoulder playfully in response, easily picking up on what she was referring to. Their conversation on the train about favorite colors was one of the first to come back to him after he had been rescued from the Capitol. Shifting slightly toward Katniss, he reached out and twisted his finger gently around a stray strand of hair that had escaped from her braid. "You're so poetic when you quote me," he mused sarcastically.

"Well, your choice of favorite color is much more poetic than Effie’s choice of wig," she quipped. It was ironic how some of her and Peeta's best conversations had happened in the midst of some of the worst times of their lives. And yet, there they were: safe and relatively happy, just two kids trying to piece themselves back together with some pastel paints, cheese buns, and hidden hills. It may not have been anything profound, but it was living, and Katniss figured that, for time being, that would be enough.

She inhaled deeply, trying to absorb the moment. They had reached the peak of the sunset when every particle in the air seemed to glisten from the giant star's final attempt to remain on the topside of the world. There was only one word to describe it.

"Everything is golden."

And, for an instant, it was.

But as the sun succumbed to the pull of dusk, the raging reds and oranges that had scorched the sky swiftly turned to delicate pinks and purples, paving the way for the black of night.

It was then that Katniss realized Peeta had been uncharacteristically quiet, his sunset commentary usually being much more prolific than hers. When she turned her head to the left to face him, she found he was already staring back at her, still toying with her hair. His deep blue eyes twinkled like he knew a secret and was about to let her in on it.

When they first met, that kind of look from Peeta overwhelmed her. Sometimes Katniss would catch him staring at her like she carried the world in her hands, or spun threads of gold with her words. It puzzled her, annoyed her, and at times even enraged her. But after his hijacking, it had been so rare for that young, innocent Peeta to reappear and give her that look which spelled out his love for her so plainly on his face, and she had grown to cherish it.

"I change my mind." For the third time that night, Peeta's voice sliced open the veil of silence that covered them. 

Katniss abruptly rose to a sitting position, an expression of confusion clouding her face as she leaned over Peeta's resting form. "What do you mean?"

"I change my mind," He repeated calmly, shrugging as if the answer to her question was obvious. "The sunset isn't my favorite shade of orange anymore."

Katniss bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows, causing the wrinkles on her forehead to deepen. Peeta could tell she was trying to keep herself from challenging him, so he decided not to torture her any longer.

"You are my favorite shade of orange," he reached his hand up to caress her cheek, easing away the signs of worry that had risen on her face. "You, sitting here with the sun reflecting in your eyes, your skin glowing in the light." He lowered his voice to a whisper and retracted his hand, slowly guiding Katniss's head to rest on his chest so she could hear his heart beating. "The way you make me feel like I'm on fire inside, all the time."

Girl on fire. The words echoed in his mind and, although he did not dare speak them, he internally admitted they rang true. And it was in moments like those, as he held her under the night sky with millions of stars blazing above them, that he saw Katniss burn the brightest.

"Oh, shut up," she exhaled, turning away from him in an attempt to conceal the blush that had overtaken her smiling face, but Peeta didn't have to see it to know it was there. "You're so cheesy."

"Hey now," he feigned a hurt expression, "I thought you liked my cheese."

Katniss couldn't hide her outburst at his nonsense and they both fell into a fit of laughter together. They hadn't spoken much about what exactly their relationship status was at the moment, hesitant to put labels on anything, but he still wanted her to know how he felt about her. And while Katniss had never been proficient in using her words to convey her love, the way that she clung to Peeta, burying her head in his arm while gasping to regain her breath from laughing so hard, told him everything he needed to know.

"Come on, we should really head back before Haymitch gets worried." Peeta attempted once again to persuade Katniss to return home after they had both calmed down. His stomach was beginning to growl - the small rations of their picnic earlier weren't nearly enough to tide over his appetite until morning - and now that the sun had set, he'd much rather snuggle up with Katniss on their couch than on the cold, hard ground. And besides, while he didn't really think their mentor would be waiting up for them, he figured the argument might be enough to persuade her.

"Seeing as it's past 3 p.m., I think it's safe to say that Haymitch is passed out on his couch," Katniss countered, but her actions said otherwise as she began to gather herself up off the ground. Peeta knew she had a soft spot for the old man.

It took them a little over half an hour to walk home, leisurely following the path that their own footprints had created over time. Upon entering the house, Peeta made a beeline to the kitchen to heat up some leftover stew from the night before. While he ate, Katniss headed to Haymitch's house, opening the unlocked door to find him asleep in his living room as she had predicted. She pried the half-empty bottle from the arm that hung off the couch and set it on a nearby table before turning the lights out and closing his front door behind her.

She had recently made a habit of checking in on her friend, especially during the weeks when Effie travelled back to the Capitol for work. She knew he had done the same for her countless times. Haymitch never seemed to question why he would sometimes wake up with a blanket draped over him or a pillow propped beneath his head, and Katniss didn't plan on bringing it up. Like most things between the two of them, it went unsaid.

Later that evening, tucked under the covers of Peeta's bed - their bed - Katniss felt more at ease than she did most nights. Maybe it was the serenity of the particularly striking sunset, or maybe it was Peeta's roundabout confession of the feelings he still had for her. Either way, she was pleasantly content. 

On the other side of the mattress, as Peeta danced on the cusp of sleep, his mind dragged him back to something Katniss had said on the hill. Everything is golden. He knew what she meant; that the landscape had been blanketed by the radiance of the sunset. But he felt it was true in another sense, and that maybe this new phrase was an even more appropriate way to describe the true essence of Katniss Everdeen.

Before drifting off herself, Katniss heard Peeta mumble one last line of admiration, causing her to fall asleep with a smile ingrained on her lips.

"You're always golden to me."

[telaraneas]

im still in the process of PROPERLY reading all of Detective Pony because dirk im sorry but i have adhd i cant sit through all of those words at once. its not even that the concepts are too advanced, its just that im p sure he deliberately goes out of his way to be as obtuse and pretentious as he possibly can be (which is pitch perfect characterization sndjej)

ive read it in chunks out of order by skimming and then going back and forth, which is almost definitely cheating but also the only way i can actually digest everything going on here. detective pony is a masterpiece on about 5 different levels, it captures a very specific type of metafiction silly-to-crushingly-serious rabbit hole that i have seen over and over and which i'm struck by and fascinated with each time, even the most shallow and un-self aware of these kinds of works fascinate me (...so yes including stuff like the overbloated disaster mess that are the nostalgia critic movies)

detective pony is just unironically very engaging tho no matter how deep it goes into embarrasing dialectics and struggles with the admission of responsibility about the things you create and about how the entire book IS an extension of his psyche no matter how much he frames it like a struggle against him. the whole thing reads like a microcosm of his whole mental state and especially the fact that as he says. he set out to make a birthday present for jane and ended up just making a whole thing thats about himself and his ego and his struggles with that ego and the terrifying fact that no matter how much he says hes ashamed of it and that no one should read it, he is STILL in the active process of creating it and putting his feelings out there and arguing with himself in the form of socratic dialogue and that, in the end, he DOES end up giving it to jane

and i cant stop thinking about how jane DID READ IT. like i fully 100% believe she read every word

dirk and jane have one of the most interesting relationships in homestuck i think because they honestly care about each other and can be honest with each other in a way they struggle to be with the rest of their friend group, but in a way that's BECAUSE of how emotionally detached they tend to be. like, dirk has his whole mass of issues, but jane's deal is that she tries to be very Nice and conscious of other people's feelings, but because she's, yknow, not a perfect human being, she doesn't ACTUALLY believe everything she says, and she doesn't say most of the things she thinks, because she doesn't want to hurt others and doesn't realize this, too, is a selfish impulse, maybe moreso than actually saying what she feels

i mean. jane was SO committed to only saying what she thought was the most socially nice and appropiate thing to say, that she blew her chance with jake in the dumbest way and then kept digging her hole into the depths of the earth akdnsknd and then she dug in her heels and kept being A Good Friend against her actual wishes until her passiveness turned to passive aggression and then blew up into ACTUAL AGRESSION

I think jane and dirk kind of have similar yet opposite problems in a way, where, like... dirk doesn't want to burden others with his feelings and so tries to hide behind a billion layers of detachment and masks (to the point jake spends the entire story up to entering sburb interacting with dirk without ever actually TALKING to him directly much to his frustration), but despite that stated goal, his feelings and authentic self STILL wind up as the most overtly everpresent fact of the friend group's lives, because moderation just escapes him, so it's like the faucet is at full blast of dirk all over everyone while he stares at it wondering why the fuck he's like this

and then there's jane who is like... she WANTS to connect with others. she WANTS to understand others and be understood in return. she wants to be a good friend and a presence in their lives that they find worthwile. so with her the faucet is closed completely, other than the inescapable droplets that make her support come across as transparently condescending or passive agressive when her heart just isn't in it. jane has SUCH massive trouble expressing her actual, genuine, unironic 100% from the heart Feelings And State Of Mind to other people, and yet she's so miserable when people don't automatically KNOW where she's at

so... i think dirk would write that whole thing, which is esentially a static version of AR in that it's an encapsulation of him that is very much authentically him including the parts of himself he hates the most and never wants anyone else to see, but yet he puts it out into the world ANYWAYS because he can't bring himself to ACTUALLY hide any of himself no matter how much he wants to

and jane would 1000% read the whole thing, from the goofy violent doodly beginnings to the philosophically self-destructive metafictional cathartic end, and she would read it and absorb it and gain a clearer understanding of her friend's issues and what weighs on him, and she would definitely cry while reading it and feel deeply for her friend's situation... and she wouldn't say anything about it

she wouldnt reach out to him like HEY UH ARE YOU OKAY THIS BOOK IS KIND OF UHH CONCERNING, which is ABSOLUTELY what roxy and jake would do... and in my opinion, that's probably WHY dirk went through with it and gave it to her after all that waffling back and forth. because he can't handle honest confrontation about his mental state, but on one level or another, he WANTS to be understood

so like, i think thats why jane and dirk's relationship is so interesting to me. they Understand each other and find comfort in that passive understanding. i think it's also part of why they both went steadily downhill when they... well they never fought over jake, because again these two idiots are too avoidant to have a direct confrontation about it, but they certainly let that whole situation drive a wedge between them which resulted in both of them feeling even more isolated despite roxy's desperate efforts to hold the entire disaster gang together

man.... i just think about the alpha kids a lot........

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hiya!! Caroline Forbes for the character game, if you would be so inclined.

I am so so sorry I'm so late to this ask, but I'm hoping better late than never :) [like seriously I’m answering this a month late I am sooooo sorry!!]

First impression

My first impression of Caroline was during that scene at the grill, when she was drunk and like "I try so hard and nobody goes for me, nobody wants me, everything is a competition and I try so hard and NEVER win" to bonnie, and honestly calling myself out here, but I hated her in that moment simply bc I could see wayyyyy too much of myself in her, and I felt sort of vulnerable seeing such a blatant reflection of my deepest insecurities just sitting there in front of my eyes, but at that moment I wasnt looking to self reflect or read into it too deeply [I was there for mindless cheap entertainment] so my first basic impression I believe was to absolutely scoff at her, and I was like, I already dont like this chick, but also I was expecting her to be sort of a watered down regina george character, bc that's how they introduced her in terms of how she behaves w elena, she was supposed to be the shallow passive aggressive vapid bitch who's friendship is performative at best and toxic at worst, the way she treats Bonnie as a convenient sound board and replaceable company did not go unnoticed by me, these parts I can say I did not relate to, however I saw them for what they are, which is the makings of a headbitch mean girl who's imminent “untimely” death will not be mourned so much as alluded to constantly as a warning call and/or a cautionary tale for all the nameless dangers that are lurking in their godforsaken town, basically I expected her to die as a plot-pusher and then her death + the aftermath would've served as a convenient point of mild conflict between stelena to you know add to the "forbideness" of their relationship, so at this point all my first impressions were exactly what the writer's intended and honestly I was just waiting for her to die since it was clearly just a matter of time before that happened, but at the same time, I might not have been completely aware of this during that period of time, but the grill scene struck a chord with me and stayed with me quietly for a very long time, months later after reading several ffs and metas I can pinpoint that I was basically stuck between finding solidarity w Caroline in having the same insecurities as the character, and hating the fact that I had those insecurities at all to begin w and how vividly they were shown to me through Caroline without any restraint or cushioning.

So yeah you could say her character itself left me both vulnerable and seen at the same time so it was an odd mix of finding comfort and empathizing with this fictional character, but predominantly I was feeling.....agitated and hiding away from the truth that she represented to me; these two opposing feelings conflicted with one another constantly leaving me in a place where I mostly did not know if I liked her at all and if I didnt like her was it because she was written to be a mildly irritating side character [that I couldnt be bothered to emotionally invest in] or just because I saw too much of myself, especially the parts of me I dont particularly care for, in her to ever like her.

So yeah on one side I could say I wasnt deeply bothered [in a good or a bad way] by her, and only in passing acknowledged her to be the plot-convenient side character she was in the very beginning, but on the other hand, I somehow latently knew that it was so much more than that, and I am so so glad it was in fact the latter of the two that was true.

Impression now

Listen my impression of her now, cannot be encapsulated into a well thought out explanation of why I think so and so of her and how it affects me, but I think personally right now if you ask me what I think of Caroline, I would say I see her and I think, 

Oh I....know you, I see you everyday when I think about the kind of growth I want to have, I see myself in your past and while you may have grown I havent, but I can see it’s possible, however fictional and non-existent you are, if it’s possible for you, it’s possible for me.

[Also I just wanna add here, that in no way am I, at this moment, referring to canon!caroline directly but I am strictly thinking of the Caroline I have built in my head and the growth I projected onto her when I saw her transition from vapid blonde shallow bitchy human [and here’s the thing she wasnt vapid or shallow even in her human days but the insecurities still made her feel that way] to confident, painfully real, optimistic, loyal and so overflowingly full of love-vampire who has forgiven her past self but also loves her past self because no one thought she was worth that but Caroline Forbes thinks 16 year old Human Caroline Forbes deserves just as much love as Vampire Caroline Forbes and if no one else is brave enough, real enough to give that to her she will give it to her herself, Which to me is beautiful and resonates so deeply with me and that is exactly what I would say is my current impression of her; A girl so full of love and light, even her own shadow self cannot escape it.]

Favorite moment

Every moment she beats up a guy is my favourite moment and every time she insults Klaus with a smile on her face is also my favourite moment.

Idea for a story

Ok so I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’m really excited to make it into an extensive multichap work when I do get the time, but you know how in Legacies [gag] there’s this episode where in an alternative universe where Hope doesnt exist at all, Caroline and Klaus are the cutest Enemies of the State couple to ever exist and they both are basically fucking shit up to the point where the humans wanna end the supernatural world as they know it, in legacies the reason behind the supernatural uprising was something unnecessarily sordid and stupid but I am basically thinking of something else but will lead to the same alternate universe we see in legacies, the basic premise rn is that  Klaus and Caroline are the Supreme leaders of the supernatural community and are leading them against the humans in this war that has broken out all over the world in a bid to end the supernatural world altogether, and I kind of have it outlined to take them from However Long it Takes my Last Love to let’s discuss our next strategy to over throw all opposing world governments on this table and then proceed to fuck on it.

So yeah I kinda wanna say stay tuned for that, but I wont cuz seriously I have no faith in myself lmao.

Unpopular opinion

As much as I love to criticize other characters [mostly Elena] for being hypocritical twats regarding Caroline’s choices, Caroline herself is a hypocrite multiple times through out canon, but I myself find that I am ok with that, since I never expected her to be perfect and her hypocrisy only makes her more real in my eyes since every time she is a hypocrite she is called out on it and made to face her own double standard.

Favorite relationship

I wanna say Klaus, like seriously I really really do,  but for me personally the relationship my Vampire!Caroline has with her past human self will always be the most beautiful enriching and hope giving thing.

That and also her relationship with her mom and how it finds this transformation from a place where they constantly hurt each other and are estranged from each other to a place where they try so hard to understand and love each other and finding the other to be an unmovable pillar in their life that strengthens and holds them up also resonates with me deeply.

Favorite headcanon

This one

[m19writes4mlb]

Defenceless - Chapter 1

Summary: When things become too much, one can feel trapped. Adrien becomes acquainted with this concept, and decides to break away for a while.

Chapter: 1/?

Word Count: 1611

Rating: T

Adrien is familiar with the feeling of helplessness. He has never had much control over his life. There is almost always someone dictating what his next step should be. Rarely does he get to decide his own fate, so he isn’t surprised by the fact that his first relationship seems to be about to end for circumstances beyond his control.

Kagami is a wonderful girl. She is smart, driven, determined, pretty, and comes from a similar background. Plus, she is more socially inept than him, which is both a blessing and a curse. To an outsider's eyes, Adrien and Kagami were a perfect match. However, no outsider had a clear picture of who he is; thus, subtracting validity to their assessments.

He isn’t just Adrien Agreste, professional model and sweet, picture perfect son of France’s top designer Gabriel Agreste. He is also one half of Paris’s beloved superhero duo: brave, dorky, flirty, and confident Chat Noir. That being said, neither one truly encapsulates Adrien’s full essence on their own. He is something in between, an amalgamation of his personas.

The truth was that no one was privy to his true self. He feared what whoever was the first person to truly see it would think. To Adrien, rejection and ridicule were scarier than anything else. Thus, he developed a fool-proof strategy to never have to deal with them. He never showed the entirety of himself. He hid behind masks, all of them carefully designed with just enough truth to be believable. Adrien Agreste could bend and mold himself into exactly what the person he was with wanted him to be. Even so, this came with a strong draw back. When one focuses on pleasing those around them and spends all their time behind masks, they forget what it is that really lies beneath the façade.

Most of the time, not knowing what his real self was didn’t really bother him; he took it in stride. He viewed it as something that with time would solve itself. Nevertheless, when situations like his current one took place, he realised just how much damage not knowing one’s self could really cause.

Looking back on it, he now realises that even though he cared about Kagami deeply, he did not love her. Sure, he felt a special connection to her. After all, none of his other friends could understand his home life like Kagami could. He admired her deeply. She is a go-getter with a can-do attitude. She fears nothing, and never hesitates. He holds her on high regards, but he can now see that that is where his feelings for her end.

Adrien had hurt Kagami. He gradually and painfully broke her heart and did not realise that was the case until it was too late. He couldn’t see how much he was putting Kagami through, until her trust in him was almost completely gone. After all, if Kagami still trusted him, she would not have set that trap using the lucky charm Marinette gave him. Kagami was perceptive, and she knew Adrien was holding something from her. She gave him a final chance to come clean, but he simply could not explain himself. It was his deception that got Kagami akumatized again. He felt like her akumatization was on him, regardless of how out of his hand that affair was.

Each mask came with responsibilities for Adrien as the wearer, and the Chat Noir mask came with the biggest one. Even if he wished to show his true self to anyone, he couldn’t. Being one of Paris’s protectors required anonymity. He didn’t want to lie to Kagami. Even if in hindsight he could tell that their relationship was a stagnant one, Adrien would have loved to at least clear the air between himself and Kagami. She deserved an explanation, but he just could not provide one, not without putting her in danger and Paris on the line.

Adrien Agreste was tired. He didn’t want to have be perfect all the time. He was exhausted of always being told what to do. Not having any control over anything in his life was slowly wearing him out. He was teetering over the edge, and needed a reprieve. The only moments when he can let go, are when he is clad in a leather cat-suit. Considering the fact that said outfit comes with the duty of keeping Paris safe, it is certainly concerning to say that when he donned it is when he feels the freest.

Adrien was looking out of his bedroom windows when the severity of everything that transpired that day hit him. His hands went to grab onto his hair and a frustrated groan escaped him as he fell to his knees. He wanted to scream, cry, kick, and punch. His skin felt prickly. Air felt as though it was in short supply. He was restless, yet couldn’t move. He kept so much bottled up and hidden. Adrien felt like he was going to explode.

After what felt like hours but could just as easily have been seconds, Adrien stood up. His countenance became stony and unreadable as he let the words out, “Plagg, claws out”.

Chat Noir ran. He ran as fast as he could. He needed to get away, away from a neglecting home, away from endless responsibilities, away from the wounds he caused, away from his castle of lies. The further he moved, the easier breathing became.

Chat had no destination in mind. He just knew he wanted to escape, at least for a small while. He traversed the rooftops of Paris. His run was tense with rigid yet erratic movements. His turns were sharp and his pace gruelling. Chat wanted to burn. He had hurt someone dear to him. He deserved to feel at least a fraction of her pain.

The cool night’s breeze unrepentantly hit Chat Noir’s face, alerting him of the wetness beneath his eyes. His lungs felt as though they were on fire. His legs felt ready to fall off. He didn’t stop. He pushed himself harder.

A leap approached, for he was about to reach the end of the rooftop he currently found himself in. His legs were begging for respite, but he reproached it. He pushed himself off the ground and flew. His body however refused to keep enduring abuse.

Chat’s right leg does not stick the landing. His right shoulder takes the brunt of his fall, making him hiss. His momentum makes him roll around the rooftop. He stops and lies face-up. He lets out an embittered scream. His hands fly to his hair and pull hard in a pitiful attempt to ground himself. He pants heavily and stares at the sky.

Slowly, his breathing evens out. Chat sits up and brings his knees to his chest. He hides his face behind them, and lets sobs wrack his body as his tears run freely. He embraces his despair and agony. He feels horrible about himself, and for once, instead of keeping it all in, he lets it all out.

He stays like that for a while, impossible for him to say how long for with exactitude. He cries until he’s got no more tears left. Once the burden he carries feels at least a little lighter, he looks up.

Twinkling lights on a familiar balcony a few blocks away catch his attention. He stares curiously. It was 22:00 when he left his home. He is certain it has been a good while since he did. He knew Marinette was a night owl, but it seems like an odd time to be outside on her balcony, especially given how cold it was tonight. He studied his friend’s silhouette more closely. She was leaning on her railing, resting her cheek on one of her hands. She appeared deep in thought as she gazed into the horizon. Overall, she appeared quite dejected.

Marinette is one of the most amazing people he knows. She’s a beautiful, kind, gentle soul who is willing to do whatever it takes to help those she cares about out. She’s his Everyday Ladybug.

Lately, she has been having a rough time. Even though Marinette hasn’t said anything about it, Adrien could see how the circles underneath her eyes were growing darker every day. He could see how his bubbly friend who lit up every room she walked into was withering.

He could see Alya was becoming more and more concerned about her best friend. He could see how her boyfriend Luka got more and more restless asking her to let him in. Her friends kept trying to reach out, but Marinette kept pushing away with one excuse or another. Adrien knew something was wrong with her, but he had no clue what to say to her. If neither her best friend nor boyfriend seemed to be able to do anything about it, what could he do?

Adrien only knew one thing. His friend should never feel low. Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserved the world and then some. She was an ever-burning flame whose warmth uplifted everyone around her. That flame was getting extinguished, and a world without her light was not something Adrien wanted to see. Thus, he decided that he was simply not going to allow that to happen.

Feeling slightly better after his cathartic break down, Chat stood up with renewed purpose. He had hurt someone he cared about today, that was a wrong he couldn’t right anytime soon. He’s being given the chance to help someone else who is dear to him, to at least restore some sort of balance in the world. He’d be damned if he didn’t take it.

Chapter 2 →

Author's Note

So as I said in my introductory post, I am posting my works here and on AO3. I chose to do this because I feel like it is easier to interact with readers in here. I am more than happy to answer questions and reply to your comments.

Ko-fi

[kewltie]

I can't stop thinking about re:Kasumi. It's not your longest or most extensively written au, but it just speaks to my heart on such a level that whenever I reread the snippets of that au it never fails to bring me to tears. My favorite scenario to think about in that AU is the inevitable breakdown that deku would have, confessing out loud all his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness as a parent, omega, and person that he had bottled inside and had eaten away at him for ten years until he can't take it anymore. Would his confession be to Kasumi? To Kacchan? Or maybe just to himself.... even if Kacchan still hated him at this point for the story, Deku still deserves the chance to be vulnerable. For his feelings to be heard, for someone to listen to him. I don't think Deku should feel sorry for what he did—giving Kasumi away was for her own sake and to give her a chance at a better life than he could have and so, so hard for him—and I don't think anyone with even the slightest smidge of empathy could blame him for it either—but it still hurts. Kacchan and Deku have a lot of apologizing, talking, and forgiveness to do. Not just for each other, but to Kasumi too. I don't doubt that deep down she loves them both, but man....the feeling of knowing/thinking that you were the cause of ruining someone's life or relationships ESPECIALLY of your own parents is not something that disappears with a day and a kiss. I hope that Deku learns how to love himself. I hope Kacchan learns how forgive. But most of all, I hope Kasumi gets to feel the full scope of love from the two people who love her most in the world.

I have more thoughts on your au, but I don't want to bother you too much. I know you're kinda busy w life rn and wish you the best of luck in everything that you do. Please take care 💗

hihihi!!

sorry, i always only published ask if they're anon for privacy sake but i hope it's ok if im able to share your ask on my blog! your feelings about this verse is so well poignant and perfect encapsulation of what i was trying to convey, thank you!!!! ngl re:kasumi is prob my fav kasumi au not only bc of the kasumi + katsuki's dynamic that i get to explore w/o the constraint of kasumi's devotio and loyalty to izuku that make her keeps her wall up around katsuki but also, i have talked extensively about this before, i have a huge soft spot for single parent fic as i grew up in one and the choices they're force to make as a parent alone w/ no support.

it's not always a good one or even necessary bad one either but it's definitely hard. when i was growing up bc my mom had to work a lot to support us, i never had family nights or vacation or any expectations of my mom. like when i was about to graduate high school i didn't even think she was gonna be able to come to my graduation bc of work LOL or when i won some award at school, i went by myself to go collect on honors night so i never really grow close to my mom bc i never really have a chance to sit down and talk to her BUT it wasn't like traumatizing for me; it was just my reality ya know and i dont really regret it bc of my mom's work i was able to live pretty comfortable even if not in excess. im thankful for all the sacrifice she made bc she did A LOT for me and my brother and though i think sometimes i wish that i can easily go up to my mom and sit down and talk to her about my troubles i really can't LOL bc we're not that kind of family but it doesnt mean i dont respect the choices she made while i was growing up to prioritized the welfare of my family more then the personal connections.

im sure it was difficult for her and i think that's why i empathized deeply with izuku. you can call izuku's choice to give kasumi up as dumb but i dont think you should ever dismissed as easy bc izuku lives with his choice for 10 years and god did he suffered for it. thank you for understanding izuku's pov too bc it's so easy to just call him out on his choices and say you do otherwise but when YOU'RE the one in shoes can you really do what you say??? ya know.

and thank you for bringing up about kasumi and how knowing her birth affected her parent's life. i think children should always be allow to be children, sometimes allow to b selfish and shouldn't have to carry the weight of their family but im also aware how fucking expensive and time consuming they are LOL /o\. when i was younger anytime i wanted a new phone or something fancy the other kids had, i didn't fully grasp what they mean for my mom to afford to give it to me bc now that she's older she's experience a lot of back pain for laboring so much in my younger years just to afford all the good stuff. i understand that now but when you're young it's not hard to think the world revolves and you and your teen dramas lol. so yea, parents often make sacrifices that children can't see but as we grow older we become more aware and see the full weight of our parent's choices for us and i come to appreciate and respect my mom more. i think it's like that for kasumi she grew up so pampered and love by everyone but she doesn't realize how the earlier years of her birth cause so much heartache for BOTH of her parents--katsuki who wasn't ready to be a single parent yet WHEN HE STILL HASN'T GRADUATE UA EVEN and izuku who had nobody to support him and so terribly alone and felt the weight of being a parent so young and it's just... tough on them both. sometimes life give you things you're not ready for and it's your fault or theirs; it's just how it is but it doesn't change how if affected everything and her birth derailed their life. bkdk dont regret it but god they went through hell in for it (izuku having to leave kasumi and live w his choices and katsuki having to become a single father at that age). it's fucking sucks but it's not kasumi's fault!! she's a child and isn't responsible for their actions but does she feels the burden of it anyway. it's... tough all around.

ANYWAY, i got ramble-y again lol thanks so much for your comment and food for thoughts bc it's sooo well articulated and capture exactly how i feel about this verse as a whole and i would absolute love hearing more of your thought process if you want to share!!!! i love dumping my thoughts on my 'verses here a lot as you can see and have no shame talking about stuff im sure other aren't interest in so when i see others picking apart one of my verses and is able to capture the essence of it so well, it makes me so happy :D. thanks, i truly appreciate it!!!!! and take care of yourself too!!!!!!<33

[fletchphoenix]

The Sins Of Your Past Affect Our Future

HERE IT IS! Boy howdy this one is long but I think it’s my favourite thing I’ve written so far. I love it to bits! Okay, thank you for all your support and onwards with the chapter!

Word Count : 6175

TW : Strong Language

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  As Corona came into sight, Varian, Yong and Nuru got more and more excited and Hugo felt more and more dread grow in his stomach. This was it - their last trial and the last time they’d truly be a team. After this, they’d all part ways and never see each other again. Except..none of them would’ve completed their goals. Well, other than him. Donella’s deadline was tomorrow and he’d have to say goodbye to the bonds he’d built. His bond with Yong, where he’d show him different alchemical techniques purely to one-up Varian each time, a smug grin on his features at Yong’s amazement and Varian frustration. His bond with Nuru as they’d bicker and insult each other, but still silently (begrudgingly in Nuru’s case) agree to protect the other two if anything went sour. And his bond with Varian which...was difficult to describe. 

  He didn’t get what it was about the other boy. Whether it was his looks, his personality or something like that...he couldn’t stop himself from doing the one thing that Donella warned him not to do. He got attached VERY quickly, wanting nothing more than to gain the other’s affection in some way. Yet here they were. Two years later with no luck or success whatsoever in making Varian like him. He didn’t get it! He was handsome, funny and smart! How the hell could Varian NOT be interested? It frustrated him to no end - nights spent on watch wondering what the hell was the other’s deal. Initially he would’ve assumed the boy was straight, but..after finding out about his borderline obsession with Flynn Rider, he could just tell he wasn’t. 

  “Hello? Earth to Hugo?” Varian called, waving his hand in front of the blonde’s face before finally getting his attention. Hugo flinched back in embarrassment and shook his head, trying to erase any thoughts of the other boy from his mind..for now. “Hey you alright? You were zoning out there for a second.” 

  “I’m fine.” Hugo replied, a bit more aggressively than he’d intended. Shit, he didn’t mean to be that rude to him at this moment in time, he was just...distracted. By things and feelings he didn’t want to feel, because they would hurt him more in the long run and hurt Varian if he acted on them. At first he really wouldn’t have cared and would have just used Varian, taken what he wanted and turned on him almost immediately, but..he just didn’t think he could do that to the younger man. Two years was a long time to spend around someone, and when that someone was as charismatic and intelligent as Varian, it was hard to NOT fall in love with him.

  “Alright you guys!” Varian declared, standing on a bridge with Ruddiger chittering excitedly from his perch on his right shoulder and Prometheus’ reins in hand, “Welcome to Corona, my kingdom.” And with that, him, Nuru and Yong broke into a sprint across the brick bridge, Hugo letting a small chuckle pass through his lips as he watched before following along contently.

  As he passed through the stone archway at the end of the bridge, moss and ivy tangling together up the sides, he could see the hustle and bustle of town. So many people he could steal from, though..he snuck a glance at Varian, Nuru raising her eyebrow in his direction in disapproval as if she could read his thoughts. He neglected his former thoughts. He was a changed man! Besides, Varian wouldn’t want him to get kicked out of his home kingdom before they had the chance to complete the trials as a team. Speaking of their team, the other three all began to regroup in the city centre beside a small fountain, Yong taking a seat on the brick wall surrounding it beside Nuru and Varian as Hugo stood before them. 

  “Okay so, tonight is the lantern festival and..before we complete the trial, I kinda want you all to see it. Just as a nice goodbye before we all go our separate ways. Y'know? But first, we’ve got to meet Xavier to ask about the Demanitus device and some other things.” Varian explained, his voice sounding slightly saddened as he mentioned the idea of their makeshift found family disbanding. Hugo wanted to comfort him, but Yong already beat him to it. 

  “What do you want to do when we open the library?” Yong asked, a smile on his face as he leant forward and met Varian’s eyes. “I know that I want to make something that doesn’t explode. Something to make my family know I’ve changed!” He declared as he put his hands on his hips in a very Varian-esque way. 

  “I know that I’m going to find a way to stop the comet, or at least mitigate the effects of the meteor showers. Just, find a way to help my people. How about you, Varian?” Nuru tilted her head to the side, smiling reassuringly and resting a hand on Varian’s knee. Jealousy began to rise in Hugo, before he shook his head and bit the inside of his lip. No. None of that. Nuru was happy with Amber and Varian was very clearly not into women or Nuru at all. 

  “I just want to finish my mother’s work. I want to be able to know that she didn’t die out of nowhere and that she can rest easy knowing everything was done.” Varian’s tone seemed sad, his eyes focused on the cobbled streets of Corona. “How about you, Hugo?”

  Hugo paused. He..really hadn’t thought about it. He was supposed to just go back to his normal life of stealing and conning people before returning to Donella, but now he wasn’t so sure that was what he wanted. “That’s personal, goggles.” He simply replied. “Now, who’s this Xavier you were talking about?” 

  “Oh! Right!” Varian responded quickly, seemingly brushing off Hugo’s admittedly cryptic response. “Xavier’s the town’s blacksmith. Really nice guy, but very...very knowledgeable about legends and all that. Tends to go on and on about them. He’s interesting though! Just..talks a lot.” He shrugged and led them down the winding streets, the gang following close behind. Hugo watched as Varian walked with a slight skip in his step - probably the joy of being back in his hometown as opposed to how beaten down he was after leaving Galcrest after the earth trial. He can’t say he understood the feeling of having to leave your family behind - having never had one, but he could see family meant a lot to Varian and to have that ripped away from him..it must’ve hurt.

  After what seemed like twenty minutes of walking, they arrived outside of a blacksmith’s shack, the man inside whistling a little tune before turning and his face lighting up at the sight of Varian. “Varian, my boy! It’s so good to see you!” he called before pulling the boy into a tight embrace, his eyes shut with his elation at the man’s presence very clear. Hugo couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, alerting the man to the odd trio waiting at the entrance. “Oh, and you must be his friends he met on the way.” Xavier’s kind eyes looked Hugo up and down, a knowing smirk making its way onto his face before continuing, setting an uneasy feeling in Hugo’s stomach. Why was he smiling at him like that? 

  “Yeah, these are Nuru, Yong and Hugo.” Varian spoke nonchalantly, looking at Hugo with a strange look he couldn’t quite place to one emotion. Xavier gave a little ‘ah’ accompanied by a knowing nod and walking towards a small, glossy bookcase. By the looks of it, it was covered in books about old legends such as the cheating willows (very obscure, in Hugo’s opinion, and Varian seemed to groan at the sight of the title as though he’d remembered a difficult memory.) and quickly, Xavier pulled out a scroll of parchment paper and unraveled it on the table. The teens gathered around the table and looked down at the schematics in front of them revealing a machine of some sorts. Upon closer inspection, he could see how the various parts of the totems fit together in intricate ways to make the machine. Hugo took a second to glance up at Varian, the younger man deeply focused on the paper in front of him, and an affectionate smile drifted onto his face, however it left before anyone could call him out for it and especially before Varian could realise he was staring. Not that he was anyway. Totally not. 

   “Thank you, Xavier. This is perfect!” Varian called, gathering the blueprints in his arms and heading back towards the street. Before Hugo could follow suit, a warm hand settled on his shoulder and turned him around. 

  “So you’re Hugo, hmm?” Xavier said with a smile, raising an eyebrow. “Varian has sent the princess many letters discussing you. More so than about the rest of your friends. It seems you’ve made a strong impression on him.” Shit. Did Varian know what he was planning to do? He knew the other was probably suspicious at first, but after the countless nights they’d spent by the campfire and the almost intimate moments they’d shared...he couldn’t still feel that way right? Hugo thought he’d integrated himself into their group pretty well, hell, even Nuru trusted him, so..why wouldn’t Varian? “All I will say is..I can tell a thief when I see one. And I can also see you’re conflicted. You may know what you want, but is it really what you need?” The blacksmith stated, encapsulating Hugo’s confused expression with a soft smile. 

  “Hugo, you coming?” Varian asked, breaking Hugo away from his thoughts and prompting him to follow along after the others quietly. What the hell did he mean? Did..did he know? How could the old man know? Why was he being so cryptic about it as well? Is what he wants what he needs? Well, he wants money and you definitely need that, so what the hell was he talking about? Conflicted? Was it that obvious? Ugh. It was all hurting his head far too much. All of it was so...confusing. “Okay guys,” Varian beamed, turning with a large smile on his face. One that made Hugo’s cheeks heat up and Nuru grin smugly at him. “So, we have time to celebrate the lantern festival! Where do you want to go first?” Varian declared, clasping his hands together with a wide grin.

  “The dancing!” Yong yelled, grasping Varian and Hugo’s hands and pulling them along with Nuru in tow. “I saw it earlier and I thought it would be fun!” As they were pulled along the streets, Hugo swore he saw a red flush on Varian’s cheeks, though he pushed it aside in favour of dodging the Coronan citizens that flooded the streets. Upon reaching the market space, Yong pulled away, causing Varian to trip. Hugo, ever the agile one, lunged and pulled the other man flush against his chest to help prevent his fall. 

  “Are you alright?” he asked, though Varian gave him no response, setting an intense stare that locked their eyes together before nodding and hastily looking away. 

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” The other muttered, straightening his shirt and dusting off his waistcoat before moving away from Hugo, much to his disappointment. Happy couples spun and swayed around them to the rhythm of the music, Varian glancing around and biting the inside of his cheek. “WE stick out like a sore thumb, don’t we?” 

  “How about we blend in, then?” Hugo questioned, bowing and holding his hand out. “Varian Ruddiger, would you bless me with the privilege of sharing a dance?” He pushed his glasses up with his free hand, fully expecting Varian to reject him and his advances as he’d done oh so many times. Much to his surprise, Varian’s gloved hand slipped into Hugo’s with the ghost of a smile on his face as he did so, their eyes meeting once again. “Wow. Okay then.” Hugo whispered under his breath, pulling Varian closer to him and shifting a hand to his waist as the other’s moved onto his shoulder and, once in the proper posture, they began to join in with the dance around them.

  They spun and swayed and laughed as they glided around the street, Hugo picking Varian up and spinning him around in the air before setting him down in a fit of giggles and smiles and, before they knew it, it was nightfall. “Hey, come with me.” Varian whispered, slowly pulling Hugo away to a desolate, brick bridge after purchasing two lanterns from a vendor. They both took a seat, their feet grazing the water as they sat in a comfortable silence together before Varian broke it. “I used to come here a lot after my redemption. It was hard to admit people had forgiven me when I couldn’t even forgive myself, even though they assured me every day I was forgiven. It was the one place I had that no one knew where I could sit with Ruddiger and relax. I wanted to bring you here, because..you mean a lot to me, Hugo. You’ve become so important to me over such a small amount of time and I trust you more than anything else. You know what I mean?” 

  “I’m starting to.” Hugo responded, eyes fixed on the boy beside him as the lanterns, previously in their hands, floated into the sky. They joined the mass of them already in the sky, though theirs twirled in their own, secretive rhythm. Hugo silently brushed his fingers against Varian’s before slipping his hand into the other’s, enjoying the small moment of intimacy between the two after he’d spent the past two years chasing after him and relentlessly flirting..it was nice to know his feelings were reciprocated. Guilt began to settle in his stomach over what he was about to do to the boy beside him but..a few more hours of pretending never hurt anyone, right?

  “Guys?” They heard Yong yell, their hands pulling away from each other’s and moving from their comfortable position on the bridge as they looked away from the almost perfect scene they’d created together in what felt like their own little bubble away from the rest of the world. Just them without a care in the world. Varian cleared his throat, the hand that previously held Hugo’s rubbing the back of his neck before he began to speak.

  “I guess we should get back to them. It..has been a while.” he commented before turning on his heel and heading away from Hugo before he could give an answer. Oh well, there was always next time-oh wait. No there wasn’t. Hugo bit his lip at the thought before shaking his head and jogging to catch up with the others. No. He wasn’t gonna think like that. Not right now when he was so so close to finishing his mission. He couldn’t let himself think he was wrong and feel something.

  They kept heading along the lit paths of Corona towards the castle, a purple blur tackling Varian in a tight hug on the floor. The other three couldn’t help but snort with laughter as Varian writhed to get out of the bone crushing hug he was forced to endure. “Varian! Oh my god it's been far too long! How’s my little brother doing?” She gasped at the sight of the others, “OH MY SUNDROP! See! I told you you’d make friends along the way! It’s a pleasure to meet you all!” she exclaimed, finally relenting in her tight hug and standing, also allowing Varian to follow suit. “Hi, I’m princess Rapunzel!” 

  “Rapunzel, this is Yong, Nuru and..Hugo.” Varian paused before saying Hugo’s name, a smile wide on Rapunzel’s face as the blonde’s name was uttered. Did...did they all know something he didn’t? Everyone had been giving him creepy smiles all day! Rapunzel, who was now babbling about something or the other, pulled Varian along and gestured for the gang to follow along. All he really picked up on was some guy called Eugene was asleep because of guard duty or something like that, he really didn’t care. All he wanted was to get a good night’s sleep.

  After being redirected to their rooms, Hugo immediately flopped onto the king sized bed in front of him, stretching out across it with a wide grin. Now this..this was what he wanted. There was...an abundance of green items for a kingdom that had all other rooms decorated in purple and gold. Maybe Varian had written to them about their favourite colours? He supposed Nuru would love it here, being as purple was her favourite colour. He felt himself slowly slipping into the realm of slumber before a knock sounded at the door. “Bleugh..come in!” he yelled out, rubbing his hand over his face and propping himself up on his elbows, putting his glasses on before seeing Varian enter through the large doors in his pyjamas. That...certainly wasn’t who he was expecting. “Oh, hey hairstripe.” he mumbled, an eyebrow raised in confusion, “What’s up?”

  “Can I sleep with you tonight?” the raven haired boy blurted out, before quickly resigning on himself. “I’m sorry-it’s dumb and I should uh-I should go. Sorry to bother you, Hugh.” He began, turning to rush out of the doors before Hugo leaped over the end of his bed and grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip.

  “I-no Varian, it’s fine. You can sleep with me!” he almost yelled, essentially pulling the boy back over and closer to his chest. His face flushed as he realised the potential implications of his actions and words. “Oh god no that’s not what I meant.” he awkwardly stuttered out. Stuttering? Really? THIS was the level he was at with his crush on the other boy? Wow. Totally suave and seductive of him, wasn’t it? Varian, however, ignored this, letting out a small snort of laughter before shuffling away and sitting on the bed twisting and rubbing the silk, emerald sheets between his delicate fingers. “So, hairstripe. What’s wrong?” Hugo asked, moving to lay back beside the younger man, who promptly laid beside him and rested his head on his chest. The blonde felt his face flush as the man’s fingers, previously rubbing the sheets, moved to trace small shapes over his chest. 

  “Y’know when you said you didn’t know what you wanted to do after all this is over? I..kinda hoped you’d stay here. With me. In Corona. I think we work well as a team together and...I really want you to join me with my royal duties. We could open the library together and teach people the merits of alchemy. I just..don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want you to be alone.” Varian admitted, keeping his focus on Hugo’s pyjama shirt and the little intricate details sewn into the fabric. Hugo glanced down at the other, smiling sadly and absentmindedly playing with his hair carefully, strands weaving in between his digits.

  “Y’know...I will. I wouldn’t mind being able to stay with the infamous ‘Varian Ruddiger, the royal alchemist of Corona’. It certainly sounds like a good lifetime. I mean, being able to one-up you for the rest of my life? Sounds perfect.” he chucked, Varian joining him in his little serenade of laughter as he curled up closer against his chest. “Yeah, I’ll stay, Varian.” He whispered as the boy fell asleep on his chest. “I’ll stay for you.” he gently brushed the raven haired boy’s fringe aside and placed a kiss to his forehead, setting his glasses aside and letting himself slip into a comfortable sleep.

------------------------------

  At the noise of Yong yelling ‘Wake Up’ outside of his door, Hugo groaned and opened his eyes, unable to move with a weight on his chest. He glanced down to see Varian stirring as well. Oh yeah, Varian slept with him. As in..shared a bed together in a completely platonic and friendly way. He really needed to work on his wording, didn’t he? “Alright hairstripe, c’mon. Time to get up.” He grumbled as he pushed himself, with a surprising amount of effort needed, to his feet and put on his glasses that were resting on a table beside his larger than necessary bed. Varian followed suit with much frustration, the man absolutely hating mornings to no end. 

  Breakfast went far faster than they’d realised and soon enough they were trekking down the underground tunnels of the castle to where they had to build the Demanitus device. And, of course, the all too familiar feeling of guilt began to make Hugo feel nauseous the further they went. He didn’t want to do this anymore. All he wanted was to live the life him and Varian dreamt up last night together in the guest room. He wanted to watch Nuru become the magnificent queen she was destined to be. He wanted to watch Yong succeed in making his family proud - though he was sure he already had. He didn’t want to go back to the sad, sad life he was living before. But he was too late. In that moment, everything the old man had said fit together perfectly - like a puzzle that only had one piece remaining and he’d finally solved it. 

  He needed Varian. 

  Hugo’s feet faltered in the tunnels as the other three assembled the machine, Hugo watching them intently. No. He didn’t want to leave everything they’d built together. Every intimate and affectionate moment they shared alone, like the lanterns, the dancing and the night before. He wasn’t ready for any of this to stop. With a start, the three moved back to join him and the machine jumpstarted, a sickly blue swirling to signify it’s entrance that blew their hair around wildly. Everything was going swimmingly, until broken laughter echoed through the room and Donella revealed herself, the light from the portal lighting up her face. 

  “Well done, Hugo. You really have made me proud! Now, how about all of you step back and let me and my son do what we were always meant to do.” She declared, holding an alchemical solution in her hand, “Hugo, over here. Now.”

  “So, you’re working with her then?”

  Varian’s voice didn’t shake once, his glare cold, even though it burned straight through Hugo like a hot poker. It was uncomfortable - a calm and collected look on his face, though Hugo could tell there was murderous intent behind those azure eyes that were fixed on him. He didn’t even register the angered looks of Nuru and Yong or the feeling of Donella’s rough hands resting on his shoulders - all he could see or focus on was the man in front of him.

  “Why of course he was! The plan was always to betray you. Why else would he return the totem to you after stealing it so efficiently? We knew you’d be a problem as Ulla’s son. I’d honestly thought all her research had died with her in that wretched place, but no. One part of her still remained. So I told him to stay with all of you until you had all the totems, so it would be easier for us to get in. And it worked!” She laughed once again, doubling over with a wide smile and crossing her arms over her stomach.

  “Varian I’m sorry.” he whispered, his voice seeming too weak to even belong to him. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable he’d made himself only the night before with his boy. All the walls he’d built up over the past twenty one years had crumbled at his feet in this one moment, Varian’s face contorting in disgust as he turned away from Hugo. Hugo could swear he felt his heart physically shatter in his chest as he watched the other stare at the entrance to the library and step even closer. His hair blew wildly the closer he stepped towards it. “Varian please, I didn’t know!-” he cried desperately.

  “I’m going in. Don’t be here when I get back.” he yelled, running through and entering the library. As soon as he could, Hugo ran to try and enter, his body merely colliding with the now-locked entrance of the portal, a magical seal put on it. Pain reverberated through his body, him ignoring it as he kept fruitlessly slamming his body against the entrance to no avail. No. No no no this was NOT how it was meant to happen! They were a team and were meant to do this together! Well- he supposed Nuru, Varian and Yong were the team now, since Hugo’s initial less than sweet intentions had been revealed, but..judging by how they were standing beside him with their arms folded and Donella trapped in one of Varian’s goo solutions..they felt just as betrayed.

  “Guys.” Hugo stuttered as he slowly backed away. “Look, I know you two hate me-” 

  “Hate is an understatement.” Nuru began, her tone bitter and dripping with hatred, “You used us. You hurt all of us and now, because of your momentous fuck up, Varian has trapped himself in the library with NO WAY of getting to him because you couldn’t swallow your pride for one second! You’re so-god, you’re worse than Donella!” her voice progressed into a yell, shoving a finger into his chest as Yong stood back in shock at the outburst. “You’re evil, Hugo! Absolutely evil! So just leave!”

  “Listen to me, Nuru!” Hugo declared, stepping forward as he looked down at the hurt girl in front of him, “I know I fucked up and I was wrong, but I swear to you I was going to turn on Donella! I love Varian more than anything else in this life and I am going in there to apologise whether you like it or not, because he is the one thing I know for certain I can’t live without! I regret everything I’ve done and I need to go to him! I’ll get out of your hair and Yong’s but please for the love of god, set your biases aside and understand that I love him and need to go to him now! Please!” he yelled, brushing away tears that he hadn’t even realised were running down his cheeks before turning and continuing his relentless pounding against the door. 

  By some miracle, the lock on the library broke down and Hugo, unluckily, fell straight to the floor with a loud ‘oof’. The pain, however, wasn’t his main concern as he forced himself to his feet and began sprinting across the marble floor and passing the endlessly tall bookshelves. They towered over him and formed a mini labyrinth as he tried to track down Varian and find his way to where he could be. He desperately needed to apologise to the boy. His footsteps only grew faster as the screaming and sobbing started, providing him with an indicator of the direction he needed to go and a deep pit of dread and guilt that developed in his stomach as it grew louder and louder. This was all his fault. 

  Hugo turned a corner, met with the sight of Varian on his knees. His fingers pulled at his hair as his eyes glowed a sickly neon green, tears trailing down from his eyes with his waistcoat open as he shook. A transparent woman stood behind him, a maniacal grin on her face as she inflicted pain upon the man on the floor. “Let him go!” Hugo yelled, sprinting over and breathing heavily as he desperately tried to get to Varian to try and help him. 

  “Oh hello there!” Varian’s lips moved, though a woman’s voice came out as Varian’s fist swung and connected with Hugo’s right cheek, knocking him aside and his glasses falling off his face to the marble floor with the right lens cracking. “Pleasure to meet you! I’m Ulla!” her voice was far too chirpy for what she was doing, manipulating Varian’s body to stand over him. 

  “Varian! Varian listen to me! Please, you need to fight her! We need you! I need you!” He yelled, trying to get through to the other man as Ulla controlled Varian’s body, moving a boot to step on Hugo’s chest. His air was getting far too restricted, the pressure on his chest hurting as Ulla kept pressing down more and more. He started to lose consciousness, his vision blacking out as he struggled to get air. It hurt so much. “Varian, please! Come back to me! I love you!” he cried out before his vision went completely black. 

  When he came to, he found his glasses placed on his face and his head in Varian’s lap, staring up at the tear-stained face of the man in question. “Hugo.” His voice rasped as he pulled him into a hug, Hugo’s ribs burning as Varian gave him a bone crushing hug. “You came back-oh my god you came back-”

  “I’m so sorry, Varian.” Hugo croaked as his hand moved to the back of Varian’s head, playing with the strands of his coal hair. His eyes shut as he held the other man close on the library floor. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-I’m an absolute idiot.” he apologised profusely as Varian tried to shush him. 

  “Hugo. Hugh, I forgive you.” The blue eyed man shuffled back and cupped Hugo’s cheek with his hand, a tearful smile on his face. “I love you too.” He said, voice soft with affection, as he leaned forwards and their lips joined in a dainty yet exhausted first kiss, bruises and cuts covering their faces and body. Neither cared though, content to be with each other once again after everything they’d just been through. Hugo shuffled away from the kiss, wincing at the pain in his ribs from Ulla’s relentless attack. “Shit, you’re hurt. C’mon. We should get back to the others.” Varian muttered to himself, moving to his feet and helping Hugo up who swung an arm around his shoulders. The pair stumbled, their limbs aching with pain as they approached the portal to the library. Glancing at each other one last time, Hugo gave Varian a kiss on the cheek and they walked through with gentle smiles on their face.

------------------------------

  Three months later and he, Varian and Donella had found a way to officially open the library’s doors for good permanently. Three months later and he and Varian had been declared the official librarians, now teaching students interested in alchemy about the art. Three months later and Nuru had found a way to mitigate the effects of the meteor and Yong had become a prodigy in his own right back in Koto. Three months later and Corona was having a large ball in celebration of the library’s opening. Three months later and Hugo still felt guilt gnawing away at him each and every time he looked at his partner.

  He didn’t deserve any of this. All the joy and newfound family and immediate forgiveness from everyone around him. He was a bad person - he’d hurt Nuru and Yong. He’d hurt Varian, so how did they all forgive him so quickly? Over the past few months, he’d only come to one conclusion: they were all faking it. They were all faking that he was forgiven so they could all stab him in the back later. He supposed he deserved it, if he was being honest, for everything they’d let him get away with, with almost no consequences for his actions. He had everything he wanted in life, but he didn’t deserve it whatsoever. He didn’t deserve his loving boyfriend.

  Hugo sighed as he leant against the wall, watching everyone celebrate the occasion, yet he couldn’t be happy for them. Varian glanced over at him, a saddened smile on his face as he walked over to Hugo. “Hey babe, how about we get outta here and go to bed? It’s pretty late and I know you hate nobles as much as I do.” He called out over the music in the room, Hugo nodding in agreement before their fingers intertwined and they exited the large ballroom to head to their bedroom. 

--------------------------

  “You know we all hate you, right?” Nuru’s voice echoed in his head as he glanced down at her, fury in her voice as she kept edging closer to him. “You’re a monster for everything you did. You don’t deserve anything you have.”   “She’s right and you know it.” Yong said from behind him. They were both ganging up on him now. Suffocating him and cornering him. “You hurt all of us, what makes you think we’ve even forgiven you?”

  “Guys, wait-” Hugo pleaded, his back hitting a figure behind him. Hugo turned to see Varian glaring up at him. “Varian are you okay?” he whispered, reaching his hand out before it was slapped away by the man in front of him. 

  “You really think I actually love a monster like you? You’re disgusting. You thought you could play me like everyone else in your sad little life to hurt me more than you already have. You don’t even deserve the oxygen you breathe.” Varian snapped. 

  “Varian-” Hugo choked out between tears, feeling the other rest his hands on his chest and shove him back roughly. He felt himself falling deeper and deeper into the dark abyss around him, with no way of reaching the trio that were already leaving him for dead. “Varian! VARIAN!” he screamed out. 

  “Varian!” Hugo called out breathily as he sat bolt upright in bed, his chest heaving and eyes searching round frantically for the other male. Luckily, he found his target fast asleep behind him, his warmth providing him with some comfort among his distress. Hugo slowly laid back and turned away from Varian onto his side, staring at the wall in the darkness as he let himself drift off deep into thought.

  Of course Varian would find it hard to forgive him - he was finding it hard to forgive himself for hurting the man next to him and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. After all, it had only been three months since their showdown in the library and he’d convinced himself that Varian only said he loved him as some kind of messed up thank you. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the wall, turning on his side in their small bed before arms snaked around his waist and a gentle kiss was placed to the base of his neck, courtesy of the subject of his thoughts.

  “I can hear the cogs in your head turning...what’s wrong, sweetheart?” his boyfriend whispered, his lips ghosting over the nape of his neck with every word he spoke from those beautiful, rosy lips. Slender fingers traced little circles on his hip to calm him, the warm figure behind him whispering sweet nothings. “If it’s about what happened three months ago..”

  “Yeah it is, Varian. How? How could you love someone like me after all the things I’ve done?” Hugo pushed himself up into a sitting position, his eyes refusing to meet the other’s face out of fear for what he’d see. Disgust? Hatred? Pity? Whatever it was, he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t deserve his sympathy. “I took advantage of you, Varian, after you’d been hurt so much..I was so...blind to what I needed that I didn’t even- god, I’m an idiot!” he pulled at his hair as tears threatened to flow down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than a mess like me.” 

  “Hugh, darling. I…” Varian let out a small sigh and sat up, taking his freckled hands and wrapping them around Hugo’s wrists gently. He lowered his hands to stop their assault on his hair, the pair locking eyes. “You heard the stories about the lost princess, right? And about the dashing rogue who saved her? Well, they went to see the lanterns and..apparently that’s when they fell in love. I never understood it before. They’d call each other their new dreams and that they were meant to be together and could tell in that moment. Well, I didn’t understand it until I met you, Hugo. I..wanted to share that moment alone with you before the trials, because..well, you are my new dream. I don’t...I could never hate you, Hugo. Even after your betrayal, you still came back and were the one to save me. We’ve both done some terrible, terrible things, but here we are. We bounced back. I know it’s hard to forgive yourself after something like that, but I forgive you. And for the record, I wouldn’t want anyone other than you. I love you, Hugo.”

  “I...I love you too, goggles.” he whispered before he laid back down and pulled his boyfriend closer and into a tighter hug than before, peppering kisses along his face, relenting as he slowly drifted back to sleep in a comforting embrace with Varian’s warmth and weight in his arms.

[rickybowxn]

hey!! ok so i just need someone else’s opinion bc i haven’t seen anyone talking about this and i literally can’t wrap my head around it lol ok so ricky and nini dated for a YEAR and never once said i love you? and if ricky isn’t ready to say it was he going to wait till 2 years? 3? 4? or was he never going to say it? i also don’t understand why he doesn’t understand that he broke her heart :( i love him but he essentially broke up with her after she told him she loved him on their anniversary 😭

hiya! this is such a great line of discussion and so there’s a lot to break down, bear with me this is gonna be a long one :)

let’s start with the thought that ricky doesn’t understand that he broke nini’s heart. i agree and disagree with you on this. i think that as a 16 year old boy, in the heat of the moment after he saw the instagram post and was clearly overwhelmed by it, he definitely didn’t know that he deeply hurt nini when he decided to not say it back and break up with her. he was as impulsive and sudden in action in response to a post/declaration that in his perspective, was impulsive and sudden by nini. he definitely underestimated the consequences and the weight of him not saying it back in respect to nini’s emotions, and thought that there was space to come back from not saying it back (and i’ll get to why he assumed that in a bit). now, fast forward to junior year, i think he’s definitely understood just how much he broke nini’s heart. i think kourtney’s resentment toward ricky in respect to how nini was treated and more importantly, nini’s general irritation/stand offishness and just distaste towards him throughout the first three episodes allowed ricky to understand how hurt she was by it.

now let’s get when ricky was supposed to/will say ‘i love you’. i don’t know about you but i personally believe that every relationship has a pace, and that pace is different for everybody. saying ‘i love you’ simply doesn’t have a timer on it, it could happen in weeks, or months, or years. how fast or how long it takes to say those words neither validates nor weakens the relationship, and that’s what i believe. personally, i’d argue that throwing around ‘i love you’s’ at 14/15/16 is more unusual/immature than a healthy/mature response (and i’ll elaborate on that in a bit as well) in a relationship. with respect to rini/rickini/ricky and nini, it’s more about each character’s motivation and circumstance with respect to their relationship, as well as their relationship as a whole. tackling that first bit, ricky is in a really rough spot in his perception of love atm, it’s been skewed into negativity since his parents’ marriage started falling apart, i’ve mentioned it in another post of mine when i was analysing ep4 - ‘the only concept of love that he grew up with, his parents - he witnessed them be in, and slowly fall out of love. his only understanding of love is that it is temporary and painful’. now parallel that with nini’s perception of love, beautifully explicated by the subtext of kourtney’s (kinda) monologue in ep5 “i don’t get it, what happened to the seventh grade nini who used to belt this song… ever since you discovered boys, you’ve spent way too much time trying to see yourself through their eyes”, we know that they are worlds apart in how they perceive and pace the idea of love, as well as a relationship itself. nini, from what kourtney said, can be deduced to loving the idea of love - having a boyfriend, getting attention and affection etc. she’s a 14/15 year old girl who started a relationship with the first boy she met and seriously had feelings for. it’s even safe to assume that she jumped into saying ‘i love you’ because she thought ricky was ‘the one’ and she must have watched about 3737328473 romcoms and musicals that pushed the agenda and romanticised relationships and being in love (which no doubt influenced her version and understanding, which is still completely valid and integral, of love). it’s really important for us to understand that just like ricky’s understanding of love is twisted, so is nini’s, neither of them have really gotten to knowing the depth of how good and not so good love can be, and how big of a commitment it is, and that’s because of what i talk about next!

the bombshell that has created the entire arc of the ricky and nini relationship is immaturity. immaturity! ricky and nini are teenagers who are still developing skills such as communication, their independent values and beliefs, as well as self-image. these are all fundamental aspects that encourage and foster a healthy environment for a romantic relationship to grow. getting into a relationship so young, at 14/15 and committing to a person is so difficult simply because you don’t have a developed skillset of these things yet, and ricky and nini are a poster example. remember how i said i’d get back to why ricky thought that he could come back from not saying ‘i love you back’ to nini? well we’re here now, it was immaturity. ricky didn’t have the empathy or emotional maturity to understand how it would effect nini, and nini didn’t communicate, (and actually still hasn’t communicated), why not saying ‘i love you’ back hurt her, she’s just been lashing out so far. now the mature thing to have done is to have sat down with ricky and talked through it, asked him and understood his train of thought. she didn’t do that and ricky just walked away without explaining himself. that, is called a lack of communication. and that skill, comes from learning and ageing. yes it was obvious to us as an audience what he’d done was so wrong, but seriously, as a 16 year old coming from a broken home and never having experienced/seen a healthy relationship, i doubt you any of us would be able to fully grasp it if it was happening to us. and that’s why i’d argue that taking a relationship slow, feeling it out and getting into it as older and more mature individuals is more thought-out. your feelings at any age toward another person are valid, especially in the case that they are reciprocated, but that doesn’t mean you will have a functioning relationship. that’s because relationships. are. work. and kids can’t handle the work because they don’t have the skills that match the job description. ‘i love you’ encapsulates that promise - exercising communication, empathy and support, it’s more than just an emotion i think. in this case, i actually think that ricky understands that better than nini does, because as i said in my other post, one of the motivating reasons he didn’t say it back is because his parents didn’t keep their promise - they fell out of developing their skillset and supporting each other. 

now the most important side-note: none of us will ever perfect these skills that make a relationship work, its constant practice in empathy, in communication, in understanding, in esteem and confidence, and in support. i just think that nini and ricky never got to experience even developing those skills independently and that’s why their relationship fell apart in the way it did. this break has already matured them, ep5 showed nini gaining genuine confidence in herself and ep4 showed ricking communicating to nini how he felt about everything going on at home. them independently going about their lives and growing is already inevitably readying them for being in a relationship and committing to them the right way, when they’re ready for it! i’m so excited to see it

finally, as for when ricky will say/was planning to say ‘i love you’ - i think the writers are taking us on that journey right now! the break ricky and nini have been going through is perfectly setting them up for that mutual and satisfying understanding of the love they have for one and other. i personally think that ricky has loved nini from the get-go, his fear of externalising those emotions is that he’ll have the same outcome as his parents, his insecurities right now don’t allow him to believe that he can have, or even deserves, more than his parents’ fate. hopefully gets out of his rut with talking about how he genuinely feels about nini and how he’s ready for that relationship soon. nini is already getting better at being more sure of herself and what she wants, i think she’ll soon realise how ricky is different to her, and how that doesn’t take away from his legitimate and very strong feelings that are ever-present for her.

what ricky did sucked and he was undoubtably a douche. but that was the exposition to his, and ricky and nini’s story, it only gets better from here! it already has xx

(i’m so so sorry it’s this long, you just really got my analysis flowing lmao, hopefully this wasn’t just a mumble and was kind of an insight. i have so much to say but my brain feels like ramen rn)

[jupitermelichios]

Jupiter’s Top 10 Fic Series of the Decade

In no particular order (and belonging to no particular fandom)

Honourable Mentions: Of Hunters & Hellblazers by KittyAug - Self Help by maskedfangirl - Bad Jokes by hahaharley - Doubtful Sanity by DustToDust - Wilton’s Bakery ‘Verse by machine_dove & sproings -  Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc by etothepii - New Favourite F Word by Polaris - little beasts by noctiphany & likewinning

drawn into something by Nonymos (Venom, Eddie/Venom, Dan/Anne, Eddie/Venom/Dan/Anne)

“Eddie, you… and him.”

“Yeah.” Eddie stares at the floor. “And… and look, Annie, I know it’s weird, but I can explain, I…”

His voice breaks, he’s damn near tearing up, panic rising again—and he jumps when Anne cups his face.

“Hey, it’s—it’s all right, Eddie.” She’s making a valiant effort to smile. “Don’t get so worked up. I’m not gonna run screaming.”

“No?” He laughs and sniffs. “Damn. Starting to wonder what it’s gonna take, at this point.”

This is not Nonymos’s only entry on this list. In fact they may just be my favourite fanfic author of all time. Drawn into something is everything everything I want from a Venom sequel, emotional, kinky, romantic, and poly.

OTP: Fight Club by MorganOfTheFey (Detroit: Become Human, RK900/Gavin)

"One hundred. Ten X," Nines says, voice flat enough it almost doesn't sound like bragging. "I would have been decommissioned otherwise."

"Ohhhh. Aw, that's sad. Just," She tries to snap her fingers and gets distracted for a moment when she can't. "Jus'like that?"

"Yeah RK, that's so sad," Gavin echoes. "Can you play yourself despacito?"

His own phone blares the song barely a second later. Gavin drops a few f-bombs fumbling to get it out of his jacket pocket and turn it off. Then as soon as he puts it back in his pocket, it starts up again.

"Thank you for the suggestion, detective," RK900 says. "This is making me feel better."

The fourth part of this is still coming out, and it’s the highlight of my week when the new chapter drops.

Dreams of the Waking Man by Lex_Munroe (Marvel Comics, Wade/Cable, Daken/Bullseye, Wade & Hope)

All at once, it hurts.  It hurts worse than the day Nate died (because Wade couldn’t accept it back then, insisted that Nate had managed to timeslide out, that the busted old telemetry circuit would only let him go forward and he was just lost for a little while).

He sits in the middle of the floor, ducks his head, cries.

She was smarter than he was—than he is.  She’d known all along.  Brave girl.

Timesliding doesn’t work right on Wade, never has, and their cobbled-together sliding module barely had power to take one stringy teenager for one jump.

She’d known she was leaving her parents, that she certainly wouldn’t see one of them again and quite possibly wouldn’t see the other.

Wade allows himself a moment more for grief and shame and humility.  Then he clears his throat and wipes his eyes and gets back to work.

This may be the cleverest fic I’ve ever read. Crossovers, theoretical physics, and the best love story Marvel never wrote.

The Mountains Are The Same by bonehandledknife & Primarybufferpanel (Mad Max: Fury Road, Furiosa/Max, Furiosa/Ace, Everyone & Healthy Coping Mechanisms)

“'Real isn’t how you are made’” Gilly said with the air of a quote, of a Remembering, “'It’s a thing that happens to you.’”

Rotor closed his eyes in a long blink, “A thing that hurts, innit it right?”

“Sometimes,” Gilly agreed, squeezing his hand, “That’s life though, when you are Real. We all become it bit by bit. But it doesn’t happen if you’re not strong, if you’re not soft, if you’re not sturdy.”

“ But how can y'be all of those at once ?” he wheezed out. It’s getting hard to catch his breath.

“You are all that right now, aren’t you?” Gilly asked him with piercing eyes, “No one else of all these Boys has had the strength to ask for me. And I will Witness you as I have kept all those of my sisters who’ve fallen these past days.”

This series is not always easy, it doesn’t shy away from the hard or the dark or the painful, but it is always worth reading.

The Unspoken Truth by Nonymos (MCU, Clint/Loki)

Barton glared at him like he was trying to decide whether he was being mocked or not, but the next second, his shoulders slumped. Loki was familiar with the feeling – that dreadful feeling of discovering something repulsive in one's own nature.

And then, he waited. He waited for Barton to think and connect the dots, to realize that an obvious solution was standing just before him, to remember how he had felt when waking up tied down, or being forced to drink down the water. The demi-god just stood there, hoping – almost praying for the first time in his life – that his enemy would look up at him with something else than hatred in his eyes.

No one writes kink quite like Nonymos writes kink, and this series is the perfect encapsulation of that.

The Stone Gryphon by rthstewart (Narnia, primarily Gen)

"Tools!" Richard was so shocked he was near speechless. He sat down heavily on the bench and began writing frantically in that strange code. "You are saying that you have observed ordinary crows use tools? Peter, that is… remarkable."

"Well, I've seen Beavers use fishing tackle and sewing machines, so it didn't seem that unusual at the time."

I’m not going to lie, this may not be to everyone’s taste. But, amateur theologian, lover of weird animal facts, and history nerd that I am, there are very few fics more exactly tailored to my interests.

Republic of Heaven Community Radio by ErinPtah (WtNV x His Dark Materials, Cecil/Carlos)

The greeting catches both her and Carlos off-guard. It's not wrong to talk directly to another person's daemon, but it's still a little weird. "Likewise," she stammers.

They're both waiting for the obvious next step, which is for Cecil to introduce his daemon. The fact that Carlos hasn't spotted her yet is understandable — a big community gathering in a small space, you get plenty of daemons breaking away from their humans to socialize directly with each other. Any of the dozen animal shapes currently within ten feet of them could be Cecil's. If his daemon has an unusually high range, there are even more possibilities.

What Cecil says instead is, "If you ever have any important experimental-theology news that you need to share with the town, call me any time! Everyone listens to my show." There's a touch of what Carlos hopes is nothing more sinister than smugness when he adds, "Everyone."

He steps out of the way to let someone else interrogate Carlos, and vanishes into the crowd. Carlos doesn't get a chance to see what daemon he leaves with.

This may be the most carefully thought out crossover I’ve ever read, and I’m a little in awe of ErinPtah’s skills.

The Soul in the Machine by missdreawrites & Troodon (Dishonoured, Corvo/Outsider)

“... Outsider?” Corvo asked, sitting down on the filthy floor. “In the published list of the people who died of the Plague… how many were registered Augments?”

<There have been a total of 231 dead in the past year. Of that group, 100% were Augmented individuals. This number has increased exponentially under Hiram Burrows’ “The Boldest Moves Are The Safest” law, allowing the execution of any individual infected by the Plague.>

“Son of a bitch, ” Corvo swore with feeling. “This is… look at this waste. We aren't even people to them, are we?” He looked down at the body next to him. “And I killed the one person who could help. I did this. I doomed an entire people to plague, and murder and…”

The cyberpunk Dishonoured AU I desperately wish I’d thought of, because it works so very well.

In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family Was Assigned by Nick Fury) by scifigrl47 (MCU, Steve/Tony)

“Do you know what the difference between a villain and a super villain is, Stark?” Coulson said, leaning his palms on the tabletop, looming over everything like a very snappily dressed gargoyle.

“Style?” Tony asked, pointing both index fingers in Coulson's direction like the gunslinger that he was. He added a wide grin to the gesture, but Coulson didn't seem to notice.

“A villain has a giant mass of robotic vacuum cleaners that he can sic on his enemies. A super villain gives them the ability to fly.”

“In my defense, I do not actually remember installing repulsor technology in the Roombas,” Tony said, choosing his words carefully. It had been a working theory, sure, but he still wasn't quite sure when he implemented it. Maybe sometime on Tuesday night... That one was a blur. “It was a very long couple of days. So I was as surprised by that as everyone else.”

This doesn’t really count as a rec, since everyone in the fandom has read it already, but it really wouldn’t be fair to draw up a ‘best of the 2010s’ list and not include this.

A Great and Gruesome Height by mokuyoubi (Hannibal, Will/Hannibal)

Bedelia lashes out but Will is quicker. He grabs her wrist, pressing hard between the delicate bones with his thumb, until she makes a soft noise of distress and drops the fork.

Hannibal purses his lips and leans in close to her ear. “Now that is disappointing,” he whispers, and Bedelia has the good sense to be afraid with that mouth so near her skin. He inhales her scent deeply and straightens. “I thought you and I were beyond such petty jabs.”

“Were it not for the fact that you required medical attention, I have no doubt I would have met a similarly crass ending at the hands of your pet,” she says, lip curling in disgust.

Hannibal smiles serenely and says, “Will is a creature entirely of his own making. It is not to me to guide his hand. Merely to share in the sublime perfection of his vision, when he allows it.”

There are many dark!Will stories out there, and most of them are a lot of fun, but few are quite at believable as this one.

[veliseraptor]

top five favourite tropes!

I wasn’t sure if you meant ‘character tropes’ or ‘narrative tropes’ and ultimately went with the latter, because I feel like I talk about the former way more and y’all know them better. so, like.

1. “Everyone is a monster to someone. Since you are so convinced that I am yours. I will be it.” Hey thanks for the perfect quote, Black Sails! I’ve talked about this before, of course, when I talk about performative villainy - which is, of course, also a character trope, but I think it can count as a narrative one, too. I just find something deeply compelling about stories about people who are pushed over the edge by the assumptions or presumptions of the people around them - or even their assumptions about themself. How that shapes a character, and how it drives their actions and how they move through the narrative thereafter - this is especially satisfying when you see it happen (as opposed to having it exposited for you). 

Also great to have this figure be your protagonist. 

2. Narratives of futility; classic tragedy. I mean, this really encapsulates some of my Silmarillion feelings (not all of them! the Silm isn’t wholly about futility and isn’t wholly tragic! and that balance is part of what I love about it!), but it’s also why I’m so drawn to tragedies in general. Those narratives that are just…a domino effect, where you can see how everything is going to turn out terribly but it’s going to go there anyway, that there’s both something inevitable about it and yet if one small thing had been changed maybe it wouldn’t be. And yet, in the end, it doesn’t feel like it could have been any other way. 

It hurts, but boy is it like. Oof what a narrative kink. (And I mean. Too many feelings about the prideful and narratively doomed.)

3. Turning into a monster to stop a bigger monster. (or, how far can you go down the rabbit hole before the means stop justifying the end?) Can I hear a ‘Baru Cormorant’? I mean, among others. But like...this is also what I loved so much about Lelouch in Code Geass, and just generally the idea of destroying yourself in a goal to destroy something worse, and how much that’s worth it, and how much it’s ethically okay or not (which is not something I think there’s necessarily a clear answer to), and how much you change before you become the thing you hate or whether you become something worse.

I mean, self-destructive missions are a thing that I’m just a sucker for (especially if they’re not...obviously that), and characters who either are doing or seem to be doing something bad but are working toward an end that may or may not be immediately obvious but is a positive outcome...

And what happens when you do reach that positive outcome? What does that mean for the life that comes after? 

Anyway it’s just very interesting to me.

4. Redemption arcs. I mean, obviously I talk about this a lot, but you know, this is a favorite tropes list and it bears mentioning again. Mostly because the specific kind of arc I like best (and I feel like I use ‘redemption arc’ very loosely to refer to a whole bunch of things, and sometimes ‘redemption’ isn’t really the word I’m looking for, but anyway, ask me about teshuvah sometime) has to do with the what-comes-next, the how-do-I-move-forward-now part of things. 

What I’m really invested in isn’t so much the ‘moment’ of change (though I think usually it is a series of moments, just with different weight), or even the immediate reaction, but the journey thereafter - the work, the struggle, the self-reconciliation alongside (possibly) reconciliation with others. Honestly I want my redemption arcs to feel a lot like aftermath of trauma arcs (and honestly, I feel like there is some crossover there, because there is a lot of trauma in villain backstories).

Yes, I do hardly ever get this. Like. Almost never. But it is basically, for those for whom this comparison makes sense, the entirety of Corambis.

5. “We didn’t expect and/or want to be working together, but here we are.” Reluctant team ups are pure gold, and I love when there are two people who hate or dislike each other (to varying degrees) in the same (figurative) room and they have to work together.

It’s just good shit. So much character conflict, and I always find that friction between two characters can do a lot for those characters (and illustrate a lot about them both pretty effectively).

This is why the terrible road trip with Arya and Sandor is one of my favorite parts of the entire A Song of Ice and Fire series.

Also why a terrible road trip with people who hate each other is a centerpiece of the plot of my current original project.

not included is “metanarrative” or “stories about stories” because while those are great they are also less narrative tropes and more...something different than that. themes, maybe? but if it was a trope then “stories about stories” would absolutely be up there.

[jasmine-cottage-uk]

Good Omens FicRec List

I somehow have amassed 100 followers over on this side-blog I made so I could reblog countless pictures of Aziraphale and Crowley making out. Thanks for sticking around! To celebrate, here are a handful of fics that have stuck with me since I meandered into this fandom. Please know this is by no means an exhaustive list. This fandom is full of writers so talented it makes my brain fall out of my head. 

A Bolt From the Heavens (Rating: E, 11k) by @coloursflyaway

Aziraphale is going to show Crowley just how much he is loved. Through touch.

Notes: This was the very first GO fan fiction I read, and it absolutely blew me out of the water. The perfect encapsulation of longing, the terror and ecstasy of getting the thing you have always wanted. It absolutely unmade me. I can honestly say that if I hadn’t read it, I wouldn’t have written Acts of Service. I maybe wouldn’t have written much at all this summer. It cracked me open in a great many ways. I am so thankful I stumbled onto it.

On Espionage and Prophecy (or How to Accidentally, but Wholly, Fall in Love With a Soho Bookseller) (Rating: E, 70k and counting, WIP) by RockSaltandRoll/ @rocksaltandroll 

1941. London. Anthony J Crowley is fucking great at this job. He can be sneaky, underhanded and damn ruthless but also charming and kind. It’s what makes him good at turning. Aziraphale is a Soho bookseller who loves his shop and books and good food and wine when he’s approached by a woman claiming to be MI5, wanting to recruit him for espionage. The poor man is too trusting and gets the shock of his life when he’s approached by a charming but dangerous-looking man also claiming to be MI5.

Notes: This story is charming and fun and on-going. I found it when I was curious about other GO Human AUs and am so happy I did. The author also clearly knows their London war history and I’m enjoying the little historical tidbits peppered throughout. Always get excited when this one updates.

Appetite (Rating: E, 6k) by @spunknbite

Aziraphale glances down at the macaron in Crowley’s hand - two blush pink biscuits sandwich a layer of swirled white buttercream containing red-pink specks that Aziraphale takes to be pomegranate arils. Crowley places the macaron against Aziraphale’s lips with more reverence than the angel had thought him capable. “It’s alright, angel. Just take a bite.”

“Is that what you told Eve?”

“Something like it. It worked, didn’t it?”

Notes: This story lingers on the moments in between the action, gives them breath and fullness. The extended sequence here where Crowley feeds Aziraphale is unspeakably hot. Brilliant stuff. I’m also a huge fan of @spunknbite‘s Carpe Noctem.

The Pray For Us, Icarus Series (Rating: G-T, 45k, WIP) by @seaskystone

For three centuries, Crowley has been reincarnated over and over as a human with no memory of his past. Aziraphale has tried to find a way to restore him to his true self, but all he seems to do is hurt them both. This time, he only means to steal a brief moment when he walks into Crowley's flower shop. But Crowley can't let it go...

Notes: I devoured the published bit of this in jags and starts over the past 24 hours because it’s so deliciously painful. The concept itself swept me entirely off my feet and it’s lingering now. Very haunting. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

equinox (Rating: E, 8k) by @letmetemptyou 

Here in the South Downs cottage, Crowley has more than he ever thought he would: the two of them, safe, and he gets to live alongside Aziraphale every day. He still can't bring himself to say it, though, still finds himself wanting, doesn't want to drag the angel down with the mess of his love, doesn't want to ruin what they have. Aziraphale, however, is getting tired of Crowley staring longingly off into the night sky, and confronts him. There is more of a balance here than Crowley thought.

Notes: This is a deeply moving and wonderful piece of writing. If you are extremely into pining and beautiful descriptions of longing (you are, don’t pretend otherwise) you must read this. 

[princessamericachavez]

Since we have a week off, is there a chance you could do a top 10 Fjorester moments so far?

OH HEY THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN YES LET’S DO IT

10. “Did you just say I’ve been with your mom?!”

This whole sequence is hilarious. Jester is clearly annoyed that this woman is hitting on Fjord (as he tries to hire company for Kiri iirc) and tries to use her mom as leverage which clearly doesn’t work but...

what really gets me is how appalled Fjord sounds. It’s not “The Ruby of the Seas” it’s not “a famous courtesan” it’s not “a big score for a sailor like me” nope nope in his head this is “Jester’s mom” and given the flirty nature of their relationship he’s clearly Not Happy with the suggestion and Idk why but the way his voice becomes high-pitched with panic is just amazing and it was one of the first moments when my brain went PING he has a crush PING

9. Turning into water

Objectively, everything about that scene was hilarious. Fjord’s tired sigh, “nope, but thank you for that terrifying thought” was so funny and bantery... but what really gets me about this scene is how honestly worried about him Jester is at the beginning, just as he wakes up, and how later she tries to lighten the air between them with a joke...

And you can tell that it works because, despite Fjord’s initial discomfort, he turns it around and he gives her a wink and a smooth line and Jester just MELTS and it really just encapsulates so much about their friendship and dynamic and this was like episode 4 or smth

8. Post-Plank King talk

So this scene is pretty good already as a vulnerable and honest talk between them but also I like it for a few particular reasons. Firstly, the context. During the pirate arc, Fjord and Jester had some issues mostly because of Avantika, and Jester was starting to second-guess just how well she knew Fjord and he was pulling back from everyone under the pressures of leading... so to see her seek him out and just ask if he’s okay and how he is feeling was a wonderful thing for both of them. Also, I love how Fjord chose to open up to her about his conflicted feelings towards Vandran and how the whole thing hurt him. It’s just SO RARE to see him be this honest about his insecurities, and it really goes to show how much he trusts Jester. I also like that she mentions the accent thing. For us, as an audience, it’s pretty indicative that the person Jester thought she knew, actually is the real Fjord. That she has known him the best from the start and kept his secrets for him because they trust each other so much.

I also love the ending so so so much? Jester mentioning his growing tusks was such a soft little thing, and Fjord in turn acknowledging how much she supports him and thanking her for keeping his secrets was so sweet.

Plus, how to forget that perfect romcom ending where they both awkwardly pretend they have something else to do? PEAK SLOW BURN ROMANCE I TELL YOU.

7. Wursh

So this is two separate things, technically. First, their first meeting and Jester obviously noticing Fjord’s discomfort and insecurities and rushing to try to cheer him up after the talk. Jester is super perceptive, and she knows Fjord better than anyone, so I really appreciate that she didn’t just notice, she went out of her way to try to address it with him.

Also, though, the second time when she low-key threatens Wursh and makes sure he’s being nice to Fjord feels my heart with joy. Anyone who thinks Jester’s feelings for Fjord are shallow or performative is missing the point that she’s doing these things in private. He has no idea. She’s doing this out of love and selflessness, just checking in on him and making sure that he’s not going to be hurt by anyone else. And the way she TALKS about him, how gentle she sounds when talking about his insecurities and how she tells wursh that she knows he has a good heart I just- dfljañdlfja

6. Meeting the Ruby

I love so many things about this meeting omg. Firstly, that after watching Marion Lavorre aka the most famed and hot and expensive performer and courtesan in the Coast —at least— Fjord’s first reaction is “Hey, Jester, would you like to do that?” Like he has full faith she totally could do that and even when she voices certain self-doubts and Beau reassures her that she’s pretty and graceful, his contribution is “your singing voice is nice” as if the only thing that could stop Jester from reaching those heights was singing because she’s beautiful to his eyes.

Further proof? This boy, meeting the Ruby of the Seas, again, most beautiful and sensual woman, and his reaction is “I see where Jester got her good looks from” like, damn son, slow down! And Marion, bless her, all flirty but also perceptive being like “i can see you care about my daughter, do you watch over her?” and nearly making him break down right there, like Marion is part of the We Been Knew club.

And AFTER though, Fjord who has all this issues with family and who longs to find them but also dreads it, watching Jester (right after Caleb pointed out that her cheerfulness is an act) and making a point to ASK if she’s okay, “how are you feeling? do you want to have a drink? a walk? a talk?” this boy always going out of his way to make sure she feels okay and making sure they fix whatever is troubling her it’s just peak soft

5.The Tree Dive

Okay so what can I say about this that i haven’t yelled about yet? Travis “No Romance” Willingham giving ups PEAK ROMCOM DRAMATIC MOMENTS that take our breath away? Check. Fjord who just recently had an epiphany as to HOW MUCH Jester means to him and how her unwavering support is the one thing he can lean on, freaking LEAPING after her when she falls off the tree? The fact that there were ZERO seconds of hesitation between her falling and his jump? Feather fall giving them one quiet floaty yaoi moment where they hold hand and look at each other right before he booms them back up? How about Jester’s shocked and scared “Fjord, you-“ once they are back up, like she just CAN’T BELIEVE what he did for her?? AND THEN THE BOY USES HIS LAST SPELLSLOT JUST TO GIVE HER A BOOST WHEN SHE STARTS TO PANIC?!

IT’S FINE IT’S FINE I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY

4. The Second Temple

This one is, like, especially interesting when you consider the context, right? Like, it’s right after the blue dragon fight and Fjord just spent the whole past day trying to patch things up with Jester while she pulls away… and then they are here and he’s ready to go through with this and Jester is just SO SCARED FOR HIM. She doesn’t want to leave him behind, and he KNOWS that.

The way she just sits down to talk to her god, her best friend in the world, and ask him to look after him for her just MELTS MY HEART. And you can see it melts Fjord’s too. I mean, here is a boy who grew up all alone, with no one to help him or stand up for him, who deeply believes that no one in the world would possibly care about his problems, and then there’s this girl who is so worried about him, literally praying for him. And like, just the moment when he sits next to her and he’s so soft and touched by her worry. “Jester, it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me. I appreciate the sentiment.” THIS IS PRETTY MUCH A STAR WARS CLASSIC “I KNOW” OKAY??’  and her quiet “i really hope he does help you” “me too”

*banging pots and pans* TRAVELER SHOW TF UP FOR YOUR GIRL AND HELP FJORD OKAY WILD MAMA BEAT U TO IT BUT YOU GOTTA STEP UP

And the last part is just so cute, like, “just, don’t turn evil to me?” “Or anyone else? just you” listen listen listen if we ever talk dark au’s this is basically the foundation, “fuck the world but i can’t lose you”

3. Tusk Talk

There’s so much to appreciate about this talk, especially with Fjord being so open and vulnerable about his past, but I’m super soft about how Jester chooses to reassure him. “I think you would look good either way, Fjord” because she likes him and not just about his body, it’s about who he IS. And you can tell how much her opinion matters to him by the way he hyper focus on Jester after that comment. Everyone else keeps talking and he’s just like “you’re saying I should grow them back?” and she just reassures him again that it doesn’t matter to her.

And he does something that is still so impactful to the narrative about 50 episodes later: he gives her control, he trusts her enough to overwatch him getting over his worst childhood trauma, and in that moment he makes himself vulnerable in a way he never has before. And she takes that trust and honors it, and she comments on his tusks now and then, she makes them a mark of pride in her tattoos, she reassures him whenever those insecurities resurface. It’s such a meaningful thing that he has chosen to share with her, I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.

2. Underwater Kiss

Again, what can I say that I haven’t yelled about before? Fjord, who just tried to drown Avantika btw, sees Jester drowning right before of him and this protective self-sacrificial boy just grabs her by the face and KISSES HER. Travis used those words exactly, hell he specifically referenced The Shape of Water. And then he gives her all of his air. HE JUST DOES THAT.

He could’ve done so many other things?! Taken the key from her? Pulled her to the entrance with his double swimming speed? AND INSTEAD HE DID THAT

AND THEY HAVEN’T FREAKING TALKED ABOUT IT

ALSO JESTER’S FIRST KISS??? AND HOW JUST ROMANTIC AND AESTHETIC AND EXCITING IT IS?

when i tell you my heart can’t take it

1. Jellyfish Talk

Of course, of course, this is the TOP Forester moment. I mean. How could it not be? The romantic light, the heart to heart, Jester first and foremost checking on how Fjord is feeling with his mission and then carefully bringing up her negative feelings, for the first time, willingly, because she trusts him so much. And Fjord, who just had Caleb open his eyes about Jester hiding her emotions, being so tentative around her, so careful. Fjord being vulnerable too, opening up about his own negative emotions, give and take, so that she will feel better opening up. Fjord being so soft and reassuring for her, coming up with crazy plans to make her laugh and cheer her up. THE SOFTNESS with which he says “Don’t be sad. Your mama is pretty proud of you, that much is clear.” He’s so gentleeeee

And listen listen listen this moment is also key because of how much it affected what came next. Like, Avantika comes and muddles everything up, but this talk lingers between them as a moment of sincerity before all the lies, and then, as soon as they move on from this hell, Fjord’s main priority is getting Jester back to her mom, making sure Jester is okay, trying to return to that point. It takes them a while, of course, but you can tell this moment is a strong foundation for them to find their way back to each other.

Because in this moment, in the ship surrounded by beauty, they saw each other without masks.

[laughingpinecone]

Trick or Treat 2020 letter!

I am laughingpineapple on AO3  

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

All requests are art or fic - for art, the stuff I like is the kind that depicts the characters doing something. I’ll always be happier with a very simple drawing of two characters walking together or sharing a cup of coffee than with an ambitious composition that looks like an Avengers poster. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s).

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, nerdy canon references, unrequested characters popping up.

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings, consent issues

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Hurdy

I love the game’s world and all the little stories and legends that fill it. Great atmosphere, great lore, so if you feel like getting a little worldbuildy and indulging in the scenery and its story, please do! A focus on the sense of camaraderie in a caravan would also be great (like people could do on Gamecube.....). Hurdy’s a bit of an odd duck for that theme, but maybe he hitched a ride at some point? With whom? Amidatty or De Nam maybe, among the nominated characters? I love the whole cast so anyone goes. Do they travel together enough for them to cotton onto the weirdness of the whole Gurdy situation? Got any run-in with Lady Mio? Or what’s his status after the miasma is lifted, can he go back to Tipa, can he/they begin to heal? What does healing even look like for him and Gurdy?

Ghost Trick: Cabanela

You know.. him. Dazzlingly OTT, untiring, rock-solid self-esteem, loyal to a fault, following a rhythm of his own, flawless intuition until it fails and it all burns down... him. I just want to see more of him doing stuff! The way he’s chill and open toward new people (like Sissel and Missile in ch15) makes him perfect to throw at most other characters and see how they react to the sparkles... I’d love some focus on how ridiculous his aesthetic is, half Saturday Night Fever half hardboiled detective half bubbly preteen (for a total of 150%) and yet he makes it work. Or how ruthless he can be, possibly for the sake of the people he cares for. The quote “The intimacy of big parties”. Him and Alma in the new timeline bonding over knowing (once Jowd has spilled the beans) but not remembering that terrible timeline. Some tropey scenario on the job. Snark-offs with Pigeon Man, by which I mean PM snarks and it bounces off him like water off a spotless white goose’s back. Dreaming Sissel but he’s strange... and wrong?

Ship-wise it’s only Cabanela/Jowd whenever it’s not infidelity, Cabanela/Alma in what-ifs and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd for me (and Lynne/Memry and Yomiel/fianSissel on the side). There are a bunch of shippy prompts in all my past letters - I would however reiterate here that Jowd. is. the worst tease. always.

Conversely, Cabanela/Lynne and Cabanela/Yomiel are NOTPs especially from Cabanela’s side. So while I appreciate the thick tension of a good Yomiel VS Cabanela confrontation like everyone and their cat, and also really appreciate a roughed-up Cabanela, and I do love Yomiel in his own right... I don’t want Cabanela being into it. Adrenaline junkie he may be but this hurts and his coat’s a mess and there’s no perfect winning scenario so he hates every second of it. (JOWD being into it is another matter altogether and he should probably mind his own business)

Kentucky Route Zero: Carrington, Cate

Act after act, intermission after intermission, I somehow didn’t see the arts rising to such a dominant theme in KRZ and it’s stuck with me since the ending finally hit. It’s great and moving. So! Who better than good ol’ antler man to linger in those feels! Carrington’s playwright adventures or Carrington&anyone you fancy, either way I’d listen to him ramble for a week and I would like to know more about his big dramatic plans. Or maybe him helping someone, more or less accidentally, by offering his unique takes? Overriding my “no canon retellings” DNW for a hot second, did he ever figure out what was going down in the Death of the Hired Man (or Nap of the Hired Man as the case may be) interlude?

For Cate, I’m mostly interested in two things: life on the river and mushrooms. Maybe both! The Echo river ecosystem is intensely fascinating to me as opposed to life on the surface and life on the Zero, and yet all these environments are permeable. So what’s a moment in her daily life that encapsulates the river? Someone they picked up on the Mammoth, a strange island that popped up at some point? Cate&Will bonding extremely welcome, I’m love Will. And then there’s the mushroom hunting. I don’t know much about mushrooms, but I do know that they’re cool. Cate seems to agree, so if you’ve got a story or pic in you about her and them mushrooms, I’d love to see it.

Pyre: Volfred Sandalwood

This is a Volfred solo, Volfred&literally anyone or Volfred/Tariq, /Oralech or /Tariq/Oralech request. If &Manley or &Brighton, I am not interested in more lenient takes on their characters than canon’s. fwiw I also enjoy Jodi/Celeste and Bertrude/Pamitha a lot!

I feel deeply for all of Pyre’s main themes - literacy, degrees of freedom, the fragile time that is the end of a historical cycle, nobodies rising up to the occasion, building a better society, and of course found family, “distance cannot separate our spirits” and all that jazz, and Volfred is squarely rooted at the center of all of them. Just please tell me things about my fave. His relationship to the Scribes (as a historian, a some kind of vision, via *ae or once he’s a star himself)? A ‘forced vacay’ Downside ending where he looks at the Union from afar and keeps living in this strange transformational place? Life in a cramped Blackwagon that was meant for like 5 people tops and is currently eight Nightwings, a herald and an orb? Since he picked him for the job to begin with, does he respect and cherish Hedwyn as he dang well should? What does it feel like to try and Read a herald? Was he ever in danger, in the Commonwealth or in the Downside? Does he puff up as prime minister because he’s nervous, and who can see past his hyper-professionalism and lend a hand? Please roast him big time about the votes he assigns to the various Nightwings in his planner? What’s his attitude toward the flame’s purification (what with being a tree but mostly like, as a general concept. He did nothing wrong!) (well he definitely said some things wrong and sometimes oftentimes the ego jumps out, but his intentions did nothing wrong)? When did his calculating approach fail him? Something with Pamitha along the lines of that edit that goes “Can we talk, one ten to another?"/"I am an eleven, my girl, but continue."? btw that ‘emphatically yes xeno’ from my general likes is only applicable here I guess so: emphatically yes xeno to both shippy interactions at all ratings and to gen explorations of what a Sap is like...

Shenmue: Qiu Hsu, Xianzi Bei

Cormorants... kung fu... cormorant kung fu. They turned out to be my faves in a very likeable cast and I’d love to see either or both of them slice-of-life-ing it up in Niaowu, or anywhere up or down the river. The rest of the cast is welcome to join! Did Ren end up at Liu He Hall for whatever reason, or did Shenhua chat up a cormorant, as she does? Id love to see a spookier mood too! Ghost story time in Liu Jiao shrine maybe?

The Silver Case: Catherine, Kodai Sumio, Kuroyanagi Shinko, Kusabi Tetsugorou, Macalister Edo, Morishima Tokio

I‘m all for the surrealism, big things being introduced and never picked up again, Rashomon’ing it up with six explanations for the same thing where no single one can be true, people dying and then popping up again like nbd...  maybe the thing I like the most is characters transcending their humanity and looming over the dystopian world like ominous avatars. Correctness’ first ending had me swooning, that kind of mood is unparalleled. I have played TSC, FSR and 25W so far and have vague memories of K7. I’m aware of the “everything’s connected” readings but that’s not my main interest in these games. Mainly I see Lospass as a real island but also a metaphysical  place of transformation first and foremost, where strange things happen that don’t make sense elsewhere, but I’m good with anything that works for your story! There are a few & prompts for these fine folks in my Press Start letter [here].

For Catherine, I’d love to see something along the lines of her YAMI appearance, on Lospass on her own or hanging out with another character of your choice (or Tokio again). Sumio leaves me at a loss for words... if you’ve played 25W, maybe an expansion of his [intense ethereal whooshing] moment? He’s a gust away from vanishing from existence altogether... &Sakura and/or &/Tetsu if you want. Or his time in prison or a return to Lospass or whatever’s going on with that one, really. For Shinko I’m itching for different team-ups! Throw her at anyone you like and see what happens! FSR-era Tetsu could be cool, or off-the-grid Tetsu, or Tetsu&anyone... as for Edo, I’d be curious to see his pov on anyone and anything! WAS the Flower Sun and Rain the friends we met along the way? And Tokio... oh Tokio. Something about older Tokio and his gaggle of tulpas (Slash and whatshisface from YUKI who looks suspiciously like YAMI Tokio himself?)? Any...thing...about any part of his life from Lifecut onwards? Any portentous encounters?

[myfandomrambles]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Catra & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Adora & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Adora & Mermista (She-Ra), Adora & Frosta (She-Ra) Characters: Adora (She-Ra), Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow (She-Ra), Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra), Mermista (She-Ra), Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Perfuma (She-Ra), Frosta (She-Ra), Lonnie (She-Ra) Additional Tags: Recovery, Canon-Typical Violence, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Flashbacks, Anxiety, Glimmer is a good friend, Team as Family, Bow Is a Good Bro, Past Child 

Abuse, Healing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Whump, Feels, they talk about feeelings Series: Part 2 of How To Be Okay Summary:

Adora tries to keep running and not look back, but the past won't leave her alone.

Excerpt:

Adora walked through the halls of the Bright Moon castle absorbed in her own thoughts It was good being able to work with her friends. Knowing they had each other's backs no matter what helped everything to not seem so heavy all the time. But not totally, and not for long enough in her opinion. She wondered if it ever really would stop hurting. If she would ever be able to chill as everyone else could, even people as excitable as the other princesses seemed to have access to a calm she did not.

To be fair though it was over a decade versus like a year so maybe in another decade of this life would chill the fuck out. A loud noise of screaming came from a room she rushed over yanked on the door and it wouldn’t open she heard a large crash, the lights flickered in the hallway and her breath caught in her throat.

_____

“Shut up you stupid child!” Shadow Weaver’s voice was harsh and echoed throughout the room and the blinding room took on the eerie look of her magic the red encircling Catra.

“Now Adora. What do we say?” Shadow Weaver’s tone slipping into her apologetic passive tone her hand lying softly on Adora's shoulder.

“I'm sorry Shadow Weaver I won't do it again. Catra won’t either I swear.” Adora’s voice broke at the end. She hated this, it happened all the time she tried so hard to be perfect. But it didn’t work.

Catra hit the ground with a large thud. The noise made Adora let out her breath. Adora rushed over to Catra but tripped over Shadow Weaver’s foot. Her wrist started to hurt in the tight grasp that was now holding her stuck on her toes.

“You forgot something, Adora.” Shadow Weaver said in a slimy tone.

Adora looked around she couldn’t remember what she was supposed to do.

“I don’t know,” Adora said confused. God how could she always forget. Tears stung her face.

“How will you ever make force captain if you can’t do these simple things? I know you are better than this, you can’t let yourself fail.”

“I don’t remember!” Adora shouted. “I’ll fix it I swear. I’m Sorry”

Adora shut her eyes desperately trying to remember what she was meant to do.  

“Adora!” Catra screamed.

Adora slammed her hands over her ears to focus but then something rammed into her.

_____

“We have to fix the training gear!” Adora shouted everything was confusing the place was too brightly lit. She could still hear Catra screaming. Tears streamed down her face but another voice was saying her name. Another hand came down on her shoulder.

“Stop” Adora shouted pushing the mystery person away from her.

She breathed in deeply and slowly. Calm the fuck down She thought to herself. Slowly the world slid into focus and a frazzled looking Glimmer with soot in her hair stood in front of her. Bow was next to them both.

“Are you okay?” Glimmer.

“Huh?” Adora said breathlessly.

“I heard shouting.” Bow explained. “And you were standing here and looked really upset.”

Adora remembered what had freaked her out in the first place. “Something was exploding I heard shouting.”

“Oh, that was us and Sea Hawk. We were trying out new weapons to use against the Horde.  We accidentally set what Bow was building on fire and everything went haywire.”

“No one was hurt?” Adora checked.

“Seahawk fell out a window but I put him on the ground. He’s fine.” Glimmer explained as she placed her hand on Adora, who much to her chagrin felt herself stiffen. She worked hard to push the feeling of past hands from her mind.

“Adora, what's wrong?” Bow said, “You can talk to us about anything.”

Bow had a smile on his face, genuine and full of that Bow brightness. At the moment his brightness was blinding.

“Why don’t we got to my room so I can clean up, you can talk somewhere more private?” Glimmer suggested with a tired expression.

“No,” Was all Adora said. Her ears were still ringing with Catra’s shouts, so many years ago. And her nerves were shredded.

“Come on Adora. We care about you.” Bow reached out to touch her and Adora flailed widely, why did they keep doing that?

“Adora please,” Glimmer said, “Whatever happened we’re safe now. Let us help you.” Glimmer said.

“Leave me alone,” Adora said feeling like a cornered animal.

“Okay. Come find us when you're ready to talk, or just to relax,” Glimmer said backing up with her hands help up. Bow copied the motion.

Adora just ran. Move the tension out, second best to punching things.

_____

A large adult horde soldier stood above her in the sparring ring. She was only 10 and this felt thoroughly unfair. But failure was never allowed. Shadow Weaver said she had to right? And Adora couldn’t disappoint her without getting her angry and making her hurt everybody. But Adora wasn’t ready for this fight. Fear encapsulated freezing her to the spot.

She was flung back with the feeling of shattering bone and was seeing stars. A metallic taste hit her lips.

“That all you can take” A gruff voice sounded, he just looked like a shadow now. All she could remember was the red fluid on her hands and the all-consuming headache.

Time blurred and Adora sat on the bunk Catra holding a rage up to her face. Blood was pouring from her nose she was vibrating with the pain and tension. Catra was staring back with concern.

"You usually patch me up” Catra half-joked

_____

Adora came back to the present with her back against a wall. She tried to calm down. Breathing deep shaking her head to rid herself of the memory.  In what seemed like a long time she was curled on a bed, sobbing silently as she had done for years.