#My mom’s just gonna be in the hospital overnight </3 maybe longer

[dykevanny]

Fghgjjchvjb.i’m ok . Everything will prob be fine 👍

[ill-skillsgard]

Bred For Blood - Part 19 - Promise-Promise

Title: Bred For Blood

Warning: 18+ - sex/mature language & themes/gun violence/substance abuse etc. *mentions of coma/unconsciousness, injuries, and sex in this part*

Characters: AU Axel Cluney, AU Ivar Lothbrok, AU Valter x OC

Description: A bright, young survivor meets an acid-gun slinging headhunter with a knack for melting faces and connections to a prodigal Utopia embedded in the heart of a deadly forest. Violence and passion incite a battle of fealty while betrayal nips at Zed’s heels.

Note: Sooo many feelings in this part, you guys. Next part will be the finale! My gosh, it’s actually coming. Stick around because it’s gonna be a doozy! Much love to all the readers who’ve waited patiently and shout out to any new readers who’ve taken the time to let me know their thoughts. I appreciate all the comments and reblogs forever! With that being said, please comment and reblog. It’d really make my day. XO

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

Zed waited for Vee next to the window overlooking the vast green ocean of vegetation. The sliver of sun painted the sky aflush, rolling west in shades of violet. Pinprick stars perforated the melting spectrum, and the phantom moon showed its impatient face fully before the horizon swallowed all light. It was a soothing array of scenery, and Zed rested her head on the glass until footsteps drew her attention to the door. She smiled as Vee came in carrying a plate of zucchini fritters and mashed chickpeas, returning the warm greeting silently.

"Hungry? Axel wasn't a fan. He wants a cheeseburger from McDonald's," said Vee, handing the platter to Zed.

She accepted the dish with a nod. "Did you tell him why that's not possible?"

Vee sighed. The dark beneath his eyes seemed permanent now. "I didn't get into detail. He wouldn't understand."

"Shouldn't we make him understand?"

"It's too soon. The big lug just woke up. It was a challenge just to get him to lie there. Soon he'll want to leave the lab, and I don't know how he'll fare around his adoring fans."

Zed bit into a greasy fritter and scooped a dollop of the paste with the leftover crescent. "He'll love the ego-boost, I'm sure."

"That's what I'm afraid of. All those people will confuse him. Who knows what that might do to his head. We're in a delicate situation."

"Axel seems to like me. Maybe I can convince him to stay put."

Vee grimaced from the thought of Axel working Zed over with his motoring mouth and crass sense of humour. The scientist had grown accustomed to nights alone with her, cooking together and discussing their future. The night they'd spent alone in the greenhouse rang in his heart; the night he admitted his feelings and begged her to squash them. The thought of her alone with Axel picked a scab he didn't know he had.

"You're worried about something," Zed said.

Vee snapped from his bittersweet reverie and sighed. "Am I ever not worrying?"

"True," Zed snorted. "Now, eat. I can't finish this all myself."

The pair finished the plate before Vee set the dish aside and motioned her to the sofa.

"We need to talk about what we found in Glott's notes. I know we can't test this theory, but we should treat it as the truth," said Vee.

"Okay, well, if that's how we're approaching this D negative blood sample... What's the next step? We have no medical supplies. I checked the med tent in the courtyard for the third time just for fun."

"Then we have to visit Glott and get some answers. And by we... I mean me."

"Valter—"

"I know you don't want me to leave, but what other option do we have? Every day we waste here is another step backward."

Zed shook her head until a thin braid dislodged from behind her ear and swung in her face. Vee resisted the urge to tuck it back. The girl's face swivelled toward the window, and she pondered and watched the premature stars twinkle across the bruised sky.

"We go together," Zed said firmly. "I won't budge on that."

"And what about Axel?"

"We wait until he's better. We'll need him to navigate the way."

"And if he never recovers?" Vee asked.

"Then we go anyway. All three of us. We get Axel better, and we go together."

Vee inhaled through his nose as Zed screwed her eyes into his. When he nodded, a smile unfurled across her face, shadowed by the last drops of brassy sunlight.

"I hate this plan, but I suppose it's all we have," said Vee.

"Promise we'll all stick together."

"Of course, Lea. I won't leave without you guys. Promise."

"Promise-promise?"

"I double promise with a cherry on top. Stick a needle in my eye and call it macaroni."

Zed stifled laughter beneath her palm. "I think you've been hanging out with Sam too much."

"That, or I'm just tired."

"I'll let you sleep now. You look beat."

Vee twisted his mouth in lopsided agreement. "Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna hit the shower first. Unless you want to?"

"No, you go ahead. I'll stay here a little longer," Zed said as she laid her temple against the cool glass and looked out over the forest floor, now drowning in the twilight.

~*~

In the morning, Zed left the apartment and padded down the hallway in her mismatched slippers. She slowed as she turned the corner and found the brothers talking. Axel's eyebrows were locked in a line, and Vee looked up at her with relief.

"Lea, can you help me explain to Axel why he can't leave the hospital room?"

Axel whipped the covers off his thighs. "This place is fuckin' weird, and I know you're lying to me. That doctor you had in here is a whack-job. Something isn't adding up."

"Stay put," Vee commanded.

Zed rubbed the sleep from her eyes and prepared to take both sides with a long breath. "Axel, your brother is right. You can't leave yet. Just stay a little longer and heal."

"Where the fuck am I, Vee? This isn't like any hospital I've ever been to. And why can't I use the phone to call mom and dad?"

Axel's question erased all the sleep Vee had gotten the night before. His fatigue was contagious. Zed approached the bed and brushed Axel's shoulder. The touch diffused the tension in his upper body and opened him up to a new explanation, one that hadn't come from his kid brother's mouth.

"There are no phones here, Axel. You're right... This place is different. We're missing a lot of things you’d consider normal."

"Look, darlin', I know you're just trying to make me feel better, but none of what you're saying makes any sense. What do you mean there's no phone? There's electricity, isn't there? So why can't I hobble my way to a pay phone or borrow someone's cell?"

Vee and Zed exchanged pained looks. The younger brother kneaded his brow and offered Axel the same explanation he had before, reworded. Axel refused to believe a word and scrambled off the gurney, throwing Vee's hands off him as he limped a few steps and realized his mistake.

"What the fuck is wrong with my foot? Did someone sliced my ankle in half? What is happening to me? I feel like I'm on an acid trip that never ends. I go to sleep and see crazy shit, only to wake up in an even crazier place where there're no phones and no fucking food! You're talking in goddamn riddles, Vee. The least you can do is get me a Baconator for my trouble! I can't walk—I can't even jerk off 'cause my good hand is fucked. You gotta help me out."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Axe? There are no restaurants!"

"Bullshit! Sweetheart, come on, you can help me, right? Can you please just grab me something greasy? I'll pay you back, I promise. I'm good for it."

"I wish I could help you, Axel, but Vee's right. There's nowhere to get stuff like that anymore."

"Anymore? What does that even mean? You guys are talking like I slept through the apocalypse or something!"

Zed turned to Vee, who blocked the way to the courtyard. "Come on, Axe. Just settle down, and get back into bed."

"Are you gonna find me some painkillers then?" Axel faltered toward the bed and hoisted himself onto the flat mattress with his right arm.

"I'll see what I can do, buddy, but will you promise to stay here for a little longer?"

"Whatever," Axel scoffed. "What else am I gonna do?"

Zed waited until Axel slid back under the covers and tilted his face away from them both to assess Vee's mood. She suspected Axel's recovery would be difficult. Still, when she pictured him with his eyes open again, she heard laughter and saw game nights, shared wine and inside jokes knitting them closer together—not disarray and a friend who'd forgotten her. And if Vee had left the day he championed himself, Axel wouldn't have any flagship of his past. The scientist's presence tranquillized her despite Axel's rotten mood fouling the atmosphere.

"You're hungry, Axel?" Zed asked.

"Starving."

"I'll try to track down something tasty to eat. It won't be a greasy burger, but maybe I can find you something close to fries. I'll make it myself if I have to."

Axel flipped his eyes to the girl standing with her arms knotted behind her back and smiled. "Oh, darlin'...You're a sweet thing. I'd hate to ask, so I'll just accept the offer. Or maybe Vee can go, and you and I can chat a little more?"

Zed chuckled at the man's slyness. "I have some other things to do. We’ll talk when I get back."

"Don't rush for me, honey, but if you do, I'll take it as a good sign," Axel said with a wink.

At the cost of one of her knit blankets, Zed found someone in Athena to chop and bake a sweet potato in peanut oil. She bartered for garlic and salt to sprinkle on the dish. The redheaded child spotted her making transactions and stopped her at the mouth of the Hives with a cloth of fermented cashew cheese and a large chunk of bread that sat out overnight but was still soft. She offered the foodstuffs to Axel on a thin wood slab, and he accepted with an obsequious grin. He relinquished his dissatisfaction and warmed next to Zed.

"Aw, darlin', look at you go. How can I thank you for your trouble?" Axel asked as he chomped a crispy strand of sweet potato.

Zed stepped back from his bed, blushing. "It's okay, Axel. You don't have to do anything but get better."

"Will you stay with me for a while? If I have to stay in bed, it'd really make my life easier if I have someone to talk to. That is if you don't mind my chattiness."

"Sure. Let me grab a chair from the apartment," said Zed.

Axel finished his meal quickly, and as if he hadn't eaten at all, felt the pang of hunger moments after the last bite of bread. His appetite woke up ravenous, and no amount of homegrown food could satiate the growl.

"I might need to eat again in an hour," Axel informed as Zed dragged the chair across the floor. “I’m a big boy, you know.”

"That's fine. I'll find you something in a little while ."

The injured man nodded and sighed, eyelashes fluttering over tired green eyes. A bloated silence proceeded, and Zed wondered how to initiate a conversation. Vee told her not to confuse Axel with present-day news, but all she wanted to do was ask about Richard Glott's underground bunker and with who he'd crossed paths that left him slashed and maimed.

After a couple of deep breaths, Axel murmured, "I see you in my dreams every time I fall asleep. Is that strange?"

Zed hid her shy smile behind her palm. "Oh, stop."

Axel shimmied his torso higher on the bed and frowned in pain. "No, seriously. Not trying to be slick, honey. I see the most fucked up things when I sleep. You know the kind of dreams so vivid, you wake up and your heart’s pounding, thinking it's all real for a minute? Then you're like... No way."

Zed shifted closer to Axel's bed. "What do you dream about?"

Axel smiled to himself. "You, mostly... Us. You and me doing crazy shit together. Sometimes I'm in the desert, and I see this airplane in the distance. It's on the ground, and I ride toward it, you know, you're not gonna ignore a crashed plane, right? Then I find you there, but these guys are hurting you, and you're going nuts trying to shake 'em, but there's too many, so I shoot 'em all, and they melt like popsicles. You stab one good, though."

"What else?" Zed asked.

"I dunno... Sometimes it's just me and you cruising through the desert, and I get the feeling you hate me, but I kinda like it. I'm happy you're there, even though we're in the middle of nowhere, and I have no idea what's gonna happen next."

"Sounds like some pretty weird dreams."

"They're so lucid. It's like a movie, and I'm the main character, and you're... Well, you. Like my cool sidekick."

"Sidekick, huh?" Zed scoffed.

"Yeah, you have this air about you that's like not to be fucked with. Then things always get real dark. I don't even want to tell you about it 'cause you'll think I'm fucked in the head."

Zed knew this part of the story and lowered her eyes to the floor. "It's okay. You can tell me if you want. It's just dreams, right?"

"Nah, I'll just leave it at that. It's not sex stuff or anything if you're wondering."

"Your dreams are more entertaining than anything I have going on today."

With Zed's green light, Axel inhaled deeply before launching into the story of their past. Before he uttered another syllable, a severed connection sparked in his head. His eyes grew large, and he looked around the makeshift hospital room, awestruck.

"In my dreams, we're trying to get to Vee. He needs us for some reason."

"What does he need?"

"Some science shit, which makes total sense because he's a scientist. He's actually a scientist, and not just in my dreams."

"Axel... These dreams you've had... Do you think they have significance?" Zed asked carefully.

"Totally. They have to. Right? Or am I fucking crazy?"

"You're not crazy, Axel. I promise."

"But what if I am? This place... I get such a bad feeling when I'm awake in this room by myself. Vee won't tell me where we are. It's like he's hiding something, and he never lies to me about anything. We don't do that."

"Vee just wants you to get better. He's under a lot of stress, and your recovery is a big part of that. We didn't think—he didn't think you'd make it through. Another complication is the last thing you guys need."

Axel went quiet again and fixated on the dust motes and bolts of lightning crackling up his leg. A storm grew behind his eyes, the same torrents Zed saw when she tried to stop him from leaving Kinderfeld and her behind. Sickened by the thought of Axel sneaking off, she touched his arm and offered a warm smile.

"Talk to me, Axel. Please. Don't keep anything inside."

Axel glanced at her small hand on his tattooed bicep and the lightning in his body faded.

"We were friends in a past life," Axel claimed.

"We're friends in this life."

"Can I tell you one other thing, then I promise I'll stop talking about my bonkers dreams?"

"Yes. I don't mind at all."

Axel curled his bicep and touched Zed's fingers, feeling the motion out until she grasped his hand.

"I think I have to take you somewhere."

"Oh, yeah?" Zed giggled. "And where's that?"

Axel blushed for the first time and brought her hand to hold next to him on the bed. "Not like on a date or anything. I just get this feeling that I'm supposed to protect you, even though you seem capable of looking after yourself just fine. This dream voice keeps reminding me to stay with you and Vee... Like I'm not allowed to let either of you out of my sight. Especially not you."

"Then don't," Zed said.

He squeezed her fingers gently. "I won't."

~*~

Word of Axel's consciousness seeped out of the lab and into the village. Nobody knew who had made the discovery—Vee blamed Samson while Zed suspected Nalani, who'd waltzed by the lab doors at a suspiciously slow pace several times each day—and leaked the information. They barred visitors and only allowed the doctor in to help change Axel's bandages until Ivar arrived.

Axel was alone, humming a tune from his teenage years when the king came through the doors and stopped to stare at his bed-ridden friend.

"Zee, you're awake? And no one thought to tell me?"

"Sorry, hombre, but I think you have the wrong room. Name's Axel."

Ivar flashed all his sharp teeth in a sly smile and wagged his finger. "Always a joker."

"No, really," Axel chuckled, then went deadpan. "Wait... Who are you?"

Before Ivar spoke, Vee walked into the lab and froze when he saw Ivar standing a few feet from Axel's bed.

"Ivar. I wasn't expecting you."

The king sneered and motioned toward Axel. "What's with this guy?"

"Hey, maybe we can talk for a second?" Vee invited Ivar down the hall, out of earshot.

Ivar glared at the scientist. "When exactly were you planning on telling me he woke up?"

"That's the thing, Ivar. You don't understand... Axel's suffering from amnesia. It's common for coma patients to lose parts of their memory. Right now, he's in a very touchy state. He has no idea where he is, who you are, or what any of this is. I've tried to keep people away from him to avoid confusion, but now everybody knows. It's not good for him. Subjecting him to all this new information can cause anxiety, panic... Who knows. We're trying to ease him back into life."

"What do you mean he doesn't know who I am? I'm his best friend."

"Trust me. Axel doesn't even remember serving in the army."

"That's crazy. We should tell him—"

"No. It's too big of a shock. Axel's already gone through hell. Imagine trying to explain our world to somebody who has virtually no idea what's happened in the last couple of years."

Ivar pondered and didn't respond to Vee's relief, then sighed as though he accepted the explanation.

"So what does this mean for you? I assume you're retracting your claim and staying in Kinderfeld?"

Vee twisted his mouth to the side. "How can I go now?"

"You volunteered."

"That was before Axel came home. He needs me. I'm the only person he recognizes. Give me some more time with him, get him back on his feet and see if he'll start remembering, then I'll go."

Ivar crossed his arms across his burly chest. "Who knows how long that might take?"

"Would you leave someone you loved in that state?"

"I'd do what's for the greater good."

"He's your best friend. He's my brother. Axel needs us right now, Ivar. Think of all he's done for us. We owe it to take care of him until he's fit to at least walk again. I need him to remember what happened so I can get a better idea of what's going on outside."

"I suppose you're right," Ivar conceded. "You can't go out blind by yourself."

"Yes, you're right," Vee said with great relief.

"So what now? I can't talk to him?"

"You can speak to him if you like, but try not to bring up things that might confuse him. Don't talk about the army or mention recent times."

Ivar looked over his shoulder at the apartment's open door and heard the muted humming of a girl filtering through the corridor.

"And how's Lea taking all of this?"

Vee stiffened. "She's helping out."

"Axel has no idea who she is? He really doesn't know what's happened?"

"Not that I can tell. He keeps asking for cheeseburgers and to call our parents."

"Wow," Ivar whispered.

"Yeah, it's hard."

Ivar went quiet, distant, and shook his head slowly before inhaling through his nose and squeezing Vee's shoulder. "I trust you, brother. Maybe we'll talk more about your expedition in a few days when things have a chance to settle with Axel."

"You got it."

Axel pretended he wasn't trying to listen to the conversation between his brother and the brown-haired man with the striking blue eyes when the pair returned. Ivar nodded at Axel, his eyes awash with sympathy for the indisposed man.

"How are you feeling, Axel?"

"A little on the shitty side, my man. Not gonna lie. Hands busted, foot's bum... Can't fuck my way to a decent meal in this place, and everyone's tiptoeing around like I'm a sleeping baby. Gotta say I've had better days."

"Well, I hope you heal up quick. There are a lot of people who want to see you."

A coy smirk unfurled over Axel's face. "Yeah, I kinda get that impression. Sometimes, I see people looking in through those doors. I feel like a panda at a zoo. Everyone wants a peek at little ol’ Axel, huh?"

"Is there anything I can get you?"

"Cheeseburger?" Axel asked hopefully.

"Would if I could, friend."

"Goddamn it," Axel lamented.

Vee widened his eyes when Ivar looked at him, confirming what they'd discussed in the hallway.

"Say, how do you stay so beefy if there's no meat in this place?" Axel asked Ivar.

"I get my protein where I can. Try to stay fit. I'll get someone to bring you something good to eat."

Axel snorted. "Yeah, that's what that sweet-lookin' one said, but everything tastes like tree bark. No offence to her. She tried her best, and I'd never insult a lady's cooking to her face."

Ivar sucked in his bottom lip and nodded. "Well, I'll see what I can do for you, Axel. Get better soon."

Vee held his breath until Ivar left the lab and shrunk once the doors closed.

"You sure have a way with words, don't you?"

"Everyone who walks in here acts like they know me."

"We might have to move you to the apartment. Put a cap on your visitors."

"Who was that?" Axel asked.

"That's Ivar Lothbrok. He kinda runs things, in a sense."

"Nice guy."

Vee scoffed. "Yeah. Nice."

An itch stuck in the back of Axel's head, and he grew quiet once again, trying to unravel the mystery he'd woken up inside. He was a figure in a snow globe, a permanent fixture in a landscape rife with faces he'd seen in dreams. Sitting up in his bed, Axel wondered what laid beyond the confines of his glasshouse. Never one to follow the rules, even under the firm guidance of his smart younger brother, Axel decided once everyone fell asleep, he'd find himself a walking post and go exploring.

~*~

Zed woke to the sound of Vee's soft snoring coming through the open door of his bedroom. The possibility of sleep retracted with every second she spent staring at the smooth, globular ceiling in the dark, trying to make shapes out of the dream residue behind her eyelids. The sofa stiffened her back, and she twisted her spine until air bubbles popped and her muscles strained from the motion. She pulled the blanket up to her chin and squeezed her eyes shut for a few minutes, but Axel's stories followed her from sleep, brushing up on her with sharp quills. Since Axel painted his dream world, she hadn't stopped thinking of him and mourning the loss of his memory for the both of them. Axel didn't know his missing pieces were dancing under his eyes each time he slumbered, and she longed to stitch them together to create the full picture.

She squinted into the darkness, fatigue long since faded, and left the apartment. Light on her bare feet, Zed padded down the hallway and turned the corner to find an empty bed. Her heart twinged from Axel's absence. She considered going back to the apartment to tell Vee his brother was missing but found herself propelled to seek Axel out herself. There was nowhere in the lab a man of Axel's stature could hide, so she went out to the courtyard to begin her search. The floodlights cast pyramids of light over the foothills but revealed nothing but stone paths and glittering grass ranks. She started left first, then changed her mind and shot right toward the warehouse. Zed minded her steps as she picked up a jog, extending her legs to clear the roiling yards until she reached the square entrance of the warehouse. A guard leaned against the steel wall next to the exit, blinking and wiping a hand over his face to rouse himself. He saw Zed across the cement expanse and stood up straight.

"What're you doing out here?" The guard's voice clattered through the chamber.

"Sorry," Zed said, casting a thorough glance around before retreating into the light and shadow of the courtyard again. She rushed to the Hives, taking quick strides to reach her abandoned apartment before anyone else noticed her. After a quick knock, Zed opened the door to find her former living quarters as deserted as ever. Nobody had claimed the space in her absence, nor was Axel's adjoining apartment occupied. Both rooms were empty.

Zed's search for Axel continued and grew in urgency with each lonely cove and space she found. As she made her way around the central dome where the courtyard bordered the largest hill, she stopped at the mouth of the Chrysalis and addressed the men standing guard.

"Have either of you seen someone limping through here?"

"Nobody's come 'round here, Zed. Who're you looking for?"

Zed cocked her head. "Who do you think?"

"You mean Zee?" The man on the right asked. "Thought he was paralyzed."

"So it's true? He's awake?"

"Please don't tell anyone. Not yet."

The bearded guard rose a dark eyebrow at Zed. He was one of Ivar's highest-ranking patrol. Zed recognized him from the night they'd brought in the Zeronaut captain, Monk. He often stood by wherever Ivar went and didn't talk much unless addressed. "Ivar know about this?"

"I don't know what Ivar knows. Vee communicates with him, but we're trying to keep this from the general public."

"What do you think, Fen? Should we tell Ivar?" The scrawny, clean-shaven guard asked.

Fen sneered and told his partner to close his mouth before angling his torso toward Zed. "We'll keep an eye out, petite fleur."

Zed nodded and continued on her way, but there were few more spots Axel could hide unless someone had intercepted him and invited him into their hovel. She thought of Nalani, who often wandered the courtyard at odd hours and Trinity, who adored Axel and might jump at the opportunity to lead him to a private alcove. The two of them shared living space in Athena. Zed wanted to keep the search party light, and asking around would only spread curiosity like wildfire.

She continued touring the courtyard, her naked soles sore from hurried walking. Finally, she stopped at the greenhouse gate, its series of coiling iron bars and metal flowers welded to the columns in intricate clusters. Zed lifted the latch and pushed the gate open, taking care to shut it quietly. The greenhouse where the citizens grew aloe and berries was the little-known getaway spot Axel and Vee coveted as their private paradise. Zed zigzagged through the raised beds, taking care not to trip over the irrigation hoses and climbed the wooden steps at the back of the third square house. Around another corner and through the thick blackberry bushes nestled in rectangles of sodden earth, Zed rushed to the spot under the sky where the light poured in but found nothing.

"Shit," she whispered, out of breath and reeling in the thick, tepid air.

Zed looked up to the cloudless velveteen sky, crushing disappointment wringing her heart. In a throng of shadow off to the right, a figure shifted and startled the woman backward.

A tired voice called her name.

The shady form lengthened, struggling to stand. Once it stood at its full height, the vice pressing Zed's chest disappeared. Axel hobbled into view, using the overhead pipes to help himself along.

"Axel! There you are. Oh my God, you had me so worried. Why did you leave the lab?"

"The lab? Is that where you've been keeping me?"

Zed clapped her palm over her mouth. Axel gave an elongated nod, eyes wide and accusatory.

"Is that what I am? Some kind of experiment?"

"No, Axel—"

"What are you and Vee doing? Tell me why he's keeping me locked up. Tell me where the fuck I am, Lea. Please. This place... Something about it seems wrong. It scares me."

Axel wilted against a plant bed as Zed approached and caught his elbow to keep him upright.

"Axel, don't be scared. Please, I promise you're safe. We're not trying to keep you captive. This is all difficult to explain, and you were asleep for so long parts of your memory are missing. Vee's only trying to make it easier for you to cope."

"Cope with what, Lea? Cope with the fact I'm a prisoner? That I can't sleep because my nightmares are so vivid, I feel like I'm dying? That people watch me like some sideshow freak?"

"Everything," Zed sighed. "The new world. How can we explain all this to someone who woke up in the past?"

Axel looked up through the skylights and whimpered. "Something terrible has happened, hasn't it?"

Zed, wounded from the dejection in her friend's voice, led Axel to sit on the floor, then sat next to him and draped her arms over his shoulders, resting her cheek on the thin cotton shoulder strap of his tank top.

"I wish I could say you're wrong, but I can't lie to you, Axe."

"My instincts were right. Something is very wrong. After that Ivar fella came through, I started getting this feeling you all weren't telling me something on purpose."

"Don't be angry with us, Axel. We didn't know how to tell you."

Axel leaned his head on Zed's and sought her hand to hold. She slid her fingers through his and gripped tightly. "It's okay. I get it now. I'm supposed to be here. You and me... We're meant to be together. Otherwise... Why would I see you every time I close my eyes?"

"Axel," Zed whispered. "I missed you so much when you left. I thought I'd never see you again. Now everything is different."

"I'm sorry. If I hurt you back then... I didn't mean it."

"Just don't leave me again. Please. I can't fool myself into happiness without you in my life."

"I won't leave. I can't."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Lea."

"Promise-promise?"

Axel chuckled and kissed the top of Zed's head before laying his cheek on the ruts of her braids. "Yeah. I promise-promise."

~*~

Axel and Zed laid on the floorboards and watched the stars twinkling above while the chamber filled with water vapour, obscuring the glass until the condensation evaporated. When the infinite black sky lightened to meteorite violet, Axel used Zed as a crutch to stand up. He stole a fistful of blackberries, stuffing the fruits in his mouth and mashing them until inky juice seeped from the corners of his lips. He complained about his ankle, which he'd suffered walking on during his solo excursion to the greenhouses. Zed berated him for wandering off and helped him down the steps and through the rows of potato plants, arms locked, their pace slow to accommodate Axel's injury.

A murmur greeted the pair as they approached the iron gate. A dozen villagers gathered around the entrance to witness Axel emerge with smiles on their faces. Frozen from the elated faces beaming at him, Axel pulled on Zed's arm, alerting her to the hoard of onlookers.

"Who are they?" Axel asked.

"Zee! Happy you're awake!"

"What happened to your arm, Zee? Are you okay?"

"He looks terrible."

Zed opened the gate, and the crowd dented but didn't part. "Make room, please!"

"We want to talk to Zee!"

Axel then realized the group addressed him, their wide eyes drinking in his bruised and broken state with smiles unfitting his poor condition. An overwhelming sense of worry touched his skin, and he grabbed for Zed to lead him, but they huddled around the gate until a tall head of blond hair sliced the crowd in half. Vee shouldered past, his eyes hooded and brow furrowed.

"Axel! Lea! What the hell are you doing out here? Lea, did you let him out?"

Zed frowned and drew her shoulders up. "Of course not! I'm the one who came looking for him."

"Let's go. Come on, now. Everyone make way. Go back home!" Vee barked.

"We want answers! What's happening outside the walls?"

"We'll answer your questions later," Vee said disdainfully. "Lea, help me get him back."

The trio staggered to the lab, breathless from the trek over the bowing foothills. Vee waited until they were behind closed doors to deliver a speech about how irresponsible and defiant Axel was, how his behaviour might cause unwanted ripples where the scientist required placidity. Axel hoisted himself into bed and accepted his lecture, sullen and quiet, occasionally glancing at Zed, who also wrung her wrists.

"I told you not to leave the room, Axe. Why? Why can't you listen to me for once in your goddamn life?" Vee asked.

"You're not my mommy, Valter. I can do what I want, and frankly, I don't appreciate you keeping secrets from me!"

"What are you on about?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. You've lied to me this whole time! About where we are, what's happened to me. I think you know much more than you lead on."

Vee scoffed and looked to Zed for reassurance. The girl stood still with her shoulders hunched.

"Lea, help me out here."

"Well, Vee... Maybe it's time we tell him everything. There's no use hiding the truth anymore. He already knows something's wrong."

"Yeah!" Axel cried. "I'm done sitting around twiddling my thumbs. You have to tell me what's up. How did I get like this? What the fuck happened to me, and why can't I remember anything? I don't know how I got here or who all those people are out there."

"That's the thing, Axe... We don't know what happened to you. You left, and when you came back, you were unconscious and hurt. We don't leave this place, so I can't tell you anything more than that. I didn't know if you'd wake up and certainly didn't know you'd have amnesia when you did."

Axel turned to Zed for verification, and she nodded her head regretfully.

"It's true, Axel. I wish we could tell you more."

"Then at least tell me where I am. Start there," Axel demanded.

Vee and Zed stood speechless for a moment until she sighed deeply. "Vee, maybe we should give him the postcards and his journals."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're right, Lea. Go get the box. Tonight's gonna be a long one."

Zed hauled the box of postcards and dog-eared journals into the lab and hefted it onto the foot of Axel's bed. Vee unpinned the postcards from the corkboard and offered them to Axel with a pinched smile. Zed sat in her chair while Vee laid on the floor, a long arm slung over his eyes as Axel began to read aloud from his workbooks. The three of them listened to the stories Axel had penned years before while he was in the infantry as if none of them had heard the tales. From time to time, Axel stopped narrating and glided over the lines, taking in details he should have known, but couldn't place. During these silences, Zed and Vee would look up at him to assess his emotions, whether or not the words shifted the pieces into place or made any difference at all.

Axel took in a strained breath. "Ivar and I aren't talking. He wants to be the leader on this ship, and if things don't go his way, he turns into a giant douche-nozzle," he broke into giggling at his insult. "I haven't eaten in three days, and the water supply is low. We're down to a cup a day each. It's not enough, but it's gotten us through so far. One of the guys got sick, and they've taken him below deck. He throws up constantly even though there's nothing in his gut and howls all night in agony. I swear to God I'll shoot him in the head tomorrow if he doesn't let us sleep tonight. Someone needs to put him out of his misery."

Zed grimaced, and Vee stared at the ceiling with dry eyes, unflinching from the story.

"Day six... I now know what rat meat tastes like."

"Oh, god. Ew," Zed mumbled.

Axel continued without pause. "It's not that bad when you haven't eaten in almost a week. I've set up more traps in the galley to catch the rest. If Ivar plays his cards right, I might share my rats with him, but he's still a stuck-up twat.

I'm not sure how the rats are surviving. Maybe there's food still hidden somewhere on the ship. Maybe they're eating each other."

"This must have been when you were on your way back to America...Or... Whatever you want to call this half of the world now," Vee said.

"What do you mean?" Asked Axel.

"The Unity... The government... They abolished the borders, erased the country names and burned the history books. The states became part of the North-Western Hemisphere. Same with Canada and all that. No countries. No names."

Axel seemed to accept his brother's explanation that nothing would ever be as before. The commune in which he now resided was the only tangible place left in existence. Outside the walls lay sites changed from war, stripped of home and heritage. A tightness in Axel's neck prevented him from speaking until the revelations grew too heavy for him to bear.

"What happened to everyone else?" Axel asked.

"It's hard to say," Vee whispered, then cleared his throat. "A lot of people died."

"How many?"

"Billions," Zed said.

"You mean... We're the only ones left?"

"No, we're not. There are other survivors out there, people who were meant to live through the storms."

"Storms?"

Vee sighed, the farfetched nature of their fates exhausting him before he began. "The Unity developed a way to return the planet back to its natural state. No more electronic communication, no more broadcasts or satellites or TV. After the extinctions reached an all-time high, they introduced these plants that could suck the pollution from the air quickly. They grow extremely fast and are lethal to anyone who wasn't vaccinated against the spores. One plant can release a spore cloud big enough to cover half a football field, and they breed and multiply like vermin. Even a small cluster can kill a stadium of unimmunized people in a few minutes."

"But why would they do this? Have I been vaccinated?"

Axel's questions ripped holes in Vee’s composure. Zed's stomach churned and flipped as the scientist fished for the least aggressive explanation. A gloss came over his eyes, and he avoided his brother's bewildered stare.

"No, Axe. You're not."

"Oh... Are you?" Axel whispered.

"Yeah, I am. So is Lea."

"Why? Why didn't I get vaccinated?"

"You were lost at sea with your platoon for weeks, and before that, you were overseas. They didn't immunize the troops."

"Are you telling me the government wants us all to die?"

"Most of this is widely debated. There are some theories that the Unity had a strategy in mind."

Zed lent the scientist a hand and cut the heavy topic with a smile. "Axel, you're much more special than you know. Those people out there all adore you because of what you've done for Kinderfeld. You were the only one brave enough to go out when they needed supplies. People know your name not only here but out in the world. I've seen you fight and shoot. You're a natural."

"Well, yeah. I've been shooting guns since I was a kid."

"You were a special ops sniper. More than just a good shot."

Axel warmed to the compliment. "And what about you? Are you the mercenary of my dreams?"

Zed blushed and failed to hide her pride. "Not a mercenary... But I've murked a few Scavs in my day."

"Man... I like you," Axel tittered. "Ain't she great, Vee? What a prize."

For the few seconds of silence that passed, Vee's expression darkened. He recognized the reverence pulling Axel's features, the heartfelt way Lea relaxed when they spoke. Even in the absence of memory, Axel and Zed forged a bond too strong to pry apart. He would never wish ill upon his brother, but he mourned the days past with the woman whose eyes shone like vats of golden syrup passing under the morning light. At the risk of sharing a likeness with Ivar, the king who could never quite capture the woman's love, Vee thought of what life might have been like had Axel never returned. Would Zed love him? Could she? Had he ever toed the waters of her unspoken affection? Vee cursed his stupidity the night he told her how he felt and quickly dismantled his chances before she had the opportunity to consider him more than a close friend.

As Zed stared at Axel upright in his bed with his journals splayed out around him, Vee knew it was too late to rescind his platonic claim. A victim of his own sabotage, the scientist turned from them and pushed out every last ounce of breath to make room for another stale intake.

"I think it's time I showed Axel the Crimson Yawn."

Zed nodded and left the brothers, sensing a gloomy air rising between them. Vee was much better at explaining the inexplicable. He delivered news with a needed bluntness, one Zed had never mastered. Once she left the lab searching for distractions, Vee helped his brother box up the journals and offered his elbow to guide Axel back on his feet. Amid the bleak news, Axel had almost forgotten the pain in his extremities.

They waddled to the locked chambers where the bulk of Vee's scientific discoveries came to light. Axel squinted against the bright white walls and polished floor as he followed his brother through a series of doors leading to a clear dome similar to the greenhouses he'd found, only this hollow contained a twisted swarm of redheaded plants, mouths bloody and agape. Each one stood over seven feet tall and lifted its black-spotted maw to the sky in a silent scream. Axel turned from them.

"I've seen these before, but never this many. In my dreams, there's always one growing in a container."

"You recognize them?"

"And you say these things can kill me? How is it possible?" Axel asked.

"They're a sophisticated hybrid plant. They release spores like mushrooms, and those spores become airborne. If you breathe them in, they attack your blood, soaking up the nutrients and essentially turning it into a highly acidic jelly. You burn from the inside out. Well...Dissolve is a better word."

"And you've brought me here why!?" Axel shouted, dodging backward and planting too much weight on his bad ankle.

"Don't worry! They can't hurt you from in here. The filtration system's design protects everything inside."

"I still have a hard time believing all this. You know how crazy it sounds, right?"

Vee clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Oh, I realize. Why do you think it took me so long to break the news? You try finding a delicate way to explain this to someone who just came out of a coma."

Axel became transfixed on the plants again after Vee's assurance. He shuffled to the glass and studied the roaring heads, each one slightly different than its neighbour. They resembled demons, bizarre red monsters with thick necks and broad leaves of wax. Their spiked roots toiled in the ground, gnarled and tangled in a hellish orgy above and beneath the soil. Beyond the ranks, Axel saw the roiling jungle and all its hues of green and black. The sun broke through parts in the towering trees. How he longed to feel the wind on his burnt skin and walk among the flora. Axel observed the plants for a few minutes as Vee stepped back and allowed him time to digest.

"Am I in a nightmare?" Axel met his brother's eyes and did not blink.

"Some might say that. And I'm sorry. I've dedicated my life to making things better for the survivors, but there's nothing left I can do. All we have now is the village and each other."

"And mom and dad?"

"They're gone, Axe. They've been gone a while."

The tattooed man swallowed bitterly and nodded as a wall of tears blinded him. Vee touched his brother's shoulder and shared his pain through the comforting gesture. Axel crossed his chest with his good hand and patted Vee's fingers.

"Do you mind if I spend some time alone? This is... It's just a lot."

"Of course. Take all the time you need, Axe. I'll leave the doors unlocked. You good to walk?"

Axel's voice floated below a whisper. "I’ll manage."

~*~

In the apartment, Zed held her arms out before her and swung them in half-circles, stretching her muscles in preparation for another stiff night spent on the sofa. Vee came in after dinner and found Zed flinging her limbs outward.

"Nightly aerobics?" He asked with a touch of humour, the most he could muster after a day of harsh truths.

"Just stretching out before bed. My back's been killing me."

"Oh," Vee's green eyes popped open wide. "Don't sleep on the couch, Lea. You can take the bed tonight."

"Nah, it's okay."

"No, really. I insist. You deserve a night without hanging off the edge of the cushions."

"Then where will you sleep?" She asked.

"The couch."

Zed laughed at the idea. "You're far too tall to fit comfortably."

"I've passed out there dozens of times. Don't worry about me, really. Take the bed."

"Why're you being so nice, huh?" Zed snorted.

"I've seen you in pain the last few days, and I feel bad. It's rude of me to have one of the biggest beds in this place when I don't do anything to deserve it."

"Oh, shush," Zed jested. "You've done more for this place than anyone."

"There's always the Chrysalis."

The good humour in the room vanished with Vee's maladroit suggestion. Zed shook her head and scoffed. "I'm not going to the Chrysalis. I want to stay here with you guys."

"Fine by me. You'll take the bed tonight then. Grab your blankets and go."

Zed and Vee swapped bedding and wished each other goodnight. Though she deemed herself undeserving of the luxury, when Zed crawled onto Vee's large bed and spread her limbs from corner to corner, her skin bristled with goosebumps. The scent of the sheets belonged to the man outside the room, sprawled on the sofa, long legs dangling over the arm—cotton and boyish musk, the redolence Zed had grown accustomed to except in this moment. Lying on the mattress reminded her of the hugs and closeness she'd received from Vee when Axel had fled.

She relived their days together in clips of happy memories and some not so joyful. Across the apartment, Vee recalled the same night playing in Zed's mind—their evening in the greenhouse when they'd held hands, so close together yet barred by the promises of friendship. Vee cursed himself repeatedly while Zed entertained the idea of getting together with the scientist.

Soon, Zed's thoughts slid over the night she'd spent with Ivar. If she concentrated, she could feel the fullness between her legs still. Ivar had made love to her the way couples did in films. He'd stroked her and kissed her skin, took her nipples gently between his lips and sucked until she giggled. What might have excited some left her shivering. Was one of the brothers more deserving of her love? Was she foolish to think herself so desirable her attention was a coveted badge of excellence?

What a prize!

Lea... I want you to tell me no, right now.

It's like you were made for me.

With her heart racing, Zed turned over in bed and clamped her eyes shut. Debating which of the three men in her life she wanted more made her stomach flip, yet she couldn't keep the lewd considerations from pouring into her head. In these fantasies, she replaced Ivar with Vee. Yes, he was smart and gentle and keen on her, but he'd told her not to let him cross the line, claimed he didn't want her that way despite his feelings. Vee's kind face took the place of Ivar's, coasting down her stomach, stamping her thighs with kisses from luscious lips. She squeezed her legs together and let the inevitable shift knock Vee from the picture to make room for his older brother.

The tattooed man with all his addictions and his looming depression positioned himself between her knees and grasped her ankles delicately. A murderer and womanizer leaned over her body, caging her with long limbs decorated with sparrows, weapons, chains and barbed wire.

We're meant to be together. I see you in my dreams every time I fall asleep.

Zed bit her lip when the phantom sensation invaded her. She knew not how Axel would moan or if he'd coo and sigh the way Ivar had when they had sex. She wanted very much to think Axel would treat her with respect and scorned the claims Trinity had made about his wild side. Then the obscene journal entries came to life, glowing, fanned by salacious visions. What if she didn't want to make love? What if she wanted to be taken hard and fast by a man who worshiped her? Guilt and arousal mixed in her chest and sat heavy, grinning evilly like a demon poised to possess her body.

Sleep wriggled through Zed's conjurations and pulled her under before she realized she was slipping into blackness. The cozy bed and Vee's sheets lulled her, and soon, she dreamed of ordinary things, forgetting her personal stash of pornographic thoughts. She slipped further as the moon made a lazy arc through the night sky until something touched her shoulder and jarred her from sleep with a sharp gasp.

Her scream ripped through the apartment, sending her waker toppling out of bed.

"Lea? Oh, fuck. Fuck!"

"Axel?"

In the dimness, neither of them saw each other but tasted each other's heavy breath. Soon the light snapped on, and Vee stood at the door, chest heaving.

"What the hell is going on?" Vee asked. "Axel? What're you doing?"

"Christ, I thought Zed was you. I just came to... Well, I couldn't sleep," Axel cringed. "Shit, my hand. Fuck, I landed like a sack of bricks."

Vee snickered, setting off a series of giggles. "You came to sleep in my bed?"

"I didn't mean to scare you, Lea."

"It's all right," said Zed. "Really. On any other night, it would have been Vee in here."

Axel pulled himself up by the elbows and sat on the edge of the bed, grimacing from the agony of his agitated wounds. "Sorry, guys. It's hard to sleep out there. People are watching me."

Zed scooted over and patted the part of the mattress warm from her body. "Come on. Lie down. I think we could all use a sleepover after the day we've had."

"You're not serious," Vee said with a scoff as his brother took up Zed's offer and laid down next to her.

Zed nodded with conviction. "Absolutely. You too, Valter. Turn off the light and get over here."

He rolled his eyes as he flipped the light switch. "This is hardly a three-person bed."

"Well, cuddle up, pal."

"Lea takes up a fraction of the bed, anyway," Axel pointed out.

"Is this not weird to you? Three adults sharing a bed?"

Zed moved to the center as Vee climbed into bed from the left. To her right, Axel had already sprawled and turned over to face her in the dark.

"It's no stranger than how half the people in this place sleep all piled on top of each other. Humans were meant to nest. In the wild, this is how we'd sleep."

"Yeah, but we're not in the wild," said Vee.

"Yes, we are, little brother. Have you seen it outside? We're literally in glass bubbles, in the middle of a rainforest. Now shut up, and go to sleep."

"You shut up."

"Guys?" Zed chimed.

"Yeah?" The brothers answered.

"I love you both.”

Robbed of their voices, Axel and Vee set aside their bickering to bask in the genial haze of Zed's words. Axel shifted an inch closer while Vee laid stiffly on his side, eyes wide in the dark. As though her claim was bathed in wine, they soaked in the meaning and slipped drunkenly into slumber.

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[mrs--wheels]

I made a human.

Yes, I made a human.  I gave birth to a baby boy!  Here’s my birth story: On Wednesday July 14th I went for my routine 36 week OB-Gyn checkup.  At that visit they did a sonogram and everything looked normal, baby was in the 46th percentile for size.  The Dr. checked my cervix and I was 2 cm dilated already.  My blood pressure was high, which it had been for 6 weeks, but I did not have preeclampsia (yet - I was borderline.)  The Dr. took me off work and said if I did not deliver by next week Thursday July 22 I would need to be induced.  My blood pressure was causing really bad swelling everywhere in my body, but especially my calves, ankles, feet and wrists.  I weighed 251 lbs at the checkup, about 55 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight.  So I went into work with my disability form all filled out and basically peaced out, said goodbye to a few of my coworkers and my boss, and I ain’t lookin’ back.  I went home, much to my husband’s surprise (he was working from home that day.)  I’d like to say I enjoyed the last week of my pregnancy but that’s not entirely true.  I was in terrible discomfort, especially my pelvis: I was having bad pelvic pain & pressure, so bad I could barely walk. The night of Monday July 19th I could hardly walk up the stairs to my bed, it hurt so bad.  I did have surprisingly restful night’s sleep that night, which was good because of what was to come... At 5 am on Tuesday July 20th, I rolled over in bed and felt a wetness.  Unsure if I peed myself or if my water broke, I went into the bathroom.  Clear fluid was running down my legs, and it didn’t smell like pee.  The puddle on my sheets didn’t either.  I called the OB-Gyn’s office from the bathroom. and the Dr. on call told me if contractions started on their own to head into the hospital.  If they didn’t start on their own, head in anyway but wait until after 8:30, 9 am.  So I took a shower, made some toast & a banana for breakfast, and unloaded the dishwasher.  Around 6 am I had my first contractions, but they weren’t too strong and they were about 7 or 8 minutes apart.  I woke up my husband and told him I thought my water broke, and I was having contractions.  He leapt out of bed and into the shower.  As I lay on the bed waiting for him, the contractions were coming closer together (4-5 minutes apart) and getting stronger.  My husband got dressed and I called my mom.  She said she’d meet us at the hospital and we grabbed the overnight bags and diaper bag and went straight to the hospital. My husband drove like a panicked maniac, and I was gritting my teeth in the passenger seat with every contraction.  We got to the hospital and I refused to let my husband get me a wheelchair, I wanted to walk in on my own.  I had a contraction in the parking lot and barely made it to the 2nd floor to Labor & Delivery.  By now it was around 7:30 am.  They took me into a triage room for a  workup, I changed into a gown, and a nurse put the fetal heart monitor on me.  I got to listen to that little galloping horse heartbeat, nice and strong.  In came a Dr. and 2 students, they did a history on me and after a very uncomfy pelvic exam it was determined I was 8 cm dilated and fully effaced!  (The student who first checked me said I was 4 cm... the actual Dr determined it was 8... kind of a big difference!)  The contractions were pretty much on top of each other by now, only a minute apart.  I was moved straight into the delivery room, without stopping in a labor room first. This was at around 9:30 am maybe? I got to 10 cm in less than than 2 hours, and ready to push.  I didn’t even have a hospital bracelet or an IV, things were moving way too fast.  The Dr. showed up fully gowned, and they got me on the table and ready to go.  This was the first time my mom was able to see me, she’d been waiting over an hour, since I was expected to be in labor a lot longer! I was ready to push at just before 10 am and I was absolutely terrified, I was so not ready.  I had a birth plan packed in my overnight bag.  In it, I requested an epidural.  I wanted pain meds, to be able to sleep and rest during labor... My husband brought his laptop, we had a bluetooth speaker ready to play music in the delivery room... All of this was shot right out the window.  I was terrified of the prospect of pushing, terrified of the pain.  I felt like I had to take a massive poop, and even screamed “I’m gonna poop!” in the delivery room.  My mom and the Dr were like “Just do it! That’s the baby coming out!”  I pushed maybe a dozen times? Twice for every contraction.  I squeezed my husband’s hand and felt my mom’s hand on my forehead.  I was drenched in sweat from head to toe and shaking like crazy.  They told me not to scream, that I was wasting energy I needed to funnel into pushing -  but, like, ok, it hurts!  I was hurling 4-letter words (and I never swear around my mom,) and gripping onto the back of the pillow under my head (which didn’t help the poor nurse still trying to stick an IV in my arm - they blew a vein in my left hand and ended up putting the IV in my right wrist - normally I’m bad with needles but I was in so much pain I didn’t even care.)  The fetal heart monitor wasn’t working anymore, because the baby was moving down the birth canal.  The excess skin & fluid on my lower abdomen made it difficult to get a reading, so a nurse was literally pushing the monitor hard into my belly, while I was trying to push at the same time.  Eventually they used an internal monitor, this thing that looks like a cattle prod that attached to the top of the baby’s head, under the scalp, through the cervix.  Luckily I didn’t know that had happened until after he was born. After about 15 minutes of pushing, and my poor crying husband looking like he was about to pass out (he hates seeing me in pain.) I gave birth to a baby boy at 10:14 am.  It’s the most bizarre feeling in the world: like I was a bottle of champagne and he was the cork.  I could feel everything since I had no drugs, the baby’s head and shoulders popping out and the gush of fluids afterwards. I did need a few stitches, I had a second degree tear, but I never felt that or the placenta being delivered. The whole room was in a flurry, there was at least 1 dozen people there - the Dr, an instructor, several students, nurses and my mom & husband.  I was the talk of labor & delivery that day: the first-timer who came in at 7:30 and had a baby less than 3 hours later.  The baby was put right on my chest after he was born.  I had my eyes closed pretty much the entire time I had been pushing, but I opened them when I felt that warm, wiggly little baby on me.  He was absolutely beautiful, rosy pink and screaming.  My husband said he was born with his eyes open, arms and legs flailing, and a very healthy set of lungs.  He scored a 9 on his one-minute Apgar and a 9 on the 5-minute too: the highest score you can get!  He weighed 6 lbs, 8 oz and was 20.25 inches long.  My husband cut the cord (squeamishly) and my mom and him just gushed over this perfect little guy.  I was exhausted but exhilarated, I felt triumphant!  I had given birth with no drugs, all natural, and made it out to tell the tale. I had no idea my body was capable of that, but it knew more than I did.... We (me, my mom, and my husband) were able to stay in the delivery room for 2 hours after the baby’s birth.  We finally agreed on a name (well, I proposed the name and wouldn’t take no for an answer - after all, who had just given birth anyways?)  We decided on Owen Paul.  Owen because I love the name and it means “warrior”, and Paul after my brother who passed away 19 years ago.  It somehow fits him perfectly, he looks like an Owen.  He’s got beautiful red-gold hair that swirls on his head, and dark blue eyes that I’m hoping stay that color.  I was able to start nursing him right away (my nursing journey is a story for another time, though...) and we were all able to bond.  It was a wonderful experience, and it is true what they say: you forget all the pain once you lay eyes on the little miracle.  Maybe it’s the huge rush of hormones that causes this amnesia, but it really is true.  I’d do it all over again!

I’ve lost nearly all the weight I gained during pregnancy, since it was pretty much all baby, placenta, amniotic fluid and the fluid that was blowing me up like a balloon.  I’m not in any pain, even with the stitiches. I only took a few Tylenol the first couple of days, I guess I have a pretty high tolerance!  I’m feeling good, all things considered, and healthy.  It’s nice not to have that constant pelvic pain anymore. Owen is going to be 2 weeks old tomorrow, and it’s been a huge adjustment (an obvious understatement.)  The days are long, but the years will be short - everyone tells me that.  It’s frustrating, and miserable and so so so tiring.  But they are only babies for such a short time, I plan on enjoying every minute of him!  He’s the best thing I’ve ever made.

[xserpentlife]

Open Your Eyes - Chap 4 (Birth)

Requested: Anon Hello! Can I request a fangsxreader where she’s jughead sister and dating Fangs and instead of Fangs the reader is the one who gets shot and fangs is like super worried and thinking that reader could die? I love loveloveeee your blog so much thanks.

A/N: here is the long-awaited chap 4, I wrote this one a different way and I was going to put it into chapters but I figured I mine as well give it to you all at once. I hope you guys love it as much as I do. 

Warnings: None that I can think of except cursing and talks of pregnancy and birth.

Word Count: almost 6000

Taglist: @chipster-21

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

First Trimester

Coming home wasn’t bad you moved in with Fangs full time since you had planned to before the accident anyway. He was the sweetest to you, constantly helping. You couldn’t walk alone for a bit. It was tough for the first two weeks you couldn’t stand for longer than 10 minutes at a time due to the pain. The Serpents were being beyond helpful with everything, meals were constantly being brought to your trailer and everyone was spending time with you especially Toni and Sweet Pea. Healing was going pretty well but honestly, the worst part was the nausea. At first, you didn’t have much morning sickness but the second week home you felt like it was all you were doing. Yeah, most people get morning sickness but for you, it was so much worse. The gunshot wound you had was still healing and it was situated right below your bra line. Every time that you would lean over to throw up a massive pain would rip through your entire body. But you didn’t wanna bother Fangs with it and he was quite the heavy sleeper so you didn’t have to. That was until you got up by yourself one morning to go throw up and you bent over to quickly causing one of your stitches to tear, eliciting a loud scream from you. Fangs ran in basically ripping the bathroom door off its hinges before seeing you curled on the floor in a white shirt with a small blood spot forming.

“Baby, baby oh my god what happened”

“I… I don’t know Fangs”

“Baby let me see” He lifted your shirt slowly.

“Okay baby you tore a stitch, it’s gonna be fine okay. I’m gonna carry you to the car and we are going to go to the hospital, okay?”

“I don’t wanna go back Fangs I just got home”

“I know babe, but gotta make sure bub is good okay”

“Fangs what if…”

“No everything's fine just need to fix you up a bit”

“Okay” You tried standing up we're having trouble standing

“C'mere” He helped you stand and walk out to the truck keeping a  towel pressed to your stitches as he drove. “Baby we’re here let’s go in” after going into the doctor told you that you had torn a stitch throwing up. He was going to get you a prescription for anti-nausea meds so the likelihood of you tearing another one would be slim.

“You know babe I told you I didn’t wanna come back here unless it was for the baby”

“Yell well it was, they tore my stitch asshole”

“Already calling our baby an asshole are we?”

“Leave me be Fogarty”

“I just wanna go home and sleep”

“We can babe we can just pick the prescription up from the desk on the way out”

After you scare nothing else was really going on. Your stitches and wound healed flawlessly, your baby was healthy, and you and Fangs were happy as can be. You started having food cravings makings Fangs get up at two in the morning to get you the weirdest combinations but he really didn’t give a damn because he knew it was to make you and the baby happy. You had been spending a lot of time with friends and the other serpents trying to understand what it would be like to mom but everyone was always telling you you’d know when it happened. You would just ‘get it’ whatever that meant. Luckily Pea could keep your mind off of it his goofy self always scheming up some sort of trouble. He was coming over to watch movies with you and Fangs and he was bringing over some pizza. Do you waited so hungry you actually guaranteed Fangs that you would eat your pet pig if Pea didn’t hurry up. He knew you’d never hurt your sweet girl but thought it was funny that you were getting so hungry even though you ate less than an hour beforehand.

“He better hurry the fuck up Fogarty”

“I can’t control him”

“Ugh I'm dying!” and luckily he knocked on the door right then. You got up instantly grabbing the pizza from his hands.

“What I don’t get a hug or hello, or even a thanks for bringing you food”

“M’hungry you took too long jackass. But thank you” you ran up giving him a quick hug before sitting back down in front of the pizza. You saw him take fries out of a bag and then watched as he pulled out a wrapped sandwich.

“Pea if that is a cheesesteak I beg of you not to open it”

“I got a big one figured it’s your fav so we could all share”

“Don’t. Open. It!” But he did, and as soon as the smell hit your nose you were getting up almost tripping before Fangs caught you and ran with you to the bathroom door holding your hair back, Pea coming up behind you.

“What the fuck happened”

“She can’t eat them anymore, makes her sick”

“She just ate one like two weeks ago!”

“Makes her sick now, guess the baby doesn't like it. We went to the pizza shop on main like last weekend and as soon as she smelled one she was in the toilet throwing up we only figured it out cause we ordered one to go cause we figured she just got sick from nausea and when we got home and I opened it she threw up again”

“That’s weird as shit”

“Tell me about it! I’m sorry Pea but could you close it up maybe eat it later”

“Course Y/N”

“Thanks, Pea”

“No problem gotta make sure the little one is happy”

Second Trimester

Your first trimester went along relatively smoothly, yeah for sure you had nausea. Your baby made your life hell with the foods you used to love to eat and now hated, but overall it was pretty easy. Fangs was by your side through all of it and the Serpents for sure helped out a lot.

At the beginning of your second trimester, your baby bump was prominent. You remember the first time fangs saw it like it was yesterday. You were doing stuff around the trailer lazy as can be all day and had thrown on one of his shirts that you always wore. It was tighter than usual but honestly, you really didn’t care that much, you just wanted to be comfortable and you always were in his clothes. When he came home from work you were standing over the stove cooking dinner. He came in through the front door and saw you standing there sideways, and just dropped everything that he was holding. You looked over to him in shock not even hearing him come through the door.

“Babe, you okay?”

“I’m more than okay, oh my god Y/N”

“What?” “Your belly”

“Huh?”

“You haven’t looked in the mirror today, have you? No...”

“Cmon”

“But Fangs the food”

“Turn it off, please”

“Fine” he led you to the bedroom and stood you in front of the mirror slowly lifting the shirt over your belly you had just not paid any attention to recently.

“It looks like you started showing overnight”

“That’s impossible”

“Is it?”

“I don’t know to be honest”

“But I know how it will get bigger”

“How’s that?”

“The food on the stove cause I'm starving and I bet you are too”

“I’m always hungry Fogarty, your baby loves food”

“Just like daddy”

“Oh god now I'm gonna call you daddy”

“Baby you always call me daddy”

“Be good your baby is in here”

“Yeah how do you think it got there”

“You are so bad! Go finish the food”

“Okay princess you pick a movie okay?”

“Okay”

The middle of the second trimester was going smoothly expect you felt kinda gross, you started having a bit of hip pain and you actually kicked Fangs in the balls while sleeping. The doctor wasn’t kidding when she said you'd have leg spasms. You felt so bad after because he shot up in bed in shock and you had no idea you even did it until he yelled out what the fuck was that for and you woke up. Luckily it only happened once though.

The middle is where the bad parts started. You really just wanted to stay home and be left alone and do nothing but Fangs was not letting that happen at all.

“Baby I don’t wanna do anything!”

“Why not”

“Cause I don’t look good I look fat, I can barely see my feet, and I haven't been able to see my vagina or shave my legs in months I am a fucking hairy beast, now leave me the fuck alone”

“I’m not leaving you alone baby, this baby is partially my fault so it is only right that I tame the hairy beast”

“I’m gonna kill you”

“What I think your hair is cute”

“Fangs! Go! Away!”

“I’m! Not! Leaving! You!, Just let me help you!”

“Help me what?”

“I already ran the bath just go get in and I’ll be in, in a sec”

“Fine” You walked in a sat in the warm tub, it felt so nice on your hip and muscles and an instant relaxation hit your body instantly. He walked in shorts on and shirtless as he sat on the edge of the tub carefully grabbing your leg and situating it on the edge of the tub next to him at an angle.

“Fangs what are you doing?”

“Shaving your legs”

“You’re what!”

“Shaving your legs then you can’t be mad for being a hair beast”

“So I am hairy!”

“No, no I just know you wanna be shaven so I figured why not help since you can’t reach”

“It’s so gross though”

“Baby I’m about to watch you push out a baby in a few weeks I highly doubt this is that gross”

“Thank you”

“No need to thank me, baby, like I said I will always be here to help”

“Can you get in the bath with me after”

“Of course”

Towards the end, you were anxiously awaiting your baby shower. You didn’t want to have one but all the Serpents insisted that you needed to considering they have all been there throughout your pregnancy. Fangs sent you on a trip with Toni for a week or two, wanting you to have perfect relaxation before you got into the final run of the pregnancy. You were finally back and were going to meet him at the Wyrm. You walked in expecting nothing only to be surprised by all the Serpents and a bunch of rainbow balloons. You waved everyone hello as Toni handed you a mock mimosa.

“Thanks, T”

“No problem, you happy”

“I guess I just… why is everyone making this big of a fuss about me?”

“Because this is the first serpent baby we’ve had in like 5 years everyone is super excited, not many of these people have a huge family you know that”

“Yeah I guess, do you know where Fangs is?”

“He said he was coming later” You felt a tap on your shoulder to see Fangs behind you.

“Your back”

“I missed you so fucking much Fogarty never send me on a trip again unless you come”

“I’m sorry I just wanted you to have a good time”

“I did but I missed the fuck out of you, guess what?” “Hm?”

“I was playing videos of us cause I missed you, and the baby moved a little when you talked in the video”

“Really?”

“Mhm”

“Maybe tonight I can sing to her”

“I’d like that a lot”

“Hey do you think we should announce the gender”

“Mhm, I have an idea” You remembered seeing the board when you had walked in. The board with tallies on whether it was a boy or girl. So you pulled fangs with you and walked up to the board handing him chalk. As you both led your hands to the board everyone was watching as fangs circled girl and you crossed out boy. You never heard the Whyte Wyrm be so loud before. And as soon is it died down Toni was screaming “Gift Time”. In your opinion, it may have been the best part. Most of the Serpents have their own trade or skill. Some were sewers, some builders, some seamstresses, painters, finishers, chefs, etc. It was nice getting gifts that had just a bit of every one of them. But then came Pea as he came up a giant box wrapped in recycled newspapers. You appreciated the reuse of the paper.

“So I know it won’t work yet but I saw it and I had to buy it”

“Ok…” You opened the box to see a tiny toy motorcycle for your bay to ride. “Pea…”.

“You don’t like it… I know it was crazy I’m sorry I just thought maybe you would and if you're mad I can return it…”

“Stop, I love it”

“You do!”

“You do!” that is all you heard from everyone.

“Of course I do. Motorcycles are a big part of every one of us. This baby is going to grow up seeing them everywhere, so why not let her ride a little toy one. My baby is gonna be a badass and we all know it”

“I’m glad you said that” He handed you a smaller box that when you opened it was filled with a rubber throwing star.

“What is my baby is gonna be a ninja!? No Pea this is where I draw the line”

“Thought so, I’ll just give them to Fogarty to practice his aim”

“Hey! I have perfect aim, hence the bun in the oven”

“Fangs!”

“Ew Fogarty”

“You have one more gift baby” “I do? I don’t see any more”

“It’s not here if you wanna stay we can but your gift is at home”

“Oh okay, I mean it is late and I am kinda tired can we go?” “Yeah of course” You thanked everyone for coming and said goodbye. Fangs then helped you into his truck as he began the drive home. But he was taking a different way than normal.

“Fangs where are you going”

“Do you trust me?”

“Always”

“Then close your eyes for me and you can’t open them until I tell you”

“Uhm okay but you know if you wanted to kill me you should've done it before the bun”

“Your insane now close your eyes baby”

“Okay” So you sat with your eyes closed and slowly felt the rock come to a stop as you heard Fang’s door open and close and then heard yours open.

“Ready”

“Can I open my eyes”

“Not yet” He grabbed your hand leading you out of the truck before you came to a stop. “Okay, now”

“You opened your eyes to see a beautiful single story trailer like home. It was bigger than the RV trailer you were currently in.

“Fangs what…” You looked up to see a Welcome Home banner.

“Welcome home baby”

“What do you mean welcome home…”

“Well FP called, said this trailer was available it has three bedrooms since its super long oh and a living room and kitchen… clearly haha. So I sent you with Toni and Me, Pea and a bunch of the Serpents fixed it up during the week you were gone. I figure we would need more space you know with the baby coming and maybe if we eventually have another baby or a dog or something. I know it’s not a house or anything and I wish I could do more but…” You stepped up to him a hand landing on his cheek.

“Stop it. Don’t you ever and I mean ever apologize that you can’t do enough for us. Everything you do is incredible Fangs. You do so much more than I could even think to ask, and I love you so much for it. I would live in a cardboard box if it meant being with you. The fact that you did this for us I can’t even put into words how much I love you Fangs”

“I love you so much baby” Tears were flowing as he dragged you into the trailer. The trailer looked brand new.

“Fangs this is…”

“Do you not like it, we can change the color if…”

“No Fangs, this is beautiful”

“Oh thank god, do you wanna see the nursery”

“Mhm,” He led you to a room down the hallway after showing you your master in and of itself was freaking beautiful. Nicer than any room you ever had in your life. You could tell how careful he was at matching the colors, how well he listened to the things you liked. He opened the door to the nursery to reveal a perfectly sized room. It was beautiful, there was a chair for you to sit, the walls were paneled with tea, black and white paint as well as brown wood. And then you looked to the center to see a very unique crib, it was round something you had never seen. But what hit you the most was the fact and that you and fangs hadn’t really talked much about the nursery in the past few months. But the fact that he remembered the one time you had said you wouldn’t wanna make your baby girls room pink if you ever had a girl hit a nerve in you. The fact that he remembered that one small detail made your heart swell.

“Fangs… I love it”

“Oh thank god I’m so glad I didn’t know and everyone was telling me to do pink but I know you said you wouldn’t wanna force pink or blue on a child wanting them to grow up how they wanted and so I told everyone you’d love it this way and im so glad you do”

“I love it so much it’s honestly perfect and I love this crib it’s so unique”

“Yeah, I uh couldn’t find one to fit in here that I liked and I didn't want it anchored on a wall cause the room looked smaller, anyway Lynae came in”

“Pea’s aunt?”

“Mhm, anyway she came in cause she wanted to see the teal to get Andi to make the pillows for the chair and saw that I still needed one and told me not to buy one. A few days later, this was on the porch with a note saying she made it and everything. I already thanked her don’t worry. But yeah I never would have thought a round crib”

“It’s beautiful”

“Oh and toni picked up some of the decorations, and Pea apparently helped pick out the fabrics for the curtains and stuff”

“No way”

“Mhm”

“Wow”

“Baby…”

“Yeah?” “Are you happy?”

“Of course I am why?”

“I just… I know it’s all so fast ya know. Like you get shot found out were having a baby and then we move in together and then I get us this bigger trailer and… I don’t know I just wanna make sure your happy”

“We practically lived together anyway Fangs, and regardless no matter where we are I always wanna be with you, because where I am doesn’t matter because when I am with you I’m happy”

“I love the both of you so fucking much”

Third Trimester

The third trimester was going along quite smoothly in a way it was the easiest part of your pregnancy even though you felt like every time you walked you were carrying a bag of bricks. But Fangs was helping out with everything and being the sweetest as possible so you couldn’t really complain.

The beginning of your third trimester went along quite well. The first time Fangs really felt and saw the baby move. It was incredible. You were at the Wyrm most of the day before coming home to go to bed. You hadn’t eaten much for some reason you were super nauseous during the day so as you were laying in bed Fang’s hand on your belly he felt your stomach move a little.

“Is mama hungry?”

“Huh?

“You hungry baby”

“Not really.. Stomach still hurts a… OW”

“Holy shit!” he was watching your stomach, completely saw the foot that had just kicked you. “I saw it Y/N, I saw her foot!”

“Yeah and I felt it jesus christ it’s like shes a god damn kick boxer”

“Oh, baby are you okay?” “Yeah, yeah I’m good” He laid his head next to your belly before slowly singing a song to your almost grown bean. She was moving slightly at the sound of his voice and eventually stilled. To you, it was almost as if she had fallen asleep.

At the middle of your third trimester, you had decided to go to the mall by yourself. You needed to pick up a birthday gift for Toni. However, it didn’t go to plan because as you were walking through the mall you heard a baby cry, and then after you were walking towards the store you kept seeing people looking at your breasts. You felt very uncomfortable so you went to the bathroom to see if there was something on your shirt and of course something you didn’t expect to happen did. Your breasts leaked because of the baby you heard crying like motherly instinct or some bullshit you didn’t care. You were upset and pissed off. You had Fangs drop you off at the mall saying you needed alone time so you called him to pick you up and he did instantly.

“Baby are you ok…”

“No Fangs I’m not do you see my shirt!, Just bring me home!”

“I brought you one of mine you can slip on if you want”

“Thanks” He eventually pulled up to your home as you waddled your way inside you saw Pea sitting on the couch. “Ugh!” You ran to your bedroom laying flat back against the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

“Baby cmon talk to me, what happened?”

“No Fangs it’s embarrassing”

“Baby I've been with you for a while through thick and thin I don’t think anything you do could be that embarrassing to me”

“My boobs leaked okay”

“What do you mean”

“I don’t know Fangs I just got Toni’s gift and I was gonna walk around and shop some more but then I heard a baby cry and all these people started looking at me so I went into the bathroom and my fuckingshirt had wet spots on it. I think I leaked” He walked over instantly placing his hands onto your cheeks.

“Baby that isn’t embarrassing at all that is your body telling you that you are ready for this abby. Your body saying that you are ready to protect your own child and provide them with what they need”

“But baby It was so embarrassing”

“Yeah well I don’t think those people should have been staring it is a natural thing that happens, how bout I go put a few extra shirts in the car and one in your backpack that way if it happens again you’ll have clothes”

“That would be good thankyou baby”

“Course”

You waddled out to the living room to see Pea sitting on the couch. “Hey pea”

“Hey Y/N you okay”

“Yeah Fangs made it better I was having a moment”

“Ahh hormones”

“We don’t have to talk about this Pea”

“No it’s okay I wantto how has everything been since…”

“Oh my god the fight yeah my hormones were raging that night, but that guy deserved it who the fuck parks behind someones truck so they can’t get out and then he hit your bike! I don’t know why Fangs was so mad”

“Y/N I get where your coming from like you had every right to be pissed Iget that however, you are very pregnant. You’re what 28 weeks…”

“30”

“Okay 30 weeks and you literally punched a guy in the face!”

“Yeah and I knocked his ass out cold”

“You did which I’m impressed but… if you didn’t and he came at you, you could’ve been hurt he was just trying to be protective”

“I know”

“You guys talking about me”

“Hey babe”

“Always Fogarty, I’m the only one she complains to”

“Good to know”

“I’ll be right back guys gotta Pee” You got up waddling to the bathroom but before you shut the door you heard Pea

“Hahaha look at her waddle”

“You do realize she can kill you and get away with it, right?”

“Okay your not wrong”

“Sweet Pea! I heard that! Don’t forget what I did to the guy at the Wyrm!”

“Couldn’t dream of it now go pee before you pee yourself”

“Okay, that was one time!”

“Yeah on my carpet!”

“Ugh”

However,  the end of the third trimester came and you were miserable. It felt like your back was breaking your hips were tearing out of your body and you for some reason had headaches almost all the time. You were more than ready to get this baby out of you. You were at the Wyrm, knowing that in a month you most likely wouldn't be for a little while considering you’d have a newborn. You were hanging out with everyone and it was going pretty smooth. Fangs was talking to Pea and you to Toni.

“So how has everything been”

“Good it’s just getting tougher ya know like I feel like I should be used to it but walking is a chore, and the cravings ughh all I want is mac n cheese all the time. But oh my god the other day I had Fangs give me Pasta literally I didn’t want it cooked like he cooked it but then it wasn’t appetizing I literally just wanted to eat hard pasta”

“That’s weird”

“Tell me about it, but I mean it’s been good I’m just ready for her to come out” Your jaw clenches as you felt a cramp run through your lower stomach.

“Fangs is going to be running around like a chicken with his head cut off when that happens” You laughed slightly before instinctively grabbing onto your stomach with a wince on your face. “Babe you okay”

“Yeah I’m fine T just like a tightness right here” You grabbed her hand placing it onto your lower belly “it’s fine though I’m… fuck that hurts” “Are you in labor”

“I… it’s too early, I don’t know get Fangs!” He ran up quickly Pea following and everyone looking as he grabbed your hand “Fang’s I don’t know what’s going on it’s like a cramp”

“Oh my god, your having contractions we need to go the hospital now, fuck fuck the baby is coming to early oh my god we need to go come on get up baby…”

“Fangs chill”

“Pea Your telling me to chill when my girl is in LABOR. L. A. B. O. R. I need to get her to a…”

“Just stop, Y/N how bad are they, are they consistent”

“Just feels kinda crampy, not unbearable not to bad, and not consistent at all”

“It’s braxton hicks”

“It’s what now?”

“Braxton hicks, it’s like the bodies way of getting you ready it’s like false labor pains but they are more crampy then like a real pain” “How do you…” “Pea… how do you know this”

“I looked it up Fogarty, I mean Y/N your my best friend aside from this doofus I figured I should know some stuff cause if he’s not with you I am”

‘Okay well can you tell me how to stop them Pea cause they're real uncomfortable”

“Yeah, T can you grab her some warm tea or somethin”

“Yeah of course be right back”

“There isn’t really a cure for them but if the tea doesn’t work on the ride home Fangs can run you warm bath okay?”

“Thanks, Pea”

“No problem”

Now it was time to give birth you were so ready. You had one of the Serpents coming over who was a trained doula for years she had helped the Serpents give birth since everyone hated hospitals so much, Fangs, Toni and Pea were going to be with you and everything was on track, until it wasn’t. You water didn’t break on your due date. 10 days past his due date. 5 days ago you thought labor was starting but it didn’t. You woke up at 3 your water broke you felt the wetness of the bed and you thought it was go time, you were ready for it to be go time. You woke up Fangs the pains were not too bad to start it it was painful but not unbearable. He called everyone to the house. Fangs, Toni, Pea, and Vani your doula. The pain got worse. You were going through what was called back labor. Your baby girl wasn’t facing the right way which meant her spine was along your spine and it caused major pain, pain that you couldn’t even begin to describe. Fangs was holding your hand the whole time. It wasn’t like what they told you to be prepared for. You were prepared for stomach pain, and stomach cramps but no your back was spazzing and the pain was radiating through your entire spine. It was ungodly, worse than the pains of being shot in all honesty.

“I wish I could take some of the pain princess”

“I know Fangs, but ya can’t so it is what it is babe” He looked sad, one thing Fangs always hated was seeing you in pain. “sorry, that was rude” 

“It’s okay you get a free pass”

It was 7 ½ of back labour and you had no relief. It wasn’t like what they told you at all. Usually you would have a contraction and then be able to rest, but since you were in back labor you had no period of rest. Your back and body was in so much pain that it was getting so hard to focus on anything. Fangs eventually led you to the bath since a hot compress was relieving your back slightly he thought the water would help. See the plan was that Fangs was going to stay out of the water just incase something had to happen. But after he heard your screams of pain, the almost grunting he couldn’t just stand next to you. He had to be with you, touching you helping you. Between kisses and the whispers of “I love you’s” and “your doing so good mama”, you were feeling a slight bit of relief in the bath with him the hot water running along your back. See you should have been giving birth by now, your body was shaking which is usually to tell you your getting close but after another 40 mins, you were not. So your doula was saying it was time to go to the hospital.

“I don’t wanna go Fangs” You started sobbing, a gentle cry a mix of the pain and the sadness of not being able to do this the way you wanted. It was a cry that that broke Fangs’s heart. He wanted to be able to hold his daughter, wanted to be able to see her and wanted to be a father to her more than anything, but even with all that he never realised how much pain it would cause you.

“Hey it’s gonna be okay, we are all here, we are all gonna stay with you okay, we are just gonna go and your gonna push our little girl out there okay”

“Okay” You both got dressed. The car ride was like torture so much so you amde Fangs pull over after every bump. You got there and everything was fine you were sitting in the bed and the doctor checked you. The pains making you wanna scream, but then everything took a turn. Your doctor informed you that you were only 3cm dilated, after 24 hours of labor you should have been much further along. Since you water had been broken for 24 hours your doctor informed you about the clock ticking down. Your baby needs to come out before infection set in. You wanted to do it naturally and you were deathly afraid of needles, but you had to. For your baby to be safe you were started on pitocin and needed to get an epidural, but yous started freaking out.

“Fangs I can’t”

“You have to”

“Pea!”

“Y/N I know, you’ve been afraid of needles since we were kids but you gotta do it okay? This baby needs you to it, and we are all right here we won’t let them make us leave you are in charge here”

“Baby look at me. I know how scared you are but I’m gonna hold your hand the whole time okay, and we gotta get our girl out okay”

“Okay, I can do this” Luckily after the epidural the pain subsided enough for you to rest for just a bit, Fangs next to the bed rubbing his hand along your side.

But then the doctor came in to check you again after 35 hours of labour you were only 3.8 cm dilated meaning that something drastic needed to happen. But you knew she wasn’t progressing you almost felt it, you knew she wasn’t gonna come out and you were starting to not feel good at all you needed her out and you knew she needed to come out. And then the worst thing you heard, you needed to have a c-section. You knew the risks it’s why you chose home birth in the first place. You didn’t want all the medicine you thought you were strong enough to do it on your own.

“I wanted to do it Fangs”

“I know baby, but this isn’t your fault you know that, she’s just being difficult like her mama. And I'm not leaving you okay? They are bringing me scrubs right now I am going to be right there with you okay?”

“Promise”

“Nothing will make me leave you in there okay”

You got wheeled in and numbed You couldn’t see anything due to the cover but then you saw it. Your daughter being lifted up. You saw her she was born out o you and after a few seconds, they placed her onto your chest. She was finally here, and you felt the biggest since of relief, as one of Fang’s hands laid on your cheek and the other on her head. And you heard the quiet sobs coming from him almost louder than your own. You handed her to him as he held her close to your face and they finished stitching you up.

“She’s here baby you did it”

“We did it Fangs” You saw the tears welling in his as he looked at his newborn daughter and you, his girl who was so strong through it all. “baby are you crying”

“Of course I’m crying”

“I love you”

“I love you too, I love both of you so damn much”

40 hours total was your birth story. 40 hours of waiting for your baby girl and she was finally here. Finally ready to be in a family of love and care, and you were so ready to bring her to meet her amazing, dysfunctional family.

Yes having a baby was the highlight of your day, but the highlight the next morning was when you woke up.

[szopenhauer]

Whens the last time you ate bread? today

Do you attend school, college, or uni? no longer

If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? I already speak two so dunno if I can add three more or just one?

Where,in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Ełk

Where wouldn’t you want to live? śląsk

Do you like sheer clothing? nah

Llamas or sheep? llamas

Can you iron? yes?

Can you work the washing machine? theoretically

Do you like your photo being taken? I don’t

Do you like taking photos of yourself? funny selfies

How many magazzines do you buy a month? 1 but my mom buys several

How many of them are car-related? none

What about fashion? maybe mom’s but it’s more possible that I’d buy fashion related mag than one about cars

Any celeb gossip ones? mom’s? I hate those

Are you excited to live on your own? I’d be :3

When do you plan on moving out? hopefully soon

What gives you confidence? when I need to protect someone, help someone weaker, want to make fun of myself to make someone smile or when I’m sure of my knowledge/experience/memory but I rarely am confident

Is there a habit you’re currently trying to kick? maybe

Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? not very

Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? never been drunk

Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? not extremely

What do you wish you’d spent more time doing five years ago? eating?...

What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given? it’s not for me to judge

Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? umm...

What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? penis 

do you daydream?: less than I used to do you dream at night?: not every night but I do  when you’re sick, do you like to be pampered, or left alone?: depends who’s the better actor, jack nicholson or anthony hopkins?: Nicholson  if someone cries while watching a sad movie do you laugh at them?: wtf... I cry myself  how often do you change your sheets?: rarely, I hate fresh laundry, can’t sleep because of allergy even tho I use special detergents :( are you high maintenance?: not when it comes to money but I'm still a burden deliveryman at your door - who’s the package from?: shirt that I ordered :D do you wear socks with sandals?: I don’t wear sandals would you marry for money?: if I had to but don’t wanna would you vote for a woman president?: why not Are looks/appearances really important?: a little if someone lied to you and came clean is that forgivable?: depends Do you like Final Fantasy? Which one do you prefer of all?

Do you like Lady Gaga? I like some of her songs Don’t you hate when your foot falls asleep? with passion >.< Do you bless random people when they sneeze? sometimes I might Dark, milk or white chocolate? white or at least milk

Last thing you ate? sandwich Was today a good day? sigh... What are you listening to? russian musicians like Valery Meladze  What was the last movie you cried at? Five feet apart You’re getting drunk, what do you drink? but I don’t want to drink/get drunk What do you think of Justin Bieber? I hate him Is the closest saturday going to be a good one? today is Saturday and next one is gonna be the last day before hospital so very anxious Where were you when you last cried? home Would you be bothered if your boyfriend/girlfriend did drugs? I think so Last time you threw up from drinking? that never happened Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? lip Do you get sea sick? I didn’t but who knows Do you download music illegally? I don’t download music now at all Hugged anyone today? parents Do you drink every weekend? I don’t drink at all Do you have any scars? meh Have you ever cried at a book? few times only, movies make me cry way more often Would you ever get a tattoo on the inside of your lip? what for? Can you sleep in total darkness? I don’t like to FALL asleep in total darkness but sleep is fine Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and not get annoyed? there isn’t Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little?: it’s possible, I don’t recall XD but I stepped into the bathtub in tights at least once

Who was your best friend in 5th grade?: P.

What was the first Beanie Baby you ever got?: never had one? Can you keep a spoon on your nose?: doubt it What is your favorite farm animal?: chicken Do you lie to your parents in order to get your way?: I might exaggerate  Do you like to play Monopoly?: yup Have you ever stayed overnight in the hospital?: many times and will soon again What size bra do you wear?: *shrug* not sure, I buy what feels good enough on me but even if I knew that would be personal  Who was your favorite Sesame Street/Muppet character?: Oscar, Bert (I always say Bern or Bernie), Big bird, Elmo was pretty cool too

*I actually adore puppet shows like this

When was the last time you found yourself somewhere you didn’t want to be? May I ask where that place was? now, in my house because of ppl 

Do your eyes ever twitch? very rarely

When did you last offer to do something that you really didn’t want to do? this day

When did you last feel forced into something? I’m forced to live so...

Assuming you have any, is your hair soft today? assuming I have any lmfao

Who did you last worry about and why? besides myself - my father

Are you currently looking for a new place to live? I wish

Can you see any toys from where you’re sat? shitload

Have you ever been embarrased by something you’ve said or a noise you’ve made during sex or kissing? maybe

Who or what was the subject of the last photograph you took? auto-portrait

Do you eat your dinner at a dining table, coffee table or just off your lap? depends

When did you last see the sea? on a pic or irl? because if in real life then almost 20 years ago

Have you ever experienced contagious yawning? ppl yawning doesn’t make me wanna yawn  Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? not maggots and not dead bugs Were you ever a vampire for Halloween? yeah

Are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? my sister Do you keep scissors in your kitchen? If so, where? my mom does couple pairs but not always in the same place Is there a book store in walking distance? there isn’t, just library When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? camp? my parents? What is the funniest movie you’ve seen recently? I didn’t watch any funny movies lately, the last one was The princess bride that I decided to see in the last months

Is there any kind of design on your socks? stripes How long until you kiss someone again? at least 2-3 weeks Do you like being kissed on the neck? yes Do you accessorize your outfit? rarely

Describe your handwriting: ugly

Are you socially awkward? I am Where are both of your parents right at this moment? home like me Do you find yourself on Youtube a lot? yt is my background quite often  What was the last thing you scratched? my nose and neck Are you satisfied with your gender? not really Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? personality unless looks include gender then exclude all men How many times have you dyed your hair? 4 Do you hate when movies are split into two parts? yes and no? What is something that reminds you of your childhood? lots of stuff 

How did you meet your first crush? my first real female crush I met in high school, we had classes together

What is an anecdote that your family frequently tells about you as a child? there are many, personal If you could do anything with your hair what would you do? I don’t know *shrug* Can you remember how many people you’ve kissed? 1 person How open are you with your parents? very, 99% What is your favorite episode of your favorite show? can’t choose only one :o How did you learn about sex? biology classes mostly Describe your favorite outfit? leggings/pajama pants, T-shirt, hoodie or sweater, socks, slip on shoes, hat like a beanie for example and jacket if it’s cold

Do you have a sister that steals your things? she borrows things without asking at times and some she didn’t even give back or she ruined ‘em

Do you have dishes in your room? mug

Is anyone in your family artistic? would say so

When is the last time you watched a hockey game? never

What was your last dream about? yesterday I had a dream about having a group with Harley Quinn and today I forgot

What are you currently listening to? Susanne Sundfor

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? my sister’s bf or a stranger

Where did you last eat? living room

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

Your Favs as Meet-Cutes

So I owe yall an explanation on two fronts for this one.

1) This post contains @onlyslightlysmallerthanwoozi ‘s favs. Its her birthday today and she’s my baby sister, so show her some love.

2) A meet-cute is, usually in a rom-com, when the main love interests meet.

 Masterlist

Anyway, (for the third try) Here you go:

Felix- There's no one else to dance with at out mutual friend's wedding.

The wedding itself was glorious, being able to watch a few old friends tie the knot was something that made Felix happy, but the reception, not so much. The food was delicious, and the music was fun but when a slow song came on and all the couples flocked to the dance floor, Felix was suddenly aware just how single he really was. He must have been the only person without a date.

Then, he saw you.

You were just sitting by yourself, playing on your phone while everyone else danced. What was worse, you were really pretty in your purple dress.

“Felix, you should be dancing.” Hyunjin huffed, plopping down next to Felix.

“No one to dance with.” Felix shrugged.

“What about Y/n?” Seungmin asked, and to Felix's shock, he pointed to you.

“Oh um, she's uh,” Felix, for once, was at a loss for words.

“Oh I get it, you're intimidated cause she's pretty.” Hyunjin laughed. “Hey, Y/n!” He called over the music. Your head shot up as Hyunjin dragged Felix over.

“Hey, Hyunjin.” You greeted. “Who's this?” Felix cleared his throat before holding out a hand to you.

“Hi, I'm Felix.”

“Hi Felix, I'm Y/n. Want to dance?” Felix felt himself smile at your offer. 

“Absolutely”

~~

Suga- Stuck in an elevator together.

Yoongi was already annoyed as he stepped into the elevator. The storm outside had Namjoon worried and he wanted the older man to come down and back up his music in case the power cut.

“Hold the door please.” A voice called, just as the doors began to close. Yoongi glanced up from his phone ready to watch the doors close on some poor sod but when he saw you, his heart told him otherwise. He reached forward and stuck his hand against the door to stop it. You jogged into the elevator, breathless, bowing and thanking him. That was supposed to be the end of that. A quiet 7 story ride to the lobby while you played on your phones on opposite sides of the elevator, but as the number above the door changed from 4 to 3, the elevator shuddered to a stop.

“What the hell?” Yoongi asked, looking up from his phone as the lights flickered out and the melody over the speakers was silenced.

“The power must have gone out.” You realized, then murmured quietly, “I hope my fish are okay.” He let out a chuckle at that. He quickly tapped the 'open door' button, but nothing happened.

“Yeah, I think you're right.” He sighed, unlocking his phone again to call someone only to find he had no bars. “And I have no service.” He sighed again, “What about you?” You shook your head, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor.

“Of all days to get stuck in an elevator.” You huffed, typing out an unsendable text to your manager.

“I feel you. I was supposed to go back up my music before the power cut at my studio.” He wasn't sure why he was telling you this, but he joined you on the floor.

“Ouch, I hope someone got to it.” You sympathized. “I was supposed to be heading to a photo shoot.”

“Oh, that's where I recognize you from.” He realized. “You're Y/n from Y/G/N, right.”

“Yeah, and you're Suga from BTS.” You nodded.

“Call me Yoongi.”

“Alright Yoongi, wanna play cards while we're stuck here?” You asked, pulling a deck of cards from your purse.

“Why not?”

~~

Tao- We are both in the hospital for stupid reasons

“Yeah mom, I'm fine. They're keeping me overnight just to make sure I didn't mess my head up too badly. I'll keep you updated I promise. Love you, bye.” You groaned as you hung up, tossing the phone on your bed. 

“Yeah, don't worry, they're just giving me fluids and sending me home in the morning. Yeah I know, please stop yelling. I get it.” You could sympathize with the guy next to you getting chewed out over the phone. Being in the hospital was never a good thing, especially for preventable reasons.  “Yeah okay, goodbye.” The guy on the other side of the curtain, let out a groan, similar to yours as he hung up.

“You seem about at excited about this as I am.” You joked. He let out a small laugh.

“You could say that. I'm just kinda tired of being yelled at, its not making me feel any better.” He explained.

“I understand that.” You sighed, nodding, even though he couldn't see you. “It's like, yeah I'm aware I messed up, you don't have to remind me 40 times in rapid succession.” You laughed, which made him laugh too.

“Its worse when it's the people you were with when it happened, you know? Like people who could have helped prevent it.” He added.

“Exactly, like, this is both of our faults. Don't just blame me.”

“So what happened to you? If you don't mind me asking.” You cringed a bit at the events leading to this moment but figured telling a stranger was the least of your problems.

“Its no biggie, my sisters and I were filming a video and they released a bass drum down a hill I was standing on. I didn't realize till it was too late and got hit, smacked my head really hard when I fell.” The guy sucked in a breath.

“Ouch, sounds painful.”

“Probably was, but I don't remember it, I went from seeing a drum bouncing towards me to looking at the sky as my sisters called my name. What about you?”

“Oh, I've been working pretty much nonstop for a few days and kinda forgot to eat, or drink anything that wasn't coffee, or sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time.”

“Nice going.”

“Thanks, I passed out after a photoshoot and woke up here.”

“Oof, feeling better now?” You asked.

“A lot, actually, I think you're helping.” You felt your cheeks heat up at his comment. “Do you mind if I...” He toyed with the edge of the curtain that blocked you from each other's view.

“Go ahead.” He pulled the curtain back, finally being able to see you, looking beautiful even in a hospital gown with a bandage around your head.

“Hi, I'm Tao.” He finally introduced, breathlessly. 

“Y/n”

~~

Woozi- I burst into the room to get away from fans

When you first stepped off the stage, you were greeted to the hustle and bustle of backstage, but as you made your way deeper into the building, all you could hear was the muffled music from the stage. It was nice, just wandering the halls, letting your body cool after the vigorous dancing you had been doing.

However, your serenity was cut short by a high pitch scream. Looking behind you, there was a small gaggle of fans who had spotted you as you rounded a corner. You weren't sure how they had recognized you from behind, and while part of you wanted to commend them on the ability, the other half of you was scared when they began running towards you. Of course, you did what any normal person would have done when a fairly large group of people began sprinting towards you, you booked it. Weaving down the mostly empty halls trying to lose them until you finally rounded a corner and burst into a room without looking, spinning to close the door quickly. Leaning your forehead on it, you heard the group sprint past, chattering on about how you had gone that way. Finally letting out the breath you had been holding, you shut your eyes, trying to calm your frantic heart.

“Um, I think you have the wrong room.” The voice behind you made your eyes shoot open.

Oh dear god, you had just burst into someone's dressing room, hadn't you? Turning slowly, you were silently praying it wasn't a company head or the show's producer. To your luck, it wasn't. Sitting on the couch across from you was Lee Jihoon, of Seventeen.

“I am so sorry, there was this hoard of fans and I just needed a hiding place.” You explained, hoping he would understand. You had never met the man but most people said he was scary and standoffish, but at the current moment, he was sitting cross-legged on a couch wearing corgi socks and playing SuperStar Pledis. Not exactly intimidating.

“Oh, I understand. You're welcome to lay low here for a while if you need to.” He offered.

“Thank you.” You breathed, taking his offer of sitting on the couch with him.

“You're Y/n, right? I just saw your stage.” He explained, pointing to the TV that was showing the current standing of your album on the charts.

“Yeah I am, you're Woozi, right?” When he nodded you continued. “You know you really have a way with words, we should collab sometime.”

“Yeah, we should”

~~

Xiu- We both got ditched by our dates so were gonna go on a date to spite them

It was one thing to forget about a date, but it was another to take another girl to the same restaurant on the same night, at the same time. You had gotten all dressed up, worn a nice dress, cute undies just in case, and had done your make up, only to find the guy you were supposed to be meeting, eating happily with another girl. What were you supposed to do? Go up to them and throw your drink at him and shout at him? No, causing a scene was never your style, and besides she looked like she was having a good time, there was no point in ruining someone's good night because you were hurt. So instead you sipped your wine and glared at them, not even trying to hide it.

“Excuse me, miss?” A new voice snapped you out of your visions of eating the man's tongue down his throat, thinking it was a waiter you turned to look at the voice. Instead of a waiter, you found a dark-haired man in a crisp suit smiling at you.

“Um, hi, can I help you?” You inquired. His smile faltered. 

“Maybe, I can't help but notice that your glaring at that couple over there.” He gestured to the pair that you had in fact been glaring at, and you felt just a little guilty.

“I'm sorry, I must seem awfully rude, I can go.” You offered, picking up your purse to pay for your wine.

“Actually, um, look the girl the guys with was supposed to come here with me, and from the way your glaring, he was supposed to be here with you.” He confessed. You nodded, frowning slightly.

“Looks like we both got screwed over tonight.”

“Yeah no kidding, but I was wondering, well, I know how long it took me to get ready, there's no sense in letting our hard work go to waste, right?”

“What are you implying?” You asked.

“What if we had dinner together? You're beautiful, I won't even try denying it, and you got stood up by some dickhead, but there's no reason we can't have a nice dinner, I mean we are already here.” He asked, somewhat sheepishly. He was handsome, so him calling you beautiful made your heart flutter.

“Well, I suppose dinner with a handsome man, one much more handsome than the person I was supposed to be with, I might add, well that doesn't seem too bad.” You shrugged playfully.

“Awesome, I'm Minseok, but my friends call me Xiumin.” He introduced himself, sitting across from you.

“A pleasure, Xiumin, I'm Y/n”

~~~

I know the gifs have nothing to do with the stories but they are my girls favs. Love you Spork, Happy Birthday.

[graygreygreys]

Listen.

This has also been posted in Ao3 under Superfruties_08 with the same title, enjoy!

^^^^^

Levi Schmitt was used to a lot of things. He was used to his hair not willing to cooperate in the mornings before his shift. He was used to having to walk just a little bit faster after the attendings while he briefed them on their patients. He was even used to tripping over himself in the OR whenever he was offered a chance to do more than suction. So you could say that he’s used to changing for the people who surround him, rather than those people changing for him.

Or at least he used to be like that, up until a few weeks ago when he stopped ignoring his true self. Until he had Nico.

The weeks after the windstorm and the ambulance were some of the best weeks of Levi’s life. He and Nico went on cute, late night dates and early morning breakfasts even when one of them didn't have to be on call. He essentially got to take the lead on Dr.Hunt’s paralytic mishap in the OR. He was also finally able to put his contacts in without help (after weeks of Taryn or Nico helping him.) So Levi guessed it was inevitable that he had a bad day sometime soon, and today happened to be the day.

He’d spent the last couple of nights at Nico’s since the fellow was closer to the hospital than his Mom’s was and he had three straight days of early shifts. Today was day three of three and Levi’s alarm shrieked loudly into his ears, disrupting him from an otherwise peaceful sleep. Nico’s hold on the smaller man tightens and made it even harder for Levi to move.

“Nico, I have to get up. If not for work, then for my bladder.” Levi rasps out, trying to lift the arm that’s currently wrapped around his chest off. Nico grunts and obliges, albeit very reluctantly if the pout Levi receives when he returns has anything to do with it. He sent a sympathetic smile Nico’s way as he pulled his hoodie on and tried to fix his hair to look somewhat presentable.

“Do you think the person who makes our schedules hates us?” Nico asked while lifting himself up off the bed to watch Levi get ready. It’s not like he has anything better to do since he’s off today. He thinks he could probably go for a run when Levi leaves though, which gives him the perfect reason to be up this early in the morning. Levi laughs at that, and Nico watches in adoration as his head falls back and his bright smile takes over his features. It definitely wasn’t the funniest thing ever, but considering Jo Karev makes the intern's schedules and Link makes Nico’s. He could easily imagine the two of them plotting while making purposefully conflicting schedules.

“As much fun as that is to imagine, I highly doubt that. I’m on my way out, and then I’ll probably stop at my place before coming over. We’re still on for breakfast before your shift?” Levi asks, grabbing his keys and glasses slipping the latter onto his face. He’ll put his contacts on later at work, he couldn’t be bothered right now. Nico hummed an affirmative to his question and puckered his lips for an obligatory goodbye kiss.

Levi leaned one knee onto the bed and pecked Nico quickly and tried to pull away, but Nico grabbed the front of his hoodie and deepened the kiss slightly before pulling away so their foreheads rested against each other.

“See you later, piccolo,” Nico whispered to him, the blush blooming on Levi’s cheeks making him feel accomplished. He still couldn’t believe that he got to be with this man every day.

Levi kissed him again quickly before actually leaving and heading to Grey-Sloan. He was probably going to be late, but how could he care when he thought about the reasoning?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Levi wished his shift could have emulated his morning because it was not going well. He was only halfway through and he’d had to deal with a major three-car accident involving a teenager that had stolen a car. His patient had suffered severely from having been in the middle car. Every time Levi thought she was in the clear for a while she started seizing so he was on Sheperd’s instruction to monitor her closely for the rest of the night. Which meant he was probably going to have to postpone his plans with Nico in the morning.

Levi checked her vitals and updated her chart before stepping out towards the nurse’s station and pulling out his phone to send Nico a text.

hey, I don’t think I’ll be able to do breakfast tomorrow :( raincheck?

sure but why not? is there a trauma coming in? am I gonna get paged?

no, not a trauma. shepherd wants me to observe a patient overnight.

damn, okay babe. we’ll just have to reschedule, want me to bring you some food for dinner?

would you? I doubt I’m gonna have time to grab anything.

of course, I’ll stop by in like an hour. <3

Levi was justs about to reply when he heard his patient’s heart monitor begin to beep rapidly. He pushed his phone into his pocket and quickly ran into the room. Nurses began to flood into the room, one pushing a crash cart.

“Can someone page Shepherd?! She’s seizing again!” Levi exclaim while he pushed one of epinephrine. He finished just as Shepard ran into the room.

“What are you doing, who gave you the authority to push one of epi!” Amelia yelled while she pushed Levi out of the way. He stumbled and his back hit the wall behind him. He huffed and got himself upright again. He knew it was the right choice, Amelia had taken at least two minutes to get here if he hadn’t he patient would've started losing too much oxygen to her brain.

“Dr.Shepherd I-”

“You obviously think you know more about this than I do. Go get me OR 2 and page Helm, you’re off my service.” Amelia snapped, raising the guards in the bed and beginning to roll the patient out towards the elevator.

Levi couldn’t even breathe, let alone stand up for himself because Amelia didn’t give him the opportunity.

He made his way to the stairway while his anger continued to build up. He knew it was the right decision, he knew it was what Amelia would’ve done if she had been there. Where the hell does she get off just yelling at him for no reason?  She’s the one who told him to watch the patient!

As he made his way to the pit, paging Helm to OR 2, he ran into someone. He knew that chest anywhere, it was Nico.

“Oh hey, I was just looking for you! I brought you a sandwich and some soup since it’s chilly in here. I know how- hey babe? What’s wrong?”

Levi huffed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. All his anger seeped out and he was left exhausted and in his exhausted and frustrated state, he could feel a tear make its way down his face. Nico pulled the intern into the nearest empty room and shut the door behind them.

“What happened? Why are you crying, Levi?” Nico asked, his tone laced with concern. He placed their dinner on the bedside table and pulled Levi into a comforting embrace. The intern hugged him so tightly, his face buried in Nico’s chest. The taller man could feel Levi body shaking with what he could only assume was sadness.

“Baby, what happened? Talk to me.” Nico pleaded, running his hand down the back of Levi’s head and placing a kiss to his forehead. Eventually, Levi pulled away and wrapped his arms around Nico’s neck instead.

He explained what happened with Shepherd, and told Nico that he was more upset by the fact that he knew he did the right thing. He felt like he wasn’t being taken seriously at this hospital despite knowing that he was one of the best interns in their program right now. He wanted them to show him a little more respect.  He would never have done it if he wasn’t 100% sure. Nico listened attentively and felt for his boyfriend. He knew how hard it was being an intern, and things like this made it hard for interns to be respected.

“I can go talk to her for you? Tell her that you know what you’re doing?” Nico suggested, thinking that maybe Levi just needed someone higher up to back him up.

And it would be really sweet to Levi if it didn’t feel like Nico wasn’t hearing what he was saying. The intern rolled his eyes and backed out of Nico’s embrace.

“Are you listening to me, Nico? Like actually hearing what I’m saying? I don’t want or need anyone to vouch for me. I want them to realize that just because I’m an intern doesn’t mean they can treat me like shit. Especially if I’m not wrong.” He explained getting frustrated that Nico didn’t quite get him. Nico’s face exuded confusion. Levi et out his third frustrated sigh and was about to explain what he meant when he got paged to the pit.

“I have to go, another trauma’s coming in. Thanks for dinner you can just like put it in the intern locker room fridge, I’ll get to it eventually.” Levi said as he left, giving Nico a small, fake smile as he went.

Nico shook his head as he stood in the room. He and Levi were going to have to talk about this again eventually.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Levi couldn’t be happier to get off this shift. Since he was no longer on Shepherd's service he was able to leave on time. He texted his mom as he got dressed, letting her know he was going to stop by and asking if she needed anything. He was closing his locker when he spotted Amelia walking towards him into the intern lounge.

“Hey Schmitt, I know you’re heading out but I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I have some personal things going on and that’s not an excuse to yell at you for something that wasn't even a mistake. This is a teaching hospital, so the fact that you felt comfortable in doing the procedure that you know I would have done if I’d been present means I’m doing my job right. I just wanted to apologize again.” Amelia said to him, placing a light hand on his shoulder.

Levi was stunned because the attendings didn’t usually apologize to interns. He knew she was in the wrong, but he never expected her to apologize.

“Uh, yeah it’s fine. Thank you for apologizing.” Levi sputtered out in shock. Amelia nodded and was on her way out.

“Wait, Dr.Shepherd! Did you happen to talk to Dr.Kim today?” Levi asked cautiously because as much as he loved Nico’s protective spirit, this isn’t what he wanted.

“No, he wasn’t even here today. I just realized that I was being an ass. Have a good night.” She said in genuine confusion towards his question. She left and Levi was shocked for a few minutes before he smiled to himself slightly. Maybe his day was starting to look up just a little bit.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After stopping at his mom’s to get some clean clothes and dropping off some groceries she’d asked for, Levi arrived at Nico’s. As he walked into the building he was thinking of all the ways he could properly apologize for his misplaced anger towards his boyfriend. He used the key Nico gave him (for emergencies, or so the fellow had said,) and opened the apartment.

He was instantly hit with the sight of Nico sitting on the couch, watching The Office with his blanket thrown off his legs. He was just nodding off when Levi walked in.

“Hey, I tried waiting up for you but I’m obviously weak. How’d the rest of your shift go? Get any easier?” Nico pressed, opening his arms up for the younger man. Levi settled into Nico’s lap and laid against his chest.

“Thank you, I’m sorry,” Levi whispered to him, squeezing tighter when Nico chuckled a bit.

“Why’re you thanking me for something you asked me not to do? Also, how’d you know?” Nico asked while cuddling his boy.

“Well, Shepherd never apologizes so I figured you had something to do with it. But she seemed genuine which made it okay.” Levi explained his reasoning. He knew his boyfriend wasn’t going to be able to resist. And Nico always meant well so Levi never really actually minded.

“Damn, I’m getting predictable. I’m losing my mysterious charm.” Nico teased reveling in the giggle that escaped from Levi’s lips. He gave the boy a longing kiss since they hadn’t been able to since that morning.

The kiss intensified and soon Levi was straddling Nico’s legs on the couch his arms wound around the taller man’s shoulders and his hands pulling the hairs at the base of his neck. Levi mumbled something between kisses that Nico couldn’t understand.

“What do you want baby?” He asked while they rested against each other catching their breaths.

“I said, If I asked you to fuck me on this couch right now would you listen?” Levi repeated, looking down to watch Nico’s reaction.

Nic just smirked as he lifted Levi and laid him in his back. This boy was going to be the absolute death of him and he really wouldn’t want it any other way.

[edwingqeb833-blog]

A Guide To Weight Loss & Control At Any Age

Introduction

If there is certainly a very important factor that all dietitians and obesity experts concur with, it can be that personal motivation will be the first step toward all weight loss success. No matter how healthy the diet-plan, or what mix of calories and nutrition it contains, it won't help anyone lose fat unless they follow it for too long enough. Their willingness to do this depends entirely on how motivated they may be to change their eating and employ habits to accomplish their weight loss goals.

Motivation Advice Hard To Find

The Internet comes with a bewildering variety of diets and weight reduction diet plans, but suggestions about motivation when dieting is extremely short supply. Given the strong link between diet-compliance and motivation, this lack of motivational assistance is surprising, as you would expect. It may stem from the undeniable fact that many diets are set up by people who lack hands-on experience of helping website visitors to manage how much they weigh. Perhaps they see weight-loss like a biological instead of a human process. If so, I think it's actually a mistake.

Motivating Yourself To Lose Weight

I tell my clients that starting a weight loss weight loss program is like starting a journey. And like every journey it takes preparation. We need to look ahead and plan the best way to overcome issues that occur along the way. By doing this we manage the task and greatly increase our chances of success.

Unfortunately, many dieters don't plan. Instead, they handle things as they come, and trust certain things: their initial enthusiasm, and (when this wears off) their willpower. But enthusiasm and willpower aren't enough to conquer the temptations and difficulties which we face if we try to switch our diet regime and lifestyle.

Stop for a moment and imagine taking all your family members with a camping trip. Do you depend upon your enthusiasm and willpower for food and shelter? Of course not. In all probability, spent hours beforehand carefully packing and be prepared for every eventuality, along with the whole trip is planned well outside in advance.

Yet once you start a diet-journey, most of you determine off without the sort of planning or preparation. It's as you believe that everything goes smoothly. But let's be honest, what diet ever runs smoothly? Answer: none! So what happens if we encounter a big problem? Answer: we wobble, and sometimes quit.

We Need To Plan New Thinking Habits

Planning a diet-journey doesn't involve packing equipment, it requires packing "new thoughts". We need to rehearse and adopt new methods for thinking to get over problems during our journey. This isn't psycho-babble - this is plain wise practice. After all, successful dieting is basically a matter of motivation and attitude. It's about how are you affected between our ears!

The Most Common Dieting Problem

The most frequent problem we face when dieting is boredom. This typically is the place our initial enthusiasm for losing weight wears off, and we become fed up with watching what we eat. We become dispirited and slightly depressed on the idea of getting to take care of our "sensible diet plan" while everyone else is apparently having a great time.

Losing Direction Leads To Boredom

We become bored when we lose our sense of direction. So to conquer it, we must reestablish where by we are going. Remember, dieting is just not an aimless process, it's really a journey from A to B. Here's the way you think if we lose direction:

I'm tired of dieting, it's a real pain. I don't have freedom any longer. I can't eat this, I can't eat that... I'm fed up. I can't share food using the girls in the office, I can't eat at the best restaurants, I must keep saying no to food when I visit friends, I need to watch my loved ones eating looking at me, I don't have plenty of time to exercise properly, I'm never going to lose weight and I'm feeling really miserable. Heck! Life is way too short for this...

This form of thinking is demotivating. It focuses exclusively around the negative areas of dieting and signals complete aimlessness. No fat loss goal is achievable if we think this way.

A Better Way of Thinking

Now let me show you some better alternatives. Please compare them with all the above example.

Example 1

Hmm, my diet isn't going so good. But I'm not going to make excuses. I've wasted the required time making excuses to myself. From now on, no matter what happens, I'm going, to tell the truth with myself. So what do I want? I want to lose weight and acquire myself into shape. Why? Because I want that beach holiday (and other very selfish goal) which I promised myself. I want it so bad I can touch it! Okay, so I should try to learn the best way to eat properly - big deal! I can certainly try this if I put my thoughts to it. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is seeing myself being overweight through out my entire life. I want something better. Something as good as a fistful of nachos or perhaps a dollop of fatty dessert.

Example 2

Hmm, my diet isn't going so great. So allow me to remind myself why I'm dieting. All my entire life I've been eating to please other people. My mom said eat this", so I ate it. My school friends said "have some of this", so I had lots. My work colleagues now say "possess a slice on this", so I have two! And my children say "you must try this", so I try it. And every time I make an effort to slim down, everyone says "forget about your diet, eat a number of this" so I do. Well, that's enough! No more eating to please other folks. Today I'm going to start eating to please me. And what pleases me will be the idea of wearing a size (?) dress to my daughter's wedding (or another very selfish goal). I realize I need to nibble on properly, but this can be a ridiculously tiny price to pay for achieving achieve. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is carrying my extra weight around throughout the day. I want something better. Something as good as a 4-cheese pizza or even a box of cookies."

Example 3

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it will. Never mind, I'm sure this is quite normal. I can't expect to switch my regular diet regime without a few hiccups in the process. Besides, I'm searching for a lot more than the matter of minutes of ale I get from filling my stomach with junk. I want a very long time of pleasure - real pleasure from looking great and being taken seriously and who knows, maybe getting a great partner. I know others see me like a fat person - goodness, from time to time I do too! - but that is exactly WHY I want to switch. I'm sick and tired of being fat. Real tired. And if this implies learning the way to eat good food, then let's take action! And when it gets tough I'm going to login to Anne Collins forum and acquire help. All I know is, I want to make it happen!

Example 4

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. This morning I watched my colleagues have a whole birthday cake - it looked delicious - and I sat there feeling miserable and deprived. Then I went for lunch using a friend and opt for tuna salad while she ate half a pizza accompanied by two slices of cheesecake. It was torture! But then I started thinking to myself what's more important - a couple of slices of cheesecake, or perhaps a lean shape?" And I decided that looking good was what I wanted. I know that it's not possible overnight, in case I can persevere and learn good eating habits along the way, I know I'm gonna make it..."

Example 5

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. But at the very least it isn't really a race. So who cares if I have several wobbly moments, providing I get where I want to go. At 26 I'm in the prime of my well being, and I want to make probably the most from it. I'm sick and tired with my slim friends getting all the best guys. I want to turn a couple of heads myself. I want the interest and I desire to be taken seriously, and when I need to spend 1 year dieting - heck! I'm gonna get it done. Last week I saw a pal of mine within the hospital who lost a leg in a car crash. The doctors say it requires her 1 year to relearn the best way to walk. Now which is tough. By comparison, my journey is not hard. And as long as I keep reminding myself on this, I'll be fine.

Points To Remember

1. A weight loss program is an outing from A to B.

2. Feeling bored is often a sign we have been losing our direction.

3. When we lose direction we have to regain it, fast!

4. The way to regain direction is usually to remind yourself that are used for dieting.

5. You are dieting because you want something superior to a plate of fattening food.

Getting Help To Lose Weight

Changing our diet regime is less difficult once we get support from others. So make sure your internet weight management plan includes membership of an forum. Because only people can offer you the form of encouragement you need to achieve your own personal weight reduction goals.

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The Lazy Way To Weight Loss & Control

Introduction

If there's one thing that every dietitians and obesity experts concur with, it's that personal motivation could be the foundation all weight reduction success. No matter how healthy the diet-plan, or what combination of calories and nutrition it contains, it's not going to help anyone slim down unless they follow it for too long enough. Their willingness to do this depends entirely on how motivated these are to switch their eating and exercise habits to accomplish their fat loss goals.

Motivation Advice Hard To Find

The Internet offers a bewildering assortment of diets and weight loss eating plans, but information on motivation when dieting is in extremely short supply. Given the strong link between diet-compliance and motivation, this lack of motivational help is surprising, as you would expect. It may stem through the proven fact that many diets are made by those who lack hands-on example of helping individuals to manage how much. Perhaps they see fat loss being a biological rather than a human process. If so, I think it's really a mistake.

Motivating Yourself To Lose Weight

I tell all of my clients that starting a fat loss meals are like starting a trip. And like every journey it needs preparation. We need to look ahead and plan how you can overcome issues that occur on the way. By doing this we take control of the task and greatly increase our probability of success.

Unfortunately, many dieters don't plan. Instead, they handle things because they come, and are based upon a couple of things: their initial enthusiasm, and (when this wears off) their willpower. But enthusiasm and willpower aren't enough to overcome the temptations and difficulties which we face whenever we try to improve our eating habits and lifestyle.

Stop if you'll and imagine taking your family over a camping trip. Do you count on your enthusiasm and willpower for food and shelter? Of course not. In all probability, you may spend hours beforehand carefully packing and be prepared for every eventuality, and also the whole trip is well planned in advance.

Yet when you start a diet-journey, a lot of you determine off without any kind of planning or preparation. It's as if you are convinced that everything goes smoothly. But after all, what diet ever runs smoothly? Answer: none! So what happens once we encounter a major problem? Answer: we wobble, and quite often quit.

We Need To Plan New Thinking Habits

Planning a diet-journey does not require packing equipment, it involves packing "new thoughts". We need to rehearse and adopt new ways of thinking to get over problems during our journey. This isn't psycho-babble - that is plain common sense. After all, successful dieting is largely just a few motivation and attitude. It's about what are the results between our ears!

The Most Common Dieting Problem

The most frequent problem we face when dieting is boredom. This typically is the place our initial enthusiasm for weight loss wears off, so we become tired of watching our meal. We become dispirited and slightly depressed in the idea of having to keep up our "sensible eating habits" while all the others looks like it's enjoying themselves.

Losing Direction Leads To Boredom

We get bored whenever we lose our sense of direction. So to get over it, we have to reestablish in which we're going. Remember, dieting is just not an aimless process, it's really a journey from A to B. Here's the way you think once we lose direction:

I'm bored with dieting, it's a real pain. I don't have any freedom any longer. I can't eat this, I can't eat that... I'm sick and tired. I can't share food while using girls at the job, I can't eat at the best restaurants, I ought to keep saying no to food when I visit friends, I must watch my family eating looking at me, I don't have enough time to exercise properly, I'm never going to lose weight and I'm feeling really miserable. Heck! Life is way too short just for this...

This kind of thinking is demotivating. It focuses exclusively on the negative facets of dieting and signals complete aimlessness. No weight loss goal is achievable when we think like this.

A Better Way of Thinking

Now permit me to explain to you some better alternatives. Please compare them with all the above example.

Example 1

Hmm, my diet isn't going so great. But I'm not making excuses. I've wasted sufficient time making excuses to myself. From now on, it doesn't matter what happens, I'm going, in truth with myself. So what do I want? I want to lose weight and obtain myself into shape. Why? Because I want that beach holiday (or any other very selfish goal) which I promised myself. I want it so bad I can touch it! Okay, so I need to learn the way to eat properly - huge problem! I can certainly make this happen if I put my thoughts for it. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is seeing myself being overweight through out my well being. I want something better. Something much better than a fistful of nachos or a dollop of fatty dessert.

Example 2

Hmm, my diet isn't going so good. So let me remind myself why I'm dieting. All my life I've been eating to impress people. My mom said eat this", so I ate it. My school friends said "have a few of this", so I had lots. My work colleagues now say "possess a slice with this", so I have two! And the kids say "you must try this", so I do it. And every time I make an effort to lose fat, everyone says "forget about your diet, eat a number of this" so I do. Well, that's enough! No more eating to impress people. Today I'm going to start eating to impress me. And what pleases me is the thought of wearing a size (?) dress to my daughter's wedding (or some other very selfish goal). I realize I need you can eat properly, but that is a ridiculously tiny price to pay for achieving my goal. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is carrying my excess weight around for hours on end. I want something better. Something a lot better than a 4-cheese pizza or possibly a box of cookies."

Example 3

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. Never mind, I'm sure that is quite normal. I can't expect to change my regular diet regime without a few hiccups on the way. Besides, I'm looking for a lot more than the few minutes of delight I get from filling my stomach with junk. I want a very long time of pleasure - real pleasure from looking good and being considered genuine and who knows, maybe locating a great partner. I know others see me like a fat person - goodness, sometimes I do too! - but that is exactly WHY I want to switch. I'm tired of being fat. Real tired. And if this implies learning the way to eat good food, then let's do it! And when it gets tough I'm going to login to Anne Collins forum and have help. All I know is, I want to do it!

Example 4

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it could. This morning I watched my colleagues consume a whole birthday cake - it looked delicious - and I sat there feeling miserable and deprived. Then I went for lunch with a friend and chose a tuna salad while she ate half a pizza then two slices of cheesecake. It was torture! But then I started thinking to myself what's more essential - a number of slices of cheesecake, or perhaps a lean shape?" And I decided that looking great was what I wanted. I know it's not going to happen overnight, however, if I can persevere and learn good eating routine in the process, I know I'm gonna make it..."

Example 5

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it might. But a minimum of it is not a race. So who cares if I have a few wobbly moments, providing I get where I want to go. At 26 I'm in the prime of my well being, and I want to make one of the most of computer. I'm fed up with my slim friends getting all the best guys. I want to turn a number of heads myself. I want the attention and I want to be considered genuine, if I have to spend twelve months dieting - heck! I'm gonna get it done. Last week I saw an associate of mine in the hospital who lost a leg in a vehicle crash. The doctors say it takes her yr to relearn how to walk. Now that is tough. By comparison, my journey is simple. And as long as I keep reminding myself of the, I'll be fine.

Points To Remember

1. A weight loss program is a trip from A to B.

2. Feeling bored is a sign were losing our direction.

3. When we lose direction we should instead regain it, fast!

4. The way to regain direction would be to remind yourself that are used for dieting.

5. You are dieting because you want something better than a plate of fattening food.

Getting Help To Lose Weight

Changing our diet regime is much easier when we get support from other folks. So make certain your internet weight management plan includes membership of a forum. Because only people can provide you the kind of encouragement you may need to achieve your individual weight loss goals.