#Non-yandere SAGAU Baal

[lily-blackstone]

That Time I Found Out My Grandma Was A God: Things Will Turn Out Fine!

Part 1

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So you had managed to fix your car. How? You knocked on your grandma's door and nervously reminded her of it to which she grumbled and snapped her fingers, fixing it in an instant.

After that, cue the awkward car ride home. But not before the Archons drown you with a flood of questions about this odd "car" thing! Eventually thought you managed to shove them into the car, and after 3 whole hours of driving, you finally reached home sweet home!

"This is your house?" Asked the still very much a Geo-Archon (This is before their Gnosis's get taken/are given away) You answered the ozmanthus obsessed god's question with a nod. "Is there a problem?" The drunkard, who was slowly running out of his life's energy due to being sober for more than five minutes answered you instead of Zhongli "It's just... We kinda expected it to give off more... 'My Grandma's a God' vibes or something, y'know? Although her Grace's house didn't exactly give off godly vibes either..." Ei suddenly coughed "Says the Mora-less bard" "Hey! I do have a mora!" "A mora" "..."

After finally entering your house the three Archons began exploring your humble abode. Zhongli stumbled upon your Google Assistant and Alexa, asking what they were. When you explained they were machines which you could talk and ask questions to by saying the simple words "Hey Google/Alexa" He seemed quite fascinated. He seemed a bit dissapointed that they could only understand a select few things but was still fascinated.

When you entered your room, you found Venti looking inside your closet. Specifically at your body pillow of (Insert character of choice)- Wait

F U C K

Venti turned to you with a smirk resembling Anya's for some reason while giggling "My, my [Name]~! I didn't expect you to be into things like this!" You, while blushing furiously snatched the pillow from him while resisting the urge to slap that stupid face of his "I-It's not what it looks like okay?! My friend gave it to me as a birthday present and I didn't wanna be rude by throwing it away so-" it was true that your friend gave it to you. But you didn't throw it away because you sleep with it. Note to self: As long as the Archons are here, keep that body pillow some where no living being could ever find.

Putting your attention back to Venti, he suddenly started giggling "Oh Mx. [Name], there's no need to be shy~ ! Maybe I should let your grandmother know~!" You looked him dead in the eye and said "If you do that, I will shove that lyre of yours so deep into your throat, they'll have to Bury you with it." with a completely straight face. Venti shuddered at your description and put the pillow back in its spot "Alright, Geez... I won't snitch on you..." He then noticed the electric guitar hiding in the deep dark crevises of your closet "What's this?" He asked as he pulled it out. You had almost forgotten about that old thing and were surprised to see it "Ah, it's an electric guitar. You have to plug it in to play it." Venti seemed interested and you decided to set it up for him in the living room where Ei was looking through your bookshelf, finally settling on a dusty old book about World Geography and politics which she had somehow dug up behind the rest of the books.

The moment Venti tried playing though Ei had to drop the book in favor of covering her ears and that's when you realized that Venti has absolutely no idea on how an electric guitar works. After stopping Ei from murdering Venti and sitting Venti down to have The Talk™ and breaking the news to him that he sounded horrible and consoling the bard by saying you'd sign him up for lessons if he wanted. To which he agreed. Little did he know this was your plan to put him in your debt... MUAHAHAHAHAH- GH- *COUGH* EHE... *Clears throat* Excuse me...

Speaking of which, they might have been characters you simped for and worshipped but this is real life and money isn't gonna make itself! So if they wanted to continue staying, they'd have to pay rent.

Since Ei and Venti were already here, the only person missing was Zhongli. After a bit of searching you found Zhongli having a deep conversation with Google and Alexa. That's when you realized the guy thought they were actual sentient beings. Not having the heart to destroy his fantasy you told him to hurry up and come to the living room.

Once everyone was gathered you broke the news to them that they would need to pay rent and had three weeks to find a job. All of them found it reasonable but asked your help to adjust to this new world.

The rest of the day was spent helping them learn more about modern technology and they seemed to have gotten the gist of it. With the help of many Indian guys on YouTube of course. Later your grandma had contacted you saying she had forged fake identities for them, passports, birth certificates, everything. She sent you all of their information which you informed them of and by night time, everyone was pretty exhausted. Zhongli offered to cook and you taught him how things worked and brought up a few tutorials for good measure. Zhongli was able to follow the recipe surprisingly well and managed to make burnt (F/F) for you!

...

You ended up having to order take-out

But no worries! Things'll get better with time!

...

Right...?

They had to. After all, tomorrow, you're going to the mall.

Now the only question which remains is...

Are you still gonna be able to keep your sanity by the end of this month with these new room-mates of yours?

[kirozai]

might i request some fucked up (as much as you're willing) cult stuff for sagau? we get a lot of fluffy stuff, a lot of yandere stuff, but I want to see your take on the less savory parts of it <3 otherwise make this a request for just cuddling slimes (or do both, reader needs to cuddle slimes to calm down)

i'm particularly interested in non-human characters of your choice <3 but that's just if you want specifics

the duality….. (ﾟ∀ﾟ)

“i? no it’s we.”

CW: yandere, sagau, angst?, harsh punishments, etc

type of reader: gn!reader, darling!reader

characters included: general sagau (zhongli, venti, albedo, baal, etc.)

im sure we’ve all seen the villian au, yes? the au where reader is mistaken as a fake.

in this au. its the high standards that get to you. the undying eyes that watch your every move waiting for you to mess up.

you ARE teyvat’s god. act like it.

maybe your friends with somebody that isn’t a good “influence”. cut off. or worse.

there is no sense of privacy, your mind is a public place for everyone to see.

you cannot go on with hobbies that are quote on quote “dangerous”

and honestly that means everything…

do you enjoy baking maybe?

what if your hands burn!?

ah how about birdwatching that’s safe right?

the sun will burn your skin.

zhongli will always be by your side. no matter what. maybe that’s a good thing! not really actually… he’d make people bow to you whenever you pass by, and man can it get uncomfortable. any protests will always be returned by “it’s for your own good”

watching venti punish those who accidentally looked at you a little weirdly by making them sing until their throat burns and they start coughing up blood, but it’s fine! it just shows his loyalty to you!

baal will start collecting everyones visions for an offering to you. not caring about her own peoples needs and hunger. if anyone dares protest against it. their fate will be doom

the chief alchemist of monstadt albedo is always keeping a careful watch on your reactions. to him. it’s better if he knows your every thought, likes, and dislikes. and if you show any disgust to something simple as food. the person who made it will be punished by a fate worse than death.

of course this is all for your own good! they aren’t yanderes or overprotective! they just love you very, very much :)

another post after this coming out today because i need help

kirozai out!

consider tipping me here!

[lily-blackstone]

That Time I Found Out My Grandma Was a God:How to (not) Stand Out

Okay so listen... I know this is really late BUT uh... Procrastination okay?! Aaaaaanndd I also did actually sit down to write something in the later part BUT then it got deleted. And I did not have to motivation to rewrite it.

So enjoy~!

You woke up the next morning to the smell of your favourite tea. When you walked into the kitchen you were greeted by a happy Zhongli who had just made tea and omelettes for everyone. You also noticed the many, many burnt omelettes sitting on the counter, but you'd care about that later. "Ah, good morning Mx. [Name], you're up just in time. I finished preparing breakfast" He said and you went to get your coffee "Yes, I can see that. Good job Zhongli, how many tries did it take?" You asked and he sweat dropped "I uhm... Lost count... Also, I made tea..." You nodded in response "I know, I just need my morning coffee, it's my life-force" You said tiredly and Zhongli sweat dropped again "Ah, my apologies then, is that some sort of condition in this universe...?" After finishing your coffee in one gulp (something Zhongli didn't know whether he should be worried or impressed by) you turned to him and smiled "Oh no, caffeine just helps you wake up and shake off the tiredness" "I see..."

After a few moments of silence Ei walked into the kitchen followed by Venti. You all sat down and began breakfast. After a few moments you decided to ask something that had been on your mind for quite a bit "So... When you all came here, you said something about a celebration for... Teyvat's birthday...?" Venti decided to answer you "Yup! You're grandmother isn't the only god in existence y'know~ There's a whole Pantheon of Gods! And they've got a whole separate way of counting years. So one year for them is a hundred years for us! So this celebration only comes once a century. She had disappeared on the last celebration which was why we wanted her Grace to return for this time's celebration!" Venti said and Ei continued "As this celebration happens only once every 100 years, her grace created another festival for us to celebrate each year, the Starfall Festival. On the day of the festival the people all gather for numerous activities during the day and once the sun sets, each Archon gathers to make an offering to her grace along with a wish. After which, she will decide whether or not your wish is worthy of being granted. If she deems it worthy then the offering will disappear and a star will fall down from the sky. The Archons are always the ones to make the very first wishes. And when the first seven stars representing the wishes of the seven Archons fall from the sky, marking the true beginning of the Starfall Festival, everyone else makes their wishes. The sky is always filled to the brim with shooting stars, representing each and every wish." Ei pauses then smiled at you "But the Creation Festival is always so much more spectacular. Even if we can't convince your grandmother to return, you should come see it. Perhaps you can bless us in her stead?" Ei said and you blushed a bit "N-no way, I'm not even blood-related to her! It would be insulting to her..."

Zhongli suddenly spoke up "Nonsense, I can tell she loves you. You needn't be blood related to be family." He said while taking your hands in his and looking deep into your eyes. The moment was ruined though by Venti thwacking his hand away and sticking his head between you two "Well, well, Morax, don't think I don't see what you're doing!"

Zhongli clicked his tongue and the two began bickering. Ei sighed after taking another sip of her tea "This is exactly why I prefer not associating myself with these two as much as possible." You on the other hand, finished up your breakfast and stood up "I was planning on taking all of you shopping with the money grandma gave me but if you'd rather stay here and argue with eachother then I guess me and Ei will just go alone together." The two immediately stopped bickering while Ei seemed quite happy with that idea.

You had gone to your room, ready to rummage through your closet to find something they could wear only to see outfits for all three of them laid out on the bed. You were confused at first until it clicked that your grandma must've done it. She might act all grumpy but in reality, she really does care. About you and the three of them.

After you all got ready you drove to the mall and were now standing in front of the entrance. You took a deep breath 'This is gonna either be hell or heaven.'

As expected, they were all fascinated by the different machines and stuff. You got many weird looks but honestly, you couldn't care less.

It was actually fun shopping with them. You were sure your grandmother would kill you once she found out how much money you spent but you could worry about that laaatteeerrr. Right now you were having fun!

After you guys were pretty much finished you decided to head to the food court for lunch. Zhongli was carrying everyone's bags + Venti's guitar (He bought a normal one that he actually knows how to use). You woulda felt bad for the guy but he seemed to be faring just fine, so not to worry! You all sat down and Venti was the first to grab the menu. After ordering you decided to strike up a conversation

"So... What'd you guys think?"

Zhongli opened his mouth to sya something but got immediately cut off by Venti "It was amazing! Just one complaint though... A severe lack of wine on the menu." He sighed as if disappointed and Zhongli opened his mouth to say whatever he was going to sya but got immediately cut off by Ei "I think the idea is quite innovative. To have all the shops gathered in one large building would be quite convenient. Perhaps I should make something like this in Inazuma..." Zhongli was about to speak when Ei continued her sentence "Ah, that said, it is quite amazing how far humans have advanced in your world. And to think all of this was done without magic..." Venti spoke up "Indeed! I'm sure Kusanali would be delighted~" Zhongli sighed and smiled at you "Well, it was certainly an enjoyable experience." You smiled back

[lily-blackstone]

That Time I Found Out My Grandma Was A God: 3 Archons Idiots

So the Archons find a way to come to your world and that's when you find out that your grumpy old grandma who lives in the middle of butt-fuck no where is actually an ancient god.

Also, I've never actually played Genshin thanks to ✨N o S p a c e✨ so forgive me if the characters are slightly OOC, I mainly only know shit about the Archons so I'm gonna write about them because I randomly got this idea while reading SAGAU fics. Don't judge me, I know you've fantasised about characters from a fandom you're not part of purely due to the fact they look hot.

Also I'm new to Tumblr so if I make some dumb mistakes please have mercy. Also, the characters aren't yandere and this isn't really a Cult AU it's more like the creator is just connected by soul to the universe and it's people so the people do like make offerings and shit but it's not mandatory. Also, this is kinda just a crack fic which I plan on turning into a series so-

TW: Swearing, Hot Grandma

(Also, did any of you catch the reference in the title? And no it's not supposed to be a reference to "That Time I Reincarnated as a Slime")

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You were just paying your grandma her monthly visit and after a lengthy drive and getting lost in the forest. Oh yes, your grandma decided she wants to live in a random-ass forest in the middle of butt-fuck no where all by herself. No red flags. Finally, you found the neat little two story cabin your grandma lives in and parked you car in the front.

You got out and were about to go up to the door when suddenly the door is almost torn off its hinges as three weird looking individuals come flying out and crashing into your car. You had just barely doged and were thankfully unscathed. But unfortunately, you couldn't say the same for your poor, poor, innocent, young car... Not even a moment later your grandma came stomping up to the door, yelling "AND STAY OUT, YOU FREAKS!-" She was about to slam the door when she noticed you. Before you had the chance to question what in fucks name was going on, one of the three people rose up "Oh C'mon your Grace! We haven't bothered you for a whole century! Won't you plleeeaasseee come back? Just for one day? For the anniversary of the day Teyvat was created~?!"

You finally got a good look at the weirdo and realised they looked an awful lot like Venti. A cosplayer maybe? But what the hell was he talking about?! You turned to your Grandma, confused "Uhh... Grandma...? Mind explaining?" Granny was about to say something when 'Venti' interrupted her "Oh wow! Are you her Majesty's grand child! Hello! It's so nice to meet you! I'm Venti or Barbatos! The Anemo Archon!" He said, shaking your hand violently. Suddenly your grandma grabbed him by the collar and threw him into a tree, leaving you stunned. Somehow though, he got back up as if nothing happened. Granny scoffed "I put up with Teyvat's shit for thousands of years! Let me enjoy my retirement!" "Your self-proclaimed retirement..." the odd man resembling Zhongli corrected but shut up with a glare from your grandma. "Um, Grandma, please explain what the fuck is going on!" you demanded again and your grandma sighed before grabbing your arm and pulling you into her cabin.

After serving you both tea she went on to explain how she's a God and that Teyvat is actually real and she created it and how one day she just got sick of putting up with Teyvat's nonsense and decided to retire with no warning and live as a mortal in some random-ass orphaned universe. Where she found a random-ass kid on the side of the road and adopted it who then went on to grow up and find another random-ass kid on the side of the road (you) and adopt it.

To prove it she transformed into her original form and...

Damn...

GRANDMA WAS SMOKIN

...

You wanted to bang your head into a wall

So after all that you bid your grandma goodbye, still very shaken up and when the door closes and you turn around...

You see the three Archons sitting patiently in front of the stairs leading up to the cabin door. They're all staring at you and you feel like there's something you're supposed to do but have no idea. Finally Venti is about to speak but is quickly interrupted by Ei who politely bowed her head "Miss/Sir [Name], we would like you to convince your grandmother to please return to Teyvat... If even for a few hours... We just wish for her to see how much has changed in her absence and to bless the land for the Ceremony held in celebration of the day Teyvat was born..." she finished and you didn't exactly know what to say "Umm.... Listen... She's reeeaallyyy mad right now thanks to you guys and I REEEAALLYYY don't wanna get beat with a sandal right now so-" You dash to you car only to remember its unfortunate demise.

And you're also stopped by Venti... "I know! We could live with you and slowly convince her to come back!" you blink.

" W h a t "

And that's how your life with Momma Ei, male-wife Zhongli and the dumbass 'tone-deaf bard' started.