#Oh that middle page with Fai and Kurogane

[completeoveranalysis]

[2]

We come back to LAVA LAMP CLUTCHING THE FEW REMAINING BROKEN SHARDS OF SYAORAN TO HIS CHEST 

FAI AND KUROGANE ONLY JUST GETTING THERE, FIGHTING THROUGH THE HOWLING WINDS AND THEIR MASSIVE INJURIES TO SEE THE DYING FRAGMENTS OF THEIR SON FALLING AWAY

AS LAVA LAMP HOLDS THE SHARDS OF GLASS TO HIS CHEST IN DESPERATION

And Fai’s stolen magic hanging in the air above them

:’D Tsubasa

Yup! It’s Tsubasa!

Yes this is absolutely the most painful way to expand on this moment, thank you Clamp

[completeoveranalysis]

[1]

Chapiter 182 - A Night For Vows

In which BATTLE HUSBANDS. 

Listen I don’t even care what else is happening we have the return of Battle Husbands. I’m happy.  

It’s giving the same vibe as the opening for Chapiter 17, but upgraded! They’re in battle, but now they’re facing the same way because they’re on the same page, plotwise, emotionwise, and directionwise. They’re not fighting different battles or aiming for different goals anymore - they’re united on the same path. And they’re no longer disguising their feelings through joviality or putting on a front. Now they’re both serious. 

In another contrast, the chapiter 17 cover had them in opposite colours, which is relatively common for them, but this new cover actually unites them visually. They’re wearing the clothing in a way that matches their personality, but the colours are vastly the same - white all over with the emblematic flames, a slash of black across their middle, as well as across their wrists. The only actual point of difference is in their faces - where Kurogane has black hair with a white band, and Fai has the opposite, but even THAT is brought in line with the other through other elements - ie, The symbol on Kurogane’s white band is an exact match for the one at Fai’s waist, and they’re visually RIGHT next to each other, so you can’t miss it! Kurogane also has a long looping cord across this waist, in white, while Fai has a black cord tying his hair back, with the same kind of tassels. 

Also! In the Chapitre 17 cover their weapons were crossed in an X (a visual clash) while here they they’re angled to be held in the same direction. This brings the visual focus towards them both, together, in the middle of the page, with their differing styles now united in the same goal. OH, and the physicality of their weapons? Before they held the weapons BETWEEN them. The X of the weapons actually kept Kurogane and Fai physically apart (as if they were on opposite sides of a conflict), but now the weapons are on the OUTSIDE, bringing Kurogane and Fai RIGHT in close to each other, with the weapons on the outside. So now even physically they're together, closer to each other than anything else, and on the same side of any conflict around them.

So they're aligned now, both symbolically and physically, and it's with intention from the characters themselves. They’re worked for this, and they’re choosing it deliberately, and they DESERVE it. 

Also like, a FLAME SCYTHE? GO OFF Fai that is INCREDIBLE.

And OOPS I totally forgot that the cover will have splash text as well. What does it say.

The translation I have is something along the lines of:

“Measuring and delimiting one another

Even so, those days come to pass. 

Tonight, the men shall

Link those swords.”

Which is potentially the most homoerotic way they could have phrased that and I strongly approve.

[completeoveranalysis]

[2]

HERE WE ARE, SYAORAN VS SYAORAN, ONE LAST TIME. 

Absolutely in love with the over-the-shoulder shot of Lava Lamp looking up at Syaoran at the top of the stairs, in the middle of arched lines (on all sides) with him in the centre, as if everything was leading to this the entire time and they’re FINALLY HERE at the end goal. 

And the little cutaway panels with Lava Lamp looking up, his face cast in darkness, and Syaoran looking down, his face being hit with light. And the little dramatic lines in the background of each panel are reversed between them - but if you put them next to each other, would show a circle in the middle, just like the symbol of their soul (and appropriately split in two by the panel borders). 

AND, if I’m really indulging, then the shaded lines of the cave wall behind Syaoran looking like smoke from a fire, with Syaoran at the middle - both because it’s his element, but also because he’s left entire worlds in flames to get here. 

BUT ANYWAY the dads are immediately jumping in the way to defend Lava Lamp WORDLESSLY and SIMULTANEOUSLY and my heart is instantly full. 

The status of Syaoran’s soul is still unknown, BUT - OH, BUT this is the first time the Syaorans have met while both Fai and Kurogane are both here and able to do anything. The first time Fai was on the verge of death, and the second time they were fighting in dreams. 

It’s probably worth noting that Syaoran DID actually win the previous two fights as well. Syaoran beat Lava Lamp on both previous occasions, BUT HERE WE ARE and this time it’s not just Syaoran VS Syaoran, but Three on One. The family is united this time - both physically and emotionally, as they’re finally together in a way they never were before. 

Also this isn’t visible but I really love the symmetry of the fact that every time the Syaorans fight Sakura is also present, setting the stakes. The first time she was in the little vampire prison, the second time she was right there with them and ended up jumping in the middle, and this time we have the Original Sakura frozen in time nearby - THE big fault in the universe, and the Central Pillar of Lava Lamp’s entire life, as the backdrop of this final conflict. 

Which is a lot of words to say that I like this one page very much. 

[completeoveranalysis]

[4]

THIS IS AN APPROPRIATE REACTION. I ALSO WASN’T EXPECTING THIS WHOLE STAB THING

AND USUALLY THE FIGHTS GO ON A LOT LONGER

And that aside, the things that Kurogane and Fai must be feeling at seeing this happen? At finally finally connecting with their new son and learning all about him, and what he’s done, and forgiving him, and defending him, and being on his side - and letting him go and fight his own battle and SEE HIM ALMOST IMMEDIATELY GET STABBED RIGHT THROUGH THE CHEST

After they had just promised Mokona that they would all make it back ok? And after they had taunted Evil Wolverine to try and bring him into the fight?

Meanwhile Evil Wolverine was only ever stalling with Fai and Kurogane while his winning move was Syaoran alone. 

NOT A PLEASANT FEELING, I MUST ASSUME. 

OH MY GOD OK SO THE NEXT PAGE IS UNDER A READ MORE 100%

JESUS OK

I’m almost sure they wouldn’t actually do this but IT SURE DOES LOOK LIKE LAVA LAMP’S HEAD IS MISSING IN THAT MIDDLE PANEL THERE

I’M SURE THAT WOULDN’T ACTUALLY HAPPEN (in Tsubasa at least) AND YET EITHER WAY THAT SURE WAS ABOUT AS BAD A SWORD WOUND YOU COULD PROBABLY GET FROM AN ALL POWERFUL EVIL CLONE TRYING TO KILL YOU 

AND NOW EVEN KUROGANE IS YELLING IN BOLD AS THE DADS TRY TO GET TO HIM IN TIME

WELL 

W E L L 

[completeoveranalysis]

[9]

MOKONA TRYING TO LEAP TO SYAORAN’S AID IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE 

Oh my poor little marshmallow bun she cares so much.

I love that the previous page opened with Fai’s concerned face and this one open’s with Kurogane doing the same in the opposite direction. The dads are worrying! They’ve joined powers! 

Rich of Seishirou to assume he beat Lava Lamp so easily though like come on.

Yeah there we go, as expected. The dramatic pause worthy of the shounen protagonist role he inherited.

[completeoveranalysis]

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Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.

Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.

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OK SO HERE IS SPOOKY KUROFAI MARRIAGE PORTRAIT

The splash text reads: Shed blood and tears, without forgetting them, turn them into an existence.

Here is a link to my original post if you need the full context.

But here is the thing I said that just made me want to scream here in 2021, specifically in regards to that splash text:

"Incredibly motivating. It’s like the optimistic view of how things are when things are tough. The tough times are unavoidable a lot of the time, but you can and will get through them. You just have to make the choice to pick up the pieces and use them to construct a new future - which is never easy, but it’s the only way forward. For the dads, it’s both their past and their future. Kurogane has already gone through this; his life shattered and he used the pieces to forge a new identity and found new things to live for. For Fai, this is something he still needs to work on. He’s so used to running from his tragedy that he hasn’t yet figured out who he is beyond it. The “without forgetting them” is sort of a call out for him in that respect. You can’t grow by pretending they didn’t happen, or by pretending you’re a different person. Once he’s faced the pain and accepted that he’s alive and can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy, then he’ll finally be moving forward."

IN WHICH.

LIKE.

I have no idea how anyone even reads this liveblog armed with knowledge of what happens next because APPARENTLY I JUST SAY THINGS that are VASTLY UNJUST and now I wilt away with the memory of what I thought of Fai back then.

I don't mean to give myself any undue credit here - I predicted none of Fai’s backstory. I had something completely different in mind when writing this, entirely based around the knowledge of Fai fleeing from Ashura with no context whatsoever about who Fai really was.

When you know where Fai came from? Oh my god.

Oh my god.

The words just toss my intended meaning out the window and dance around with the actual truth right in your face. Especially the “pretending you’re a different person” bit - I could never have predicted that Fai was using his brother’s namesake both as a way to eliminate himself from the world and to devote his life towards resurrecting his brother in his place. But HOT DAMN do these words ice skate in all the correct patterns without any knowledge of what the heck they could possibly mean in the end.

Also I'm in physical pain from the phrase: “without forgetting them” is sort of a call out for him in that respect." I know that past!me was thinking purely about Fai running away from confrontation with Ashura and pretending that he was fine and that everything was fine and that he could stay away from it all as long as possible. Things I did not know: That Fai's memories had been deliberately changed by two separate people to control the direction of his life. "Without forgetting them" is NOT a callout for Fai - Fai had no choice in that whatsoever (but they could still be a callout for ME for forgetting any of this plotline had ever happened oh my god). Fai was only ever running from Ashura with good intentions (ie, to NOT murder someone), and there was no way he could have known that his past had been rewritten to such a massive degree that it shaped the core of his personality for his entire life. And just as the splash text implies, it's only when he gets the CORRECT memories back that he can use them to forge a healthier and more accurate life moving forward.

A call out for Fai. Imagine. Past!me has so much to answer for.

I also want to revisit the bit where I said “once he’s faced the pain and accepted that he’s alive he can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy, then he’ll finally be moving forward”, because this comes off entirely flippant now that I’m looking back on it.

My expectation for Fai’s potential trauma was somehow barely a tenth of what it really was in the end. And like, the idea I was getting at? Technically correct! But also only correct on the surface level. Fai didn’t need to just “confront his problems”. He needed to be completely stripped of the version of himself he had constructed from his false memories, worn down to the very core through reliving the worst parts of his life - and then shown how he was wrong about them. He was lied to his entire life, and so the goals he based his life around were aimed toward an abstracted version of reality. He was never going to be able to resurrect his brother, but he never could have known that without knowing that Ashura and Evil Wolverine had manipulated him and his memories every step of the way.

It's only when he can decipher this for himself that he can course correct - and it was only in taking the Original Fai completely out of the equation that Our Fai could finally begin to comprehend the idea of living for himself, and others, instead for fixing a mistake he never actually made in the first place.

So, yeah. “Once he’s faced the pain (of his past) and accepted that HE’S alive (and he’s allowed to be, because he never killed his brother) he can continue living in a way that can make himself and others happy” IS ACTUALLY ACCIDENTALLY CORRECT IN THE END.

I also want to point out that in the initial liveblog I never really discussed how Fai’s expression was relevant to this image, because I didn’t know exactly.

He’s smiling.

It's a small, gentle smile, but CLAMP really draw attention to it with the way he's looking off centre. Kurogane looks directly at the camera, but he's off centre - Fai is in the middle of the frame and he's vaguely looking elsewhere, head tilted in the wrong direction, as if he were looking towards Kurogane but seeing something else entirely.

The image itself was part of a series of splash pages where CLAMP were depicting the current state of the relationships between all of the main cast throughout the Infinity Arc (and it was glorious) and while I absolutely caught the fact that the relationship between Fai and Kurogane was intimate but strained, I didn’t know the context of Fai’s smile. His backstory shows us that Fai smiles as a way to make other people happy, because deep down he thinks this is the only possible value he can bring them - a smile is his only way of improving the world for the people around him, and his smile is the only thing he’s worth.

Here in the image Fai is partially draped over Kurogane but his distant look shows that he isn’t fully committed to the scenario - because before Seresu he could never be. As much as he liked Kurogane and allowed himself to get close to him, it was always always with the intention of him trading his life away for his brother’s at the end of the day. This is what caused the tension between them in the first place - when Kurogane made choices in Fai’s stead to keep him alive (in Acid Tokyo), he threatened Fai’s chance to trade his life for his brother’s, and so Fai distanced himself from Kurogane. Even if they fixed what they had between them, anything he had going with Kurogane could only ever be temporary until Fai could trade places with the real Fai.

And so Fai smiles - because any happiness he can give Kurogane and the others is all he’ll ever be worth. It's a temporary happiness that was never supposed to last or even exist in the first place.

And it’s not until we get OUT of Seresu that Fai finally has the opportunity to build himself from the ground up and start living for himself. For his own happiness and those around him.

And finally commit to the idea of being able to (and being WORTHY OF) making Kurogane happy in the long term.

Which is where we then get the punching scene in Nihon. And it’s perfect.

But OH BOY did past!me say some things that sounded correct but were utterly and completely wrong at every level.