#On my life this story is actually really hilarious. All the dark stuff is lurking beneath the surface. Watching. Waiting.

[nomsfaultau]

Mmm haven’t posted the chapter of Lord, what fools these mortals be! where Fae!Kristin shows up but I want to ramble about characterization so. Ahh. Anyway, fae!Philza is pretty upfront with his creepy fairy shtick. Incredibly possessive, clearly operating on an alien morality system (or lack there of), oscillating between kindness and a cruel apathy for Tommy’s feelings. Kristin though….she’s a LOT more subtle. There’s warning signs of course, such as the sudden extreme violence. Philza had that too, of course, but never directed at the kid he’s trying to manipulate. But Kristin gets away with it. She wants them to survive, of course. She’s just trying to make them better. And it clearly works. Kristin’s just so nice, and over protective, and clearly lonely. She’s frequently reassuring to Wilbur and Technoblade but it’s in a way that hides her true plan if not her intentions. No, she’s very clear about wanting their souls forever, but all her blatant tactics are decoys. She’s far more subtle than Philza. She gives Wil and Techno everything they want till they don’t even consider leaving even as they’re determined to never fall into the obvious, fun traps, the type they joke about at dinners so the men feel like they’re outwitting her while all the while she’s unraveling their character flaws until they’re fully ensnared. She designs the rules of the game to mold them into her perfect children. Little details piling up until it’s revealed she’s completely altered their bodies until they’re unrecognizable as human, so slowly neither even noticed. And she’s shaped their thoughts for decades to the point they don’t even care. Why should they? She’s just trying to make them better. And it’s Kristin that reveals why the Fae rulers even need children: they keep accidentally murdering their kids. It’s why she’s so over protective. It’s why she wanted Techno and Wil to be better, promised them power in a way that was honey poison to their ambitions and made them prisoners of the fae world no matter how free they thought they were.

That’s the real difference between Fae Phil and Kristin. All three Neapolitan trio felt scared, but Tommy was never given the illusion of protecting himself while in actuality only endangering himself further. His fear saved him.

And that’s why Tommy’s going to escape, while Techno and Wilbur willingly go back.

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh....MUSICAL

as soon as i saw that a hunter x hunter musical from the year 2002 starring the OG 99 VAs existed, i knew i has to see this...so i set out and watched the nightmare of zoldyck (i would later find out that theres ANOTHER musical, which i plan to watch too)

luckily its all on youtube subbed! in 360 quality...oh hell yes lmao

ok i logically knew this was gonna be a musical but seeing the characters singing is like. a lot. THIS IS SO STRANGE 

musical illumi is played by a woman which is interesting. shes got a good voice 

i think they just panned to killua but it was so pixelated that i legitimately could not tell hvbadjkfbjkdsf

i have no idea whats going on vhbajdfhhajsdf theres a bunch of people falling over on stage...i think theyre dying? who are yall 

oh shit backup dancers?

lmao illumi killed the backup dancers rip.

oh that IS killua lol. s/o to the 3 pixels that are visible 

is this gonna be the zoldyck arc but a musical? lmao

OH WAIT IS THAT KURAPIKA AND LEORIO? i cant even tell lmaoooo

i can 100% tell these are fan subs lmaooo i love bad fan subs SO MUCH it makes a viewing experience even better

this is p much just a musical version of the manga/anime so far lmao i love it 

the way theyre spelling zoldyck is. a lot 

is every character gonna get an intro song. how much of this musical is singing and how much of it is dialogue cause theres defs a range w/musicals 

lmao i love gon leorio and kurapikas interactions even here, they rlly feel like two parents being dragged around by their energetic kid 

i cant even see the set at all so im just gonna assume theres like, the gate and all that behind them, but it all just looks like a dark wall to me lmao

i love singing exposition 

HISOKAS IN THIS???????????????????? oh my lorddddd 

OH i see now in the description that hes played by the 99 VA too lmao i love it 

wow musical hisoka rlly b like [writes himself into the zoldyck family arc]

oh here we go w/the song introducing the zoldycks 

damn grandpa got mad flips 

this is. wild 

its especially wild that alluka isnt here bc she like...didnt even exist yet at this point in the story 

zoldyck family sitcom wow 

i see the gon/killua romance is still going strong in the musical 

oh so they did all the training and goin thru the door stuff offscreen lol

this is actually doing a pretty good job expanding on the canon stuff from this arc lol so props. espec w/showing more of killua being scared of illumi 

oooh this is interesting actually, this is like....an AU where illumi is present during this arc, and how that would change things. And Also They Sing 

the zoldycks are so fucked up lmao 

also i feel like theres some ‘early adaptation’ character weirdness going on, like w/the grandpa, who seems much less intense here than in the anime (at least after seeing him in the yorknew arc), and milluki, who seems like a gag character here lmao

oh my god lmao is hisoka here to visit illumi?

the hilarious irony of illumi telling killua that assassins cant have friends, then going to hang out with his good buddy hisoka

kurapika is the only one here with a brain cell (for now) 

ah yes hisoka and illumi doing their nasty murder flirting thing 

HISOKA IS SO NASTYYYY I HATE HIM tho his actor is very good and smarmy

OH its canary!! is there uh. blackface goin on there. i cant actually tell, what with there being only 3 pixels present at any given time

really love how half of this is just the regular arc but with the characters singing abt stuff during it 

the lady playing killuas mom has a rlly good screeching voice jesus lmao 

ohh i love musical fighting so much

the sound fx on kurapikas sticks are cracking me up

butlers got mad cartwheels

oh theyre doing the coin thing! this is so out of order lmao

oh my god i love that theyre doing like, sick dance moves while coin flipping

ah the zoldyck messenger hawk makes an appearance. i love that thats canon and real

the 12 yr old gay romance is REAL even here 

the subs seems to be translated very literally, especially in the songs, so its honestly not clear what theyre even singing about vbsjkdjhfskjfd

gon and killua singing about each other is adorable tbh. also i love how silva asks killua abt his friends and killua is like yeah i made some friends. and then only talks abt gon ahjsduhfabhskdf gayboy 

ok so the zoldyck arc is like, ending, but theres still an hr of musical left so whats even gonna happen lmao. also where did hisoka go

oh no the audio and video arent synced anymore huvbhjadfbhjsakdf

oooh they asked canary to come w/them, thats cool

theyre having a party??? hvbajdsfbhasjkdf

oh shit??? what did zeburo just do to killua??? WHATS GOING ONNN lol this is UNCHARTED TERRITORY 

OH GOD IT WAS ILLUMI. SHOULDVE KNOWNNN

omggg all their formal outfits....everyone cheering wildly at kurapika is cute 

LEORIO AND KURAPIKA DANCING.....

the fact that both killua and gon are taller than kurapika in this is rlly funny 

the idea that the zoldycks are also highly trained ballroom dancers is super hilarious to think about, even moreso when you consider how isolationist they are 

seriously grandpas got mad flips

also i love leorios outfit 

this feels like a filler arc tbh. and i dont mean that in a bad way!

leorio trying to get kurapika to go to the hot springs with him lmaoooo

HVDSJBJFSBFJHS HISOKAS BACK. IN DISGUISE. OH MY GOD 

hisokas stage presence is fantastic gotta say 

damnnnn dad zoldycks got mad flips too. guess it runs in the family 

props to the actors for managing to keep their wigs on while flipping around like that 

its so fuckgin funny thats hisoka just introduces himself as illumis friend, when this whole arc is all about how assassins Cannot Have Friends 

so hisoka is just here trying to get family approval too huh

gon miming a fishing trip was adorable and realistic...sometimes u get skunked and It Just Be Like That

leorio is rlly tryin to shoot his shot w/kurapika and kp is just Not Realizing huh vbjsdufjbsaukjf

wow leorio breakin the fourth wall like that lmao 

wow so illumi hacked killua. rude 

hisoka and illumi are lowkey hilarious in this 

leorio is rlly sending every signal possible to kurapika and kp is like. No 

leorio: killua is a scary murder baby, but also im adopting him 

kurapika singing abt how weird it is having friends after dedicating their life to Revenge(tm) is v on brand 

HISOKA OH BOY 

LMAOOOO HISOKA IS SUCH A FUCKING SNITCH I CANT 

no wonder illumi didnt wanna tell him abt his evil plan lmaoooo he fucked up even telling hisoka that much clearly 

the zoldyck siblings just staring at hisoka in confusion bc How The Fuck Did This Clown Get In Our House hvbhjdksfnjksdf

you can tell the subs are off when the audience is cracking up but you dont even see a joke there lmao

oh my goddd hisoka using bungee gum to make everyone dance is. hilarious 

oh my god synchronized dancing 

HVBSHDJFBJDSKFHBSJ illumi doing a dance routine independent of hisoka and hisoka being like ????? vhbjsdkhfjkjsdnfkj THIS IS HILARIOUS

supremely funny to me how illumi makes such a big point abt assassins not having friends, yet hisoka is announcing himself as illumis friend w/every given opportunity hvbhajdkdfhjskf

this feels so filler arc i love it. thats so charming to me since the 2011 anime doesnt have any filler (from what i can tell?) 

kurapika and leorio rlly feel like killuas parents here lmaooo

this is all dramatic but kurapika keeps repeating what leorio says and its cracking me up hvbajhkdhfbjsk

i lov this fambly 

ah, even in the musical illumi is still such a manipulative bastard 

i feel like the quality just went down EVEN MORE, which i didnt think was even possible hvbhjkdsfskf. at least the audio is synced w/the video again

illumis got a good evil laugh 

this is the exact brand of dramatic angsty filler content that i was hoping for in this lmao i love it 

oooh more zoldycks 

honestly this is more how i expected the zoldyck arc to go in canon hbshjdkujfkjsfdas

dramatic gay filler angst + somewhat incorrect fansubs = perfection

OH SHIT CANARY 

BRO DID SHE JUST DIE???? OMFG

the subs keep calling illumis power ‘spells’ which seems to imply that illumi is some sort of assassin wizard rather than a nen user hvbsudhfkjsdjgf

come to think of it, what point was the manga at when this musical was written? it has to be pretty early on, maybe just as nen was being introduced

gon boutta go ham on illumi...Get His Ass

OHHHH GON DOING THE ICONIC ARM GRAB....ARM GRAB REPRISE

gon doin the good ole reliable shounen ‘punch your friend and yell at them so they snap out of a funk’ lol

i do love how typically shounen this is. friendship speeches! but delivered by SONG!

illumis main hobby is butting in at the worst possible moments 

HISOKAS BACK OH BOY

hisokas playing card blocked killuas hit hvbhjakdhsfjnakdsf thats like in jojo when those manga blocked dios knives 

wow the whole zoldyck squad is here

ooh forbidden zoldyck lore lmao

killua: mom u guys are lame im joining this much cooler family now. bye 

i love how hisoka is just weirdly lurking around for all this zoldyck drama lmao

silva seems like such a bro in this but i feel like hes rlly not like that in canon vhauidfhbsjhdkjfk

oh nope there he goes w/the evil laugh lmaooooo

sorry dude but leorio is his dad now 

gon sniffing zeburo hgbajkdfshbjkdfjnsjdk oh my god

oh hell yeah some synchronized main character finale dancing 

actor showcase! everyone loves kurapika which, same 

ah so the director of this musical also directed the sailor moon musicals, which i didnt know existed but of course that exists...thats funny considering the hxh mangaka is married to the sailor moon mangaka 

anyways that was fun honestly!!!! i fuckgin love musicals, and musical adaptations of non-musical source materials can be like, SO different tonally, but this honestly felt like a fun filler 

it was really interesting seeing something based on the canon from this early on - as i said above, some of the characterizations (like the zoldycks) seems a bit different than we’re used to, but others were spot on - like hisoka only showing up intermittently to sow chaos and do nothing else vhjkadhbfhkjdsfnj im assuming the yorknew arc hadnt happened at this point, but hisokas actions in this musical were hilariously similar to how he acted in the yorknew arc, so, props. 

plus it was cool to see the ‘what if’ factor w/hisoka and illumi also being there, espec illumi interacting w/killua bc its so wildly different from how killua reacts to any of his other family members - hes clearly scared of illumi, in a way he isnt w/anyone else, and that was done well here w/the scene where illumi threatens killua’s friends to get killua to listen to him

also the angst was honestly great, and there was some REALLY sweet wholesome parts that i loved. and the music wasnt half bad either!!

i think the VAs did a great job playing the characters - hisokas VA was especially great (and i really loved kurapika too). gons hair was not very similar to how it looks in the show so it was a little more obvious that he was being played by a grown woman, but still a great performance. 

anyways fun times, i love musicals and this was a fun ole 2000s filler shounen musical adaptation

[cadday]

Collateral Damage Chapter 8

For a while everything just returns to routine. He gets up, goes on guard duty or assists infrequently in the labs, which really translates to picking at Even. Some days he trains with Dilan and Aeleus, some days he just trains the brat Lea, who is okay to have hang around when he isn’t mooning over the Isa. He sometimes asks his other heart resident questions and she answers kinda vaguely but from what he can tell she’s older than him somehow, and knows Luxu at least by name. She is also a key bearer who isn’t keen on Luxu doing whatever it is Luxu is doing. So makes her an ally. Which is good. What’s not good is her heart not getting much stronger and she sleeps most of the time more out of necessity then anything else. He worries she’s going to just vanish one of these days and there won’t be much else to be done about it.

Besides he concerns Radiant Garden remains, well, radiant. It shows no signs of falling to darkness as it is, and the few heartless interlopers they dispatch are few and weak. Braig still gets fidgety for days when they appear and he lurks in the courtyard until he catches sight of the little redhead girl on days where he thinks there are too many. She doesn’t ever seem to be in danger or missing from action so he tries to relax and stay some semblance of positive.

It’s freaking storming when things go wrong, because of course it is. It’s been more than a month since he’d been restored to just Braig and he should have known not to let his guard down.

At first Braig is loitering around the library, Ienzo was reading and Braig, with some assistance from Lea and Isa after he egged them on enough, had built a book fort around the other boy. They were trying to figure out the best way to make a doorway that didn’t collapse immediately when Aeleus came in the room, soaking wet and a little worse for wear.

“Braig something’s happened…” He’s up and running out of the library before Aeleus gets much more out. The man is hot on his heels though and quickly catches up to him to keep pace.

“Master Ansem, Even, and Dilan went ahead. They sent me back to get you, some little girl showed up in the storm and said that monsters had attacked them.” They ran out the door and into the storm and Braig cringed at the lack of visibility. Aeleus steered them off towards the residential districts and they slowed down when they were greeted by several people loitering around their doorways looking on concerned. They spotted Master Ansem, and Even at a smaller house down the street. The little girl was their clinging with Even’s labcoat wrapped around her awkwardly. They were all soaked from the rain and Even was kneeling next to the girl talking about something with a serious expression. Master Ansem looked less than happy.

“What happened?” They skidded to a stop and Braig noticed the house's windows were all shattered. He cringed before looking back at Ansem.

“The heartless returned and…” He glanced at the girl before frowning and stopping his thought. Braig could only guess that there was a reason the kid’s grandma wasn’t around. Dilan came out of the house then looking grim, he shook his head and Braig tried not to wonder if he could have prevented this. He felt something hit his leg and he stumbled a bit startled. Looking down he was greeted by the girl clinging to him for dear life. Master Ansem sighed.

“Now Kairi, it is going to be okay,” Ansem looked back at the house and shook his head. “She will have to return with us until other arrangements are made, we should at least get out of the rain before we all catch a cold.” Braig watched the rest of the apprentices watch the girl, Kairi, unsure of how to proceed and he sighed before picking her up.

“Well let’s go then. It’s freaking cold out here and I don’t fancy getting struck by lightning.”

The trek back to the castle was mostly quiet and Braig tried not to think about how young Kairi was and how she wasn’t much older in the time he had already lived through. Back in the castle Isa, Lea, and Ienzo were loitering around the entrance trying to not look concerned when they came back soaking wet with another kid. Master Ansem waved them off though, which only meant they kept lingering in doorways as they all took turns getting dried off and keeping an eye on Kairi. She was really quiet and Even said it was most likely shock. At some point Ienzo, Lea, and Isa had begun dragging in pillows and blankets, and a very ridiculous teddy bear to pile around her and eventually they all took to laying around the sitting room he was holed up in waiting to see what happened. Dilan and Aeleus had gone back to the street to see if anything else had been attacked or anyone for that matter. Even was falling into the role of fussing Dad again as he kept checking Kairi’s temperature and fussing around the sitting room until Braig got so frustrated with his fidgeting around he tripped him into the seat next to him. Braig was just sitting. Master Ansem had commented about Kairi seeming to recognize him and Braig mentioned meeting her on patrol, which apparently meant he wanted to help babysit. Honestly he preferred this to returning to the street, for one the rain sucked, but mainly he was having a hard time coping with, well this failure. Heartless taking hearts could mean Radiant Garden could still fall, albeit slower. Without the machine it could give them more time to stop it.

He would have to teach Kairi how to summon the keyblade. Braig didn’t really have much choice. The heart sent a feeling of agreement and he frowned slightly. Not right now though. The kid needed time to cope and Braig needed to figure out how he was going to explain any of this to the other’s if and probably when they found out what he was up to. Sure he would be able to explain training the kid as concern for her well being but well when the keyblade shows up there will probably be some questions. Eventually Dilan and Aeleus return with less than stellar news. Two families were missing from nearby houses as well as an older gentleman who lived alone next door. Broken windows and in one house the dining room looked like it had been splintered into a hundred pieces.

Braig wanted to hit his head on the wall. Instead he helped send the brat’s to their rooms for the night and helped Even as he set Kairi up in a guest room. She still wasn’t talking but their was not much else they could do tonight. Braig hoped the sunrise would bring a positive light back to the world.

“Kid my rooms two halls away okay, a left into the big hall and then another left. I’m the first door on the right. You need anything feel free to wake me up. If you can’t find me feel free to just yell until someone finds you. Lea yells when he's lost all the time as well so everyones used to it.” Kairi didn’t even look at him so he sighed, “Good night kid.” He shut the door and headed to his room to turn in.

The next week Master Ansem sets about trying to find a place for Kairi, and after exhausting family and friends as being unable or otherwise not around anymore, Kairi becomes a fixture in the castle. Which is convenient for Braig but makes Even get dramatically aggravated for a while even as he personally makes her and Ienzo chocolate chip waffles for breakfast that morning and then takes them shopping to get Kairi some things for her new room. Kairi is so little and it takes her some time to adjust as much as it does them.

She has nightmares. Screaming, crying terrors, in the middle of the night. They take turns based on who gets to her first really to calm her down. Aeleus buys her a night light shaped like a star. It changes colors and seems to help a bit.

Lea and Kairi get along remarkably well. He carries her everywhere and Isa indulges her just as much because it makes Lea light up like the freaking sun when he does.

Ienzo shows Kairi books and stories, and reads to her a lot. She likes stories of worlds, and different places. Stuff with happy endings and magical creatures. Her favorites have dragons, and her least favorites have princesses locked away or sleeping. The kids though are okay and Braig feels a little hopeful again. Seeing Kairi with the other kids though reminds him this kid is way too little to be fighting anything.

‘not safe if she can’t fight.’ And his weird heart friend is right but it still doesn’t make it suck any less. So Braig out of spite and because frisbees are not weapons, buys Isa and Lea real weapons. He gets a lecture for it about safety, sights christmas presents only to be told it’s the middle of summer but who cares, they were training them to fight anyway. Isa is not really thrilled at being given a weapon, he gets a sword because braig figures it’s close enough to what he used later and giving a teen a claymore seemed like the road to injury. Lea gets chakrams, because he can’t think of anything else to get the kid, but they're plain compared to the memories warring in his head and little more than bladed circles. The little turd actually complains they lack style and he tells him he can have nicer ones when he can use those properly.

Ienzo gets a book on magic because he feels guilty buying the other twerps things and not the younger boy. Ienzo seems at least happy with it and Even is just happy he didn’t get Ienzo a sharp thing he thinks.

Training Lea and Isa is equal parts awful and hilarious. They tend to alternate between being motivated and lazy and he finds while Lea’s style he get’s, kids bendy and fast and he can work with that, Isa kinda fights like he’s trying to break everything into a million pieces, for being so calm Isa has a temper just as much as Lea in a fight. So he starts dragging Dilan and Aeleus into training, and then pushing the little berserker in their direction.

This is fine for a while and he feels better when they all can defend themselves adequately. Heartless still came and went, they kept an eye on darker days and there were casualties but few and far between.

As time moves on Braig feels a little better about the changes, and starts to think less of what hasn’t happened. Aqua never does return, and he assumes the worst and adds it to his growing list of failures. Years pass and he teaches Kairi to summon the keyblade, with the guidance of the other heart, under the guise of meditation or some bologna. She proceeds to run around the castle showing everyone her giant flowery key. He pushes Even in the right direction into understanding what it’s for and not before long Kairi under strict supervision is riding Radiant Garden of heartless. They take turns going on jobs with her and the kid turns out to be a scrappy little thing in a fight. She’s all quick movements and dancing away from attacks. Lea likes sparring with her the most and they spend hours in complicated spars trying to wear the other out.

Braig still feel’s tense though and as he watches the kids grow up they get closer to another major point in his time that hasn’t happened. Ansem Seeker of Darkness might not even exist in this world, no Xehanort Terra meant no Xemnas so really they shouldn’t have anything to worry about...

[soveryanon]

Aaand reviewing time for MAG142.

- I have no idea whether it was a conscious decision or a recording accident, but Jonny’s voice, when reading the episode title… was different – less filtered, closer, with more “grain”? And it was telling you, right away, that something would be off and different.

- VA E. Lockley was… incredible and yeah, the woman’s delivery (the distress, the stuttering, the messiness, the slightly rambly bits)… made her feel even more present and “close” than Helen (in MAG047) for me. Character-with-her-own-situation, who got messed up, who is in distress, who is not fine and is trying not to crumble. There were even a few parallel with her experience (after the Buried encounter) and Jon’s, post-Prentiss, that made her even more heartbreaking: like him, she did physio (MAG050, Tim: “Well, there was a police woman asking after you. You know, the one who came to look into Gertrude. […] Uh… yesterday. You were at physical therapy.”); unlike him, she went to therapy (MAG058, Martin: “Look, look, you just got to let me work through this. Alright? I suggested therapy, but he just says no, so–”) and… like she said, “did everything [she] was supposed to do”:

(MAG142) WOMAN: I had pretty bad, uh, nightmares, claustrophobia, I mean… Obviously, right? But, uh, but–but I did my physio, and, you know, talked wi–with the counsellor they gave me? Look, I did everything I was supposed to, and–and yeah, I… I guess I was fine.

… and everything got utterly ruined because of what Jon did to her, while she doesn’t even have enough knowledge to blame him. But we… we know. It was very important to hear her voice indeed? And Martin handled her with proper care – not doubting for one instant that she was telling the truth, leaving her space to tell her story, validating her, even though the story wasn’t what he wanted to hear… or what we wanted to hear, either. (And because of the content of the story: no, there is no way she could have been written as lying or putting things out of proportions – she even pointed out how the police would treat her, it would be absolutely insensitive to write someone filing a harassment complaint as lying or misinterpreting things. So, everything she told really happened to her in the TMA-verse, even though it’s not a pleasant truth.)

- … yeah, so we have Jon going after “stories”: they’re not “statements” anymore, he didn’t use his markers (“Statement begins/Statement ends”) with Floyd and the woman didn’t make any mention of them either, nor did he give the date and the person doing the recording – we only had an indication about the date thanks to the (meta) episode case. It’s not about archiving, it’s about… consumption. And he’s not receiving the stories either: he’s extorting them, forcing people, instead of them coming to him (as statement-givers coming to the Institute). It’s even more symbolically significant that Daisy went to talk to Martin right after the woman’s departure since… so far, Daisy had been the only person we knew for sure had been forced to give her statement, back in MAG061, as she pointed out to Basira later:

(MAG061) ARCHIVIST: Whatever you like! Fourteen years, you must have seen a number of paranormal things. DAISY: And you want me to tell you about them? ARCHIVIST: I–I… DAISY: Okay. ARCHIVIST: What? DAISY: Okay! I’ll give you a statement, about how I got my first section 31. You look surprised. ARCHIVIST: I mean, I was largely asking as a formality. Basira didn’t give the impression you were the… sharing sort. DAISY: Maybe you caught me in a good mood. […] ARCHIVIST: Right! Thank you! Are you quite alright? DAISY: No. I never told that story to anyone except my old Sergeant. ARCHIVIST: I’m not sure I, uh… DAISY: I should go.

(MAG091) BASIRA: Just let him go. DAISY: You don’t know what he is. You don’t know what it’s like to have your secrets pulled out like teeth, just because he asked?

It had been… softer and subtler, when he had done that – it was striking that Daisy didn’t want to talk, until Jon began to probe and she began to accept (Jon himself had been surprised by the change); the compulsion had only been confirmed by her harsh departure and the way she recalled the events. Meanwhile, the woman, in MAG142, was absolutely preyed upon, cornered, violated, and her voice actor did a fantastic job? But oh Lord, was it so, so hard to listen to, even without factoring in that it was Jon doing that to her. I think we’d never had something this violent and desperate…?

Meanwhile, from Jon’s portrayal in MAG142 (two weeks ago) and what we saw in MAG141, he seems to be getting more… frantic? He waited for a while before interacting with the woman, but he almost jumped on Floyd, although he had just been told they would still be sailing for two days (so they would be stuck on the same boat for a while). And it does… kind of fit with something we know about Jon:

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: And you can’t just give me all of the statements? ELIAS: Jon, even when you had them all at your disposal, you barely got through one statement a week. Why do you think that is? It takes its toll on you. And I know you’ve had problems with moderation.

… that little problem about “moderation”. (Which was probably tying in with the fact that he used to smoke before the Institute, and has been back to smoking at least by the end of season 2, when he left Leitner to have a cigarette – and he still had cigarettes on him when Daisy went through his stuff in MAG091 and with Gerry in MAG111. Not to mention the whole Web lighter affair, whatever it’s actually doing to him.) It’s also… kinda… relevant… that The Woman in MAG142 described him as being fed through her reopened trauma:

(MAG142) WOMAN: His eyes, like… his eyes, like, we–were… drinking in every fragment of my misery. I can’t… It… [PAUSE] And then it was over. And he looked… he looked at me like he’d just eaten… like, a perfectly cooked steak.

Because Elias had narrated Beholding’s influence on “The Archivist” as creating hunger, precisely:

(MAG120) ELIAS: And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into The Eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all and everything and forever.

Fuck you, Beholding.

… and I’ll allow myself One Joke about the whole ordeal, because:

(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: [DEEP SIGH] I suppose in some ways it’s strange I’m not a vegetarian yet, what with everything I know. But… I rather think someone in my position has to take their small pleasures where they can, and if it occasionally delights some grotesque meat-god, well… c’est la vie.

You REALLY should have tried to go vegetarian back then, Jon :/

- … Which makes it a bit curious that he… was described as “tired”, then?

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Ah, uh, alright. Hum… Did he… [SIGH] … Did he look like he hadn’t slept in like– WOMAN: Mm–mm. MARTIN: –a week? WOMAN: Yep, uh… MARTIN: … Right…

Like, obviously, it was… in a dark humour way, hilarious that Martin was able to guess it was Jon with just “someone from your Institute stalking me” and that his way of describing Jon was to point out the lack of sleep – Jon Is A Perpetual Tired Man and this is the man Martin has a crush on. Confirmation that it’s not about physical appearances (Canonically mlm and hot Tim was RIGHT THERE, Martin, and you went for “that”, and we still don’t know why or when it began, but there’s still so much room to shame your tastes.)

But you would think that… if Jon had been going around pulling statements out of (unwilling) people, he would be/look… rested? Well? So: was she the first one? Was Jon trying to avoid his dreams, until he snapped? Is this a matter of “starving” and only going for it when he was too hungry…?

- ;; Jon looked… so one-dimensional in that state? And as Martin said amongst his hypotheses, all “instinct”. Which makes me think about three things, and they’re not happy:

* Mike smelling a prey, actually?

(MAG075, Stephen Walker) “It was as Grant was making his gradual ascent that I saw the man with the scar. He was stood there, just across the street, watching us. […] His pale eyes were entirely focused on Grant making his excruciating way up the ladder. If he noticed me watching him, he gave no sign of it.” (MAG091) MIKE: A… uh, a Paris skyscraper, was it you said? I honestly, I, I can’t say I recall it in detail, but that does… sounds about right. Sometimes it’s hard to keep track.

(DO YOU KEEP TRACK, JON.)

* The whole thing about the Creature Under Alexandria reaching for Sergeant Walter Heller (especially since… Heller might have had a Spooky encounter before meeting it? So was it attracted to that story?) and HUM…

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: So it’s… it’s back to breadcrumbs, and statements, and risking my life talking to things that barely remember how to be human anymore? […] Am I… Elias, am I still human? ELIAS: Jon, what does human even mean? I mean, really? You still bleed, you can still die. And your will is still your own, mostly. That’s more than can be said for a lot of the “real’ humans out there. … You’re worried about ending up like that thing, lurking in the dirt under the streets of Alexandria? Don’t be. Just do what you need to, and you’ll be fine. Understood?

Elias, why are you so full of lies. (Though it’s possible that, indeed, Jon didn’t do “what he needs to”, and that he’s been… doing extra-work/is out of control. But MMMM. MMMMM.)

* *CRIES IN TIM*

(MAG114) TIM: So, why don’t you “Archivist” me, then? Just pull it straight out. ARCHIVIST: Because I don’t want to! I am not your enemy, Tim. TIM: [DISMISSIVELY] Like that matters! These things aren’t human. It’s… instinct. You can’t not. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] I’m still me, Tim. [TIM HUFFS] I’m still… me. TIM: [EXHALES DEEPLY] … You know what? You’re actually right.

LIKE WOW??? RUDE??? TIM STOKER DIDN’T GO OUT WITH A BANG FOR THIS??? (It’s… super-upsetting, to me, that Jon Is Currently what Tim had accused him of being/turning into back at the time ORZ ORZ And if we get Jon back, and/or if he’s confronted about it, I wonder if… the fact that he would be disappointing Tim would be a point to be made.)

- So, turns out that MAG141 indeed wasn’t a first try, and there is the obvious question of… how long Jon has been extorting live-statements here and there, since the fact that we didn’t hear any recording of the woman beforehand means that we haven’t been hearing Everything of Jon’s spook-related activities before MAG141. Possibilities regarding the turning point:

* Since Jon woke up and was released from the hospital (after MAG122).

* Since… after the coffin? Given Elias’s comment in MAG135 (“Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron. His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing. I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait.”), I don’t really feel like it could have been a thing before – I mean, the way Jon behaved in MAG141 and was described in MAG142 screamed “very willing to use his connection to their patron”… And Jon had mentioned a few things after the coffin:

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I don’t… like interacting with the rest of the Institute these days. The way they look at me, I– … I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ve heard, what the rumours going around are, but… they have definitely heard something…! [SIGH] And they can’t wait until they don’t have to talk to me anymore. Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time. [SIGH] But I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me.

(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: Ever since I crawled out of that damn coffin, I feel like I’ve been… adrift. Filling in blanks and diving into History, but only…! [EXASPERATED SIGH] The breadcrumbs I’m finding are… stale. Old. … What the hell is The Watcher’s Crown? […] I feel like I’m on a deadline, like I’m running out of time somehow – and I don’t even know where to go! What to look for, o–or… [EXHALE] Just casting around blindly for more clues to just… drop into my lap. Everyone else is… running towards something, or running away, and I… [SIGH] I don’t know what I’m doing. [PAUSE] [SIGH] I’m just tired. Think I might go lie down for a while. Get a cup of tea. [HUFF]

(Though, I feel like this option is reaching and stretching… a lot: because DUH, the staff would have had a lot of reasons to be wary of Jon or of the Archives in general without even factoring in the possibility of rumours that Jon had been mentally manhandling people (he… was losing it a bit already in season 2? He ran away and got accused of murder for two months before coming back? He spent six months in a coma after a wax museum exploded? Tim was ranting to everyone about being bound to the Archives, and people thought it was mostly depression, but then he died in said explosion?); and DUH, Jon would feel aimless after the coffin, when his return to the Institute had been a succession of settling back in, trying to get updated on the assistants’ current state, saving Melanie from the bullet, almost immediately focusing on the Rescue Daisy mini-arc from episode 128 to 132, leading to her coming back and… then nothing else, no Main Goal anymore, and just time passing.)

The biggest clue that someone could have been happening behind the scene after the coffin is Jon’s intake of statements: there were 10 between MAG122 (February 15th?, Jon waking up) and MAG132 (March 24th, inside of the coffin), including one extracted statement (Breekon’s, MAG128), one tape from Gertrude (with Lucia, MAG130), one live-statement (Jared’s, MAG131) and one recording from Jon (rescuing Daisy, MAG132), so 9 “active” pieces of content in six weeks if you exclude Gertrude’s… and then, only six until the end of May (MAG140), including one recording from Gertrude (MAG137), so five “active” pieces of content in two months if you exclude hers (+ 2 statements read by Martin, if assistants count – they seemed to, back in season 3, since Elias was pushing them to regularly read statements because Jon was “too inconsistent” about it).

* Since after MAG139, because Jon tried to sneak a peek at Peter’s plans and it backfired. It could have the added tragic bits that… Jon had been wary of his Inner Door, told Basira that opening it would mean drowning; and he eventually purposefully tried very hard to Know about something, deliberately… because he was too worried for Martin.

* Since after MAG140 and Basira told him about the plan to Ny-Ålesund.

MAG142 gives more credentials to a change having happened around MAG139/MAG140 on account of the given timeline:

(MAG140) BASIRA: Summer solstice is the 21st of June. So we leave in a fortnight. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Right. BASIRA: And should arrive about a week before.

(MAG142) WOMAN: Look, life went back to… normal, I… I was fine. Until… [CHOKING] about two weeks ago. MARTIN: And that was when you met J– … Er, one of our employees. WOMAN: … That’s when he showed up.

Which means the succession of events was likely:

MAG139: somewhere at the end of May => MAG140: one day after MAG139 (Jon referred to it as “yesterday”) => events described in MAG142 => Jon&Basira departing => MAG141 (June 11th) => MAG142 (June 12th).

If Jon had been going around taking statements for a long while, I think the woman’s story would have been dated from a few more weeks, or months prior, just to get that point across? Though it’s also possible that, like MAG141, the date is a red herring to keep us into a false sense of (relative) security still: Floyd’s story is mysterious enough that it might contain something that could be used against The Dark, so there is still the possibility that Jon extorted it for that reason… but MAG142 was without hesitation a Buried one, so not actual data, so it has nothing to do with actual information but just about feeding, and we’re slowly running out of rational explanations which could motivate Jon’s sudden harshness (“it’s because it was important information, and just one time, to someone mostly innocent but involved in fishy business with a reccurring character” => “there was no relevant information to the current case, and Jon had done this to people before, and he targeted absolutely innocent people”) so… could be that It All Began just before the trip, or could be that we will discover that it had been going on for longer than that.

- However long Jon has been doing that… I don’t think that the punchline was that he had been utterly lying on tape throughout all of season 4? Honestly, I… wouldn’t find this interesting – I’m too used to twists being that your (unreliable) narrator was actually Evil/Really Bad all along and, precisely, the series had taken a more interesting approach with this in season 1 (with the fact that Jon appeared as pompous and elitist and sceptic and dry… and, okay, was a bit of that, but also scared and trying to hide it), so it would feel a bit of a let-down if that was the case in the end? And we’ve had a few occurrences of Jon not immediately being aware that he was recorded (he hadn’t spotted the tape recorder at first in MAG122 and MAG123, the tape recorder was in Martin’s room in MAG129 when Jon entered), and he acted exactly the same as when he was in control of the recording. When he accidentally compelled Melanie in MAG136, he immediately apologised (which means he knew he had wronged her, which means he still had a spontaneous sense of morals, or at least, of understanding when he was crossing a line and doing something harmful and unwelcome).

One thing that might be true, however: if season 1 showed us one thing, it’s also… that through his recordings, Jon can present the world how he wishes it were. So, if he’s been… extorting and assaulting people for their stories all along, I really don’t think he lied and feigned the empathy for the victims, nor the fact that he was feeling doubts and concern, but more like, that he wished it were as simple as this…? Though it would also come across as a very… unsavoury way to Appeal For His Life – there is a big distinction about sighing about his inhumanity because he’s feeling aimless and unsure of what he’s supposed to do, and doing it while aware that he’d be causing harm here and there.

And the thing with MAG141 and MAG142 is that it’s supposed to feel like a shock; there was no progression(/degression) in Jon’s speeches during the season, no growing apathy towards victims. He kept expressing sadness and uneasiness! Before trying to take a look at Peter’s plan, he had launched into a rant about having “feelings” and “doubts”! It’s not even that he was feeling more and more isolated – since he got Daisy back, they’ve been bonding, Jon confessed to liking her (… and even went to such extremes as listening to The Archers with her). And suddenly, we’re faced with Jon doing… a complete face-heel turn: there is nothing comparable, nothing… progressive between the way he “extracted” Breekon’s statement in MAG128 (partially in defense, because Breekon was on the verge of attacking Basira) and received Jared’s in MAG131 (something that Jared forced on him: Jon had just been told that someone had commanded the attack over the Institute, and Jared went for that form and made it a deal against Jon’s rib), and going… after innocents, as consumption, as food, because statements are a “meal” and he doesn’t care much if that means wrecking people forever. The woman from MAG142 was the most innocent you could ever get: she didn’t know about the Magnus Institute, didn’t want to tell what had happened to her, didn’t even blame Jon for the after-effects and her reopened wounds (“Look. I know that’s not… [CHUCKLE] That is my brain. I’m not blaming him for, for being in my dreams. You know, I guess I can’t! [SNIFF] That’s absurd, right? It’s not… [PAUSE] But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake, as well?” … although we know that it was directly his fault). She didn’t even express contempt or disrespect at Martin; she was calm, her story didn’t involve any shady business. She had her initial trauma and, as she said, she worked and fought by herself to get well (“But, uh, but–but I did my physio, and, you know, talked wi–with the counsellor they gave me? Look, I did everything I was supposed to, and–and yeah, I… I guess I was fine.”) before Jon came in and ruined her life – she can’t work anymore, her whole ability to function has been impacted, she’s in clear distress. What Jon did to her was… absolutely unwarranted and gratuitous. And… honestly, except for willingly launching The Watcher’s Crown, I have trouble picturing what he could possibly do that would be worse than this?

Season 4, at least on tape, hasn’t been Jon’s slow descent into monsterhood; it has been a constant string of Jon expressing doubts, sadness for victims, and trying to regain contact with the assistants. So what happened, for him to suddenly dive in and become so instinctive…? Or if it had always been there, out of record, what was going through Jon’s head…? (What was going though Jon’s head, when he was watching the woman as she was waiting for her date…? Because she was alone, at first, and yet, he didn’t immediately came for her…)

Basically: we’re missing pieces, and that’s the point, but uuuuuh…

- Anyway, meanwhile, I’m guessing that Elias got put into solitary confinement because the amount of [PLEASURED EXHALATION] he must have breathed out in these past two weeks made the guards AND the other inmates too uncomfortable.

- Aaaand the trend of people who had a Beholding-related encounter and are especially uneasy at the Institute keeps going:

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: One other thing. That feeling of being watched… have you ever had it since? WALTER: Well, I wasn’t sure whether to say anything, but… yes, I have, just now. That… funny turn I took on the way down the stairs, I felt it again. All those eyes, watching me.

(MAG060, Rosa Meyer) “Not that I could rest anyway. Those eyes still haunt my dreams, and follow me through the waking world. Even here. Especially… here.”

(MAG142) WOMAN: But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake, as well? I’ve been… I’ve been having a lot of problems, since he talked to me, well, since I talked to him. […] Every time I do, every time I get that… panic just rising up my throat… I see him. He’s there. Not when I look properly. But just at the edge. The corner of my eye. And he’s gone. […] I, I… I can’t… this place… I… I can’t be here. I have to… [OPENING DOOR] MARTIN: Uh, no– WOMAN: Bye!

Which. Is still a possible explanation as to why there are so few Beholding statements outside of the letters addressed to Jonah: because people have to be exceptionally tough to not feel crushed and even more pressured inside of the Institute, if they’ve already been marked/offered to Beholding.

- I… hadn’t really given much thought about it, but actually, the distinction between feeding/being fed from, for the Archivist, might be through respectively live and written statements? Back in season 3, Elias had highlighted to Jon that they were taxing on him, and Jon had mentioned to Georgie that he was experiencing the fears himself, when reading them:

(MAG089) JUDE: It’s like you’re not even listening. You have your god, as I have mine. Feed it, fearlessly and without hesitation, or it will feed on you. ARCHIVIST: But I don’t… I don’t… I mean, I mean, what do I feed it? JUDE: I don’t know? You’re the one it picked. Not a great choice, if you ask me.

(MAG091) MIKE: That’s… that’s all, I think. Since then I’ve embraced my new life; gladly fed that which feeds me.

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: And you can’t just give me all of the statements? ELIAS: Jon, even when you had them all at your disposal, you barely got through one statement a week. Why do you think that is? It takes its toll on you. And I know you’ve had problems with moderation.

(MAG093) ARCHIVIST: You’ve seen monsters? GEORGIE: Not the time, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Right, it’s… it’s just I think I’m turning into one. GEORGIE: Really? That’s… not great. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. Ever since I took this job, I’ve felt a compulsion to read out some of the statements. The ones that really touched the supernatural. And when I do… I… I feel them. I feel their confusion and fear. I tried to write it off, but…

Though Jon doubled-over at the end of MAG094, after the Hellish Five Days covering MAG089 (Jude’s live), MAG091 (Mike’s live), MAG092 (Elias showdown), MAG093 (written statement), MAG094 (Georgie’s live). And a written statement was enough to perk him up in MAG107. But I wonder if, now that Jon has… “become something else”, the live-statements aren’t precisely feeding him, and more tempting, while the written ones make the Beholding feed from him…? The woman in MAG142 was insistent over the fact that Jon looked… replenished, after he was done with her, and Jon told Basira in MAG141 that Floyd’s was helping him to go “full power”, so it definitely looks like it’s the actual way to feed for an Archivist… while it used to be pretty neutral, effects-wise, before his coma?

(And even in season 4, Jon didn’t sound that much lively in MAG131, after taking Jared’s, so…? Was that because Jared is a spook, and it’s less nourishing? Or is it because a new dependency/feeding system has grown alongside Jon’s powers, developing through the ordeals – after the coffin in MAG132, and/or after he tried to take a look at The Lonely in MAG139?)

- Amongst things that have apparently changed, relatedly to Jon’s powers… the effects of taking live-statements did: Daisy and Basira only mentioned dreams, but the woman in MAG142 made it clear that it wasn’t just that. It sounds like, additionally to the dreams, Jon re-traumatised her (since she has been plagued with panic attacks every time she’s triggered, although she used to be able to handle it), which makes her relive the fear of The Buried… with additional Feeling Of Being Watched. So, feeding both The Buried and Beholding? (How come only The Lonely is financing the Institute and getting all chummy with them, then, if Beholding has the potential to give back to the other Fears the snacks that had managed to get away?)

So why did the live-statements Jon extorted have different effects than usual? Multiple parameters have changed since the ones from the first three seasons. Is it because he’s more The Archivist now, after having chosen, and this is what true full Archivists do to people? Is it because The Watcher’s Crown is coming closer and Beholding is reaching its peak power? I’m reminded of Smirke’s letter (MAG138), when The Eye was precisely haunting both his dreams and his daily world, and that’s how Smirke came to the conclusion that Jonah was on the verge of doing something regrettable. Other option: … Assuming there wasn’t any tape recorder indeed: is it because the statement hadn’t been recorded, back then, and the recorders alleviate the Beholding effect…? (=> I’m still amongst the people considering hard that the tape recorders are actually Web, so, it could be a matter of hijacking Beholding’s dominion a bit…?)

- ;; Whether The Watcher’s Crown attempt is planned for the end of season 4 or for later into season 5… you can feel, meta-wise, that Something Beholding is coming closer and closer. There had been very few statements about The Eye throughout the entire series so far (full-on Eye: MAG023, MAG53, MAG060, MAG120) and… we’re already at three new ones in season 4 – MAG127, MAG138, MAG142.

- One of the themes of the episode seems to be about the temptation of the Dread Powers: Lonely for Martin, Beholding for Jon, Hunt for Daisy.

(MAG142) MARTIN: Th–the worst part is I don’t even want to talk to him about it. I’m just… [SIGH] I suppose I’m just getting comfortable with the distance. [SIGH] Cut off. [DRY CHUCKLE] “Lonely”. [INHALE] Mind you, Peter’s not wrong. It really is easier than actually just trying to communicate with people. […] They told you about Elias, right? DAISY: Yeah…. Basira said. Don’t like him being alive. Trying not to think about it too much. Don’t want to get too angry. Start to… hear the… blood. […] MARTIN: I mean… I guess. It still sounds really dangerous. DAISY: Yeaaah. Wanted to go with them, protect them, but… [PAUSE] Life’s always more complicated than that, isn’t it? MARTIN: Not really.

Daisy got enough distance, in the coffin, to delimitate herself separately from The Hunt, which had shaped her life until now – it’s a looming threat, and keeping away from it means accepting sacrifices, in the form of not being there for the people she cares about (now, “Basira and Jon”: not Basira anymore):

(MAG132) DAISY: I’m sc–scared, but… Mm–mm… But I… I feel more, feel more m–me than I have for years. Maybe all my life… The, The Hunt was me, b–but I don’t, I don’t think I liked it. I think it just made me… need… it…  I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better…

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: [EXHALES] She is trying to keep a clear head. Stay away from The Hunt as much as possible. You valued her purpose. Her resolve. The sort of things–

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: Is Daisy coming? BASIRA: … No. ARCHIVIST: … Oh. I, I–I just thought– BASIRA: We’ve talked about it. If The Hunt takes her again… we don’t know if she’s coming back. And neither of us want that. ARCHIVIST: … No, o–of–of course.

As it was presented with the last two episodes, Jon crashed and burned himself through Beholding; whatever he is right now, however he thinks, he’s deep in – and though he may (or may not) have been initially trying to use his powers for good, or with a goal in mind… it’s now about consuming, about feeding, about indulging, whether he had realised it or not. Meanwhile, Martin is seeing appeal in the Lonely – Peter’s magic/management is doing its work (and Gerry had warned us that the Lukases were good at grooming their own). Respectively reformed, currently into it, and tempted to give in, because the powers offer something they crave: being a fighter and having the power to protect or to strike at those who offended her for Daisy, getting information, knowledge and obtaining new pieces to complete the ongoing puzzles for Jon, being at peace of mind and not heartbroken anymore for Martin.

(- And Martin has been closing himself off without… realising to which extent, apparently:

(MAG142) DAISY: Yeah. Just a… a bit empty around here. You know? MARTIN: Not really. DAISY: Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off. Bit worried. But they can take care of themselves, you know? MARTIN: Again, not really. [SHORT HUMOURLESS LAUGHTER] No one talks to me anymore. […] Anyway. So, what’s this field trip they’re on? DAISY: They, uh… they didn’t tell you? MARTIN: [DRY CHUCKLE] No, I… What. … [QUICKLY] Daisy, where have they gone? DAISY: You know that town in Norway? MARTIN: What? I… Wai– Wh–what?! You don’t mean Ny-Ålesund? DAISY: Yyyeah. They reckon there’s a ritual they need to, you know… MARTIN: Yeah, but Peter didn’t even men…! [OPENS DRAWERS, SHUFFLES THROUGH THINGS] I don’t believe this!

Basira had mentioned that she had stopped trying to reach for him, after his mother’s death; but Martin had accepted to cut off from Jon entirely, and has shown multiple times that he’s been relying on Peter for information. Maybe Basira stopped trying, but it’s mostly… that Martin made himself so inaccessible. And there is something very fitting (though sad) with that? Because indeed, Martin kept trying to make connections with people and being rejected or betrayed – his attentions never meeting their goal. He took care of his mother for years; he was quite mistreated by Jon even when trying to make things a bit better, or less bittersweet (prime example being the beginning of MAG069, when he brought tea for Jon, and was turned away). And as he spat to Elias’s face in MAG118, he was very aware that the “good” moments he had spent with Not!Sasha had been cruel lies, that he felt bad for spending with Sasha’s murderer? And his relationship with Tim had deteriorated through season 2 already, reaching the point in season 3 when… Tim didn’t factor him in at all, focused on his revenge and didn’t spare any thought for Martin because he didn’t know him like he knew Sasha? And Martin never really managed to form any connection with Melanie nor Basira, and Daisy used to frighten him. So, the temptation of the Lonely makes a lot of sense… and maybe Daisy will manage to pierce through it? She’s been a constant surprise in season 4 – actually bonding with Jon, and now managing to… have a meaningful talk with Martin? The fact that they shut down the tape recorder while still together might mean that they’ll keep talking and that it… could do Martin some good? That they could act on something together?)

- The clock in the background made it sound like the scene was taking place in Elias’s office again? (I think the sound the door made was the same, too?) So, “Assistant to Peter Lukas”, really? Nah. Martin has been slowly taking over all of Elias’s tasks: taking care of the Institute’s administration

and

receiving

the complaints about Jon.

(I’m not even joking: the first time ever that we heard Elias talk… was when he relayed to Jon that Naomi had filed a complaint about him, in MAG017. And now, it’s MARTIN taking care of even that. I don’t want Martin to become the new Head Director because that can mean anything good, but UUUUUh at the same time. All these tiny ways in which he is literally replacing Elias are hilarious but, accumulated, are beginning to get suspicious.)

Plus, I do love

(MAG142) WOMAN: I don’t, a– Look, I just need to, to talk to a… a–a manager, or something? MARTIN: Okay, uh, well, uh… Uh, yeah, actually, [CHUCKLE] I’m a, I’m a manager. G–go on?

How more and more confident he’s getting at Bullshitting… but AT THE SAME TIME. Martin is managing Peter and used to manage Jon. He does deserve to be called “a manager”, okay.

- MARTIN IS STILL A BEHOLDING BABY!! After the (glorious) mess that was MAG100, Martin had been the only one of the assistants to take a live-statement: Tim’s, in MAG104, though, okay, Tim was also an assistant himself and it was… probably a Beholding effect that allowed him to be so articulate? But Martin technically took another one with MAG142, and the woman’s story was clearly messier and less “fluid”, she had a lot of trouble explaining things, and the point that it wasn’t the first time that she was telling her story (“And I start to tell him… everything. About the job, about the collapse, ab–about the hand… And more than I told you, even, and–and…”)… but still. Beholding might not be giving up on him, uh?

Also, it’s Aza’s pet-theory that Martin might be compelling/manipulating people to do what he wants by asking “Please” (even though there is no static), and MMMM… both Tim and the woman uncoiled and began to talk after he said that word…

(MAG104) MARTIN: Please. TIM: [EXHALEs] Fine. Fine. I’ll tell him in person, when he gets back from… wherever it is that he’s vanished to. MARTIN: China. And if you try to tell him in person, you’ll just end up at each other’s throats. You know you will. TIM: … [BITTERLY] Statement of Timothy Stoker, on the disappearance of... of my brother, Danny, four years ago. June 14th, 2017.

(MAG142) MARTIN: Just… just tell me what happened. Hum, please. I–I won’t judge. [SILENCE] WOMAN: Alright. Uh. So, you… [SIGH] You’ve, uh… you’ve got to understand my job, okay?

(+ Melanie relenting when he went “Melanie. Melanie, please.” in MAG118, etc.)

- Anyway, I’m so so glad that Martin’s pettiness has been skyrocketing in season 4.

(MAG082) DAISY: Well, if your witnesses appear back in this universe, maybe the situation will change. Otherwise, it’s an easy choice: answer my question or I pin it on you. MARTIN: Y–you can’t! Th–that’s not how this works. [SILENCE] … Is it? DAISY: Let me tell you how this works, Mr. Blackwood. I’ve got a hell of a workload, no partner and full operational discretion to make this whole situation go away. That means you help me or I make things very unpleasant for you.

(MAG142) DAISY: I said… I don’t want to talk about it. [SILENCE] MARTIN: I know. [PAUSE] Not nice being interrogated, is it? DAISY: I… [EXHALE] Oh. MARTIN: Yeah. [SILENCE] DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin.

February 2017 vs. June 2018, it was sixteen months ago, and he didn’t let that go. FORGIVE AND FORGET? NO AHAHAHAH RESENT AND REMEMBER.

- AND I’M SO GLAD THAT DAISY APOLOGISED… that she understood on her own why Martin was so petty and cutting at her – that she had given him reasons to!

(And uuuh… that parallel between Daisy-towards-Basira and Martin-towards-Jon… I didn’t know how much I wanted Daisy and Martin to have an Actual Conversation until now, but… they work… so fine… hopeless pining gays aware that their crushes are fucking idiots throwing themselves into things without plans, all of them…)

- Uh! So Martin listened to MAG061’s tape!

(MAG142) MARTIN: I listened to your old statement. Wasn’t your partner down there? DAISY: Yeah. Didn’t find him. MARTIN: You don’t wanna go get him? DAISY: I’m not going back. MARTIN: Hm! I thought you would have at least tried, or–

(As an aside, we know Jon had taken the tape along with him when he went into the coffin to rescue Daisy…)

So why and when did Martin listen to that specific statement and remember about that detail…? (He’s usually… notoriously pretty bad at cross-checking information or remembering names from one statement to another, see how he didn’t remember about “Rayner” back in season 3.)

- Speaking of tapes, there were a few things:

(MAG142) MARTIN: I should probably try to get him this tape, let him know what happened, that someone came in to… But then, ahah, would that just come across as an accusation? Like, because I don’t wanna… And then, then I guess he’d… hear this bit as well, so… I… I… [LONG EXHALE] What do I do…? […] DAISY: … [INHALE] You recording, or…? MARTIN: Hm? Uh, oh… Oh, no, there was– Hang on… [CLICK.]

The fact that the woman’s complaint and story was recorded was a conscious decision from Martin, or at least, he was aware of the recording (=> it didn’t… sneakily begin to record without him noticing). But it’s strange that the woman didn’t mention any tape recorder with Jon when he preyed on her – maybe it was there, hidden, but maybe there wasn’t any…? If that’s the case, why…? (…………… if it was recorded, that means there might be a hidden stash of… encounters like this, of Jon pressuring people into giving their statements…)

- We got quite the roundabout of Martin’s ambivalent bits this episode: he was good towards the woman (treating her with the respect she deserved), expressed offense and disgust at Jon’s actions………………… and then right away, went back to being Considerate Of Jon’s Feelings and to worrying over him the instant he was given the incentive:

(MAG142) MARTIN: Uh, but you didn’t give me your– [DOOR CLOSES] … name. [SIGH] [RUFFLING PAPER] [SILENCE] [SIGH] … What the hell do I do with that?! I mean, Christ, Jon, that’s… that’s not okay! Oh, that can’t– that can’t… I mean, it’s not him, is it? Not, not really? It’s, what, addiction, instinct, maybe mind control, something like that? I… can’t believe he’d choose to do something like that. … No, no, I, I can’t think like that, though, I, I can’t let myself, ‘cause I mean, if, if he‘s already gone, then all of this is just… […] MARTIN: No, no, it’s… thank you, I just… [CLOSES DRAWER] For God’s sake, can he not stay safe for like, for like ten minutes?! DAISY: I don’t think that’s an option for him anymore. MARTIN: Yeah, I mean, sure… [SLAMS A DRAWER SHUT] But he just…! He doesn’t think! He always just immediately charges straight off into danger with whatever… whatever half-arsed plan o–occurs to him at the time! I don’t get it!

… It’s probably not a good thing that he’s… so prompt to getting worried over Jon instead of reconsidering things through his actions (it’s like he had… immediately forgotten the woman’s story as soon as Daisy explained that Jon was going into Danger territory) but… it makes sense with Martin’s point of view – because he had agreed to some sacrifice for the others’ and Jon’s well-being, and, indeed, if he were to accept that Jon is gone… then, it means that it was partially for naught – unless Martin manages to find New Reasons. (But it kind of confirms that Martin really doesn’t have many things he cares for/about left in the world…)

-  Whatever is happening with Jon, it’s either not one of the options that Martin considered, either a mix of all of them (“addiction, instinct, maybe mind control”)? We know that Jon has had ~problems with moderation~ and Jon had discovered and acknowledged that he was getting addicted to written-statements, back in season 3, without… giving it much thought:

(MAG107) ARCHIVIST: I feel… a lot better! … I’d love to rattle off a lot of potential other reasons for this, nice rational causes of recovery, but… I feel we’re past the point of transparent rationalisations. It looks like the recording of statements has now passed over from psychological compulsion into… a more physical dependence. I don’t know whether this is… some sort of classical addiction or something a bit deeper. But either way, this is not the time for experimentation. I’m on a deadline, and if I need to be reading statements to stay well enough, then I suppose that’s what I shall do.

And the way Jon was described kind of remind me of Trevor’s relationship with The Hunt? (MAG056, “In the early 80s, I was deep in the grip of my twin addictions. As I mentioned, after a while, the hunt became an addiction of its own. Of the two, I’ve always found heroin the easier one to quit. […] But the hunt… the hunt is a purpose. It’s not just a way to get through the day, it’s a reason for there to be a day at all.”)

There has been so much talk about “choices” this season that… the bottom line will probably be that yes, Jon did choose it and will be aware of it. Either it was something he was trying to get under control, for a Greater Plan (trying to Power Up to fight The Dark?), either it was mainly hunger when he began to do these things but… despite Martin’s repulsion at the idea, I don’t think the answer will be anything less than “yes, maybe he was influenced, but Jon did choose it”…?

- You can feel that Daisy is a bit older/more experienced than the others and… it’s interesting that, in the end, she’s knowledgeable about human behaviours and able to decipher them?

(MAG142) DAISY: I, I mean, it’s pretty standard stuff. MARTIN: What?! DAISY: Used to see it all the time back in the force, especially with the Section’d. Not like there’s… “normal” trauma, you know? But it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless.

(She was Section’d for fourteen years, she had been working in the police for sixteen years in December 2016, so she’s at the very least 35-ish years old, while Jon&Martin are around 30.)

AND I LOVED HOW SHE REMINDED MARTIN THAT SHE USED TO BE A DETECTIVE…

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Yeah. [LONG INHALE] I suppose. [LONG EXHALE] You’re… you’re pretty observant, you know? DAISY: Detective, remember? MARTIN: Yeah, you did mention. Would have thought Basira would’ve had more sense, though. DAISY: When Basira and I were partners, I’d see this happen sometimes. She can read a… situation like no one I know, always seems to know the right move, but for all her research, she never wants to put a plan together. I think she just hates all the unknowns, the… variables. [SIGH] Contingencies. If she spots an advantage, she’ll… grab it, and trust herself to figure out the details as she goes.

Elias has been nagging Basira, calling her “detective” (and Georgie called her one in MAG122, and Peter referred to her as such in MAG134) but… it was Daisy, officially – Basira was only a Police Constable. Daisy had it in her to lean towards Beholding, uh…? And it’s nice to see that Daisy didn’t have that title for nothing? And it’s interesting to see the contrast between her and Basira – with Daisy, initially being presented as savage and violent (a “rabid dog” according to Elias), actually attuned to the way people work, and Basira, quieter and “soft” (according to Daisy in MAG061), seemingly level-headed… being actually the impulsive and chaotic one.

- But WOOPS.

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: So what’s the plan? BASIRA: I’m getting us passage on a boat heading up there. ARCHIVIST: … Right. BASIRA: I bring all the guns from Daisy’s old stash, you bring the spook you used to mess up that delivery guy. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Wh… at? That’s it? [PAUSE] Christ, I thought my plans were half-arsed. BASIRA: It’s all about when we go. ARCHIVIST: … I don’t follow. BASIRA: Summer solstice is the 21st of June. So we leave in a fortnight. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Right. BASIRA: And should arrive about a week before. No danger of sunset or darkness for a long time. Stands to reason that they will be at their weakest.

(MAG141) ARCHIVIST: You were the one who suggested we go by boat. BASIRA: Didn’t think I… urgh… [SNIFF] … I hadn’t really done proper boats, before…

Confirmation that Basira barely has any plan for Ny-Ålesund and is mostly planning to improvise.

- Here’s hope that Martin talking with Daisy will help a bit to get him out of his shell… Hilariously, Elias had warned Martin about getting too secluded?!

(MAG138) MARTIN: I think he wants me to join The Lonely. ELIAS: Then it sounds like you have a decision to make. […] Don’t forget to keep in touch, Martin. There are so many people in here, but without one’s friends… [DOOR LOCKING] it does get rather lonely.

And Daisy came in and was the surprise!friend. At the very least, Martin got another demonstration that Peter is not trustworthy when it comes to the information he shares (or doesn’t share). Martin, despite his official wariness, has been relying on him a great deal, but maybe the news that Jon hoped out to stop another ritual, and that Peter didn’t even deem it worth it to notify Martin or to provide help, will allow distrust to sink in again…? (Oooh, I hope we will hear Martin confronting Peter about it, because Martin will probably be deliciously snappy and cutting…)

- … So Melanie had been “quiet” and now she’s away again (“Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off.”), and we haven’t heard from her since her first session with that therapist, and I’m Worried About Melanie. And on that subject, I liked how Daisy casually supports Melanie’s past intention to kill Elias:

(MAG142) MARTIN: I thought you believed him…! You were doing all of his dirty work. DAISY: Well, wasn’t willing to call his bluff. Not the same thing as “believing”. Just too big a risk. MARTIN: … Not for Melanie. DAISY: Well, maybe she was the only one with any sense. Even if he was telling the truth [EXHALE], if we all… died… There are worse things.

… because we definitely know that she didn’t have much sense given that it was confirmed that she had been infected by the bullet.

(But hey, Daisy, give yourself some credit:

(MAG092) ELIAS: Ah, of course. Er, sometimes I forget how new you all are to this. Basira is now tied to the Institute. All of you are. Like fingers on a hand. And I am the beating heart of it. Should I, or the Institute, be destroyed, you will all, unfortunately, follow suit. MELANIE: Wait, what? TIM: Yup, that sounds about right. ELIAS: And it would not be a pleasant death. DAISY: Bullshit! ELIAS: Then shoot me. Just squeeze the trigger, and watch the only person you care about die screaming. Your last connection to humanity. Do it. BASIRA: Daisy…

You did call it “bullshit”, back then!)

- It’s quite impressive how much Elias has managed to be omnipresent even in absentia in season 4, but especially in this episode. The scene seems to take place in his office; we got reminders of how he had trapped Daisy to work for him; he’s still an element threatening Daisy to tip over; and he’s in prison… but still a bit here, somehow.

(Urk, he had mentioned that Jon was “at a very delicate stage right now” in MAG127, hence him making sure that Jon couldn’t get in contact with him… but I wonder if, upon his return from the Pole, Jon will get visitation rights because… stuff happened.)

- And what Jon is thinking/doing/meaning is… a gigantic mystery right now. It was a weird episode in that regard, because the first half of the episode was presenting him as a Monster, as absolutely… a danger? A threat? A “It” violating people and feeding from them? Because even if he wasn’t aware of the apparently new Beholding effects, Jon was absolutely conscious and reminded of the dreams plaguing statement-givers:

(MAG130) GERTRUDE: Shame about the dreams; I would avoid them if I could.

(MAG132) DAISY: I realised you were in my dreams. Reliving t… this. The coffin. You were there. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. DAISY: Didn’t think it was real. Not really… Just my mind putting you there, because I h–hated you but… no. One night, you turn up in a new shirt. Didn’t fit you. Not your style. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a d–, a dream. Then you come back from the States and… guess what you’re wearing. ARCHIVIST: Oh… DAISY: Realised what was happening then. Realised you weren’t human. Needed to die, as soon as it was safe. Never mind Elias and his… insurance.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: It, uh… Hm. Is, uh… Weird question, but… I… [EXHALE] I haven’t seen you in my dreams? The last couple of weeks? […] So… no more dreams. DAISY: Not of you and your weird eyes. Just the coffin. ARCHIVIST: Is that better…? DAISY: ’T’s mine. ARCHIVIST: … right.

(MAG141) BASIRA: And now he’s going to see you in his dreams as he relives that for the rest of his life! ARCHIVIST: [INHALE SHARPLY] BASIRA: Because… because a tape recorder told you to do it?! ARCHIVIST: Yes, Basira, he is. And I am sorry about that. But we needed it. Anyway: you’re the one who wants to be like Gertrude. [SILENCE] You think she’d give a damn about a few bad dreams? BASIRA: … No. ARCHIVIST: No. She got the job done, and didn’t care about the costs. BASIRA: But I thought you did.

… and still Did What He Did, and has forced himself on people, and is enjoying it, and… messed up the woman (and potentially Floyd – his stories were about travelling by sea, can he still work as a sailor if he starts getting panic attacks?! – and potentially… others).

But then, the second half of the episode rolled in and insisted on his human sides and qualities and the fact that he was a victim, too. It made sense for Daisy (since she got in touch with the Jon who doubted and was “moping around”), it made sense for Martin (because, as much as he’s able to snap and take none of Jon’s shit, he’s also showed a propensity to making excuses for him, hence Tim’s bitterness in season 2), but it was still… a weird mix. Because you were shown someone suffering and in distress, and right afterwards told that her tormentor was in a bad place and deserved to be loved and for people to worry for his well-being and state of mind…? It’s indeed good to get confirmation that what Jon has experienced left its marks on him, since we had glimpses of it before:

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: And give Daisy a break. She was there eight months. [EXHALES] I was only in there for three days, and I–

(MAG136) DAISY: [QUICKLY] You’re not babysitting me, alright?! I know that’s what the others think, sometimes, but… that’s not it. I just… don’t like…  being on my own if I can help it. You know. Flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST: I know, Daisy, I–I do. It’s hard.

… but it happened at a weird time, after the woman’s story. At least, with how Daisy went back to Jon’s words, pointing out that he was “self-destructive”:

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets. DAISY: Yeah. I remember. ARCHIVIST: Plus, I thought… [PAUSE] W– [SIGH] Well, I didn’t know what being down there had done to you. DAISY: You thought I was gonna kill you? ARCHIVIST: It was a possibility.

(MAG142) DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive.

… I think we might definitely be heading towards the idea that at some point, in a shape or form, Jon did (and likely does) intend to sacrifice himself to stop The Dark…?

(- Alright, though.

This bit is more a disclaimer for Behind The Scenes/Less Comfy Time than full-on review: I initially had a very hard time with this episode. By that, I mean it physically messed me up for a day or two, before I was able to pinpoint why, and managing to get what the issue was alleviated the feeling a bit: it’s because, beyond the harassment case (which was indeed treated as it deserved in the episode, as “enough” to feel messed-up and warrant a complaint), I felt/read/received the woman’s story and encounter as openly coded as se*ual assault, and I was unprepared to this – creepy man hovers around a woman who was having a romantic meeting, corners her when she is alone, forces her to do something she was unwilling to do, “thanks her” for what he extorted from her and is satisfied by the experience, and leaves her a crying wreck, traumatised and with her whole life messed up, down to the detail of the woman not putting the blame on him, partially presenting it as her responsibility (“I’ve been having a lot of problems, since he talked to me, well, since I talked to him. Ever since I told my… story. […] May–maybe, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m… Maybe I just, I met him once, in a coffeeshop, and he was a creep, and it messed me up…! But that’s enough. Right? [SHAKY EXHALE] That is enough.”) since she didn’t have the codes to explain what had truly been done to her. On its own, I felt that this wasn’t escapist horror anymore but way closer to “real-life horror” than what TMA usually does; it was even strengthened by E. Lockley’s performance, which was absolutely amazing… and also very intense, shaking and rough; and there was the added fact that… the abuser, in this case, was someone (the protagonist) who had been presented as sympathetic until now. Separately, it would have been a lot already; together, it was unbearable for me upon listening, and even after… it also makes me a bit uneasy, story-wise; as in, “oh, after 140-ish episodes, is this series really for me, after all.”

Because the second half of the episode made it pretty clear that Jon will be held accountable for what happened, but also… that he is a victim himself. And he’s still (unless this is The Shift) our main character, that we were meant to sympathise with until at least MAG140, and who was still written as sympathetic in the second half of the episode. Meanwhile, this character… exposed how her life was wrecked, is condemned to suffer, was harmed by someone who knew to some extent what he was doing, and she probably won’t be seen ever again. She didn’t do anything; Jon did. And it’s Jon’s story, and I’m sure that there will be Lots Of Guilt if Jon is meant to stick around as our protagonist, but the fact remains: the person who was (one of) his victim(s) still had her life wrecked, knowingly, and is probably not “important” enough to receive focus and to achieve protagonist status, unlike… her abuser. And I feel like I read enough stories focusing on the person who chose to harm rather than the person who was hurt and will be perpetually hurt? And I’m not too fond either of serious stories going the “edgy” route of protagonists behaving as uncaring asshats for a long while…? I had always assumed that when Jon would Fall, it would be either gradually, or the point when he would lose his Protagonist/sympathetic status? But right now, it feels like it’s most likely heading towards Reforming and coincidental Manpain territory (which… TMA had been great at avoiding until now), and aesthetically, I’m not super ready to open myself to feel sympathy for a character who caused harm while aware of the effects, even if he feels like crap about it afterwards, and even if I was until now very engrossed in his story and loving him a lot as a character. It works fine in derivative works, I love the various explorations, but in a canon… it’s always something else, it makes me feel uneasy, I am always pursued by the reminder of “but why does this character’s ongoing story deserve to be told, and not their victim’s?”. With MAG141/142, I feel like suddenly, Jon got utterly destroyed as a protagonist? Who cares, honestly, if he’s self-destructive or has survivor guilt? How do you justify the fact that he should still be (even partially) a (sym)pathetic character, or someone to feel for, if he goes around dooming people in such ways, even if it’s a spooky temptation/an addiction problem…? I would need the canon to tell me why and I feel… that it’s going to be hard. Because even if Jon feels bad about it, even if he was planning to get fucked over and it was only a temporary thing, he’ll still not be the main victim, and there is (presumably) no fixing for what he did, no way to alleviate what he did to the people whose statements he extorted, and unlike them, he’ll still be… our character. We’ll hear his voice, not his victims’ (after this woman’s testimony), and I don’t think that’s compatible with his protagonist status anymore.

And I know that RQ is usually very sensitive when it comes to real-life issues; the woman was treated with the soft carefulness that she deserves, and I understand perfectly that the way Martin was written this episode was meant to avoid typical accusations in such cases: he absolutely believed her and didn’t even consider that she could have been lying; he took her seriously and didn’t argue with her over the necessity of filing a complaint; he was supportive and soft; he validated her after she told her story (“O–okay. Hum. [INHALE] Right, well… [EXHALE] Firstly, I’m re– I’m really sorry that this happened.”); he expressed outrage towards Jon’s actions for this (… at first). But I have a hard time “trusting” and can’t help but be wary of what will follow in the story, and I am ill-at-ease: because crediting the woman as “Bystander” was… a surprising choice (she was a victim, she was preyed upon, it was her story, she was not… a witness or someone on the side…), because she wasn’t named (so… deprived of her identity…), and because it is likely the last of what we’ll hear from her… even though we know, with the rules of this universe, that she won’t escape this situation. And we’ll keep following Jon, and be narratively meant to get heartbroken over him, if MAG142 is any indication. I’m open to surprises (we heard Melanie’s and Daisy’s voices in ways that I hadn’t been expecting, although it was necessary and welcome; Daisy did harm people and keeps reasserting that it was her responsibility, and I currently adore her (… though the fact that we never met an innocent she would have wrecked… helps); or it’s possible that it’s the point, that Jon is currently being buried as a protagonist and that we’re supposed to lose our attachment to him) but… as I said, I’m wary, and not at ease at the moment. So I’ll see with next episodes, but it’s possible that I might take a hiatus soon-ish to let a few episodes pass and to judge from afar if I’ll feel better listening to them in one go, with the overall direction getting clearer. My first reflex last Wednesday was “I can’t listen to this anymore” and it messed me up until I was able to pinpoint what had been the thing bleeding into me and making me feel so sick, and fiction isn’t… supposed to do that to you – suddenly, it made the world unsafe, and it wasn’t horror escapism anymore for the reasons mentioned above, and I really wasn’t expecting to get slammed this hard even when expecting Terrible (fictional) Things. So, I’ll… see; you do you, I do me, I’m fine now, I can branch out if I feel that It’s Not For Me After All. Despite these grand intentions, I’d probably end up swallowing any Jon Angst/Tragedy Juice anyway, manpain-flavoured or not, so, eh.)

(Here’s for narrative hope: Daisy saw the woman and reminded Martin that she was a “detective”, so… some pieces are laid for Daisy to track down and find her? The fact that this woman wasn’t given a name feels a bit suspicious – not because she would be a false identity or an illusion, but in the way that… she was denied one. And given her situation, given that she was a victim, it’s quite harsh and un-TMA-like? So we’re probably meant to see her again, with a proper name…?)

Title for MAG143 is out: no cookie point to guess which Fear is involved, but mMMMMmm, guessing we’re going into Things (and that we might get a clue about what Robert Montauk was doing when Julia was a kid…?).

[dracophile]

Wreck it Ralph 2

Thoughts, spoilers and some ideas below cut

So, I saw Wreck it Ralph 2 recently and I’ve had a little time to think and process it. And...I liked it. I liked it, but I don’t love it as much as I did the first.

The first one was top tier Disney/Pixar to me. It had fantastic characters, great story and world building, probably the best use of their villain twist and a fantastic climax.

This one...It had a lot of interesting concepts, but it felt like it was trying to use them all without giving them real development. Again, the characters were GREAT! I love Yess and Shank, and Spamly was really funny. But they divided so much of their attention between them and what was going on with Ralph and Vanellope, it didn’t feel like either Shank or Yess--mainly Shank--were as developed as they could’ve been. Having some questions at the end of the movie is fine but feeling like major characters are strangers not so much. As much as I loved the cameos by the princesses, I almost feel like they detracted from time that could’ve been spent on the story.

I also felt like the climax was not that satisfying, especially compared to the first movie. It’s fair to compare them since this is the sequel. Compared to King Candy/Turbo’s villainous arch and reveal, and his buggy final form, and Ralph willing to sacrifice himself to blow up the bugs and save the game; compare that to just...a bunch of mindless Ralph’s? And talking it out? I mean, the message is a good one, but the unlike the inspiring reiteration of the first, this one just kind of shoved the message in your face. There was no gravitas either. What was at stake when the ralphs were rampaging? Oh, people’s internet went down, someone lost their shopping cart at Amazon--big whoop? The last one had bugs taking over everything and Turbo wanting to erase Ralph and Vanellope and sugar rush basically.

I also feel like like Vanellope staying in Slaughter Race at the end is...confusing. Like I get it, she feels Slaughter Race is an upgrade, but she is the MAIN CHARACTER of Sugar Rush. No one is going to wonder where she went? (That’s something that did bother me before too, like did no one wonder where “King Candy” went after that day? Or people who had played the game other places wondering who the hell he was and where Vanellope was?) What if they think the game is broken again? And what do people playing Slaughter Race think she is, some kind of Gremlin? She sticks out like a sore thumb! The developers are probably confused as fuck too, what if they take her out of the game? It feels like the ending was forced based on the message, rather than actually focusing on a resolution. (part of this I could’ve forgiven if they’d enclosed her car and made her out to be a mysterious racer like the Stig from top Gear, but it still would’ve raised a lot of questions.)

All in all I think it had interesting concepts but it didn’t really meet my expectations. I realize the first one set the bar high imo, but this one just didn’t feel like it tried to reach it. Also, not enough Calhoun and Felix. You dare rob me of Jane Lynch, even when she is acting straight? How dare?!

What would I have preferred? Well, mainly, something different as far as a villain. Ralph being his own worse enemy is poetic, but it wasn’t pushed hard enough. At the very least, rather than making a bunch of copies of Ralph, what if the virus was the sort that actually infected something? First you could have an infected Vanellope, Ralph freaking out and having to get her to that gate thing (which, build up, no pay off on that front) and his confession then. But then the virus gets him and it just turns him into the kind of villain people expect. He just leeches power from other sources, getting bigger and and bigger and more volitile. Maybe the Yess and the Slaughter Racers all come out to try and distract him while figuring out how to get the virus out of him. He causes a lot more trouble for the netizens, maybe even trying to destroy sites/servers including Slaughter Race. Finally Vanellope gets through to him and Ralph actually has a battle with himself (physically and mentally) to split and stop the virus from wrecking the internet.

What I’d like even more is something to do with Slaughter Race. Maybe mirroring the first movie, there’s a “ghost” in the game--a former character that was taken out before release. Making it timely for the time, he’s your typical white male lead--let’s call him Scrapper.

Lets say in initial development, Slaughter Race was a much different game, much more generic. More clean lines, flashy cars, but no real substance or story. It was an “open world” like Slaughter race, but there was nothing to do outside of just driving against other players and Scrapper’s team. Scrapper was initially named something generic like Stephen or Charles (Arthur?) and was the initial leader or what would later be Shank’s crew in this game, and he liked it as it was because he was the center of attention. The game was made for him he felt rather than having to fit into the game. Cocky, self-congratulating, wants to win at any cost—and pretty much that way in character and out unlike Shank. Shank in this stage was also more boringly named, second in command. She wanted to focus on making the game interesting to play for the players, and was usually the voice of reason for Scrapper. They were good friends.

However, in the in first round of play testing, the game wasn’t testing well. Players found nothing really interesting about the game’s design or world, and they found Scrapper difficult to beat, but also annoying and redundant. He had his fans of course, but most felt there was nothing new or exciting about him or the game. They liked his car though. Many of the open beta players actually gravitated more towards Shank, finding her mysterious and much more interesting, wanting her to be a bigger part of the game. They also wanted more story, and a more interesting setting than the sleek, modern city, with stuff to actually do other than just going around a race track on a set pattern. They wanted something darker and grittier. It got to the point where the developers reworked the script and setting from scratch to make Slaughter Race. Scrapper wasn’t keen on the chaos, the craziness, compared to his modern utopia but it was much more well received. Shank was down with the changes, enjoying the freedom and the creativity it allowed, and tried to convince Scrapper this was good. But “Scrapper” was still not well liked. So a further rework was done before a full release to make Shank the leader, and Scrapper her second in command. To do this, they copied Scrapper’s racing abilities over to Shank, and nerfed him down.

Scrapper was not happy to say the least. Shank didn’t want him upset, still considering him a friend, but at the same time she embraced the changes and was flourishing. She was also a great leader and the gang was doing much better too. She’s happy, she just wishes it wasn’t at his expense. Scrapper starts belittling Shank, making her insecure about herself. There are those who are really mean about it online too--which is how Shank met Yess. Yess saw a video of her and came to meet her, wanting to feature her. She really helps bolster Shank’s confidence and they become good friends. Scrapper isn’t happy but they try to do their jobs. He gets more and more bitter until he starts lashing out in game, trying to mess things up for Shank. The players and developers think it’s some sort of bug and try to figure it out. Scrapper fans think it’s hilarious and encourage him, so to speak. Shank and Scrapper fight a lot until finally, it gets so bad he crashes the game one day. The developers decide he’s too buggy and write Scrapper out of the game. But he’s still there, lurking behind the scenes…but not very powerful now.

Enter Ralph. Scrapper is able to narrow in on Ralph’s distrust/jealousy of Shank and gets him to where he can talk to Ralph alone. He plays on Ralph’s insecurity and his past with Vanellope when Ralph tells him. he weaves a sob story about Shank stealing his code and his spotlight and Ralph is more convinced Shank is just like Turbo and a danger to Vanellope. Scrapper convinces Ralph to help him out of the game and, with Spamley’s help, down to the dark web to find a way to get his body back.To do so requires a virus that lets him take over other codes. Ralph brings it back to him and Scrapper starts by taking the code of some of the other NPC’s, abosrbing them. Ralph is horrified, but now Scrapper is going on a binge, taking the codes and data from everyone and everything, altering them back to what he wants.

The altering game puts Vanellope and Shank in danger and they barely manage to get away in Shanks car outside of the game while Scrapper still is going wild. Ralph confesses, Vanllope is livid again that he would do this, and shank tells them the truth about Scrapper. (The lesson becomes more about getting rid of toxic people in your life as much as following your dreams and Vanellope is still mad at Ralph). Scrapper escapes the game and starts causing even more havoc outside of it, Yess comes and chews him out, showing him comments about how the majority hate this “new” look for Slaughter race. He goes ballistic. Ralph tries to fight him and gets abosrbed, and the two personalities are warring with each other through the net. Vanellope and Shank (and maybe the princesses if we wanted to include them still, because I would) manage to get him down and Spamely and the others bring something to extract Scrapper and Ralph. Scrapper fights back and for a moment it seems like Ralph might’ve been deleted. But he’s okay. Vanellope forgives him and Ralph makes a promise with her--rather than doing the same thing all the time, they’ll find new things to do to keep life interesting, and he’ll understand if sometimes she wants to go to Slaughter Race as a guest character--he’ll stay home and watch the highlights.

That’s my take on this, I’m mostly just getting it down so it will leave me alone in my head.

[savingpartoftheworld]

Saving Part of the World - Part One - Chapter Fourteen

Summary: Set after G-Rev, the World Championships have come to Belfast, Northern Ireland in the hopes of spreading the interest and drawing in tourists. In between all the teen angst and the team drama, something powerful and hungry lurks on the horizon and with the help of the beybladers, it may just destroy part of the world.

Rated: T for cursing and mild violence

Ships: Hints of Mariah/Rei, Hilary/Tyson, Enrique/Julia

Previous Chapters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight NineTen Eleven Twelve Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Following Amber’s gaze, Hilary grabbed a stone to steady herself as her body swayed. There was a woman in the centre of the circle, touching the tree reverently as Hilary had. She was ethereally beautiful; pale, pale skin without even a hint of pink along her sharp cheeks and with lips touched with violet. Her hair was like black satin though as the light hit it, she could see it was more like oil, dark yet shimmering with green and pinks. Her long, sheath dress was silk and gauze and feathers, low cut and tight over full curves that Hilary envied. Whoever this woman was, she was as different from Amber as night and day.

“Amber, is that?”

Amber exhaled softly with a wan smile. “That’s the voice in my head. See, I told you she was real.”

Hilary was not touching that comment. “How —“

The woman turned and, while the fabric of her dress swished, it made no sound. The hairs on Hilary’s arms rose in defence. “I prefer the name Morrigan.” Her voice was dark and rich with an accent Hilary couldn’t even place — it sounded nothing like Amber’s.

Amber snorted. “And I’d prefer you to not be in my head but hey, we all have our curses to bear.”

“Amber!” Hilary hissed, swatting the girl’s shoulder as she hunched behind her, warily watching Morrigan. “Are you a bitbeast?”

She didn’t look like any bitbeast Hilary had ever seen. As otherworldly as she seemed, she looked very human.

“Oh my God, Hilary,” Amber groaned, rubbed her forehead. “I told you she’s not a bitbeast.”

Hilary shot her a quelling look. “You don’t know unless you ask and I’m betting you’ve never asked her.” Turning her attention back to Morrigan, Hilary inclined her head and licked her dry lips. “I’m Hilary Tachibana, pleased to meet you.”

“Don’t bow to her, Hilary. She’s not royalty.”

Hilary scowled. “I’m being polite.”

It wasn’t as if she’d ever had a conversation with a spirit before - the boys’ bitbeasts weren’t the same. She didn’t know the etiquette needed to survive such a confrontation. She shifted her position, feeling her leg muscles screaming. She needed to stand up but she didn’t particularly want to draw the attention of the woman in front of her. It was more than a little disturbing to realise this entity was an actual being confined within Amber’s mind.

“What I am is unimportant.” Morrigan slid her eyes dismissively over Hilary to frown at her ward. “Are you finished with this silly display?”

“No. Maybe? I just wanted to show you to Hilary,” Amber said, rolling her neck. Something popped and Hilary flinched. She hated when people did that. Daichi’s obsessive knuckle popping made her cringe.

Morrigan tilted her head, eyes cool and faintly amused though her purple lips twisted in disdain. “Well—” she gestured to herself “—here I am. Proof that the child doesn’t lie. Any other parlour tricks I should indulge in?”

Hilary watched as Amber flushed darkly, her eyes dropping to the ground. Pity stirred and Hilary found herself standing to face Morrigan. “No, but I would beg a question. Are my friends really a danger to this country?”

Arching a slender brow, Morrigan inclined her head in acknowledgement, her fingers caressing over the rough tree trunk. Her expression turned solemn and she rested her forehead against the bark. “My apologies. I grow weary of this situation.”

“Not really enjoying it much myself,” Amber muttered, pushing herself to her feet.

“You have had a minuscule mortal life—”

“It’s not my fault.”

“Right, it’s not.” Hilary squared her shoulders, stepping in front of Morrigan because no matter what this being thought, it wasn’t Amber’s fault either and as the adult here, she should have been protecting Amber, not projecting more misery upon the girl.

She took the full brunt of Morrigan’s fathomless gaze and refused to back down.

With a faint smile, Morrigan stepped back and clasped her hands in front of her. “You wish to know if your friends pose a danger. The simple answer is yes, they do. Once, a race of beings ruled this land and were worshipped as gods but with the dawn of Christianity, the power they gained from believers died and eventually they faded to another realm. In this realm, they slept and waited for a time when they could return. Your bitbeasts will provide that energy that can awaken them once more.”

Despite hearing it from Amber, from Morrigan it held a new uncomfortable weight. Hilary shifted, rubbing her arms. “So what will these things do?”

“I imagine they plan to return to power. They see the country as their own, they claimed and ruled it, and then something as  simple as a lack of faith dethroned them.” Morrigan gestured to herself. “As you can see, even I benefit from their presence.”

At Hilary’s feet, Amber lifted her head to frown at the spirit. “Not really, I mean I drew you out before at stone circles. So you can’t really claim it’s because of the bitbeasts.”

Morrigan moved — glided — to Amber, her black dress didn’t even whisper over the long grass and knelt before her with such grace that Hilary felt a lump rise in her throat. Stepping back quickly, she folded her arms tightly over her chest and blew a strand of hair, burnished copper by the sun, out of her face.

“If your mother were here now, she’d see me. You’d be able to show your entire family that I exist in more than just your imagination.”

As Morrigan stood, Hilary darted a quick look at Amber. Rocked by the news Amber’s eyes widened and Hilary felt a quick tug of sympathy. It must have been frustrating trying to explain Morrigan to her family. Had she brought her mother to the stone circle hoping to show her? And when Morrigan appeared, had she remained invisible to the mere human eyes of her mother? Much as the bitbeasts had been to Hilary once? That must have been awful.

“Whatever,” Amber grumbled, rising to her feet and dusting her hands off. “Fact is, that’s Morrigan and she’s pretty much the only proof I have to make you understand that I’m not making this up, and I don’t want to befriend beybladers for the cool factor because honestly, I’m not seeing all this ‘cool’ stuff.”

She even did air quotes. Hilary blinked, then shook off her surprise and annoyance. She needed to keep an eye on Morrigan. The woman/thing/spirit was dangerous. “If you benefit, wouldn’t you want the bitbeasts to remain and power you all up?”

Morrigan heaved a sigh as if it was the most frustrating of questions and pressed her lips together for a long moment before answering. “I have no such desires. I have no place in this world and this island will be destroyed in their foolish attempt to save it. I see no point in the endeavours of the Fae. My destiny is clear. Finish this, and I will have done my duty to her clan.”

“What duty?”

Amber blinked at her and scratched her neck with an awkward shrug. “You know, the curse. She’s stuck with me until Ireland’s safe. We figure this is the big bad that will finally separate us. So if we save Ireland, she gets to go back to the other realm and I get to go back to my family and friends.

“The thing is, it’s really hard to convince people that they’re going to be responsible for a world — country — being destroyed, and since I’m just a teenager, no one wants to listen. It’s one thing to tell people that bitbeasts are dangerous, but it’s harder still to tell them that it all comes down to faeries. Even saying the F word out loud is kind of hilarious. People automatically think of Tinkerbell.” Like Ian did, but neither of them acknowledged that. “I just thought if I could show you that there are other kinds of beings out there, maybe we could figure out a way for both of us to get what we want. You get a tournament and I don’t lose my family in less than two weeks.”

Hilary understood. It was tough. Even with the woman standing in the circle before her examining the compellingly strange tree, Hilary found the whole thing hard to believe. The bitbeasts were going to somehow destroy Ireland. How? Where was the evidence? Why was the crucial part to this story stuck behind ‘a veil’ unseen and unheard of by anyone? It all sounded so farfetched as if some little old lady had looked into her magic mirror and made a few random predictions.

Hilary needed more than this to bring to her team, to the others.

She sighed and rested her elbow on a stone, propping her chin in her palm.

With a groan, Amber stepped past the stones. Morrigan inclined her head, then she was sucked back into Amber’s body. The two bodies collided with such force that Hilary was surprised there wasn’t an audible impact. Her stomach flipped and she shivered.

Amber inhaled sharply — the only physical effect she showed — and shrugged her shoulders as if getting comfortable in her own skin again. It was so strange to watch, to know that there were two souls in that lithe body. It didn’t look like it could hold all of Amber’s personality, never mind Morrigan’s as well.

Curious, and to appease her own worries, she latched her hand around Amber’s wrist.

Startled, Amber turned to her and blinked her whiskey coloured eyes, making Hilary release a breath. “Sorry, I just don’t know what I expected.”

“Black eyes? Red eyes? For me to be possessed by her?” Amber smiled deprecatingly. “Don’t worry about it. Half the time I expect the same thing. If you ever catch me looking at my reflection, it’s to remind myself I’m still me. Not because I’m incredibly vain.”

Mustering up a smile, Hilary stepped back from the circle and blinked against the bright sun spilling down in spears of light through the thick green canopy. The sound seemed to switch on in stereo, bugs and bird song filling the clearing. Something chittered high up in a tree. Life. Life had returned. Whatever Morrigan was, whatever she could do, she was certainly not of their world and the beings around the woods had felt that.

Amber shuddered and made a face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I just want out of here. Morrigan loves this place, that tree in particular, but it’s just a bit too closed in for my liking.”

“What’s it like having Morrigan in your head?”

They began to walk back into the forest.

“It’s crowded. I don’t see her in my head, but she’s a voice there that’s not mine. I’m used to her because she’s always been there, like this dark presence in the back of my mind.” Amber grimaced. “She’s only been vocal recently; I wasn’t a baby with a grown up inside my head. She was pretty dormant during my younger years. Sometimes I think there’s a partition in my mind and for the most part, she stays behind it, but sometimes I feel urges that aren’t my own.” Amber blew out a breath, plucking a leaf from a branch. “The other day, I found the red head on Ian’s team attractive. Now admittedly, he’s a good looking guy, seriously pretty, but I’m not someone who looks at guys and thinks oh boy, I want to shift him.”

“Wait? Shift? I don’t know this word, do I?” She thought it meant to move something and brought to mind a chibified Amber moving a tiny Tala around like a chess piece. She shook off the image immediately. She was just about able to look at Tala; that kind of thinking would set her back.

“Shift, jump, uh, kiss, make out with. It’s stupid Donegal talk. I don’t quite get it myself. But you get my meaning. I just haven’t gotten to that stage yet and that guy is not my type. So I knew that was her making her thoughts heard. It’s things like that that make me scared she’ll take over. The only time I’m truly myself is when I’m in a circle like that one because she’s not in me anymore.”

Hilary tried to imagine it. To not be yourself in your own body. It made her head hurt. “Are you ever tempted to camp in the circle?”

“Oh yeah, all the time, but I don’t like her being outside my body because I don’t really trust her.”

Hilary paused, lifting her fingers to touch a tiny white blossom dangling from a nearby tree. “Why not?”

“Because she’s not human.”

“Oh.” Hilary frowned. “That sounds –“

“Racist? Or Xenophobic? Yeah. I don’t like that part of me either,” Amber said with a wild gesture of her hand and almost face-planted when she tripped over a root.

They became quiet and once again began to tentatively find their way back to the river.

Suddenly Amber jolted and swung around.

“Amber?”

Holding up her hand, Amber gestured for silence and her eyes scanned the trees. Heart thumping, Hilary began to look as well, half expecting something to move in the shadows, except nothing moved. Then she heard a loud, yawning groan like something being pulled apart. The world jerked under their feet as something thumped through the ground, and they jolted, grabbing for each other.

“What the hell was that?” Amber demanded, studying the slanted rows of narrow trees.

Hilary hissed and untangled her hand from Amber’s bone crushing grip. “If you don’t know I don’t know.”

A snap of twigs under heavy footfalls made both girls scream and whirl around.

Ian ran towards them, eyes over their head towards the noise. “What happened?”

Mariam fanned her face with the tips of her fingers and trailed her bare feet through the cool water gushing from the fountain. Drops spattered against her thighs and trickled down over her skin. A faint breeze seemed to whisper up from the water to break the heat. It was glorious, she mused, turning her face to the sun.

A child waddled by in a diaper and a dog raced after two boys on skateboards. The little square in the city centre was thrumming with activity, with people strolling by eating ice cream in summer dresses, shorts and flip-flops, or lounging on the grass, soaking up the sunshine. Someone was playing music and she could almost see the notes dancing along the streams of hot air wafting from the flagstones.

It was utterly divine, and the absolute best part of travelling. Even the dense line of grey clouds in the distance signalling a brewing storm, couldn’t diminish her enjoyment. Besides, she’d be in her… warehouse by the time it hit. Maybe, just maybe Dunga had managed to procure a pot for them to catch some refreshing rainwater. Oh, joy.

“Ozuma, what’s happening with the accommodation?”

There is nothing wrong with where we’re staying. It has four walls and a roof.

Yes, and that was all it had. She’d spent her first night in Ireland in a draft-ridden shed listening to Dunga’s snores that rivalled Godzilla’s screaming, and Joseph’s mutterings. They had no fire for when the temperature dropped — Dunga had suggested they snuggle for warmth — and there had been nothing in the distance but dogs howling and breaking glass. It wasn’t peaceful, it wasn’t idyllic and she refused to do it again. This was one of those times where she had to forcibly remind her team that as a female, she liked female things such a hot water and security!

“No. I want to stay somewhere else. I refuse to sleep like a homeless person.” Even though technically she was. “How come other bladers can travel and stay in luxury and you refuse us a bed?” One with a thread count and feathers, instead of straw.

She didn’t feel safe in hovels anymore. She’d enjoyed the rustic travelling and camping with her team during her youth, when she had no fear of the world or knowledge of how cruel people could be. But she knew those things now. She didn’t like the fear that crept inside her skin when she laid her head down to rest. She didn’t like the nerves that skittered down her back when she ventured down empty streets. She certainly didn’t like feeling vulnerable.

Don’t be ridiculous Mariam. We have never needed such luxuries before. This is not a vacation, we have a duty to perform.

“And I’m supposed to do this without access to a shower?” She was not bathing in this fountain.

She leaned back and shielding her eyes, gazed up at the sunshine slipping behind the buildings as the day grew later.

These are minor issues, Mariam. I’ll leave the seeking of alternative accommodation to Joseph. How goes your mission?

She stifled a few mean thoughts and gave him his info with no detail, a petty revenge. “They’re at the gym. They’re fine.” Or so she believed. As yummy as the Blitzkrieg Boys were, she had no plans to waste her day drooling over them when she had other things to do. Instead, she decided to explore the city and play at being a tourist, at least for a day before she continued her job and returned to the sanctuary of the Village.

A ripple of power swept through the park and Mariam grabbed the ledge she sat on, her knuckles turning white. Her lungs expanded with the wave and then released as she whooshed out a shocked breath. It was like being punched in the chest with an anvil.

“Ozuma?”

Around her the world continued on, people skateboarded, walked their dogs, ate food and talked; the shift in power wasn’t even a blip on their radar.

I felt it.

“I’m going to find out what that was.”

She knew it originated from her part of the city rather than his. She kicked her feet out of the pool as she swung around, putting her back to the cool mist. Tempting as it was to warm her feet on the cement, she knew they might blister, so instead, she stuck her wet feet into her ankle boots and stood up.

Mariam, stay where you are. I’ll send Joseph to your location.

“I’ll be fine.”

She didn’t need to be babysat by her little — now taller — brother. It was frustrating to her that, now with his new improved height, he seemed to have inherited a deep-seated need to watch over her. Overprotective brotherly instincts, she realised with growing fury. It was bad enough that Ozuma felt he had to always be the leader and protect the weak female, but lately, Joseph actively partook in the attitude, instead of merely following Ozuma’s orders. At least when he’d followed orders the two of them could joke about it. Now Joseph had joined Team Ozuma, also known as Team Mariam Is A Weak Female.

No, you’ll wait for Joseph. I’m sending him to you now.

He would have to catch up with her.

“What are you doing here?” Hilary demanded as Ian stopped in front of them and folded his arms.

“You were following us,” Amber accused, then visibly miffed, she turned away. “Right. We need to go back to the tree. The voice is going apeshit in my head – and shut up for crying out loud! I know, we’re going. Just hold your freaking horses.”

Ian opened his mouth but Hilary pointed a warning finger in his direction. “Don’t!”

Sending him her own venomous look, Amber led them up the slope. Something had happened and she was going to find out what. Maybe there had been a bomb in the city! It had come from that general direction and bombs happened all the time, not that she’d tell her companions that.

It’s not a bomb, Morrigan muttered.

Then what? Did the stones fall over or something?

She dug her hands into her pockets and kicked her feet out from the grass trying to ensnare her legs. She crested the hill and headed to the clearing. At least there was one good thing about Ian following them, she mused, she could show him Morrigan now and he’d stop giving her grief about the voice in her head. She still stung from his attack that morning in her apartment.

She cast him a narrow glance out of the corner of her eye. She’d definitely have to remember to ask how he’d found them and why. After all, she lied and was crazy, right? Ha. She’d show him crazy.

“What is it, Amber?”

“I don’t know,” Amber told Hilary, as they pushed branches out of their way and skipped over fallen logs. Ian almost fell over as his foot caught on a piece of uneven ground. Amber did not snicker but it was a near thing. He’d have deserved it.

She stepped into the clearing and stopped. Her brain frantically tried to understand the sight in front of her. It was a mess of fluttering leaves, dust and wild buzzing. It was chaos. And then she saw why and — oh god, oh god, oh god — the tree! Her knees dropped from under her and she threw out a hand to catch herself, feeling needles prick her palm when she hit the ground, her bones jarring.

Morrigan keened loudly in her head, a broken wailing sound and it hurt so damn much. Fisting her hand in the dirt, she focused on not retching, sucking in deep breaths even as the thick air made her stomach heave.

What had happened to the tree?

Rubbing her mouth, she closed her eyes and let the dizziness pass, aware of Ian flanking her and Hilary hovering by her side rubbing her back. When she eventually looked again, everything inside her went cold.

The tree was gone. Felled. It lay on its side, between two slanted stones, its stark branches stretching towards them for aid. She rubbed her sore eyes and pinched her nose, while Morrigan inwardly seethed.

“How did this happen?” Amber’s whisper sounded loud as it echoed through the silent clearing — no, not silent, the whispers were louder and the gasping moans seemed to echo all around them. She was half afraid of what she might see if she looked at anything but the tree.  

“It is dead tree; it fell over.” Ian flat words were a slap.

“No.” Amber flinched as Morrigan began to rage like a throbbing ache at the back of her mind, battering fists against an invisible wall as if she could come out and exact vengeance, but the tree was down and Morrigan was trapped once more. “No, that’s not — Hilary you saw it, right? It wasn’t dead, it was coming back.”

“Yes, maybe?” The doubt in Hilary’s voice broke her spirit. After everything she’d shown her, she still couldn’t simply believe? Rubbing her face, she pushed back onto her knees, feeling the cold, damp dirt press against her jeans.

“It’s a tree, calm down.”

“But how?” Amber whispered to herself because it was clear she wouldn’t get any help from her companions and Morrigan had gone full Banshee in the back of her head. “It’s stood for centuries, and to fall over now? It makes no sense.”

“It was old,” Hilary murmured.

No, it wasn’t something so simple as just a dead tree toppling. Had they caused this? After all, why now? Why this day and so close after they’d just visited it? She couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t a coincidence. She glared around the clearing, hoping for some kind of clue but there was nothing but silence.

She watched as Ian stalked past her to study it, then scowled when she realised he had his camera out. “Ian!”

She climbed to her feet and approached the tree. Morrigan became silent in her head as she stepped through the stones and… Nothing happened. There was no power. The circle was broken. Another mournful wail and the forest shivered with noise, rippling out from it like a rippling wave.

“It’s cut.”

Amber glanced at Ian. “What?”

“It’s cut.”

“No, it couldn’t have been. We’d have heard. Plus it would have taken time, I mean we only left a few minutes before this happened. Not even.”

Hilary nodded. “Amber’s right. We were just here.” Her eyes narrowed on Ian. “You didn’t do this, did you?”

“No! I watched you guys leave the hotel and followed you here, but then I lost you. I was just arriving as you were coming back.”

“How did you find us? Amber said no one could find this place.”

Ian jerked a shoulder. “Good instincts.”

He was lying about how he found them but not about the tree. He came from the wrong direction in the first place and her gut told her it wasn’t him. She crossed to the base of the tree and felt a cold sweat break out along her spine. The tree hadn’t fallen on its own. It had been cut. The break too clean. But when? No one could have felled a tree that quickly. Not in that short space of time. Beside it was warded, it should have been safe from destruction. It had survived centuries only to be destroyed by a human tool? No.

“There are lots of shavings here, very fine ones.”

“Like what, a chainsaw or buzzsaw did this?” Amber wondered, kneeling beside him and sifting through the fine dust.

“Or beyblade. I’ve seen people do that in training,” Ian said.

She looked at him sharply — had she just seen a snake around his neck? — and shook her head. “No, a beyblade couldn’t have done this. This tree is special. There’s just no way a toy could do this.”

Ian snorted at her words. “Something brought it down.”

Amber rubbed her face with her hands, frustration tensing her body as she stood up. “How could this have happened? We were just down there. We’d have heard a chainsaw, we’d smell the petrol and the smoke.”

“We’d have heard if it was chopped,” Hilary added, all reason and logic. “And we’d have seen another person around here. We were the only ones here.”

“All I felt was this jerk and then the shudder as it hit the ground.”

Ian stood up and looked around, rubbing his shoulder. “What is this place? It gives me creeps.”

Amber shrugged her shoulders and stroked her fingers over the rough surface of a narrow capstone. “I don’t really know. I used the circles to release the voice but I guess they had a purpose… gateways… gateways…”

“Are you skipping like CD?” Ian asked, propping his chin in his fist as he watched her.

“If you tear down a door, things can get out.”

“Da,” Ian drawled. “That is how doors work.”

Hilary tilted her head, a furrow forming between her brows. “You mean the fairies?”

“Not this again,” Ian groaned, rubbing his face. His crimson eyes met Hilary’s, filled with accusation. “How did she get you into it?”

Hilary shushed him and stood in front of Amber. “Are you saying the fairies can get out?”

Amber shook her head, as her fingers stroked her temples in soothing circles as if she could console Morrigan. “I don’t think so, I mean, I don’t know. The thing beyond the veil is probably still asleep. It’s not powerful enough to awaken yet. But other things, things that don’t need that much strength… well yeah, I guess they could. I just — I don’t know.” She blew out a breath and her skin felt clammy and cold. Dropping down to her butt, Amber stared sightlessly. “I really don’t like this.”

To be continued in part two. 

[ernmark]

I think the met as teens verse is my favorite thing you've written so far! (And I love all your stuff so that's saying something) can you maybe write how murderous mask would have gone down in that verse?

(You guys are lovely, you know that?)

What’s hilarious is that the first Murderous Mask prompt actually predates the Mag betrayal prompt. When I got that one, I just stared at it in puzzlement for a while– because if Juno’s on Brahma, then literally the entirety of Murderous Mask can’t actually happen– Cecil would be dead and the Mask would still be buried in the desert, and besides, there’s no way Peter would have failed to retrieve the Mask if Juno was there helping him out.

Then I got the request for Mag’s betrayal. And then I got some help from my friend Kya about how to make that all work without breaking character (fun fact: the version I sent you guys is the second one I wrote; the first one just didn’t feel right.) 

And just like that, the pieces are in the right position to make MM work again. Sometimes it just requires a little suffering along the way.

Like any of my episode-based fics, I’m gonna jump around to the scenes that are actually different. There’s no need to make you read through the entire episode. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (The Talk) | Part 4 | Part 5

There was only ever one place Juno could have gone after he left Peter. Deep down, he always knew that. Hyperion City is like a black hole that way– no matter how hard you try to break out of its gravity, it always drags you back.

Without Peter to keep him out of its orbit, he lets himself give in.

There are too many memories in his old line of work, and it’s just not the same doing it alone. Instead he settles in as a Private Investigator. Mostly because it calls for his precise skill set and doesn’t require awkward little formalities like a background check and a job history to break into the business. Besides that, there’s a sense of justice alongside all this irony. In a city like this one, there aren’t a lot of people willing to look close enough to tell the scumbags apart from good kids who got a bad shake– kids like him and Peter were. It might as well be him. As for the legitimate thieves, good riddance. If they can be caught by the likes of him, then they didn’t deserve the job in the first place. That’s just a matter of professional pride. 

He forms his own network of contacts and establishes himself in the business, for better or worse. In the case of Croesus Kanagawa, currently dangling out of a glass case in his Uptown mansion, it’s worse. For both of them, judging by the message scrawled in blood on the wall behind him.

You’re next, Juno Steel.

Whoever’s got it out for him, it sure took ‘em long enough.

No sooner does Juno accept the case from Sasha Wire than he hears a new voice talking to Rita out front. Shit, they’ve got good timing at Dark Matters. But while Rita keeps Agent Rex Glass occupied, Juno has other ways to make an escape. He’s halfway out the window when the door opens. He’s debating whether he could stick the landing if he jumps now when the voice behind him makes his thoughts grind to a halt.

“Really, Juno? The window? Did your fear of heights resolve itself while I wasn’t looking, or are you just that determined not to see me?”

Juno’s heart is racing, and not just because he just lost his grip on the windowsill. The two stories between himself and the solid concrete below is suddenly the least of his concerns. 

He climbs back inside, pretending like it’s only the near fall that leaves electricity crackling in his veins. 

There he is, like something out of a dream: Peter Nureyev, willowy and elegant even in the imposing Dark Matters uniform. 

“Agent Glass, right?” Juno asks hoarsely, shutting the window behind him. He won’t take the chance that someone might overhear them. 

“It’s good to see you again.”

The fact that it only takes Juno a few seconds to recover himself is a victory. “Dark Matters? Really?”

Peter glances at the uniform. “Ah. Well, I do admit that the sunglasses are a bit much, but they make a fair focal point.” Honestly, the sunglasses are a good look on him. But then, Juno’s never seen an article of clothing that didn’t look good on him. “Besides, Dark Matters are the ones taking point on this particular investigation.” 

“This one in particular? Are you checking in on me or something?” 

“I happened to be in the neighborhood and your name came up.”

“Did it now?”

“In bright red, as a matter of fact. It’s rather difficult to miss. I thought I’d lend my assistance.” 

It takes a concerted effort to stay annoyed at him. “Enough playing around. Why are you really here?”

He sighs. “Alright. To the chase, then: last night I was working a job in that mobster’s mansion when I was interrupted and had to make a quick escape. When I returned to finish the job, there was a corpse hanging out of my artifact and a threat on your life written on the wall in blood.” 

Well. That’s one mystery solved. “You don’t have to worry, Rex. I’ve got history with the Kanagawas. Half the family wants me dead, and most of their enemies do, too. One of them is probably looking for a scapegoat, that’s all. There’s no way they connected me to you.” 

“It can’t be a coincidence, Juno,” he presses. 

“You’d be surprised how often they happen, actually.” Juno turns away from him to gather supplies. “I mean it, Rex. I haven’t said a word about you to anyone in twenty years. Your secrets are safe with me.” He throws a few laser carts into his pocket and starts for the door. “If we’re done here, I have a murder to solve.”

Instead of letting Juno show him the door, Peter falls into step beside him. “You can’t seriously want to investigate this.”

Of course not. But when has Juno ever wanted to go to Casa Kanagawa? “Croesus being dead makes the whole thing a lot more appealing.” 

“Juno, somebody out there is trying to kill you!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he says reflexively. Normally that kind of remark is taken in stride– just another part of the old hardboiled gumshoe persona.

Peter’s face does that thing it does. Like all the concern and worry and indignation crystallizes all at once, and then suddenly it smooths over into a charming mask. It happens in the space of a milisecond; if Juno didn’t know him so well, he couldn’t have caught it. 

“Well, then,” he says pleasantly. “Are you driving, or am I?”

“Snatching the Mask can wait until after I’ve solved my case. It’s evidence, remember?”

“All the more reason for me to come along. The killer might want to cover their tracks.” 

“I’ve got it taken care of. You’re not coming.” 

Peter steps just slightly closer and smiles with all his teeth. “I believe Dark Matters was quite specific about the nature of their contract.” 

Juno meets the grin with a glare. “You’re really going to push this, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” He opens the door, still flashing that smile. 

Juno should have known. All these years and Peter’s still the brave knight. What surprises him is that he somehow still qualifies as the distressed damsel. 

“Quick, Rex! Hit me!”

Peter blinks, completely nonplussed. “What?”

The Camera Man is advancing on them. A few more seconds and it’ll start staging its own photos– and nothing grabs headlines quite like blood. 

“You heard me, Rex. Hit me.”Juno gets in his face. “Just do it already. I know you’ve been wanting to ever since you walked into my office.”

He’s half right. There is something Peter has wanted to do since that moment. And so long as an open invitation stands and needs are pressing, he might as well take the opportunity. 

Juno braces himself for a left hook– maybe things have changed in the past twenty years or so, but the Peter he knew always started with a left hook. The impact he feels is a softer, but it still leaves him dizzy.

All these years, and Peter’s lips still feel like silk.

The Cameraman lurches closer to find a better angle, and Juno throws his arms around Peter’s neck, obscuring both their faces behind his sleeves.

“Apologies, Juno,” Peter whispers into Juno’s mouth. “But I’m not about to give you another concussion.” 

“I think I can live with that,” Juno whispers back, which is significantly more dignified than any of the other things that have been lurking in his head. The top two contenders so far are “god I’ve missed this” and “please don’t stop”, neither of which Peter really needs to hear right this minute. 

Peter pushes forward, and Juno follows his lead until his back hits the wall, just a few feet from the door. He gropes blindly at the wall for a few moments, slicing open his finger on the needle under the doorknob, but finally he fumbles it open and pulls them both inside. 

As far as escape plans go, it isn’t half bad. It probably would have been even better if Cecil Kanagawa and an army of Cameramen weren’t waiting for them on the other side.

The case is solved. 

That should count as a win, but it just leaves Juno feeling miserable. It was fun enough while it lasted, but now Cassie’s in prison and Peter’s on his way out the door. 

He should’ve let Sasha stick him on that damn asteroid.

He swirls a glass of scotch in his hands. “If you wait a few days, you can steal the Mask out of the PI registry. Security shouldn’t be too bad once it’s been used for the trial.”

“We don’t have to turn it in, you know,” Peter says. “You can leave Hyperion City behind, and I can leave this job behind. We’ll sell the Mask and live a life of thrills and decadence across the galaxy, always running, never looking back. It could be just like old times again.”

“It sounds nice.” The unspoken “but…” hangs in the air between them. Just like old times again– that’s the problem, isn’t it? When all the sweetness of nostalgia fades, they’ll be right back where they started. And no matter how much Juno wishes he could say he’s changed, he knows better.

“Juno,” Peter starts, soft and grim. It almost hurts to look him in the eyes. “I never had the chance to tell you how sorry I am for the way things turned out.”

Juno shrugs him off. “You couldn’t have known Cassie was gonna push Croesus into that case.”

“I’m not talking about that.” He takes Juno’s hand. “What happened on Brahma. I think I always knew you’d figure it out eventually. But you shouldn’t have had to. You should have heard it from me.” 

He holds Juno’s gaze, earnest and sincere.

But there’s nothing but confusion in Juno’s eyes. “What do you mean, what happened on Brahma?” 

“Wait.” Peter backpedals. “You mean that isn’t why you left?”

“What was I supposed to have figured out?”

“Then why in the world did you leave?”

“Peter.” 

And just like that, Peter’s caught in a trap of his own making. His gaze flicks from one of Juno’s eyes to the other, like he might find an escape there, but he doesn’t.

It would be so easy to lie right now. They both know it, and the potential of it stretches out in the silence between them.

“Mag,” Peter says at last. “The constables didn’t kill him.” Each of the syllables comes out with effort, forced out of his mouth like a rotten tooth. “I did.”

Juno can feel the floor crack under his feet. That can’t be right. It can’t.

This was Mag. Mag. The man who took them both in when they had nowhere else to go. Who bailed them out when they got in trouble and nursed them back to health when they got sick and made sure they knew every minute of every day, even when they fucked up and he was furious with them, that they were loved and wanted. He was everything a parent should have been. Everything Juno had spent his whole life thinking was just some fantasy that Mick told to give the other kids something to believe in, but Mag made it real. For the first time ever, Juno had a real family. Just the three of them, together against the world. Those few years had been the happiest of Juno’s life.

“Why?” Juno asks, trying to remember how to breathe. There’s more to the story. There’s got to be. 

“He lied to us,” Peter says slowly– or is that just the world slowing down around the two of them? Juno doesn’t know anymore. “He knew disabling the Guardian Angel System would bring the whole city down. He was going to kill all those people, and I… I couldn’t let him do it. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn’t listen to me, and I didn’t know what else to do, so…” 

Juno can still remember the image of Peter afterward, drenched in blood.

He never asked whose blood it was. 

“So I killed him.”

Juno’s mouth is dry. He turns away and grabs the bottle, pouring himself a drink just to avoid looking at Peter. He doesn’t know how else to cope with what he’s hearing.

“I think that’s why he had you on the getaway ship instead of letting you come along,” Peter continues. “You’d only been with us a few years– he knew you’d never go along with it.”

“And you would?”  

“He thought I would. Maybe after all the lies he fed me about my father, he thought it would be personal.”

Juno looks up at that, caught off guard by the little detail. “He lied about that, too?”

Peter smiles, but it’s too grim and pained to be anything more than a rictus. “He never met him. It was all made up.” 

Peter Nureyev, who was born with heroism in his veins, who wore the name of Brahma’s greatest unsung martyr like a badge of honor. When they were kids, he used to tell Juno about his big dreams– there’d be monuments to his father’s memory; he promised that the day they New Kinshasa fell, he’d sneak into the archives himself and write his father’s sacrifice into the history books. It was the core of his identity, almost as much as being a thief. Hell, maybe even more.

And all of it was built on a lie. A story constructed to push Peter into killing thousands of innocent people.

Juno stares at the drink in his hand for a long moment, trying to find sense in the bottom of the glass. If there is, he can’t decipher it.

He offers the drink to Peter; he always was better at codes. Peter downs it in a single long gulp, grimacing as he sets the glass on the desk.

“You never said anything,” Juno says, breaking the silence between them.

“I didn’t want you to know.” He hesitates. “I didn’t want you to remember him that way.” 

“Like you did, you mean?” The pieces are all sliding into place. The change in Peter afterward. The anger and frustration. The way he refused to hear his own name. The ruthlessness that his imaginary father would never have stood for. 

He’s going to need time to process this– really process it. He has no idea how long it’s going to take, or exactly how he’s going to feel about things when it’s done.

In fact, there’s only one thing he knows for sure right now.

“It’s gonna take a while for the Mask to get through the registry,” he says. “Where are you staying until then?”

[superpower-fly-invisible-book]

Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It's no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes.Jul 27, 2018

Here's your fundraiser link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/superpower-book?utm_medium=sms&utm_source=product&utm_campaign=p_susi-sms-welcome

Flight or Invisibility? Which Superpower Would You Choose?

Before you make a choice — flight or invisibility — here are the ground rules:

Flight means the power to travel in the air, up to 100,000 feet, at a maximum velocity of 1,000 MPH. You don’t have any other powers. You’re not invincible. You don’t have super strength. Just flying. (And, thus, depending on your natural strength, you probably can’t carry many people with you. Large pets or small children would be key candidates).

Invisibility means the power to make yourself unseen, as well as your clothes. (So, you don’t have to go around naked!). But things you pick up are still visible. Food and drink are visible until digested. (Best Advice: Keep that in mind before sneaking around like a friggin’ pervert…).

You are the only person to have this power, flight or invisibility. You can only choose one. You can’t pick both.

Which one do you choose?

And what would you do with your power?

And, hey, there are no judgments here. Just go with your gut.

Ok, got it? Great! Keep your choice to yourself for now. We’ll get back to it. First we have to talk about the thought experiment itself, this Superpower Dilemma, and what it says about power and ethics in the age of #Metoo, Trump, and the Internet.

Full disclosure: The Superpower Dilemma is not my creation. It’s been kicking around the Internet for over fifteen years. It’s shown up in Psychology Today as a projective test. Those who choose invisibility, according to PT, are people who, in Jungian fashion, embrace their shadow self in order to transcend it; or, those who choose flight are those who seek self-actualization a la Maslow. They push past basic needs — food, shelter, etc. — and search for true fulfillment. Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It’s no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes. And more individuals in Human Resources and Safety chose invisibility! (Imagine invisible HR professionals lurking in the corner of the copy room…).

And then there’s the real starting point to the Superpower Dilemma on the Internet. Comedian John Hodgman did a segment on it in a 2001 episode of This American Life.

It’s hilarious.

Hodgman interviews a number of men and women — anonymously, of course — about which power they would choose and why. He finds that people basically never choose to use their power to fight crime. Far from it. Flight and invisibility are not enough, they protest. They would fly, rather, in order to travel to Paris, according to one man. Or, another woman claims she would steal as many sweaters as she desired. The superpowers are chosen for the self. For one’s own pleasure or curiosity or darker inclinations.

But, as with all episodes of This American Life, the Hodgman piece mixes two parts humor and one part pathos. It goes from good chuckle to fucking poignant really fast. (Ah, the storytelling delights of Ira Glass and Team…). Hodgman finds there’s a mental process involved, wherein a gut choice for invisibility usually ends with a rational acknowledgement that invisibility would lead to some bleak places.

Consider the honest appraisal of Man 7:

“Invisibility leads you — leads me, as an invisible person, down a dark path, because you’re not going to want to miss out, when you’re invisible, on — you know, no matter how many times you’ve seen a woman naked in the shower, you’re going to want to see it again, because there’s always a different woman, right? And there’s like a lifetime of that. And that’s not acceptable behavior, no matter whether you’re invisible or not.”

Or, the deep truth of Woman 1:

“First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you that they would choose flight, and I think they’re lying to you. I think they’re saying that because they’re trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels of our nature would tell us that the real thing that we should strive for is flight, and that that’s noble and all that kind of stuff.

But I think actually, if everybody were being perfectly honest with you, they would tell you the truth, which is that they all want to be invisible so that they can shoplift, get into movies for free, go to exotic places on airplanes without paying for airline tickets, and watch celebrities have sex.”

Or, the ageless wisdom of Man 8:

“Flying is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators.”

We all fly and we all fade, Hodgman sums up. And the poignant question the comic leaves us with is this: “Who do you want to be — the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?”

Ok, so you’ve picked a superpower? Do you want to switch at this point?

At any rate, what conclusions might we draw about flight and invisibility? Flight is heroic. Invisibility is sneaky. Invisibility is a superpower for villains — maybe, even, for the villain inside all of us.

And, of course, there’s the whole thing about sex. Even the Kevin Bacon film Hollow Man (2000) — where Bacon, as scientist, learns how to turn himself invisible, has a requisite naked-woman-showering scene, which then turns into rape. What better metaphor for #Metoo? Women sharing stories of sexual abuse perpetrated by men whose actions have been, for them, vicious trauma, but for the rest of the world, unknown, invisible.

The Superpower Dilemma, in sum, has a clear ethical dimension. And, like many things the Internet hath made, the thought experiment is one humans have been puzzling over for thousands of years. For that, we have to travel to Ancient Greece where we learn of the first Superpower Dilemma — the tale of the ring of Gyges.

Athens, Greece.

Enter: Plato (c. 424–347 B.C.E.).

Bearded philosopher. Furrowed brow. Toga.

The dude was thinking about the Superpower Dilemma 2,400 years ago, albeit in a slightly different form. There’s no mention of flight in Plato’s telling of it. Just invisibility. The story is told in the Second Book of Plato’s Republic. Plato writes the story as though his brother, Glaucon, is the one telling it. And so Glaucon begins the tale of the ring of Gyges.

It’s a magical ring, Glaucon says, which gives the power of invisibility to the one who wears it. Turn it facing inward on the finger and the wearer is invisible; outward, the wearer reappears. The ring, in Glaucon’s telling, is found in a crack in the earth opened up by an earthquake. Gyges, the guy who finds the ring, quickly realizes the implications. Gyges is a lowly shepherd. But he gets himself sent to the king’s court. He seduces the Queen and conspires to have the king killed. And then Gyges assumes the throne. (If all this sounds familiar, it is. Tolkien used it as a model for the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings).

Glaucon’s point is this: No one will do right when they can get away with doing wrong. If given the power, like in the tale of the ring of Gyges,

“no man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all aspects be like a God among men.”

“A man is just,” Glaucon argues, “not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can be unjust, there he is unjust.” Only fear of a lost reputation or fear of punishment cause people to do justice, according to Glaucon. And, if you have the power, and don’t use it like Gyges did, you’re probably pretty stupid.

“If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another’s, he would be thought by lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another’s faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.”

Basically, Glaucon says, we would hate and fear that power in another, but secretly want it for ourselves.

(Side note: H.G. Wells’ novella The Invisible Man (1897) pokes a few holes in the tale of Gyges. The book is all about how friggin’ hard it would be to pull off one’s evil desires, even if you could be invisible. The protagonist, Griffin, is a failed Gyges. He doesn’t manage taking over his town let alone the whole of England. His dark, evil plans come to nothing. And who defeats him? The community! The community comes together and destroys the guy. In essence, Wells simply tells us, through Griffin, why worry about invisibility when you can’t pull off the real soul-fulfilling devious shit anyway! Because, according to Wells, the community is stronger than the individual.)

Does Plato provide an escape from Glaucon’s argument? Is it true that we only do right because we fear losing our reputation and we fear punishment?

Well, that’s beside the point, actually. Plato’s point is political. He’s talking about society. Don’t look for justice in the individual, says Plato, look for it in society. The take away, for Plato and for us, is the cliché of all modern superheroes: With great power comes great responsibility. Plato was interested in making sure that those who have power are also made accountable. Power is a force that, indeed, has dark, bleak implications for human nature. But it’s also an energy for doing good. It just has to be forced in that direction. Justice, in essence, is the product of the terms demanded by society. It’s the desire for who we, as a society, want to be and the acknowledgement of our worst selves. It’s setting up boundaries that keep us from those worst selves.

What was your choice? Flight or invisibility? We’ve learned so far that flight feels aspirational. It feels heroic. It feels like the choice we should choose. Invisibility, on the other hand, feels somehow icky. Like, as a man, if I pick invisibility, people are probably gonna expect me to be peeping on my neighbor. And, what we’ve learned, from Plato to This American Life, is that it’s probably a right assumption. Even the just individual, who puts on the power of invisibility, will become unjust. We need accountability.

And that fact is the core issue of our current cultural and political moment. #Metoo is asking men to make visible actions that, in the past, have been invisible. To call them inappropriate whether they’re known or unknown. The Internet is awash with male trollers, harassing under an assumed cloak of invisibility. There’s even a syndrome for this: Online disinhibition effect. The supposed anonymity of the internet allows people to do and say whatever they please. Things they wouldn’t (probably) say or do face to face.

I recently listened to an episode of “This American Life," which was repeated from 2001. The first segment focused on a hypothetical question that John Hodgman (2001) posed about what superpower you’d choose, invisibility or the ability to fly. It is not my intention to provide all of the details about the show; instead, my intention is to discuss some of the potential conclusions drawn by those involved.

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The episode is worth a listen. Hodgman describes stages people go through making the choice. He discusses some gender differences. And best of all, at least for someone who loves psychology, his subjects discuss why they make the choice and offer some conjecture about psychological aspects that might play a part. Though this is not an official psychological study, the conclusions drawn relate to projective tests used in psychology.

Projective tests have fallen out of favor. As a practicing therapist, I do not know anyone who uses them regularly. Graduating students these days are taught empirically-based methods, and projective tests have not been found to be as valid or reliable as other inventories.

One issue is the way in which they can be manipulated because they deal with the unconscious. For example, if you choose invisibility, but deny it has to do with your need to embrace your shadow, I can simply purport that is so because you are using unconscious defense mechanisms to suppress the insight. If you had agreed, I compliment you on your insight and making the unconscious, conscious. The scientific method, which looks at observable behavior, is invulnerable to this. Empirical-based treatments are not the end-all, be-all, and a good deal can be gained from projective tests.

Therapy purports itself a science, and as such wants distance from what it believes are practices with less than a scientific approach. But how exact is science? For argument’s sake, let’s draw a parallel with psychopharmacology: There are currently over 40 antidepressant drugs. No single drug works for every person, and in fact, medical advice when seeking antidepressant medication is to remain persistent until you and your doctor find one that works for you. Furthermore, most antidepressants have been found to be only slightly more effective than placebo. Yet they are the most prescribed drugs in the United States.

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The parallel is this: No single antidepressant works for everyone. There is a multitude of options, their effectiveness is questionable for the long-term, and no one is suggesting we cease using them because they are not scientific enough. Projective Tests could be viewed similarly. Perhaps they are not as accurate as one would hope, but in some cases, they offer deep insight into one’s unconscious. I believe this is a possibility with the superpower dilemma.

The dilemma is such: you can choose one superpower, the ability to fly, or the ability to become invisible. If you choose to be invisible, you and what you are wearing is invisible, and you choose when to activate the ability. However, things you pick up are not invisible. If you choose the power of flight, that is all you get; you do not get super-strength, or other superpowers, just the ability to fly up to 1000 mph.

Hodgman postulates a theory at the end of the segment. He states, “At the heart of this decision, the question I really don't want to face, is this: Who do you want to be, the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?” If this choice is true for most, it relates to Jung’s idea of the “Shadow”, and to Maslow’s idea of self-actualization.

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First, in Jung’s theory, the first goal toward psychological health is embracing the Shadow. The Shadow is one’s dark side, the side one does not want to acknowledge is her own. Here is where the thoughts and desires one is ashamed of, finds despicable, or otherwise wants to deny exist. Many of those who choose invisibility do so to hear what others say about them when they aren’t around, to spy on others, or to procure things they don’t have the money to pay for. It is easy to see how this relates to the dark side.

On the other hand, those that choose flight usually site travel as their main reason. Some hope to help others, and others generally see the ability to fly as exciting and something to make life more fulfilling. There is no mention of anything considered dark. Contrarily, there is mention of being able to help others.

Maslow’s theory of self-actualization discusses a desire we all possess to transcend more basic needs and achieve our fullest potential. Aspects of self-actualization include the desire to help others, become more invested in life, and otherwise carve your own path. The actions of one self-actualized are less focused on ego satisfaction, and more toward experience and the benefit of others.

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To explore this further, while discussing Projective Tests, I asked students in my Abnormal Psychology class what they thought of Hodgman’s idea, and its possible relation to unconscious motivation to either embrace the Shadow or the drive toward self-actualization. About a third of the class agreed the question denoted whether they needed to embrace their shadow or are moving toward self-actualization.

Of course, there are exceptions. With anything that attempts a glimpse at the unconscious, there always is. For example, a client being late to a session can be considered resistance. There are other explanations, however, and many are viable. There was a time when any lateness was interpreted as resistance. Now a more skilled clinician would consider the circumstances, but keep in mind that resistance is a potential explanation. In relation to the superpower question, some choose invisibility because they wish to be alone, to disappear at times. Choosing to fly for travel alone does not indicate movement toward self-actualization. But, like more reputable projective tests, the answer is a great starting point for discussion and possibly says more about what lurks below awareness than you realize.

Copyright 2015, William Berry

Pros of invisibility:

• Spying on your crush taking a shower.

• Listening in on conversations.

Cons of invisibility:

• Listening in on conversations...about you. (It could get rough!)

• Feeling creepy about the whole shower thing.

Pros of flight:

• Flying.

• Impressing your friends.

• Saving money on air travel.

Cons of flight:

• Getting caught in a thunderstorm.

[blaperile]

Homestuck^2 - Reactions Chapter 3 “How Are Your Feelings” (Pages 96 - 118)

Chapter 3: "How Are Your Feelings"

Well, that's a title that reveals even less than Ghostflusters and Clown Logistics. :P

Considering the states everyone is in right now, I'm thinking the most likely option here is a feelings jam between members of the Meat chase crew AKA Dave, Roxy, Karkat, Kanaya (and possibly Jade, depending on if Alternate Calliope lets her go from time to time).

I can't really think of a different adequate party to have a feelings jam, unless Candy Jake's about to jam with Brain Ghost Dirk. :P

Also, "How Are Your Feelings" sounds like a sentence Kanaya might say.

Page 96:

Yes!!!! That definitely looks like it could be the chase ship of our Meat friends.

...Is it just me or does it like a pirate ship straight out of the Felt Mansion? xD

The question is, have Dave and Karkat grown further to each other? Or have they grown further apart like in the Candy timeline?

And how has Kanaya been coping, these 3 years without Rose. :(

And Roxy 3 years without Calliope...

At least everyone's got at least one person on this ship they're relatively close to. Dave with both Karkat and Roxy, Kanaya with Karkat.

And let's find out what Roxy looks like! Assuming they've still got their short haircut.

Page 97:

Ahahaha, it's a gigantic pipe. That's quite a silly ship design IMO.

It's like, the polar opposite of Dirk's ship, haha.

Page 98:

What the hell... that's preposterously dark.

OH BOY THAT TEXT AT THE BOTTOM. HERE COMES THE ALTERNATE CALLIOPE NARRATION.

Page 99:

HOLY MOTHER OF A JUMPSCARE

I think Karkat agrees, pfffahahaha

And hey, Dave's lying next to Karkat in bed! Implying Davekat's still a thing, hurray!

Also, apparently Karkat's now sleeping in a bed instead of in a Recuperacoon, hehe.

I wonder if Calliope has ever let go of Jade during this trip. Maybe not, if she believed it was the only way to shield them from Dirk's narrative control?

I'd find it hilarious if Dave just sleeps throughout this entire exchange.

Page 100:

Ahahaha, okay Dave is awake.

I like how he's not wearing his shades. I mean, he's probably gonna put them on in the next panel or so, but still. A sign that he's also letting Karkat see his regular eyes.

Page 101:

Oh man!!! We're seeing Dave IN SPRITE MODE without his shades on! Truly a day to savour for the rest of our lives. :O

Pfff, Karkat's wearing Dave's God Tier shirt.

And uh... looks like Calliope's alchemized herself a new outfit. Looks a bit like Jade's old Eclectica dress!

Welp, this indeed seems to impyl the normal Jade hasn't surfaced at all the past few years.

Page 102:

...Let's ignore the fact that "Jade" just creepily turned her head around in full 180 degrees, shall we?

Heh, the sentence "sleep is abandoned, coffee sought" reminds me of those sentence structures at the end of Act 4.

Page 103:

There's Roxy! :D

Looks like she let her hair grow again. And she alchemized a hoodie version of her God Tier outfit, hehe. Also, those heart glasses oh my god.

Pfff, just like Karkat's wearing Dave's shirt, Dave's wearing Karkat's shirt.

So, looks like Jade/Calliope has been getting stronger through the years and that her saying stuff and moving around is a relatively new phenomenon.

I guess her power level is slowly getting closer to that of her body from the Candy path?

Oh man, let's hope this coffee is better than that junk on the meteor. :P

Page 105:

Oh okay, Roxy's hair IS a bit different after all. A bit smoother like Dave's!

Heh, okay, so the ship's a bit bigger at least than I would have thought at first. It's good that they've still got multiple places they can hang out separately.

Amazing, Dave's "mom" has become "dad". I love this.

I wonder what's going to happen now that Dave is leaving to go to Kanaya. Are we going to follow him, or will the perspective remain with Calliope at all times?

Page 106:

...Nope! Looks like we're following Dave after all. :P

I like how these look like the cabins from a real boat that you'd expect to sail on water instead of... well, space.

I wonder how the Mother Grub is doing on Meat Earth. Jane's presumably got total control there now, so how is the Troll reproduction thing going? :/

I wonder if there's a Meat Vrissy out there or not.

Page 107:

Eeesh, Kanaya's sitting there alone... in the darkness. That's definitely not like her to be in darkness.

I'm a bit afraid of what her mental health is going to be like... she's been so long without Rose, I hope she hasn't totally isolated herself from her friends.

Is she just staring off into space, wondering where Rose is and how she's doing?

Page 108:

Okay, so she is lighting up, that's good. I'd have been more worried if she really was in complete darkness here.

And in her hair... she's got a rose. Oh man. :(

Yeah, Dave's right. Why does it keep coming back to this, insanely long trips with limited crews.

At least on the meteor they had more distractions. A much bigger facility for one, and all those Dreambubbles they passed through. Now they've got none of that, and an even smaller crew.

No Mayor, no Rose, no Terezi. Only Roxy and a creepy alien possessing the body of one of their best friends.

Page 109:

Huh... I wonder what this story is going to be about. Will it turn out to be something prophetic about something that will happen in the future? Something from an alternate timeline? A real Earth story?

Page 110:

N'aww... poor Kanaya.

The story of a Prince and a Rose... goddammit, that's really not helping right now.

Dave liked calling Kanaya "sis" because of her being his sister-in-law, but if anything maybe in this trip they could actually support each other a bit as if they're really brother and sister. That would be nice.

Page 111:

...There we go! I didn't expect them to actually bring it up.

Honestly, I'm really enjoying this. We never got a lot of interactions between Dave and Kanaya, so it's sweet to see them bond like this.

And don't worry Dave, you won't find Terezi lurking in the vents. That was only in the pre-retcon timeline on the meteor, with Gamzee. :P

Page 112:

D'awww. It's sweet to see that Dave can still make Kanaya laugh despite all that has happened.

Page 113:

Oh, so looks like Roxy's settled on "he" now instead of "they"!

Aha, "title drop"! I knew it, that is just a perfect Kanaya thing to say. xD

Page 114:

Poor Dave. Yeah, it's so strange. He's basically lost all his childhood friends. John's disappeared (and dead but he doesn't know that), Jade's in a coma, and Rose is... well, yeah.

This is so different from the meteor trip, when he at least received a message that John and Jade were doing fine on their Prospitian Battleship. And they had perspective of how long the trip was going to take and a vague idea what they were going to find.

He's really had a rough life when you think about it.

Also, yeah, I'm afraid Meat Earth's not doing well. Knowing what it was like on Candy Earth for Jake, I can't imagine him being any degree of fine right now. :/

Page 116:

HOLY SHIT, so Calliope's also on the ship!!!

I'm relieved to hear that they weren't left all alone on Earth, with just Jane and Jake for company.

Though I definitely didn't expect them to join on this trip, considering how scared they were of their other self. But maybe that's why they don't leave their cabin. :(

I hope Roxy at least visits them enough... The question is, are they still a thing together or not?

And yeah, I hadn't actually thought about it yet how Karkat seems to be the least impacted by all this. He wasn't very close to Rose and hardly knew Dirk, and has no idea Terezi's on the other ship.

Oh, if he only knew what his Candy version got up to.

Pages 117 - 118:

Hehe, Karkat's feeling better on this ship than on Earth, just like Dave.

Oh wow, that was the end of this chapter already.

Good thing Alternate Calliope didn't start monologuing here like Dirk did.

It is noticeable how Dirk reintroduced the narration, while Calliope's leaving it more to the dialogue for now.

Also, I just realized how while Karkat, Dave and Kanaya all opened up a bit about their feelings, Roxy’s keeping mostly quiet for now. He continues being a bit inscrutable.

But I can’t imagine this being very easy for him either. After all, he’s lost his daughter/mom, and he’s without his three childhood friends as well.

[syrupwit]

Letter for Femslash After Dark 2018

Hi writer! Thank you very much for creating a work for me! I hope this letter will inspire or at least mildly entertain you. If you have an idea that diverges from my prompts but doesn’t cross my DNWs, please go for it -- I’m just spitballing, as they say. (As someone presumably says, somewhere.)

I should note that I’m slightly more into this exchange for dark themes than for smut, but I 100% don’t object to non-dark smut either! All in favor of smut.  

DNW: Unrelenting grimness, entirely miserable stories with entirely miserable endings, guro/gore meant to titillate, children in sexual situations, kinks commonly considered “opt-in” (scat, bestiality, etc.), 24/7 BDSM, unrequested identity headcanons, issuefic.

Do Want: Dark themes and content, complicated relationships that may or may not merit the label “unhealthy”, twisted/one-sided/manipulative relationships that decidedly merit the label “unhealthy”, explicit sexual content, sexuality-related angst, dubcon, enthusiastic consent, Bad Ends, hurt/comfort, possessiveness, bondage, Stockholm/Lima syndrome, emphasis on age difference in pairings where it applies, humiliation, dirty talk, “this isn’t technically sex because xyz (except it’s totally sex)”, aliens and robots misunderstanding human stuff but trying really hard to get it right anyway. 

-

DISHONORED

The worldbuilding and characters in this game have me consistently like ♥_♥. I’ve spent way too much time playing it! Waaaaaay too much time. I’m only through The Brigmore Witches DLC, so... avoid extensive spoilers for Dishonored 2 or Death of the Outsider if you can help it, please. I’m spoiled on a few things, like Delilah’s good ending in DH2, but the bulk of it is mystery.

For this exchange, I’ve requested Delilah ships featuring characters introduced in the first game and its DLCs.

Delilah Copperspoon/Billie Lurk | Meagan Foster

Lots to work with here! I feel like these two could have serious chemistry of the “this is definitely going to explode” variety, in addition to the whole canonical betrayal / manipulation thing.

Prompts:

How do they meet? Fugue Feast encounter, “happenstance” that Billie later realizes was calculated, honest actual happenstance, fleeing a botched job, spying on the same mark, what?

Delilah makes Billie pay for that “bit of a bitch” comment in the Timsh estate.

AU: After Billie defeats Daud at the end of The Knife of Dunwall, she expects to assume control of the Whalers. Delilah has other ideas.

AU: Delilah’s plans succeed in The Brigmore Witches and she goes to track Billie down. (If she’s in Emily’s body at this point, I’d prefer no sexual content unless Emily is an adult.) Dark themes? Draw the curtains and turn out the lights, we’re heading to shadowtown.

Delilah Copperspoon/Lizzy Stride

Though she only appears in one of the DLCs, Lizzy ranks among my favorite Dishonored characters. I adore her pointy teeth, her awful bare feet, and her zest for the life of crime. Delilah could chew her up and spit her out, but do I want her to? Maybe.

Prompts:

Something goes haywire in the Brigmore Manor mission, and Delilah ends up taking Lizzy captive (crew optional).

Fugue Feast! Cutting loose and having fun with a distinguished (Delilah) or rowdy (Lizzy) stranger. Maybe they wear attend the same wild party. Maybe they run around in the street sharing bottles of whiskey. Maybe they’re teenagers and Lizzy wants to impress / mess around with / brag about having gotten it on with the arrogant lady in the pretty mask. Maybe Lizzy bosses Delilah around, or vice versa, or both. Just show me these women enjoying themselves at an event where they feel entitled to do so.

AU: Empress Delilah takes a keen interest in the affairs of a certain minor crime boss. (Is Lizzy her lover? Does she want something from her? Is this a fantasy in Delilah’s dream?)

AU: Delilah, not Daud, is the one who breaks Lizzy out of Coldridge.

Delilah Copperspoon/Vera Moray | Granny Rags

As may become apparent, I’m fascinated by evil old lady witches. Granny Rags is an excellent example of such and I am quite fond of her.

As far as I know, these two haven’t encountered each other in canon, but I’d imagine they’d have a power struggle or an uneasy alliance if they did... or, who knows?

Prompts:

Delilah and Granny Rags meet at an Outsider shrine.

Delilah's attempts to form an alliance with Slackjaw are repeatedly thwarted by an inconvenient muttering old woman.

A young Delilah confronts the scariest witch in the slums.

One of the things that drove Vera Moray mad on the Pandyssian Continent was an apparition of void-bound Delilah, unstuck in time.

Delilah and Granny Rags meet at an Outsider shrine, where Delilah is attempting to complete a somewhat risqué ritual.

One of the things that drove Vera Moray mad on the Pandyssian Continent was an apparition of Empress Delilah, stuck in her painting.

Delilah kidnaps an inconvenient muttering old woman and gets more than she bargained for.

-

PORTAL

I just played these games for the first time and I! Love! GLaDOS! Hello voice kink, hello hilarious ridiculous complex evil-yet-sympathetic female villain, hello AI with a definite gender, hello... WORLD. Or something.

Chell/GLaDOS

This may seem unusual for a ship where both characters canonically attempt to murder each other on multiple occasions, but I would prefer lighter/happier endings for this canon and pairing. Like, please seize and run with any dark thoughts that might accost you, but if I had to pick I’d pick Rated Explicit For Sexual Situations rather than Rated Explicit For Doom and Misery.

Note: I am SUPER INTO hurt/comfort for this pairing. And GLaDOS reluctantly relenting because Chell just continues to exceed her expectations...

Prompts:

Post-Portal 2, Chell runs into some problems in the outside world and reluctantly turns to GLaDOS for aid. GLaDOS agrees to help her, but there’s a price.

During Portal 2, after Chell and Wheatley have awakened GLaDOS, Chell finds that GLaDOS’s new tests have taken on an unusual new theme... a sexy (?!) theme. What’s going on?

At some point in any game, Chell fails a test. Instead of letting her die, GLaDOS rescues her and keeps her as a pet.

GLaDOS attempts to seduce Chell. Chaos ensues.

AU: Chell is an Aperture test subject while Caroline is alive.

AU: Chell is an Aperture test subject. Cave Johnson is dead and Caroline has assumed his position. But is the woman who oversees testing really Caroline? (Androids! Cyborgs?)

Chell is trapped somewhere for a bit, GLaDOS can’t physically reach her, but can talk to her for xyz reason. The taunting that ensues gets weirdly sexual.

Sex pollen goo.

-

ORIGINAL WORK

Divided by theme! tbh I’m loving these Extremely Specific Pairings That Function As Prompts In Their Own Right.

ROBOTS / AI

Robot Haphazardly Built Of Spare Parts/Glamorous Fashionista

Prompts:

The Fashionista, a renowned ditz whose heart of figurative gold remains concealed from the public eye, adopts a Robot because that is the thing to do. Dark societal truths come to light... or maybe they just hook up and it’s awesome.

They meet backstage at the runway. The Fashionista is promoting someone’s new line. The Robot is working as dress assistant, janitor, and/or decoration, for a pittance. What are these feelings???

The Fashionista’s Robot lover is her greatest shame.

The Robot’s Fashionista lover is her greatest shame.

The Fashionista has never had an orgasm. The Robot’s unusually shaped and/or vibrating appendage promises to change that.

The Robot has never experienced physical pleasure, at least not to a noticeable degree. But... the way the Fashionista attends to her...

A power couple enjoy a day out. Is it sinister? Is it sensual? Is this a boring prompt? Only you can say.

Nanite-based Shapeshifting Female Alien Robot/Space Explorer

Prompts: 

[on their way]

Ice-Cold Mob Boss/Robot Bodyguard She Would Die For

Prompts: 

The Mob Boss has always assumed her feelings for the Robot Bodyguard were, and would remain, unrequited. When she is injured, kidnapped, or otherwise placed in severe danger, this assumption is proven wrong.

Rival gangsters or law enforcement agents kidnap the Robot Bodyguard for information. They don’t expect the Mob Boss to care. They especially don’t expect her to personally storm their hideout / prison / whatever.

Rival gangsters or law enforcement agents, informed by a snitch of the Mob Boss’s secret feelings, kidnap the Robot Bodyguard. She knows it’s a setup exploiting her weakness. She personally storms the hideout / prison / whatever anyway.

Snapshots of the relationship between Mob Boss and Robot Bodyguard, beginning to end.

Female Sentient AI/Female Prisoner Recruited for Human Subject Trial

Prompts: 

Question Prompts -- How ethical is the human subject trial and what is its purpose? What is the AI’s interest in the Prisoner, or vice versa? What was the Prisoner’s alleged crime, is she guilty or innocent, and was she justly or unjustly imprisoned? Is the AI supposed to be sentient, or is her consciousness a happy (depending on how you look at it) accident?

The AI gains or solidifies a consciousness while being tasked to perform increasingly sadistic experiments on the Prisoner. Does she continue the experiments or hatch a plot to rescue her subject?

These new sexually-themed tests would cause the Prisoner enough shame if they didn’t also turn her on. Is it just her imagination, or does the proctor AI seem to respond to her arousal?

Programmer/Rogue AI She Created

Prompts: 

Question Prompts -- How has the AI managed to go rogue? Is this the cyberpunk future? What is the Programmer’s area of industry? Exactly what kind of stuff can the AI do?

Now a hostage of her own creation, the Programmer struggles to explain the decisions that led her to these circumstances. 

WITCHES

Evil Spellcasting Witch/Evil Hedge Witch She Is Having the Spawn of their Evil Love With

Prompts:

Enthusiastic pregnant sex that may or may not be part of an evil ritual. (What exactly is the spawn...?) 

Enthusiastic we’re-conceiving-the-spawn-of-our-evil-love sex that may or may not be part of an evil ritual. (Again, what exactly is the spawn?)

A torch-bearing mob descends on the cottage of the pregnant Evil Hedge Witch. Hark -- Evil Spellcasting Witch to the rescue!

Powerful Hermit Witch/Princess Who Comes Seeking Her Aid and Won't Take No For an Answer

0 Witch/Female Witch Hunter(s)

0POP STARS

Female Pop Star/Fake Girlfriend Hired by PR Team

Prompts: 

[under construction]

Female Pop Star/Controlling Manager

Prompts:

[coming soon]

[straighttalkbn1-blog]

Why I'm Vegan: A Reason I'd Never Considered Before

By Milly Hailstone

As I sit here at my desk eating breadsticks I feel compelled to tell you my vegan story. It's not going to be your usual plant-based tale, because as usual, I’ll be taking a look at the surface, and what lurks below. Aside from being vegan for animals, our world, and my health, there’s another reason. But I'll begin with the basics.

 The Moral Side of My Food Choices

 Whenever there was a piece of an animal on my plate I felt guilty. I pulled this bag of guilt around me every day, propping it up at the dinner table next to me. I was raised to eat meat and consume dairy like most people. So, what changed?

After I discovered what really happens at slaughterhouses, and when I started to look past animals packaged up as 'food', I discovered an unsettling reality - mass killings of innocent, sentient beings.

 Then, I discovered that animal agriculture is destroying the world by accelerating global warming. And then, I discovered meat and dairy are ridiculously unhealthy and causes many diseases.

 So, I really had no choice. The taste of bacon is not better than death, destruction, or illness. (This is the perfect response to when some idiot says “bacon tho”.)

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It’s hilarious that veganism is called an extreme diet, when actually what’s extreme is mass killing, rainforest destruction, and poverty. Did you know there are enough grain and soy to feed the whole world? But, it gets fed to farm animals instead, which can only feed the few.

 The Psychological Side of My Food Choices

 When I dug a little deeper I discovered another reason.

 I’ve been a control freak all of my life, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned this on this blog. When I lose control, my mind becomes a frenzy, I have no self-control and stuff gets blurry. So, I make lists and plans and commit to living my life in a way that’s good for me. But, ya know, it’s not always been like this. You’ve read my How to Get Your Sh*t Together articles, right?

 I love to eat. I always have, and I grew up with my mum telling me, "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach!” Lucky, I also had a fast metabolism and love of sport which counteracted my love of grub.

 But, when I was a teenager something changed. I noticed the habits of my mum, she’s obsessed with being healthy and only eats just enough - she says that is all she needs because she is small.

 Then, there was the pressure from magazines - What is a bikini body? Did I have one? By this time, I’d been convinced by the media that I must look a certain way, and I felt destroyed when I looked in the mirror and saw different. Inside those glossy pages lurked something dark and destructive.

 What I saw wasn’t what other people saw. I saw flaws and stretch marks looking back at me - and yet to others, I was perfectly skinny. I think this was around the time of the Size 0 obsession. The heroin chic of the 90s, if you will.

I started calorie counting, I got addicted to the myfitnesspal app and limited my calorie intake to just 1,000 per day. Instead of hunger acting as an indicator that I needed to eat, I turned this feeling into a reward. If I felt hungry I knew I was doing it right.

 I had a friend who was on the apple diet. It wasn’t just me who this affected, it was my whole generation- the girls and the guys. Everyone was judging everyone, and we were brand new to social media - a place where others would (and still do) tear you down to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities.

 When I think back to these dieting days, I realize that I am vegan to stay in control. It’s a direct reflection of the way I used to limit myself around food. Am I trying to gain back control in this fast-paced world? Or does the limiting side of veganism mirror an unhealthy eating pattern I picked up in my teen years?

 In the gap between my fitness pal and veganism, I had little self-control. At 19, I went to uni unable to cook. I’m pretty sure half of my student loan was spent on Pizza Hut and McDonald's. Somewhere during this junk food diet, I found veganism for the first time. I didn't last though, as I just wasn't ready. I think I ate bread and potatoes for 2 weeks, then swiftly gave up.

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After Uni, I worked in restaurants where I had easy access to unhealthy food. With 12-hour shifts you often don’t have enough time to eat and while working at Wagamama I would only eat one meal per day - usually a plate of fried noodles or katsu curry. When you work long days on your feet, one meal isn’t enough.

 I needed order, and again veganism gave that to me - this time it stuck. I'd watched all the life-changing documentaries, and had enough emotion tied to this cause to make my life align with my new beliefs.

 While I maintain that it's one of the best decisions I've ever made, it's interesting that my reasoning behind it might be more than what's on the surface. Is veganism a way to validate to not eating certain kinds of food? Or, is it a healing process?

 It's safe to say I'm no longer counting calories or tracking every bite with a toxic app.  In fact, I'm feeling the healthiest I ever have - physically and mentally. Whether or not veganism has strange links to my unhealthy past, it's certainly a lifestyle filled with positivity.

 Fellow vegans, I'd love to know your story. If you'd like to write a guest post on the topic of veganism, please email me at milly@straighttalkbn1.com

[superpower-fly-invisible-book]

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Flight or Invisibility? Which Superpower Would You Choose?

Stephen Andes

Jul 27, 2018 · 9 min read

Before you make a choice — flight or invisibility — here are the ground rules:

Flight means the power to travel in the air, up to 100,000 feet, at a maximum velocity of 1,000 MPH. You don’t have any other powers. You’re not invincible. You don’t have super strength. Just flying. (And, thus, depending on your natural strength, you probably can’t carry many people with you. Large pets or small children would be key candidates).

Invisibility means the power to make yourself unseen, as well as your clothes. (So, you don’t have to go around naked!). But things you pick up are still visible. Food and drink are visible until digested. (Best Advice: Keep that in mind before sneaking around like a friggin’ pervert…).

You are the only person to have this power, flight or invisibility. You can only choose one. You can’t pick both.

Which one do you choose?

And what would you do with your power?

And, hey, there are no judgments here. Just go with your gut.

Ok, got it? Great! Keep your choice to yourself for now. We’ll get back to it. First we have to talk about the thought experiment itself, this Superpower Dilemma, and what it says about power and ethics in the age of #Metoo, Trump, and the Internet.

Photo by Jesús Rocha on Unsplash

Full disclosure: The Superpower Dilemma is not my creation. It’s been kicking around the Internet for over fifteen years. It’s shown up in Psychology Today as a projective test. Those who choose invisibility, according to PT, are people who, in Jungian fashion, embrace their shadow self in order to transcend it; or, those who choose flight are those who seek self-actualization a la Maslow. They push past basic needs — food, shelter, etc. — and search for true fulfillment. Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It’s no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes. And more individuals in Human Resources and Safety chose invisibility! (Imagine invisible HR professionals lurking in the corner of the copy room…).

And then there’s the real starting point to the Superpower Dilemma on the Internet. Comedian John Hodgman did a segment on it in a 2001 episode of This American Life.

It’s hilarious.

Hodgman interviews a number of men and women — anonymously, of course — about which power they would choose and why. He finds that people basically never choose to use their power to fight crime. Far from it. Flight and invisibility are not enough, they protest. They would fly, rather, in order to travel to Paris, according to one man. Or, another woman claims she would steal as many sweaters as she desired. The superpowers are chosen for the self. For one’s own pleasure or curiosity or darker inclinations.

But, as with all episodes of This American Life, the Hodgman piece mixes two parts humor and one part pathos. It goes from good chuckle to fucking poignant really fast. (Ah, the storytelling delights of Ira Glass and Team…). Hodgman finds there’s a mental process involved, wherein a gut choice for invisibility usually ends with a rational acknowledgement that invisibility would lead to some bleak places.

Consider the honest appraisal of Man 7:

“Invisibility leads you — leads me, as an invisible person, down a dark path, because you’re not going to want to miss out, when you’re invisible, on — you know, no matter how many times you’ve seen a woman naked in the shower, you’re going to want to see it again, because there’s always a different woman, right? And there’s like a lifetime of that. And that’s not acceptable behavior, no matter whether you’re invisible or not.”

Or, the deep truth of Woman 1:

“First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you that they would choose flight, and I think they’re lying to you. I think they’re saying that because they’re trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels of our nature would tell us that the real thing that we should strive for is flight, and that that’s noble and all that kind of stuff.

But I think actually, if everybody were being perfectly honest with you, they would tell you the truth, which is that they all want to be invisible so that they can shoplift, get into movies for free, go to exotic places on airplanes without paying for airline tickets, and watch celebrities have sex.”

Or, the ageless wisdom of Man 8:

“Flying is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators.”

We all fly and we all fade, Hodgman sums up. And the poignant question the comic leaves us with is this: “Who do you want to be — the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?”

Ok, so you’ve picked a superpower? Do you want to switch at this point?

At any rate, what conclusions might we draw about flight and invisibility? Flight is heroic. Invisibility is sneaky. Invisibility is a superpower for villains — maybe, even, for the villain inside all of us.

And, of course, there’s the whole thing about sex. Even the Kevin Bacon film Hollow Man (2000) — where Bacon, as scientist, learns how to turn himself invisible, has a requisite naked-woman-showering scene, which then turns into rape. What better metaphor for #Metoo? Women sharing stories of sexual abuse perpetrated by men whose actions have been, for them, vicious trauma, but for the rest of the world, unknown, invisible.

“It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore.”

The Superpower Dilemma, in sum, has a clear ethical dimension. And, like many things the Internet hath made, the thought experiment is one humans have been puzzling over for thousands of years. For that, we have to travel to Ancient Greece where we learn of the first Superpower Dilemma — the tale of the ring of Gyges.

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Photo by Fred Pixlab on Unsplash

Athens, Greece.

Enter: Plato (c. 424–347 B.C.E.).

Bearded philosopher. Furrowed brow. Toga.

The dude was thinking about the Superpower Dilemma 2,400 years ago, albeit in a slightly different form. There’s no mention of flight in Plato’s telling of it. Just invisibility. The story is told in the Second Book of Plato’s Republic. Plato writes the story as though his brother, Glaucon, is the one telling it. And so Glaucon begins the tale of the ring of Gyges.

It’s a magical ring, Glaucon says, which gives the power of invisibility to the one who wears it. Turn it facing inward on the finger and the wearer is invisible; outward, the wearer reappears. The ring, in Glaucon’s telling, is found in a crack in the earth opened up by an earthquake. Gyges, the guy who finds the ring, quickly realizes the implications. Gyges is a lowly shepherd. But he gets himself sent to the king’s court. He seduces the Queen and conspires to have the king killed. And then Gyges assumes the throne. (If all this sounds familiar, it is. Tolkien used it as a model for the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings).

Glaucon’s point is this: No one will do right when they can get away with doing wrong. If given the power, like in the tale of the ring of Gyges,

“no man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all aspects be like a God among men.”

“A man is just,” Glaucon argues, “not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can be unjust, there he is unjust.” Only fear of a lost reputation or fear of punishment cause people to do justice, according to Glaucon. And, if you have the power, and don’t use it like Gyges did, you’re probably pretty stupid.

“If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another’s, he would be thought by lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another’s faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.”

Basically, Glaucon says, we would hate and fear that power in another, but secretly want it for ourselves.

(Side note: H.G. Wells’ novella The Invisible Man (1897) pokes a few holes in the tale of Gyges. The book is all about how friggin’ hard it would be to pull off one’s evil desires, even if you could be invisible. The protagonist, Griffin, is a failed Gyges. He doesn’t manage taking over his town let alone the whole of England. His dark, evil plans come to nothing. And who defeats him? The community! The community comes together and destroys the guy. In essence, Wells simply tells us, through Griffin, why worry about invisibility when you can’t pull off the real soul-fulfilling devious shit anyway! Because, according to Wells, the community is stronger than the individual.)

Does Plato provide an escape from Glaucon’s argument? Is it true that we only do right because we fear losing our reputation and we fear punishment?

Well, that’s beside the point, actually. Plato’s point is political. He’s talking about society. Don’t look for justice in the individual, says Plato, look for it in society. The take away, for Plato and for us, is the cliché of all modern superheroes: With great power comes great responsibility. Plato was interested in making sure that those who have power are also made accountable. Power is a force that, indeed, has dark, bleak implications for human nature. But it’s also an energy for doing good. It just has to be forced in that direction. Justice, in essence, is the product of the terms demanded by society. It’s the desire for who we, as a society, want to be and the acknowledgement of our worst selves. It’s setting up bound aries that keep us from those worst selves.

[superpower-fly-invisible-book]

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Flight or Invisibility? Which Superpower Would You Choose?

Stephen Andes

Jul 27, 2018 · 9 min read

Before you make a choice — flight or invisibility — here are the ground rules:

Flight means the power to travel in the air, up to 100,000 feet, at a maximum velocity of 1,000 MPH. You don’t have any other powers. You’re not invincible. You don’t have super strength. Just flying. (And, thus, depending on your natural strength, you probably can’t carry many people with you. Large pets or small children would be key candidates).

Invisibility means the power to make yourself unseen, as well as your clothes. (So, you don’t have to go around naked!). But things you pick up are still visible. Food and drink are visible until digested. (Best Advice: Keep that in mind before sneaking around like a friggin’ pervert…).

You are the only person to have this power, flight or invisibility. You can only choose one. You can’t pick both.

Which one do you choose?

And what would you do with your power?

And, hey, there are no judgments here. Just go with your gut.

Ok, got it? Great! Keep your choice to yourself for now. We’ll get back to it. First we have to talk about the thought experiment itself, this Superpower Dilemma, and what it says about power and ethics in the age of #Metoo, Trump, and the Internet.

Photo by Jesús Rocha on Unsplash

Full disclosure: The Superpower Dilemma is not my creation. It’s been kicking around the Internet for over fifteen years. It’s shown up in Psychology Today as a projective test. Those who choose invisibility, according to PT, are people who, in Jungian fashion, embrace their shadow self in order to transcend it; or, those who choose flight are those who seek self-actualization a la Maslow. They push past basic needs — food, shelter, etc. — and search for true fulfillment. Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It’s no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes. And more individuals in Human Resources and Safety chose invisibility! (Imagine invisible HR professionals lurking in the corner of the copy room…).

And then there’s the real starting point to the Superpower Dilemma on the Internet. Comedian John Hodgman did a segment on it in a 2001 episode of This American Life.

It’s hilarious.

Hodgman interviews a number of men and women — anonymously, of course — about which power they would choose and why. He finds that people basically never choose to use their power to fight crime. Far from it. Flight and invisibility are not enough, they protest. They would fly, rather, in order to travel to Paris, according to one man. Or, another woman claims she would steal as many sweaters as she desired. The superpowers are chosen for the self. For one’s own pleasure or curiosity or darker inclinations.

But, as with all episodes of This American Life, the Hodgman piece mixes two parts humor and one part pathos. It goes from good chuckle to fucking poignant really fast. (Ah, the storytelling delights of Ira Glass and Team…). Hodgman finds there’s a mental process involved, wherein a gut choice for invisibility usually ends with a rational acknowledgement that invisibility would lead to some bleak places.

Consider the honest appraisal of Man 7:

“Invisibility leads you — leads me, as an invisible person, down a dark path, because you’re not going to want to miss out, when you’re invisible, on — you know, no matter how many times you’ve seen a woman naked in the shower, you’re going to want to see it again, because there’s always a different woman, right? And there’s like a lifetime of that. And that’s not acceptable behavior, no matter whether you’re invisible or not.”

Or, the deep truth of Woman 1:

“First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you that they would choose flight, and I think they’re lying to you. I think they’re saying that because they’re trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels of our nature would tell us that the real thing that we should strive for is flight, and that that’s noble and all that kind of stuff.

But I think actually, if everybody were being perfectly honest with you, they would tell you the truth, which is that they all want to be invisible so that they can shoplift, get into movies for free, go to exotic places on airplanes without paying for airline tickets, and watch celebrities have sex.”

Or, the ageless wisdom of Man 8:

“Flying is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators.”

We all fly and we all fade, Hodgman sums up. And the poignant question the comic leaves us with is this: “Who do you want to be — the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?”

Ok, so you’ve picked a superpower? Do you want to switch at this point?

At any rate, what conclusions might we draw about flight and invisibility? Flight is heroic. Invisibility is sneaky. Invisibility is a superpower for villains — maybe, even, for the villain inside all of us.

And, of course, there’s the whole thing about sex. Even the Kevin Bacon film Hollow Man (2000) — where Bacon, as scientist, learns how to turn himself invisible, has a requisite naked-woman-showering scene, which then turns into rape. What better metaphor for #Metoo? Women sharing stories of sexual abuse perpetrated by men whose actions have been, for them, vicious trauma, but for the rest of the world, unknown, invisible.

“It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore.”

The Superpower Dilemma, in sum, has a clear ethical dimension. And, like many things the Internet hath made, the thought experiment is one humans have been puzzling over for thousands of years. For that, we have to travel to Ancient Greece where we learn of the first Superpower Dilemma — the tale of the ring of Gyges.

Error! Filename not specified.

Photo by Fred Pixlab on Unsplash

Athens, Greece.

Enter: Plato (c. 424–347 B.C.E.).

Bearded philosopher. Furrowed brow. Toga.

The dude was thinking about the Superpower Dilemma 2,400 years ago, albeit in a slightly different form. There’s no mention of flight in Plato’s telling of it. Just invisibility. The story is told in the Second Book of Plato’s Republic. Plato writes the story as though his brother, Glaucon, is the one telling it. And so Glaucon begins the tale of the ring of Gyges.

It’s a magical ring, Glaucon says, which gives the power of invisibility to the one who wears it. Turn it facing inward on the finger and the wearer is invisible; outward, the wearer reappears. The ring, in Glaucon’s telling, is found in a crack in the earth opened up by an earthquake. Gyges, the guy who finds the ring, quickly realizes the implications. Gyges is a lowly shepherd. But he gets himself sent to the king’s court. He seduces the Queen and conspires to have the king killed. And then Gyges assumes the throne. (If all this sounds familiar, it is. Tolkien used it as a model for the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings).

Glaucon’s point is this: No one will do right when they can get away with doing wrong. If given the power, like in the tale of the ring of Gyges,

“no man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all aspects be like a God among men.”

“A man is just,” Glaucon argues, “not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can be unjust, there he is unjust.” Only fear of a lost reputation or fear of punishment cause people to do justice, according to Glaucon. And, if you have the power, and don’t use it like Gyges did, you’re probably pretty stupid.

“If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another’s, he would be thought by lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another’s faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.”

Basically, Glaucon says, we would hate and fear that power in another, but secretly want it for ourselves.

(Side note: H.G. Wells’ novella The Invisible Man (1897) pokes a few holes in the tale of Gyges. The book is all about how friggin’ hard it would be to pull off one’s evil desires, even if you could be invisible. The protagonist, Griffin, is a failed Gyges. He doesn’t manage taking over his town let alone the whole of England. His dark, evil plans come to nothing. And who defeats him? The community! The community comes together and destroys the guy. In essence, Wells simply tells us, through Griffin, why worry about invisibility when you can’t pull off the real soul-fulfilling devious shit anyway! Because, according to Wells, the community is stronger than the individual.)

Does Plato provide an escape from Glaucon’s argument? Is it true that we only do right because we fear losing our reputation and we fear punishment?

Well, that’s beside the point, actually. Plato’s point is political. He’s talking about society. Don’t look for justice in the individual, says Plato, look for it in society. The take away, for Plato and for us, is the cliché of all modern superheroes: With great power comes great responsibility. Plato was interested in making sure that those who have power are also made accountable. Power is a force that, indeed, has dark, bleak implications for human nature. But it’s also an energy for doing good. It just has to be forced in that direction. Justice, in essence, is the product of the terms demanded by society. It’s the desire for who we, as a society, want to be and the acknowledgement of our worst selves. It’s setting up bound aries that keep us from those worst selves.