#Or how to start interacting with other autistic people online

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[sunshine-theseus]

Fools | Kyra Cooney-Cross x ND!Reader

Words: 4.3k

Summary: no one understood your mind, until you met Kyra.

Notes: Guys I have no knowledge of how Emirates is laid out, how meeting players off the pitch works etc, so I’m completely making this shit up I’m sorry. also sorry for the super long introduction, and the shit writing, I haven’t written in months.

Warnings: mentions of abuse - not proofread. i'm so sorry if this is so shit i genuinely haven't written in months. i wanted this one to be good so bad but i just don't think it is

the person who requested this has since deactivated so i actually feel so bad that i didn't get this out while they were on here. i'm genuinely so sorry for the past like 6 months.

I always struggled with social interactions. I didn’t understand it for a long time, why I always had to smile and hug people, why I had to lie about certain things like how I thought my aunt’s bright green hat looked, why I couldn’t ramble about Star Wars or the new penguin facts I just learned.

Then there were the sounds, and lights and the way things felt. Everything had to be specific, or I couldn’t focus. Sometimes if it was bad enough that I would have a breakdown, unable to do anything. My parents tried to scold it out of me when as a kid I couldn’t eat certain foods or wear the clothes they wanted. Sometimes if they deemed it worthy, I’d be met with the flesh of a palm against my cheek or bottom.

-

When I was 12, I presented the idea that maybe I was autistic to my parents. I’d researched it at school for a social emotional learning class we had to take, and I couldn’t help but notice the similarities I found within myself. If I think about it hard enough, I can feel every burning outline of the dark red hand marks that bloomed on my skin hours after the interaction, and the burning of my eyes as my stomach rumbled, drowned out by the music rumbling through my headphones.

-

At 17 I emancipated from my parents and moved to North Watford, renting out a small studio apartment above a record shop. I completed my final year of high school, working part time in the store, building a much-desired routine. The man that owned the shop and my apartment, and his young daughter, were migrants from Cuba, and more than happy to accommodate to my needs. They even chipped in to help me pay for my autism screening after I graduated high school.

I think they were the first people I willingly hugged ever.

I stopped masking when I moved, so the daughter, Elena; 5, took a few months to understand why I didn’t like touch or loud noises and why I didn’t understand some of the jokes she said that others usually laughed at. Not that I’d had the diagnosis at that time, but she was happy to just spend time with me. Every afternoon when I came back from school and started my shift, she’d beg me for more penguin facts, asking which was my favourite penguin. In return she’d spend the 2-hour shift drawing me something, usually a penguin, to pin on my corkboard at home.

I’d then help with her homework while Camilo closed shop and posted any online orders. It was a routine I cherished deeply.

-

Now, 3 and a bit years later at 21 years old, they managed to drag me to a football game. Equipped with headphones and a couple small sensory toys, as well as a hoodie under the “Miedema” jersey, the material of which originally had me tugging and prying the shirt away from my skin.

Elena and Camilo had been big fans of Arsenal for as long as I’d known them, going to every home game, begging me to join them every week without fail. I finally caved during a break in my uni courses, with nothing to do and Elena’s birthday falling on the day of a game, there was no other choice.

The newly 9-year-old basically imploded when she saw my printed ticket stub, tucked tightly into her birthday card. I gently ruffled her hair, which had become my version of hugging her, and showed her the 3 matching red and white #11 jerseys I purchased not long ago. She’d talked a lot about this Vivianne Miedema and how she wanted to be just like her when she grew up, but she’d never gotten a jersey, or seats on the bottom tier. Today was the day.

~

“Come ooonnn I want to get to our seats!” the pinky of her left hand links with my right one as her other hand is holding her dad’s, and she’s dragging us down the lane toward the entrance.

“Slow down Pollito! We have 20 more minutes until we need to be seated.” My special schedule for the day runs through my head as I check my watch. Plenty of time as long as the crowd keeps flowing.

“I wish you didn’t learn Spanish. It’s such a silly nickname.”

“But you’re my little chicken.” I send a joking frown her way and she replies with a toothless grin.

With the abrupt end to the conversation, we arrive at the gate. Showing the stewardess our tickets to be scanned, we then head toward our seats. As Camilo and I take our seats at the very front, instead of make way to their usual seats a tier up, Elena stops and looks back and forth between us.

“There’s no way you got us these seats.” Without a word I pull the girl in between us and she begins to ramble about how excited she is to be able to see the game so close, still able to be clearly heard through my headphones I manage to slip over my ears.

~

The game is drawn 1-1 just after half time, but Arsenal is close to having the upper hand. From across the pitch, Elena spots the tall and lanky number 11, Vivianne Miedema, pulling off her fluoro yellow bib and warm up shirt and lining up next to number 32 behind the fourth official who is prepping her sign. With a couple of whacks to my arm and an aggressive point of her finger, Elena makes me and Camilo very aware of the impending entrance of her favourite player, and another really attractive girl who is very obviously wearing her socks on the wrong feet. The thought makes me squirm but a shot on goal quickly manages to take my focus.

“Who’s the one coming on with Viv? You’ve never told me about number 32.” It’s hard to take my eyes off the girl as she jumps from one foot to the other, anticipating her entrance.

“Oh that’s Kyra Cooney-Cross! She’s Australian, she transferred at the start of the season. Jonas should play her more.” I acknowledge her words with a hum and a nod before we join in cheering Viv and Kyra on.

My eyes are glued to Kyra the rest of the game. Without any knowledge of how football works, I’m left to assume she’s good with the way she dances around players and passes the ball. It was weird, but her movement was so free flowing it would not be atrocious to confuse her with a ballerina. Elegant and calculated, no hesitation.

~

“Where are we going?” my pinky is once again linked with Elena’s as I drag her and Camilo through Emirates.

“Papa where is she going? The exit is that way.”

“I have no clue chica, but I suppose we should trust her aye?” with that, the father-daughter duo track behind me.

Eventually I stop just where the opening of the tunnel leads out on to the pitch and show a lady the pass I’d been carrying around all day. She smiles and begins walking down the tunnel, waving behind her as a sign for us to follow.

“What’s going on?” Elena asks once again, but I just follow the lady onto the pitch, where multiple members of the Arsenal squad are now loitering around, obviously waiting for something, or someone. At the front of the group is Viv, and when she spots the small girl behind me her eyes light up.

“Hi! You must be Elena. We’ve heard a lot about you!” she sends the girl a smile, but Elena doesn’t make any move to continue the conversation. My head whips to her and I nearly have to laugh from how adorable she is. Her jaw has dropped open and her eyes are welling up with tears, so I ruffle her hair and bend down to her height, removing my headphones.

“What’s up buttercup?” I lightly tap her head.

“That’s really her.” she whispers to me, her eyes not leaving the Dutch woman, who lets out a chuckle.

“Yes it is.”

“How?” I tap the side of my nose at her question indicating it’s to be left a secret.

“Can I have a hug?” Viv kneels on one knee and opens her arms and Elena suddenly breaks lose from her trance and runs up to her hero.

“It’s nice to meet you liefje, I hear you’ve been a fan for a long time. And today’s your birthday. How old are you turning?”

“Nine!”

“Oh wow, you’re growing up!”

“I know, but Y/N still calls me Pollito. I’m not a little chicken.” Everyone looking on bursts out laughing as Elena frowns, and while I join them, the loud sound simply reminds me of the lack of protection on my ears.

~

Elena gets whisked off to talk and play around with Viv and some of the other girls, who seem to all have taken a genuine liking to the young girl, Camilo following to watch over them. I stand firmly on the sidelines, fidgeting with an infinity cube and trying to forget the sudden scratching of my hoodie’s tag on the back of my neck and the tightness of my socks, when a now familiar face pops in front of me.

I don’t notice her at first, my eyes are closed and I’m trying breathing patterns in hopes that the overstimulating sensations with dissipate. It’s only when I open my eyes to check on Elena that I get the shock of my life. Number 32 is just standing in front of me, staring, waiting for me to notice her. no less than a minute ago she’d been spinning Elena around and laughing with her, which I’d found alarmingly adorable, how’d she get here so fast?

She doesn’t say anything, she just smiles and waves, and I realise she must think I can’t hear her with my headphones on, which many people tend to ignore. Wow she’s much prettier up close.

“Hi, I’m Y/N” I return her smile, but don’t make any move to remove the headphones.

“I’m Kyra.” Her voice is muffled but her accent is incredible and like music to my ears.

“You played really well today.” Is she blushing? Red creeps up her neck and finds home on her round cheeks as she smiles brightly.

“Ah thanks, I try to give it my all. Hoping to prove I deserve more game time.”

“You don’t get played often?” another chuckle passes her lips and I feel my stomach tighten.

“Uh no. I take it you’re not a big football fan?”

“What gives you that idea.”

“Well rocking up to an Arsenal game with blue nails for a start.” I cock my head to the side and give her a confused look. I did a lot of research for today, there was no room for me to mess up.

“Chelsea, our biggest rivals, their colour is blue. It’s basically forbidden for an arsenal fan to wear blue to a game. Trust me, I learnt the hard way.”

I’m quick to hide my hands in the pocket at the front of my hoodie, fidgeting with my nails. How did I manage to fuck that up?

“You don’t really have to worry, just maybe keep it in mind if you ever come to another game. I hope you do by the way.” She flashes me a smile that makes me feel warm and I can’t help myself.

“You’re very pretty.” She’s about to reply when I glance down and notice her socks are still wrong.

“And I’m not sure if you know but your socks are on the wrong feet.” It’s quiet for a moment and I’m not sure if my common candour has once again overstepped. I can’t even open my mouth to apologise before she giggles.

“I knew there was something wrong. I keep doing it but no one tells me until after the game… and you’re quite beautiful yourself. If you don’t mind me saying.” My eyes continue to avoid her face as I bounce on the balls of my feet and try to refrain from shaking my hands, my most common stim.

“Thank you.”

We’re silent for a minute or so, which I don’t mind now that I’m more familiar with her. I continue to watch Elena and Camilo, who are now playing in a 5v5, Viv carrying the girl halfway down their makeshift pitch before helping her kick the ball. When her laughs echo through the stadium, joy breaking through her screams and from the yells of her dad who is playing a rather poor referee, I’m reminded of how much I love this family. I can’t help the smile on my face.

“Your sister is very adorable.” I glance to my side where Kyra now resides and contemplate telling her she isn’t my sister, but the words get stuck in my throat. If I were to say they weren’t my family after all they’ve done for me, then I’d be lying.

“Yeah. She’s basically my whole life.”

“Hey can I ask about the headphones? I mean you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want but-“

“I’m autistic. Struggle really bad with sound and other stimulants. I wear headphones to dampen sounds, especially in public. And stadiums are full of sounds.” My palms sweat a little and my breath is laboured for a moment. This is usually the part where people decide I’m a freak and never talk to me again.

“Oh cool. I totally get that, the sound thing.” That warm feeling returns. She doesn’t question anything, she just agrees.

~

Eventually the meet and greet had to end, but I manage to get a few of the girl’s numbers, including number 32’s. Something I hadn’t expected was that the team would love Elena so much that they wanted to organise season tickets and some more passes to meet up after home games. I couldn’t help but be a little proud of myself as the young girl rambled about how amazing it was to get to hang out with her idols, and the prospect of seeing them again.

~

Uni starts back up the following week, so I don’t join the two for a game for quite a while. Despite that, I find myself texting Kyra most days, a good morning and goodnight routine quickly being established. We ask each other questions about each other. ‘What did you want to be if football didn’t work out?’ ‘What made you want to study your course?’ ‘what’s your favourite thing about Australia?’.

She liked to ask me about parts of my autism every now and then. She wanted to know what things to avoid, what topics made me ramble for ages, safe foods. The only other people who had ever cared this much were Elena and Camilo. The two of which had definitely taken note of how happy I’d grown since the game.

“Who are you talking to Angelito? You haven’t smiled this big in a long time.” Camilo takes a seat beside me behind the desk of the store

There is no need to hide the blossoming relationship from him, so I turn my screen to show the messages between Kyra and I, a bold ‘No. 32’ under a very weird but unmistakable picture of the girl. He hums and smiles, lightly nudging our shoulders together.

“She likes you.”

“Pft no she doesn’t.”

“‘you’re so cute.’ ‘I really like you.’ ‘I’ll save that for when I take you on a date.’ With a winky face emoji. She literally admits she likes you. Twice.”

“I thought that was that flirty thing people do with their friends.”

“I know when people like each other.”

“How Milo?”

“I have a gift.”

“A gift hmm?” he just smiles widely down at me before taking my phone again. He begins to type something.

“What are you writing Milo? Milo!” I glance over his shoulder.

‘I really like you and would like to go on a date if you’re free.’ I’m about to scold him but three dots appear as Kyra begins typing.

“If this works you owe me an extra hour this week.”

“You are an evil schemer Camilo.” I say before squeezing his shoulder, a common sign of affection we’d developed.

‘I’d really like that. Tomorrow’s our day off if that works.’

I can’t help the squeal I let out as Camilo writes a response in confirmation.

“I’m going on a date.”

“You deserve this kiddo.”

~

Kyra and I agree on a dinner date at a restaurant I’d mentioned really enjoying a few months ago, that I hadn’t had a chance to visit since. I’d made the reservation, asking for the specific table I’d sat at the last time I came, and I’d already decided on what I was getting before I even hoped in the car to drive there.

I’d planned everything perfectly. The place, my outfit, what time I had to leave to arrive there 10 minutes before our agreed upon time. I hadn’t taken into account the car speeding through a red light and crashing into the car in the right lane beside me. Or the fact that due to the momentum I’d get caught between the 2 cars and the building on the corner of the street I was just about to turn down. No more than 15 metres from the restaurant but I’m trapped and the seatbelt is too tight and my head hurts. I’m crushed between my door and the centre console and all the sirens and ambulance lights approaching are too much and all I can do it cry.

If I could just reach my bag in the footwell of the passenger seat I could get my headphones to relieve some of the stimulation, but I can’t bend that way without my ribs screaming and whatever is poking my hip in my back making itself known.

I pray to every god I can name that I pass out, but no one hears as the jaws of life pry open my door. When were the other cars moved?

“Ma’am we have to cut you out. my colleague here is going to hold you up. Is that okay?” I don’t have any energy to say no, so I nod, waiting for some scissors to snip away at the seatbelt. Instead, I hear an electric saw whir to life.

“W- what’s the saw for?” my words are barely recognisable as they slur together.

“Ma’am everything is okay, just stay still for us okay?”

The sawing is over quicker than it begun, and the paramedics make an effort to move me as carefully as they can onto the stretcher, then into the ambulance. I make no move to complain about how the neck brace is itchy and feels suffocating.

A minute passes and through the newly developed ringing in my ears, I hear someone calling my name. they sound so far away but when I open my eyes again, Kyra is standing above me, next to the paramedic who’s hooking me up to monitors,

“Do you know this lady ma’am?” she asks me as I stare up at the girl I was meant to be on a date with.

“Yeah she’s my girlfriend.” A voice in the back of my head is worried that maybe that will freak Kyra out, but I know they won’t let her ride with me if we don’t have some close connection and for some reason friend does not cross my mind.

They allow her to take the extra seat beside me and she loops her pinky with mine. She keeps glancing down toward my stomach and taking deep breaths as we make our way down the streets of London. I try to see what she’s looking at but the brace doesn’t allow me to look that far down.

“You’re going to be okay.” She whispers as they roll me out of the ambulance, and she manages to quickly kiss me before I’m gone from view.

~

I don’t know how long I’m out for, but when I wake up there is a sterile white light beaming down on me and I have to instantly close my eyes. I’m quick to take note of the horrible feeling of the hospital gown I definitely wasn’t in when I’d gone under.

“Papa! She’s awake!” I let out a groan at the yell but and quick to smile once the voice registers in my head.

“Pollito.” My voice is no more than a whisper, hoarse and dry.

“Hey Angelito. How are you feeling.”

“Horrible. The light’s too bright and the gown is so itchy.” Neither Elena nor Camilo leave my side, but the light is off within seconds.

“I more meant physically. You were hit pretty hard.” The screeching of tyres, the smell of burnt rubber, the flashing lights, all rush back to me. So does the pain.

“Now that you mention it. What’s the damage?” it’s meant as a joke but I’m trying not to cry.

“3 broken ribs, 2 fractured, a torn vastus lateralis in your thigh, a lot of muscle damage in your back. It’s going to be a lot of physical therapy kiddo.” The thought has bile rising in my throat.

“Fuck me.”

“It’s okay, we’re going to be here the whole way. All of us.” By now I could know the voice in a crowd of people.

I turn my head and there she is. Kyra is sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital seats with her hand on top of mine.

“If it’s okay with you, Camilo, me and some of the arsenal girls are going to sort out a schedule to take turns helping you with PT. Viv was really hoping she could give some tips considering how long she spent doing PT.”

“That sounds perfect. But please tell me one of you has my pyjamas. I need to get out of this gown.”

~

There was no lie in how difficult rehab was. I had an hour appointment at the hospital every day and additional work at home that Milo, Kyra and some of the arsenal girls happily helped with. The hardest hurdle was amount of physical touch that was required. My physical therapist, Jordan, always made sure I knew when she needed to touch my leg or something, but that did very little to sooth the feeling that crawled beneath my skin. She was able to dim the fluorescent white lights and allowed me to wear my headphone which did help a small amount.

Kyra basically moved into my room above the shop. Milo insisted he could do all the work of getting me around the house and the shop, but we knew he couldn’t while maintaining the shop and looking after Elena. Elena tried her best to help by making me breakfast. She gathered pre-made versions of my safe breakfast food and carefully place them separately on a plate, with a glass of orange juice every morning. After the first week she realised I’d be in a wheelchair and struggling to move around much for much longer than she thought, so she quickly gave up on that idea and began making me penguin drawings at school.

I’d adapted to having Kyra around much quicker than I expected to. When I moved in at 17, it took me months to get used to the layout and the fact that I was alone, despite Camilo and Elena living in the house across the road. I adapted to Kyra’s presence within weeks.

After the second week we’d decided it was easier to share the bed rather than her sleeping on the couch, which had been the biggest change. I struggled with it the first few nights. I had a sleep routine that was already disrupted by the injuries, now I had to take another person into account. But she was so warm, and I felt so safe in her arms. Whenever I woke up from a nightmare about the crash, she grabbed me an iced tea and my headphones and would ramble about whatever interests she had recently developed or whatever was happening at training.

It was in the second month things took a more serious turn. Well serious for our relationship. I was sitting at the table chopping the vegetables for dinner while she begins cooking, when I took a minute to just look at her. The warm lighting softened her features, her quiet humming to whatever song was playing carried throughout the room, the smile that seemed to never leave her face sat perfectly on her lips as she listened to me ramble about the newly discovered yellow king penguin. She was so radiant and attentive, and she was never annoyed at me when I was overstimulated or wanted to infodump. She was seemingly unaffected by my rehab and most importantly unaffected by my autism. After a life full of negative interactions and losing people because of one thing I couldn’t control, I’d found a family and a partner who embraced me.

I didn’t realise I was crying until she turned and asked me what was wrong.

“I’m just grateful.”

“For what?”

“You, Milo, Elena. I love you all so much.” I didn’t realise I’d said it really. I was just being candid, as I always was.

“You love me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation even as it dawned on me.

“Well, I love you too.” There is a split second between the end of her sentence and the meeting of our lips in a kiss.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” I ask as we pull away.

“Wait- I thought- when you called me your girlfriend on the ambulance I kind of took that as you asking me to be your girlfriend.” She begins laughing.

“What? This whole time I’ve been nervous about actually asking you and you already thought I had?” I can’t help but join her laugh.

“We’re such fools.” She whispers, and we kiss again.

I'll always be a fool for her.

[daydream-the-demon]

No more KOSA (Kids Online Safety Act)

I am a minor, and I'm speaking from experience.

Without the internet as it is, I would:

Have committed suicide

Be friendless

Not be able to start my career early

Not be able to share my artwork and writing

Get help

First, LGBTQIA+ concern:

I am part of the LGBTQIA+ community as a young minor. I identify as a genderless AroAce (which is uncommon, but part of the community). Without being able to explain who I was, I would have felt alone, an outcast among girls (as my original gender), and felt like something was wrong with me. And I would not have been able to explain my romantic and sexual attraction. I would have been pretty much forced into a relationship when I will be older, but identifying as AroAce helps me avoid those questions. I could have had the inconvenience of a boyfriend (because what would be gay? I would be forced into a straight relationship). I learned about sex and how to stay safe with it ON THE INTERNET. Along with orientations and genders. There are so many teen pregnancies that fuck up people's possible future careers, all because they didn't know how to practice safe sex or even the possibility of not being attracted to people in the first place!

Second, mental health:

I have Autistic friends, most of them are from the internet. I only know the symptoms and problems with Autism. Without the internet, I could have felt like an outcast between my peers without explanation. Knowing about Autism (and other disabilities and disorders) and its symptoms is a valuable tool, it could help you interact with people with those who have it, or find out if YOU might have it.

I would've committed suicide. I have many friends on the internet. And without them. I would be friendless. Without support. I would've felt lonely. My irl friends rarely text me, so one summer break I almost committed suicide. But at the time I almost committed it, I texted my online friend who lives on the other side of the Earth. And she was there for me when no one else was, when I was sad, and about to kill myself. Without the internet, I would have never met her. And without her, I would have literally died. I now have many wonderful friends on the internet, and they all help me be who I am, and stay here with you, so that I can now speak.

Third, my career:

The reason I have Tumblr, is so that I can show myself. I can post about art, interests, projects, and so on. I can reblog other peoples' art and learn from them. Without Tumblr (and other social media), I would have never been able to put myself out there. Right now I have 35 followers on my main blog, and some other followers on my smaller blogs. I can build a following, so finally when I get a job, I can say "Hey! Look at me: People know me, they like my art, they support me." And support helps. I can start a YouTuber channel and show myself and also get money from it. I can jumpstart my career here.

Thank you. Any questions or clarifications would be appreciated. I am now done speaking from my experience so far, use this however you'd like.

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Okay so I need people are who are diagnosed as autistic to help me out here

I been suspecting for a long time (like around a year, maybe more idk) than I might be autistic, and I did research (genuinely, not just taking some Internet quiz and self-diagnosing based on it) and I want to know if there’s a genuine chance I might be autistic, or if I have a wrong view on autism (basically, if I’m wrong about it and what it means to be autistic).

Some things than happen to me than I’ve seen also happen to a big amount of autistic people

-Problems with food since very little. Not based on taste, but texture. Eating something with the wrong texture is just horrible.

-Always felt different from my peers, never quite fitting in because I didn’t know how to interact with them. As if they knew exactly what to do and I was just flying blind. I heard people say than they felt as if everyone was born with a book of rules, meanwhile they had to learn from watching everyone else already know them, and I think that’s the best way for me to explain it.

-Intense interests on stuff, really intense. Like, is all I can think about day and night, I relate everything to it in some way or another, I know everything about it down to the smallest detail, some might call me obsessed and I wouldn’t deny it. Reminds me of the way people with autism describe their hiperfixations.

-People thought I was “gifted” as a kid, and said than I was a kid with the mind of an adult. I’m no genius, I was just interested on different stuff than other kids. I was the first one to learn to read and I never stopped. I basically lived in the library as a kid. I have a vivid memory of when I must have been like 10 and saying than my favorite thing in the world was reading and some friends looking at me like I was crazy. I’m mentioning this not because people who are autistic are “gifted”, but more because I heard they are usually interested in different stuff than their peers (doesn’t have to be more mature, it can be more immature stuff too, I think. Goes hand in hand with feeling different from everyone). Continuing on books, I also always had a higher reading level than the rest of my class. I was “a pleasure to have in class but should speak out more” kid.

-Looking back they were obviously bullying me, but I thought than they were laughing with me, not at me.

-I can’t hear the tone of my voice?? For some reason?? Sometimes I speak too loudly or too quietly or my mom says I’m being rude for “talking back” but in my head my voice is the same level and uses the same tone. So if I’m ever rude I probably don’t notice (I hate being rude to people).

-I read about overstimulation and under stimulation and it perfectly described the way I feel a lot of time. Specially overstimulation.

-If talking about something I really enjoy (hiperfixations?) I can’t be still. I’ll probably smile and fidget with something and the mere mention of it or anything regarding it outside of online spaces makes me want to scream out of excitement. Like, a really abnormal reaction to it, I believe.

-I prefer to be home on my own than outside (specially if there’s lots of people around). I don’t know if it’s hard for me to see how people are feelings, given than I learnt to notice when people don’t want me somewhere (eventually you get used to it) but sometimes when people are being nice to me I’m completely unable to see if they’re being genuine or not. An example, I was forced to spend a week sharing a room with this pair of really popular girls because of a school trip, and they were nice to me, starting conversations and stuff. So because they seemed nice, I thought they were nice. But at the end of the week I approached them and they gave me the dirtiest look and I realize they weren’t actually being genuine, they were just kind of being forced to be nice to me.

-I hate changes of routine, everyday I have the same routine and if someone wants it to change (go somewhere and do something together) they have to tell me at least a day in advance. Unless I really like them, I will feel uneasy to change my routine because it makes me feel as if I was messing everything up.

-I don’t know if it has anything to do with this, but I’m adding it just in case. I hated physical touch as a kid. Up until some years ago, I couldn’t stand it. Also don’t know if it’s related, but I always had trouble sleeping, I heard that might be a symptom but I don’t know.

-I went to a speech therapist as a kid because I couldn’t pronounce the letter s and I pronounced it as z, sometimes it still comes out. I heard problems in speech might be related but I doubt it, just adding just in case.

-I have a big sense of justice. For example everyone in my class cheats on their exams (they don’t even hide it, is more, they brag about it), and that has always upset me. Not because they can copy while I actually study, but because cheating is wrong. That’s not how it works. Why are they breaking the rules. Or for example they bring their phones to school (not nearly as bad as cheating) which is forbidden, and I don’t understand why they do that. It’s forbidden, so why?

-I notice patterns in almost everything, I also focus more on the little details than the big picture, which leads to both overthinking but also better results.

-I need people to speak to me separately. Having a conversation with two people at the same time feels like a nightmare.

-I need people to tell me things, if they want me to do them. If you made something for me to eat, don’t just put it on the table, tell me it’s for me. Otherwise I won’t touch it out of fear it’s not mine. When given instructions, I need them to be clear and detailed. All people my age are doing stuff like going to parties, drinking alcohol, meanwhile I never think of doing it and also, never knew I could do it? When did the change between going to the park to hang out without our parents for the first time and going to a party with alcohol around lots of strangers happened? Why did no one told me? How does everyone just know when to change and grow up? Why don’t I?

-Something I also noticed is than every fictional character I related to had various autism symptoms (said by people on the fandoms who are actually autistic).

[badaziraphaletakes]

I just want to say that, posting those screenshots, you’re hurting real people who feel bullied and harassed by you. Some has already left the fandom for good and I know many that stay away from the fandom because it has a reputation for being toxic. I haven't featured in your blog - I actually defended Aziraphale a lot when season 2 just aired and everyone was against him - but seeing what's going on in the fandom has made me lose my love for the show. It has become synonymous of discourse and harassment. I was bullied in real life, I have no interest in repeating the experience online. I see that many users like and comment on your posts, with some of them I had interacted and even had fun chats with, and it makes me sad to see that they support harassing behavior. I’ll step back and move on to other fandoms, as some of my friends here have already done; in the end there will only be you from the defense squad left and I suppose you will be happy then. I see you're really proud of your blog and you believe you've made it bigtime (I assume you were serious; if you were being ironic I didn't get it because I easily misread tones), so congratulations. Don't be so surprised that you haven't had any negative reactions before, since your anon asks were closed. I expect you to not give a shit about my message and I fully expect to be mocked for it. I just wanted to give my two cents. Take care.

We do not support harassing behavior. Quite the contrary, we are opposed to ableism, harassment, bigotry, victim-blaming, and misogyny and that is why this blog was started. There is a lot of the above in the fandom and that is, quite rightly, why it has a reputation for being toxic. It made me lose my love for the fandom for a long time.

And we're not an Aziraphale defense blog. It says that right at the top of the blog in the pinned post. I don't want everyone who's not an "Aziraphale defender" to leave. I'm not an Aziraphale defender. I could care less what people think about him as long as they can express their negative opinions without being bigoted or hateful. However, I would like people who malign him as a thinly-veiled way to air their ableism, victim-blaming, and the like to think about how their words might hurt other people.

If being called out for bigotry feels hurtful to someone, then they might want to think about why.

I assure you, seeing all the anti-Autistic hate (and so forth) in the fandom is FAR more hurtful than having someone critique your opinion about a television character. If us doing the latter is making someone lose their love for the fandom, well, I don't really know what to say to that. But our right to feel safe trumps other people's right not to have their takes criticized. It just does.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for only befriending people in order to provide them psychological counselling?

For context, I(24M) am autistic, which affects pretty much all areas of my life, but especially the social one. Since I haven't been able to pick up how social interaction works instinctually, I have had to manually start learning how it works and still haven't fully figured it out, but as it stands, through years of analysing human interactions and emotions of people (me included) I seem to be able to interpret social situations incredibly well when not actively involved in them. At the same time, I have developped a keen interest in helping people, up to a point where I consider this to be one of the most important goals in my life.

Now, I like to frequent a lot of different communities (mostly online, occasionally offline) related to my interests where I can casually socialize, and as it stands, most of the friendships I forge end up happening as follows - I single out a person who is very obviously mentally struggling, and then proceed to be consistently friendly and accepting towards them until they feel comfortable opening up to me. Once we've reached this point, I start actively listening to them talk about their problems and helping them brainstorm ideas on how to cope with those problems using my years of learning about different types of therapy and encouraging them to improve (and maybe find a licensed therapist) until they have made significant improvement and are able to get support elsewhere. I don't go into my personal issues outside of relating them to my friend's struggles, since I feel like that isn't helpful. Once this happens, I pretty much lose interest in being friends with them - I don't ghost them or anything, and with most of them we still occasionally send each other links related to our shared interest and I'm still avaible to them to come for help, but it just feels like there's nothing for me in the friendship anymore.

Obviously this is maladaptive from my side and hinders my ability to form strong bonds with another person which fucks my social life up severely, but am I morally wrong to do it? I am ultimately manipulating people into letting me become their therapist for my own personal interest, all the while not being a licensed therapist and likely not knowing all of the required theory, which could lead to me giving people bad advice. So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bobbydagen24]

about the Headcannon/Fan Theory that Branch is Autistic.

I first started thinking it a few years ago after I watched TBGO for the first time I didn't used to interact much with the fandom online back then.

but after I started doing so I was kinda pleasantly surprised to find out there were other people who thought the same I mainly have the HC about Tv show Branch.

due to certain behaviours and Traits specific to the shows but there are still signs for the movie version as well someone even did multiple youtube videos pointing the signs out.

anyway I figured the easiest way to talk about this is to go over the most common signs of Autism as is stated by NHS on their websites that could apply to him.

tho obviously everyone's different someone not having a few of these signs doesn't mean they aren't autistic. Getting Anxious in social situations and finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own plenty of examples sure its also in large part due to the amount of time he spent avoiding people in his youth but it easily can be taken as an A sign as well. in the episode "" Mr Glittercakes "" he invents a fake person just so he can have an excuse to blow off multiple social events and we see he tires of being social pretty quickly and easily. in "" Fun Branch "" hanging out with the snack pack in his Home proves to be too tiring and stressful not to mention him stressfully micro managing everyone at his party at the start of "" Bye Bye Bunker "" also in "" Two's a Cloud "" he was shown being pretty overwhelmed by spending too much time with people and also due to "" too much affection ""

I swear I will never get tired of that clip 😂😂😂😂 anyway it also ties in to the next common sign. Aversion to Physical Contact. again not every person on the spectrum has it but it is fairly common Branch improves after the first film.

but during the first film he'd literally Rather go to Bergen town with Poppy and Risk being eaten than stay in his safe Bunker and have to put up with Hug times from the other Villagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

and in TBGO he's still fairly averse to them when they travel the multiple dimensions the others are all Horrified when they come across the universe where no one knows what a Hug is.

but Branch smugly suggests he's fine with the thought of them staying in that universe before the others drag him away lol.

also in the clip above he seems to have a mini freak out over too much Hugging and even stims a little from the looks of things.

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them.

bit fat yes in "" Peril Patch "" when playing Golf he planned out every minor detail obsessively before taking a single shot. in "" Branch Bum "" he carefully planned out every detail of their Trip and was only actually concerned with the journey there and the journey back lol.

Not understanding Various social Cues.

this one kinda depends since Pop Troll society is so different from our own but given how in that world its Technically the Norm it does make Branch's lack of understanding a social failing on his part.

such as suggesting cutting the Twins Hair when they were having a Disagreement and Poppy stating that was a Social Cue most people would know.

plus in "" Eye'll Be Watching You "" when Poppy said she needed to think about it first before he could put his safety plants around the village.

Branch mistook that to mean she would just think about it for a few seconds then and there and proceeded to stare at her with an adorable smile lol.

also just him doing generally odd stuff in public like screaming about how they will all die when the water dries up in "" Laugh Out Cloud "" and ya know Harvesting Baby Tears 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in "" The Makeunder "" where Branch Teaches Lownote how to act more like him so he can be less social and cool at Guy Diamond's party.

the things Branch tells him to do includes 1. avoiding eye contact during conversation and then overcompensating with an uncomfortable amount of intense eye contact. 2. talking on and on about your own interests not paying any mind to how Bored the other people who your talking to may be. 3. and doing things things such as laughing at inappropriate times when people are talking aka showing the wrong emotional responses to specific situations and interactions. all of which are things which could be signs in certain individuals.

having a very fixated keen interest in a certain subject and area of expertise.

I'd consider his whole love of safety and traps aka engineering as well given he also builds other stuff such as helping build the Train the "" Cakes on a Train "" episode of Trollstopia.

and various devices such as the machine to pick what their new Holiday will be all of his various complex traps and of course Gary.

Poppy literally Refers to him as a safety nerd in the Birthday episode where she throws him a party where he gets to be the lifeguard its so friggin cute 💖💖💖💖

sure in large part its also due to his past Trauma but it kinda works as both imo he deffo takes a keen interest in this stuff beyond just feeling the need to do it for safety given he actively enjoys it. also Trouble getting your tone of voice to match what your trying to say can be a sign. which we see in one of my favourite moments ever from the first episode of Trollstopia where he tries to be genuine and supportive only to sound like he's being Rude and Sarcastic. anyway those are some reasons and also moments that made me HC him as Autistic I'm not saying it was the writers intent or anything.

I think its more likely just a happy accident that he was written in such a way that some of the fandom interpreted him as having Autism.

anyway thanks for reading if your a fellow fan who has this HC I'd be curious to hear what it was about Branch or what specific moments made you start Head cannoning him as such?

[drdemonprince]

I think I remember you saying you were writing something for autistic adults having trouble meeting people? Actually I just remember the ask you got about someone who found a lot of social spaces being for youths. I have a similar problem. I've lived in the same city my whole life, but I don't have friends here because I don't know how to keep in touch with people after the situation we had in common (school, job) ended. And currently I'm unemployed, so I don't have coworkers, and I'm suffering a lot from the lack of a social context. There are some kind-of-niche social events I can go to, trans brunch once a month, queer board game nights every friday (and I don't even like board games). But even once I'm there I struggle to reach out and talk to anyone. For the former event, most people go with friends, so I assume I'm imposing if I make more than very brief small talk. For the latter one, we do often end up a group of polite strangers sitting around talking about random stuff, but I find I don't care about the interaction and I just want to go home. I have friends online that I'd rather spend time with, but it also feels so miserable when I don't have anyone to just grab coffee with. I tried tinder briefly, but I can't stand chatting with strangers, I react to it like an obligation and just ghost them. I'm not curious enough about strangers. I don't want to make friends, I want to already have them. It's rough.

The good thing here is you have 100% already articulated what the root of the problem here is: you're not taking an interest in any of the people you're spending time with, and the people you are meeting are not interesting to you.

People like us when they can feel that we like them, care about them, and find them interesting. People want to spend more time with people who make them feel heard, and who have genuine enthusiasm for their existence. The people you're meeting are almost certainly picking up on your lack of curiosity about them, and your sense that spending time with them is some grueling obligation, and so nothing deeper is taking root.

The solution is to have a genuine interest and curiosity for people. If you can't access that, you won't be able to make new friends. Having close friends that you can meet with for coffee at the drop of the hat isn't a status you can simply arrive at, it's a relationship dynamic that you build, painstakingly, interaction by interaction, invite by invite, one open-hearted, presence conversation after another. And you won't now who will become a lifelong, cherished friend to you if you don't start by trying to find what's worthy of cherishing within other people first.

Now, you mentioned that some of the social groups you take part in aren't even all that interesting to you -- and that's certainly part of the issue. If you don't like board games, you're not going to have fun at board game night, you're not going to like talking about board games, and you're going to feel a palpable disconnect between yourself and all the people who are present because they really like board games. You can either try to find something about the activity interesting, and really put your mind to learning about it and taking an active interest in it, for the sake of your own enrichment, or you should stop going, because there's no reason to drag yourself to regular obligation you don't like and aren't putting any investment in.

I would recommend that you find other social gatherings in town that line up more with your interests. Meetups, book clubs, volunteer shifts, video gaming leagues, sports teams, community theater, whatever it might be. This article has more advice about how to find new social groups and to make friends there:

But I'd also encourage you to practice being curious about the great diversity of humanity. There are so many wonderful subcultures out there to learn more about, so many creative and industrious practices to be awed by and to learn about, and so many funny, bizarre people out there worth making a study of. Even if you don't get along with the vast majority of humans or don't want most of them within your close social circle, you should, I think, be able to find something worth learning about in within nearly every human community, and within every person.

I firmly believe that the purpose of life is to grow, experience new things, and learn -- and if you're seeking new friends, you do want your world to be a bit larger than it is, right? So why not try to enjoy learning more about the broader social world? That doesn't mean committing to a regular hobby that bores you to tears (I hate tabletop games, for instance), but it does mean dipping your toe into new waters with some genuine receptiveness to it (I tried tabletop games for the hell of it, learned I didn't playing them, but now I do love hearing about my friends' campaigns).

I wasn't a furry when I first started going to Furfest; I just thought it was interesting and I was awe-struck by the dedication and creativity of people practicing the craft of making fursuits and drawing anthro art. The passion of that community was addictive, and the joy and friendliness of the space opened me up, and within a matter of two convention visits, Midwest Furfest had become one of the absolute social highlights of my entire annual calendar.

I've also gone to a lot of anime conventions, and they didn't grab me quite the same way, but I still sat in on some panels where I learned new things, and I still met people who were lovely and got to take in a bunch of beautiful cosplays. I've tried out all kinds of things, from betting on horse races to performing in sketch comedy troupes to attending naked yoga, and I didn't love or feel good about all of it -- but every single one of those things was worth trying out, because it helped me make contact with a broader spread of the human experience and learn a bit more about myself and other people. it broadened my knowledge base and expanded my social skills -- even if yes, i did absolutely sit in on some conversations that bored me to absolute tears.

If you don't have the energy to be curious about new things and new people at this stage of your life, anon, that is completely fine. When I was in the throes of deep masking and Autistic burnout I didn't always have it in me to make polite small talk or to endure overstimulating new situations. It's difficult to be open when one is traumatized or overwhelmed, and so if you find you really cannot feel anything for any people that you meet right now, working on soothing that internal vigilance and treating that trauma might be the first step. Even trauma recovery requires making contact with other traumatized people, listening to their stories, and being able to recognize yourself within them to some extent, tho.

There are periods of life that are for growth and there are periods that are for dormancy. If you don't have it in you to make new friends right now, that's fine. However, if you do want to have new friends in your life, you do have to be able to like people and care about them.

[autismcultureis]

"What is this blog for?"

This blog is for autistic people to share their experiences with others and find people who relate to them! Anyone is welcome as long as you are respectful, but submissions should be focused around autism.

"How do I contribute?"

Send in an ask that starts with something along the lines of "autism culture is.." , "autistic adult culture is.." , and/or "undiagnosed autism culture is.." and it will be sent to the queue. Anything based around autism is encouraged.

Do not interact - Before you follow

ableists/racists/pedophiles

against agere/petre

pd demonizers

safe/rad/kandiqueers (this includes radinclus)

nsfw/sh/ed/discourse blogs

mogai/liom exclusionists

lgbtqphobes, especially biphobes

endogenic/non-traumagenic "systems"

supporters of any of the above

this blog supports self diagnosis.

you can vent in a submission, but i struggle with tone as well as empathy online so i will try my best to respond appropriately.

About the owner

Hello, I am Adelaide! I am a genderqueer bisexual (in very simple terms) that uses she/her.

And as you might have guessed, I am autistic as well as borderline. I should add that I am level 1 and able-bodied. I am also questioning adhd and ocd!

Tags and info

#autism culture

#not culture - unrelated submissions

#qna - answered questions

#look away - triggering topics (block this tag if needed!)

layout heavily inspired by @borderline-culture-is

[ingravinoveritas]

Follow-up to this post and a point-by-point recap of last night's events:

- Definitely thought I would be nervous, but as soon as I saw Neil waiting backstage from the vantage of my fourth row seat, all that went away.

- The event was a tribute to Ray Bradbury, with Neil and several actors reading different short stories and Neil talking about them in between. He started off the night by talking about being a TikTok meme ("Neil Gaiman, why are you in my falafel?") and how his time as a meme was almost up.

- There was an after party in the bar following the show, and the ticket I had purchased allowed me to attend. I didn't even realize Neil was there yet because he was so low profile and just chilling while a line began to form at his table.

- When I went up to him, he was very smiley and kind and soft-spoken. I mentioned really enjoying the Bradbury story he read ("The Homecoming") because it felt like an allegory for autism, for an autistic person in a family full of neurotypicals, and it really resonated with me. So we talked Ray Bradbury and writing and it was lovely. - I also mentioned the tweets from a few years ago (here and here) that involved him commenting on a photo of me in a red bikini and me offering to cook him dinner if he came to New Jersey, and he remembered! Haha. He also still seemed very interested in the offer and said, "It's a date" and "We'll do dinner." Oh, Neil... - At the end, I somehow finally remembered to tell him my name and said "I'm Amy" as we shook hands. To which he replied, "It's lovely to meet you, Amy. I'm Neil." - After we took the picture, I wished Neil a good flight (the venue staff said they were trying to hurry up the queue because he had an early flight today) and safe travels, and he said "Thank you!" and was again so sweet and lovely and just a person. - Didn't talk to Neil about anything Good Omens, but I did end up chatting with a woman who knows Rob Wilkins (someone waiting in the queue asked Neil how to get in touch with Rob and he pointed to this woman, so that was how I first became aware of her). Later on in the evening, after Neil left, we were on the other side of the bar and struck up a conversation about all things GO, Terry Pratchett, fandoms, Michael and David's chemistry, and much more. She also told me to follow her on Instagram and message her if I ever needed tips for navigating the overwhelm that is NYCC. A totally unexpected and thoroughly enjoyable conversation overall. - Also got to talk with Yetide Badaki (who was in American Gods and one of the actors who performed last night) and she was beyond lovely. I complimented her performance and said how it was "like Siri, but less creepy" and she burst out laughing and asked if she could put that in her résumé. Haha. The topic of autism came up and she said how it was so important to her and how there needs to be more awareness. I mentioned being a professional speaker and that I've done a TED talk on autism, and she said she wanted to watch it. Again, completely unexpected interaction, but so delightful and so much fun.

My overall thoughts and takeaway from this is that real life is very, very much different and not the same thing at all as online fandom. It was incredibly refreshing to see Neil and talk to him in a non-fandom context, and to see how gracious he was with every person in line (adults, kids, couples, all of it). He signed books, took pictures with people, and hugged fans who seemed to be sharing particularly emotional moments. I feel like the fandom tends to treat Neil like some kind of god, but for me, I truly enjoyed seeing and getting to meet him as a person--charming, intelligent, funny, polite, and just a bit awkward...

[loonybun]

making a whumptroduction post because it seems appropriate to do for my first post :3

Blog/Whump Introduction

hello! my name is crep/loony and I use any pronouns!! i started this blog because i’ve been really interested in the whump community for some time (since like maybe October?). It pretty much has all my favorite elements of stuff all put into one genre loll. I don’t have any plans to start a long-term story as of now, but that could change in the future! I have a ton of characters, but I mainly just use them for roleplaying (if you are interested in roleplaying with me i’m totally down to try it out and see how we mesh together!!!)

some fun facts about me: my favorite color is pink, i’ve been roleplaying for around 7 years (online for closer to 5), i love coming up with new characters and intertwining them with other people’s characters!!! it’s really fun to see how they interact with each other for me. it’s like how you played w barbie’s as a kid but infinitely better. for roleplaying i’ll be using tumblr dms, discord, and also roblox. i really love garfield, and i am autistic with my primary special interest being Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll!!!

ONGOING STORIES:

- Aisling CYOA story

(more under cut)

Favorite whump tropes: kidnapping/captivity, doll whump, tiny whump, lab whump, medical whump, inhuman whumper, inhuman whumpee, immortal whumpee, fae whump, cult whump, religious theming, heavy/detailed gore, body modification, drugging, display whump, academia whump (so hard to find but so so good), carewhumpers, defiant whumpees.

Things I may interact with but will probably not post: generally suggestive stuff 👍

Squicks/things i will not interact with: almost all nsfwhump (i am a minor and do not feel comfortable reblogging smut on my page), anything related to S/A, pedophelia, r*pe, or sexual grooming, and slave historical whump. If your blog is centered around any of those, I ask that you do not interact with my blog.

DNI conservatives, anti-lgbtq, acephobes, biphobes, transphobes, racists, antisemites, islamophobes, xenophobes, general bigotry, dark/proshippers (as in people who ship incest, r*pe, and pedophelia. while i believe that it’s okay to write about these things, a lot of pro/darkshippers seem to glorify/romanticize these dynamics and that’s what i have an issue with. i want to specify that while i personally feel uncomfortable with such, i do not agree with witch-hunting or harassing people. i just will not interact and i ask you to do the same.), straight up nsfw blogs whump or not, pro-zoophiles, pro-maps, etc…

thank you all for reading!!! looking forward to being a part of this community!!

[writingforfun0714]

I think the problems of TBB started in the Bad Batch episodes of TCW if I’m being honest, because of their treatment of Echo. While CF99 might’ve been planned characters (I remember reading somewhere that GL wanted a ‘unique’ clone squad in TCW), the fact is that Echo is a fan favorite and to treat him with such disrespect definitely rubbed a lot of fans the wrong way.

In TCW, CF99 learn that Echo is alive and not actually a traitor and eventually accepts him into their squad as they learn that ‘not all regs are bad’. That’s all well and good but wouldn’t it have been nice if, I don’t know, CF99 actually fucking apologized? Like yeah, adopting him into the squad is a nice gesture, but by not apologizing, it’s like they avoid taking responsibility for thinking ‘all regs are bad’. CF99 see Echo as different like them, they don’t see themselves as one of the ‘regs’, which is a problem in a clone-centric show like what many fans claim TBB to be. This problem of not taking responsibility and actually apologizing for wrongdoings continues in TBB show and is especially noticeable in S3 with Hunter and Crosshair and even with Crosshair and Howzer. I noticed it in S2 as well with that Omega/Tech episode (2x9). Like yeah it confirmed he’s autistic but in that situation Tech is the adult and should’ve apologized to Omega for how he talked to her. Having autism doesn’t excuse being rude, especially when the dynamic is one of an adult/child.

Then all through TBB S1 Echo continues to get sidelined (along with Tech) up until S1 ep10, when the problems of the show compound. Echo should have been the focus for 1x10 Common Ground. The basic plot is that CF99 are hired to rescue a Seperatist senator from Raxus while Omega has to stay at Cid’s bar for her ‘protection’. Hunter leaves Omega behind but expects her to be a member of the squad and is surprised when the others have to remind him that he left her behind. I can understand what the writers were going for but the execution of that small line of dialogue was wrong (the wording and placement in the scene). Personally I’d prefer a sort of lamenting inner monologue with each member instead, reflecting on how they each miss Omega in different ways or something. They did a POV change in 1x9 so I think an inner monologue moment would’ve been a cool choice. That whole time on the mission the Batch question Echo when it really should’ve been Echo grappling with his trauma regarding Seperatists and his torture. This whole episode really doesn’t make sense due to the ‘S1 reset’ TBB go through. You’d think after their TCW arc that there would be no need to question Echo, that they would understand why he has such grievances. But no, TBB ‘resets’ the whole squad (aside from Echo) and makes them almost completely different from their Clone Wars counterparts (hence the memes of frat boy Hunter vs dad Hunter).

Another issue is the marketing and how the creators/people that worked on the show interacted with the fans. From what I can remember, TBB was never a ‘spin-off’ of TCW but more of a ‘successor’ mostly due to the use of the same animation. TBB was always marketed as a ‘dark’ kids show despite showing things we’ve already seen before in SW animation. We’ve seen Force sensitive babies being taken, we’ve seen clones realize they are little more than property, we’ve seen kids having to grow up faster due to their situation, we’ve seen child slaves, and even death on screen (Echo, Fives, Gregor, Savage Oppress, Satine, etc). All within TCW and Rebels (Disney’s first SW show). TBB is extremely tame compared to what we’ve seen previously. To make it worse, those that worked on the show would post ‘teasers’ online, trying to engage with the fans. I always had a strange sense of disappointment after every single episode due to how people like Jennifer Corbett or the Kiners ‘tease’ fans by posting ‘relevant’ memes or hints about an upcoming episode and after each episode, I remembered thinking ‘so they lied’. Teasing a winter soldier arc for CX-2 is definitely my top grievance with this particular problem. A red herring is supposed to make sense. CX-2 could’ve been anyone else besides Tech if they wanted to keep him dead (Dogma, Cody, Kix, Slick, etc).

The last main issue TBB has (that isn’t the blatant racism) is how ableist the show is. I don’t care if it was not intentional because honestly 3 whole seasons consisting of about 15-16eps is more than enough time to fix this problem. Now this show was already on thin ice for me, but to gloss over Echo so hard in S1 definitely put me off of this show. The way Echo is written in S2, as if he’s wrong for wanting to help Rex (how many times does Hunter ask him ‘when will it be enough?’ ‘You know it’s not worth the risk right?’ Seriously fuck Hunter for that especially). Then sidelining him again in S3 to focus on Crosshair (which is a whole other post). In S3, we get to learn Crosshair has to deal with his trauma, isn’t that an interesting concept—ooh-wait no let’s just cut off his shaky hand after spending an episode of ‘meditating’. It was like Hunter/Wrecker/Fennec go off on side mission while the b-plot is Crosshair/Omega meditating. This episode was frustrating but this whole show is made up of frustrating writing decisions that quite frankly, I had gotten used to by S3.

[rowansrealm]

Intro Post

You can call me Rowan (not my real name but I don’t feel comfortable putting that online).

My pronouns change. My general order of preference for pronouns is he/it/neos/they

Pronouns are usually he/it/fox/bat/star/void or something close to that.

The main labels that I use to describe my gender are boyflux and boyfluidflux. I also have a lot of xenogenders

I am aroace. Specifically asexual and quoiromantic

I am autistic and have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and CPTSD. Also probably OCD

I also probably have hEDS AND POTS. I am working on getting diagnoses

I find tone tags helpful and am trying to learn how to get better at using them, but I am still not great with them.

I have a few special interests but the main one is space. I love space. Tell me any space fact and I will forever be grateful. I also love dragons, frogs, cats, mushrooms, dinosaurs, and doctor who (it doesn’t fit with the rest but, oh well)

I am also alterhuman. If you have a problem with that, don’t interact.

My alterhuman blog is @rowanthealterhuman.

I am a minor

There have been some people who seem to have a hard time understanding that (probably just bots) but they only started appearing after I put that I was a minor in my description so, that’s weird. If you are an adult that is not weird towards minors (most, hopefully), then you can interact and follow

My asks are always open so please, feel free to ask me something, or just say whatever.

DNI: general dni like pedos, transphobes, homophobes, ableists, racists, and other bigots. Also nsfw blogs.

This post lists out and ranks the neopronouns that I like the most

page for my many identities and pronouns: https://en.pronouns.page/@tired_creature

pfp is by makowka on picrew

Header is made by me

(Made by @moss-the-clown-guy)

The rest of my userboxes (not made by me)

[zebulontheplanet]

hello, excuse me for my huge ignorance, i want to learn more about intelectual disabled people, but don't feel pressured or obligated to answer. which disabilities go under the intelectual disabled term? how can i support ID people?

i am autistic, between 1 and 2 support needs (also due depression) and i just recently started learning a little, because the # actually autistic isn't too... receptive? like, i agree with all i've been learning. there are still aspie supremacy, a lot of misinformation and i was one of them, thinking i was doing a good thing, but i was not. i wanna be a better person for my community and for disabled people in general. thank you for existing and resisting, finding your blog is helping me grow. /genuine.

Hi there anon! I’m glad to hear that my blog is helping you. There is always room to grow as a person. ❤️(heart emoji)

So intellectual disability isn’t an umbrella term, it doesn’t mean several other disorders looped into one. Intellectual disability means you have an IQ lower than 70. Although there’s a lot more that goes into it, like how you can preform ADLs and things like that, that’s the main thing that goes into it.

How to support us is just by interacting with us. Interact with our blogs, the blogs of caretakers, interact with us in real life too, talk to us. Speak to us like our age and treat us right. Be involved with protests about us and your community. Stick up for us and include us in your online discussions and make space for us to talk.

It’s really important to listen to us too. If we say something, then listen to it! Take it into consideration and listen to our voices because honestly, a lot of us know a lot about our disorder and know a lot more than the average person about it usually.

I hope this helps and I wish you luck on your journey! It takes a lot. Have a lovely day!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending my original fictional characters are my "friends" for the purpose of asking questions online?

Alright, so hear me out: I'm a writing hobbyist, I run a long-term D&D campaign, I like writing characters a lot and sometimes do it even outside of any stories, you could even say that it's my passion. Whenever I create a character that would have experience with something that I don't, I try to experience that thing myself, or if I can't, I ask others online about their experiences to make sure I can write my character accurately.

Here's the problem: back when I used to ask questions online from a writing/creative perspective, I felt like a lot of them concerning more controversial topics were getting dismissed and I got a lot of unsolicited writing advice unrelated to the original question. The most infuriating were always "You shouldn't write a character like that." or "You should change this integral part of the character to remove the issue that you're having."

Now, you can have whatever opinions you want about writing certain aspects of characters, but I would kindly ask you to shove them up your ass. I firmly believe that you can't judge a character accurately merely by their character traits written down in a vacuum, the execution is what really matters. One trait that could be seen as problematic when written badly can really enhance the character, story and it's themes if incorporated correctly. I'm not going to remove integral story-relevant characteristics of my OCs, and I sure as hell am not gonna delete them entirely just because an internet rando didn't believe that I could do them justice. Literally the entire reason why I'm asking these questions in the first place is because I'm trying to be as respectful/accurate to your culture/ethnicity/sexuality/gender/religion/disability/anything else. I GENUINELY want to learn and understand, so why don't you at least try to give me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming it'll be done terribly?

Anyway, to give some examples of the questions that I've asked that were met with this kind of response:

"How would you write an autistic character who uses ASL but doesn't like to emote with their face?" (Was told to simply "make" the character like using their face even though it would go against how their other symptoms interact with each other, plus it would change how other characters view them and thus the story itself)

"What kind of slang would a black character raised in Brooklyn use?" (Was told to not write a black character using slang as a white person.)

"How would a Muslim character go about leaving their religion after losing their faith?" (Was told that the mere idea of an ex-muslim person was offensive)

I don't know if other writers also struggle with this, or if I'm just the unluckiest and always attract those kinds of people somehow, but after having to deal with it way too much I simply started lying and pretending that my characters are real so people would stop questioning my writing choices and just focus on answering my actual questions. For example, instead of the three questions above nowadays I would ask:

"Me and my Autistic friend are learning ASL together, but she doesn't like making expressions for sensory reasons. Is there anything else she can do?"

"What are some examples of actual slang used by black people in Brooklyn? My friend is from there but he likes to mess with me by coming up with fake words and pretending like they're slang, at this point idk what to believe."

"My friend lost their faith and is planning on leaving Islam. They don't have access to internet due to their parents so they wanted me to ask about what could be the possible consequences and how go about the process, or even where to start."

Also, obviously, I do way more research than just these questions, but I also really want to know the opinion of people in these communities about these topics and the discussion that develops from it. That's not something that simply reading a book or an article on a topic can give you and I believe that interacting with the community itself is an important part of properly portraying characters that belong to them as well. Still, a few of my friends told me that it's kinda shitty of me to lie in this way, especially when the end goal is to be respectful about certain traits yet me lying to these people is a sign of disrespect in their opinion. Personally I don't see it that way, I simply want people answering my questions to treat them seriously and if presenting them as real scenarios is what gets them to do it I feel like I have no choice, it has nothing to do with the respect I have for the communities in question.

Also, if this matters at all: 90% of my writing is entirely personal and will never be published in any way at all, the other 10% being the writing that I do for my D&D campaign which only my players get to witness.

So, with all of that out of the way, AITA?

What are these acronyms?