#Overall though Dipper does very well for himself

[tswwwit]

omg so when Dipper eventually learns the demonic language, does that mean he and bill can just casually have a conversation?

like they're bantering with each other in English and then Bill brings up something in demonic tongue, and dipper bites back also in demonic tongue and then boom both of them just switched languages without even realizing??

or is it a case of "Dipper understands but can't speak" where he hears conversations, but completely replies back in English 😭

It's the first one! Though it'll take a bit for Dipper to get to the point of true fluency, he's got years to do so - and plenty of motivation to boot.

[unearthlyfromage]

Une's Nonsensical Ramblings Episode 2 Part 2:

Reverse Falls; A continuation

In the previous installment, we covered the Stan's and their narrative (covering A Tale of Two Stan's which leads to the shows story).

Now that that's done, we can move onto the Star Twins as well as the Gleefuls and the Northwests

But first, an addendum that I forgot to cover; 

Fiddleford and his involvement. 

Given that the science project is never broken, Ford never meets Fidds. So, how does he become involved? Well, Ford uses Bill as an information gatherer during the construction of the portal. Given Fiddleford's proficiency with electronics, as well as his overall involvement with the Cipher Wheel, we cannot put it past Bill to recommend Fiddleford as a lead designer and construction manager. The portal incident still occurs, Fiddleford still sees what’s on the other side, still quits the project and tells Ford off for his insanity (perhaps the jumbling of his mind and memories is less caused by his own invention and more caused by Ford demanding Bill scramble his head for insubordination). 

With that covered, we’ll handle the meat and potatoes of the post! Dipper, Mabel, the Gleeful’s and the Northwest. 

Dipper;

Dipper has always been a headstrong, more independent introvert type character with an anxiety issue and a bit of a hero complex and a little, tiny bit of a shorter fuse. He’s also an overthinker by nature, and an avid follower of rules/checklists and not very willing to stray from the plan.

Taking the fact that the talisman amplifies your worse/negative qualities, as well as dampening things like empathy and expressing genuine compassions to people the wielder don’t inherently care about, we can infer that;

Dipper would be far more confident in himself, yet his anxieties would still exist, leading to him being even more quiet and reserved with one hell of a mean bone in him. Can’t crack the facade of confidence if he doesn’t let the crowd know how badly his voice cracks or how hard he’s sweating from nervousness, no - that shows weakness. He’d be more opportunistic, and likely to put others down to make himself feel better. His shorter fuse would be amplified, leading to him being a lot more easier to anger and pester into a blow up or nervous fit. He tends to analyze people, see what they’re most insecure about and use it to insult them when they’ve upset him. 

However, he is still a child, the effects of the talisman aren’t as deep seeded yet. He still cares for others, it’s just dampened, not at the forefront. He’s far more likely to put himself in top priority, the only time where this isn’t the case is in regards to his sister Mabel. He’d still drop anything for her, if he had too or she asked him too. His bond with Mabel is still strong, despite it al. Even if they pester and annoy each other at times, they still work together, they are still siblings (I hate the versions of this AU where Dipper and Mabel hate each other. Makes NO sense). Just like Ford, he wants a future full of recognition and capability, to be higher than others. But unlike Ford, he wouldn’t do unspeakable acts to make that happen. 

Mabel;

Mabel is confident and chaos embodied, just like in canon. She’s not as open as she once was, now more opting to stay silent and listen intently when it’s opportune for her, though is loud and energetic just like in canon. Yes, she did eavesdrop on your conversation, yes she will remember that weakness you mentioned, no she won’t tell you she heard, for blackmail of course. She’s far more antagonistic, eager to push people’s buttons and see what makes them tick, but she still has a bubbly air about her. She’s very into arts and crafts, still wears hand-knit sweaters and loves rainbows and sugar, she’s just got a bit of a mean-girl backbone now, less empathetic to the people and animals around her (she still cares, again, it’s just dampened). 

She is childish, and immature, just like in canon (Because they’re fucking kids [kids under evil influence are still kids] let them be kids goddmanit Reverse Falls fandom), But if you were to call her out on it she’d lash out, as it’s something she’s not particularly proud of. She envies Dipper in certain ways, but will never state it, for she knows he’d likely hold it over her head when in arguments. Despite this all, she still cares for him deeply, and knows that he would gladly give something up for her. Whether she knows it or not, she takes advantage of that quite often. Just like Stan, she wants luxuries, to never lift a finger and indulge in sweets and fun and parties for the rest of her life. But unlike Stan, she wants to do it (mostly) honestly. 

Both Of Them;

Dipper and Mabel’s talismans work differently, being the same ones Ford and Stan grew up with. Mabel’s is telepathic in nature, while Dipper’s is telekinetic. Mabel can control the astral plane, while Dipper can control the corporeal plane. 

If you remember, I had Stan’s be telekinetic and Ford’s be telepathic. Wouldn’t this be wrong, to have it on the wrong parallel? 

No. And here’s why;

While the main parallel between them is Ford - DIpper and Stan - Mabel, this isn’t true for everything. I had the talismans match their fighting styles, because the way one fights tells a lot about how they generally handle many situations/are most capable of doing. 

In regards to how they handle themselves in combat, it’s actually Ford - Mabel, and Stan - Dipper. Ford and Mabel prefer ranged weapons (I.E, Ford’s plasmatic pistol and Mabel’s grappling gun) while Stan and Dipper prefer melee weapons (I.E Stan’s brass knuckles and Dipper’s improvisation of fists and objects around him). 

How they see the Grunks;

Dipper still sees Ford as a role model, someone to look up too and take guidance from. Unlike canon, Ford doesn’t find it odd or pressuring. Instead he’s more than willing to coach Dipper, take on a teaching role and push the boy’s limits to achieve greatness. Dipper would do just about anything to impress Ford, though he does have limits, unlike some (*cough* Stan *cough*).

Mabel, however, sees him as the Fun Police and dislikes how Ford always shuts down her plots and plans. whenever the blue moon rises and she DOES have a chance to talk to him. She’s envious of the time he and Dipper spend together, and feels as if she’s being replaced, so she isn’t particularly nice towards Ford. She’s respectful, sure, but she wouldn’t knit the guy a sweater unless it were a matching set with Stan.

Dipper sees Stan as a custodian, a negligent one at that. Sure he can cook (if the servants don’t already do that, though some days he does) and he’s homely, a lot more than Ford is, but he knows Stan’s wholly about the money. Especially since the first thing he did was test their abilities to see how extravagant a show they could make for his tent. It’d be insulting to him, if it weren’t so rewarding with the way people cheered and revered him. He wouldn’t turn to the old sod for advice the same way he would Ford, but he has noted Stan is much more proficient with people than he or Ford, so he would ask in regards to crowds and coaching for shows. Beyond that? He’s a weird old man with a penchant for jewels and he doesn’t care for it much. 

There was one thing he did find interesting, though. Despite acting a fool, (Even Ford, when questioned, took no hesitation to say his brother is “Kind and loyal, yet ignorant. He is fine not knowing the things you or I seek, son. He is akin to a dog, a follower at heart. He does as I say. Not like us, my boy. We are something greater. We are leaders. We are rulers. Stanley and Mabel, they are Knights or Stewards. They’ll do just about anything.”) Dipper can tell he’s hiding something. He knew more than he seemed.

Mabel, however, adores Stan. Nothing is better than a jovial kleptomaniac of an old codger. Sure he’s odd, and a lot of the smiles he throws are fake, and he eyes Ford with a wary fear she can’t describe at times, but he’s fine. Stan lets her do what she wants, spend (certain amounts) of money how she wants, use whatever room in the manor for whatever she wants. The shows he throws are fun, and performing in them is a great joy. She can’t help but notice, though, just how much he worries when he isn’t busy being money conscious, or how natural it is for him to lead the two of them away when Ford is unhappy. What was he hiding? And why?

How they see Gideon and Pacifica;

Dipper sees them as weird kids that can’t stop trespassing. One claims their Great Uncles are terrible men, the other is so stuck up and pretentious he wouldn’t listen to her if he wanted too. Which he most definitely doesn’t. Yet another pair of wackjobs in this undoubtedly lead-poisoned town.

Mabel sees Gideon as an annoying little kid that won’t stop asking questions she doesn’t really care for. He hates her Great Uncles, and while she agrees about what he says in regards to Ford sometimes, the things he calls Stan is uncalled for and she has favoritism issues. Pacifica is an asshole and not worth her time. Why argue with someone like that when she could instead focus on the sweater she’s working on? If she truly does get upset, she could just tell Dipper. He’d handle it for her.

Gideon;

Coming from a humble upbringing, Gideon is a sweet kid with smarts and charm. Since he never found the talisman, he grows up as normal as they come in the rural Oregon town. Given how young Gideon is in canon (he’s 10) it’s safe to say he found the talisman at a young age and over-used it to become corrupt incredibly quickly (A mix of power-tripping and using it for financial gain so frequently). So chances are a lot of his personality is forged purely from that, hence why he has very little good qualities to speak of. (Which is really fucked up when you think about it.) Given this, I won’t go big into his personality since I don’t have much to go off of, so instead I’ll go more in-depth to his general place in the story/AU.

He’s a Gravity Falls native, born and raised, and all he knows is that his father has been having issues with the Pines men for quite some time now. He could barely tell them both apart, given the fact that one rarely ever left their huge house (for the longest time the town suspected the other was missing, or didn’t even exist to begin with) but he knew one well. And Stan had been trying to hard-push the family out of Gravity Falls for all of his life, offering money and other items. They were a powerful family, one of the most wealthy, and the townsfolk loved them. 

He knew something was off about them. The look in the old guys eyes whenever he’d show up at the door, or the soulless way the other one of them (the one nearly no one knew) always glared down at the town. It gave him the jeepers. Whatever it was they were hiding (if anything) must’ve been big. 

And he wanted to find out. If not to get them out of the town entirely, then to get them the hell away from the property. It was theirs, and that wasn’t going to change. Not if he had anything to say about it. 

So, he does what he can. Sneaking into shows, backstage if possible, he’s also been banned from the manor indefinitely since he’d broken in before, but that wasn’t stopping him any. At the very least, he’d stolen a book. 

Journal 3.

Pacifica;

Still wealthy, still snooty, still a Northwest. She doesn’t change much at all, because it doesn’t make sense for her to. Everybody else, Gideon included, has the most change because it regards the talisman and the influence it holds on the person.  

Instead, her role is similar to Gideons. But born out of an entirely different place. The Pines are a wealthy family, they compete with the Northwests quite often. Preston doesn’t like it. So he’s put it up to Pacifica to get as much dirt as possible about them to undermine their community power and eventually cause an uprising powerful enough to drive the old sods away. 

Nobody fucks with the Northwests, and if she wanted to prove her worth to her family name, she had to uphold that statement as best she could. Her teaming up with Gideon was a matter of happenstance. Originally she was going to steal the book from him and leave him in the dirt, but Gideon had a lot of intel she didn’t. 

How she sees the Pines;

Stan - A threat, a disgusting old man that smells like roses and kerosine and lies. His smile was as fake as his handshake and his sense of humor was as stale as fresh peasant food. If it were up to her? Just wait for them to die of age. But her father wanted them gone, and he wanted them gone quickly. 

Ford - A wildcard. She knew nothing about him, rarely ever saw him, and he creeped the whole town out. There were many speculations, but none of them were what she was looking for. So, she ignores his existence entirely. Not important, or what she needed to know. And if she didn’t need to know, she didn’t want to know. 

Dipper - An asshole that isn’t important to her goal. Gross birthmark and sweat stains. 

Mabel - An asshole that isn’t important to her goal. Ratty split ends and gross braced smile.

She doesn’t like any of them, she could care less about them. All she wanted in regards to them, was to see them leave. That’s it. If she has to team up with the poor car salesman’s son to do that? So be it. 

General notes;

Most people have this AU focus on Gideon and Pacifica. While I do the love the idea, there’s also another take that I personally find interesting; A subversion of the classic tale, told from the child antagonists that don’t know their family is the villains of the story, and that they are the ones in the wrong, until the big twist at the end that’s been foreshadowed throughout the series. A “Not What He Seems” situation, but if Stan/Ford actually WAS a criminal vagrant, so to say. 

One thing that’s rife in Gravity Falls as a whole, is the theme of Family. And I tried to keep that as a forefront just like in the original show because it’s so important. 

Obviously the Pines are family (and more in-depthly, siblings) revolved. Just like in the show, both the Stan Twins and the Star Twins are parallels that have dynamics as complicated as anything and telling as ever. And even though they’re all corrupted by mystical influence, family still matters (to some more than others *cough* Ford *cough*). 

For Gideon and Pacifica, they’re family oriented in their own ways. They have the same goal, but for different reasons. Gideon’s is born from a place of love and the will to fix a bad situation, whereas Pacifica is fueled by the demands of her parents and her need to impress them, show worth. 

Reverse Falls, boiled to its core, is the reversal of the protagonist and antagonist roles, in regards to character rivals.

Stan’s rival is Bud. Ford’s is Bill. Dipper’s is Gideon, and Mabel’s is Pacifica. 

However, unlike most depictions of this AU, changing them as drastically as they have just isn’t right to me anyways. Sure the Pines are WAY different from canon here, but it makes sense. Having Gideon and Pacifica be cousins to some degree or whatever the hell? Doesn’t make sense. 

Having Pacifica stay stuck up and, most importantly, a Northwest, and Gideon stay a 10 year old boy with motivations and a certain degree of naivety, opens the gates to character development that grows throughout the series. A sense of found siblings as well, that grows with each episode. They have ulterior motives, ones that span the background of the show, but they’re also still kids. Let them be kids. Please, I beg of you. 

Same goes for Dipper and Mabel. Perhaps they have more negative character development, as time goes on, being coached by the elder twins to be that way. Dipper becomes more independent, and Mabel becomes more unruly. Ford is a lot more uncaring. As if he’s above mortal squabble, which in a way, he is. He’s hiding a lot. 

Something I’ve placed here and there throughout, is how worried Stan is. Because honestly? He is worried. He loves Ford with all his heart and would do everything for him. But he never thought he’d ask for what he did. And Stan never thought he’d be able to deliver.

(Keeping some of this cryptic in case I make a fic about this revision of the Reverse Falls AU)

If there’s more you want to know regarding this, feel free to reblog with a question, or pop into my asks! I’m more than willing to answer. 

[mldrgrl]

Broken Things 14/24

by: mldrgrl Rating: varies by chapter, rated R overall See Chapter 1 for summary and notes

Sleep eludes him.  He’s up most of the night punching his pillows as though they’re to blame for his insomnia or he’s pacing around his room.  Several times he opens his door and stares at Katherine’s room, wondering if he should knock and apologize or burst in unannounced and demand an explanation.

It’s not quite dawn when he finally gets dressed and hitches a couple horses to the wagon, grabs an axe, and drives over to the wooded area along the creek.  He’s chopping away as the sun rises, already dripping sweat when he hears the faint cry of the rooster in the distance.  He can smell the smoke from the cookstove from where he is.

After two trees have fallen, he needs to take a break to drink some water and have a bit of the jerky and biscuits he’s brought with him for breakfast.  When he sees Melvin riding out towards him a bit later, he takes a final dipper of water from the bucket he filled before he left and picks up the axe again.

“Them trees aggravatin’ you this morning, or what?” Melvin asks, dismounting from Faithful Jenny and leading her over beside the wagon.

“We’ll need them for the new corral,” he answers, never taking a break in his swings.  “Thought I’d get a head start.”

“You want some help on it?”

“Nope.”

“You know I’m not aimin’ to get in the middle of things-”

“Then, don’t,” Mulder interrupts.  He stops chopping at the tree he’s on and gives it a firm kick.  The bottom tilts and cracks at a sharp angle, but doesn’t quite break.  He kicks it again, but it doesn’t budge this time.  So, he kicks it again.  And again.  And once more.

Mulder stops and drops the axe.  He bends over with his hands on his knees, breathing hard.  He takes one glove off and pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket which he uses to wipe his brow.  It’s one that Katherine has monogrammed for him with her pretty little stitches.  She gave it to him only a few days after settling in, telling him it wasn’t much, but it was something she could do to express her gratitude.

“What’d she tell you?” Mulder asks.

“Katherine?  She didn’t tell me nothin’, though it’s not hard to tell she’s upset by something.  And with you here hackin’ away at them trees, it don’t make it less obvious.”

“I’ve seen to it that she doesn’t want for anything, you know.  I...I took her away from that godforesaken sod house, I gave her clothes and a room and a job to do and...and I’ve been kind, haven’t I?”

“Sure you have.”

“We were having a perfectly pleasant conversation on the porch last night and suddenly it just went all sideways and then she’s throwing around accusations like I think our marriage is a farce.”

“She said that?”

“Amongst other things, yes she did.”

“Well, I guess that is reason enough to come out here and take your frustrations out on them trees.”

“What else should I be doing?  Talking in circles with my fictitious bride so she can hurl more baseless accusations at me?”

“If they’re baseless, why are you in such a tizzy?”

“Because they’re obviously not baseless to her, otherwise why else would she say that?”

“Hm.”  Melvin strokes his beard into a point at his chin.  “Womenfolk sure are complicated, that’s for sure.”

“You can say that again.”

“Did you ask her how she come by that notion about the marriage, or did you forget how to articulate?”

“Of course I asked her and all I got was some vague implication that I was somehow disrespecting her by hiring a surveyor to come out and make plans on the expansion.  It’s not like she wasn’t aware that was the plan all along.  You’d have thought it was a total surprise, the way she reacted.”

“When I was gettin’ hitched to Eliza, my Mama told me that the best advice she could give anyone startin’ out was not to let the sun go down on your anger.”

Mulder picks up his axe again and shakes his head.  “Little late for that,” he says, choosing his next tree to fell.  “The sun was already down anyhow.”

“You know you can be a real horse’s behind sometimes.”

“I am aware.”  Mulder starts chopping again, swinging the axe at a cedar sapling.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be then.”  Melvin hoists himself up into the saddle on Faithful Jenny’s back and turns the horse to home.  He stops and turns back, passing the wagon so he’s closer to where Mulder is chopping, but still at a safe distance.  “If’n you aim to prove her wrong about your marriage, it may be best not to let her stay in her misery for too long.”

“She has nothing to be miserable about.  I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well, apologies don’t have to mean you were wrong, they could just mean you’re sorry for the hurtin’.  You’re forgettin’ already what she’s been through.”

“I have not forgotten.”  Mulder shoulders his axe and glares at Melvin.  “Should I expect you’ll be taking her side of things from now on?”

“I’m not takin’ any sides.  Just remindin’ you that you’re the one brung her here.”

“And that means I need to shoulder the blame for every argument we have from here to kingdom come?”

“Tarnation you must have about the thickest skull in the entire state of Texas.  No, it doesn’t mean you’re to blame for everything, it just means that you’re the one that’s plum fool enough to marry a lady you don’t hardly know from Adam except she’s been dealt a sorry hand and then you want to go get all high and mighty about what you done like you deserve a dadgum medal of honor.  Either you wanted to help her because of the goodness in your heart or you wanted a nice pat on the back.  Which is it?”

“I wasn’t looking for any commendations.”

“Well, good, ‘cause folks might get an idea then of your marriage bein’ a farce or somethin’ like it.”

Melvin turns Faithful Jenny away from Mulder and clicks at her to ride away.  Mulder scowls at his back.  He doesn’t know why he’s being treated so harshly and unfairly all of a sudden.  He’s turned his conversation with Katherine over and over again in his mind and he can’t find the logic in her being so upset.  The only thing he knows is that he will clear this whole damned creek of trees before he apologizes for something when he doesn’t even know what he’s done wrong.

↭

When Mulder doesn’t come to breakfast, Katherine feels almost sick about it.  She doesn’t eat, just serves the boys their meal and pretends she has too much to do to sit down that morning.  She’s sure they won’t notice anyhow, they’re always distracted with planning for the day most of the time.  They don’t even seem to be concerned that Mulder isn’t there.  Melvin is the only one that looks at her like he knows something isn’t quite right.

When Mulder doesn’t come to noon dinner, Katherine feels a bit exasperated.  She knows by then that he’s been by the creek all morning taking down trees.  While she once preferred her late husband’s habit of disappearing for long lengths of time after an argument, she can’t say it feels the same to have Mulder do the same.

She’s so lost in her own thoughts that it takes her some time to realize that Melvin is washing up the dinner dishes.  She jumps up from the table, mortified to have let that happen.  Melvin waves her away.

“Go on, finish your dinner,” he says.  “You didn’t hardly eat your breakfast, if at all.  Let me do this.  You can dry if’n you want.”

“I guess I’m just not very hungry today,” she answers.

“Well, I suppose I don’t got much of an appetite either when I got things weighin’ on my mind.”

She worries the wedding ring on her finger.  It hasn’t escaped her that this has already become a nervous habit so quickly.  To make better use of her hands, she grabs a dishrag and starts drying what Melvin has washed.

“We argued last night,” she says.  “I suppose Mulder told you that?”

“He mentioned there was a disagreement of some kind.  You may have already figured this out for yourself, but he can be as stubborn as an old goat sometimes.”

“Does he always do this?  Avoid problems this way?”

“I haven’t known him to, but then again horse problems and lady problems aren’t really the same.”

“Should I bring dinner down to him, do you think?”

“I think he might appreciate that.  If’n you think he’s stewed long enough with his thoughts.”

“I don’t know about him, but I think I’ve stewed long enough with mine.”

“Then you go ahead and do what you think is right.”

“I’ll pack something up right now.”

“Leave that dishrag with me so’s I can finish up here.”

Katherine drapes the dishrag over Melvin’s shoulder and starts to pack up some dinner to take to Mulder.  She’s wrapping biscuits when there’s whistling and hollering outside.  Melvin looks up and peers out of the small, square window above the wash basin.

“What is it?” she asks.

“Lord almighty,” he mutters, flinging water and soap suds from his hands as he turns and rushes to the door.

“Another panther?” she asks, following at his heels.  “Should I get the gun?”

“Looks like there’s been an accident.”

“An accident?”

Katherine is out the door faster than Melvin, lifting her skirts as she runs across the ranch to where the men are shouting and the horses and wagon that Mulder had taken down to the creek are standing.

“What is it!?” she shouts.  “What happened!?”

“He come rolling up just now and keeled over,” Jimmy says.  “Felled right off the wagon.”

Katherine drops to her knees in the dirt where Mulder lays and immediately begins assessing his condition.  His face is sunburnt, his skin is dry, his pulse is racing.  She runs her hands over his head and finds a bit of a lump at the left side, but he’s not bleeding.  His left shoulder is twisted under him at an unnatural angle.  She looks up at the men standing over them.

“Should I run and fetch the doc?” Jimmy asks.

“His shoulder looks to be dislocated,” she says.  “Which I can set back into place.  And I believe he is suffering sunstroke.”  She makes some quick determinations in her head about who can help best in what areas.  “Melvin, go and fetch the doctor.  Trevor, I’d like you to go in and start pumping water into the washtub.  No need to light the furnace, we need it to be cool.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Trevor answers and runs off.

“Richard, can you find me some clean rags?  Tear up some of the bedding I just washed if you have to.”

The other men leave quickly and it’s just Jesse, squatting low at Mulder’s feet and Jimmy hovering over her.

“I need you two to help me turn him onto his back,” she says, getting to her feet and kneeling again at Mulder’s left side.  “Gently.”

Katherine holds onto Mulder’s shoulder and elbow to keep his arm in place as the men slowly roll Mulder onto his back.  He groans softly and coughs once.

“Jimmy, you go down by his feet and just hold his ankles steady.  I think he may already be in shock, but this still may hurt a bit and he might fight against the pain, but it’s best he be still.”

“What’re you gonna do to him?” Jesse asks.

“I’m going to be pulling the shoulder back into place, as gently as I can.  Will you please hold him steady with a hand on his chest and right shoulder?”

When Jesse and Jimmy have their hold on Mulder, Katherine takes a deep breath and then starts to slowly draw Mulder’s arm up in an arc away from his side.  As she pulls it up, she also pumps it softly until she’s reached a straight angle and she stops and looks from one brother to the other.

“Keep hold now,” she says.  They nod their reply.

Katherine raises Mulder’s arm up, making small circles as she lifts from his wrist.  Mulder groans again and he tries to kick his feet, but Jimmy holds steady.  

“You’re alright,” Katherine says to Mulder, still drawing his arm up.  “You’ll feel better in just a bit.”

Only moments later, Katherine feels the shoulder slide back into place and she lowers Mulder’s arm while cupping his elbow, bringing his forearm to rest across his belly.  She feels his pulse again at his neck and shakes her head.  It’s way too fast.  His lips are chapped and white.

“Will you two be able to carry him in if we get him on a sheet?”

“I reckon we sure could,” Jesse says.

“Don’t move him until I come back.”

Katherine races to the house.  She finds Richard at the linen cabinet in the dogtrot, ripping up pillow cases.  She grabs one of the sheets and runs back to Mulder.  When they have the sheet laid out the two men, under Katherine’s instruction, move Mulder onto it with as little jostling as possible.  They lift from the sides per her direction and move swiftly to the house.

The wash room is not a large room, certainly not large enough to hold five people comfortably, especially when one of them is incapacited.  She sends Trevor off to fetch her a glass of water with some salt in it and has Jesse and Jimmy lay out Mulder on the floor and then step away.

Quickly, and with nimble fingers, Katherine first unbuttons the suspenders on Mulder’s trousers.  She then opens up all the buttons on his trousers and moves down to pull his boots and socks off.  She pulls his trousers off and then calls out to Trevor to bring her the scissors from her sewing kit.  When she has the scissors, she cuts Mulder’s shirt in half up from belly to chest so she can pull his right arm free and not have to move the left too much.  With the remains of the shirt, she fashions a sling to hold his left arm.

She leaves his undershirt and drawers in place and then has Jesse and Jimmy lift him, sheet and all, into the washtub. The water doesn’t quite cover him so she pumps a bit more into the tub.  Richard brings her the rags and Trevor brings her the cup of water and the salt tin.

“I just put a pinch of salt in,” Trevor says.  “I don’t know if that was enough.”

“Thank you, that’s just fine.  Will you do me one more favor and get me a spoon and one of the ash buckets?  Just be sure it’s empty.”

“Yes, Ma’am!”  Trevor races out of the room.

Katherine kneels beside the tub and begins to dip the rags into the water and place them behind Mulder’s neck and on his forehead.  She dabs his cheeks and jaw.  Trevor returns with the spoon and the bucket.  Jesse brings her a stool to sit on so she doesn’t have to kneel.

“Is there anything else I can do?” he asks.

“Not at the moment.  I’ll call for you when it’s time to get him out.”

“Alright, we’ll stay close by.”

“Thank you.”

Jesse closes the door behind him and she sits with Mulder, alternating soaking rags and patting his neck and face and spooning him salted water.  His eyes slide open after a bit and roll around.  His pupils are two different sizes, which worries her, and his gaze is a little disoriented.

“Mulder?”

“Where’m I?” he mumbles.

“You’re in the bathing tub.  I think you may have had sunstroke and you fell from the wagon.  Can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up?”  She holds up three fingers and he blinks and stares at her hand.

“Three?”

“That’s good.  How do you feel?”

“Dizzy.  Cold.  My arm aches.”  He reaches up with his right hand to try to touch his shoulder, but she catches his hand and holds it.

“You dislocated your shoulder, but it’s fine now.  It’ll probably be sore for a few days.”

“I did?”

“I need you to drink a little water, can you do that?”

“Okay.”

Katherine lets go of Mulder’s hand and brings the cup to Mulder’s mouth.  She holds the back of his neck to help him sip, but won’t let him take much yet.

“I’m so thirsty,” he says, trying to bring his lips back to the cup.

“I know, you just need to drink slowly otherwise it might make you sick.”

He finishes the cup of water, slowly, with her help.  She puts the back of her hand to his cheek and then dabs at his face again with a soaked rag.  He lays passively for some time, almost like he’s dreaming, but then he starts to shift and seems to gain more awareness bit by bit.

“You know, if you wanted me in my underthings, all you had to do was ask,” he says suddenly, smiling a little and turning his head towards her.

“I think we can get you out of the tub now.”

[andie-cake]

After Forever and Always, I remember seeing somebody joke about there being one defective Paul clone, comparing it to Paper Jam Dipper from Gravity Falls. I don't know if anyone has taken the concept further.

But I kind of love it? So here's my take on the concept.

This defective clone, Paul number 2, was CCRP's first attempt at cloning Paul before they started mass-producing them. Their cloning tech didn't quite have all the bugs ironed out yet, so he was more of a test than anything. He,,, didn't turn out great. His arms were too long, one of his legs was slightly shorter than the other, his eyes kinda bugged out too much, his skin was almost ghostly pale, he could talk well enough but his voice was shaky and strained, his bones were a touch too fragile, and he just looked,,, completely crooked. You get the picture.

So now CCRP has this fucked up, but still 100% sentient clone of one of their employees. Thanks to his unsteady gait caused by his uneven legs and his overall fragility, he's unfit for the manual labor required of an employee for a mining colony on the moon. They could just kill him, but he's STILL a scientific marvel. Like, he's a little messed up, but he's still a full-fledged CLONE. And he's not unintelligent, either. He can read, he can speak (despite the aforementioned issue with his voice), and he's quick to respond when spoken to. So they keep him around, should a situation in which 2 could be useful arises.

The other Paul clones have,,, mixed feelings towards 2. Ranging from disingenuous pity, to outright disgust. 23 in particular DESPISES 2, and straight up forbids him from participating in the rebellion. 2 doesn't care though. In true Paul fashion, 2 is content with his lot in life. He tinkers around with the scrap metal in the storage units of CCRP's basement to keep himself busy, and has become quite good at it. He's even fashioned himself a makeshift crutch, so he can walk better on his uneven legs.

That being said, he DOES occasionally fantasize about leaving CCRP and seeing Hatchetfield for himself. He has all of the original Paul's memories (from the time of his creation), so those are all he has to go off of. He was made AFTER Paul first encountered Emma, but BEFORE he actually knew her name. As a result, 2 knows very little about her. Just that he thinks she's very pretty and intimidating, and that he gets butterflies in his stomach whenever he thinks about her. If he's ever able to see the outside world, the first thing he wants to do is meet this mystery woman.

But he figures it'll never happen. So he just awaits the day when the higher-ups at CCRP either find a use for him, or decide they have NO use for him. You've heard of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, well 2 is the... Defective Clone of CCRP...

[youngdumbamericanteen]

Mabel bad?

Oof sorry for never answering you nonnie! I’ve been pretty busy lately haha. But the post you’re responding to is a bit...old. I now understand Mabel a bit more now as a person, however I do still dislike her as a character because her flaws I was talking about in that post are never meaningfully addressed. 

This might get a wee bit long, oops. Click for a big Gravity Falls writing analysis/essay/thingy.

It’s good for characters to have flaws. Flaws that actually affect them and have consequences. Otherwise you have something of a Mary Sue that isn’t relatable and has a story that’s too easy and boring for the audience. The narrative punishes or addresses those flaws and they present a challenge for the character.

But at the opposite end, you have characters who have flaws that the narrative never addresses, which means the characters never have to grow. There’s two reasons this is bad. One, that you can have the same issue where they don’t face any struggle or grow as characters and it’s a boring story, or two, people don’t generally like to root for characters who they’d want to punch if they ever met them irl. You can have a story with main characters who are bad people, but you have to either make the character likable in other ways, present the situation so that the audience can gather that they’re in the wrong and either be rooting for their downfall or their growth, or have their actual story be compelling enough that the need to know what happens next outweighs dislike for the character. (And all of these things often require the story to be told from said bad character’s point of view.) Gravity Falls doesn't really do any of these things. Or rather, it tries but is ineffective for around 50% of the viewers.

Mabel is often presented as a pure soul, good of heart and just overall a good person. But she’s got flaws. She’s selfish and a bit inconsiderate, which is normal and not an unforgivably terrible thing, especially for a 13 year old girl figuring out her place in the world. All the Pines are a bit selfish, I think it runs in their genes. But the thing is, the show will treat her selfishness as perfectly fair and normal, with anyone her selfishness affects being shown as in the wrong. She often guilts people, mainly Dipper, into sacrificing things for her while rarely making any sacrifices of her own. She does it to other characters as well, but here’s a brief list of times Dipper has sacrificed something for Mabel (which I compiled with the help of this post on Quora):

 Tourist Trapped: Dipper spends almost the entire time worried about Mabel’s safety and trying to protect her, while she just brushes him off and laughs at him.

The Hand that Rocks the Mabel: Dipper agrees to break up with Gideon for her.

Time Traveler’s Pig: Mabel insists that Dipper give up the reality that doesn't break his heart so that she can adopt Waddles, and when he initially refuses she purposely endangers the space-time continuum as retaliation. 

Little Dipper: Mabel is very angry about Dipper making himself taller, even though Dipper would not have resorted to it if now for her teasing. She immediately demands and fights for the magic flashlight, causing it to fall into Gideon’s hands.

Summerween: Mabel drags Dipper out to go trick-or-treating in a costume he dislikes because she’d planned on them having a duo costume.

Boss Mabel: I shouldn’t even really have to explain this one, the whole episode is about her going on a power trip.

The Deep End: Mabel embarks on a rescue mission for Mermando, doing and using things that would lead to Dipper being fired from the pool job he loves, without consulting him at all. She hears his concerns and instead of just explaining she’s saving Mermando the first time, she completely ignores him and speeds off, destroying more pool property and ensuring he’ll be fired.

Carpet Diem: Dipper informs her of the the issues he has with her roommate habits, and she completely denies any fault, even though she and her friends had legitimately destroyed the room and the mini-golf course the twins had built. The two of them both overreact, and act selfishly throughout the entire episode, but she absolutely refuses to listen to him.

Boyz Crazy: This one isn’t Dipper but I still wanted to mention it because she is so ridiculously selfish throughout the whole episode, to the point where it’s to her and the people she loves’ detriment.

Dreamscapers: Again not Dipper or a sacrifice, but her worst nightmare is apparently losing her cuteness and becoming ugly. I dunno if that’s exactly selfish or anything but God did it make me wrinkle my nose in distaste.

Sock Opera: After promising to help Dipper with the laptop, she almost immediately abandons him for her crush of the week, then proceeds to ignore him for, and inconvenience him with, her puppet show, taking his things without asking and expecting him to be completely cool with all her actions. Bill literally mentions her selfishness to manipulate Dipper and it completely works.

The Love God: Dipper leaves Wendy and her friends in chaos to help fix Mabel’s mess.

Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons: Mabel, her friends, and Stan all make fun of Dipper and Ford and insist they should have full use of the living room.

Dipper and Mable vs the Future: This is one of the big ones that people talk about. Mable finds out that Dipper might want to stay as Ford’s apprentice and becomes incredibly upset because she dreamed of the two of them having fun in high school together. She sees Dipper and immediately makes it about her and her feelings, treating something he’d been dreaming of all summer (being The Author’s apprentice) as some direct attack on her happiness. She proceeds to literally give Bill the ability to start the apocalypse to avoid being separated from Dipper, all without having any sort of meaningful conversation with Dipper or considering his feelings.

Weirdmageddon Part 2: Escape From Reality: Out of all of these, this might be the one that gets to me the most. Mabel, seemingly knowing full well that she’s trapped by Bill, creates an imaginary fantasy land and refuses to leave just to spite Dipper for considering taking the apprenticeship. And despite doing all this, and attempting to convince him to stay with her, she creates an alternate “better” version of Dipper who’s “cool” and supportive and very, very, different from the real Dipper.

And this isn’t even mentioning all the times she just assumed she was completely in the right about something or had the moral high ground. Mabel frequently makes rush decisions because she thinks everything should be her way or how she thinks is right. 

And I want to say again, none of these things are unforgivable. Honestly, a lot of the things on the list are pretty standard sibling things, and like she isn’t even always in the wrong. The issue is that I’m naming at least 15 times where Mabel has been selfish or forced someone to give something up for her, and she almost never learns her lesson or is punished by the narrative. There are also only 2 or 3 times I can think of where Mabel sacrificed anything for Dipper, and they were all times he was in actual danger or someone had to talk to her and say she messed up and needed to fix her mistake. 

Dipper, on the other hand, sacrifices things for Mabel, faces consequences for his mistakes and his flaws, learns substantial lessons, apologizes, and rarely, if ever, repeats said mistakes. Now, this doesn’t mean that Mabel is awful and Dipper isn’t. I mean, Dipper does some pretty crumby things and has to be told he’s in the wrong or to apologize. And Mabel isn’t a bad person. Like legitimately, that is not what I want anyone to take away from this. She does genuinely love her brother and care about his wellbeing. She’s just a little selfish and unthinking sometimes, like anyone else.

Like I said, my issue is that it goes unpunished, and she repeats the same type of offense wayyy more than any other character. She’ll disappoint Dipper enough that he’d make a deal with Bill and then everyone will still say she’s the best and most caring person ever. That’s just annoying, honestly, or it is to me at least.

This isn’t dunking on her, this is dunking on the writers. And they aren’t unforgivable either, I mean Gravity Falls was a masterful web of foreshadowing, character building, lore, plot work, and incredibly intelligent humor mixed with jokes kids would love too. I don’t blame them for dropping the ball on Mabel, and I don’t hate her or the show or anything because of it. I just want us to acknowledge this flaw of the show, and also have people get it when Mabel gets on my nerves a little bit.

[codylabs]

My Top 10 Ships

I’m not a very romantic sort of guy, I’m not real forgiving to departures from canon, I get easily annoyed at inconsistencies, and I don’t watch much television and movies, so in order for me to ship something, it has to be a GOOD ship. I default toward rejecting ships, so to impress ME, it must be built on logic, and evidence, it’s gotta be something I can suspend my disbelief far enough to accept. And it’s gotta have story behind it, something deep, some hefty emotional weight; if it doesn’t tickle this man’s cold reptilian heart with strong beats and excellent writing, it goes straight to the trash. I absoLUTELY will not stand for any of these weird little cute, pretty, pandering, trashy crack ships that everybody seems to be clumsily throwing characters into. Most ships are trash ships. They are not good ships.

You think your ship is good? You like your ship?

You ship it?

No you don’t.

Get out of here.

You will listen to me. I will tell you. Look at me. I’m the Captain now.

Here are the 10 good ships.

10. The Rocinante, The Expanse

A resoundingly excellent ship. Unlike most ships you see out there, this thing was actually designed with realistic space combat in mind. It’s got 6 computer-controlled gatling turrets covering every angle, it accelerates in whatever direction it’s pointing, its bridge is right in the center to put as much armor as possible between enemies and crew, overall a much better-designed vehicle than most everything you see about.

That being said, I didn’t have much connection to this ship. Its crew weren’t really interesting, the aesthetic was kinda bleak, and I basically stopped watching after the phazon showed up. And the Rocinante itself has pretty poor redundancy. Enemy bullets can literally just pass through it (as is realistic for a ship this size) so how about multiple main engines huh? Absolutely tragic oversight. And its interior looks too much like an Apple product. How are you supposed to work on it? Where are the wires and pipes??? The handholds?????

9. Ares IV M.A.V., The Martian

Almost more of a symbol than a ship. A symbol of freedom, of escape. A beautiful symbol. This is what Mark Watney spends the whole movie trying to reach, with an entire world backing him up, and an entire world trying to stop him. It’s the goal of the movie, and it just looks so beautiful when he finally reaches it and sees it sitting there in the middle of the desert, ass down, nose up; a tall, proud symbol. This ship has a special significance for me because the author of the original book really did his research on the scientific requirements and details of a Mars Ascent Vehicle, and it was actually inspired by the E.R.V. in another book, ‘A Case For Mars’, which I read when I was younger. “Makes its own methane-oxygen fuel on-site by using nuclear power to break down CO2 in the atmosphere and combining it with stored hydrogen, don’t you know.” I say as I adjust my spectacles and puff my pipe.

The M.A.V. in the movie does have a few issues, such as hallway and rooms running straight up through where the fuel tanks ought to be (instead of a lift/ladder on the exterior) and a rugged, industrial aesthetic that looks too heavy and cumbersome for a ship of its type. (And you’re seriously telling me he couldn’t have used the capsule’s RCS to literally bypass the movie’s entire climax? WHY NOT? The book never mentioned him having to drain the monopropellant!!!) But I’ll let that slide. Great movie.

8. Biggest Boy, The Greatship

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name. You know what, I think it’s actually just called the Greatship.)

So it’s a starship the size of Jupiter, empty, unmanned, perfectly mysterious, that comes gliding into the galaxy a couple million years into humanity’s future. Where did it come from? Who made it and how? Good questions. It’s powered by matter-antimatter annihilation reactions from within planet-sized internal tanks, and its engines use hydrogen and fusion exhaust as reaction mass, and its hull is made of hyperfiber, a super-strong fictional material with a 4-dimensional lattice structure, able to weather impacts by spreading them out over various dimensions where the impact occurred in a different place.

I hope that after the first few entries, you didn’t get the impression that I am somehow against futuristic, far-out, impossible technologies. Quite the opposite! I love me some hyperdrive and anti-gravity and A.I. and stuff. However! Ships must be well-designed for the technology available, and must take no creative liberties except those explicitly allowed by the difference in the setting. The laws of physics don’t disappear when the magic crystals come out, the magic crystals are merely a different tool to combat them. Engineering will always exist, should start with the tools and work outward, form follows function. Star Wars ships, for instance, are trash because they don’t mount their repulsorlift arrays consistently, they’re not aerodynamic, and their engines aren’t aligned around their center of masses.

So I like the Great Ship. Although the story is pretty far-fetched, and a lot of crazy, out-there scifi events transpire deep in the ship’s depths, the book always strictly kept its own rules in mind, and never broke those rules, no matter how outlandishly crazy things got. Thanks for comprehending something so incomprehensible, Robert Reed. You inspired me miles in my own work.

7. The Ghost, The Sea Wolf

The story may be fiction, but the Ghost was as real as ghosts can be.

Jack London did his research. No, not research, he LIVED this. The Ghost is a seal-hunting schooner much like one that he served aboard during his rollercoaster of a life, and he captured every detail of its operation, of its requirements, of its mechanics, and of the incredible toll it took on the people that lived such a life. The boat is made to feel as oppressive and claustrophobic as a prison, as if it were an extension of the monster that commanded it, directly in contrast to the expansive beauty of the sea around them. My goodness, what a beautiful book. What a moving, interesting, challenging book, with such a story! This book is one of the climaxes of fiction, and one of the inspirations for Shifting Sands, if I remember correctly. I would recommend this book to anybody. Beautiful.

6. Ferbnessa, Phineas and Ferb

Okay, so I hope we can all agree that Vanessa is nothing but bad news. But that being said, Ferb knows exactly the relationship he wants, and by golly, he goes for it. Most male characters would stutter or get nervous or lose confidence around their crush, especially if that crush is about a hundred miles out of their league or if they already had another boyfriend, but Ferb? No. Not my man Ferb. He’s slighly too much of a legend to fall for such childish pitfalls. He doesn’t posture, he doesn’t creep or flirt or try to sabotage the other men in her life, he doesn’t even speak a word, he just maintains his blank expression, cranks his own already-inhuman levels of confidence and competence up through the roof to borderline olympian levels, and continues being himself. These rare moments of Ferbly passion are some of the few open windows we get into the grandiose machinations of his mysterious mind, and he uses it to bring out the best in Vanessa as well. And in the future episode, set years down the line, wouldn’t you know it, they’re a pair.

All joking aside though, this whole ship is basically comedy. It’s a super small part of the show, it’s only in like 5 episodes, it’s a running gag, it’s hilarious. It’s great. And it fits right into the tone and the feel of the show, because P&F’s entire world really is a comedy about going for it and living your dreams. So this is just the best thing ever. It’s been about a decade since then, and I still burst out laughing at how much of a pristine picture of ideal masculinity Ferb is. Become like Ferb, boys, and you will become men.

Legendary.

Eat your heart out, Dipper.

3. Shunk, Voltron

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

Huge props to the voltron team for making a female alien character (even a romantic interest) with NO BOOBS. Do you have ANY idea how sick and tired I am of artists throwing a big ol’ pair of balonkadongs onto lobsters and snakes when almost everything in the real world besides folks and cows have either 0 or 8+ of them? Everything’s gotta be traditionally sexy and recognizably-feminine and GREAT now you just canonized all the porn! Disgusteg

but now look at Shay. She’s a rock person. She’s got silicon-based biology, she probably weighs 500 lbs and bleeds sand. She’s got enormous hands and weird knees and no nose and lumps everywhere, AND YET STILL the show plays all the tropes 100% straight with her being a fair young maiden and a sweet princess. And it works because Hunk is just this great guy who’s exactly as sweet and caring, and he’s not the most attractive of the Paladins either, so he probably lives his life looking past appearances. He doesn’t care that she’s an alien rock, he cares about her as a person, and she obviously worships him right back. Even though Shay is shown in season 1 and then never again until season 7, Hunk still avoids alternative romantic entanglements, citing ‘a rock I know’, and it just adds to his persona as this infinitely loyal teddy bear. I tip my hat to this, the single ship I know that’s 0% sexy and 100% wholesome.

And Hunk is the best Paladin. He’s just the greatest. I revere him. I salute him as he walks past. This man among men. Look at this guy. I don’t even care about any of the other ships in Voltron (I mean, the Castle of Lions is okay, but it’s outriggers are kinda spindly) but Hunk and Shay deserve each other.

4. Wendip, Gravity Falls

So Dipper’s 12/13, and Wendy’s 15. That’s a pretty giant age difference. Maybe you fans have fooled yourselves into thinking it’s not, but it is. She knows it. He knows it. His sister knows it. Your mom knows it. So halfway through the show, when he finally got around to confessing his feelings to her, she told him no. Sure they’re still friends, sure they like each other, and sure they have a lot of chemistry and they still have a movie night every Friday, but at the end of the day, he’s a smelly little midget who has to go back to California at the end of the Summer, and she’s a older girl with approximately zero romantic feelings for him. So the notion that it could work out is pretty obvious to everyone, and especially to him, pretty much hopeless. And he really did handle it all pretty poorly and immaturely too, he objectified her and stalked her and simped up a storm and sabotaged her boyfriend, so perhaps he deserved what he got. Perhaps it’s better this way.

And yet.

And yet Wendy never really got a happy ending in the show. And Dipper never got a conclusive romance either. So after everything, it’s easy to think about it how he thinks about it, by wondering how things could have been, if everything were just so slightly different, if she’d said yes or if they united again. She wishes she could be younger, he wishes he could be older. She’s more dominant, he’s more recessive. She has a lot of serious issues in her life, and could really seriously use a driven, heroic, intelligent friend to help her out, give her purpose, and steer her right. And Lord knows he could use somebody with street smarts and actual muscles to have his back now and again. They complement each other perfectly. They make up for each others’ weaknesses. They’re everything they ever wanted from another, and if you do the math, their children would be actual literal supersoldiers.

Or at least that’s the way a lot of people see it. There’s been immeasurable mountains of fanfiction and fanart from people who are just so sad that in a show full of happy endings and dreams coming true and old regrets being resolved and children growing up, that one ending would never be happy, one dream would never come to pass, one regret would stick with you forever, one child would never grow up. Maybe if you extrapolate out the story they’d end up together? Or maybe they’d find other, better partners? Maybe romance isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, and this is the best ending there could have been? Perhaps, perhaps not. But in any case, there’s a lot of very rich storytelling potential for the untold journey before them, and for the paths that could have been.

Stop drawing fetish art of Wendy, you insufferable heathen actual donkeys.

3. Kataang, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Now HERE’S a serious relationship. Not just a romantic ship, (though it is that,) not just some cutesy, funny thing or some ship-war fodder, (though it is cute and funny and did spawn a ship-war,) not just a matter of certainty and destiny, (though it is certain and was destined,) this is a real, TANGIBLE relationship, that these characters built together over a solid year of on-screen adventuring and fighting. They’ve helped each other through trauma, they’ve been there for each other in their darkest moments, they learned martial-arts together, they’ve fought back-to back against grown men, they’ve worked front-to-front sawing through steel girders, they’ve saved each other’s lives, he once ACTUALLY DIED and she brought him BACK. They end up respecting each other, and valuing each other in the intimate way that only true friends do.

And they’re shown working through all their imperfections and mistakes too. Aang sometimes oversteps boundaries and says stupid stuff because he’s a kid, and Katara sometimes scolds him and controls him because she’s motherly and orderly, they get jealous of each other, but none of those things drive them apart, and they deal with them, and they conquer them, and they keep a very legitimate and multi-faceted friendship going, and that’s the key to it all. The fact that this friendship becomes romance is just proof that it was a friendship of quality.

I think people tend to overlook or forget this ship because the last few episodes of the show found them in a pretty dark place, needing to deal with matters of life and death and justice in very different ways, and unlike all their other issues, we don’t really get to see them reconciling these differences before the story ends, which kind of leaves a sour taste between them. And Katara goes on a couple missions with Zuko around the same time, so now half of all people want Zutara, when in actuality, Zutara is a trash ship, which is a true science fact.

2. Serenity, Firefly

Only reason this ship isn’t #1 is because it isn’t constructed using a proper aerospace philosophy; it’s made of bulky machinery and steel beams and chunky plates, it looks more like an ocean vessel from the inside, and is WAY too big for its 6-12 person crew and light cargo capacity. Plus it doesn’t have any room for fuel and its got no wheels on its landing legs and no downward-facing windows and its reactor is just too dang SMOL and its engines are attached too flimsily. This all wouldn’t be too much of an issue if they were going for a far-future aesthetic, but if you’re trying to do something grounded and semi-contemporary, you need to lose some weight girl, I’m sorry.

But by gosh does it make up for it in heart. The entire inside of this ship was mapped out and made on set, with so many homely little decorations and touches to make every room feel like the person who inhabits it, sterile professional blue for the doc’s medbay, warm happy red for Kaylee’s engine room, all-serious-business-but-also-plastic-dinos for Wash’s cockpit... It hit me hard when this baby it crashed in the movie, and it felt almost real when River pretended to mind-meld with it. This ship has more soul in one buffer panel than most shows have in the entire cast, enough to make it seem like its own character, even in a show crowded with charming characters. I love this ship intimately, even if I would have built it differently.

1. Colonial Vessel 46.18′\, Gravity Falls

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

You didn’t think I’d leave out this one, did you? After all the fanfiction I’ve written? This is basically my ship at this point. Anyway, enough about me; the vessel beneath Crash Site Omega really is the quintessential alien ship; its perfectly cliche flying-saucer design taps into all the audience’s pre-existing fanciful notions and imaginings and disbelief-suspension, meanwhile its presentation isn’t cliche or fanciful in the slightest. 

There’s not much to say about it from a technical standpoint, besides personal musings: it would need anti-gravity to stay airborne without thrusters, it would need a FTL drive to cross the distances it did, its drones would need to be made of some kind of semi-liquid to move like they do... But these sort of out-of-the-box, never-before-seen, world-expanding brain-knocks are exactly what makes this ship special. It’s an alien ship, built with technology unknown to people, forged from materials that people don’t possess, and inhabited by beings we will never meet. For all we know, this ship could be perfectly sound from an engineering standpoint, and no engineer in the audience could claim to prove it otherwise, because unlike something like the T.A.R.D.I.S., they never try and fail to explain it away with science buzzwords or canonize its details or show off some fancy glowy reactor. This ancient husk is left as a yawning pit in reason, and that’s beautiful.

Moreover, this ship is an amazingly powerful narrative tool, and a mind-blowing surprise to drop in as a setpiece during the show’s final episodes. This ship embodies everything that made the show’s mysteries special: the evidence presented so early and so consistently, the creativity in creature design, action, and worldbuilding, the yawning depths of unknowable lore, and most of all the burning, unquenched desire to know more... The imprint this ship made in the cliffs over the town has been hanging over the characters’ heads the entire series, and its hull was below their feet from day one, so when they finally revealed it, and explored it, it felt invigorating. Rewarding. This ship, and the glorious feelings and thoughts it represents, have inspired to no end, and haven’t ended yet.

Honorable mentions:

Westley and Buttercup, The Princess Bride

Ooooh man I tell you what, it was really hard trimming this down to 10 for the list, and this one just barely didn’t make the cut, and that mainly because I have a sweet spot for animation and for warrior women, and this sweetness ain’t animated, and this damsel is as distressed as they get. And they don’t have a whole lot of chemistry? I don’t know how to measure that, but I feel like there was a lot of friendship stated that was never shown? Is it sacrilege to say that about True Love? I guess I’ve never exactly had True Love, so what do I know?

The entire plot centers around his devotion to her, and her love for him, and the lengths they go to for one another. He studies fencing and wrestling and wits and tactics for years on a pirate ship as he tried to return to her, and she refused the advances and the offers of an actual prince for as long as she could, even though she thought him dead, and was ready to kill herself when she knew him to be alive and not to be hers. And just such excellent action and characters and humor and story in the entire book surrounding it. Possibly an even better movie, somehow. Happy happy happy happy. They don’t make movies like this no more, why is that? Sad.

Endurance, Interstellar

Actually a pretty realistic design, all considering. They nailed the aesthetic, and the cinematography, and the feel.

It does lose points though, firstly because the shuttlecraft require a booster stage to make it into orbit when leaving Earth, but for the rest of the movie, whenever they’re landing on planets with similar gravity and atmosphere, they can just fly away like it’s no big deal, which is a big inconsistency, both with real life, and more importantly with itself. And how did an under-equipped and struggling space program put this thing in orbit in the first place, anyway? And why don’t their ships land on their asses like proper rockets? And why not tell the crew members the full plan before leaving? See, it’s little things like that, little inconsistencies made for the sake of fitting with story beats and simplifying it for the audience’s sake, that sours this ship for me. I don’t mind creative liberties, but actual plot holes? This thing has a few plot holes, and plot holes are absolutely yucky. So although most of this ship is very yummy, the yucky parts make it all yucky.

Yucky.

Plus its heavy cargo shuttles are about the least-aerodynamic things imaginable, and that’s also yucky, and there’s porcelain tiles in the stasis bay, like what?

Couldashouldawoulda been yummy.

The Hermes, The Martian

This ship. This friggin’ ship.

A beautiful ship. A well-conceived ship. A mathematically sound and engineered ship. It had so many many good ideas behind it. So much math went into calculating its thrust and orbital dynamics for this movie, so much work went into making it fit a contemporary space aesthetic, the panels, the heat sinks, the tanks, so much PRESENTATION I could KISS IT HMWA, but taken as a whole, engineering-wise, the whole ship falls flat on its face, because it just doesn’t fit together. It doesn’t make sense. Look at all those countless modules along its length. What do they do? They don’t do anything! It’s a quarter mile long, and it’s built for only 6 people? It’s meant to carry a lander? Where does the lander dock? Why are the useful airlocks so far off the center of gravity? Why does it have a cockpit? Why is the forward airlock so looooong? Why is the entire ship so loooooong? Why is the ring spinning so slowly? It’s not hard math to figure out how fast it needs to spin! You’re telling me you did ORBITAL DYNAMICS but not the SINGLE physics 101 equation needed to figure out how fast the ring needs to spin??

Btw, let’s talk about that rotating section in the middle! Think about the rotating section! That rotating section means that the front and the back of the ship aren’t actually connected! There’s just a pair of ring-shaped slip-slidey bearings bridging the ship’s middle, slip-slidey bearings that electricity, computer signals, and water and air pipes can’t cross. Why did they design it that way?? In the book the entire ship spun, which makes so much more sense! Why does it have solar panels when it has a reactor canonically capable of 40 times their output? Why are the fuel tanks so small? Why is it always facing prograde even when canonically burning retrograde? Why? WHY? BLRRRRGGGGGRGGGRGGG

In Conclusion, Ships Are Neat

[minijenn]

Log Date 7 15 2 Preview

Finally workin on this ahahah that’s what happens when you take a week off cause of moving anyway, I don’t anticipate this chapter being very hard to write tbh so have some framing device fun for now lol

***

“Log date 7 15 2… I can’t believe I just did that!” Peridot’s calm report instantly turn to hysterics as she gripped her tablet tightly, her recording app taking in her every word all the while. Everyone had only just arrived back at the barn, still somewhat shaken by what they had just learned during the green Gem’s surprising conversation with her Diamond. But no one was more shaken than Peridot herself as she expressed her shock over her own open rebellion against her now former matriarch in the only way she knew how. “I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond’s wishes! I’m a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I’ve done again!”

Despite this proclamation, Peridot frantically tapped away at the tablet until it began playing back her most recent recording on a constant loop. “I’m a traitorous clod! I’m a traitorous clod!”

Oddly enough, this elicited a rather unhinged chuckle from the green Gem, one that only grew louder and more excited as she recalled exactly what she had done. “A-and I called Yellow Diamond a clod right to her face!” No more than a single beat later, Peridot collapsed to her knees, letting out a devastated whimper as she shook her head remorsefully. “I called Yellow Diamond a clod… right to her face…”

Though the green Gem had hardly paid them any mind, Steven and Mabel had been standing on the sidelines, watching Peridot’s entire breakdown as it unfolded before them. As frantic as the green Gem currently was, neither of them really knew much they could say or do to try and calm her down. Then again, that same sort of frenzy seemed to hover over everyone else’s heads at the moment like a shroud as well. Ford and the Gems were all congregated right outside the barn, discussing in hushed, fearful whispers the frightening fact they now faced: that Bill and Yellow Diamond really did have some sort of sinister alliance. An alliance that, by all accounts, none of them knew anything of other than the fact that it did indeed exist, though for what purpose, they were all still completely in the dark about. Certainly, it was a gravely worrying thought, one that they’d all likely have to confront sooner or later. But for now, while everyone else fretted over the future, Steven and Mabel opted to fret over the present—or more specifically, over Peridot—instead.

“Uh, Peridot?” Steven finally spoke up as the green Gem continued hunching over her tablet. “Are you gonna be ok?”

“…No!” Peridot quipped, looking back at the pair with a blatantly deranged smile.

“Aw, don’t worry, Peri,” Mabel soothed, pulling the blubbering green Gem into a tight embrace. “Everything’s gonna work out, you’ll see! Especially since you’re part of the best squad ever now!”

“The Despicable Traitors Against Their Homeworld Squad?” Peridot asked, her lip quivering all the while.

“No, silly!” Mabel chuckled before quickly recanting. “Well, actually, you’re not totally wrong. But anyway, you’re part of the Crystal Gems plus Pines Squad! Name’s still pending, but either way, your family now! Isn’t that exciting?”

“More like terrifying!” the green Gem countered, lightly shoving Mabel away. “You don’t understand! I’m protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now, I’m a traitor. A rebel! A Crystal Gem!”

“…Yeah, that’s kinda what I just said…” Mabel noted as she exchanged a glance with Steven.

“Yeesh, and I thought we were all freaking out,” Dipper cut in as he stepped into the barn from outside. For the most part, he had largely just been listening in on the anxious discussion ongoing outside, though even despite his own immense concern over the matter, he had still decided to spare a moment to check in on the others amidst it. “I can’t say I know a ton about existential crises, but it sure does look like you’re having one, Peridot.”

“Hey! I am not having a so-called ‘existential crisis’!” Peridot huffed, offended. “I’m merely questioning my suddenly changed overall purpose in the grand scheme of reality!” At this, the green Gem set her recording app to repeat itself again, creating a chorus of ‘clod!” that showed real signs of stopping as Peridot paraded it around manically.

“Uh… well, at least your tablet seems to be helping,” Steven noted.

“No, its not! It’s a chronicle of my descent into madness!” Peridot snapped, tossing the tablet away from her. Fortunately, instead of hitting the ground, Garnet happened to catch it as she stepped into the barn right on time.

“You dropped this,” the Gem leader said, offering the device back to its owner.

“G-get it away from me!” Peridot quickly deflected, cowering behind Garnet. “Give it to them!” she pointed to the trio of kids. “Return madness to its source!”

“Uh, technically Pacifica was the one who gave you that tablet, not us,” Dipper pointed out, crossing his arms.

“It doesn’t matter!” the green Gem argued. “I don’t want anything more to do with it!”

“Are you sure, Peridot?” Steven asked as Garnet handed the tablet off to him. “I mean, you really, really like this thing.”

“Whatever! It’s yours now!” the green Gem refuted wildly. “Yours, not mine, not mine! Yours! Yours!”

“Oof, Peri, you really gotta take a chill pill,” Mabel mused, hands on her hips. “You know what always calms me down when I’m feeling stressed? Knitting!” She smiled brightly as she held up her rather complicated sewing kit, complete with countless balls of yarn and a vast collection of knitting needles.

“Good idea, Mabel, but I think I might just have a better one,” Garnet said as she gently hoisted the green Gem into the air to halt her frenzy. “Let’s calm down.”

“O-Okay…” Peridot finally stilled as she let the Gem leader carry her out of the barn for a moment of peace. “So am I gonna have to wear a star? Where am I gonna put the star?!”

“Well, there’s the newest Crystal Gem for you,” Dipper said with a bit of a sardonic smirk. “Hopefully Garnet will actually be able to get her to mellow out, I don’t know how much more ‘Peri-Panicking’ I can take.”

“Eh, I’m sure she’ll be fine eventually,” Steven mused, glancing outside, where Peridot sat alongside Garnet in some sort of unknown conversation. “Weird… they seem to be getting along well. I wonder when that happened…”

“Why don’t we find out?” Mabel grinned down at the tablet in Steven’s hands. “Peri’s been using that app she downloaded to record all of her log thingies. Its like a diary we can listen to!”

“Uh, you know reading—or I guess in this case, listening to other people’s diaries isn’t exactly… a good thing to do, right, Mabel?” Dipper asked knowingly.

“Yeah, we probably shouldn’t violate Peridot’s privacy like that…” Steven frowned before sparing another glance back at the tablet. All three of the kids took a brief pause, each of them contemplating the matter silently before the young Gem voiced what they were all thinking. “Then again… she did give this to us, so…”

“So what are we waiting for!?” Mabel cut in with an eager grin. Likewise, Dipper leaned in, admittedly quite curious about these unheard logs himself. “Steven, press that play button!”

The young Gem did exactly that, all three of the kids poising to listen in on the green Gem’s own telling of her time on Earth. A tale that would no doubt reveal just how far she’d come, from Homeworld to here, and everything in between.

[believe-writing]

Dating Bill Cipher would include...

Bill initially met you when you were visiting Gravity Falls during the summer to stay with family, where you so happen to meet the Pines twins and became a part of their gang for adventures and mystery solving. 

Then, is when Bill saw you hanging out with Dipper and immediately became intrigued since he knew everyone in town and had never seen you before - therefore you became his main center of focus.

At first Bill only sees you are a link to Dipper, thus he begins to plan a way to manipulate you to get the journals from Dipper. Bill’s first step was to present himself in a less intimidating, human form while away from the Pine twins to prevent them from warning you about Bill’s deception. 

Upon meeting you, he cannot help but to love your wit and character and decides he wants to play with you more. He befriends you and learns more about your dreams, fears and personal life as a friend.

The second step of his plan, he slowly mentioned Dipper’s journals and how you two would be a fine couple to mystery hunt - suggesting you borrow Dippers book so you both could go on adventures together.

However, before he introduces his plans he begins to feel something, deep inside. At first he does not recognize this particular feeling and mistakes it as a dumb human emotion - but learns this feeling continues even inside his demon realm. 

This new discovery initially pisses off the powerful demon and he will begin to ignore you because he believes you are the source of the disgusting plague of emotions - thus he rethinks a more, dangerous plan to gain access to the book via body possession like he has with Dipper. 

But when he can’t bring himself to do something as possess your body, he knows he is in trouble since the demon has never held concern for anyone other than his own personal gain.

Once he learns about his feelings are actually love - he cannot understand it and does not bother trying to understand the feelings. He knows you are special to him, and that is enough for Bill. So he, heavyhearted, drops his plan of using you are a tool for his own plans and actually begins to invest into your friendship genuinely. 

Your friendship with Bill is strange, but nonetheless fun. He does not understand basic human actions and often questions certain etiquette - but it makes it more fun when you two are together. 

Eventually Bill grows tired of being just friends and decides to make a plan to actually ask you out for a date. The demon is no saint, but he still does not want to screw up this potential relationship so he actually puts effort in - which is very uncharacteristic of him in the first place.

He then walks confidently to you and asks you out, almost not waiting for a response but is still pleasantly surprised when you agree - where you could swear you saw a small blush on his cheeks

Before he takes you on a date, he agrees to himself that he would reveal his true form and nature to you. Taking you a secluded area in the forest, he shows you who he is. After the initial shock runs off, he is glad to hear you still like him for who he is and did not judge his demonic form.

Which, overall, makes Bill like you more because you like his triangle figure - something he absolutely loathes but comes to tolerate it slightly more when you compliment him.

Bill is very classy - he takes you to a nice dinner into his demon realm. He makes sure that you are well protected at all times and stares down any creature who spares you a second glance. Bill is an almighty and powerful demon, only a fool would approach his date and mess with him.

The date is overall fun and elegant, though by the end of the night he returns to his normally sadistic and reckless self in human form - which you have learned to love anyways for who he is. 

One thing most would not think about Bill Cipher, is he is quite the jealous type. He does not like the thought of you hanging out with Dipper or other males, often when you mention hanging out with them he will intrude by tagging alone - making it a habit of not even asking.

He also often challenges Dipper, making fun of him as a way of humiliation. Bill is still a sadistic demon, and he will continue his torment until you stop him or Dipper walks away. Whichever first.

Slightly Yandere - Bill does not date often, so he is very possessive and clingy to his new partner. He is not afraid to use his abilities to overpower his partner or hurt people if it means he keeps them all to himself. After all, who better can keep you safe than the chaotic demon himself?

If you begin to fight against his possessive nature, Bill will make a game out of it. He will make “deals” with you and make sure you always deep your end of the bargain - often ending up losing. 

Overall, your relationship with Bill is a rather adventurous and dangerous one. He is still a demon in nature, and loves a challenge so you both keep each other on your toes in the relationship. However, Bill is still a “gentleman” and will limit his torments with his partner since they are in fact his favorite human. 

[anistarrose]

Some Sunny Day - Ch. 5: Block Out All the Bad (Gravity Falls Same Coin Theory)

Summary: In which two brothers both struggle to handle everything that’s going on around them, and tell each other two very different lies.

Warnings: Panic attacks, excessively negative views of oneself, and unsafe driving that results in a near miss

Previous / Next

The Beginning

(The Same Coin Theory is by @dubsdeedubs and @renmorris!)

Ford had once written that he was okay with being a hero’s brother, and at the time, it had been true. But now Stan was the one who needed saving, and Ford was doing a downright pathetic job at returning the favor.

I shouldn’t have snapped at him. I just made things worse.

He didn’t believe me when I told him he was worth something. Has he always hated himself this much? Have I really never noticed?

“We’re heading to the mansion to run the scan,” Ford called to Dipper, somehow choking out some semblance of a calm and collected voice. He couldn’t bring himself to forbid the rest of the family from coming along. “You and Mabel can follow with Soos in another car.”

Dipper looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t quite get it out. Stan stayed quiet too, staring down at his feet as Ford guided him out of the shack.

Ford braced himself for the worst as they exited the unicorn hair barrier, but Stan didn’t say a thing about it — just shook his head and blinked a few times as they crossed the boundary. Then he slipped into the back seat of the Stanmobile, passenger-side, and started nervously drumming his fingers against the window.

Ford probably would have been more comfortable with Stan riding next to him up front, but given how Stan seemed to have deliberately chosen the farthest seat away from him, he didn’t think that suggestion would go over well. Instead, he just adjusted his rearview mirror until Stan’s face was visible, and then began to drive.

The road was infuriatingly indirect. He couldn’t believe that he’d never noticed how poorly designed it was. It took switchbacks up a series of hills that weren’t even that steep, and wound through patches of trees that would each block the sun for a second at a time before it reappeared, made even more intense on the eyes by the constant alternation with shadow.

Gripping the wheel more tightly than he should have, Ford lowered his foot on the accelerator —

“STOP!” Stan suddenly shouted, and Ford slammed on the brakes on instinct, not giving a single thought to whether he could even trust his brother’s voice at the moment.

From around the bend, a deer leapt out and bounded across the road. Ford couldn’t be sure, but if he’d kept on driving at that same speed, he probably would’ve hit it.

What he could be sure of was that Stan shouldn’t have been able to know it was coming, not from where he was sitting in the car. There was absolutely no way he could have seen around that turn, not when Ford himself hadn’t been able to see from the driver’s seat.

He heard Soos’s truck come to a halt behind them, and then the sound of a door opening. “Mr. Pines-es? Are — are you guys okay?”

Stan made a small, sad noise of distress. It could have been because of the worry in Soos’s voice, or because Stan realized how impossible the thing he’d just done was, or both. But no matter the reason, it made Ford’s heart sink and his stomach churn.

He tried to roll down the window, bit back a swear after finding it was jammed, and just swung the door open.

“There was a deer in the road,” he replied as calmly as he could. “I stopped to avoid hitting it, and it’s gone now. That’s all.”

Soos was looking at him with a concerned frown, and Dipper and Mabel probably were too from inside the truck, but Ford turned around before any of them could say anything. He didn’t want to keep them in the dark, but he would have more time to explain later on; for now he had to focus on getting Stan safely to —

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a birch tree looming amongst the pines at the corner of the bend, and for a moment he could have sworn the rips in its bark were giving off a faint golden light.

He ducked inside the car and started driving without looking back. The only times he took his eyes off the road were to check on Stan in the rearview mirror, and each time, it got harder and harder for Ford to convince himself he’d only imagined that hint of yellow reflecting off his brother’s glasses.

***

“Ya see, I’ve made some more upgrades to this fella since ya left on yer sailin’ adventure,” McGucket explained to Ford as he fit the helmet over Stan’s head. “Should only take seven minutes to complete a scan now, give or take.”

“But it still works off the same algorithm we used last time, correct?”

“Correct indeed.”

Ford turned to Dipper, Mabel, and Soos, who were waiting awkwardly on the other side of Fiddleford’s lab — once a ballroom, now a mad scientist’s lair with countless vaguely steampunk-looking inventions and almost as many banjos scattered across the floor. “After you kids left last summer, I asked Fiddleford to revamp my old invention, Project Mentem, just to… well, to give us some peace of mind.”

He let that sentence hang in the air for a second, painfully aware of the irony and unsure of how to continue.

“It no longer scans individual thoughts, but examines them as a group to detect how many distinct minds or consciousnesses are present. Last year, it… well, I suppose you can infer — it told us that no one was in Stan’s mind except him. There was nothing out of the ordinary that it detected. But Fiddleford has upped the sensitivity since then, I believe…”

McGucket nodded to confirm.

“...as well as streamlined the overall process of the scan to make it faster. We believe that Bill has been directly interacting with Stan’s thoughts and dreams recently, meaning that he should be easy to identify, and once we’ve gotten a handle on what he’s currently doing and what else he’s capable of, we can go about forming a plan to… remove him.”

He turned back to Stan. “Are you ready?”

“I don’t have to fall asleep for this, do I?” Stan asked. His voice was steady, if a little quiet, but his hands were trembling slightly on the arms of the chair.

Ford shook his head. “No. It works whether you’re awake or asleep.”

“Okay. Start it up, I guess.”

For over a minute, no one spoke as the machine whirred to life and flashed a progress bar on the screen. Ford berated himself for not bringing anything to write on, to use to jot down notes.

(Not so much for the sake of keeping a record — there wasn’t a single thing Stan had done or said that day that wasn’t painfully burned into Ford’s memory, he was sure — but to organize his thoughts, to calm him down, to give him something to do.)

“We told Wendy and Melody what was going on before we left,” Dipper finally said. “They went to go get unicorn hair, so we could Bill-proof part of the mansion too. I mean, assuming that doesn’t mess up the scanning machine or anything.”

It took Ford longer than it should have to process the statement. “That’s… oh, that’s great. I’m not sure if I have any moonstones on hand, but those shouldn’t be too hard to get a hold of anyways… That’s very helpful of them.”

And then everyone was quiet again, and Ford suddenly felt very useless.

Melody and Wendy barely even know what’s going on and they’re doing more for Stan than I am right now. Why can’t I think of any way to help?

“Does Stan want us to get him anything?” Mabel asked quietly, as if reading Ford’s mind.

“Nuh-uh.” For the first time in a while (far too long), Stan looked directly at his niblings. “Tried to drink somethin’ earlier. Didn’t go down too well.”

He’s talking to the kids again. Thank goodness. Stan had a worried frown on his face and his words were spoken quietly and quickly, but it was improvement.

“Okay. But you’ll tell us if there ever is anything, right?”

“‘Course, Shoo— ‘course, sweetie. Don’t worry about that.”

And then there was the inevitable slip — so subtle and quickly corrected that Ford almost missed it, would have missed it if Stan hadn’t briefly shuddered at his own words before putting back on a neutral expression.

Sixer, Pine Tree, Shooting Star…

It seems the kids hadn’t noticed, though, and Ford didn’t want to bring it up to them, not after what had happened after returning to the Shack that morning. Instead, he waited until they turned away and started to talk to each other, then whispered to Stan: “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m not any worse, huh?” Stan answered, and Ford doubted many other people would have noticed, but his words sounded slightly forced, his tone just a bit too optimistic.

Like a lie.

“Do you… do you feel alright talking to the kids?” Ford asked cautiously.

“Yeah, pretty much. I — I think I still need them to give me some space, but…”

There was the genuine Stan again, the Stan being honest about how scared he was.

“But yeah, I can talk to them. Like, I just did, and that went fine, right?”

Ford felt a wave of nausea wash over him.

But it wasn’t fine, Stan. A moment ago you were horrified of what you almost said. What just changed? You couldn’t have forgotten, or…

Oh no.

Stan’s pupils weren’t slit at the moment, but his eyes had never shown the signs of possession, had they? Not when calling Dipper Pine Tree, not when his hands caught fire, not a single time. What if Bill was somehow the one in control, the one speaking to Ford at this very moment, pretending nothing was wrong, waiting for Ford to let his guard down — or maybe Bill wasn’t fully in control, but deleting memories from Stan’s mind and manipulating his thoughts until he truly believed it was fine —

A soft ding chimed in the background, and Ford didn’t register what it was until Fiddleford announced: “We’re done. I’m guessin’ you’ll wanna take a look here, Ford.”

Ford hurried over to the machine just in time to watch with Fiddleford as the results loaded, and for the sinking feeling in his stomach to grow a thousand times worse.

“That — that can’t be all there is! The end must be cut off!”

“No,” McGucket replied, his voice stunned and monotone — it sounded so wrong to hear Fiddleford of all people speak so flatly. “Ya can see the times labeled on the x-axis. That’s all there is…”

“Fuck,” Ford whispered.

He was drowned out by Dipper asking: “What’s wrong? What’s all there is?”

Ford found himself speaking slowly and clearly, like saying the words out loud would make them false, would prompt someone to correct him. “There isn’t a single sign of possession here. Nothing at all.”

“It’s gotta be my fault,” Fiddleford muttered. “I musta messed it all up with the upgrades —”

Ford shook his head. “No, Fiddleford. Stop.”

He pointed to the screen, where a graph was displayed. It was almost entirely one flat line, except for three parts: almost exactly a year ago, where it briefly quintupled in height, ten months ago where it briefly doubled in height, and a slightly longer period immediately afterwards where it made small oscillations up and down from the original line.

“All this data aligns perfectly with what we know — here’s where Dipper, Mabel, and Soos followed Bill into Stanley’s mind last summer. Counting Stan, that’s five separate people, just as the graph shows…”

He moved his finger along the line, from left to right. “Here’s where Stan tricked Bill into entering his mind during Weirdmaggedon — two people, just as we see here. And here’s where the memory gun caused minor interference. That’s all just as it should be.”

He finally pointed at the time labeled Present, where the line was flat again. “It’s just this part… we know Bill is here, but… we can’t detect him now, for some reason…”

Ford realized that he hadn’t heard Stan say anything since the results had arrived, and glanced in his brother’s direction. The look Stan returned to him might have seemed completely neutral and indifferent to any other person, but Ford could tell there were other emotions behind it — fear, and something else.

Shame?

“Um,” Soos said, “I don’t know very much about this stuff, but maybe you could try turning it off and back on? And then doing the scan thing again?”

“That’s a good idea, Soos,” Ford replied, quickly and maybe a little louder than he meant to. “We might try that — unless Fiddleford has something else he’d like to troubleshoot?”

“There’s a more detailed scan setting I can use, but I’ll turn it off and on again first, if ya want. The other scan’ll take more time, though. ‘Bout twice as long.”

“That’s fine,” Ford immediately assured him, even though it wasn’t.

Seven minutes had already been too much. He couldn’t handle another fourteen. He had to get out of this room, out of this poorly-lit ballroom-turned lab with no windows and not enough chairs and nothing to write on and far too much empty space.

But no, he had to stay, he had to do something, anything to help Stan — yet he couldn’t, couldn’t do anything, couldn’t hold it all together for much longer.

He was a horrible brother, wasn’t he.

“Stanley, would you be comfortable on your own for a short amount of time? I need — I’d like to head to the bathroom.”

He just needed two or three minutes alone to pull himself together. He’d come back to Stan as soon as he could, he just needed a moment alone. He just needed to sort through all his thoughts and paranoia, and then he could stop being so helpless…

“Sure, I guess…” Stan told him, frowning.

“Alright. Thank you,” Ford replied as he hurried out of the room, failing to notice the worried looks that Dipper and Mabel exchanged behind him.

Is this why I always tried so hard to convince myself that being a hero meant being alone? Because of how useless I always become when I try to help my friends and family?

***

It was actually in the dining room that Mabel found him, and it wasn’t two or three minutes later, but more than four.

“Grunkle Ford, you’re not in Sweater Town, are you?”

He didn’t get up from the corner he was sitting in, but he looked up to Mabel, trying to be reassuring but probably failing. “Am I really so bad of an actor? That you felt the need to come after me?”

“Well… we were a little worried before you even left, but then McGucket told that none of the mansion’s eight bathrooms were in the direction you went. So… that made us more worried.”

She sat down next to him, waited a moment, and then leaned against his side.

“I want to try help you feel better,” she admitted, “but I’m really afraid, too.”

“I want to tell you that you shouldn’t be,” Ford replied, “but I don’t think I’d convince either of us.”

He put his arm around Mabel’s shoulders, and all the thoughts that he’d been holding in ever since finding Stan in that clearing began to pour out.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to tell Bill and Stan apart at some moment when I desperately need to. That Bill somehow buried himself so deep in Stan’s mind that the scan won’t even pick him up no matter how many times we run it, and that I don’t even know my own brother well enough to find a way to separate what’s him and what’s that demon. I’m afraid that Bill’s already influencing what he says and thinks, and that it’s only going to get worse, and that I won’t even notice when it does.

“Back in the Shack, Stan… he talked in his sleep and quoted a whole conversation I had with Bill decades ago, and I didn’t even recognize it at first. It just… he called me Sixer, and I didn’t catch every word at first but the words I did understand sounded… just so natural in Stan’s voice, until… until he started telling me to lie until I couldn’t remember what was true, to lie until I wasn’t lying anymore.

“Now I’m afraid that Bill’s lying to me through Stan, messing with Stan’s head and controlling what he tells me. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to tell for sure until it’s too late. I… I should be with him! I should be watching him. Them. But I — I just can’t bring myself to…”

Mabel scooted closer and hugged him.

“I’m just so useless to Stan, to all of you. I don’t know how to handle any of this. I should be back there by now, but… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I can be the one leading everyone through… all of this.”

He hung his head. “I’m so sorry, Mabel. I shouldn’t have burdened you with this…”

“But did it help?” Mabel asked him. “To talk about it?”

Ford had to consider it for a moment. “Maybe a little bit, I think.”

“Then I’m glad you said it, Grunkle Ford.”

Ford had never been much of a crier, but at that moment, tears were starting to well up in his eyes. “Thank you, Mabel.”

“I don’t know what I could say that could help you any more,” she went on. “I’m really scared too. Especially for Stan.” She rubbed her eyes.

“But I’m not scared about being able to tell him and Bill apart — about you, or me, or anyone else being able to, ‘cause Stan loves us way more than Bill will ever understand. You know that, right?”

Despite everything, Ford felt a sense of pride. “You’re right. He does love us, so much more. I do know that.”

“One time,” Mabel went on, “Bill asked me some question, like ‘who would sacrifice everything they’d worked for just for their dumb sibling?’ He didn’t get how any of us could care about our family so much. Stan’s the opposite of that. He worked for thirty years to save you! Even if Bill was your brother, he never would have done that!

“You know Stan better than anyone, and you know how different he is from Bill. You know so much about everything! If anyone can figure out a way to seperate them, it’s you, Grunkle Ford!”

“That was very well said, Mabel. Thank you. I needed that.”

They sat silently together for a few more seconds, until Mabel said: “I guess you kind of were in Sweater Town, weren’t you.”

“I — I don’t believe I know what that means.”

“Well, when I go to Sweater Town, I pull my sweater over my head. Like this.”

She demonstrated. “But I guess it’s doesn’t always have to be a sweater, exactly. It can be whatever you do to get away and block out all the bad stuff going on.”

She pulled her sweater back down. “Sometimes you need to go to Sweater Town for a little while, and it really helps. Sometimes it’s bad instead, because you’re tempted to hide there forever and pretend all the stuff going on around you isn’t happening. Sometimes it’s both.”

“I see.” Ford took a deep breath. “You’re right, I think I was in Sweater Town for a while. But I’m ready to go back now, if you are too.”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

As Ford got to his feet, the dusty chandelier hanging from the ceiling caught his eye.

Right. That was something he could do, a step he could take to prepare in advance in case the next scan turned out the same.

“Actually, Mabel, before we head back… do you think you could help me find some candles?”

***

They left the candles outside the door before they entered the lab again. No one asked what had taken so long, just acknowledged them with a nod, but Ford could see the relief on their faces — especially Stan’s.

Before he had a chance to ask Stan how he was feeling, the machine dinged again, and on the screen, the exact same graph was displayed. Ford reminded himself that he’d been expecting that result, that he had a plan, that he knew what to do next.

Even though Stan would never approve of his plan, which was why he was about to lie.

You have to do it, Ford. If Stan’s still afraid of even being near the kids, he’ll never allow this if you tell him the truth.

From his pocket, he pulled a wallet-sized black case that contained several medications, including painkillers and antibiotics, but most importantly a sedative.

“Stan, I know sleep has been… unpleasant for you lately, but while we work out what to do next, it’ll be safest for us to sedate you, so we can minimize the risk of Bill taking control over these next few hours. Would you be alright with —”

Stan shuddered. “Won’t it be easier for him to possess me if I’m asleep?”

“Not if the drugs put you to sleep artificially. If he’s in your mind at this very moment, they’ll affect him too.”

“Oh, then of course I’m fine with it.” He held out his palm to accept the pills. “What are you waitin’ for?”

Ford was the only one close enough to notice, but Stan’s hand was trembling slightly. He was still terrified of being visited by nightmares again, Ford realized, even without the risk of Bill taking over — he was just pretending that fear wasn’t there, for Ford’s sake.

Feeling even worse about his lie, Ford pressed several buttons on the case, and it dispensed two pills.

It’s still all to stop Bill, just like I told him, he reminded himself. I’m only lying about the details because otherwise he’d be too worried about our safety to let us try.

“They work faster than the ones that are standard in this dimension,” he explained, “but you don’t swallow them — just let them dissolve in your mouth, and they should kick in within a minute or two.”

Stan did as he was told, and leaned back in his chair. Fiddleford procured a pillow from… somewhere in the lab, but Stan shook his head.

He just isn’t allowing himself to care about his own physical and emotional comfort anymore, Ford thought. And I’m exploiting that.

He stared at his watch until about ninety seconds had passed and Stan’s eyes had closed, then said: “Mabel, would you get those candles?”

“Why do you want —” Dipper started to ask, before it clicked together. “Wait, you’re going into his mind, aren’t you?”

Ford nodded. “Yes. Strictly speaking, the candles aren’t necessary, but I’ve found that a number of rituals work slightly better when they’re present. And, well, you can tell why I wouldn’t want to turn down any potential advantage we might have access to here.”

“Ah, now there’s the Ford I know,” Fiddleford chimed in. “You’ll find a way to get everyone out of this safe and sound, I’m sure of it.”

“Thank you, Fiddleford,” Ford replied. “I’ll do everything I can.”

No one asked him why he’d lied to Stan, which should have been a relief, but Ford almost felt like he deserved to have his choices questioned.

I will save Stan just like he saved me. I won’t let him down. I’ll make this lie worth it.

Mabel returned with the candles, and Ford began placing them in a circle around Stan’s chair. In the middle of the process, he stepped away from the circle for a moment to place the pillow behind Stan’s neck.

“Are you letting us come with you?” Dipper asked. There was a determination in his eyes that reminded Ford of Stan — well, of Stan when he’d conned Bill, of Stan when he’d punched krakens and dove overboard to pull Ford out of freezing water, of Stan on any other day but today.

A lot had changed in just this one bright summer morning, hadn’t it?

Ford sighed. “I wouldn’t be able to stop you from following me if I tried, would I?”

Dipper shook his head. “Probably not,” he admitted guiltily.

“Don’t be ashamed of what you would have done,” Ford quickly added. “I know I would’ve done the same. Besides, since the three of you have been in Stan’s mind before, you may end up being able to spot Bill’s influence even better than I can. I’ll admit I’m worried about your safety, but I know you’ll worry about me too, and letting you come is the best choice for all of us. It’s not like you’ll be a hindrance.”

He turned to McGucket. “Though that’ll leave you alone, Fiddleford. Are you alright with that?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, Tate’ll be back ‘ere in an hour or so, and I guess the girls are gonna come by to drop off that unicorn hair, too. You go do what ya need to do to save yer brother.”

Ford nodded and set to work lighting the candles. For one horrifying moment, he feared that they might burn blue themselves, but they were a warm, natural orange. They reassured him somewhat— a sign that normalcy still remained in this world where everything he’d taken for granted for the past ten months was turning out to be false.

“Alright,” he announced, “everyone gather round.”

The four of them placed their hands on Stan’s head, and Ford began to recite the incantation. He’d had it memorized ever since Bill had betrayed him.

As he began, everyone’s eyes began to glow light blue, shining brighter and brighter as he recited the chant.

On the third to last Magister Mentium of the incantation, the flames of the candles were snuffed out, their energy pulled towards the site of entry to the mindscape. On the second to last, the world began to dissolve around them, everything turning into blurs of blue and gray.

And then, as he spoke the final words, Ford could have sworn he heard… piano music?

But before he could be sure, everything went dark and cold.

***

Vrrq hqrxjk, Irug, brx'oo vhh wkdw brxu eurwkhu'v lq Vzhdwhu Wrzq wrr.

Thanks for reading, feedback is appreciated as always!

(Edit: Fixed a code typo, Ford is shaking his head at me right now.)

[pinewreaths]

The Signal, Part Four

[Previous]

[Gravity Scars AU]

“Can this be portable in the next three minutes?”

Ford stammered for a second, then blurted out “M-maybe? Stanley, this is a complicated piece of machinery, to say nothing of the fixed location of the rail antennae conductors we installed-”

There was a garbled burst of static from the radio, a whispering breathy noise audible even through the rumble of the train car.

He turned back to his brother triumphantly. “See? It’s already producing measurable results!”

Grunkle Stan gritted his teeth. “Sixer, if this contraption isn’t portable in two and a half minutes, we’re going to have God knows what sort of special forces knocking violently on the door, and I suspect they won’t give a damn what sort of ‘measurable results’ you’ve found.”

His eyes glittered dangerously for a moment. “Take it from a lifelong criminal element, Ford: know when to cut and run. This is one of those times.”

The twins locked eyes for a moment, before Ford threw up his hands in a frustrated sigh. Dipper was already working on hooking up another boxy device to the radio set, as Ford began to yank cushions out of the seat after voicing his approval.

“Good plan. Let me cut an entry hole for the cabling, and I think we can still receive a strong signal if you wire the transmitter antenna wire up the back of the seat.” He flipped open a futuristic-looking pocketknife, and a three-inch plasma blade hissed into life. There was a puff of acrid smoke, and then a sizzle as it cut a neat scorched hole in the side of the plastic chair housing. The radio and associated devices were quickly unplugged, nestled into the normally-inaccessible space below the seat. Cables were reattached, and the whole affair was then hidden by the replacement of the seat panel and cushion.

Dipper triumphantly hefted what looked like a misshapen walkie-talkie, and clicking the power on resulted in a familiar crackle of static.

Stanley, who had been watching his wristwatch the whole time and tapping an impatient foot, clapped his hands together.

“Great! Now, our guests have almost arrived, so it’s time to find a hiding place, or barring that, a place we can make a quick disembark from.”

Even as he spoke, the sound of the helicopter rotors was clearly audible over the background noises of the traincar. Maybe it was Dipper’s imagination, but he could almost already hear the sound of footsteps across the top of the car.

Making their way out of the cabin and down the hallway to the next car, Dipper continued fiddling with adjustments to the controller, occasionally passing it back and forth between him and Ford as they tried to tune into the right settings.

Ford grimaced as they ducked past a family with squealing toddlers and a very harangued-looking mother and father. “Oh come on: we’re working with almost a hundred and fifty miles of contiguous tracks, so there’s got to be some combination that can-”

Abruptly, the static that had been fading overall as Ford and Dipper adjusted the settings this way and that died, replaced by a clearly-audible yet quiet breathing. Ford gave a whoop of excitement, echoed by Dipper even as other passengers within earshot gave them odd looks.

The excitement was cut short by the set of thumping boots on the traincar roof, clear and distinct even before the sound of a drill began in earnest. The first screw of the overhead hatch dropped to fall at the Pines family’s feet.

“Move then talk,” Grunkle Stan nearly chanted, as he grabbed his brother by one wrist and Dipper by the other to yank them behind him towards the next car. “Move, then talk.”

It wasn’t until three cars later that Stan finally stopped, and ushered the others into an empty cabin. After cautiously glancing out and then lowering the blinds, he finally took a cautious sigh of relief.

“Okay, I think we’ve bought some time. Not much time, of course, but some.”

Mabel cocked her head. “Why didn’t we go all the way to the back?”

Leaning back in the seat, Stanley chuckled and grinned.

“Because they’re probably expecting us to high-tail it out of there. If I were them, I’d have put a team down on our car, on the rear, and probably one at the front, just to be safe.” He nodded towards the closed and shuttered door. “They’ll be sweeping towards each-other, so picking the midpoint between our original cabin and the back of the train gives us the most time to work with before they reach us.”

Mabel made a little “Oooooh” of understanding, before going to meet Dipper and Ford over by the handheld controller and receiver. The breathing was still audible, and so with a careful slow breath of his own, Dipper tensed, and thumbed the ‘Send’ button.

“Uh, h-hello there?”

There were a lot of things the Pines might have expected the entity on the other side to do, ranging from horrible nightmare-inducing shocks to outright ignoring them.

What they hadn’t expected was an almost girlish shriek of alarm.

“Gaaah! What the hell?”

“Uh, who is this? We received your earlier message, but-”

“D-Dipper? It’s me! It’s Tyrone! Holy crap, I wasn’t able to sustain the radio signal strength, and was catching my breath to try again!”

“Wel, we boosted the receiver strength, so we could-” Dipper paused.

“Wait, ‘catch your breath’? Tyrone, we’ve been out of contact with you for half a week. H-How long have you been resting?”

There was an echoing chuckle. “An hour, maybe two: It was a draining experience. I’m not surprised the time dilation stuff is weird, given the weirdness of my general living situation.”

This time Grunkle Ford cleared his throat and spoke up.

“Tyrone, it’s Ford. Uh, your Grunkle; not that we’ve spoken before, but yes, well, it’s never too late to make a first impression and all that-”

Tyrone’s voice chuckled through the radio.

“Hi Grunkle Ford. Nice to, well, nice to meet you at long last. What’s up?”

“Well, Tyrone, I’ve spoken with many a ghost in my day, but you’re-well, you’re different. You’re in between the Void and our dimension, rather than haunting our dimension like most spirits. You age as well: you’re the same age as Mabel and Dipper from the sounds of it, rather than un-aging at the time of your death. And speaking of death-”

The temperature in the cabin seemed to drop a few degrees as Ford asked. “-how did you become a ghost? You don’t sound purpose or vengeance-driven, so how and why are you here?”

“I...I’m not sure. It was ages, years, before I had even begun to realize what I was, what had happened. At times, it seemed like moments would pass you two by as I struggled to survive a rush of months.” The voice on the other end of the radio took a deep, heavy breath.

“It wasn’t until Dipper used the copy machine that I found out what my name should have been. When those clones died, either then or in the woods in the weeks afterwards in the Oregon fall rains, I was nearby, and was able to absorb a part of them in their passing. It gave me memories: not enough to recall everything, but enough to boost my awareness from a half-remembered fever dream to my current, still-trapped state.”

“Let’s just say that I believe Pact has more than a little to do with it. He enabled me to even speak at all in this trapped state, an event I have been looking forward to for a long time. In any case, it sounds like it also spent my remaining bargainable wish uses with the demon as well.”

There was a long pause, each of the Pines members with their jaws open in shock. Finally Stanley gave a low whistle.

“Well hell, kid, it sounds like you’ve been in some real shit then. Heh.” The trademark grin returned. “Welcome to the family!”

There was a clatter from outside the cabin, as the door on one end of the traincar slid open. Stan straightened, squinted out, and swore before ducking back down.

“Well, it’s both better and worse than I feared: it’s the Feds.”

“Wait, ‘Feds’ as in ‘Federal agents?” Ford snorted. “We’ve beaten them before. What’s the bad news?”

“That it’s not simple mercenaries. Mercs, I can deal with: Offer enough resistance, enough of a payday, and they’ll look the other way. Feds, though, are tenacious. They’re paid by the hour.”

He sighed. “The over-under is that we’re less likely to get shot if they find us, but the downside is that they’re way more likely to find us.”

Reinforcing his point was the distant sound of a cabin door sliding open and a muffled, barked conversation. Stanley looked off in the direction of the search, before turning back to their own cabin window.

“Hey, Mabel honey, how long does that trip app of your say it was going to be until we’re over another body of water?”

Mabel tapped on her phone a few times, wincing. “Uh, Grunkle Stan, I don’t suppose we’d be okay for, say, another 47 minutes?”

He snorted. “Mabel, sweety, I think we’d be in trouble in another four minutes.” He stepped over to their window, looking out at the view of the forest racing by and muttering to himself.

“Hmmm. Lots of boulders, thin grass, and treeline doesn’t start for another three hundred feet.” He eyed the window opposite of the door, across the exterior hallway from their door.

“Thick bushes, and almost immediately after that is the treeline. Best chance we’re gonna get, I think.”

He clapped and rubbed his hands together. “All right, Pines! We are making out exit, via that window,” he said, pointing. “Departing ASAP. Dipper and Sixer, you ready to scram?”

Tyrone’s voice was tight and panicked, but Dipper did his best to reassure him.

“Hey, Ty, it’ll be alright: if we were able to do this once, we can do it again. So we’ll talk soon, okay?”

There was a disappointed acknowledgement, and Dipper reluctantly snapped the set off.

“Great. Now, if we go piecemeal there’s a chance we’ll be tackled once they spot us. So, instead we’re going all together. On three, okay?”

The others nodded.

“One.”

Dipper and Mabel tensed, and Ford put on a pair of goggles pulled from one of his myriad pockets.

“Two.”

Dipper grabbed Mabel’s hand for a squeeze, the bracelets tapping together.

Good luck, Mabes. I love you.

Love you too, brobro., and good luck to you as well.

“Three!”

The cabin door almost burst open from the four bodies pushing through it. Dipper abstractedly heard a shout of alarm, but he was focused on the one step, then two, then tree, and the leap he took after Stan leapt. The window spiderwebbed and resisted for a moment before the combined weight of both older twins punched through, popping the window out of it’s frame.

Carried forward in mid-jump, Dipper and Mabel soared through the opening, and Dipper saw a flash of white and blue and grey and brown before something hit him like a jackhammer and everything went dark.

Continue

[wyblogging]

Bad Hirsch. No.

This cipher sure looks big and important, I wish I didn’t have to hunt through every frame of the episode to have any chance of reading it.

Wow. That was definitely something. 

This feels like we’ve passed a major point of no return. The main character’s soul was literally ripped out of his body in front of us. At the end of the episode his lifeless corpse flopped to the floor before he could reclaim it. This is getting seriously dark, and fast.

The laptop is broken, and Bill seems satisfied that it’s beyond repair. He’s actively seeking out the books now. His nefarious scheme wasn’t to gather power for himself or anything like that, but it was to destroy any possible obstacles to his inevitable ascendancy. 

We did learn a lot about Bill this episode. First, he can possess people, but for right now he can only do it once he has some form of permission, and it’s possible that he can’t maintain possession for any longer than the stolen body can stay awake. He is not capable of telekinesis, but he can manifest very convincing illusions to make it appear that he is. Some members of my discord chat mentioned that it’s a common theory that the random countdown clock on the laptop was an illusion cast by Bill, which makes some amount of sense, as there’s no real reason why the 974th incorrect password should trigger such a mechanism instead of, say, the 3rd or so. Bill seeks human bodies so that he can directly affect the physical world. And ultimately, he gets overconfident and lets his guard down, and he assumes that he knows more than he actually does.

There were a number of spectacular highs in this episode. It contains my favorite line, favorite frame, and favorite overall comedy scene (the Hymn of the Burning Sock Puppets) in the series so far. Bill ripping out Dipper’s soul is a close third behind Tyrone’s suicide and the Summerween incident for the most fucked up thing that’s happened so far. Bill’s entrance was one of the grandest spectacles so far, as well. At the same time, though, there was enough dragging down the lulls that this isn’t my favorite episode of the show. I wasn’t a fan of Mabel’s plot-induced stupidity regarding the degree of her infatuation with Gabe. Still, though, this is a top-tier episode and easily clears the 10/10 bar for me.

If there’s any sort of continuity in this show, which these days is a given, from this point forth the Pines twins are at open war against Bill Cipher. Good luck, kids.

[mischievousmarvelousmagical-blog]

oh, tall is the tale of the mischievous one / who fished out all the islands and captured the sun / his deeds and tasks i will unmask / so that you'll understand / that before there was a clark kent / there was a hawaiian superman

Archetype — The Hero Birthday — February 14, 1997 Zodiac Sign — Aquarius MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — Type 2: The Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Hufflelin Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Pride Primary Virtue — Patience Element — Water

[tw brief mention of abuse]

Overview:

Mother — Kai Akalana (nee Hale) Father — Lani Akalana Mother’s Occupation — Waitress/singer-entertainer Father’s Occupation — Fisherman Family Finances — Poor Birth Order — Youngest Brothers —  Malo (28) the Serious One, Mana (26) the Sporty One, Moke (24) the Smart One, Mele (22) the Soft One Sisters — sisters-in-law Other Close Family — Alani (27, sister-in-law, Malo’s wife), Gabrielle (10, niece, Malo and Alani’s daughter), Sailor (7, nephew, Malo and Alani’s son); Hayley (25, sister-in-law, Mana’s wife), Jasper (4, nephew, Mana and Hayley’s son); Odelia (23, sister-in-law, Moke’s wife); Fawn (2, niece, Moke and Odelia’s daughter). Best Friend — Celia Gorgon Other Friends — Lymantria Khan, Periwinkle Frostbrittle, Annette Grant why are all of these women? Dipper Pines and Kovu Sauda his roomiesss -- also a lot of OCs tbh Enemies — uhh bad guys Pets — None D: but he totally wants one Home Life During Childhood — Hard and busy; Maui usually got up at the crack of dawn to go out on the fishing boat for a few hours before school. His father was a very stern man and he and his father had a lot of conflict. His mother is a delicate lil lady and his father was often mean to her and Maui hated it. Also all his brothers picked on him for being scrawny. Town or City Name(s) — Hana, Maui; Hawa’ii What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — He shared with Mele, it was always messy. Painted blue but very sparse because they couldn’t afford lots. They had bunkbeds. Maui had the top. Rotated sleeping on the couch tho bc there were only four beds. Any Sports or Clubs — He reallyyyy wanted to be on the soccer team, but he was too busy with fishing and helping out at the restaurant and his father wouldn’t let him. Favorite Toy or Game — He like to play pranks on people. (I’m terrible at coming up w pranks so pretend I listed a few good ones). Schooling — His father didn’t hold school in very high regard so Maui dropped out when he was sixteen to work on the fishing boats. Favorite Subject — uhhh none of them tbh Popular or Loner — Kind of in the middle. Everyone knew who he was and he could flit from friend group to friend group but he never had any close friends Important Experiences or Events — Becoming Maui, when his father told him that he had to quit school in order to help out, one time his dad hit his mom that was p traumatizing Nationality — Hawaiian (American, he guesses.) Culture — Polynesian Religion and beliefs — pretty agnostic, but likes the old legends

Physical Appearance

Face Claim —  Bob Morley Complexion — He still gets the stray pimple every now and then but all that salt water was A+ for his skin. He’s got lotsa freckles on his nose and cheeks. Nice tanned skin. Hair Colour — Black Eye Colour — Brown Height — 5’10 Build — broad shoulders, def more upper body strength than lower but all around rather fit, on the shorter side but holds himself well Tattoos — MAUI written on the inside of his right forearm. One that completely covers his shoulder with an intricate combination of music notes, fish hooks, shark’s teeth, and enata (or people). He also had artistic representation of waves and wind as a band around his left ankle. He also has a little cat that moves around his body, but generally likes to curl up in the crook of one of his collar bones. Piercings — none Common Hairstyle — Floppy and messy. Maui never brushes his hair so it’s just a tangled curly mess and tbh Celia probably has to trim it so it stays outta his eyes otherwise he never would. Clothing Style — jeans + t-shirt + sneakers bam Mannerisms — talks with his hands a lot, is literally always smiling, gets fidgety when he’s thinking a lot or is nervous Usual Expression —

Health

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — he’s pretty healthy, tho he gets colds in the winter bc he’s not used to the cold Physical Ailments — fit as a fiddle Neurological Conditions — tbh maui is probably one of my most mentally healthy (don’t mean he’s right in the head tho hehe) Allergies —  none! Grooming Habits — he’s a typical boy. He showers...sometimes. Like every other day, maybe every day ehhh. Does laundry when Absolutely Necessary. Sleeping Habits — sleeps like a goddamn rock. Goes to bed late, wakes up early, but he can go back to sleep sometimes and then he’ll like sleep all day Eating Habits — will eat anything and everything in sight. I don’t think there is a food he doesn’t like Exercise Habits —  Maui swims--a lot. If it is cold he goes to the pool at the gym. He also jogs, lifts weights, tries to stay generally fit, but he’s also pretty naturally fit. Emotional Stability — honestly?? Maui is so stable?? Emotionally? He has a lot of growing to do, but he doesn’t fight it really, and though he isn’t always true to the emotions he’s feeling, he can recognize them. He’s got a lot of toxic masculinity but that is really the only thing super holding him back. Oh, and his narcissism probably (which is kinda fake anyway) Body Temperature — He runs pretty warm but when it is cold outside, so is he. Sociability — Maui is really extroverted, and he can also adapt to almost any situation. His ultimate goal is for people to like him, which means he always does his best to get people to like him. Addictions — none tbh Drug Use — he actually doesn’t do drugs (used to smoke pot on the rare occasion but lowkey he was too afraid of if his dad found out.) He will smoke a lil weed on a v rare occasion. Alcohol Use — He drinks at parties and he can get pretty drunk, but he rarely drinks otherwise and is pretty responsible tbh

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — the fact he’s narcissistic. Also he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Can sometimes not think before he speaks and tease people who shouldn’t be teased and then hurt their feelings. He can be a bit brash, but endearingly so, for the most part. Good Habits — tries to take care of people, takes good care of his body. Best Characteristic — his friendliness! Worst Characteristic — his #fakeness Worst Memory — honestly?? Winning the maui competition, he carries a lot of guilt. Best Memory — ...winning the maui competition. Look it is complicated. Proud of — being Maui Embarrassed by — the fact he literally is the worst Maui ever Driving Style — actually Maui is a really good driver, if not a bit of a speed demon. Strong Points — the fact he is able to manipulate himself to suit people’s needs Temperament — the chillest. It is really hard to rile him up and make him mad. Almost too chill Attitude — friendly! Weakness — his secrets and crippling self doubt lol Fears — that people will know he’s fake and he can’t help them Phobias — doesn’t have any Secrets — that he cheated to win the Maui competition Regrets — cheating to win the Maui competition lol Feels Vulnerable When — he actually emotionally connects w someone lol Pet Peeves — people who aren’t willing to help themselves/people that give up Conflicts — wanting to be the Best Maui Ever while also knowing he cheated and is the Worst Maui Ever Motivation — to live up to the name of Maui; for people to like him Short Term Goals and Hopes — to help people! Long Term Goals and Hopes — to be the Best Maui Ever Sexuality — why is this here??? He is straight lmao Day or Night Person — day tbh Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — uhhhh an optimistic pessimist? idk

Likes and Styles:

Music — he likes lots of stuff, kind of alt rock--but also lots of hawaiian music. Some oldies. Everyone likes the beach boys. Also loves stuff he can dance to! Books — maui lowkey does not have great reading comprehension so he doesn’t read for fun really Magazines — ones that he’s in Foods — all foods but he lovesss fresh fruit Drinks — anything really tbh but he’s gotten real turned onto hot chocolate in the winter Animals — anything aquatic really but his fave is probably iguanas. Sports — all sports! Soccer is his fave tho Social Issues — maui is...learning. I would love for him to like become a feminist but he’s a long way away. Though he is p aware of like--POC issues, since he comes from a marginalized community that is like used for their culture to up tourism and is considered ~~exotic Favorite Saying — “A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what it was built for.” Color — Blue! Clothing — typical boy, normally just a t-shirt/jeans Jewelry — none really tho he has some wooden bracelets he wears Games — maui doesn’t game a lot Websites — or surf the web unless it is to google himself lmao TV Shows — eh, he doesn’t watch tv a whole lot Movies — again, doesn’t watch a lot but prolly likes action films Greatest Want — to be needed; to help people Greatest Need — to realize he’s fine just the way he is /pets

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Room 421 on PrideU’s campus. Roommate: Dipper Pines. Flatmates: Kovu Sauda and Declan Craig. Household furnishings — typical dorm stuff Favorite Possession — his hook! Most Cherished Possession — also his hook lol Neighborhood — lives on campus Town or City Name — Swynlake Details of Town or City — small town; magick-friendly etc Married Before — nope Significant Other Before — has never rly dated Children — lol no Relationship with Family — despite the fact his brothers and him fight all the time, he really loves his brothers and is pretty close to them. Is definitely a mama’s boy as the baby of the family. Has a tense relationship with his dad. He also loves his nieces and nephews. SO. MUCH. Car — he had a jeep back home that he shared with Mele and his mom. He misses his car Career — ...a demigod? Dream Career — a demigod. Dream Life — being the Best Maui Ever Love Life — has lots of hook ups, he is satisfied with this Talents or Skills — is a great swimmer Intelligence Level — he’s actually really smart despite not being book savvy Finances — he’s got a stipend for being Maui, but he still has to be careful in order to make ends meet. His family is very poor, but is now being taken care of

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — worked on fishing boats/sometimes as a busboy at the restaurant his mom works at Past Lovers — a couple girls, but not that many, no serious relationships Biggest Mistakes — cheating and being a general shit Biggest Achievements — becoming Maui!

[minijenn]

Notes for Blendin's Game.

Under the cut! 

Characters: Dipper, Mabel, Steven, Connie, Soos, Blendin, Soos’s Abulita, Amethyst, Stan, Wendy, Candy, Grenda, Greg, Time Baby, cameos from younger versions of characters (Soos, Wendy, Tambry, Robbie, Greg, Steven, the Gems, ect.)Setting: Mystery Shack, Soos’s house, Globnar stadium, laser tag placeEpisodes to look at: Blendin’s Game, some flashback SU episodesTone: action, drama, angst, hurt/comfort, family, friendship, lore

• Start the chapter dramatically off in the future (207012) with Blendin Blandin escaping from the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron, though he is of course eventually captured (keep this pretty close to the episode) • Upon his capture, Blendin invokes Globnar and names Dipper, Mabel, and Steven as the tributes he wants to face off against, in order to get revenge against them for what happened in Lion and Waddles (cut ominously on this) • Cut to the present, with some fun with the kids (and by kids this includes Dipper, Mabel, Steven, and Connie) and have it play similarly to the episode, with Soos helping them out with the vending machine; highlight how helpful and loyal he always is • After leaving however, Soos accidentally leaves his wallet behind, and of course the kids, quite curious, rummage through it (add some original humor to this); after a little of this, they discover that today is Soos’ birthday, even though he failed to tell anyone about it • To show their appreciation for all Soos does for them, the kids decide to throw him a surprise party; they get Amethyst (the other two Gems are on a mission), Candy and Grenda to help them with this endeavor, as well as Greg (have some birthday related lines in here, like how the twins have always shared a birthday and the kind of parties Greg used to throw for Steven when he was younger (with the Gems’ help sometimes)Side note:  Be sure to include original SU content in here! • When the kids get Soos to come to the party however, he’s visibly upset as opposed to excited and it doesn’t take long for him to leave, much to the kids confusion (maybe make this part a bit longer, perhaps include some subtle foreshadowing about Soos’ lost connection to his father upon seeing the close bond Steven and Greg have)Side note: Maybe include some references to So Many Birthdays in here (check transcript) • Right after this, Stan and Wendy show up and explain to the kids that Soos has always mysteriously hated his own birthday for reasons unknown; perplexed by this but still wanting to make the handyman feel better, they all eventually decide on going to the local laser tag place to have some fun, as that’s one of Soos’ favorite activities • Have some fun as they arrive (be sure to include original banter in here!), though before the game can even start, the twins, Steven, and Connie accidentally wander into a time portal that brings them to an enclosed room in 207012 • Here, they encounter Blendin, who explains that they are to participate in the gladiatorial competition known a Globnar, the winner of which gets one free time wish • Include some humor about Connie not really needing to be there because she wasn’t there in Lion and Waddles but her still staying there nonetheless because Blendin doesn’t care • With a little humor, the kids devise a plan to make their escape and easily carry it out (let this vary from the episode a bit); they swipe one of the time travel devices from an official, but instead of using it to go back to the present, they instead travel back ten years from the present instead • After evading Blendin and his escorts, the kids fretfully realize this fact (have these realizations be pretty funny); matters are only made worse when they realize the time machine is broken, though Dipper claims he can fix it with some tools • The kids decide first to try and find some tools at the carwash, since its relatively close to their current location; as they travel to it, include the joke with the kids encountering a younger version of Wendy, who finds Dipper to be cute (play this pretty close to the episode) • Soon enough, the kids show up at the carwash, managing to sneak past a younger version of Greg (who is in the midst of panicking as he desperately looks for something, setting the B plot in motion) though none of the kids stick around to realize what (though imply that its baby Steven) • They discover that there’s pretty much no tools in sight, though upon realizing that the Mystery Shack would certainly have some tools lying about, the set out there instead • Before cutting, however, focus back on young Greg and reveal that what he’s looking for is baby Steven, who seems to have mysteriously disappeared (coinciding with the present Steven being in the past) • Cut to the kids making it to the Mystery Shack, and maybe lengthen this part as they evade Stan (again, not wanting to mess with the past too drastically); there, however, they briefly encounter a 12 year old version of Soos, so keep this pretty much the same, until Abuelita shows up, reminding Soos about his birthday party • Dipper manages to fix the time machine, but the kids decide to stick around in the past for a bit longer to try and figure out the real reason why Soos seems to have such disdain for his birthday in the present • As they depart, Greg arrives at the shack, still distraught as he informs Stan that he apparently lost Steven; make this humorous as Stan reacts stoically, not proving to be much help in finding him (also include Greg being somewhat afraid to tell the Gems about this) • Cut to the kids sneaking into Soos’ party, and at first it seems as though he’s having a wonderful time, though he is most excited about his dad coming to the party • However, these hopes are quickly dashed as Soos’ dad does not in fact show up, but instead only sends him a postcard, greatly disappointing the young Soos (much to Abuelita’s severe frustration) • Include a brief joke encounter between Greg and Blendin (and his escorts) as Greg is still searching all over town for Steven (though he doesn’t get to say his name to Blendin fortunately) though Blendin is completely unsympathetic of course (again, make this funny) • Of course, the kids feel terribly sad for Soos in light of this (try to make all of this hit home a little more) and so they develop a plan to help him by beating Blendin in Globnar and winning the time wish for Soos • After a while of this, Blendin and his escorts arrive at the party, where the kids finally turn themselves in • Before cutting to the future, go back to Greg again, who has just about given up hope; with great regret, he finally goes to tell the Gems that he lose Steven; have their reactions to this be just as panicked as his are when they demand to see where Greg last left him; cut away as they set off • Meanwhile, the kids are taken to the arena of the future to compete in Globnar, presided over by Time Baby (make this funny as well as tense) • The games begin, and be descriptive about them, showing off each of the kids’ skills utilized in them as they square off against Blendin (who has trained himself for this very occasion) in them; by the time the final challenge rolls around, they’re at an impassive tie • However, the final challenge, ironically enough, turns out to be laser tag, which the kids easily triumph in and successfully beat Blendin in Globnar overall • Time Baby tells them that they not only get the free time wish, but they also get to decide Blendin’s fate; however, instead of being cruel, they actually decide for him to be spared (as well as to give him decent hair, maybe something else too) • The kids unanimously agree on giving the time wish to Soos, so Blendin accompanies them back to the present to do so; Soos is flattered by this gesture, however, instead of wishing to see his father again, he wishes for the kids to be cleaned up (and for a slice of infinite pizza), claiming that he doesn’t need his dad since his friends are always there for him instead (maybe make this part longer, just as heartwarming) • Cut back to ten years in the past, with Greg taking the Gems back to the carwash as that was where Steven seemingly vanished from; however, much to Greg’s surprise, baby Steven is right where he left him, so of course he’s relieved though the Gems are anything but impressedSide note: Cut back to Greg’s search for Steven every now and then (maybe parallel this to how Soos’ dad is absentee) • Make it humorous as the Gems return to the temple, disgruntled; as they pass by the shack, go back into the usual end of the episode • Soos wanders by the shack and finds the screwdriver the kids left behind right as Stan is firing his handyman (include a line in here about him wishing he had never let Greg go as an employee) • End the chapter with Stan hiring Soos on the fly to be the shack’s new handyman, and make it a touch more heartwarming as Soos gladly accepts this position (foreshadowing the eventual father/son bond between Soos and Stan)

Cryptogram (Rev. Ceasar):In a Globnar battle, One cannot waver,Only hope that the oddsAre ever in your favor

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