#PM/AM research
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Wading through fandom lore at the delicate moment between PM and AM because you have a thought that you cannot put to rest:
#txf#meta#mine#wouldn't have it any other way#PM/AM research#meme#Mulder#Grotesque#S3#xfiles#the x files#x-files
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I love the research lab I’m in 🧪🧸
#popped into lab for a couple hours today then spent the whole evening in my pi’s office studying#I’m talking until 10 pm#and as I was leaving I ran into like two people I knew#this was TEN PM.#i know everyone on the research floor#there are some people I’d rather never see but on the whole I love my beloved uni’s chem department#the lab I’m in is watching me grow up in real time#it’ll be sad when I leave for other prospects but for now I’m focused on doing chemistry and enjoying it#me and the phd student i shadow banter all the time#honestly I have a good relationship w everyone in that lab#i adore them all#so many professors I’m buying gifts for when I officially leave . i am so serious#i am so determined to make a splash in this lab & truly leave an impression on everyone w my contribution#the workaholism I inherited from my mother will ensure that#p
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feeling dire
#definitely mostly pms but also other things . SCARED!!!#lots of stuff happening to create Perfect circumstances for me to have a very bad time#and generally. i am FAR more prone to depression than anxiety but atm i am a ball of nerves#meds on back order. Scary!!! makes me feel like i need to ration my current supply (i rly don’t)#SCHOOL. RLY SCARY. didn’t go to class today. So many assignedments to work on and they just keep piling up!!#need to meet w my prof abt research. SCARY!! bc i have been slacking like crazy 🫠#and the biggest anxiety inducer. Money!!! which is DUMB!!!! bc objectively i don’t need to worry!!!!!!!#but unexpected thangs are in motion so i am having to pay > $700 more than anticipated a month#which again. this is manageable. Not ideal but given my jobs i can handle it#i just wasn’t expecting it and now feel very out of sorts#since i was a little kid ive had this weird truly unreasonable and irrational anxiety abt money#and this is unfortunately triggering a lot of that again#which is bad bc it makes everything else spiral. ex. need to save -> buying less groceries/policing what i eat -> ed relapse#just feeling very very stupid and upset 🥴#pers
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Top three ways you know I needed to be asleep hours ago! (Read: days)
1. Hallucinating!! So fun, always a pleasure to freak out.
2. Writing/words not making sense when written or said. Lots and lots and lots of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Always nice to decipher what I wrote later in the day.
3. Headache. Ouch go away
#can u tell i havent slept#its time for sleepy sleep#ik its 5am what abt it#actually this has been all week#wakey wake 2-6 pm#sleepy sleep 5-11 am#guess who went to bed at 11 am yesterday#thats right me#actually in pain#goodnight my sweet babys#also i gad to write book idea down and then i saw a quiz abt neurodivergent thing#had to do all that#and i got distracted by reels#stared at my ceiling for two hours tryna sleep but i couldnt stop thinking abt smthn#had to research#also yes i stayed up for two or three days and then slept for three days straight#so it actually cancels out
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#again this is all my fault i had a week to do this i just can’t seem to do any work unless the deadline is within like . 24 hours#otherwise i can’t get myself to focus or care#thanks brain.#the film one will be easy though i can bullshit it bc my profs give out B+ as the highest grade apparently so i should stop writing A papers#for them and just get the same grade for less work . unfortunately i love writing papers (even though i hate it) and can never actually#like phone in a paper like even when i try to i end ip getting into it by the end#i’m so bad at just being like yeah let’s write a B paper. i canyyyyttttyt ! which is so annoying bc i’ll get a B in this class anyways bc#it’s 300 ppl and they don’t read the papers they just give everyone a B+ so WHY DO I BOTHER#praying that for the first time in my life i write a mid paper on purpose and it takes an hour or so#then i can focus the next 12 hours on the paper i both want and need to do well on#well maybe not NEED like i’d prob get an A in the class if i got a B+ or even a B maybe on the final#but it’s my last class ever (transferring😬) with my favorite professor in the world . i have never gotten below an A- from him on a paper#and that was only in my first class w him like i’ve gotten all As since so i NEEEEED to go out w a bang. seriously. i like him too much not#to!!! it’s also a topic i’m rly interested in except also i still don’t actually know my thesis. i just have 20 pages of brainstorming and#research. don’t know what i’m doing w it yet tho#agggggghh#so mad at myself — went to bed at 7 FUCKING PM by accident bc i hadn’t slept in 40 hours and forgot to set an alarm for like 6 to try and#make up for all the work i didn’t do yesterday so now here we r. aaaagggggggh#sorry for the personal vent in the tags but this is my blog i can vent if i want to (to the tune of that one song)#i’m actually insane why am i subjecting myself to this. and even worse why am i (ADHD#depression insane) transferring to one of the like 20 schools in america that’s more academically demanding than the one i’m at rn. why am#i making things worse for myself.#except blah blah blah not really i’m fine academically and honestly except for finals (which is always just a procrastination issue w me)#cld provably use smth a little more demanding at times like i need classes hard enough to actually convince my brain that i need to do yhe#readings lolll like i genuinely always Want to do them bc they’re things i am honestly super interested in i just a) am so bad at focusing#and b) am Disturbingly good at bullshitting like i typically am one of the most talkative ppl in classes despite doing 1/2 or less of the#readings.. and like not even to get a participation grade. just bc i can skim it and immediately have things to say ab it#that’s why i won a like national award in high school for a paper on a book i didn’t actually read😬 except i had WANTED! to read it!#that’s the issue like. if u know u can bullshit something how do u get ur adhd brain to get the message that u actually want to read it#raAaagh ok personal rambling over o know it’s prob annoying bc like i Do do well in school n i am grateful i just wish i was healthier ab it
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therapist: naked mallard isnt real it cant hurt you
naked mallard:
#was doing quick research on the loco ECT sent me#and found out that the pm 36s were not always streamlined#then I thought huh what do a4s look like without the casing#and now I am losing my mind#lner mallard#real life railway#kips shitposts
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People refusing to make an effort when you're making one specifically for them is argh
#like#i ask you if you want to go to the Christmas market which is something YOU wanted to do#you know my schedule and know i have work#you know this is an effort to spend time with you#i could just pop over to yours or invite you to a café or something#instead I'm planning an expedition to cater to you (which i don't mind! but i do hope some of my stuff can be taken into account too)#and you ask me to do the research#and then say 'i don't want to go far from home because i have work :('#YES SO DO I#IF I CAN MAKE THAT EFFORT SO CAN YOU#it takes me an hour at least to go to yours. add the time for the market#and to get back#that's four hours#aka an entire afternoon#also if i specifically stay longer to see you because we said we'd meet up#and you say 'sorry I'm coming late :( i didn't want to wake up early :(('#yeah well everyone else made that effort and woke up early#the organisers of the event have been there since 8 am#everyone came at 9#and you're just 'i'll come at 2 pm because i wanted to sleep in'#SO DID WE#YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE#rant
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[emerges from the library covered in blood] four hours to get one miserable little assignment completed.
#a sock speaks#grad school tag#I have like 3 other urgent assignments to do today. 3 pm already and I have to finish a (big scary) form#write a 5-6 page reflection paper#watch 45 minutes of video lecture for Hebrew bc we have a flipped classroom :/#translate 5 sentences for Hebrew#and I'm also supposed to spend several hours working on genealogical research for my job#I am simply not going to do all that.
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How have you been?
hi!! I’ve been good :) just really busy and running around a bit like a headless chicken atm !!
#I am currently answering this while at mock trial#and simultaneously editing a research paper that I have a presentation on for Friday#and I’m not going to be done w/ scheduled stuff until 10 pm every day this week 😀 so I am struggling !! but it’s ok that’s life#it’s a blessing to be busy etc etc#my research paper is incredible just for the record#I am so proud of it#pigeon#Johnny#missing Ashton ofc :(#but I’m good :)
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I FIINISHED MY FINAL PROJECT!!!!!
now,,, just a few more performances to practice for and i'm free to subject everyone to my tart thoughts (tart farts, if you will) again
#didi talks#time 2 b delusional#no but this project was such a PAIN IN THE ASS#making the presentation and researching was not bad#BUT RECORDING IT????? WAS SOMEHOW SO MUCH PAIN???#i started recording at 10:30 AM and finished editing at TWO PEE EM.#WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FREAKING. UGH#it's because the stupid zoom thing didn't record my audio excerpts#so i had to record the audio excerpts individually one by one and edit them in#WHICH BY THE WAY.#THERE ARE NO FREE VIDEO EDITING THINGS FOR MAC????#i had to download a free trial version of final cut pro#i had like five mental and emotional breakdowns making this#and it's only 2 pm#good thing i decided to finish this early because :standing_emoji:#send me hugs and praise if anyone sees this o(-(#i need it after this emotional and mental turmoil
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TURNED IN MY RESEARCH PAPER AND FINALLY AM DONE WITH THE TERM LETS GO!!!
#YES I TURNED IT IN AT 11:54 PM WHAT ABT IT LMAO#I FAILED MY CS FINAL WHOOO!!!#but kept a A- in the class because I am That Good :flex: /j#All other classes got an A+ :)#Unless#I failed my research paper LMAO
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how is every work week the worst of my career
#me getting to the office at 8:30 am and leaving at 7 pm#im just fkn GOOGLING all day#never put me on a 2ndary research project again i swear to fucking GOD#by me
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y'all I just procrastinated an assignment for the past 2 hours that literally took me 7 minutes to complete and hand in... like what... what is so wrong in my brain chemistry that I am like this...
#i am suffering this week#it's been rough#on monday i had an hour of research to do on the ward#and then I was chosen to be in a photoshoot for the college's promotional material right after#so that lasted another 3 hours#and then I drove home and stayed up until 2 am doing my mandatory 17 pages of research for the next clinical day#and then I woke up at 4 am to drive to clinical and bust my ass FOR FREE until 6pm#only to go home and do it all over again the next day#and then have my instructor assign not 1 not 2 BUT 3 assignments due by the next day (today) at 7 pm#PLUS a 5 page essay due by tomorrow 5pm 🧍♀️#LET ME SLEEP PLEASE#I am once again using Tumblr as my diary. who's surprised#I shouldn't complain bc it was hard enough to get this far in the program and I'm incredibly thankful to have gotten here#and my instructor is a gem#and my classmates are my best friends#and i actually love my job#but i'm friggin tired man#anyway. yeah#I'm done ranting in the tags now i think
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finally logging out of my uni's library feels like parting with a faithful friend
#it's 1 am and I've finished my annotated bibliography (mostly)#I'll finish it tomorrow (which is to say: later today) it's not due until sunday#also realized that my research question assignment was due at 11:59 pm yesterday which makes it my first late assignment lol#but it's fine#so proud of myself for sticking with this I know I could've worked on it this weekend but I am so ready for break#earl crow ramblings
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this annoying chopper had been patrolling my area for hours but it’s apparently because the president of france is visiting so… i mean i guess i can understand
#i think it’s bc one of the nobel prize winners was from france but lives and does her research here#famous ppl who have visited my town in recent years: 1. macron 2. the pope#don’t you guys have anything better to do….#i knew he would be coming here somewhere bc our prime minister uploaded the cringiest clip imaginable#about it#my dad (who’s a litte bit of a francophile) was like ‘french presidents and ministers are EDUCATED AND CULTURED INTELLECTUALS’#’they don’t care about our dumbass pm and his YOUTUBE CLIPS’ which is such a funny way to complain abt it imo#not that he’s a macron fan and neither am i but#god everyone looks better than our prime minister#who recently used taxpayer money to finance his bday party where he invited top lobbyists and other scum. man of the people
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I'M DONE!!!!! I'M FUCKING DONE!!!@!!@!@!!
I finished my (pseudo) dissertation!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
#technically not a dissertation#called research essay#but people kept saying it was basically like one#and i'm too lazy to keep saying re#it was hell#i pulled an all nighter. from 7 pm to 11 am#because i'm such a lazy ass and kept procrastinating until the last min#but it's done!!#6100 words!!!#i'm never writing anything that long ever again :DDD#probably
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