#ProjectNostalgia

[ejamesquijano]

SEE YOU ON THE FLIPSIDE Let’s keep doing what we’re doing

Let’s roll: 15 days of film shoots where I met a lot of beautiful souls, never a day of anxiety filling it up. A quick dinner date with my lover. A night in Pop Up Katipunan with Geo for some breather. Stayed alone and independently in a box where I discovered myself more, got a little attached to that place and those streets. Took some photographs on a rest day to keep me sane, bought sunnies to protect my tired wide eyes. Appreciated little treats from the boy I am in love with for 9 years now. Watched movies in the middle of some nights. Took photos of our beautiful film location aka UP Bliss. Kept myself busy and happy. Then spent the holidays at home with my family and loved-ones. Music, music keeps me tight.

December was a blast. It happened again – I was in a roller coaster ride for weeks and I was screaming not in fear but in such thrill that kept my soul alive. Then suddenly I was back at a calm state, not as deadly this time, but a breath of fresh air to remember that life can be still and happy at the same time. I tried my best not to express too much emotions. Kept my cool and stay bland until someone discovers the quirks. The year 2022 was cut into two, but not really in a perfect half. I was excited and in full vigor, then I was clouded by too much sadness and frustrations. A weird pie graph only me could understand. But I am still here, that is the most important part.

And though I prayed for a stone-cold heart, perhaps it’s time to embrace that I’m a never-ending fire.

*** 35mm FujiC200 December, 2022

[elilune]

Before Sunrise, 1995 Directed by Richard Linklater

[otravida-otravez]

Cassiopeia

Opposite of the big dipper rests Cassiopeia. You drew a line, pointed out five distinct stars forming what I could only understand as an empty chair. She was the most beautiful queen. Sometimes I enjoy the astronomy lessons with you.I enjoy its ironies. How beauty became as unintelligible as constellations and as I look up to its invisible vanity, it leads me to your own bodily constellations. I have mapped out my own star points on your outstretched body laid down on the space of our bed, sheets like the night sky. There are five moles from your neck down to your chest and I lick through its invisible trail. You are the most beautiful of all my constellations.

  That is an empty chair. It was the saddest group of stars I saw tonight. Maybe that is the end of all beauty,burning so bright falling into the consumption of the self. Like a black hole, like a super nova and I wouldn't know all these things without your astronomy. Probably, like you.

  Cassiopeia was consumed by her own beauty that one day she decided to leave, solitude is the best vanity. We appreciate ourselves more, alone. I grow tired of the stars, of all your lessons coming down, like meteor showers beautiful and tragic at the same time. The bed lays empty, sheets dark, your stars no longer there, you left with all your beauty I once admired and wished upon, like all falling stars.

  Your constellation was the only memory left, an empty chair.

  -the Inspiration for this piece came from projectnostalgia's "Aldebaran, Crux, Canis Major" http://projectnostalgia.tumblr.com/post/53085347398/aldebaran-crux-canis-major

[theociffer]

This is for that 'friend' of mine that's going thru a tough time. Just saying I understand.

[ejamesquijano]

AUGUST FIRE The coldest ice in your flaming eyes

Please do bathe under the old golden sun, and be patient during our little intervals. I would ask you to do things that I wish you’d abide. And in a short while, I will be yours to collide. I will bathe with you with my blackest heart, as it burns for no one but only you. Let me fade into your bluest light, enter the void or into the coolest ride. Either way, we can always make the town heat up just by staring into each other’s eyes.

Howl, then I’ll let you tame me. Laugh, and you’ll meet my spirit. I’ve been hiding for weeks now and I almost lost my glee. But here we are today, recklessly painting the lonely city. With our hues and stories, we’ll brighten everyone in transit. We won’t mind their old tricks, or no matter how their mind creaks. Because as I read all of the Solar’s signs, it always tells me that you’ll be just mine.

There must be something in the weather, the heat over our faces combined with the coolness of us sinners. We will dominate the trains to neither the hells or heavens. And perhaps create a world where I could invent the seasons. From the autumn’s orange warmth to our cerulean winter moon, the summer’s icy oceans and the frigid midnight sun. Talk to me and I’d be the only soul you’d desire. Be my infinite lover and we would rule this August fire.

You’ve always been taller than me but the walls are taller. The pinks and the blues, the design of its wrecker. We are the villains but only in their eyes and we’ll let them live in their rusting gates of lies. Then we’d both touch the ice and the spreading flames of bliss, just for a taste of that one sweetened kiss. The truth is, I got lost along the way and this afternoon is burning us. But let it be known that I’d still live underground and wear our rugged masks, or even stay under that blanket if it’s the only means for you to let me put my heart in your locket.

*** 35mm Expired Fuji Superia X-tra 400 August, 2022

[elilune]

Before Sunset, 2004 Directed by Richard Linklater

[cherrylisraindrops-blog]

Hi, beautiful. I thought I might drop by since I have the time. Be happy. Always.

[ejamesquijano]

DIVING INTO CHANGE Embracing the thrill and anxiety along with it

One of the personal dilemmas I have to deal with for this month is this: Sometimes I feel like I have all the time in the world, and sometimes it seems like I’m always running out of time. I know that life is a cycle, we are bound to go on a long and winding road without really knowing what will be the outcome in the end. It might be bad or a happy one, but the most important thing here is we must never stop or give up the expedition.

I got a lot in my hands lately. I feel like the 24 hours aren’t enough to accomplish everything I need to do. I still have my day job that puts bread on the table. I still have the campaign volunteer work that keeps the fire of patriotism burning in my heart. Then I still have everything else – mostly me trying to fix the entangled thread of thoughts in my mind, or continue identifying the things that will keep me going. Perhaps I am just afraid to see myself surrender. I keep on pushing myself to fight and go on even with the smallest steps I can do.

-- On the brighter side, I have finally accepted a film project during this pandemic and we shot it in La Union (the photos above were shot in our film locations). It was not that easy at first, I have dealt with a lot of stress and pressure adjusting with a new team and new filming situation due to the pandemic. But still, it was such a magical feeling stepping into a film set again. My mind, body, and soul felt alive. I cannot really explain it but I could really attest that film making is my ultimate passion in life. I want to be a story-teller in this lifetime, that is my purpose. And so despite of the shits that my mind and the external aspects created, in the end I was still so happy. I have nothing more to say, maybe I’ll just remind myself one more time: Always try to live life, always find and do things that will make you happy.

*** 35mm Kodak Gold 200 April, 2022

[lettersandkisses]

Last Four Days Before '15

1. 28th December: I re-invented this 5-year old metallic voodoo doll that I got when I was in Senior High. I remembered how I forced a classmate of mine to give me this project from our art class. Ha!

2. 29th December: A special person in my life riht now gave me this a holiday gift, and you have no idea how much I love this so much.

3. 30th December: I am loving my wall right now, but will still fill this more in the coming year with art.

4. 31st December: I bought this planner over a couple of weeks ago but it was just now that I got the chance to plot my 2015 schedules.

I am freaking excited for the new year.

[ejamesquijano]

LABAN LENI 2022 Mas radikal and magmahal sa kulay rosas na bukas

i. I am craving for more human interactions lately, and there is no better way to achieve this than to be a volunteer for a great cause. Besides, I really fucking want (and need) a change in this shithole of a country and I do believe that Leni Robredo, this coming election’s best presidential candidate, could do that. So, on the first day of March, I signed up to be a campaign volunteer here in my town and I’ve never been so happy. Let’s do this! Fight tyranny!

ii. I am not proud to say this but when I was younger, I was a bit apolitical. Cut to today, I am very happy to have finally found that spark in my heart to love my country and my people – especially the oppressed. I have realized that every fucking thing is political and one must make a stand. I am a bit late, but I am here now. I am ready to fight with all of you, for a better Philippines.

iii. It was my first time to attend a political rally in my whole life. And I was glad that it was for Leni Robredo’s campaign. The energy of her people’s campaign is really different, unique, and outstanding. You can really feel the love, the kindness. It is truly giving passion, compassion and power to the people. Whatever happens, I will always be proud to support Leni Robredo and the whole Tropang Angat in this journey.

*** 35mm Kodak Gold 200 March, 2022

[ejamesquijano]

SOMEDAY IT’LL ALL MAKE SENSE For now, let’s just sail.

I am still very confused at the moment, it’s as if I got nothing to accomplish, got nothing to prove. Same with the previous one, this is another year that I didn’t think of any New Year’s resolution, or any plans to do with this dear life. I am just drifting and swaying with the waves.

But if there is one thing I have come to realize; it is the fact that I got tired of being afraid anymore. This pandemic has taken so much from me, and worse – cultivated a fear that made my life a little miserable. Today I told myself that it’s okay to live life again, as long as I’m protecting myself and people around me.

I am having my fun again, not completely though, but I am sort of contented that I am learning how to let go of this fear little by little. A step by step process that somehow, fills in the gap and the emptiness I feel lately. I know that it is just very small progress but I keep on telling myself that it’s better than nothing.

So let’s live life, cry at times, but wake up the next day feeling hopeful. Because as they all say: this too shall pass.

*** 35mm Lomochrome Purple January, 2022

[ejamesquijano]

TWENTY EIGHT Never too late for epiphanies

I just suddenly realized that the best thing I have ever done in this dear life is to finally embrace my femininity. Because to be honest, I fucking feel empowered ever since and I would not allow myself to be shelled like I used to be. Never again. I am proud to simply love myself even more everyday and I think this is what all of us should be doing within our lifetime.

Also, this month I am turning 28 and for whatsoever reason, I am fucking ready. Birthday blues isn’t that powerful these days and I am just ready to face it. And so for all my co-Scorpios out there: Let’s go and be a little bolder as we grow a little older and let our inner fierceness out because the world deserves a taste of our sexiness — in whatever aspect you may want to view it.

And for myself, I just want to really get to know myself more and befriend all the versions of myself that exist and are yet to be unleashed. A lot doesn’t make sense right now, I know, but someday it will. For now, let’s just continue our little explorations and discover the world whilst also discovering every part of thy self. Let’s continue living and look for plenty of reasons to love life and create art. Cheers!

*** 35mm FujiC200 October, 2021

[ejamesquijano]

OUTSIDERS A little taste of the outside world

Without breaking any rules, come and join me as I step out of the door and meet the morning sky. There is just so much to celebrate, so let us ride our bicycles and cross towns. Or even let the bus take us somewhere far this time, to the city we both love and loathe at the same time. Let us fill our body with sodium and sweets and a bit of caffeinated love then just burn it by tons of walking and walking as if the road never ends. Let’s be a little crazy and spontaneously ride a boat and spend the rest of the afternoon by the river, sight-seeing a palace or even a bunch of houses around town. After all, a nice sunset with you is all I wanted. Let’s be a little naughty at times, feel your body, your soul, and get the thrills of its danger and of not being caught. Then after some time, let’s be back riding our vintage bicycles, crossing towns again, visiting spaces that are both familiar and strange to us both. I will make you believe in magic again even though it was lost in your soul for a long time now. We will welcome the pink afternoon skies and fight until we can, and if sometimes we feel a little blue, don’t worry for we will eat our sadness away before parting ways under the warmest full moon. We can explore the whole world, you know. And I will hold your hand forever if you let me.

*** 35mm Expired Fuji Superia X-tra 400 November, 2021

[ejamesquijano]

ART LIFE World of blacks and hues

I would like to believe that I was born an artist. Sometimes I thought it was a curse, but I would not live my life any other way. I am an artist, and devoting my life to art is all what I wanted to do in this lifetime. But I have to admit, these trying times, oh well, are taking its toll on me. I often feel lost in too much darkness and I can see less and less colors. Sometimes it makes me so afraid, but I am always fighting, striving to reach even a little ray of light again.

One realization: Visit places that make you creative, no matter if it is a physical one or imaginary. You may feel like the world is against you and your passion, but sometimes all you have to do is move, carry on, and put yourself in realms where your heart will be full and your art will be flourished. Perhaps I just need to accept that it is not always very happy to be an artist, you oftentimes need that sadness to grow. That maybe it would always be a cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

And that I need to let it kill and empower me at the same time.

*** 35mm FujiC200 September, 2021

[ejamesquijano]

RANDOM STORIES Just updates and musings, to be honest

Since my cat is adopted, I haven’t really known the exact date of his birth so I made one up. So on the first day of July, we celebrated LVNA’s first birthday. This creature doesn’t have a single idea how much happiness he brings into my life and how many times he had saved me from sadness. So yes, I will always love him and will savor all the moments that he’s here with me.

--

Exploring my hometown has been one of the greatest therapies that I have been doing during this pandemic. Buying my own bicycle and appreciating the world with my film camera have been saving my soul ever since this nightmare-ish have started. On one Saturday of July, a lover and I visited an old furniture shop and had a brief conversation with its owner.  I have always wanted to take a shot of this shop’s façade.

--

It’s July but Pride Month is still in my heart. And so, the last frame of this expired roll went to this low-rise building in my hometown’s plaza. I love that huge rainbow paint on top of it and also love how it turned out in film. In addition to the happiness I am feeling inside my heart, I had my first dose of vaccine before July ended so hell yeah, what a really nice conclusion to this month.

*** 35mm Expired Fuji Superia 400 July, 2021

[ejamesquijano]

LET’S WELCOME THE RAIN The skies were gloomy but not my soul

It literally rained every day for three long weeks and I haven’t been able to go out often and bike around. But once or twice this June, the sun shyly appeared and gave me time to explore my hometown again. The photographs above were the ones I took on those semi-sunny days – a house with a single pink chair and bunch of pink flowers.

Within those days that the skies were dark and the rain poured harder than ever, I just stayed home and drowned myself with work and balanced it out with art. To celebrate the Pride Month on my own, I finally had the time to watch I Told Sunset About You, and I love it so much. What an irony to the rainy season. But the series did its job to warm my heart and save me from gloom.

I sometimes feel like my life is passing by without really doing or accomplishing much. But as I said before, I kind of think that that’s okay and I’m in no mood to rush as long as I am still happy and having fun. Then, if ever I’d be stuck in a bad situation again, it’s always good to believe that the rain doesn’t last forever.

*** 35mm Expired Fuji Superia 400 June, 2021