#Rimmer The Cat and Kochanski standing right in front of some kind of stand (?)

[odo-apologist]

POV: You're a scientist and the little creatures you've been observing have discovered one of the hidden cameras you placed in their natural habitat

[smegdwarf]

But Who Could Love Me? (Rimmer x Reader) - Chapter 8

A/N: 👀

Warnings: Erm mostly fluff, some implied stuff 😏 also a little arguing!

Summary: Basically giving Rimmer the love his deserves :P

Even though Rimmer was always changing its hiding place you knew where the holo disc was after all you did know him better than anyone else.

“How did you know where I hid it?” Rimmer was stunned as you started unscrewing the cover of the air vent he’d hidden the disc in.

“I know you too well Arnie” You smiled as you pulled off the cover to reveal an empty vent “It’s not there?”

“What? It has to be? That’s where I put it?” Rimmer crouched down beside you to look in the vent “...Kryten!!”

“What about him?” You asked as you started putting the vent cover back.

“That bloody bogbot must’ve cleaned the vents” Rimmer shook his head.

“But don’t the vents self clean?” You asked.

“This is Kryten we’re talking about” Rimmer smiled.

“Touché” You replied as you stood up “Let’s go find him see if he knows”

After traipsing round the ship for what felt like hours, not surprising given it’s the size of a city, you finally found the mechanoid, happily humming away while mopping the medi bay floor.

“Hey Krytes you wouldn’t happen to know the whereabouts of a certain holo disc would?” You asked sitting down on the bed as Rimmer followed.

“Surely one Mr Rimmer is enough ma’am?” Kryten asked earning a grumble from the hologram next you.

“She means Kochanski’s disc” Rimmer groaned glaring at the mechanoid who hadn’t even thought about stopping what he was doing.

“I haven’t seen it sir, why?” Kryten asked finally coming to a stop.

“Yeah why?” Rimmer looked at you, realizing he never actually asked why you wanted the disc.

“Well Lister is quite obviously depressed and missing Kochanski” You explained.

“Well that’s nothing new” Rimmer scoffed.

“That might be true but I don’t think him seeing us together is helping” You replied as Kryten nodded in agreement.

“It’s true, you too are like a couple of lovesick teenagers, always giggling and kissing each other” Kryten complained, he may not have grasped all the human emotions but even he was getting fed up with you and Rimmer ...not that that was going to stop either of you.

“Hey I can’t help it, he’s just so loveable!” You grinned, gently placing your hand under Rimmer’s chin and placing a kiss to his cheek as he smiled.

“Ma’am please” Kryten shuddered, his neck disappearing into his suit like a turtle hiding in its shell.

“So if it’s not in the vent and Kryten hasn’t seen where is it?” You asked, looking at Rimmer.

In a matter of minutes every scutter on the dwarf was now lined up in-front of you, Rimmer and Kryten in the medi bay, Rimmer almost buzzing through the roof at leading his own little robot army.

“Right you lot!” He commanded as he paced back and forth “We’ve got a task for you! For some reason Y/N wants Lister to be happy! ...Ow!”

Rimmer jumped as you pinched him while Kryten tried not to let the laugh he was holding back escape.

“As I was saying before Y/N so rudely pinched me...” Rimmer shot a playful glare at you.

“Don’t make me do it again!” You warned him with a smile.

“We want you to search the entire ship for Miss Kristine Kochanski’s holo disc ...apparently Lister’s happiness matters now ...Ow! Alright I’ll stop” Rimmer chuckled as you pinched him again as the scutters set off on their mission.

“Good one ma’am” Kryten commended you with a nod.

“Thanks Krytes” You smirked at Rimmer as he pretended to sulk.

“Y’know ma’am I could see if Miss Kochanski updated her personality file before the radiation leak happened?” Kryten suggested “Just in case we can’t find the holo disc?”

“Kryten you’re a genius! ...personality files, why didn’t I think of that?” You smiled as you sat with Kryten at the computer monitor.

“Hey?” Rimmer made himself known as yours and Krytens eyes shot up from the screen.

“Everything ok?” You looked at him as he pouted “Tell you what, why don’t Arnold and I go check the holosuite?”

“Good idea ma’am” Kryten agreed knowing full well Rimmer just wanted your attention.

“Arnold?” Rimmer looked at you with an eyebrow raised, you very rarely called him anything but Arnie.

“Come on you!” You laughed as you pulled on Rimmer’s hand to take him out of the room “You’re a smeghead you know that?”

“Oh I know!” Rimmer chuckled in your ear as he wrapped his arms around your waist as you tried to walk.

“Now which way was the holo suite?” You pondered.

“We’re not really going there are we?” Rimmer groaned as you reached the lift at the end of the corridor.

“Do I really need to answer that?” You smiled as you gently pushed him into the lift “Let’s go!”

“Oooohhh” Rimmer sulked as you told the lift where you needed to go.

Finally reaching the hologram projection suite it had occurred to you that you had never actually been inside it, this was the room that was essentially keeping you and Rimmer ‘alive’. Flashing lights and monitors everywhere alongside a huge metal cabinet which you could only assume contained the Red Dwarf crew holo discs.

“Annnnd it’s locked ...let’s go” Rimmer was almost estatic that the cabinet was locked.

“Well is there a key?” You asked.

“I’ve never seen one and I would’ve thought Kryten would have mentioned it before we left the medi bay” Rimmer replied “Let’s go?”

“Ah ah not so fast!” You smiled as you pulled a hair pin from your pocket and a paper clip from a file on the desk.

“What are you doing?” Rimmer looked at you confused as you straightened out the pin and the clip “Are you going to try and pick the lock?”

“Not just try honey!” You grinned as the lock came undone and dropped to the floor “I would’ve thought someone like you would be a lot more prepared”

“Well this is normally Kryten or Listers area of expertise” Rimmer shrugged “My god it’s a mess!”

“Well let’s get started then” You smiled handing Rimmer as stack of discs.

An hour or so later and every surface of the holo suite was covered in discs, in stacks that were organized alphabetically by Rimmer.

“See I knew you find interest somewhere” You looked over at Rimmer who had sat down with his feet up on the table and his arms crossed across his chest.

“What do you mean?” Rimmer asked as you started putting the discs back in the cabinet in their new order.

“I have noticed the alphabetical order Arnie” You smiled “No Kochanski though?”

“You know if the scutters do find this disc and we give it to Lister, Cat will start complaining?” Rimmer mumbled.

“Yeah I know but there was only one other option and you’d lose your mind” You spoke calmly.

“And that is?” Rimmer sat up properly.

“Well I could let Lister take me on a date” Rimmer’s  face started to turn red “One date!”

“No, absolutely not, no way” Rimmer snapped “I’m not letting him borrow my girlfriend”

“Ah so I am your girlfriend then?” You grinned as you walked over to him.

“Well I thought it was kind of obvious” Rimmer’s lips started to curl as you stood behind him.

“I know but I’ve never actually heard you say it, what’s going on with you anyway?” You spoke softly as you wrapped your arms around him “Is someone sulking because they’re not getting my attention?”

“A little bit yeah” Rimmer tried to keep a straight face as he looked up at you but with you stood behind him talking ever so sweetly in his ear he found it difficult.

“I also know you’re not too happy about helping Lister out when he stole your chance to tell everyone about us?” You continued to speak softly in his ear before placing a kiss to his cheek “May I remind you that even though it didn’t go the way you had hoped they’re still jealous ...isn’t that kind of what you wanted?”

“I guess yeah” Rimmer smiled as you walked round to stand in front of him.

“Anything I can do to cheer you up?” You asked as a devilish grin took over his face “Except that ...not here anyway”

“Ah damn” Rimmer had the devil in his eyes as you sat down on his lap, his arms instantly wrapped round you. In one swift action he could’ve had every disc and file off the desk and on the floor and have his way but he knew you’d tell him off.

“Maybe later though” You whispered in his ear as he chuckled leaning into kiss you as someone else cleared their throat.

“Gross!” It was Cat! Leaving as soon as he appeared.

“Hey look we’re three for three now” You smiled as Rimmer laughed burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Come on let’s get this cleared up” Rimmer looked over at the endless piles of discs.

"I hope the scutters do find the disc" You sighed as you stood up.

"Why? Why are you so interested in Listers happiness anyway?" Rimmer grumbled, his good mood abruptly coming to its end.

"He's my friend?" You replied trying not to take Rimmers tone of voice personally.

"He's a goit!" Rimmer spat, his eyes locked on the discs he was placing back in the cabinet.

"Look I understand your still upset but I'm not going to put up with this every time my attention is focused on someone else" You were starting to get a little annoyed, you knew Rimmer was complex, that he needed reassurance and that this was always going to be a problem but it didn't mean it didn't upset you.

"You won't find that disc!" Rimmers voice dropped so much it could barely be heard.

"What?" You looked at him as he looked at the floor.

"You wont find that disc!" He spoke up still refusing to look at you as the guilt took over.

"What do you mean? Arnie what have you done with it?" You stood with your hands on your hips, your patience wearing thin "Why won't I find it?"

"Because I flushed it out of an airlock months ago" Rimmer finally confessed "And I hid the case in the air vent to make everyone think it was still on board"

"You have got to be kidding me?" You sighed "You let me do all this knowing full well I'd never find it? Why can't you deal with Lister being happy?"

"Look I flushed that disc way before you glitched here, it had nothing to do with you!" Rimmer tried to explain himself "That disc would've just made him more miserable, she split up with him for someone else before the radiation leak happened, she wasn't interested in him, I was protecting him"

"Protecting him? Or were you really protecting yourself  so your esteem didn't crushed again?" You snarled, you didn't want to be mean but you were pissed and not about to let it go.

"Why are you pissed with me?" Rimmer couldn't understand why his mistake affected you.

"You know I love you more than anything but sometimes you are an insufferable prick Arnold!" You sighed as you went to leave.

"Please don't leave me!" Rimmer panicked.

"I'm not going to leave you ...but you do need to sort this jealousy of yours out" You replied before walking away.

You knew Rimmer meant no harm to you, after all he flushed it before you arrived on the dwarf but you knew all the while Rimmer's jealousy ran rampant in his head it would drive a wedge between the two of you. He's rationality knew you were only trying to help out Lister as a friend and nothing more but the raging green monster could only assume the worst and it was slowly taking over.