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vacantgodling · 1 year

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formatting this is gonna be a bit wild however some sixteen candles nonsense. for those unaware this is a wip that is all based in a group chat (think discord) where the names of threads, usernames, etc all change. but the main point is they’re all queer besties who’ve known each other for 16 years and they get up to Shenanigans!!

(if u need anything else clarified just ask. remember: all typos are there for a reason so if things are unreadable i’ll also clarify)

the proposal

tw(s): mentions of sex, drug use, cursing, bad spelling, lots of slang

usernames:

Nanette Rosenfeld -> Nanette

Ranger Pellish -> ranger danger

Vanilla Vega -> VaniVee

Roger Grant -> no

Tucker Hayes -> TUCKerware

Nanette: So I have some unfortunate news to bring to the class.

TUCKerware: oooOoOoO stry tme!

ranger danger: did ur teacher spring a surprise mid-term on you lmao

VaniVee: or!! :000 you had a overnight shift at work you didn’t want to do because your supposed to be spending time with us this weekend!!!

no: What happened nan?

Nanette: My girlfriend broke up with me.

VaniVee: OH NO NETTIE ; 3;

TUCKerware: shld i bet some1 up?????? was she a bicth?

ranger danger: b i c t h

ranger danger: god i hate u lmaooooo

TUCKerware: if i hd th gif i woulda put it hre

ranger danger: found it

ranger danger: i have that shit SAVED

no: Am I the only one who Didn’t know nan had a girlfriend?

no: Just me?

no: ok.

ranger danger: no lol i was going to ask the same thing

ranger danger: young lady, you didn’t even tell the class you h a d a girlfriend

Nanette: It was short lived. We were only seeing each other “officially” for 2 weeks. I don’t like to introduce people to you all unless we’ve been together for at least 6 months.

VaniVee: omg 6 months??? is this why ive never met any of your girlfriends nan?? >:((

TUCKerware: we met stphanie!

ranger danger: stephanieeeeeeee she was so cooooooool

VaniVee: i don’t remember a stephanie :((

Nanette: She wasn’t worth remembering. After the second time she told me she’d quit cocaine and she didn’t, I realized that it wasn’t worth the effort.

no: COCAINE

no: NAN WHAT

no: THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER???

ranger danger: y i k e s

Nanette: This is why I don’t introduce you all to my girlfriends.

ranger danger: bc you always pick the bad ones?

Nanette: That, and because introducing them to you all is like introducing them to the family. There’s no point in introducing you all to someone who I don’t think will be permanent.

VaniVee: aww nettieeeee ; 3; ilyyyyyy

TUCKerware: nanny ilysm

no: <3<3

ranger danger: none of you all love nan as much as me

ranger danger: i love u baby <3

VaniVee: wait but what happened with this girlfriend???

ranger danger: yeah why so soon

TUCKerware: u kno i thro dwn 4 u nan

TUCKerware: say th word n i GOTCHu

Nanette: Said by the same man who calls me ‘nanny.’

TUCKerware: nuuuuuuuuuuuu

TUCKerware: ur liek my mom nannyyyyyy

ranger danger: can u imagine nan being a mother because i can’t

ranger danger: i feel like she’d leave her kids at the mall if they pissed her off

VaniVee: i can’t see nan being pregnant tbh,,,,, . n.;;;;

ranger danger: GAG

TUCKERware: mby getting sm1… :eyes:

Nanette: When I went on a date with her this afternoon, she brought up the topic of marriage.

no: I love how nan immediately ignored all of you haha

Nanette: I was a little taken aback since like I said we’d only been talking for two weeks at this point.

ranger danger: gag

VaniVee: ….. how did she bring it up?

Nanette: She said: “I was scrolling on your instagram, babe, and I see that you take a lot of pictures with the same few people, but definitely with this one guy. Who is he?” She then showed me a picture from my page of Ranger and I.

ranger danger: which picture

Nanette: The ferris wheel one. When we went to Kony Island for my cousin’s wedding.

ranger danger: lmao the one from like 3 years ago

ranger danger: why is she scrolling back so far lmaooo

ranger danger: my hair was so bad in that picture

Nanette: I think she picked that photo because on the third picture, you were kissing my cheek.

VaniVee: i somehow feel like i know where this is going ;;;;;;

Nanette: I’m sure you do, Vani.

no: I don’t.

TUCKerware: nithr do i frfr

ranger danger: she jealous or something

Nanette: I assume so. I told her that you were my best friend, and she said “Oh, so like a gay best friend? Like, gay lesbian solidarity?”

ranger danger: at least she clocked me for not straight l m a o

TUCKerware: i dnt hve a gaydar bt mine goez off whnevr ur around

no: I had a nightmare about ranger being straight once.

ranger danger: god don’t tell me about it

ranger danger: u may give me nightmares lmao

VaniVee: what did you say nan??? :00

Nanette: I told her that Ranger was bi, so you could call it ‘queer solidarity.’ However, we’ve known each other for 16 years so he is genuinely just one of my best friends. I wasn’t sure how else to respond to her question.

ranger danger: why do i feel like she asked u if we’d ever fucked before

ranger danger: like ‘oh is that how u realized u were gay’

ranger danger: as tho m/f friendships can’t exist lmao

TUCKerware: bt u nd nan DO fck smtms

ranger danger: i mean but that’s irrelevant to the conversation l m a o

ranger danger: if nan got a girl and didn’t wanna fuck me cuz of that i mean that’s chill

Nanette: You aren’t necessarily wrong. She didn’t seem to like my answer when I said that you were bi, so I asked if there was some kind of problem with that, or what she was trying to imply. She then said that she wasn’t sure she wanted the two of us to be so close.

no: Like in general?

Nanette: Yes. As friends. I didn’t mention anything about sex.

VaniVee: :////////////

ranger danger: LOLOLOLOL

no: uh….

TUCKerware: lls iz she joshin

ranger danger: I’M SORRY

ranger danger: IMAGINE THINKING YOU CAN INFLUENCE SOMETHING THAT’S BEEN AROUND SINCE BEFORE YOU’D BEEN THOUGHT OF

ranger danger: its the audacity for me

no: What’s wrong with you and ranger being friends? You’re literally dating *her*, aren’t you?

Nanette: That’s when the wedding part of her question came up. She asked: ‘Since you all are so close, would he be like, the best man at our wedding?’

ranger danger: if u ever get married nan, i fucking better be

ranger danger: i will cry if i’m not

VaniVee: speaking of weddings, i was going to ask you to be my maid of honor whenever i get married nan!! ; 3;

VaniVee: i would love to see you in a champagne dress it would match ur skintone so well ; 3;

Nanette: Vani I would do anything for you.

VaniVee: OR!!! you could wear a champagne jumpsuit if you’d like!

VaniVee: i just want to see you in champagne!!!!

VaniVee: or rose gold?? :000

TUCKerware: wht colors wld u prefer vani?

ranger danger: wouldn’t you like to know, lover boy

TUCKerware: Shut The Fuck Up.

ranger danger: LMAO he had to use big boy words for that one roge

no: hahahaha

Nanette: I told her that it would be too early to consider a wedding between the two of us, and as it were, I would marry Ranger before I married her. However, if I were to get married to anyone else, he would be my best man without question.

ranger danger: nan what are you saying

ranger danger: like bby if you wanted to get hitched that’s all you had to say <3

Nanette: When do you want to go to the courthouse?

ranger danger: oh my god forreal

Nanette: I need health insurance.

ranger danger: TOO RIGHT

ranger danger: but no seriously would you actually marry me

ranger danger: not in like a romantic way because like

ranger danger: ew

ranger danger: but in a platonic way?

ranger danger: like ur my soulmate nan

ranger danger: u get me.

ranger danger: i know i’m like ur side hoe but like hear me out

no: Is ranger proposing in our group chat right now?

TUCKerware: shhhhhhh i gt th popcorn

ranger danger: ur the only person i would ever want to sign off on my medical shit

ranger danger: and like owning a house with you sounds lit?

ranger danger: i know we don’t have to be married to do that but like

ranger danger: nan idk how to tell u that ur my favorite person on planet earth

Nanette: You just did lol.

ranger danger: NO BUT LIKE

ranger danger: i know you don’t know what i mean but you know what i mean

ranger danger: right???

ranger danger: ugh finish your story i’m thinking way too hard about this

Nanette: If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re thinking about this too hard. In any relationship that I’m in, if they aren’t cool with you then I’m not interested in them. You come first for me, always.

VaniVee: I’M CRYING??? THIS IS SO SWEET?????

ranger danger: YOU’RE CRYING I’M WEEPING

ranger danger: NAN WTF DON’T VALIDATE ME LIKE THIS

ranger danger: I’M A NUISANCE

Nanette: Yes, but you’re my nuisance. My favorite headache.

ranger danger: even over ur girl tho ??

ranger danger: i guess i don’t know what you’d be getting out of getting hitched with me

ranger danger: aren’t marriages supposed to be like a romantic thing ??

ranger danger: idk u allos explain this to me

no: Well technically marriage’s are just saying this is someone I trust enough to conjoin taxes with for the rest of my life.

no: So I don’t see why you and nan couldn’t get married.

no: You’re both financially capable to have a successful union

TUCKerware: lls rogeeeee

no: Is it obvious that my views on a successful marriage have been skewed?

VaniVee: i’ve heard about friends getting married all the time!!! aside from all the benefits like roge is talking about, being best friends and wanting to put that relationship before anything else isn’t weird!!!! i’ve seen people talking about it online!!!! especially aromantic people!!!

ranger danger: huh

ranger danger: sometimes i feel like i’m bad at being queer lol i know nothing about this stuff

TUCKerware: sme bro

TUCKerware: bt liek. its not liek theres a LAW sayng u gtta b in LUV to be married

TUCKerware: liek ukno romanticlaly

ranger danger: *romantically

TUCKerware: so if u and nan want to get married because you feel the most comfortable with each other and no one else can get between you two, why not?

ranger danger: damn he used real words for me and everything

Nanette: It’s not something we have to make a decision on right this second or anything. But I do hope you know that your fondness is more than definitely reciprocated, Ranger.

ranger danger: i’m actually crying at work rn i hate y’all

TUCKerware: dnt get it in2 th beeeerrrrr

TUCKerware: i shld pck u up frm wrk 2day

TUCKerware: im arnd there rn lol

TUCKerware: wht time u gt off?

ranger danger: whenever you’re clocking in big boy

ranger danger: i’ll see myself out

TUCKerware: ;))))

ranger danger: i get off at like 9 i came in early tonight so i’m coming home with shit money

VaniVee: :((((((

VaniVee: but that means you’re free this weekend right!!!! RIGHT???? >:((

ranger danger: LMAO yes queen i took off for our sleepover

VaniVee: good <3

VaniVee: and roge, you’re still coming right?? you can bring mittens!!

Nanette: Ah, yes. The Feline.

no: <3<3<3 I’ll be heading over in a bit! I’ll stop by the store to get some extra food, if you don’t mind me using your kitchen, Vani?

VaniVee: roge i am begging you to use my kitchen.

VaniVee: I GOT A LAZY SUSAN SPICE RACK JUST FOR YOU!!!!

no: Vani!!!! You’re too sweet!!!! No!!!! I’m gonna make you so much cake!!!!

VaniVee: YES!!!! CAKE!!!!! <3<3<3

ranger danger: also don’t worry future wife i have ur allergy meds

Nanette: Thank you, future husband <3

ranger danger: !!!!!!

ranger danger: i think that just killed me actually

TUCKerware: llssssss

VaniVee: im gonna start setting up for the sleepover!! see y’all soon!! ilyyy <3

TUCKerware: ily2!

ranger danger: see how he’s the first to respond roge lol

no: hahaha

TUCKerware: I Will Shit In Your Mouth

ranger danger: do it pussy

Nanette: Boys, behave.

no: See y’all soon!

ranger danger: my boss is yelling at me to get off my phone lol whOOps

Nanette: Vani, I’ll be there soon.

VaniVee: kk <3<3

#s: sixteen candles #ren writing

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