#She also tries to play matchmaker with Arthur and Merlin

[akelafang]

Fic idea:

After Morgause's ritual that allows Arthur to talk to his mother, the veil between her and the living world has weakened. Ygraine's spirit is able to pass through and she starts haunting the shit out of Uther in revenge for what he did to her and his treatment of Arthur since then. She also uses some of her time to spend with Arthur cause he did not get enough time with her!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

We’re Okay

Prompts: Can we get some Merlin figuring out he's aro ace stuff? or perhaps a story further in the future where Merlin knows he's aroace and understands it and has a qpr with Arthur. (And Arthur isn't with gwen bc i never really thought that made sense for either of them) I think whether or not Arthur is also aroace doesn't really matter to what i want to see, it just tells different sorts of stories either way. I'm more favorable to advisor merlin than court sorcerer merlin soooo maybe some of that :) no pressure, write whatever you like. - anon

Gwen figures out she's aroace and talks to merlin about it and tries to figure out how to break up with arthur (post uther death, pre lancelot resurrection). Self discovery! Self confidence! angst! knowing what she wants in life! huzzah! thank u for your time, i hope you consider writing this prompt.  - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: internalized and externalized acephobia and arophobia

Pairings: merthur/arwen, queerplatonic

Word Count: 4382

The first time Merlin hears about it, he’s very little, young enough that most adults will forget he’s in the room if he’s quiet and doesn’t draw too much attention to himself.

The next time Merlin had heard about it, he was being very confused as to why his ‘crush’ on one of the girls in the village didn’t count.

It doesn't stop happening, but it does get better.

   The first time Merlin hears about it, he’s very little, young enough that most adults will forget he’s in the room if he’s quiet and doesn’t draw too much attention to himself.

 He’s on his mother’s lap, fussing with a scrap of fabric she gave him that almost has a hole worn into it where he likes to bite it. His mother’s hand smooths down his back every once in a while, as if she’s reassuring both of them that she’s right here after Merlin’s nightmares earlier in the month where he couldn’t find her. He’d crawled into her arms and bawled his little baby eyes out as she shushed him and ever since, he’s had to know where she is and she had to know where he is.

 The other adults cooed over him, saying how adorable he was, how responsible.

 “He’ll make a great husband one day,” one of them says, stretching their legs out in front of the fire, “so attentive.”

 “We’ve got a long ways to wait for that,” Hunith had said back, not unkindly, “let the poor boy be a boy before you start trying to matchmake.”

 “Come off it, it’s only fun and games.”

 Another one of the adults had laughed. “It’s no use trying to head it off, you know. Sooner or later he’s going to start playing with the other kids his age and then you know how insufferable it’ll get.”

 “I think when a few of you can get better and holding stable relationships with each other as adults, you can then start worrying about the kids.”

 It had prompted a good round of laughter and something about Hunith raising the smart ones before the conversation drifted elsewhere.

 Later, however, Merlin had asked what that man was talking about.

 “Oh, sweetie,” Hunith had said, “don’t you worry about things like marriage right now. It’s not something you’re going to have to think about for many, many years, and even then it’s only going to be when you want to.”

 “But what is it?”

 “Well,” his mother had said, choosing her words carefully, “when two people love each other very, very much, they can choose to make a promise to only love each other like that for the rest of their lives.”

 “But I love you, ” Merlin had cried, his eyes brimming with tears, “does—does that mean that I won’t?”

 “No, no, sweetie, it’s not that kind of love.” His mother had pulled him into a cuddle. “No, sweetie, there are different ways to love someone. Marriage is just one way of expressing a certain type of love.”

 “I’ll always love you,” Merlin had promised and his mother had hugged him tighter.

 “I know, sweetie. You’re a very loving boy. Of course, you will. I just hope you find someone who can give you all the love you share with everyone else.”

 2.

 The next time Merlin had heard about it, he was being very confused as to why his ‘crush’ on one of the girls in the village didn’t count.

 “But she’s hardly pretty,” one of the boys was saying, “I think the toads look prettier than she does.”

 “She’s not that bad,” another one had said, “she’s better looking than your sister.”

“Hey! Don’t talk that way about my sister!”

 Will had snorted. “Two minutes ago, you were yelling at us to not talk about how pretty your sister is. Pick one, why don’t you?”

 “I’ll pick you!”

 Merlin had scooted out of the way as the two boys dissolved into a brawl, cheered on by the others until some of the adults had spotted them and pried the boys apart. Will had made it out with a scuffed cheek and a bruised knee, the other boy with a few scrapes on his hands.

 All in all, not the worst casualties they’d ever faced.

 “But seriously,” Will had said as they walked home later that day, “ her? She’s not that pretty, Merlin.”

 “I don’t like her ‘cause she’s pretty, I like her ‘cause she’s clever.”

 “Clever?”

 “Yeah. She managed to do the full day’s work in half the time by training the donkey to pull the cart. That’s impressive.”

 Will had scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You sound like my father. Come on, Merlin, just tell me who you like!”

 Merlin had stopped in confusion. “I did tell you.”

 “But who do you like,” Will had stressed, only making Merlin more confused, “who—“

 He glanced around and leaned in close.

 “Who do you want to kiss? ”

 “Kiss?”

 “Keep your voice down?” Will had glanced around again and put his face right up next to Merlin’s. “Yeah, Merlin, kiss. Which girl do you want to kiss?”

 “None of them.”

 “Oh, come on, I’m your best friend! You can tell me. Wait, it’s not mine, is it?”

 “She’s not yours, Will.”

 “Not yet. Okay, wait, wait,” he had said quickly when Merlin made a face and kept walking, “okay, you’re right, she’s not mine. But is it her? I won’t be mad, promise.”

 “It’s not her, Will.”

 “Oh, thank god. I lied about not being mad.” He’d nudged Merlin’s shoulder. “Wait, so who is it then?”

 “None of them, really. I don’t want to kiss any of them.”

 Will had rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun.”

 3.

 The next time, they were older, and Merlin had suddenly been informed that people were looking at him.

 “What d’you mean, they’re looking at me, people look at you too, Will.”

 “But they’re looking at you.”

 “Just because you say it with a different voice and you stare at me like that doesn’t mean I’m going to magically understand what’s going on.”

 “Wait, can you do that?” Will had waved at his head. “Read my mind so you can see what I’m thinking?”

 “What, no!”

 “Pity. Would come in right handy in times like this.”

 Merlin had rolled his eyes and kept working, pushing up his sleeves so they wouldn’t get caught.

 “See? Look, look. ” Will had elbowed him sharply in the ribs, ignoring his squawk of protest. “Look over there.”

 Merlin had looked up, half glaring at Will, only to see a group of young women staring at them. They elbowed each other and whispered, giggling. He offered a bemused half-wave and then stared in surprise when they shrieked and ran off.

 “What was that all about?”

 “ That, ” Will had said, sounding a bit put out, “was you being a giant dunce. ”

 “I just waved at them!”

 “You scared them off, that’s what you did.”

 “What did I do?” Merlin had thrown his hands up in exasperation and his shirt had caught the breeze. “I just— Will!”

 Will had tugged his shirt down sharply. “For god's sake, Merlin!”

 “What am I doing?”

 “You—“ Will had taken a deep breath, seemingly catching onto the fact that Merlin wasn’t being purposefully obtuse, he genuinely had no idea what was going on. “Merlin, they think you’re attractive.”

 “ Me? ”

 “Yeah, I know, I’m shocked too.” Merlin had shoved him. “Alright, alright, god.”

 “Why do they find me attractive?”

 Will had stared at him like he’d grown two heads. “Are you serious?”

 “Yes!” He’d crossed his arms. “I don’t like them looking at me like that.”

 “You don’t?”

 No, he didn’t. It had made him feel like…like a piece of meat. Or a horse that was very good at hauling the wagons. Or a shiny piece of jewelry the merchant was selling. He hugged himself and hunched in, trying to make himself smaller.

 Will had awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. “It’s probably just your shirt.”

 “My shirt?”

 “Yeah. How tight it is.” He had tugged on it. “And how easy it flies up.”

 “Oh.”

 The next day, Merlin wore the baggiest tunic and trousers he could find and no one looked at him twice.

 4.

 The next time it’s made into a big deal is when Gwaine is three ales in and the rest of the knights aren’t far behind.

 Contrary to popular belief—and by this, he does very much exclusively mean Arthur—Merlin can’t hold his alcohol very well and, for this reason, does not drink that often. Which means that Gaius really needs to stop using that as his excuse for why Merlin’s not where Arthur can find him.

 Anyways.

 “Alright,” Gwaine announces, slamming the tankard down on the table, “let’s play a game.”

 “No,” Lancelot votes, “I would not like to play a game.”

 “Why not? You’re no fun.”

 “If you’re going to say I’m no fun anyway, I see no reason to explain why I don’t want to play.”

 “Oh, come on,” Percival sighs, “you know he’ll be insufferable if you don’t tell us.”

 “He’s insufferable anyway.”

 “That’s true.”

 Gwaine halfheartedly punches Percival’s shoulder—it barely does anything to the brick shit house of a man—and turns back to Lancelot. “Let me explain what the game is at least.”

 “Alright, fine.”

 “It’s called ‘Have Not.’” Gwaine sits up as straight as he can—which is not that straight, so he leans back against the wall. “You have to say something you think someone else at the table has done. If you’ve done it, you take a drink.”

 “Ah, a drinking game,” Elyan mutters, “however could I have seen this coming?”

 “Are you playing or not?”

 “Sure, sure, I’ll play.”

 The rest of the knights agree and then Gwaine turns to Merlin.

 Merlin shrugs. “Sure.”

 “Ah, yes!” Gwaine rubs his hands together. “Now I’ll finally get all the stories you refuse to tell me.”

 And so it goes. They learn that Gwaine has dangled headfirst down a well—not surprising—Elyan once lost a bet that meant he had to sleep in a full suit of armor as a child—helmet included!—and that Leon was the best at throwing tomatoes at prisoners in the stocks when he was a child.

 “I’m glad you weren’t throwing them at me,” Merlin mutters, inching away.

 Leon chuckles, patting Merlin’s shoulder. “It’d be like attacking a puppy, Merlin, I would never.”

 “Thank…you?”

 “Lancelot, your go.”

 “Alright.” Lancelot drums his fingers on the table for a moment before a small smile that Merlin’s come to learn spells trouble comes to his face. “I Have Not had sex in the past month.”

 Gwaine groans and takes a drink. So do Elyan and Percival. “That’s cheap.”

 Lancelot shrugs. “You didn’t say anything about not being cheap.”

 “No,” Gwaine says with a flirty grin, “no, I didn’t.”

 “ Incorrigible.”

 “Anyway, that’s my go, so…” Gwaine trails off when he notices the other three are staring at Merlin. “What?”

 “He took a drink,” Percival stage whispers.

 Gwaine’s eyes light up.

 “Merlin, ” he says, setting aside the drink—a first—and leaning forward on the table, “you’ve been holding out on us!”

 “I haven’t.”

 “You expect us to not ask questions? You never talk about yourself!”

 “Go on,” Elyan says, leaning forward as well, “what was she like?”

 “No.”

 “What was he like?”

 Merlin pinches the bridge of his nose. “ No, Gwaine.”

 “You can tell us,” Lancelot encourages only to raise his hands when Merlin glares at him, “what?”

 “It was fine.”

 “So it was bad?”

 “What? No. It was fine. She was lovely, it was fun, that’s that.”

 Gwaine stares at him for a long moment. “You’re an awful storyteller, Merlin.”

 “I don’t know what you want me to say! You lot sound ridiculous when you talk about your…exploits,” he says, ignoring the snigger at his words, “I’m not going to sound like that. It’s fine, sex is fun and all, but it’s not for me.”

 “Maybe you just haven’t had the right partner yet.”

 Merlin levels a glare at Gwaine that’s so strong the man actually looks like he sobers up a little.

 “Sorry,” he says immediately, raising his hands, clearly understanding he’s crossed some sort of line, “sorry.”

 Merlin sighs, taking another drink to cope with the idiots he lovingly calls friends. “It’s just not for me, okay?”

 “And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

 See, that’s the nice thing about Leon. He’ll say something with a soft note of finality and everyone will understand that the conversation is over.

 “Gwaine, it’s your turn.”

 “I Have Not spilled ale on myself in the past three minutes.”

 “You pushed me!”

 5.

 The next time it really comes up, Merlin almost has a heart attack.

 He’s just walked into Arthur’s chambers after Gwen’s left for the evening, tending to His Royal Prat’s every need so he doesn’t wake up the Crankiest Dollophead in Camelot, when he notices Arthur’s just standing in the middle of the room, frowning at him.

 “What?”

 “Why’re you still here?”

 “Uh…” Merlin gestures around the room at the mess Arthur’s made of his room. “Unless you’d rather clean it up yourself…”

 “I mean why are you here right now, ” Arthur stresses, taking a step toward Merlin and Merlin quickly decides he does not like it when Arthur is almost glaring at him and asking him questions that sound like daggers, “why are you in my chambers when you could be somewhere else?”

 Merlin’s hands tighten on the nightshirt he’s holding. “Do you—do you want me to leave?”

 He doesn’t think Arthur was in a bad mood. He was laughing when Gwen left. Did Merlin do something to piss him off?

 “Don’t you want to leave?” He doesn’t exactly want to leave, but he wants Arthur to stop advancing on him like he’s an enemy. “Aren’t you sick of being in my chambers night after night? What are you getting out of this?”

 Merlin’s blood runs cold and he almost rips the nightshirt.

 Arthur’s found him out. He’s found him out and he knows about his magic. He knows about the destiny or at least he’s very close to figuring it out and despite what Merlin says a lot of the time Arthur isn’t stupid, he’s very clever, and if he figures it out then he’ll ask Merlin and Merlin can’t lie to him, not about this, he just can’t, and then Arthur will find out and he’ll be so angry and Merlin can’t stand it when Arthur’s angry, especially not at him, and he’s going to—

 “Merlin? Merlin!”

 A strangled noise leaves Merlin’s lips and something grabs him by the shoulders and shakes. Hard.

 “Please—“

 “Merlin, calm down. ”

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t—“

 “Merlin,” Arthur’s voice says again, sounding frantic now, “ Merlin, calm down.”

 “I’m sorry— “

 “Mer—“

 Merlin’s knees give out and he collapses, huddling in a shaking pile on the ground. No fire, please, just no fire, he’ll go, he’ll cooperate, just please no fire—

 “Merlin,” Arthur’s voice calls, suddenly sounding soft and sweet and worried, “Merlin, come here.”

 He’s pulled blindly against something warm, something gentle coming up around him as his head is pushed into a shoulder. Something cards through his hair, runs warm and soothing down his back, something else rumbling against him.

 “Shh, shh, shh,” Arthur’s voice says again, “you’re alright. You’re alright, Merlin, you’re alright.”

 Ah. He’s being cuddled.

 “Yes,” Arthur encourages as Merlin’s hands come up to shakily grip his tunic, “that’s it. You just hold onto me for a moment, alright?”

 “A-Arthur—“

 “Yeah, Merlin, you’ve got me.” Arthur gives him a squeeze round the middle. “And I’ve got you. We’re just going to…sit here for a moment, yeah?”

 Sit. He can do that.

 An embarrassing amount of time later, Merlin realizes he’s being held in Arthur’s lap, his hands stroking through Merlin’s hair and down his back the way his mother used to. Tears are drying on his cheeks, his chest sore from panting and sobbing. Arthur, thank the gods, doesn’t seem to mind, rocking them ever so slightly back and forth.

 Dread sinks into Merlin’s stomach. There’s no way Arthur isn’t going to ask what that was about.

 Sure enough, a moment later, Arthur pulls back to look at him, but his face isn’t angry or smug, ready to tease him for being a petticoat. No, he just looks…worried.

 “What was that?”

 Merlin feels himself flush. “…got scared.”

 “Scared? Scared of what?” When Merlin looks away, Arthur breathes in sharply. “Of…me?”

 He wants to say no. He really wants to say no. Reassure Arthur that it wasn’t him, that he’s just a wimp, just like Arthur always says, it’s been a long day, he’s tired, he’s off his game.

 But he’s taken too long.

 “I see,” Arthur says, quiet and quietly devastated, “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s not your fault.”

 “Isn’t it?”

 “You…you just got in your attack…thing,” Merlin says lamely, “and it…it didn’t feel good.”

“No, I suppose it didn’t.”

 After another moment when Merlin really should say something, or do something so they can get out of this situation, Arthur’s hand coaxes his chin up.

 “I just meant…well, I meant that you probably want to spend your nights in the company of someone you enjoy rather than cleaning up after me.”

 Merlin frowns. “What?”

 “Come on, Merlin,” Arthur says, smiling a little now, “you can’t tell me you’d rather spend your nights here picking up my laundry than with a beautiful woman, can you?”

 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, he’s not having this conversation. “That’s not—I—I don’t—“

 “Or a handsome man,” Arthur says quickly, “I don’t care.”

 “That’s not—wait, you don’t?”

 Arthur gives him a look. “No, Merlin, I don’t care who you choose to bed.”

 Something in him softens.

 “Is that what worried you?”

 Like…yes, but also no. “Not really.”

 Arthur scoffs. “Well then what is it? You can’t really prefer—“

 “What if it’s no one?”

He pauses. “What?”

 “You said you don’t care who I choose to bed,” Merlin repeats, looking away and bringing his hands into his lap to fiddle with the hem of his tunic, “what if it’s no one?”

 Arthur’s quiet for a moment and Merlin braces himself. You’ll understand later, come on Merlin you can tell me, that’ll change when you meet the right person. He’s heard it all before.

 What he isn’t expecting is for Arthur to let out a slow breath. “Merlin, look at me.”

 Merlin doesn’t.

 “Merlin,” Arthur says again, hand on his face, “come on, look at me, please.”

 And gods damn it all, he will always listen when Arthur says please like that.

 “There you are,” he murmurs, smiling, “no, Merlin, I don’t care.”

 “You…don’t?”

 “No. You can choose to do—or not do—anything you like. That’s your business.”

 Merlin worries a loose thread in his fingers. “Even if I never want to…get married and any of that?”

 “Even if you never want to.” Arthur pulls him a little closer. “You always have a place here, I don’t care if you never want to get married or have a bed partner or anything. You’re Merlin, you are the way you are, and that’s that.”

 …don’t cry again, whatever you do, don’t cry again, don’t—

 “Oh, you big baby,” Arthur says, gentle tone taking all the bite out of his words, “come here…”

 He thinks, as Arthur holds him on the floor of his chambers, laundry still strewn about them and the bed unmade, that there isn’t anywhere he’d rather be right now.

 +1.

 “Merlin?”

 Merlin turns around to see Gwen reaching out to grab hold of his shoulder. He pauses, letting her catch up and turning to face her. “Yes?”

 “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

 “Yeah, yeah, sure.” He moves them into a side room where no one goes and closes the door. “What’s going on?”

 Gwen doesn’t say anything for a moment, twisting her hands into her skirts and then out again, before she blurts out: “I don’t want to get married.”

 Merlin blinks. “Oh. Alright. Er, has Arthur asked you?”

 “No, but he’s going to.”

 “He is?” Funny. In all the things he’s heard from Arthur rants about Gwen, that’s never been one of them. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t know anything about it.”

 “That’s not—no, I don’t think he’s going to ask me soon, or at all—I’m being presumptuous, but at some point someone’s going to ask me.”

 “And you…don’t want to say yes?”

 Gwen nods, resolutely staring out of the window and not at Merlin. “I don’t want to marry, Merlin. Not that I don’t care for Arthur, I do, I really do…”

 “But you don’t want to marry him,” Merlin finishes when she can’t, reaching out when she nods somewhat miserably, “it’s alright, Gwen, he won’t make you do something you don’t want to.”

 Gwen’s quiet for a beat too long.

 “…Gwen?”

 “I think I upset him,” she mumbles.

 “What?”

 “A few nights ago, he….he asked me to…to…”

 Ah. “…share his bed?”

 Gwen nods, still avoiding eye contact. “And I said no.”

 Merlin nods, before he realizes that Gwen thinks she’s upset Arthur. “Did he do something? Did he say something to you? I’ll go talk to him, make him see—“

 “No, no,” Gwen says quickly, finally looking at him, “no, he was lovely. I said no and he nodded and kissed me goodnight and offered to walk me home. That was it.”

 Merlin lets out a sigh of relief. “So why do you think he’s upset?”

 “Well…isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” She goes back to fiddling with her skirts. “I know…I know women aren’t supposed to want that the way men do and maybe he’s just being respectful, but—“

 “Gwen,” Merlin says firmly, “firstly, women are allowed to want sex just the same as men are, and second, it is perfectly alright if you don’t want sex.”

 Gwen looks up at him. “…really?”

 “I mean, I’m not a woman—“ Gwen snorts— “and I’m not…I’m not like you, I’m not from here, so I don’t know what it’s been like for you, but…no, Gwen. Women are allowed to want sex just as much as men are, and it’s also alright if you never want to have sex.”

 “I’m not sure Arthur will see it the same way.”

 “He will.”

 “How can you be so sure?”

 Merlin hesitates, before deciding that this is Gwen and he wants to share everything with her, “because he did for me.”

 Gwen’s eyes widen as she stares at him, before she slowly reaches for his hands. “You’re…you’re like me?”

 “Yeah, Gwen, I’m…I’m like you.”

 Gwen’s face lights up and she laughs in disbelief, before pulling Merlin into a tight hug. “Oh, Merlin, thank you for telling me, I feel so much better now.”

 “Hey, you’re my best friend, of course I’d tell you.”

 Gwen pulls back, shaking her hair out of her face and pushing back her shoulders. “Right, then. I…have some things to think about. And I should tell Arthur.”

 “When you’re ready,” Merlin says, “and not a second before.”

 “Right.” She looks up at him. “Thank you, Merlin, truly. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.”

 “So are you.”

 The two of them exchange another hug before they have to get back to work. As it turns out, Gwen is far more sure of herself in coming up with plans than Merlin is, and by the end of the day she’s told Arthur and that she wants some time to think about how their relationship is going to change.

 Merlin can’t stop grinning with how proud he is until Arthur tosses a boot at him.

 “At least I won’t have to worry about interrogating potential partners,” Arthur grumbles good-naturedly as he sits back at his desk.

 “I don’t know,” Merlin says as he idly fixes the bedcovers, “she might still find someone she wants to be very close with for the rest of her life. A life partner, just…not a married one.”

 “Mm.”

 “Maybe I’ll find one too.”

 Arthur snorts.

 “Hey,” Merlin says, indignant, “maybe I want one.”

 Arthur looks up from his desk, considering him for a moment, before he gets up and slowly walks across the room, standing in front of him, still silent.

 “What,” Merlin says, “maybe I do. Maybe I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who I care about and who’ll care about me.”

 Arthur slowly reaches out and cups Merlin’s face in his hands.

 “What?” Merlin frowns. “Just because I don’t want to marry and bed someone doesn’t mean I don’t want someone in my life to be fond of.”

 Arthur raises an eyebrow.

 What is he doing? Merlin’s just talking about how he wants someone to grow old with, someone he cares about just as deeply as any married couple could but in his own way, someone who he’d live and die for and someone who would do the same for him, someone who—

 Oh.

 Oh.

 Arthur chuckles as Merlin’s face goes slack with realization, leaning forward and gently kissing his forehead.

 “Idiot.”

 Only Arthur could be so brazen as to turn the insult into a pet name, Merlin thinks hysterically as his hands come up to shakily cover Arthur’s.

 “So you…you…”

 “Mine,” Arthur says, gently yet firmly when Merlin can’t get his words out, “my Merlin.”

 “…yeah, alright.”

 Now, if only the reveal about his magic goes this well. Surely Arthur can’t know about that already too, right?

[merlinficreview]

The Student Prince Chapters 16-20 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 16

This chapter opens with Merlin waking up with a massive hangover. Arthur helps orient us, and Merlin, since he’s currently not sure of anything. “It's Raisin Monday. We've got to go to Morgana's place.” Thanks, Exposition Arthur!

Arthur then quickly returns to asshole mode and pulls the covers off of Merlin. “Arthur didn't say anything for a long moment, and Merlin cracked his eyes open just a little. Arthur was staring at his throat, and he'd gone rather white. Merlin lifted his fingers stiffly and rubbed the spot Arthur was looking at, which felt sore, and Arthur flinched, and looked quickly up at Merlin's face, and then away.” Ahh yes, a hickey. How embarrassing. Though if some dude is biting and sucking your neck so hard that it hurts the next day, that’s way too excessive. Arthur can fuck off with his jealousy though.

Merlin suddenly remembers the previous night and things get awkward. Arthur walks away to take a shower.

You know, I’m sitting here thinking about this whole Raisin Weekend thing, and I’m not sure why they would make the final thing on a Monday when people have classes. Wouldn’t it make sense to have the tea party and get together with Academic Dads on Saturday and then this shaving cream fight thingy on Sunday? Monday isn’t even part of the weekend. So it’s not really a weekend thing because they didn’t even do anything on Saturday.

As they walk to Morgana’s, Merlin brings up Arthur making out with Gwen, “’Look, it was just a snog,’ said Arthur, defensively. ‘We were a bit pissed. Don't start matchmaking.’ And then he reddened, and looked away, and a heartbeat later Merlin remembered the Matchmaker game and Arthur's tongue sliding over the seam of his lips, licking away the powdered sugar from the doughnut that he'd chased there.” Once again, Arthur can fuck off with his nonsense.

Once they get to Morgana’s, they find Gwen, who is dressed as a knight. “They trooped dutifully after her, passing Kay standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of skin-tight white leggings, grumbling under his breath as Helen busily painted him Smurf-blue. Gawain, in matching red leggings complete with white beard, red smurf hat and blue skin, was munching on a bacon roll and reading The Times a few yards away.” I’m honestly just including this because I don’t know what a bacon roll is, but I now really want a bacon and cheese sandwich. Also, good, Kay deserves to freeze his ass off in just a pair of tights.

Anyways, Arthur will be dressed as Merlin and Merlin will be dressed as Queen Guinevere. I tried not to say, “yikes at putting the gay man in a dress and making him the woman,” because I thought I might be overreacting but, “’Come on, Merlin – what are you waiting for? I thought you liked being a queen,’ said Arthur, maliciously. Merlin glared at him.” Soooo yeah. Merlin LIKES this dude? Really? I do have to say, I feel like Morgana switching the outfits around is seriously only an excuse to put Merlin, the gay dude, in a dress. It’s gross.

Then Merlin starts to get undressed to put on his outfit and Morgana notices his hickey, “’Oh – er, well, yeah,’ Merlin said, meeting Morgana's amused gaze with a rueful one. ‘Um. Edwin, if you must know. He's a PostGrad? He, er, plays World of Warcraft.’ ‘Oh! Edwin!’ Her grin broadened. ‘Yes, he's rather good at World of Warcraft.’ Her mouth twitched. ‘As a matter of fact, I heard he was pretty good at macramé too.’” Haha Good one, Morgana.

Exit Gwen and Morgana while the boys start getting undressed, “’So – that was Edwin, last night,’ said Arthur, a few minutes later. ‘Your friend. From GaySoc.’” Is now really the time to talk about this, Arthur? How awkward discussing the guy you’re fucking with the dude you wish you were fucking who sent you out MAJOR signals right before making out with your best friend, who then caught you almost fucking said guy, before running away in a fit of jealousy, all the while this discussion is taking place, the two of you are getting naked.

Merlin agrees with me, “Merlin didn't particularly appreciate being questioned about his love life by Hottie McHotterson when he was in the act of dropping trou, but apparently the universe was not being run with his happiness in mind.”

Merlin of course can’t get his wig on and gives up after one try. Then Arthur of course has to help him. Which of course ends up with Arthur all up in Merlin’s space, which his hands all over Merlin’s neck. Of course. Sure. Makes total sense.

Arthur continues to interrogate Merlin about Edwin, asking if Edwin is Merlin’s boyfriend. Merlin says that they are just fuckbuddies. Which shocks and embarrasses Arthur. That’s what you get for being an asshole.

Then Arthur keeps on going but, he makes a good point, “’Oh,’ he said, in a strangled voice, fiddling with his beard. ‘Well, that's – cool. I suppose.’ He frowned. ‘He looked quite old,’ he said. Merlin shrugged. ‘He's thirty. Which means he's pretty sorted, and very experienced. Also, he does a lot of yoga. Tantric yoga. There is no bad to this.’ He watched Arthur's face colouring up. ‘Is that enough? Or do we need to go into exhaustive detail here?’” Now, Merlin is in the right with his, “is that enough?” comment because Arthur is being a nosey little jerk. However, I think it’s hella sketch that a “sorted” and “experienced” THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN is fucking around with an 18 year old. That shit is suspicious and super gross. We knew that Edwin was in graduate school so I expected him to be around 23-25, which is still a little weird when hooking up with an 18 year old but fucking yikes at him being 30. What the fuck are you doing, Edwin? Merlin is basically a child. Yikes to the max.

So Morgana comes in and says it’s time for Merlin’s makeover. I don’t get why only Merlin is the one wearing makeup here. She could totally paint some stars and moons all over Arthur’s face or something too. Oh wait, yes I do know why Merlin is getting makeup, because he’s the GIRL. Silly me.

Chapter 17

“’I dunno – I think he actually makes quite a shaggable bird,’ said Owain, looking Merlin up and down in some surprise. ‘Nice tits.’ ‘They're built into the dress,’ said Merlin, irritably. ‘I didn't grow them specially, you know.’” This made me laugh. Good job, Merlin.

So then Blanche and Morgana start talking about Merlin’s padding and feeling him up. Let’s talk about that for a minute, shall we? It’s gross. Don’t fucking do that. Merlin is clearly uncomfortable while Blanche and Morgana are touching the padding in his dress and they are just ignoring him and going about their business. I don’t care that it’s just padding that they are touching and not actually a part of Merlin. They are currently on his body. You would NEVER do that to a woman, whether she was wearing padding or not, unless she gave you permission. Because boys and girls, touching someone in a way they don’t want to be touched is sexual assault. This is portrayed as a funny scene though, with Kay even taking a photo. We are supposed to just laugh at Morgana and Blanche feeling up Merlin’s breast padding though because he’s a man, so it’s fine. Yeah, it’s not fucking fine. Don’t touch people without their permission. Period.

Now let’s talk about this: “’Hello? Standing right here, thank you very much!’ snapped Merlin, as Kay took a photograph. ‘Oh, Christ. Tell me that isn't going on Facebook,’ said Merlin, without much hope. ‘Of course it's going on Facebook, Emrys,’ said Kay, pityingly. ‘Wonderful.’ ‘Oh, shut up. You actually look almost fuckable, for the first time in your pathetic life.’ Merlin felt his jaw drop, and was conscious that several other heads had turned to stare at both of them. But mostly at Kay.” Ok. So not only is this sexual assault occurring with SEVERAL people watching and finding it hilarious, Kay is taking a photo of it with the purpose of it going on the internet. This is not cute. It’s not funny. It’s not a lighthearted “LOL Merlin, the gay man, is dressed as a WOMAN!!! Let’s fondle his padded bra while he is clearly upset about it and just continue doing whatever we want because it’s funny!!” moment. Stop. Just stop. Now, let’s talk about Kay’s comment about Merlin being fuckable. I am honestly unclear on what the author was trying to achieve with that. Considering how homophobic Kay is towards gay men, Merlin in particular, I find it incredibly out of character and unbelievable that Kay would say that. Is this supposed to be the beginnings of a redemption arc for him because it’s the worst redemption arc ever in the history of redemption arcs.

Anyways, someone, it’s not assigned as being said by a particular person, gives us the skinny as to what’s going to happen, “So – it's off to visit your Academic Fathers to collect your Raisin Receipts, and then on to Foamageddon in Sallies Quad. But before we do that – group photo!”

They make it to Lance’s and Gwen gives us some surprising information, “’Er – thanks for, you know. Seeing me home last night,’ said Gwen, looking distinctly flustered.” She says this to Lance by the way. So not only did Arthur use her to make Merlin jealous/reject him/what the fuckever his dumbass nonsesnsical reasoning was, he left poor drunk Gwen alone and didn’t even help her home. PRINCE FUCKING CHARMING, YA’LL.

The “receipts” that Lance provides them with are all on recycling bins and they all have some sort of Latin phrase on them. Google is about to edumacate me on what these receipts are supposed to be because we have no Exposition Character to fill us in.

So this is the website I found and it might have been the site I used earlier when I looked up Academic Moms and Dads my bad for not including it in that post:

https://owlcation.com/academia/St-Andrews-University-traditions

So according to this, traditionally, seniors could ask freshmen for a pound of raisins on Raisin Monday. Once the freshmen gave out their Raisins, they would get their “receipt” from the seniors and could no longer be asked for raisins anymore. It’s not really stated on that site, but it seems that the tradition has just transformed so now the Academic Dad’s give them embarrassing receipts to carry around and there’s not an exchange of raisins at all anymore. Sure.

We get some more information that isn’t really mentioned on the website, “’I'm afraid that if anyone feels like being a git, they can still demand you show them the receipt and then dunk you in the fountain for the mistake,’ Lance apologised.” So I guess if your receipt has incorrect Latin or incorrect information, the seniors can throw the freshmen in a fountain. Which seems mean since the freshmen aren’t the ones who write the receipts so it wouldn’t be their faults. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s November. Cold.

As they walk around, Merlin bitches about how stupid Raisin Monday is and how just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t mean it should be followed. Which I 100% agree with. Some traditions are rooted in some pretty gross and unacceptable practices. On the less depressing side, a lot of traditions aren’t even followed correctly. They are like bastardized versions of the tradition itself. I had this conversation when one of my friends got married. She insisted on wearing a white dress because it was “tradition.” I had to tell her, “you know white isn’t even technically that old of a tradition when it comes to wedding dresses. You know what else is ‘tradition’ and the entire reason of wearing white on the wedding day? Virginity. Just saying.”

Well that went way off the point I was trying to make. So, even though I agree with Merlin, he needs to take a look at his current audience, which includes the Prince of Wales, who is part of a traditional and (and pretty useless in these modern times, if we are being honest) monarchy.

Merlin soon spots an Academic Family composed of Arthurs. Which I think is pretty funny and so does Merlin. Arthur is less than impressed. “’What do you mean, it's me?’ demanded Arthur, crossly. ‘It looks nothing like me!’ ‘He's wearing a blond wig, and aviator shades, and a jacket just like the one you were wearing yesterday, and a crown with a load of Latin on it for a Raisin Receipt and – oh, God, no, look! Look what they've done! It's not just him! The whole family are all you! Only different varieties, see? Look, he's Football-playing-Arthur, and he's Jogging-on-the-beach-Arthur, and she's Pilot-Arthur, and that poor bastard over there must be Water-polo-Arthur. And that one in the suit of armour is – er – do you ever wear armour?’ ‘That's King Arthur. Like me,’ said Gwen. ‘The other one.’” I think that’s pretty cute.

“Right! Ha! That is genius! Oh my God – you should go over there and out yourself! Say 'I'm Arthur' and we could have a whole "No, I'm Arthur! No, I am, no I am, no, I am' thing! Like Spartacus!" I agree with Merlin. That would be hilarious and all in good fun. Arthur has to be a stupid party pooper about it though, of course.

They arrive at the Quad where the big shaving cream fight is going to take place. Merlin says he is going to get Arthur covered in shaving cream for “vengeance.” Arthur asks what the vengeance is related to, “’Vengeance for – for the flooding of the Tryweryn Valley to make a bloody reservoir for you English!’ said Merlin, because he couldn't exactly say ‘Vengeance for flirting with me and then getting off with one of my best mates, you git’.” Too bad Merlin didn’t have the guts to actually say that second one because he would be 100% in the right there.

The clock strikes and Merlin runs away. Arthur chases him, obviously, and Merlin turns around to stand his ground, “Arthur took this in, and didn't slow down a jot. Merlin hadn't quite realised his intention until the idiot barreled right into him and the two of them went sprawling in a tangle of flailing, overdressed limbs. And then in an embarrassingly short time Merlin found himself pinned to the grass with Arthur straddling his waist, both wrists clasped in one slippery grip above his head, and Arthur grinning down at him. The beard dangled in Merlin's face and he twisted away and blew ineffectually at it.” NORMAL PLATONIC BRO STUFF. MOVE ALONG. Arthur sprays Merlin’s entire face and chest with the shaving cream. Then Arthur takes off Merlin’s wig and starts massaging the shaving cream into Merlin’s hair. As bro friends do.

“’Oi, Arthur, stop trying to fuck the chav,’ yelled Kay, and Merlin watched all the laughter and gentleness fall right off Arthur's face to be replaced by a shocked, half-frightened expression. He let go of Merlin's wrists and pushed himself away as if Merlin had suddenly become contagious, and Merlin felt all the sunlight vanish from the day with that jerky, horrified rejection.”

Fuck you, Kay. But double fuck you to Arthur. Poor Merlin. He deserves so much better. Arthur runs away and Merlin has to spend the rest of the fight pretending to be ok. Poor dude.

Chapter 18

“It struck Merlin as massively unfair that people were still expected to attend their lectures and tutorials that afternoon, once they'd all stumbled and squelched back to their respective Halls of Residence and had showers.” That’s what I said earlier! So Merlin is feeling very sad because Arthur is pretty much ignoring Merlin after the shaving cream incident. I don’t blame Merlin. Merlin needs to find someone else, and by that, I don’t mean Almost Twice his Age Edwin.

“Merlin registered, almost absently, that Gawain really was, objectively speaking, a very attractive bloke indeed. He'd known this, obviously, but hadn't given it much thought one way or the other; his current state of undress, however, even with all the paint and foam and ridiculous beard, revealed a six pack of truly exceptional dimensions; he was beginning to get an inkling of why Morgause had developed a bit of a soft spot for Gawain.” Merlin can run off with Gawain. Problem solved. I feel like in about 90% of the fics I read, I want Merlin to leave Arthur, who is usually a great big asshole to Merlin, and run off with Gawain. Also, just want to point out that Gawain is described as being “half a foot taller than Arthur”. Which kills me because Eoin Macken is like the shortest of the Knights.

Again, this was written before Gwaine’s character was introduced on the show but still.

Merlin asks Gawain (which is really hard to type by the way since I’m so used to Gwaine, so sorry if there’s any typos) how his time with his Academic Dad went the previous night, “’There were more drinking games,’ Gawain said, in a tone that spoke volumes. Merlin winced. ‘And then Kay got into a fight with one of Tristan's flatmates, and fell down the stairs.’” Good.

Gawain looks at Merlin’s hickey and gives him kind of subtle warning to be careful with his feelings; I think he thinks Arthur gave Merlin the hickey. When Merlin gets back to his room, Arthur is there and he basically just ignores Merlin. Asshole.

Later, Merlin is hanging out with Gwen asking her about Arthur. Gwen tells Merlin she made out with Arthur because he was there, “’I know," she said. ‘But – but Lance never flirts with me. I don't think he even realises I'm a girl. And Arthur was there, being all hot and flirty, and, you know Prince Arthur, for Christ's sake. Who wouldn't flirt right back for all she was worth?’ She bit her lip. ‘Is this weird? Are you pissed off with me? I mean – I know you think he's hot, but you're not...’ She gave an embarrassed half-laugh. ‘You're not in love with him, or anything, right? And, you know, he's straight, so...’” so this kind of solidifies my annoyance with Gwen. She clearly knows Merlin has a thing for Arthur and just kind of brushes it off with, “well he’s straight so it’s not like it’ll ever happen for you…” Not cool Gwen. Don’t be such a shitty friend.

I don’t know why Merlin doesn’t straight up say to both Lance and Gwen, “I know for a fact that they are into you because they have explicitly told me.” I would be so over their annoying, “but they don’t like me!!!!” at this point I would probably stop being friends with both of them.

Gwen tells Merlin that the makeout session with Arthur sucked. “’Well – sorry, no, that sounds a bit awful, doesn't it? I'm not saying that he's a bad snog, just that – er, do you want the sordid details?’ ‘Apparently I have a previously unsuspected streak of masochism a mile wide, so – yeah. Hit me,’ said Merlin.” I mean, that is Merlin almost literally admitting he has a thing for Arthur. Gwen said the kissing was bad because there was no spark.

Merlin asks Gwen if she and Arthur slept together and she says they didn’t. Then she asks if the guy Merlin left with was Edwin. “Gwen stole another chip. ‘He's hot,’ she said. ‘Tantric yoga, you said?’” He’s also 30, sis.

I don’t know why Freddie Prinze Jr. is at the end of the gif but it still makes my point.

Gwen leaves to do her nightline thing with Lance. Merlin texts her and is all, “trust me. He’s into you! Ask him out!” and Gwen ignores him. Well, he tried.

Merlin is asleep later that night when Arthur stumbles in, drunk, with Kay and Leon. “’Didn't ask your opinion, Emrys,’ said Kay, without looking at him. ‘Arthur, you can come back to ours, you know, mate. Could bunk with me, if you don't want to stay in here. Not good being drunk around the chav.’” Yup. Because since Merlin is gay, he is a rapist! Better lock up all the menfolk! God I fucking hate Kay so much. And I hate that no one ever puts him in his place and the fact that Arthur and Co continue to hang out with him makes me super suspicious that they secretly agree with Kay’s homophobic views and they feel the same way about Merlin. They can all die in a fire with Merlin cackling gleefully over their burning corpses for all I care.

Kay leaves, praise Jesus, and Merlin starts lecturing Arthur about getting drunk on a Monday night. “’What on earth were you thinking?’ he added, as he fiddled with the tap. ‘It's really not like you to get pissed on a Monday night. You should have been out flying at Leuchars, for God's sakes, not getting hammered! Didn't your liver get enough punishment last night, you lunatic? I mean, God, I don't think I'll be touching alcohol for at least a month, after yesterday – and you're already off on a bender! You're mental, Arthur Pendragon. Must be all that inbreeding.’”

That’s all.

Arthur asks Merlin if he was off sleeping with Edwin that night and Merlin continues on this amazing Brutal Honesty Hour roll: “’Sorry?’ ‘Edwin. I don't like him.’ ‘You've not even met him,’ said Merlin, feeling exasperated and knackered and faintly unhappy. ‘Don't need to.’ ‘What's that supposed to mean?’ Arthur said nothing. Merlin punched his pillow in frustration. ‘Well, luckily you're not my dad, or my boyfriend, or the boss of me, so it doesn't matter whether or not Edwin has your Royal Seal of Approval. Maybe I don't like the redhead you spent the night snogging. So what? Go to sleep, you ass.’” Arthur tells Merlin the night would have been better with Merlin there, “Then bloody well invite me along next time, you git! Honestly, you have no social skills whatsoever, do you? It's not my fault if Kay's crap company. Apparently Kay was who you wanted to hang out with, so you can just suck it up if he's who you ended up stuck with.” Damn fucking straight. YES, MERLIN!!!!

The next day, Merlin has a heartfelt discussion with Gawain that really does sort of tug on the old heartstrings. Merlin tells Gawain that he thinks Gawain was talking about Arthur with the whole, “be careful,” thing. “’Because I think you know something I don't.’ Merlin's eyes narrowed. ‘You've known him since you were little kids, haven't you? You know him better than just about anyone. Don't you want to hear my theory?’ ‘Not particularly.’ ‘I think he likes blokes. I think he likes me.’”  Gawain is all, “well duh he likes you! You’re his bestie!” “Oh come on, Gawain! Please, just throw me a sodding bone here! I don't want to hurt him, or mess things up for him – I'm just trying to make sense of all this, because it's killing me, and I think I've understood it now. He does like me back, doesn't he? It's not just me?” That’s pretty damn sad. Gawain pretty much admits it and tells Merlin tough luck because Arthur is going to be king someday so he doesn’t have a choice but to marry a woman and meet certain expectations. Then for some reason Merlin acts like this is brand new information. Merlin says he feels dumb for needing Gawain to explain that and I agree.

“Merlin blinked. ‘I'm sort of seeing someone anyway,’ he said, after a moment. ‘Sort of.’ ‘Well then.’ ‘He's a PostGrad. A medic. He's researching HIV virus particle production. And he's very bendy.’” HE IS ALSO THIRTY. I’m never going to stop bringing that up.

Pictured: Merlin caring for his ancient boyfriend.

Chapter 19

The boys are hanging out when they spot Lady Viva, who is probably a play on Lady Gaga. Kay makes some gross remarks, Merlin tells him so, and for once someone else, Gawain, agrees. Progress!

Later, Lady Viva shows up at Merlin’s dorm. Which is super weird to me because famous people don’t tend to randomly show up at universities to hang out and meet new people. Also, why is she easily able to find out where Arthur lives? What kind of crap security? Anyways, this makes Merlin uncomfortable and he asks if Arthur is expecting her. Which is the right fucking thing to say, “Lady Viva cocked her head to one side, making the feathers jiggle, and the look she gave Merlin made him feel about two inches tall. ‘I'm here to see Arthur,’ she said again, her voice rising dangerously. ‘Not his monkey.’” Damn, what a bitch. I would have closed the door in her face.

Arthur, for once, decides that Merlin doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit, and goes to the door, pretending he has no idea who Lady Viva is. Lady Viva continues to be rude and entitled. Arthur is having none of it and shuts the door in her face. Good job, Arthur.

Sometime later, Arthur comes home, clearly under a spell because he’s all the sudden got the hots for Lady Viva. Merlin knocks Arthur out and calls Morgana, who starts freaking out because they really need to narrow down what Lady Viva did to Arthur. Morgana wonders how Merlin let this happen, “Oh, I don't know – maybe that he already has a host of paid bodyguards, and the protection of the dragon, and somehow he's managed to reach the age of eighteen without me holding his hand 24/7?” You mean the MacUseless the Dragon because, you’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect him to do anything, Merlin.

Merlin calls Edwin and Gaius in for help and while Edwin and Merlin makeout, presumably over Arthur’s unconscious body, Gaius gets help to figure out how to break the spell. “’It would be, but for the fact that it doesn't actually address our main problem. Because this particular working can only be undone one way.’ There was an embarrassed pause. ‘True love's kiss.’” Get ready for a whole lot of awkward and yikes, headed our way, gang.

There’s some subtle slut shaming from Gaius, “Please tell me that despite reports to the contrary he has acquired a secret girlfriend over the past few months? Not just a casual fling, but something heartfelt and enduring? Something with the power to undo this spell? Tell me that there is some young lady somewhere up there who can help us fix this? Because however ineligible she might be, I very much doubt that it can hold a candle to posing for Playboy wearing nothing but a hat made of telephones and a tiny rectangle of crime scene tape stuck to her nether regions, which I understand is the image for which this Lady Viva is best known.”

Mmmm that gif of Colin.

Where were we? Oh yea.

Merlin hangs up with Gaius and fills Edwin in. Edwin picks up on Merlin’s crush in like two seconds.

Merlin runs over to Gwen’s and freaks out, causing her to freak, out and asks her to come with him. She does because she’s understandably worried about Merlin. They get back to the dorm and Gwen sees Arthur, “’Oh my God – did he take some kind of drugs? Because if you're scared, you need to forget about getting in trouble and we need to get him to a doctor now, and worry about trouble later,’ she said, looking suddenly frightened. ‘Is he – oh, God, is he dead?’” Now it might be because it’s 3 in the morning but, “is he- oh, God is he dead?” is making me laugh really hard.

Merlin asks Gwen to kiss Arthur, “’I thought it was Lance you were trying to fix me up with,’ she said, witheringly, planting her hands on her hips. ‘What on earth are you doing? This is creepy. You are both creeping me out, and I do not have to stand for this kind of nonsense.’” I don’t blame her. This situation is really fucking weird from her perspective. She kisses Arthur and then decides to leave because who wouldn’t after that? “’And you're a freak,’ she said, stiffly. ‘I'm going home.’ She marched over to the door and opened it, looking back over her shoulder at Merlin with an expression of baffled frustration. ‘I don't think I even want to know what the hell this was supposed to prove, other than that you are strange and tactless.’” Lol, good one, Gwen.

After Gwen leaves, Merlin realizes that the kiss didn’t work. Oh no! Edwin tells Merlin to kiss Arthur. Merlin does and it’s all very hot and heavy when Arthur starts kissing him back. “’Oh, God, I do love you,’ he said, helplessly, looking at Arthur's tousled hair and his flushed cheeks. ‘I really really do.’” Poor Merlin; this is all going to come crashing down on him soon, but hey, he’s Arthur’s true love. So, there’s that.

The kiss obviously works and then Merlin does about the saddest and meanest thing ever, “’That's good,’ Merlin said, feeling his throat closing up. ‘Just checking.’ And then his eyes went suddenly molten, and he whispered a word against Arthur's skin, and Arthur's face went slack with sleep, and he slumped bonelessly into Merlin's arms. Merlin let himself have a moment just to hold Arthur tightly, squeezing him as if just by doing that he could make everything else stop mattering, and make this much-vaunted 'true love' actually count for something in the real world. He whispered another word, and with that he sponged the memory of the past five minutes out of Arthur's mind.” Taking Arthur’s memory like that was a really bad idea, though I can understand why he did it.

True story: I typed “true love” in the Tumblr gif finder thingy and that above gif popped up. I was looking for the Rumple from OuaT gif of him saying “True love” but I’m going with this one instead.

Edwin is surprisingly nice about the whole thing. EVEN THOUGH HE IS THIRTY.

Chapter 20

This chapter opens with Merlin running into Gwen. Oh man, I hope he comes up with a good explanation. Gwen turns around and goes the other way. Merlin starts chasing her. Like she is literally running away from him and he is chasing her. She lets him catch up to her, “’I don't think I even want to know,’ she said, after a moment. ‘I just – I don't know what games they've got you playing, Merlin, but I thought you were better than that. I mean, nothing would surprise me from Kay, but you? I don't appreciate being used for a joke, or a bet, or whatever that was supposed to be.’ She looked away, her mouth tight. ‘You made me feel – cheap. And stupid. And left out. Don't do it again.’” Poor Gwen. I don’t blame her for feeling that way at all. Being compared to Kay though? Yikes, worst insult ever.

Merlin decides to go for the truth, “’Okay, well – you mustn't tell anyone this, okay? Because it's sort of, well, huge, and I realise it's going to sound a bit weird at first, but it's true. Um. I'm sort of, well, I'm a wizard, basically.’ He swallowed. ‘And what you did yesterday was helping me to break a spell that someone had cast on Arthur. It was really important.’” She doesn’t believe him and I probably wouldn’t either.

Merlin proves it to her by time travelling them to the 1500s which is pretty cool. Merlin then tells Gwen that Morgana is a wizard too, which is a terrible idea but he realizes that as soon as he says it and tells her not to ask him about anyone else. Gwen tells Merlin that his secret is safe with her and thanks him for trusting her, which is really sweet. Aw.  

Later, “’I can't believe you turned her down!’ said Kay, staring at Arthur like he had two heads. ‘I mean, for God's sake – are you a man or a mouse?’” Neither, Kay. Just gay. Kay continues on his gross misogynistic rants and I’m getting so tired of them. It’s gotten old. Like 19 chapters ago, so I’m just kind of skimming this section for my sanity.

We learn that Arthur was tricked into the spell by accepting candy from Lady Viva’s manager.

That’s it for this post. I’m still not clear as to why this whole thing is called Raisin Weekend when it takes place on half of Sunday and Monday morning. Dressing Merlin up as a woman still makes me roll my eyes. I’m never going to get over Edwin being thirty because that shit is so fucking gross; Merlin is 18. He’s practically a child and Edwin is a grown ass man.

I pretty much said all I needed to say about the scene with Morgana and Blanche feeling up Merlin but I think it bears repeating that that shit was not ok. It’s especially frustrating that the scene is portrayed as a comical scene even though Merlin is clearly upset. That’s one of my major issues with the characterization of Kay as well. He says all these gross things; I think that literally almost everything that has come out of his mouth has been disgusting and yet no one ever really says anything to him. Merlin stood up to him a couple of times in chapter 20 and I think Arthur told him to stop like once. It gives off the feeling that what Kay says is acceptable. It’s not. Nothing he says has been ok. You can have a douchebag character in your writing, I’m not necessarily criticizing the inclusion of Kay’s characterization; however, you can portray these things without making them viewed as acceptable or normal behavior. It’s frustrating to read him say these horrible things over and over and over and over and over and over without anything happening. That’s why I pretty much skimmed the majority of chapter 20. Something important to the plot might have happened that I totally missed but I don’t care. You can only beat us over the head with this horrible person and give us the exact same scene with them spouting nonsense so many times before the reader loses interest. Kay is a piece of shit. We get it.

I liked how Gawain was such a good friend to Merlin during this group of chapters. I hope their friendship continues to develop. I also felt bad for Gwen during the whole kissing fiasco and I’m glad Merlin came clean instead of just making up an obvious lie and losing Gwen as his friend forever. Also, how sad was it that Merlin got to finally be honest with Arthur about his feelings and Arthur was honest about his and Merlin made the decision to erase Arthur’s memory? I’m not condoning that decision, which ultimately backfires, because you should never erase someone’s memory without their permission. It’s gross.

Until next time: