#Siddiq imagines

[justanoasisimagines]

I don’t want to sleep alone - Preference-Set A

Warnings; Mentions of anxiety and past trauma, typical canon violence. Requests are open! Guidlines are pinned at the top of my page A/N; Part two will be up in a few days! So if you don't see your favourite character here, they might be in Part 2 Credit to @cafekitsune for the divider and banner

Rick Grimes; The two of you nearly died after an encounter with the Saviours. Both of you are dragging your feet, both physically and mentally exhausted. When you turn to head towards your bed for the night, Rick stops you. He te;;s you he nearly lost you today and he doesn't want to sleep without you. Taking hold of his hand, you ask him which bedroom. He leads you toward his room because in Rick's opinion, your bed is like sleeping on concrete.

Abraham Ford; Ever since the two of you started getting serious, Abraham began to fear losing you. It comes from losing his wife and children. One thing is for certain he refuses to let that happen. This leads to Abraham asking you if you want to stay the night or insisting you two sleep close to each other for safety. Abraham wants to hold you close to reaffirm your there. It does begin to ease his anxiety when you agree.

Shane Walsh; It's you who tells Shane you don't want to sleep without him. The new world is ferocious, unpredictable, and deadly. Shane has adapted to the new world quickly, without question. So it makes sense for the two of you to share a space. Shane accepts because he doesn't like the idea of you being so far away from him when anything could happen.

Father Gabriel Stokes; Before the dead rose, Gabriel couldn't imagine sleeping with anyone whom he hadn't married. It was a sin in his eyes. The realization death is around the corner for anyone forces Gabriel to realise he doesn't want to miss out on these experiences with you. Gabriel eventually picks up the courage and expresses his feelings, you made sure he's adamant before agreeing.

Merle Dixon; Merle doesn't want to sleep without you. For a couple of reasons; one he doesn't like waking up alone. He wants to wake up with your bodies pressed together. Secondly, if Merle was being completely honest with himself, he doesn't trust anyone in Woodbury, There's no way in hell someone's going to hurt you while he's around. He'd gladly die trying to protect you.

Luke; Luke doesn't want to sleep without you. He feels like it's the next natural stage within your relationship. Living together, sharing a bed etc. Luke is grateful the two of you have found each other. It's only natural he wants to progress your relationship as normal as possible. For Luke, sharing a bed feels like the next step.

Siddiq; Siddiq is shaken from his encounter with the Whisperers. He's never been more terrified of dying before. He's struggling to adapt back to real life, constantly dealing with nightmares When you make the suggestion, Siddiq agrees. He'd thought he'd never see you again. He considers your warm embrace will help him sleep through the night again

Eugene Porter; Eugene is taken aback when you tell him you don't to sleep without him. He can't fathom why you would want to share a bed with him. His reaction is adamant, of course, he does. The entire interaction is awkward, soft and endearing as you both decide who's bed to share.

Benjamin; Benjamin never expected to fall in love. Never expected to find someone in the apocalypse, but he has. He's lying in bed one night, tossing and turning, struggling to sleep. His feet instinctively head him in the direction of your room. When he knocks, you are half asleep. He blurts out he doesn't want to sleep alone. You reply by opening the door wider and allowing him in

Beta; Beta insists you don't sleep alone. Living outside with the Whisperers is dangerous, there's danger at every turn. Beta hasn't cared in the past. When you two get together. things change. Suddenly, he's scared to lose someone. There is someone in his life that he wants to protect. So he insists you two sleep side by side.

Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas; When everyone's sorting out sleeping accommodations in the prison. You surprise him when you tell him you don't want to sleep alone. T-Dog immediately goes in search of a comfortable place for you to sleep. It's nice at the end of the end of the day, to know he's going to fall asleep with you in his arms.

Alden; You and Alden are sitting together reading, your eyes drooping, struggling to stay awake. Alden makes the suggestion you go to bed. However, you refuse telling Alden you don't want to sleep without him. Alden smiles, he truly adores it when you're sleepy and completely honest. Alden replies with you don't have to. Alden leads you up to his room.

Justin; Justin doesn't want to sleep without you through jealousy. He doesn't like the way Daryl's been staring at you. He wants to remind everyone, especially Daryl who you come back to after your day has finished. Who keeps you warm on those cold nights

Noah; Things are always tense in the hospital. There's always some politics going around. Noah's favourite part of the hospital is you. You two are hanging out, when Noah brings it up. He doesn't want to sleep alone, because its time he could have spent with you. The sentiment is sweet and when you agree, Noah asks you which side you prefer.

Jerry; You come to Jerry in the middle of the night, tears running down your face, pain-stricken. Immediately Jerry opens up his arms, embracing you. Jerry sets into consoling you. The world is harsh and cruel and even the strongest people break. When you tell Jerry, you don't want to sleep without him, he tells you you don't have to because he's right here.

Axel; Axel struggles to get accustomed to the harsh reality of the world. You are the best thing to come out of it. Companionship, patience, love. So when you come into his cell asking to sleep with him, he scoots to the side, pulling back the blanket. He tells you, you don't have to ask. He'll protect you from the nightmares.

Gareth; Axel struggles to get accustomed to the harsh reality of the world. You are the best thing to come out of it. Companionship, patience, love. So when you come into his cell asking to sleep with him, he scoots to the side, pulling back the blanket. He tells you, you don't have to ask. He'll protect you from the nightmares.

Micheal Mercer; Micheal is always busy. He takes the job seriously because it's important. However, sometimes he can feel like he's not spending enough time with you. It's why one night, he decides to ask you, to stay. He tells you, he doesn't want to go to bed alone anymore. Not when he can fall and wake up to something beautiful

Negan; Negan smirks when you tell him you don't want to sleep alone. He's been waiting for you to come to him. He didn't want to put any pressure on you, but he's been wanting to share a bed with you for a while. In Negan's mind, it's another way to be close to you. An excuse to feel your body against his.

[havin-fun-imagining-twd]

Still beating

What - dealing with grief as the dust finally starts to settle. Dealing with grief regarding one specific character's death in particular. You know the one.

Genre - heavier, but we get devoted husband/father Daryl out of the mix. And we don't end the chapter on a bummer, never fear. This ain't a French movie, slowpokes

Relationships - wife Reader and husband Daryl as well as your baby. Familial affection with Rick, and that balance between friend and clergy for Father Gabriel.

Perspective - 3rd POV Daryl, and 2nd POV You

Pronouns - she/her

When - time jump! we've briefly hopped to post season 8, pre season 9 (but before The best kind of damn weird). This chapter takes place during the earlier phases of recovery and rebuilding after the war. The previous chapter, Scary as a sleepy kitten, took place during season 2.

TWs - grief, PTSD (including after SA), depression, self-loathing, and some cussing. This chapter is also kinda lengthy, friends, and had to have exposition. (Might should've sliced the chapter in half, but then we'd have another two-parter on our hands :P)

But how long though? - ...20 minutes or so?

Story references and Masterlist link? - under the cut

And is there a pic at the end as a prize for finishing? - yes :D

Have fun and happy reading!

References to other chapters - what we learned in The Interview. There is also grieving/anger as seen in The first Christmas 'without' Part 2 and its conclusion in I don't hate you, a happy reference to Happy 8th of July!, reference to those lovely tugging strings as found in Invisible Tugging Strings, Part 1 and Part 2 (Part 2 I reckon is still glitched and showing as labeled mature, the poor thing's been cleared about 7ish times via help ticket XD ).

There are a lot more details you might recognize, pop on by to the Official Masterlist here, or for those who prefer linear over non-linear, the Chronological Slowpoke Masterlist here

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Still beating

She was doing real bad. The past few days had been especially bad. Grief has nasty ways of settling in and rearing its ugly head.

He didn’t know too much about what to do to help her, he’d never been good at that stuff. And there was no fixing all that happened, especially not when the last thing that happened was the worst thing that could’ve.

Just like if TJ or Judith died, it was the worst thing. And part of his wife died right alongside Carl.

Hell, she’d been the one to wait after Carl died, then turned, to pull the trigger.

Now, she felt dead, too.

Gabe had to suggest that she check her pulse when it got bad enough.

Just at that moment, as Daryl was worrying and worrying, TJ started to wriggle and hum in an attempt to root at Daryl's bicep, which pulled him out of his own head for a second.

Gently, he began to bounce to try and keep his baby lulled. He knows Y/N wanted to breastfeed only to get her production up (and so TJ’s suckle could get stronger after the surgery), but Y/N was finally asleep.

Beginning with when Denise was killed, Y/N hadn’t been making as much as she first had. Then, the Saviors stopped the RV and surrounded them, and Negan did what he did. Then Daryl himself got taken away, then there was all the fighting.

And then Carl died.

Getting her milk to come back had been proving damned hard.

A handful of not-very-good times, they’d supplemented what milk she did make with watered-down formula and/or watered-down goat's milk.

One very bad time, they’d used sugar water to fill the babies’ bellies until Jesus got back with goat's milk. Just the one time they had to use sugar water, everybody made damn sure of that.

For now, Daryl could crack into what was still left of the goat's milk in the cooler, right? The two women in the Kingdom who had little guys had sent over actual breast milk with Carol a few days ago, but it was used up yesterday. That stuff had been a God-send, he couldn’t thank the ladies enough.

Between the two babies in Alexandria, TJ and Gracie, everyone had to be smart about using what (non-expired) formula was left. And given that the power got cut, keeping the goat's milk fresh was another problem, hence the cooler. The panels and power were back on, but it was spotty and he didn't want to risk the milk spoiling.

There was still a shit ton of clean-up had since the Saviors nabbed Alexandria’s storage, then firebombed the town. To make things worse, those assholes had their own compound destroyed, and Hilltop and the Kingdom got screwed, too. Even the beach women took another beating. Hell, and them junkyard people were literally all fucking gone except their leader chick.

So, Y/N breastfed the two babies as much she was physically able, all while working as the only other doc left standing in all five communities; she was running herself into the ground.

And with Carl gone…

It ain’t fair that she couldn’t make enough — it was Negan’s goddamned fault.

Which leads to what just went on: so Mich had told him, Y/N’d lashed out at Negan and the new doctor kid with the facial hair, what was his name, Sidney?

Daryl hadn’t been at the infirmary when it happened, but, according to Mich, she’d had to pull her out of the room. Once out, Y/N asked her about TJ, Judith, and Gracie to make sure they were safe, then disappeared after Mich had turned around. Straight up and bolted.

Daryl had checked the escape-closet first, but she wasn’t in there or the attic it connected to, wasn't on the roof that lead to.

He’d then checked the burned church. She’d been there, he recognized her boot prints, but she'd moved on. From there, he was able to follow her sooty tracks in the direction of the place he should’ve known to check first.

Sure enough, Y/N'd been at Carl’s grave.

His wife could barely look at him when he approached. He'd simply kissed her on the head and quietly walked her back home. Once home, he'd cleaned and bandaged her hand while she, again, tried to pump enough for the little guys.

Mich had told Daryl she’d get Rick for her, so he’d be here soon.

Daryl wracked his brain, he even prayed to learn what do to try to help carry Y/N through this shit.

At first, Y/N’d been pacing around the room, crying but trying not to, arms wrapped around her picture frame with a photo of Carl in it as if it was the only thing keeping her afloat.

He'd been able to persuade her to lay down, and ended up laying in bed with her and holding her tight, their baby next to them in little bassinet.

Initially, him holding her and pressing kisses to her neck had made her feel worse. More guilty, that is. A handful of days ago, something got into her head that she needed to give him a damn "annulment."

Nah, for real, she’d even said (to Gabe) that the two of them not having ever done the deed yet was "grounds" to give him one. “Grounds to free him,” were her exact words. It was a whole thing, and the couple of failed attempts at trying to do the deed after getting hitched some months back probably made her feel guilty, as if not having sex yet would make him not love her, or?

Father Gabriel had Daryl's back the whole time during the conversation, though, decent dude.

And no, Daryl wasn’t angry or even real hurt that she’d thought she had to ‘free him’ and shit, he knows it was the grief and physical exhaustion that got her to that point. His woman had full-on blacked out and hurt herself that day, which is why he'd brought her to Gabe in the first place.

But the, um, the walls were thinner than Daryl had expected, which is how he overheard from the person that he was gonna love and stay with and stay faithful to until he dropped dead softly confess that she was “selfish” to keep him “stuck” with a “batshit m-mess” like her and “a baby that ain’t his.”

The fact that Y/N kept maintaining how much she loved him and how she didn’t want no annulment helped it hurt less when she’d sounded just about convinced that it was “loyalty to me ’cause we’re close, loyalty to Rick,” and because of “he’s got so much shame. He feels responsible for what the Claimers did,” that made him marry her those months ago. "He loves our ch—my child, and might love me, but it's not fair to him. He deserves better, h-he needs better, the man's been trapped all his life. I-I don't want him trapped, I want him happy!"

Gabe never played into her fears. He been no nonsense about all of it, told Y/N that she needed a damn rest, and asked her to tell him what she thought about it when she woke up.

The good thing was that after a 5 hour period of uninterrupted sleep (during which they used some of the goat's milk for TJ and Gracie), she woke up in a daze at why she’d thought an annulment was something Daryl needed or wanted.

The bad thing was, she was then socked in the gut with more unearned guilt for it, then with worry that she was too far gone, or crazy, all that.

Been a bad, bad few days.

Been a lot of Daryl showing her love that she felt not worth being shown. So that she fell asleep in his arms today was such a damn win!

After getting up to take a leak and finding that Y/N was miraculously still asleep, he thanked whoever was up there, then tried to figure out what else he could do to help her get through today…and right at that moment, TJ started to rouse, so he got his answer: keep their baby comforted. More shut-eye could only do his woman well.

Deftly lifting the little bundle into his arms, he'd kissed the scar above the baby’s upper lip and tiptoed out to the hall, where he was now.

Lightly he bounced, softly he shushed. He held TJ like a football and moved back and forth, back and forth. Babies smell so damn good, and make the cutest noises, goddamn.

After a couple minutes, through the open door, he peeked at his Y/N.

Shit. She was already sitting up and blinking off the sleep.

Whatever it was she did and said today, she felt low as hell about it, that much was clear. Without looking, she grabbed the now-broken picture frame and clutched it to her middle.

"You're supposed to be asleep, slowpoke," he tried to tease.

Her clothes had ashes from where it looked like she’d knelt down then sat down in the burned church. There was some dirt on them, too, from when she’d been at Carl’s grave. Daryl made a note to shake the sheets out later and pick the tissues up off the floor.

That's when the front door opened downstairs.

Was that Ri—good, that was Rick’s voice, he was finally there. There was a second voice, too, was that Father Gabriel’s? It was soft like Gabe's voice was.

Daryl looked downstairs.

Yup, it was Rick with the rev.

He waved them upstairs, but it must’ve been the clunking of the Gabriel’s new cane that got Y/N stumbling out of the room.

“Rev! I would’ve come to you, y-you need to be takin’ it easy.” She hugged the picture frame in one hand, gripped the banister in the other and started to go downstairs, asking Gabe how he felt, urging him to sit down, had his vision worsened, all that stuff.

“Y/N, more rest won’t stop me from losing sight in this eye,” Gabriel responded in his quiet way, remaining on the second step, not going up or down the stairs. He smiled. “You could say I’m the one making a house call to a patient this time."

She held back a sob and bowed her head. Then, she subtly slipped two fingers around the inside of her wrist…

Rick stepped the rest of the way up the stairs and put his hands on her shoulders. “What's going on, weirdo?”

“Ricky, I'm s-sorry."

He leaned closer and took her in for a hug. “Heart still beating?” he murmured.

Her inhale was shaky. “Mmhm. Yours?”

“Beating strong.”

TJ perked up and began to whimper upon hearing her voice. Y/N unzipped her hoodie to—she still had a gun on her?

Okay, that'd been stealth as fuck, it hadn't even been printing. It was the mini one she'd kept on her when they first got here, when Deanna insisted on keeping the weapons locked up. Still, he'd been literally holding her, how in the hell had he not noticed?

Daryl shared a glance with Gabe. Minus her screwdriver, she'd turned in her weapons after what happened the other day.

Y/N handed the small gun to Rick, who looked wary, but accepted it without question. She hesitated before reaching into her boot to hand over her screwdriver, too.

Daryl slid his hand around his wife’s waist to guide her back to the room. Without looking him in the eyes, she cupped his cheek and told him he was a good father. Then, frame still gripped under one arm, she took the baby into the other.

“Let’s try havin’ a snack before I go with Uncle Ricky awhile, okay, chickpea?” she murmured, then unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

Daryl took off his vest to give her some more coverage, then helped her with her top buttons. When he draped the vest around her, she'd turned her head to kiss his hand. He felt his cheeks warm when she did that.

Walking into the room again, she softly told Daryl that he and Rick could sit on the beds. First, she placed the picture frame on one of the mattresses. Next, with their baby latched on and suckling, she went to the end table at the window to sit down on the floor beside it. The way she sat, it was kinda as if she were using it as a shield.

“Rev, please take the chair,” she mumbled to Gabriel with a glance at the only piece of furniture in the room at the time, other than the bassinet, a nightstand, and the end table. Negan had specifically left the rocking chair as a 'gift' for her. The piece of shit...

Anyway, Daryl had got them their two twin mattresses back (hey, squish them together and you get a big-ass bed) the first trip to and from the Savior’s compound after the war ended, once the folk from Alexandria had begun to move back from the Hilltop. Only, no bed frames yet.

“And sweetheart, I’ll-I’ll take the pumps with me for while I’m in there. Wanna make sure you and Aaron have enough for them,” she said to him, voice still raw. Y/N turned to him and gave him a wobbly smile. “Sorry I used up so much of the tissue supply,” she tried making light, but got close to tears again, so stumbled through asking “Can I, um, Rick, m-might can I bring my pillow? Is that okay?”

Go with Rick where, and take the breast pumps and her pillow, why? He made eye contact with Gabriel, who looked just as puzzled. So, he turned to Rick.

Rick lowered his eyebrows as if he didn’t know what she meant, either. He squatted to sit down on the mattress beside Daryl, and looked at his sister. “Y/N, where are we headed?”

Glancing up from the baby to him then to Daryl, she adjusted TJ’s position on her breast while she figured out how to answer, by the looks of it. Another glance at her husband as if she were worried about his reaction...

“Rick, I thought you was here to…escort me?”

?

Daryl had no clear idea what she meant, it was the rev who understood first.

“No,” Father Gabriel told her gently. “Y/N, you aren’t under arrest.”

Under arrest? Daryl fought between the urge to get angry or dead-ass laugh. 'Under arrest??'

It was for real, though. His wife’s tears started flowing again as she turned her attention to Rick and began to stress, “There can’t be no special treatment—”

“—Is this why you handed me your weapons? Why would you be under arrest?” Rick cut her off to question.

She stared as if he’d grown antlers. “I s-struck a patient, and, and—”

“—And I slit his throat open, which is why that 'patient' is in there in the first place,” he cut her off again, firm.

Thankfully, TJ let out a wail the same time she wailed, “Ricky, y-you weren’t his medic!” pausing any further arguing.

Y/N gulped, pressed down on one breast, then the other. “I know there’s not much in ’em, Teddy-bear, but it-it’ll get better. It’ll come back,” she shushed, lifting him up and tucking herself back in. With a few kisses, she shushed, “You’ve gotten so much faster at drinkin', babycakes.”

Daryl got on the floor with her and took TJ back.

She avoided eye-contact again, and her lip wobbled again as she pulled the top of her shirt higher. That told him there’d been not much milk in there. And he could see all over her face that it was switching her on the legs with more false-ass, unearned guilt.

The familiar string in his chest suddenly tugged in her direction—next thing, he was resting his forehead on hers. “Hey. You’re makin’ more every day, angel,” he whispered in her ear. "And you're a damn good ma." Then, he started to help her button back up.

The way her expression softened and her body relaxed toward his felt better than fireworks going off on the Fourth 8th of July.

And as if he were back in that Georgia-in-July heat, Daryl just about melted right there on the floor when he saw his TJ, neck lifted high, making a face-scrunching, gummy smile at him. "Look how strong your neck is getting, ’lil badass, you’re rockin’ it!”

Shit, their kid was the best damn thing.

Y/N leaned against him and reached to lightly fluff their baby’s hair and rub their baby's teeny feet.

Gabriel sat in the rocking chair quietly, hands resting on his cane. He caught eyes with Daryl and nodded his head toward Y/N, glad to see her no longer convinced she needed to ‘free’ her husband.

Absorbed in the photo, Rick exhaled, then spoke up. “Y/N, how about we start from the beginning? What happened at the infirmary?”

She pressed tighter against Daryl as a pained noise left her throat. “Did you talk to Siddiq yet?” sounded very small.

“I want to talk to both of you.”

“And Michonne?”

He nodded. “She told me some.”

The big watch she’d kept from Dale tick-tick-ticked on her wrist. Then came the sound of light metallic clinking. Daryl didn’t have to look to see that she must’ve pulled out her brother’s necklace and was tugging on it.

“What I did ain’t excusable,” came out raspy and thick.

“It is," Rick answered.

“It’s not, especially not what I said to Sid—” a sob choked her response. She used Daryl's leather vest to hide her face before hugging it around herself like a blanket.

“Walk me through what happened first, kiddo, before you hit Negan with this?” Rick subtly gestured to the broken picture frame.

So she had smacked Negan in the face? Hot damn, Daryl was more in love with her already.

Y/N swallowed and shook her head. “They’d been lookin’ at it, the both of 'em.”

“At the picture?”

A tiny nod. “I’d left the room, and when I got back, they was looking at it. Siddiq brought it over to him. Tried to make like Negan was sad, too. Fuck that!”

TJ started rooting on his bicep again, but Daryl was on it. “Sorry, pipsqueak, I don’t got the right parts for that.” He started to massage the baby’s belly, and TJ quieted.

“It’s okay to let ’em cry a little, it-it helps restock these,” his wife tried joking, nodding down at her chest.

“Y/N.” Rick was delicate about coaxing her for more details. “You got back into the room, Siddiq and Negan were looking at the picture.”

“Negan’s filthy hands were on it,” she grit. "Lookin' at Carl and me, you with Shaney." The sounds of the pendant being pulled across the chain filled the room along with TJ’s soft cooing.

“Is that when you hit him with the frame?” Rick asked.

“No. I told him not to look at it again or touch it, and if he did, I’d hurt him.”

“Angel, slow your breathin’,” Daryl interjected at the same time that he figured out why those words sounded familiar: it was similar to how she'd warned the last Claimer fuckhead, the one who’d had Carl pinned down and was gon——Daryl shut down this brain for a sec, it was best not to think about that night.

He turned his head to see Rick, red-eyed, tracing his thumb along the photo of Carl, Y/N, Shane and him. Seems as if Rick had recognized her words, too.

“And when was it that you did hurt him?” Rick pressed on.

Y/N swallowed. “About half a minute later when he tried to act like it wasn’t his fault.”

Rick’s composure staggered and collapsed. His voice was hoarse when he managed to say, “It’s not his fault.”

But Y/N was fast to shut it down. “Don’t for one more second make like it’s yours, Ricky, you get that monkey off your back,” she comforted and somehow scolded both at once. “Negan was doing what Negan does when he, when he told you that. It was manipulation, nothin’ real. How C-Carl—” another choked-down sob, more tears.

Daryl noticed her press her fingertips to the spot under her chin, beside her jaw, checking her pulse to prove it was still beating.

“Negan had nothing to do with how Carl got bit,” Rick whispered. “You know it’s true, kiddo.”

“No—our boy wouldna ended up out there, w-with-with Siddiq, if it hadn’t been for Negan.” Her tone got louder and angry, her stress stutter became more noticeable, the way she tugged the necklace turned rougher. “He and his followers was why we weren’t able to trust no n-newcomers like Sid, which is why Sid was still out there alone, and, and, and why Carl went to him! It, it was because of Negan and his, and his, his-his cult!”

TJ seemed freaked out by the louder voice, the baby’s dark, blue-black eyes grown big.

Daryl spoke Y/N’s name to try and bring her back to herself, but she seemed to have very suddenly calmed.

She was blinking at her hand.

Daryl looked, and then saw the two halves of her brother Shane’s chain, broken.

“How many times did Carol warn me that this would happen when I tugged it,” she muttered to herself. "Good thing I didn't decide to tug on the rosary, huh?"

Inhaling, she leaned her head against the wall behind her, staring into space, fingers to her wrist to check her pulse again.

From beside her, he covered her hand in his. Then, pressing his lips to her fist, Daryl took the necklace from it. He could fix it.

“I lost my temper again, I’m sorry,” she spoke to all in the room, her hand cupping Daryl's cheek a moment. Then, more quietly, she looked at Rick. “How many days’ll I be in there?”

Which sent Daryl straight back to disbelief he was hearing those words, what absolute bullshit. “Y/N, you ain’t going nowhere.”

“You’re not going to a cell, Y/N,” Rick echoed.

“No special treatment,” she softly repeated. “If I were anybody else—”

Rick interrupted her “—It’s not about who you are.”

Father Gabriel had gotten up and was making his way to Y/N by then.

Y/N shook her head at the conversation, tired. “If I were anybody else or had any other role, and if he were anybody else,” she caught her breath, “there’d be reper-re-rep—” a few more tries, and she had to choose a different word, “consequences. Assault and battery on an un-unarmed person—a patient—from their medical provider, that’s serious.” Her hand was back to covering her face. She sat pressed against the wall, knees at her chest.

“You and Siddiq are the only doctors left. We couldn’t just put you in a cell even if you had earned it.”

“I ain't a doctor, at best, I’m a medic,” she grunted. “And I did earn it, just ask him and Michonne. As for my,” she made a shaky inhale, “my duties, I can be escorted out.”

“And TJ? Gracie?” Daryl put out there, hoping to guilt her out of insisting she get jail time, like, what the fuck. What kind of conversation was this?

Screw this, he couldn't even sit. He stood, shaking his head and pacing around the room, still holding TJ.

The expression on Y/N's face should’ve been enough to calm him down, along the defeated, quiet way she reasoned, “I’ll pump and y’all will visit. It’s—no, sweetheart—it’s only for a few days,” when he started to dead-ass leave. As if her being in there ‘only for a few days’ would help this bullshit make sense.

But that’s when he ended up snapping, “This is goddamn bullshit! You bopped a sick fuck on the nose with a picture frame, who in the hell will care? Rick, why you even entertainin' this shit?” and he regretted doing so as soon as he barked it out.

The old, invisible knee rammed him in the nards harder when Rick cautioned, "Brother," and Gabe finally opened his mouth, and louder than Daryl had ever heard him speak. “She cares, Daryl. So do I.”

And to make it all worse, their baby had given a start in fear when he’d shouted, and now the poor kid was screaming—and TJ doesn’t scream, shit, shit, he blew up while holding his child?

“M’sorry! M’sorry," he hushed to his baby, "I love you so much, kid, I’m so sorry I scared ya. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” With a kiss on TJ’s wild head of hair, he murmured, “Pipsqueak, your old man is an idiot.”

Y/N rushed over when TJ screamed, but she didn’t take the baby away from Daryl. Instead, she caressed her husband’s forearm and triceps and spoke to their child. “Your daddy’s got you safe,” she soothed.

He knew she was trying to look him in the eyes, but he couldn’t return it. He’d just scared an infant because he couldn’t check his temper. Their infant.

His wife’s quiet assurance cut through the rushing in his head. “Daryl? TJ ain’t hurt, sugar, and you’re not a bad father. Do some skin to skin, okay?” She pecked a kiss on his cheek. “And that's a dollar for cussing, pay up later.”

She then sat back down on the floor next to where the rev had made his new seat. Daryl took the now-empty rocking chair, unbuttoned his and TJ’s shirts, then nestled the kid on his chest.

Y/N then told the room the rest of what happened, how after Negan croaked out with what voice he had left, saying it 'wasn’t his fault Carl was dead', that she’d turned around and whacked him across the face with the frame.

Siddiq had reacted by grabbing her shoulders from behind to pull her away from Negan — so she had shoved back and kneed him in the dick plus rammed her head against his, dropping the frame in the process. The frame broke as a result—and when it broke, she'd lost her cool, said some shit, and threw some shit. Mich heard the hubbub and intervened, then Y/N hid herself away cause she 'knew' she was 'gone crazy.'

As far as Daryl was concerned, the new doc was lucky all he got was a shove, a knee to jewels, a clunk on the head, and some words and maybe a clipboard thrown at him, because Y/N could fight damned well. She'd had it drilled into her how and when to do it. Freely taught others moves, too.

When she’d showed Carol some techniques, way back, it was one of the things that sent him falling for her.

And…Y/N might’ve not said it out loud, but when she described how Siddiq grabbed her from behind to pull her away, everyone in that room got why it caused her to react strong.

What she described herself as doing would’ve been instinct.

Siddiq wouldn’t know why. Negan might, the fucker had watched the tape of her Deanna interview.

“See?” Y/N blew her nose again, sniffed, and stared at the floorboards. “It’s not right to Sid or the community to, to have what I did go unchecked. And what I said to Siddiq was so cruel. What’s worse is I meant it. Fuck, I still do.”

What she'd said was basically that she wished he’d gotten bit instead of Carl, and that it was just as much Siddiq's fault that the boy was dead as it was Negan’s. That 'he should be dead.'

She grimaced, then caressed the watch on her wrist. Must’ve been thinking of Dale. “Ain’t fair to…Negan, neither. If there’s anything Carl wanted us to understand, it’s that,” she whispered.

Rick lifted the frame to kiss his son’s picture, wiped a couple tears away. “When I talked with Sid, he was…alarmed. Worried. He thought it was off-character.”

Y/N went rigid where she sat. “Siddiq wasn’t there two years ago.”

Daryl lifted the baby higher on his chest and snuggled closer.

Rick shook his head. “You wishing someone dead, or, dead instead of another, is very off-character, it’s not you. No—don’t shake your head, Y/N.” Her brother maintained, “Even back then, after what happened, you didn’t wish me dead. You wished that Shane was still alive, not that I was dead instead. Even if you did say those things, it wouldn't have been the truth, just the hurt speaking.”

“I attacked you and told you I would kill you. And I-I meant it at the time, you know that.”

“And for a couple days, you left, because you didn’t actually want that. You knew it was wrong.”

“Which is why I need to get put away for a couple days. I decided to hurt a patient and his doctor, my own fr—” She wasn’t able to say what was probably the word ‘friend.’ Y/N bit her lip, and continued, “Then hurled words at him what nobody should get hurled at them.” She swallowed a cuss and grabbed another tissue.

“You’re exhausted, Siddiq knows that.” Rick pointed out. “We’re not ourselves when we’re—”

Y/N wasn’t having it. Probably too exhausted, to tell the truth.

“We’re all exhausted. C’mon, man, you just lost your son!” A sob left her and she tried to breathe through her nose. Checked her pulse again.

“You were also reacting to how he yanked you back, kiddo. That's not nothing.”

Daryl gave Rick a warning glance.

Rick saw, nodded, and held up a hand, which made Y/N turn to see what Daryl was doing. But Daryl simply kissed TJ on the head, not saying nothing.

She wasn’t fooled. When Y/N looked back at Rick after giving her husband a look of it’s okay, Daryl gave Rick another warning glare, then a nod.

“You didn’t react like that without reason, Y/N. There’s no shame to admit it was a trigger.”

She grumbled at the word. “Trauma ain’t an excuse to traumatize others.” After exhaling, she ran her hands over her face and took a moment. Hardly louder than a whisper, she challenged, “Ricky, not all my problems stem from the rapes. I’ve always been too hot-headed.”

At that moment, Daryl wanted to scoop her and TJ up and drive them away from everything, keep the two of them safe and unbothered for a month or two or four.

“Getting grabbed like that m-might, y’know, might could’ve reminded me of it—when they—" She ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, it did get me going. But, I,” she paused. “It wasn’t that I saw red or blacked out, I chose to keep goin’ once I’d started. I threw stuff because I was raging, I didn't want to stop because I thought he deserved it.”

Y/N fiddled with Dale’s watch, and turned to Father Gabriel beside her and almost smiled at him, close to the way she used to smile at Glenn, as if he were in on a joke. “Here I’d hoped I was re-domesticated by now.”

“Let us give thanks that you’re still housebroken,” he responded, taking Daryl by surprise. "You're...still housebroken, are you not?"

The way Y/N then cracked up and grinned woke up the butterflies in his stomach.

“Y/N, you’ve come miles since I first met you,” Gabriel told her softly, smiling back.

“All the way from Georgia,” she joked back, then grew more serious. “You’ve grown a whole lot, too.” She wiped her eyes, and Gabe closed his.

“And Y/N,” he shook his head. “You aren’t losing your humanity. I know you’re frightened of that, after what you told me happened to your other brother.”

It hadn’t even registered in Daryl’s mind that Shane’s memory would be scaring her. She loved her brother like hell, but she was always terrified of going down the same path he did.

He looked to Rick to see what his reaction was. His reaction was tear-rimmed eyes and a nod of his head toward TJ, silently asking if he could hold the baby awhile. Daryl nodded, Rick stood, and returned Y/N the frame as he walked by to pick up the little one.

Hands empty, Daryl took out his army knife and the broken chain from his pocket so he could fix his woman’s necklace. Wasn’t gonna be hard.

He heard Y/N whisper, “Hey, punk," to Carl in the photo. "Miss you. Miss you, too, loser,” she said to her brother's photo. He let his eyes travel to where she sat under the window, and watched her kiss the picture and well up. It was the old one of her and preschool-age Carl photo-bombing Rick and Shane, after one of them got some kind of cop award.

Clutching the frame once more to her belly, she and Father Gabriel then started to talk in low voices with one another.

“The red haze in your right sclera is so close to bein' clear. Did you talk to Rosie today? She’s been seeming less depressed.”

“I thought this was me visiting my patient, not the other way around,” Gabe gently hinted. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

Daryl heard her sniffle. “Rev, but I don’t want to have meant those words. I’ve been workin’ on it. It-it might be his fault, but I know he’s innocent, he’s humane—Sid even counts walkers like I do, man, yet still, I—” her breathing shuddered. “After whatever this mess is kicked in, every time I see him now, I hate him. Why do I hate a decent person?”

“Grief,” he offered simply. He gave her another shrug and small smile. “Keep doing what you have been. It will get easier every day, the same way your, um,” he was careful about his wording regarding her tits, “that you have more for the little ones every day.”

She huffed but didn’t raise her voice again, she stayed quiet as could be. “It don’t feel like none of that’s happening.”

“Our perception of things doesn’t always equal the truth, Y/N.” Gabe seemed to take a moment. Maybe he was praying.

Y/N’s fingers found her pulse again.

“We are all healing,” Gabriel next said, and smiled again. “Your heart is still beating, is it not?”

Y/N stared for a few moments, caught in the act. Eyes meeting Daryl’s for a moment, she removed her fingers from her neck, and inclined her head at the reverend. “What about yours?” she asked softly.

“Still beating. And that’s the proof,” he assured her just as softly. “Y/N, as for the way you understand your actions and your emotions toward him as not being right, I would like you to take it as a comforting sign. And, you just handed over a weapon you plainly wanted to keep concealed, you didn’t use said weapon to hurt Negan, either,” he pointed out, for which Daryl was grateful. “Perhaps, if you begin to make excuses, begin to feel no sense of having done wrong when you have, I will worry.”

Weirdly enough, he next grinned up at the ceiling. “But I am not, because you are simply broken and in need of healing. You’ll get there, as will I,” he held his hand out to the room. “As will your brother, your husband. All of us.” He sighed. “So long as our hearts are still beating.”

Daryl looked back at his wife in time to see her bit her wobbling lip and nod. Her gaze turned to Rick with the baby. He was kissing TJ’s scrawny little feet.

Her face softened seeing them, and as Daryl’s stomach fluttered again, she turned to look at him. His stomach full-on did a happy flip (and, yeah, he lost his grip on the necklace’s broken link and dropped it).

Y/N said to Rick, “Well, we still need to show ’em that Alexandria—that you—are accountable and fair. How many nights will do, you think?”

Rick shook his head. “Zero. But, because you have a point and won't take 'zero' as an answer,” he quickly added, “how about one?”

“For a piggy, you’re actin’ awful chicken.”

He was unmoved by the cop joke. “Bawk, bawk.”

And Y/N laughed, for what it was worth. And it was worth everything, hot damn was that laugh the best sound.

Daryl figured he might as well check, “What about bail, that still a thing?”

“Not with you owing a whole dollar. That’ll take weeks to pay off,” she said, back to doing her best to lighten up things. He loved her so fucking much, goddamn.

“Supervision when outside the cell,” she stated to Rick.

He shook his head again. “I have a better sentence in mind. When I saw you wearing Lori’s belt earlier today, it reminded me of it. See, and you left this at the infirmary.” He reached into his jacket pocket.

Recognition swept across her face when he held it out. “Do you think he’ll feel safe?”

“The headphone cord is too thin to choke him with, it’d snap.”

“Ricky, that joke was very dark,” she lightly chided.

He squinted, kissing TJ’s feet one more time first. “I hereby sentence you to one night—”

“—Three.”

“One in lock-up,” he spoke over her, then was fast to tack on, “with Daryl and this one as guards.” He motioned to the baby.

"Women shouldn't have male guards," she dryly droned.

"Overruled. You'll also get supervised outings for your duties tomorrow and the day after, including the trip to the Hilltop for Maggie’s prenatal visit. And,” he held up the music player, “you’ll need to listen to music with Siddiq on this. We know it works.” He cocked his head. “Let’s start with 20 minutes per day, like you and I had.”

Some tears slipped out even though she was smiling. She mouthed I love you to him, then asked out loud, “How many days?”

Rick squinted. “Fourteen.”

---------------------------

You

“You pick the songs. Whatever you like,” you told him, staring at the photo and rubbing the ‘22’ pendant over your lips. Daryl fixed the chain for you shortly after you’d broken it. You really love him.

Sid accepted the mp3 player out of your hand.

You and he each had one earbud in, one apple beside you, and Michonne sat nearby with Judith. Supervision was your stipulation, yet being proactive about ensuring it had done nothing for how humiliating it was.

Still, you took an objective look and figured Siddiq should know that his safety mattered, that your people were fair and held themselves to standards.

Just looking around the place, it looked as if standards were a given here. That Alexandria’s power grid and some panels were already repaired within two weeks of Negan’s razing was almost unbelievable.

Sucks for the Saviors that cult that the Alexandria community had been built to withstand up to magnitude 4.1 earthquakes and be fairly fire-safe as part of its self-sustaining (and for-politicians) model, so in the least, a good number of the homes were still standing.

Carl's gazebo was another story, as were other similar structures, like the church, but the ash had been washed off by the rain, and the communities' walls were back up.

Next to you, Siddiq asked you how to work the mp3, citing, “Carl had been the one to…”

Had been the one to work it when he borrowed it to visit you out there, in order to show you some kindness. Before he got himself bit because of you.

The words festered inside of you. Whatever. Let them fester, you felt dead anyway.

As you went to point to show him, the picture hung from your outstretched, bandaged hand. The pic you'd chosen this time was another older one from the before-times, not one of the newer polaroids. You'd been the one to take it, actually, using a disposable camera about five and a half, maybe six years ago.

It was blurry, Lori and Carl had been being silly and stopped posing, Rick was mid-comment. You loved this one.

It felt so unreal now, felt fake.

Felt dead.

You checked your pulse. Still beating.

“The, um, just use-use those two buttons there for up and down to search,” you mumbled, tucking the photograph into your shirt pocket. “That one is for back, that one for options. Press down on the middle to click.”

He went huh. “Here’s the Indian music playlist,” he chuckled. Appears he’d found the Desi Party! playlist. Carl told you he’d played it for him.

Before he’d gotten fucking bitten.

How could your heart rage and ache so much if you were dead?

“It’s got all sorts on it,” you replied blankly to Siddiq. Remembering your oldest sister who’d made all the playlists before handing her mp3 down to you, it felt like she was made up. All your siblings except Shane felt made up. Your own mother, the foster siblings over the years, they felt made up, too.

Felt like everyone before was made up.

Fake.

Dead.

“My mother was a big filmi fan,” Siddiq shared.

But you simply repeated, “Pick whatever you like, you’re in charge of the songs.”

There was no emotion in your voice. You didn’t want to chat with him, didn’t want to nerd out about Bollywood music, and also didn’t want to face him after saying such awful things to him early today.

Hating him felt right. It felt "deserved," which is a word you'd learned to not use, thanks to Dale.

Granted, hating Siddiq felt wrong, too, which invited shame to take a seat on your lap.

So, you followed the rev’s advice and took comfort in the shame because it meant your conscience was still ordered in a good direction. It meant you weren’t fully dead yet.

You checked your pulse again to remind yourself that it was still beating. Life was still going. You even have a child that fills you with such an intense, aching, healing love.

Father Gabriel also told you that feeling dead didn’t make you a bad mother or a bad wife or bad person, it simply meant you were broken and grieving.

“Y/N?”

“What?” you growled — and immediately wished it hadn’t come out that way. In your head, you told Carl you were sorry, you’d do better next time. Then, you prayed to stop hating the sight of Siddiq, the sound of his voice. Wished Dale or Hershel or Glenn or T-Dog or Deanna or Denise or Sasha were there for, for—advice, support, you don’t know…

And because the rev has enough on his plate and needs to rest, maybe later you’d risk everyone’s ire and sneak away to visit Mr. Jones at the junkyard. At least he wasn’t dead yet, too. Maybe visiting him would convince him to move back to Alexandria.

“I never apologized for pulling you backward like that,” Siddiq said to you, a little short. Couldn’t blame him.

In truth, you had done all you were going to do to Negan after smacking him the once, but Sid wouldn’t have known that. Wouldn’t have known how grabbing you like that would flip an alarm, either.

No use moping, if your positions were reversed, you’d have wrangled him back, too.

And yet, you just caught yourself licking your teeth and sneering in response to his apology.

But it wasn’t out of anger or hatred so much as…you still aren’t certain what the emotion was. Grief, depression, shame, all three. You supposed it didn’t make a difference. Didn’t feel like much of anything.

Briefly, you put two fingers to your neck to check your pulse again. Still beating. Still alive.

Alive, and needing to eat some crow, as it were.

“Don’t apologize, you were protectin’ our patient. What I did was wrong,” you recited. “I-I threatened a patient and then whacked him across the face.” Your conscience then prompted you to apologize again for what you’d said to him. “And, just—Siddiq, what I said to you was bullshit and lies and m'sorry I said it. Cruel bullshit, naught else. Don’t go believing a word of it.”

He wasn’t clicking through the playlists and songs anymore.

Appearing uncomfortable, he peeked at you before he put his attention back on the mp3. “Michonne said pulling you like that was a trigger, which is why you, um…I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t know.”

First, you relaxed your jaw. “Ain’t your job to know. It’s mine to learn past it.” Next, you spackled on something of a smile and added quietly, “It’s good that you, that you stepped in. Thank you.” You did mean it, for what it was worth.

How many minutes until the twenty was up, you wondered, and tried to not be obvious about checking the time on your wrist. Eyeing Michonne, she seemed more preoccupied with Judith than with being punctual regarding your penance/sentence.

“PTSD is serious. That’s why I’m sorry, I, um,” Siddiq faltered. He went back to clicking through the music choices.

“We all have at least a little PTSD, bud.” With a light nudge to try and convey camaraderie or something, you attempted to tease, “C'mon, you chosen at least one song, yet?”

“Sorry, let me just, uh…” and with a few more clicks, the first song started. It was Bohemian Rhapsody.

“You chose the playlist ‘Songs Everyone Likes.’”

He chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, figured I couldn’t go wrong with that one.”

The memory of belting out this song with Carl, Glenn, Beth, and Maggie before your group even found the prison whooshed back and you started to smile—until you remembered that Carl was gone now. He was dead.

You’d forgotten all of that for hot second, but your Carl was dead. So was Glenn. So was Beth. So was Lori, who'd joined, so was T-Dog, so was...

Maybe you were dead, too. You felt dead—so, you pressed your fingers to your neck to feel for a pulse.

Still beating.

The lyrics of the song began to register. You know, the early parts like ‘I don’t wanna die,’ and ‘carry on, as if nothing really matters.’ Sounded a little too personal, tell you the truth.

And just like that, the song was skipped. You glanced at Siddiq.

He shook his head. “Not the right mood for it.”

“Mm.”

The intro to the next song in the shuffle was very bouncy, and ‘Dance to the Music’ started to jive through the earbuds. You didn’t sway along like you naturally would have. No urge to.

The song played, finished.

“First time I heard this was in Shrek,” Siddiq made small talk while munching on his apple. “Love that movie.”

You might’ve hummed in acknowledgment, you aren’t sure. He handed your apple to you, you took it. Held it.

The next song started, ‘Young Hearts Run Free.’

The song played, finished.

Siddiq made more small talk. “I remember that one in Romeo + Juliet, the one with, um, Claire Danes? We watched that version in high school after we finished reading it.”

You hummed again. Pressed your fingers to your wrist, just in case. But no, your heart was still beating.

The next song started, ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash.’

“A lot of oldies,” he commented once the singing began. He took the final nibble off his apple.

“But goodies,” you responded, willing yourself to sound less stiff and monotone. “Modern stuff is on this playlist, too, don’t worry.”

The song played. Finished.

The next song started. ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’ Siddiq promptly skipped it once the refrain started and the lyrics sank in.

“Good call,” you grunted.

The next song started. ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.’

“Oh n—please skip this one, too." You loved that one, but you’d queued it up for Glenn at his and Maggie’s wedding, and it was not the time to go reminiscing. You swallowed the lump in your throat. Checked your pulse. Still beating. "Please skip 'Thunderstruck' if it comes on, too?”

The mp3 player clicked as Siddiq skipped the song. Next on the shuffle was ‘Under Pressure.’

He adjusted his seat and coughed. “This one fits.”

A combination sigh/groan was your contribution, because he was right. The two of you were the only doctors major medical personnel left standing.

The song played. Siddiq’s knees and wrists bounced to the rhythm where he sat beside you. You stared at your boots. Where’d all the soot and dirt on them and your clothes come from, you couldn’t remember…

…

It was when a strong gust of cold wind blew that you noticed that the music had stopped, your earbud was out, and the sky wasn’t as cloudy anymore.

When did that happen?

You sat up and blinked a few times, your apple still in one hand, Shane’s necklace in the other.

“Hey,” you heard Siddiq call.

What, why were your cheeks wet? “S-sorry, I,” you dropped the necklace, wiped your eyes with your sleeve, and put the apple down, “must’ve, um, checked out.”

“I’m not sure how long it was after it began when I noticed the change,” he let you know. “Is…this what happened earlier?”

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “Earlier was somethin’ else. This was just—” ‘Dissociation,’ was a misunderstood word, so Denise taught you. And you didn’t want to use the word for that reason.

You really wanted to keep a shred of dignity for yourself in the eyes of that guy. He didn’t even know that you’d hurt yourself when you’d ‘blacked out’ the other day…so, you decided upon a white lie highly euphemistic layman's term. “I spaced out.”

He nodded, but his brows sunk, as if he weren’t buying it.

And when he did that thing where someone slightly opens their mouth because they’ve put together a response, you changed the subject. “Listen to anythin’ good while I was in space?”

Siddiq wasn’t swayed. “Do you still feel detached?”

“A little,” you answered truthfully, inhaling deep and checking your watch to try gauging how long you’d been out. Except, you had no recollection of what time it had been earlier, so it was a bust. God save you, you were a mess.

“Sid. I’m sorry you’re trapped dealin’ with this shit, it ain’t fair to you. If, if you wanna bounce early, don’t feel obligated to stay, and, and—like, if you don’t wanna do this whole music thing, it’s fine. W-we don’t want you feelin’ unsafe.”

“Unsafe? Y/N, I…” he paused. “I forgive you for what you said earlier. And I’m not scared of you. Hitting Negan wasn’t okay, but…” another pause. “Compared to the way most others are baying for his blood and how you defended saving his life, I mean—you helped me save him, Y/N—” He lifted his hands, palms to the sky. “You’re my friend, we work together, it’s not like I can’t see that you’re drowning.”

Nothing prepared you to hear that.

He was calling you a friend and was still trying to be understanding, after all that…

You wanted to slam your head on a hard, rough surface and cry from the shame and simultaneous relief. You also didn’t want to accept it, and so pushed back: “You were alone out there too long. Friends d-don’t tell friends they wish they were dead.” And mean it, you did not confess.

But of all things, he merely raised one shoulder and snorted. “I’m a really good friend?”

Tears spilled at the same time that you almost laughed.

No, it's true, you almost laughed. Things felt a little unreal again, but in not a bad way. The most you could do right then was send up thanks for the mercy that came out of the mess. You pinched your wrist first, then felt for your pulse.

“Compared to a few minutes ago, do you feel more like yourself now?” Siddiq made sure.

Huh. You used to ask Shane a very similar question, when he was forgetting his goodness.

You kept feeling the small beats at your wrist, reminding you that you were indeed alive, therefore capable of healing and growth.

“Heart’s still beating,” you sniffled, making yourself smile at him. The hatred and disgust you’d felt earlier seemed to you less like a fact and more like a bad dream.

Then, from the far right of the oak tree, you heard Aaron’s voice saying, “Not yet, man, they’ve got four minutes left.”

Aaron and Daryl then came into view. They waved to you as they walked by with the babies, another reminder that you that you weren’t fully dead inside. Gracie was in a stroller, TJ was bundled in Daryl’s arms. Your husband lingered behind, eyes on you as he absently pecked a kiss to your baby’s covered head.

Something stirred, and your chest fluttered and tugged in their direction, reminding you again that your heart was still beating. So was Maggie’s, so was her and Glenn’s baby’s, so was Rick’s, so was Aaron’s. Life was still going. You had a child, a husband; lifelines. Their hearts were still beating, too.

The unexpected wink and the way Daryl’s gaze softened as he looked at you made you feel as if you’d been freezing and someone just handed you a cup of cocoa with mini marshmallows. The way he next moved his lips to pronounce ‘troublemaker,’ however, you ought to have seen coming a mile away.

The heaviness in your body eased a bit. A smile started prodding the corners of your mouth. Shyly, you returned the wave and mouthed ‘mangy hick,’ your wrist bumping against the photograph sticking from your shirt pocket.

Aaron noticed him acting like a dope lagging and gestured for him to keep up. “Four more minutes and we’ll come back to get her.”

Daryl called out "slowpoke," and waved your baby’s little arm to the two of you as they walked away. He kept peeking behind him, too, it warmed you. When they reached far enough, you once again took the photograph out from your pocket.

With a final peek at Carl’s picture, you sent up a prayer and reaffirmed the promise that you’d made to him. That you’d live for him, do him proud.

So long as your heart was still beating, you’d try to do him proud. “Seems you and I got four more minutes, Sid. What’ll we pick?”

-------------------------

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---------------------------

And here's the picture prize for getting through the long chapter!

[werebutch]

im glad you dont see fandom posts about twd in 2024 because i dont think i could handle it. be serious

[cultofdixon]

Everything’s going to be okay. It has to

Daryl Dixon [PLATONIC] • She/Her Pronouns • An overprotective dad trying to calm his adoptive daughter after some asshole (that met his end) decided to shoot • ANGST/SFW • TW: Gunshot wound / Anxiety Attacks / Blood loss

Requested by: Anon

“Daryl, enough!” Rick tried to cut through another physical argument the archer was having with another Savior.

But unlike the other fights he’s had, this asshole had a gun on him. The second he aimed it, Daryl stepped back along with Rick whose words didn’t reach the Savior and all the archer thought of was his daughter.

“I had enough of this son of a bitch“

“Don’t shoot your weapon!” Rick yells as Daryl stood frozen thinking over a thousand times who the hell was going to take Y/N into their care when he’s gone. “We can simply talk about—-“

“Enough talking” But when he fired, Rosita knocked into the guy so the bullet wouldn’t land in her family.

Though as the gunshot rang through

And the silence grew

All that was heard was her screaming

“Daddy!” Y/N shouts off the top of her lungs in agony as Daryl instantly snapped in the direction of her screaming before running toward her.

The bullet hit his daughter.

While Rosita took care of restraining the man, Rick quickly ran over to his brother who was picking up his screaming child noticing all the blood that was getting on him.

“Get in the car, I’ll drive” Rick yells in order to reach Daryl’s mind knowing all he sees is red and the sound around him is muted. But he heard and did exactly that while the retired sheriff whistled for Enid’s attention. “Radio Siddiq to get ready for a gunshot wound at Alexandria! We’re coming from the Sanctuary!”

Rick opened the door for Daryl to get in the backseat holding Y/N as her good hand gripped onto his shirt while the other one shook from the bullet wound being in her bicep. He shut the door once they were in and quickly got in the drivers, practically speeding through the loading dock of the Sanctuary making his way to Alexandria.

When they got close, Rick hard pressed on the horn not caring if he was to crash through the gates but thankfully Michonne and Eugene were at the gates pushing it open the second they heard the horn. Michonne ran after the car once it came through as Eugene took care of closing the gates himself.

“What happened?” Michonne frowns watching Rick step out and open the door for Daryl. “Oh my god. Who fired?!”

“A FUCKING SAVIOR” Daryl snaps carrying Y/N into the infirmary where Siddiq was ready with the help of Aaron who heard the news when helping the doc with stocking up on the past run findings.

“I’ve got everything we’ll need but I don’t have anything to lessen the pain that isn’t orally given”

“So—-?!”

“She’s going to feel everything Daryl” Aaron states watching his face fall further as he turns to his daughter on the gurney struggling to keep still and brushing off the oxygen mask that Siddiq had placed on her to help her breathing.

“Pumpkin, you gotta keep it on” Daryl’s voice cracked when speaking to his little one because the sight was starting to become a permanent imagine in his mind. “Just take deep breathes, okay?” He frowns taking the mask and keeping it in place while Aaron held her legs down to keep her from kicking as Siddiq started to clean the wound to stop the bleeding.

It wasn’t a through gunshot wound. Siddiq had to remove it and wash it out while also stopping the bleeding.

It was a lot for a kid…

“You’re doing great” Daryl reassures Y/N as she curled up slightly when Aaron held her arm and Siddiq continues to work on the stitches. “You’re gonna be fine”

The tears started to burn making her jolt a bit when Siddiq was putting in another stitch, resulting in Daryl carefully pinning her and the stitch Siddiq had just done needing to be cut out and redone.

“C’mon pumpkin, just breathe and focus on me alright?” Daryl reassures continuing to hold the mask for her and taking a deep breath himself watching her mimic him. “Good job, you’re doing a good job”

“Just a few more stitches, Y/N then you’re all done” Aaron reassures as Siddiq went to get another kit.

“Daddy…”

“Yeah?” Daryl gently brushes the hair out of her face watching more tears form. “What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“D-Do we have to go back there?” Her cry was more of a whine followed by more sobbing at the thought of having to go back to the Sanctuary. They both have their own issue with the place

“No. We ain’t ever going back there”

“Daryl what about Rick’s—-“

“I ain’t ditching my kid here to watch that fucking shithole for somebody that made a mistake not burning it to the ground” Daryl snaps and quickly collected himself for his daughter who grabbed his hand when he yelled to squeeze it for herself and for him. “I’m sorry pumpkin. I’m sorry for yelling…”

“Let’s focus on this and the whole Sanctuary thing can be discussed once she’s healed, alright?” Siddiq states before going back to work to finishing up the stitches.

Finally the stitches were done and the wound was cleaned up along with a heavy bandage on it. Aaron had Daryl pick up Y/N so that he can remove the bloodied sheets and put a clean one along with a blanket.

“She should sleep here for tonight” Siddiq says as he cleans up all the gauze and instruments so that Y/N can lay down comfortably. “Just in case of anything because I live upstairs”

“A-Are you going ho—-“

“I ain’t going anywhere, pumpkin” Daryl reassures. “I just. I have to grab a few—-“

“I’ll take care of it. Tell me what you need. You just stay with your daughter” Aaron states listening to his best friend telling him what he needs to grab.

Once everything was taken care of, Y/N struggled to get comfortable on the bed as she hated sleeping on her back and couldn’t on her side because of her arm. The pain was also extreme even with some pain killers in her system. Daryl’s heart shattered when he tried to help her get into pjs because she would scream every time her arm was irritated.

Siddiq had made a bed for Daryl to stay with his daughter but the way she hasn’t stopped crying and the pain was that unbearable. He knew he was going to hold her and that would help just a little.

“C’mere pumpkin, I’ve gotcha” Daryl says softly while picking up Y/N carefully before bringing himself into the bed letting her lay on him as she already got herself comfortable hiding her face in his chest. She continued to sob but it lessened when her dad rubbed soothing circles on her back. “Shhh…I’m here, you’re okay”

“Daddy…”

“Yes pumpkin?”

“You won’t ever leave me right…?” Y/N pouts pulling her face away from his chest as Daryl instantly kisses her forehead holding her protectively.

“I ain’t going anywhere. I’m always gonna be here for you”

The next morning came and Siddiq came down to check on the Dixon child but to his surprise and thankfully, Y/N was fast asleep after a rough night. But also her dad holding her was sound asleep. He quietly approaches the two and covers them in a blanket before leaving them to catch up on much needed sleep…

Safe and sound

[connorsblog]

you're gone, but im still here. | c.g

genre : angst

summary : after carls death, you feel lost.

warning : hallucinations & semi-graphic gore description

do not continue reading if you have not seen 8x09 !! spoilers ahead

i sat infront of carls grave, the mere dirt pile was all rick and michonne could do while alexandria was burning down to the ground.

a pang went to my heart as i ran my fingers over the ashed dirt. it was a mix of grey and brown now, just reminding me all over again how my home burnt down.

"i shouldve been able to save you," my voice cracks as i attempt to talk to carl. it doesnt work very well.

i try to talk again, but all that comes out is a cracked "sorry." it wasnt enough and i knew it.

i tried to focus on the background sounds, but the soft chirps of the cicadas didn't suffice for carls voice.

i tried to imagine him there, sitting next to me in silence and holding my head on his shoulder.

i guess i imagined too far, as when i turned around he was there. in 3d.

"carl?" my voice came out soft and broken.

"you don't have to be sad," he got straight to his point. almost like he was about to disappear any moment.

"i died to save someone. he's going to be good for the community," he continued, "his name is siddiq."

i guess i forgot about him, since he hadnt been here very long. i had seen him maybe once, maybe twice?

"it's not your fault i died," not even allowing me to talk before starting up again, "it's not your fault."

he kept saying that but some part of me, buried deep inside of me, thought otherwise.

"it is my fault," came out without my consent. i didnt want to speak, i wanted to relish in his voice and presence until i couldnt see his face anymore.

he gripped my wrist. some part of me wanted to rip away and continue to believe he was dead. but he was right there, in front of my face.

i began to talk again, but as quick as he came he left. nothing was there besides the dirt mound.

i heard ricks gravely voice from somewhere behind me. i ignored it, hoping, somehow that carl would come back.

forty-six beats of silence later, i felt a hand on my shoulder. bristly cold.

shortly after, i realized it was carl again.

i didn't speak, not that he'd let me, and waited for him to say something.

"siddiq is good people, you know," he lifts his head a bit, finally allowing me to see his gaping gunshot wound in his head. but it wasnt bleeding, just a void of flesh that was on the side of his head.

i resisted the urge to scream, that all-too-familiar pang in my heart back. plus, if i did scream.. i'd look crazy. nobody was there, right?

"you'll be okay without me," he continues. i didnt know why he continued to talk, i hadnt said anything for the past few minutes.

"are you sure?" i finally spoke up. my throat hurt from the words, they felt like lava bubbling up and threatening to blow any second.

"i'm sure," he whispered before his eye closed and he disappeared for the last time.

"i dont want to live without you. but i will anyway," i sigh out as i brush my fingers over his grave for the last time for a while. i cant mourn him for too long.

[paintyoureyeswithavividmind]

close to home | chapter sixty one

close to home | chapter sixty one

plot: daryl finds out what happened to the reader

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 3,790 Warnings: violence, blood, typical twd, injury, daryl being daryl A/N: thank you for reading!! how the fuck did I write 60 chapters of this I'm insane

Daryl thought about you every second of every day for the past five and a half years. He was too stubborn and pissed off to go after you the first few days, and then it got harder and harder as time went on. He tried to. At least once a week every week since you left, he tried to go to you, to Alexandria. He’d even made it as far as getting to the outskirts of the surrounding woods. But then he saw you on watch, laughing with a guy he didn’t know, and he turned around and went back. 

But he thought of you regardless. He cried almost every night in his self-pity and threw himself into trying to find Rick’s body. And after you screamed at him, and hit him, and cried to him about the other woman, he never saw her again. It didn’t matter that nothing happened, that it was only a few brief conversations in passing, but it hurt you so deeply. And he knew he fucked up. Which is also why he stayed away from you. 

Still, it hurt him. And because of it, he had several burn scars across his forearm from cigarettes. 

He even took a knife and carved your name with his last name into his crossbow because he knew there would never be anyone else. He gave you up after hurting you so profoundly and destroying the one thing in the world he cherished above everything else. He would’ve burned the world for you but ended up burning you. 

So he stayed by the river and tried to find his brother’s body. 

***

It was fall, and there was a bite in the air. Daryl sat by his morning fire with Dog beside him, staring at your name in the crossbow. He hadn’t eaten a thing in a day because of the guilt he felt. 

Then he heard a horse running and his name being yelled. It took him a second to realize it was Carol before he jumped up. 

“It’s (Y/N)!” Carol yelled, out of breath as the horse trotted in a circle. “She’s hurt.”

Daryl chewed on his lip as anxiety filled him. “What happen'?”

“She was shot.” 

The muscles in his face dropped. “Take me to her.” 

“She’s not stable yet, and Siddiq is coming in from Alexandria, but it’ll take hours.” 

“Take me to her, now!” Daryl swung his crossbow over his shoulder, mounted the horse behind Carol, and whistled for Dog to follow. 

***

It took longer than Daryl ever would’ve imagined to get to the Kingdom. He hadn’t realized how far out he was. But when he saw the approaching gates, he felt like throwing up. Carol didn’t slow down as the gates opened, and she led the horse straight to the medical building toward the back of the community. 

Sitting outside were Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, and a man he didn’t know. 

“What happened?” Daryl yelled as he got off the horse. “What the fuck happened to my wife?”

“They were on a run. She got shot. One of our men was killed as well.” Ezekiel said. “She’s inside, follow me.”

Daryl walked anxiously behind Ezekiel into the building and directly to a room toward the back. The door was shut, and he hesitated for a second before he walked in. 

The room was quiet, aside from an unsteady beeping. You were lying in a bed hooked up to a machine. An oxygen mask was over your mouth, and Daryl saw two discarded tanks in the corner of the room. 

Tears burned his eyes as he walked closer to you. You were out, of course, and thick, white bandages dried with blood were wrapped around your middle. Your hair was braided back like always, and sweat was dotting your face. Your skin was paler than he’d ever seen. 

“How did this happen?” Daryl asked angrily and turned around. “I wanna know right fuckin’ now!”

“She got shot, Daryl. There is nothing anyone could’ve done.” Carol said. “You being angry right now is not helping.”

The door pushed open, and a man named Adam walked in; Daryl knew him as the Kingdom’s doctor. Or at least the best they had. 

“Can you tell us again, Adam?” Carol asked. 

The doctor walked up to your body and checked your heartbeat as he looked around the room. “The bullet went through what I can assume is her appendix, and with no exit wound, it’s still in there. The bruising on her stomach leads me to that conclusion as well.”

“Why ain’ ya take it out?” Daryl yelled. 

“We can’t cut her open and remove it without putting her under. Her body will go into shock, and I won’t be able to operate. Siddiq from Alexandria is bringing medication, and he’ll be better equipped with the surgery.”

Daryl rubbed his forehead. “Is that it? Ya just a waste a damn space!”

“Daryl!” Carol yelled. 

Adam looked at Daryl, your body, and Carol and Ezekiel. “I’ve radioed Alexandria, and Aaron told me Siddiq has already left on their fastest horses, but…”

“But what?”

Adam hesitated. “She lost too much blood on the way here, they were too far out. We don’t know how long it’ll take Siddiq to get here; it’ll be hours at the earliest. We’ve done a few transfusions already.”

“So what does that mean?” Ezekiel asked. 

Daryl was already shaking his head.

“If he doesn’t get here soon, she won’t survive the night.”

***

“Daryl… Daryl, stop!” 

The chair broke against the wall, and Daryl paced around the room and grabbed another one. Within a few seconds, it was broken against the wall. 

“You aren’t helping anything!”

“It’s my damn fault!” Daryl yelled, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe. “If I had been there… if I wasn’ such a piece of shit!” He kicked the wall, leaving a dent the size of his boot.  

“Back off,” Carol told the guard that was standing by. “Daryl, this is not your fault. You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.”

But all Daryl could see was red. “I shoulda been there!” He nearly screamed, punching the wall. The old drywall crumbled against his fist, and he struck it twice before blood showed up on the wall. 

“Daryl!” Carol grabbed his arm. “Daryl, you need to stop.”

The archer pulled his arm away from Carol with a grunt and looked at the guard who was staring at him. “Ya got a problem, asshole? Who are ya anyway?”

The man swallowed the lump in his throat. “Me? My name is Ryan.”

Daryl’s face dropped, and he walked up to the guard and grabbed him by the shirt collar. “What the hell ya doin’ here? Huh? Why you waitin' for her?”

“She’s my friend.”

Daryl slammed the man into the wall. “Did ya sleep with her? Tell me right now, asshole.”

“No-No-I mean, I asked her out a few times, but she always said no. Said she was married.”

“Ya lyin’ to me?”

Carol grabbed Daryl’s arm and pulled as hard as she could. “Daryl, if you do not calm down, I will have them lock you up.”

Daryl shrugged her off and slammed Ryan into the wall again. “Did ya fuck my wife? Tell me the fuckin’ truth!”

“No, no!”

Daryl grunted and pushed away from him as he began to pace back and forth. Carol sent Ryan out of the room and told him not to let anyone else in. 

“Daryl, you have no right to be acting this way. You left her.”

“I didn’ leave shit!”

“Yes, you did!” Carol seethed. “You don’t think I know what happened between the two of you? How you pushed her away until she was nothing but a crumbled pile of mess because of you? You two aren’t together anymore.”

“Then why the hell ya get me anyway?”

“Because when she was bleeding out on the ground, she was crying for you, you asshole!” Carol yelled. “And I don’t know why she’s still hanging onto you after so long, but I owed it to her to get you. Now you can either man up and sit by her side or get the hell out of my Kingdom!” 

Daryl paused at her words. “She really was cryin’ for me?” His voice was soft.

“Yes. She was.”

He couldn’t stop himself from crying as he sank to his knees. “What did I do? How can I fix this?” He cried. 

Carol’s face softened, and she walked over to him. “Well, for starters, you can go pick flowers for her to put by her bed. And then you can get the only chair you didn’t break and sit next to her until Siddiq shows up.”

“I can’ lose her…”

“You already have, Daryl. But if you want her back, then start with what I just told you to do.”

***

It was past sunset, and Daryl was pacing back and forth in your room. Your body was lying there, helpless, but the beeping of your heartbeat was music to his ears--even if it wasn’t steady. 

Fresh cut flowers were in a cup sitting on the table, and he looked at them every few seconds, trying to decide if he should get you more before you woke up. But it was getting late, and Siddiq wasn’t here yet and he needed to be by your side. 

His eyes were red and swollen from crying, but that didn’t stop him from shedding tears every time he looked at you. The only thing he could think of was how much of an asshole he’d been to you. He’d wasted five and a half years chasing after ghosts when he had you right in front of him. 

Daryl kept thinking about the day he left you crying in the mud after begging him to come home. More than anything, he wanted to go back to that moment, scoop you up and never let you go again. He was so stupid. 

The chair scraped against the floor as he sat down next to you. He carefully leaned against the bed and took your hand. It was littered with old cuts and scars, and he could remember each one you got over your time together. 

“My crazy girl,” He mumbled, kissing your hand and then holding it against his cheek. “Please fight, darlin’. I can’ live in this world without ya. ‘M so sorry for bein’ such an asshole to ya. I’ll do anythin’ if ya just keep fightin’.”

His eyes started to burn with tears again, and he laid his forehead against your bed as he sobbed. “Please, God, don’ take her. Ya can take me, I swear it. Won’ put up a fight or nothin'. Just don’ take her, please… please….” Daryl hadn’t prayed in a long, long time, but he kept repeating himself and to a God he hoped was still up there. 

When he sat back up and looked at your face, he felt anger coursing through his body. “Darlin’, please don’ leave me.” He cried. “I’ll do anythin’ to fix up, anythin’ I promise. Just stay and let me. Please, (Y/N), please.”

The beeping quickened, and he watched your chest expand shakily as you took a deep breath. His heart pounded as he thought you would wake up, and his prayers were answered. 

But then you exhaled, and the beeping stopped. 

“(Y/N)...” Daryl stood as he shook your hand. “(Y/N)!”

Before thinking, he ran to the door and started screaming for Adam. When he heard footsteps, he ran back over to you. “She stopped breathing!”

“Daryl… she’s lost so much blood. She wasn’t going to make it through the night without an operation. Even if we get her heart beating, it won’t last without the operation. It’ll be cruel to do that to her. There’s nothing I can do now…” Adam said with sorrow. 

“No, no,” Daryl shook his head. “Ya get over here right now and start pumping her chest. Now!” He screamed. 

Out of fear, Adam did what the archer asked. Daryl took off your oxygen mask and waited until Adam gave him a nod before breathing air into you. The two of them repeated the cycle a few times before the door opened, and Daryl heard Michonne and Rosita yelling your name. 

“Oh my God,” Siddiq said. “Get out of my way, now! Get out of the room!” 

Daryl stepped back, shaking his head as he watched Siddiq and Adam start to try and bring you back to life. He let Carol drag him out of the room in his hopefulness, and he leaned against the wall as he started to cry again.

“‘M gonna lose her tonight, I know it.” 

Rosita shook her head and wiped away her own tears. “You lost her a long time ago, asshole.” 

***

Daryl was sitting in the corner of the waiting room. His eyes were stinging from how swollen they were, and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. It had been hours since he watched you die before him. But he hadn’t heard anything else. Siddiq and Adam hadn’t come out of the room, and he had to believe that was good. 

He kept thinking of your laugh and that beautiful smile that had him in love with you before realizing it. He thought of your soft hands in his and the way you giggled when he kissed you. He could feel your touch on his skin, rubbing circles in his back, or your fingers playing with his hair. It would kill him if he never got it again. He wouldn’t survive your death. He’d put an arrow through his skull. Or maybe he’d go insane and drag you around as a walker just to keep you with him. 

It was morning when Siddiq and Adam walked out of the room. They had blood on their clothes and looked exhausted, but they walked out with relief. 

“We had to remove her appendix, but that was where most of the internal bleeding came from. She’s got two broken ribs, one from the impact and the other from chest compressions. She’s heavily sedated, but she’s stable. She’ll probably be up tonight or tomorrow.”

Daryl started crying at the news; he wasn’t the only one. 

“Thank you,” Michonne said and hugged them both. “Thank you both so much.”

“You guys can sit there, but it’ll be a while before she wakes. We all should get some rest. I’d like to give her blood before, though. Is anyone an O?” Siddiq said. 

“I am,” Rosita said. “You can take as much as you need for her.”

Daryl followed Rosita and Siddiq into the room and watched quietly as Rosita donated a bit more blood than a typical amount. But he was thankful for it, and he thanked her quietly. She didn’t respond. 

He insisted on staying with you, so after everyone came in and made their peace with you being alive, they went to rest. 

Once the door was closed, Daryl carefully grabbed and kissed your hand a few times. “Thank you for fightin’ darlin’. That’s my girl.”

***

A few hours later, Daryl was asleep with his head on the bed next to your hip when he felt you stir. He was immediately up and staring at you as your eyes opened for the first time.

“‘M here,” Daryl said, taking your hand.

You looked around the room with hazy eyes, the sedation running through your veins still. When your eyes finally met Daryl’s, he sighed with relief. “Hi, beautiful.”

“This… dream…. Daryl….”

Your head hit the pillow again, and you were out. But he didn’t care. You were going to be okay.

***

The next morning, you were awake. Michonne, Rosita, and Carol were in the room with Daryl, and when he heard you waking up, he let the women stand before him. He was scared of what you would say to him without the sedation. 

“Michonne?” Your voice questioned whether you were awake, and he wanted more than anything to hold you.

“I’m here, (Y/N). We’re here. Me, Rosita, and Carol.”

He heard you moan, and then you started to cry. “It hurts, everything hurts.”

“I know, I know. Do you remember what happened?”

“I remember those guys coming out of the woods… and I remember looking down and seeing so much blood. And then Carol and Ryan trying to stop the bleeding…” You said through tears. “It hurts, something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rosita said. “Siddiq looked at you this morning. You have two broken ribs, babe; it’s gonna hurt for a while.” 

He heard you let out a sigh and then groan in pain. “Is Henry okay?”

“He’s just fine.”

“Okay…good…” 

You were out again.

***

When you woke up later that day, Daryl was the only one in the room. He heard you stirring and was anxious but had to talk to you. He had to. 

You groaned in pain as you adjusted on the bed before realizing who was sitting next to you. When your eyes met him, Daryl felt his heart in his throat. 

“Get out.” 

“(Y/N), please,”

“Get out. I don’t want you here. You shouldn’t have come.”

Daryl tried to grab your hand but you pulled it away. “Darlin’-”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your anything.”

He shook his head. “Ya still my wife, ya still my girl. Ya always will be, even if ya don’ think so yaself.” 

“Fuck you.” You muttered and then groaned in pain. “Why are you here? Don’t you have a river to be in or that woman to fuck.”

Daryl sighed and moved from the chair, getting down on his knees beside the bed. “Crazy girl, I was never with that woman. I swear.”

“I don’t believe you. Get the fuck out, Daryl.”

“I swear on my life, on everythin’ I have which I know ain’ much. I only spoke to her a few times, and that day ya came by, the last time… I never saw her again. I never fucked her. I promise ya.” You turned away from him and stared at the wall. 

Daryl started crying again because he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take what he’d done to your marriage and to you. “‘M so sorry, darlin’. I hate what I did to ya, what I did to us. I love ya so fuckin’ much. I’ll do anythin’ to make it right. Just tell me how.”

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked at him. “I will never forgive you. I gave you everything. Everything. And you threw it in my face. I hate you.”

“Don’ say that. Ya don’ mean it.”

“Oh, I do.” 

Daryl hung his head and tried to calm himself down. “Just tell me what I can do…”

It was silent for a long time, and Daryl was too afraid to say anything else in fear of you telling him to leave and never come back. His heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. So he stared at your clenched hand for a second before slowly grabbing it. You tensed but let him hold it, and he rubbed it the same way you used to when he was angry. 

“I don’t hate you.” You whispered. “I’m sorry I said that.” 

“I deserve it.”

You didn’t argue, but you did pull your hand away. “I don’t know what you expect me to say. If I had known all it would’ve taken for you to talk to me was getting shot, I would’ve done it long ago.”

“Ya almost died. Ya did die.”

You sighed and leaned your head against the pillow. “Why did you come?”

“Because I love ya.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

Your words caused his chest to hurt, and he felt tears slip from his eyes. “I love ya, I do.”

“Stop.”

“I love ya more than anythin’ else in the world, and I was the biggest idiot for lettin’ ya go. I ain’ gonna do it ever again. Ya my wife and I was a shitty husband, but I’m here now, and I’m back, and I’m beggin’ ya for just one more chance.” He met your teary eyes and felt you grab his hand again. “Please say somethin’, darlin’.”

“Kiss me.”

Daryl didn’t hesitate to do so. He could taste the salt from his tears, but more importantly, he could taste you. It was so familiar even after all these years, and it made his chest beat ferociously. All he wanted to do was wrap himself around you, hold you, cry, and beg for forgiveness.

His lips moved against yours slowly, and when he pulled away, he saw tears falling from your face. 

“You should leave.” You whispered.

“No,” His voice cracked. 

“That was goodbye, Daryl.”

“No.”

“You don’t get to just say no.”

“‘M ya husband, through thick and thin. Ya my wife.”

“I gave you the ring back years ago.”

Daryl sat back down and held up his necklace. “I still got it. I kept it. It belongs to ya. Please take it, darlin’. Please.”

“What happened between you and her?”

“Nothing,” Daryl said as he got down to his knees. He felt his heart quicken at the change of tone in your voice. "I swear to ya. I just knew Dog, and he followed me home.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

Daryl blinked back tears; you were slipping away again and he didn’t know what to say. “‘Cause ‘m desperate. And ya the only woman I’ve ever looked at. The only one I ever cared about. Ya know that, (Y/N). Ya know I would never do that.”

“Why wasn’t I enough?”

Your question broke his heart and his tears started falling again. “Oh darlin’, ya was always enough. More than enough. More than I deserve… I don’ know what happened. All I know is that I regret it, and I wanna spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you.”

You groaned in pain as you moved on the bed and Daryl looked at you with concern. “I’m in a lot of pain, and this is a lot for me to handle right now. I wanna sleep.”

“Can I stay? Wanna watch over ya.” You glanced at him as he intertwined your fingers. “Please darlin’, please, let me stay.”

Finally, you nodded. 

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Fake Love Part 7

Reader is a kindergarten teacher. Nothing more nothing less. But following an accident whistle vacation in Dubai she somehow makes her boyfriend believe that she does somthing else for a living, something that earns her way more money than she has. Her boyfriend, Ruben, is just happy to have found someone who understands him so well, someone who doesn't want him for his money since money isn't an issue for neither reader or himself. Or so thinks. Would finding out the truth ruin their newfound relationship? Readers thinks so, and does everything to keep up the lie, although it has some bad people from the middle east looking for her.

Enjoy!

"Okay, how much is that?"

"About 7 000 total."

"Ugh, we're still 13 000 pounds short." You groaned, falling back against your couch.

You and Alicia agreed to sell all the things that she had bought, in order to pay Mr Siddiq back. You managed to sell most of her designer items online, and some of the items that she hadn't even worn yet were returned to the store for a refund. You spent all week living like savages, glued to the computer, making phone calls to meet up with potential buyers.

"I don't understand why we can't eat, though? Or have heat?" Alicia asked, wrapping her body up in a blanket.

"Eating costs." You muttered. "So does heat. All of our money is going to paying back Mr Siddiq. I've told you this."

"Yes, but like you said, we're still 13 000 pounds short. I don't think we will be making that much money in 24 hours and I'm starting to get hungry."

You rolled your eyes. You really couldn't with Alicia. How could her financial judgment have been so poorly? I mean, her mother is an accountant for God's sake. However, it might have been her dad who used to spoil her as a child. The thrill of a man paying for everything she pointed to must be her aspiration in life. But today Alicia's aspirations had gotten you in a lot of debt.

"Would you please pick up your phone, my ass doesn't want to vibrate forever, and I'm pretty sure your boyfriend is calling me now."

It was true, you recognized Ruben's number on Alicia's screen. You stood up to take the call, disappearing into your bedroom.

"Ruben?"

He had been calling all week. But with everything going you weren't in the right head space to talk to him, let alone be honest with him.

"Hey, baby. Is everything alright?" He sounded concern, probably because you were talking to him through someone else's phone.

"Everything is fine. Life is just pretty hectic right now."

"Oh, sorry if I'm disturbing you..."

"It's fine Ruben. Hearing your voice is really what I needed."

"Good." He shriped and you imagined the dimples that came with his smile.

"I've actually got some news that might cheer you up?"

"Really? A man named Mr Siddiq and his entire family sadly passed away in a plane crash?

"Yeah, I'll be in London this weekend for our away game against Chelsea."

"Oh"

"Oh?"

You perked up. "I mean, that's...that's really nice Ruben. But I'm not in London this week?"

"No? Where are you then?"

Don't lie, don't lie, don't lie.

"Stevenage!" You blurred out, immediately regretting it.

"Stevenage? What is that?"

"Um, it's a city. Where I grew up actually. Where my parents live."

"Oh, you're visiting your parents?"

"Yes, so I'm pretty busy."

"I'd love to meet them someday."

"You do?" You paused, Ruben's answer suprised you.

"Of course. Wouldn't you like for me to meet them?"

You had just gotten comfortable calling Ruben your boyfriend, him meeting your parents would mean another milstone reached before you had told Ruben who you really are.

"Sure." You mumbled.

"Let's make it happen someday." He said, sounding happy about the fact.

"Um, I've got to get back to work..."

"Of course. It was nice to hear your voice too. Can I call you again later tonight?"

"Um, sure."

"Alright, talk to you later then. I love you."

"Bye Ruben."

The room fell silent as you ended the call, however the guilt and shame inside you was louder than ever. You dragged yourself back to the living room, handing Alicia back her phone.

"You good? What did he say?"

"He said he loved me." You plotted down on the couch, eyes staring blankly into space.

"Oh my god, really? What did you say."

"I said, bye Ruben."

Alicia frowned.

You turned to her with tears in your eyes. "He's never gonna talk to me again when he finds out."

"Finds out what?" She cought you as you slumped into her embrace. "That you're nothing but a gold digger?"

You sat back up. "That's not funny Alicia."

Her shoulders shrugged when she laughed.

"I am not a gold digger. You on the other hand...."

"Okay, okay. I get, I messed up. I'm the bad guy in all of this. But speaking of gold diggers...." She said, with that look that often haunted your dreams. "Wouldn't it be easiest to just ask Ruben for the remaining money? I mean surely he's good for it, and if he really loves you..."

You batted your eyes. Baffled by what was coming out of Alicia's big mouth. Surley anyone would agree that now would be the only right time to slap your best friend in the face. "Alicia." You said, with the lowest most calmest tone you could extract from yourself. You were convinced that this was the only way that she would understand you, if you were babying her.

"Yes, Y/N?" She said, with that naive twinkle in her eyes.

"Have...you...learned...nothing. You are NOT. I repeat NOT, borrowing money from anyone ever again, especially not Ruben."

"Then how are we gonna pay the last 13 000 back?"

"I'm...." You said, getting up and walking over to grab your coat. "I'm going to talk to someone I trust and know will lend me the money, with a promise that I'll pay him back with interest."

Alicia looked over to where you stood. "It's not Byron is it?"

"That's none of your business." You hissed, slamming the door on your way out.

Byron agreed to hear you out over a beer. You met in a small pub in town and to your suprise Byron agreed to lend you the money.

"And don't worry, you won't have to give me all of it until June."

"It's okay." He said.

"It is?" 13 000 punds was alot of money. However, there was something else on Byron's mind, a question.

"Is this you?" He asked, showing something off his IPhone.

Heat rose to your face seeing a photo of you in the club with Ruben and his friends, Ruben's arm waying over your shoulder as you sat next to him.

"Um..."

You had seen it before, the photo, going around the internet, with the caption talking about Ruben and his new boe. It was first posted on Lauren's Instagram. Lauren who was Ruben's teammates girlfriend.

"Yes, yes that's me." You sighed.

Byron nodded. Of course it was you in the photo, he wasn't blind. People in Stevenage watched Football and knew of the hype around it. You only belong to the few people who didn't.

"How do you know Jack Grealish and Ruben Dias ?" He followed up, in a way that sounded more like you were being accused of a crime rather than asked a simple question.

"I um....met them during a night out with friends." You lied. He wasn't  Ruben, you had no problem lying to Byron.

"And so the two of you...?" He was reffering to Ruben.

"Took a photo and then went our separate ways." You nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much what happened."

Byron didn't look to believe you, but proceeded. "It's obvious that you're seeing someone Y/N, I mean you never come over for game nights anymore and I've seen you texting someone when you should be paying attention to your class."

You chuckled. "Byron I have no idea what you're point is, but if this is you criticizing the way I teach my kindergarten class then..."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?" You really didn't have the  time. You should get back to the apartment, help Alicia sell her clothes. And Ruben would want to facetime soon.

"I like you Y/N."

"There it is." You sighed.

"And I'm not lending you the money so that you'll finally agree to be my girlfriend, but...."

"But?" You frowned. "There is no but in this Byron. Either you lend me the money out of the kindness of your heart, or you don't. This is not an exchange of services."

"Then, no." He said, fixing his posture as he sat across from you.

"No? What do you mean, no?"

He got up to leave, grabbing his jacket. He looked down on you with pitty on his face. "Life is about choices Y/N, and you seem to keep making the wrong ones."

With that he left.

You got back to your apartment, pretty sure that smoke was coming out of your ears.

"Y/N, there is something you should..."

"Not now Alicia."

You stomped across the living room.

"But you should really..."

"God, not now Alicia." You hissed, not meant to take your anger out on her. Nevertheless the damage was already done as Alicia crumbled where she sat on the couch. "I'm sorry I..." You ran a hand down your tired face. "I just got to facetime Ruben first. I have to tell him that I love..." The handle to your bedroom door pressed down just as you were about to do it. The door opened and he appeared in the frame.

"Ruben?"

He grinned. "You sounded down over the phone so I brought something that might cheer you up."

"W...what?"

He stretched out his arms. "Me!"

Warmth erupted inside you. You stumble forwards, melting into his giant embrace. Although this was a bad thing, a really bad thing that he was here, you really needed to be held right now.

[sav1ored]

//Imagine an AU where in TWD everyone ended up in different places instead. like c'mon CRM - Rick, Michonne, negan, andrea, Abraham, SAVIOR'S - shane, maggie, rosita, Eugene, siddiq, sherry, Ezekiel, princess WHISPERERS - sasha, carol, daryl, Aaron, jadis, alden, elijah, ALEXANDRIA- tara, glenn, morgan, gabe, jesus, dwight, tyreese WOODBURY - Governor, Simon, merle, milton, joe, jared, lydia, mary,

[duchessonfire]

hi, hello there!

I'm here for any and all hot takes you have on cegan.

specifically; daddy kink = the lowest hanging fruit of the smut tree. which is why im wondering why Negan never played into that with carl?? what's the scoop? spoil it for me please I can take it I promise. i can also be patient because whatever you are cooking i will eat it allllll up.

and speaking of FATHERS, im dying to experience the new dynamic that Rick will bring with him.

any glimpse? ;)

any hints? ;)

Hello there Cegan friend!

Negan very much plans on making Carl call him 'daddy' at some point but because he also knows that Carl has a buttload of daddy issues, he's steering clear of the subject for now and taking his time getting there. Not to worry, it is a conversation that is definitely happening at some point in the series, either in part 3 or part 4 😉

I'm so excited about Rick's arrival in part 4 because it will change everything. So far, Negan has enjoyed having complete control over Carl and being everything to him: his mentor, his protector, his father figure, his lover, his confidant, etc. But with Rick back in Carl's life, suddenly Carl will have this very real father who will immediately challenge Negan for the position of Carl's mentor/father figure. As you can imagine, Negan will not be happy about Rick suddenly dropping from the sky and stealing Carl's loyalty away from him. So far, Negan believed that the only contender to Carl's affection and loyalty was Shane (I'm not counting Siddiq, who isn't really someone who has "power" over Carl) and he has worked very hard to change Carl's perception of his stepfather in order to take Shane's place as mentor inside Carl's mind. He's not going to let Rick just stroll in and undo all of his hard work.

To make things worse, Carl hasn't seen his dad since before the apocalypse so he has kept this very idealized and nostalgic memory of him that isn't exactly who Rick was before the end of the world, and that definitely isn't who he is now 4 years later. Both Rick and Carl will have to grapple with the fact that they aren't the people who they remember from before, for better and for worse.

I, for one, am excited 🤗🎉 Thank you so much for this lovely ask ❤️

[reverthelp]

Aisha reported: After the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was miraculously taken by night to the furthest mosque in Jerusalem, the people began to talk about it. Some of them renounced their faith and belief in him. They sought Abu Bakr and they said, “Have you heard that your friend imagined he was taken by night to the sacred house?” Abu Bakr said, “Did he say that?” They said yes. Abu Bakr said, “If he said it, he has spoken the truth.” They said, “Do you believe he went by night to the sacred house and returned before morning?” Abu Bakr said, “Yes. Verily, I believe what is even more astonishing than that. I believe he has received messages from heaven for everything he does.” For this reason, Abu Bakr was named the Truthful, al-Siddiq.

Dalā’il al-Nubuwwah lil-Bayhaqī 2/361

[richonnesbitch]

Just imagining Rick and Michonne processing all the stuff they gonna learn about TF (some of this Michonne knows/was there for it obviously): the communities stopped talking to each other, so many people are dead including Jesus, Tara, Henry, Enid, Negan and Judith are kinda almost friends, Negan kinda helped saved the day with the Whisperers, Negan is not living in a cell anymore, he is free, Negan is married with a baby, Maggie left, Maggie came back still mad at everything and everybody -but I don’t think you’re supposed to point that out cause in her case it was ok but not in Michonne’s, also Maggie kinda only came back when she had no other choice even if it meant bringing the dangerous group that was trailing her to all the communities, Alexandria and Hilltop and Oceanside were basically destroyed at one point or another, Carol and Ezekiel didn’t make it, Rosita and Siddiq had a baby, Siddiq is dead, Rosita is dead, Eugene is not and somehow has a girlfriend and a baby, Daryl had a girlfriend for a minute, somehow it was neither Carol nor Connie, this huge ass community with 50,000+ people took over all the communities for a moment, for reasons that are still unclear to me no one except Maggie was wary enough of the obviously shady community to not work with them, half of TF doesn’t even live in Alexandria anymore, Judith took truly forever to let the rest of them know that Michonne was looking for Rick, Judith almost died, Daryl is not in Alexandria/the Commonwealth anymore, neither are Maggie and Negan…

They are just gonna be standing there like ???????????????????????

I never finished the show so this absolutely blew my mind too 🤣🤣 poor Rick and Michonne. They're gonna be in shock!!!

[grlsavior]

@sav1ored / 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 ; 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.

     𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘆  𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁  𝘀𝗮𝘆  𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴  𝗳𝗼𝗿  𝗮  𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁,     having  overheard  the  conversation  between  lydia  and  her  dad,  not  letting  herself  be  seen  and  as  much  as  she  knew  lydia  was  speaking  from  a  place  of  hurt,  it  was  a  true  sentiment.     as  much  as  tilly  would've  fought  over  and  over  to  keep  her  dad  alive,  to  keep  getting  chances  that  it  was  somewhat  debatable  if  he  deserved,  there  was  still  a  lot  of  people  who  wanted  him  dead  too.     she  hadn't  spoken  to  her  dad  since  daryl  brought  him  back  along  with  the  news  that  alpha  was     𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱     and  that  negan  had  been  the  one  to  kill  her.     it  had  been  a  whirlwind  of  emotions  since  the  night  margo  had  died  when  he  had  protected  lydia,  her  wanting  to  run  with  her  dad  and  finding  that  he's  already  gone,  being  unable  to  find  him  alongside  daryl,  dealing  with  rosita  being  sick,  siddiq  being  murdered,  beta  attacking  inside  the  walls,  rosita  getting  hurt  and  needing  to  go  to  hilltop,  getting  stuck  at  hilltop  with  the  impending  attack  coming,  learning  that  her  dad  was  with  the  whisperers,  the  big  fight  to  try  to  defend  hilltop  and  everyone  living  there.     now  she  was  trying  to  keep  herself     𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺     for  anyone  who  needed  it  as  they  tried  to  keep  surviving  against  the  whisperer  hoard,  to  not  worry  too  much  about  the  fact  that  alden  was  out  there  with  aaron.     it  wasn't  that  she  had  been  avoiding  her  dad  since  they  had  taken  refuge  in  the  apartment  tower,  she  just  hadn't  found  a  good  chance  to  speak  to  him  yet.     but  she  figured  now  was  better  than  ever.

     𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴  𝗼𝘂𝘁  𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺  𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲  𝘀𝗵𝗲  𝘄𝗮𝘀  𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗱,     arms  folded  across  her  chest  as  she  looked  at  him,  shaking  her  head  for  a  moment  as  she  looked  at  him,     "     just  leave  her  alone.     i  don't  think  you're  helping  her  right  now  by  telling  how  great  you  thought  her  mom  was.     what  the  fuck  do  you  even  mean  by  that?     "     tilly  could  only  imagine  how  torn  lydia  was  feeling  right  now,  she  understood  how  much  it  sucked  to  know  that  everyone  else  around  you  wanted  your  parent  dead  and  there  was  nothing  you  could  to  do  to  change  that.     the  only     𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲     was  that  rick  had  made  the  decision  to  give  negan  a  different  kind  of  sentence  than  death.     alpha  was  too  dangerous  to  be  left  alive  and  lydia  seemed  to  understand  that.     the  war  wasn't  over  yet,  alpha  may  be  gone,  but  beta  was  still  focused  on  killing  them  all.     looking  down  for  a  moment,  teeth  pulling  at  her  bottom  lip  for  a  moment,     "     shit  has  been  really  intense  since  you     .     .     .     were  let  out,     "

     𝗮  𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁  𝗼𝗳  𝗵𝗲𝗿  𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱  𝘁𝗼  𝗯𝗲  𝗺𝗮𝗱  𝗮𝘁  𝗵𝗶𝗺,     even  though  she  knew  that  was  incredibly  unfair  if  he  had  only  joined  the  whisperers  to  get  close  to  alpha  to  stop  her.     he  had  no  idea  that  she  would  be  at  hilltop,  but  he  had  still  helped  them  attack  hilltop  and  blocked  them  in  so  that     𝗻𝗼  𝗼𝗻𝗲     could  escape.     but  she  was  mad  at  carol  for  not  telling  her  what  was  going  on,  for  letting  her  take  so  much  shit  from  people  who  thought  that  she  was  the  one  who  let  her  dad  go.     even  if  she  had  been  planning  to  break  him  out  so  that  he  wouldn't  be  killed  for  protecting  someone,  she  would've  gone  with  him  and  not  stayed  behind.     this  whole  situation  with  the  whisperers  was  just  much  more  complicated  than  anyone  could've  predicted.     looking  back  up  at  him,  tilly  shrugged  her  shoulders  as  she  tried  to  not  let  her  emotions  reach  an  intense  level,     "     a  lot  of  people  still  haven't  had  a  chance  to  recover  from  the  fight  at  hilltop.     never  seen  anything  like  that  before,  kinda  hard  to  just  shake  it  off,     "

[bamby0304]

Victoria Grimes VIII: War

Ch.11: It Happened...

Series Masterlist

Summary: Daryl and Victoria have worked through her mistakes made at the Sanctuary and have decided to keep the truth between themselves. But with the war between their communities and the Saviours brewing, their bond will be tested all over again. Lies, death and the threat of defeat are coming for Vickie… will she be strong enough to come through in one piece?

Warnings: Angst. Slight violence.

A/N: I'm giving two chapters because this one follows the show really closely... and I got a really nice review on AO3 that made me want to post :)

Bamby

RPOV

We buried Carl. In the empty lot beside our home. We buried Carl.

I’d never felt a pain like this before. Never felt this kind of loss. I’d almost lost myself after losing Lori… this felt worse.

Things wouldn’t stop, though. There was no time to grieve. No time to mourn. Not yet. Not when we’d declared war and the Saviours were out there. Carl had to wait… the rest of my family, my people, they could not.

“Hey.” Michonne came to rest a hand on my shoulder as I packed a bag full of as much food as I could. “We got to go.”

Nodding, understanding that our town, our home, was beginning to be overrun by the dead, I grabbed the bag and followed her outside and onto the street. We’d found a van that hadn’t been taken or destroyed, and packed it with as many supplies as we could. Throwing my bag in the back of it, I noticed Michonne staring at something in the distance.

It was a gazebo. A small little outdoor sitting area. One I’d seen Carl by many times before.

It was on fire.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “He used to sit on the roof.”

“We have to go,” I reminded her, hating that we really had to choose right now.

There was only slight hesitation before she ducked into the van, pulled out the fire extinguisher, and then ran to the gazebo.

Not wasting any time myself, knowing she was going to need help, I grabbed the other fire extinguisher and hurried after her. This was important to her, and therefore it was important to me. The hell we’d found ourselves did not mean we were going to lose everything. I wasn’t going to lose all of my son.

The fire extinguishers weren’t going to be enough to fight the flames, though. Before long, the fire grew, and walkers began to crowd us.

“Michonne!” I called out, warning her that one was getting far too close. “Michonne.”

Knowing we were fighting a losing battle, the two of us cut down the walkers in our way before making a break for it. Jumping into the van, we drove off, out the gates of Alexandria.

Our home. I’d wanted to start this fight with the Saviours to save what we’d had. I knew we were going to lose people and things on the way. I never imagined we’d lose as much as we had.

Carl had, though. He’d told me on the road after I shot in the air to scar Siddiq away at the gas station. He’d known things were only going to get worse.

“What do you think he meant?” I looked over at Michonne briefly before turning back to the road as I drove down it. Now that I was thinking about Carl I couldn’t stop. “Did he want us to stop fighting the Saviours? Just surrender to Negan?’

“We could pull over,” she suggested. “We could read what he wrote.”

I started shaking my head in response before she’d even finished. “No. Not yet. Not me.”

There was a pause as she looked at the letter in her lap before she froze. “Rick. He- Carl- he wrote a letter to Negan.”

My grip on the steering wheel tightened. I wasn’t sure what he might’ve written to Negan. I wasn’t sure if he was going to try and tell him the same thing he’d said to me. Maybe he wanted the Saviours to stop, too? No matter what he’d written, I wasn’t ready to read that, either.

“I need to talk to Jadis.”

“What?”

I nodded, seeing a new path form in my mind that could help us and our people. “They have weapons… people. We can't just give that up.”

“Why now?”

“They went with me to the Sanctuary. The Saviours saw us there. They're gonna be a target, too. We still need them. They're ours, not theirs.”

NPOV

“Hilltop is covered,” I assured Arat over the walkie.

I’d tasked her and a few others to find Rick’s people. There was no way I was letting them sneak away like they thought they had. We’d find them, and then there’d be hell to pay.

“The roads and then some. They are out there somewhere, so let's get balls deep in every nook and cranny they might hole up in.” The door opened as Simon stepped in. I lifted a hand to tell him to come in and stay quiet while I finished up on the walkie. “Nooks, crannies, and holes, people. All that shit outside the box.” Tossing the walkie onto the table, I turned to Simon as he paced at the other end. “Appears our friends at Alexandria had themselves an escape plan. Rick's little one-eyed pride and joy played me.” I scoffed, shaking my head, impressed. “Damn. That kid… that kid is built for this shit.”

He was something else. Both Grimes kids were. The way they fit in the world today was like nothing I’d ever seen. He was ruthless, smart, always thinking outside the box. She was just like him, but damaged. It gave them character. Made them useful. Made them lucky.

I knew when people were worth saving, and those two were it. Sure, I would still kill the people they loved to teach a lesson, but they had a get out of jail free card. I could use them, and I planned to do just that.

“Let me go out and close this thing,” he offered.

“Arat's got it for now.” He was tense, I could see it. Antsy. He wanted to be out there, doing something, but Simon was a loose cannon sometimes. I needed to keep him on a short leash. “How'd the Hilltop go?”

“As requested.”

“Good job.” I nodded. “With an extra attaboy on top given I know you didn't want to play it that way.”

Ignoring my comment, he went on, “You hear anything from Gavin?”

“Not yet. But it's coming. Gavin may be perpetually pissed off, but he keeps his shit dry and tight.”

He paced, hands on his hips. It was amusing seeing him so frustrated and agitated. “If I'm not running down Rick and company, where do you want me?”

Gesturing to the seat on my right, I waited for him to take a seat. “Garbage people.”

“Good. Eliminating those who reneged might leave us a tad short on ammo, but it's worth it.”

My jaw ticked as I clenched it, pissed that he still didn’t get the big picture. “I need you to hear me on this, Simon. Those piss-stained double-crossers may have pulled a triple-cross, but it doesn't change the fact that they are still a resource. So you're gonna choke back whatever shit is stirring up inside you and remind them that a deal with the Saviours is a lock, stock, suck my barrel deal. Deliver the standard message, take one out, and the rest will fall in line.” I gave him a pointed look. “Just one, Simon.”

He did not like the plan, and I’d expected just that. He was bloodthirsty. Always had been, and I had come to the realisation that he always would be. That didn’t mean I couldn’t trust him, it just meant I had to be very clear.

“If you've got something to say, say it,” I told him, giving him the metaphorical mic.

“Maybe we should cut our losses here,” he suggested tightly. “These people can't learn the lesson, no matter how many times we teach it. Alexandria, Hilltop, Kingdom, these garbage rats they're not seeming to understand the situation. Not one little bit. So maybe we learn our lesson. Scrape the plates into the trash. Move further out. Find other communities to… save.”

Again, I clenched my jaw as I watched him carefully. “Oh, I am doing my best to hold it together right now. You wanna cut your losses, take your own advice. Killing everybody to solve the problem that is the easy way, not our way. What we do, saving people, it is hard. But it damn well works.”

“Not lately,” he argued.

“Once I clip Rick,” I grinned, “everything's aces again, Simon.”

I believed in the plan, and I knew most of my people did, too. Rick was leading the war on me and the Saviours. He was the one taking charge, making decisions, calling out orders. Killing him would show the others that there was no hope, no reason, no winning. Killing Rick would show them that we were untouchable.

A knock on the door pulled our attention to it.

“Yeah?” I called.

Gary walked in, carrying a nail gun as he waited for two more men. They were carrying a large box, and by the sounds of it… there was a walker inside.

Simon and I stood as they placed the box on the table and then stepped back.

Eyeing the box, I stepped up to Gary. “What the hell is that?”

“A delivery from the Hilltop,” he explained. “I brought you something to deal with it.” He handed the nail gun over. “It's charged.”

“Out,” I ordered.

Once the door was closed Simon stepped up to the other end, a knife now in hand, before he began to pry the lid off the box.

“Little bit more.”

Doing as I said, he lifted the lid a bit more. The walker reached out and grabbed for me, but I simply pressed the nail gun to its head and pulled the trigger.

Simon got a good look at the walker then, and he was pissed. “That's Dean. That means the other ‘38’ that the Hilltop are holding are from the Satellite Outpost. Those are my people. I'm gonna kill every last one of those farmers!”

I tried to remain calm as I reminded him, “You will do exactly what I asked.”

“We can't let 'em get away with this shit.”

Having had enough of his bullshit, I snapped, “You will do your job!”

With a tight nod, he stormed out of the room. I had no doubt, despite how much he clearly hated the plan, he would do as he was told.

DPOV

We were hiding under a bridge, all of Alexandria hiding in the bushes and long grass. I’d taken the lead, knowing the rest of us who could do the job on a normal day weren’t up for it now.

Saviours were above us, listening to a message being sent on their walkies. They’d been up there for a while, unknowingly keeping us from continuing on our trek to Hilltop.

“Patrols, we got an Orange Situation. Dr. Carson and the priest. Might've split overnight, maybe this morning. Jeremy's green sedan is MIA, so could be in that. Go for standard search and cover in our perimeter around Hilltop. Eyeballs open.”

“Patrol Four copies,” one of the Saviours above responded to the message.

“C'mon, let's hurry it up,” another called to their group before the sound of them pilling into the car was followed by the sound of them driving off.

Once I was sure the coast was clear, I gestured for the others to come out of hiding.

“Best to stay off the roads, head into the woods right there,” I told them. “Come on. Go. Go.”

They all followed my orders, keeping low and sticking to bushes as they did so. The large group slipped into the tree line without a word.

Not even Vic made a sound.

She wasn’t speaking. She wasn’t even looking at anyone, or anything really. I could imagine the pain she was in. I’d lost my brother. I’d lost Merle. But Carl was different.

Carl had been a good man. He had been a good son and brother. He’d been a rock for Vic their whole lives. Those two… there was a bond between them that I hadn’t understood in the beginning, had then grown to envy, and then had become grateful for it. I’d always known that if I couldn’t be there for her, Carl would always be by his sister’s side.

Vic had been through so much already. She’d lost so much. Her home, her friends, her safety, ever herself sometimes. She’d lost her mum, and she’d lost this family she’d built several times over the years. Losing her brother was going to hurt her like nothing else had. It could break her, and that scared me.

“Daddy.” Aly came over to grab my hand, pulling my attention from her mother as we walked at the back of the group, watching everyone as we made our way through the woods. “Are Pop and Michonne going to meet us at Hilltop?”

When things got bad, Aly tended to refer to loved ones as their title rather than their names. Hearing her call Rick Pop made it clear that she was scared and hurting, which broke my heart.

I couldn’t show it, though. I had to be strong for her.

“They’re just gonna be a little behind us.” I nodded at her. “They’re just gonna make sure Carl is-” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. I didn’t know how to tell her what they were going to do without making it sound terrible.

“They’re gonna make sure he’s not hurting anymore,” she finished for me.

Looking back down at her, I met her gaze and had the wind knocked out of my lungs. She looked so mature and grownup. She understood what needed to be done, and she understood that I couldn’t say the words to her.

I nodded. “Yeah. They’re gonna make sure he ain’t hurtin’.”

The sound of a walker had our group scurrying away as it came out from some bushes. The children gathered behind adults, keeping safe. Others lifted the few weapons we had to defend themselves and those who couldn’t fight.

“I got it.” Tara stepped forward, pulling her knife out as she moved to deal with it.

“I'll cover you,” Dwight offered.

Instead of killing the walker, though, Tara threw it at Dwight.

“Tara!” Rosita yelled.

She shrugged. “What? It got away. He can handle it.” She watched as Dwight struggled to throw the walker to the ground before he stomped on its head, killing it. “See?”

“Hey. Just keep 'em moving,” I told all of them, gesturing forward.

Once again, they all listened as they continued walking.

Rosita turned to me once the others- including Aly- were far enough away that they couldn’t hear us. “Did you hear them talking on the walkie about Carson and Gabriel?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Probably heading to Hilltop, same as us.”

“Hopefully better than us,” she sighed.

The two of us started for the others then, making sure to catch up quickly. I couldn’t trust Tara wasn’t going to put her need for revenge before the needs of the others. No one else in the group could protect them, not in the state they were in. Not even Vickie.

Rosita and I needed to stay close if we were all going to make it to Hilltop together and in one piece.

RPOV

Michonne and I had walked through the unmanned doors to the place Jadis and her people call home. Honestly it was a dump, but it was theirs and they had it the way they wanted. There was no point in commenting, not when we had so much at risk, and they could be what helps us win this war.

Unfortunately, that assumption seemed to be wrong.

As we walked into the main, first, open area, junk from above the sea container that served as the entrance collapsed. The way out was blocked.

It was a trap.

The sound attracted dozens of walkers as they appeared to come from every way.

“Dammit.” I moved to get back-to-back with Michonne as we tried to find somewhere safe.

“Come on!” Grabbing my arm, she pulled me over to a mountain of garbage.

We fought our way through the crowd of walkers, pushing and killing anything that got in our way. When we reached the mountain, we started to climb, pulling things out of our way, and towards the walkers, so we could climb further, and they couldn’t follow.

As we made it to the top of the mountain, we looked down at the scrambling walkers. It was then that I realised they were all of the garbage people. There wasn’t a single stray walker down there. This wasn’t an accident. They’d been killed.

“Rick.”

Michonne and I turned and found Jadis sitting on the top of the mountain, stripped of her usual clothes and left in a dirty, flimsy, white night dress. Her feet were bare, her skin was dirty and sweaty. She looked nothing like the usual put together person we’d come to know as the look of her and her people. She looked a mess, frantic, and desperate.

“What happened here?” Michonne asked.

“The Saviours.”

It was pay back. I didn’t need to be told that to know what it was. They’d seen her and her people with me. They’d shot at us. Breaking a deal with the Saviours is a death sentence unless you’re prepared to fight. They were clearly unprepared.

Michonne didn’t make a comment or ask anymore questions about what had happened. There was only one thing that mattered now. “Well, how do we get out?”

The answer was simple. “Get out how you got in.”

We were going to have to fight through the walkers and dig through the junk in order to get out of here.

“These weren't heaps before,” Jadis went on. “It was just trash laid out, as far as the eye could see. I used to come here to find things to paint on. Metal sheets. Fabrics. And then after everything changed, I realised this whole place was a canvas. That we were the paint. We could create something new. We could become something new. We did. This was our world. Apart from everyone else. In every way.”

All her words meant nothing to me. She had double crossed us, caused the death of people, shot me, locked me up, screwed us over, and over, and over. If they had kept their word in the first place, then none of this would have happened. Our people would be safe and alive, and so would hers.

“You did this. This is because of you.” Turning my back on her, I grabbed a broken car door from the pile of crap.

Michonne watched as I bent the exterior detailing, so it stuck out. “What are you doing?”

“We're gonna run for it,” I explained, holding the door in front of me so that the bent handle could be used against the walkers.

Jadis stood, grabbing a broken chair to hold in front of herself. “Let me come with you. Just until they're gone.”

I didn’t even have to think about it. “Nah. I'm done with her games. She can't help us, anyway.” Turning my back on Jadis, I looked over at Michonne. “Come on.”

We started our decent then, heading down to the walkers as they continued to try and grab at us, and climb the mountain of trash. Using the door, I pushed back the walkers in front of us, while Michonne had her sword out, killing anything that reached for us from behind.

Getting closer to the exit, I held the door with one hand and pulled out my gun with the other to shoot a few of the walkers getting closer.

Michonne used her sword, covering the back of us as I cleared a path. Once we were close enough to the exit, I dropped the car door and started pulling things out of our way. Michonne was still behind, taking my hand once I offered it to help her into the shipping container that used to be the way into this community.

But the community was gone now. Now it was just a pile or rubbish and rubble, like it was intended to be.

“Wait!”

Just as I was about to leave, Jadis called out. I stopped and turned. She was no longer on the mountain of trash, now. She stood on the dirt, holding the broken chair she’d grabbed.

“Wait! Please!” she begged. “Just- just let me get out!”

I lifted my gun and aimed it at her, before directing it to the sky and taking a shot. The walkers descended on her then.

Whether she survived or not I didn’t know, and I didn’t care.

If she had kept her word in the first place, then none of this would have happened. Our people would be safe and alive. Carl would be safe and alive.

Bamby

[extreme-cashmere]

I am so much in Pain..I am constantly thinking about a man who doesn't even know I think about him.But I don't want to think about a gayr mehram .I am practicing sister but I really don't know why I am so much into this from these 1-2 month's.I am crying a lot and begging Allāh to remove this.But I am in imagination of him like fairy tales that he will come.I am even putting status also so that he see and constantly checking he saw or not that is not good for my mental health.Why this is happening with me? 😭😭😭.I want to remove all the wishes and desires of marriage with him from my heart because I don't know what's best for me it is Allāh who knows.I am so much struggling with my nafs please help me 😭😭.I request you please post an answer only.

the Prophet ﷺ said

i am very much afraid that my ummat (Muslims) will catch two vices. They are: following the desires of the nafs and forgetting about death and running after the world. Following the desires of the nafs prevents one from obeying the commandments of Islam. To forget death causes one to follow the desires of one’s nafs.

Furthermore, without the nafs, human beings could not rise above the grades of angels. Our Prophet ﷺ said,

“If animals had known the knowledge you possess about the things that would happen in the life after death, you could not be able to find any meat to consume!” Animals would not be able to eat or drink, therefore, lose weight and perish because of their fear of the punishments in the Hereafter. The nafs is like a sword with double blades, or a medicine which possesses strong poisonous properties. Anyone who uses this medicine in accordance with the prescription given by the doctor benefits from the useful properties of the medicine.

All the acts of worship are mujahada because the nafs does not like to perform worship. The month of Ramadan gives us the best training how to achieve these things so that we can succeed in both the worlds. These two types of struggles tame the nafs and mature human beings and strengthen their souls and lead them to the way of Siddiqs (people who have attained the highest degree of piety), martyrs (Shahids) and pious (Salih) Muslims

[thewalkingdeadband]

Ok, here we go twd series finale review, very long i'm afraid

Things i liked:

- The fact that basically everyone survived (except Rosita but im gonna talk abt her) and had a happy ending (except Caryl but im gonna talk abt them in a separate post). I was expecting more deaths, which in retrospective was naive of me cause Twd has always done that, one big death in a finale or even in half a season, thats all. And considering Caryl's ending, having everyone else, or almost, happy is a balm for my heart. Some people are probably thinking that there wasnt enough death, but im more than ok with that. I was sooo freaking worried for Aaron, Gabriel and Eugene particularly that the relief was immense.

-  Rosita's emotional scenes with Eugene. Not once in season 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8, could have i imagine things ending like that between them. Not once have i imagined  back then the possibility of seing these two saying to each other how much they loved each other.

Contrary to a then popular belief, i always knew she cared abt him deeply: please go see her reaction when he's taken by Negan instead of her in 7.08, she's litteraly losing it. And her anger at him and "determination" with Daryl to "kill him" (pff, yeah, right) in s8 only shows how much she was hurt by his actions. They grew closer after the time jump in s9 and were basically bff by then even if he still was in love with her and had to be reminded later that no, it would not happen. So while im not surprised abt the love they had for each other, im actually amazed they said it outloud, like whaoh, because if there is one relationship in this show that hasn't been ruined but on the contrary has totally improved over the course of the last seasons, it's them. Their scenes in those last episodes were magnificent,  and the finale was no exception. They have come such a long way. I bawled like a baby.

The highlight of this moment: "im glad it was you in the end". Excuse me? 🤧😭😭😭

-  Rosita and Gabriel: at first it felt underwhelming, like he didnt show many emotions. Not when he learnt the news, that i could understand, he was in shock and it was actually such a fucking beautiful scene... but then, he prayed for her, and at first i thought could u pleaaaase drop the priest act and be the former boyfriend/the father of her child that she needs before dying (i dont care that Coco's not his biological child, and that they were broken up by now, he IS her father. And i loved Siddiq, but u get my point). But then i understood. He was on the verge of crying while praying, and tried to be strong and keep it together for her and Coco. He had to take care of Coco, having Rosita saying goodbye to her and then taking her away before the turn... Acting like a priest and a father, and not the man who loved her probably helped him stay grounded in this. I have no doubt that he lost it and ugly cried for hours in private alone in his room, off screen.

The highlight of this moment: "we will see you again someday". I'm not okay. I'M NOT OKAY😭😭

- Daryl being there for Rosita in a subtle, discreet and moving way. They did share a significant amount of scenes together over the course of the show ( ex: both kidnapping Eugene in s8, both trying to save him in s11c, kind of "funny" in a way) so it made sense that he was there.

- Rosita's goodbye with Carol and Maggie. The OG being there for one of the OG (Rosita is to me by now, in a sense). I wish we have had more scenes between them three..

- The fact that we didnt see who got to take her down before turning. It was not Gabriel who was with Coco. We can assume it was Eugene, and it is fitting, but who knows: Daryl was still behind them. Maybe Eugene could not do it, since he was so emotional, and maybe Daryl did it (a la Dale and Rick, remember? He would be the kind of guys to do this). I loved that we could interpret it the way we wanted.

- The music. It was awfully beautiful the whole episode, and i might go back on this for my specific post about Caryl for example, but the whole music post time jump especially was heart breaking.  And then can we talk about..   Landslide?? LANDSLIDE GUYS? Really?? 😭😭😭  This song makes me cry no matter what so you can imagine... in a scene who reminds us of the s7 dinner scene?? And also the one in s1... Please😭🤧 (oh, Yumiko's toast to Luke also reminded me about Abe's speech "to the survivors! " in the church in s5...💔)

- The "we're the ones who live" montage. I loved the first montage too especially since we got to see almost all the people we lost, but the dialogue/monologues of Richonne were too cheesy for me. I would not have minded "cheesy" for a reunion between them or between Rickyl or between him and the kids, him and Carol, etc... but for something that sets the spin off and isnt final, it didnt work out for me (also, since we're paying tribute to the dead in this montage: Sophia and Merle were missing. Hell, they could even have added Jim and Jacquie, Amy.....

But i did like that Sasha was put beside Maggie and Tyreese beside Carol, it was fitting in a way that i cant describe).

A simple line like "we're the ones who live" repeated by everyone made a bigger impact on me than their inner monologue in the first montage. Just my opinion, obviously. And we got to hear Morgan too: the "Morganite" in me kept saying please show him, please show him, please show him... So i obviously screamed when it happened. And hey, we even got a glimpse/nano second of Dwight too!

On a side note, i was soo happy we got more of Richonne than what i thought we would get, aka 2 sec as a post credit. I loved that it was in the actual episode and that it was quite long!

- Seeing Rick again. I loved seeing Michonne too, but i was simply a wreck to be able to get to see him, simply see him, and hear him again. Not because i love him more, but because he left earlier i guess. The wait was longer. Also, not my dumbass realising on a second rewatch only that their timelines were different🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️ (he had the phone, she had the phone... He threw the bag that she found later in the boat just before beeing taken back..)

Plus the line "Consignee Grimes..." with the look on his face, desesperate but determined, and the music behind... gave me so many chills omfg

- Luke's death. Didnt like that he died obviously, but the acting...the acting... it was so good and so poignant, it broke me

- Yumiko and Magna, while i didnt really actually care about them, i have to admit that seing them back together was nice amongst the chaos, and yumiko has been a bad ass with the whole Eugene situation these last episodes

- Princess living her best life at the end with Mercer just like i wanted, her being the bad ass that she is saving her man

- Eugene getting the freaking happiness he deserves, with baby Rosie (💔) and Max

- Zeke and Daryl's hug at the end. After everything, that was nice

- the callbacks: Daryl protecting Judith in her hospital room the same way Shane did with Rick... Giving her his blood just like Rick with Carl... Gabriel opening the gates after refusing to do so to his parishioners when we were untroduced to him... oh my💔 (i was sooo sure he was gonna die here and then by the way... as in coming full circle sacrifice u know... i stopped breathing)

- "At least we dont have to worry about who will get your house" "we already had to make an ugly decision: we kept u alive" KABOOOOOOOOOM CAROL MY HERO

Things that bothered me:

- well, caryl, though not surprising, but its for a separate post because there are still things that i liked, and things that i obviously didnt in this whole mess

- Negan and Maggie talk: I wish this particular talk had been saved for the spin off, so that we could have focused on having last moments with the other two people who were supposed to have a spin off together but ended up separated, u know, couch couch. That said, it was still a beautiful scene: of course she doesnt forgive him, of course she remembers how he laughed while killing Glenn, how Glenn called for her ("i'll find you"💔), and the fact that she still acknowledges he's trying and how she is grateful he saved Herschel Jr's life is more than enough and it would not have been realistic to have her forgive him. Now, we'll see i guess what happens in their spin off...

- i LOVE Glenn, but i would also have loved for Negan to remember that he killed Abraham too (not even talking abt all the things he did because thats not the point i want to make). He didnt have any scenes with Rosita, or Eugene, to be able to do that, but it really didnt seat well with me. And i wanted so bad for Eugene to mention Abe while Rosita was dying, saying something like "say hello to the big bad red- haired bad ass we all miss over here" well maybe not like that because cringe and clumpsy, but i dont know, something, anything, a simple mention for fook's sake. But he still was in the first montage, thankfully.

- Merle beeing, again, mentioned only for the bad things he did. I know he was NO angel, but if we can move forward when it comes to Negan we certainly can when it comes to Merle, who had no real time to be fully developped a la negan but still redeemed himself releasing Michonne and trying to take down the governor by himself, all because, believe it or not, he loved Daryl. So each time he's mentioned, and its rare, its actually to say things like "he would have been Negan" (back in s7 i think or 8, Daryl said that to Tara) which in my opinion is not true (s1 Merle? Probably. But the Merle who tried to kill the governor? Absolutely no. By then, he would have stood up to Negan a la Abraham i think. Especially if Daryl's safety was involved.). Or to say " he made me sell my blood for drugs". Great. We soo needed to know that. I get that Daryl probably have very actual few good memories of Merle (hopefully when they were very little at last), but lets not act like he didnt love him, didnt lose it when he learnt that Rick abandonned him on the roof, didnt cry his heart out when he died (the first time we actually saw Daryl cry i believe), didnt want Merle to try be part of the group... ("I just want my brother back.. " Remember?) No, instead, lets just bring again how shitty he could be and not acknowledge his sacrifice, despite how we keep saying in this show that we're remembered for the last thing we did, hence why its important etc. And believe me, i hated him at first like everyone else. But it seems unfair to me. I would have prefered no mention at all.

- also, how it was just an excuse to explain conveniently that Daryl is an universal donor, when it comes to blood... who knows if learning this in earlier seasons could have been helpful 🤣🙄🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️

- "To Luke", yeah... and to Jules too i guess? Although her grave/stone was shown later along his, and i get that she wasnt as developped as him (and he wasnt even greatly developped himself..) but still?

- Daryl's reaction to THE Rick news: i waited one full season for this? I get that at first he thinks Judith's kind of dizzy and not thinking clear (and he did have a "shocked" look for 2 sec) but when she then confirms it, what do we have? "Is this true ? Yeah? Well im not going anywhere" (!!?). Then he stays for a full more year indeed (!!?) and then he leaves, but while eveyone seems to assume in the comments/reactions i've seen that he goes looking for Rick/Michonne, i took it as "im following Maggie's advice to go explore and oh Jude by the way if i come across them i'll bring them back". IF, he says, not "im gonna look for them". All this coming from a man who looked for Rick's body for years, so much that Carol had to check on him worried as fuck on a very regular basis to make sure he was ok. Yep. I dont know, maybe i missed something?

[lingeringscars]

i think i successfully bullied you into writing everyone i think you should already, so i'm throwing muses at you you don't even know (this is my way of bullying you into finding out who they are): elton from wb (actually maybe i just think him and ryan would be besties, but regardless), connie / enid / siddiq from twd.

some you do know for fun: august from t100 prequel (imagine the freedom), jr our beloved, grace from 911 lone star (idk if you've watched that one but<3)

the day i watch wb for you is the day u know it has all worked. but ugh u know connie and enid i’m already eyes about based off gifsets. also bc sisters in connies case. siddiq is your beloved and i care him based on One set who knows! 

i truly don’t remember anything about august was that leo howards character that people shipped with callie even tho i was like but she’s a lesbian? dsfdgdsg. THE WAY I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA WRITE JR AND THEN THEA TOOK OVER MY ENTIRE BRAIN. maybe <3 you didn’t say keisha but as this season progresses maybe her too <3 and i already messaged u about grace my absolute beloved.