#St. Eval | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lismarstclair · 1 year ago

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It Will Take Time.

Location: Saint Catherine's Hospital When: 24th of May, 2024 People Mentioned: @leylayilmazx @varden-lefebvre @canetetienne TW: mentions of injuries incurred while in captivity.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Was the beeping a new game they were playing? See how long they can keep going till she snaps?

"Make sure to keep her fluids going until I cut them. The dehydration could be part of what is keeping her asleep." a man remarked near her head

"You don't think the malnutrition could have something to do with it?" a female asked clearly near the man while a soft chuckle could be heard on her other side.

"Food is secondary to fluids. If she doesn't wake up on her own in 12 hours, we can do a feeding tube to make sure-"

Lisette's eyes fly open wide at the mention of the tube. "No!" she shrieked. Her voice was rough and scratched, but she would not keep quiet if she could help it. At that moment, she took in the over-stimulating scenario. Gone were the poorly lit cement walls with the metal table and leather straps, now she lay on a firm mattress in a well-lit room with white walls and was surrounded by lab coats and blue scrubs. "No tube! No!" she repeated as she found herself trying to sit up.

"Ma'am, you need to lay down," The man's large hand on her shoulder trying to push her down to the bed earned another scream and her own arm flew to hit the man. "Nurse, get the restraints," he barked over her.

Lisette felt tears coming to her eyes as she continued to scream 'no'. "Let me try something first," the female voice came from the other side of her, "Hey, Lisette, look at me," Whipping her head sharply, Lisette eyed the woman speaking. "Hey, we have never met, but my name is Jessica," her eyes were far kinder than any Lisette had seen in a long time. Still, Lisette held her hands in fists and kept her body coiled for a fight. "You remember Leyla? Leyla Yilmaz?" Leyla, the sweet and good woman. Lisette nodded slowly, "She is my best friend. She isn't working today, but I can call her. Would you like that?" Lisette nodded vigorously, "Okay, okay I'll give her a call. Lisette, is there anyone else I can call for you?"

"Varden. Varden Le-" Lisette coughed violently as she felt herself running out of the adrenaline she had awoken with.

"Lefebvre, he is listed as your emergency contact, so he has already been called. Is there anyone else?" Jessica asks as the doctor and other nurse move away from her headspace and closer towards her feet while they mummer to one another in hushed conversation.

"Étienne. Étienne Canet."

Jessica nods, "I'll get his number from Leyla, okay. Lay back and listen to Doctor Darrow, okay? You need anything-" Jessica handed her a small controller with a red button at the top, "-you call me. I'll be right here for you," The younger woman smiled down at her before leaving her side and grabbing a bag of blood viles and swabs, "I'll run this to the lab and give Ley a call as well as psych because I'm gonna guess you want an eval done?"

The man smirks but does not verbally answer her before she takes her leave. Lisette watches him stand at the foot of her bed with another nurse just off to his side. "Ms. Marseille-St Clair. You are in Saint Catherine's Intensive Care Unit. It is the evening of May 24th. You were brought in this morning unconscious. What is the last thing you remember?"

Truthfully, she remembers little clearly, only bits and pieces. What memories she does have she isn't sharing with a stranger. Let alone a stranger who wanted to restrain her and force another tube down her throat. Lisette shakes her head slowly.

Letting out a sigh, the doctor nods, "That is understandable. Trauma can do that to a person. What we do know is that you came in malnourished and severely dehydrated with a worrying blood alcohol content of .19. We had to pump the contents of your stomach and in doing so, we noticed numerous lacerations to your throat and esophagus as well as four teeth that had been removed. We will be putting you on a mostly liquid diet for some time to allow for healing. Speaking of healing, you have a couple cuts along your scalp, likely from when your hair was cut, that looked infected. We have cleaned them out and bandaged them. You also have two incomplete fractures on three of your ribs that will take time to heal. You presented with friction burns and bruising around both your ankles, wrists, hips, and neck and unfortunately, those will take time to heal. For now, the best you can do is lay down and rest. I will have you on the food rotation of a liquid diet for your stay here. I know I have told you a lot of information at once and you will need time, but do you have any questions for me at this time?"

Lisette stared blankly at him and shook her head.

"Okay. We are going to leave you to rest now," the nurse spoke up for the first time, "Would you like your light on or off?"

"On," she said simply as she lay back on the mattress. Best to always keep the lights on, lest she wake up and forget she is free of the cement hell she had been trapped in.

#self para #FREEDOM #but sadness #CD

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124daisies · 3 months ago

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St Eval's Church, St Eval

#cornwall #churches

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renatoferreiradasilva · 3 months ago

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Índice de Compra Irregular em Licitações Públicas

import pandas as pd import numpy as np import streamlit as st from datetime import datetime

st.title("ICIr - Índice de Compra Irregular em Licitações Públicas")

Configurações na sidebar

st.sidebar.header("Configurações") LIMITE_LEI_8666 = st.sidebar.number_input("Valor limite para dispensa (R$)", value=8000) PESO_PRECO = st.sidebar.slider("Peso para Superfaturamento", 0.0, 1.0, 0.5) PESO_FRAG = st.sidebar.slider("Peso para Fragmentação", 0.0, 1.0, 0.3) PESO_RISCO = st.sidebar.slider("Peso para Risco Empresarial", 0.0, 1.0, 0.2)

Upload de arquivos

st.sidebar.header("Envio de Arquivos") licitacoes_file = st.sidebar.file_uploader("Planilha de Licitações", type=["csv"]) notas_file = st.sidebar.file_uploader("Notas Fiscais ou Contratos", type=["csv"]) empresas_file = st.sidebar.file_uploader("Cadastro de Empresas", type=["csv"])

def normalizar_cnpj(df, coluna): df[coluna] = df[coluna].astype(str).str.replace(r'\D', '', regex=True) return df

def parse_date(data): try: return datetime.strptime(data, '%d/%m/%Y') except: return pd.NaT

if licitacoes_file and notas_file and empresas_file: try: licitacoes = pd.read_csv(licitacoes_file) notas = pd.read_csv(notas_file) empresas = pd.read_csv(empresas_file) # Verificar colunas obrigatórias colunas_necessarias = { 'licitacoes': ['preco_unitario', 'preco_medio', 'cnpj', 'fornecedor', 'item', 'data'], 'notas': ['fornecedor', 'item', 'data', 'valor'], 'empresas': ['cnpj', 'situacao'] } for arquivo, colunas in colunas_necessarias.items(): if not all(col in eval(arquivo).columns for col in colunas): st.error(f"Colunas obrigatórias ausentes no arquivo {arquivo}: {', '.join(colunas)}") st.stop() # Normalização de dados licitacoes = normalizar_cnpj(licitacoes, 'cnpj') empresas = normalizar_cnpj(empresas, 'cnpj') # Processamento de datas licitacoes['data'] = licitacoes['data'].apply(parse_date) notas['data'] = notas['data'].apply(parse_date) # Cálculo de risco empresarial empresas['risco'] = empresas['situacao'].apply(lambda x: 1 if x in ['SUSPENSA', 'BLOQUEADA'] else 0) licitacoes = licitacoes.merge(empresas[['cnpj', 'risco']], on='cnpj', how='left') licitacoes['risco_empresa'] = licitacoes['risco'].fillna(0).astype(int) # Cálculo de superfaturamento licitacoes['superfaturamento'] = licitacoes.apply( lambda row: (row['preco_unitario'] - row['preco_medio']) / row['preco_medio'] if row['preco_medio'] > 0 else 0, axis=1 ).round(2) # Identificação de fragmentação notas['mes_ano'] = notas['data'].dt.to_period('M') notas['excedeu_individual'] = notas['valor'] > LIMITE_LEI_8666 fragmentos = notas.groupby(['fornecedor', 'item', 'mes_ano']).agg( total=('valor', 'sum'), individual=('excedeu_individual', 'any') ).reset_index() fragmentos['excedeu_agrupado'] = fragmentos['total'] > LIMITE_LEI_8666 fragmentos['fragmentacao'] = fragmentos['individual'] | fragmentos['excedeu_agrupado'] licitacoes['mes_ano'] = licitacoes['data'].dt.to_period('M') licitacoes = licitacoes.merge( fragmentos[['fornecedor', 'item', 'mes_ano', 'fragmentacao']], on=['fornecedor', 'item', 'mes_ano'], how='left' ) licitacoes['fragmentacao'] = licitacoes['fragmentacao'].fillna(0).astype(int) # Cálculo do ICIr licitacoes['ICIr'] = ( licitacoes['superfaturamento'] * PESO_PRECO + licitacoes['fragmentacao'] * PESO_FRAG + licitacoes['risco_empresa'] * PESO_RISCO ).round(2) # Ordenação e exibição ranking = licitacoes.sort_values('ICIr', ascending=False) st.subheader("Ranking de Compras por Risco de Irregularidade") st.dataframe(ranking) st.download_button( label="📥 Baixar relatório em Excel", data=ranking.to_excel(index=False, engine='openpyxl'), file_name="relatorio_icir.xlsx", mime="application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.spreadsheetml.sheet" ) except Exception as e: st.error(f"Erro durante o processamento: {str(e)}")

else: st.warning("Por favor, envie todos os três arquivos para iniciar a análise.")

Documentação do Programa ICIr

Índice de Compra Irregular em Licitações Públicas

1. Objetivo

O programa ICIr tem como objetivo identificar potenciais irregularidades em compras públicas, calculando um índice de risco com base em três fatores principais:

Superfaturamento: Diferença percentual entre o preço pago e o preço de mercado.

Fragmentação de Despesas: Divisão artificial de compras para evitar processos licitatórios.

Risco Empresarial: Situação cadastral das empresas fornecedoras (ex: empresas suspensas ou bloqueadas).

O índice final (ICIr) auxilia auditores e gestores públicos a priorizar análises de compras potencialmente irregulares.

2. Requisitos do Sistema

Python 3.8+

Bibliotecas:

pandas >= 1.4.0 numpy >= 1.22.0 streamlit >= 1.12.0 openpyxl >= 3.0.10

Sistemas Operacionais Testados: Windows 10/11, Linux Ubuntu 20.04+, macOS 12+.

3. Instalação

Clone o repositório do projeto:

git clone https://github.com/seu-usuario/icir.git

Instale as dependências:

pip install -r requirements.txt

Execute o programa:

streamlit run icir.py

4. Preparação dos Dados

Arquivos de Entrada

Arquivo Descrição Colunas Obrigatórias licitacoes.csv Dados das licitações realizadas preco_unitario, preco_medio, cnpj, fornecedor, item, datanotas.csv Notas fiscais ou contratos associados fornecedor, item, data, valorempresas.csv Cadastro de empresas fornecedoras cnpj, situacao (ex: "ATIVA", "SUSPENSA")

Exemplo de Estrutura

licitacoes.csv: preco_unitario,preco_medio,cnpj,fornecedor,item,data 1500.00,1200.00,12345678000199,Empresa A,Computadores,2023-01-15

notas.csv: fornecedor,item,data,valor Empresa A,Computadores,2023-01-20,7500.00

empresas.csv: cnpj,situacao 12345678000199,ATIVA

5. Parâmetros Configuráveis

Na barra lateral do Streamlit, ajuste:

Limite Legal (R$): Valor máximo permitido para dispensa de licitação (padrão: R$ 8.000).

Pesos dos Fatores:

Superfaturamento (0.0 a 1.0)

Fragmentação (0.0 a 1.0)

Risco Empresarial (0.0 a 1.0)

6. Metodologia de Cálculo

Indicadores

Superfaturamento:

superfaturamento = (preco_unitario - preco_medio) / preco_medio

Resultado > 0: Preço acima do mercado.

Fragmentação de Despesas:

Identifica compras no mesmo mês que excedem o limite legal individualmente ou somadas.

Risco Empresarial:

1 se a empresa estiver com situação "SUSPENSA" ou "BLOQUEADA"; 0 caso contrário.

Fórmula do ICIr

ICIr = (superfaturamento * peso_preco) + (fragmentacao * peso_frag) + (risco_empresa * peso_risco)

7. Execução do Programa

Upload de Arquivos:

Faça upload dos três arquivos CSV na barra lateral.

O programa validará automaticamente as colunas obrigatórias.

Processamento:

Normalização de CNPJ (remoção de caracteres não numéricos).

Cálculo dos indicadores e geração do ranking.

Resultados:

Tabela interativa ordenada pelo ICIr (maior risco primeiro).

Botão para download do relatório em Excel.

8. Exemplo de Saída

Fornecedor Item Superfaturamento Fragmentação Risco Empresa ICIr Empresa X Medicamentos 0.25 1 1 0.69 Empresa Y Uniformes 0.15 0 0 0.08

9. Solução de Problemas

Erro Comum Causa Provável Solução Colunas faltantes Arquivo CSV incompleto Verifique as colunas obrigatórias Formato de data inválido Data em formato não padrão Use DD/MM/AAAA ou AAAA-MM-DD CNPJ não encontrado Empresa não cadastrada Atualize empresas.csv

10. Limitações e Melhorias Futuras

Limitações Atuais:

Depende da qualidade dos dados de preço de mercado.

Não considera variações sazonais de preços.

Melhorias Propostas:

Integração com APIs de preços de mercado.

Adição de novos fatores de risco (ex: histórico de sanções).

Dashboard interativo com visualizações gráficas.

11. Considerações Éticas

O ICIr é uma ferramenta de apoio à decisão e não substitui análise jurídica.

Dados sensíveis (ex: CNPJ) devem ser tratados conforme a LGPD.

Versão: 1.1.0 | Última Atualização: Março de 2025

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xkittzkornerx · 3 months ago

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જ⁀➴ random facts page 🍜📝

I’m a visual artist! I’ll be making a page for all that in the future once I’m set up, but right now I’m still in the middle of regrouping after taking about two and a half years off due to health issues and personal tragedy. I do both traditional and digital art, I’d love to do commissions and sell a few products in the future. I mostly draw animals like cats, horses, dogs, and wolves, but every now and then I like to branch out to other species, sometimes humans (I’m not very confident in drawing people tho). My biggest inspirations have been Warriors, Watership Down, Plague Dogs, and old Disney and Dreamworks animation. I do not do anthropomorphic (bipedal) characters or NSFW, but you can expect themes from me with some more sensitive topics relating to social issues/sociopolitical subjects. I will work on a page relating to my views some time, but it’s generally easy to tell if you scroll through my account.

Some of my hobbies include blogging, journaling, listening to music, researching dog breeds and wildlife biology, and watching ice hockey; I’m a lifelong St. Louis Blues fan but I’ve been trying to open myself up to other teams this year, like the Hershey Bears and Toronto Sceptres. ^^ My past live-posts I made while watching games are under tags #stl blues #st louis blues but for now on I will be using my own tag: #bluesblr. Anything unrelated to the Blues will be under #ice hockey, #pwhl and/or #nhl.

I also enjoy taking walks in the park, photography, researching autoimmune diseases, mental illness, neurodiversity, sociopolitical topics, and ethical humanism.

My favorite foods are rice, pretzels, chicken, shrimp, calamari fritti, Buldak, oranges, apples, watermelon, savory soups, and most veggie greens. I love Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean food, although I’ve likely only had Americanized versions. I do not eat red meat. I’m a pesce-pollotarian, which means I follow a semi-vegetarian diet that occasionally includes some seafoods and some white meats.

My favorite drinks are probably really boring to the majority of people because I don’t drink coffee, energy drinks, or alcohol, and I dislike most sodas. Usually I drink sweet tea, water, milk, and occasionally, bubble tea, or fruit-flavored sodas like orange and grape. I like Coconut and Melon Ramune drinks, too. I’m unusually particular with apple juice—the only acceptable choice is Simply.

I live with four cats! Only one is mine, though. His name is Joon, he’s an American Shorthair. I got him in 2019 from a shelter in the-middle-of-nowhere Missouri while it was like 110° and our van’s AC was broken. In the future I really wanna have a pack of large dogs, preferably herding/guardian breeds.

My favorite dog breeds are the Beauceron, East-European Shepherd (VEO), Belgian Malinois, German Shepherd Dog, Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever, the European Dobermann, and Anatolian Shepherd.

Although I don’t entirely believe in these things, my MBTI type is INFJ-T, my astrological sign is Virgo, and my Chinese zodiac is the Rooster. Some people might find that interesting. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I have dyscalculia, which is a learning disability in arithmetic. Basically, in school I’d do good or excel at all of my classes while failing horribly in math no matter how hard I tried. Turns out I’m built different and the curriculum can’t keep up. I am currently researching ways to get an Autism eval, too.

I have multiple autoimmune diseases (confirmed in June 2024, what a shitty Pride Month) and most of my life is now controlled by that. I have the fortune and privilege of receiving care from some of the best people, though, so I am on the right path. Here is to one day gaining independence! 🧃

#random facts page

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silvestromedia · 7 months ago

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SAINTS NOVEMBER 20

St. Edmund the Martyr, 869 A.D. Martyred king of the East Angles. He was elected king in 855 at the age of fourteen and began ruling Suffolk, England, the following year. In 869 or 870, the Danes invaded Edmund’s realm, and he was captured at Hone, in Suffolk. After extreme torture, Edmund was beheaded and died calling upon Jesus. His shrine brought about the town of Bury St. Edmund's. He is depicted as crowned and robed as a monarch, holding a scepter, orb, arrows, or a quiver.

St. Francis Xavier Can, Roman Catholic and Vietnamese Martyr. A native, born in Sou-Ming, he worked as a catechist with the priests of the Foreign Missions of Paris. Arrested and refusing to deny the faith, Francis Xavier was strangled in prison. Nov 20

St. Maxentia of Beauvais. Irish or Scottish virgin and martyr. She fled to France to escape marriage to a pagan chieftain and lived as a hermitess on the banks of the Qise River near Senlis. The chieftain she had spurned hunted her down and beheaded her at Pont-Sainte-Maxence when she refused to return with him to Ireland.

St. Eval, 6th century. Bishop of Cornwall, England, also called Uval or Urfol. A village in that county bears his name.

St. Edmund Rich, 1242 A.D. Archbishop of Canterbury England, who baffled for discipline and justice, also called Edmund of Abingdon. Born in Abingdon, on November 30, 1180. he studied at Oxford, England, and in Paris, France. He taught art and mathematics at Oxford and was ordained. lie spent eight years teaching theology and became Canon and treasurer of Salisbury Cathedral. An eloquent speaker, Edmund preached a crusade for Pope Gregory IX and was named archbishop of Canterbury. He became an advisor to King Henry Ill and presided in 1237 at Henry’s ratification of the Great Charter. When Cardinal Olt became a papal legate with the patronage of King Henry, Edmund protested. A long-lasting feud between Edmund, the king, and his legate led him to resigning his see in 1240. He went to Pontigny, France, where he became a Cistercian. He died at Soissons, on November 16. Edmund was canonized in 1246 or 1247. A hall in Oxford bears his name.

St. Autbodus, 690 A.D. Irish missionary and hermit. Autbodus preached in Hainault, Belgium, and Artois and Picardy, France. He retired to a hermitage near Laon where he died.

Bl. Josaphata Michaelina Hordashevska, Roman Catholic Ukrainian Nun. First member of the Sisters Servants of Mary Immaculate, She died of bone cancer

St Gelasius I became Pope in 496, and during his four-year reign fought against paganism and heresy, writing treatises against Manicheanism, Monophysitism, and Pelagianism, among others. Some of his principles in ecclesiastical matters were taken up by the Second Vatican Council. Nov 20

St. Felix of Valois, Hermit and co-founder of the Trinitarians with St. John of Matha. He lived as a recluse at Cerfroid, France, and in 1198 received approval from the Holy See for the Order of the Most Holy Trinity to ransoms captives from the Moors. Felix founded St. Mathburn Convent in Paris while in his seventies. He died in Cerfroid on November 4.Feastday: Nov. 20

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usafphantom2 · 2 years ago

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Beaufort Mark I, L9878 'MW-R', of 217 Squadron RAF based at St Eval, Cornwall.

@ron_eisele via X

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paddymcgintysgoat · 1 year ago

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A Vickers Warwick based at No 179 Squadron, RAF, St Eval, Cornwall, England. This squadron was the first to receive this type of aircraft (developed alongside the famous Vickers Wellington) in November 1944 and was used for anti-submarine work over the Bay of Biscay and the Western Approaches

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pandoraxharlow · 1 year ago

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Therapy // self para

This was officially the stupidest thing she has ever been made to do. First of all, who thought it the logical idea forcing a young woman who has already suffered enough relive her trauma for someone she didn't really know well? The law abides by a psychological evaluation when a relationship drowning in domestic abuse ends with a dead body. Pandora fought against this and she fought hard, but in the end, missing the session could be misconstrued as lacking remorse. Maintain the victim act, which she still was without a doubt, just not the premediated murder way no one is supposed to know about.

Pan picked at the skin of her thumb anxiously, eyes following the blonde therapist from her spot on the couch as Madyson rummaged through her desk for a notebook. Most evaluations are done in a private room at the police station, but it was the other woman's opinion that conducting a session within a less rigid environment in another female's presence might alleviate the stress. Pandora could say she didn't know Doctor Beckett very well, really. The photographs on her desk indicated she had a daughter, the frames on the wall displaying Mady's degrees gave a clear picture there were brains in her head, and the way she carried herself screamed professionalism. The one thing that stuck out to Panny, however, was the fact they both came from Newford. Looking at this woman reminded her of home. And that wasn't a good thing.

"Sorry about that. Either I write really big or I fill up these notebooks too quickly." Madyson sheepishly muttered, wrapping the cover of the notebook around and opening on a brand new page as she took a seat in a chair across from Pandora. Leaning forward and pressing the play button on the tape recorder, she cleared her throat and began the usual introduction. "Case file 3A. Patient name Pandora Grace Harlow, participating in a law-mandated psych eval. Time of session is 3:05 PM." Mady sat back against the cushions and offered the girl a warm smile. "How are you today, Pandora?"

"That's a loaded fucking question." Pan spit the retort before any sign of a filter kicked in. She knew how that statement would sound over a recording, almost imagining whoever worked on her case will think the sarcasm wasn't a great look, but it was also the truth. Let me count in all the ways I feel completely shitty. "I'm fine." That's all she could muster and altogether it summed up Panny's true feelings in the moment. She wasn't particularly happy sitting on a couch and given no choice speaking with a shrink, but something in her body language already displayed that.

Pandora watched the look in the doctor's gaze, almost witnessing the other woman make the decision to switch gears and change tactics. Madyson nodded once and began twirling her pen between her fingers before trying again, "I hear you've been living under the care of Detective Monaghan." Mady's stomach twisted at the mention of Derek, even speaking his first name making her feel the awkwardness. "How has that been going for you so far?"

"Are you sure this session really isn't your excuse to talk about Derek?" Pandora knew a small fraction of Derek's past relationship with the doctor. While she couldn't notice much difference from the man's grumpiness within the time they were dating, there were moments where Pan swore she saw him smile. "I know you two had some kind of thing before that went to shit." From secondhand sources, no less. Derek made little mention of the therapist and she personally understood why from the detective's perspective. Doing a job is one thing, but if that job involved taking on Sebastian Ainsworth as your client, you have recipe for disaster. A conflict of interest and a target placed on the back of anyone you cared for if shit traveled south.

Madyson breathed a soft sigh and nodded in confirmation. "Yes, we did, but this isn't about me and Derek. This is about you." The way her relationship with Derek ended or was at a brief standstill, she wasn't even certain what they were now, but describing that it went to shit is placing it on far lighter terms than what actually happened. She fucked up, plain and simple. "Knowing past events, I'm sure it's comforting staying with someone else during the investigation. Everyone needs support."

Panny adjusted the position on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her and raising a hand to her throat as an absentminded habit before realizing the black cross she usually wore wasn't there any longer. It was in Peter's possession if she remembered correctly or maybe he didn't keep the damn thing, the symbolism of it meant nothing to her anyway. "It's been fine. I have my own room." She dropped her hand and raised a single shoulder shrug, "We do dinners pretty much every night, mostly take-out on the days Derek works. He's a better hair stylist than he is a cook." Pandora indicated her cropped blonde locks courtesy of Derek's assistance after he found her struggling in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. "And Katie, god, she's a ball of energy even I'm having trouble keeping up with." The little girl's presence is therapy in of itself. "Then there's the moments before I go to bed where I remember why I'm staying in that house. Past all the good, I still have the ugly."

The sound of pen scribbling on paper filled the silence as Doctor Beckett took notes. In her opinion, Pan taking residence at Derek's home was the best thing for her mental health. She could only imagine returning to a broken home or god forbid, what was left of the crime scene Pandora called an apartment. Mady held a basic summary of the girl's past petty misdemeanors tucked inside a file in her top desk drawer, had heard by word-of-mouth her family situation wasn't the greatest. She didn't have anyone trustworthy in her corner. "Even a small ray of sunshine goes a long way." Madyson mentioned, eyes casting down on the words written thus far. "Pandora, you described your situation as ugly. Normally, I am a firm believer in allowing the patient move at their own pace and I'll still absolutely honor that as much as I can. However," The woman's pause of hesitation caused a white-hot chill through Pandora's veins. Of course she knew this was coming, but delaying the inevitable didn't last long. "Due to an ongoing homicide case, it's a responsibility of mine to breach the uncomfortable for those working on fitting the pieces together. We need to talk about that night with Jason."

Pandora shifted anxiously against the cushions, the squeaking coils only furthering the jitteriness bouncing from all directions within her body. This was it, what she said at this moment could affect a great outcome of the verdict if a trial really were to happen. It could destroy the lies and cover story she and Derek built by the finest detail or unravel the secret just as severe as the second shot they were attempting to conceal. One secret and one assassin.

No, Pandora wouldn't crumble, she'd latch a grip on herself and lie through her fucking teeth with a small hint of half-truths to make this convincing. "There were many unpleasant nights with Jason that would shock you, Doc. A lot with him on top of me ignoring what I wanted." Pan offered the blunt answer before glancing away. "He was very possessive. Other guys would stare and he wouldn't hesitate beating the shit out of them. The times I ogled and he'd turn the fists on me. So, um," She shook her head slowly, "Jason was angry I'd ended the relationship and he hated even more that I was spending time with a guy that wasn't him. It's one of those 'if I can't have you, no one can' scenarios." Classic Jason, territorial and psychopathic until the very bitter end. "You want to know if I feel guilty, right? I'm sure that's the whole point of this." Pan gestured between the other woman and herself with a hand. "I don't have remorse doing what I thought I needed to protect myself and save my life. I regret the fact I had to kill someone to do it," No. No, she didn't regret it for a second. Let the asshole burn like his friends, slowly and painfully. "but the real truth is, his blood isn't just on my hands."

Madyson kept her silence out of respect as she always did during sessions with a patient. Some required the coaxing for information, others offered it openly, nevertheless the extent of her career consisted of the ability to sit still and become another's listening ear when they felt as if no other person in their lives were around. She could be that for someone. God, this poor girl, though. Pandora isn't the first sexual assault victim to come through her doors, but she was the first to kill her abuser that has landed in her stack of patient files. "We weren't here to prove your innocence, Pandora, you aren't on trial. I'm sorry you felt like you had no choice in what happened." Madyson's sincerity shone through whether Pan believed it or otherwise. "You had said his blood isn't just on your hands. Can you tell me what you mean by that? From where we're sitting, I'm sensing some anger."

"Of course I'm angry. Why wouldn't I be angry?" Pandora untucked her legs and placed her palms on either side of her, leaning forward slightly, "You and I both know what happens to young girls like us in Newford when we step on the wrong side of the tracks. The only way you avoid being marked someone's fuck toy pet depends on the decent influences in your life. Your parents, your siblings, your family, you don't have anyone dependable and you're fucked. Take Jason, for instance," Pan realized a long tangent helped no one, but nothing erased her impulsive temper when it boiled over. She wanted whoever listened to those tapes to feel her wrath and distrust, maybe even take her side. "Do you think the times we hung around at a bar and he spent the whole night berating me, calling me his little whore, that anyone bothered asking if everything was fine? Or any other time out in public when he slapped me on more than one occasion, you think someone came to my rescue? Our friends knew what was happening clear as day, my own mother saw the bruises and she did nor said nothing. Fucking Eleanor Cabello cared more about me than anybody else in our faction." She released a huff of air and screwed her jaw tight, "The cops knew of Jason's reputation and they all looked the other way. Doing nothing caused his death in some form or another."

This was the hardest aspect of her career, listening to the stories and refraining from agreeing with the words. Madyson knew the harsh reality of their faction, of this city and the world, that women in toxic relationships were sometimes brushed aside by complete strangers when their own lives held more importance. Did she share her frustration with Pandora that it was in her right laying blame on others for her circumstances? Maybe. No one clearly lifted a finger to stop it, Derek certainly intervened as was his civic duty, but only after Pan took drastic action. The only pointing of blame will and always should be directed at Jason himself. The abuser. "I know it might seem like our faction's an unforgiving place. One minute, it's a robbery and the next, bodies are being carried out of a torched warehouse. I won't sugarcoat the truth for a girl who sees her world with a certain lens." A little cynical lens, but providing that description wouldn't land well. "Do you think law enforcement's early involvement could have changed the outcome when it came to your ex?"

Pandora's nails dug into the flesh of her palms when the doctor mentioned the recent breaking news. From public perception, someone presumably from Davenport set a warehouse with seven people ablaze due to thievery. Fuck, if Madyson only knew who sent the devil to do her dirty work. "And then what? He would spend a few nights in jail just to be released on bail and try murdering me again? No matter how you spin the story, Doctor Beckett, the ending never changes. He would've attacked and I would've defended myself in any capacity to stop him. At the end of the day, the only person who was saving me was me." The sentiment sounded cheesy coming from her mouth. Stereotypical, yet, true. "I've been failed so many times. I waited for someone to spare a scrap of any kindness whatsoever they could give me and you get used to the disappointment after a while. Any hope's gone, your faith in humanity's obliterated, you lose your trust in the people closest to you. I mean, I lost seeing good in anyone, but that's just my bitterness."

Madyson hummed with a curt head nod and jotted down a few observations. Distrustful at an early age, extremely independent, quick at jumping the defensive, small hint of paranoia evident, angry. The last word was underlined carefully, emphasizing the younger woman's temperament, but Mady would make it perfectly clear Pandora's past justifies the bleak outlook. "When someone tells me they've lost their trust in anyone, I like to remind them that there's as many good people in this world than there are bad. All you have to do is look hard enough." She watched as Pandora rolled her eyes. Okay, so, the phrase was a little mushy and glass half full optimistic, she will admit that. "I know closing everyone off is a coping mechanism, but as a therapist, I want to encourage healthier routes."

"Not to rush to my own defense, but I will have you know that I've been trying healthier routes. And it seems to take a load off my back faster than this yoga zen getting-in-touch-with-my-feelings bullshit you're peddling." Maybe the jab wasn't nice or fair for someone who was only meaning to help her. "Sorry. I'm not good at this, okay?" The tough act isn't easy breaking and besides...Pan still even now didn't want anyone seeing her as a pussy. "I wrote myself a letter." She glanced down coyly, feeling almost embarrassed admitting to it. "I just...I had these thoughts fucking jackhammering in my head." Pandora's eyes landed on the doctor who nudged her head to continue, "It was this recap of all the ways in where my life went wrong. You know, it was my upbringing, the resentment with my sister, it was my boyfriend, it was Jason. I mean, it just came down to my choices and who I am as a person." The stupid letter, her true confession no one should see. "Church teaches people you burn in Hell if you commit murder. I put myself in a position where that basically pins a scarlet letter on my chest and marks me a bad person. And maybe that's what I deserve when I don't feel like there isn't anything good in me anymore. I always ruin it."

"Pan, why do you think you're not a good person?" Madyson would fervently argue on the contrary. Religion was quite the curious subject for the woman to digest, but even she knew defending oneself against an outside threat shouldn't earn a one way ticket to Hell.

Pandora said nothing for a long pause, allowing the flashes of different memories slowly collect inside a small box she locked away inside her mind. "I've done things, bad things I'm not proud of. I've defaced public places, I've stolen, I shattered windows, set shit on fire, I destroy and I destroy. Because that is all I know how to do." It was a revelation she came across a long time ago. Pan rose from her seat and began a small pace back and forth between the couch and the coffee table separating the two women. "Yeah, I never bow down and push forward when my only way out is through, but that doesn't automatically mean the happiness switch in my head is fucking flipped on. Those cops who are worried about closing the case aren't going to bother concerning themselves over the mental damage he caused." She wouldn't cry over this bullshit, she refused, but she couldn't ignore the harsh sting behind her eyes. "I made a choice and I don't regret it. But I have to live with the nightmares seeing his face. I have to force myself to remember that I won't see him hiding around every corner waiting to wrap his hands around my throat."

"Pandora," Madyson placed her notebook aside and pushed herself to her feet, moving around the coffee table and stopping at a safe distance Pandora was comfortable with. She mentally noted the girl's knee-jerk hesitation, choosing caution in her steps. "Carrying trauma from a man who lacked any regard for women doesn't make you a bad person. Do you think Derek would've taken a chance on you if he thought you owned a bad bone in your body? St. Cascadia proves good and evil isn't as black or white as everyone makes it out to be." A complex philosophy men have surely argued over for centuries. She knew their city could swing one way more than the other. "You grew up in this life thinking no one would ever stop and listen no matter how loudly you were screaming. Well, let me tell you something, Ms. Harlow," Mady raised a small smile, genuine reassurance. "We're listening. And if you didn't ensure that, I know Derek would. Don't think for a moment that he wouldn't go to the ends of the earth for you and back." Her kind gaze searched the other blonde patiently with a brief silence before she reached down toward the device on the table, switching the recording off. "I think it's time we ended this session. Don't you think?"

Pandora spent the moment throughout Madyson's spiel collecting herself, quickly wiping away the wetness that formed around her eyes while simultaneously listening to the words carefully. Yes, she knew something good could come from lowering the defensive nature that was learned at an early stage of her life. And if she knew Derek as well as she hoped, he wouldn't risk inviting her into the home he shared with his daughter if he knew Pandora's virtues were no longer intact. He didn't know about her deal with Judas and wouldn't ever know, but even that was simply serving the men far more unsavory than herself what they deserved. "I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired." The sentences were hushed, whispered more to herself than Madyson. She experienced the similar exhaustion from this session that writing the letter had offered. Pandora couldn't hurtle through her emotions anymore, she couldn't pour her sins for the world to see. Either she moved on or she drowned.

"I couldn't agree more." Pan grabbed her jacket from the back of the couch's cushions without hesitating, watching as Madyson stepped aside with an arm sweeping out towards the door in relenting fashion, and moved past her with a silent thank you that she seemed too dignified to let leave her lips. "Oh, and, um, Doc," The blonde nudged open the door and slowly turned around, breathing a light sigh. "Derek's doing really good, since you were wondering." She heard Mady release a soft laugh, no doubt willing to vehemently protest that this session wasn't about Derek's well-being. At least, she wouldn't completely admit it out loud. Pan continued her statement, "But if you ask me, I think he could be doing a lot better."

Pandora closed the door behind her, allowing the therapist to interpret the meaning behind those words and drive herself crazy. Honestly...that would make two of them.

#self para: therapy #ft. madyson beckett #Tw: probs mentions of abuse

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