#THEY'RE NICK'S KNEECAPS NOW

[sheepkebby]

L4D headcanon: only Nick is allowed to say mean things about the Savannah group, anyone else will get their jaw broken if they try (it's because he cares about them, and they know he's just joking)

EXAAAAAAAACTLY. The millisecond anybody tells Ellis to shut up Nick breaks their fucking nose.

[gothprentiss]

i assume that there is no ocean's 9 being made but like-- they do owe it to women. like they do need to make a girl version that is stylish and fun in its own right and on its own terms. i'm kind of in this state of cynicism re: franchising rn where i feel that a franchise movie is sort of kneecapped from the outset, particularly now when it feels more notably obvious that franchise movies arise out of a sort of creative insecurity on the business end (i.e., less desire to take a multi-million dollar risk on a totally new idea the public has no tie to), but i am very happy to be proved wrong. for example by a woman heist movie that rules.

what sharper suggested to me is that a lot of movies coming out today have extreme compunction in a way which is frankly a bit insoluble with a con movie, which assumes your sympathies are at least a bit scummy-- this isn't a robin hood situation, just good old-fashioned defrauding; whereas sharper is happy to give us the spectacle of the con, but at the end of the day its sympathies lie with a wholly unspectacular con which presumably accords with our own morals. the movie engineers a 'good' rich kid for us to ultimately sympathize with; it seems to think its (morally) obvious about-face in the final act is both surprising and interesting, when it's really just reneging on its best moment (the oh my god is she conning him? moment you get to have in the first act before you are concretely aware of exactly how it works). but it's like, what's been going on has really been quite remarkably poor sleight of hand; rather than the dense web of distractions that a good whodunit can throw up, the movie just makes sebastian stan's character the main character. i find sebastian stan fairly offputting, probably as a relic of the deeply horny marvel stuff that kept putting him in front of my eyes, but he has a real greasy, almost nick cave style charisma in this. he pees in a decanter. anyone who pees in a decanter in a con movie should get to win the con movie. i do think it cheapens a good portion of this movie that it's not actually willing to commit to the infectiousness of a con movie; it's structured so that you never get caught up in the crime-- because the crime is occluded-- and ultimately presents you with a con which isn't really that interesting or infectious at all. moral justice never really is.

and like, you know, whatever. the existence of one of-the-moment bad movie doesn't mean that there can't be good movies made in precisely the same climate. but man i want something i don't think i'm going to get! and while i'm putting in other requests which will go unanswered could we pwease get some cool classic tailoring on all of the suits they put in this movie. just for me. just like some blazers which don't look like they're from a designer h&m collab. pweasy pwease

[ssreeder]

Hi sreedy! I finished your little happy chappy yesterday, and I have opinions that want to be expressed.

Firstly, a polite message from past me, yesterday night, who just finished the chapter:

BA SING FUCKING SE?????? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! UNBELIEVABLE! OUTRAGEOUS! INSANE! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU ARE GONNA DRUG HIM AGAIN? "wHaT wOuLd mAkE hIm bEg" bitch don't you even try. I will feed your kneecaps to my fucking dog in front of you. Glad to hear they're all gonNA BE IN THE SAME FUCKING CITY THOUGH! SOME REAL COMFORT THERE! AND CAN JET JUST PISS OFF FOR ONE GOD DAMN MINUTE!? I hope the guilt eats him from inside out.

Now let's continue with a... less emotional message from future me, who has slept a night over it and calmed down a little:

Okay, hi again, sorry for past me's yelling but in their defense you did kind of deserve it. The pillow was not okay.

I don't like this Jet much and every time I remember he wrote that letter anger fills me and I just want to yell at him, take a deep breath, pinch my nose and sit him down amd give him a very sarcastic lecture. (I heavily support any more dirt on this guy and that comment about the Kyoshi face paint making his eyebrows pop is definetly my Highlight of the week)

Ba Sing Se? Seriously Sreedy, I don't know whether I love or hate that. Like: fuck yes! It's excruciating! But also: fuck no! it's excruciating! Good chances that Azula finds him first though.

I am still very mad that they have liquid bending suppressants now because that means Zuko will be afraid of needles and we don't know what this thing does yet.

Jet is such a little bitch I hate it but I love him. You really do all the characters so well I could talk about this for days.

Suki? SUKII!!! I love her but hun, you can't fix him. I admire your confidence, but there is a lot more going on with him than you think. *Insert that one Nick Nelson scene on the beach with his Mom*

Anyways, Glad to hear that Quon is not as bad as Zhao was. He just thinks Zuko is challenging and interesting instead of feeling like jerking off after being done with him. Quon emotionally distances himself from his prisoner, I like that in a man /j. No but seriously, I'm very glad Quon doesn't hurt him entirely for his personal satisfaction.

Maybe I'll slide into your askbox and drop a few more opinions in the next weeks (probably), but until then:

Ly, still no kneecaps for you, take care of yourself and hydrate, take as many breaks as you need and please for the love of god do not kill Shen.

*Quon & I both rocking no kneecaps and feeling better than ever*

Haha… Jet is officially the main character of LIAB because I think more people comment about him than any other character. & his eyebrows are always popping. ;)

Didn’t you hear the news? Ba sing se is where the party’s at. Everyone’s invited.

I don’t know if Suki wants to fix Sokka, which is nice, I think she just wants to support him and make sure he is alright. But Sokka is being sketch right now so good luck girl…

I think Quon would rather just execute Zuko and be done with it but he has to play the game. Luckily the game isn’t with Zuko he is merely a pawn, so Quon won’t be emotionally invested in any sick torture or anything because he doesn’t really care haha.

I hope to see you in my askbox at least I know I can hunt you down on discord to get my kneecaps back eventually.

[experiment14-12]

(I feel like I'm overdue for this, so here we go!)

(Most characters come directly from me, @sanalune-forest, and @the-machines.)

*Sean, Nick, Tsuki, Mike, and Arco are gathered around playing a game of Five Things.*

Everyone: Five Things! Five Things!

Arco: Five Things to say in the bedroom.

*this'll be good-*

Tsuki: FUCK!

*everyone is already laughing.*

One!

Nick: I'm ready!

Two-!

Sean: Where do I put it-?

*the laughter gets worse...*

Three-?!

Mike: Who the hell are you?!

FOUR-

Nick: I'm NOT ready!

FIVE-!

*everyone is just dying.*

Random Incorrect Quotes!

(@oogaboogaspookyman's quotes gave me inspiration for most of these XD)

Ori, texting Tsuki: you talk a lot about liking dick on tumblr.

Tsuki: i mean, they're mainly shitposts, but i do also like dudes.

I'm a bistentsual

Bidectual

Ori: Take your time.

Tsuki: Bursxtual

Holes

----------

Ethan (from the Machines): This conversation is related to a DoorDash order.

Hey they all out of lesayna

lasanya

Leysayna

The shit Garfield eat

----------

Sean, travelling through a forest with Flo: ♪ We're all gonna be safe, and we're all gonna have a great time~! ♪

*something breaks behind them both*

Flo: ♪ ...WHAT THE JESUS CHRIST WAS THAT?! ♪

----------

Mike: I am making a law. Any use of UwU or OwO is now illegal, those who use these terms will be arrested for crimes against humanity.

Ethan: cwimes against huwumanity :3

Mike: i will break your fucking kneecaps.

----------

Arco: HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?!

Sean, with one arm amputated, and half his face burned: I HAVE NO IDEA! :D

----------

Nick: I thought you were dead!

Flo, who just woke up: ...No, I was just down here, having a nap. What the fuck is going on???

Nick: ...You were very still, I-

Flo: I'm a very sound sleeper- Sorry, you thought I was DEAD, and instead of calling for help, or getting an ambulance, you got somebody to dress as an oversized shit version of me, and started singing fucking SHOWTUNES???

Nick: ...the show must go on-?

Flo: Oh, this is BULLSHIT!

----------

Arco: WHAT IS THIS GAME, DUDE?!

*everyone is laughing*

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

GIVE ME A GREEN CARD!

*he's picking up anything BUT green cards.*

WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?! HOLY SHIT!!!

*He finally picks up a green 5 and places it down.*

Sean: *sharp inhale* Oh, don't do it-!

*Flo places down a green reverse, while making the perfect representation of a Lenny face.*

Sean: Oh, don't do it-!

Arco, enraged at this point: I DON'T HAVE A GREEEEEN!!!!!

*everyone is fucking DYING, wheezing.*

Arco: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

----------

*Tsuki and Ethan are chilling in the living room.*

*Tsuki makes some sort of noise that sounds like a demonic vomit, but looks like he sneezed.*

Tsuki: ... you're not even gonna say "God bless you"?

Ethan: THAT WAS A FUCKIN' SNEEZE-?!

----------

(Credit goes to Daniel Thrasher on YouTube and TikTok for this one!)

Tsuki: What's up, Flo? What do you want for linner?

Flo: That's not a thing...

Tsuki: Yeah, it is. Lunch, dinner... before suppert.

Flo: Is that supposed to be dessert-?

Tsuki: Plus supper, yes.

Flo: well, that is unnecessary...

Tsuki: It's efficient, Flower. Here. Hand me the scizilk.

Flo: The what???

Tsuki: THE SCISSOR MILK.

*there's a jug of milk with a plastic fastener going through the cap, and through the side of the jug.*

Flo: Why did you-

Tsuki: Emergalcium. (Emergency calcium.)

Osneorapnyone. (Osteoperosis can sneak up on anyone.)

*Tsuki rips off the pair of scissors that were taped on to the jug.*

Flo: What- what are you saying...?

Tsuki: JUST READ THE TEXT ON THE SCREEN, FLO!

*Tsuki cuts the fastener to open the cap.*

Flo: What...?

*Tsuki is cutting the place where the fastener was on the jug of milk to open it up more.*

Tsuki: Bayingpholtence, antsicavortime. (By saying the whole sentence at once, I can save more time.)

*Tsuki then takes off the cap.*

Flo: Okay, well, uhh, what- what is scissor milk?

*Tsuki looks frustrated. Now, everything he says is one word, but it sounds like he's saying multiple words at the same time.*

Tsuki: S̢̬̦̦̫̖̦̤̝̗̼͈̱͓͉̞͍̘̰̟͙̿̉ͦ͑̋ͩ́̐̅́ͪ̆̎ͩͪ̄̅ͭ̌̅҉̷́͘͟͢͞͏̷̛̕҉̴̵̴̢̢͝͞C̴̯̪̙̞̼͕̙̦͔͚͊̈͆̒̈́̓̊ͣ͗ͪ̑̀ͣ̒ͅͅ͏̀I̶̵̧̧̨̛̛ͮ͐̾̓̑ͮ̈̍ͩ͒͆̕͢͡͠͞͡҉͡͏Ş̣͓̠̬͓̣̗͎̳̮͍̤̦͈ͦ̆̉̄̄̎̈ͨ̒́S̸̵̵̡̧̢̨̢̛̭̠̱̰̭͔͘͘̕͘͜͢͞͞ͅǑ̫̖̮͚̣̝̱͕̥̃̎ͩ̇̾̑̓͛̆͒̐͑͐R̴̵̗̮̙͎̤͚̥̳̘̥̺̦̾ͣͪ̿͆̇ͩ͌͊̃̚͘͞҉̷̢̕̕͘͜Ş͈̖̪̘̙̻̣̙̮͕̠ͦ̆̊̀ͪ͋ͨ̎́҉̶!̺̦̤͙̹͔̰͙̤̉̋ͭ͗̄͛̽̀́͢͜͟͠ͅ (It's for when I need Scissors and milk at the same time!)

*Tsuki slams the cap down, and pours himself a cup of milk???*

Flo, speechless: ...How are you doing that?

Tsuki: Ḙ̵̴̷̴̷̢̟̰̯̼̫̱́̏ͫ̃͡F̸̝͚̥͓̥̻̲̐ͨ̃͒͛ͅF̷̵̧̪͓̮̭͍́̽ͦ̿̑͗́̀̕͟͞͞͝͡I̗͚̙͈̠͈͈̓̓ͅ͏̶͜͡C̡̜͎̮̬̪ͧͣͪ̃ͯͥ̅̆̈́͘͘҉̴̵̧̀̀͘Į̴̛̛͓̟̲͖̟̝ͮ̓ͪ̃̎̽́͠ͅͅË͎͙̭͚̘̱̯̟ͩ̽ͯN̻̼̝͗̎̎͑ͥ͏̴̸̨͢͝͝͏̴̛T̫͉͚͖͉̙͕̩͎̖̾͗̚͢҉.̶̨̡̝͓̟̖̮͔̾͊̋ͬͤ̐̀͞͝ (I MUST BE MORE EFFICIENT.)

Flo: D- DO YOU NEED ME TO CALL SOMEBODY?!

Tsuki: N̨̧L҉̡͘Ó͜. ̷ǸE͝FF͏̷IC҉́I͢ÈN͢ƯF́F̧̨͜. ̷̴͞I҉̵̀M̵̡͜Ú͞C̡͘͟K̡̢͝IN̸̷͜E MW͢͝͡HE҉T̸̢̨H̢̡͡Ę́R ͞͠T͏̢HEǸ̸͞I̴V҉E ̵M͟͡U҉͞L͠I̧̧͜NC̸͘E. (NLO. NEFFICIENUFF. IMUCKINE MWHETHER THENIVE MULUNCE. (NO, FLO. NOT EFFICIENT ENOUGH. I MUST COMBINE MORE WORDS TOGETHER SO I CAN LIVE MORE LIVES AT ONCE.))

Flo, seeing the same words and letters everywhere: JESUS CHRIST!!!!!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can I have "You're not alone?" With Eddie Munson please?

-kneecaps anon

“Eddie Munson, the leader of this cult and prime suspect in the murders, has been missing since the earthquake and is presumed dead-”

"Aaaand that's enough of that."

Immediately you switched the TV off, not wanting to hear any more of the bullshit lies the reporter was telling. You wanted to find out how widespread the damage caused by the opening gates was...not more accusations about your boyfriend.

Between traveling through the Upside Down, fighting Vecna, and nearly losing Eddie, you nearly forgot that he was still a wanted man in the real world.

A man who saved a town that condemned him.

It crushed your heart that you couldn't just go and tell them all what really happened--you'll be seen as the crazy one, or even an accomplice--but nobody’s heart was crushed more than-

“Hah, check this out..they're calling it the "Munson Murders". That’s fucking rich. And some people are saying I caused the earthquake. That it's "Hell on Earth" I unleashed."

Turning back to the man curled up on the mattress, you saw him throw away the newspaper he was just reading. He noticed you staring and sighed shakily, looking away with a sniffle, hands wiping at his eyes. You immediately sat down beside him, taking his hand and grazing a thumb across his rings. “Eddie..”

“I was just..trying to do the right thing, [y/n]. But..i-it was all for nothing, wasn’t it?” Tears cascaded down his face as he looked to you, feeling so lost and so devastated. “Hawkins is all fucked up and they’re still out to get me.” 

You frowned slightly as his hand squeezed yours tightly. Any more and you would’ve lost circulation, but if that’s what you had to sacrifice to comfort him in this time of need, so be it. You’ll manage.

You, him, and Dustin barely escaped that altercation with the demobats. They managed to bite into him good after he distracted them, though not enough to severely wound him.

In the nick of time, you rescued him by using fire to scare off the bloodthirsty bats, getting him back to the real world and treating his injuries immediately. As much as he probably needed a hospital, you knew that cops would've been notified and he'd be led away in handcuffs the moment he recovered.

You couldn’t risk that. You couldn't lose him again. So for now you'll be in hiding until you can get his name cleared.

“No, baby. It wasn’t all for nothing. You saved us..saved me.” You brought your other arm around him, letting him rest his head on your shoulder.

“To be fair, you saved me...and not just from freaky bats but from my own head. Back when...it happened, you found me. Thank god it was you and not some asshole who thinks I'm psychotic."

"You're not psychotic. They're wrong. All of them are. They just wanna pin the blame on somebody."

"A-And the whole town believed them, didn't they?"

"..Eddie-"

"Honestly I-I felt ready to die back there. All alone...hated by everyone." He shook with soft sobs. "Fuck, I never felt so alone."

Of course, you knew what he meant by "it". After the murders he was hiding from everyone, including you as he refused to answer your calls. He was so terrified of something awful happening to you next that he just...ran in hopes you'll be spared. Part of him also feared that you’ll join those who think he’s guilty.

But you could never betray him like that. Not in a million years.

You held him closely, fingers brushing along his messy hair as he trembled in your arms. If only you could shield him like this all the time and pretend that everything’s gonna be okay.

The truth was nobody knew for sure what was gonna happen to this town. Or if the Upside Down was gonna destroy everything you knew and loved, but nothing was gonna take Eddie from you again. Not this time.

“You’re not alone. You’ll never have to worry about being alone again. Whatever happens next, I’ll be right here with you. If any demobats or demogorgons or humans try to separate us, I’ll fight through every last one until I find you. Because I love you so, so much, Eddie..please don’t ever forget that, alright?”

“I won’t. I-I love you too, baby.” He nodded, pulling away to reveal a watery smile gracing his lips as he kept his arms tightly wrapped around you, afraid to lose you. You're the only one who truly kept him sane after all he's been through.

Smiling back, you cupped his cheeks to kiss him on the lips, before bringing your foreheads together.

He felt like he didn’t do anything to deserve you, and yet here you were, vowing to stay by his side through thick and thin.

Even if the world beyond Hawkins turned against Eddie, you’ll fight for him.