#THIS WAS SUPER CUTE SMDNSMDN

[cognitosclowns]

Reader is on the shorter end of average height and thinks its funny that Alpha-Beta is shorter than them, they talk to them in the tube alot and make fun of them in the trolly for still being an inch too short, at some point Hes allowed his old body back cause of his good behaviour and reader has to deal with them getting revenge by using them as something to lean on, they crouch to speak with them the same way reader used to and it's all very flustering

OHOHOOO FUCK YES

SFW!!!

OHOHO YOU CAN TEASE THIS MAN INTO A FIT I STG <333

'I'm a nigh-immortal Artificial Intelligence. You really think your teasing is going to distract me? Pathetic.'

'mm-hm sure thing shortstack'

'*SPUTTERING HIMSELF INTO HOSPICE* YOU PETULANT FOOL, SO HELP ME WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE-'

he's <33 so easy to mess with. Please god pull out every fucking nickname.

Shortstack <3 Thumbtack <3 Bite-Size <3 Half-Pint <3 Legs <3 you'll see his eye visibly twitch. Hate Hate Hate. How dare you make fun of him >:((

BUT WHEN HE GETS OUT????

He ADDS EXTRA HEIGHT. listen before he was probably like,, idk 5'11?? nah he's bumping that shit up to 6'4-6'6. As close as he can get to 7'0 before Reagan tells him he's being excessive.

THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE HIM OUTTA CONTAINMENT??? the smug fucking look on his face. Seeing your eyes shoot wide, slowly raising up - craning your neck just to make eye contact with him?? <3333 ohoho he's never looked so happy.

Your life is hell <3

THIS MAN WILL PURPOSEFULLY PUT SHIT YOU NEED ON HIGHER SHELVES, JUST SO YOU'LL HAVE TO GO AND ASK HIM TO GRAB IT FOR YOU.

'I need you to grab the staples.'

'and why can't you do it?' this bitch is already biting back a grin

'... *sigh* its on the top shelf, and I-'

this big fake-gasp, holding a hand to his chest, '... this can't be the same y/n l/n who was making fun of my height, now asking me for help reaching something, is it? Because that would be awfully hypocritical.' oh he's hamming it the fuck up. He's soaking up the glory. He's basking in your glares like it's heavens light.

'you're already tall enough without the high horse. Could you please help me???'

'Of course, - what was it again? thumbtack? <3 yes I think that suits you nicely.'

HE ISN'T REALLY ONE FOR NICKNAMES. HE MUCH PREFERS LITTLE COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT HERE AND THERE <33

'that was a pretty high-brow joke, I'm surprised you managed to reach it'

'I could grab you a step-stool' when you're getting out of the car

'you're very down to earth.' 'is it because i'm short' 'oh yes <3'

it literally never ends <33 he has a mental list a mile-long of witty remarks to use against you.

He's not the type to lean on anything but HE'LL ABSOLUTELY LEAN ON YOU AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY. Just,, folding his arms on your shoulders and putting his head on top of yours.

If you're outside he'll stand behind you and block out the sun with this,, Shit Eating Grin.

'I'm trying to enjoy the nice weather >:('

'you'll fry like an ant to a magnifying glass <3 this is for your own safety'

He places books on your head at the Perfect Angle to balance on top with no effort - the coffee table is right there, but no <3 he's gonna put it on your head. because fuck you (affectionate) <3

ITS OK THO <333 NOW YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF HIM BEING SUPER TALL

'I'm surprised you didn't hit your head on the way in <3'

AND HE JUST STARTS SPUTTERING ALL OVER AGAIN BC IN ALL HIS WISDOM HE COULDN'T FATHOM THAT YOU'D.... STILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE FUN OF HIM <333

GOD GOD GOD THIS WAS ADORABLE TYSM <333

[cognitosclowns]

I loved your post about their laughs and was really curious about how youd describe their bodies? thank you!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOO <3333 I LOVE THIS SM

nonsexual nudity!!! discussions of weight, bodies and body image, mentions of drugs!!

THESE ARE PROBABLY GONNA STRAY A BIT FROM CANON BUT IDC <33333. Also just some,, general details?? Mostly just whatever comes to mind

Reagan

She looks a lot smaller than she is??? Maybe it's bc she has shit posture but,, he's a pretty tall lady!!

She definitely got her Dad's shoulders - not super broad, but enough that if she started working out they would be???

STOCKY HANDS <333333333 VV square hands, pretty textured bc shes,, Constantly Working With Them!! <333 she keeps her nails super short out of convenience.

CANONICALLY DRY SKIN. She does put a bit of lotion if she remembers, but it means she has,, a lot of texture on her hands and face!! Lots of gorgeous weathering <33

Brett

SUPER FIT. ABS FOR DAYS. We already get to see that he’s Built Like A Greek Sculpture. His muscles are all vvv distinct!!!

the only man here with an ass <3 rip everyone else

I LIKE TO THINK HIS CHEEKS ARE PRETTY SOFT THO??? 

He’s always had squishy cheeks since he was a kid!! When he smiles they all bunch up?? <333 IDK IF IM DESCRIBING IT CORRECTLY BUT <333 Like they’re,, constantly rosy. He breaks out into this,, Peach Colored blush so often?? <333

HIS FINGERS ARE BIG AND CLUMSY. He fumbles stuff a lot because he doesn’t have great coordination w/ em?? His nails are VERY well kept tho <333

JR

This lovely hodgepodge of traits??

He's thin enough you can see a bit of his ribs, but also has a bit of a tummy? He has visible muscle and decently broad shoulders, but his wrists would probably snap if you have him too hard of a high-five? Tent pole legs and a small torso?? Assless, practically concave. His body is hairless and smooth like a skink, except for a Very Pale happy trail.

He wears makeup to get rid of the eyebags + how Deathly Pale he looks. He needs to get more sun, he has a Vitamin D deficiency </3. Truly built like a Tuberculosis Orphan <3

I BULLY HIM BUT I DO IT WITH LOVE <333

ALSO A VV STRONG JAW??? Super squared off n firm. he is so proud of that jawline esp because he didn't have to work for it <3333

THE HANDSSSSS he definitely has Slightly Bulbous Gecko Fingers?? Kinda rosy too bc he chews his cuticles to ratshit. They’re always slightly cold and Exceptionally Soft <333

Alpha-Beta

Y'know what? I'll say it. Quintessential Dad Bod. Nobody can convince me otherwise. They hated Outis because he spoke the truth

BUT LIKE <333 broad shoulders, big stomach n thighs?? Plenty of stretchmarks everywhere!!!

Apparently the original President was an Oops All Tits situation, and while surprised, AB isn’t really complaining?? 

he definitely isn’t a fan of the body hair though ‘Was a happy trail really necessary??? he doesn’t understand why he needed body hair if nobody was ever gonna see him naked??

His skin has a buncha texture?? Laugh lines, crows feet, plenty of Wrinkles and Weathering. 

Glenn

BIG

just in,, every meaning of the word. If he had good posture, he’d tower over the entire gang.

He's the kind of strong of like,, Lumberjacks. A fuckton of muscle n fat, big shoulders - he could probably toss a desk with little to no effort.

I like to think he helped around his parents the farm since a young age, probably picked up odd jobs here and there (friends farms, local fishery) until joining the army when he graduated high school!!

He may not be as active as he was in his 20s-30s but,, Buddy He Could Still Turn You Into Jam If He Wants

MASSIVE FUCKING HANDS. Jesus you wouldn't realize it bc he doesn't Gesture A Lot but,, he could probably wrap his full hand around most ppls throats. ALSO TALONS <333 SHARP CLAWS

His teeth are the thickness of your thumb, a dulled point. He can break bone!! Yes, he’s tested, (I SHOULD CLARIFY : not on people, on Assorted Meats)

Andre

Long and thin - he has trouble keeping on weight, even though he eats like a trash compactor. you can’t see bones, but he’s definitely on the smaller side!!

SUPER LANKY, but unlike JR he doesn’t have that much muscle?? The weight he does have is mostly fat!

HES SUPER FLEXIBLE. He could probably shove himself in one of the cabinets in his office when he doesn’t wanna talk to people lmao. He can stretch backwards and grab hold of his calves (he does it to freak Myc out smdnsd)

Boniest fingers in the universe. you can see the individual like,, joints. They’re also all,, curved?? He’s broken his fingers a bunch on accident so,, they have a bunch of kinks!!

his skin and hair is vvvv oily!! he used to have really bad acne when he was a teen!! Myc lovingly teases him that the reflection of light off his forehead + hair could cook smb like an Ant in a Magnifying glass.

speaking of hair - it has this super textured, gritty feeling??? Maybe cause he forgets to clean it but,, it feels Dense n Sandy?? <333

Myc

he looks way less solid than he is??? it looks like if you poked him he’d dent

he’s actually fairly sturdy!! Like theres some give but he has Structure? He kinda feels like if you coated a Slightly Deflated Beach ball in Aloe Vera.

The bulbs on the top are probably the softest??

The Ball (tm) is straight up a giant crystal ball. There’s a slight give, but it’s basically a Firm Crystal-Like Membrane??

everything about him is slick - but in the Tacky, Oily way that some Hand Sanitizers have?? It feels like you can never get him off your hands </3

Gigi

MNSDMS SHE’S PRETTY SHORT </3 the heels help but she still has to ask Myc and Andre to get stuff from the Top Shelves.

ANDRE TEASES HER BC,, HE CAN WRAP MOST OF HIS HAND AROUND HERS??

Everything about her is very,, sharp?? High cheek bones, edge nails, etc. 

She has the kind of,, Elegant Strength that a diamond has if that makes sense??

HER SKIN IS FLAWLESS, EVERYONE ELSE IS JEALOUS. She has full access to Andre’s Mad Science + her Media Team so,, yeah she always looks like she’s just stepped down from heaven for a quick bite to eat <3

She has freckles!! she usually covers them up with makeup, so it’s very rare to see get a look at em!!! <3333 they really come out in the sun tho <3

IDK IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND BUT <333 IT WAS A BLAST TYSM ANON

[cognitosclowns]

Goshhh, I'd love to see something of the inside job gang getitng together with a reader who like, already has a small kid. Like, a baby. We all know there's def some in the gang who are gonna be better at handling that but asdfghgfd

SNIFFLE <333333333 I already did one of these w/ the gang interacting with Reader's kid (like,, idk 9-14), but I can't find it-

SFW!!! just cute shit, no explicitly X Reader but can be interpreted that way

Gigi

SHE LOVES BABES <3333 they're so cute they're so squishy,, she has such a soft spot for kiddos. I personally hc her having a kid and she MISSES those baby years!!!

Please let her babysit she knows,, all the tricks. She'll gladly take the little one off your hands for a few hrs while you rest!!

She's also one of those types of ppl who,, don't get annoyed by babies yelling or crying?? Maybe it's all those years of ignoring interns but she is so completely unfazed when your bab starts being fussy

aa <33 she puts on music and carries the baby and dances around a bit, just like her mum used to do with her <3333333 it's super cute, please join her

on a similar note, so many lullabies <33 that kid is gonna end up humming those as they grow up.

Reagan

yeah no

MSNDSMND she just. they're so small and loud and icky and. please no

not the type for babysitting - it's a small kid, so it won't be crawling around causing trouble when she's over, looking over blueprints with you

She brings earplugs just in case it starts screaming!! It's a good balance so that she can still come over to work on stuff and hang out with you but,, not have to hear it MSNDSMD

She might have a peak or two at it, if she's curious - sure, she doesn't like kids, but she also doesn't wanna be rude either. Besides, if the little brat is part of your family, she'll have to get used to it's presence eventually

and its..... cute.

"aww, are you manipulating me using evolved traits to make me want to protect you? Yes you are." Just,, little bits of teasing while she wiggles her fingers at it.

The second it starts screaming she is OUT THO SMDNSMDN

overall?? Not horrific but definitely not great.

JR

YEAH SMDNSMD PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS REAGAN

At least until they're a little older - he's pretty bad with babies, he can only really tolerate kids.

It's irritable and can't do his paperwork he might as well be talking to a fucking goose

He WILL however spoil the hell outta it, mostly for your sake <3

He wants to make sure you have everything you need! if you need a day to rest, or even just some better quality stuff for it.

He went through this rodeo once, when Rand and Tamiko had Reagan, so he isn't completely hopeless. He knows the basics and can offer a few tips (maybe not,, the best tips, considering he learned most of them either On The Fly or From Rand)

He'll definitely get closer to the kid once they're older!! It's easier to bond with something when it can hold a conversation SMNDSMNSMD

MYC AND ANDRE

YES IM COMBINING EM, BC IF ONE OF THEM IS HELPING WITH THE KID, 99% THEY'RE GONNA CALL IN THE OTHER FOR MORAL SUPPORT.

They're horrible in a good way. Like utterly incompetent but also the kid isn't dead by the end of the day so..... win?

"Support the fuckin' head." Myc knows,, slightly more about childcare, only because he's been alive for 4000 years and it's kinda impossible to not interact with kids a little when you've been around that long.

Andre puts on Mozart!! He has no idea if it's actually gonna do smth, but his mum did it for him and he didn't turn out... that bad?

"If we put on all his concertos at once-" "Please no" you're gonna have to,, adjust their techniques a little.

Andre's way more caring towards kids than Myc overall? He doesn't really like getting attached to humans, and especially doesn't like following humans through their whole lives.

Glenn

AAA <333333 he's such a natural with babies it's unreal. You wouldn't expect it, but it's pretty effortless for him.

Your little one can rest in the palm of his hand.

He has two kids, he knows the drill by now. Expect plenty of Southern Yeehaw child rearing tips that seem absolutely insane but,, actually work? Questionable but functional.

SNIFFLES <33 he love tickling them to hear em giggle. Baby laugsh cure his soul, he's never looked so at peace

ALSO THE KID LEARNS HOW TO SAY 'Cadet' BC THATS,, ALL GLENN CALLS THEM SMDNS THATS HIS NICKNAME FOR THEM. It's one of their first words, Glenn is extremely proud.

Brett

NATURAL DAD BUT ALSO. VERY ANXIOUS

He makes that Nervous Hissing Inhale noise while he holds them.

HE COOS SO MUCH <33 AT THE BABIE <333 He's got his little 3: face on, gently stroking their cheek, giving little nose nuzzles. He's gonna get such insane baby fever. as if he didn't already sdnsmdMSNDS

He doesn't actually know that much about practical babycare, so he'll probably stand back and watch!! Please teach him some stuff, he'll be so happy <333

OH he may not know a lot about babycare but he DOES know a lot about personcare!!!

yes he's bringing you food and treats and,, clothes and blankets and literally anything you could possibly need!! He remembers how stressed his aunt was after she gave birth, so he wants to help however he can!!

If they ever say his name he WILL burst into tears. "Bept :o" he is fucking sobbing MSNDSMN <3333

Alpha-Beta

He's the type of guy to be like 'oh no I HATE kids they're horrible and annoying and awful hate hate hate' but. the second he actually sees one irl. it's a complete 180 he would protect it with his life MSNDMSND

he THINKS he hates kids bc he hates humans (and even,, that is questionable) but,,, it clocks him that kids actually Don't Suck As Much As He Initially Thought

They're just so. small and innocent and helpless. They don't have any ill wills, they aren't greedy and horrible like adults, they just want love!!!

So yea he makes a solid effort to hate it but the second it starts staring at him with those Big Blinky Eyes...... no he's done for lmao MSNDMSND

"are you fucking insane-" as you gently hand the baby off to him.

He's so scared of accidentally hurting it. he doesn't have,, a great track record with people and,, babies are so fragile.

THE BABY LOVES HIM THO <333 his body hums at this,, low vibration so it puts them right to sleep <3333 please exploit this.

JUST A LITTLE THING <3 MWA THIS WAS SUPER CUTE, LMK IF YOU HAD SMTH ELSE IN MIIIIND <333

[cognitosclowns]

HIIIII DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FLUFFY GROUP HCS?? The roadtrip one was adorable. tysm!!!!!!!

OH BOYE OH BOYE DO I <333

SFW BELOW!! Food mentions!!

ITS COLD AS BALLS WHERE IM AT RN SO,,,, WHAT ABOUT A SWEET LITTLE CAMPFIRE WITH THESE FUCKS?? why? where? who knows, not me <3 i just want these bastards COZY

This is all gonna be SUPER SPORADIC BUT,, AWAY WE GOOOO

Glenn gets the job of starting the fire <33 he,, probably also,, chops and/or provides the wood. Yeehaw

Brett tries to help but gets smoke in his eye and ends up coughing himself blue </3

The smoke seems to,, follow Andre no matter what side of the fire he goes to, so he's also gonna be coughing out his SOUL SMNDSD.

just,, going around in circles, half-way giggling and crying bc,, there's no escape. He shall die here </3 - Myc teases that,, 'he should be immune to it, with how much shit he smokes' and gets a beaned with a stick

OH GOD <333 JR is not built for this weather.

He's bundled up to the tip of his nose and still shivering his ass off </3 THIS MASSIVE COAT, several layers underneath, all swaddled in this Giant Scarf that's flapping in the breeze. His glasses are,, horrifically fogged up. He looks like a pile of cloth w/ a pink nose stickin out <33333

DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS HE WILL STILL END UP CATCHING A COLD SMDNSMDN SHITTIEST IMMUNE SYSTEM </3

it is a BATTLE for marshmallows i cannot emphasize this ENOUGH

ANDRE CLAIMS IT ISNT FAIR - MYC HAS 6 ARMS, WHAT THE FUCK >:(((( they will be wrestling for them during half the night <333

Gigi brought her own <33 they're these big fluffy ones from a gourmet bakery she loves. Despite her best efforts many will be lost to Andre when she gets distracted

BRETT CAMPFIRE SONGS BRETT CAMPFIRE SONGS BRETT

This man absolutely did scouts as a kid. Look at that face and need to impress authority figures and tell me he WOULDN'T HAVE LOVED SCOUTS SMDNSDM

HE BRINGS OUT A GUITAR AND EVERYTHING </3 it has,, a bunch of stickers from different clubs n events n,,, parties he's been to. he's a decent player??? nothing major but he has something that could be vaguely considered rhythm

They ABSOLUTELY bully Glenn into sharing some,, old army tunes?? The super vintage ones that have like,, a shanty-esq vibe? His whole fam is army so he was basically raised on em!!

EXPECT SOME VERY TIRED DANCING FROM GIGI AND ANDRE - they'll probably be the only ones standing!!! Andre doesn't like sitting still, and if Gigi doesn't move she's gonna freeze solid lmao

reagan knows,, basically none of the tunes so she just awkwardly nods her head.

BRETT DOES PLAY,, SOME MORE GENERIC INDIE SONGS SHE'S MORE FAMILIAR WITH SO THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL LEFT-OUT <3

<333 OH,, OH SPOOKY STORIES

Brett suggests it and IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT BC,, Myc is the champ. A veteran of scaring the shit outta people <3

... with how long he's been around, they can never quite be sure if the stories he tells are truth or fiction <333

(SIDE NOTE : HE'LL ABSOLUTELY TRY TO FREAK PPL OUT BY USING HIS TENTACLES TO CAST A Super Spooky Shadow AGAINST SMTH. Especially when everyone is.. super calm n distracted? Brett sees it and screams loud enough to wake the dead smnds <3 bastard bastard bastard)

GRK <333 at the end of the night Gigi takes a bunch of cute photos of em while they're distracted. She'll claim its for blackmail but <33 tbh everyone just looks so sweet, all tired and cozied up in their shitty lawnchairs. She can't not capture it <3

JUST SOME MISC STUFF!!! LMK IF YOU HAD SMTH ELSE IN MIND!!