#TL!Sheriff is not sane

[spinningbagel]

Erm,,, blood warning for the drawing and warning for implied/mentioned murder & suicide for the writing.

Timeloop!Sheriff is not sane 🫶🫶

When you’re forced to relive the same day over and over, one loop or another you’re bound to snap, not caring if your bullets hit your comrades or your enemies. You don’t listen to their pleas, only watching as you paint the white snow red.

And when the fog in your mind clears you’ll stare at the bloodbath you’ve created and you’ll weep. You’ll weep for the allies you killed, you’ll weep because no matter what you try or what you do, you’ll be doomed to repeat this god awful day.

And then, you’ll laugh at that realisation. You’re doomed, forced to repeat this day over and over and this entire thing is pointless crying over. You can just put a bullet in your head and this entire thing is over.

So that’s what you do, your body joining the others only to wake back up in the safety of your room. You etch another mark into the wall and get on with your day, wondering what else you can do to keep yourself entertained.

[spinningbagel]

TL!Au is such an interesting AU to me. While timeloops in themselves are not the most interesting troupe, I love thinkig about how it'd affect Sheriff mentally to experience the loop, how his mental health would slowly decline with every death. I don't even think he'd notice his own mental decline, too stressed and focused on getting out of this godforsaken loop to notice the way he's slowly loosing himself to his own head until has like... a manic episode (This'd likely be the uh,,, murderous rampage loop because he's had this realisation that nothing he does matter in the end, as long as he dies the loops will continue. To him, in his mind, he's practically a god who can get away with anything thanks to the loops.) 

Also I think the fact that he can't tell anyone about the loops plays into his mental unstability, like, he can try telling them about the loops but when he inevitably dies, they'll forget again. It'd drive him up the wall to know he's the only one who can remember the repeating day. Sure that changes later down the track (for better and for worse) but at the time, it would be incredibly frustrating to not have a way for them to remember the days repeating and draining to have to be the only one to have to live with this burden. 

I also like to think about how he'd feel about the scars, and his appearence in general I personally think he'd hate seeing himself in a mirror, every scar on his body a constant reminder of every single failed loop. Like, his eye, he got that torn out and couldn't see out that eye every loop after that. There's also the rope burn mark around his neck. I think you can figure out how that loop went. Like, he would hate his body and mirrors in general. Doesn't want to be reminded of his failures.

And by the time he finally manages to get someone to remember the loops, he's so far gone that he can't fully remember how he used to be, his perception of himself is so scuffed that he can't remember how he looked prior to the loops. And it's not like he can rely on any photos. Like him, they change with every loop, updating to reflect how he looks by the next loop. His only refrence at this point is an old, old photo of Ryan and him. 

And mentally, he's not stable anymore, hasn't been for at least a few hundred loops. He's self destructive, looking for ways to end the loops early when the weight of everything gets to him.  He's not sane anymore like, genuinely he's not sane anymore, he's manic and psychotic, more often times than not he's not there mentally. 

Anyways,,, I treat my favourites so well (lie)