#TOS Kirk and Spock had already known each other for quite some time!!!!

[youngpettyqueen]

Strange New Worlds is definitely not a show without flaws and there's a lot of fair criticism for it but "theyre avoiding showing how close Kirk and Spock are because its undeniably gay" is not one of those fair criticisms

[per-ineptia-ad-astra]

Star Trek Episode 1.24: This Side of Paradise

AKA Yet Another Creepy Utopia Planet

Our episode begins with the Enterprise heading in to orbit around an Earthy-looking planet named Omicron Ceti 3. Omicon Ceti is a real star, by the way—also known as Mira or Mira A, it’s a red giant and part of a binary star system with its sister Mira B. It’s not a real likely place to go looking for such a nice homey sort of planet, though, because Mira is a pulsating variable star, which means its size and brightness is constantly fluctuating, and it’s hard to evolve life when your sun keeps flickering like a neon sign in a noir movie all the time.

Uhura reports to Kirk that she’s been transmitting a contact signal every five minutes just as he ordered, but she’s only getting dead air in response.  Kirk tells her to keep it up until they get into orbit, then moves on to talk to Spock. “There were one hundred fifty men, women and children in that colony,” he says. “What are the chances of survivors?”

Looks like the chances are, uh...not great. And by ‘not great’ I mean ‘nonexistent’. Spock explains that ‘Bertold rays’ are a recent enough discovery that there’s still a lot not known about them, but one thing that is for sure known is that exposure to these rays causes living animal tissue to disintegrate. Nasty. Evidently this planet is heavily exposed to these rays, because a group of colonists-- “Sandoval’s group”-- came here only three years ago and Spock says there’s no possibility they could have survived. Well why the heck would anyone build a colony in such a place? All Spock can say is “They knew there was a risk.”

Kirk questions whether they can risk sending a landing party down under such conditions, but Spock says the disintegration doesn’t start immediately, so they’ll be alright if they don’t stick around too long. The helmsman reports that they’ve successfully established orbit, and he’s found a settlement—or at least, something that was a settlement at one point. Kirk tells Spock to equip a landing party of five to accompany him down there, including a biologist and McCoy. That’s gonna be a fun mission briefing. “Yes, we're beaming down to a planet bombarded with deadly radiation, but no need to worry, crew, your tissues will probably only disintegrate a little bit."

Sometime later, the landing party—Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, a blueshirt and a goldshirt—materialize into a meadow near a dirt path and a picket fence. They’ve thoughtfully arranged themselves into a nice alternating pattern.

[ID: A shot of a sunny meadow with a dirt road, a few trees and a white picket fence in the background. Newly beamed down are six Enterprise crewmembers standing in two rows: in the front are Kirk and Spock, in the back are McCoy, a goldshirt, a blueshirt, and Sulu.]

The goldshirt, incidentally, is DeSalle, who we last saw back in The Squire of Gothos. The character was originally written for this story as Lt. Timothy Fletcher, but was changed to DeSalle after the production crew realized they’d cast an actor who had already appeared in the series. Yes, really. AGAIN. The blueshirt is Kelowitz, who showed up briefly in The Galileo Seven and Arena, and likewise started out as another character but was renamed after being cast. I don’t know how this situation managed to happen so often on TOS, but apparently it did. At least they both seem to have managed to hold onto more or less the same positions that they had the last time we saw them, a rare feat for any minor TOS crewmember.

The group walks forward towards some nearby farm buildings arranged around a dirt yard, with a horse-drawn cart sitting out in front of one of them. But there’s no horse to be seen, and no people either. They wander through the yard and over toward what looks like a paddock, but without any animals in it. Everything seems quite thoroughly deserted.

Kirk leans on the paddock fence and glumly muses, “Another dream that failed. There’s nothing sadder. It took these people a year to make the trip from Earth. They came all that way...and died.” Hold on, it took them a year? What, do they not give colony ships warp drives? Did they have to hitchhike here?

“Hardly that, sir,” someone says, and suddenly we see three men in green jumpsuits standing at the edge of the yard, looking very relaxed and also very not dead.

As the landing party all turn around to stare in shock the man in front strides forward and says, “Welcome to Omicron Ceti 3. I’m Elias Sandoval.” McCoy looks like he’s getting ready to spray the dude with holy water.

After the titles, we get a brief captain’s log to sum things up, just in case everyone forgot what happened during the commercial break:

“Captain’s Log, Stardate 3417.3. We thought our mission to Omicron Ceti 3 would be an unhappy one. We had expected to find no survivors of the agricultural colony there. Apparently, our information was incorrect.”

The colonists start happily shaking hands with the landing party—but happily as in “oh, it’s so nice to meet you” not “oh thank god you came to rescue us we’re all on the brink of death”. Sandoval says they haven’t seen anyone outside the colony since they left Earth four years ago, although they’ve been expecting someone to come by for a while. Apparently their subspace radio didn’t work right and they don’t have anyone who could “master its intricacies”. Now, I’m no expert on establishing colonies on alien planets, but ‘person who can work our only communication device’ does rather seem like a position you would want to make sure was filled before you left.

Kirk has to explain that they haven’t come to visit because of the dead radio. He does not explain why they did decide to come when they did. Spock’s comment about the colonists knowing there was a risk indicates that whether or not Bertold rays specifically were known about before the colonists left, they at least had reason to believe there was something dangerous about the planet. So why’d the Federation let them go and then wait another three years before sending anyone to check up on them? Eh, probably just another failing of twenty-third century space bureaucracy.

Sandoval’s not bothered about it, though. He tells Kirk that it doesn’t make much difference—the important thing is the party is here now and the colonists are happy to see them. Then he invites them on a tour of the settlement and casually strolls off, leaving the landing party to stand there and try to process what the hell they just witnessed.

“Pure speculation, just an educated guess...I’d say that man is alive,” McCoy says. Thanks Bones.

Spock says that his scans show that the planet is getting ray’d just as their reports indicated, so that’s not the issue. Under this intensity, the landing party could safely hang out here for a week if necessary, as per the usual Star Trek rule that you can be exposed to a deadly thing and be just fine up until the exact moment it kills you, but there’s a mighty big difference between a week and three years. Or as Kirk succinctly puts it, “These people shouldn’t be alive.”

“Is it possible they’re not?” Sulu asks. Great out of the box thinking there Sulu, love it.

Kirk takes a moment to consider that, which is fair—compared to the kind of weird shit they’ve encountered so far, the walking dead wouldn’t even stand out that much. But McCoy points out that when they shook hands with Sandoval, “His flesh was warm. He’s alive. There’s no doubt about that.” Spock fires back with a reminder that, “There’s no miracle connected with [Bertold rays], doctor, you know that. No cures, no serums, no antidotes. If a man is exposed long enough, he dies.” Okay dude, calm down, all McCoy said was “he’s alive” not “my god! Bertold rays have been fake all along! wake up sheeple!"

As Kirk points out, this whole debate is pretty pointless anyway for the moment—they’re arguing in a vacuum, and they’ll need more answers if they want to get anywhere. So they go to follow Sandoval, who leads them towards a nearby farm house, while a few colonists do various farm chores nearby. Sandoval explains that the colonists split into three groups, with forty-five people at this settlement and two more settlements elsewhere on the planet. Apparently they thought that arrangement would give each group a better chance for growth, since if some disaster struck one group the other two would probably still be alright.

“Omicron is an ideal agricultural planet,” he says. “We determined not to suffer the fate of the expeditions that went before us.” It’s rather vague what expeditions he’s referring to here, since at no other point in the episode are any previous attempts at settling Omicron Ceti 3 mentioned. But given that Sandoval specifically mentions the possibility of disease afflicting one group as a reason to split up, and Spock earlier said that Bertold rays were a recent discovery—and that the colonists knew coming to Omicron Ceti 3 was risky-- it seems possible that previous groups tried to settle the planet and, without knowing about the Bertold rays, mistook their effects for some kind of disease native to the planet. Of course that doesn’t explain why this group of colonists decided it would be a good idea to try to settle here again anyway, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few months, it’s that not everyone sees the possibility of dying to a terrible disease as a compelling reason to change their plans in any way.

As they stand in the farmhouse talking about this, a woman steps forward from another room in the house. She’s in soft focus, just in case we might forget she’s a woman, and instead of the green jumpsuit all the male colonists are wearing, she’s wearing green overalls over a lavender shirt, a combination that somehow manages to be an even worse fashion disaster than the jumpsuits themselves. She starts to say something to Sandoval, then stops in surprise as she sees the landing party. But for once the romance-o-vision isn’t for Kirk—it’s Spock that the camera zooms in on as the woman stares at him.

“Layla, come meet our guests,” Sandoval says cheerfully, oblivious to the wistfully romantic background music. He introduces her as Layla Colomi, their botanist. Layla says that she and Spock have met before, but “It’s been a long time.” Kirk gives Spock a bit of a side-eye for that, but Spock offers no details.

Well, all romantic tension aside, they do still have a mission to attend to here, as Kirk reminds Sandoval. Sandoval tells them to go ahead with any examinations or tests they want. “I think you’ll find our settlement an interesting one. Our philosophy is a simple one: that men should return to a less complicated life. We have few mechanical things here, no vehicles, no weapons. We have harmony here. Complete peace.” Oh yeah, that bodes well. Remember the last place we saw complete harmony and peace? At least that explains why everyone on this farm is using equipment straight out of Stardew Valley, which is presumably not the most advanced agricultural technology available by the twenty-third century. I’m not sure why Sandoval’s idea of a simpler lifestyle excludes vehicles, though. They’re not exactly the most recent thing on the timeline of human technological advancements.

Sandoval tells the landing party to make themselves at home, and they all head off. All except for Spock, who lingers just a few seconds more to give Layla a completely neutral look before walking away as well.

Everyone goes off to conduct their respective investigations. Sulu and Kelowitz wander through a yard over towards another farm building. Kelowitz isn’t sure what exactly they should be looking for, though. “Whatever doesn’t look right—whatever that is,” Sulu replies, climbing up to sit on a railing on the building’s porch. “When it comes to farms, I wouldn’t know what looked right or wrong if it were two feet from me.” I hope you enjoyed that line, because “didn’t grow up on a farm” is about all the backstory TOS is going to give us for Sulu until the movies.

[ID: Three screenshots showing Sulu pulling himself up to sit on the railing of an old-fashioned farmhouse as he says, "When it comes to farms, I wouldn't know what looked right or wrong if it were two feet from me." Growing up from the ground nearby are two large plants with thick brownish-purple stems and large pink flowers on top.]

Hey Sulu, what's that about two feet from you? Oh well, I'm sure it's not important.

Kelowitz opens up a nearby barn and notes that there’s no cows there—in fact, the barn isn’t even built for cows, just for storage, and indeed it only looks big enough to be useful for holding cow, singular. Having a storage barn isn’t itself that weird, although the fact that there is nothing currently stored in the storage barn is a bit strange. But also, as Sulu points out, come to think of it, they haven’t seen any animals here, native or imported. No cows, no horses, no pigs, not even a dog. Which is a bit odd for an agricultural colony. They must have had or expected to have animals at some point—otherwise what was pulling that cart?

Back in the house, Sandoval is asking Layla about Spock (once again referred to as a ‘Vulcanian’). She says that she knew Spock on Earth, six years ago. Sandoval, apparently having noticed the dreamy background music by now, asks if Layla loved Spock. She says that if she did, “it was important only to myself...Mr. Spock’s feelings were never expressed to me. It is said he has none to give.”

“Would you like him to stay with us now? To be one of us?” Sandoval asks. Layla smiles at him. “There is no choice, Elias,” she says. “He will stay.”

Elsewhere in the house, McCoy is scanning a colonist. He doesn’t look exactly happy with the tricorder result he gets, but all he says is, “That’ll be all, thank you very much,” and the colonist leaves, passing Kirk coming in. Incidentally, I can’t help but note that this room contains two paintings on the wall and what appears to be a cabinet full of china. I suppose the paintings could have been done by a colonist, but the china could surely only have been brought there. Who decided to pack fancy china on a year-long space voyage to an agricultural colony?

[ID: A shot of the interior of a farmhouse with blue walls, with a large wooden table in the middle of the room, a cabinet with china and glassware in the corner, a wooden desk with a copper tea kettle and some other kitchen items on it against the back wall, and a painting hanging on the wall showing some blurry trees. Sandoval, a middle-aged white man with short brown hair wearing a green jumpsuit, walks past the camera as he says, "Oh, captain, I've been looking for you."]

Kirk asks if McCoy’s found anything yet. McCoy replies that he’s surveyed nine men so far, ranging in age from twenty-three to fifty-nine. And they’re all in perfect condition. Not just healthy—perfect. Textbook responses across the board, from all of them. “If there are many more of them,” McCoy muses, “I can throw away my shingle.”

At that point Kirk’s communicator goes off. It’s Spock, calling in from one of the crop fields. He’s made the same observation as Sulu—there’s no life on the planet aside from the colonists and the plants. No animals, no insects. Spock doesn’t have any explanation yet, so Kirk tells him to carry on with his investigation and hangs up.

McCoy notes the absence of animals as peculiar, and Kirk says it’s especially so because the expedition records show that they did bring animals with them to raise for food. And pull their carts, presumably. But it seems none of them are still around. McCoy says he’d like to see the expedition’s medical records, a request Kirk has apparently anticipated because he’s got the floppy disc on hand with him.

Sandoval comes in and says that he’d like to take the two of them on a tour of the fields, to show off what the colony’s accomplished. McCoy says he’ll have to bow out, since he’s still working on the medical examinations. “However, if I find everyone else’s health to be as perfect as yours...”

“You’ll find no weaklings here,” Sandoval says, which uh, sure is a hell of a way to phrase that. “No weaklings! None of those miserable, pathetic sods with imperfect health! Only the strong survive! THE SLIGHTEST BLEMISH SHALL BE CAUSE FOR EXILE!”

Leaving McCoy behind, Kirk and Sandoval head out to the fields, where Sandoval gushes to Kirk about how great this place is: they’ve got moderate climate, moderate rains all year round, and the soil will grow anything they stick in it. Which is pretty miraculous, considering there’s no such thing as growing conditions that are perfect for every plant. But as we’re about to see, that’s not the only weird thing going on with their farming practices.

The conversation is interrupted by DeSalle arriving to give Kirk the biology report. Sandoval excuses himself to attend to work elsewhere, leaving Kirk and DeSalle alone to discuss the report. At first, it seems to be just as Sandoval said: they’ve got a variety of crops growing here successfully. The weird thing is that they don’t actually have very many of those crops. There’s enough to keep the colony going at the size it currently is, but barely more than that. Which tracks with what we’ve seen of the place so far: a couple of tiny fields that look more about the size for someone’s backyard garden than for a prosperous farm, tended by the occasional person idly scratching at the ground with a hoe. For a supposedly bounteous agricultural colony, that’s pretty weird. What have they been doing all this time?

“It’s like a jigsaw puzzle all one color,” Kirk muses, taking a moment to stroll a few steps away so he can say this dramatically in the distance instead of actually talking to DeSalle. “No key to where the pieces fit in. Why?”

Kirk’s communicator goes off. It’s McCoy, saying Kirk had better get back over there. “Trouble?” “No, but I’d like you to see this for yourself.” Of course. No one can ever just explain something over the phone, can they.

So Kirk heads back to the house, where the thing that Kirk just absolutely has to see for himself turns out to be McCoy just telling him what he’s found out, but he definitely couldn't do that over the communicator for, uh, reasons. What he’s found out is pretty interesting, though: McCoy checked up on Sandoval’s medical records from right before the colonists had left, which said that Sandoval had had an appendectomy, and had scar tissue on his lungs from childhood pneumonia (the weakling!). Yet when McCoy scanned Sandoval himself today, the results came back just as perfect as all the other colonists’. Kirk’s first thought is instrument failure, but McCoy says no, he thought of that and tested it by scanning himself, and it recorded him just fine, down to “those two broken ribs I had once.” Which sounds like an interesting story. But Sandoval’s scan? No scar tissue, and one healthy appendix. That’s right, Sandoval’s apparently managed to regrow an entire organ. Do you think you would notice that happening? Like, would it itch?

While Kirk and McCoy try to figure that out, Spock is hanging out in a field scanning with his own tricorder, while Layla stands nearby smiling ominously at him. Spock muses that there’s “Nothing. Not even insects. Yet your plants grow, and you’ve survived exposure to Bertold rays.” Yeah, how are those plants growing without insects? Presumably the native plants have evolved some way around that, but the ones the colonists have brought from Earth would need some help. Are the colonists just manually pollinating everything? Maybe that’s why they haven’t grown very much.

Layla says this can be explained, but when asked to do so, she just says, “Later.” Spock looks annoyed and remarks, “I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.” Hey! Cut that bullshit out. No one on this colony has directly answered a question since you got here, there’s no call to go ragging on a whole gender for it. Besides, just saying “Later,” is hardly a stunningly deft diversion, it’s not like she threw a smoke bomb down and disappeared.

“And I never understood you,” Layla says, walking over and placing a hand on his chest. “Until now. There was always a place in here where no one could come. There was only the face you allow people to see. Only one side you’d allow them to know.”

[ID: Three screenshots of Spock and Layla, a white woman with a lot of long blonde hair wearing a lilac shirt and green overalls, standing outside in a field with a large tree in the background. Layla, seen from behind, is pressing her hand to Spock's upper chest and saying, "There was always a place in here where no one could come." Spock replies "you know that's not where my heart is right".]

If Layla was hoping this little speech would prompt Spock to cry out that yes, she’s figured him out, he does love her but has never been able to show it! she’s disappointed, because he just looks uncomfortable and steps away. He tries to steer the conversation back onto the mystery of the colonists. “If I tell you how we survive,” she asks, “will you try to understand how we feel about our life here? About each other?”

That’s a pretty vague thing to make a promise about, so Spock deflects by saying that emotions are alien to him; he’s a SCIENTIST. “Someone else might believe that—your shipmates, your captain—but not me,” Layla says. Oh sure! Obviously none of the people who have lived, worked, and risked death alongside Spock can be expected to know anything about Spock. Only you are the Spock Expert, gifted with incredible insight by virtue of having a crush on him.

“Come,” she says, sauntering off through the field with her hand outstretched to him. Spock rather pointedly folds his hands behind his back instead and follows her.

Back in the house, Kirk and McCoy are struggling to have a conversation with Sandoval. Kirk tells Sandoval that he’s received orders from Starfleet Command to evacuate everyone on the colony, since, y’know, deadly rays and all that. He expects Sandoval to start making preparations. But Sandoval, calmly, casually, says, “No.” It’s not necessary, he insists—they’re in no danger.

But...but the Bertold rays. Sandoval is unmoved,  pointing out that as McCoy’s own instruments show, the colonists are in perfect health and there have been no deaths. Okay, what about all those animals? What happened to them? “We’re vegetarians,” Sandoval says blithely. Which, as Kirk points out, does absolutely nothing to answer the question. Actually it raises further questions.

Sandoval remains thoroughly unbothered and thoroughly unhelpful. “Captain, you stress very unimportant matters. We will not leave,” he says, and goes back to gazing out the window, evidently considering the conversation over.

Elsewhere, Spock and Layla are still walking, and Spock is getting annoyed that Layla still hasn’t explained just what it is they’re going to see. “Its basic properties and elements are not important,” Layla says helpfully. “What is important is that it gives life, peace, love.” Oh boy.

Spock is dubious, but Layla pulls him forward, over towards another one of those large pink flowers. “I was one of the first to find them,” Layla says. “The spores.”

[ID: A gif of Spock approaching a large pinkish-purple flower and saying, "Spores?" The flower then sprays a cloud of white spores all over his face and torso while Spock recoils.]

For a moment Spock just looks startled, but then he starts clutching his head and falling onto his knees in the grass, dropping his tricorder and gasping, “No--” For the first time all episode, Layla’s absolute serenity starts to fracture slightly. Over Spock’s agonized protests, she insists that it shouldn’t hurt—it didn’t hurt any of them. But, as Spock gasps out, he’s not like them. Whoops, did the biologist forget to account for biological differences before handing out a facefull of spores? I bet you didn’t even check if he had any allergies first, did you?

Just as it’s looking like this might put actually put a crack in Layla’s blissed-out impassivity, Spock stops thrashing about and starts seeming less anguished and more confused. Layla’s concern vanishes once again, and she goes back to smiling happily while stroking his face. “Now...now you belong to all of us...and we to you. There’s no need to hide your inner face any longer. We understand.”

Spock still seems unsure, but then he takes Layla’s hand in his and smiles. Not the slight hint of a smile or sardonic quirk of the lips you’d expect to see from Spock, but a huge, broad grin from ear to ear. “I love you...I can love you,” he says, and then he kisses her.

Hoo boy.

After the break, we get a quick Captain’s Log to recap:

“Captain’s Log, supplemental. We have been ordered by Starfleet Command to evacuate the colony on Omicron 3. However, the colony leader, Elias Sandoval, has refused all cooperation and will not listen to any arguments.”

Sure enough, we see Sandoval exiting the farmhouse, followed by McCoy and an extremely frustrated Kirk. “Captain, your arguments are very valid, but do they not apply to us,” Sandoval says, as calm as ever. He tries to walk off, but Kirk grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“My orders are to remove all the colonists,” he says, “and that’s exactly what I intend to do with or without your help.”

“Without, I should think,” Sandoval says, and strolls off, leaving Kirk standing there fuming.

Sulu and Kelowitz come walking up to report that they’ve checked out everything and it all seems normal, except for the missing animals. Of course, they also both said they had no idea what to look for in the first place, so maybe take that with a grain of salt. Kirk tells them about the evacuation orders, and says he wants landing parties to start gathering the colonists and preparing them to leave. And by the way, where did Spock and DeSalle go? Sulu says they haven’t seen either one in some time, but McCoy says DeSalle was going to examine some native plants he found. Native plants, huh? I think we can guess what happened to DeSalle.

Since Spock still hasn’t reported in, Kirk gives him a call. Or tries to, at least—Spock doesn’t pick up. On the other end of the line, we see why that is: Spock's communicator is laying abandoned on the ground, while Spock himself, now dressed in the same horrible green jumpsuit as the colonists, is stretched out on the grass with Layla, watching clouds. The communicator beeps away while Spock happily describes how one of the clouds looks like a dragon. "I've never seen a dragon," Layla says. BEEP BEEP. "I have." BEEP BEEP. "On Barengarius 7." BEEP BEEP. "But I've never stopped to look at clouds before." BEEP BEEP. "Or rainbows." BEEP BEEP. "You know, I can tell you exactly why one appears in the sky, but considering its beauty has always been out of the question." BEEP BEEP.

"Not here," Layla says (beep beep), and they smile dreamily at each other before going into another makeout session. Meanwhile, Kirk is still on the line, and not getting any happier about it. Layla finally picks up the communicator and holds it up for Spock, who takes a break from kissin' to say, "Yes, what did you want?"

Naturally, this throws both Kirk and McCoy for a loop. While McCoy stands there with a "what the fuck" look on his face, Kirk takes a moment to recover and then demands, "Spock, is that you?"

"Yes, captain, what did you want?"

"Where are you?"

"...I don't believe I want to tell you."

[ID: Three shots of Kirk and McCoy standing in front of the farmhouse, Kirk holding his communicator while McCoy looks on. Kirk has a stunned expression on his face and looks around with his mouth open, trying to figure out what to say.]

Kirk plows on ahead, telling Spock that, whatever the hell he thinks he's doing, he's got orders: they're getting the colonists out, and Spock is to meet back at the settlement in ten minutes.

"No, I don't think so," Spock says casually. "You don't think so, what?" "I don't think so, sir."

Kirk has to take a moment after that one. It's rather amazing that McCoy's made it this far into the conversation without saying anything himself. Presumably he's just in shock. Eventually Kirk tells Spock to report in immediately, but by now Spock and Layla have gone back to kissing, leaving the communicator open but abandoned in the grass once more.

"That didn't sound at all like Spock, Jim," McCoy says, putting in his bid for the Enterprise’s bi-weekly Massive Understatement contest.

"No, it--I thought you said you might like him if he mellowed a little."

"I didn't say that!"

"You said that."

"Not exactly,” McCoy protests, and then somewhat grudgingly adds, “He might be in trouble.”

I'm sure McCoy did say that, or something like it, but "I hope Spock has his brain taken over by alien spores" was presumably not where he was going with it. He obviously sees this sudden change of behavior as something to be concerned about--even moreso than Kirk, who seems more irritated than anything. But then, it's only been a couple episodes since McCoy had his own run-in with an alien influence making people act a lot more mellow than usual, and he didn't enjoy that experience at all, so it's not surprising that "trouble" is his first thought here.

Kirk tells McCoy to take over the landing party detail and start getting the colonists up to the ship, and to make sure the party works in teams of two, with nobody being left alone. Meanwhile, Kirk himself takes Sulu and Kelowitz and heads off to find Spock, using the open frequency from Spock's communicator as a homing signal. They follow a dirt path out of the main settlement and soon find said communicator, laying open and abandoned in the grass just off the path. As Kirk picks it up, they hear laughter nearby, and Sulu points in astonishment further down the path, where Layla is watching Spock dangle upside-down from a tree branch like a kid on a jungle gym.

[ID: A shot of Spock and Layla among some trees at the end of a dirt path. Layla is standing on the ground and holding hands with Spock, who is hanging upside-down by his knees from a large tree branch, laughing.]

For a moment all Kirk can do is stare weakly at this weird spectacle. Then he collects himself with a stern AHEM and marches over like a principal about to deliver some very serious detention.

Meanwhile, back at the main hub of the colony, the landing party seems to have gotten well underway with preparations for departure, with several colonists and crewmen piling up luggage and equipment in the middle of a field while McCoy stands nearby overseeing everything, a job I’m sure he’s enjoying since we all know administrative work is McCoy’s favorite thing. Then DeSalle arrives, carrying a couple of the spore flowers and tells McCoy to take “a good, close look” at them, because they’re very interesting. McCoy steps forward to check them out right before the scene cuts away again, leaving us with little doubt as to what’s about to happen next.

During that little interim, Kirk and his crew have made it over to where Spock and Layla are cavorting. Spock just grins happily at Kirk, clearly not bothered one bit, even as Kirk asks if Spock’s out of his mind. He didn’t report to Kirk, he says, because...he didn’t want to.

Kirk glances back and forth between Spock and Layla, who’s standing there smiling rather smugly, and tells Layla that she’ll need to come get ready to evacuate with the rest of the colonists. Spock cheerfully says that there’s not going to be any evacuation. “But perhaps,” he adds, “we should go and get you straightened out.”

That really doesn’t bode well, but rather than ask just what Spock means by that, Kirk tells Sulu that Spock is under arrest in Sulu’s custody until they get back to the ship. Which will certainly work out well because it’s not like Spock is strong enough to chuck Sulu all the way across the field barehanded or anything. Not that Spock seems especially perturbed about being under arrest; instead he just shrugs, drops down from the tree, and says, “Very well. Come with me,” before heading off across the field, leaving else to follow in confusion. That’s how you arrest someone, right?

Of course, Spock leads them right to another group of spore flowers, which the group stops and stares at obligingly for a moment. Then the flowers explode a bunch of spores at them. Somehow, even though he’s standing right next to Sulu and Kelowitz, Kirk manages to totally avoid getting any spores up his sinuses, while the other two are immediately affected. “Yes...I see now,” Sulu says blissfully, with that trademark Very High grin that George Takei does so well. “Of course we can’t remove the colony. It’d be wrong.”

Kirk grabs him by the shoulders—Kirk’s go-to method for snapping people out of it--but when this somehow fails to bring Sulu back to his right mind, all Kirk can do is say that he doesn’t know what these plants are or how they work, but “you’re all going back to the settlement with me, and those colonists are going aboard the ship.” This stern proclamation has absolutely no effect on anyone. The whole group just stands there happily watching Kirk stomp back toward the colony. “I can see the captain is going to be difficult,” Spock remarks.

Kirk’s day isn’t about to get any better, because upon making it back to the colony he’s greeted by McCoy, who we can immediately tell is under the influence as well because his accent is absolutely out of control. It’s so thick even the subtitles pick up on it.

[ID: A screenshot of McCoy walking through a meadow with his communicator out, saying, "Sho’nuf."]

“Hiya, Jimmy boy!” McCoy very happily says to a very unhappy Kirk. “Hey, I’ve taken care of everything. Now all y’all gotta do is just relax. Doctor’s orders!” With a very resigned look, Kirk asks how many plants McCoy’s beamed up to the ship, and McCoy says it must be going on a hundred by now.

So Kirk beams up to the ship and heads right to the bridge, where he tells Uhura to put him through to Admiral Komak at Starfleet, though what he expects Komak to do about all this I don't know. But it’s too late. Uhura turns around to show that she’s smiling as happily as everyone else, and says, “Oh, I’m sorry Dave, I mean, captain. I can’t do that.” She’s short-circuited all the ship’s communications, except for ship-to-surface, since they’ll need that for a little while yet. Then she leaves, pausing in the door of the lift to tell Kirk that it’s really all for the best.

Kirk stands there seething for a moment, then stomps over to grab a plant that’s been left in Spock’s chair. He throws it across the bridge, and the camera lingers ominously on it as Kirk heads back into the lift.

Things aren’t any better on the rest of the ship. Kirk soon finds a long line of crewmembers of all different shirt colors, patiently waiting to transport down to join the colony. Out of what I can only assume is some desperate futile hope that someone will follow his orders if he just keeps trying, Kirk orders them all to go back to their stations at once. Unsurprisingly, they all ignore him. Kirk points out to one of the redshirts that this is MUTINY! but it doesn't get him very far.

[ID: A gif showing a young white man with brown hair wearing a redshirt as he says, "Yes, sir, it is." The camera then zooms in very dramatically on Kirk's stunned face.]

So...they’re all going down to join the colony? All four hundred thirty of them? Or four hundred twenty-nine, I guess, if Kirk refuses to join the fun. That’s almost ten times the amount of people the colony currently has in it. That seems like it could present a bit of a problem, because if you’ll recall DeSalle told Kirk earlier that right now the colony’s growing enough food to feed their current population, with little left over. How are they going to handle such a large and sudden influx into their population? Do they have housing for all these people? Or are they just all going to eat dirt and sleep on the ground because they’re all too high to notice anyway?

After we’ve had a commercial break to contemplate this shocking turn of events, Kirk takes some time out to give vent to his feelings in a captain’s log:

"Captain's Log, Stardate 3417.5. The pod plants have spread spores throughout the ship, carried by the ventilation system. Under their influence, my crew is deserting to join the Omicron colony, and I can't stop them. I don't know why I have not been infected, nor can I get Doctor McCoy to explain the physical, psychological aspects of the infection."

And indeed, just in case we had any doubt, we then see McCoy strolling through the field and happily telling Kirk, “I’m not interested in any physical, psychological aspects, Jim-boy. We all perfectly healthy down here.” Kirk grumbles about how much he’s been hearing about things being perfect lately. “I bet you’ve even grown your tonsils back.” “Sho’nuf!”

Kirk tries desperately to get McCoy to do something to figure these spores out—run a blood test, take a scan, type the symptoms into WebMD, something, anything—but McCoy is more interested in rambling on about mint juleps.  Meanwhile, back in the farmhouse, Sandoval’s having tea with Spock while they talk about how nearly everyone’s beamed down from the ship and things are “proceeding quite well.” Kirk storms in and demands to know where McCoy’s gotten to, and Spock says he went off to make that mint julep. Which could prove quite difficult unless this tiny half-assed farm colony has somehow managed to set up a working distillery around here somewhere, but Kirk’s got bigger concerns right now than where McCoy’s going to get his bourbon.

Sandoval wants to know why Kirk won’t join them in their private, spore-sponsored paradise. Kirk asks where these spores came from, anyway, and Spock exposits that there’s no way to know—they just drifted through space until they arrived at this planet, which is perfect for them because it turns out they actually thrive on Bertold rays. The plants act as a repository for the spores until they can find a human—or half-Vulcan—body to inhabit. No explanation is forthcoming as to how Spock knows any of this.

Spock and Sandoval insist that the planet is “a true Eden” with belonging and love and no needs or wants for anyone, but Kirk is skeptical. “No wants, no needs. We weren’t meant for that. None of us. Man stagnates if he has no ambition, no desire to be more than he is.” Of all the things wrong with this situation I’m not sure “BEING TOO HAPPY IS BAD FOR YOU” is the take I would go with, but okay. Spock says that Kirk doesn’t understand, but he’ll come around...sooner or later.

Kirk, disgusted with this whole conversation, goes back to the ship. The bridge is dark, silent, and utterly empty. We get a slow pan of the blinking lights and displays of the consoles, with no one left to man them. Kirk walks over to his chair, hits the intercom, and starts calling one part of the ship after another, with no response from any of them. With nothing else left to do, he sits down in his chair and starts glumly recording a captain’s log so angsty it could be a LiveJournal entry:

"Captain's Log, Stardate 3417.7. Except for myself, all crew personnel have transported to the surface of the planet. Mutinied. Lieutenant Uhura has effectively sabotaged the communications station. I can only contact the surface of the planet. The ship...can be maintained in orbit for several months, but even with automatic controls, I cannot pilot her alone. In effect, I am marooned here. I'm beginning to realize...just how big this ship really is, how quiet. I don't know how to get my crew back, how to counteract the effect of the spores. I don't know what I can offer against...paradise."

Hold on hold on HOLD ON what do you MEAN the ship can be maintained in orbit for several months? Every time someone takes their hands off the controls for five seconds we get told that the orbit is decaying and they’re gonna plummet into some hapless planet within a few hours at most but now all of a sudden it’s fine to hang out up there for several months? MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

Kirk gets up to go sit at the helm, just to get a change of scenery mid-mope, and as he finishes his log/rant the camera slowly pans down to reveal the spore flower that he chucked across the bridge earlier. Which is weird because we just got a wide shot of the bridge and that flower definitely wasn’t there then.

[ID: Two shots. The first is a wide shot showing Kirk alone on the empty, darkened bridge, preparing to sit down at the helm. There is nothing in on the floor in front of the helm. The second shot is a closer shot of Kirk sitting at the helm with his chin in one hand, now with a large spore flower poking up in the front of shot.]

The flower promptly shoots Kirk in the face, and for a moment he just continues to sit there with spores in his hair and a “yeah, this might as well happen” expression. But then he slowly starts to smile, suddenly as happy as everyone else. Exactly why Kirk’s been unaffected by the spores up until now, even after hanging out for quite a while on a ship that’s supposedly been thoroughly contaminated by them, is never really explained. Maybe he's just on a lot of Zyrtec. But it seems even Kirk’s determination to not be happy can’t hold out against a point-blank spray in the face. He calls Spock to say that he finally understands now, which Spock is happy to hear. Kirk says he’ll be down just as soon as he packs up a few things, so Spock says he and Layla will wait for him at the beamdown point.

So Kirk goes off to his quarters to pack up a suitcase, the contents of which seem to mostly consist of uniform shirts. Apparently paradise for Kirk does not include one of those green jumpsuits, which, really, who can blame him. He opens a small vault by his bed and pulls out a couple of black cases, one of which he opens to reveal a medal. This seems to stir some sense of conflict because he sits down and stares at it for a long moment, but then puts it aside and heads to the transporter room, where he puts the suitcase on the platform and then prepares to set the controls.

But then Kirk hesitates, and stands there for a moment looking conflicted. Possibly he’s still having feelings about those medals, or maybe he’s having second thoughts about whether he packed enough shirts. In any case, he eventually exclaims, “No...No! I...can’t...LEAVE!” Then he punches the console for good measure.

Apparently this little emotional outburst is all it takes to cure the spores, because Kirk gasps a little, looks momentarily confused, and then seems to be back to his old self. “Emotions...violent emotions. Needs...anger,” he tells the empty room. “Captain’s log, supplemental. I think I’ve discovered the answer...but to carry out my plan entails considerable risk. Mr. Spock is much stronger than the ordinary human being.” Then he treats us to this remarkable line:

[ID: A shot of Kirk in profile at the transporter controls as he says, "Aroused, his great physical strength could kill."]

um

Down on the planet, Spock and Layla are still waiting at the beamdown point when Kirk calls Spock up and says he’s realized there’s some equipment on the ship that they’ll need for the colony, and he needs Spock’s help to get it all beamed down. Really, you’d think there’d be quite a lot of equipment on the Enterprise that a farming colony could make good use of, but I guess they’re really determined to stick to the whole no-technology approach. Despite this, Spock cheerfully accepts the explanation, gives Layla a quick smooch, and beams up.

But upon materializing, Spock is greeted not with a smiling Kirk ready to go move some equipment with his bro, but Kirk standing there holding some nonspecific heavy metal rod thing that he’s smacking threatening against his hand. “All right, you mutinous, disloyal, computerized half-breed,” he says, “we’ll see about you deserting my ship.”

Spock reacts to this bar-brawl-starter with nothing more than a nonplussed expression and polite correcting Kirk on his syntax. Kirk, determination unshaken, continues laying into him with a stream of insults that would have made that fucker from Balance of Terror go, “Whoa, hold on there a minute.” Undeterred by not being able to use any actual expletives, he compares Spock both to a machine and to various fairy-tale creatures, makes fun of his ears, and rounds it all off by having a go at the entire Vulcan race. He even insults Spock’s parents.

[ID: 1. A shot of Spock standing in the transporter room looking perplexed as Kirk, off-camera, says, "Whose father was a computer and his mother an encyclopedia?" 2. A gif from Monty Python and the Holy Grail of John Cleese as the French knight on the battlements yelling, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"]

Spock stands there taking it all stoically for quite a while, even as the background music gets increasingly tense. He finally starts to crack when Kirk goes after Spock’s relationship with Layla, and when Kirk keeps going despite Spock angrily telling him, “That’s enough,” Spock finally flips out big time. You know what that means, it’s time for a STAR TREK FIGHT SCENE! This one’s got it all: close-up shots of the actors intercut with long shots of very obvious stunt doubles; cardboard props getting punched; even people picking up random unidentifiable bits of starship equipment that may or may not have ever been there before to use as weapons. The only thing we’re missing is Kirk doing some kind of weird wrestling move.

[ID: Three gifs showing a fight scene between Kirk and Spock. First we see a long shot where Kirk and Spock are clearly being played by stunt doubles, as Spock punches a metal rod Kirk is holding, bending it in half. He then punches Kirk in the jaw, sending him careening into the wall. Then a close-up of Nimoy and Shatner as Spock advances on Kirk and throws a punch but misses, denting the control panel in the wall behind Kirk. Kirk dodges out of the way towards the console, and Spock throws another punch that hits the side of the console. Then back to a long view with the stunt doubles as Spock throws Kirk into the opposite wall, which Kirk careens off of, falling on his back on the floor, while Spock picks up something resembling a square metal stool or stepladder and raises it over his head. Finally, we see Nimoy and Shatner again as Kirk lays on the floor looking up at Spock, raising the thing he's carrying over his head.]

We dramatically cut to black as Spock stands poised above Kirk, raising whatever-the-hell-that-thing-is over his head threateningly. Apparently the ad break gives him enough time to cool down, though, because instead of bringing the thing down on Kirk’s skull, he hesitates.

“Had enough?” Kirk asks. “I didn’t realize what it took to get under that thick hide of yours.”

Spock slowly lowers the thing, looking a bit regretful about having to do so. Kirk says he doesn’t know what Spock’s so mad about, anyway. “It isn’t every first officer who gets to belt his captain...several times.” Dude, you just stood there and unleashed a screed of personal and racial insults at your best friend here. A “sorry” probably wouldn’t go amiss here.

“You did that to me deliberately,” Spock realizes, and then realizes that the spores are gone. “I don’t belong anymore.” Kirk explains that since the spores are “benevolent and peaceful,” violent emotions overwhelm and destroy them—that’s the answer. Which...definitely makes sense, chemically speaking. Sure.

Spock, still looking pretty glum about all this, points out that Kirk’s method might have worked out alright for curing one person, but they’ve got over five hundred infected people down there, and trying to pick a fight with all of them probably isn’t going to go so well. But no worries, Kirk’s got another plan. He wants Spock to rig up a subsonic transmitter that they can hook up to the ship’s communications system and then broadcast to all the communicators. Spock says he can do that, but hesitates as Kirk turns to leave. “Captain. Striking a fellow officer is a court martial offense,” he points out.

Kirk mulls over that one for a moment. “We-ll...if we’re both in the brig, who’s gonna build the subsonic transmitter?” he says, and Spock concedes the point. Besides, it’s a bit late to be worrying about striking fellow officers now.

[ID: A gif from The Naked Time of Kirk and Spock standing in an Enterprise conference room. Kirk slaps Spock across the face, and Spock retaliates by backhanding Kirk so hard he is thrown across the table in the center of the room and falls onto the floor on the other side.]

But what with the insults and the punching and de-sporing and everything, it seems that something has clean slipped Spock’s mind: Layla’s still down there waiting for him to come back. As she stands around the field, McCoy wanders over and asks what’s up. When she tells him that she’s been out here for some time now waiting for Spock and Kirk to come back, he gentlemanly offers to fix that for her and calls the ship. Spock picks up, and Layla asks if everything’s okay up there.

With obvious discomfort, Spock tells her that yes, he’s...quite well. Layla, oblivious to anything being wrong, asks if she can come up there, because she wants to talk to him, and besides, “I’ve never seen a starship before.” Wait a minute, never seen a starship before? You’re on a planetary colony! What, did you drive here?

Spock asks if she’s still at the beamdown point, and if McCoy’s there. Layla says yes to both, so Spock tells her to give the communicator back to McCoy, since she won’t need it to transport, and he’ll have her beamed up in a few minutes. One might think that at this point they might take this easy opportunity to also beam up McCoy and get him cured (it shouldn’t be hard, McCoy is already 85% comprised of negative emotions to begin with), so he can start investigating these spores, just in case Operation Go For the Eardrums doesn’t work. But they don’t. Kirk awkwardly asks Spock if he’s sure about talking to Layla while she’s still spore’d, but Spock just nods and heads to the transporter room.

He beams Layla up, and she happily runs over to give him a hug—they’ve been parted ever so long, after all—but when he just stands there stiffly, not reacting at all, she slowly pulls back and says, “You’re no longer with us, are you?”

Spock says it was necessary. Layla begs him to come back to the planet and belong again, but he says he can’t. She starts crying and saying she loves him. "I said that six years ago, and I can't seem to stop repeating myself. On Earth, you couldn't give anything of yourself. You couldn't even put your arms around me. We couldn't have anything together there. We couldn't have anything together anyplace else. But we're happy here. I can't lose you now, Mr. Spock, I can't." Look, if the only time the relationship you want can possibly work out is when the other person is being mind-controlled by alien spores, I think it may be time to consider whether this is really a relationship you should be pursuing in the first place.

“I have a responsibility to this ship...to that man on the bridge,” Spock gently tells her. “I am what I am, Layla. And if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else’s.”

Layla soon realizes that all this anguish has resulted in her getting de-spore’d as well, and she’s not happy about it. “And this is for my own good?” she demands angrily. Well...yes, I mean, it is, but Spock doesn’t say that. Nor does he respond when she asks, “Do you mind if I say I still love you?” but she hugs him again anyway.

[ID: Layla tearfully embraces Spock and says, "You never told me if you had another name, Mr. Spock." Spock replies, "You couldn't pronounce it."]

ROMANCE

We’re obviously supposed to read this little story arc as the tragic tale of true love destined never to be, because Spock is only able to express his feelings for Layla under the influence of the spores. He has experienced paradise, but alas, he cannot linger there, and so on. It’s never set all that well with me, though. The problem is we never really get Spock’s side of the story and so it leaves open the question of how much he actually did want this relationship in the first place. Layla said earlier that “Mr. Spock’s feelings were never expressed to me” so evidently he never outright said “I love you but I can’t be with you” or anything of that sort to her. When they’re alone in the field before Spock gets spore’d he seems stiff, standoffish, awkward, and deflects all of her overtures with what appears to be discomfort, even annoyance. He clearly has no interest in talking about whatever history they had together, even when they’re all alone. For all that Layla goes on about how she can see a side of Spock that his crewmates don’t, we see interactions with those crewmates multiple times throughout the show that prove that Spock is perfectly capable of showing people that he cares about them, even if the ways he does it are usually a bit atypical. We don’t see any of that in his initial interactions with Layla.

If we accept the premise that the spores only make people act as they would if they had no inhibitions or fears holding them back, then yes, Spock saying he loves Layla after he’s been spore’d would indicate that he did secretly love her all along. The problem is that we know the spores make people do things that they would not ordinarily want to do. You think all of those four hundred thirty people on the Enterprise secretly longed for a quiet life among the soil but all chose to instead join the space navy for some reason? Should we believe Scotty is actually deep down perfectly okay with abandoning his beloved ship to a slowly decaying orbit? I doubt that Kirk has always harbored a subconscious desire to give up exploring the final frontier to pursue a peaceful agrarian lifestyle, but he very nearly does do just that. So the question of how much a relationship with Layla is what Spock “really” wanted seems to be a bit hazy.

Mind, I’m not saying this makes Layla an evil person who deliberately drugged Spock so she could have a relationship with him or anything like that. It’s clear throughout the episode that the spores induce those who are infected by them to spread them around to anyone nearby who’s not in the spore fandom yet, so there’s no reason to believe Layla would act as she did if she wasn’t under the influence herself. I just personally find it hard to buy into the tragic romance of a star-crossed relationship when the thing crossing the stars is that one of the participants is only enthusiastic about the whole thing when they’re not fully sober. It makes me question how much of their previous relationship really was Spock having feelings for Layla but being unable to express them, versus Layla projecting a lot of feelings onto him and writing off his disinterest or discomfort as denial.

Kirk and Spock go back to working on the signal, while Layla deals with her heartbreak by disappearing into thin air for the rest of the episode. Spock says that the sound they’re going to send out is on a frequency that won’t be heard so much as felt, but apparently it will be felt quite emphatically. Kirk compares it to putting itching powder on someone. Which may seem like another silly technobabble deus ex machina, but speaking from personal experience, driving someone into a frantic frustrated fit by playing an obnoxious noise just on the edge of hearing sounds totally legit. All they need to complete the sensory overload meltdown experience is find a way to simulate some flickering florescent lights and put tags on the backs of the uniform shirts.

And indeed, as the device starts to work, we see Sulu and DeSalle working in one of the fields—for a certain value of ‘working,’ anyway, they’re kind of just digging around aimlessly—when Sulu accidentally elbows DeSalle in the back. He apologizes, but DeSalle shoves him back, and before long they’re having a full-on brawl right there in the field, which can't be good for the crops. As the device on the ship hums away, two more crewmembers start their own fight over by the farmhouse, and when a third tries to break them up he promptly gets dragged into it as well.

The effects haven’t quite reached everyone just yet, though, as we see McCoy chillaxing under a tree with some unspecified concoction. Sandoval strolls up and says that he’s been thinking about what sort of work he could assign McCoy to. When McCoy protests that he does one kind of work and that’s doctorin’, Sandoval says that he’s not a doctor anymore—they don’t need any doctors here.

This does not go over well.

[ID: A gif showing McCoy reclining against a tree in a grassy meadow, a stalk of grass in one hand and a grass of something brown with several leafy stalks in it. Sandoval is standing over him. McCoy says, "Oh, no?" and then slowly stands up, tosses his grass stalk aside, looks Sandoval in the eye and says, "Would you like to see just how fast I can put you in a hospital?"]

Undeterred, Sandoval says that he’s the leader and he’ll be assigning McCoy whatever work he wants to, but when he tries to walk away McCoy pulls him back and snarls, “You’d better make me a mechanic. Then I can treat little tin gods like you.” Sandoval throws a punch at him, but McCoy dodges and whacks Sandoval in the stomach, putting him out flat on the ground. See, I told you it wouldn’t be hard to cure McCoy. Everyone else on the Enterprise was perfectly happy to give up their careers to go do a bit of light farming, but tell McCoy he can’t be a doctor anymore and no amount of spores are going to save you.

While Sandoval is busy rolling around on the ground, McCoy stands there looking confused for a moment, then—presumably having only just now noticed that instead of a mint julep he’s actually been drinking a coke with a bunch of cilantro in it—throws his drink aside and admits that he’s not sure why he just clobbered Sandoval. But Sandoval has other concerns for the moment. With a look of dawning horror familiar to all us chronic procrastinators, he abruptly realizes that they haven’t actually been doing anything all this time. “No accomplishments, no progress. Three years wasted. We wanted to make this planet a garden...”

McCoy points out that the colonists really will have to leave—they can’t survive here without the spores handling all that radiation for them. But the dream’s not over; the colonists could be relocated to start again somewhere a bit less deadly, if that’s what they want.

“I think I’d...I think we’d like to get some work done,” Sandoval muses. “The work we set out to do.”

McCoy calls Spock and says that Sandoval wants to talk to Kirk. Spock notes to Kirk that the crew are all starting to rather sheepishly call in by now. Sandoval tells Kirk that the colonists will fully cooperate with the evacuation now, and Kirk tells him to start making the preparations. Real ones, this time.

Sometime later, everyone’s back on the bridge getting ready to head out. McCoy reports that he’s examined all the colonists and they all remain in perfect health. “A fringe benefit left over by the spores.”

One would think that this would have been quite the eventful afternoon for the medical sciences, given that they just discovered spores with such incredible healing powers that they can make people regrow organs, and McCoy just confirmed that anything healed by the spores stays healed after the spores are gone. Sure, they’ve got some side effects, but Kirk’s already discovered a simple way to get rid of the things once they’re no longer needed. Strap someone to a bed, give em a facemask full of spores, let them lay there for a while having a nice buzz while they heal their cancer or whatever, then play an irritating noise at them until they sneeze the spores back out again. Boom. Done. You’ve solved medicine. Or, y’know, we could vacate the planet and never speak of it ever again, that works too.

Notably unmentioned by anybody during this little denouement is the fate of the other two settlements on the planet that Sandoval mentioned back near the beginning of the episode. The length of the timeskip isn’t specified, so it’s possible that the crew went and collected them as well in the interim, but we never get any details as to how that little adventure went, assuming that it did happen and that the Enterprise isn’t about to get halfway to the next starbase before Kirk realizes he forgot something.

As they watch the planet diminish behind them on the viewscreen, McCoy muses that this was “the second time man’s been thrown out of paradise.” Kirk disagrees. "No, no, Bones, this time we walked out on our own. Maybe we weren't meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through--struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. Maybe we can't stroll to the music of the lute. We must march to the sound of drums."

Spock remains unimpressed by this bit of philosophizing. “Poetry, Captain. Nonregulation.” Kirk notes that they haven’t heard anything from Spock about this whole ordeal, since, y’know, that definitely seems like something Spock would want to talk about. He says he’s got little to say about Omicron Ceti 3.

[ID: A close-up of Spock on the bridge as he says, "Except that for the first time in my life...I was happy."]

oh my god someone needs therapy

On that INCREDIBLY CHEERFUL note, the Enterprise flies away and the episode ends.

It’s somewhat baffling to me that of all the quite reasonable objections available to the whole situation with the spores, the main problem that Kirk—and by extension, the episode—seems to have is that “the spores make things too EASY and mankind was meant to STRUGGLE!!!” I mean, effectively what we had going on here was people being drugged without their consent into a state that overwrote their own desires, ambitions, emotions and much of their individual personalities and replaced them with bland, happy conformity to a goal and lifestyle none of them actually chose. That seems a bit worse to me than “people weren’t working hard enough.” Kirk goes on and on about how the spores made things too easy, but what they really did was make people apathetic to whether they succeeded at anything or not. Sandoval’s horrified when he’s cured of the spores because the colonists had much different plans for their colony; far from making those plans easier, the spores made them impossible. The dreams and desires of the Enterprise crew for a life of exploration among the stars would have been forever unmet if they had permanently joined the colony, they just wouldn’t have been able to care. Kirk seems to believe that the ultimate evil of the spores is that they deprive people of ambition; to me it seems that the worse evil is that they deprive people of their individuality and their autonomy.

Then there’s the fact that while the spores make people happy and friendly, they also make them remarkably blasé about the well-being of anyone who isn’t part of their collective. They have to be—caring about whether someone else is upset or hurt would make them unhappy, after all. Spock and McCoy are completely unconcerned with the mounting distress of their best friend, and beyond peer pressuring him to get with the program and take the spores like everyone else, they don’t seem to much care if he remains the only unhappy person on the planet. The colonists seem completely unbothered by the fact that all the animals they brought with them died a rather grueling death by radiation poisoning. Everyone on the Enterprise is happy to abandon the ship and join the colony with no message left behind for Starfleet, with apparently not a thought to spare for any friends and family back home, who would only ever know that their loved ones disappeared into space never to be seen again.

Or at least, they would if things actually went according to plan, which they probably wouldn’t, because the spores also made everyone cheerfully oblivious to the idea that anything could potentially cause a problem or pose a threat to them. After all, if Kirk hadn’t had a recovery at the last minute, the Enterprise would have been left unmanned in orbit around the planet, with no way for anyone in the colony to get back onboard. Uhura also goes out of her way to make sure that they no longer have any off-planet communication. So it’s probably not going to be long before Starfleet notices that one of their prize starships has abruptly gone incommunicado, and I’m willing to bet they’d be a bit quicker on that investigation than they were about checking on a tiny backwater colony (although it is Starfleet, so who knows, really). And since they know exactly where the ship was headed on its last recorded mission, it probably won’t take them long to find it. If Starfleet sends another ship along to investigate quickly enough, they’ll find the abandoned Enterprise hanging out in orbit around the planet, and Kirk’s log clearly lays out what happened, so all the other ship has to do is figure out how to neutralize the spores and everyone’s going to get rescued from Omicron Ceti 3 pretty quickly whether they want to be or not.

If Starfleet doesn’t show up in time...Kirk says the ship can be “maintained in orbit” for several months, but then what? It can’t stay up there forever. Sooner or later, the orbit will decay and the ship’s going to crash into the planet, and if it crashes anywhere near one of the colonies, their magic healing powers are going to be put to the test. Also their magic agriculture powers--rich soil and mild weather is all well and good, but is that going to be enough to carry all those crops through the ensuing environmental effects of an impact that big? Especially since, as already mentioned, the colony has enough to feed them and that’s about it—so they really can’t afford to lose any crops for very long.

Sure, maybe the Enterprise wouldn’t crash close enough to any of the colonies to ruin them, but why take the risk? All they had to do was have a helmsman set it on a course out of orbit, then take a shuttlecraft back to the planet. Doesn’t occur to anyone, evidently. Nor do we see anyone bothering to bring any supplies or equipment from the ship to the colony, even though there’s gotta be lots of stuff up there that would be useful. All in all, it seems quite likely that Paradise would have eventually collapsed in on itself simply because the spores make people unable to pay attention to any potential threats or obstacles long enough to do anything about them.

So what’s the moral here? ‘Society can’t survive if everyone is stoned all of the time’? I mean, okay? Sure? Cool? Glad we sorted all that out.

That said, despite having ranted for the past nine hundred words about the weird moral, I’m not saying this episode is bad. As a serious point about human nature I don’t find it especially compelling—YMMV, but I just personally tend to side-eye stories that center around the idea of “wouldn’t it be awful if we all had it too easy??”--but as fifty minutes of extremely Star Trek-y silliness it’s glorious. We’ve got Spock hanging from a tree and talking about dragons while making out in the grass, McCoy going full Georgia and wandering about with something he thinks is a mint julep, Kirk stomping around in increasing agitation as he tries to get some sense out of somebody and then making emo log entries while he sits on the bridge alone...it’s great.

The original draft of this episode apparently had the romantic subplot be for Sulu, who would have been motivated to stay with Layla after having been diagnosed with a serious medical condition that was cured by the spores, kind of like the eventual plot with McCoy in For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky. D.C. Fontana rewrote the story to focus on Spock, since if you have an episode about something that causes a strong emotional reaction, throwing Spock and his ever-present internal conflict into the mix is kind of the most immediately obvious way to generate some pathos and drama. The spores originally granted those affected with them telepathic abilities, enabling them to link with everyone else who’d been spore’d and form a hivemind. There are some traces of this in the final episode with spore’d people talking about “joining us” and “being one of us” and so on, but without the telepathy part it just kind of makes it sound like they’re in a cult. Also, the cure for the spores would have been consuming alcohol, so presumably in that draft McCoy never got infected.

For the purposes of the Trek Tally I’m going to count the spores as a Space Disease, which might be broadening the umbrella of that term a bit but hey, close enough. Next time we’ll be looking for life, Jim, but not as we know it, in The Devil in the Dark.

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Why Lose Hope?- Chapter 2

Chapter 1 , Part 1 of the All the Little Things Seem so Insignificant Now Series

Jim ran from the transporter, his crew behind him as he raced to reach the bridge. The transporter itself being broken from the strain of trying to deliver seven people to another universe. 

He slid in his chair and lent forwards as if it would bring him closer to Bones. They'd somehow managed to get an image on the two versions of him in that universe and had been watching them for the entire ten hours he'd been gone. 

It was bittersweet watching him. Bones' smiles were sour and his movements freaked from the weight of the possibility he may never go home. Yet he carried on. He cared for Leonard, for the animals and crops all while telling tales of his universe, his ship all those miles away.

"Scotty, tell me you've got some good news,"

"Well, Captain, it's fixable but it'll take an hour minimum," The pain was obvious in his voice. "The most you could do is watch for the time being,"

"Thank you, Mr Scott," 

He knew what that meant for Bones, another year until he could see anyone he loved again. Although he had spent the entire time with the other Leonard McCoy, perhaps he loved him? Did it count as self love when it was an alternate version of himself?

It had only been a few seconds for them, but when he looked back at the screen,a week had already passed. Spock had done the calculations, a year for them is an hour on the ship, a month is five minutes and one and a quarter minutes was a week.

Leo, their Bones, was sitting on the porch covered in a blanket. He'd taken ill quickly, their hypotheses had been that a planet with worse technology than they had, even regressing back before the third world war, would be less equipped to handle severe illnesses. 

Leonard was sitting on the other side of the table with half a scarf hanging off his knitting needles. He was talking about something to do with their farm when Leo broke the calm, coughing and spluttering.

"Here," He handed him a glass of water. "Take a nice long drink and you'll be fine,"

Leo did as he was told and lent back in his chair, face a little paler from the exertion of his remaining energy. The weather had changed rapidly in the time he'd been away, everywhere was blue skies and sunshine.

"How about I give you something to take your mind off things?" Leonard asked, only getting a grunt from Leo. "When did you meet your Jim?"

The crew all turned to face him. Uhura giving an amused glance, Spock something actually questioning and everyone else seemingly on the verge of rolling their eyes.

"When d'you meet yours?"

"It was 2255, I was working on a starbase somewhere, a medicine focused one, and I rush over to see a young man, six years younger than me, trying to escape with an IV line in, bandages on, nasal cannula and osteocalcium cream on his legs. He was also on the verge of passing out and was politely yelling at the guard to let him leave," He looked at Leo. "That was when I met James T. Kirk,"

"Sounds pretty on brand for him," Jim tried not to be hurt by that statement, even if he knew it was true.

"I saw him pretty much every day for about eight months, he was recovering from a serious injury involving radiation, an explosion and some angry octosquidarians. Became quite a good friend of mine even when he got transferred out of the ICU. He left, of course, everybody did on that starbase, yet we still managed to keep in touch and when he had his own ship and needed a CMO, well there was only one man for the job," He said and smiled to himself.

There was something about his age, his grey hair and wrinkles that made his smile more heartfelt. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he'd had more years with his Jim, more loving moments and annoying mishaps. He had nostalgia in his eyes as he sighed and turned to Leo.

"How'd'ya meet your Jim?"

"On a shuttle to Starfleet Academy, I was being forced out of my place in the bathroom-"

"Bathroom?"

"I have aviophobia," He nestled into the blankets further. "Jim's face was covered in blood, he'd been in a fight, and I was kind of drunk and spouted all the ways we could die on the thing and how my wife took everything. Then when we landed I found out he was in the same student apartment as me,"

"He was little shit most of the time, but he's also my best friend and the love of my life," 

He stopped and stared out for a moment. Jim was glad, he couldn't take it anymore. It had only been a few hours without him but he knew it had been so much longer for Bones. 

Part of him wondered while they were waiting for the transporter modifications if he'd even love him anymore. Ten years could change a lot in a person, he would know. He went into town and could've easily fell in love with a local, but he didn't. He still loved him and he still loved Spock.

Speaking of which, the other Leonard asked their Bones another question, "When did you realise you loved your Spock?"

"You remember how I had to resurrect Jim?"

Leonard nodded.

"Well, with Spock being a scientist in multiple fields, he could help me in making the serum. He took my place when I was on the verge of collapse from fatigue or hunger or emotion, and I ain't told anyone this, but I meditated with him on the little time I had off and it actually helped," 

Jim smiled at Spock at the image of the two. Bones probably complained that it was useless for an overthinker like him or about the sitting positions being too convoluted for his old joints. Spock had suggested they all meditate together, one of the few couple activities Vulcans were known to do. 

"And when Jim woke up and I couldn't handle the pressure of caring for him and the tabloids calling me Dr. Frankenstein and the looks from all the other doctors and pharmacists and every other medic in the hospital. So Spock listened as I ranted and cried and-" He stopped and took a few deep breaths. "And I realised, oh shit, I think I'm falling for him,"

"Well that's very romantic. When did you tell Jim?" 

"There was a mission involving loss, they made us see supposed ghosts of people we lost and Spock was determined to say he wasn't affected. But Jim invited him over and after a few hours of awkward silences and denying the connection we were feeling, we admitted our feelings to each other,"

"How about you?" He said.

"Spock had a thing, a Vulcan thing that meant he had to go home-"

"Pon farr?"

Leonard nodded, "Things happened, to survive we had to fake Jim's death, Spock didn't know but when he realised he was alive they finally admitted their feelings for each other. Unfortunately for me I realised I loved the bastards," He carried on knitting with a little more ferocity. "It wasn't until we found a giant space amoeba and Spock won our 'Who's going to sacrifice themselves for the sake of science argument' that I realised I should've told him,"

He chuckled to himself, "Well, we managed to save him, of course, and I took that as a sign and told them they had my heart. And apart from a little bump after the five year mission, we ain't never looked back,"

Jim and Spock smiled at each other. They'd visited Ambassador Spock and willed him to tell them his stories like children on Pesach. About peaceful Sunday mornings when he'd meditate and they'd secretly watch their Leonard get ready for church. And about many trips to Vulcan where the Ambassador would show them off like trophy husbands.

They could tell he missed his Jim and Bones, a nostalgic look always distant in his eyes and his house filled with the various photos and videos he kept on his PADD when he went through the black hole. 

At the time, they didn't understand what that felt like, to miss someone with every fibre of your soul. But after watching their Bones survive years and years alone without them, they realised how strangely comforting such an ache was.

The screen in front of them sped up as time drifted on. Relative as ever. Jim took a deep breath as Yeoman Rand handed everyone coffee and settled back in his chair for a long few hours.

I've managed to put a few headcanons of mine into this, like old married mcspirk's habit of Spock meditating, Bones getting ready for church and Jim smiling goofily as he watches his husband get dressed in his sunday best. Also I made up a few things for TOS Mckirk's meeting but the main idea I got from memory alpha is that Jim got hurt in his pre-captain days and met Bones. I would very much like to see this meeting somehow.

This fic will get weirder quite quickly and the schedule I think I might go with is one chapter in the farm universe, one in one of the crew's universe's, back to the farm universe and one in the other crew's universe.

And finally, I added Yeoman Rand! I'm very much in the camp of "I'll add all the recurring characters in tos into aos because someone (JJ Abrams) didn't" so I hope you enjoyed her cameo!

[spacedancer1701]

Another Life - a Star Trek fic -  (Chapters 51 - 55)

Sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Romance, Friendship, Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Angst/H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy/Worried McCoy Word Count: This is a long one. Again. 😄 (71 chapters - 177k)

Read it on AO3: Another Life  

Chapter 51              

As soon as the Enterprise had taken up orbit around Iridis, Hope and McCoy beamed down to the governmental emergency camp, far enough away from the battle zone to be safe from radiation. The doctor had brought as many relevant medical supplies and tools as he’d been able to justify taking from the Enterprise, which the Iridians gratefully accepted. With time being of the essence, Hope and McCoy were promptly briefed on the current situation and handed their protection suits, before being transported to the most recent bomb site.

McCoy didn’t see much of Hope after that, him being put in charge of the main surgical team, and her being recruited for the search and rescue team. With all that was going on amidst the chaos and devastation, the doctor had his hands full from the moment they arrived, and there was simply no time to worry about her. He was still relieved, though, when, a few hours later, he caught a brief glimpse of her, immediately recognising her in her slightly too big protection suit as she tenderly cradled a dying child in her arms, the heart-breaking image forever etched into his mind and his soul.

When he saw Hope again, almost twenty hours later, after having been decontaminated and transported back to the camp for the compulsory rest period, she was grey-faced and shaking with horror and fatigue. And when she looked at him as if daring him to say, ‘I told you so’, he just wordlessly took her in his arms, holding her tight as they both silently wept for the innocent victims of this obnoxious war.

They still didn’t speak as they made their way to their allocated ‘sleeping cubicle’, grabbing a couple of nutrition bars and water bottles on the way, and, completely shattered, fell on a bunk, not even considering separate beds for the few hours of sleep.

“Talk to me, love,” McCoy said softly, cradling Hope’s trembling body in his arms and taking her hand in his, remembering all the missions where he’d held her hand to go to sleep, which seemed like a lifetime ago.

“I’m fine, Leonard, go to sleep,” Hope mumbled tiredly, her words slurred from exhaustion.

“No, you’re not,” the doctor insisted, pained by her obvious distress and trying to fight his own fatigue. “You need to talk about this, love. Don’t bottle it up, please!”

“And you need to sleep. We both do,” was her short reply, her voice quivering in time with her body.

“There’s no satisfaction in having been right, you know,” the doctor murmured softly, his heart breaking as he pulled her closer against his chest. “You don’t have to pretend you’re not shocked to the core. When I said this would break you and I wouldn’t have time to look after of you, I didn’t mean I wouldn’t be there for you. That you couldn’t let me see how it affects you.”

“I’m so sorry, Leonard,” Hope burst out, clinging to him tightly, her voice choked with anguish. “You were right. I didn’t have the faintest idea how terrible it would be. You just wanted to protect me. Like you always do. But I’m not sorry I came. How could I not have come? Even if it only makes the slightest difference.”

“I’m sorry, too,” McCoy said quietly, caressing her back and resting his cheek against the top of her head. “But I’m also glad you came. We do whatever we can to save as many kids as possible, and yet, it’s still too little too late for so many of them. But if your being here means that even just one child is found that wouldn’t have been found otherwise, or that at least some of the kids who are beyond saving don’t have to die alone but in someone’s loving arms instead, it makes a huge difference.”

The doctor’s voice broke and angry, desperate tears started streaming down his face.

“We’ll get through this together, love,” he whispered. “I’m really grateful you’re here. I need you by my side.”

They both fell silent, just holding each other tightly and drawing comfort from the other’s presence.

Exactly as it should be, Jenny thought lovingly, before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The next day was a repeat of the first, and so was the day after that, leaving Jenny and McCoy ever more exhausted and frustrated.

Enough! Jenny thought, fighting against her growing lethargy and hopelessness. Something has to be done. We’re Starfleet officers, for heaven’s sake! We have the power, and the responsibility, to change things!

McCoy was up to his neck in fighting to save lives, so finding a solution on a grander scale was left to her. She’d have to find a way to convince the Iridians of re-joining the Federation. Or at least ask for their help. Besides, the Enterprise couldn't stay in orbit around Iridis forever, in fact, three days were about the maximum Kirk could justify. After that, he’d have to take the ship away and leave her and the doctor stranded here for the time being.

But having the Enterprise of all starships at their disposal was the best thing that could have happened to the Iridians, Jenny realised. They should really take advantage of that. She had to make them see reason.

So, Jenny contacted the captain, told him of her plan, and was grateful to get both his and Spock’s valuable advice on how best to proceed. Spock provided her with all the data she needed, and told her who to try and contact, while Kirk coached her on what to say and how best to go about persuading the Iridians to officially request the Federation’s assistance.

Jenny didn’t discuss any of this with McCoy. Before falling asleep, she just told him that she’d been talking to Kirk and would be meeting some Iridian officials the next day, which he acknowledged with a tired grunt but didn’t question any further. He was totally focused on the medical side of things, as he should be, and really needed all the sleep he could get.

Witnessing Leonard’s utter devotion to his job as a healer never failed to melt Jenny’s heart and remind her of how much she loved him. And seeing the tiny sparks of joy for every life he’d saved shine through his general air of despair at not being able to stop all the horror and devastation around them, reassured her that he was still a long way from giving up or breaking down.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Kirk had been relieved to hear from Hope, and was very supportive, if a little doubtful, of her plan to get the Iridian government to consider re-joining the Federation. The condensed version she’d given them of the situation she and McCoy were finding themselves in had been enough to make the captain’s hair stand on end, and he’d been more than happy to share his thoughts on how best to approach the Iridian officials, promising to stand by in case the Iridians wanted to negotiate.

So, knowing Hope, Kirk wasn’t completely surprised when he and Spock were asked to beam down to meet with the Iridian government early the next afternoon. His head of linguistics was certainly a force to be reckoned with, he thought proudly, feeling sorry for anyone who’d underestimate Hope because of her youth or delicate appearance.

Obviously, Hope had got the government officials to agree that being part of the Federation, even if it meant an infringement on their ‘absolute freedom’, was preferable to being all alone and vulnerable, exposed to ruthless attacks like the one they were currently experiencing.

Her reasoning was almost instantly proven right, when even just the news of Kirk’s visit to the government and the Enterprise’s presence in orbit led to an immediate cessation of hostilities. The cowardly rebels apparently didn’t want to take on the Federation. And Captain Kirk was quite obviously a man whom a certain reputation preceded. The stories of his many victories over hostile aggressors were well known all around the galaxy.

Unfortunately, with the Enterprise now officially in the picture, one of the rebel leaders had acted fast and successfully fled Iridis, but Kirk was confident that he wouldn’t get far. His identity was known, and, being one of the most wanted criminals of the galaxy already, it was only a matter of time until he’d be apprehended.

As for the second leader and the co-conspirators, the captain got word of them having turned themselves in before he’d even left the negotiating table. Satisfied with the outcome of his talks with the Iridian government, and immensely happy to know that Bones was finally out of danger again, Kirk requested to wait for his friend’s return at the emergency camp to give him the good news in person. And to reassure himself that the doctor was – at least physically – unharmed.

-x-x-x-x-x-

When McCoy returned to the camp after yet another horrible day knee deep in severely injured patients, most of them children, he was too exhausted to even feel the rage that usually claimed him as soon as his thoughts weren’t fully focused on his job anymore. But when he spotted Jim waiting for him, his heart almost stopped, immediately thinking that his friend was here because something terrible had happened to Hope.

It took his weary eyes and mind a few moments to take in Kirk’s beaming smile, suggesting that the captain had quite obviously come bearing good news, whatever they were, and his legs almost gave out with the sheer relief of that realisation. Jim had to reach out and steady him, his wide grin giving way to a worried frown at the doctor’s dizzy spell, but McCoy quickly waved his concerns away, sitting down in the nearest chair and gruffly demanding to know what Kirk was doing here.

One of the other doctors, who’d just returned with him, handed him a bottle of water as well as a bag of nuts, which McCoy gratefully accepted, before settling back and listening intently as Jim explained that the Iridians had finally asked the Federation for help, and that the attacks were over.

The doctor felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. There would be no more victims, robbed of any future. No more watching innocent kids suffer and die, no more ghastly injuries that he knew, even as he treated them, would never fully heal, no more saving children from death while knowing they’d never be able to lead normal, painless lives again. It was only when Kirk handed him a tissue and patted his shoulder, that he noticed the tears running down his face.

“How did you manage to do that, Jim?” McCoy asked, impressed, as always, by his friend’s unsurpassed resourcefulness and diplomatic skills.

“I didn’t! Your girlfriend did,” Kirk grinned, to the doctor’s surprise, and McCoy’s heart melted at the pride in the captain’s voice and eyes.

Jim went on to tell him the whole story, finishing enthusiastically with, “She made this happen, Bones! She effectively stopped this war. Hope’s a hell of a Starfleet officer, and more than a little manipulative if she sets her mind to it.”

That made McCoy chuckle, knowing exactly how ‘manipulative’ Hope could be. No matter how annoyed he was with her, he simply couldn't stay angry, when she remorsefully fluttered her eyelashes at him. And her puppy-dog looks certainly made it impossible for him to deny her anything. He was just glad Jenny was such a good person and would never take advantage of the power she held over him. At least not where it wasn’t appropriate.

“Really, Bones, Hope is brilliant,” Kirk went on fervently, and the doctor could see that the captain, despite being prone to exaggeration, meant it. “And courageous as hell. She’s definitely going places.”

“I never doubted that,” McCoy smiled, feeling prouder than ever of the woman he was lucky enough to share his life with.

“Good thing you’re such a great team,” the captain continued more quietly, looking straight into McCoy’s eyes, his expression growing serious. “Because she sure isn’t going anywhere without you. She loves you with all her heart, Bones. I hope you know how much she adores and admires you. She asked for leave just to be here with you, and damn the consequences. Did you know that?”

“I guessed as much,” the doctor replied softly, thinking that, of course, he’d known that Jim couldn't actually have sent her, but only just realising the full implications of her decision to come with him.

Kirk must have seen the amazement on McCoy’s face, as he suddenly started to grin and clapped a friendly hand on the doctor’s back.

“You’re one lucky bastard, Bones,” the captain laughed, fondly shaking his head. “And you more than deserve it. Just, please, don’t ever let her go again. Or drive her away because you think she deserves better or something. You were made for each other. Anyone can see that. You bring out each other’s full potential. There have never been two people better suited for a long and happy life together.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy and Hope stayed on Iridis for another two days, the doctor refusing to leave before having made sure that every last patient was safe and got the best possible treatment, and Jenny refusing to leave his side.

When they finally returned to the Enterprise, totally worn out but immensely relieved, they went straight to McCoy’s quarters and slept for ten hours straight. By the time they woke up again, it was the middle of the night on the ship.

They knew they should talk. There was certainly a lot to talk about, to help each other cope with everything they’d seen. But they didn’t feel like talking at all. Not just yet. All they wanted in that moment was to feel the warmth and comfort of being alive and together. To make love and forget about everything else.

And that’s exactly what they did. Although not quite the way they usually celebrated their love and enjoyed each other’s bodies. Not hot, not passionate, no teasing, no games. Nothing wild or ecstatic, just slow, and soft, and tender. Quietly, and silently, drawing comfort from each other, finding pleasure in their reassuring closeness rather than in unbridled desire. And once again, in perfect accord with each other on what they wanted and needed.

Chapter 52              

A/N: As you’ve probably guessed by now, I’m as passionate about music and dancing as Hope is. 😊 There’s a lot of music from Hope’s past mentioned in this chapter, and if you’d like to have the ‘soundtrack’, I’ve put together a ‘playlist’ at the end of chapter 52.

Jenny and McCoy resumed their duties the next day. She felt it would do her good to go back to her normal routine, and the doctor supported her suggestion. He insisted, however, that they talk about everything in the evening. Properly and at length. He understood that she didn’t want to dwell all day on the atrocities she’d seen, but was convinced that the quickest way to put the traumatic experience behind them was to actively deal with it instead of letting it fester at the back of their minds.

So they talked, and cried, and held each other for half of the next couple of nights, and Jenny had to admit that she really felt lighter with every memory she shared with Leonard. Although she seemed to do a lot more of the sharing than he did. In typical McCoy manner, he’d made it all about her. Yet, she sensed that it was therapy for him just as much as it was for her.

The doctor just couldn't help it, he always needed to be – or at least pretend to be – strong. Strong for her, to make her feel safe and cared for. And she did, for which she loved him. Just as she loved him for the unfailing gentleness with which he coaxed things out of her. But she was also quite aware that it was his coping mechanism as much as anything else. Being strong for others was his very own way of dealing with trauma.

Of course, Jenny knew that Leonard had a lot more experience than she had, that he’d seen horror and devastation like they’d encountered on Iridis before, maybe even worse. But she also knew that it still affected him immensely. Probably just as much as the first time. Hard-bitten and cynical as he liked to present himself to the world, Jenny knew him better. Behind all the talk, underneath all the professionalism, he was the most sensitive and empathetic man imaginable. Another one of the many reasons she loved him so much.

Half a week after their return to the Enterprise, Jenny finally felt positivity starting to fill her soul again. Seeing the beauty of things, feeling optimistic and confident again. And, above all, allowing herself to feel proud of having had a part in ending this atrocious war on Iridis. A fact that Kirk and McCoy didn’t hold back on and reminded her several times a day.

“You’re an awesome lady!” currently seemed to be the doctor’s favourite phrase, always delivered with a wondrous shake of his head and eternal love and admiration in his eyes. And even though Jenny knew that Leonard was biased and enjoyed few things more than boosting her confidence, hearing these words of praise from him was still music to her ears.

-x-x-x-x-x-

During her days of grief and dealing with the aftermath of Iridis, Jenny’s friends had kept a respectful distance, realising that she wasn’t yet ready to sing, or dance, or generally enjoy herself again. But as soon as they noticed her changing back to her old, cheerful self, Uhura practically pounced on her, eager to make that party she’d promised happen.

It had obviously been extremely hard for Nyota to wait that long, but seeing that after what Jenny had been through partying was not the most appropriate thing to do, she’d managed to restrain herself. Now, however, Uhura was adamant to get the party rolling as soon as possible.

“Nothing better to cheer you up than an evening full of music and dancing. Of letting your hair down,” she beamed, and Jenny had to admit that Nyota was right. She could definitely do with a party like that now.

As it turned out, the surprise Uhura and Spock had been working on was a massive compilation of rock, pop, and country songs from the late 1900s. It was an impressive collection of songs, most of which Jenny hadn’t heard since her ‘first life’. How they’d even managed to get their hands on all these tracks was a miracle to her. A miracle which she gave Spock most of the credit for. He was an incredible – and incredibly resourceful – researcher. It must have been nearly impossible, a true labour of love – love for her, in this case, and Jenny deeply appreciated it.

Music had always been an important factor in her life, practically all of her memories, the good ones as well as the bad ones, came with their own ‘soundtrack’.  She’d often talked about this with Uhura, who felt very similar about music, and had quite obviously been the driving force behind this project.

Jenny was so overwhelmed when they handed her their gift in form of a record tape, she couldn't stop hugging and kissing Nyota. Or beaming at Spock like a goon, trusting that, the way she knew him by now, he didn’t mind, and even secretly enjoyed her display of overjoyed gratitude.

She was just glad that she’d had the foresight to teach anyone interested a lot of dance moves and styles from that era, and that Chekov, as well as a lot of her friends, knew how to do ‘The Hustle’ or ‘Disco Fox’. Now that she had all those songs at her disposal, this was going to be the party of her life.

Jenny just couldn't wait for evening to come, overwhelmed with joy, anticipation, and a feeling of immense gratitude and love for Uhura and Spock to have put in all those hours just to make her happy. She was truly blessed with her friends. And with the man in her life, who stoically endured her excited babbling and general display of unrestrained exhilaration for hours, the indulgent smile and loving gaze never leaving his face.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy couldn't get enough of watching Hope dancing and moving to the music, completely lost in the rhythm, as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Sitting next to Jim and Scotty, nursing a drink, he was immensely glad to see her in such high spirits again.

Only someone who’d seen similar horror could understand how an experience like Iridis affected your whole being, invading every waking thought the moment you stopped focusing on your job or some other urgent matter, and even following you into your dreams. Of course, the doctor hadn’t told Hope that, no matter how often you saw horrors like these, you never got used to them.

When she’d arranged to come with him, he’d been so scared that her gentle, innocent soul would take permanent damage, but he’d once again underestimated Hope’s strength. Yes, she’d been upset, shocked, horrified by the whole experience, but by taking action and helping to end the terror, she’d turned it into something meaningful, something she could live with and even be proud of. He certainly was.

Looking at her now, McCoy couldn't remember ever seeing her happier. Or more hyped up. His heart was soaring just watching her. She’d always been an incredible dancer, but tonight, every song seemed to have its own choreography. And it probably had, since these were all her songs. Songs she’d grown up with, and which Spock and Uhura had painstakingly researched and accumulated for her.

Just the memory of Hope’s delighted squeals, when she’d skipped through the list of songs that her friends had surprised her with this afternoon, put a fond smile on the doctor’s face. Uhura hadn’t even tried to hide her excitement over their gift. But McCoy could have sworn that he’d detected delight in Spock's eyes too.

The long list of names, singers and bands most of which the doctor had never heard of, had certainly made Hope’s day, and she’d reverently kept murmuring them to herself, like a mantra, while they’d got ready for the party.

“This is going to be just like one of my high school parties!” Hope had gushed, grinning from ear to ear, her delight contagious. “I can’t believe I’ll be dancing to all those Bryan Adams and Bruce Springsteen songs again. Or to Gloria Gaynor and Michael Jackson. And there’ll be Rod Stewart, Elton John, Phil Collins, too! I’m just glad I taught half the ship how to properly disco dance!”

While they’d got dressed, Hope had kept running to him for kisses, or hugs, or just to beam at him, all the time, her happiness tangible, and McCoy hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her ever since.

Right now, she was dancing, or rather bouncing to ‘I Am What I Am’. He’d never heard the original version until now, but Hope had performed this with the band on several occasions, and he’d always thought the song suited her perfectly. She and Uhura appeared as powerful as the words of the song, their dance moves simply mesmerising to watch.

The next song was ‘I Will Survive’ by the same singer, and McCoy saw Hope almost bubbling over with energy. Another perfect song for her, although – hopefully – not quite in the context of the lyrics. But there was no question that Hope was a true survivor. Even though in her skin-tight jeans, white crop top, flats and ponytail, she looked more like the high school girl she’d mentioned earlier, sweet, young, and vulnerable, making him feel even more protective of her than he usually did.

Thinking of her as a high school girl, McCoy was gripped by another strange feeling. Almost like jealousy. But not of a particular person. More of memories he could never share. A whole life he could never share. A world he could never see. Loving her as he did, he wanted to know everything about her, but that just wasn’t possible. Not that he’d tell her, of course. He wasn’t proud of these jealous feelings only ever she seemed to bring out in him. Although she probably knew him well enough to notice them anyway.

Hope had been dancing for two hours straight already, just taking a short break when someone offered her a drink. He’d never known anyone more energetic than her. Once again, McCoy was reminded of their age difference. It was so obvious. Her energy seemed to be never-ending. And while he was certainly fit for his age, he was clearly no match for Hope’s level of fitness. But then, few people were. He’d probably have had a hard time keeping up with her when he’d actually been her age.

Casting a quick glance at Jim, who was trying to have a conversation with Scotty over the almost deafening music, the doctor took a sip from his drink, his old doubts arising again. Did he really have a right to love her? To want her to spend the rest of her life with him, an old divorcee? To rob her of the chance to find someone her own age, someone as full of energy as she was? Someone with a brilliant career still ahead of them, just like her?

He’d been through this a million times in his head. Had asked himself the same questions over and over again. And the answer was always the same.

Yes!

Yes, he had every right. Because, unfathomable and perplexing as it was, he made her happy. He truly did. And she’d told him time and again that they didn’t have to do everything together all of the time. That he didn’t have to come dancing with her if he was tired after a long day. That it was perfectly all right to do separate things. That she didn’t expect them, didn’t even want them to be joined at the hip, as she’d put it.

Unlike his ex-wife, she trusted him completely, and didn’t mind if he couldn't or wouldn’t join her in all her activities. She wasn’t bothered if he did his own thing, disappeared into the depths of a lab, was engrossed in a medical journal or a thrilling history book, or even just met up with friends without her. Quite the contrary, she enjoyed having her own life. And he had to admit that that suited him just fine. Especially on a starship, where everyone seemed to live in one another’s pockets anyway, it was actually quite nice to have something interesting to tell each other in the evenings.

The music was quietening down a little, McCoy noticed, as the lights, which had been dimmed all evening, started to fade even more. Not in volume, unfortunately, but the next song was definitely slower.

‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You’ was sounding from the speakers, and Hope’s gaze met his, the undisguised love in her eyes almost taking his breath away. Trust her to immediately look at him, when the lyrics of a song ‘demanded’ it. And, boy, that song was beautiful, the words going straight to his heart. And to other parts of his body, too. He certainly couldn't take his eyes off her. And she was definitely ‘too good to be true’ as well as ‘heaven to touch’.

The two of them stared into each other’s eyes across the dimly lit space, and the doctor’s heart just melted knowing that Hope had eyes only for him, even when she was dancing with someone else.

“Very subtle Bones!” Jim’s voice suddenly rang in his ear, as the captain shouted over the hubbub, breaking the spell and reminding him that his relationship with Hope was actually still a secret.

McCoy quickly looked away, and straight into Kirk’s grinning face.

“Not sure, you’re actually still fooling anyone, but if you keep staring at her like that, you might as well make a ship-wide announcement,” the captain laughed, then smilingly shook his head when Scotty asked him to repeat what he’d just said, because he hadn’t been able to hear him over the din, as he called it.

The doctor snorted into his glass, then asked Scotty why he wasn’t on the dancefloor, only to be completely taken aback when the chief of engineering put down his glass, shrugged, and got up, heading straight over to Hope, asking her to dance.

McCoy felt annoyingly miffed, watching Scotty’s arms wrap around Hope’s waist, only to be immediately mollified when she grinned at him over the engineer’s shoulder, motioning for him to listen to the song, which was obviously another favourite of hers.

‘Making Love Out of Nothing at All’. Oh, yes, Hope could certainly do that. ‘I know just where to touch you’. God, had she just winked at him? Of course, she had, the little minx. And she knew exactly what she was doing to him.

Scotty’s stunt at dancing lasted only one song before one of his young ensigns from engineering took over, the music turning even slower.  

The sound of ‘Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?’ filled the whole deck, sending thrilling shivers down McCoy’s spine, and he was helpless to keep his eyes from meeting Hope’s again. Gazing deeply into each other’s eyes, the doctor didn’t even mind when he saw the ensign pulling her closer. Not much, anyway.

‘Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, ease my troubles, that’s what you do.’ He couldn't have put it better himself.

Thank you, Mr. Stewart, for writing a song about Hope and me, McCoy thought, feeling all soft and mellow inside.

Chekov took over from the other ensign, and the doctor saw a teasing smirk appear on Hope’s face as the first bars of the next song rang out, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she winked at him again. ‘Hey little girl is you daddy home?’ were the first words of the song, and he looked at her with mock irritation for poking fun at him like that. Really? Dancing with young Chekov to that song and teasing him about it? As if he weren’t feeling old enough already.

I sure am on fire, missy, McCoy thought, echoing the chorus of the song. And I’m so going to prove it to you tonight.

‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You’ was next, and as the song progressed, it seemed to him that Chekov was holding Hope just a tad too tight. And that kind of bothered him. A little. But the doctor found that he also felt a bit sorry for Chekov. It wasn’t his fault that he was so in love with Jenny. In fact, McCoy couldn't imagine anyone not being in love with her. Was the poor guy actually still hoping? Probably.

Hope threw the doctor a meaningful look when the next song started, urging him to listen to the lyrics of ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’. And he did. She knew him so well. Those were his exact feelings. A bit like the story of his life. A lonely life, in a way, despite all his friends, until he’d met her. There’d definitely been heartache and pain in his life, too. And now love had found him. Hope had found him.

Unable to contain his feelings any longer, McCoy got up and started towards the dancefloor. It was his turn to dance with her now. He needed to feel her close. And clearly seeing the infatuation on Chekov’s face, he was probably doing the young man a favour, too. Better bring him back to reality now, before he really had his heart broken.

The doctor knew that Hope had talked to Chekov about her feelings. Or non-feelings. And that she thought Pavel had understood and accepted the way things were between them. She just didn’t get that there was a huge gap between knowing and feeling. Only another man in love with her could really understand that giving up hope, or Hope, was simply impossible, and Chekov needed to be regularly reminded that he couldn't have her. Anything else would be cruel, even though Hope certainly didn’t mean to be.

However, just before McCoy could reach out to tap Chekov on the shoulder, this Michael Jackson guy and some other fellow started to sing ‘The Girl Is Mine’, stopping the doctor in his tracks, feeling ridiculous to claim Hope for exactly this dance. Looking at him from where she was still tightly ensconced in Chekov’s arms, Hope, of course, immediately caught on to his dilemma and started to giggle, just the sight of her happy, amused face instantly lifting his heart.

McCoy waited well into the next song, before finally taking over from Chekov. It hadn’t even been three hours since he’d last kissed Hope in his quarters, but it felt like an eternity to him. Talk about doing their own thing and not being joined at the hip. If he thought he could actually stay away from Hope for a serious amount of time, he was surely deceiving himself.

After she’d let go of Chekov, thanking him and turning towards McCoy, feeling her slide into his arms with such natural ease, made him feel as if he were floating. As if he’d been holding his breath for the longest time, and was finally able to breathe easy again.

‘Just the Way You Are’, another beautiful song. He certainly wouldn’t want Hope to change in any way. She was perfect. And what’s more, she loved him just the way he was, too. A fact that would never cease to amaze him.

“Billy Joel sure knows what he’s talking about,” Hope smiled, looking up at him and comfortably snuggling closer as they slowly moved to the music.

McCoy was suddenly feeling rather self-conscious. They’d never before been this kind of intimate in front of others, and he felt all eyes on them. Although he was probably just imagining it. But, almost drowning in Hope’s eyes, so beautiful, so full of love, he found that somehow, he didn’t even really care if they were the centre of attention.

The song morphed into another. ‘Can’t Fight This Feeling’. The doctor couldn't help chuckling to himself, when he found it another perfectly fitting song. Could this be coincidence? Spock of all people had volunteered to play DJ when Hope had announced that a DJ was absolutely necessary for this kind of party. Could Spock be doing this on purpose? To provoke him into something? Farfetched as it seemed, he wouldn’t put it past his Vulcan friend, who might be subtler than Jim, but was certainly no less of a meddler.

The next song was one McCoy knew well, and possibly Hope’s favourite country song of all times.

‘Amazed’, exactly what I am by her, the doctor thought lovingly, the familiar words seeming truer than ever. I couldn't express my feelings for her any better.

Unthinkingly, he pulled her even closer, moving like in a trance, completely losing himself in her. Everybody around them seemed to fade away, until it was just the two of them. Her head resting against his chest, her arms around his neck, he held her so tight, he was afraid he might squash her. Burying his face in her hair, eyes closed and breathing in her familiar scent, he thought he’d never wanted her more than he did at that very moment.

And just as he thought his heart would burst with love and desire, the first chords of another song he knew rang out. A classic, and definitely one of his own favourites. At least since he’d known Hope, who had performed it so many times. ‘To Make You Feel My Love’.

Hearing this song now, McCoy lost all sense of where he was, slowly moving, swaying to the rhythm, touching, inhaling, drinking in Hope, who was looking up at him now, her soulful eyes telling him how much she loved him, too. And before he knew what he was doing, just before the end of the song, his lips found hers to kiss her tenderly, hungrily, right there in front of everyone.

He heard people cheering and even applauding all around them. Of course, they’d only been waiting for him and Hope to ‘slip up’ and finally bring their relationship out into the open. And part of him registered joy at their crewmates’ obvious approval. But even if everyone were booing and hissing right now, he could never stop kissing her. Which she didn’t seem to mind at all. Matter of fact, she seemed just as eager as he was.

It was strange, they’d kissed a thousand times before, went to bed together every night and had done a million more intimate things already. And yet, McCoy was so used to being distant and acting respectably in public, this kiss almost felt like their first.

And to the sound of ‘Everything I Do, I Do It for You’, they just kept on swaying and kissing, and unabashedly showing their love for everyone to see. It felt great. More than that. It felt spectacular, and incredible, and amazing.

Oh yes, the doctor thought, gazing into Hope’s eyes and seeing right into her heart, Mr. Adams is absolutely right.

He’d do anything for Hope, give anything, including his life. Because there was no love like her love, nothing he wanted more, and certainly worth dying for. Because life without her had become unthinkable.  

Playlist (chapter 52):

Gloria Gaynor – I Am What I Am

Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive

Gloria Gaynor – Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You

Air Supply – Making Love Out of Nothing at All

Rod Stewart – Have I Told You Lately

Bruce Springsteen – I’m on Fire  

Glenn Medeiros – Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You

Foreigner – I Want to Know What Love Is

Michael Jackson / Paul McCartney – The Girl Is Mine

Billy Joel – Just the Way You Are

REO Speedwagon – Can’t Fight This Feeling

Lonestar – Amazed

Garth Brooks (Bob Dylan) – To Make You Feel My Love

Bryan Adams – (Everything I Do) I Do It for You

Chapter 53              

Jenny thought all her Christmases had come at once. Safely ensconced in McCoy’s strong and tender arms, at liberty to show the whole world how much she loved him, she was dancing to some of her favourite music, which she hadn’t heard in ages, and had been convinced never to hear again. If this was cloud nine, she definitely wanted to stay. That Leonard had decided – or at least allowed himself – to kiss her like this in front of everyone had surprised her in the most pleasant and delightful way.

She knew, of course, that the doctor had tried to keep their relationship secret for her sake, and not because he felt ashamed of her or wasn’t committed enough. But she realised that, actually for some time now, she’d felt secure enough in her role as Starfleet officer and department head, had actually started to make a name for herself already on the Lexington, to not be afraid of being branded as Dr. McCoy’s little protégé anymore.

And just the thought of not having to sneak in and out of his quarters any longer, or to have to stop herself from seeking or giving comfort in front of others when the situation called for it, was liberating beyond words. For the first time ever, she could simply be herself on the Enterprise, without having to choose every word and consider every move carefully.

She’d hated the secrecy when it had all been about her past, and then again, when she couldn't openly show her feelings for the wonderful doctor. But now she just couldn't stop grinning. Her friends’ reaction was terrific. And heart-warming. They all seemed to be so happy for them. So supportive. She was incredibly blessed indeed.

The music was suddenly turned down for an announcement of an incoming transmission from Starfleet to Captain Kirk, and the captain quickly disappeared out the door to take the call in private. When he returned a few minutes later, there was a disgruntled and almost worried frown on his face, and Jenny wondered what the call might have been about. Leonard kept throwing Kirk concerned glances, too, but got no reaction from his friend, who just put his party smile back in place and motioned for everyone to continue enjoying themselves.

McCoy pulled her close again, drawing her into another passionate kiss as the next slow song started, only to end up giggling against each other’s lips when Sulu started a chant of “Get a room!”, prompting the doctor to grab her by the hand, pull her towards the exit, and slyly tell his cheering crewmates, “You know, we just might!”

Once outside, they made their way to the CMO’s quarters in record time, laughing and chortling all the way, and Jenny had never felt lighter. Or happier. Or more in love. As soon as the doors had slid shut behind them, they stumbled towards the bed, blindly fumbling with each other’s clothes, their lips firmly connected in a fervent kiss once again.

After having teased and flirted with Leonard all evening, Jenny couldn't wait to be at his – or have him at her – mercy again, but something wasn’t quite right. She could feel that his heart wasn’t in it as much as it should. He almost seemed distracted.

“Are you worried about the captain?” she asked, pausing in her endeavours to rid him of his clothes.

“Why?” McCoy shot back a little too quickly, and Jenny could see a flicker of guilt cross his face.

“Well, he did seem rather preoccupied after the call from Starfleet, don’t you think?” she continued gently, hoping to convey that she understood his concern and wasn’t mad at him for worrying about his friend when, by rights, he should really only be focusing on her.

“You’re right, love,” the doctor sighed, looking at her apologetically, “he seemed really tense.”

“Do you want to go talk to him?” Jenny suggested softly. “Maybe he could do with a friend now.”

McCoy searched her face for a long moment, obviously trying to gauge if she was being serious.

“You need me, too, love,” he finally said, his kind eyes travelling all over her body and back to her face. “After all, I’ve just made our relationship official without so much as discussing it with you first.”

“And we can celebrate later,” Jenny beamed, planting a chaste kiss on his lips, then laughed, “Oh, Leonard, don’t look so conscious-stricken! I have nothing to hide, everybody can know how much I love you. I’m actually glad they do now! But seriously, don’t neglect your duties as a friend. Go see the captain! Bring him some brandy, or whatever it is you usually do.”

When the doctor just kept looking doubtfully at her, she added, “Don’t worry! I have enough music to keep me entertained in the meantime. And I’ll still be here, waiting for you, when you come back. Promise!”

McCoy hesitated another moment, torn between what he wanted to do and what he knew he should do, then nodded reluctantly and started to readjust his clothes.

“You’re one remarkable lady, Jenny,” he murmured, pulling her in for a quick, but tight hug, before taking a few swift steps towards the door. “And you certainly never cease to amaze me. Your perceptiveness is second to none.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Kirk’s eyes grew wide in surprise when he saw McCoy stepping into his quarters.

“What are you doing here, Bones? Something wrong? I thought you were having the night of your life!”

“I was,” the doctor admitted with a rueful little grin, plonking a bottle on Kirk’s desk and himself into the chair across from the captain. “But Jenny sent me on a mission, practically shoving the brandy into my hands. She thinks you might need someone to talk to, and, frankly, so do I. So, what’s eating you, Jim?”

“You really have an extraordinary woman there, Bones,” Kirk grinned, filling two small tumblers and settling back in his chair. “Are you not sometimes worried that she’s too good to be true?”

“More often than you think, Jim,” McCoy replied, raising an amused eyebrow. “But don’t change the subject! What’s bothering you? I’m here to listen!”

As it turned out, the call from Starfleet and the captain’s subsequent concerns were actually about Hope. Following his glowing report, Kirk had been asked to explain what she’d been doing on Iridis in the first place. And now he was hard-pressed to come up with a plausible explanation that would not put her career at risk.

“Don’t worry, Bones,” Jim smiled at this friend. “I’ll take care of it. I’ve dealt with those paper pushers so many times before, and I’ve always managed to find a way around silly rules and restrictions.”

The doctor, of course, knew that. Probably better than anyone. And he wasn’t worried at all. The captain would never allow anything to jeopardise Hope’s career. But McCoy couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something here.

“Actually, Jim, I don’t quite see what the problem is,” he pondered aloud. “Hope asked for leave, and you granted it. What’s there to explain? She did nothing wrong, and neither did you!”

Kirk opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth as he obviously tried to find the right words.

“Wait a minute,” it suddenly dawned on McCoy, “you didn’t tell them she asked for leave, did you? You’re not trying to save her career. What you’re trying to do is to somehow turn this into an official mission to ensure she gets the commendation she definitely deserves, right?”

The captain raised his glass at that, grinning sheepishly at his friend.

“Guilty as charged, Bones,” he smirked, and the doctor felt immense gratitude and fondness for Jim surging through him, as he realised that he was not the only one looking out for his beloved Hope.

-x-x-x-x-x-

When McCoy returned to his quarters, Jenny was taken aback to see him wordlessly make a beeline to where she was lounging on the bed engrossed in her music. His eyes dark and hungry, he seemed determined to pick up right where they’d left off earlier, deftly removing both their clothes and starting to kiss, touch and tease her in the most delicious ways before she even knew what was happening.

“No more excuses, love,” he almost growled, “I’ve been waiting to show you how ‘on fire’ I am far too long.”

Jenny didn’t even get the chance to process his words, Leonard’s skilled hands, lips and tongue instantly taking her to ecstatic heights. But just when she thought she’d reached paradise, he stopped, making her groan in frustration.

“Just getting even for your teasing me all evening,” he smirked, emerging from further down the bed and bringing his face close to hers, the tip of his nose sporting a tell-tale moist sheen. “One song, particularly, comes to mind. And to make it very clear, I’m not your daddy!”

“You’re not?” Jenny chuckled despite herself, feigning surprise and bashfully fluttering her eyelashes at him, but finding it increasingly difficult to flirt in her current state of burning desire.

“No,” Leonard growled, his voice even deeper this time. “Or would your daddy do this to you? Or this?”

“No, he certainly wouldn’t,” she moaned, all thoughts of Springsteen’s lyrics instantly pushed from her mind again, when the doctor finally ducked his head once more to finish what he’d so expertly started.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The next day, McCoy went to see Hope in her office. A luxury he hadn’t treated himself to very often before, for fear of being too obvious. Unlike her, who’d worked in sickbay for almost a year, and was still treated as one of the team, the doctor rarely had official business in linguistics.

In high spirits after their incredible evening and night, he revelled in the newfound freedom that officially being in a relationship with Hope afforded him.

Everybody knows, he thought happily, savouring the feeling, almost giddy with joy. Everybody knows that the most desirable woman in the whole galaxy is in love with me.

McCoy was only a few steps away from the linguistics department, when he saw Uhura sashaying out of the turbolift and disappearing straight into Hope’s office, seeming excited and in a hurry.

Not wanting to intrude, the doctor stood outside Hope’s office door and patiently waited for the women to finish whatever Uhura had come for. He honestly didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the communications officer’s strong and clear voice was hard to ignore.

“So, it’s official, you and the doctor are an item! And you never said a word!” Uhura practically squealed, sounding a little miffed about having been kept in the dark, but mostly thrilled for her friend.

“Well, we …” Hope began hesitantly, seeming unsure of how to explain herself.

“But then, you didn’t really have to,” Uhura cut in, chuckling delightedly.

“You mean you knew?” Hope asked, perplexed.

“No,” Uhura reassured her, “but, like everybody else, I strongly suspected. It was certainly no secret that you and the doctor cared for each other. Anyone could see that.”

“Okay…” Hope sounded uncharacteristically tight-lipped, very likely a little embarrassed that she’d been so oblivious.

Even though he’d always tried to be discreet, McCoy had long suspected that their relationship might be the worst kept secret on the Enterprise.

“Oh darling,” Uhura giggled, “you were so obvious. Everybody could see that the two of you were crazy in love almost from the moment you first came aboard. And I’m not talking about your return from the Lexington, but the actual ‘first time’.”

“Now wait a little,” Hope protested, “we didn’t even know ourselves until the day before I transferred!”

Uhura laughed out loud at that, and McCoy couldn't help secretly grinning with her.

“Oh my, you two are priceless!” she snorted, seeming unable to get a grip on herself.

“How could you tell?” Hope asked, and the doctor heard genuine curiosity in her voice.

“Hmmm, let’s see,” Uhura replied, pretending to think hard about it. “Your whole face lights up whenever the doctor’s name comes up? You’ve spent practically all of your free time together, and that – again – since you first came aboard? And then there’s the way he looks at you?”

“What way?” Hope wanted to know.

“Phew, how can I explain it?” Uhura sighed. “Just, somehow, so full of tenderness and admiration. Okay, make that completely smitten. We all know that Dr. McCoy is a very caring and compassionate doctor. But there’s caring, and then there’s, you know, love. You’re both wearing your hearts on your sleeves. I remember how devastated Chekov was, when he first suspected.”

“You mean Pavel knew, too?”

“But of course!”

McCoy groaned inwardly, remembering how Chekov had come to practically ask his permission to date Hope when she still had amnesia. For such a brilliant woman, Hope was really clueless sometimes.

“And he still kept dancing with me and being my friend?”

“Honey,” Uhura gave an exasperated sigh, “he’s always loved you. Still does. Even knowing that he can never be more than a friend. Or why do you think, he’s never had the same girlfriend for more than a week or so?”

There was a long silence as Hope apparently contemplated Uhura’s words.

“Don’t worry,” the communications officer continued. “Pavel likes and respects the doctor far too much to ever try to get between you. Not that he could, of course. He's known McCoy for years, and the doctor has saved his life more than once.”

“I wish Pavel would find someone nice, someone who’d really make him happy,” Hope sighed, and McCoy felt his heart melt at how she always wanted everyone to be happy.

“I’m sure we’ll find someone for him eventually,” Uhura smiled. “Anyway, I’m really happy for you and the doctor. You both deserve to be happy. Dr. McCoy is a really fine man. And you are the best friend I could wish for. You two are perfect for each other!”

“Oh, we are!” Hope exclaimed enthusiastically, and McCoy was just about to make his presence known, when she went on. “At least I hope so. I sure couldn't be happier. He's incredible, Nyota! The most wonderful man you can imagine. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I adore him. I could just lie in his arms forever, talking and ... stuff, and not get bored for a minute. But even when we don't have any time at all, because of some crisis or other, just a moment's glance or a fraction of a smile from him feels like being wrapped in the warmest embrace. I just need to know he's there, and everything will be all right.”

McCoy was deeply touched by Hope’s words. She’d told him all of that many times before, of course, but hearing her tell the same thing to her best friend was something else again. Proof that she really felt like this and didn’t just say it to please him.

“Now you're making me jealous,” Uhura said wistfully. “I want what you have. I wish the doctor had a brother. Or a son even.”

Uhura chuckled, then let out an astonished squeal, when Hope playfully shoved her.

“Oh stop it, Nyota! You're being gross!”

“Well, I like my men young. And that McCoy is quite a bit older than you is a fact.”

She was right, of course. The doctor heaved a quiet sigh.

“Really, you're as bad as Leonard,” Hope moaned.

“Does it bother him?” Uhura wanted to know.

“It used to. But, thankfully, not anymore. He's come to accept that I love him exactly the way he is. That he makes me happy in every way.”

“Every way? Oh please, do tell!” Uhura laughed, enjoying teasing her friend.

McCoy held his breath. Now, this was getting interesting.

“Oh, you're impossible!” Hope scolded her friend, then chuckled good-naturedly, “Yes, in every way. The rumours about Leonard and his ‘hands of a surgeon’ are definitely true, you know. And that's as much as you'll hear from me in this matter. Now go badger someone else, girlfriend. I've got work to do!”

The doctor had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud in surprise at that, and quickly stepped through the door into Hope’s office before he got to hear any further details about himself he definitely didn’t need to know, charmingly grinning at a startled and blushing Uhura, as she nearly bumped into him on her hasty way out.

“Leonard! What a nice surprise!” Hope greeted him over-brightly, looking a little flustered at his sudden appearance.

“Glad you think so! I’m certainly glad I came,” he replied, trying to keep a straight face as he waited for the doors to hiss shut behind him. Then he wrapped his arms around Hope, brushed a tender kiss on her lips, and whispered in her ear, “And I can’t wait to show you what this surgeon’s hands can really do.”

Chapter 54              

Jenny woke up with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed, her heart racing, as the dream slowly faded away. The dream that kept torturing her. Some nights even more often than once. It was always the same dream. And yet, it wasn’t. Always the same people in it. Kids. Two boys. Although they looked different every time, so she couldn’t be totally sure. But something terrible always happened to them, some accident or illness. Sometimes they drowned, sometimes they fell off a cliff, or got shot or hit by something. Whatever tragedy befell them, the outcome was always the same: Jenny started awake, completely shaken and feeling a terrible loss.

Sammy, she thought, searching her mind and her heart for clues, any memories she might associate with that name. Like she’d done every night for the past week or so. And just like always, she came up with nothing. Yet, the name seemed strangely familiar. One of the kids they’d saved on Iridis had gone by that name. Or at least a very similar sounding Iridian one. And it had triggered something in her mind, although she couldn’t for the life of her fathom out what.

"Come here, love," Leonard’s drowsy voice broke into her thoughts, a gentle hand softly tugging at her shoulder and pulling her down into his loving arms.

He didn’t ask about the dream, knowing by now that she didn’t want to – couldn't – talk about it, just offering comfort, a safe place for her to go back to sleep, and she gratefully sank into his warm embrace, like she had for the past few nights. McCoy thought she was having nightmares from Iridis. And maybe he was right, perhaps she was. She was certainly happy to let him believe it was just that. Even though she had an inkling that there was more to it.

Snuggling closer into the doctor’s arms, Jenny promised herself to talk to him about it, if her nightmares hadn’t stopped by the end of the week. She loved him for being so patient with her. For letting her come to him, confide in him, in her own good time. Especially since, generally speaking, patience definitely wasn’t his strong suit.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him what was bothering her. Matter of fact, she loved sharing everything with him. Well, except for sometimes, when she really didn’t want to worry him. But some things were just so hard to talk about, or rather, hard to put into words. To find the right words to even begin to describe or explain what she hardly understood herself.

Still, Leonard was always there for her, steadfastly offering comfort and support, no questions asked. Love, and warmth, and security. A safe place for her to work things out. Until she could talk about them. And when she was ready, she knew he’d listen like no one else could. Full of concern, eager to help, but entirely without doubting or judging her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

It had been almost two weeks now, McCoy thought, and during the day, Hope was cheerful and seemingly carefree as ever, visibly basking in the newly official status of their relationship. But Iridis still haunted her dreams, and there hadn’t been a night without her having at least one nightmare since. It wasn’t particularly surprising, of course. The experience wasn’t something you could just easily put behind you. He still had nightmares about it, too.

Hard as it was for him to watch her struggle every night, McCoy accepted that she didn’t want to talk about Iridis anymore. They’d done so extensively after their return, and he’d long established that Hope’s natural coping mechanism was to focus on the positive things in life rather than dwell on the negative. And that was all right, too. He supported that.

So he kept from asking any questions, when he found her sitting up in bed at night, trembling and breathing hard, and just pulled her into his arms, to comfort and soothe her, and to make her feel as safe as he could. It always worked. She was back asleep almost the moment his arms closed around her and her head came to rest on his chest.

The doctor wasn’t overly worried, though. Hope was a strong woman, and the dreams would fade over time. Besides, he was sure that she’d come and talk to him of her own accord, if she felt the need. If something was really bothering, worrying, or even scaring her. She’d done it before. All she needed was to feel his love and support, safe in the knowledge to have his caring, non-judgemental attention once she decided to confide in him.

Furthermore, McCoy couldn’t deny that he loved being there for Hope like that. Holding her safe, giving her all the tender touch and security she needed, never failed to fill his heart with joy and a sense of purpose he couldn’t even begin to describe. Or even really understand. Taking care of this extraordinary woman, whom he loved more than life itself, had become his raison d’être, his whole reason for living. And, strangely enough, the realisation didn’t even scare him anymore.

-x-x-x-x-x-

After Iridis, their relationship had slightly shifted. Even though he hadn’t been aware of it, had actually seen them as equal partners long before then, McCoy now felt a new level of admiration and respect for Hope. Part of her was still, and would always remain, the delicate girl he so desperately needed to protect and keep safe. But he’d never seen more clearly that she’d grown into a truly independent and strong woman. A partner he could always lean on, too. He was no longer afraid of breaking her, of needing her, of not always being the strong one.

What a wonderful team we are!

And now that their relationship was official, McCoy suddenly felt like asking her the big question, surprising himself a little there. It was like a deeply harboured yearning he’d never known he had. Truthfully, he’d thought he’d never even consider marriage again after his spectacular failure the first time. And Hope had certainly never given any hint that it might be important to her, or that she’d even be open to it in the first place.

Besides, everything was perfect between them as it was. There was no need to change anything. And yet, the doctor couldn’t shrug off this growing desire to be married to Hope, to call her his wife. Not because he wanted to make some old-fashioned claim, to ‘possess’ her. Just the idea of Hope being anything but her own, free, independent person was ridiculous. But because he felt the urge to somehow take their love to the next level, which was nigh impossible.

It couldn’t get any better or deeper or more perfect. But marriage would show the whole world their appreciation of each other, their wish to be together. Always and forever. And McCoy felt he really wanted the world to know just how happy he was with Hope. How perfect and wonderful he thought she was. He’d never had this urge before. Certainly not when he’d proposed to Jocelyn. Then, it had just been ‘the right thing to do’, the next logical step, what people - and most of all Jocelyn - expected.

He should have waited for the next shore leave, of course. Should have got a beautiful ring and taken Hope to a romantic place or some first-class restaurant for the occasion. But bearing in mind how quickly bad things could happen in space, the doctor didn’t think he could wait that long.

Hope didn’t need grand gestures, he knew her that well. She didn’t need a ridiculously expensive ring as proof of the depth and sincerity of his love for her. There wasn’t a ring valuable enough to reflect the strength of his love anyway, even if he could afford it. And her self-esteem certainly didn’t depend on swanky public displays of his affection. But he still wanted to propose to her in a romantic setting.

In the end, however, he just more of less blurted out the question when his heart was too full to contain it any longer.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny and McCoy were having an intimate dinner in a secluded corner of the observation deck, and Leonard had been awfully fidgety all evening. Starfleet had issued a commendation praising them both for their exemplary work on Iridis, and the doctor had insisted on organising a celebratory dinner for them. Something special, he’d said, a little more glamorous than the mess, and with a nicer view.

“What’s the matter, Leonard?” Jenny asked, gently placing her hand on top of his, to stop him from restlessly drumming his fingers on the table. “Something’s really bothering you. What is it?”

Looking at him, as he nervously gazed at her from under his eyelashes, an almost shy smile playing around his lips, she couldn't help thinking how handsome he was. A fact he seemed to be completely oblivious of. She’d known him for a long time now, but there were still moments when his looks simply took her breath away.

She loved him for so many reasons. His kindness, his brilliance, his humour, the way he cared. About her and everyone else. For giving her this wonderful sense of security, of being cherished. And for the way he made her feel when he touched her, kissed her, made love to her. A lot of the time, she just took his good looks for granted. But sometimes, at moments like this, she’d look at him, and just get blown away by what a gorgeous man he was, feeling immensely proud to be the woman at his side.

“Jenny, I love you more than you’ll ever know,” McCoy began hesitantly, his eyes darting around restlessly, unable to hold her gaze. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t imagine ever being without you again.”

He clasped her fingers, his hand untypically clammy and cold, and Jenny was growing uneasy. Was this the build-up for some bad news? But what about? His health? It didn’t even bear thinking about. Did he have to leave the Enterprise? Was he going to break up with her for some other reason? She felt her lips getting dry, and her heart hammering frantically against her chest. They’d been so happy!

“Will you marry me?”

The question came so unexpected, Jenny couldn't help the relieved laughter bubbling up inside her, unable to give this pivotal moment the dignity it deserved, and which Leonard had clearly meant to convey.

“Would you really want to?” she all but guffawed, flabbergasted. “I mean, I always thought you were done with marriage.”

The doctor’s face fell. This was clearly not the reaction he’d hoped for.

“Would I ask, if I wasn’t serious?” he retorted, his shoulders sagging, and suddenly looking lost and insecure in a way she’d never seen him before.

He’d tried to make this the perfect proposal, and she’d gone and ruined it, put the mother of all dampeners on this precious moment by questioning his sincerity.

When the enormity of the actual question finally struck home, Jenny jumped up from her chair, hurled herself around the table, and literally fell to her knees at Leonard’s feet. Grabbing his hand and putting it to her lips, she gazed up at the doctor through moist eyes, her heart bursting with a million wonderful emotions.

“Yes, Leonard, oh yes!” she beamed, feeling her eyes spill over with happy tears. “I’d love nothing more than to be your wife.”

Seeming rather overwhelmed by the situation himself, and quite obviously having a hard time processing that she’d just said yes, McCoy pulled her up and onto his lap, wrapping his arms so tightly around her she could hardly breathe, while drawing her into a kiss so intense, her limbs went all weak and started to feel like jelly.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Hope had said yes. McCoy could hardly believe it. After her initial reaction, he’d almost regretted asking her, suddenly feeling incredibly silly and ridiculous, afraid to have made a complete fool of himself. Or, even worse, to have put her in an awkward position. But now the world was a beautiful place again. A dream had come true. The most wonderful woman in the universe, the love of his life, had agreed to marry him. And she seemed really happy about it, too.

Unlike Jocelyn who’d probably been waiting for him to pop the question since their first date, craving the idea of being married to a soon-to-be doctor rather than actual life with him and all that his job entailed, Hope had been genuinely surprised.

No doubt about that, he couldn't help smiling to himself.

And yet, she’d said yes, wanting them to be together for the rest of their lives just as much as he did.

As if on cue, the sound of the bosun’s whistle could be heard across the observation deck, and a call came through, asking Dr. McCoy to report to sickbay.

The doctor was crestfallen. This was unbelievable! Couldn't he even propose in peace? But Hope just giggled as she quickly slid off his lap. Her eyes sparkling with amusement, she seemed to actually find this hilarious! Not a trace of disappointment or annoyance on her face, like any other woman would probably have felt at that moment. She really was something else.

McCoy jumped up and hit the comm on the wall closest to their table, only to learn that there had been an accident in engineering, and M’Benga needed him down in sickbay ASAP.

“Go, Leonard, and good luck!” Hope smiled, giving his arm a comforting squeeze. “This certainly makes the occasion even more memorable. I’ll stay here a little while longer, and if it gets too late, you’ll find your fiancée in your quarters.”

The doctor nodded resignedly, brushed a hurried kiss on her lips, and then raced off towards the nearest turbolift, his heart brimming over with love for this extraordinary woman. His fiancée. He rolled the word around in his mind for a moment, then shut out all private thoughts and emotions, switching to complete doctor mode before entering sickbay.

Chapter 55              

Jenny’s heart was bursting with love and happiness. Unbelievably, she was engaged. To wonderful, kind, amazing Leonard. The renowned Dr. McCoy of Starfleet. Jenny was going to be a wife. Leonard’s wife. She honestly hadn’t seen that one coming, not in a million years, and she still had to get her head around it. But she had to admit that it felt terrific. Not least, because it seemed to mean so much to him. Probably the one thing that had surprised her most that evening.

After his countless snide remarks on the subject over the years, leaving no doubt about what he thought of marriage, or, more accurately, how much he’d been hurt by his first encounter with the institution, his proposal had certainly come completely out of the blue. How often had he claimed to be utterly unfit for relationships? Although, the way he’d always been there for her from the very beginning, long before theirs could actually have been called a relationship, even Leonard must have seen how wrong he’d been in his assessment.

To tell the truth, marriage had never been ranking particularly high on Jenny’s list of life goals. She’d never seen it as more than an inconsequential piece of paper, certainly nothing that said anything about the love two people held for each other, or the state of their relationship. A wedding might be an opportunity to have a big party, be the centre of attention for a day, if you liked that sort of thing. But it certainly didn’t provide any lasting security as far as love, loyalty, or fidelity were concerned.

No, marriage had never held the appeal for her it obviously held for so many others. And being with McCoy, and very happily so, she’d honestly never given it much thought. He’d been there, done that already, and she’d always been under the impression that once had been more than enough for him.

And that wasn’t even counting his short, and almost immediately annulled, marriage to Natira, which Leonard didn’t seem exactly proud of and had only briefly mentioned to her once. Apparently, the whole episode had been a bit of a blur for him, having found out about his terminal illness only days before, and feeling dizzy and rather out of it due to that very same illness.

Jenny’s heart ached just thinking about him being ill and scared and trying to deal with it all by himself, and she was eternally grateful to the High Priestess of Yonada for being there for Leonard and loving him at that difficult time.*

Natira must have been a very impressive woman, and Jenny was convinced that McCoy must have had real feelings for her, too – as real as they could be for someone you’d only just met, anyway – or he would never have agreed to marry her, not even in his dazed state. She knew him that well.  But from what he’d told her, his main motivators for agreeing to stay and marry the priestess had been his longing to be loved and fear of dying lonely on the one hand, and it being the only way he saw to save Jim and Spock’s lives on the other hand.

Jenny had never asked him for details after that, sensing how embarrassed, and most of all guilty towards Natira, Leonard felt. She certainly didn’t want him to think he had to justify himself for anything in his past. Least of all to her.

Now, however, the doctor seemed positively eager to get married again. The thought crossed her mind that, maybe, he thought it was important to her? Knowing how he would do anything to make her happy, Jenny wouldn’t put it past him. She’d have to find out.

But she also had to admit that she was extremely flattered. And excited. Knowing that he loved and trusted her enough to overcome his mistrust of marriage, made her happy beyond words. Coming from Leonard, a proposal was certainly the greatest declaration of love she could think of. And he’d been so adorably nervous about it, too!

Jenny had been totally committed to McCoy since what felt like forever, wanting to be with him for the rest of her life, married or not, more than anything else. But now that she seriously thought about it, in a way that was hard to explain, the idea of them being husband and wife actually felt like the ultimate connection, an unbreakable bond. All of a sudden, as she’d already told him on the observation deck earlier, she found that she wanted nothing more than to be Leonard’s wife.

Allowing himself to love her like he did, had, of course, made McCoy vulnerable again way before he’d even thought of proposing. Jenny had long realised that and always seen it as the most precious gift, well aware of how much being emotionally vulnerable scared Leonard. It was undoubtedly the main reason why he’d made it his mission to get Spock to actively deal with his human half. To try and prepare him for emotional assault far worse than the doctor’s playful, affectionate jibes. Although few people, apart from Spock himself and maybe the captain and the bridge crew, seemed to get that. A subject that Christine seemed to be particular touchy about.

Jenny would never knowingly do anything to hurt Leonard, of course. He deserved nothing but unconditional love, loyalty and support in every way possible. Underneath his crusty shell, he was probably the softest, most easily hurt person she knew. Unnoticed by most people, and the doctor worked hard to keep it that way, McCoy took everything to heart. Jenny had lost count of the times she’d witnessed him going from confident and happy to insecure and defensive in the blink of an eye after a simple, careless remark of one of his friends. Or, sadly, sometimes even one of hers.

She knew only too well that with the power to make him happy, that she’d been blessed with, also came the power to destroy him. And she vowed then and there to make every effort to take even better care of his heart in the future, to always be considerate of his feelings, in her words as well as in her actions.

Love did make you vulnerable. It was an undeniable truth. But for Jenny, the wonderful side, the beauty of love would always outweigh the hurt it might cause. With Leonard, she even enjoyed being – or rather, making herself – vulnerable. Because, for some reason, she’d known from the start that her heart was safe with him. That he’d never hurt her, since that would break his own heart, too. And being able to drop her guard around him, not having to pretend to be more than she was, or stronger, or cleverer, made her feel safe in a way she couldn't even begin to explain.

It was fantastic to know that she could ask him anything, and not worry about coming across as dim, or naïve, or still overwhelmed by living in the 23rd century even after all this time. Leonard would always take her questions and insecurities seriously, delighting in explaining without being patronising. He might smile at some questions, which Jenny didn’t mind, often seeing the funny side herself, but it was always in a loving, benign and caring way, never to ridicule.

Come to think of it, everything they did, they seemed to do lovingly and respectfully. Even argue. But then, most of their disagreements arose from one of them trying to protect the other, however misguidedly, anyway. What better foundation to build a strong marriage on? Jenny couldn't think of anything she wanted more than to make McCoy the happiest husband ever. She’d have him smiling all day, every day. Get rid of that worried frown once and for all.

Go big or go home, she chuckled to herself, but then she’d always set her goals high.

There was certainly no greater, more fulfilling joy than being able to put one of those glowing smiles on Leonard’s face, the ones that always went straight to her heart, filling it with the warmest, fuzziest feelings and a rush of happiness she hadn’t known until she’d met her science-blue soulmate.  

-x-x-x-x-x-

When McCoy returned to his quarters late that evening, still seething from having had ‘their moment’ interrupted so rudely while at the same time trying to comprehend that they were now actually engaged to be married, he found Hope curled up on the couch, still fully dressed and fast asleep. Of course, she’d wanted to wait up for him. She always did when he was dealing with an emergency, he thought fondly. But all those broken nights seemed to have taken it out of her.

Stopping to look at her familiar form, ‘her’ music still playing softly in the background, he felt all his exhaustion from the operation he’d just had to perform ebb away. Simply being in her presence always had this effect on him. Just like he always endeavoured to be her rock, her protector, Hope had become his safe haven, the calm and soothing centre of his rough and stormy universe.

For all I know, she might be an angel, he thought affectionately, and with her serene expression and her hair having come loose and curling softly around her face, she looked exactly as he would picture one.

McCoy still couldn’t quite grasp it. He’d asked her to marry him, and she’s said yes. Just like that! And now he felt on top of the world. How was he so lucky? Nothing had actually changed. And yet, everything had. Funny, how words could do that. Because, really, it had just been words. They were still the same people, still felt the same way about each other. He’d asked a question, she’d given an answer. So, why was he feeling happier than he ever had before? The human soul truly was a mystery.

Letting his eyes trail over her lovely features, so delicate in sleep, it suddenly hit him how much he wanted her to be family. To have a family. Maybe that was one of the reasons he wanted to marry her so badly? To actually give her a family again. To share his family with her. Because every time he thought about how alone in the world she was, it still hurt.

He needed Hope to feel that she was the single most important person in his life. That all his dreams and desires were about her. That she was constantly on his mind, wherever he was, whatever he was doing.

Looking back, McCoy realised that she’d practically taken up most of his thoughts since the day they’d met. He’d worried about her, been fascinated and entertained by her, had watched her at work, taking care of his patients, when she was dancing, or singing, or simply being Hope. Wonderful, lovely, brilliant, amazing Hope.

He’d fallen under her spell faster than he’d ever thought possible. In literally no time, his whole life had started to revolve around her, he’d opened up to her, exposed himself and made himself vulnerable like never before. And he didn’t regret a single minute. Hope had been worth every moment of doubt, or fear, or worry, or pain. Because he’d also been happier, more at ease with himself and at peace with the world, than he’d ever been before.

Wanting her to have a family again might be one of the reasons why he couldn't wait to marry her. But the main reason was certainly that he felt perfectly safe with her. Safe in her love, trusting her implicitly. Because, insecure as he’d always felt in previous relationships, he knew with staggering certainty that Hope would never knowingly hurt him.

Now, she was going to be his wife, and he was determined to make her the happiest wife there’d ever been. He knew she was happy and positive by default, and he’d always admired and envied that. But from now on, he’d make it his mission to make her feel loved, and cherished, and safe beyond anything she’d ever dreamed of.

And, feeling a thrill of excitement running through him, McCoy realised that with Hope, unlike with any other woman before her, he actually believed he could achieve that. Just the thought that he, of all people, had the power, and the chance, to give her all that, made his heart soar with joyful delight.

-x-x-x-x-x-

With all those warm thoughts filling his mind, McCoy crouched down next to the couch, gently whispered Hope’s name, and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. She was wide awake at the first touch, sitting up and groggily blinking her eyes to get rid of the sleepiness.

“How did it go?” she asked, a worried frown crossing her face.

“Everyone’s fine, love,” the doctor smiled, touched that this would always be her first concern, no matter how sleepy she was, or how caught up in her own problems.

He sat down beside her on the couch and pulled her into his arms, sighing contentedly as he felt her comfortably settling against him. Enjoying the warmth and the closeness, McCoy couldn't think of anything more relaxing than feeling Hope’s soft breath caressing his neck, as she snuggled ever closer, practically purring with contentment. He couldn't even remember how he had lived without her tender affections. And he sure as hell didn’t intend to ever go back to that cold and lonely place.

“I had the most incredible dream,” Hope said softly after a while.

“You did?” the doctor replied, curious, but not quite sure if she wanted to share anything else.

When she realised that he wasn’t going to ask, she smilingly volunteered, “I dreamed that the most handsome doctor in Starfleet asked me to marry him.”

“Really?” McCoy chuckled feigning surprise and trying not to let on how ridiculously flattered he was by her calling him handsome. “How forward of him!”

Hope giggled at that, and the delightful sound melted his heart just like it always did.

“And what was your answer?” he asked softly, feeling his heart beating faster, even though he already knew.

“I said yes, of course!” she beamed, not missing a beat and wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. “Yes, with all my heart!”  

“You said yes,” McCoy repeated, reverently murmuring the words against her hair, his voice cracking a little as their significance hit him anew.

“I certainly did,” Hope confirmed once more, and he could virtually feel the joyful emotions rippling through her lithe body, as she lifted her sweet face to look at him, drawing him into the bottomless depths of her beautiful, dark eyes.

Pulling back a little, his breath hitching slightly in his chest, McCoy quietly asked, “Are you still sure, love? I mean we’ve talked a lot about how I feel about relationships and marriage, and I couldn't have been more wrong, as it turns out, of course, but you’ve never revealed your own opinion on marriage.”

“I’ve never been surer about anything in my life, Leonard,” Hope said emphatically, reaching up to smoothen out his worried frown with gentle fingers.

“Even though I’ll have to run off all the time?” he just had to make sure. “Hell, I couldn't even finish proposing without being called away!”

“Leonard, we’ve talked about this before,” Hope smiled indulgently, and he could tell that she was trying to be patient with him. “You should really know better than to ask this by now. But I’ll gladly tell you again. As often as you need to hear it.”

McCoy just tilted his head to the side, silently pleading with her to keep talking.

“Of course, I’m sure, Leonard!” she went on, sitting up straight and holding his gaze. “I know what it’s like to be with you. I’ve known that you’re a doctor, and all that entails, from the start. In your line of work, more often than not, time is of the essence. You’ll always be – have to be – a doctor first. And it doesn’t bother me in the least. Quite the contrary! I admire your devotion, I’m proud that you’re such a gifted healer, and I’m grateful for every life you’ve saved and are still going to save.”

Hope paused to plant a gentle kiss on McCoy’s lips.

“I want to support you in every way I can, Leonard,” she continued softly. “Just as I’d like to think that you will support me, when I need to put my work and career first, by the way.”

“Of course, I will, love,” the doctor was almost too choked up to reply, losing himself in Hope’s tender eyes once again.

“I’ve told you before, and I won’t stop telling you until you believe me,” she sighed. “You are the most caring and reliable person I know. And I love you the more for taking your responsibilities seriously. It’s what you do, who you are, and one of the reasons I love you so much. It’s why you’re my hero, why I look up to you, why I’ll always feel safe with you.”

Then she suddenly got very serious, looking at him intently, and her next words touched him to the core.

“But when, at times, you can’t perform a miracle, I want to be there to hold you, to comfort you and remind you that you did your best. Because that’s what you do. Your very best. Always. But even so – although I sometimes have my doubts – you’re still a doctor, not a magician.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny didn’t mind telling Leonard again and again how wonderful he was, and how much she loved and adored him. In fact, she’d be happy to go on about her feelings for him all day. But she really wished that he’d wake up one morning and just know how amazing he was. Gazing at his beloved face, glad to see the last traces of doubt disappear as her words sank in, she suddenly remembered something else she needed to tell him.

“I’m sorry I messed up your beautiful proposal,” she smiled ruefully, actually having meant to apologise just before McCoy had been called to sickbay. “You need to know that I wasn’t laughing at you or your words. It’s just that, with you being so nervous all evening, when you started to tell me how much you loved me, I couldn't help thinking you were trying to prepare me for some bad news. And then, when you asked the question, I was just giddy with relief. You have no idea how scared I was for you, for us, at that moment.”

The words had just poured out of her, but seeing the doctor listening attentively, a relieved smile spreading across his face, Jenny was glad that she’d brought it up. She couldn't let him go on believing that her first reaction to his proposal had been to laugh it off.

“You haven’t messed up anything, Jenny,” McCoy lovingly reassured her, tenderly brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. “If anyone has, it was obviously me. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m not very good at proposing, I guess.”

“But you are!” she exclaimed, needing him to understand how unbelievably happy he’d made her. “It couldn't have been more perfect.”

“Actually, it could,” the doctor hung his head, “and it should. I meant to do this far more romantically, but my heart was threatening to spill over, I just couldn't wait any longer. I don’t even have a ring for you yet.”

McCoy chuckled sheepishly, visibly dissatisfied with the way his proposal had turned out.

“But Leonard, I already have a ring!” Jenny laughed, taking it off and placing it in his hand. “And the most beautiful one, too. You already knew that our love was for life when you bought it for me, didn’t you? And it helped me through so many difficulties and hard times, I’d never even want another. This ring is perfect! Your proposal was perfect! You are perfect!”

The doctor just looked at her for a moment, blinking back emotional tears, then slid off of the couch and went down on one knee, putting on a face so serious, Jenny had to bite her lip not to laugh again. He was just too sweet and adorable.

“Jennifer Hope, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” McCoy asked earnestly, tenderly taking her hand in his and gazing deeply into her eyes.

And when Jenny nodded a tearful yes, he gently slid the dolphin-shaped ring on her finger, got up again and pulled her into a kiss that told her exactly how happy she’d just made him.

A/N:  *In case you’re wondering what I’m talking about, and who Natira is, I’m referring to TOS s3e8 "For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky", in which McCoy is terminally ill with xenopolycythemia.

x-x-x-x-x-

Continue to:       Chapters 56-60                    Chapters 61-65                     Chapters 66-70           Chapter 71                  

Go back to: Chapters 1-5 Chapters 6-10 Chapters 11-15   Chapters 16-20   Chapters 21-25 Chapters 26-30   Chapters 31-35   Chapters 36-40     Chapters 41-45           Chapters 46-50                          

Or read it on AO3: Another Life

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

[snark-sass]

No I'm not dating him, I want to marry you -FIC

Read on aO3 here!

Fluffy fic in which Spock wants to ask Kirk to be his bondmate (even though they’re not dating), goes to McCoy for help, and Jim somehow think’s Spock and mcCoy are dating.

Spirk fic with a happy ending! 6k (I imagined TOS when writing but would fit into either)

Spock stood outside of Captain Kirk’s door.

Spock would say, that were he human, the disequilibrium he was experiencing would be called ‘nerves’. It was fortunate that he was in fact Vulcan, and he understood the reaction his body was autonomously having was the ever logical one of ‘fight or flight’. It was after all, advantageous for one’s body to prepare itself in times of stress, or in this case anticipated stress, in order to best ensure survival.

However, what was less logical was the fact that this response had been triggered by Spock simply standing in front of the Captain’s door, preparing for a conversation. Not a fight, not anything else that this response would aid in, but a conversation.

They were 3.72 years into their 5 year mission when Spock had decided that he would, after much consideration, speak to Jim about becoming bondmates. It was, after all, logical.

Had they been courting? Well, not explicitly in the sense the one of them had asked the other if they would like to advance their relationship to that of a romantic one. But, they had been spending copious amounts of time together, eating meals together, partaking in leisure activities together, and even spending shore leave in each other’s company. Yes, Jim had even convinced Spock to actually use some of his leave. They did all of this not because they were obligated as a command team, but for the pleasure of being with one another. Spock doubted that any verbal declarations would have changed the amount of time spent together.

They had gained intimate knowledge of each other’s lives, goals, preferences, and everything else one would when courting.

More importantly though, they had extraordinarily compatible minds.

Spock had known this since he had melded with Jim in Janice Lester’s body. It was the deepest meld Jim and him had ever participated in. Had the situation not been dire, Spock would have extended it just to keep feeling the rightness and belonging that the meld had woven into its very core.

Was it unfortunate that such a beautiful meeting of minds happened under such circumstances? Yes. Did it change the face that Spock wanted to be one with that mid forever? Not at all.

He held this knowledge in his mind even as his hands began to perspire. It truly was fascinating, if not inconvenient at times, what the body could be capable of even under the misconception of threat.

Spock reminded himself that the chance of threat behind that door, barring any unusual circumstances, was practically non-existent. Well, physical danger at least. There was always the risk to the social, personal and professional aspects of his life. Losing one of his closest friends, having charges filed against him for harassment, those types of things.

No big deal.

Spock was aware that humans completely different standards when it came to relationships, and devoting themselves to one another. What exactly they were however? Unknown. His research on the matter had been conflicting and inconclusive at best. Given his lack of first-hand experience on top of this, he was left with the novel feeling of feeling underprepared.

This unknown factor is what Spock concluded to the cause of his state. Unfortunately, there were not specific research papers on Jim. If so, they would have been far more useful than the perplexing papers he had read, he reflected.

Then it occurred to him; he could seek advice specifically about Jim. Not from research databases, but from interviewing someone who would know.

Spock was hesitant to make his goals known, however. He did not wish it to become common knowledge lest he be subjected to increased amounts of interpersonal conversations, or he dreaded to think, widespread pity if it did not work out.

No, he would keep it to as few people as possible to minimise this risk

.

Given the parameters, the choice was obvious. He would consult Dr. McCoy on the matter and determine the best method to ask the Captain the be his bondmate. By his currently calculations, they could be bondmates in no more than 14 days due to their high compatibility, even factoring in extra time for Jim’s human needs.

Yes, he thought, noticing his body’s response already calming as he turned away from Jim’s door and towards sickbay, this is the optimal course of action.

Perhaps they may even be able to bond sooner based on the Doctor’s advice.

 *---*---*

Dr McCoy looked up from the paperwork he was working on in an otherwise deserted med bay as Spock walked in.

“Spock,” he smiled up at him “What brings you to my medbay at this time of night? Last I heard, even Vulcans need to sleep sometimes.” He looked Spock up and down and frowned “In fact, I’d bet good credits you’ve never voluntarily come down here at this time of night. You’re not dying again are you?” he asked narrowing his eyes slightly.

 Spock hesitated for a moment, the same feelings from earlier returning in a weaker form.

 “I have come to seek advice on a personal matter, Doctor.” Spock replied.

 Now, instead of reassuring the Doctor as it should have, Dr McCoy looked alarmed “You are dying, aren’t you!?” He stood up and started trying to usher Spock to a bed “Is it a Vulcan disease? It can’t Ponn Farr again, you’re not due for another six years! Unless it’s your dammed hybrid biology – one half Vulcan in the galaxy and I get them on my ship!” He said rather rapidly, giving up trying to move Spock and pulling out a scanner, running it up and down Spock’s body then and there.

 “Doctor,” Spock interrupted “I am not dying any more than I was at our last check up, where I remind you I was subjected to a high number of unnecessary tests. All of which came back within acceptable levels.” He paused and recentred himself “And I most certainly am not experiencing my time. If I were I assure you, I would be consulting a Vulcan healer about the matter, not relying on your potions.”

 McCoy went and sat back in his chair. “Well don’t you know how to make someone feel warm and fuzzy.” He drawled. “Alright, if you’re not here for a medical reason, what are you here for?”

 Spock contemplated the best wording of his request.

 “I find I am lacking the appropriate courting experience in order to secure a human bondmate.”

 McCoy’s expression didn’t change. In fact he didn’t seem to be moving at all.

 “As a human who has had some past successes when courting, and are familiar with the process involved you are a clear source from which to seek advice.” He paused before adding “I also find myself with… few individuals I am familiar enough with to seek advice about the matter.” Spock finished.

 McCoy blew air out of his mouth. “Well I’ll be, are you saying Mr. Spock that you’ve come to me for advice about emotions? <em>Romantic </em> emotions?” he finished gleefully.

 “I believe that is what I just stated” said Spock, doubting his decision more by the second.

 “So who’s the lucky lady?” McCoy asked, looking far too excited by the turn in conversation for Spock’s liking.

 “I do not believe I stated the person of interest was a woman, Doctor.” Spock replied evenly. “The person in question in fact identifies as male.”

 McCoy looked thoughtful at this “A man huh? Must say, when it comes to men I don’t have a lick of experience Spock. You could try asking Jim thought. I know he has a reputation for a ladies man, but he’s fallen for his share of gentlemen.”

 Spock willed his face to stay neutral.

 “I cannot ask the Captain, as it is him I am here to discuss.”

 “Jim? You want to seduce Jim!?” Now McCoy was shocked. It must be exhausting having so many emotions so quickly considered Spock.

 “My God man, could you have picked a more impossible target?” Asked McCoy. “you know he’d never risk his command by getting involved with someone on the ship.”

 “I am aware of Captain Kirk’s strict adherence the Starfleet regulations in relation to section 3.4. However, relationships are allowed between officers within one rank of each other, meaning that our relationship would not be in any violations.” He stated as though he was insulted McCoy hadn’t thought he’d already considered this, “Originally my plan was to approach Captain Kirk after the conclusion of the mission. However, the mission on Centaris II has made me revaluate this plan. As you humans put it ‘tomorrow is not guaranteed’.”

 McCoy deflated at little at this. Centaris II had been a disaster of a mission, ending with Jim getting shot in the chest with bark by sentient trees. The bark pieces had splintered in his chest, requiring hours of extensive surgery. The Captain had come to dying a few times the following days, and even McCoy wasn’t sure if he’d pull through.

 “I suppose that’s even truer on this death trap of a tin can.” McCoy said “Fine, I’ll help you on your fool’s quest. God knows anyone who has a chance at happiness should take it. And Jim, well if anything these last few years have shown it’s that his heart is yearning something awful. You sure you’re up to filling it?”

 This conversation was going quite differently than Spock had anticipated, but McCoy was Jim’s friend he reminded himself. It would be more unusual if he wasn’t concerned for his wellbeing. He had also agreed to help Spock reminded himself. Going through one, albeit greatly uncomfortable, conversation with McCoy was surely a small price to pay for the benefit he would gain.

 “Doctor, I believe that Jim and I would complete each other wholly, incomparably, and for a lifetime. I would not be pursuing him, potentially jeopardising a relationship I value, and a career I have spent years building, otherwise.” He pointed out.

 “Why, that was almost romantic.” teased McCoy, “So tell me, what have you got so far?”

 “‘Got’?“ asked Spock.

 “What have you thought of so far for wooing our Captain?” Asked McCoy.

 “My current plan is simple: I will approach the Captain while he is unaccompanied in his Cabin, advise him that our minds are highly compatible, and suggest we bond at his earliest convenience. I will then of course tell him that I am amendable to a human ceremony of his choosing should he wish to have one.” Spock felt that his agreement to a human celebration particularly demonstrated his dedication and forethought that had gone into his plan, and acknowledgment of Jim’s potential needs as a human.

 Yes, he would be an excellent spouse to Jim, he was sure.

 McCoy responded to his plan by placing his face in his hands.

 “I hope you’ve got nothing on anytime soon, we’ve got a lot of work to. Now where did I put that Surian Brandy…”

   *---*---*

 Spock left well into the Enterprise’s ‘night’, much later than he anticipated. True to McCoy’s word, they indeed had covered a lot. Not only about Jim, but about human courtship norms in general.

 Spock was grateful that he had chosen to speak to McCoy, given that according to McCoy his original plan would have ‘given Jim a heart attack’ with shock.

The new plan that Spock and McCoy had agreed on was that Spock would subtly show his interest in a relationship with Jim, ensure this interest was reciprocated, then ask him on a ‘date’.

 Then the doctor had given Spock most unpleasant advice: he suggested that they date for a year before proposing bonding. At least a whole standard year.

 He hadn’t changed his opinion even though Spock had explained that Vulcans were able to know within days if someone would make a satisfactory bondmate, and that it was not uncommon for less than a week’s notice before a ceremony.

 McCoy had laughed so hard about ‘calling humans emotional when Vulcans get married in less than a week!’ that Spock briefly worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting.

 McCoy had pointed out that Jim was not Vulcan, so it was not logical to use Vulcan standards.

 Still, Spock privately thought that he could at least consider asking Jim in half of that time, but decided the Doctor did not need to know that small fact. He did not wish to be subjected to another lecture; Dr McCoy had a surprisingly unyielding view on the matter.

 Spock turned the last corner into the hallway containing his quarters, only to see the object of his desire exiting his room donned in nothing but his red workout pants and a white t-shirt. Spock briefly wondered who had approved those pants as appropriate to be regulation. Clearly they had not anticipated how Captain J. T. Kirk would obscenely fill them when they had, nor the effect on his first officer.

 “Spock!” said the Captain, clearly not expecting to see him “Fancy seeing you here at this hour. Aren’t having any trouble sleeping are you?” he smiled empathetically.

 “Negative Sir, as Vulcans require less sleep that humans I will have sufficient time to rest before Alpha shift tomorrow.” Spock stated.

 Remembering what McCoy had explained about using compliments to express one’s interest, Spock followed with “Your dedication to your on-going fitness is commendable, Captain.”

 Jim laughed as though Spock had told a joke.

 “Thank you Mr. Spock, but I’m afraid my dedication does not usually extend to working out at one o’clock in the morning.”

 “I assume that is why you are going at 1:18am instead.” Spock stated, tilting his head slightly so Jim would know he wasn’t serious.

 This resulted in another small laugh from Jim.

 “I’m glad you understand.” Jim was looking at him with a small smile, his eyes crinkling as he looked up at him.

 Spock noted with some pride that Jim smiled when talking to Spock at a 23% higher frequency on average than he did when speaking with other officers. Another reason their bonding would be logical.

 “Say, since we’re both up how about a few rounds on the mats? Maybe this time I’ll manage to get at least one pin.” Jim teased.

 “The odds are not absolute 0.” teased Spock back, “Regretfully, I have just finished a rather long meeting with Dr. McCoy and require both mediation and sleep before my next shift in order to preform at peak efficiency.”

 Jim’s smile had now been replaced with a frown. “A meeting at this hour? Is everything ok Spock?”

 Spock was quick to reassure him “I am of optimal health Captain, the encounter was personal between myself and Dr McCoy.”

 Jim did not seem reassured by this. In fact, his face now had a peculiar expression that Spock did not know how to characterise.

 “You… and Bones?” he asked slowly, as though trying to solve an equation with only half the data. “I uh, didn’t realise the two of you had gotten that close.”

 Spock thought about the time spent speaking with McCoy. It was the longest they had ever spent in each other’s company without any third parties. The Doctor had been uncharacteristically patient towards Spock, and even shared some of his own history that Spock was certain one would not share with anyone but a particularly close friend.

 “Tonight was a notable change in our relationship, yes.” Spock said after a few seconds of thought.

 “Right.” Said Jim in an odd tone “Good. You and the good Doctor, that’s good.” He blinked at Spock “I’m surprised but happy. Happy for you both!” he said the last bit considerably too loudly given their respective distance and the relative silence of the hall.

 Spock was growing more concerned for the Captain by the second.

 “Are you alright, Jim? I believe Doctor McCoy is still awake if you require him.”

 Jim took a second before he seemed to shake himself out of his strange behaviour.

 He gave Spock a smile that this time Spock did know how to characterise; it was one that Jim gave to diplomats he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. It was the first time Spock had been on the receiving end, and he was finding it disconcerting.

 “Great idea, I think I will go check in with Bones.” He stepped to the side to pass Spock “I’ll see you on the bridge tomorrow. Sleep well, Commander.”

 “Goodnight, Captain.” Spock replied as Jim walked away.

 Spock continued his journey to his quarters, the conversation adding more to his list to mediate on. He hoped after speaking with McCoy, Jim would get adequate rest before alpha shift. It would not do for him to act like this on shift.

 *---*---*

 Hours later, Spock could only conclude that Jim had not in fact gotten sufficient rest the night before.

 It was the most likely explanation he could think of to explain the captain’s peculiar behaviour during Alpha shift.

 Jim had varied between staring at Spock for a 21.67% longer duration than normal, yet resolutely not looking at towards Spock at a 35.43% lower frequency than on average. Why Jim was looking at Spock longer but less often, he could not surmise. Further, when Dr McCoy had come to the bridge he had been downright antsy when talking to him. Overall, Jim’s behaviour had been well outside of normal levels of deviation.

 After the shift had ended, rather than waiting for Spock and going to lunch together, he had insisted on Spock going ahead while he ‘discussed these readings with Chekov’ even though Ensign Chekov had told him about the readings only 42 minutes earlier. The notably insignificant readings.

 So here Spock was, trying to find an empty table to eat lunch alone for the first time in over a year.

 Speaking of unusual, McCoy seemed to have arrived earlier to lunch than Spock for once, and was already sitting at an empty table. He waved Spock over, and Spock slid onto the bench across from him.

 “Just the Vulcan I wanted to see!” McCoy said in lieu of a proper greeting “You’re going to happy when I tell you what your great pal Leonard did last night!” The Doctor himself did not necessarily look happy, but perhaps he was scowling less than normal when Spock looked closer. That was about equivalent to a smile for him Spock supposed.

 “As I have reminded you repeatedly, ‘happiness’ is a human emotion, and I am Vulcan. Perhaps you should consider getting your memory tested, lest it affects your work.” Spock raised an eyebrow a little.

 “My memories not the problem there. Anyway,” he said, waving his sandwich alarmingly close to his hair “What I was going to tell you was that after our little chat last night, Jim came and saw me. I was the best wingman you’d ever seen.” He triumphantly took a bite of his wayward sandwich at that declaration.

 “‘Wingman’?” enquired Spock.

 McCoy shot him a suffering look “I talked you up to Jim.”

 This Spock understood, although he tried not to look too interested in what McCoy was saying, feeling a lightness rising in his chest.

 “Indeed?” he asked, “Do you consider you were successful?” he leaned forward slightly in order to hear better, as the mess was slightly too loud for optimal hearing.

 Obviously that was the reason, it was not because he was eager to hear more. Not at all.

 McCoy chose to believe he was eager nevertheless, judging by him looking smugger by the moment.

 “Was I successful? By the end Jim was saying that any man would be lucky to have you. Even started bringing his own compliments to the table.” McCoy leaned back in his chair having reached peak smugness levels.

 Spock’s heart rate had increased fractionally. Gaining McCoy as an ally was having better results than he had anticipated, Jim would be his bondmate before the year was up, he was sure of it.

 “I reckon you’re in.” McCoy went on “Now do me a favour and ask him to dinner so I can get my damn nose out of your love life."

 “Based on last evening I was under the impression you were enjoying ‘having your nose’ in my love life?” Spock teased smoothly.

 “I’m uh, not interrupting, am I?” asked Jim in a joking voice having finally arrived for lunch. He had yet to sit down at the mostly empty table.

 McCoy looked between them “I was just leaving, Jim” McCoy picked up his empty tray “He’s all yours.” McCoy clapped Jim on the shoulder as he left, ignoring Jim’s lips thinning minutely at his parting remark.

 Spock noticed McCoy shooting him what humans would refer to as a ‘significant look’ as Jim was sliding into the now vacant seat. When Spock didn’t acknowledge him, he clearly mouthed ‘ask him!’ and obviously pointed at Jim.

 Humans were unobservant, Spock reminded himself, it was highly unlikely that anyone had noticed. Even if he was now getting a few curious looks thrown his way. Why had he thought seeking out Dr. McCoy would be valuable, again? Clearly his fight or flight reaction had impacted his thoughts at the time.

 “So, are you and the good Doctor…?” Jim said after poking his food a few times, without actually eating it.

 When it became clear that Jim was not going to finish his sentence Spock asked “What about the Doctor and I, Captain?”

 “It’s just still surprising is all. You, him, together.” Jim was staring hard at his untouched food seemingly finding it very interesting.

 Jim’s words were not making sense. While McCoy and Spock might not spend as much time together as Spock and Jim did, it was surely wasn’t that unorthodox that it warranted commentary. They were after all friends. Surely it was not usual for friends to eat meals together? Even if McCoy did only usually joined them around the end of meal time, and almost never the start.

 “I fail to see what is surprising.” Spock said.

Jim actually blushed “I suppose you wouldn’t. If anyone heard the way he was speaking about you last night, I doubt they would be surprised either. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Bones speak so highly of anyone.” He finally looked up at Spock, through his eyes only visible through his eyelashes “Not that it was undeserved, of course”.

 How could Spock had been worried that Jim would reject him outright last night? Even if he wasn’t interested in Spock romantically there was no reason to assume he would scorn Spock, or humiliate him by spreading the news throughout the ship. At the very least, Jim was a kind man.

 “I’m glad you think so, Jim.” Spock softened his look in return “Perhaps if you are amendable we could have dinner followed by a game of chess? It has been 4 days since our last match. Unless of course your last three losses has gotten you to admit defeat?”

 Jim was fully looking up now, looking at Spock with eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. He huffed out a small amount of air in what Spock recognised as a sign of amusement. “Not a chance Mister, how about I come around at 18:00 when I’m finished in engineering?”

 “That would be acceptable.” Replied Spock, not breaking eye contact.

 They continued to hold each other’s gaze for a few more seconds, until the moment was broken by a loud laugh from a nearby table.

 Jim blinked to himself before frowning down at the table.

 “I just remembered I’ve got some reports that need finishing before I’m due in engineering. I’ll see you tonight, Spock.” At that Jim took his tray and made a hasty exit.

 “Until tonight.” Said Spock quietly, watching Jim go.

 *---*---*

 At 17:55 Spock was observing his quarters quite proudly.

 McCoy had told Spock that, candles, low lights and soft music were often used to ‘set the mood’ for Terran dates. Given Starfleet’s ban on open flames on space vessels, displaying candles was not possible. Instead, Spock had opted to use some of his more potent smelling incense, in order to create a pleasant scent throughout the cabin. The lights had been set to a low 15%, giving the cabin an intimate feel. The low light allowed for the starlight to shine through the port window, casting large ever-changing shadows from all the furniture onto the green carpet. Jim often commented on his affection for the stars, he was sure to appreciate that. Lastly, to finish the scene, Spock had put on some music. The only music he had available was Vulcan Lyre music, which played half a piece, with which he would practice duets with. Despite being slightly disjointed alone, Spock felt the overall effect to the ‘mood’ was given.

 Yes, he had indeed created a prime setting for courting Jim. His human courting skills were progressing quite nicely in such a short time.

 At 17:57 the door chimed, signalling someone requesting entry. There was only one person it was likely to be. Spock took a deep breath, readying himself for the evening to come.

 “Open.”

 Sure enough, there was Jim. He looked like he did for all their chess matches; dressed still in his command uniform, yet with his posture more relaxed then when in public. Still, looking at him Spock felt that something was… off. He looked relaxed, but although he was determined to be rather than naturally being so.

 He also had brought a bottle of wine, which was markedly different from any previous matches. Usually, Jim only drank alcohol in the presence of Dr. McCoy or Lieutenant Scott. Seldom did he drink alcohol in Spock’s presence, and certainly he had never brought any when they were due to socialise alone.

Spock took this as a positive sign.

 “I apologise for being slightly early Spock, I can come back after you’ve finished meditating if you’d like.” He offered, taking in the room. He stepped forward enough to allow the door to close “I must admit, I’ve never noticed just how strong Vulcan’s liked their incense until now.”

 “Is it... displeasing?” Spock was now feeling less confident than before.

 “A touch too strong for my human nose I’m afraid.” Jim said chuckling.

 “Ah,” said Spock heading to extinguish them “I will keep that in mind for future, Captain.”

 Jim chuckled “ ‘Captain?’ it’s been a while since you’ve called me that in private.” Spock couldn’t see Jim, but he could practically visualise the soft smile that would follow such a statement.

 “It reminds me of the early days, before we really got to know one another. Seems like so long ago now.” Spock heard him pacing around the room.

 “Say, would you mind if I turned up the lights a bit? I doubt I’ll be able to see the board properly in this light. Unless, of course that is your plan to ensure a victory.” He finished lightly.

 “Of course, Jim. I am not the one who needs an advantage, after all.”

 “Oh, you’ll be regretting those words by the end of our first game!” Jim said playfully, heading towards the table while ordering the lights to 75%.

 As the lighting slowly increased, Spock observed that the ‘mood’ no longer seemed significantly different from any other night. At least the music seemed to be acceptable.

 For now.

 “Wine?” queried Jim.

 Spock heard the clinking of glasses form the small kitchenette his quarters were equipped with, indicating Jim was already pulling out more than one glass.

“Perhaps one glass.” responded Spock, more for Jim’s sake than any actual desire on his part.

 Incense all finally extinguished, Spock stood and headed to the edge of the kitchen area while Jim poured a generous portion of wine. A really generous portion.

 “I thought that we could celebrate,” said Jim passing Spock a less generously filled glass, “I will admit, I was quite stunned at first by the news,” he smiled in a way that did not quite reach his eyes “But you and Bones are my closest friends. If being in a relationship is what makes you happy then I couldn’t be happier for you both.” He raised his glass. “To a long and happy relationship!”

 Spock’s glass did not move an inch from where he had grasped it initially.

 In fact, Spock’s whole body was doing a rather impressive imitation of a statue. This was in direct contrast to his internal thoughts, which were going a mile a minute trying to work out what exactly was happening.

 When Spock had imagined possible scenarios of tonight, this had not even been close to one of them.

 “Spock?” asked Jim. He seemed very concerned. Very concerned for McCoy’s boyfriend.

 “You believe that myself and Dr. McCoy are engaged in a romantic relationship?” Spock asked at a 18.4% slower speed than normal.

 Jim still looked sheepish “I know neither of you have officially announced anything yet, and that it’s still very new,” said Jim “But I just…” he looked at his wine as though it held the answers to what he was trying to say “You’re important to me Spock. You both are.” He added the last part quickly “and even though…” he stopped again “If Bones is who you want, then I will do everything I can to be a good friend and support you.” He had a determine look on his face, one Spock had seen many times before particularly unpleasant activities in missions.

 And it was now being used in reference to Spock’s love life.

 How could this have all gotten misinterpreted so badly? Of course Jim wasn’t interested in Spock, if not he wouldn’t be so clearly supporting him in his fictional romance with McCoy. Clearly he viewed Spock with nothing but friendship. Deep friendship, yes, but clearly also platonic friendship.

 It was Terran courting Spock was sure. Its unclear, ambiguous, and unreasonably time-consuming ways had led to this moment. No, the Terran approach were not the solution.

 “Dr McCoy and I are not in a romantic or physically intimate relationship.” Informed Spock, shifting into what would be parade rest if not for the wine he was still holding.

 Jim blinked “You’re not?”

 “No,” Spock continued “I approached him to get his advice on Terran courting practices. Given his familiarity with them and human emotions, I concluded that he may be of assistance. It appears I was incorrect.” The feelings that had started this whole mess were starting to reappear.

Only this time, Spock chose fight.

 “Jim,” he placed his glass down facing Jim fully, noting Jim follow suit, “Over the past 3.76 years our personal and professional relationship has grown profoundly. This growth has been due to our mutual respect for one another, our mutual interests and goals, and highly compatible personalities.”

 “Oh my God.” Said Jim looking at Spock with wonder.

 “This, as well as our remarkably high mental compatibility, leads to me to conclude that we would be ideal mates for each other.”

 “Oh my God.” Said Jim slightly louder this time, eyes still not leaving Spock.

 “I understand as a human, physical compatibility is also of great importance, and I assure you there I have considered this and in addition to your other attributes I find you to be extremely aesthetically pleasing. I would quite enjoy engaging in intimate, physical activities with you.”

 “<em>Spock</em>.” Jim choked out, looking at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks.

 “I wish to bond with you at your earliest convenience, however I also recognised that humans need more time than Vulcans before committing to another permanently. In light of this, I ask you to consider ‘dating’ me so I may have the chance to convince you of our compatibility, and of my esteem for you.” Spock finished.

 There. It was done. He had laid out his points, logically yet while still acknowledging Jim’s different needs as a human. He was very glad no one else was here to hear his blatant emotionalism at the end of his speech.

 “What is your reply, Jim?” asked Spock after 43.3 seconds. Surely this was more than enough time to concede to the logic of his statements?

 “I think I need to sit down” was Jim’s reply, going to the small couch close by and sinking down. After a few seconds, he moved to place his right leg over his left, and his arm so his chin was supported by one hand. A tell-tale pose for when the captain was thinking deeply on the bridge.

 Perhaps not enough time then.

 Spock carefully sat down on the other end of the couch and waited.

Jim opened his mouth several times in the succeeding minutes as though he was going to speak, before changing his mind. On the sixth time of such occurrence he finally settled on asking “You want to marry me?”

 “Yes.” Said Spock

 “You think it would be logical to marry me?” asked Jim again.

 “Yes.” Said Spock again, wondering how many times he was going to have to confirm information he had said less than 5 minutes ago.

 “That’s great… great.” Said Jim slowly, moving both hands to his chin.

 Despite his words, it did not sound ‘great’ felt Spock.

 Jim turned so his whole body was facing towards Spock, uncrossing his legs and leaning forwards.

 “Spock, you’re proposing marriage between us, yet you seem to be missing one very important factor: love.”

 He leaned even closer. Spock could see the smaller flecks of green and gold in his eyes, and the starlight reflecting from the window. He could smell the wine on his breath, and also a small hint of something pleasant that must come from Jim himself.

Spock swallowed.

 “Your points are logical as always Spock, but do you love me?” asked Jim softly.

 Jim’s face was very close, his stare was intense. Spock tilted his head as he considered the question.

 Had anyone else been asking, his response would be to reply that it was well known Vulcans do not love. But Spock would not lie to Jim, not about something so obviously important to him.

Did he love Jim? There was no one else he was closer to on the Enterprise, or off it for that matter. He had changed his schedule to allow for more time in each other’s presence, he enjoyed their time together and even looked forward to it. Even if they were simply completing their own work in the same space, it still filled Spock with a sense of contentedness. Jim made an effort to take Spock’s Vulcan heritage into account, yet Spock never felt he was being judged as too human, nor too Vulcan around Jim. He was accepted, just as he was. He felt relaxed around Jim, a feeling of satisfaction even. When a mission, or an experiment went wrong he realised he sought out Jim’s company.

He thought about waking up next to Jim, seeing his eyes soften as he smiled at Spock. The image alone filled Spock with warmth. Perhaps Jim would hold up two fingers, which Spock would respond with his own; their fingers would kiss, and their minds would sing to each other with unity, with fondness, with lo-

 Oh.

 “Yes.” Said Spock now realising how true it was “Yes, I do, Jim.”

 Spock braced himself. The ball was in Jim’s court, as his mother would say.

 Jim leaned back a short distance. “Did you know Spock, the except for your biological time, I didn’t even think that you could feel for someone like that?” he asked.

Spock summised this was rhetorical when he continued speaking before he could reply.

 “Then I spoke to Bones,” said Jim, “and he told me about how thoughtful you were, how generous you were, how romantic you were. And it hit me: dating you, being with you, being allowed to love you every day, that would be the most amazing thing anyone could ask for. I felt like kicking myself because I thought I had missed my chance!”

 Jim picked up Spock’s hand and held it between his own.

 “Going from that to you telling me that you want to marry me is quite the leap.”

Spock was glad he had the contact, in contrast to Jim’s words he could pick up feelings of happiness, and hope, emotions that were mirroring his.

 Jim moved closer, so that their noses were practically touching.

 Spock heard him chuckle lowly, “When have you ever known me not to risk leaping, Mr. Spock?”

 “Never.” Whispered Spock, breathing a puff of air against Jim’s lips.

 Jim slipped his eyes close, closing the space between them.

 Spock had not experienced many human-style kisses, but this was by the best by far. There was no disregard for Spock’s wants, or madness behind it. Jim kissed him as though he had all the time in the world. As though Spock was beloved, and Jim was using his lips to softly explain to him just how much. Spock knew he was inexperienced in this kind of affection, but he hoped Jim understood that he was trying to show him how cherished Jim was in return.

 The message must have gotten through somehow, because when they parted Jim placed his forehead against Spock’s, keeping his eyes closed. His smile was small, intimate. It was beautiful.

 Eventually Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock, the smile never leaving his face.

 “You know, I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but it takes at least 3 dates before I agree to marry someone.” He said, eyes twinkling.

 “Indeed?” replied Spock, allowing his mouth to soften into a small smile in return, “By Dr. McCoy’s description of a ‘date’ we have been on approximately 237 by my count.”

 Jim brought Spock’s hand up to his mouth kissing his knuckles “Is that right?” he said as Spock’s breath hitched “Well, it seems we’re behind on a few 3rd date milestones then.”

 Oh yes, Jim was indeed a logical bondmate. Spock’s logical bondmate.

[sunshine-captain]

Hi! I asked Phoenix (horsegirlharry) for fic recs about star trek tos and she sent me to you! I am a new fan and in desperate need for some good fics since I am having a hard time finding them. I would be very grateful if you could link me to some. Thank you in advance

Oh my goodness!!! Hello my friend! I’m honored Phoenix directed you to me, I really am! To tell you the truth, they’re the one that actually convinced me to watch TOS from the start. Welcome to the fandom!! 

To start off with, here is a lovely rec blog that is exclusively TOS (that I’m a mod on, so I am of course biased, but I loved the blog even before I was added, haha!) It’s not updated that often at the moment, usually just when I have some spare time, but there’s a lot of recs already added to look through, and there are plenty of tags to maybe let you look for tropes or genres that you like. :) 

Alright, here go the recs! 

Sha Ka Ree The year is 2258. Jim Kirk is a Lieutenant on the U.S.S. Farragut, Spock the science officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise. When the ships come together for a priority landing party, these two strangers find themselves fighting against the odds for a chance at life in an alien world, and the only way they’ll make it through is by relying on each other. This is a TOS fic that takes place seven years before the show begins. It’s one of my favorite fics ever, it’s beautiful and just perfect. It’s a lovely slow burn, and it contains one of my fave tropes: Jim (Kirk) and Spock crash on an alien world and get stranded there. So, so highly recommended! Honestly, that writer is amazing and anything by them I recommend.

Crash and Burn As the Enterprise’s celebrated voyage winds down, the tension between her captain and first officer escalates, and three days aboard Jupiter’s premier lunar station will change everything. Jim doesn’t handle change very well. Slow-build, character-study prelude to the Lost Years and TMP. Unhappy ending, but canon functions as a fix-it! As the summary states, this fic doesn’t end happily. But it’s basically an explanation as to why Spock does what he does prior to The Motion Picture (I’m not sure if you’ve seen the movies so I won’t clarify just in case you haven’t, haha!), which also means there is a happy ending after the events of the movies. I had it in my bookmarks under the tag I use for fics that hurt me (literally ‘ow’, lol) so apparently I found it pretty painful. ;__;

The Squire of Eros An old nemesis pays a social call to the Enterprise just in time for the annual Valentine’s Day party. On this occasion it’s Spock who draws the brunt force of his irritating personality. But when his holiday-inspired antics turn dangerous, it’s up to the Captain and crew to take him down, and Jim is forced to confront his long-evaded desires regarding his first officer. Written for the K/S Valentine Challenge at LJ, beta’d by purple_spock. This one isn’t even remotely as serious as the other two. It’s honestly just a lot of humor and lightheartedness for the most part. It features Trelane from TOS paying another visit to the crew. :D 

Definitions “We call it t'hy'la,” Spock says. This one is so beautiful. It’s a relatively short oneshot (under 10k) but it’s so romantic and in character and just perfect (this author is another one of my favorites, I would read anything at all by them.)

Pattern Deviations A mind meld is the most intimate of any possible connection – to know and be known, wholly and completely. Usually, melds are advocated for leading to increased understanding and empathy. Spock wonders what it means, then, that everyone he melds with is so repulsed by his mind… Until he meets James Kirk, anyway. This is by the same writer as Definitions; another lovely oneshot by them. I love it! 

And I Am Also Quite Blind In the aftermath of Spock’s blinding in Operation Annihilate, Jim tries to help him through his pain. A fic with premise that Spock doesn’t handily recover from his blindness in Operation Annihilate. Lengthy, painful, excellent. I try to avoid WIPs because I can’t deal with the pain of fics that are NEVER FINISHED, but I started reading this one when it was only halfway through and man, it sucked me in. Worth it! (And it has been completed now, so no worries, haha.)

Undone During first contact with the highly telepathic Nghians, an invasion begins on their home world. A powerful psychic attack cripples the populace–and Spock.Out of contact with the Enterprise and stranded on a planet at war, Jim must struggle to keep himself and his violent, unpredictable first officer alive. Another of my favorite writers! I love this fic. Lengthy, excellent, and that favorite trope of mine again (being stranded, heh), this is great. Please note the tags, though!

What I Am To You I say, “Ask me anything, Spock,” for perhaps the fifth time.This time, you respond, your gaze bright and penetrating, “Perhaps you could satisfy my curiosity in–one particular.”“Of course,” I say enthusiastically.You seem perfectly calm as you ask, “How long have we been lovers?” And I am certain I have heard you correctly, even as I struggle not to allow my astonishment to show on my face. Takes place after the events of the third movie. Spock tries to make sense of his and Jim’s relationship.

Spice It’s a question of biology. Vulcan biology.The problem with falling in love with a member of an insanely private species is that it just might take you the best part of a five year mission to work out that the feelings are requited. And then you might discover that he’s already decided that the two of you can never be together.And what are you supposed to do if he won’t tell you why? Honestly, I’m reccing this one with…some trepidation. I never did decide whether I actually liked the fic or not, but I know a lot of people do like it. It’s most definitely one of the longest fics I’ve ever read in this fandom. It’s the SLOWEST OF ALL SLOW BURNS, which you said you liked, and even though it made me SO ANGRY at one point that I almost threw my phone across the room when one plot twist happened, it’s well written and in character. The reason behind it all is…kind of silly, in all honesty, but it makes complete sense why Spock thinks it would be best if Jim wasn’t with him, just like him to be so overprotective. *sigh* I’d say definitely give it a try and see if you get sucked in!

Translating Ennoia Spock intends to resign his commission with Starfleet six months into the Enterprise’s mission. Then he meets Captain Kirk – his t'hy'la – and everything becomes infinitely more complex. This author again! This fic has lots of pining. I love pining. And I love happy endings and romance and watching Jim and Spock’s friendship develop, too, and this fic has all of that.

Dirty Laundry Jim keeps leaving dirty dishes in the sink and toast crumbs in the bed. Spock deals with the mess silently until an unfortunate ironing incident puts it all in perspective. Jim and Spock have to adjust to domestic life. Spock has to adjust to Jim’s messiness. Domestic Spirk is always wonderful, and I enjoy that in this one it’s not all perfect at first. They have to adjust and learn to actually live together.

Breaking Tradition Newlyweds James T. Kirk and Spock spend their Holiday shore leave alone together in a remote cabin once belonging to Jim’s grandparents. They learn more about each other and Jim introduces his new husband to the Winter Holiday traditions - even if he doesn’t quite understand why he take part in them himself. An unexpected event occurs that disrupts the couple’s newlywed bliss. Luckily, one of them has experience with taking charge of a situation. This one is sooo sweet. Jim just wants to share Christmas with Spock, but they have a mishap. But it’s okay, because Jim takes good care of Spock. (Features cold!Spock, one of my favorite things. :3 )

Ghost in the Machine Tom Paris stumbles upon a Pandora’s Box of loss and regret. This fic is the outlier in this list; it’s actually a crossover of sorts between TOS and VOY. I’ve not actually watched Voyager yet, but that doesn’t stop me from reading and enjoying the fic, so please don’t let that stop you! Let me tell you, though, this has to be one of the most painful fics I’ve ever read. It just makes me cry for Jim and Spock both. It’s so painful. But also really great. But I totally understand if you don’t want to read this one, haha! It’s not for everyone. It messed me up though, I kept thinking about it for days. Especially Jim as he is in this fic. Ugh.

Home Renovation Shortly before his first mission to Romulus, Spock buys a fixer-upper house with Jim. Although Jim is excited to begin renovating their new home, Spock worries it’s only a matter of time before his husband falls off a ladder and breaks his spine. Not to mention, the house’s derelict state is preventing Spock from enjoying his remaining time with Jim. Old Married Spirk, protective!Spock, perfection.

To Be Wed “With a human ruling alongside King Sarek, it makes sense that they would want a Vulcan to rule alongside you. Look on the bright side. At least it’s not Sybok."Prince S'chn T'gai Spock and Crown Prince Sam Kirk are pushed by their families into an awkward courtship, sure to become an awkward marriage. Meanwhile, the younger Terran prince just wants to make sure his future brother-in-law feels comfortable in his new home. But unfortunately for Jim, the road to hopeless, unrequited love is paved with good intentions. It’s an AU, obviously, and it’s by the same author as Sha Ka Ree (who as I mentioned is one of my favorite writers) and I just adore this fic, it’s so great! Pining, slowly getting to watch Jim and Spock falling in love even when it’s ill advised, Sybok!! I’m also just a total sucker for royalty AUs so that helps. 

In My Own Skin After the events of Turnabout Intruder, Jim is trapped in Janice Lester’s body indefinitely and has to learn to carry on with his normal life and duties trapped in this body. Established relationship with Spock, but things become understandably difficult as a result of Jim’s situation. Complicating matters even further, the Enterprise is assigned to a difficult diplomatic mission with a new member of the Federation. I don’t know about everyone else, but my brain definitely went “what if Jim was stuck in that body…” after watching Turnabout Intruder, and this fic definitely satisfied that urge to see that explored. 

Heat Trapped together in a cave until the storm ceases, Jim and Spock find some freedom outside the press of the ship and its responsibilities. Oh look….this writer again. :DDD You’re starting to notice a pattern here, I’m sure. This was written because of a prompt I gave, so obviously I’m a little biased, but it’s just SO perfect??? Cold!Spock, cuddling for warmth (another of my favorites, hello), and just so ROMANTIC that I almost can’t handle it.

Okay, those are all TOS, but now I have just a handful of AOS AUs:

Still, Like Dust Vulcans have been enslaved on Earth for more than fifty years. To Jim Kirk, 14, this is just one more chapter from his history book… until his uncle brings home a Vulcan boy to help on the farm. I know this fic isn’t for everyone, it definitely isn’t, but it really is a great read and I enjoyed reading it a lot. There’s a lot of pain, it’s true, but there’s also a happy ending, if that helps.

Inside The River Starfleet sends Jim a spouse and an oddly vacant honeymoon. Arranged marriage!AU, always fun, and an interesting mystery going on throughout. Great read!

That’s all I’ve got for you for now, this should be a start! Welcome again to the fandom, and I hope you find something in this list that you enjoy. :)

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 20: 2x19 A Private Little War

Yet again, I feel like it is Friday. It’s not!!

Today’s ep is... unusual. I always think of it as weird because it’s not as optimistic as most TOS episodes; it’s not even a little bittersweet, more like downright bleak. I remember the first time I watched it, thinking, ‘....oh? that’s it then? no solution? we’re just gonna up and leave?’

Appropriate for a very obvious Vietnam allegory, especially one airing in 1967, but still... this is utopian science fiction! Show me people doing better!

It’s not even a complaint because I do think it was very gutsy to air an ep like this and I appreciate that they went there, so to speak.

But tbh it also felt different in other ways, too. It’s hard to put my finger on it... maybe because there wasn’t much sci fi (other than.. everyone being aliens). Maybe it was the extensive amount of time spent on new characters, and how little time was spent on the Enterprise or with most of the crew. Maybe it was the witch.

Anyway, some specific thoughts:

Oh, the brash young Lt. Kirk...exploring a planet for the first time.

Tyree? His “old friend”? Could that be an ex-boyfriend? I’m going to read it that way, just for fun.

Oh, no, Spock!

Twice in five minutes, Kirk was going to just straight up ignore the “don’t interfere, don’t use your weapons” policy--and it was his policy! But in his defense, someone was about to kill his ex-boyfriend, and then someone tried to kill his space husband, so he had his reasons.

M’Benga!!

How is he supposed to concentrate on the Klingons when Spock is hurt?

Thirteen years ago... okay, just gonna do some math--he was 21. That’s a little young for a lieutenant.

Uhura knows her history.

“Old style hand laser.” When do I get one of those?

Everyone’s really ganging up on Kirk here. Rude. Don’t they know his Spock is in the hospital?

So he’s like “screw this, gonna go see Spock now.”

No replacement Vulcan organs on hand? That’s too bad; gonna have to rely on Vulcan self-healing to just like... grow some new ones I guess.

Kirk needs his BFF down on the planet with him.

“Native costumes.”

Kirk is very troubled today, I think. “I’m just going to disobey direct orders so I can see my ex.”

He’s so idealistic, too... Maybe a little naive, but he is like that. He just sees this beautiful planet where the people are peaceful, and maybe it’s a little bit of a Pastoral Fantasy and there’s a bit of paternalism in it but... he’s not entirely wrong. No one should interfere and maybe they are just... better than humans. Like young Jim Kirk found these people and fell in with them as a whole and probably one in particular and I think that’s nice.

Omg fuzzy animal!

“Bones vaporized a native specimen.” That’s one way to put it, mom.

Those wigs are truly terrible.

Bones has nice arms.

They are not carrying Kirk particularly carefully here... just kinda letting his head loll around there

Oh no Tyree’s wife! Sorry, Jim.

“They are compassionate and gentle.”

Aw, gotta keep Jim all nice and warm and snuggly.

Honestly, I love her outfit.

She cast a spell to make him fall in love with her. Well, that’s an explanation.

“It brought up evil beasts from my soul.” Hot.

She immediately knows who “the friend from long ago” is lol. Must have told a lot of stories about Jim. His friend. His special friend. The “friend” of his younger days.

“He was made my brother.” The no-homo short cut for explaining an inexplicably strong male bond.

“Self-induced hypnosis, you say? You mean he’s conscious? He noticed me fondling his hand?”

...Is that a rat king? Oh, no, just a moving root.

McCoy’s like “I gotta learn how to do this.”

Tyree looks like Jeremy Renner in a bad wig.

JAMES??? JAMES YOU SAY? Has literally anyone ever called him James? Tyree’s own little special name for him? I was half-joking about the ex-bf thing but now I’m kinda serious.

Kirk is such a nerd. He just jumps at the opportunity to give a little presentation about the witch people.

Another Homoerotic Thing is the obligatory Female Character who’s now been sexually linked to both of them, providing a sort of bridge of association between the Very Straight Men.

“You will let him die when you have weapons to make him powerful and safe?” She has a good point.

“That’s what’s bothering me: the something we may have to do.”

Bones’s Southern accent really comes out on “killing is stupid and useless”

Scotty is so confused by all this hitting and madness! In his defense, it is straight up weird. Can you imagine Vulcans just, like, hitting each other? In the hospital?

In case you weren’t aware, these references to “20th century wars in Asia” should alert you to the Allegorical Nature of the Narrative.

This is all so sad. I don’t even really have commentary past that, it’s just... they’re both right, and there aren’t good answers. Other than I guess, expelling the Klingons. But even then the damage would probably be done. And Bones is just so good and so pure-hearted. Kirk is too but he’s also practical. And perhaps influenced by magic? I find that rather unnecessary to explaining his thought process here. He’s already gone rogue and in a sense, he’s in over his head. And he already has an inherent motivation to protect his friend.

Ah ha, Jim’s romantic music is playing. I don’t entirely get this scene outside of having an obligatory Jim Kiss scene lol. And to show how good Tyree is. And perhaps how mercenary Nona is?

I must say, I love this animal!

And I love Tyree. He doesn’t want to use weapons; he doesn’t want to fight; he doesn’t want to kill; and he won’t kill even when he sees Nona with another man.

The moment Jim took the rock from Tyree... so charged...

Flintlocks? Serpents? Really time to confuse Scotty now.

So it really does end with “Well that’s just how it is and how it has to be bye now.”

Another weird thing is that this is all tied to the Klingons, like they essentially started it, but we don’t really know what happens to them. Like, they broke the treaty, and Kirk and Bones have proof of that. Will this cause a much greater Diplomatic Incident? Will they continue arming the villagers, forcing the Federation to continue arming the hill people? To some degree, this doesn’t really matter--this ep isn’t about the Star Trek Extended Universe, it’s about breaking down the situation in Vietnam through the use of metaphor, but still. Questions are raised.

I think this is quite an ambitious episode, and even though I think in general it feels...unusual, I tentatively think the level of ambition is on par with S1.

I had mixed feelings about Nona. I loved her whole aesthetic and her witchy woman vibes and I do enjoy a Strong Female Villain. I think she was interesting in that she wasn’t really on either side--I got the impression that the witches were neither villagers nor hill people, and she really didn’t seem to have allegiance to anyone but herself. She wasn’t faithful to Tyree and she wanted to give the phaser to the villagers at the end, I suspect for the exact reason she said: she considered their leader to be the stronger one. She was also a necessary story element in a way, because the villagers were being egged on by the Klingons, but the hill people weren’t really egged on by anyone. Furthermore, I thought it was notable that, despite her power both literal and narrative, she was still subject to disrespect and sexual assault by the village men, which I didn’t see as punishment but more like... a commentary on gender, in a way.

All that being said... the Bad Woman made me do it is a little... not sure how I feel about THAT lol.

This was a very interesting Kirk and Bones episode. It really showed them both off well, and their friendship. And of course we see a lot of Kirk here: his history, his idealism, his optimism, but also how he is more pragmatic than Bones, and used to being the Captain that makes hard decisions, without even Starfleet backup.

Nice to see Bones showing off his bad ass side too.

So here’s the real question: is Tyree pre-Gary Mitchell, or from one of their “off” periods in the on-and-off relationship? Mom and I have decided he’s pre-Gary and I think that’s right. The 13-years-ago clue is a better one than the lieutenant clue, but if Kirk really was 21, he was way too young to have known Gary yet. Also I really do think he was at his most naive and impressionable pre-Gary.

Woah it is too late and I am TIRED.

Next is Return to Tomorrow, which is one of my FAVE eps. A really sleeper classic imo.

[per-ineptia-ad-astra]

Episode 1.1: The Man Trap

AKA: AHHHH SALT MONSTER AHHHH

The Man Trap was the first episode of Star Trek ever aired, but it's not the pilot in the traditional sense of being made to sell the show to a network (we'll get to the actual pilots in time). Nor is it the first episode shot, which accounts for some inconsistencies that show up in episodes shot earlier but aired later, in which they hadn't figured everything out yet. Not that that accounts for all the inconsistencies. Frankly, it took them a pretty long time to figure everything out with this show. Actually I'm not sure if they ever did.

It's also not a pilot in the sense of going out of its way to set up the show and the characters and everything. Apparently, Where No Man Has Gone Before, one of the actual pilots, was considered 'too expository' to be aired first, so they dealt with that by not having any exposition at all. Just jumped right on into things. In fact, The Man Trap being the first episode was pretty much arbitrary. It won out over the other episodes they had ready to go basically because they all had some kind of strike against them, and this one didn't, and it was a pretty solid story with a cool space monster, so hey.

And it's not a bad intro. We see most of the main characters and we get a feel for their personalities and the way they bounce off one another, and while it is a monster story, it's one that gives a considerable amount of thought to the nature of the monster. But I've always thought the title of this episode was kind of odd. It's so vague. You could apply it to practically any TOS episode and it would work just as well.

Our episode begins with a captain's log telling us that the Enterprise is currently orbiting planet M-113, which you know has to be pretty far down on the list of cool planets considering it didn't even get a name. It was once home to an ancient civilization, who apparently also didn't have a name. Kirk explains that he and McCoy are beaming down, which is a bit odd considering that even as he says this we're clearly shown three people beaming down. Guess the third guy also doesn't have a name.

Kirk goes on to explain that they're here to do a routine medical examination of an archaeologist and his wife who evidently are the only people on the planet. You know, just one guy studying an entire civilization by himself, as you do. Kirk also mentions that the wife, Nancy Crater, was “that one woman in Dr. McCoy's past” which is definitely a detail that needs to be brought up in his official log.

As the three of them make their way over to the only building in the area, Kirk teases McCoy by suggesting he pick some flowers for his old girlfriend. Or, well, there's not really any flowers around, but maybe he could make do with some dead grass. McCoy fires right back.

[ID: A shot of McCoy and Kirk standing in front of a stone wall. Kirk is holding a sheaf of grass in one hand and grinning. McCoy is saying, “Is that how you get girls to like you, by bribing them?”]

They head on into the building, which is one of the old ruins that has been re-purposed as a house for the Craters, a normal archaeologist thing to do (preserving the site, what's that?). No one's around yet, so Kirk and McCoy keep chatting about Nancy for a minute. McCoy explains that he last saw Nancy ten years ago and doesn't even know if she'll remember him. Come to think of it, it's a remarkable coincidence that in all the vastness of space the two of them have managed to run into each other again like this. It's a small Federation, I guess.

Nancy enters, singing and carrying a hunk of rock, and not only does she remember McCoy, she's delighted to see him. She looks like a dark-haired young woman and McCoy remarks that she hasn't aged a day, yet when she turns to look at Kirk, he sees an older woman, or at least a woman with graying hair. McCoy finally gets around to introducing the superfluous third guy, who does have a name, it turns out (Darnell), and when Darnell looks at Nancy he sees an entirely different woman, who is not only young but blonde. Kirk asks why Darnell is staring like a deer in the headlights, and Darnell explains that Nancy looks just like someone he “left behind on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet.” Wow, open mouth, insert foot, Darnell. You could have just said, “You look like someone I know,” that would have been a perfectly acceptable thing to say to someone you just met, but no, you had to keep going, didn't you.

McCoy tells Darnell off and Kirk shoos him outside. Nancy heads off to go get Professor Crater, in the process revealing that she used to call McCoy 'Plum', which Kirk is quite clearly not going to forget anytime soon. On her way outside, she sashays past Darnell and, like the responsible crewman he is, he follows her away from the building. Uh-oh. Cut to black.

After the opening credits, we get another captain's log entry. This one is unusual in that's in the past tense, something that, despite making more sense than them being given while events are still unfolding, is not going to become the pattern. At any rate all this one does is reiterate that each of the landing party members were seeing a different woman without realizing it.

Kirk and McCoy are busy poking around Crater's things when he walks in and immediately establishes himself as a pleasant individual by grumpily telling them to go back where they came from. He also mentions that they need more salt, not in a very subtle way either. “GO AWAY WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE but leave us some salt while you're at it NOW GO AWAY.” McCoy insists that he's required to check them out anyway and Crater makes a crack about his 'arcane machinery' so surprisingly Spock isn't the first one to get that particular dig in.

Kirk tells Crater that regulations insist that all personnel on alien planets are required to have their health certified once a year by a starship surgeon, and since one of the biggest and best ships in the fleet doesn't have anything better to do than do checkups two at a time on remote planets, they're here to do that and they're not leaving until they do. Crater calms down enough to sit and let McCoy start scanning him, and is surprised to hear that they've already met Nancy. He explains this surprise by saying that he's glad she got to have some social interaction with an old friend, since while he enjoys solitude, “for a woman, you understand, of course.” Indeed, as we all know, women never enjoy solitude.

McCoy goes on to reiterate that Nancy hasn't aged a day, and Kirk gently replies that she's not quite the girl of twenty-five McCoy insists she looks like. Crater comments that McCoy is seeing Nancy through nostalgia-tinted glasses and that when he sees her again she'll be “of a more believable age” which is not a suspicious thing to say at all. Anyway, now that we've got this awkward bit of extended conversation about a woman's age out of the way, McCoy pulls out a tongue depressor and tells Crater to open up, he wants to see his tonsils.

[ID: Crater, a middle-aged white man with curly brown hair wearing a brown smock-like garment, sitting inside a rough stone dwelling as McCoy stands in front of him with a tongue depressor in his hand. The subtitles read [Screaming]. 

“No, I said ‘say ah,’ not ‘say AAAAHHHHHHHHH.’”

Everyone runs outside to find Nancy standing and screaming over the body of Darnell, who's laying on a rock with some weird ring-shaped markings on his mouth. Kirk immediately reaches into Darnell's mouth and pulls out a wad of plant material that Crater insists is what killed Darnell. Which Kirk has now handled with his bare hands. Nice.

Under questioning, a distraught Nancy explains that she was coming back from looking for Crater when she encountered Darnell and noticed he had a borgia plant in his hand, but before she could tell him not to be an idiot he'd already started eating it. McCoy stares at her the whole time, presumably because he's noticed that she looks considerably older now and that's pretty weird.

Kirk puts off the Craters' examinations until the next day and the landing party beams up, although not before Nancy gets over her emotional trauma by asking rather harshly if Crater requested more salt tablets. On that ominous note, we cut to the bridge of the Enterprise, where Uhura is pestering Spock. Spock responds to her flirting with total confusion (which I can emphasize with), and when asked what Vulcan looks like “on a lazy evening when the moon is full” he responds that Vulcan has no moon, a minor throwaway line that's going to result in a fair bit of continuity trouble down the road, but never mind that. All this is interrupted by the transporter room calling in to report that the landing party is coming back with one fatality. Uhura reacts to this with the surprise anyone might upon hearing that the landing party managed to get someone killed while doing a physical.

[ID: Spock and Uhura on the bridge, Spock in the command chair, Uhura paused partway through stepping up to her communications console. The intercom is saying, “They report one death.” Uhura is looking up in some surprise.

Of course, 'anyone' doesn't include Spock, who doesn't react at all, much to Uhura's consternation. She points out that for all Spock knows it could've been Kirk who died, although one would think the transporter room would have brought that up, considering he's the captain and all.

Anyway, now that we've established that Spock doesn't emote, we cut back to Sickbay (or 'Dispensary' as it's known in this episode), where McCoy is expressing confusion over this so-called 'borgia plant'. Spock calls in to report that the borgia plant is a known alkaloid poison, but there's no reference to the weird facial markings being a symptom of it. McCoy therefore insists that Darnell wasn't poisoned since there's no evidence of alkaloid poisoning in his body, and that Nancy must have been mistaken. I'd say that's backed up by the fact that, aside from the dead-looking grass everywhere, there were no plants visible anywhere near Darnell or anywhere on the surface at all, actually.

McCoy goes on to explain that he actually can't find anything wrong with Darnell at all, presumably excluding the fact that he's dead. He rambles a bit about how maybe his eyes are tricking him because Nancy looked a lot younger then he first saw her, but the potential of this being an important clue is cut off by Kirk snapping that now is not the time to be talking about McCoy's ex-girlfriend. On the one hand he's right that they've got a guy on the slab over there so this might not be the most apropos time to be mooning over your lost love, but on the other hand if someone manages to age a good twenty years in the five minutes since you last saw them it's probably worth pointing that out.

After the break, Spock is assuring Kirk that there's no mistake in their tapes about the borgia plant's properties, and that there's nothing particularly suspicious about the Craters, aside from, you know, their entire behavior. Apparently they arrived five years ago and have been making shipments of artifacts since then, except during the last year when that fell off quite a bit. McCoy interrupts by calling Kirk to Sickbay—uh, Dispensary—where he reveals that they found something during the tests—Darnell has no salt in him whatsoever, and you kind of need that to live so that's a problem. Interestingly, we get a shot of Darnell's diagnostic panel, where for some reason one of the readings is up high unlike the others.

[ID: A Sickbay diagnostic panel with all but one arrow at the bottom.]

Maybe that's the reading that measures how dead someone is.

Kirk makes the connection that here's a crewman with no salt, and both Craters made a point of mentioning how much they needed salt, and hmm, that's a bit odd isn't it. He forms a landing party with McCoy and some guys named Green and Sturgeon to go back down to pester Crater some more. Crater insists that they “can't just beam down here and bully us and interfere with our work” not realizing that that's the Enterprise's entire modus operandi. Kirk sends Green to go find Nancy and Sturgeon to go find a borgia plant for analysis, and badgers Crater about the strange salt scenario. Crater insists that they just have a normal need for salt on a hot planet, but of course it's pretty odd that he focuses on the salt so much and doesn't mention anything else they might need, like, I dunno, food, water filters, sunblock, uh...air conditioning units? I don't really know, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and presume you need more than just salt tablets to survive in a desert.

Crater shows them a ginormous chest that was once filled with salt tablets but now only has the dregs of one bottle left. Apparently they started with twenty-five pounds of the stuff, which, holy moly. That's a lot of salt. Even I think that's a lot of salt, and I am genetically predisposed for maximum saltiness.

Kirk insists that the Craters stay on the ship until they get this thing figured out. Crater protests, because of course he does. While Kirk is distracted talking to Spock, though, Crater exits through the back door, and we see him discovering Sturgeon, dead with the same rings on his face. He calls to Nancy, who is crouched over the body of Green, beckoning her with salt tablets. “Heeeeeere, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy...”

While looking for Crater, Kirk and McCoy run across Sturgeon's body. They decide they need to locate Green, which they do by just yelling for him, since apparently he didn't bring a communicator with him. We see Nancy assume Green's form before going off to meet Kirk and McCoy, leaving the real Green dead in the dirt. Since this by now clearly isn't Nancy at all, we need another name to avoid confusion. I propose Salty. Salty's going to be referred to as a shapeshifter throughout the episode (and the Netflix summary) but it's a bit unclear to me whether they actually physically change shape or just create an illusion that makes them appear to have done so. The latter seems more likely, but the distinction never really becomes relevant.

Salty-Green tells them that they (I have no idea what gender Salty is so I'm going neutral) found Sturgeon dead and were looking around to try and find what caused this. Kirk decides that they'd better head back to the Enterprise and use their scanning equipment to find the Craters. McCoy objects to leaving Nancy behind. Kirk tells him to stop thinking with his glands.

[ID: McCoy standing with a hand on Kirk's arm and an angry look on his face. Kirk is saying, “You could learn something from Mr. Spock, Doctor.”]

HOW DARE YOU

Kirk, McCoy and Salty-Green beam back up—apparently the transporter just locks onto things without making any assessment of what they actually are, because no one notices that one of these crewmen is not like the others. Kirk tells McCoy that he could use some sleep, which is a bit odd since there's no indication that it's nighttime or the end of a shift or anything, but McCoy goes to do that, Kirk goes to the bridge, and Salty-Green goes to wander creepily around the corridors.

Salty-Green soon encounters Yeoman Rand, waiting by a turbolift with a tray of food. The tray includes celery, weird space food cubes that look like Starbursts, and a salt shaker. None of that looks like it would go very well with salt, but the shaker attracts Salty's attention. They go to badger Rand, jumping in the turbolift with her as she leaves.

On the bridge, Spock is saying that their scanners are only picking up one person on the planet's surface, presumably Crater. Meanwhile, Salty-Green continues to stalk Rand, who tells them to piss off, although the creepiness of their behavior is somewhat undermined by the fact that some passing totally normal crewmen are equally creepy.

[ID: Two male crewmen, a redshirt and a blueshirt, standing in a corridor while Salty-Green looks on from the background. One of the crewmen is saying,“Yeah, how'd you like to have her as your own personal yeoman?”]

It turns out Rand is heading for the botany department, where she's bringing Sulu the tray. Why Sulu gets his own yeoman delivery service is beyond me, but whatever. He tells her “may the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless your planet” which is a weirdass way to say, “thanks for bringing me lunch” and the two have a brief bit of chatter about one of the plants in the room, an animate specimen named either Beauregard or Gertrude, depending on who you ask; I propose splitting the difference and naming it Beauregertrude. Salty-Green comes into the room and looms ominously and mutely over Sulu, apparently having left all their ability to interact with people down on M-113. Before they can make a grab for that good good sodium chloride, though, Beauregard/Gertrude starts squawking up a storm, apparently having some kind of plant sense that tells it that Salty-Green is not the real deal. Salty-Green hastily leaves the room, and Rand wonders if Green's going 'space happy', which is like regular happy but in space.

Deprived of their salt, Salty-Green goes back to wandering the corridors, until they spot Uhura coming out of a turbolift. They change shape again and go up to her, telling her that she was just thinking of someone like them, a surefire way to get a woman to trust you. Uhura is understandably skeptical about this, but warms up when the mysterious crewman starts speaking Swahili...and then promptly cools back down when he starts approaching her in a pretty intimidating way. Salty-RandomGuy backs her up against the wall and raises their hands, but thankfully Rand and Sulu come out of the room at that moment and Uhura seizes the distraction to make a break for the turbolift with them.

Meanwhile, McCoy's attempting to follow Kirk's suggestion and get some sleep, but isn't being successful, possibly because he's laying flat back against the mattress in what looks like a pretty uncomfortable position. He's also wearing a tight black t-shirt, which I think we can all appreciate. Unable to get any shut-eye, he calls up the bridge, where Kirk tells him they haven't found Nancy yet and recommends McCoy take “one of those red pills you gave me last week.” Apparently McCoy just keeps those pills in his room right next to the computer console, because he immediately picks them up and tosses the bottle around contemplatively. And bloody hell, that's a big bottle. You could get arrested for trying to buy that many pills at once.

[ID: McCoy standing inside his dimly-lit quarters, wearing a black uniform undershirt with the overshirt off, looking down at the pill bottle in his hand, which is filled with very large red pills.]

Back in the corridor, Salty has evidently given up on the subtle approach and just starts stalking a random guy. On the bridge, Spock is saying that their equipment insists there's only one person on the planet within a hundred mile radius. Kirk decides that what the hell, if there's only one person they'll go get that person, and he and Spock head off back to the planet.

Meanwhile, Salty is still wandering around when they happen across McCoy's room. They turn back to Nancy just in time for a surprised McCoy to open the door (apparently Salty can read English?). He ushers them inside, wondering why he wasn't told that Nancy was found but not questioning it too much for some reason. Salty-Nancy tells him that they like him because he has strong memories of Nancy, and when McCoy shows visible discomfort at a married woman sensually embracing him, they say that they like his feelings better than Crater's. Salty-Nancy then convinces McCoy to take some sleeping pills, since evidently he doesn't see anything weird about a woman appearing out of nowhere and encouraging him to drug himself.

Rand and Sulu are coming back from wherever they went when they stumble upon the crewman the creature was stalking earlier, now dead with the telltale rings on his face. Sulu calls for a medical team and then helpfully puts his hands all over the guy's face.

McCoy hears the alert in his room after the ad break, but Salty-Nancy convinces him that nothing's wrong and lures him off to sleep, stroking his face all the while, which is creepy. Then they go to lick their fingers, which is just gross. With the real McCoy (ha ha) now thoroughly passed out, Salty assumes his form and reports to the bridge.

Meanwhile, Kirk makes a captain's log entry stating that “armed and able-bodied crewmen are not attacked and slaughtered this easily.” Enterprise crewmen aren't killed easily? Keep telling yourself that, Kirk. He speculates that the creature has some power that lets it hypnotize people to get close to it. Salty does seem to have some kind of telepathic thrall that they use on people, but I'm not sure how far it goes—did Salty use this on McCoy to get him to take the pills, or is it nothing more than paralyzing victims long enough for Salty to get in close? Or does Salty just creep people out so much that they're stunned into submission?

At any rate, Kirk and Spock beam down to the planet to flush out Crater (why they can't just beam him up, since they've got a sensor lock on him, is not explained). They find him hiding behind a rock, still yelling about how much he doesn't want them around, only this time he has a phaser to accentuate his point. Undeterred, Kirk keeps approaching him, but is interrupted by Sulu comming in to report the death of the guy he and Rand found in the corridor. He also says the guy had the same symptoms, even though there's no reason at all for Sulu to know what symptoms the other guys had. I mean, he's been in the botany lab for most of the episode.

Spock breaks into the conversation, having found the body of the real Green. He calls Kirk over to have a look, ominously confirming that 'something' beamed up instead of Green. Kirk calls in a security alert to the ship, warning them that they have an intruder aboard, and we get a few shots of people rushing around the corridors to show how seriously everyone is taking this. Thanks to some sloppy use of stock footage, a few of them are wearing the wrong uniforms.

[ID: A shot from Where No Man Has Gone Before, showing two Enterprise crewmembers, one in a beige shirt and one in a blue shirt, walking down a corridor while the intercom says, “General quarters three, intruder alert.”  Both the corridor set and the heavier turtleneck-style shirts the crewmembers are wearing are clearly from the pilot rather than the designs used in the main show.]

GET BACK IN THE PILOT

On the planet, Kirk refuses any assistance from the ship with the armed hostile and goes back to closing in on Crater. Crater blasts a nearby archway support into chunks of polystyrene to show how serious he is. Kirk tells Spock to approach with his phaser on stun, ascertaining that Crater is trying to frighten them away rather than kill them, although if that archway had been made of actual rock it probably would have killed Kirk when it came down.

We get a shot of McCoy sleeping in his chambers just to remind us that he is, then Salty-McCoy shows up on the bridge, where Rand, Uhura and Sulu are talking about Fake Green and the Fake Unnamed Crewman. Salty-McCoy nearly gives themselves away by calling the creature a creature, since no one actually knows that there is one yet, but backpedals quickly and everyone lets it go.

On the planet, Kirk and Spock are moving in on Crater. Fortunately for them, the ancient civilization really liked stacking blocks on top of other blocks, so they have plenty of cover.

[ID: A desert landscape under a reddish-brown sky with yellow grass dotting the sandy ground and a haphazard pile of crumbling stone blocks standing in the middle of the shot, with Kirk peering out from behind one of the blocks.]

Spock distracts Crater, allowing Kirk to nail him with a light stun, and they run up and take his phaser away. Kirk demands to know where Nancy is, and being stunned has apparently made Crater finally lose some of his belligerence, as he starts rambling about her being the last of her kind—or as he corrects himself, the last of its kind. He starts talking about buffalo, how there were once millions of them but now they're all gone. (This probably made more sense as a future assumption in the '60s, when bison numbers were a lot smaller than they are today—although they're still considered Near Threatened, so it's still a possibility. Never underestimate the human ability to wipe out entire species!) Crater compares the buffalo to the salt-eating creatures, of which there were apparently also once millions (how does he know that?) but now there's only one left. He confesses that the creature killed the real Nancy some time ago and has been taking her place ever since. As Kirk realizes this means the creature can definitely take on any shape, Crater keeps going, insisting that the creature has the right to survive, and that there's no difference between Salty and the extinct buffalo.

Well, there's a few, I'd say. Bison aren't telepathic, for example (as far as I know), and they don't generally murder people. They do kill people, sure—more often than you'd expect, actually; tread carefully around bison!--but unlike Salty, they don't murder. And I make that distinction because here's the thing: it's clear Salty is sapient. They're able to act like a human beyond the bounds of what could be considered simple mimicry. If they're capable of forming plans as complex as faking the method of Darnell's death, hiding Green's body, or drugging McCoy to assume his place, they're surely capable of just asking for salt. But they don't. They choose to kill people instead, and their telepathy and ability to understand memories and feelings makes it pretty darn unlikely that they don't grasp the concept of other thinking and feeling life besides themselves. So it's really hard to believe Crater's assertion that the creature is just an animal doing what they have to to survive. But then, he's not a very unbiased source.

Anyway, Kirk points out that unlike buffalo, Salty is actively attacking his crew, and he's not having that. He takes Crater back up to the ship and holds a meeting. Uhura confirms that she's looked at every crewman on the ship and the one she saw was not any of them, which is a heck of a lineup parade considering that's over four hundred people. Spock says that they've set out salt as bait all around the ship, but it's yet to attract either the creature or any nearby space deer. Salty, still masquerading as McCoy, suggests they offer the creature salt without tricks (subtle) and claims the creature is just trying to survive and has no need to attack anyone. Crater backs this up by saying the creature is not dangerous when fed. But we've seen them completely drain four people over the course of what seems to be about a day and still lurk around thirsty for more. How frikkin often do they need to be fed? No wonder these guys all went extinct.

Crater goes on to talk about how Salty's ability to shapeshift (or glamour themselves, whatever) is probably “retained...from its primitive state” but now unused, like our incisors, which were once fangs. Which, okay...one, human incisors might have changed over time, but we still use them, they don't just sit in our mouths for no reason (that's what wisdom teeth are for). And two, more to the point, it's pretty dang hard to argue that these are all primitive, vestigial abilities when the creature is actively and effectively using them to hunt prey. That's like saying that a bear's claws and teeth are retained from its primitive state. It might technically be true, but they were clearly retained for a good reason.

And honestly, this just undermines Crater's own point. He's simultaneously trying to argue that the creature is simply trying to survive, but also that those abilities are no longer necessary for them to survive. Which is it, Crater? Either the creature's a simple predator, in which case their predatory abilities are clearly not vestigial, or they've evolved past needing those abilities, in which case why are they still using them? He claims that we likewise would use our chasing muscles and teeth to survive if we had to, but that's like arguing that a modern human biting peoples' throats out and then eating them is excusable because they're just trying to survive. It's not a matter of basic survival if you have other options.

Salty-McCoy chimes in to claim that they're “an intelligent animal” but nobody's buying it. Sulu calls and reports that all the halls are clear and that they've secured all weapons on the ship, which must have taken a while. Kirk doubles down on Crater, demanding he tell them where Salty is. Crater goes off on a spiel about how much he loved Nancy, and how the creature imitates Nancy for him (creepy). He claims that they're not just an animal but an “intelligent beast” which, again, is undermining his own point (if they're intelligent why are they killing everyone). He also claims that they need love as much as they need salt, but doesn't elaborate on whatever that means. Salty clearly has some psychic abilities, and what they said to McCoy earlier implies that they're some sort of televore (yes I did just make that word up), but it's not really gone into in any depth. If they do feed on emotions as well as salt that seems like a really backwards evolutionary step, since they'd be required to kill the source of something they need to survive. Hey, maybe that's why they went extinct. Jeez, they're worse than koalas.

Kirk questions whether Crater is really just advocating for Salty because they're the last of their kind, or if he just enjoys having someone around who can imitate anyone he asks them to. Crater doesn't have much of an argument for that one. He says that he can recognize the creature in whatever shape they take, but refuses to help the crew find them. Spock chimes in to suggest they use truth serum, because apparently we've taken a hard left into Harry Potter here. Salty-McCoy leaves with Crater, ostensibly to take him to the lab to get truth'd up, with Spock accompanying them.

They don't get very far, though, because immediately afterward we see Kirk running to Sickbay—Dispensary—where Spock is being examined for a nasty cut on his forehead. He explains that he had his suspicions about Salty-McCoy, and in retrospect they indeed should have guessed it wasn't him when he got through a whole meeting without even raising his voice. At any rate, Salty-McCoy hit Spock and Crater grabbed his phaser, but Spock's okay because his blood is not human and wasn't appetizing to the creature. How fortunate that Salty evolved to be able to feed on one completely alien lifeform but not another completely alien lifeform.

Crater wasn't so lucky, though; Salty killed him (just barely off screen, and for some reason no one noticed until now) and has now scarpered off. Salty goes back to McCoy's room, where they change back into Nancy and wake him up, begging him to help them. McCoy is understandably confused to be woken up like this, but things don't get any simpler, as Kirk then enters the room with a phaser and tells McCoy that Nancy isn't Nancy, but the creature, which kills people. Keep in mind that McCoy sacked out before anyone knew there was a creature, let alone one that could change shape, so he's pretty baffled by all this.

McCoy refuses to move away from Salty-Nancy, so Kirk tries to lure Salty-Nancy out with salt tablets. This escalates into a tussle which ends with Kirk being cornered by Salty-Nancy and McCoy against the wall with Kirk's phaser. Salty-Nancy advances on Kirk and grabs him by the face, but McCoy still can't shoot, even when Spock bursts into the room (complete with glittery space bandage) and yells at him that Salty's killing the captain. But to be fair to McCoy, he just woke up. I take long enough to get out of bed even when all conditions are normal. If someone burst into my room telling me to shoot someone else I'd probably just roll over and go back to sleep.

McCoy won't give up the phaser, so Spock reverts to a classic method of sussing out shapeshifters: punching them in the face. Surprisingly, McCoy isn't convinced by Spock beating up his ex-girlfriend, but he's a bit more swayed when Salty-Nancy backhands Spock across the room. Salty goes back to advancing on Kirk, and we finally get to see their true form.

[ID: A gray-furred, gray-maned alien with a wrinkly face, heavily lidded staring eyes, and a protruding circular mouth lined with sharp teeth, standing against the gray walls of McCoy’s quarters and looking directly at the camera.]

This haunted my dreams as a child, and I have no idea how because I didn't even watch Star Trek as a child. Somewhere I must've gotten a glimpse of it, and boy howdy did it stick in my memory. McCoy evidently has a similar reaction, because he finally shoots Salty. They stumble into the corner and change back into Nancy, pleading with McCoy to stop. So McCoy has to kill what looks and sounds exactly like a woman he loves. Fun times! At least Salty goes back to their original form when they're dead, so McCoy doesn't have the corpse of his ex-girlfriend laying on his floor.

Back on the bridge, once everything's calmed down, Kirk is deep in thought. At Spock's inquiry, he says he was thinking about the buffalo. We'll get a lot of lighthearted ends to episodes over the series, but this isn't one of them. It's not too grim, but it's obvious that, whatever anyone thought about the salt monster, no one wanted it to end this way.

Kirk tells Sulu to take them out, and they leave the planet behind, presumably leaving it to get studied by someone else who's hopefully less of a jerk. For some reason, we see the Enterprise's backup camera while this is happening.

[ID: A shot of the bridge seen from just behind the two helmsmen sitting at their stations, showing the bridge viewscreen as it displays a rear view of the Enterprise nacelles as the ship pulls away from the planet.]

And so our first adventure ends. And I'm sure extinct animals will never come up in this series again.

[ID: A crude drawing of a cylindrical probe similar to the one seen in Star Trek IV, only this one has a brown mane and buffalo horns, approaching Earth and saying, “MOOOOOOOOOOO”  while Earth is saying, “oh goddammit not this again” and the probe replies with another “MOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” ]

TREK TROPE TALLY: We have four crew deaths in this episode: two blueshirts (Darnell and Sturgeon), one goldshirt (Green), and one unspecified (Barnhart), all dead of salt depletion after an encounter with Salty. We also have one instance of a Doppelganger Effect, with Salty impersonating McCoy, Green, and various other people via shapeshifting or illusions or something.

I'll leave you on that note. Next time we'll be looking at a tale of unusually troubled adolescence with Charlie X.