#The Metatron is Satan in disguise

[beckelliesden]

I've been thinking about the Metatron's motivations.

At first, I thought he was using Aziraphale in a simple internal power struggle ploy. He can't be in charge because he's just a spokesman and since he knows Micheal has no intention to share authority with anyone else, he needs a puppet if he wants to run the show. Aziraphale, who is naive and, let's admit it, easily coaxed, makes a perfect candidate. He isn't a very elevated angel, so he assumes he'll be easy to handle - and quite as easy to dismiss if he refuses to play along as intended. And recruiting him has the added bonus of getting rid of a torn in heaven's side by breaking up Aziraphale and Crowley, who are blamed for thwarting Armageddon 1.0. After that 25-lazarii miracle they inadvertently produced together, it's easy to see how the Metatron would be very keen to prevent them from standing in the way of Armageddon 2.0.

Then, I thought about it some more. I thought about some of the dark, ominous looks he's cast from the corner of his eyes, the color-coding of his clothes and the way he oh so easily swayed Aziraphale. Heavens is a lot of things in the show, but it's never flattering and persuasive. Not like that. Flattery and bribery are Hell's tools, and so is playing on people's insecurities and setting them up against one another.

And then I thought, what if the Metatron isn't the Metatron? What if Satan took personal interest in the launching of Armageddon 2.0 and impersonated the Metatron?

God couldn't care less, that's a given, but Satan? He was obviously VERY pissed off and personally involved at the end of S01. It's a bit foolish to think that because Adam thwarted him on Earth he's out of the picture permanently. Or that he won't be trying to extract his revenge on those who thwarted him- it's apparently his whole thing.

And then, we come back to Aziraphale - and, more to the point, Crowley. Who is Aziraphale? A mid-level angel - a nobody who means well and can be easily swayed with the right arguments. But Crowley? From Satan's point of view, Crowley is NOT a nobody. If we read the clues correctly, Crowley was NEVER a nobody, in fact. He was a pretty high-ranking angel before the Fall, possibly even an archangel. More to the point, Satan thinks Crowley is his top agent. He's the demon who instigated the original sin, invented the Spanish Inquisition and started WW2. The demonic genius behind the M25.

The demon who was SUPPOSED to deliver the antichrist on Earth.

Crowley did not just turn traitor on Hell, but on SATAN personally.

So it would make sense for Satan to take a personal interest in return.

Everything that follows just makes so much sense if Satan is impersonating the Metatron. He wants the launching of Armageddon 2.0 AND revenge on Crowley. So he arranges to use Aziraphale to do both. He takes him away from Crowley - and makes Aziraphale break his heart in the process.

I've seen people go about the coffee scene, arguing the coffee was spiked. I think that if any 'miracle' was performed at that fateful moment, it was to push Nina and Maggie to have that conversation with Crowley. So that Crowley would finally open himself up and confess to Aziraphale - only to be rejected in the most heartbreaking way possible by Aziraphale, who's been dazzled by the idea of running Heavens along with his best friend as angels.

I've also seen people comment on how manipulative and cunning the Metatron was to 'orchestrate' the break up - and he was, no doubt about it. But how would the Metatron, as an angel, know how insulting and impossible a proposition that would be for Crowley? He'd have to be a fucking mastermind on top of being a master manipulator - two things he certainly didn't seem to be in s01. No, I'm sorry, but an angel would just assume a demon would WANT to come back into the fold. Only a demon would know better. And only a demon would go about breaking them up so cunningly.

And here's the good bit: the Metatron only turns up AFTER the Hell delegation has gone to report Beelzebub's treason to their master. Not before or during, but AFTER.

And what is one of the first thing he does when he walks into the bookshop? He asks Crowley if he recognizes him, of course. He doesn't ask because Crowley used to be a high-ranking angel - he asks because Crowley is a demon, and if he can fool Crowley, then he can fool anyone, can he?

And that leads us to the elevator scene. Notice how fast Metatron pushes the 'Heavens' button as soon as Aziraphale sets foot in? Notice the calculative looks he gives him from the corner of his eyes? They make perfect sense if Aziraphale just fell into a particularly devious and intricate trap - setting himself up as both an hostage and a tool for Satan to further extract revenge on Crowley and start Armageddon 2.0.

Oh, while ALSO providing Satan with his 'ride' to infiltrate Heavens, of course. Demons can't use the elevator without an escort, remember?

It all makes so much damned sense - and it scares the shit out of me for s03.

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Maybe a wild off-base theory but what if the GO God didn't exist? That could be some beautiful commentary.

I just thought of how Aziraphale has referred to God as she/her (in the show anyway) and how Crowley has referred to God as they/them, and how that would actually align to my personal HC that God appears differently to everyone based on their perception of her/them/him/the world at large.

Then I thought of my own perspective on the actual character of God in our society, as someone who is atheistic/agnostic, and how this figure was created and how religion in general means such different things to different people and how this drives people's behaviors despite maybe not even being true. And then I thought about how the Metatron is like, supposedly the voice of God, but then supposedly so are certain humans like alleged prophets and also people who own private jets and shit while other human beings starve on the streets. Like, what if the Voice of God we hear in S1 was just an imagined personality (by Adam, who in the books quickly knows everything about Crowley and Aziraphale?) narrating the general POV?

Like that would just speak a lot to the characters acting completely of their own motivation, but disguising it through a character that doesn't even exist, and using that to collectively justify whatever awful actions they already wanted to take. Which (from my perspective) just mirrors humans so beautifully (beautifully as in "beautiful and terrible as the morning and night").

HOWEVER -- we do see literal Satan appear in GOS1. And we appear to see God speak to Job in GOS2. And I don't think there's really enough time to make "God isn't real" a meaningful plot in GOS3, so that's probably not a thing.

But I have always thought and still think that whatever Heaven is doing has a strong possibility of being divorced from whatever God actually wanted. Or maybe She just put all the pieces into place and let them go at it to see what would happen. Or maybe God really did command most of the death and destruction and mayhem against the human race and is supposed to be an awful character, IDK. 🤷‍♀️

But that was a fun thought experiment in free will and self-determination.

[vidavalor]

Good Omens Theories Masterpost

I'm spring cleaning up the blog a bit here and have been making a meta masterlist. As you know, Tumblr only likes so many links per post so all Good Omens theories here in this post beneath the cut. You can find additional meta related to analysis of language, characters, story and just silly stuff in the pinned post on my blog. Thanks. 💕

Theories

The Vavoom: When the show is suggesting C&A actually first kissed

On how Crowley calling Aziraphale "angel" for the first time might tie to The Flood and The Vavoom

Aziraphale's rings trick in 1941 foreshadows him collapsing Heaven

Crowley was a spy for the Allied Forces during WW2

"The coin has vanished!" foreshadowing end of S2/set up for S3

The Blitz, Part 3: Zombie Nazi Flesheaters in the bookshop theory

Hey, so... (The Blitz, Part 2 hints for The Blitz, Part 3)

Crowley, Aziraphale, Mrs. Cheng & high sensitivity

Jane Austen: Brandy Smuggler & Aziraphale's love of cognac

Great Balls of Fire

Anathema is the voice speaking w/Gabriel in the "Great Lamentations" scene

Before the Beginning and Crowley's memory

More on Crowley's memory & Heaven taking memories

Some thoughts on unicorns

Aziraphale wrote bits of Romeo & Juliet for Crowley

Does the bookshop have a hidden room?

Pedometer musings

Agnes Nutter's prophecies in S2

A look at Crowley taking Maggie & Nina out of the bookshop & what it might have to do with the missing time from the prior night

Did Aziraphale write "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square"?

On Crowley, "too late", fallen angels & heavenly rank

Crowley, Agnes and The Witchfinder Army

'The Metatron in The Final 15 of 2.06 is actually Satan' Theory Posts

Wrong Boy: How Warlock's Birthday Party in S1 sets up Satan in S2

Bodysnatching

The unauthorized, unescorted demon

"You aren't trying to trick me, are you?"

How the theory supports the theme of recognition

The Devil in Disguise

Crowley & Hastur in S1 paralleling Aziraphale & "The Metatron" in S2

"Extremely alcoholic breakfast at The Ritz."

[another-lost-mc]

I've been calling Metatron (your oc) Mettaton after the undertale robot and I just realized HAHA how would he feel about that??? would he be the kind to have a crush on the skeleton?!!?! HAHA

Oh, that's fun! I haven't played Undertale (oops) but I've read a lot of fanfiction for that fandom. I have like, nineteen Mettaton x Reader fics in my ao3 bookmarks.

Anyway!

Metatron's the type that will read basically anything because he's curious about the world and everything in it. He also has an excellent memory for details. I feel like Metatron and Levi/Satan would have the most nerdy, amazing conversations. It'd be great for Levi especially because Meta wouldn't judge his interests (anime/manga/games) as being weird or nerdy or stupid and I think Levi needs more people like that in his life.

As for the skeleton crush thing - well, I picture most of the demons (and angels to some degree) being a bit flexible when it comes to who or what they're attracted to. There are demons that are a little more animalistic, and then there are the various monster races that live in the Devildom (and maybe hide out in the human realm too). I think most reapers wear humanoid disguises to blend in but are actually a type of void creature.

So...yes, I think Meta would be one of the open-minded angels when it comes to little crushes and maybe a fling here or there. Like, can you imagine him meeting a vampire or a siren or something, and he's just so genuinely fascinated and curious, and his expressions are so animated, that it's difficult not to be flustered and a bit awestruck by him. (He's a bit clueless and might not realize that, though.)

[jackalopesao3]

🪼 Michael 🪼

Remember my theory on Michael/Celestial Realm being the antagonist(s)?

About Michael’s goal being to find a way to get the brothers back to the CR?

Here are the links to my previous theories:

Well I’ll be damned! Lesson 17 dropped a bombshell that puts some credence to these theories. Spoilers/screens below the cut!

Michael, you…you fucking jellyfish!

I highly suspect Michael is behind MC’s trip to the past. I’ve theorized before that even if he is not NB, he could have called upon Solomon to use his pact with Barbatos or Michael could have even done it himself since he does have some time travel capabilities.

The only reason I think maybe he made Solomon do something is because he did give him the Ring of Wisdom. He likely can utilize whatever agreement he has with Sol to make Sol do something like that. In religious texts, when Solomon pissed Abrahamic God off, Michael allowed Solomon to lose his ring and let Asmodeus yeet him to the ocean. Solomon likely wouldn’t deny a request from Michael after that happened given his dislike of the ocean.

There’s also a possibility that Michael is simply aware of the timeline getting skewed and is taking advantage or that he was planning this in the OG timeline so now he has a better opportunity.

So Yandere!Michael? “If I can’t have the brothers back, no one can have them!” Because that is yandere behavior right there. Though let’s be real, he probably just wants Lucifer back. We all know about his creepy Lucifer shrine.

Let me bring up some facts that lead me to believe Michael could be NB:

1. Nightbringer is preceded by the sound of trumpets. Trumpets are associated with angels, not demons.

2. Nightbringer accepted the human’s offer to pray to him in return for helping them. Demons do pacts. Humans are more likely to pray to angels. Humans have prayed to Michael for protection.

3. Michael goes by a few different names in some transcripts. Metatron is one which is similar to the Lucifer/Satan debate where the names are sometimes interchangeable or they’re two separate beings.

4. Michael has an elusive way of talking which NB also has.

5. Michael sent MC back to the future when Solomon’s cooking had sent them to pre Celestial War days.

6. Michael has motive. He wants to change the past to get the brothers back.

7. MC yells at NB to show themselves. MC doesn’t recognize their voice. MC has only spoken with Michael a few times so they prob wouldn’t recognize his voice. (NB could disguise their voice so take this one as you see fit.)

8. If this truly is the past, why is Michael suddenly doing things differently? What changed the timeline that could make him act this way…probably nothing unless he is fully aware of the timeline change or caused it himself.

There are other reasons too and I do have a table made up with characters and tallies for possible NB identities and Michael was one of the top contenders. If I can find a way to screen it and upload it via mobile I will post it soon.

I may also add to this post later because wow. That bombshell. I had a feeling but at the same time I’m still shook Solmare went with it.

[p0is0ned-peach]

who’s to say Crowley wasn’t the original Voice of God and the Metatron was jealous and pulled some strings to convince the Almighty that Crowley should fall with Lucifer? (Lucifer was jealous of Jesus after all so it wouldn’t be the first time envy wormed it’s way into an angel of high standing)

I think we’re all in agreement that Crowley was much higher up in the hierarchy of angels than we originally thought. He’s got a high level of clearance and literally jumpstarted the universe. I don’t think God would let just anyone do that. Crowley was also the first one to recognize the Metatron when he walked into the bookshop at the end of season 2, the archangels didn’t even recognize him. And the Metatron doesn’t really disguise his distaste for Crowley really, his looks and attitude toward him being very cold.

I think there’s more to it than Crowley just being one of the seraphim. Crowley, as a demon, does do most of the things that people largely associate with Satan himself. (i.e. the apple in the Garden and showing Jesus the kingdoms of the world)

Idk, food for thought.

[thegardenandthegrave]

Aziraphale should have Fallen after the Job debacle.

No, listen. Listen.

Aziraphale has lied before, directly to God no less. Yet, it wasn't until Job that Aziraphale himself believed that he was going to Fall.

I think the difference is that what God allowed to befall Job caused Aziraphale to question the ineffable plan for the first time.

Not only that, he lied to cover up a demon's failure to follow through on killing Job's children AND he fell for said demon's temptation to consume food.

If God is all knowing, then hiding his sins would not have done any good.

Except, God had just gotten done berating Job for questioning her.

And wasn't the wager between God and Satan that Job would remain faithful despite the misery rained down upon him?

If it were my wager, I would take Job questioning God as God technically losing the wager.

But how does this connect to Aziraphale not Falling when he should have?

Well, I'm about to put on a nice tinfoil hat so stay with me here.

Because iirc, the Job debacle is the last time we see God speaking directly to anyone.

(unless you count the season 1 voiceover, which I don't for reasons below)

After that, we've got Metatron acting as an intermediary and 'voice of God'. Metatron is the one Aziraphale reaches when he specifically calls God. And Aziraphale is both confused and surprised by this intermediary

Now, if I were the original demon who had designs on taking God's throne/power/ect I would probably include some sneaky wording in that wager over Job, somehow use winning that wager to gain access to Heaven's demotion/promotion system, and erase/demote God as far down as I could.

You know what I wouldn't do?

Let anyone ever know that God was demoted/lost memories.

I would ride it out, playing angels and demons against each other to destruction while pretending God is still in control.

And I would certainly enjoy sending an amnesiac God to live amongst their favorite creations, completely unaware of what she's lost, assigning her to run a book store without any help or support while I simultaneously broke up the (literal) power couple of all time

Yes, that's right. I'm saying that Metatron is Satan in disguise and that Muriel may very well be God.

EDIT: removed some of my own preconceived notions about religion in regards to metatron. My religious knowledge is not vast enough to make an educated point one way or another about Metatron's presence and representations in religious texts.

[arielavader]

Almonds in the Bible equate with God is watching.

Saraquel told Aziraphale they'd be keeping a close eye on him. Saraquel recognized the Metatron. Saraquel sent Muriel to Earth... Saraquel knew Muriel had helped Crowley. Saraquel knew Crowley on sight even in his angel disguise. Saraquel is a bit of a dark horse.

The coffee is a reminder that Aziraphale is being watched - hefty jigger of Almond syrup, eh? Makes much more sense how he acts when he goes back to Crowley after his chat with the Metatron. He looks out the window, puts on a ridiculously fake smile. When Crowley starts talking he tries to tell him with gestures to keep it down and finally interupts him.

Aziraphale is protecting Crowley, the conversation with Metatron went differently than related, but there is some truth in it as well and I think it's having to do with Heaven's plans. Aziraphale has to know what they are and the best way to do that is seeing for himself, which might be why he almost falters when the Metatron says "we call it the second coming".

All that to say, it just makes their miscommunicating even more infuriating because if they both just told each other what the fuck was actually going on....

It's sort of the opposite of when Crowley first comes to Aziraphale about Armageddon... And even a bit from the Job thing...

"We have to work together."

"Temporarily not on opposite sides"

We've seen what happens when they actually work together. They save Job's children, they create ridiculously powerful miracles, they encourage a little boy enough that he can stand up before the wrath of Satan.

But in protecting each other they lose their greatest weapon: each other.

[infernalight]

oc ideas under the cut...

character one:

Name: Arcadius (Cade)

Faceclaim: Aaron from Dear.Door

Backstory: WIP, a doctor of sorts

How'd he die: ????

Now: Sinner demon with multiple clones of himself, a doctor/scientist who studies regeneration and other things in order to help save the demons... might become an in house doctor for the hazbin hotel??

Other: covered in scars from his death ???

character two:

Name: Calyx (Cal)

Faceclaim: Jinyoung from Dear.Door

Backstory: WIP

How'd he die: hahah, he's not dead. he's human

A human who had fallen in love with a demon (worked for ozzie; stole a crystal for him, but died when ozzie found out), once gaining the ability to travel to hell / heaven without issues, this caught the attention of the angels and after confronting the human about it, he formed a contract with an angel (he'd be their messenger, keep an eye on things in hell while he got a little bit of angelic power of his own, when using his angelic power his eyes change color); he has a bit of free reign but he constantly needs to check back with them and can be possessed by the angel holding his contract if he doesn't give them what they want. he has a demon disguise.

Other: hung like a horse

character three:

Name: Zephyr?

Faceclaim: Sid from Dear.Door (pronounced Seed)

Backstory: started out as a low level demon, climbed his way to the top with help from charlie/lucifer/???? who had given some of their power to aid in his survival though to keep the power from overtaking him, he had to consume demons of the same level (tho bc he was BORN as a low level demon his body could only handle low level but in order to not be killed from the power within him, he must consume higher level demons that he couldn't end up digesting so they just clutter inside of him... (more on this LATER), but yeah.. demons in his head

How'd he die: ???

Now: ?????

Powers: LOTS OF THEM HE'S GONNA BE COOL OK FEEL FREE TO ASK ABOUT HIM

Envy or Pride

character four:

Name: Percy (Perseus)?

Faceclaim: Ben from Dear.Door

A hellhound that can create hellhounds and use them to attack??? has hellhounds as pets?? something like that, alpha???

more to come!

character five:

Name: Spike

Faceclaim: Jude Blanc from Dear.Door

Makes & deals with weapons for Carmilla (maybe they have a contract??)

Sinner demon

How he died: ???

character six:

Name: N/A

Faceclaim: Cain from Dear.Door & Satan from Dear.Door

Lustful sinner / overlord demon

has/had a piece of a weapon from hell inside of his heart that limits his power

idk man he's super sexy.. super lustful...

can split himself into both cain and satan or be as just one

the good and evil parts of lucifer split and the good parts have formed their own sentient body, being forced by the angels to stay in the human world for the time being to get stronger, strong enough to take on satan, but instead of either one of them killing the other, satan re-absorbs cain

satan has the ability to split both sides of himself apart, but doesn't do it often

when separated they are still connected some way so if satan tries to hurt someone cain loves, satan won't be able to depending on how strong his feelings are.

satan can absorb things from humans

sin of wrath

character seven:

Name: N/A

Faceclaim: Gayle from Dear.Door

ars goetia working for stolas.

helps octavia with her magic, helps stolas with everything else. bsaed on Gamigin

*possible muses to be added listed below...*

character eight:

Name: N/A

Faceclaim: Metatron from Dear.Door

scribe of god

evil

character nine:

Name: N/A

Faceclaim: Gabriel from Dear.Door

character ten:

Name: Riyon

Faceclaim: Azaniel from Dear.Door

slutty angel

[lovely-little-lass]

GUYS - i was rewatching episode six of good omens and noticed something: During the trial for Gabriel when they’re talking about him being cast out they say no because they already had to cast out one person. when the metatron is talking about this he refers to it as “One prince of darkness” cast into outer darkness. Now, if we look at the bible and paradise lost (which forms the basis of the show who is god’s favorite angel? the one who is cast out of hell for asking questions?

Lucifer MorningStar (aka satan)

That same lucifer who disguised himself as a snake and tempted eve to eat the forbidden apple! That same lucifer who set siege on Job’s farm/land/children! That same lucifer who showed christ all the nations of the world.

NOW-

the great war has been something that’s been referred to numerous times throughout the show but who is the only person to refer to themselves as having fallen? Crowley! That same crowley who tempted eve, set siege to job’s land, and showed christ the wonders of the world. Crowley is Lucifer Morningstar.

now, looking into the future: we know that heaven is getting ready for jesus pt. 2 the electric boogaloo and in the scripture it’s said that in the end days jesus will face off against the antichrist. aka satan. aka lucifer. aka crowley.

So now; Aziraphale is the high archangel of heaven. Crowley is the fated enemy of heaven

Neil Gaiman what pain do you have in order for us in season 3?

[the-naked-man-friend]

fic where after s2e6 crowley finds himself alone and bitter and hell finds itself looking for new management since clearly earth is around to stay, especially with Aziraphale taking charge of things. Who better to do the job than the demon who's been on earth since it all started? Crowley thinks fuck it, maybe he doesn't agree with everything hell says but at least he'll not be alone. MEANWHILE Aziraphale is lonely on heaven, and really Gabriel's job involved a whole lot more paperwork than Saving The World ™️ so was it really worth it to give up what he could've had with Crowley? He heads back to earth only to discover that Crowley's gone back to hell and is currently Very Inaccessible (As most reminders of earth serve as a reminder to Crowley of what he loved most on earth - Aziraphale). The only people who can help are Gabriel and Beelzebub. After Crowley had so easily broken into heaven just by a (not-so) clever disguise and an angel escort, security in Heaven and Hell has been increased significantly. The only way Aziraphale can get to Hell without falling and becoming a demon is by doing it the human way: Sinning and dying. While Gabriel and Beelzebub didn't leave heaven/hell on good terms, they weren't necessarily bad terms either, and both retained portions of their heavenly/hellish powers and by working together similiar to Crowley and Aziraphale had, they are able to strip Aziraphale of his ethereal status and render him human. Aziraphale kills himself (suicide is a sin after all), gets to the underworld, reconnects with past human aquaintances, but doesn't manage to secure a meeting with Crowley because you can't just come to hell in a human state and claim to be the right hand man to the metatron. Aziraphale is sent to be tortured for eternity. There's been a new approach to eternal damnation based around "individualizing and diversifying eternal torment based on the lived experiences of the damned" and Aziraphale is tortured through using what he loves most - Crowley. When your boss's image is used to torture some old guy in hell, obviously demons take note and send Crowley the news. Crowley finds Aziraphale but resurrecting a man to full personhood (never mind angelhood) is out of his paygrade. There is a bittersweet reunion - where Aziraphale is glad Crowley has come to save him, Crowley has reservations because he gave up everything for the angel, and "Forgiveness is more of your thing, angel"). Cue: Angsty discussions etc etc and after discussions with Satan and inspiration from the Greeks, Crowley is allowed to bring Aziraphale back to earth a la Orpheus and Eurydice. or idk. something like that

[evilasiangenius]

Current writing update (untitled stories are listed by file names): 1. Mistakes 7 aka The Alexander Romance is 99% done.

I have a few chapters to edit Down to the last three chapters, set in Heaven, and then have to write the end notes (oh my god not looking forward to that, I wasn't keeping good track of references early on) and post the last few chapters. It will be 100 chapters + 1 chapter end notes. Oh crap, just remembered there are at least another one or two cut chapters/scenes to add for funsies, including one with Aziraphale and Crowley in disguise punting on the Nile in ancient Egypt. I'm afraid of checking the word count. Notes file is going to be its own novel XD

2. Crossover Wackiness aka The Last Temptation of Adam is 95% done.

It needs some editing, and I'm a bit behind right now because the Crowleys surprised me and I need to work with them. This is what happens when you have two (2) versions of Crowley in a story, inevitably they will do something surprising that requires more reflection. Part of me is surprised that this was a surprise. Not looking forward to notes section, I seem to have lost/misplaced much of the text of the reference file. 3. Mistakes 8, no title, though it's called 'sleeping beauty' as shorthand Sleeping Crowley. I posted the first chapter:

About 7000 words so far. Pretty much fully written, around 10k. Just needs some final polishing while posting. Here are the first two paragraphs of my sketch: Aziraphale who is just back from Heavenly indoctrination brainwashing runs into Crowley who is back after being punished in Hell. But Crowley is already asleep when Aziraphale finds him, out in the forest next to some rudimentary shelter and a fire. Aziraphale doesn’t want to leave him out there since the land is crawling with bandits and barbarians so he takes Crowley away and carries him to safety.

Ivy and rose-covered abandoned Roman villa, living upstairs in the ruins. Doorways blocked off for safety, windows shuttered and boarded over. They’re confined to a few rooms in the back, two downstairs and one upstairs where Crowley is sleeping. Two downstairs are a kitchen and a small servant’s bedroom, upstairs through servant’s stairwell to a storeroom that Aziraphale has converted into a bedroom for Crowley.

Weird self-indulgent nonsense after this, you've been warned. I don't even know if I should ever post any of this.

4. Mistakes 9, no title. About 8000 13000 words so far. First two paragraphs of the sketch: Satan was accidentally destroyed by Adam Young and Asmodeus has taken over Downstairs because of his proximity to power as The Voice of Satan, the Metatron equivalent Downstairs. He is hiding the fact that Satan is destroyed, because otherwise the war between Heaven and Hell would immediately restart and Heaven would win. Once he has consolidated his power Downstairs, pretending to be Satan (not long, had this plan as a possible backup for ages), he goes onto the next phase of his long term plans, getting Crowley back. Which means he spends time watching Crowley and Aziraphale and when he realizes that Crowley has essentially left Hell for Aziraphale and vice versa, he decides that to get Crowley back, he’ll steal Aziraphale.

Since Aziraphale no longer enjoys the protection of Heaven, Asmodeus will take Aziraphale from Crowley with the goal that without Aziraphale, Crowley will willingly go back to him, or Aziraphale will fall in love with him. Asmodeus is going to try to finagle it so that ideally both outcomes will happen, but either way he wants to win. However, Aziraphale figures out Asmodeus is trying to seduce him and...is trying to seduce Asmodeus (non-sexually) in return, thinking that if there’s not much he can do while being a captive of a Prince of Hell, at least he can maybe change Asmodeus for the better.

Asmodeus thinks he's being very clever here and is going to win, but he forgets that he walked into this with a handicap. 5. Reversed Rome, no title. About 24k words so far. I didn't write down a sketch because I was working on this by itself for a while so the outline was in my head, but it's about ordinary Angel Crowley and the Prince of Hell Aziraphale returning to Rome together (work orders). Immediately their relationship is on the fritz due to the interference of another shitty Prince of Hell (that guy). They part ways for about a year. Crowley ends up dating a cute pansexual patrician for a while and exploring sexual desire, which is not supposed to happen as an angel. In the meantime, Aziraphale fills his time with music lessons, learning all the top 10 most depressing Sappho songs.

And of course, there's the usual asshole hanging around in the background, causing problems...

[eirikrjs]

Random tidbits, volume 3 (下)

[Linked the first part of these the other day and realized I didn’t respond to the second. Anyway, gonna rate your fanfic. In italics.]  _________________________________________________________

The next two questions are more on the opinion/headcanon front. Or we can be honest and call this a “Rate this fanfiction premise” section.

3. Would the following narrative help justify Odin’s role in SMT4A?

Before events of SMT4 Maitreya approached Odin with an invitation to join Divine Powers and a plan to recreate the world. Odin refused. He saw that world was close to ending and for him it meant Ragnarok, something that he was prepared to meet with spear in hand even knowing that it would be his end. His brothers Vili and Ve didn’t share his outlook. In Maitreya’s suggestion they saw an opportunity to guide humans of the new world to re-conceptualize the Norse pantheon as truly immortal. They already once ruled in Odin’s absence. They could do so again, but for that Odin had to be absent. They lured him somewhere Heimdal wouldn’t spot them, “shattered” his identity, by separating his “thought” from his “memory”. Whether it was a part of the process or just to help with the disguise, each brother took one of Odin’s raven’s and assumed his identity. One set course back to Asgard to convince other Aesir to join, the other went to Maitreya to try and patch things up.

While they were occupied with that. Odin’s absence was noticed in Asgard. Nobody was really worried since everybody knew how Odin liked his excursions to Midgard, but Thor, ever the brash and impulsive one, headed out to look for him. A bit later, “Odin”-1 (disguised Vili or Ve, doesn’t matter which) returns and announces that they are joining the Divine Powers, but with the gossip of how categorically the Allfather refused Maitreya’s offer, everyone was a bit confused and suspicious of this sudden turnabout. As wise as Odin was, and as capricious as he could be, he usually wasn’t one to suddenly change his decision. Tension was rising. Aesir were getting more and more uneasy, “Odin”-1 was getting more and more forceful in his orders. Eventually it escalated to a civil war. Most Aesir vs. whatever would there be that is blindly loyal to Odin, no matter what (maybe Einherjar).

So that’s the setup. Thor finds Odin, organizes a couple of spectacular fights for him to witness that would bridge his “thought” and “memory”. Odin remembers everything, promises Flynn and the two other involved Hunters a place at Valhalla (completely sincerely), and departs for Asgard with Thor. “Odin”-2 starts acting more openly, now that Thor and Odin left Tokyo, SMT4A happens. Meanwhile, Odin and Thor reach Asgard and start dealing with “Odin”-1.

This whole story was born from two things: your article on SMT4A Odin, and (to me) baffling shortage of Norse bosses in SMT4A. If Odin from SMT4 is the same as the one in SMT4A, then Thor’s absence is glaring and confusing. Something must be off (assuming it isn’t the writing).

___________________________________________________________

This is probably WAY too complicated a (sub) scenario for SMT. One unspoken hallmark of SMT that the new games continue is that everything is seen from the protagonist’s perspective. So, you’d have to contrive a way for the protag to witness all the Asgard drama–which wouldn’t have much impact if they were told and not shown. But I do like expanding on the SMT4 Odin sidequest that’s more Norse than 4A, as you say. It’s a decent starting point for something like this.

___________________________________________________________

4. If I remember correctly, you were not fond of the justification for going after YHVH in SMT4A and of the idea that Zurvan is behind events of SMT:if… What if we combined the two scenarios?

YHVH being mostly his Judaic version works towards an apocalyptic scenario, in our hypothetical case, one that involves the end of the concept of time (I think it’s the one described in Zohar, correct me if I’m wrong). Zurvan, embodying among other things infinite time (his name with epithet Zurvan Akarana apparently means exactly that, ‘infinite time’) is not down for this direct existential threat to himself and so tries to make/find/empower a champion/Messiah/Godslayer/protagonist who (if player chooses this path) would side with Zurvan and slay YHVH… and whoever protects him… and Lucifer for thoroughness. After that we have two options.

Option 1: Zurvan takes YHVH’s place and Ahura Mazda assumes the role of Law’s top enforcer (basically takes over Merkabah/Metatron/Michael/Satan depending on the scenario).

Option 2: Ahura Mazda takes over YHVH, Zurvan returns to his preferred state of simply being a dispassionate embodiment of all space, time, matter and energy, doing sweet FA.

In both cases, Angra Mainyu takes charge of forces of Chaos.

___________________________________________________________

I’m in favor of any alternate Law gods. Zurvan, Melek Taus, even the tin can I just crushed (it was made… according to a plan) would probably be more interesting than YHVH and co. again.

In fact, don’t make it YHVH vs. Zurvan. It’ll be more interesting if it’s just Zurvan, Ahura Mazda, and Angra Mainyu. The time conflict is good, though. But like Judaism, Zoroastrianism does have a definite end of time, at least in terrestrial terms. I think Zurvan’s description of “infinite time” describes the god and not the timeline of history; the Kabbalah describes Yahweh similarly, as infinite in all things until the tzimtzum (contraction of his existence that allowed the lower existences to… exist).

So give Zurvan the Ein Sof role and Ahura Mazda as the more “comprehensible” Yahweh. Their time vs. practically anything poly as most have cyclical time. Does this improve 4A? Not sure about that but your idea is nonetheless an interesting thing to build off of!

[pengychan]

[Good Omens] Winging It - Job 39:13

Summary: Shockingly, attempting to destroy an angel without consulting God first comes with consequences. There is more than one way to fall, and a thousand more ways to inconvenience an angel and a demon who just wanted to be left in peace. Characters: Gabriel, Crowley, Aziraphale, Beelzebub, Michael. Rating: T  

Prologue and all chapters are tagged as ‘winging it’ on my blog.

A/N: Well, someone’s in for a rude awakening.

***

“... What the Heaven.”

“What the Heaven indeed,” Aziraphale murmured, but Crowley barely heard him; he was too busy staring down at dark, jagged scars over Gabriel’s shoulder blades while he rested, motionless, on a mattress on the ground. Those had been open wounds, Aziraphale had said, before he’d healed them and miracled away the blood; Crowley was rather glad he hadn’t been there to see the mess. Maybe all that trouble with traffic had been a blessing in disguise. 

Well. Not a literal blessing, of course, he didn’t do those unless absolutely called for - which was to say, not unless Aziraphale asked - but still, a lucky coincidence. Even without witnessing the worst of it, seeing the scars was enough to make his plan of grabbing him and kicking him all the way out of the bookstore, whether Aziraphale agreed or not, seem… a little less viable. 

In theory, he could still do it. Gabriel deserved it and if he’d simply become a demon the way he had, then he wouldn’t have held back. But he wasn’t a demon, was he? He was human, in a bad shape, with marks on his back that made Crowley mightily uncomfortable every time his gaze fell on them. His own wings - which were always there, if not necessarily on the same plane of existence, black as coal but whole and functioning - ached at the thought. And yet...

Shut your stupid mouth and die already.

Maybe just a couple of swift kicks, or a bout of intestinal parasites... 

None of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person.

In the end, Aziraphale’s voice in the back of his head was stronger, as always. Biting his tongue to keep himself from cursing aloud, Crowley tore his gaze away from Gabriel’s back to look at Aziraphale. “What were they thinking?” he asked, knowing full well his angel likely had no clue whatsoever. “Wasn’t he the golden boy? And-- they let Satan keep his wings, for Hell’s sake.”

Aziraphale shrugged. “I don’t have the foggiest idea, I am afraid. He didn’t tell me much of anything. Well, couldn’t tell me much of anything. But I think… I think Michael did this.”

Uuugh, Crowley thought. “Michael’s a wanker,” he muttered, glancing down again. He had little doubt that Michael could subdue Gabriel if so she chose; she was a warrior, the one who had personally cast Lucifer out of Heaven during the first War, while Gabriel had always been the bureaucrat and messenger. And a poor one, too - official accounts glossed over how badly he’d freaked poor Maryam out with the Annunciation. Still… “Can’t have been just her decision.”

“No,” Aziraphale agreed. Deciding to destroy him - well, that was one thing. He wasn’t precisely high up, and he supposed that what he had done did amount to treason. Gabriel was… not quite as high up as it gets, obviously, but still a big name. “No angel could just do something like this to him without consequences. It must have been an order from above. I just can’t imagine why.”

Crowley made a face. “And it’s been just a week. They turned on him quicker than a traffic light,” he muttered, and slid a foot beneath Gabriel, turning him on his back so that he wouldn’t have to look at those scars any longer. There was no reaction; he was out like a light, eyes shut as his head rolled over his shoulder, face pale. “Look at that, two nipples. Shadwell would be relieved.” Or disappointed, come to think of it. “Is he unconscious, or asleep?” 

“Ah, uh… asleep. I made sure he slept - he really needed it.”

“And gave him the most wonderful dream?” Crowley joked. Aziraphale shifted, causing him to groan. 

“Not the most wonderf-- just reasonably pleasant,” Aziraphale defended himself. Crowley rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers to conjure up some water that was decidedly not holy.

Time to wake up the sleeping beauty and find out what in the seven Heavens was going on.

***

Gabriel had never, in the entirety of his existence up to that day, slept. 

He never had any need to; angels do not get tired and consequently need no rest. He was rarely idle at all, with the work of millions of angels to oversee across the universe on a daily basis, and it was fine with him. Idleness bred laziness, and he was meant to be an example of virtue. No place for that in Heaven, as there was no place for any of the seven deadly sins.

He attempted to take God’s judgment upon himself. A crime born of pride. Seize him.

Metatron’s voice thundered somewhere in the back of his mind and almost, almost made it through to his consciousness along with everything that followed - his sentence and the punishment, the hands holding him down and the stony faces and the pain - but it did not. A reasonably pleasant dream was what Aziraphale had bestowed upon him, and a reasonably pleasant dream was what he was having. 

“You doodled on the report again,” Michael was muttering, raising an eyebrow at him in that way of hers that showed polite annoyance and hid her amusement. 

Gabriel shrugged. “There was a lot of blank space.”

“There is a lot of blank space everywhere here, but you don’t see me writing on the walls.”

“Only because I haven’t caught you in the act yet.”

“Very funny.” A roll of her eyes, and Michael looked back at the sheet. “What is it supposed to be, anyway? One of those primates on Earth?”

“It’s Sandalphon. He has a sandal in one hand and a phone in the other.”

A quiet stare. Gabriel shrugged again, grinning. “I think it’s funny.”

“... Of course you would.” A quick half-smile, and Michael placed the sheet in the folder under her arm. “Anything else? No more forms?”

“Uh, no,” Gabriel muttered, leaning an elbow on the form he’d actually finished filling in. Best to miracle the doodles off them before handing them over going forward. Or give them to someone who’d appreciate his frankly flawless sense of humor. Sandalphon usually did, only that he was a little bit sensitive about his name.

“All right. I’ll see you at the meeting.”

Once alone again, Gabriel picked up the form and looked down at it. From his serious expression as he tapped the pen against his chin, anyone looking would have thought he was giving some serious consideration to important matters. And in a way, he was. How many flies were usually buzzing around Beelzebub’s head - a couple dozens? He couldn’t remember. They had last met about a century earlier, so he’d have to go on a guess.

A couple dozens, then. Gabriel clicked the pen, and began adding dots around the head of a caricature with red eyes and long fangs. Did flies have fangs? They probably didn’t have fangs and Beelzebub didn't either. Maybe he should send an official letter downstairs, just to ask. They were reserved for important communications, and the Lord of the Flies would probably answer with insults, but--

“Wakey wakey!”

“Crowley, wait--”

Something cold suddenly hit him, splashed over him, and in an instant everything - the form and the doodle and the pen in his hand, the desk he sat at and the reassuring whiteness all around him - was gone. Gabriel opened his eyes, blinking out water and sputtering, to see old dusty bookshelves all around him, and a demon towering over him with a grin. What in the world…?

“Hey, Gabe,” the demon Crowley said, grin widening. “Tell me, how did the landing go?”

***

"Hell can't claim him." 

Uriel spoke with the utter certainty of someone who’s stating the tenets of the universe, and with more than a hint of outrage at the mere idea. Which was how they all spoke, really; there was an abundance of certainties in Heaven. However Michael couldn’t help but think that, over the course of the past week, a good chunk of them had been crumpled, and tossed in the waste bin.

Yes, in theory, Hell had no claim on humans over the course of their lives; they could try to influence them, both sides did, but that was about the scope of it. In theory, the fact this one particular human had been an angel until only a short while ago should make no difference. Not until his human life, that ridiculously short lifespan, ran its course. 

But, in theory, none of this should be happening either. The Great Plan was supposed to be the same as the Ineffable plan and they were in the right to try all they could to see it through, following the one and only plan they’d ever known of. In theory, they had done everything right. 

And yet, they had failed. It was disconcerting and downright worrisome; without certainties, you start questioning. And questioning was dangerous… but apparently, so was sticking to the plan.

Please, no! Please! I did everything right! I followed the Plan! I did everything right! 

“Of course it can’t claim him,” Michael spoke, trying to ignore Gabriel’s screams in the back of her mind. She could at least pretend to be certain of that, even if the world should have ended a few days earlier and then… didn’t. It kept existing, a world where the Antichrist refused to bring forth the Armageddon; where Holy water did not kill a demon and Hellfire did not kill an angel; where obedience was harshly punished and rebellion was not. "He didn't Fall the way they did."

"Right. It's more like what happened with Adam and Steve,” Sandalphon agreed.

Uriel frowned a little. "Wasn't it... Ava? Ada?"

"Maybe, something like that. Never met them,” he said, and made a face. Sandalphon didn’t have strong feelings for humans one way or another, but the few times he’d actively interacted with them, things hadn’t generally gone very well for the mortals - Sodom and Gomorrah being the prime example.

To be entirely fair anyone would have been more than slightly miffed in his place. Get on Earth with another couple of angels in human disguise to see if the city is redeemable, get hospitality from some weirdo called Lot, and suddenly a mob is outside demanding that Lot lets them meet his guests. A biblical meet and greet, so to speak; not the sort where you sit down to study the Bible, clearly, but rather the kind where you plainly do not sit down for several days afterwards.

If you’re human, of course, and Sandalphon was not human. He was an angel with very little understanding of humans, their customs and their base instincts, but even he could tell that trying to force said base instincts on anybody unwilling was bad enough to spectacularly fail God’s test - regardless of the shape or form of your intended target. 

And failure came with a hefty price tag, which was why Sandalphon took very great care to never fail. They all did, and they had never failed to not fail, not once in six-thousand years… until they had, in some way and for some reason they didn’t even understand. 

But only one of them had paid the price. Someone who’d been loyal and obedient and steadfast in his duties, to see that everything went according to the Great Plan and ended with the triumph of the Heavenly forces, the triumph of good. And some thanks he got for his trouble.

A dangerous thought, that. Almost unthinkable. And yet Michael suspected she wasn’t the only one to battle with it, or else that little meeting wouldn’t be happening at all and they would have moved on, forgetting Gabriel’s name like they had forgotten those of the Fallen so long ago. 

“It’s not like with the Fallen,” Uriel spoke up, as though she’d just read her mind. She was tapping a finger on the table, staring at it rather than look up at them. “God must have a plan for him. Some sort of plan.”

“Ineffable plan?”

“Perhaps.”

“So we don’t know what it is, and Gabriel doesn’t know what it is,” Sandalphon muttered, folding his hands on the table. “What will he do? Out there as a human, alone, with no plan to follow?”

Michael held back a sigh. “God might give him a sign as to what he should do. I suppose--”

“We could check on him,” Uriel spoke up suddenly, causing her to trail off and turn to look at her. Her finger was still tapping on the table. “It shouldn’t be too hard to find him.”

“There isn’t supposed to be any unnecessary contact with--”

“With the Fallen, no. Except that we did have contact, and we were not the ones who got cast out. And Aziraphale - he’s been fraternizing with one for millennia, and he received no punishment either. But either way, Gabriel is not a Fallen. He is a human - contact with him is not prohibited.”

“Unless it is and we don’t know it, Uriel,” Michael snapped. She hated that uncertainty, the fear of doing the wrong thing without knowing it. She wanted nothing more than having normalcy back, with Gabriel among them and the certainty of being in the right in the great scheme of things. Until the botched Armageddon, back when they had the Great Plan to stick to, all of their choices had always been so easy they were hardly even choices. “And we might pay the price.”

“Then I will, if it comes to that,” Uriel said, and finally looked up. Still, she did not look directly at Michael. She was staring at the wall beside her, as though she saw something there no one else could. “You were not here, when Aziraphale stepped in the Hellfire.”

Michael nodded. “No. But I was there when the demon Crowley splashed in Holy Water asking for a towel . I know what happened - nothing.”

“No, something did happen. Here. With Aziraphale,” Uriel replied. The light tapping on the table stopped. “He blew Hellfire towards us. Barely missed, and only because we retreated.”

“More like scrambled,” Sandalphon muttered, sounding more than slightly embarrassed.

Michael frowned. “Hellfire would have destroyed you if it touched you. Anyone would have, as you put it, scrambled in your pla--”

“Gabriel threw out his arms,” Uriel cut her off, causing Michael to turn, taken aback. Uriel finally looked up from the table to meet Michael’s gaze. “When the fire came towards us. He threw out his arms in front of us, to pull us back with him. You see, this is what’s gnawing at me. It’s not only that he was the only one to face punishment for something we all did.” Her features twisted in something bitter that might have looked like a smile to the untrained eye, and yet was anything but. “He shielded us. And we tore out his wings.”

“No. I did.” Michael’s voice was collected, distant. In the back of her mind there was the glint of the blade, the pulling and tearing, the cries and thrashing as he tried to escape. He’d suffered, but he hadn’t bled until the end, until he was an angel no longer. “I tore out his wings.”

And I pray I’m not made to tear out yours. If the order came, she… wasn’t sure she’d obey, not again. It was a terrifying thought, disobeying God. Never before had it entered her mind. 

“We held him down for you. We’re in,” Sandalphon said quietly, and that sealed the matter. 

None of them paused to consider that maybe, just maybe, Gabriel may not be happy to see them.

***

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s not happy to see me.”

“Crowley, please--”

“I mean, it was cute how he tried to smite me like he can still do that, but…”

“My dear boy--!”

“Fine, fine. Shutting up. For now.”

Huddled against a wall, a blanket tangled around his legs, Gabriel struggled to even grasp their words. He could have if he focused, probably, but there was so much going on, too much. The pain was gone, at least that, but there were the rush of blood in his ears and the rhythmic pumping in his chest, the ache in his throat caused by the scream that had left him, the way the room seemed to spin around him, how his body shivered against the cold water his skin - so many sensations he was unaccustomed to, and so many other things, familiar things, that were missing. Things he dared not name.

You know what is missing. 

Two pairs of hands grabbing him, holding him down. The weight on him, the grasp, the glint of a blade and the plea in his ear.

“Be still. You’ll make it easier, Gabriel. Please, be still.”

But he hadn’t been still, had he?

“Can you stand?” Aziraphale’s voice cut through his frantic thoughts, snapped him out of the memory. He looked up to see him holding out a hand, towering over him. He stared at it, but didn’t take it. 

“It’s not permanent,” was all he could say, his voice raspy. 

“Wonderful,” the demon muttered. “All the more reason to be quick and kick you while it lasts.”

Aziraphale ignored his comment and nodded. A gesture of his hand, and the cold water soaking Gabriel’s hair and skin dried up; a white shirt appeared to cover his torso.

“That’s good to know. Care to tell us what happened?”

Oh no, no, absolutely not. If he allowed himself to think back of it, to remember what had happened from the moment Metatron had spoken to the instant he’d blacked out before Aziraphale’s store, Gabriel was fairly certain he’d have gone insane. He stood on shaky legs, feeling ridiculously faint, and let himself drop on the nearest chair before shaking his head. 

“... All right. You don’t have to.”

“What? No, no, he absolutely has to!”

“This may not be the right moment--”

“It is for me!” The demon - Crowley - stepped forward. Gabriel tried to sit up straight, so that he wouldn’t tower over him so much, but his head spun and he could barely lift it. “Look, I was nice enough not to kick you into the stratosphere, so how about you thank me by explaining--”

A sudden rumbling noise caused Crowly to trail off, taken aback. Both he and Aziraphale could only stare as Gabriel let out a groan, hands folding over his stomach. It took another grumble for Crowley to realize what it was… and when he did, he laughed. It was just too funny, he couldn't help it.

Of course, Gabriel didn’t laugh, too stuck-up to see the humor of the situation. He glared up at him, almost folded in two. His features twisted in agony. “You– you did this, demon! What is it?”

Before Crowely could reply that he’d be doing so much worse if he felt like hurting him, Aziraphale spoke. 

“I believe it is hunger, Gabriel.”

A confused look. “Hunger?”

“Happens when humans go hungry,” Crowley supplied helpfully, with some frankly unnecessary emphasis on the word 'human'. Aziraphale did his best to ignore it. Very little seeed to make sense, and keeping a cool head would be easier if his demon and his former superior didn’t keep squabbling like especially ill-tempered roosters. 

“When was last time you ate? Or drank?” 

That gained him a disgusted look. “You know full well I do not–” 

“You no longer get a choice, I’m afraid,” Aziraphale cut him off, calm but not going out of his way to be sympathetic. From what he’d seen in the past six-thousand years there were plenty of drawbacks that came with being human… but getting to enjoy food was not one of them. “If you need something filling, I could recommend–”

“I refuse to sully my celestial body with gross matter!” he protested, gaining himself a sigh from Aziraphale and a very loud snort from Crowley. 

“I haaaaate to break the news, Gabe,” the demon said as everything in his voice, expression and body language spelled absolute delight over the situation, “but right now you and your body are about as celestial as Schubert’s Ave Maria sung by a band of drunk capuchin monkeys.”

If looks could discorporate, Crowley wouldn’t have discorporated at all because Gabriel was terrible at glaring. He supposed that ‘give the evil eye’ was not part of the insufferably self-righteous Archangel job description, which meant he’d had no practice whatsoever in the longest time. 

Possibly ever since the battle that had preceded the collective nosedive of fallen angels from Heaven, but Crowley couldn’t be sure, because he hadn’t really taken part to it. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it turns out that ‘oh, hey guys, I was just leaving’ is not enough to get heavenly forces off your case. He’d been cast out before the actual battle even really started.

“This is temporary!” Gabriel snapped, and stood. His attempt at pretending his wobbly legs were not wobbly at all wasn’t very successful. “I don’t need to eat and-- and I have nothing to tell you.”

Crowley made a face. “Oh yes, I’m afraid you do.”

“What do you even care?” he snapped. Crowley stared at him a moment, then tilted his head on one side. 

“Oooh, I see. It seems we had a little bit of miscommunication, so let me clear this one up, yes?” Crowley leaned in, right in his face, yellow slit eyes staring at his own. He hissed more than he spoke, and never mind most of the words he uttered had no sibilants at all. He still pulled it off, somehow. “I don’t care that you got your wings ripped off. I don’t give a single blessing about you or what you’re going to be doing going forward, believe me. What I want to know is why. Because if something is going on, I’d really rather know before it happens to an angel I actually… Er. An angel I kind of give a toss--”

“A-hem.”

Aziraphale clearing his throat caused the demon to pause. He turned to glance at him, and so did Gabriel. He had both eyebrows raised. 

Crowley let out a sigh. “Really now?”

Aziraphale said nothing, but his eyebrows climbed further towards his hairline. 

A groan. “Oh, keep ruining my reputation, why don’t you,” the demon muttered, and turned back to glare at Gabriel. Behind him, Aziraphale looked rather smug. “... Sorry, where was I?”

Gabriel blinked, too confused to even ask and still desperately trying not to let the words - got your wigs ripped off - sink into his brain. If he thought of that for one moment, of what had happened, he’d scream. “If… something is going on?”

“Oh, right, right.” He cleared his throat, and the threatening hiss was back. “Because if something is going on, I’d really rather know before it happens to an angel I care about.”

Gabriel’s eyes shifted from Crowley to Aziraphale, who refused to look away. Aziraphale had expected a reprimand, disapproval, something - but instead, all he got was an empty gaze. “Nothing will happen to you. God wants you safe. That much was made painfully clear.”

… Wait. Wait a moment. Had the order come from God? And had it been because of what he’d tried to do… to him? “What-- the reason they did this to you-- you don’t mean…?”

“It is all wrong!” Gabriel snapped, and his voice was nowhere as firm and he probably would have liked. Under Aziraphale’s stunned eyes, he burrowed his face in his hands. “It’s all wrong. I followed the plan, enforced the rules. I did everything right. You broke all of them - you traitor - something had to be done! Someone had to!”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Am I hearing you say God got it wrong? That you know better than the Almighty?” he asked, causing Gabriel to wince and tear his hands off his face, outraged and terrified at the same time. Metatron’s words - God’s words, by extension - echoed in his ears.

A crime born of pride.

“No! I would never!”

“Sounds an awful lot like you said it. Or you admit that God got it right, and you deserve this? You can't have it both ways, Gabe. M aybe you did go against the Ineffable Plan, after all.”

Gabriel's features twisted in anguish. “How was I supposed to-- I didn’t know-- I couldn’t know!”

“No, you couldn’t. Sucks when the game is rigged against you, huh? No plan that you know of, everything is a choice, every choice you make could be the wrong one, and you won't know which it is until it knocks you down. Welcome to humanity, ssssucker. Can I offer-”

“Huh, hello? Is the store open? I’d like to have a look around, is anybody there?”

Three things happened in only a few moments. First, Aziraphale told himself that he should really learn to shut that door properly. Second, Crowley thought that Aziraphale should really learn to shut that door properly. And third, the moment they turned Gabriel stood and ran - through the shop, past a bewildered potential customer and through the door. He yelled something that sounded a lot like ‘thanks for the pornography!’ over his shoulder as he disappeared, which made Crowley suspect something was wrong with his hearing. 

Aziraphale groaned. “It’s best if we go stop him.”

“Why? I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“He doesn’t know how to human, he could get himself hurt.”

So what?, Crowley almost asked, didn’t. “Naaah, I'm sure he’ll be fi--”

There were screams coming from outside, screeching brakes and a loud crash, followed by more screams, and cries for an ambulance. Aziraphale’s gaze slowly shifted towards Crowley. 

“... Well, look at that,” Crowley said, tilting his head on one side. “Maybe he already found his way back.”

“Tell me you didn’t--”

“Nope, not me. He ran into the road. Did everything by himself,” he pointed out. Aziraphale sighed and they ran outside as well, leaving behind a very confused man muttering, in a small voice, that maybe he should return another day. 

***

“The wings of the ostrich wave proudly, but are they the pinions and plumage of love?" Job 39:13

***

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[every-angel-is-terrifyingg-blog]

Who is Sandalphon?

Creepy af, the end.

I’m kidding, but wow does this guy creep me out in the Amazon series. Kudos to the actor for just personifying slime.

Alright, let’s talk Sandalphon lore.

Good old Sandal here isn’t nearly as creepy in lore as he is in Good Omens. However, his story is pretty all-over the place. Rabbinic lore place him as the twin brother of the Metatron and one of the greatest angelic princes. He’s also apparently the tallest angel, like really tall. 500 feet even. A big deal is made out of how tall he is.

Some traditions say he was the Prophet Elijah. He was either always an angel in disguise or God slapped a pair of wings on Elijah’s back and eliminated his desire to eat and drink.

In Islam, Sandalphon is said to be constantly fighting Satan.

Cabalists think he’s the one who determines an embryo’s sex in the womb.

Others believe that he carries prayers to God.

I think The Greater Key of Solomon gives us the better theory on who Sandalphon is: in this occult work he’s described as being a “cherub of the ark” -- meaning he’s one of the angels who protects the Ark of the Convenient. 

The Ark of the Convenient houses the Ten Commandments and, according to Jewish tradition, had the miraculous ability to take down any enemy of the Israelites. It has been lost to history since c.500s BCE, around the time the Babylonian Empire took over.  However, there are some theories that the Ark survived and may have just been secreted away to Ethiopia.

Sandalphon as an angel associated with the Ark makes him a very important figure indeed.

Another really interesting find about Sandalphon is that he’s lit (do the kids still say that?). Longfellow wrote a poem you can read here. In the first verse, the speaker references both Sandalphon’s association with prayer and Rabbinic lore: 

Have you read in the Talmud of old, In the Legends the Rabbins have told  Of the limitless realms of the air,-- Have you read it,--the marvellous story Of Sandalphon, the Angel of Glory,  Sandalphon, the Angel of Prayer?

Ezra Pound, another poet, also wrote about Sandalphon. Interesting, angels can die in this work. I honestly don’t know what to make of that, but Pound’s poem can be read here.

Finally, we can find Sandalphon in another Neil Gaiman story! He’s mentioned by Lucifer in Sandman: Season of Mists.

I really wonder if Sandman and Good Omens takes place in the same universe.

Also, this makes me want to send Neil Gaiman an ask sometime to see what he has to say about Sandalphon. Stay tuned?

[mask131]

Good Omens references in Apocalyptic Horseplay

In honor of the release of the Good Omens television series, I’ll post something I always wanted to do one day. 

You know about the webcomic Apocalyptic Horseplay? I talked about it before. A funny webcomic found on Webtoon (here) about the Apocalypse, made by @tboredman and heavily inspired by Good Omens. I talked about it before on this blog.

Well, I decided to list all of the Good Omens reference in the webcomic. On one side because I noticed a lot of the webtoon fans were unaware of the existence of/hadn’t read Good Omens, so they missed a lot of the jokes, and I felt I had to fill this vacuum. On the other side because it was a good way to read again entirely the webcomic before the release of its final chapter (well, I assume the seventh chapter will be the last because we are in an Apocalypse-based work, but I may be dead wrong). 

I have gotten as far as chapter 6. I’ll wait until each future chapter is completed before adding them to the list and updating this post. 

WARNING! THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD! TAKE MY WORD, START READING THE WEBCOMIC FIRST, IT WOULD BE PLAIN RIDICULOUS OTHERWISE! (AND THIS WEBCOMIC IS REALLY GOOD, SO ANYWAY YOU JUST HAVE TO START WITH IT. SO ALL THOSE WHO HAVEN’T READ IT YET - SHOO SHOO!)

Chapter 1: Good Readings (14 episodes)

# Let’s begin with the obvious here. We are dealing with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are important secondary characters of Good Omens (GO). And Apocalyptic Horseplay (AH) is presenting us “retired” Horsemen. In GO, one of the Horsepersons, Pestilence, “retired” from the group, before getting replaced with Pollution.

# Famine making the food rot at the pub reminds me of how Famine made all the food disappear (or put anchovies on it) at the place where the “Hell’s Angels” meet. 

# The name of the newspaper, “Good Reading’s”, is an obvious reference to “Good Omens”. 

# Both AH and GO are centered around a little English town (Lower Tadfield in GO, Reading in AH)

# The Horsemen being clueless when it comes to modern technology reminds me of the Horsepersons’ uneasiness with complex technology. 

# The Horsemen are “shaped by mankind” in both AH and GO. (Well, except for Death). 

# Edit: The fact that the Horsemen chose new names based on their old ones (example, War becoming Warrace) reminds of how Crowley changed his name to stop being the “Crawling one” (I have to find back what was his exact original name)

Chapter 2: Four Horsemen (30 episodes)

# The sacred council and the order of witch-hunters of AH are a vastly more powerful and efficient version of the Witchfinder Army of GO. Damocles reminds me of a more serious and threatening version of Shadwell. Von Bellsing also reminds me of Shadwell, but he rather bears all of his goofy traits (weird ideas about the supernatural, ineffective when it comes to actually doing something, weird accent). 

# The whole idea of searching for a child Antichrist that is supposed to lead the Horsemen of the Apocalypse was taken straight out of Good Omens. 

Chapter 3: Hellspawn (14 episodes)

# The possessed nuns “guarding” the Antichrist at the orphanage remind me of the satanic order of chattering nuns in GO.

# The joke “Pesty wasn’t that cheerless since Fleming discovered penicillin” is a reference to GO, where the discovery of penicillin actually caused Pestilence to retire. 

# Death disguises himself as a biker all clad in black. Which is the aspect Death takes in most of Good Omens. 

# The priestess Babel working without knowing it for the forces of Hell reminds me of how Shadwell works without knowing it with both heaven and hell through Aziraphale and Crowley. In fact, the way Babel contact “heavenly” forces through a magical circle reminds me of how Aziraphale contacts his own superiors in Heaven.

# Babel invokes a fake Metatron. In GO, the Metatron appears as the higher representative of the Heaven armies. 

# Lily is an inversion of GO’s Antichrist, Adam. Adam is a Caucasian blond boy, raised in a human family, completely separated and unware of his supernatural nature, that ends up revolting against the devil himself. Lily is a black-haired Asian girl, orphan, also clueless about her supernatural nature, but raised by demons and wishing for nothing more than to meet, please and help her father in his great plan. Plus, I’m sure tboredman was making a biblical joke with Adam and Lilith. 

Chapter 4: New Blood (30 episodes)

# The introduction of Hatred in the Isis Stronghold in Mosul seems to have been inspired by the scene where War receives her sword in GO, both encounters ending up with everyone shooting and killing everyone else (except for the supernatural beings). 

# Lily is almost eleven, while in Good Omens it was Adam’s eleventh birthday that sets in motion the Apocalypse. 

# While the Horsemen of AH doesn’t much ressemble the Horsepersons of GO, the Horses look much more like the Good Omens harbingers of doom. Three males for one girl, and the fourth one being an “outsider” to the group.

# Damocles doubts and remorses at the idea of killing a child are identical to those of Shadwell, who refuses to kill the Antichrist because he is just a kid.

# The Horses receiving their weapons mirrors how the Horsepersons got their symbols delivered (but in AH it is shorter and less ceremonial than in GO). 

# Lily shares with Adam one power (that of making people do what she tells them) and one fear (the fear of losing control and forcing people to approve of her). 

# Lily dislikes dogs, while Adam’s only wish is to have one. 

# The cat is named Crowley. 

# Edit: I forgot to add an obvious one. Of course the Antichrist and her friend get into to talk to a witch in her house! 

Chapter 5: Seven Seals (14 episodes)

# Mot in AH is a beautiful subversion of Death in GO. Death/Azrael was a primordial and all-powerful force that couldn’t be destroyed or erased because it was the shadow of Creation, a part of the world itself. Mot is rather a being created by humanity, fearing his own death and destruction, that gave up his role and powers, leaving him extremely weakened. 

# The mention of “the Antichrist was not spawned to create monsters” is an opposition to Adam’s role in GO. In Good Omens, the little boy creates all sorts of monsters, aliens and unnatural beings through his belief and imagination. On the other hand, Lily shares a common trait with Adam: both see the world through their own unique point of view, twisted by what they read. Anathema’s magazines for Adam, the Wizard of Oz for Lily. 

# “No, Crowley! Don’t step into the...”

# Lily role into making the Horsemen return to their “natural state” parallels how Adam power makes the Horseperson’s human personas fade away, returning them to their primordial killing-machine natures. The difference here is that Lily does that on purpose (even though misguided), while in Adam’s case it is his mere presence that changes the Horsepersons.

# I could push the above point a bit further by putting in comparison how the Horseperson became monstrous, inhuman beings upon being “unleashed” on the world, while two of the Horses, Hatred and Hunger, also went from “humanoid” to “full kaiju” while accumulating power. 

Chapter 6: Trumpet Blast (30 episodes)

# AH and GO both share a fundamental theme. The theme that you have a choice. That you can change things. That “destiny” in itself doesn’t exist, or that if it exists you can’t know it clearly for it is God’s ineffable plan, and thus no one can pretend to obey on His orders since he is - you know, ineffable. Unknowable. Mysterious. So this so called “destiny” can always be escaped, beaten or cheated because the only destiny you will have is the one you’re going to forge - or the one you’re not going to forge for yourself. 

# War saying he is not a killer but makes other people kill for him reminds me of War (GO) never being a fighter herself, but always making people fight for her. But that’s a common trait to many embodiments of war and conflict as “manipulators from behind the scene”. 

# The Horses being re-absorbed into the “apocalyptic objects” and then infusing themselves into their new wielders (the Horsemen) is a pretty big reference to how the Horsepersons were defeated in GO (except there, people were clever enough to not pick up the objects and let the delivery man pick it up for them). 

# Oblivion having no soul and Mot being unable to “read” him reminds me of how Anathema saw the Horsepersons auras as “black holes”. 

# Talking of Oblivion, while Mot was a subversion of GO’s Death, Oblivion is clearly its expy. A primal manifestation that can’t be destroyed, the one wielding all of the powers of Death, the embodiment of entropy fundamentally apathetic to everything. He is like Azrael in GO, except Azrael stayed outside the game until the Apocalypse was about to come. Oblivion here seems much more involved and submissive than GO’s Death. 

# It is funny to see Hunger describing Famine as “roaming first world countries, basking in their opulence, secretely wishing you could take it away”, because that is exactly what Famine does in GO, through the diet industry and the selling of literal junk-food. 

 (Chapter 7 will come next! And who knows? Maybe an 8th!)