#The day I'll actually start writing it in earnest I might have changed some things

[kishimotomasashi]

There’s an AU I have, Team Hebi-centric, in which Obito never tells Sasuke the truth about the Uchiha Clan massacre (because he died where he was supposed to: underneath the rock. The Kyuubi attack was an accident of poor sealing while Kushina was giving birth) that I’ve been mulling over for a while. I don’t think I’m gonna get it written any time soon so I might as well share the ideas I had in mind!

Setting?:

After he’s killed Itachi, Sasuke is first found by Team Hebi and not the retrieval squad 2, so they hide away in a site where they can’t be found

Sasuke after the fight is kind of... unresponsive, more than usual, for a few days. The others get it, and give him the space he needs, but also Suigetsu tells him he needs to figure out what he’s gonna do next soon so they know whether to hand him back to the Konoha group or to find another mission to do while they’re still a team

Sasuke isn’t particularly inclined to head back home. He doesn’t think he can just go back and pick up where he left off-- and he suspects Team 7 will insist that he can, but as far as he feels, there’s too much baggage associated with the place already. Sasuke’s lived his life in a way where he’s continuously going back to his grief as a motivator, but now that there’s no obsessive focus on revenge behind it, and just grief... he doesn’t really want to deal with that. Going back home means going back to the compound means going back to the graves, and he doesn’t think vestigial affection from a time where it briefly looked that he could ever think of anything else would be enough to prevent the pain of it.

So his choice is that he stays with his new team, and that their next mission will be helping Suigetsu collect his swords.

The... plot?:

The idea is to focus on each member of Hebi, and have them wonder about their place in the world now that they’re so removed from the Hidden Village system.

Suigetsu’s the only one who starts off having plans to actually re-enter that world, but his hopes are dashed because due to the Akatsuki’s actions, there’s an increased hostility towards rogue shinobi in every village. In this AU, since Hebi are never called to capture Killer Bee by Obito, Kisame ends up doing it, actually succeeding, and the Raikage directs his anger towards Kiri to get its shit together concerning their nukenin. This + Pain’s destruction of Konoha means pardons are off the table for any nukenin, and any shinobi, regardless of what they actually do, working outside of the Hidden Village system becomes automatically suspect. Naruto and co. try to argue Sasuke shouldn’t count since he killed Orochimaru and Itachi but ofc Danzo isn’t having it.

Since they’re all on the run anyways, Hebi stick together, and their lives are spent taking any mission they can from whoever’s willing to pay to sustain themselves. They all grow closer, as a result, they learn about each other, and find out they have things in common. Little by little they start to empathize with each other.

Juugo and Karin, starting out aimless, find traces of their own origins little by little during their travels. And so along with helping Suigetsu find his swords (that he’s still looking for despite his situation with Kiri because fuck them anyways, he trained his whole life for this, and he will cut Chojuro’s arms off to steal his if he has to), they’re also looking for every trace of Juugo’s clan they can find and they pay a visit to the Land of Eddies for Karin’s sake, too.

Also during their travels, they meet a lot of different people of different backgrounds: nukenin turned civilians, many civilians who don’t few the Hidden Villages and/or the 5 shinobi countries and their Daimyo positively, people from countries/villages destroyed by the shinobi wars, etc. They learn through the eyes of others how shinobi violence is perceived, how it ruined so many of their lives, their own complicity in it, and... it’s a lot to process. It’s more difficult for Suigetsu, Sasuke and Karin: Suigetsu and Sasuke because they were raised shinobi and within the Hidden Villages, Karin because she has an aversion to empathizing with people in general since she had to stop doing it entirely to survive working under Orochimaru. Juugo has a better time understanding and accepting that because he was shunned by most people to begin with, and doesn’t have any particular attachment to the Hidden Villages anyways. In the end they all register what they’ve learned though, and Sasuke and Juugo in particular are more inclined to help the people they meet in their travels all they can: rescuing people from human trafficking, simply helping people in villages/towns they briefly stay in about their day-to-day activities, teaching people what they can about chakra so their day-to-day activities are easier, etc. Local kids who only know how to murder and do violence unexpectedly become humanitarians. They still sometimes do murder and violence though, but like in the productive way, like murdering the people who were selling kids to Orochimaru.

I intend for Sasuke to eventually learn the truth about the Uchiha Clan Massacre evetnually but he learns it only after experiencing all of the above. He learns it through Danzo specifically, but I haven’t worked out exactly how that happens yet. Anyways that firmly keeps him out of Konoha and with the collaborative effort of him, Karin, Suigetsu and Juugo, Danzo dies.

That’s about all I have on this, for now. I’m not as sure on how this story will end as how it begins and develops.

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: Astarion, Tav, and Trauma in Stories

Pictured above: actual footage of trauma response from Astarion (j/k! kinda!) to catch your eye :D

Hey glittercats and cosmic kittens!

So I've definitely been neglecting the updates here, which I'm going to try to do better with.

We're up to Chapter 11 on this bad boy, and I've adjusted the anticipated chapter count to 30 (but honestly it's probably still all lies because I have absolutely no sense of how much writing each point on my outline ends up being loool).

I have a DOPE beta who's fucking amazing both in terms of conventions and idea partnership and I'm telling you right now, this story is so much better for having their hands and eyes on it.

SOME CONTENT WARNING STUFF RE: THIS CHAPTER:

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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.

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MORE DETAILS ON THIS -- SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

So hopefully that's enough room for people who don't want to be spoiled to escape!

So I'm going to copy/paste the end note on the story, and expand on it a little bit.

So, although Tav is a "good drunk," as Frank Gallagher might put it, she is 1000% engaging in pretty serious substance abuse, or to be more specific in this chapter, alcohol use disorder. I'm not going to go into the way this story is going to approach mental and behavioral health disorders and trauma; hopefully it will speak for itself. Suffice it to say substance abuse and trauma are not the central subject of this story, but also, Astarion and Tav as they exist in this little pocket dimension of the BG3 universe have been impacted by the trauma they've each experienced both together and as individuals. In general, the impact of trauma can look and feel a lot of ways. Sometimes it's horrifying, sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's rage-inducing - but let's be honest, sometimes that shit is funny, too, because humor is such an incredible survival tactic / coping mechanism. Even if sometimes we're laughing at shit that shouldn't be funny. (Maybe especially then.) This story isn't going to be an after-school special or a PSA. It's a story about people, and sometimes people are fucked up (literally and figuratively). Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. If this has activated you, or you have earnest questions or concerns about what's going on in this story / with these characters, or you just want to shoot the shit, hit me up on my tumblr. There might be more notes there on this eventually, but for now, this chapter actually took a lot out of me and I'm still out here with these perpetual COVID symptoms, so... lol NOT TONIGHT. As always, thank y'all for reading, kudosing, and commenting.

OK, so I may have lied about the no notes part... but honestly, in re-reading that note, I think it kind of gets to the point.

But ALSO...

I've been a geek on the internet for a long, long time. I've engaged with different fan-based writing and roleplaying communities (tabletop, chat-based, forum-based, butt-based -- EVERYTHING) for pretty much the entire time.

"The Tragic Backstory" seems like it's been A Whole Thing since people started creating characters whether for roleplay or stories.

I think times have changed somewhat, but back in the day I ran in circles where a lot of thoughts about writing, creating characters, roleplay, etc. coexisted somewhat peacefully, but an old chestnut that consistently (maybe without fail) turned up in any conversation that involved Writers of Quality was a contingent of folks who had deep disdain for The Tragic Backstory.

I'm talkin' some deep, scathing, elitist shit, my beautiful people.

And I'm not gonna lie to you! This is approximately ten thousand years ago (no but seriously, decades), and honestly, I was up in those conversations, too, throwing around my disdain, assured by my fellow elitists that even though I frequently employed some form of Tragic Backstory, it was OK when I did it because it was good.

I mean in retrospect, it's kinda bullshit. There's always gonna somebody who's gonna think your shit's good, and there's also always gonna be somebody who thinks they're a Better Writer Than You who's gonna think your shit is... well, shit.

Not gonna lie, I still have very strong and particular preferences when it comes to the fic I read in general, and that includes backstory.

But over time, I got progressively less insecure (not just about my writing, but in general) and consequently less concerned with judging writing that's not my flavor as "bad" or "shitty" or "juvenile" (looool seriously, I was a dick) and more concerned with finding and creating writing that is my flavor.

However, and I don't think I'm going to apologize for it, some dickish tendencies linger in my soul. I'm going to try and frame these thoughts in terms of what compels me in a story I'm reading and what I do (or try to do) in my own writing.

This is a very long way of saying if something I say (or have already said) makes you feel like I'm coming for your neck, please know that I'm not.

My thoughts and/or opinions may cause you or someone you love to feel Some Type of Way. That is not my intention. I have no desire to:

Yuck anyone's yum

Contribute to or activate the crippling self-doubt that plagues almost every creative I've ever met

Be a dick.

Having said all that, I do have Thoughts on This Matter.

People write for a lot of reasons, but I'm fairly convinced that nobody's doing it with any level of purity. There are tons of incredible, beautiful, moving stories that feature a whole-ass Self-Insert, maybe even the dreaded Mary Sue.

(lol lookin' at you Dante's Inferno, Tyrion Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, and countless others lol)

People write to explore topics and themes that interest them, that compel them, that they see recurring in the world around them and/or their own lives.

One of those things is trauma.

In my writing, I approach trauma, disordered behaviors, dysfunction, dysregulated emotions, etc. (topics both of great interest to me and, not coincidentally, ones with which I have a great deal of personal experience) from a place of wanting fervently to tell the truth.

And I'm pretty good writing some things that feel true.

But I know that in some ways, I've shied away from harder truths; from using my writing and the characters I create not only as reflections of what I see in the world, but as accurate (rather than idealized) reflections of myself.

Because of this, while I've explored redemption arcs in roleplaying games (where being cheesy or facile or juvenile or fulfilling personal fantasies felt much safer than on a page), I've skirted neatly around it, I think, in my writing (for the most part). Because I absolutely was the girl who wanted to "save" or "fix" the wounded (and emotionally unavailable, and/or abusive, and/or toxic) lover. I wanted stories about it. I wanted to roll around in that narrative, bathe in it, eat it up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

All while occupying the role/perspective of The Good One / The Good Girl whether in a game or in a story I was consuming.

But it's not the truth. Not the whole truth, at least. Not for me, anyway.

My admiration, respect, regard, and all the other good words for the writing and acting in Baldur's Gate 3 cannot be overstated. Each of the "origin" characters (and honestly, any character "Tav" has the opportunity to even have a conversation with, much less spend a significant amount of time with) is thoughtfully and truthfully written. I see this more in some than others, but that depth and breadth of understanding about human beings -- sorry, sentient beings -- shows up all over the place and honestly I almost can't stand how much I love it.

I'm not going to say that there's no character I feel this as deeply with as Astarion, but... idk, sometimes.

But there's no need to quantify this. Astarion is one of a number of characters from the game that I'm low-key obsessed with.

As such, when I decided to take on the story outcome in which, in my opinion, he throws all the growth, all the processing, all the truth and reconciliation I saw him moving toward in the game into a fucking woodchipper, I did not want it to be easy.

I get wanting it to be easy, and there are delicious, delicious fics out there that go this route. I think anybody who writes Ascendant Astarion at least flirts with it.

And it's not a binary; it's not either, "OMG this is completely uncomplicated, I love you I'm your spawn and it's just like if you hadn't ascended except your SUPER EXTRA POWERFUL AND SEXY AND HOT AND WHOOPS THERE GO MY PANTIES" (which, tbh... lool I'm not mad at) or "ASTARION IS IRREDEEMABLE LET ME WRITE OF HIS TRAGIC DEMISE AND TAV'S TRAGIC WITNESS TO IT / ENGINEERING OF IT." Which I'm ALSO not mad at, because THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

But while I'm subscribed to some stories that follow those paths or ones like them, and when I get that notification it's time to STOP THE PRESSES bc mama needs to READ, for me the challenge of this is if I'm going to continue Astarion and Tav's love story (or rekindle it lol), I want to honor the four years of intense character work Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney and honestly the whole goddamn BG3 team from soup to nuts have done by considering "What would really happen here" as brutally as possible.

Komo, my incredible thought partner-cum-beta, can tell you about the pages of back and forth between us about "fml, how can we make this story work and maintain fidelity to the integrity* of these characters???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

*not personal integrity -- meta shit. The integrity of their arcs, development, personalities, histories, traumas, etc.

SO. Back to trauma.

I said in my end note for chapter 11 that this story is not an after-school special (which looool probably at least some of you are like wtf are you talking about my dude and I'm like looooool omg life before kids were a whole target demographic unto themselves - kind of lol) or a PSA.

Which alludes to the fact that YES, I want to tell the truth about the ugliness of this relationship and the individuals in it with nuance and empathy and sensitivity; that I want to write about the pain and harm and longing and ache and all of it in ways that are neither hyperbolic nor diminishing.

But also, look, my darling motherfuckers, my comrades in fuckery, whoever's made it this far into this rambling monster of a -- whatever the fuck this is lool -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA ALSO HAVE FUN.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE ENGAGING IN BEHAVIORS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS.

I don't think I've sufficiently unpacked this part to dig down much deeper into it, but what I will say is that this is not going to be a passion play about Poor Tav or Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay? or anything else.

What this is going to be (or at least, what I passionately want it to be) is -- framed with a delicious little fake-dating muffin of an emotional MacGuffin -- a portrait of some people in all (or lordt jebus please let me achieve at least MOST) of their complexity.

ALL OF IT.

Lordt Baby Jebus, Allah, Milal, Great Spaghetti Monster, ANYBODY

(not Lolth lol)

hear my prayer!

Aight, that's all I've got for today. <3

If you made it this far, PM me and tell me something you want to see in the story! I'll make you a treat.

And if it don't fit in the story, I might be able to make a li'l drabble happen.

COMING SOON to Writing Notes Storytime:

Identity in this story and in stories in general

The Good, the Bad, and the Neutral: Alignment and Astarion (and some other ppl, too!) in BG3, DnD, and This Story lol

Stuff I'm forgetting bc I'm STILL not over this never-ending COVID fuckery

[springsaladgaming]

Progress Update 2/1/23

I said I'd have a more comprehensive progress update before the month was out, but I'm a dirty liar! We get a February 1st update instead! In my defense, I get confused about whether my sister's birthday is on the 30th or the 31st sometimes, and that confusion made me confused about what day it actually was too.

So here's the more official first progress update of the year in which I'm going to talk about my current thoughts on Ninelives and what I will be working on for the foreseeable future.

It will be a year in March since the last official update to Ninelives, and for that I'm so sorry! Last year was a struggle in multiple ways. After such a long stint of lockdowns, quarantines, and travel restrictions (self-imposed or otherwise), people began going on vacation like crazy last year, and I was very busy with work. The work itself is not super time consuming, but the instability of it (I'm constantly driving around and sleeping in different places) certainly didn't help my focus. And then the depression hit me pretty hard the last few months of the year. It was all I could do to finish the first chapter of my other project and didn't leave me with much energy to think about Ninelives.

All that aside, I have a pretty serious helping of time blindness to go with my ADHD. Sometimes I will think it's only been a few days or weeks since I last worked on my writing, and then I turn around and realize months have passed. It's something I'm trying to be better about, but sometimes I just have to accept that I'm gonna slip up a lot.

I could sit here and make excuses and apologies all day, but I'm not going to! 🙆🏾‍♀️ I'll just finish this segment with a big ol' thank you for being patient with me! So let's continue on!

Regarding Ninelives as it currently stands, there are some things about the layout and UI that I'm not entirely happy with. There's a strong chance in the future that I will transfer all the work to a completely different template. I also think I've learned a lot more from working on my other project, so there might be general improvements to the way I've coded some things in the background. These aren't necessarily things that will be super noticeable from an outside perspective but will improve the efficiency of the choices and passages.

However, I've also been getting better about working on the drafting and coding separately. The last time I worked on Ninelives in earnest, I was performing both tasks simultaneously, and this was causing me to hit a lot of unnecessary speed bumps along the way. As such, I've been focusing on the two more separately with my other project, and I know now that's what I need to be doing for Ninelives too.

So any improvements and changes to the layout, UI, and anything coded up to this point isn't something I plan to worry about right now. The immediate priority is Chapter 3, and I want to talk a little bit about why Chapter 3 was always going to be such a big hurdle.

I've mentioned before that certain parts of Ninelives are getting rewrites from the original ChoiceScript version that I started with. Chapter 3 is going to have the most significant changes, going so far as to be a large chunk of completely new content. Some parts of the original Chapter 3 are getting carried over, but a lot of it is getting cut to make way for some events that I think will better lay out the greater plot.

To go into detail, while still keeping things mostly spoiler-free: The new Chapter 3 involves a party. This party will be an opportunity to gain more insight into what's going on with Sungjae, meet the ??? RO that I've been talking about all this time, and establish some more of the character skills a little bit earlier in the story. Oh yeah, it's also a party the MC is most definitely not supposed to be at. (How good is your MC at talking their way into a formal event?)

It's also a much-needed revamp of the inciting incident, because, let's be honest, the original inciting incident was way too random. (That's what plotting by the seat of your pants gets you.)

I think the revamped Chapter 3 is going to do a lot for the story that the original Chapter 3 simply did not do, so I'm excited to finally get it into a written draft.

So the first order of business is writing Chapter 3, no coding included. Once it's written, the process of coding it is a lot shorter. I don't have an ETA, but Ninelives is my full focus right now. I'll keep y'all posted with progress updates!

Thanks for sticking with me!

[little-peril-stories]

2024

It's the time of year where many of us think about the future and what's to come. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, and I've never done a real list of goals before. But as I'm thinking about what 2024 will bring, I'm feeling for the first time the desire to lay out my goals - or, at the very least, create a to-do list.

It might be interesting to see how much I overestimated my ability to get stuff done next year. 😅

No pressure to read this, it's largely for myself!

The Queen of Lies

Continue posting semi-regularly. Given the way the first half of the school year has gone, I figure that's probably the best I can do.

Rewrite Act 3. I'm actually so excited for this, and it's all planned out! But it's still not written, even if a lot of the juicy dialogue is sandwiched between bullet points of what happens.

Edit it...eventually. Perhaps in the latter half of the year. Or perhaps that's a 2025 job. Who knows?

angsty heist wip

Reveal the title. Coming sooner than you think.

Post the WIP intro early. TPOT's came when it was about half posted, and TQOL's came only a day before Chapter 1. I think I'll mix it up for angsty heist wip. Nobody peek on my drafts and see how long the wip intro has been chilling there. 😅

FINISH WRITING THIS DAMN BOOK. It's just got to happen. I've hit 2/4 POV character's midpoints, and the delicious confrontation/finale still needs to be written. It's all the good stuff!

Figure out posting plans. It's not coming until TQOL is done, so this is a very vague and fluid goal.

Book 1

Review beta feedback thoroughly.

Make a concrete plan for what I actually want to change and what I don't.

Apply feedback.

Reread and edit for typos/little things.

Do a second beta round.

Start preparing query materials in earnest.

Book 2

lol. start it again? postpone to 2025? who knows. low priority.

The Prince of Thieves -- the journey to self-publishing

Okay, real talk: the list below is long. I've never done any of this before, so I have NO clue of what's realistic and what's not. Is all of this possible in the year 2024? Maybe not. Is that okay? It's gonna have to be! The point of it isn't to marry myself to this list or else I've FAILED, but to have a clear idea of what commonly needs to be done in order to self-publish a novel. If some of the stuff doesn't happen, well, so be it! I’m also quite aware that the list below is not exhaustive. There are probably a million things I haven’t thought of!!

DONE - ISBN account made and approved

DONE - decide on pen name. Finally!

Beta stuff! Send it off, wait for feedback, review feedback, and then apply it. I'm almost there.

Attempt cover design. I am 73% confident in my ability to do it well. With an artist AND a graphic designer/marketer in my family, I think I've got a team who can help me with the technical/Photoshop stuff.

Hire cover designer if failure. (Definitely a possibility.)

Decide on book format/interior design elements. Pretty confident I can do this myself. 96% sure.

Make an author website. For realsies. (aaahhhhhhhhh)

Increase social media presence. Try not to cry about the existence of TikTok. Try not to get in my own head about this. The truth is the thought kind of makes my skin crawl but I also understand how it is is pretty much a necessity.

Learn marketing and create a marketing plan. I got this. probably. maybe. ennnhhhh.

Consider character/scene art commissions. I am uncertain about this one. Finances will determine whether this happens or not.

Cry a lot and be okay with that. I think I'm going to struggle a lot with this whole process. And you know what? That's all right. I will learn a lot. And even if it's scary...well, that will make it all the more rewarding in the end. 💕

[starship-imzadi]

S5 E21 The Perfect Mate

I hate Ferengi.... They always seem to be a stand-in for the worst qualities for the sake of contrast. They act as the most greedy, sexist, and uncouth, people in the room so Starfleet looks sophisticated and progressive in comparison.

Sounds like Brent has a head cold

"not too close to mine" damn. Riker makes it clear he hates the Ferengi too.

Ferengi are never as stupid as they act but they're so annoying no one cares to pretend otherwise.

How did they learn about this cargo?

"have you had chance to see the dolphins yet? This is something you really don't want to miss" Dolphins? Quantum dolphins perhaps??

It's a really odd line....

It's Famke Janssen! You might know her as Jean Grey or the Phoenix in the X-Men film trilogy, in which Patrick Stewart was also cast as professor Charles Xavier.

Riker in the background is checking her out.

prevarication: to deviate from the truth

"I'm a gift" slight red flag. At least Picard and Riker see it.

So they have male metamorphs...but this story is about a female one, why? Don't we already have enough women who change to be what a man wants, without the man reciprocating the same ability to change?

"oh, think you're more empathic than you admit, at least when it comes to women"

"i think you have me at a disadvantage"

Okay, hold, stop for a moment and appreciate the restraint Riker shows here. This woman becomes the most arousing and attractive she can possibly be for whatever man she is with, and Riker turns her down.

"Riker to bridge. If you need me I'll be in holodeck 4" so clearly this is meant as a joke. How dirty that is, is up to your mind. Maybe he's going to a jazz club, maybe he's going fishing. Why the holodeck instead of his quarters?....

Yasss Beverly!! Call out that misogyny! But also, I freaking love that Beverly and Jean Luc share breakfast.

Aww, poor Picard. That might have been a little harsh. But he takes it well. It makes me glad Beverly is in his life. (That scene makes me want a croissant 🥐)

Her Dutch accent is surprising soft considering this was her first TV role and second role as an actor.

"And now, to this day, I’m not comfortable with how fast television and the writing of it changes. So every night or morning before we’d start shooting they’d have new pages for me. And my English wasn’t that good at the time… and I had all these strange things to say (laughs). It was strange for me, and very difficult for me to memorize, but it was probably normal in the world of Star Trek. So I was very nervous about the entire experience, but it was good."

- Famke Janssen startrek.com

"I'm independent, forceful, brilliant, and adventurous. Exactly as you would have me be, captain." This is interesting because Picard's sexuality always seems to be overshadowed by Riker's, and while Riker certainly seems more comfortable with his sexuality, Picard, in equal measure, has his own, different preferences in a companion. The difference is Riker has explained what he wants to a few different people (for example in "The Vengeance Factor" and "The Outcast") but no one asks Picard his preferences, and he is most likely less forthcoming. So here we learn what Picard really wants, but from someone else who can read him, proverbially, like one of his beloved books.

Star Trek's other cultures....have such a distinct flair. They kind of all look the same but I'm not sure which elements are cause for that stylistic consistency.

"every man on the ship will be fighting over her"...so, aside from the obvious message about women conforming to men's desires, there's a fair amount sexism in the depiction of the male reaction to her. Every man might find her attractive but in declaring that every man will be fighting over her suggests men have too little control over their sexual desires. Riker's previous reaction to some extent would seem intended to display just how alluring she is, but he also shows restraint. Plus, "fighting" over her suggests there's a prise to be won, her. So all of these men think "winning" a fight against his peers would be enough to claim her as his own?

Data reaffirming his android-ness

I understand that this scene in ten-forward is meant to display Kamala's ability to adapt to the men around her, but the growling at Worf cracks me up. Also, in the midst of her adapting to the men around her, and their enthusiasm for her, she's an absolute flirt. Does she have no control over her own behavior either? She can read the men around her but are her subsequent actions involuntary?

"a man of deep passion and conviction. So controlled, so disciplined."

From this performance I wouldn't guess that Picard would go on to play the flute...

Fact I forgot about Picard: he took piano lessons as a child

"do you find me unattractive?" surely she would know if he did.

Woah....so the music as Kamala walks towards Picard right before she says "in a day I will bond with a man I've never met" is a variation on the theme played in "The Host" as Beverly looks across ten forward at Odan/Riker.

When she says "please don't leave" it's so heart-wrentchingly earnest.

Their relationship seems very genuine and tender.

I've seen some fans ask if Picard and Kamala slept together and I see no reason to think so, in fact I have reason to think the opposite. They're relationship, though they are attracted to each other, is not about sex. The intimacy they develop is specifically non sexual and that's what makes it important. For so many other men she is a sexual object of desire, and because Picard refuses to see her this way or treat her this way, he is who she wants to be with; not as an emotional, passion driven decision, but as an active, conscious choice. The one event her entire life as been prepared for, her "destiny" is undone because for the first time she has been afforded agency. (Also, until the next morning Picard is oblivious to the fact that she has bonded with him)

There is a sort of parallel between Picard and Beverly with Riker and Troi. Regardless of the shifting winds of romance, they are each good and supportive friends to each other.

I really wish Troi had been in this episode. An interaction between her and Kamala could have been really interesting.

"I like myself when I'm with him." This is actually some of the best advise for relationships: find people that being with, encourages you to be the person you want to be. (Not people who will fix you, people who naturally bring out the qualities you want in yourself.)

[musicallisto]

Hello, may I request a male ( to be matched with) matchup please & thank you from play choices Royal romance, decor and decorum and red dead redemption 2? LINK -  The first part is infoship2 (.) tumblr (.) (com) (without the parentheses). You can take as much time as you need to, I don’t mind being patient & waiting. If the information is too long, let me know and I'll shorten it if necessary. If you don't want to write for some of them, I hope it would be alright if I chose another one.

I ship you with...

Ezekiel Theron

Ezekiel, out of all the nobles at court, is the one who's most comprehensive of your love of animals, your introversion, and your mental conditions, especially anxiety and OCD. I think he'd be the best match for you because he's a soft-spoken yet passionate and loving person, and he'd be undisputably devoted to you and to your relationship.

He appreciates that you are such a good listener, but I think he is, too. Sometimes when you've had a horrible day and you just need to unwind, you'll sit together on the couch and he'll listen to you ramble about whatever is pissing you off and how bad of a day you just had while he rubs your shoulders comfortingly.

(In these moments, you swear that for a little instant every worry in the world ceases to exist and you are finally at peace with yourself, your mind, and your surroundings)

You witness him veritably thrive once he finally opens his veterinary clinic; he's happier than you've ever seen him. Visiting him at work always cheer the both of you up, because he sees your cheerful face and his mood is lifted, and because you observe him in the environment he's most comfortable in, taking care of the animals with such gentleness that it makes you swoon

(When a dog who's just had a heavy surgery has to spend the night at the clinic, you get to pet and cuddle the little, tired patient after closing hours, when darkness and quiet have fallen on Castelsarraillan, and it's like having your own little family with Zeke)

You both are not the most outspoken people, that much is clear - actually, Kiara jokingly wonders out loud what you can talk about when you're together, since you are very reserved and keep to yourselves a lot when you're in social situations. But she fails to see how comfortable you are in each other's presence, and how well you know each other, to the point that words are both natural and unnecessary. Communication, love, trust, and your ever-growing friendship are all held by little gestures, affections, that anyone else would not notice, but you do.

(Such affections include the time Zeke took you to a botanical garden in Castelsarraillan to watch the colorful butterflies burst into bright waterfalls inbetween the leaves, because he thought it would be a calm date that you would appreciate. He was nervous about it at first, fearing you'd find that stupid. Judging by the kiss you gave him at the end of the visit, you did find it anything but stupid.)

Viscount Harry Foredale

As strange as it may sound, you'd both bond thanks to the fact that you have felt cheated by love, or that you simply will not, and have no interest, in looking for it anymore. You both have been through a lot and have resolved not to let down your walls for anyone, fearing it might lead to hurt. And yet, after being friends for quite a long time, you can't help but be touched by Harry's kind soul, and he starts to consider you as more than a friend once he discovers gentle sides of your personality that he had not imagined before.

He knows that you don't particularly like balls and other fancy gatherings - to be honest, neither does he. You have to put on a lot of makeup, long, restraining and uncomfortable dresses, show yourself to the world and make small talk with snakes who are more than eager to cross you. As Viscount, he can't avoid attending some, especially the ones thrown at Edgewater, but he'll always find a way to whisk you somewhere private where you can dance freely and only be watched by the stars and the fields.

(One time, much to his surprise, you were the one who asked him to get away for a little while, by a sudden burst of initiative. He happily followed you through the gorgeous gardens of some Count's mansion in the English countryside, smelling the flowers and telling childhood stories. For the first time, you did not care how your laugh sounded, you just let it dissolve in the night sky.)

Something that he won't admit, but is true nonetheless about him: he's insecure about his scars. He thinks they're the most noticeable feature on his face and he hates them, feeling it makes him more of a monster and less of a human. To you, on the other hand, they are a sign of his strength. When he tells you the tales of his adventures in France, you make it a point to remind him how courageous you think he is. He blushes and fumbles with his words everytime.

(After a few times, he makes it a point, too, to remind you how courageous he thinks you are. You're not sure why he thinks so, and even why he would tell you this, but when you look into his earnest eyes you are absolutely sure that he is not lying.)

Afternoons spent sketching on the sunny parlor of your estate, with a fuming cup of tea right in front of you, and your dog snoring at your feet, are your favorites. You sometimes hear the old wood tiles creak under Harry's feet upstairs - he spends hours working and writing in his office, but sometimes he comes downstairs and gives you a quick kiss on the forehead. Curiously, you're not ashamed to show him what you've been drawing - most times it's a landscape, or your dog.

(Once or twice, though, he's come into a empty room salve for the pen and paper left on the table, and he's felt his cheeks redden and his chest fill with love and pride when he recognized that you were drawing him, with scars and all, proper in his horseriding suit, judging the observer with an unmistakable glint in his eye.)

Arthur Morgan

I highly doubt you'd be part of the gang - it really isn't the kind of ruthless, cruel and deceptive life that you would choose to follow. No, I rather think that you would be a seamstress, working with the Saint-Denis tailor, having made of your love for sewing a living. When Arthur comes in for the first time to buy his clothes for the ferry job in Saint-Denis, he's enraptured by you. You're discreet, but there's this magnetic pull about you that makes it so difficult for him to take his eyes off of you. He watches you work in the back of the shop, and he notices how gently you handle the fabrics, and the care that you put in each of your movements. Quite frankly, he's rarely seen anyone so absorbed and focus on their work, and especially not a work of such quality; he doesn't understand a single thing about sewing and clothes, but at that precise moment he's already sworn to himself that he will try to see you again and get you to talk with him.

He forgets that he's a big, bad outlaw, and that he can't properly talk to anyone, let alone ladies - he's pretty much the polar opposite of what a delicate girl like you would want. But when he comes back to your shop a few days later, then the day after and the day after that, you think you understand his intentions. You're not sure - you're still damn oblivious to flirting and romantic interest, but it definitely looks like he has taken a liking into you.

(You are not entirely sure until the day Arthur explicitly confesses, rubbing his neck and blushing slightly, that he has not liked anyone in a long long time and he doesn't know how to deal with it. And even then, after you start going out together, you're not quite sure that it is real.)

Your "dates", if you may be as bold as to call them that, are rare, but always immensely pleasurable. Sometimes you just like to take a stroll in the city near the docks, because breathing the sea air does you both good. Other times, you decide to leave Saint-Denis altogether for a little while, and although Lemoyne is not your favorite place - too hot, too humid, too many people and too many alligators -, you like it better than the moisty city covered in soot. Arthur teaches you how to ride a horse, and you both trot down the path that leads to Rhodes, near Caliga Hall, talking about your hopes and dreams, your fears, and admiring the little birds take flight from their nearby nests. You are positively sure that Arthur is the only person who you feel one hundred percent comfortable around, and with whom you don't maintain your facade of vague happiness and contentment. He takes you as you are, and you dive head first into his embrace, uncensored.

(The first time he tried to teach how to ride, near the abandoned train tracks in the outsides of Saint-Denis, you almost fell off your horse, and he managed to catch you by the waist before you hit the ground, securing you with his deep, comforting voice and rough and steady hands. You had to admit, you were glad he had jumped in at that moment, but also his touch made you feel some kind of nervousness that you did not know before, and haunted you for the first of the trip.)

He would sooner die than introduce you to the gang, to his life, to his ways. It's not that he doesn't like them, or you, enough - it's just that you're so pure in his eyes, that seeing the horrid reality of what he does, what abysses he's strayed to, would change you, corrupt you, and most probably break you in a way that he could never forgive himself for letting happening. His childhood, his upbringing is just running and lies and deception and betrayal, and he doesn't want you to be killed by that. It's better if you remain his secret, and so you do. Sometimes, in the bad days, the aura of mystery that surrounds him is enough to make you question. Does he love another? Is he courting and feeding the same lies to every other woman? But when he holds you close to his chest and murmurs that he's missed you more than the sun, you feel his heartbeat ring true, with unspeakable love and adoration, and you allow yourself to melt.

(Because what the gang life has told him too is loyalty, and loyalty is the most important thing to him as well as you. He is not a man of many promises, but you are absolutely sure that when he makes one, he will fulfill it if you give him enough time. That's why, when he swears, looking you dead in the eye, that he will save you from this misery and buy you a little cottage up in the mountains so you can draw the wildlife, read novels and solve puzzles all day long, at peace with him, you shiver with anticipation, tears already brimming in your eyes as you mutely nod your head. This is the first day of the rest of your life.)

get your ship now!