#manipulative astarion

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: The Alignment Issue

pictured above: just a regular Tuesday night at Ancunín Palace

“So with Astarion, his evil ending is actually him...much of what he does is out of fear. And as a player, you can say to him, ‘You're right to be afraid.’ And that sends him to a really horrible place, and that I think is really powerful.” -- Adam Smith, Lead Writer of BG3

I’ve been talking about my notes about alignment in D&D and BG3 and my interpretation of them in the context of an echo, a stain since before I even started with these “Notes and an Update” posts. But every week, something else has come up that I wanted to post more than my alignment notes. 

I think this might be a chronology thing. These notes seem old to me because they predate the vast majority of the story. I don’t remember the specific date I decided to write out my thoughts about the nature of “good” and “evil” as DnD 5e describes them / how they manifest in BG3, specifically in Astarion, but I know that I was scribbling notes – or whatever the keyboard version of scribbling notes is – about it since a palmful of stars / an echo a stain was just “the desired constellation.” 

This is because DnD has Things to Say about vampires and their morality, who Astarion is as a character in this series is deeply informed by what he’s willing to do to get what he wants. 

My decision to finally post these notes now is informed by a couple of main things:

The IGN interview posted this past Friday, December 15th titled “Baldur’s Gate 3 Developers Explain Its Controversial Endings, Beloved Characters, and Making the Best RPG of 2023,” wherein Adam Smith makes the statement I quote at the top of this post and

The description AO3 user fanciful included in their bookmark of the story*: 

“There's several things in here I haven't seen in other Astarion/Tav fics, so do read this if you're looking for something unique.” 

*(yeah, I’m not gonna pretend I’m so cool and unaffected that I don’t peek at who’s bookmarked the story to see what they might have said about it lol).  

When I found fanciful’s blurb, I almost immediately went to bother my phenomenal beta, Komo, (whom I’ve mentioned before and will again, and who is probably a better beta than I deserve but very much the beta this story could not exist as it does without). The gist of my question to her was OMG WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, to which her response, in part, was that she was curious as well, but that she had her own thoughts:

“I think your take on a vampire lord/ascendant's "evilness" is unique.  Like, it's not how ascendant fans who explain away his bad behavior, but also not [how] a traditional spawn fan would write him either, recognizing [there’s] nuance to the evilness.”

Which was like, SUCH a great compliment specifically because I’ve thought a lot (I mean a fuckin’ LOT) about how evil works, and how it works in this story. So here are my (abridged and ever-evolving) notes about all this, which are a very important part of the basis of my approach to Astarion’s characterization in aeas.

So first of all, the Adam Smith quote above indicates that Ascendant!Astarion’s alignment is not due to some mystical, transformative, vampire or diabolical force. It’s not the result of Mephistopheles taking his soul as part of the bargain. Any evil behavior / attitudes Ascendant!Astarion demonstrates are purely a result of his own choices, made of sound mind, body, and soul. 

The DnD 5e Monster Manual labels vampire lords specifically as lawful evil. 

Now I’m going to say here that I think the “good” and “evil” alignment binary is flawed. Yeah, there’s neutral, but that still operates as kind of a middle ground for this axis. I think something more accurate would be something referring to the good of the majority vs. self-interest, but I’m not here to get into all that. 

For expediency, I’m going to roll with the definition of evil that seems to fit what DnD 5e is going for. And according to past DnD sourcebooks (this isn’t in 5e, but 5e offers much less detail about alignment than previous editions), evil “implies hurting, oppressing, and killing others.”

So for the purposes of these notes, my interpretation of “evil” in general and specifically in terms of an echo, a stain is that a character with an “evil” alignment is willing to hurt, oppress, or kill others without compunction in order to achieve their goals. 

In my mind this doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to do those things, or enjoy them (though there’s evidence that Astarion does both at different points in-game), just that if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes. And they’ll do what it takes. 

Now, it’s my inclination to view RPG sourcebooks as somewhat flexible depending on what best serves to the story, but also, in-game, there’s plenty of evidence to indicate Astarion was created and written as a character whose baseline can be read, at best, as chaotic neutral, but more likely as neutral evil if we’re going by the above definition. 

So what? 

OK well, in an interview with some folks at Collider, Neil Newbon said that the “Ascendant Ending” was the one he’d kind of pictured for Astarion. 

“Actually I saw Astarion always going that route [Ascension], whereas other characters might want to [...]  help him not only survive, and thrive in a positive way.”*

From a character arc standpoint, I agree with Neil: there’s no doubt in my mind that without a good-aligned Tav, Astarion would be on Ascension like white on rice as a default. I think it’s the baseline trajectory of who he is at the start of the game. 

I also believe that it is *possible*, not a guarantee, but *possible,* that being in an environment where he’s surrounded by people who do genuinely care about him and his well-being, and yeah, with the support of a good-aligned Tav with whom he experiences deep mutual caring and connection (whether platonic or romantic), who treats him with respect, love, compassion, and care, who sees the best in him and encourages it in him / demands it of him until he can see it himself, he would not choose to go Murdertown, aka the Ascension route.

I also don’t think a high-approval, good-aligned Tav in his life, whether as a lover as a friend, precludes the possibility of Astarion choosing the Ascension route (clearly). BUT ALSO. 

I don’t believe in binaries. 

Does Astarion choosing ascension mean that suddenly all the ways in which he may have changed his perspective during the course of his adventures with a good-aligned Tav are nullified? 

I don’t think so. 

I’m willing to entertain DnD’s canonical assertion that a vampire lord’s emotions are altered by their transformation; however, I also think it’s feasible enough that Astarion’s tendencies toward obsession, paranoia, and possessiveness already existed within him prior to ascension, if to much less pronounced degrees. I think it’s entirely plausible that ascension amplified these qualities in him. but also Astarion’s decision to ascend is indicative of him embracing a worldview that is, as Smith says, deeply rooted in fear. 

This fear impacts another important element of Astarion’s character in aeas, which is the way he perceives himself. Astarion as he exists in aeas is an Astarion who as a spawn, believed he was worth nothing. Astarion as he exists in aeas also has put Tav on a very high pedestal. This is not to say he doesn’t know or love Tav for who she is – I think this Astarion knows this Tav very well. But his perceptions about her are also skewed by his perceptions about himself, and a whole bunch of other things -- including fear. 

SO when Tav leaves him, a couple of things happen in terms of his character, two of which are: 

one of his absolute worst fears is realized (that Tav will leave him, specifically because he is innately a piece of shit and she finally figured it out), and there’s nothing he can do about it. 

the realization of this fear prompts the understanding that he is not, in fact, all-powerful, therefore his power and control must be increased at any and all costs. 

the monumental scope of his power and, frankly, terrifying disposition ensure that, without Tav in his life, there is literally no one offering a different perspective as a counterweight to this fear-based thinking. 

Do I think Tav’s reemergence in Baldur’s Gate and Astarion’s life will change things for him? 

Ehhhhh, that’s a complicated question with a variety of complicated answers that all boil down to, “Well, that depends.” loooool

I don’t know if I’ve said everything I could say here, but I’m running out of steam and if I’m getting tired of writing, you must be getting tired of reading, so I’ll leave it here:

tl;dr: aeas has been and will continue to be informed from start to finish by the ideas that

Ascended Astarion is absolutely and 100% Astarion

whether or not alignment is mutable, people/characters can and do still change based on their experiences and environment.

Make of that what you will. LOOOOOL

[its-pip-art]

The Unbearable Weight of Tenderness

Pairing: Astarion x Female Dark Urge

Rating: Explicit/18+ Warnings (will be added as the series progresses): Elves. Blood drinking. Biting. Sexual tension. Mentions of past abuse. Explicit smut (eventually). Slow burn. Like...really slow. Mutual pining. A nickname that is hated at first but then so so loved.

Chapter Two: Friends

Chapter One: Suspicious

“We’re obviously going to save them, right?” Karlach asked pointedly as she dropped her heavy pack on the ground and began unloading the various foods they had come across that day. 

Antillia pushed the balls of her hands into her eyes, “All I’m interested in is killing that damn druid.” 

“Why?”

“Why? She’s so irritating.” Antillia stared at Karlach dumbfounded. What she was quickly understanding was that her deep desire for gruesome murder wasn’t shared with the vast majority of people she had come across since she crashed on that beach. Her gaze was raptly fixated on Gale’s hands as they gratefully picked out various vegetables from the growing pile Karlach built. Antillia swallowed hard and looked away, denying herself the fantasy of ripping it off.

Karlach folded her arms and stared at her companion. “You can’t kill someone because they’ve annoyed you.” 

“I disagree wholeheartedly, darling.” 

“We’re not talking to you, Astarion.” Karlach rolled her eyes, hard. 

Astarion arched an eyebrow at the coldness in his companion’s tone, “Shouldn’t you be? This is a group decision after all.” 

Antillia was ever so grateful to have him join her, he was the only other soul she had come across that delighted in killing the way she seemed to. Lae’zel did as well, to an extent, but Astarion was much more vocal and enjoyed dissecting all of the wonderful ways to end a life.

Astarion sat opposite Antillia and held her darkening gaze. “I think we should kill Kahga, too.” 

Antillia leaned closer to Astarion with a conspiring grin, “how should we do it?” 

Astarion hummed and resting his chin on his palm, his ruby eyes searched the skies for sinister inspiration, “I am very fond of a decapitation.” He watched Antillia’s skin warm with delight. 

Antillia nodded and tucked her errant hair behind her ear, “I want her to suffer first, though.” She paused and allowed her pulse to quicken. “I wonder what her screams would sound like.” 

“You two are fucking perverts.” Karlach grunted with disgust and stood, “Get me when you’ve stopped pleasuring each other with your murder plans.” 

Antillia stoked the fire with a long stick and her eyes lit when she was struck by a new idea. “We could burn her…” 

Astarion tipped his head to the side and lowered the tone of his voice, “I have a better idea,” he started dangerously, “Why don’t you and I lead those dirty little goblins to the Grove and let them slaughter each other, all we need to do it relax on that little beach amongst the corpses of those harpies enjoy the symphony?” 

“Astarion!” 

Astarion flinched slightly at the suddenness of Karlach, “I thought you stopped listening.” 

Antillia stood quickly and held her hand out to stop Karlach. “We’re not killing the Tieflings.” She assured Karlach before looking back at Astarion in quiet lament of what would be a wonderful way to spend an evening. 

“Oh I know,” Karlach chuckled and stared at Astarion over the top of Antillia’s head, “I’d snap him in half if he even attempted it.” 

Astarion shrunk under the weight of Karlach’s threat, only straightening when she announced she was going to the river to cool off. “She’s much too hot-headed, maybe we shouldn’t have brought her along with us.” Astarion hissed, his musical tone now barely audible over the shrill sound of Lae’zel sharpening her sword. 

Antillia stared into the fire. They sat in silence for a while and Antillia recalled the encounter with Kahga with a sigh. “I did like her snake, though.” 

Astarion’s fear subsided. “Gods, same.”

Antillia squatted in front of the fire and stoked it again. She took a moment to let her eyes trickle over Astarion’s neck, a few days prior she had noticed the welts in his otherwise pristine skin and she had wondered ever since what they were. “Astarion?” Surely asking wasn’t an intrusion?

“Yes, dear?” 

Antillia held his pretty gaze and then smiled wickedly, abandoning her original question, “Why don’t we cut off bits of Kahga?” she narrowed her eyes just slightly at Astarion’s mouth as it pulled into a pleased smile, the dying sunlight glinted on his teeth…his fangs. But then she remembered that one detail that thwarted her entire theory - sunlight. Her eyes carried to his tent, where she could see a mirror propped up against the side of the canvas wall and wondered if she should try to catch his reflection, or lack thereof if her hunch was true. Antillia glanced at the stump that Astarion had been sitting on but found it vacant and she flinched when she felt him next to her, easing the flaming stick out of her hand. 

“Careful, darling, you’ll burn yourself.” Astarion dropped what was left of the wood into the fire and let his fingers linger on her skin just a few moments longer than necessary. He watched her cheeks tinge pink and he inwardly smiled with satisfaction knowing that the first seeds were being sewn. “Now, let’s get back to our devious plans of destroying the Grove.” 

Antillia balled her hand into a fist, forcing the nervousness she felt at their proximity aside. “I won’t say it again, Astarion, we are only killing Kahga.” She said slowly, “And the goblins.” She added as a quick afterthought. 

“Oh, Gods, Tilly! Goblins have terrible loot.” Astarion groaned theatrically and pressed the back of his hand against his forehead. But he couldn’t resist peeking at her through his squinted eyes to watch her brow knit with fury. He promptly landed in a heap on the ground in the wake of her hard shove.

“I told you not to call me that!” Antillia held her fist up in threat. 

“Now, now, Antillia, as a fellow wizard I’d like to see some modicum of decorum from you.” 

Antillia rolled her eyes and stuck her middle finger up at Gale, who sighed in response. “Besides,” she faced Astarion once more as he wiped himself clean. She helped him to his feet, “Do you think refugees will have anything worth stealing?” She noted that, despite their sustained proximity to the fire, his hand was icy cold. 

“You don’t have to persuade me. Goblins are filthy little beasts, after all.” Astarion could see Karlach coming back through the clearing behind Antillia, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Antillia frowned and pointed to the chopping board that Gale dutifully worked at, “But you haven’t eaten.” She watched him go back to the stump he had been sitting on and pick up a bottle of wine.

Astarion shook the bottle, “I’m all sorted.” He tilted his head down just slightly, holding her gaze, “Goodnight, darling.” He crossed camp silently and slunk into his tent. He popped the cork off the wine and rewarded himself with a gulp. He had been carefully considering his position within camp since the moment he had been found on the cliffside by Antillia, and whilst he hadn’t enjoyed the crack of her skull against his in those first moments, he now very much enjoyed her company. He was determined to use her as much as he could for as long as he could and he knew the best way to do that was to bed her. He languidly turned the pages of his newest find, but he felt his gaze pull up more than once to observe Antillia’s dancing lesson from Karlach, which they had done each night for several days now. Astarion thought about the things he had learned about Antillia in the short weeks he had known her. She was a wizard (regrettably). The counterweight of that, however, was that she was a high elf. Her skull was harder than rock. She seemed to like wine enough to drink it but he didn’t know yet if her pallet was refined enough to enjoy it, given the grimace she would often make after downing her cup. Best of all, she was acutely fond of murder. And her skin was soft. Astarion sighed with accomplishment, he knew it wouldn’t be long until he had her beneath him, crying his name into the night. And he’d be safe…or, safer at least.

“I overheard you and the pale one discussing how you would like to kill that druid. Have you considered flaying her?” Lae’zel speared a slice of meat from her plate with her dagger.

Antillia pursed her lips in thought. “Well, I am now.” She drank from her wine glass and shuddered at the sharpness of it. “What do you think about the whole ‘tieflings vs goblins’ thing?”

Lae’zel shrugged an idle shoulder, “It doesn’t much matter, death is death.”

Wyll reached for Antillia’s empty plate and then for Karlach’s. “The tieflings deserve to live.” 

“And the goblins don’t?” Antillia challenged. “Why is saving the tieflings the ‘good option’?” 

Wyll rolled his eyes, “You know why.”

Antillia smiled as Wyll took away the plates, he was right, she did know. She got up and trailed to her tent, waving off her other campmates as they went to theirs. She picked up her pack, kicked through the flap and dropped down onto her bedroll with a thud. She quietly undressed but could hear a strange sound to her left, almost like splintering wood - which it was. The left side of her tent drooped and she cursed quietly. She heard a chuckle and she knew it was Astarion. “Fuck off.” 

“Only when you get better at putting up your tent, darling.” 

Antillia considered setting his tent on fire.  Later that evening she stirred from her rest and her tired eyes caught Astarion leaving his tent and stalking off into the woods. She pulled her bedroll tight against her chin, her bones chilled. 

[paarthursass]

"wyll's too nice i'd like him more if he were a little meaner and angrier" you guys couldn't handle vivienne de fer having a complicated relationship with the oppressive system she was raised in. you couldn't handle liam costa making a minor but well-intentioned mistake. you couldn't handle preston garvey having a recurring fetch quest.

you couldn't even handle early access wyll who was angrier and grappled with moral quandaries more. and you can't handle wyll as he is now when he playfully teases astarion.

[something-pithy]

Y'all this FACE

How dare you have eyes that big and sad you're a fucking predator!

OMFG Astarion out here makin everybody want to get back on their bullshit looooool

(Ascendant Astarion is making that face RIGHT NOW in the next chapter of an echo a stain loooooool)

"I want to know what the world sees when it looks at me. What you see."

[emy-san]

Filthiness.

[kiss-my-asymptote]

I’m fucking dying Astarion’s early party banter is him just flirting with all the companions and striking out; none of them are having it. When he comes on to Tav at the party, not only is he manipulating them, but they are literally his last choice. Not even plan b or c, Tav was plan ‘fuck it, I guess we’re doing this!’ and that clown still fell into his own pit trap.

[corgiteatime]

yeah sure i'm fine i'm totally normal i'm ok i'm fine i'm normal i'm n

[patroclusdefencesquad]

"why would you let astarion feed on you it gives you a disadvantage" yes but it makes him "happy" and that's what really matters here

[onlyancunin]

Although it hasn't happened yet. If we can find an expert - someone that can control these things - there might still be time. _____ Favourite moments of act I Astarion - 1/?

[lelelego]

hook, line, and sinker

(tav/astarion)

[something-pithy]

Heyo, glittercats and kittens! So chapters 6 and 7 of an echo, a stain are up! And starting this week, I'm going to start including story notes along with the link.

I'm a note writer lol. Part of how I even begin to keep track of all the wildness of writing something longer than a grocery list is to write about it before I start writing it, if that makes sense lol. Character sketches, ideas about why certain things are happening, backstory, setting details, etc.

I'm pretty verbal about my writing process because -- well,  I like writing about writing a lot, and also, I think it improves both the work and how I get there. Anything might end up here -- character sketches, ideas about why certain things are happening, backstory, setting details, etc. I don't really wanna be leaving like eighteen thousand words of notes on every chapter, so here we are!

Sometimes I think they might add some interesting context for readers, sometimes it's information that I think is important but it's too much for the notes section on the story itself, and sometimes it's just so I have a document of my progress for this story. So here are my notes for chapter 7! ---

Chapter 7's title is from "Come to Me" by Bjork, which is definitely one of my Astarion / Tav falling in love themes for when I'm up in these flashbacks, back before Astarion Ascended (and he still had a soul loool).

The notes from previous chapters had promised a Shadowheart & Tav conversation in this chapter. This is not the Shadowheart & Tav chapter I promised, but it is the one that continued to demand to be written until I capitulated. 

And also, honestly, the one that's going to benefit that other chapter that was supposed to be 7 and the story as a whole in the long run, so I hope you like it! 

I was getting really stuck with my original plan, and so I just started writing -- well, this. And the chapter after this. And possibly the one after that. Loooool there is a LOT going on at this point in these kids' lives.

The original plan is still 100% happening, but I think I needed to 

1. explore the foundations of who these people have become (by these people of course I mean Tav and Astarion, but also friendship is magic, so our beautiful OG friendgroup babies) 

2. what the relationships between them look like and 

3. some clues, at least, as to how they got there. 

(tl;dr we're purposefully time-jumping, and I'm having fun with it, so I hope you will, too!)

But never fear, Shadowheart and Tav will of course be chatting when we return to the story's present. And it won't be in just one chapter.

OR

hey y'all, we're gonna be doing some purposeful (and hopefully at least coherently executed) flashing back and jumping forward (or up! or laterally! OR WHATEVER) in/on/around this story's timeline!

Final note, but an important one, on Tav's identity: 

I tried to keep Tav ambiguous for the first few chapters because I know that sometimes a really detailed and specific-looking or backstoried Tav can make people disengage from the story because they don't relate to the identifying details provided. (also, it's me, I'm people, or at least one of the people lol)

But at the end of the day, as soon as I started even thinking about writing a BG3 fic, I started really digging into and developing this Tav, who does reflect the dialogue, action, and relationship choices I've made in my current playthrough of the game with her, yes. But in having spent / continuing to spend some time thinking and writing about who this Tav is.  I'm not going to lay them all out here, but I think when you want to play in a sandbox as fucking ginormous and intricately, infinitesimally detailed as Faerun / The Forgotten Realms / DnD,  a little story/character-relevant contextual frontloading can help readers have as much fun with it as the writer does. 

Also, and I'm just going to say it, Tav is a queer, first-generation Baldurian child of two immigrants. She's the Faerun / Baldur's Gate equivalent of a BIPOC, with parents who were born in places very different both from Baldur's Gate and each other's home cities / kingdoms. Also, she's mixed-heritage elf (sun, moon, sea -- yeah, I'm that guy, come at me bro loooool). All this context is key to who Tav is as a person, as a creator, as an adventurer, and just in general.

I want anyone to be able to read Tav and be able to understand who she is, if not be able to relate to some small part of her -- but in my mind, people like Tav are essential to the story of a place like Baldur's Gate, and I really enjoy exploring what that looks like.

I'm having fun with it, so I hope you will, too!

[myrkulitescourge]

can i just say, it still makes me feel a little crazy how astarion, come act 3, still can’t quite put a name to his relationship with his partner, but he WILL tell them he wants to keep them both safe.

he won’t say i love you just yet but he will say forever, for good.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Ascended Astarion Manipulation

I'm back on my dark bullshit. Now thinking of your "choice" to be a vampire spawn. Any sane person would refuse, and Astarion is aware of this. So he decides to convince you with some very not good tactics.

Tw: Obsession, manipulation, jealousy, ascended Astarion doing ascended Astarion things, bad, bad, man, toxic relationships

~

Astarion had developed a significant lack of patience ever since reaching Ascension. It was hard to entertain most things when he'd achieved the power to twist the vast majority of situations in his favor. But he was trying his damndest to be patient with you. Despite the fact that your constant refusals made him absolutely furious. You insisted that you loved him, that he was all you would ever want, but yet you still refused to undergo the change.

It's not like he was asking for much, if anything you should be thanking him for the opportunity. He was offering you the gift of immortality, with little to no drawbacks. Besides your unwavering devotion of course. But what was that in the face of absolute freedom? You would never have to worry about a thing again. He would keep you safe and cared for, all while you'd both be free to walk in the sun. He had endless funds now that he had taken over Cazador's estate, unmatched political power in a startlingly short amount of time, considering his work as part of the heroes of Baldur's gate, and the power to obliterate nearly any mortal enemy he could think of. Anything you desired he could give, if you would just let yourself take that final step.

But as much as he wanted to be solely angry at you, he really only had himself to blame. Why had he insisted on being so descriptive about the limitations of being a spawn? He had been such a cowardly moron back then, with no imagination to imagine a better future. And now he was paying for it. While it was true he would never make you a fully fledged vampire, it didn't mean he would mistreat you. He loved you. Adored you more than anything else in existence. And having you as his spawn, his official consort would be for your benefit just as much his. This was the only way he would have complete control over you, fully able to protect you from everything. Including yourself.

But you weren't buying his lies about eventually becoming equals. The offer of giving you everything you ever wanted also fell flat, considering how he was already doing that. He just couldn't help but spoil you.

He had started to wonder if he should just force it. He would prefer not to, but he would if it came to it. But he didn't get this far by not using his brain. Force wasn't the way with you, it never had been. If anything, turning you against your will would just lead to decades of fighting and bickering, something that Astarion would like to avoid if possible. He would hate to make the experience of putting you in your place unpleasant.

No, he would try to be reasonable one more time. And appealing to your emotions, to your guilt, seemed as good a bet as any.

He waited until you were comfortable and relaxed. You were dozing off against his chest in bed while Astarion contemplated the best approach to this conversation. If this didn't work, then he'd just have to bite the bullet and bite you without your consent. Then, he'd probably have to lock you away for a time until you came around to your new state of being, an idea that did send a shiver of excitement up his spine.

But not yet. He was willing to give you one more chance to do the right thing.

He ran the tips of his fingers over your back, taking the time to work up a couple of tears before fully waking you with a seemingly accidental shake. He sniffled loudly, barely managing to hide his smile as you blinked your eyes open. You blearily looked up at him, immediately tensing when you saw the sorrowful expression on his face.

You sat up quickly, concern knitting your brows together as you asked, "Star? What's wrong? What happened?"

Astarion looked away with a shake of his head, "I... I didn't mean to wake you darling. Ignore me, I'll be fine."

You shook your head. You gently turned him back towards you, both hands cupping the sides of his face, "None of that. Tell me? I'll never be able to sleep if I know your upset."

Astarion gripped your wrists as he spoke, his voice soft, "I don't want to upset you."

"You won't," You said, just like Astarion knew you would, "I promise. Just tell me what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath, his voice barely over a whisper when he admitted, "I'm so afraid of losing you, my love. I... I just can't stop thinking about it."

"But I'm not going anywhere-"

"For now," Astarion interrupted, his voice pained. He only had to take a portion of that, "But... one day you'll die. And I won't. I... I don't know how I'll ever live without you."

He could feel you tense up, badly enough for you to almost pull away, but he just tightened the grip he had on your wrists. You sighed, looking away with a guilty frown, "I-we've talked about this. I don't-I'm not ready to be... that."

Astarion could feel that same anger creeping back up at your rejection, but he stomped it down. He could tell that you were semi-buying the act. You were so much smarter then he gave you credit for, never failing to challenge him. Just one more thing he loved about you.

Astarion took a shuddering breath, nuzzling into the palm of your hand, "I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I just... I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," You said softly, "I'm the one who asked."

"But I'm the one who woke you," Astarion argued, "I'm so sorry darling. I want to let this go. I do. But I... I'm scared. Of so many things. I'm afraid that you think... that you think I'm like him. That you don't trust me to take care of you like you deserve. I'm afraid of you dying yes, probably more than anything but... I'm nearly just as terrified of you leaving."

That speech was... a touch too honest for Astarion's liking, but it seemed to be working. He could see tears prickling in your own eyes, your resolve shaken in a way he had yet to seen.

"I-I do trust you. And I know you're not like him. I'm just... I'm scared too. What if... what if you get tired of me? What if you find someone better suited for you? Then I would just... be there. Forever tied to a man who doesn't want me."

That... actually hurt to hear. Didn't you know that you were it for him? That he would set the whole world ablaze if it meant keeping you safe? No one would ever get between the two of you, he'd slaughter anyone who would even dare try.

Astarion finally let go of your wrists, opting to pull you into a tight hug instead. He cradled you against him, whispering in your ear, "That will never happen. You're mine. There is no one else, nothing else, that will ever change that. And if you let me I'll prove it to you, for all eternity."

You were fully crying now, so, so close to breaking. You just needed a little more to push you over the edge.

"I love you," Astarion murmured, one thing that would never be a lie, "And I can't live without you. I won't. It's either forever with you, or my life ends the day yours does."

"Don't say that," You whimpered, "Please don't say that. I-I don't want that for you."

You were so close to him, so distraught. He could smell the siren call of your blood through your skin, calling out to him. He made the choice then and there, he was biting you tonight. Without or without your consent. It would be up to you if it would be a fight or not.

"Then give me this," Astarion pleaded one more time, his real emotions coming to the forefront, "Let me have this life with you. Please my love, let this happen. Let me change you. For me?"

This was it, your last change. Astarion could only hope that you wouldn't disappoint him.

And you didn't, perfect thing that you were. You were nearly sobbing into his shoulder, but you were nodding against him, your voice barely audible through the tears, "Y-Yes, I'll do it. For you. You... you can change me."

That was all the permission that Astarion needed. He was sinking his fangs into your throat before you could even process it, so, so ready to drain you dry.

You gasped at the unexpected pain, but you didn't fight him. You let it happen like the good pet you were, all you had needed was a little push. He could feel you start to fade away, your body becoming more and more lax as you started to die in his arms.

But that was fine. You were about to be reborn into something better, someone who would never be able to leave his side.

This was it. Now, you were his, in every way imaginable.

You would never be away from him again.

[yume-tavriel]

A⭐ion

[oliverr-gardenn]

i might get crucified for this but i think the emperor and astarion are very similar in terms of behaviour.

both of them value their survival over anyone else due to their trauma and they use ANY means necessary to ensure their survival. this ofc includes manipulating, gaslighting and even sleeping with tav/durge so they dont turn on them

and both of them are INCREDIBLY well written like I can't believe this.

[trappedinafantasy37]

There are two manipulators in camp, and the more successful one isn't Astarion. It's Shadowheart. I'm not saying that Shadow is a better manipulator necessarily, but that she uses more successful tactics than Astarion.

Astarion does not care about your relationship or affinity with the other companions. He only cares about your relationship and affinity with him. He may call everyone "darling" but he flirts with you. He gets in your ear and says sweet and nice things... to you. He compliments... you. He plays around... with you. He wants you to feel good about yourself which will make you feel good about him. Most of his manipulation moments happen in one on one scenarios, where it is just you and him. He is a very different man when he's with you because he's manipulating you. He acts very differently with people around you or in group settings. If anything, the person he is in group settings is closer to the real man he is cause he's not trying to manipulate everyone.

He puts on this overly flirtatious mask cause he is using you to guarantee his survival (at least at first). But, because he puts this mask on in one on one scenarios, it only takes just one second to you to see through it to fail. And if you happen to catch on to him, you can see very easily through the mask. The manipulation instantly fails and he is forced to be himself to try to maintain your approval. But if you don't see his mask early on, he could convince you to do just about anything, even the most heinous of actions. And then when he willingly lets his mask fall or feels he no longer needs it and you see the real him, it's too late. You've already fallen in love with him. Now, he can do no wrong in your eyes.

Shadow uses nearly the exact opposite approach. She does care about your relationship and affinity for others. To be precise, she wants you to have a slightly unfavorable opinion of the others so that she comes out as the favored by default. Lae'zel is a particular target of this. She avoids one on one scenarios and pushes you away every time you try to get close. Yes, it is that inner Sharran of hers in regards to keeping secrets. But also the fact that she's super easy to see through if you get close to her, so she wants to keep you away for the sole purpose that you don't see that she's manipulating you. But, even if you do, she still has the benefit of the doubt on her side.

Her manipulation mostly takes place in group scenarios. She takes advantage of things as they happen and she says very precise words to sway your opinion in the way she wants. Unfortunately, Lae'zel is a perfect example of how successful this manipulation tactic can be. Shadow doesn't not need to tell you Lae'zel is dangerous, she just reminds you that she is while Lae'zel is actively doing dangerous things. Shadow will even openly admit to this tactic and it will fly over your head that that's exactly what she's doing because she has made herself appear as someone who wouldn't do it to you. Or, admitting to it can make you doubt that she ever would as you may think, "a real manipulator wouldn't admit to manipulating me, right?" Her manipulation is all about planting just the slightest bit of doubt, and you do the rest and manipulate yourself for her. And she does it so marvelously. She makes sure that the only person you don't doubt is her.

Astarion's manipulation requires that you never see through his bullshit at any given point in time. If you do, the manipulation fails. Shadow's manipulation can survive you seeing through her bullshit because everyone, somehow, keeps proving her right anyway.