#There was also the time in which she accidentally poisoned Iroh

[ask-ozai]

any awkard date stories?

I have no intention of sharing unflattering personal stories with a complete stranger in this unagnidly place.

Although, I'm in a benevolent mood today, so I agree to answer just because I have spent the last fourteen hours staring at a wall and I am beginning to doubt reality itself. And I have a slight suspicion that Zuko is putting cactus juice in my soup. I will not give him the satisfaction of going senile. It's enough with Iroh.

As a Prince of the Fire Nation, I always had less free time than an ordinary young man. My time had to be carefully invested in improving my skills and knowledge to better fulfill my role as a Prince. Therefore I never had much time to court women (unlike Iroh). But it never really mattered to me since, let's be honest, I was absolutely superior to any of my potential dates.

So I never went on many dates, let alone embarrassing ones. The few dates I had with Michi went pretty well. She cannot burn down villages but you should see what she can do with a hammer.

But there was a period of time before I married Ursa when I had to court her according to our traditions. And Agni, there were many embarrassing moments there. It was very difficult to turn the peasant girl into a Princess.

1) On our first date, she mistook the hand washing water in the finger bowl for a soup.

2) Once she was so nervous that she called my father "Furrylord".

3) She accidentally knocked out the bard on our second date.

4) She sneezed on my mother's portrait. My father almost incinerated her.

5) She spilled hot soup on Iroh's pants.

6) She said Zhao looked like a monkey with those sideburns. Zhao was behind her.

7) She spilled hot tea on Iroh's pants.

8) She tried to compliment our 'collection of mummies'. It was Lo and Li standing in a corner.

9) She spilled hot chocolate on Iroh's pants. There is a reason why Lu Ten did not have siblings.

My wife Ursa was totally different from all the women I had known. She was a clumsy, vulgar peasant girl with a raucous laugh and the self-preservation instincts of a three-year-old (Zuko must have inherited it from her). My father was on the verge of returning her home (or strangling her) at least six times, but in the end he always remembered how much he wanted those powerful grandchildren to serve Lu Ten.

Back then Ursa filled me with importance and constantly tested my patience, but now I realize those were our best days.

[droplet-dread-cat]

Okay, so... idk why that came to my mind but I’ll roll with it.

Also there are surely some discrepancies in timelines and such but it’s an AU and I don’t really look for accuracy here

WifeSwap!AU 

- The chief of the Southern Water Tribe is like “Oh shit, we have only like seven benders left. We can’t afford another attack of the Fire Nation” and he meets up with Fire Lord Azulon to propose a peace treaty. Only Azulon’s an asshat and he’s like “Peace and no further attacks on you? Well, you can have that, no problem, but for that we’ll need tokens. You can still have your benders but we will trade nonbending people between our two cultures... sort of a slave trade deal. You can do whatever you want with the people we send you and we can do whatever we want with those you send us. Oh! And of course, the Southern Water Tribe will raise our flag additionally to yours and, before I forget it, you’re obligated to send us Water Tribe specialities as our nobility finds them quite... interesting.”

And the chief is overwhelmed and can’t quite understand why the slave trade thing has to happen (it’s because Azulon’s eager to see if he can manipulate the genetics into his favours so that they’ll end up building a waterbending force additionally to a firebending one (which they can use as healers if they have that gift), firebenders born into the Southern Water Tribe also are sort of lifetime test subjects who show whether they can remain in such conditions or not (also if they can be trained to withstand the cold and become better benders that way) and most of his war council consists of those creepy old men who are weirdly obsessed with “exotic” features) but he has no other choice but to agree because he knows another (last) attack is on the horizon. It’s better to essentially become a Fire Nation colony than to lose all of their benders for good, he thinks.

- Fast forward a couple of years. Azulon has managed to gain forty waterbenders by mostly trading men from the Water Tribe for women from the Fire Nation. As you know men can um... make a lot more children in a short period of time than women. The Southerners aren’t really treated as people and more as concubines while the Fire Nation people in the south are treated as equals (and become enamoured with the culture - because they’ve always known only the strictness of the Fire Nation.) and they bring equality for men and women because now there are more women than men => leads to a fighting force consisting of men and women.

- One day Ozai really pisses off his father. It’s a minor thing, really, but it leads to his fiancé getting shipped off to the Southern Water Tribe and he gets the most fierce nonbending warrior woman of the Water Tribe as his wife instead - Kya. She is straight up able to make him eat dirt and refuses to be treated as a slave. Hakoda gets Ursa - this meek, shy girl who refuses to raise her voice or look him in the eyes. There’s a whole subplot for Hakoda and Ursa slowly getting together while Kya dominates the shit out of Ozai because she wants kids and has no hope of ever returning to Hakoda (her true love). She sort of takes over the Fire Nation after Azulon’s... unfortunate death.

=> Kya and Ozai’s children are Zuko and Katara while Ursa and Hakoda’s are Sokka and Azula (who Ursa names after the man who essentially set her free)

- just. think. of. the. implications. 

- Zuko is allowed to be a soft boi and because Kya all but overtakes the government, there’s never an Agni Kai between Ozai and Zuko. Also Ozai’s forced to love his children. Kya won’t take a no.

- Kya loves her two children equally. She doesn’t mind that Zuko’s a firebender. It’s just the way things are.

- When Ozai foolishly asks his father if he can have the throne after Prince Lu Ten’s death and Azulon asks for Zuko to die Kya fucking explodes and stealthily poisons the Fire Lord but with such a slow acting poison that nobody can trace it. => Ozai’s like “DAmn wife, poisoning my dad?? Kinda hot ngl...” 

- So, like, Ozai’s more and more showing his human side because Kya just yeets the throne out of his hand (”No, someone unstable like you is not going to reign a freaking country, what the hell? Gimme those documents, husband.”) and after being manhandled into caring for his kids he has those little moments in which he shows that he can, in fact, love but it’s burrowed under layers upon layers of jealousy, hatred, anger and manipulative demeanour. Kya’s not one to turn down a challenge, though.

=> so. many. trips. to. ember island.

- Katara’s a fierce thing. She loves her brother, feels conflicted on her country and gives like a speech a day to the personnel who cowered under Azulon. Her waterbending is treated as something desirable by Ozai who, in turn, makes sure she gets teachers but he’ll also imitate Iroh (only this once, of course, and he’d never say he saw a merit in an idea his brother of all people had) by also teaching her firebending forms. Katara’s so dangerous but she’s still herself. In this AU, her healing abilities come when Zuko falls from a roof and breaks his leg.

- Ursa and Hakoda take things slowly. Initially, there’s a major heartbreak on Hakoda’s side, of course, because he really loved Kya wholeheartedly but slowly (and I’m talking real slow - like slow burn times 3) he starts warming up to Ursa who doesn’t know how to act in this new society she’s been thrown into. Hakoda shows her how to fight... ugh, that’s so cute I CAN’T and then she someday is gifted a bethrotal necklace but it’s dark red and omg utreghuigheguhenffberfievbhue

- Sokka and Azula are siblings. This is interesting on different levels because for one, Sokka’s a nonbender. Meaning that he only can impress with his boomerang and intelligence while his little sister’s a goddamn firebending prodigy who can?? Shoot lightning??? Wtf???

- Hakoda is Best Dad and instantly sees Azula’s unhealthy desire of perfectionism early on and sends her to the tribe’s psychiatrist. She still has anger outbursts but she is a lot more stable than in canon. Also, she’s obsessed with Sokka learning new fighting styles. She won’t stop arguing about the merits of him learning the sword or him learning the bow or him learning the art of chi blocking or him learning... basically, it’s Azula’s form of care but it annoys Sokka to no end (even though he loves his little sister too, obviously).

- There is not an ounce of sexism in Sokka because... um... have you seen his sister?!

- So, one day, there’s a letter from the Fire Nation. To Hakoda. Saying “Hey, what’s up, my old fiancé? I took over the Fire Nation - how about we meet up some time for a renewed peace treaty and to show off our kids?” And Hakoda’s like “Omg, Kya. What the hell?” but he grins the whole time and is so glad that his almost-wife is thriving. He wouldn’t have thought she’d give in easily but to hear the good news lifts a rock off his heart. Ursa’s a little bit hesitant but Hakoda tells her that she’s his wife now and a meeting between the two couples won’t change that.

- They all meet up when Sokka & Zuko are 14 and Katara & Azula 12-ish; surprisingly, it goes super well? Oh, well... apart from the fact that Katara and Azula begin arguing like crazy when they’re on Southern Water Tribe territory and accidentally free the Avatar.

- So now they have the Avatar.

- But Aang’s kinda not needed all that much because Ozai sure as hell won’t do anything to capture him - not when Kya’s been stopping a war that he slowly begins to see was totally f-ed up

- Aang grows up with Katara, Sokka, Zuko and Azula at his side. They then later on stumble upon a lemur, a Kyoshi warrior and Toph during one of their trips (which they can do only when they’re at least 14 because Kya isn’t going to let her kids roam around when they barely hit puberty yet.)

- Sozin’s Comet comes and goes. Ozai guesses he could have technically taken out the Earth Kingdom but who the hell does that kinda stuff? He’s not a villain in some theatrical play or something.

- The war ends for sure when Ozai finally gives in and signs the peace treaty between the different remaining nations (and Aang as the last airbender). It’s not like everything’s alright now that they’re not attacking but it’s a lot better than before.