#There’s no reason he can’t stay home and let het get some exercise for every time he goes to the gym

[coochiequeens]

If the new dad goes to birthday parties, the gym and walks without his wife or child to give her some time alone he is not really a good dad or husband.

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am finding it hard not to resent my husband for being able to return to normal life after the birth of our child. Don’t get me wrong, he is very active and present in our child’s life. We have a happy 4-month-old, and he is always playing with him, holding him, caring for him etc.; he’s definitely pulling his own weight where the baby is concerned. He also works full time from home, so I am happy to care for the baby while he earns money.

I think, though, that I’m realizing the massive gulf between being a primary and secondary parent. I regularly have to hold our child while going to the toilet when nobody else is around. My idea of socializing is having someone come over to hold the baby while I fold laundry. If I want to have time away from my son, I need to decide at least 24 hours before, pump milk, find a suitable babysitter and then pump while I’m out. He can just… leave and know I’m here. He’s been able to go to birthday parties, to the gym, for walks on his own, just because he wants to. And while I’m happy for him to do things that make him happy, I also resent that freedom.

Whenever I try to think of a practical change my husband could make to support me, I can never think of anything. He’s so good at responding when I ask for help. I just want to stop feeling resentful all the time. Is how I’m feeling just a normal stage of motherhood?

— Missing Spontaneity

Dear Missing,

You’re correct about the massive gulf, and your feelings are not only valid, but probably familiar to many readers (and to myself). I will start by telling you that it does get easier with each milestone of independence. Once you are no longer breastfeeding and/or pumping, leaving the baby is less of a gamble. Once he is potty trained you can ditch the cumbersome diaper bag. And so on. Some families handle these early infant days more equitably than others (or they have hired help to get them through it), but yes, in my experience this is a normal stage of motherhood for many mothers. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because you feel tethered to the baby, and even tethered to the house.

The most important thing you can do is talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. Loss of independence is a really big adjustment for new moms, but its impact isn’t tangible and easy to see to our partners and friends. I can recall a conversation when my first son was a baby, and I asked my husband if he minded if I went over to HomeGoods or something; he looked at me like I was a crazy person when I profusely thanked him for the opportunity. I’m sure he was completely baffled by why I was so grateful to go to the store—but of course, the trip wasn’t about the destination, it was about the ability to spontaneously leave with only my wallet and keys in hand. I swear I have never felt such freedom before or since. The conversation with your husband doesn’t have to put any blame on him or ask him for any alterations of his behavior; it’s just helpful to know that, even if you can’t change certain things, someone is at least listening to you.

But is there anything you can change? Yes. Remember that it will be incremental at first. That’s OK though, because you’ll be creating habits that you can build on as your baby grows up. First, when you, your husband and baby are all in the same room, get up and leave. I don’t care what you do—pluck your eyebrows, make a coffee, pull some weeds, hide in the bathroom. You’re training yourself and your husband that parenting duties can trade off. He’ll get more solo time and practice with the baby, and you’ll get a few minutes where you can remember what it is like to be an independent human being.

The other idea is to establish a night or two where he’s the primary parent. You can do something social, or go out and run errands, or just sit around the house knowing that you don’t have to be keyed in to hear baby’s cries. This isn’t about dad “babysitting” (a phrase and concept that I know enrages many of us on principle) but rather just about recreating that sense of independence that is no longer always available to you.

Finally, you say your husband is a great helper, which is awesome. You may find, with time, that you get tired of feeling like you have to ask for help. I don’t know what the chore breakdown is in your home, or how involved your husband is in making/attending doctors appointments, beginning new milestones (like solid food), switching out the clothing sizes, and other baby-related tasks, but many women come to find a few years down the road that they got into the habit of doing all the “kid stuff” and most of the “house stuff” simply because birth and breastfeeding (and maternity leave) put them in the primary parent role from the start and they never left it. If you think that might be you in a few years, I strongly suggest doing what you can to curb those habits now. My friend really enjoyed the book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky. It might give you some ideas for ways you and your husband can ensure equitable participation in both your home and parenting responsibilities.

There is no reason for this guy to attend parties without his wife. I know the kid is young but there must be a way to either take the whole family or find a trusted sitter for a few hours like a grandparent? That’s not even trying to include his wife.

And someone should tell them about an amazing invention called .....the stroller. It’s something that will let the guy take a walk with the baby. Both get fresh air and new mom gets time to herself.

[keichanz]

In response to an anon’s prompt.

Uhh...sorry this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but I started writing and it just ran away from me and before I knew it I ended up with this. I’m so sorry if you want I’ll write another drabble where he pampers his wifey and is all super protective and stuff. >< My bad.

This actually turned out longer than I intended, which is why I decided to link it instead of putting it all in the ask. Hope you don’t mind. ^^;

Kagome carefully peered around the doorframe from inside of their modest little hut her husband had built them and scanned around for said husband, feeling a little hope bloom in her chest when she didn’t spot familiar red robes anywhere in the vicinity. She and Sango had secretly made plans today to get to the market and shop around just for something to do because they were both feeling confined and restless. Plus it would be nice to just spend some time together without overprotective husbands bearing down on them about every little thing.

Seizing the opportunity, Kagome silently slipped out of their home and started down the well-used path that led to her best friend’s house, feeling like this time she might actually—

Het feet suddenly left the ground as she was swopped up against a familiar chest and Kagome sighed, crossing her arms as a small pout adorned her face, however she couldn’t stop the smile from curving her lips upward. “This is spousal abuse, you know,” Kagome said airily, not bothering to word a protest as she was carried back inside their home and over to the raised platform where their bed was located, custom made like her old bed back in her time. “If you don’t let me get some exercise I’m going to get as big as a house and then you’ll have to roll me around everywhere. And I won’t be pleasant about it.”

“You’re already as big as a house,” Inuyasha teased and grinned at his wife’s outraged gasp. Chuckling, he sat down on their bed and situated her in front of him between his spread legs, his hands slipping inside her robes to splay over her slightly rounded belly. It was his favorite pastime as of late, and Kagome never complained, so he indulged himself as often as he could. “Your little trip wouldn’t have happened anyway,” he continued, revealing that her and Sango’s plan hadn’t been so secret after all, and honestly she couldn’t say she was surprised. “Miroku’s got the runt on ‘Sango Duty’ so if she leaves the little shit lets him know right away.” He rested his chin on her shoulder and sighed, sweeping his thumbs over the skin of her belly. 

Kagome wrinkled her nose and absently leaned back into him, missing his triumph grin. “That’s not fair, you know,” she opined. “He can’t keep her confined to their home the entirety of her pregnancy. It’s not healthy, and I’m not necessarily talking about her health.” Sango had damned near clobbered the man to death upon discovering he’d gotten her pregnant with their fourth child and keeping her confined like this was sure to fan the flames of her already barely contained ire. 

She felt him shrug behind he and Kagome rolled her eyes. “She’s pupped,” he responded matter-of-factly, like that explained everything. “I can understand his concern. If something happened…” Inuyasha closed his eyes and turned his head to press his face into her neck, inhaling her scent while his hands unconsciously rubbed soothing circles onto her swollen belly.

Kagome’s expression softened and her irritation died as quickly as it had arrived. Truth be told, she wasn’t all that opposed to her hanyou husband’s overprotective ways and his pampering. She knew that he didn’t think he’d ever be truly happy, let alone have a family to call his own. Only a few short years ago he’d had nothing but the clothes on his back and a scarred heart, and Kagome also knew with maybe just a smidgen of pride that it was she who’d healed that heart and shaped him into the strong, nurturing man he was today. Of course their friends had a hand in it as well, but Inuyasha himself had told her numerous times that she was his sole reason for who he was, how he’d learn to trust, to rely on others and have friends. 

Overcome with love for her husband, her mate, her everything, Kagome squirmed around and she heard Inuyasha’s soft whine of disappointed as he reluctantly released her, but before he could draw away completely she spun around and crawled up onto his lab. Catching on, Inuyasha shifted and held her steady with strong arms on her waist as she straddled his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. With a smile she leaned forward to place a tender kiss to his lips and as he usually did, Inuyasha deepened it, prolonging the contact with a little hum of pleasure, his second favorite pastime. 

…Well, okay, maybe his third, he inwardly mused with a wicked curl to his mouth. 

Kagome felt it and her smile widened, however she didn’t allow them to get carried away, pulling back with one last lingering kiss and staring at him with a knowing arch to her brow. Inuyasha looked unrepentant and just shrugged as if to say, “It’s your fault.” 

Shaking her head in amusement, Kagome steered them back to the discussion at hand and offered him a loving smile, raising her hand to tenderly run an ear. Inuyasha rumbled and leaned into her touch. “I know you’re only looking out for me and doing what you think is best for the baby, and I absolutely love you for that, but Inuyasha, a little fresh air and exercise isn’t going to hurt us. In fact, it’ll be good for me and the baby.” She moved her hand down to cup his cheek and swept her thumb beneath his golden eye. “You know I wouldn’t do anything that would endanger our baby, right?”

At this Inuyasha grimaced and heaved a sigh, bringing up a hand to capture hers and then lowering it to his lips where he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I know,” he murmured, his ears lowering. “It’s just...what if you fall? What if something happens and I’m not there? Kagome, there could be a demon attack, or--or you can have those bracks—brock—those fake labor pains again and I wouldn’t be able to—”

A single finger pressed gently to his lips stalled his “what if’s” and he watched as his wife smiled understandingly at him, her eyes gentle, loving. She understood his concern, she truly did, which was why she decided to compromise with him instead of proving him wrong. “How about this,” she began and resisted the urge to squeal in delight when his ears perked right up. “A few times a week I’d like to get out and get some fresh air and my big, strong, protective hanyou husband there with me to prevent anything from happening, and the rest of the week I’ll stay in and let said big, strong, protective hanyou husband pamper, spoil and cater to my every whim like he’s been doing wonderfully for the last four months.” Her hands slid around his neck again and locked at his nape. “Deal?”

Inuyasha went silent and appeared to be thinking it over carefully, studying her face, searching her eyes until evidently coming to a decision, he grinned and nodded before dipping his head and sealing it with a kiss to which she happily returned.

Several (heated) moments later and flushed Kagome stepped out of their home followed by a smugly smirking Inuyasha and together they headed down the path that led to their friend’s home.

“I’ll car—”

“I’m walking, Inuyasha.”

Amber eyes flashed mischievously as he cheeked, “But I thought you wanted me to roll you around?”

“Oooh, you—!”

Cackling, Inuyasha darted away, narrowly missing the cuff aimed at his ear and he allowed his four month pregnant wife to chase him down the road, purposely going slow and of course always keeping a watchful eye on her. But as he watched her face, smiling now as she laughed and tossed meaningless threats at him, he decided that maybe a little fresh air every now and then would do some good. 

[shinigamikarinkurosaki-archive]

Some platonic JinKarinUru headcanons. Trans!Ururu. Hefty sides of HitsuKarin, YuzUru, UraTess, & the Kurosaki family. Double exclamations points (!!) with warnings placed before possibly upsetting headcanons.

These guys are experimental & a lot of the time Kisuke enables their curiosity. They take apart Hollow bombs– duds, thankfully, Kisuke wouldn’t give them anything live– to figure out how they tick. Ururu’s the most mechanically-minded of them so she learns very quickly how to build one herself & teaches Jinta & Karin how to build one in a pinch. Karin’s Quincy abilities flourish with these two. Jinta & Ururu are stronger than Karin, challenging her powers & her creativity. She learns how to use reishi like strings with them, allowing to lift & drag objects. Kisuke is immensely impressed by Karin’s ability. He tells her it’s an ability reminiscent to Ransoutengai, an advanced Quincy technique, & he praises Karin for her talent. 

Jinta calms down immensely with Karin. Since he & Karin frequently roughhouse, a lot of his excess energy & aggression has a channel. He & Karin respect each other as warrior immensely. Karin is one of the most capable & resourceful warriors Jinta has ever encountered, & Jinta has fostered that in Karin.

Jinta & Ururu are happy for Karin when she & Toushirou are finally together. However, they are going to make sure Toushirou treats Karin like a queen. Karin is more sensitive than she lets on. While they’d happily beat the shit out of Toushirou if he hurt Karin, he’s a lot stronger than they. There are other ways they make his life Hell, though. Jinta & Ururu let him know that his food is not beyond their reach. They let him know they know where he lives, if he’s scared there’s only so long he can go without sleep & when his guard is done they will swoop in & he will disappear. They let him know the vents are in their control, that there are travelers drugs that will put him to sleep & melt his guts. Even if they can’t do that, his reputation is in their hands. They promise Toushirou they can make any allegation they please & because it’s so soon after Aizen’s betrayal, it will be investigated. They promise him evidence isn’t hard to plant. Toushirou is successfully scared into never doing anything stupid ever.

Karin has mixed feelings about Kisuke & Tessai. On one hand, they run a really sketchy store she’s not sure of the legality of– which scares her, she doesn’t want to get mixed up in the Soul Society’s legal shit– & they’re also loyal to Ichigo, but they also enable her abilities & sometimes they tell her things about her powers, both of which Ichigo doesn’t do & doesn’t approve of. She has nothing to hold against them so figures she ought to appreciate them while she can.

!!– suicidal ideation, self injury, burns Jinta & Ururu are Karin’s main pillars of support during her depressive episode. She’s had feelings for both of them because of this, though namely Jinta since Ururu & Yuzu are into each other & it’s kinda weird to crush on your sister’s crush. She vents to Jinta & Ururu a lot, they know she wants to become a shinigami. They’re not aware of the extent of Karin’s expression until she burns a literal hole into her arm one sleepover. They understand she doesn’t want to lead a life in the World of the Living, but they didn’t quite understand how much Karin was hurting until that time. While Jinta is still supportive of Karin’s dreams & thinks becoming a shinigami will fix a lot of her depression, Ururu knows that’s not true & insists Karin stays. Ururu holds onto Karin while they’re outside so Karin doesn’t walk into the road, she tells Karin if a Hollow kills her she’ll hollowfy & lose her shinigami powers, Ururu texts Karin every night that she loves Karin & she hurts too when Karin hurts herself. Ururu’s efforts to keep Karin alive & safe are fruitless in the end. It doesn’t anger her, she’s just sad her friend is gone.

!!– dysfunctional family units Ichigo doesn’t like Jinta & Ururu. He knows about Karin’s suicidal ideation & thinks Jinta & Ururu are making het worse. When he catches them in Karin’s room, he chases them out. Jinta’s nose is broken when he tries to struggle out of Ichigo’s grip. Ichigo receives a stern warning from Kisuke when Kisuke finds out about Jinta’s broken nose very similar to Jinta & Ururus’ threat to Toushirou. Ichigo is sufficient scared, but his efforts end up having the exact opposite results as he hopes. Karin is home less & less since she’s hanging out with Jinta & Ururu who don’t want to be near Ichigo.

Karin, Jinta, & Ururu are incredibly coordinated. They discuss & practice their battle formations, they have escape routes with hidden armory in case they’re in a pinch, what to do if one of them is injured, incapacitated, or killed while they’re fighting hollows, where to meet up if they’re separated for some reason. They even have codewords & lingo for things they don’t want other people overhearing.

!!– underage drinking Jinta & Karin drink together. It’s mostly to drink Karin’s sorrows away. It’s not often & only a can of beer between them since they have to be on their toes watching out for hollows.

Karin is pro-YuzUru. She’s constantly leaving them alone together, much to neither of their chagrin. Ururu’s pretty confident around Yuzu after Karin tells her Yuzu most definitely likes her. Jinta’s kind of broken-hearted when he finds out Yuzu & Ururu get together, but he’s too happy for his sister to stay bitter long. He gets over Yuzu pretty soon after this.

!!– guns Karin helps Ururu design ways to carry her munitions discretely. They specially cut a tuba case to carry it. While Ururu worries about being asked to play when there’s not an actual tuba in there, but Karin promises Ururu no one’s going to ask that. Just to prove it, she & Ururu go out with an actual tuba in the case for a couple of weekends. She’s asked about how long she’s been playing & such, but never asked to play. Next come Ururu’s glocks. She keeps them in her school bag, but if they fall out of her bag she’s going to be criminally prosecuted & things will just snowball from there. So she & Karin design a holster & a belt to hold her guns & ammunition. Ururu’s magazines are under her undershirt wrapped around her waist with simple bands to hold them in place. The buttons on Ururu’s undershirt are actually fake & instead it’s held shut with a strip of velcro so she can easily access her magazines. Worry not, Ururu wears a tank top under this layer to keep her fake boobs a secret. Underneath Ururu’s blazer is a holster under her armpit for one of her guns that wraps around her chest & one of her shoulders so nobody sees anything dangling in there. Ururu also starts wearing ankle-length skirts so that she can wear a thigh holster for her other gun. While Ururu’s in gym class, she wears a hoodie so she can keep one of her guns on her at all times.

!!– transphobia One of the reasons Ururu carries guns everywhere is because she’s afraid someone’s going to attack her for her gender identity. While Ururu can “pass” as a cisgender girl, it’s still something she’s afraid of being discovered by the wrong people, especially since she, Jinta, & Karin aren’t on good terms with a lot of school gangs.

Karin knows about Ururu’s gender identity & Ururu eventually feels comfortable telling Jinta about it too. Both are very accepting of Ururu’s gender identity & very protective of her while they’re in the presence of transphobic comments/aggressively transphobic individuals. Ururu comes out to Yuzu next & is immensely relieved when Yuzu still loves her. Ururu is most terrified she’ll let down Kisuke & Tessai because of her gender identity. When Ururu finally gets the courage to come out to them that she’s a transwoman, thanks to Karin & Jinta’s encouragement, they tell her they already know & that Kisuke is more than happy to put her on hormones or a sex change operation.

There is nothing they wouldn’t do for each other. Because they’ve stuck together so long, they are inseparable. They don’t ask for reasons when one of them requests help, they know it’s not wanton mayhem, but they disclose everything nonetheless. The group is so cohesive because of they’ve cultivated similar worldviews thanks to their powers & fighting together so long.

Horror is a huge element in their leisure time. They go see a lot of horror movies together-- Tessai buys the tickets in cases where entrance is 18+, Karin knows Isshin would buy the tickets but Karin doesn’t want Ichigo getting wind of what she’s up to after that first debacle where he kicked Jinta & Ururu out of the house-- & share their horror manga. A favorite among them is Ju-On, another is Mr Arashi’s Freakshow. They’ve even set each other’s ringtones to their respective favorite metal songs. Ururu is deceptively demented. Karin is easily pegged as the creepiest out of them with her fatalistic humor, violent streak, & her ability to manipulate objects using reishi. Yes, Ururu likes cute things like ducklings & lip gloss & virtually anything that’s pink, but she’s by far got the strongest stomach & nerves steelier than Karin’s bordering suicidal recklessness. Ururu says it’s hard to be unnerved when they’ve defeated scarier.

Sports make up most of their training regiment. It’s more natural than sparring & exercises all the same things that need to be. They cycle through soccer, baseball, tennis, volleyball, basketball, & boxing. They do eventually move on to include hand-to-hand and weapons training, but it never quite assists their growth like sports did.