#Today I finally won the housing lottery I am SO happy

[nuclearanomaly]

Empyreum ward 26, plot 25 Adamantiose

[fatedwithmbc]

Embarrassments from this Weekend:

1. After trying every form of protein possibly on the market, I discovered it can make you very gassy. Not a problem if you’re not being social. Very BIG problem when you have an overnight at your romantic interests’ house. Thanks, Cancer, you slut.

2. I made a cake for my brother’s belated birthday dinner. The very first thing I stated was, “it’s flat”. The very first thing my brother said was, “it’s missing some height”.

3. Emotional posts on my social media accounts were abundant this weekend. Today marks 2 years since my Dad’s passing. I’m in full “grief” mode. It also makes me think about my own passing. I just keep thinking, I’m also Stage IV, I can’t have much time left… who knows.

4. Admitting to myself how much I missed, and actually crave physical touch from someone who cares about me. I mean hugs, spooning, holding hands; you know, PG-13, innocent PDA. It’s made me realize, you need to hug whoever you love. You need physical touch to feel loved; whether it’s a hug platonically, or a family member, or even romantically.

5. Confessing to “E” that he couldn’t buy a new Michigan hat because I already had — for him. Which in turn left me feeling as if I have put the cart before the horse. Is it too soon for gifts? I mean, his birthday is in 2 weeks and I am fully prepared, despite our lack of “status”. I care for him and this is how I’d behave for anyone I care for - and cutting the shit: I’m excited about where “we” could be headed.

Amazing Things from this Weekend:

1. Time with “E”. Seeing him in person definitely solidified things for me. We’re oddly comfortable around each other. We can be quiet without it being awkward. There’s banter. Which I love the most. His demeanor is serious, yet caring - hard and soft; a complete paradox that I somehow understand. We cuddled watching Unsolved Mysteries with “R” taking up the middle between us. We went to bed— and had deeply open conversations, like kids at a sleepover refusing to go to bed. Sleep finally came, and I could have stayed in the most intentional yet gentle embrace in his arms forever. I slept well, and without the aid of medicines for the first time in ages. He let me sleep later as he took care of “R”. I made his bed and readied to leave- but not before discussing plans to see each other soon. True gentleman that he is, he walked me out to my car, gave me the best hug in the world and said “Text me when you’re home”. That important line that means someone cares for you. I hope this continues to trend positively. We’ve not stopped talking since I left.

2. Celebrating my Brother; his happiness is my happiness. Knowing he loved his gifts, enjoyed the cake I made for him and is opening up with me again is more than I could ever ask for. I’ve missed him. We won’t ever be the same, but we’re healing and adapting. We’re making our family important.

3. Seeing my Nephew — including the best greeting: his smiling face and excited voice beaming “Asheley!” Our silly games, our hugs and our good-byes. All of it, with him, is special and precious to me.

4. Learning the Buttercream Frosting recipe from Mom-Mom

5. Selecting the flowers for Dad’s bouquet, ensuring the depth and meaning I am always looking for was accomplished. Red Roses - Love; White Roses - Loyalty; Amaranth - Admiration & Friendship.

6. A Georgia mug was added to my “You Are Here” collection from Starbucks; courtesy of my SIL and Brother.

7. Pep-talks from my amazing Bestie (also identifiable as “E”) really helped calm my nerves on Friday. And she is feeling better after having COVID. She’s in the top 3 of my biggest supporters/carers. I’m so glad I have a solid friendship to rely on and that makes me feel entirely supported.

8. I won $59 on random lottery winnings which coincided with Dad’s birth year on the day of his death date. It was a weird universe, coincidence thing. And I love those types of “signs”.

Random Ramblings:

MBC has totally stolen my appetite and desire for food. I’m dying from these daily protein in-take targets. “E” cares about my protein in-take. He asks about my goal and progress each day. Plant protein is very “dry”. “Whey” protein tastes awful. I have one item I bought that I have left to try. The bottom line is that I don’t know how I can force myself to eat. It’s so damn hard. Especially because once you haven’t eaten for awhile, not eating food seems natural.

I started feeling neuropathy, (thanks again, Cancer), for the first time since taking the Kisqali. It’s in my hand. Totally can’t feel the objects in my hand when I hold them (only periodically). It feels like pins and needles or like it’s “sleeping”.

I discovered a storefront that does Tarot Readings in a town nearby. I’m going this week since I’m on a forced LOA. Forced LOA definitely frees up ones’ calendar. I am super interested in how the reading will progress and what it will ultimately reveal. I also reached out to some relatives about a possible trip to NY state during my LOA.

I’m exhausted, but still not sleeping without the aid of pills.

I have a few appointments this week. Nothing major. No shots, no labs, no surgery.

I’m successfully avoiding the bathroom scale. But admittedly, I’ll weigh myself tomorrow.

The End.

Notifications: @kcco265

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