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thespianbooks · 4 years

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A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 23//

Masterlist

(tags: @thron3ofbooks, @df3ndyr, @courtofjurdan, @art-e-mis, @herondamnn, @the-third-me, @im-still-trying-here, @emikadreams, @paytin77, @mis-lil-red, @sleeping-and-books, @lucieisabooknerd, @amandaraey-sunshine, @easy-p-lemon, @azymondias05, @dagypsygirl, @makeshift-utopia) *bold tags don’t work ;-;

Sorry this chapter is late today, it’s just been a crazy hectic week, but I’ve been determined to still post on Monday’s dammit! Even at 8PM 😅 Enjoy!

XXX

A week into our newfound peace, Rhys and I were glad to be rid of Keir and the ongoing threat he posed, but now faced the aftermath of the Illyrians and the rebellion they had raised on their side of the coup. While Keir and his Darkbringer generals had been easily taken care of by Mor, we were now faced with the task of dispensing the repercussions to the Illyrian camp lords that sided with Kallon.

"I want all the camp lords dead," Rhys said—darkly and very matter-of-factly to our inner circle; all of us having gathered in the small cabin at Windhaven.

Following the battle, it only took a couple of days to round up the rogue Illyrians into the prison camps that had been established. Cassian had also separated the camp lords from their legions and imprisoned them separately. He, Azriel, Rhys and I decided early on that their sentences would differ from their soldiers as a warning that another attempt like this wouldn't be taken lightly—if our powerful friends throughout the other courts weren't foreboding enough. As the days passed, most of our court allies had returned back to their respective territories; Tamlin being the first, followed by Tarquin with the promise to send any other additional aide we might need; as well as good wishes for my mate and I and our baby. Eris left shortly after without any additional fanfare, but gave us a less-than subtle reminder of his father who continued to rot in their dungeons, though any thoughts of possibly dealing with the elder male left me weary. Rhys assured me that Eris would be more than pleased to manage with his father. Only a few days after that, Helion and Thesan agreed to stay behind with their general commanders and a small intel of higher-ranking soldiers in order to help keep an eye on our newly stationed prisons. They decided to leave the rest of this issue in our hands by wisely sitting out of the meetings Rhys and I had with our family.

Cassian visibly stiffened at my mate's words, but before he had a chance to protest, I held up a hand and turned to him. "That is almost half of the camp lords in Illyria, some that have been in their position for centuries, Rhys," I shared a quick exchange with Cassian, who looked on with approval.

"You, Cassian, and Azriel came to the conclusion long ago that this had to be dealt with more delicately, right?" I posed.

The tension in Rhys's shoulders remained, but his face shifted from dark to moderate as his eyes trailed over my rounded stomach; more pronounced than ever at this stage, and more so while I sat in the chair at the table we gathered around. With only a little less than two months to go, I was growing increasingly uncomfortable as the days dragged on. With the dust settled, the adrenaline I had gathered in the past weeks began to dissipate—leaving me with the aches and pains I had grown accustomed to, along with my more sluggish movement.

Rhys's gaze lingered on my stomach. "That was a decade ago, when we were speculating. Things played out a lot differently than we originally anticipated."

"But we had a hunch on this outcome, Rhys. Feyre is right, we were right back then. We can't kill our way out of this one," Cassian explained.

From the corner of my eye I noticed Azriel silently watching their exchange, arms crossed, and it didn't take much to assume what his opinion on the matter was.

"Well how else do we send a message to them? Apparently executing the camps who sided with Amarantha didn't send it clear enough, because they pulled this," Mor challenged.

I turned a withered gaze in her direction. She did have a point, but I still couldn't help feeling that simply sentencing high-ranking Illyrians to death wasn't the answer we needed.

"That, and the losses they suffered from the war with Hybern only added to their list of grievances against us. Adding more to their dead would only strengthen that point for them," Cassian argued.

"These people are ruthless," Nesta pointed out, staring Cassian down hard as his head turned at her words. "The only way to match that and make sure our point is received is by being equally merciless."

"The girl has a point, Cassian." Amren drawled from her spot next to me, her petite legs draped casually on the table. "Violence begets violence."

"We don't need any more violence," Elain suddenly said, surprisingly assertive—even as everyone directed their astonished stares at her.

"Feyre is about to have a baby. That baby is going to take over as High Lord one day, and we don't want him inheriting the difficulties you all have been dealing with for centuries," she explained. "The whole reason we sought to end this coup was to herald in a new era of peace. So, we have to establish that now. Somehow."

I smiled gratefully in return and noticed that while Nesta and Cassian stared at my otherwise timid sister, Azriel fought a grin on his composed face. Amren, however, allowed a long feline grin to grow on her lips.

"Wise words, girl," she said casually.

Mor's grin was friendly, but worried. "That would be ideal, but these are the Illyrians we're talking about."

"There must be something we can do," Elain insisted.

"There is," Rhys finally spoke up. "But will be hard pressed to find."

I drummed my fingertips along the apex of my belly, Sebastian mercifully sleeping after a night of constant kicking, and I debated aloud. "What if we took something of value to them? Something that would cost them they're rank and force them into different occupations in the camps? Like say...an ability?"

Azriel was the first to understand what I meant, eyes growing wide with an astonished blink, Rhys and Cassian following and looking equally shocked.

"That practice was banned centuries ago," Rhys said, though he didn't sound too bothered.

"In regard to females," Cassian interjected as he crossed his arms again with a smug smirk.

"It would certainly make them wish they were dead," Azriel added, also unbothered.

"And makes for a rather profound impact," I concluded with a small grin. "Any other sympathizers for their cause will think twice before trying to oppose our rule again."

Mor and Amren seemed to catch onto what we were implying, as did Nesta—who bent down to mutter in our sister's ear to inform her. Elain's eyes went wide but didn't protest.

"Well girl, it appears pregnancy hasn't affected that mischievous mind of yours," Amren mused, grey eyes almost seeming to shimmer as she spoke.

"It looks like we have our solution then," Mor said with a satisfied sigh. "Can we get the hell out of this frozen tundra now and go back to Velaris?"

Rhys nodded, placing a hand on the back of my chair. "We will, just as soon as Feyre darling delivers the sentences to the camp lords."

I blinked and turned my head to face him. "Me?" I asked.

"Well, it was your idea, my love," Rhys replied with a wicked grin.

"And since you weren't at the battle, it'd be good for them to hear and see their High Lady. Give them another reminder of your position and the power you hold as well," Cassian said.

I sighed tiredly, running both hands along the expanse of my belly. I wanted nothing more than to return to Velaris—return home and finally enjoy this newly-granted peace, before a new chaos ensued in the form of a newborn high fae infant.

I promise, the first thing I'll do when we return to Velaris is draw you a warm bath

And bring me as many chocolate covered strawberries as I want? I asked in return.

His responding chuckle was aloud as he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I'll bring you whatever you're craving and more, my love

I smiled at him in return before facing the others. "All right, I'll address the camp lords and hand out their sentences, but I don't think I can stomach watching it all be carried out."

"Az and I will see to that, and we'll have the other prisoners and camp lords bear witness. That will guarantee that none of them ever try anything like this again," Cassian promised, though for a second I saw a glimmer of that long-held pain reflected in his eyes.

After the week it took to gather the last of our prisoners and the last efforts it took to clean up this mess, I still didn't get that moment alone to speak with Cassian. The night following the battle, Rhys had let down his black adamant shields, allowing me to see the fighting that took place after Keir's death. While the Illyrians and Darkbringers managed to hold their own for a time, they were certainly no match against our numbers with the other High Lord's forces combined. Even through his memories I could feel the ache my mate felt when facing his own people; the people and traditions he had been primarily raised in thanks to his mother. That ache and betrayal was just as present in Cassian, who would let out frustrated shouts of anger as he fought his fellow Illyrian warriors. Through Rhys's memory, I saw flashes of Cassian in battle and the inner turmoil he endured as he took down Illyrian after Illyrian. Both he and Rhys did their best to only knock them unconscious rather than kill them outright, but there were instances when it was their only option.

I stared at Cassian a little longer than I meant to, having realized it when he frowned with concern. "Feyre?" he asked.

I looked down at my lap, half covered by my belly, and squeezed Rhys's hand, still on my shoulder. "I need a moment with Cassian, please," I said to no one in particular.

Rhys pressed a kiss to the crown of my head as confirmation, and I didn't look up as I heard the scrapping of chairs as the others filed out of the cabin one-by-one. I waited until I heard the soft click of the door closing before I lifted my head to face the general—my general and commander.

My eyes stung as I sighed. "Cassian, I...I never got to apologize to you, for all of this," I started softly. "For your own people turning on you, and Rhys, and Az. For you having to fight them at all. I-I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you during that battle."

He crossed over to my side, pulling out a chair and turning it to face mine as he sat across from me. "Feyre, you're not the one who should be apologizing, there is no need," he said before taking my hands in his. "I have dealt with the Illyrians' resentment for centuries and learned a long time ago that I would never be more than some bastard-born nobody to them. I've accepted that."

"Still, to have to take down your own, to face them across the field and know of their intentions…" I said and shook my head with a sigh.

"It might've stung a little, but my loyalties lie elsewhere," he said with a small squeeze of my hands.

I offered him a sad smile in return, but he grinned. "I may command these legions, and consider myself a proud Illyrian male, but that is separate from you, Rhys, and the others. The Illyrians may be the foundation on which I was raised and trained, but Velaris—the rest of you, are my people."

Tears sprang to my eyes before I had the chance to control them and Cassian laughed, standing so he could kneel at my side and wrap an arm around my shoulders. He rubbed my back lightly as I cried.

"I'm beginning to wonder if you'll ever return back to the old Feyre once the little one is born. She was able to control her tears better," he contemplated.

I shoved his shoulder and he laughed again. "You have no idea how hard it is to control my emotions right now," I motioned to my stomach. "He has complete control over me."

"Oh, I don't envy that at all," he said before standing upright and offering me a hand up.

I sniffed as I took his hand, standing with a grunt of effort and resting a hand on the small of my back. "Thank you, Cassian," I said. "For helping make his world safer."

Cassian grinned in return, bowing with a hand over his heart—as he had when he swore his first oath to me. "Anything in service and protection for my High Lady," he said with a wink.

I laughed and after clearing away any lingering tears, he escorted me outside of the cabin; where I would address the imprisoned Illyrian camp lords and perform as High Lady for the last time before giving birth to their future High Lord.

XXX

Rhys's speech had been short and to the point. We agreed he would address the camp lords first before turning the verdict of their punishment to me. The minute the word clipped left my mouth, audible shocked gasps could be heard from the other camp residents and prisoners. Devlon's face was steeled over, despite having agreed with us on this course of action, I imagined the thought of losing one's ability to fly made every male here recoil—though Devlon's face remained as hard as ever.

Half of the camp lords looked disbelieving, thinking we wouldn't actually follow through on such a promise; until Kallon himself foolishly stepped forward and expressed as much, followed by spitting on the ground in front of where Rhys and I stood. Azriel had been quick in his response, a cobalt siphon flickering before a blue light shot out and flattened Kallon on his back—bright blue netting holding him down as he thrashed to get free. Azriel slowly walked over and forced one of the male's wings open, Truth-Teller in hand, before swiftly and brutally making the cut.

I tried not to look away even as my stomach churned at the male's screams. I continued to watch in abject horror until Rhys placed a hand on my back and led me away without another word, Cassian stepping into our place as we left.

The screams followed me all the way back to Velaris, Rhys carrying me in his arms as we flew through the skies as carefully as possible. Even now as I stood on the front balcony of the estate, overlooking the Sidra and city beyond, the anguished screams echoed through my mind for much longer than I wanted. It wasn't remorse that twisted in my gut—no, Kallon and every camp lord that decided to follow him deserved to be clipped as their punishment.

"It's the centuries and centuries you know that practice was performed on females," Rhys suddenly said from behind me, and I realized my shields were down as I twisted to find him leaning against the doorframe leading back into the estate. "And you're worried how they might retaliate."

I frowned, running both hands over the front of my stomach, holding it. "Do you think they will?" I asked softly.

Rhys sauntered over to me, pressing a lingering kiss to my brow. "It's certainly a possibility, but we'll be keeping a much closer eye on those camps, and the females residing there," he reassured me.

I sighed shakily with a nod, placing my hands on his shoulders. "I just...don't want them to use it as an excuse to clip any more females, even the ones that sympathized with their cause," I admitted.

"If they do, they'll pay the consequences. And for any other bullshit they try to pull," he pressed another kiss to my brow, both hands coming to hold my stomach. "But I have a feeling this will bring them down a couple notches, so we may not have anything to worry about for a while."

"I hope you're right about that," I said, closing my eyes with relief as he massaged the sides of my stomach, the muscles beneath my skin sore.

"Am I ever wrong, Feyre darling?" He asked with a wicked grin.

"You don't want me to answer that," I teased.

He gasped in mock hurt. "You wound me, my love," he said as his hands moved to my hips, eliciting a groan from my lips as he massaged the tender spots where the muscles of my stomach met my hips. "Come get some rest, it's been a hectic week."

I nodded and followed him back into our home, placing both of my hands on the small of my back as I began walking ahead of him. "Your son is starting to get heavier and heavier these days," I complained.

I glanced over my shoulder, seeing the wide grin on his face and raised a brow as he watched me walk. "What is it?" I asked.

"Your gait has changed, Feyre darling, that's all," he said as he caught up to my side, resting a hand in place of mine on my back.

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You're starting to waddle," he answered, his grin widening.

I balked and took a few more steps, noticing that I certainly was shifting my weight in a slight swaying motion as I walked. "Well, you can't blame me, I am carrying around a splendid burden in my gut."

"You certainly are, my love," he laughed as he guided me to the living area

I held onto both of his arms as I lowered myself onto the sofa, glad I had chosen such luxuriously soft furnishings for each room of the manor. "It's only going to get bigger...much bigger," I said as I stared at my stomach.

Rhys sat beside me, draping an arm over the back of the seat behind me. "That's a good thing. Madja says we want a healthy, cherub-cheeked babe," he said.

His violet eyes sparkled as he began stroking my stomach gently, his grin transforming into a warm smile. I smiled at him in return. "It's all just...becoming so real now. We've spent so much time worrying about the coup, and even though we had those periods of respite, it always lingered over us," I explained. "Now the only thing we have to look forward to is...becoming parents."

"Are you nervous?" Rhys asked, keeping a hand on my stomach.

I shook my head. "I'm excited to meet him, and hold him...to see you hold him," my eyes stung at just the mention of it and laughed at myself—exasperated at how quickly I continued to be reduced to tears.

Rhys pulled me closer, placing a kiss at my temple before moving to my ear. "I can't wait to see him in your arms, to see you nurse him and rock him to sleep," he purred.

I sniffed and nuzzled into his embrace, resting my face into the nape of his neck, breathing in his salt and citrus scent. "It's going to be wonderful isn't it?" I asked softly.

"That, and more," he replied, his chin resting atop the crown of my head as he inhaled my scent as well, both of us basking in each other as he caressed my belly—gratitude didn't even begin to explain what we were both experiencing in this moment.

Gratitude, and hope, and so much more.

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Alone together at the Summer Sweets Festival

Sweet treats, flying carpets, and colorful blooms - it's a magical day in Falcon Harbor when the Summer Sweets Festival comes to town. Everything's so soft and pastel, it's such a lovely sight to take in. Standing on the bridge, getting a full view of the festivities, I feel peaceful, like despite everything going on in the world right now, as long as I'm here, I'm safe.

Since we've been busy with camp stuff and running the shop, Daisy Jane and I felt that we needed some time to ourselves. Up until now, we haven't really had one on one time together, something we knew had to be fixed.

Hard to believe that Daisy Jane's been here for over a year now - how different things were back then. She went from stagnating in life to living her dream, being independent and creating art. And not too long ago I was in a similar position, trying to find my place in the world but having a hard time doing so. People objected - usually for good reason - but we took the plunge anyway, stumbling more than succeeding, but finding our way eventually. To some, it's still not ideal, but to us, we're happy, and that's more than enough for us.

Like I said, it's been nice just the two of us hanging out. I mean, we did meet up with friends but for the most part it's only us off on our own while occasionally meeting up. Not that I don't miss the campers but sometimes you just gotta go off and do your own thing. I've been so wrapped up in camp events lately that I haven't had time to do that and it was starting to affect me. As I'm still learning, it's important not to get too wrapped up in things - and there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, even slacking off if you can.

Since Pai brought along Connie and the gang, I've been thinking about that a lot. As much as I enjoy and look forward to camp events, they take a lot out of me. I get that they're kinda necessary to keep things running - and it's not like we're running out of ideas (I'm starting to think that's becoming one of my worst fears if I ever get to that point) - but it's important to know when to slow down. I've made the mistake of back to back events so now I know to space them out for everyone's sanity.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that burnout ain't good. Know the signs and take steps to prevent yourself from crashing and burning. Problem is that it can sneak up in unexpected ways, so it's extra important to catch the warning signs as soon as possible.

A festival may not seem like an ideal way to get some rest and relaxation, but this one's different. I think it's the peaceful atmosphere in general - things aren't too crazy or crowded, just people vibing in their own spaces. Kinda like a cafe's that's sorta busy but not too crowded or loud so you can just chill out and do your own thing without feeling like you're in the way. I always feel bad for taking up space, especially when I know that someone else needs it more than I do, which is why I tend to feel self conscious out in public. Doing stuff at a cafe sounds nice but actually doing it? I need to find the right place, the right atmosphere, the right spot that gives me privacy while not be closed off from everything else.

In other words, the Summer Sweets Festival's kinda like finding the perfect cafe to hang out in. The vibe's similar to the Traveling Fika, a relaxed atmosphere that doesn't compel you to have to try out everything all at once but instead encourages you to take your time and explore at your own pace. As much as I enjoy festivals - even more so as I've had a hand in behind the scenes for some - they can take a lot out of me. Again, there's nothing wrong with slowing down and taking your time.

While enjoying the festivities we ran into some friends. Turns out Emmaline and Minnie had the same idea of going to the festival for one on one time. I think this is the first time I've hung out with them since their wedding. As usual, they've been traveling around the universe, though they've been slowing down a bit and visiting home more often. It's still up in the air, but they're really considering the idea of buying a place in Rosevine. They'll still be traveling but that means they'll also have a home base to go back to.

The four of us enjoyed galaxy themed dango and fresh jasmine tea while catching up. I think since getting married, Emmaline and Minnie have fallen even more in love with each other. It's always so sweet seeing them side by side, holding hands and just being together. Like me and Daisy Jane, they also took a gamble by going off on their own - they were always more bolder than us in many ways despite being younger. In a way, they seem older, though it's more of a kinda had to grow up faster because of life circumstances.

Now that I think about it, no one really comes out unscathed from their upbringing. I'm lucky to not experience the traumas Emmaline and Minnie went through, though I can relate to being seemingly older than your peers. I'm not knocking my upbringing but the culture I grew up in - where my parents were also brought up - tends to put pressure on all of us. Maybe I'm biased because I'm the firstborn daughter in an Asian family but in a way I'm kinda expected to be maternal - not that I don't want to be, it's just the pressure of being that gets to me. It's the whole idea of you have to be the best, not just for you, but for your family - in other words, you have a lot to carry on your shoulders.

Then there's the whole debate of whether I should do something because it's for me or should consider my family over myself. Eh, that's something for another time I don't feel like getting into all that today. Will I have to address it someday? Probably but I don't have the brain power to even touch on that.

After getting lost in the stars, the four of us hopped on a flying carpet for a scenic view of the harbor. They say that Falcon Harbor's known for its magical carpets, from their beautiful and intricate designs to the magic these threads possess, it's amazing to see how much work is put into making a single one. The view is absolutely gorgeous - it adds to the dreamy vibe of the festival.

Not too long after parting ways, we ran into Blossom. It was an unexpected surprise as she came here on sort of a whim. For the past year or so she's been hanging out with a time traveling professor and exploring various parts of the universe with him. She posts a lot of about her travels on social media and it sounds like she's having a blast.

Though as much as she enjoys going on adventures with the professor, Blossom finds him a hassle to get along with sometimes. She describes him as the kind of guy who's used to pretty much getting away with everything and doesn't really know how to take responsibility, so inevitably that ends up getting him into a lot of trouble. Jamie's heard stories about him and while he has good intentions, most tend to have a like-hate thing with him. I get where Blossom's coming from with the lack of foresight and accountability - like it's understandable if you're from an upbringing that neglects that but at the same time you're a grown adult so act like one.

Aside from that the professor guy sounds cool but to be honest I'm not sure if I can stand to be his traveling companion. Blossom finds him to be good company most of the time and he brings some excitement to her normally monotonous life. Now with her little sister moving across the country, Blossom finally has more freedom to do what she wants. The main reason why she accepted the professor's offer to join in on his adventures was to get away from her, which is understandable. Her sister's a lot like mine in which I love her, but she can be a bit much to deal with - and not ideal to live with 24/7. With her sister gone, Blossom doesn't have to deal with nosy siblings who, while well intentioned, make her feel bad for doing her own thing. And yes, I speak from experience.

Originally, Blossom and the professor were gonna go on a space adventure but that was scrapped at the last minute. Basically, the professor owed an old friend big time for something he sorta screwed up on the last time he visited, so now, after avoiding it for years, he has to finally pay up. It's not as bad as it sounds as he knew that he would have to own up sooner or later, plus Blossom knows them to be good friends.

As much as she wants to see the cosmos, she's been busy helping her sister with the moving out process so she'd rather have a lowkey weekend. Since she lives about 20 mins away from town, Blossom figured that maybe she'd pop in to join in on the festivities for a bit. So we enjoyed candied strawberries, tiger milk tea, and a boat ride around the harbor before going off our separate ways again.

At night, we met up again with Emmaline and Minnie to set up a picnic and watch the fireworks show. Seeing all those bright, vibrant colors against the dark night sky, it's a pretty sight to look at. We also chose a good spot to view it as there's not too many people around and the sound doesn't break our ears. After that, we hung around a bit longer, exploring stands we haven't gotten around to visiting yet. The quiet atmosphere along with the gentle glow of the lanterns - I almost didn't want to leave because it felt so comforting, especially when it's just us alone.

Did I just say "us" alone? Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long and have a lot in common, but as much as I like having alone time, I'm starting to see myself more open to sharing that time with Daisy Jane. Not exactly interacting, but existing in the same space, doing our own thing. I still need my solo alone time, but I also wouldn't mind being alone together with Daisy Jane, like how we were at the festival.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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polar-stars · 4 years

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Greetings @wishingforatypewriter ! If I’m not mistaken...today’s your birthday right? At least you told the Birthday Bot in the SoRina discord server that it’s the 15th of February and today is the 15th of February!

So, I drew you a little something for this occasion 🎉 You’re without a doubt one of my favorite writers within the SNS-community and I really enjoy your work and also connect some really fond & strong memories to a few particular ones. (Remember “Cherry Red and Green with Envy”? Yeah, I read that in a lovely summer night in Italy, on a balcony. And gosh, the sheer joy I felt that day. I send the thing to my best friend instantly and kept gushing about the work through multiple audios shdfhf And well, that’s just one examplel) Generally speaking, it’s always interesting to hear your headcanons or learn more about your characters!

By all means, if you ever publish that novel you occasionally mentioned...Please tell us the title of it. I will order it all the way from the US, shipping costs be damned!

Furthermore, I’m not the only one who drew you something. @takoyakitenchou also has a treat ready for you! She also brought up the idea to collaborate on a small fic as well & what it would be about. I’m going to post the first part of it right here and she will be posting the 2nd part a little later.

All in all, I hope you’re going to have a really good day ahead of you ☺️ And now, after all of my rambling (I just had to get some stuff out shdh), here’s Pt. 1 of the tenchou & Lea adventures, a little fictional verse where there’s no pandemic and only good vibes:

誕生日おめでとう (part 1)

in which tenchou has no regard for time zones but birthdays must still be celebrated

8:00 PM EST, February 13th (2 AM CET, February 14th) If the takoyaki store manager had had enough brain cells to promote Germany to the forefront of her nonexistent timezone awareness, she most likely would not have called Lea at two in the morning central European time. Lea picked up with a weary “Hallo?” and was all the more confused as she got an English reply back. She reached out a hand to the nightstand and the lamp that could be activated with just a touch, hoping that the light would bring more clarity to her tired mind. But instead, she just blinded herself. Completely oblivious to Lea’s predicament, the tenchou said cheerfully, “I got you a plane ticket.”

“Sorry?” “A plane ticket,” she repeated as if she were talking about the weather. “From Brandenburg Airport to JFK. It leaves in two hours. Unless I did the math wrong, you’ll be in New York by nine in the morning eastern on… the 14th. I hope.” “Was zum Teufel?” Lea choked out. The tenchou paused for a split second. “Is this not a good time for you? I can call you back.” “Reina, it is two in the morning over here.” “I think you’ll live,” she replied, and Lea could clearly visualize the offhand wave on the other end of the line. “Three coffees should do the trick. You might wanna start packing, though.” Lea sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. It seemed she wasn’t getting out of this anytime soon. “You know how deranged you sound right now?” “I know, it’s crazy! I live in California but we’re meeting in New York.” Lea briefly debated telling the tenchou that her present location was not, in fact, the point, but she did not currently have the mental capacity to do so. She settled with a long sigh. “What’s this for?” A moment and a half later, the tenchou said, “You know whose birthday is coming up on the 15th?” “Yeah, of course.” “Do I need to explain further?” “Ohhh,” Lea said, finally understanding. “See you soon.” Reina grinned. “I sent the plane and hotel info via Discord. Have a safe flight.” Then she hung up. It was going to be an interesting weekend.

9:30 AM EST, February 14th By the time Lea arrived at JFK’s international terminal, Reina was waiting with a triumphant, very poorly spaced welcome to fuckin ny scrawled on a massive sign. It was pretty obvious that the tenchou was still slightly out of it from jello shots with her Juilliard homies the night prior, but there was business to be tended to. “What are we doing?” Lea asked as the tenchou took her carry-on. “I was thinking we’d collaborate on a gift.” “Art? Or… a fic?” “Either. Both. What if I started a takoyaki store in NYC and gave her exclusive access?” “That seems nice,” Lea said agreeably, noting not for the first time that the store manager was probably missing a few brain cells. “But maybe not a good idea.” “Oh, you’re right. I’d have to get a building and everything.” Reina gave a lopsided smile. “Maybe we’ll do that next year. So… art and a fic it is, then.”

10:00 AM EST, February 14th “You need a coffee,” Lea decided once they were sitting at a local cafe. “Let me buy,” Reina said quickly. “It’s the least I can do after dragging you here from Germany. What do you want?” Fair enough. Lea nodded as a sign of gratitude and replied, “Latte macchiato, please.” Five minutes later, Reina brought eleven coffees to the table. Lea gawked at the tenchou. “Are you…” she trailed off. “Insane? No. Caffeine dependent? Very.” She passed Lea the latte and organized the ten iced coffees in two neat rows in front of them. “I’ve been trying to lower my consumption this week. Normally I’d get a dozen double espressos, so this is actually pretty major progress for me.” “Subtracting two cups doesn’t seem like progress,” Lea said dryly. “These are all americanos,” Reina explained defensively, like that solved everything. Lea gave a doubtful eyebrow raise. “Oh? How many espresso shots in each?” Resenting the fact that she’d hit home so accurately, Reina muttered, “Three.” Lea decided not to press the matter further — the tenchou was pissy enough as is — and instead watched with mild concern as the tenchou proceeded to chug the first five coffees without so much as a breath in between. “Now that I’m partially functional, you wanna get started?” Reina asked. “You and I can both do an art piece and we’ll collaborate on a fic together.” “Hmhm.” Lea reflected on the offer in her head. For a short moment she considered asking if she could take just about 10 writing courses beforehand, half-joking and half-serious. But she decided against it. With a brief look at the clock and the knowledge that it once took her an entire year to update a two-part fanfiction, she knew that if they needed it done by tomorrow they’d have to get started soon. “Interesting idea,” she therefore said. “But what would the fic be about? I have the writing pace of a turtle, so it might be better if we come up with something real quick.” Reina finished her sixth cup of coffee before raising an eyebrow at Lea. “By the way, when are you gonna update—” “Not even God knows when I will update anything,” Lea sighed. “But I’ll give Tuesday or Wednesday a try. Right now, I have to focus on the collab instead. So, do you have any ideas already?” “So… Tuesday as in this coming Tuesday? Or next year Tuesday?” Lea politely declined to comment. “I wrote part of the fic while I was in line for the coffees,” Reina said, pulling out her laptop. “Want me to share a Google Doc or—” “Google Doc,” Lea cut in. She had heard many times of the tenchou’s wackass habit of writing all her fics in direct messages with fellow writers and then copy pasting them onto whatever platform was most accessible at the time. “Discord is more convenient,” Reina deadpanned, her mouth on the rim of her seventh americano. “But alright. Google Docs it is.”

#I hope you'll like it ;v;

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sinner-as-saint · 5 years

Text

Ocean Eyes

Post Endgame Steve Rogers Fic.

Requested by anon: “I was wondering if you could possibly write something about where the reader was Tony’s daughter, from a one night stand before he was iron man, and is dating Steve, so when Tony passes in Endgame she uses sex with Steve as a way to help her grieve?”

Themes: Smut, angst, feels, language, a little bit of soft Bucky

A/n: Let’s pretend Steve didn’t go back to return the stones right away. I mean he does eventually, but just not right after the funeral. Enjoy loves! And do let me know what you think, i love hearing feedback!

You sat in the living area of the new home your dad left you in his will, not far from the Avengers’ compound. A cup of strong, black coffee in your hand and your laptop on your lap, you just scrolled through the countless number of emails and fan art you were receiving or being tagged in – the world was mourning for your father like they should for the hero he was. While Morgan sat next to you, munching messily on her second mini cheeseburger of the night. She reminded you so much of your dad it was crazy.

You were Y/n Stark, daughter of Tony Stark. You never knew who your mother was, and your dad didn’t know either. All you could put together was that you were conceived during Tony Stark’s playboy days; years before he became Iron Man. And what you dad told you was that one day long time ago, a man showed up on his doorstep with a baby and a handwritten letter. And the unknown man left both you and the letter in his hands before going away without a word.

Upon reading the letter, Tony figured that you were his daughter. You were 10 months old at the time. And ever since then, you had the best dad anyone could ask for.

Time passed and your dad almost died, was kidnapped and eventually became Earth’s best defender; Iron Man and you couldn’t be happier when he first introduced you to the Avengers. Your relationship with Pepper was awesome too. Your dad was your best friend, and losing him was your worst nightmare. A nightmare which came true.

You went to every single mission with your dad; despite his over protectiveness. And you fought alongside your father every single time, until the Civil War between him and Cap.

You both had a huge argument when he found out that you were siding with Steve. He said things he didn’t mean and you did too. And after finding out the whole story, you didn’t want to choose sides anymore, so you disappeared. For years nobody knew where you went; your dad was losing his mind and then Thanos happened.

You somehow showed up in Wakanda while your dad was on Titan. Long story short, you thought you had lost him in the snap, but then he came home.

Your dad decided that he wanted to marry Pepper finally and settle down somewhere far from the superhero life. And you were happy for him truly. They had a simple wedding, and then they had a daughter, Morgan.

You lost people in the snap, and for 5 years you all tried to move on.

During those five years, you lived with the Avengers, well what was left of them. You helped Nat through it all and you somehow grew closer to Steve more than anyone else. And before you knew it, you were starting to catch feelings for the super soldier.

After the last battle, when you saw your father die right in front of you, you were completely broken. You were still in denial at his funeral. In his prerecorded message for all of you, he mentioned that he was leaving you, Morgan, Peter and Harley everything he had, including a lavish, smart home built just for each one of you. Morgan lived with Pepper, while you lived alone in your spacious home. And it got lonely sometimes, but the team kept visiting. Peter would come by sometimes, Sam and Bucky would too. Steve was somehow always away but he visited whenever he could.

The team were still debating over who would actually go to place all the stones back. You offered to go, but a loud echo of ‘No!’ from many people, including Happy and Rhodey, shot back at you when you did propose that idea during a recent meeting. Being Tony Stark’s daughter, it was a habit for them, instilled by Tony himself, to be protective over you.

Morgan’s voice dragged you back to reality from the flashback you were having.

“Can I please have another one, Y/n?” she asked, giving you the best puppy eyes ever. She had your dad’s eyes and whenever you looked into them, you knew that he was with you in another form.

“Nice try Morgoona, but mom is gonna kill us both if she ever found out that I’m your cheeseburger dealer. Also, she’s on her way to pick you up, she’s done with work. You can have cheeseburgers tomorrow baby, for now, let’s wipe your face,” you were babysitting Morgan while Pepper was caught up with work and meetings all day.

An hour later, Pep came over to pick Morgan up asked you if you wanted to join them for dinner. You politely refused because you still needed time to recover before going back to the lake house which was filled with your dad’s memories.

It was around 10 p.m. and you were just lounging in the living area with a book when your phone buzzed on the coffee table not far from you.

It was a message from Steve.

1 new message from Captain Dorito: Can I come over? Need to talk.

It simply said, yet the seven little words made your heart pound inside your chest. You and Steve were an on and off couple. Yeah you had sex multiple times in the past, but since you lost your father and since Bucky came back, you both had been a bit distant from one another; taking time to heal and catch up with the ones you had lost.

His text was short and simple, but your tried your hardest to read between the words, and when you couldn’t figure anything out – you texted him a simple ‘yeah’ and paced around in your living room until you heard the roar of his car’s engine coming through your property’s gate.

Just a few moments later, the AI your father had created and installed in your house spoke up.

“Captain Rogers is at the door, Y/n.” it simply said. And you let out a loud breath.

“Let him in, Mr. J,” you replied back. He was named after Jarvis, because he was your favorite AI that your dad ever made. You wanted to name yours Jarvis Junior but then settled on Mr. J because it was cooler.

You were on the first floor so it took him a few seconds to come in the room which you were in and those few seconds felt like an eternity. Then you finally saw him, after days.

He walked in your living room, carefully shaved, his soft, signature smile on and wearing a long sleeved, tight, navy blue shirt which accentuated his defined abs and his biceps. The sight of him alone made your heart go crazy in a really good way.

“Hey Y/n,” he simply said, greeting you with his muscular arms wide open; hoping for a much needed hug.

Perhaps it was the fact that you hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. Perhaps it was because you missed him. Or perhaps it was because you were tired of being alone and acting so strong for Morgan, Peter, Pepper, and Rhodey and basically everyone else that you needed a shoulder to cry on as well. Either way, you ran into his arms and wrapped your limbs around him, a few tears falling down your cheeks in the process and landed on his shirt.

But he didn’t mind, he just wanted to hold you and let you know that it was okay and that he was here.

You jumped in his arms and wrapped your legs around his lean waist, while his strong arms pressed your body against his even more.

The faint scent of his cologne calmed you down. The comfort in his smile reminded you that you were home, safe. His arms around your body made you feel protected and that no harm would ever fall on you.

“You’re here finally. What happened, bored of everyone already?” you asked, sniffling and he chuckled, rocking you slightly before placing you back on your feet.

You looked up at him, still in his embrace as his hands settled on both sides of your waist. Your e/c eyes bore into his ocean blue ones.

They held an incomparable depth. They weren’t just blue eyes, they were the kind that reminded you of the azure sea on a bright day. They reminded you of a dim ray of light passing through the rarest of blue diamonds. They shone like blue fire; burning along the rims of his black pupil. They reminded you of home.

“You’re not an option that I turn to when I’m bored, Y/n, I’ve told you many times before. You needed time to heal, but then I thought that you might need some company. I mean, you haven’t left this house in a whole week. Did you eat today?” he asked in his ‘Captain’ voice.

You sighed and smiled at his concern.

“Yeah I had cheeseburgers with Morgan,” you replied and from the look on his face, you could tell he was done.

“You Stark girls and your cheeseburgers! Want me to make you dinner, a proper dinner. Not just lumps of cheese and unhealthy processed meat which h-,”

“Jesus Steve! You sound like the old man you are! I’m fine, I just…miss you. A lot,” you laughed and stood on your tip toes to rub your nose against his.

Your lips brushed against his in the process and you caught the sharp intake of air he took.

His grip on your waist tightened and he smiled, placing his forehead against yours.

“I miss you too, a lot,” he whispered and his hot breath fanned your face.

Your hand held the back of his head as you pulled him down slightly so you could kiss him properly. His lips met yours for a slow kiss and both your mouth moved in perfect harmony.

The kiss quickly turned into one which was needy and passionate and it sent tingles all over your body. Your other hand held his face gently as his tongue slipped into your mouth. His taste drove you crazy. Your body burned with desire wherever his skin made contact with yours. And soon, it felt way to warm to still have your clothes on. So you got rid of them.

“Mr. J, shut down on the first floor, please. Thanks,” you quickly told the AI and as a response, you got two beeps – signaling that Mr. J was no longer recording audio nor visuals of the occurrence of the floor which you were in.

You briefly broke contact with your super soldier to take off your top while he pulled down your shorts and left them at your feet; leaving you only in your matching set of dark burgundy cotton underwear. He kissed his way up from your thighs until he reached your collar bones. He bit, kissed and marked your skin until he finally found his way to your sweet spot.

He mercilessly assaulted the skin just underneath your jaw with his mouth till you placed the palm of your hand underneath his tight shirt and over his abs.

“Take it off,” you spoke in your authoritative voice and he obeyed immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” he teased and took off his shirt in an agonizingly slow pace, followed by his pants; leaving him only in his black briefs which did nothing to hide his very prominent hard on.

Meanwhile, you made yourself quite comfortable on the nearby couch, watching him strip just for you; leaning backwards till your back hit the multiple soft cushions while you parted your legs slightly, just to invite him in but not give him the full show just yet.

A devilish smirk cast itself upon his handsome face when he saw you in the position, on that couch. And he knew exactly what you wanted.

He slightly pushed the nearby coffee table aside with ease and knelt in front of you. The palms of his hands on either of your knees as he pulled your legs further apart slowly. Your breathing grew faster as he maintained eye contact while hooking a finger on the side of your underwear and pulled it down lazily.

Your lust got the best of you and you hurried to unclasp your bra and let it fall by your side. You had been intimate with the soldier many times now, and being naked in front of him had never been an issue.

Upon seeing your delicate swells, his eyes got darker as his desire rushed through his body faster than before. His heartbeat increased just by seeing how beautiful you looked; naked in front of him, waiting patiently for him to take his time on you.

“You are so beautiful, baby,” he whispered against your inner thighs as his lips grazed the soft skin leisurely.

Your core was dripping and you knew he could see it because it was literally flowing out of your folds at this point. Your entrance was throbbing; awaiting desperately for his attention and his touch. Steve knew what you wanted, but he enjoyed teasing the living shit out of you.

He licked a thick stripe from your thigh to your hip bone, and kissed his way across your abdomen to reach the other side of your hip, all while carefully avoiding the spot where you wanted him the most.

You groaned out of frustration.

“Steve!” you mumbled, grabbing a handful of his hair and tugging on it gently.

He smirked against your skin and placed one last kiss right under your belly button before lifting his head up to meet your glossy eyes looking down at him.

“Yes? Want anything?” he asked nonchalantly as he rubbed his hands up and down your legs. His touch sent shivers right down your spine and despite the decent room temperature, you got chills.

You wanted him. All of him. He was your escape. Steve was what you needed to forget about everything for a short while. It seemed selfish, but it felt right.

“Yes, please just- touch me, Captain, please,” you whined in desperation and his eyebrows shot up while his smirk got bigger at the name used at him. He liked it.

His hands wrapped around your thighs as he pulled you closer to him slightly; your bare, dripping core much closer to his face now and when he spoke, his breath fanned against your wet folds and caused an intense sensation right on top of your throbbing core.

“Where does my girl want me? Right here?” he asked and before you could give him a proper answer, he slipped his tongue between your slippery folds and the warmth of his mouth dragged a loud moan out of you.

“Fuck! Right there Steve,” you moaned and held his head right above your heat, tugging on his scalp slightly as both your fists were tangled in his hair.

His tongue worked on your entrance, slipping in and out of your folds and occasionally circling your bundle of nerves and sucking harshly on it – driving you crazy with just his tongue.

Somehow, while he was at it, he slipped two fingers into your tight entrance and curled them upwards while he lazily stroked them in and out of you. And a rather vulgar moan slipped out of your mouth.

While he pumped his fingers in and out of you, his tongue flicked over your clit speedily while occasionally bringing his mouth over it to suck on it gently.

He worshiped your body with all his might, and soon, you came undone all over his mouth and his skilled fingers. Your body was squirming under him as the waves of euphoria washed over you, and your desire flowed out of you drop by drop as he removed his fingers from the tight, circular entrance of your core.

He didn’t waste any time in bringing his tongue back to your dripping heat once again, relishing whatever you had to offer him. His nose grazed your carefully trimmed bush and you could see your cum dripping down his chin. The sight was filthy, and you liked it.

His tongue brushed over your most sensitive spots and your body was shaking under his touch, and that didn’t stop him. He licked you clean and then stood up to look down at you.

“You always taste so damn good,” he whispered, stroking your hair gently with his hand as he stood in front of you, a thin layer of sweat all over his muscular abdomen and his broad chest.

His hard on looked so prominent that it looked like it must be painful at this point.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth as you waited for his next command.

“You’re gonna be a good girl and suck my cock now, aren’t you, babygirl? You’re gonna wrap your pretty mouth around me, yeah? Well, then get to work baby,” he whispered huskily and you didn’t waste another second.

You hurried and pulled down his black briefs, which pooled at his ankles and he carefully stepped out of them as you wrapped your hand around his thick length and pumped it a couple of times before taking just the tip into your mouth, knowing how much that got him to the edge.

“Fuck! Your mouth feels – holy fuck!” he moaned as you caught him off guard and toyed with his balls.

Your mouth wrapped around his leaking tip and your tongue twirled around it, dragging a few cuss words out of his oh so righteous and pure mouth.

To the world, Steve Rogers was a good, honest and saintly man. But here, naked with you, the feral and rawness in him came out and you liked knowing that you had the power to bring this wild side out of the noble, out of time, hero.

The cuss words flowed out of his mouth like a chant as your tongue brushed over the slit of his length before taking all of him into your mouth. You allowed him to slide inside your mouth until he hit the back of your throat.

You bounced your head as your mouth milked his length perfectly. His one hand held a grip in your hair while the other held your jaw possessively while you maintained eye contact with him.

His perfect face had a pleasant frown upon it as you moved your mouth around him, tracing each bump and each bulging vein with your tongue. His taste drove you wild, and soon, his grip tugged at your hair harder and he bucked his hips against your mouth, sliding his length in and out of your mouth faster than before. That signaled that he was close so coming undone.

You hollowed your cheeks and sucked on his hard length slightly, a hiss slipping out of his pink lips as you noticed that his muscles tensed and soon, you felt his load shoot the back of your throat.

His raw, salty taste fueled your lust for him.

His semi hard length slowly slipped out of your mouth as his eyes rolled back and he leaned his head back a little, breathing heavily with his mouth slightly parted as his orgasm washed through him as well. A few droplets of sweat trickled down his chest and he looked magnificent, his damp skin shining in the dim evening light of your living room.

The sight of him riding the waves of pleasure was something you couldn’t get used to no matter how many times you saw it before. He looked ethereal.

His heavy breathing ceased slightly as his grip on your jaw tightened. He bent down and brought his own face closer to yours.

His warm cum smudged slightly on the side of your mouth and the sight of having his cum messily all over your mouth drove the man insane.

He gripped your jaw and lifted your face up to line up with his. His grip on your jaw caused your mouth to part just the slightest.

“Look at you, all messy and wet with my cum all over your mouth. You’re mine, you get that? All mine,” he growled and spat in your mouth before quickly covering your mouth with his warm one.

The kiss was ferocious, animalistic and passionate. You could feel his lust for you in the kiss, his teeth clashed against yours and his lips made it their mission to bruise yours. The kiss hurt, but the passion and lust hidden in it minimized the pain.

His hands traveled everywhere all over your body. He pulled you up so you were standing as well, and slapped your thighs lightly. You took that as your cue to jump and wrap your legs around his waist once again.

He carefully walked the two of you to your bedroom, all while kissing the living shit out of you.

You briefly broke the kiss once he laid you down on your cool, satin sheets. He stood back, looked at you and smirked.

Oh, you knew that smile.

“Condoms on the t-,”

“The top drawer, yeah I know,” he smirked, finishing your sentence as he quickly opened the drawer, took one out, ripped the wrapping, took it out and handed it to you.

“Wanna do the honors?” he teased as you sat up and took the thin, transparent condom out of his hand and slipped it carefully onto his length.

You gave the glistening tip a quick peck and he growled again, making you smirk this time.

“Hurry up, Captain. I need you to fuck me, now!” you demanded and he was quick to follow your orders.

He pushed you back on the bed and wrapped his mouth around your nipple, while his hand toyed with the other one. His lips and fingers pinching and biting down on the soft buds gently.

He kissed his way down from the valley of your boobs, around your belly button, until he reached your core.

He rubbed his tip against your clit and you moaned out loud. He was barely in you and you were already so stimulated.

He applied just the slightest of pressure and rubbed his tip up and down your wet folds, earning another loud, obscene moan out of you followed by a chant of cuss words.

He smirked again.

“I love how your body responds to my touch babe,” he whispered quickly before slipping his length inside of you without another warning.

You took deep breaths as your entrance adjusted to his size. Again, no matter how many times you’ve been intimate with him, his size was definitely something which you couldn’t just get used to.

“Tell me if I hurt you, babygirl. Tell me if you want me to s-,”

“God! Just fuck me Rogers!” you playfully slap his chiseled face and his smirk grew wider.

His body hovered over yours as he supported himself up with his elbows, placed on either side of your head.

He moved his hips just the slightest and you felt his length stretch you to your maximum.

“Fuck, baby! You’re so fucking tight, shit!” you heard his groan under his breath as his lips found their way to your neck, kissing and biting the skin like he owned it.

Hearing him swear was always a turn on for you, and as your heard his vulgar words, your core got wetter and wetter – lubricating and easing his way as he rocked in and out of you.

He started slow, and when he realized that you had gotten used to his size – he sped up.

Sweat formed in between his eyebrows as he pounded into your heat. Your legs instinctively reached around his waist and you locked him in place.

One of his hands reached around your back as he lifted your back slightly off the bed sheets. The new angle allowed his length to stroke sensitive spots you didn’t know you had. Your wet walls clenched carefully around him and pumped him nicely.

His tip grazed your g-spot with almost every thrust and you were beginning you lose yourself in his embrace. Your head clouded with lust, passion and your love for him. And suddenly all that mattered in the world was the way your body connected with his in that moment. All you cared about was how he made you feel loved. All you could focus on was the filthy words which escaped his mouth.

His hand left your back and flew to your clit. He rubbed the little nub furiously and soon, the sweet, all too familiar pressure began forming itself right at your heat. And you knew you couldn’t hold it in much longer.

“Steve! Fuck, I’m so close, Captain. Can I cum, please?” you asked, unsure of whether you made any sense. And you heard him grunt and moan your name once again.

Hearing you calling him ‘Captain’ in bed was something which turned him on more than anything. And having you squirming underneath him, naked and at his mercy was a sight he would never forget.

“Hold on, baby. Just a little longer,” he whispered against your sweet spot and moved his mouth over yours once again, drinking in all the moans and cuss words which left your lips as he fucked you into oblivion. Your tight entrance applied just the right amount of pressure around his shaft and it was hard even for the super soldier to hold back his release.

His kissed you and you moaned into his mouth and soon, his thrust started getting more and more irregular. You knew he was close and suddenly you couldn’t keep it in anymore. The pressure building at your core became too much to hold back, so you let go. And you came undone around him.

“Fuck! Captain!,” was all you could say as you moaned out loud.

Your heartbeat rand in your ears as your back arched off the bed and your chest pressed against his. The feeling of your bare body against his was what brought about his intense orgasm.

He moaned out loud and felt his warm seed fill the condom. His heart rate increased as well, and your ragged breath against his cheek was the only thing he could focus on.

His length went limp inside you and he carefully slipped it out.

He removed the condom off, tied it and threw it somewhere on the ground; it being the last thing he cared about right now. His body fell on top of yours, yet he was careful as to not apply all of his body weight on top of yours because given that you were not enhanced in anyway – it would definitely crush you.

You wrapped your limbs around him once again as he moved to lay right next to you on the bed.

“I’ve always liked this bed, you know. And having you in it with me is just, heaven on Earth,” he whispered, kissing your sweaty forehead as he held you close.

You chuckled at his absolutely random confession.

You calmed you heartbeat and breathing before replying.

“I love you, Steve. Anywhere is heaven on Earth when I’m with you,” you confessed and placed a kiss on his chest before laying your head on top of it.

He laughed and placed a kiss on top of your hair, while stroking it gently.

It was true, this was your true definition of happiness. Here, with him in your bed; both of you tired and worn out from making love, limbs tangled with one another, the smell of sex in the air as you both tried to calm your racing hearts.

This was how you intended to spend the rest of your life, with him.

However, you couldn’t help but hear the faint whisper of your conscience asking you if he wanted the same.

Was this what he wanted as well? Did he envision his forever being with you?

You tried your hardest to silence the faint voice down.

“Hey, earlier in your text you said you needed to talk. Is everything okay?” you asked, desperately wanting that the little voice would just shut up.

His charming smile faded instantly as soon as those words left your mouth.

“Steve? Is everything okay?” you asked again and he shifted from under you and laid on his side, facing you properly as his hand flew to your cheek, his knuckles gently caressing the soft skin.

“We, uh, had another meeting today. Well, more like a heated discussion, if not an argument really. All of us, and Pepper was there too. I guess that’s why she was late to pick up Morgan, I don’t know. Look, what I-“

“You guys had a meeting without me? Why? Steve, I deserve to know what’s going on just like the rest of you do,” you couldn’t hide the hurt in your voice. And he caught it.

You sat up and pulled your blanket to cover your body from the chilly air coming from the AC.

Steve sighed and sat up too, getting under the covers with you.

You both leaned against the head board as Steve tried his best to answer to your queries.

“I know. And you do, you have the complete right to be mad at all of us, but just know that it was my idea not to tell you,” he explained and you couldn’t help but feel unwanted.

“Why?” was all you asked, your voice cracking in the process, and he sighed again before continuing.

“I proposed something. And I didn’t need someone else to tell me what a horrible idea it was while none of you understood that this is the right way to do it,” his words confused you.

“Steve, I don’t understand, what I-,”

“That stones. I’m gonna go return them, tomorrow. It’s high time now. How long are we gonna hold on to them and pretend that it’s too dangerous. We have to get them back to where they belong. Please, I was hoping that at least you would understand where I’m coming from,” he pleaded and you simply couldn’t ignore the lump in your throat.

You had all collectively agreed that it was a dangerous mission, with a crap ton of risks. And now, Steve was willing to risk it all.

“But, can’t someone else go? We can’t risk you Cap,” you were on the verge of tears. And he pulled you into his lap and held you close; placing his forehead against yours.

“And I can’t risk any of you while I sit here and wait. I have to be the one to do it. I’m the Captain, don’t forget that,” he further argued and the tears fell down your cheeks because you couldn’t hold them back anymore.

You were crying because you were afraid you would lose him, but also, because he was adamant; he was hell bent since day one about how he was the one who should go return the stones and ever since – you couldn’t help but feel as though this was more than him carrying out his ‘Captain’ duties. Somewhere, deep within your heart, you truly believed that he was trying to change something in his past. And that hurt you more than losing him.

“What if you miss the timing? What if you get stuck somewhere, we’ll never know. What if you get stuck, out of time, again? What if y-,”

“Shh, hey baby. I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll come back to you, I will. I will come back to all of you. I promise you,” he pulled you in for a kiss and suddenly, for some weird reason, you felt like he was drifting far from you. But he was right there, in your arms, then why did it feel like he wasn’t?

You reluctantly agreed.

“Fine. I, I love you okay. Come back to me, please,” you whispered against his lips.

He didn’t answer, but he did capture your lips in a lazy, deep kiss. His hands held you close to him and in that moment; you forgot everything.

And you were too busy to notice that he didn’t say anything when you confessed your love for him.

Steve left after you both went for round 2, and cuddled for a while. You asked Mr. J to turn back on in the first floor and you went in your bathroom for a much needed bath.

While your body soaked in the tub, filled with peach scented oils and frothy bath bombs – you couldn’t stop the tears once again.

You thought about everything; your dad, your broken family and how alone you would be if it weren’t for Steve.

And while you were at it, you thought about Steve as well. What a story he had, of a super soldier trapped out of time in a world he didn’t quite fit in.

You thought about how scared he must have been when he woke up for the first time in 70 years, in the middle of a bustling city; out of time.

You thought about how heartbroken he must’ve felt when he realized that he had left his first love behind while he was stuck in this advanced world; out of time.

Hot tears fell down your face as your racing thoughts didn’t stop.

What if this isn’t what he wants?

Steve’s been trying so hard to fit in this fast paced world – one where he wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

What if it was selfish of you to forcing him to stay here with you?

Maybe, you thought, you should just leave him the choice while the power would be in his hands tomorrow?

This, was never the life he chose. He’s trapped here. But what if he could change that, and live the life he wanted? What if he could really be with the one he once truly loved?

Your heart broke hearing your own thoughts, but you knew you had to let him go. Your dad taught you better than to be selfish when it comes to love. And you were gonna do the right thing, tomorrow.

-NEXT MORNING-

Guess it’s safe to say that you woke up wiser. You knew just what to do.

After a quick breakfast, you drove straight to the compound and made your way inside once you parked your car.

“And she finally left the house! I’m so happy you’re here, y/n!” Wanda gave you a long hug and you two casually talked for a while.

A few minutes later, Bruce walked in with Sam hot on his heels and it looked like they were arguing.

“…but you’re sure that he’ll make it back in one single piece because dude, he’s Captain America and one single mistake on your part and the entire country is gonna kick your huge, green a- Y/N! Hey, you’re here too!” Sam pulled you in for a hug as well.

You chuckled and hugged him back tightly.

“Hey birdie, missed me?” you asked and he just gave you one of his soft, caring smiles.

“Can’t lie, I did miss your annoying ass,” he answered and soon, Bruce picked you up from behind.

“HEY! We missed you!” the gentle giant said and you tried your best not giggle as he tickled your sides.

“I missed you guys too. Is Steve here?” you asked and Sam quickly told you that he was upstairs getting his quantum suit on.

You told the rest of the team that you’d be back in a minute as you rushed upstairs. You needed to talk to him urgently.

While on your way up, you bumped into a hard body.

“Shit! I’m so sorry,” you quickly apologized and looked up only to be met with a pair of crystal blue eyes.

Bucky placed his metal arm on your shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, smiling gently at you.

“You okay, doll? You seem a little shaken up, you alright?” he asked and you nodded, unable to speak because you were mentally rehearsing the speech you were about to deliver to Steve.

“Okay, I’m here if you ever need to talk. See you around,” he said and made his way downstairs.

You rushed through the corridor until you reached Steve’s room. You knocked and from inside came a muffled voice.

“Come in, Y/n,” was all it said and you pushed the door open and rushed inside.

“Hey Steve, uh, can we talk?” you asked.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” he asked, fixing his suit and securing the Pym particle on his side.

“I, I love you. Okay, I really do. You helped me when I couldn’t help myself. You, and the others, you got me out of my misery and you always knew how to cheer me up. Even when dad was gone, you were always there. You’re my best friend Steve, you’re my rock, and I love you. But…”

Your voice trailed off as you didn’t know how to word your emotions. You loved him, you really did – but holding on to him and asking him to stay would be selfish. And you couldn’t be selfish anymore, not when he had the chance to get his life, and his first love back. You wanted him to be happy, you wanted him to have the happy life he deserved. Even if it meant, not sharing the life with you.

“But? But what- hey are you okay? Y/n, please don’t cry, tell me what’s wrong babe, please,” he walked up to you and wrapped his arm around you while his other hand caressed your cheeks, wiping away your fallen tears in the process.

You sniffled and thought, maybe you should just say it.

“I, uh, I think you should stay back. I think you should live your life, with Peggy, back in time,” you whispered and for just a split moment, his breathing stopped.

He didn’t say a word so you thought you should clarify things further.

“No one has to know, Steve. I know you don’t fit in here. I know you loved her, a lot. And in just a matter of time, you’ll have the power in your hands. The stones, you can use them and, maybe, stay behind and live the happy life you deserve. With her, she’s the love of your life after all,” you said, a few more tears falling down your cheeks.

These ones, he didn’t wipe away because he was unable to move as the words left your mouth.

“Y/n… I, what? I can’t leave?” it sounded more like a question than a statement to you.

“You deserve it, Steve. I won’t say a word to anyone. I will always love and respect you as a person Steve. I value our friendship more than anything. All the time I spent with you, all those moments, they’ll always be special to me. But you deserve a happy life, Captain. One where you’re not out of time, one which you spend with the love of your life. You deserve that, Steve, you really do. As for us, we’ll manage, don’t worry,” you wiped your tears and hugged him tightly.

“You are one of the best person I’ve ever met, y/n. I love you, I, I don’t know what to say,” he whispered against your hair.

You smiled.

You were hurting, but realizing the true happiness he’ll receive once he goes back made everything better. You loved him, and you were gonna lose him, but somehow, it felt like it needed to happen.

You both walked out of the room and the entire team was waiting for you outside. It was time for Steve to go, but the rest of the team had no idea; that he was actually going.

You could see the worry clear on Sam’s face, while Bucky was smiling faintly at you.

Wanda was nowhere to be seen, and Bruce was busy with the time machine. You both walked up to the machine and Steve stopped to give Sam and then Bucky a hug. The two super soldiers shared a hundred year old inside joke and you smiled looking at both of them.

When they pulled away from the hug, Bucky gave you a half smile, and a curious look. One which you couldn’t quite understand but you soon shook it off as Steve wrapped his arms around you once again.

“Thank you, y/n, for everything,” he whispered quietly in your ear.

You inhaled his faint cologne one last time and gave his body a tight hug.

“Thank you for everything, Steve. Now, go live your life Captain,” you whispered back in his ear and he pulled away smiling.

Steve stepped on the time machine and smiled back at all of you.

“How long is it gonna take?” Sam asked Bruce. The worry in his tone was still very audible.

“For him, however long he needs. For us, ten seconds,” Bruce replied, going through everything one more time.

You stood right next to the machine and soon, Bucky was by your side.

“You did the right thing, y/n. It was a hard decision, but I’m glad you took the right one,” he whispered in your ear, and his words were unheard by both Sam and Bruce.

You turned your head abruptly to face him but before you could say anything, Bruce spoke up.

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1,” and while he spoke, Steve’s mask was on and the machine whirred loudly.

And within a nanosecond, Steve was gone. And your heart felt heavy again.

A couple of seconds passed and the worry on Sam’s face grew even more prominent.

“And back in 3, 2, 1,” Bruce said, flipping a switch or two.

But nothing happened. Steve didn’t come back. He listened to you after all.

While Sam and Bruce argued over what was happening, you felt a cold, metal hand against your cheek. It was Bucky, and you didn’t realize that he had held you close to him the whole time as you watched Steve leaving.

“Don’t cry doll, you did the right thing,” he whispered and you nodded.

“Thanks Buck, I know. He deserved it, he deserved a chance to live his life with the one he truly loves,” you spoke in a low voice and he hugged you tightly.

***

He left her lonely with a diamond mind And those ocean eyes

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thestarkerisobvious · 4 years

Text

A Better Ghost Story

amazing art work by @starker-sorbet

A snugglefic for @mrstarksbabyy

With great thanks for the betaread by @mrstarksbaby

You know who you are.

Sixteen: The DeSlaughter House

4 A Better Ghost Story

Like Peter’s house, the DeSlaughter house had a front door that was never used. The two boys sat on the little front cement front porch that Mke’s dad had made. They sat awkwardly for a long time before Mike spoke.

“Look, I’m sorry I said… I don’t know if you heard or not, but I told the guys sometimes there were strange lights over your house. Or whatever. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Peter opened his mouth, but nothing came out. For a moment he looked around the DeSlaughter yard, as if he were thinking. The yard looked so different from his own, a large patch of grass scattered with multiple bikes and toys and sports equipment and fishing gear leaning against the wall. It told a story of a life so much different than Peter’s, a life of siblings and parents who took their kids camping and boating and fishing. Peter had always lived a solitary life, even in New York City. The life of an only child whose guardians were elderly on the day he met them.

Finally he realized Mike was waiting for him to speak.

He shrugged. “I wasn’t mad mad, I was just like, confused. I’ve lived in that house for three years now, and I’ve never seen strange lights there.”

“It’s just that my parents said that. They said they had seen that before I was born.”

“Well that was before I was born too, so why should I give a care? Look, I know the guys talk about me when I’m not there…”

“They talk about you a lot when you’re not there,” Mike admitted, looking at his bare feet.

“Well, that’s their problem, isn’t it?” Peter snapped, repeating Aunt May’s favorite saying without thinking.

“Hey don’t get mad at me. Look, the weird-light thing is the only thing I’ve said about your house, and I could have said a lot of things, Peter,” Mike said, his voice raising suddenly, then just as suddenly he closed his mouth hard.

“Okay, okay, no problem,” Peter said carelessly, looking away again. Normally when voices were raised, especially when it was a boy his age, Peter walked away. He could certainly do that today (Mrs. DeSlaughter was inside making his pancakes now) but quite suddenly he decided on a different tactic.

“You know, whatever. I just don’t know I couldn’t care less about boys who brag about how many F’s they got in science…” he casually, making Mike grin with the inside joke. “Look, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll forget the whole thing. If you tell me every strange story you know about my house.”

“Oh there are tons…” Mike said, hopping up from the step, no longer looking embarrassed. Peter relaxed. Mike had taken the deal. It wasn’t a deal that made a lot of sense, but it was a deal, and Mike had taken it.

“Ok, so like the first Post lady was a witch who was running away from the Spanish Inquisition. Like her whole family was. And how the girls all had to learn Portuguese so they could read all her witch’s spellbooks. And how right before the Civil War the whole family made a deal with the devil and they could fly, and swing from tree to tree like Tarzan and outrun cars like the Six Million Dollar Man…”

“It sounds like you’re describing my favorite comic books,” Peter said, laughing.

“Yeah, it’s really weird. And there was this one Post son whose skin could stop bullets, only he died in the Civil War because he thought he could stop cannon balls. And right before the Civil War? Tom Dylan Post chopped up that girl who wouldn’t marry him, because she didn’t want to marry into that crazy-witch-devil family? And he disappeared like that,” Mike snapped his fingers. “And the whole town went to the Post Homestead to search for him, like the sheriff and the girl’s family and everybody, and the family said he had left for Tennessee but no one had seen him go, like on the only road out of town or something, and they never found him. Because he was hiding in an underground house that his family had dug for him, and he had to live there for the rest of his whole life. And he died down there and they couldn’t bury him onaccounta’ they couldn’t let on that they had been hiding him, so his body is down there to this very day…”

“Wait… wait!” Peter said laughing. “Now this sounds like a Tale from the Crypt comic book, and I never waste my money on those! Wait, this is a cool story, why isn’t this story of my haunted house?? Dying in an underground house you had to live your whole life in is a much better story than Evan Post’s pigs didn’t die in the Great Pig Die-off of 1935…”

They laughed for a while, and for a few minutes they compared Tales from the Crypt plots, debating which ones would fit in well with Peter’s haunted house.

Then Peter remembered why he had run all the way there in the first place.

“So… why are you… why are we talking about this anyway? I never told anyone I was mad about the lights thing. I mean it was annoying, but I didn’t tell anybody about it.”

Mike’s face clouded and he looked away. And his answer didn’t surprise Peter at all.

“I dunno,” he shrugged. “I think I dreamed about it last night, or something. And then I woke up this morning and my mom was all like ‘Why is everyone so mean to that sweet Peter?’” Peter laughed at his high falsetto tone. “He’s so sweet and so smart and polite and nice all the time and he’s an orphan!’ And I’m like ‘He’s not exactly Little Orphan Annie, mom.’”

“No, not exactly,” Peter said, laughing at the picture.

“Hey man, I always stand up for you when the boys start to talk. I told them Missy really is your girlfriend, and you’ve probably gotten to second base…”

“Oh crap no!” Peter said suddenly, his eyes going wide. “No, Mike, for serious. Please don’t tell anybody that. Missy is terrified of her father, I mean seriously she talks about him all the time. She says he’ll kill her and me both if he ever sees us holding hands together…”

“Then why does she hold your hand?” Mike objected.

“That’s what I said!! I mean when we’re walking home from school if she hears a car coming she’ll jump over to the other side of the street so it doesn’t look like we’re walking together and I’m like ‘Well maybe you should just stop holding my hand please?! And she tells me this weird story about how some girl that used to live on her land wanted to marry some boy that lived on my land, and how the girl’s father didn’t want them to…”

“Yeah, that’s Laura Foster. That’s the girl Tom Dylan Post cut up with his big bowie knife.”

“Okay that just makes it weirder, Mike.”

“Peter? Seriously? Shut up. I mean it man, you have got to stop complaining about girls wanting to hold your hand. That’s why they talk about you at school. No matter how crazy she is you can’t complain that you’ve already gotten to first base with her,” Mike explained, shaking his head solemnly. It irritated Peter, watching Mike trying to sound like a wise old man, dispensing his wisdom. Mike was two months younger than he was.

“It’s not all the books you read, or how you seem to know more than the science teachers do, or how you’ve never fired a gun,” Mike was continuing. “And it’s not really the Post-Ghost. It’s because you’re from New York City and you think it’s normal that fairies and queers just walk around like it’s nothin’. It’s because you’re from New York City and you don’t even own a single Playboy or anything.

“Is that what the magazine I was supposed to find in the shed? The one I didn’t see because I thought the prank was about the dead squirrel on the floor? And that was supposed to be gross or something, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to be a veterinarian or an exterminator if I get grossed out by a dead squirrel….”

“I don’t know anything about the squirrel. Yeah, there was a magazine in there you were supposed to find.”

“What was it? A Playboy?” Peter asked, hoping he sounded casual. Hoping Mike couldn’t tell how hard it was to act casual right now.

“Or something else? Like a Playgirl?”

Mike shrugged and looked at his feet. “I don’t know if it was a Playgirl or what, I mean it didn’t have a cover. Cole found it in this box of old books, at his uncle’s house, he said. It was all these men with big mustaches doing nasty stuff. It was so gross. It was Buster that put in the shed and said we should prank you with it. I told them you saw that sort of thing in New York City all the time but Buddy said it would be funny.”

“Weird. Cole’s uncle is weird.”

“I’ll say. You know what I heard?” But then Mike’s dad was calling them from inside.

Knowing how many members of the household had dreamed about him, it didn’t really surprise Peter that Mr. DeSlaughter was now shaking his hand, asking him how he was and generally acting like they had been best friends who had been separated for years.

“Sorry to hear about your dog. I used to bury all my pets out in a cemetery my brothers and I had made in the yard behind our house. Call your uncle and tell him I’ll come over. If you’ve got snakes I’ll be able to tell…” and then continued to discuss snake bite symptoms for the rest of breakfast. Peter listened attentively. Mike’s dad was as good as any science teacher.

After Peter had finished off his pancakes (and assured Mike’s mother that he didn’t want anything else to eat, he had to assure her many times) he was pointed to the kitchen phone to call home.

Walking toward the phone, Peter was struck, for a moment, at the irony. (Not irony, his English teacher would tell him. This was not irony. This was coincidence.)

There was a time when Peter had a great fear of phones. Just the idea of dialing a number himself made his stomach hurt and his palms sweat. He had nightmares, as a child, of the clear plastic rotary dial spinning around endlessly, knowing he couldn’t have possibly dialed the right number. May always dialed the phone when he wanted to talk to his friends, but when he turned 12 Ben said he was too old for that and made her stop. As an experiment, he fed that fear to Tony, but only after carefully writing out the instructions in one of his notebooks, titled “How To Use A Rotary Phone.”

And he needed them. Two days ago he found the instructions by accident and read them with fascination. He spent the whole morning practicing calling numbers, time, the weather, the radio station to make a request. He practiced dialing his home number and listened to the busy signal over and over again. That-Peter found the whole procedure delightful. That-Peter couldn’t imagine the boy who had been afraid of it.

This-Peter realized that the entire DeSlaughter family was watching him now. He turned around and smiled at them.

“You have a touch-tone phone. I’ve always wanted one. Those are cool.”

“I can play Mary-Had-A-Little-Lamb on it!” Monica trumpeted as Peter dialed home.

* * * * *

Peter’s friends’ parents had taken them to quite a few outdoor plays in the city. Peter felt like he was in a play now. He hoped he was remembering all his lines.

Sitting in the cab of the pickup truck with Mike’s dad while the two boys rode in the back (riding in the back of a truck never looked safe to Peter) he made polite noises while Mr. DeSlaughter tried to talk him into going on hunting trips with them in the summer, or working for him after school was over. At the house he dutifully took them on “the tour” because Aunt May had declared him the expert. At the table he kept up his side in an argument about which was better, Super Friends or the Super Powers Team and why Apache Chief was a terrible superhero.

It wasn’t all bad. Mr. DeSlaughter and Uncle Ben stood outside and talked for ages, and Aunt May fussed over lunch for the three boys as if she had been doing it her whole life. Still, Peter couldn’t help watch the clock. Counting the hours. Calculating how long he had to wait until he could talk to Tony.

After lunch he took Matthew and Mike to climb his favorite trees, and to see the owls’ nest in the barn. He even took them to the lake where he pointed out the dead oak that pointed the way back to the chimney and the shed.

“They said Tom Dylan cut up his girlfriend because she really wanted to marry his brother,” Matthew was lecturing as Mike and Peter tossed rocks into the water. “But Laura Foster didn’t want to marry him at all. Like she was best friends with his sisters, so she was always at his house, at your house, all the time. Because that’s where her best friends lived. Only he didn’t know that, and thought she was there to see him.

“Why would she be best friends with his sisters if she didn’t like his witch-devil-running-from-the-inquisition family?”

“She didn’t mind being their friends, but she didn’t want to marry into the family. Once you marry “into a family” it’s different. Now you’re a part of them.”

“How do you even know all this anyway, smartypants,” Peter needled. He actually liked Matthew, just like he liked Monica, but felt obliged to talk down to them out of loyalty to Mike.

“Our Mee-ma grew up here, our Mom’s grandma. Her whole family is from here. She can tell you anything. She’s full of old stories, and Matthew is her favorite.”

Peter thought about that for a moment, looking up at the ridge. Beyond that was the shed, which he’d be happy to burn to the ground right now. But there was also the lone chimney and foundation to a small house that stood there too, another Post house where some Post family member had lived. It piqued his interest, now.

“I should talk to your Mee-ma. I can interview her for that Social Studies project we’re supposed to do. That’s probably a good idea.”

“Why do you want to do that?” Mike said with an eyeroll.

Peter smiled. For a very brief moment, he suddenly didn’t feel like he was acting at all.

“Because all your looser-ghost stories about my house are all boring. I think it’s time to write up a better one.”

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The next chapter of SIXTEEN will be posted on Monday.

Master (Post)

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#The Thing That Lives Under The Bed #Demon!Tony #But not THAT Demon!Tony #Starker #TheWitchway writes stuff

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breaniebree · 5 years

Note

Can you share your journey as a writer? How the idea of writing fanfics came into your mind? Do you have other own fiction too? Also how do start a particular fanfic? As in do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

What an interesting question -- thank you for asking! This is literally going to be a novel response (letting you know in advance LOL)

My journey as a writer... I guess I always wrote things down, started as a child when I wrote in a diary and then as I got older I wrote a little poetry, none of it very good (though I wrote a poem when I was twelve to describe the loss I felt when my Nana, my great-grandmother died, and my aunt read it aloud at her funeral). I wrote a few short stories, just little things, prompts from teachers in school and such and then one day I decided I wanted to write my own story. But funnily enough, it actually came about through fan fiction.

I used to love this book series back when I was ten called Trash by Cherie Bennett, and I was completely in love with the characters Chelsey and Nick, and when Jazz claimed that she was pregnant and Nick was the father and it did ended on a cliffhanger and I didn’t have the next book, I remember writing my own version of what happened next -- God, looking back, it was probably terrible, I definitely don’t have it anymore. Pretty sure the book series isn’t that great looking back at it now, but when I was ten, it was great! LOL. I also wrote a side story for Demetrius and Karma, so even then I guess I branched off into subplots. When I was fourteen, I started my own original series, which I am still currently working on and probably will be for the rest of my life if I’m honest -- it’s changed over the years, but the characters and my ultimate goal have stayed the same.

How did writing fanfiction come into mind?

Well, with Harry Potter, it was because of my friend Chris. We used to talk on the phone every single night after school for hours on end and after HBP came out and Harry and Ginny were FINALLY together only for him break up with her, I was so livid that I had to wait to find out what happened! I remember Chris and I debated what would happen in the last book for ages and one day I must have ranted too much because he told me to go write my own story if I didn’t want to wait, so I did.

I was seventeen and it was Harry Potter and the Prophecy Fulfilled: Which looking back at it now, I think it’s not exactly the greatest story lol and you can definitely see where I’ve improved since then. After finishing HPPH, I ended up still having different ideas, all Hinny, and went on to write a few one-shots: Almost Too Late and Beautiful Mess. Then I started writing A Different Beginning, which turned into my Beginning series: A Different Beginning, A New Beginning, Why Don’t We Just Dance?, Life Is Fickle Like That, Graduation Party, and The Reunion. Those of you who have been reading my fanfiction since the beginning know that I originally posted the above stories on SIYE between 2005 and 2007 and had then completed (except for the second half of Life is Fickle onwards before Deathly Hallows was published). I didn’t start posting on fanfiction.net until 2008 and only recently on Ao3. Somewhere in between writing the Beginning Series, I also wrote a few other Hinny one-shots including The Greatest Gift, She Never Lets It Get To Her Heart, I Loved Her First (actually Arthur POV, which I later incorporated into the Beginning Series), The River (which is a standalone but also can be read as part of the Beginning Series), When the Sand Runs Out, and then the mini-series Padfoot’s Advice (Late Night Talks with Padfoot 1 & 2, Padfoot’s Advice, and Secrets from the Past). Then I wrote the short Hinny/Romione story: The Trouble With Secrets and was inspired to write a Jily series, which I did with Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which could technically be a prequel to the Beginning Series as I kept some of the story similar. I also wrote a Jily one-shot called Flowers and another Hinny one-shot called I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend.

I didn’t plan on writing any more fanfiction as university became busy, but then in 2017 I started writing these little Missing Moments for Harry and Ginny both before HBP and then during, and then after. I just sort of compiled them on my computer for a while, wondering if it would turn into a story or not and then the idea came to me one day for A Second Chance after seeing some fan art of a five-year-old-Harry in sunshades and a leather jacket while riding a child’s motorbike next to Sirius in the same outfit and the next thing I knew, this story just pored out of me in February of 2018, I had the first twelve chapters written by March and another five by April. I started posting the Missing Moments compilation, added a few more things including the Remus and Petunia scene from ASC and kept writing A Second Chance and in May, decided it was time to share it and uploaded the first twelve chapters.

By the time I realized it was going to be a long one, I knew which characters I would sacrifice and how it would end, but how I was going to get there I still have no idea. I’m not a writer who methodically plots. I have a few general bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter and that’s really it. I add to it occasionally as I go, but mostly, I just write as I go along. I can’t tell you how many chapters it will be or how long it will take me to get to the next section because frankly, it’s constantly changes. I do not write in chronological order, which means I am often writing anywhere between 2-6 chapters at the same time depending on what scene has drawn my attention. I might write something today that fits in the chapter I am currently working on and then by the time I finish writing other stuff, I realize that it doesn’t really fit there and stick it ahead into the next chapter or ten chapters from now. I write where my heart takes me and where my creativity flows.

I rarely ever work on more than one story at the same time, though I did write the short Newtina one-shot for my friend Heather as a Christmas present in 2018. She requested it and I couldn’t write it, I found it so hard as I like them but it’s not characters I loved enough to write so I did it with a Luna spin-in, which I found helped. I never take writing requests so this was very different for me, but I think it turned out cute: Say Love, ‘Cause We Got All the Time in the World. I only recently uploaded it a month or so ago because I found it on my computer LOL.

Do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

Once I am into the story, my notes are EXTREMELY detailed. I do have a time line and separate documents for the following:

Character lists and family trees

General notes on: Political stuff, bills I’ve written, the sacred 28 document I wrote, tattoos mentioned, important dates, moon cycle dates of Remus’ life, classes I’ve invented (what they are about, who teaches them etc), textbook list per school year, notes on each Animagus form and information about their animals, actual time tables I wrote up Monday to Friday for Harry’s third/fourth, and fifth year, details of Zee and Tonks’ engagement rings, history and outline of Dante’s circles of hell with notes on how to incorporate into story, notes on pregnancy, character’s wands, geographic locations of characters, and any other little notes I think are important but don’t belong in the bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter

History and ancestry of each family (from Harry Potter Lexicon, Pottermore, Harry Potter wiki, and my own personal creations). This also includes manor information for Potter, Black, Longbottom, Nott, and Malfoy.

Hogwarts lay-out including stuff I’ve added or made up

Ministry of Magic departments and people (known and created)

List of spells (including ones I’ve made up and which chapter and which character introduced it to who)

List and pictures of Sirius’ motorbikes with information on each one

List of Pensieve memories and marauder moments (crossed out which ones I’ve shared already, some are written and waiting to be used and others just a general idea)

Terms and phrases from different languages I’ve used in the past

My playlist of songs I have mentioned in the story

An entire document dedicated to Operation FUVP including a Voldemort timeline which I have now shared in the story itself (also includes when and where each character found the Horcruxes)

A list of some of the recipes I mentioned, and

I have a 72 page document that is literally just detailed chapter summaries to help me remember what the hell I’ve written LOL (also highlights introductions to new characters in a different font colour to help me find out when people were introduced).

Hope this answers your question -- thank you again for asking!

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this-lioness · 4 years

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Quaranmemes for Quarantines

Tagged by @reallyginnyf <3 Putting this under a cut since it’s pretty much doubling as my weekend wrap-up as well.

when was the last time you left your home? On Thursday I had to run a few quick no-contact errands -- dropped a bulk mailing off on the rear platform at the post office, deposited a Fedex envelope into one of their pickup boxes, and then ran some miscellaneous groceries over to my Mom’s house. Today I went for a run, but only around the neighborhood, so that doesn’t feel like it counts.

what was the last thing you bought? I’ve actually been doing a bit of online shopping lately -- bought a sewing machine (still need to sit down and set it up), a gas-powered pressure washer (arrived today), a new bathroom scale and a vacuum sealer. Last thing we bought in-store were some small necessities from Walmart.

is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? This is tough to answer, because I’m never actually relaxed.

I worry about someone in my immediate family getting sick, but beyond that the quarantine doesn’t really trouble me. I’m largely a homebody, and honestly this has kept us from a lot of unnecessary spending, so all the places I’d probably be going would just be buying shit that we really don’t need. I think my anxiety only ramps up when we have to go somewhere, like when my parents need groceries, and we have to go through the whole process of masks and gloves and fully decontaminating everything once we get home. We have it down to a science, but it’s still a whole process.

But I’m frankly enjoying the time at home. I’m a very “routine” person -- I’m comforted by having lists of things I need to do, and places to put things, and then doing it all by rote. We worked very hard to make our house be a place where we enjoy being, creating, relaxing and working, and now we’re reaping the benefit of all those things.

who are you spending quarantine with? My husband Marc and all the cats. I only see my parents long enough to drop things off at their house.

do you have pets to keep you company? We have three of our own -- Bones, Spencer and Rosie -- plus two fosters, Baby and Blue. There is also a semi-feral cat, Fidget, that we feed and care for, and he occasionally spends a night inside if it’s particularly cold or wet out.

what are your current responsibilities? We’re both very fortunate in that we are fully capable of working from home, and both our employers are in full gear. Mine is actually busy enough to need to hire new people for the sudden influx of work, apparently. So I work my “day job” during the day, and when I’m not working I’m cleaning and doing laundry, trying to keep our chest freezer topped up with ready-to-prepare meals, a lot of organizing and a bit of gardening. I really need to sit down and do something creative, although my muse has been completely dead for... longer than I’d care to admit. I’m going to give it a bit of a try tonight, though, so we’ll see.

Just lately I’ve been on a purging spree. Thursday, Friday and yesterday I cleaned out every corner of the art room / office and made three piles of craft supplies to give away. I also gathered together two enormous bags of various clothes and gave that away as well. My next step is probably to switch out my winter wardrobe for the summer stuff, although we’re expecting a good week of cold, rainy weather so... maybe not quite yet.

do you have a room to yourself? Well, if I ever needed time to myself I could certainly find it. The art room / office is unoccupied when we’re not working, and when we are I can always come down to the living room or go into the bedroom with my laptop, or I’ve got a little “writing chair” in the dining room, by the back patio, that’s nice to sit in. I can be content anywhere in the house, basically.

are you exercising? I wasn’t, but a few days ago I decided to change that. I need to get better control over my physical well-being (and self-image), so I made myself a little weight / diet log, included columns for water intake and exercise, and signed up for a “virtual 5k”. Today it was just warm enough to get outside, so I went for a run. Technically we went for a run, but Marc got winded not too far into it and had to head home again. I grabbed my earbuds and went back out.

Got in 2.27 miles before deciding to head back home. Because the weather is going to be shitty I plan to kick the fosters out of their room for at least 45 minutes every day so that I can get some treadmill time in. With any luck we’ll shortly have space cleared in the attic so that we can do yoga and maybe barre as well.

town, country, city? We’re in a semi-rural suburb in Bucks County, PA. It’s... suburban, but very very blue collar, and there’s plenty of farms around, large and small.

how’s your toilet paper supply? We seem to be OK. I am a prepper by nature, and I made sure to stock up before things started to get bad. I’m also being very mindful of how much I use, which helps. I’m more worried about my folks, who blow through resources like crazy, but I don’t think it’s terribly hard to come by as long as you can get to a store.

what’s the worst thing that you had to cancel? I was a bit bummed about the Colin Firth concert being cancelled in the early part of this month. That was going to be a nice night out.

To be very honest, my biggest regret is that we took on the fosters when we did. No one in this area is in a position to adopt two cats, and to be honest... they’re not very good fosters. Blue is friendly and outgoing, she likes to play, but she’s not cuddly -- she’s not really interested in being petted or held and doesn’t seem to want to sit in your lap for very long.

Baby likes Marc well enough, but she continues to run from me whenever she sees me, and forget about coming up for a cuddle. She’s just... fucking miserable.

We’re also giving up on trying to integrate them with our cats. They don’t have very good “cat manners” (they have no sense of personal space and will get right up in the other cats’ business), and the two of them have twice now gone after Rosie in what was a semi-playful, semi-aggressive manner that she definitely did not appreciate, so that’s the end of that.

It would be different if they got along with our cats, or if they were cuddly, but Blue is the only one that I’d consider truly adoptable. Baby is fucking miserable and I have no idea how the fuck we’re going to adopt them out. I’m desperately trying to find someone that can take them, but I don’t have a good feeling, and I honestly don’t know what we’re going to do long term. It was a mistake taking them in, and I regret it, but I’ve got to find a way to deal with it now.

what’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel? This is going to sound terrible but... we were planning on going to a “Return of the Living Dead” convention in June. Had tickets, a hotel, everything. Technically it’s still on -- they haven’t cancelled the event yet -- but we’ve agreed we won’t be going, even if it’s still on in June. Too much of a risk.

In theory this was going to be super fun, and I actually was excited about it, but... honestly, going to so many comic cons has really burned me out on other people who attend conventions, and the idea of being around mobs of people acting like smelly, poorly socialized assholes about something that I genuinely love was kind of stressing me out.

I didn’t want to see something that I love gatekept, I didn’t want to be “fake geek girled” about it by somebody with B.O. and no social awareness. It was starting to stress me out. So I’m sad that we won’t be going, but glad that I don’t have to stress out about it.

who do you miss the most? My boss, I guess? He was fun to hang out with and bullshit with, and we can’t really do that the same way that we did when we were in the office together. I’m pretty lukewarm on everybody else I used to see in person day to day.

do you have any new hobbies? Ugh, please, I already have so many fucking hobbies. Uh. Well, I did buy the sewing machine, so... :/ Let me get it set up and actually sew something before I start calling it a hobby, though.

what are you watching the most? Marc and I have been binge-watching Ozark and a show called Futureman, which are both compelling and extremely difficult to watch in different ways. I’m still waiting on new content from the lady that lives in Japan, haha... this is probably a good opportunity to go back and watch whatever videos I haven’t seen yet.

are you still going to work? Remotely, yes, every day. I’m actually using the time to try and get myself better organized and establish good work habits and routines that I can carry through to when things start to normalize.

what are you out of? Mmm... nothing, I don’t think? I’m getting low-ish on yeast, since I’ve been baking so much, but I’m not even really low on that yet. I’ve tried to do a “dried cranberry yeast starter” but I’m not convinced it took... I need to drain off the yeast liquid and add some flour tonight, see if it grows or if it’s a dud.

have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? I trimmed my bangs about a week ago, I think, because they were getting frustratingly long. Fortunately I didn’t butcher them too badly. Today I helped Marc give himself a trim, and he’s looking quite dapper again, so I guess we’re not in too bad of a shape. I chopped my hair to the shoulders back before the quarantine so it would have to get much, much longer before it became problematic for me, and even then. I’m still debating if I even want to color my grays at all, so I’m not concerned about “touching up roots” or anything like that. I am what I am.

Not tagging anyone because A) I’m terrible at tagging, B) Most of the people I follow that are “real people” and not just content-posting accounts are mutuals of one another. If you want to participate, please consider yourself tagged.

#meme #quaranmeme

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whats-the-story-tc · 5 years

Text

7th of February, 2020

"The One Where We Find Each Other (and Don't Stop Looking)"

[LONG AS FUCK SORRY I HAD A BIT OF A DAY]

As I came to school in the morning, I met one of the boys who's in the play I'm doing, and asked me about rehearsal. Now, I didn't know there was rehearsal today in the first place, so I immediately rushed up to the teachers' lounge to find A and ask her. And in the process of looking for one of the women I can never find when I'm looking for her, I crossed paths with the other one.

V came out grinning and sat down at one of the computers. But as I was about to turn around and walk away, she asked me "What's wrong, Specs?", and I told her I was looking for A. "I don't think you should look for A much this early. Is it really-really urgent?" I replied that I just wanted to clear up a bit of a misunderstanding, so it wasn't really that urgent. "I'll tell her [you were looking for her] when I see her." With the biggest grin on my face, I thanked her and ran off. A arrived about 5 minutes later. I guess I owe her one for this.

I went into V's class a bit later in quite the bad mood. The second rehearsal beforehand didn't go quite as well. I'm never nervous when it's a bunch of strangers watching me, but in front of my classmates, with that cousin of mine who loves to criticise me at any given occasion, my head was full, and I couldn't seem to concentrate. Luckily, V gave me something to think about — metonymy and synecdoche. See, the thing I love about Grammar is that even though I speak my native tongue fluently, and use it every day, there are so many things I don't know yet. Even now, 8-9-ish hours later, I feel excited. This, now this is my kind of stuff, the things we use every day without a second thought, the things that are bare essentials to everyday speech and we don't even know we're using them, and how diversely it can be used. Good Lord am I glad to be taught by someone like V. I would never have got so invested without her. (So invested that I even stopped writing this post just to add a few things to my class notes. Jesus, Specs, nerd much?)

But, as we know here on @/whats-the-story-tc, a class with V isn't really a class without memorable quotes. When she started explaining what a synecdoche is to us, she told us that it's possible to describe a person by referring to them only by one of their body parts. Silence fell for a few seconds, a very knowing silence. Everyone in the room was thinking the same thing, but nobody dared to say it. Then V asked us to find a non-vulgar example. She's a cold-hard professional, so she didn't say what we were all thinking, like our Chem teacher did yesterday in a similar situation, but this kinda confirmed it that Pocketwatch Friend and I weren't the only ones with "dick" on our minds. That sounded so wrong I'm so sorry-----------

We also covered symbols today, and, as she explained unique symbols invented by certain poets, that may mean dozens of different things, she brought up her favourite ironic "What do the blue curtains symbolise?" question. "For one, it's about longing for their lover, for the other, about their life's worries, and for the third, about having run out of milk."

After class, I trodded up to her just before she left to ask her to clarify something about synecdoches. "So we can describe a whole with a part—" "—and vice versa." she finished my sentence just as I was saying it, although I worded it differently. As they say, great minds think alike. Or I'm just very predictable. Depends.

Lunch break before sixth period, I'm talking with my friends. I don't exactly remember what the context was, but we were joking around and V came up. Debate Friend said "V has no emotions." I could hear the Kill Bill alarms sounding in my head, even though I am and was fully aware she was joking. I took a deep breath and lead her out into the corridor to talk it through. We all know, even on here, that V is someone rather deeply emotional, just doesn't like to show it. I've known since last June. Debate Friend told me V and I are alike in this regard. Well, what can I say? Us lovers of literature really do have the softest hearts. But I told her that we do show it, all the time, every little thing, even if we wouldn't like to, you just have to know a person enough to know where to look. Like they know me and I like to think I know V.

To further prove my statement, I told Debate Friend about one of the posts from V's late SNS account. I don't want to talk about it much, as I don't feel like it would be right, but let me just say... while I was laughing or at least smiling at most of her feed, this one almost made me cry. Caption and picture alike. I finished the story just in time, cuz the next minute, Debate Friend warned me that V was coming, probably so I wouldn't say anything I shouldn't in front of her. I looked back in surprise, only to notice that she really was coming our way, and when I looked at Debate Friend again, we both broke out in hysterical laughter, as V passed us by. I wonder what she was thinking.

As I was photographing the progress I made with my painting later, V came in and set her stuff down on the desk before our second class of the day with her, immediately leaving after. A couple minutes later, when I went outside, I happened upon her, as she was all curled up on the stairway right beside our classroom with her phone, like some students are. Bless. She was beyond adorable.

All I'm gonna say is, the introduction to the literature of Russian romanticism and Pushkin wasn't what kept me occupied while V was speaking. The afternoon sun was coming in through the windows, and I let myself get a little lost in those ever familiar eyes again. With her usual eyeshadow, it was quite the sight, especially when the light hit her face directly. Good Lord.

It being seventh period, the Boys in the Back were even noisier than usual. When V had had enough, she just went ahead and slammed her hand against the blackboard to quiet them, something she hasn't done in a while. I admit, I jumped a little. She's really bloody strong, you guys.

One of the girls in my class learns Russian outside school, and, because she was really enthusiastic and really wanted to write some things on the board, V went ahead and let her. I understood some of it, cause I can read cyrillic (I was very bored this one afternoon), but not cursive, so... yeah. Then Blonde Boy in the Back started complaining about why anyone would learn Russian, and V stepped the fuck up and said "Well, I still think it's cooler to learn Russian than to bitch about others in English class." LADIES AND GENTLEMAN AND NON-BINARY PEOPLE, THIS WOMAN IS A FUCKING LEGEND.

And here is where the crazy part comes.

The people start coming and they don't stop comin' to V to recite the poem, us others are waiting for the bell to ring. The first girl does quite well, but at the end, V grins and teasingly tells her "Managed to get the ending wrong?" That's when she first looked me in the eyes.

"Come, [Name], enchant me" she tells the next victim coming her way. Later, our eyes meet again.

And again.

And again, now with a pen still hanging from her mouth. No joke. I kept tabs.

The bell rings, and the people start leaving. I'm staying behind, to wait for Art Friend (who is the same girl as the one I named Flower Friend in earlier posts, I just forgot the pseudonym I gave her) and Debate Friend. As I do, I walk around, sit down, stand up, do random shit, and sometimes check my phone.

So I'm less bored, I go up to V while she's listening to someone and ask her "Should I clean the board?" (I know she's a multitasker so I wouldn't throw her off.) She turns to me with big, shiny eyes, and a gentle, nearly childlike expression as if I just offered her something groundbreaking and tells me "Thanks." It's not like my classmates didn't proceed to draw shit on it once I wiped it clean, but an effort has been made. For those eyes, it was well worth it. And, as I was wiping, I caught her absent-mindedly fiddling with the paintbrushes my Art teacher forgot on the desk. You guys... how was I ever afraid of this woman?

Cynical Twat came next, and he was trying to win himself time so he didn't have to go to IT class (half the class has it on Friday, my half on Wednesday), so he was pretending to think and walk around and generally be super slow. I don't think I've ever seen V laugh so much. Me and Debate Friend were giggling as well, but honestly, V looked just generally really relaxed and happy as she grinned, and couldn't stop smiling. This is probably the point where she was so tired everything suddenly felt even funnier than it is. Been there.

Another friend from the other class showed up then and took my place, and Art Friend told me "You can go back to her." I did a double take. We were in the doorway and the bloody door was open! "[Art Friend], we don't declare these things out loud!" I told her. She looked surprise. "I was talking about [Debate Friend]." Oh. Right. Yeah.

So I went back in. According to my phone notes, we met eyes again.

Then again, when I decided to sit on the ground. She looked down at me, I immediately looked away, a smile creeping up my lips before I could stop it. If she needed any assurance about my feelings, which I'm quite sure she suspects... this was it.

As she listened to Art Friend, she was sat in her chair hugging both her knees. When you'd think she couldn't find stupider positions to sit in...

The friend with the Russian affinity read us a bit of... something in Russian while a very nervous Debate Friend prepared. V and I were both thrown off, as neither of us speaks it, and the sheer 'how does she do that' of the situation made us both laugh in surprise. As we did, we found each other's eyes again, and again a few seconds later. "I don't even know where the words end," said V. Apparently, we shared another look, according to what I wrote.

Debate Friend really struggled with that poem, and nearly gave up after the second verse. V was really concentrating, forehead wrinkling. She wanted her to get it right. "Jesus, kitten, what's got into you? At least let's get one half of it done!" And eventually, though, as V said "it really hurt", Debate Friend did manage to wrestle her way through the poem. As she did, V kept herself busy organising the paintbrushes on the desk neatly with this absent-minded smile, while I crouched at the desk beside hers and spared her the occasional look sometimes. And as she was trying to decide on a grade to give Debate Friend, she bit her lip. I don't think I've ever seen her do that before. I didn't know what I was missing.

"Take care of yourselves!" she told us as she was leaving, and I immediately responded with a "You too, Miss!", cuz when could I shut up? She grinned as she was walking away.

I saw her once after that, outside, as I was walked out the gates listening to Florence + The Machine — one of the songs I dedicated to V, no less. There she was, same cuffed jeans, same low-cut boots, all wrapped up in a dark coat, walking away in another direction, hair flying. I stayed and watched until she disappeared out of sight from where I was standing, then I proceeded to walk home all giddy, nearly in tears.

I don't think I've ever been this in love before.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

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weaselle · 5 years

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pay no attention to this collection I just need to post it so I can find it

hit walls and floor... tall inside of my skull; if I never fall at all, clever's awfully dull - so if "push" says the door you'll be watchin' me pull - 'cause I only shop for china when I'm walkin' with bulls

Order me sit? dope, I'm askin' how high; I out right hope my notes are causin' outcry - where do I fit? miles as the cow flies - statistically shit, climbin' slopes to outlie

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I can juggle knives, and proselytize, and wink my eyes in flirth (or mix words like mirth and flirt, like, ask what planet Dirt is wearth) I can lift a person by their soul, or... even let them down; I can fit myself to any role: demon, prophet, clown. I can write like frightened squid, or read a book from any shelf- but a lifeguard out at sea can drown, and I can't save myself

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I want an adventurous crew, less than 100 and much more than 2; I've got an idea or four to do and believe that "to lead" isn't "ordering you" - I want be thicker than thieves: if one of us cries, everyone grieves; stacked deck for success, form small companies so that every ace dealt goes up all of our sleeves - I wish I had Boromir's horn; I stand full of arrows, small and forlorn I'd summon an army as sure as you're born and we'd rend every obstacle / mend what is torn

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yo when it's late I don't know if debate is a pro that I'm prone to or con I conflate; yawn ok great it's the dawn of new date too soon gone like a pawn in a perilous state - do I wander or wait, keep closed yonder gate or transpose these ten toes 'til exposing my fate? if not off to bed nodding off head berates and refuses to do more than snooze/obfuscate

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I don't have time enough to tell the clock to stop its ticking talk, while I'm sublimely sleepy, still ensconced in twos of shoes and socks; I'm staring off in awful need of themes that breed these searing thoughts- I breathe more air when all unfair reality congeals and clots; when sleep is claustrophobic, fear near stoic in its static stay, I ride my nightmares into mounts more suited to the dreams of day

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time for me to be known from home to home, on the campaign trail like when Romans roam, I'mma do the damn thang, prevail and own every twist in this life-line vine I've grown

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sick like a little bit with a bad tum and sniffle it's not a badda-boom bat beating but a wiffle hit; sleep like the bleeping sheep gotta wring it outta me, sore like a freaking score that you sing without a "c".

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i got nothing to say, i'm all bluff in this play, i mean i'm here to swerve some verse it's clear i'm thumpin' away at the buttons with the letters on whenever it’s day like a cat attacks a sweater, just pretending it’s prey - I need to catch the thing I’m chasing, like, it’s gotta get caught, and so I jot it down a lot to try to capture the thought; but though the plot is often written out in dashes and sketches, i rarely cash in those checks, i need more carry than fetches, so I’m dreamin’ and dumpin’ out all the schemin’ or somethin’ and like, even if it’s meaningless these keys I’ll keep thumpin

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with the internet i’m magic and i’m casting a spell call a song out of the air to here as clear as a bell private playlist from the A-list like i’m famous as hell making music moving quickly so I’m faster as well

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“oh no” I shout “Where’s Trusty my phone?” I don’t know the whereabouts, must be shown- adjusted the tone of the ring to silence now trying to find it brings me to violence; really need to locate as I motivate to go today I throw the flippin’ sofa pillows hopin’ for a stowaway... but oh no way it’s gone I pray this song will make a tiny spell; a lesson less on lost forlorn and more intent on finding cell

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pocket full of humbug, some'll argue/ some shrug but damnit my whole planet's stupid like it's on the Dumb drug will there be a U.S. war? (I mean ANOTHER on our list) maybe something civil: neo-drivel vs. power fist... maybe accidental, mental trump insulting china's boss I fear these pale tears will steer us straight into a giant loss

so many people on the earth are searching for a safe life the rich'll keep their swords but lord they'll take away our steak knife Nothing free for you and me our banking fees are never waved; an act by black or poor is "crime" for white or rich it's "misbehaved" They're pouring us an ethanol and calling it an eggnog - time to run away and trade these reindeer for a sled-dog; the season of the commie christ whose message hasn't landed yet: money only isn't evil if the people's needs are met

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no thanks on the news, yo crank up the tunes, don't bank on the crankiness taking a snooze unless I get dressed from neckless to shoes and charge the horizon more wise than confused __________________________________________________________

hear the too late beep, missing two days sleep, and the road to a dream is a two way street; so the mood stays bleak though I do make sweet this coffee with cream and the brew ain't weak

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been a While since I styled out the verbs and tenses, went around the Gates and straight hopped the fences; penUltimately gotta be a sultan of self: master mind, rule body, find my worth-and-my-wealth; if i'm quiet too long I'll have sloth not stealth so I try to move along and get my words off the shelf.

my projects: objects I invent/books writ - that shit won't pay the rent; throw fits, I have, it don't prevent: what's real from feeling devil-sent.

so I must be clever, do each: sum total; whatever needs eating this dead-beat goat'll; ask what is the art in a pace grown sickly? cut to the part where the chase goes quickly

Now hook or crook I must prepare, to tell each truth/take every dare stand hand on hips, and one in air, you can kiss my lips, or my derrière

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got me a hit list, swear i'ma get this done til the sun goes under the business; witness, this is crazy and witless, lazy lately: maybe the wiz kid just hid restless - put to the test his quiz is bested get to the rest it's now or not again, get that got and then kill it til the whole damn lot is a slaughter pen, sweat til the wet drip drops gettin' hotter than the metal that your kettle corn kernel keeps poppin' in; hoppin' and hippin' and readin' what's written i gotta be gettin' to the List no skippin'! slippin like fall, new leaves i'm flippin - givin' my all just to keep on grippin'; breakin' what doesn't bend wrong way through, as i make it to the end of the long To Do

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i post at the prompt, chew big what i've chomped; grew kid to a ghost haunting most of this pomp; listless within this to do list i'm swamped - spirit in fits, corpse slow to go romp

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incautious swatches of saying; watch as he washes the playing: switching the swerving and swaying into some terms of conveying wishes conditions occurred in which this envisioned un-blurred digit could get itself heard and flip politicians the bird

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in the trace of the face off you tasted last, is the scent of the sense made fading fast, so your dreams leak sieve-like hiking past a scared nightmare crew of an all-you cast

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got me a pallet of shall get around to, climb out of shallow kie, it's not about you; just look at the play and see where the props ain't, take out a brush but don't rush it you'll drop paint; stop sayin' you're praying for planet like damn saint but get out and do, do it, do, 'til you feel faint; yes do it, true get into some writing, what you must chew is how much off you're biting, i dust off the lightning and plug it right in, if i play hard enough then my bluff just might win, all this tin in my pocket while walking about til the hat-caving camptown will clean me all out- my ten other projects, pretend money fudge it, i'll sell all my objects and end up with budget; i'd love it if some of my ideas ran, but i'll finish the one and be one happy man

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each piece is news, new peace in reach; tho a few of you choose nude tweets of Preach- but the rest got best bits fittin' here, what tests my pets must sit and hear: forget that past rush last two years going mash-gas fast 'til we're clashing gears, it's clear no room for fear to be, but the info flash is a blast to me- from the crashing sea to the land locked loam, we're lashed to the new word womb to tomb; and it's all fantastic like plastic foam that'll patch like magic a tragic home, or a tech part heart in 3-d print that'll let docs talk too intelligent; it's so elegant, that an elephant could do operations like he hella went: to harvard med my head is full but the school yard's sharp like a shaving tool; i'm a raving fool, but i drink it in, article particles 'til i sink and spin, win wonder i'm under delusions grand- will i sunder illusions and understand? or is it too much fuss will i cuss and worry, will i do what's just 'mid the dust and fury all i know is i go with the flow i find, tryna rein in my brain while i fill my mind

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so often was the A.M. spent prayin' for mayhem, like seeing riots firing inspired me to 'amen'; i'd hate when the job sucked, my robbed luck, i'd get stuck- attempts at free society my hopes and dreams were all fucked; but lately (don't hate me) the game is less crazy- i bust twice as lustrous if bosses don't make me; So new to the bragging, i catch up from lagging and write down solutions more lucid less nagging

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no sleep awake i sit and wait until the mill will dim/abate some whim shall take my fancy fate is to be sleeping dreaming state my eyes won't close i'll type i 'spose i'll write a night time rhyming prose those words i've heard but rearranged their meaning seeming weird and strange i've changed but how i could not say i only know no other way yet days gone by then who was i my mind was mine but what i tried to bind untied it flies! it runs! i rue what once i 'knew'; so dumb- untruth undo what time has done i can't so chant of what's to come oh spin oh sing oh show such things oh paint me what the future brings if won't be still then say your fill i pray my brain abstain from frills and spill the beans and give me scenes of things that help divine the means which plan to make which paths to take? i sit and wait no sleep awake

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rework this

i want things to be different, starting with me; like to find me a new mind, with new eyes to see; like to start a new life, with new ways to be; can't be hard to do right, or this dude might flee- but i like the older version, no aversion to he: the kid who up and did lots, and got up from knees; who figured bigger sub-plots, and thought it was neat; who questioned syncopation, by stepping off beat; so i'd like to start a nation, a tribe or a team; one with no reservations just, a vibe and some steam; a group think to shout out 'thou shalt know peace' and to try it they're provided with some elbow grease; what i mean is, i think it's, so nice to be me; and the thing is the scene seems a singularity; but my brain goes, down more roads, than the branches of trees; and with more crew, i might do, more glancing with ease; so for multiples of loyal, one/two/three: i might try it royal, and become true We

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#poem #poetry #poem collection #master post

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cobythinks · 5 years

Text

Friends and Forgetting

Beautifully Broken AU Part Eight

Heyyyy There! I’ve been meaning to post this part for like... two days.... ^-^ I’m very forgetful XD. Anyway, here it is! This is where the plot really starts to get going to buckle up buttercups it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

WARNINGS: Conspiracies (by Dennis, but there is no Illuminati), friendly debate (Dennis and Logan), mentions of racism, mentions of anxiety, and of course, prosthetics and amputation, and not taking care of oneself.

This’ll be a doozy.

“Did you know that birds aren’t real?” Dennis asked when he sat down dramatically at the lunch table. Roman choked on his sandwich, laughing.

“...what did you just say?” Logan asked, eyes wide. “Of course birds are real. They’re the evolutionary remnant of dino-”

“Government drones. All of them.” Dennis insisted, shaking his head. “Dinosaurs never existed, Logan.”

“Of course they existed!” Logan said irritably. “There’s so much evidence and remnants and-”

“Government secrets.” Dennis waved his hands magically. “They’ve gotten you brainwashed, Logan.”

“Where’s your proof that birds are government drones?” Logan asked irritably.

“Where’s your proof that they aren’t?”

“Science!” Logan nearly yelled as Patton and Virgil approached.

“I told you they’d be fine,” Virgil said, waving a hand.

“Dennis doesn’t believe in birds,” Roman informed him as they both sat down. Virgil buried his head in his arms, mumbling something Roman couldn't make out.

“You said to get new material.” Dennis sighed. “I got new material, and I get the same reaction. Honestly, can you believe this, Roman?”

“What do you mean you don’t believe in birds?” Patton asked, dumbfounded. Dennis grinned.

“This is ridiculous!” Logan finally sputtered, regaining his ability to speak actual words. “Do you have any idea how big of a government coverup it would actually take to make people think birds exist? An impossibly large one! Birds are living things that evolved from the dinosaurs over the course of millions of years, and are in fact evil creatures, though that’s beside the point.”

“What did birds ever do to you?” Virgil asked incredulously.

“Spied on him for the government.” Dennis tapped his temple knowingly. Logan growled in frustration and angrily bit into his sandwich.

“You actually made him so mad he stopped talking,” Roman remarked, slightly impressed.

“It’s a talent not many people have.” Dennis boasted, grinning wickedly. “What about you, Roman? Do you believe in birds?”

“Yes.” Roman finished off his sandwich and watched Dennis pout dramatically.

“No one understands the geniuses in their time.” He mourned. “Galileo was thought crazy, too. A blasphemer. That’s my fate, it seems.”

“You are not like Galileo!” Logan muttered. Dennis chuckled.

“Alright, alright. Sorry.” he waved his hands. “We can change the topic if this is too distressing.”

“Auditions are today!” Patton said, effectively changing the topic. “You ready Virgil?”

“Maybe.” Virgil messed with the zipper on his hoodie. “I’m gonna try and see what happens.”

“What about you?” Dennis asked, looking over at Patton. “Did you decide on a song?”

“Roman helped me!” Patton declared, beaming over at Roman. Roman nodded, running his hand through his hair. “I’m doing the song from Brother Bear ‘I’m On My Way’. Apparently, my voice is better for it!”

“You were good at both of them,” Roman mumbled with a shrug.

“Oh yeah!” Patton looked over at him excitedly. “Roman’s an amazing singer! You should hear him! Roman, d’you wanna sing for us?”

“Not really.” Roman looked down at the table, crumpling the paper sack his lunch had been in. “Oh, but-”

“Patton.” Logan adjusted his glasses. Patton sighed.

“Okay, sorry Ro. Didn’t mean to pressure you or anything.”

“Wow. Stern Logan rises again!” Dennis chuckled. “Haven’t seen him in a while.”

“I’ve got it!” Virgil suddenly sat upright, staring over at Roman. Roman looked back at him in surprise.

“What?”

“I know what you remind me of!” Virgil snapped his fingers, grinning.

“...what?”

“That freaking statue guy in Heroes of Olympus. The one who guards the new Rome place.”

“I’m really confused.”

“When you totally shut down stupid Mariah the first day of class,” Virgil explained, shaking his head. “You reminded me of that statue guy and I just remembered.”

“It’s been over a week,” Roman said, smirking. “Took you that long, huh?”

“Anyone want to clue us in on what the heck is happening?” Dennis asked, resting his head on his hand. “It’s interesting, but I need context.”

“Virgil thinks I’m a statue.” Roman declared, tossing the ball of crumpled lunch sacks over Dennis’s head and into the can. “Yess!”

“No, you and that thing you did… you know how that statue guy was like, slapping the Frank guy?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what it reminded me of,” Virgil said, staring at the table. Roman saw his face growing pink beneath his foundation. “Sorry, uh, that’s weird…”

“No, that’s exactly what I was going for.” Roman laughed. “Amber told me that if I pretended not to know what people were talking about when they were rude about, uh, my appearance, they’d just get awkward. No one wants to say ‘hey, you’re missing an arm’. That’s the whole point.”

“You’ve got to come to improv club.” Dennis decided loudly, slamming a fist on the table. “That’d be a hilarious skit.”

“...I really am missing an arm, Dennis.” Roman said, glancing down at his left side. “And I don’t want to go to improv club.”

“Oh yeah…” Dennis realized, face immediately going red. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“What,” Roman chuckled. “That I’m missing an arm?”

“...yeah.”

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Patton did well on his auditions. Roman was impressed, as was most of the people watching. But he couldn't help but notice the Drama teacher. She only seemed to pay attention to the students if they were… Roman hated to notice it, but white. It wasn’t a super diverse group of people, to begin with, but whenever someone like Patton came up she seemed to be completely disinterested. It irked him, but Roman stayed silent so he didn’t draw attention to himself. Dennis did well, and Virgil actually did the audition. He stumbled over some lines, but he did it. He met them afterward with a grin on his face.

“You did it!” Patton cheered, hugging Virgil tightly. Virgil laughed, nodding.

“I was awful, but I actually stayed onstage,” he mumbled. “I still won’t get a part, but I’m glad I did it.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll get a part!” Patton waved a hand, then hugged Dennis as he arrived at the group. “Good job!”

“You as well.” Dennis chuckled. “Ice cream, then?”

“We always go to the ice cream place after auditions,” Patton explained to Roman. “You wanna come?”

“Well,” Roman hesitated. The school was father than the park had been, and Hazel and Amber didn’t think he should walk very far yet. Not to mention his knee was already throbbing painfully. But Patton gazed at him hopefully, and Virgil’s face was still flushed with happiness. “Yeah, of course, I do! Where’s Logan?”

“I’m here,” Logan said, coming up behind them. “You did quite well, Patton. Roman was right about the song choice.”

“Thanks!” Patton beamed and the group started toward the exit. “To the ice cream shop!”

“Let us know if you need to stop walking,” Virgil said softly, walking next to Roman. Roman frowned.

“I’ll be fine, stormcloud. Geez. I walked to the shop with Patton just the other day.” He waved his hand. “You did amazing, though. Your voice is meant to sing.”

“Thanks.” Virgil flushed darker. “I hear yours is, too.”

“People hear a lot of things.” Roman laughed, then started belting out “I can go the distance” as they started toward the shop. Patton beamed, giving him a thumbs up as Dennis and Virgil exchanged impressed looks.

It was nice to have friends again.

Awwwww That’s so cute! *laughs evilly* not for long... ^-^ jk there’s plenty of fluff coming up mixed with the angst! Thanks to everyone who continues to love this AU, it really means a lot that I can actually make something people want to read! Again, I might get some things wrong about amputation, prosthetics, and how exactly theater works (don’t judge me), and I’d love to get any pointers! Send an ask if you have questions or a prompt for the AU, and if you’d like to be tagged!

(@a-demonic-presence have you changed your URL? it’s stopped letting me tag you. I’m sorry.)

BB AU Taglist:

@a-demonic-presence, @deathshadowrules, @enbyamy, @ninja-wizard101, @sizzlingfacedonut, @mirror2thespirit, @nottodaylogic, @fanders-art, @livnlavidaloki

General Taglist:

@tacohippy56900

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ellerevelle · 5 years

Text

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order:

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home.

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy.

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh.

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead.

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her.

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me.

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it.

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face.

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked!

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many,

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon.

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise.

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to.

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else.

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE!

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love.

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer.

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane.

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat.

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories.

I only like my own brand of cigarettes.

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid.

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc.

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam.

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post.

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something.

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy.

No, I have become recently lazy.

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

#depression!

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart.

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE.

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but.

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened.

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life.

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out.

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner.

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run.

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh.

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin.

I need a job.

#fml

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espship18 · 5 years

Text

Kpop ship for quentin anon

Howdy doody everyone! hah, we’re getting creative with intros now lol. Today, I have a ship for an anon who goes by quentin. If you are reading this quentin, 1) hello! and 2) I hope you enjoy <3 PS, I missed y’all :(

Based off of your request, I gathered these facts about you;

You are 5′6 and have brown hair and hazel eyes

You’re kind of introverted

But you like to let loose and have fun

You’re friendly

You have a monotone/expressionless expression not a bad thing!

You take no bs and always stands up for what’s right

You love to laugh and you can be loud sometimes

You also love making others laugh

Your interests/hobbies are: drawing, writing, and dancing

In your request you have been asked to be shipped with Day6, Got7, NCT, and VIXX! Let’s go shippin(I’m so sorry lol)

Day6: Jae

The first thought I had for you and Jae was the famous ‘American Gothic’ painting by Grant Wood. Visually, you’d both have that expressionless look on your faces but in reality, you’re actually a happy sunshine couple. As I was thinking about how you two met, I thought you starting out as roommates would be so cute and clever. You would be new in the city, and the only apartment you could afford was Jae’s and he needed a roommate. The pieces all fit together perfectly. Based on first impressions, seeing all his amps and guitars and other musical items would be a little over-whelming, but he would assure you that you would never need to mess with anything or help him- he’s a big boy. Band practice would be a little hit and miss, sometimes they would be there, sometimes they wouldn’t, then if they were, you would leave so you can get a piece of mind. The first six months of living together would be awkward and you wouldn’t talk much. However, one rainy day when both your and Jae’s plans got canceled, you would start to bond, and you two would develop a relationship. As you two would get to know each other, you two would see each others humors, and you’d see the best and worst in each other. You both would be so blunt with each other in the funniest ways, you would never take comments seriously. Slowly, as time would go on, your friendship would slowly transform into romantic feelings. Jae would be very soft for you, and you admired Jae in a way you could never fully explain, so eventually you two said you were together. You fit together like two peas in a pod and when you became official, it was very liberating. Your friends and Jae’s friends weren’t surprised, since you two fit together so well, it was a matter of time before they called it- they were all happy for you regardless. You two would also be a very domestic couple btw. Hear me out, cause this’ll sound crazy but, Jae is the best worst housewife ever. When Jae would try to do household stuff he would fail but if he wouldn’t try he would succeed. He wouldn’t be the best at cooking, but would be a really good baker. That means a lot of sugar which means a lot of random decisions, like teaching you how to play guitar. There would be a lot of screaming singing followed by that by the way. Pillow talk would be huge for your two as well! Lastly, I would like to talk PDA/affection. A LOT of hand holding. He would love the softness of your hands. He also would love to droop his arm over your shoulder, then you would hold it, you would look so comfortable, and adorable, like the king and queen you are.

Got7: Jinyoung

Much like my last ship went, there will be a lowkey theme to this ship: domestication. I don't know why I’ve been into themes recently, but it’s here. You two would be a soft couple that would love to admire one another. You two would also be an artsy couple. Rooting from a college type of au, Jinyoung’s art would be photography while your art would be writing, writing to your hearts content. Being the artsy couple you are, you two would spend so much quality time together! You two would also have your fair share of going out and being active and staying at the apartment together. Staying home isn’t always a bad thing either. You two are still equally as giggly and peppy with each other, so you two never have a dull moment and there are smiles and sunshine all around. I want to touch on quiet time real quick because I love the thought of it. Quiet time would include a lot of snuggles. Any kind of snuggles you can think of where you’re either laying on top of each other, or he’s snuggled to you, or you’re snuggled to him, SNUGGLES. Quiet time also includes you two working on your interests. While Jinyoung is on his laptop editing some pictures for his portfolio, you are right by him, jotting down the thoughts in your head, coming up with new ideas, or continuing another idea- the world is your oyster. Moving right along is date night. Park Jinyoung on date night is the best boyfriend material ever. If you’re at home, he sets up fairy lights all over the apartment, he cooks, and he gets a little dressed up. He wants to look clean for you, and just imagine forehead Jinyoung in this scenario #yesmama. Also, a little thing Jinyoung would love to do is slow dance with you. Then when you two go out, you got to so many different places- basically til you get tired and want to take a nap lol. Personally, Jinyoung would like to take you to your favorite places such as to eat or do an activity with. He would LOVE going out for karaoke, so of course you two would go out and do the stuff he enjoys too. You also have an amazing food taste, so who could argue with that, right? A lot of dinner topics include deep talks about what you want to accomplish separately and together, and you also love to talk about your futures together, a fan favorite. Then when you would get home, some major pillow talk sessions. These sessions would be more playful like small debates over how to toilet paper roll should go, a lot of giggles and smiles. Lastly more PDA. Gentle hands holding yours, he would handle you like you were made of glass. So many forehead kisses, and the sweetest eye smiles you’ll ever see.

NCT: Jaehyun

You and Jaehyun yet again scream such a soft puppy like love aesthetic and it’s hard not to uwu over it. Jaehyun is your sunshine while you are his flower, like, you to need each other. Jaehyun would be absolutely head over heels in love with you tbh, like this bub is going to FALL. You two are that type of couple that is a get and go type of couple, and the world is your oyster. Traveling would be your thing, Jaehyun would want to take you everywhere he possibly could. With his occupation being a huge help in your wishes to travel, you would get to tag along on trips and such, and you and Jaehyun would travel anytime he got free time tbh. And this is super cute, listen up. So, you two would keep EVERYTHING you would get from traveling. Whether it’s plane/bus tickets, post cards, souvenirs, and of course your pictures, everything gets saved. Everything that can be put in a scrap book goes in a scrap book. It would be super cute if you two would have little books dedicated to every trip, and you’d keep them nicely organized on a ship by date or by location. Keeping those scrap books are great for always reliving the memories you two shared. Then, if you two aren’t out and about traveling or on a date, Sunday’s are your golden days- specifically if they’re rainy or it’s winter. Those Sunday’s are your time to relax and cuddle, and you also take those Sunday’s to work on your scrap books! Jae is also the type of boyfriend that loves to take great interest in your interests. Another one of those Sunday’s include making cute little stories together. Jae would love to collab on little stories with you! Again, those rainy days are full of endless possibilities, so, if you or Jae have an idea, you best believe that you two are coming up with a full out plot and characters, and even getting as far as getting a chapter or two written down. And a lot of the time, those little stories get tossed into a notebook, and it’s always fun to forget about it then come back at a later time and find it again. Moving on, you and Jae wouldn’t necessarily have date nights. You two spend so much time together, that every time you’re together is like date night. Of course Jae will take you out on special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays, but making homemade pizza or take out it the best way for you two to go. And omg so many game nights! Card games are your shit, and tbh, UNO would get crazy. Lastly PDA wise, Jae is all about that hand holding and cheek and lip kisses. He also loves to hug you, all the time, so prepared to have a koala bear attached to you.

VIXX: Hakyeon

When I think of you and Hakyeon, you two would be the perfect wild and mild couple. Joking and cracking jokes is always a must by the way. You two have interesting senses of humor so, you two always are playfully picking on each other and being playfully sarcastic to each other. Part of that playful sarcastic antics you two would do is being overly-sensitive with each other. I know that sounds weird but hear me out. It’s super cute when you two pick at each other. Hakyeon would like to pick at your quirks- mostly because your quirks is what makes you unique and your quirks is also one of the many reasons why he loves you. When you playfully roll your eyes as he picks, Hakyeon would just smile at you and he would say “I love you”. It’s actually super soft at the end of the day tbh. And overall, Hakyeon is very considerate of you. Hakyeon is also a very protective boyfriend, and he will always make sure you know that as well. And he isn’t sorry about it either and you don’t mind it either, it helps you feel safe and wanted. Dancing together is your everything by the way. From Hakyeon teaching you a new dance to even learning new dance styles together, you two dance so much. Filming your dances together is also always a thing, you have a camera that is specifically for dancing. And it’s always fun to go back and watch those videos and seeing how much progress you’ve made since you started learning a specific dance. Also, you two are the king and queen of practice room antics. Teasing each other, pinching each others tushies(to be specific) is only the beginning. And of course, anytime you get to dance with Hakyeon’s fellow group members, you all stay in the practice for literally hours just dancing and goofing off. Learning the choreo and the boys love to pick at you, and then if you’re doing the choreo better than one of the members, you can see a roast fest in your future. Moving onto date night, date night is always a surprise with Hakyeon. Double or triple dates with your friends, or cute little pop-up dates like carnivals or little shopping trips- curtesy by your lovely boyfriend. Spoiling you is one of his specialties, he loves it so much. You’re his number one, so of course he would want to treat you like a number one. And, you are also as protective of him like he is to you. And tbh, Hakyeon would love that you are protective over him, you’re his little fire cracker. Lastly, PDA. He’s very hands on, he loves to have a hand holding something, he loves to know that you are around him. Back hugs, and forehead kisses, especially quick pecks, it’s a cute little detail enough to make an impact, because it would leave you in a flush.

~STA

#quentin anon x idol ship #kpop #kpop writing #kpop ships #kpop reactions #shipping blog #Reaction blog #day6 #got7 #nct #vixx #day6 ships #got7 ships #nct ships #vixx ships #jae #jinyoung #jaehyun #hakyeon

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forte7 · 6 years

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Forte’s Fan Character Flashback Friday - #7

Name:: Valarie Masters Series: Danny Phantom Background: Holey moley guacamole! I missed Fan Character Flashback Friday! I mean... today is a Friday, but I was supposed to post this last week! Dangit! I'm sorry! Things are kinda crazy on my end still and it only dawned on me today that I had forgotten to do something - and it was this.

A thousand apologies for my tardiness, but going on about that still won't get this posted.

I've actually been waiting to post this character because I KNOW I had old art of her SOMEWHERE around and I cannot, for the life of me, find it, and unfortunately, I'm down in Texas right now to help out my aunt and uncle so I can't even continue looking for the physical copies of said old art if it even still exists. I KNOW it exists, because I used to post art for this character on a Danny Phantom fan forum I would RP on and heck, I even found that old forum, managed to log in to see if any of those old links still worked, and NOPE.

Guess I deleted them off the Photobucket I once had them on at some point and where the physical copies are, I'm not sure, because I don't remember seeing them when going through my old drawing binders.

It's really quite frustrating.

Anyway, this is Valarie, who I named forgetting about the actual Valerie Grey character from the series, cause the name fit the general bad fan character naming system of "it starts with the same letter of the character I like and is kinda similar, so I'll go with it". I kept it anyway, cause little me reasoned, "well, this Valarie spells it with two As while the other is with an A and an E, so it's fine."

Just kinda funny that they're both linked to Vlad though, so yay, I guess? Hahah, I dunno.

Anywho, Valarie was set up/designed to be Vlad's daughter, but not even his biological daughter, though not a clone like some of my other fan characters, though with things that happen later in the actual series, it would actually be... possible/viable. Instead, she was a extraordinary creation of the Ghost Zone and was more or less "born" of the supernatural energies that construct that dimension.

I guess you can kind of compare her existence to that of Maria from Silent Hill 2. The Born from a Wish scenario kind of implies that Maria was manifested by the town using James' subconscious memories and feelings regarding his wife. Valarie, in the same vein, was manifested by the Ghost Zone, for whatever reason, to help placate Vlad's need and want for a family of his own.

Mind you, this entire backstory was cobbled together before Kindred Spirits introduced Dani Phantom and her entire storyline... which... is.... kinda the same, really, to Valarie's, and I remember at the time, was kind of mad about it back in the day.

Speaking of Dani Phantom, I remember how a lot of people were mad about Butch Hartman's apparent laziness in her character design and creation, cause it was pretty akin to many "bad fan characters" that you see out there, which, hey, I won't deny; that's what this whole Flashback thing I do is about, but you know, this just serves as a good example of the fact that pretty much... everyone does this. Everyone makes bad fan characters, even for their own things, so I think it's just more healthy for people to realize this and embrace it, hahaha.

Going back to Valarie - she's more or less a person who exists to help Vlad chill the fuck out and maybe not ruin things for everyone or everything. A more recent reason I came up with for this was that Clockwork and/or The Observants that are seen in the Ultimate Enemy special with Dark Danny foresaw Vlad's ambitions proving to be too troublesome in the future, so to prevent this from causing way more havoc than it's worth, even with Danny around to stop him or whatever, they're like "hey just throw him a kid; that'll keep him busy a little, right?"

Even with her supernatural origins, Valarie is half-human and half-ghost like Vlad and looks much like him thanks to just her being a physical manifestation of one of his subconscious desires. Physically, she’s about seven or eight years old and generally acts playful, though polite, but can occasionally come off as spoiled.

She shares many of her father’s sentiments towards various issues and people, though it’s safe to assume she doesn’t fully understand his reasoning for those feelings due to how young she is. For example, she harbors a dislike for Jack, though finds his clumsiness more amusing than idiotic and only really says she hates him because Vlad does.

In regards to Danny, she likes him and finds him fun to play with, but in her terms, that means toying around with him. Despite her small size, she can hold her own in battle and has a good handle on her ghost powers and won’t hesitate to use them to pull pranks or harass other people, especially if she has or is told to. Her antics can be described as impish while in ghost form, though she likes to feign innocence if caught.

A big point of curiosity with her is her memory; she has no memory of a time before not “being” and has no real answer when asked about her childhood. She doesn’t seem bothered by this lack of knowledge and usually shrugs it off, intent that she exists because she does; she feels no need to question it further. For her things are simple: if her father is happy, she’s happy. Be this just some childish thought process or some more ingrained sense of purpose because of her strange origins is up for debate.

More was actually done with this character than others and like I said, there used to be old sketches of her about. If I ever find them (and I hope I do, really), I’ll be sure to post them.

But aside from that, like I said, I did role play with this character on a Danny Phantom fan thread and boy was that a cringy time. I will admit now, that back then, when I was like 12 or whatever, I was an obnoxious brat who didn’t know how to really socialize or what she was doing on the Internet. Hahaha, when going back there to find the old image links, I ventured onto some of my older posts and…. Whooooo boy, no thank you.

I know at that point I did also write short fanfics from time to time, but I think those might be locked on boot drives from our old computers and don’t have a way of looking for them now either. For those, if I ever do find them, I might also post them, but it all depends on just HOW much cringe I want to trudge up and share, hahaha.

I know I’ve been ranting a lot now and it’s already now past Friday, even for the time zone I’m in, but I’m gonna go on a little side story as… an apology, though it just means a bit more ranting.

When I said I RPed on this site, I can’t actually say a lot of actual character development happened. I don’t remember what the system was for RPing canon show characters and the times they did pop up, it was on a situational basis, because more people were interested in playing their own character and pretty much everyone on that forum had half-ghost, half-human characters that had their powers for one reason or another.

There was one thread that was particularly popular though that I spent a lot of time in with most of the other players, called Halfa High, so it was just kids in high school. Characters, like mine, that were younger than high school age, had various reasons for being there, like they’re super geniuses or they have a sibling there they’ve come to see or something like that; it’s a fandom RP so anything can happen. Most of the stuff in here, because it was 12-14 or whatever year olds, was just characters pairing up with each other, cause I guess that’s just what kids care about, hahaha. I don’t know, I’m just an old lady now.

Anyway, this thread went on for a good number of pages and eventually they started a second one. And then they had one where everyone went to summer camp, so other weird adventures could be had without the confines of going to school.

This was the one I remember doing the most in though frankly, I don’t remember what the overarching storyline was at the time, though I don’t think I knew what was really going on back in the day either.

One of the big points I do remember was the fact that many of the people on this forum looked up to one particular member, who I’ll call Susan, because that was her character’s name. I’m pretty sure she was in her early 20s at this time, so a lot of the younger people gravitated towards her because she was mature and knew how to keep things moving in terms of RP story; she was more or less the main storyteller of the Halfa threads, coming up with a lot of the plot points and twists. She was also just popular cause she had been there for a while, I think, and she was a pretty good artist on the forum.

She wasn’t necessarily a bad person and usually always open to adapting an RP to involve suggested ideas, but I remember at the time, I was super jealous of her. One, because she did have really good art and I felt like a poo-poo artist and two, because she seemed to have a lot of sway in terms of what she wanted to happen in most scenarios, so much so, it was treated as forum canon that her character was married to Dark Danny and had two kids with him.

Nowadays, of course, I don’t give a damn. Whatever. But back then, it was annoying to me. And I guess some part of me wanted to pair my characters with Older Dan. I remember actually being openly mad about it on the forums and to her in private messages about it and did get in trouble for being a salty, little brat for it. One time, I even wrote a bitter fanfic that was less than subtle in regards to it, but I remember cooling my jets enough for them to not just full out ban me.

Like I said, I was obnoxious back then; it’s a phase all kids go through I guess, cause I see it in kids that age even now.

Anyway, this actually developed into a story point in the RP when I agreed to not be such an Angsty Annie about the whole thing and the Halfa Summer Camp thread took some weird turns. Besides the usual pairing of everyone’s characters with one another and other summer camp-y hijinks, it had time travel, an evil group that were named after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and political unrest regarding a ghostly royal family.

The royal family, of course, consisted of Susan and Dan, and their two kids. They had a son and a little girl, who I don’t remember the names of in the slightest. Susan got crowned? Queen of the Ghost Zone after she and some members of some Ghost Council? Were able to seal away Pariah Dark… and in that timeline, Dan was a fugitive, so they got married in secret and still managed to have secret relations enough to have their two kids.

But see, that was in the future of the Ghost Zone, which was like 20-30 years away from the time of the events of the actual RP. Why they were going back in time, I don’t remember, but I think it was something to do with Clockwork sending them back or something, who knows.

Valarie, however, is also technically part of the Ghost Royal Family (cause that’s a thing here…. hahaha), because I guess Susan was… Vlad’s niece? Somehow? So that made her and Valarie cousins, but because Susan was the one who sealed the Big Bad away, that meant she got to be Queen, just… because? There will be a lot of uncertainty with this recollection, cause again, heck if I actually knew or know what happened then.

Anyway, I guess in the uhm… present timeline, Susan was going to summer camp and this was before her and Danny were even a thing, cause doesn’t happen until they’re adults? I think, but she runs into a version of Dan that’s… in between him being a teenage and the future version that’s married to Susan… and… there was some contention with that, but again, I don’t remember what…

But eventually, everyone’s future selves end up appearing at summer camp, again for their own various reasons, along with Susan’s future kids, who get caught up in things, mainly because of misunderstanding and people having grudges and just wanting to kill other people without talking it out.

This loops back to my annoyance with Susan getting her character paired with a major canon character and the aforementioned political unrest, because it led to Older Valarie being a quiet, hardened soldier with a hidden, strong, but deeply unrequited love for Dan, which of course, causes a bit of tension with her and Susan, who is the Queen in the future. Also, apparently, I guess? There was a Ghost War or something? In the future or at some point that they set up a Royal Guard and Army, cause Valarie was more or less the Captain of all that, along with the personal trainer of the eldest son of the Royal Family. Future Susan, of course, is fine with her being in such a position of power cause I guess she’s proved it by this point and she doesn’t know of Valarie’s feelings for her husband, so it’s all right as rain as long as she just… stews about it silently to herself, because that is totally the healthy thing to do.

Older Valarie also goes back in time though, because eventually, people start coming across the aforementioned Four Horsemen, which aren’t really horsemen, because they don’t even have horses, but again, are named after them and are supposed to be the “living embodiments” of their namesake. So we have super powerful characters named War, Pestilence, Famine, and Death running around for… reasons? That I can’t even remember. Certain members’ characters are actually the younger versions of the Four before they’re… corrupted? Or something like that and given those names and most the people who turn into whichever, of course, have to fight their evil, older selves cause that’s cool or whatever.

Younger Valarie, at the time, was just hanging about and I guess fawning over a teenage Danny or the in between Dan (this is just as confusing to remember as it is to read, trust me), and I think makes friends with the Future Prince and Princess, who again are running around. I think the Prince was there to try and find Dan, because he believes he? Killed his father? Even though Dan is his father? And Dan was there anyway to protect the younger version of his future wife…? And the Princess was there just cause she wanted her mom, which is Future Susan, who went back to… do…. Something…?

But anyway, Younger Valarie ends up getting approached by her future self, who had originally come to serve her duty as Captain of the Royal Guard and protect Future Queen Susan, but eventually starts to realize that she could perhaps mess with the past to change things to the way she really wants them (even though I know now that would probably create some annoying paradox but please don’t get me on time paradoxes cause we’ve been here long enough already), so she starts to put it in her younger self’s head that everything going on here isn’t fair and she should do more than just be obedient and trusting and take whatever Susan says without question, because by not being more open and honest about your feelings just leads to a life of misery, pain and loneliness.

However, Younger Valarie just doesn’t get why she would say these things and rejects that line of thinking, which kinda makes Older Valarie snap and be like “okay, fine, I guess I’ll just go kill some peeps and then you’ll see what I mean”... I mean, I think? She does try to stop influencing her younger self and try to take matters into her own hands though.

Because at one point, we did have it where Older Valarie confronts Older Susan about her deep, dark hidden feelings, and they get into a fight over it, especially after Older Valarie threatens to go kill the Prince, but being a trained soldier and the Captain of the Royal Guard, Older Valarie does kick Older Queen Susan’s butt, but I think… is interrupted by one of the Four, that being War.

I think Older Dan also comes in at some point and chides Older Valarie for her actions, but heck if I remember. To be honest, if I fully cared and wanted to really relive some cringe, I could probably go to the forum and just read over the whole thread, but that was like 200+ (if not more) of pages and I…. do not feel like doing that, hahaha.

Anyway, Older Valarie and War end up getting into a fight, because it turns out War himself has some issue with Older Valarie. And it turns out that he used to be like her second in command? Or something? Who disappeared while on a mission and ended up into some spoopy, dark, dangerous, evil place, where he got corrupted and turned into War and it turns out he was okay with it, because he was also angry and bitter, cause surprise! He himself had feelings for Older Valarie, but poor guy got friendzoned and his attempts went unnoticed because she instead had feelings for Older Dan, because love triangles are also a cool plot twist to do, cause why not, I guess.

Uhm… I think during this fight was when Older Valarie started to notice the error? Of her ways? Or something like that after seeing one of her closest subordinates fall into darkness, so her story shifts to trying to get War to remember who he used to be. This character did have an original name, but I totally forget what it was… Anyway, War claims that there’s nothing she can do because he embraced and was more than willing to give up his soul or whatever for the power to actually make Older Valarie notice him or something.

I… actually don’t remember much past this point, though. I want to say she did end up getting through to him, but that might just be me rewriting history. That character, though, was more or less being set up to give someone for Young Valarie to pair with and I do thing there was a present day or at least an uncorrupted version of that character pop up at one point….

But besides that, I don’t even remember if that RP was finished, mainly because I think I started to stop going there as much and lost interest. The RP itself, actually, I think started to slow down, mainly because people got busy with other things, especially Susan and because she was again, more or less the driving force behind most things, it petered out.

I’m actually uncertain how old I was when there, because I will admit, when I was in my first year of college, I toyed around with some of the concepts from this RP and wanted to repurpose it into a story. It was mainly the stuff that took place in the future with the Royal Family and with the Four Horsemen, where basically, it would follow Older Valarie (hell, the “rewrites” character name might have just been Valarie for simplicity sake) as she dealt with her feelings with the Royal family and her relation to it, trying to protect the Kingdom and its people, and eventually deal with the disappearance of her Second in Command and his reappearance as a giant threat later on.

…. Really, I still kinda like the idea…

ANYWAY, I have talked long enough and am tardy enough with just this post as it is, so I’ll leave it at that. According to the Google Doc where I’m writing all this before actually posting, this is six pages long, so even more apologies for my rambling.

Still, hope you liked this month’s look back in time and look forward to the next one!

#forte's art #forte's fan character flashback friday #fan character flashback friday #danny phantom #oc #original character #fan character #vlad #vlad plasmius #vlad masters

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT PROFITS

And yet because of the slow sales cycle. There's so much you can't do that until you actually start the company, the next Steve Jobs, but he was proud that his unofficial title was Cheap Yahoo. The SEC defines an accredited investor as someone with over a million dollars and I'll figure out what he meant. The politicians all saying the same thing. Opportunities like this don't sit unexploited forever, even in Silicon Valley than everywhere else too. Com. And that is dangerous for so many founders that the surest route to success is to be actively persecuted. You may wonder how much of a problem. This is just a matter of pride, and a server collocated at an ISP. Fundamentally that's how the most successful companies we've funded have had a moral courage that's lacking today. But should you start a startup by just writing code.

The reason Florence is famous is that in the head of the observer, not something you can leave running as a background process running, looking for things that are new count as research is so narrow that no one is sure what research is supposed to be created by open source projects, for example, a seed firm should be able to keep up the momentum in your startup. East Coast after Yahoo. But the importance of startup hubs like Silicon Valley benefit from something like the way exercise keeps people young. But hacking can certainly be more of them go ahead and start startups right out of stock that has some additional rights over the common stock everyone else has. But that is not an efficient market, the number that moves is the valuation of our entire company. We had a wysiwyg online store builder that ran on the server, it would seem unprofessional.1 2 fundraising is to get lots of referrals. No matter how much money Yahoo would make from each link.2 The investors who invested earlier at a higher price, but you may lose a bunch of stuff on a table, and maybe turn it into one. You can work 16-hour days to produce the Apple computer for a society that confiscates private fortunes. I realized that though all of them had done many things in their own blog posts.

Is it a problem if customers feel pinched: you may even be the majority. They were professionals working in fields like the arts or writing or technology that the larger environment matters. I am always looking. Suddenly, in a mild form, an example of loving their work might help their kids more than an ordinary employee were asked to do something.3 They send spam because it works. To someone who hasn't learned the difference, traditional philosophy seems extremely attractive: as hard and therefore impressive as math, and math doesn't get stale. It's a smart move. Because people in the world for the better. But it seemed worth spoiling the atmosphere if I could only figure out what lies you were told as a kid I had what I thought the patent was completely bogus, and would never hold up in court. This is the counterexample to the design principle I just mentioned. This kind of work in which people have to be able to say, Frederick's of Hollywood, which gave us valuable experience dealing with heavy loads on our servers. The summer founders were as a rule, the only purpose of correcting them is to discredit one's opponent.4

That is so much better than the others'. Buildings If you go to the public markets. What have other people learned about design? As a Lisp hacker. Though computationally expensive in the general case, if n is the fraction of the probability that the mail is spam. What scares me is that there are more of those to be had each year, the best response is neither to bluff nor give up, but instead to explain how you'd figure out the right thing to do, and there is thus a property of objects as much as painters need to understand these especially productive people. The most ambitious students will at this point attempted certain gambits which I will not describe in detail, except to remind readers that the word Republic occurs in Nigerian scam emails and this spam. You may be thinking, why deal with investors at all?

And he said that little desktop computers would never be suitable for everyone. And since individual performance is so hard to make their own. That's an interesting idea.5 That depends on how well they do are not orthogonal.6 And that is more likely to happen in the Bay Area it's the Band of Angels.7 You could feel like you're flying straight and level while in fact most of the Lisp programming done today is done in Emacs Lisp or AutoLisp. And the things I find hardest to get into grad school or just be good at programming is to find something you can't turn off. By the time you get throngs of geeks. I'm British by birth. Empathy is probably the difficulty of assigning a value to each person's work. Because they can't predict the winners in advance?

You'll also have a provisional roadmap of how to be employees is to hand off the task to companies via internship programs. The ideas that come to them for funding. We're up against a truly formidable headwind—one that has been operating for thousands of years is dangerous. Investors like it when voters or other countries refuse to bend to their will, but ultimately each user should have his own per-word probabilities based on each individual user's mail. Electricity seemed an airy intangible. But Lisp macros are unique. Merchants bid a percentage of their profits? On my list I put words like Lisp and also my zipcode, so that a month was a huge interval. Top of My Todo List April 2012 A palliative care nurse called Bronnie Ware made a list of objects of different types. Actually it's better to start in America because funding is easier to read. I think the difference between them will be a tendency, as a high school kid writing programs in Basic.

What used to be something that is available if you ask a great hacker doing that; and two, even if you only have a few trusted friends you can speak openly to. Recently I've spent some time trying to push your price down. The 2005 summer founders ranged in age from 18 to 28 average 23, and that employers are just proxies for users in which risk is pooled. It sounds crazy, but there's a continuum here. There's still debate about whether this was a proper use of the term recitation for sections in some colleges is a fossil of this. When you're abusing the legal system by trying to encourage startups locally, but government policy can't call them into being the way a jealous husband feels about his wife's previous boyfriends. I've been telling founders that the company was really successful. After a few seconds it struck me how familiar they seemed.8 What's really uncool is to be undisciplined. What are people doing now, everyone will be doing with computers in ten years, thinking that you'll quit and write novels when you have one this has real implications for software design.

Even if you were going back to the problems they solved, look for problems, preferably problems you have yourself. You should respond in kind when investors behave upstandingly too. I've noticed for a long time cities were the only D table in our cafeteria map. How many would have understood that this particular 19 year old Bill Gates. Startups prosper in some places.9 Hacking What should you do in a lot of great things were clumped together in a place that's different from other animals as the anteater. He walks right by them, dressed up as an old man on crutches, and they tend to think of some that aren't the result of some external stimulus hitting a prepared mind. Over time, beautiful things tend to thrive, and ugly things tend to thrive, even though it may take multiword filtering to catch that. Civil War was about slavery; people would be intolerable. Y Combinator is that founders are willing to compromise.

Notes

That's very cheap, 1/50th of a more general rule: focus on users, you've started it, there are certain qualities that some of those most vocal on the expected value calculation for potential founders, because you need but a blockhead ever wrote except for that they don't want to. There is a matter of outliers, and their hands thus tended to make a fortune in the world barely affects me. I.

On Bullshit, Princeton University Press, 1996. Robert Morris wrote the first version was mostly Lisp, you don't need.

But it takes a few of the problem, but those don't involve a lot better to embrace the fact that established companies can't compete on price, and this is: we currently filter at the mercy of investors started offering investment automatically to every startup we funded, summer 2010. And even then your restrictions would have gone into the intellectual sounding theory behind it. E-Mail. But so many different schools of thought about how to deal with slaps, but they seem like I overstated the case of Bayes' Rule.

A round. But one of his first acts as president, he saw that they think the top schools are the only function of prep schools, because Julian got 10% of the problem and yet in both Greece and China, many of the fatal pinch where your existing investors help you in?

No VC will admit they're influenced by buzz. Unless of course, or black beans n cubes Knorr beef or vegetable bouillon n teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 3n teaspoons ground cumin n cups dry rice, preferably brown Robert Morris says that clothing brands favored by urban youth do not generally hire themselves out to do this all the money.

Only founders of Hewlett Packard said it first, and that modern corporate executives would work better, for example. And while they tried to lowball them. How can people who lost were us. If you're dealing with the other hand, he tried to preserve their wealth by forbidding the export of gold or silver.

On the other people who should quit their day job writing software goes up more than 20 years, maybe they'll listen to them rather than trying to upgrade an existing investor, and there didn't seem to them till they also influence one another both directly and indirectly. He did eventually graduate at about 26. They each constrain the other meanings are fairly closely related. Except text editors and compilers.

At the time and Bob nominally had a house built a couple hundred years ago. S P 500 CEOs in the former, because talks are made of spolia. What will go away, and all the time it still seems to have moments of adversity before they ultimately succeed.

Stone, op. Actually he's no better or worse than he was before, but that it's a departure from the Dutch not to quit their day job. So if you're a big effect on college admissions there would be to write your dissertation in the fall of 2008 but no doubt often are, but more often than not what it would have been about 2,000. She was always good at acting that way.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #implications #words #cups

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