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fang-wolfsbane · 3 years

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Transformers Generation One: A Seeker's Triangle: Chapter 03: Discovery

“Hey Zett, haul your ass up here and get this job done!”

“Yessir! Be right there!” Zett Oakwell called up to his superior, or at least that’s what the man seemed to believe himself to be. Waiting until the big, burly man moved out of sight, Zett kept his lips pressed into an all too friendly smile he had years to practice into perfection. The moment he lost sight of the man, so did his lips lose their form.

A sigh rattled through Zett’s ribs, his hand reaching up to rub his palm against his diaphragm, trying to quell his true thoughts on the man who barely paid him the minimum wage for working on the construction site their company had been asked to clear. It didn’t help that they were the only two on site either. Everyone else had claimed that they were all ‘too busy’ to help with the clearing. He hoped they all got some form of pain in their backsides as karma for leaving him as the boss’s sole lapdog.

Looking around the site, Zett took a moment in to get a good look at the small beach that had been used as a dump by the locals. He could feel his hand curling into a fist as his anger swelled up once more. There were plenty of trashcans around the city, yet people still chose to walk along this very beach and just let their refuge flitter to the ground without a second thought.

Zett wasn’t an eco-warrior, or any kind of activist, but it still pained him to see how little humans thought of the only inhabitable planet they had. Talks about travelling to distant planets to live on them instead had crossed over the radio a couple of times when he walked past the boss’s office, overhearing all the excited chatter about the possibilities. Sure, send humans to another planet so that they can destroy that one as well. Those had been his thoughts. No one had asked his opinion on the matter, so he never gave it, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have an opinion either.

Personally, he felt like no one ever really bothered to talk to him unless they needed something. That’s the way it always was. At home, at school, and even at work, so he simply chose to keep his mouth shut and pick up whatever he passed, throwing away the trash the cause of the problem chose to ignore.

The sunlight bounced off the slow approaching waves, lapping ever so gently at the shore as if tentatively testing its safety. The sight of a small crab scuttling in the distance was at least something that brought a smile to his lips. It almost looked like the crab was trying to play a game of tag. Nature’s refuge workers his teacher had said during a field trip when he was in the seventh grade. Zett took his hardhat off in respect for the crustacean, the same sunlight bouncing off his neck-length black hair, before turning on his heel and heading towards the boss’s temporary base of operations for the hotel they were tasked to build. Another refuge for the litterbugs too lazy to walk a couple of steps to the nearest bin.

“You wanted to see me, boss?” Zett asked upon entering the office, his brown eyes scanning the room. There wasn’t really much to look at. A wooden desk painted blue in the corner with a heap of bills for equipment, a cold cup of coffee and a pen verging on the edge of toppling off the side. The chair that was supposed to be nearby stood off to the side, acting as something for his boss to lean against as he studied one of the blueprints plastered against the wall. A quick once over told Zett that it was for the seventh floor. He hadn’t bothered to ask how tall the hotel was going to be. He only cared about how much they would get paid by the end of it.

If the pay-out were as good as he was hoping, he’d have saved up enough to put in a deposit for his own place once he graduated from high school in a couple of months, possibly scraping by with his sloppy grades. As long as he passed and could move out, then he was happy. Everything else could wait.

“Yeah. You don’t mind working extra shifts, right?” his boss asked, not even having the decency to try and look at him as he asked. Coming from the man before him, Zett knew it wasn’t a request as much as an order. If he refused, it would simply be cut from his check, not that he’d receive any extra payment for saying yes in the first place. Zett made sure to hide his curling fist on the inside of his hat, flashing a crude gesture to the otherwise rude man.

“No sir,” Zett hummed, forcing his lips into that same, earlier, all too eager to please smile that he hated so much that he felt like he could hurl at the mere thought of doing it.

“Good. I need you to work overtime tonight. Get this area clear by tomorrow morning so that the boys can get started. We’re behind schedule as it is.”

‘We wouldn’t have fallen behind in the first place if ‘the boys’ had bothered to show up in the first place,’ Zett snapped back, mentally of course. No way in hell was he going to keep his employment if he dared point out the reason for their falling behind. At least this way, he wouldn’t have to worry about going home and getting chewed out by his poor biology class test results – if his school bag had been left undisturbed where he had taken to hiding it beneath his bed.

“Sure thing.”

“Good. Remember to lock up when you’re done.” And just like that, the boss dismissed him, already grabbing his own jacket as he hurried out the door towards his waiting car. Watching the rear lights of the old clunker turning the corner, Zett waited a couple of seconds before slamming the protective headwear into the sandy floor beneath himself as hard as he could, sliding his hands through his hair shortly after as he screamed his frustration to the distant sky, his seemingly only companion as of late. A million stars, none of which probably even knew his name, much less about his existence. It made him wonder if anyone – any thing – knew that he too, had a life. At this point, there was no chance in hell.

***

Hours of hauling trash from one end to another had Zett sweaty, moody, and frankly, tired. A church bell in the distance told him that it was three in the morning. By this time, the headlight he’d wrapped around his forehead had lost its life, and of course his boss hadn’t bothered to leave a spare behind, so Zett continued working in the dark, knowing fully well that in a couple of hours he’d be forced to work alongside the same men who left the grunt work to him. The only comfort he gave himself was that he’d probably earn a couple of muscles from all the heavy lifting. The small bulges in his arms acted as reassurance.

He had been warned, multiple times before, about paying attention to where he was walking when doing his work, so the moment his foot hit something hard, Zett only had enough time to yelp out his surprise before crashing face-first into something solid.

A crunch of bone informed him that he’d officially broken his nose, his salt-stained hands flying up to try and cover it before the bloodbath begun. He knew it was an overexaggerating on his part, but it still hurt. For the first time in eighteen years, he’d broken something that most guys his age hurt during physical fights. He nearly laughed at how lame his excuse would be if someone cared enough in the hallway to ask why his skin had turned purple and blue. If he were lucky, he could convince them that he’s gotten it the same way as most guys his age tended to break their bones. Maybe he’d even be lucky to impress Miss Perfect, Carly.

He didn’t quite know why she was the one he wanted to impress, chalking it up to his DNA telling him to be the typical kid falling for the most popular girl at school only to be ignored like a poster from the drama club requesting new members. He nearly felt giddy at the thought of finally, possibly one-upping that other guy that always hung out with her. Spike… something. He didn’t know much about him, except that he had some association with robotic aliens from some other planet. Maybe those aspiring astronauts had some point to their Earth-eviction plan.

The first couple of months after the robots – Autobots, if he remembered right – no one could stop talking about them, until everyone got used to their existence. Sometimes when walking past a car parked off on its own, even he attempted to strike up a conversation with it in the hopes that it would respond. It never did.

Groaning, Zett pushed himself out of the salty water, keeping his hand pressed to his nose, trying to ignore how sensitive it was. Looking down, Zett leaned in for a closer look to see what he had tripped over. It was definitely something big, painted black with green streaks and purple markings. He frowned, leaning in for a closer look. From what he could see, it looked like one of those giant Autobot robots. Although this one seemed to be, well, dead.

How long had it been laying here? From the gleam of the armouring or whatever it was that they called their… skin, it seemed the robot had been abandoned. Sliding his hand up the side, he felt a couple of bumps and dents. Whoever this robot was, they sure had seen better days. From what he could feel, it felt like a female version. That alone was enough to cause his cheeks to heat. The closest he’d ever gotten to the females of his own species was talking to one of them with an occasional glance at their cleavage or other… assets when passing them by. Who knew that his first time touching any kind of female would be a robot? Not that he would tell anyone about that.

“What happened to you girl?” Zett asked, as if expecting a response. The head seemed to hold some kind of helmet that flowed into cables that he supposed was their version of hair. A visor like the ones that firefighters wore on their helmets covered where he figured her eyes were. Did Autobots also have eye problems? A pair of wings jutted out on either side, making him think that she had probably transformed into a plane or something similar. Judging from her slim figure, probably a jet. From what he could see, there wasn’t any rust, luckily.

The best course of action was to probably to talk to Spike at school and tell him about his discovery. Even better, he could go to Carly’s house and tell her personally. The grin that had appeared on his face at the thought fell. Not only was it way too early in the morning to drop by for a ‘casual visit’, he didn’t even know where she lived in the first place. He sighed once more, turning himself around as he sat down on her leg, running his free hand through his hair.

“Just can’t get a break, can you, Zett?” he asked himself, staring at his reflection in the water that wasn’t even visible. He frowned, kicking the back of his heel against the leg. So much for finding a giant robot that he couldn’t even use to impress the girl he liked.

A soft whirring sound buzzed through his ears, causing him to sit up. The robot wasn’t radioactive, was it? His head slowly turned towards the robot’s face, her visor lighting up into a soft red glow as a pair of even redder eyes locked onto him in what he instinctively knew was a warning.

“Oh boy.”

#Fanfiction #Transformers and tagged A Seeker's Triangle #Carly #Chapter #Generation One #Spike Witwicky #Starlit Meadow #TFG1 #Transformers #Transformers Generation One #Transformers Generation One A Seeker's Triangle #Zett #Zett Oakwell #A Seeker's Triangle

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88missmarauder88 · 5 years

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Sirius x Reader / Remus x Reader -- Part IV

SO SORRY for the delay. Already working on Part V, so it won’t be far behind! And if I’ve forgotten anyone in this tag list, please message me and let me know!

Tag List: @ideas-nocturnas , @evyiione , @a-hopelessly-imaginative-girl , @intense-sneezing , @ghostlyrose2 , @peasantview , @la-fille-en-aiguilles , @toasterking , @too-involved , @onthebroadway , @comebackanothertime , @hfflpffs-shit , @actually-a-tree , @ohhowthetableshaveturnedd , @justducky0423

"I'm really not in a party mood, Lily."

You slumped against the railing at the top of the staircase leading to Gryffindor Tower. For someone who'd been unconscious for the better part of two days, you were exhausted. All you wanted was to crawl into your own bed and stay there. Possibly permanently. Or at least until Sirius and Remus were both graduated and married. Not that they'd ever be able to find girls good enough for them, of course, but-- Merlin's pants, were you actually jealous of fictional girls now?

"Don't frown so, my dear!" the Fat Lady chirped. "You'll develop wrinkles!"

"No offence, but that could not be lower on my list of concerns right now," you grumbled.

"Y/N, I know how you feel, I really do. On all accounts," Lily sighed, leaning over the railing beside you.

"Then please just tell them I'm ill. And cursed. And transferring to Beauxbatons."

"You know better than I do that if I said you were ill, they'd go into nursemaid mode again, and I will not have Sirius Black playing harmonica in my dorm room. Besides, it's not just them. The whole House is waiting."

You groaned. "All right, here's the plan. We go in, you shout that Marlene's about to get her kit off, and I escape while everyone's distracted."

"No. For two reasons. Firstly, because Marlene would actually take that as a cue to get her kit off, and secondly, because you have got to talk to Sirius. The longer you let it go, the worse things are going to get for the two of you and for Remus. And I know you don't want to hurt Remus, Y/N."

"Oh I do adore a triangle amoureux!" the Fat Lady gasped. "But you'll of course choose the Lupin boy... such a fine, polite lad. That Black, on the other hand--"

"Do you mind?" you snapped.

"Well!" the portrait sniffed. "Forgive me for attempting to offer my counsel as someone older, wiser, and--"

"Nosier, yes, we know." You turned back to Lily. "And no, I don't. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt Remus. But what if I'm wrong about all of it, Lily? I'll just end up making an arse of myself, and they'll both never look at me the same way again."

"And what if you're right? All the wondering and worrying will be over, and by tomorrow, you could be looking across the breakfast table at the love of your life."

You desperately did not want to allow yourself to get carried away by daydreams, but you couldn't ignore the slight flutter in your stomach at the thought. Maybe you were just misreading Remus. Maybe his odd behaviour was a side effect of his more difficult transformations. Maybe he was nervous about whether or not the boys' animagus plans would work, or that you'd find out what they'd done and be angry.

Maybe Lily was right, and in a few hours, you could finally look into those maddening grey eyes and not be terrified about what they might see in yours.

You turned to Lily with a shrug and a grudging smile you couldn't quite fight off. "Your eternal optimism is contagious."

"Hooray!" she cried, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Now we just have to figure out how to get you two alone in a room full of people."

"One of those people being Remus," you said, your brow furrowing again.

"Ignore the remainder of my sage advice if you wish, but you truly must stop scowling, child," the Fat Lady interjected. "One cannot hope to achieve a pleasing visage by constantly giving one's countenance over to gloom. Surely you've noticed my flawless complexion?"

"Which I reckon has nothing at all to do with the fact you're a painting."

"My but aren't you a cheeky sprite. Perhaps you're a bit more suited to the Black boy after all..."

"Oh, Sir Cadogan! The Fat Lady was just telling us how she'd love to hear the tale of your triumph over the Wyvern of Wye again!"

"Why, you little--!"

"KNICKERBOCKER GLORY!!" Lily shouted. The Fat Lady huffily swung aside, and Lily shoved you through the hole in the wall and into the Gryffindor common room.

"Honestly, Y/N, you and Sirius do give that poor woman more grief..."

"She started it!" you began, but you were quickly cut off.

"WELCOME BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESS!!"

The entirety of Gryffindor House bellowed out their greeting in unison, and you couldn't help but smile. All the turmoil within your group of closest friends had cast a shadow over the joy that usually accompanied returning to Hogwarts for a new year. But the warm, familiar faces who came rushing over to pat you on the back or pull you into a hug put you unexpectedly at ease, and you found yourself thinking you might just be in a bit of a party mood after all.

You scanned the room and found three-quarters of the Marauders introducing a large crowd to a table laden with butterbeer and firewhisky. Lily, meanwhile, had made a beeline in that direction, and she and Remus were now engaged in frantically attempting to snatch bottles and cups out of the hands of wide-eyed first and second years.

"Some seeker you are!" Gideon Prewett grinned, ruffling your hair.

"Right!" his twin, Fabian, chimed in. "How are you ever going to spot that wee little Snitch if you can't even see a bloody bludger heading straight for your noggin!"

You wrapped an arm around each of the Gryffindor chasers' necks before giving a sharp tug, knocking their heads together. They joined you in laughter, and you allowed yourself to be led off to the sofa in front of the fire, where you proceeded to drown your anxiety in blissfully uncomplicated chatter with the Prewetts, Marlene, Frank, Alice, and Emmeline. This was the Hogwarts you'd been missing, and you sank back into the soft cushions, determined to enjoy it while it lasted. No decisions, no choices; just the firelight, reflecting off the Prewetts' collar-length ginger hair till it danced like the flames themselves as they took turns doing rather spot-on impressions of Slughorn and Kettleburn. Just Marlene, endearingly loud and brash, vying not-so-subtly for one of the Prewetts' attention... or both, you couldn't rightly tell. Frank and Alice, stealing glances and touching hands when they thought no one was looking. Worst-kept secret at Hogwarts, but it was sweet the way they still assumed nobody knew. Emmeline, shy and quiet, but always beaming, enjoying the company.

After a half-hour or so, however, you felt a light tap on your shoulder.

"Could you give me a hand over here, Y/N?"

Reluctantly, you joined Lily at the base of the staircases and, with effort, fought down the urge to sprint up to your room and away from whatever was about to happen. You'd been contemplating telling her to forget the whole thing, that getting involved with any of your friends was a daft idea and you'd changed your mind. But watching Frank and Alice, you couldn't help but think... was it so bad to want something like that for yourself?

"There he is," Lily whispered, bumping her elbow into your side and nodding towards the far window. Two armchairs sat facing it, and over the back of one, you could see the top of Sirius's head. The other, you noted with a hint of nausea, was empty.

"You're not going to get a better opportunity."

"I know."

"Are you ready?"

"Nope."

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've just been hit by the Knight Bus."

"Well... none of that is good, but I don't think it's going to get better until this is over, so... break a leg, love."

"I'd much rather."

With a deep breath, you somehow prompted your cold, numb legs to carry you towards the window. Dropping onto the empty armchair, you sat stiffly on the edge of the cushion, staring into the darkness beyond the window. Your limbs felt like they'd been starched, but you did your best to assume a casual position, realising you probably looked more like someone had tossed aside a marionette instead. Your throat was parched, and you glanced longingly at the drinks table for a moment before biting down on your bottom lip and clutching the arms of the chair in an attempt to focus. You were a right mess, and you couldn't go on like this. It was now or never.

You turned towards Sirius, who was looking at you quizzically, his eyes dark in the dim light. You forced your voice to manifest, and it sounded just as croaky as you'd figured it would. Fuck.

"Hey, you."

"WELCOME BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESS!!"

James turned from the crate of butterbeer he was unloading in time to see you smiling at your assembled classmates. He immediately glanced to his right and left.

Sirius had a bottle of Blishen's in his hand; slowly, he lowered it to the table, his eyes fixed intently on you. Sighing, James turned to Remus, who had dropped the empty cups he'd been trying to fill with punch before Sirius could fill them with firewhisky. Pity he didn't know Sirius had already spiked the punch. Remus looked as if he were about to hyperventilate as he stared at you, and James rubbed his eyes wearily with the heels of his palms. It was going to be a long night.

Remus barely registered the sound of the stack of empty cups he'd been holding hitting the floor. You were smiling, and you were beautiful when you smiled. Not that you weren't beautiful when you didn't smile... you were beautiful all the time and... a bit extra beautiful when you smiled?

Well, that clinched it. He was not cut out for this.

Worse than that, he felt like he'd already ruined things between the two of you without even saying a word. You were his best friend, for Merlin's sake. If this were last year, he'd be bounding over to you right now, scooping you into a bear hug, and the two of you would spend the rest of the night laughing and swapping chocolates and taking wagers on when, where, and after how many firewhiskys James would pass out. Instead, you were chatting with the Prewett twins, and he was standing here like a numpty and sweating.

At least you looked happy to see everyone; Remus had worried you'd just want to go to bed after finally getting out of hospital. Frankly, he'd wanted to do the same after confessing his feelings to the lads. The walk back to the castle had been unusually quiet, but James had seemed adamant that if Remus intended to let you know how he felt, the sooner would be the better.

"Remus!"

Remus jumped, startled out of his thoughts, and inadvertently kicked a few empty cups across the floor. They were immediately snatched up by a delighted-looking pair of fourth years, who dunked them into the punch and began guzzling. A bit of a line had formed at the punch bowl. At least some people appreciated a nice, simple beverage. He glanced up to see Lily rushing towards him.

She pointed angrily to Remus's right, and, as per usual, Remus found James and Sirius at the end of that finger. They were cheerfully waving everyone over to the drinks table like social directors on a holiday cruise.

"The third years can have butterbeer -- to a point -- but they can not have firewhisky, and the first and second years can't have anything other than punch..."

Remus didn't in the slightest feel like spending the evening playing cup-and-bottle cop, but neither did he want to let Lily down. He glanced behind him as he plucked a firewhisky out of the hands of a second year to see you making your way towards the sofa, arms around the Prewetts, whom Remus suddenly and irrationally hated.

On second thought, he could use a distraction.

Sirius halted midway through filling a cup with firewhisky to watch as the irritated look on your face when you first entered the common room slowly melted into a smile.

You had rather a lot of smiles. This one was genuine; you looked a bit relieved and happy to see everyone, and Sirius was glad of that. He hadn't figured you'd be in a party mood, but you were good at adjusting when the situation called for it. Then there was the polite smile you reserved for professors and casual acquaintances. The slightly pained smile when you wished someone would go away but were too nice to put it out there. Two others were high on his list of favourites: the truly delighted one always lit up your eyes and reminded Sirius of the girl he'd met five years ago; the wicked grin that usually preceded a great prank idea excited him for a growing variety of reasons.

But there was one smile in particular Sirius liked to think was his and his alone. At least, he'd never seen it directed at anyone else. It was rather like the childlike one but mixed with a complete sort of ease that seemed to indicate you were precisely where you wanted to be in that moment. He'd almost started to let himself believe that, just maybe, where you wanted to be was with--

"Finished with that, mate?" James asked, studying Sirius's face as he gently took the bottle of Blishen's from his hand. Sirius blinked a few times, then grinned.

"Yep. All done with it."

He cast a glance your direction and made a quick mental note to put itching powder in the Prewetts' Quidditch gear tomorrow. Then he spread his arms wide.

"Come and get it, lads and lassies! Drinks are on the Marauders tonight!"

James popped open another butterbeer and surveyed the common room.

Remus was sitting on a desk near the portrait hole, pretending to listen to Peter, who was on another rant about his failed attempts to use Engorgio to make himself taller. Remus's heels were battering nervously off the legs of the desk as he stared at you on the couch, and he looked as if he might vomit at any given moment. Fantastic.

Sirius was sitting alone in one of the armchairs by the window. He'd forgone the cups and was drinking directly from the last bottle of firewhisky. He'd kicked off his boots, and his hair was a mess. He looked like a rock star coming off a weekend binge. Marvelous.

Meanwhile, the number of little kids passed out in various spots and positions around the room was increasing. Hilarious.

James flopped onto a nearby chair and downed the rest of his butterbeer.

"I hope you're pleased with yourself."

"I generally am, Evans."

Sadly, he didn't have the energy to tack an additional pithy remark onto that. He barely had the energy to lift his eyelids, but he made the effort just to see her glaring at him, one hand on her hip and the other clutching her wand. She was adorable when she was angry.

"Children, drunk. Rubbish, everywhere. About ten school rules, broken. And as usual, you're all present and accounted for when it's time to make the mess, but you'll be nowhere to be found when it's time to clean it up."

Evans was saying something prefect-y, but James's thoughts were louder. Mess. That's what it all was, and he couldn't deal with it by himself anymore. He hadn't had any bloody time to think between what happened in Honeydukes' cellar and now. There was too much to sort out, and he needed help.

"Potter, are you even listening to me?"

"Not in the slightest. Hey, Evans, I need a favour."

"The nerve of you! You are the most selfish, arrogant git I have ever encountered."

"Absolutely right."

"Never giving a fig for anyone else until you need something, and then we're all supposed to jump to attention because the great James Potter snapped his fingers."

"Completely inexcusable."

"You're drunk, aren't you."

"Tremendously, but look, Evans, I'm serious. Will you please at least hear me out?"

Lily looked torn for a moment, but slowly, the redness began to fade from her cheeks, and she sat down primly with a dramatic sigh.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"I know something about some people, and it's some people you know something about too, but you know your something from someone else, and you only know half of it, but I know the other half, so if we put it all together, we might be able to do something."

Lily stared at him, one eyebrow raised. "I can't even put that sentence together."

James sat up in his chair and slapped himself on the cheeks a few times. Not only was this his chance to get another perspective on his problem, it was the first time he could recall that Evans had spent more than a minute talking to him without hexing him and/or storming off. He couldn't blow this.

"Sorry, let me try again. I know that you know that Y/N fancies Sirius and Remus fancies Y/N."

Lily's eyes widened in shock.

"I... erm... well, she... wait -- how do you know I know that?"

James held up his hands, very conscious of the fact she was still holding her wand.

"Please do not hex me. I was asleep in here when the two of you came in, and when I woke up, you were already in the thick of it. I tried, but I couldn't not hear you."

"So you were spying on us!" Lily's wand hand twitched.

"No!" James said quickly. "I told you, I tried not to hear. Either way, though, she's one of my closest friends, Evans. You know I can't abide her hurting. All I want to do is help."

Lily took a deep breath and nodded. "Go on."

"I decided to see if I could suss out how Pads and Moony felt. If it wasn't like she thought, I would've let her know. But it turns out, it's almost exactly like she thought. Remus is definitely in love with her. But... I think Sirius is too."

Lily rubbed her forehead for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, before looking behind her at Remus and Sirius, then back at James.

"She didn't want to get her hopes up about Sirius. And mind you, I'm not a fan, and I don't at all see the appeal, but if it's what they both want... maybe it'd do them both some good. The problem is, she can't stand the thought of hurting Remus."

"That's not the only problem. Apparently, Pads can't either. Moony told us all how he felt earlier, and Sirius said he should go for it with Y/N."

"Perfect," Lily groaned. "Who knew Black was actually noble. So has Remus told her yet?"

"Have you seen him? It's a wonder he hasn't bloody combusted and taken Pete with him."

"Then we have to let Y/N talk to Sirius, Potter. If he decides after hearing her out that he still wants to step aside for Remus, then at least Y/N knows where she stands. I don't want anyone to get hurt either, but it's up to them now. And if Black and Y/N really are in love, they'll find their way to each other no matter what happens next."

James hated feeling like the whole thing was out of his control, but Evans was right. After a moment, he nodded, and she stood and headed towards the couch before pausing and turning back to him.

"Potter?"

"Evans?"

"It's... very nearly human of you to care so much."

James thought his grin might split his face in two as Evans walked off, calling over her shoulder, "Now clean up some of this mess, you irresponsible oaf!"

Why "Hey, you"? Of all the idiotic things you could have said... should you run? Maybe you should just run. He'd think you'd drunk yourself ill, and you could both forget the whole thing. Then again, judging from the empty cups on the floor around him and the nearly empty bottle in his hand, he had an impressive head start on you.

"Ah, the girl of the hour!" Sirius said, raising the bottle of firewhisky in your direction. You took the opportunity to snatch it from his hand and drain the remainder of its contents. Liquid courage and all that.

"Hey, that was--"

"The last of the firewhisky, yes. Sharing is caring."

Sirius gave you a lopsided smile and dropped back into his chair. He was fairly well sloshed, but maybe that was a good thing. You could find out how he felt, and chances were better than average he wouldn't even remember it tomorrow.

"Sirius, can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Well, this was off to a rousing start. Before you could think of a new angle, a pair of sixth-year girls sauntered past on their way to the drinks table, eyelashes fluttering and lips pouted in Sirius's direction. You looked over to see him watching them; he nodded, and your heart sank. What were you thinking? Every girl at this school but Lily fancied him. Not for the reasons you did, of course... not because they'd peered into all his dark corners and found his truest self hiding in them. But at the same time, would they not give their right arms to be in your position? After all, you were the one sitting next to him as he paid an unusual amount of attention to a hole in his sock. You were his friend. What would you do if you lost that? What if love in this case meant just knowing when to leave well enough alone?

Lily's voice interrupted as clearly as if she'd been whispering in your ear.

"Love is worth taking all the risks in the world for."

"I need to ask you something else. Something important."

Sirius just wanted to go to bed.

The fun of watching Polly Prefect Evans handing out glasses of spiked punch to the first and second years had faded quicker than he'd hoped, seeing as it was the only distraction he had. Now, it was just him and firewhisky, and his head already felt like a swarm of Billywigs was infesting it -- had done ever since Remus blurted out those words in the cellar.

In that instant, Sirius had felt nothing but anger and pain. At first, he'd been angry with Moony. Why did he have to fall in love with you? You were already his best friend; the two of you spent loads of time together, reading, re-reading, talking about bloody reading. Why wasn't that enough? But Sirius was angrier with himself, for getting his hopes up. He'd been telling himself for two years now that whatever changes he thought he was sensing in his feelings for you were nothing but a recipe for disaster. A good way to fuck up friendships. But every time he thought he had himself convinced, that other little voice in his head would bleed through: But what if...?

What if you felt the same way? Surely he wasn't imagining the little glimmer of something in your eyes that hadn't been there before whenever you looked at him... though, considering how quickly you usually looked away, it was hard to tell. But he definitely hadn't imagined the flush in your cheeks in the hospital wing... though, you could have just been self-conscious knowing the lads were staring.

Sirius kicked off his boots and ran his hands through his hair in agitation before taking another long pull off the bottle. This "maybe this" and "except for that" bollocks was driving him round the bend, and just when he was finally thinking he'd worked up the courage to take a chance, here came Remus. And it would be Remus, wouldn't it? Probably always had been. He was the best friend. The book reader. And Sirius was just-- no. It wasn't fair to pretend he'd ever felt beneath Remus in your eyes. You'd never been anything but kind to him. You made him feel valued and understood and accepted. The hang-up was his, but it was one he was beginning to think he'd never get around.

Sirius the devoted friend and confidant would love you till the day he died. Sirius the heir to the House of Black would never put you in the path of the insanity that entailed. Especially not if there was an alternative. Someone who'd be better for you.

Sirius's heart shot into his throat as you tumbled stiffly onto the chair beside him. What the fuck? Was he putting out some sort of misery tractor beam? He quickly took a few more swallows of whisky. You were fidgeting awkwardly all over the chair, clearly nervous, and Sirius had to fight with all the sobriety he had left not to reach over and hold you still. And then never let go.

Instead, he stared dumbly at you until, finally, you glanced over.

"Hey, you."

Shit, did you just say something? His ears were ringing so loudly he couldn't tell... quick, say something back, moron!

"Ah, the girl of the hour!"

What the hell was that?! And did he just toast you?! Merlin's saggy--

You plucked the bottle out of his hand, and all Sirius could do was mumble, "Hey, that was--"

"The last of the firewhisky, yes. Sharing is caring."

Banter. Banter was good. Sirius tried to force a convincing smile onto his face and fell backwards against the cushion; it was either that or fall forwards onto his face at this point. He had lost all control of his motor skills.

"Sirius, can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

That was not the correct use of banter. Fuck. Just don't say anything else. Nonverbal communication only. Bloody hell, was that a hole in his sock? How was he supposed to take care of anyone else if he couldn't even take care of himself? Sirius's train of thought was derailed by a couple of sixth years prancing by, but he nodded, hoping you'd take the prompt to go ahead and ask your question. He also hoped the older girls' faces would stick in those stupid expressions they were wearing. All this rapid blinking and lip puckering... you never did frivolous nonsense like that.

Sirius looked over at you in time to catch that something different in your eyes again and froze.

"I need to ask you something else. Something important."

Not that. Anything but that, Y/N. He couldn't give you the kind of uncomplicated love you deserved. He couldn't keep you safe. And Moony... he'd always been afraid, consumed by that "someone like me can never have a normal life" bullshit. For him to want to tell a girl he loved her was huge. That was the sort of love that was worthy of yours.

Sirius's heart felt like it was shattering as he looked at you. How much fucking firewhisky did it take to not feel anything at all? Don't let her say it. You can't let her say it.

"Can... can it wait till later?" he stammered, tearing his eyes away from yours. "I, erm... I've got a date."

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