#Vernon Locke

[what-yadoking-likes]

How the heisters dress on Xmas Day:

Sydney & Joy: matching pyjamas or loungewear. They want to be COMFY, they want to be COSY, and they want ELASTICATED WAISTBANDS.

Aldstone: his usual suit, but he wears a red Rudolph nose, and a tie which plays a festive tune when pressed.

Sokol and Wolf: insistent that the DC winter is nothing compared to the Russian/Swedish winters, they wear tank tops and shorts.

Locke: camo fatigues, with a sprig of holly pinned to his beret.

Vlad: athleisure, with mistletoe hanging from a Hello Kitty headband, and another piece from his crotch.

[manekinoodle]

(a young joy is being minded by her new suburban neighbour vernon locke. her parents are too trusting and locke can't say no.)

(obviously joy is a little bored. she's raided the pantry and only found old people snacks. but something flash and shiny in the home office grabs her attention...)

joy: uncle vernon, can i play on your computer? is there games on it?

(locke recalls getting the computer.)

locke's superior: alright, locke, with this you can keep working on the down low from the comfort of your very own home! now remember, only work on this pc. work. by you.

locke: of course, sir! work by me only.

(back to an expectant joy climbing into the office chair...)

joy: please? i'll be gentle!

(beat.)

locke: ... yes.

[handhelld]

Fake Marriage AU!Golfgoat

Locke and Vlad, way back in their early twenties, get married for separate legal reasons. Vlad was doing it because having a wife on paper kept his family off his back and also made for a great cover. Its fake. They’re complete strangers and never thought theyd see one another again after the officiation.

The “Wife” vlad often refers to is locke. That he hasnt seen in like 20-30 years, however long ago that officiation was. Vlad’s “brother in law” was just a friend of Locke’s who officiated their wedding. Locke dropped contact after the wedding but Vlad kept up with him, since he did some shady shit on the side.

Fast forward to present day and they start working for Crime.net at the same tome. Vlad absolutely doesnt recognise Locke as his wife, because why would he??? He married some pretty woman in his early twenties named “Lockie”. Locke however, is freaking the fuck out, because goddamn it, motherfucker, thats the man he fake married so he could leave the country and change his name (easier when you do it via marriage) and *transition*.

So now we have these fuckers who are married but only Locke knows it. Vlad keeps mentioning his wife, CONSTANTLY, and Locke is dying dead and deceased, terrified of Vlad realizing that HE is that wife.

Bonus: Locke’s post assault line about being “So scared his mustache almost fell off”,,,, before he started growing a real one from T, he actually used fake mustaches and they used to fall off when he got stressed and sweated to much. His moustache is real now and will not fall off, but the fear remains.

Bonus 2: Locke ditching the gang in alaska was actually just him realising that bain worked with vlad and he had a crisis because holy shit what do you mean his husband is here. In crimenet. And he had an Episode mid heist and just ran out of the room. Everyone thought he abandoned the gang, but he eas really just having a life dilemma he forgot about for thirty years.

[what-yadoking-likes]

The Payday gang need the slightest whisper of an excuse to throw a party these days. How could they not? They had more money than any of them could reasonably burn through in several lifetimes, let alone the one they actually had - so throwing lavish parties for themselves and their CrimeNet associates was a no-brainer.

The countdown to midnight began. Jiro, Joy and Gao Fong dutifully raised their glasses, more observers than real participants - their new year would come later according to the lunar cycle, and was always more enjoyable anyway. Wolf and Hoxton clung to each other, eyes carefully watching the seconds tick down so they could kiss at exactly midnight. Sokol, Duke, Jimmy and Bonnie had pint glasses filled with - something - that they planned to down as soon as the clock struck midnight, with a fierce bet between them on who would down their drink fastest (they had roped Aldstone into being the timekeeper for this dubious event).

Nobody expected it to be Vlad that caused the most chaos. As soon as the clock struck twelve - and a chorus of Happy New Year went up from the TV and the heisters who weren't lip-locked or drinking furiously - there was a fierce gasp and strain of Ukrainian swears from Vlad.

The contractor hurried across the Safehouse to where Locke was standing, sipping champagne from a delicate flute. He grabbed the mercenary's face in both hands, and pulled him down for a kiss. Locke mmmph'd and struggled and spluttered until Vlad ended it, pulling back with an exaggerated "MWAH!" that had the Safehouse falling into expectant, surprised silence.

Locke was beet red, blinking as if to check whether that had really happened. Vlad was smiling broadly, teeth on show as he slung an arm around Locke's shoulders.

"Happy New Year, everyone!"

[soulmateszedits]

⌜ Vernon × Seventeen ⌝ ᓚᘏᗢ

┊ ❀ Simple || Requested

[prplocks]

♡☆♡ seventeen wallpaper

reblog if you save ▪︎

-----------------------------------------------------------

[magic-to-write]

Okay, I intended to get these posted earlier, but I still managed to get all these done in the free time I had. (P.s.: Theo's dramatic lighting didn't come out as good as it did in my head, but I'm still proud.)

[somewhat-bored]

Mick: So, any plans for Thanksgiving? Visiting relatives, making pie, any of that?

Dante: Don't have much of a plan, we were just going to have dinner in the magic shop. However, Lyle is not allowed to carve the turkey.

Lyle: It was ONE TIME-

Dante: I ALMOST FAINTED!

Mick: ...Do I even want to know?

Sandra: I'll give you a few hints: A large knife, two fake fingers, and a lot of ketchup.

[chill-vibes-but-rainbow-panic]

I originally wanted to draw some of these (and I still might), but I don't have the energy right now, so Incorrect Quotes textpost it is!

Bobby: Come on guys, nothing in life is free! Dante: Love is free. Mick: Knowledge is free. Lyle: Adventure is free! Sandra: Self-respect is free. Kilroy: Everything is free, if you take it without paying.

Ridley: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever, and you're all invited. Leila: ...If? Carter: Great! The only party I've ever been invited to, and she might not even die!

Carter: I would like to live a safe life, in which I am not forced to steal. Uncle Sly: God, you are extremely fucking selfish. Die! Carter: I am 13 years old.

Leila: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Theo: Several traffic violations. Ridley: Three counts of resisting arrest. Carter: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Izzy: Also, that's not our car.

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Bobby: Shit. Kilroy: ...Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Lyle: OH MY GOD, MICK FELL OFF!

Kincaid: Release my brother! Kincaid: He did that shit, but I don't care!

Mr. Vernon: You're the love of my life and my best friend. I would do anything for you. The other Mr. Vernon: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Mr. Vernon: Absolutely not <3

Dean: How many kids do you have? Mr. Vernon: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

Carter: *Gently taps table* Leila: *Taps back* Olly: What are they doing? Theo: Morse code. Carter: *Aggressively taps table* Leila: *slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Theo's brother: Please, bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste. Theo: I got spring water. Theo's brother: NO! Theo: With extra minerals. It's like licking a stalagmite. Theo's brother: DON'T COME HOME! Theo: Mmmmm, cave water.

[talkingsaxy]

SEVENTEEN VERNON

please don't repost, okay for personal use, requests open!

[what-yadoking-likes]

... Back on my bullshit fellas.

It is a well-known fact that Pokemon and humans live alongside one another in harmony, with Pokemon providing help to their partners or trainers.

It follows that any Pokemon/Payday crossover would see the heisters using Pokemon that not only represent facets of their personality, but using Pokemon that have moves or abilities which would be helpful to have on a heist.

There's a room full of guards that need to take out to successfully stealth the next bit? No worries, Clover's Shiinotic can use Spore to put all of them to sleep (with 100% accuracy, no less!).

Joy and Locke are not too proud to use their Porygons to give them a helping hand with particularly complicated hacks - they're good enough to rarely need to use them, so they mostly act as little mascots - good luck charms for the hack.

Duke's (Alolan) Meowth has obtained some very interesting things for him with its ability Pickup. Sometimes it just collects some stray bundles of cash the gang hadn't seen in their haste - other times it brings him a mouth stuffed full of precious jewels, artefacts and diamonds (which Duke inevitably either gets Bain to fence for him, or loses in a casual game of poker with the others).

[uservaulty]

seungkwan getting clocked as mafia by vernon might be the funniest shit i witnessed this week

[austinbutlermischief]

[foolishluneish]

me when my ring is emerald or something idk