#WE HAVE A DEATH COUNTER ON THE SITE LMAO

[biweeklydavekat]

oh my god they killed dave

YOU MUST BE NEW HERE, HI

[lambergeier]

2022 book post FINALLY

this post is six weeks late because, frankly, i was on my honeymoon over new years and its hard to get up the will to type all this shit when everyone has already posted their book lists ages ago!! but also i read a lot of good books last year and wish to gloat, so here we are. italics are rereads, bold are my favorites, asterisks denote not-prose, and reviews are interspersed throughout as i felt like it:

January

No One is Talking About This - Patricia Lockwood (this book made me cry so hard lmao. first part is a sickeningly true-to-life depiction of Being A Blue Check Person and then the second part makes you cry so bad.)

Sorrowland - Rivers Solomon (what the fuck happened to the last third of this book? what shit-ass x-men knock-off did it come from?)

What Soldiers Do: Sex and the American GI in World War II France - Mary Louise Roberts (got on a whole ww2 history kick because, gotta be real, i watched all of band of brothers during winter break 2021-2022 and developed a bug up my ass. pulled this off the shelf at the library on a whim and it was STUNNING. excellently, thoroughly told history of sex, venereal disease, and race among american GIs in normany following the invasion. would read anything roberts now.)

How to Blow Up a Pipeline - Andreas Malm

Hello, Sailor: The hidden history of gay life at sea - Paul Baker and Jo Stanley

Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War II - Allan Berube (another excellent ww2 book, frequently quoted on this site and for good reason. not written by a historian, so incredibly easy and engaging to read, that presents you with just this amazing overview of how modern american queer identity was totally, inextricably shaped by the us military and the experience of being part of it or even just near it lmao)

February

Possession - A.S. Byatt (really really lovely romance that was such a consistent pleasure to read that i got to the end basically unable to remember favorite lines or even scenes i was just like mmmmmmmm. book good.)

Uncanny Valley - Anna Wiener

Howl’s Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones

The Verge: Reformation, Renaissance, and Forty Years that Shook the World - Patrick Wyman (this book sucked ass we gotta stop giving podcasters history books)

Watership Down - Richard Adams (so fucked up. loved this. love that we give this to children to read.)

Dead Collections - Isaac Fellman

March

The Hidden Palace - Helene Wecker (much better than its prequel, imho! resolved many pacing issues but lost no heart!)

The Vanishing Half - Britt Bennet (part of the reason i managed to read so much this year is that i had to drive a lot for work and started putting audiobooks on in the car, having never been an audiobook person before. i listened almost entirely to contemporary litfic this way, a genre i also had not previously engage with, and this was both a fascinating entry into an entire other world of books and also kinda boring sometimes lmao. vanishing half was good, certainly better than some of the other stuff i ended up listening to, but still not something i would have finished if i weren't in the car)

The Reformation - Patrick Collinson (this bitch was so funny his preface to the book was 'i didn't list any sources because i've been teaching this topic for 60 years. the source is Me.' anyways almost totally unreadable but did provide me some good context on the counter-reformation, which i want to learn more about.)

Fleischman is in Trouble - Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Home Baked - Alia Volz (soooooo good all bay area homies please read this)

River of Stars - Vanessa Hua

April

Light from Uncommon Stars - Ryka Aoki (INSANE BOOK. SO FUN.)

*Death of a Salesman - Arthur Miller

Book of Dust - Phillip Pullman

Gold Diggers - Sanjena Sathian

*Angels in America - Tony Kushner (disconnected me from reality for like 24 straight hours. scared to reread it.)

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (read this in high school and hated it because i was a DUMB TEENAGER!! THIS BOOK IS SO FUNNY!!)

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett

Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett

May

Mexican Gothic - Silvia Moreno-Garcia (strongly eh.)

Oh the Glory of it All - Sean Wilsey (loved it but feels impossible to recommend.)

Magic for Liars - Sarah Gailey

Foundation - Isaac Asimov (absolutely fascinating as like, a history of the genre thing, even if i only "enjoyed" reading the first two or three stories lol. also, HE COULDN'T PREDICT FIAT CURRENCY?? ACTUAL PLOT POINT THAT THERE AREN'T ENOUGH METALS ON THE PLANET TO MINT COINS???? reader i lost my mind.)

June

All the Pretty Horses - Cormac McCarthy (all the pretty horses my insane high school problematic fave. i will never read the sequels)

Have His Carcase - Dorothy L. Sayers

The Power - Naomi Alderman (as i said on private twitter after rereading, this book makes me sick to my stomach not because of the gender shit, which is like, i know what the book's about that's what it's about it's not gonna be a different book, but christ it's so bleak. love an oral history style but i gave my copy away once i finished lmao.)

Murder Must Advertise - Dorothy L. Sayers

July

Such a Fun Age - Kiley Reid (great audiobook narrator, and a very funny book)

Several People are Typing - Calvin Kasulke (PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS AUDIOBOOK THEY HIRED A FULL RADIO-PLAY STYLE CAST AND SURE THE ACTUAL STORY DOESN'T STICK THE LANDING BUT IT'S SO FUNNY. i finished it on my own and immediately put it back on for emma to enjoy. so good.)

They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South - Stephanie Jones-Rogers

Hawk Mountain - Conner Habib (oughhhhouguhughuhghh the dread. great book. wretched creeping horror. queer, if that matters. gives you the Dread.)

There, There - Tommy Orange

August

If an Egyptian Can’t Speak English - Noor Naga (experimental fiction, i listened to it on audiobook and actually missed a lot of what it was doing in print but still incredibly good. absolute sucker punch of an ending.)

The Loneliest Americans - Jay Caspian King

Encounters at the Heart of the World: A History of the Mandan People - Elizabeth Fenn (great clear thorough history of the mandan nation of the upper missouri river, really enjoyed this.)

An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us - Ed Yong (ed yong is the best science writer working today and this book was tremendous. i quoted like every other line of it to emma and she still went and borrowed it as soon as i was done. we immediately bought a copy for the house.)

Sheer Misery: Soldiers in Battle in WWII - Mary Louise Roberts

September

Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse (damn so much modern sff is bad)

I Contain Multitudes: The Microbes Within Us and a Grander View of Life - Ed Yong (not as good as the animal book but still VERY good)

Dark Rise - C.S. Pacat (unfuckingreadable. a masterclass of incoherent bullshit)

Nona the Ninth - taz lol (this should not have been its own book.)

*Ducks - Kate Beaton (cannot recommend highly enough. intense subject matter, also made me cry many times, but holy shit ms beaton you killed it with this one)

Unreleased Friend Book that I Love So Bad (soon!!)

Normal People - Sally Rooney

October

Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (another book i haven't reread since high school holden ilu. you are my little problems boy)

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee (read it all in one day while on various airplanes. what a BOOK)

Half of a Yellow Sun - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Foundation - Mercedes Lackey (thus begins the valdemar stage of the year)

My Year of Rest and Relaxation - Ottessa Moshfegh (uh. would not recommend.)

November

Devil House - John Darnielle (ur crazy for this one mr mountain goats. still don't know if it was good or bad lol.)

Arrows of the Queen - Mercedes Lackey

Arrows Flight - Mercedes Lackey

Arrows Fall - Mercedes Lackey

Magic’s Pawn - Mercedes Lackey (vanyel i love you)

December

Magic’s Promise - Mercedes Lackey (vanyel i'm obsessed with you)

Empire of Wild - Cherie Dimaline

Magic’s Price - Mercedes Lackey (oh misty we did NOT stick the landing here. rip to vanyel.)

Winter Counts - David Heska Wanbli Weiden

Neuromancer - William Gibson (loved so many individual sentences and, like foundation, a very interesting work for understanding the history of the genre. however in many ways, totally incomprehensible.)

total books: 66!!! nice work, me! really enjoyed how much i read in 2022 and how generally varied it was and after a long while of not reading too much at all, it's been very nice being back in the swing of it. also god non-fiction is so good. i can't read it particularly fast but every time i read a good one i enjoy it so immensely. look forward to reading more of it this year!!!

AND, FINALLY, A SHOUT OUT TO THE WORST DNF OF 2022:

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab sucks shit.

[voidaus]

Final Goodbyes

Summary: Your a Youtuber and in a stream you see this pen-pal app and download it, creating an account. This all happened months ago. The guy you met on there was amazing, and you talked for months until he just... stopped.

Genre: Angst?

warnings: swearing, fighting

Requested? No

Word count: 1402

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. No matter how difficult things are. No matter how ugly things got. But maybe sometimes, the problem is that I believe too much. Seeing good in every person, while of course, some people are just... not good.

But that's not how this story goes. No, he is good. I am a hundred percent sure of that. The question is, 'is he willing to change and show that side of him?'. I guess we won't find out if I don't reach out to him huh?

The grey laptop is on my couch, still warm from the last time I used it just an hour ago. Grabbing myself some hot chocolate I lay down on the soft pillows and pull my blanket up to my chest. Whilst finally deciding I'm comfortable in this position I grab the laptop again and open it, typing in my password. The device starts up, letting me in.

"miaow" a soft purring comes from the ground. My cat, Athena, jumps on the couch as soon as I pat it. "Hey there gorgeous" I greet her. The laptop dings, making it clear that it's ready to be used. I give it my full attention again. Should I really open Zaira?

Zaira is an online penpal app where you can anonymously make friends. I signed up about 2 years ago and never really managed to find someone I really hit it off with. You know, I just couldn't find the words to talk to any of the people who messaged me. My anxiety not really helping with making friends, of course, I thought meeting them online would be easier. I was wrong. 

No one understood me, which isn't really surprising. I'm a bookworm, but also a gamer. I have lots of hobbies but not quite the energy to pursue them. The only thing that still has me uploading videos and streaming is the money and my supporters. My supporters standing first on the list, of course. I upload mostly gaming videos under the name Void. I go faceless. I never really liked my appearance for that matter.

I hesitate but still open it. The familiar logo greets me and only a moment after that my only friend on the site shows up, bringing back memories.

Zaira? What's this? "An online penpal app where you can add strangers and make friends. Now free in the AppStore!" I read the description out loud for my viewers. "Should I download it guys?" I ask the live chat, hoping they would say yes. Soon enough I get the confirmation from them and I click the button, hoping it won't take too long to download. I create a profile typing in my bio: 'Bookworm, Gamer, Weeb :)' The chat confirms that that pretty much describes me making me laugh. "Perhaps we can actually meet some cool people on here guys! Who knows?""Alright." I scroll through the site, reading people's bios until one of them spots the fans' eyes. The comments are going crazy fast right now. "click them!""omg Void, you have to message Sasori!" and more comments like that. I click on the profile, reading it's bio. Their given name is Sasori Matsudo. I laugh, explaining to some of the viewers that don't watch anime that these are names from Naruto and Death Note. "I suggest you watch them. those are some good animes!".

I smile at the memories and click on his profile. "Sasori Matsudo" the name rolls off my tongue. I chuckle "not a weeb huh?" Slowly looking through the messages, the familiar empty feeling enters my body again. To be honest, it never left. Ever since the fight, it was always there, following my every step. I close my eyes, letting the painful memories flood in again.

"I just don't understand why you can't talk about it with me!" your voice is slightly raised as you hold the phone in your shaking hand. "Because I just can't, okay! I can't keep throwing all of my shit onto you. you know I could never do that!" The man you know as Corpse yells back. You're both stressed out and upset, and this is the worst fight you ever had. You had decided to message 'Sasori Matsudo' on Zaira, and you two grew close very quickly. After 4 months of chatting on the site, he gave you his number. Not long after, he told you That he's the famous Youtuber known as Corpse Husband. You began to watch his videos and enjoyed them a lot, telling him so. In the fifth month of you two knowing each other, You started to call each other once in a while. That turned into calling every day, and soon you were calling more than 4 hours a day.

Your voice softens at his upset tone, realizing you're not the only one hurt here. You give a deep sigh before talking into your phone again. "I'm always here for you Corpse. I don't care how many times you call me, even if it's in the middle of the night. You make me feel better, you make me happy, and I want to be there for you. Please don't shut me out like this." you're practically begging at this point. He can't shut you out! Not like this.

"Void... You know I love you. Please, keep doing what you're doing, keep making videos and baking, and all the little things I love about you. But I just can't continue doing this to you. I'm sorry." He speaks up. The low voice you adore so much is soft and trembling. He sounds like he could break down crying any time now. "No, please, Corpse! Please don't leav-"

your phone lets out a long beep cutting you off. Breaking down crying, you hurl your hand against your mouth, attempting to silence your sobs. On the other side of the line, the man with the curly black mop on his head is doing the same. Tears flow down both of your eyes as void fills your hearts.

It hurts, but he knows he had to do this. He was always troubling you with his feelings, and he couldn't even show you his face! What kind of friend is that? Loud sobs take over his apartment, as his heart hurts, knowing he can't talk to you again.

And he didn't.

You lay on the couch, clenching your blanket awfully hard. You don't notice the tears streaming down your face till Athena climbs onto your lap and licks them off. You cuddle her in an attempt to comfort yourself, as the dark feeling in your chest grows stronger. 

You open a new tab and type in his number. All the old messages show up. He probably blocked you, but you have to try. He wanted you to be happy, but then why did he leave you?!

After that night, he never messaged you again. Did he really not want to talk to you anymore? You ask yourself.

But all Corpse has been doing is lay in bed and upload videos once in a while. His followers noticed something is off, and so has his friends. He's acting off whenever he streams and rarely jokes around anymore. 

You text him a simple 'how are you' and close your laptop after. The next day you check if he's replied. Nothing. You keep checking for two weeks, but nothing comes in. It's over. He's not coming back. You begin sobbing and lift yourself from the couch, scaring a sleeping Athena. You jog to the kitchen and shove everything off the counter, breaking some cups and plates in the process. Sliding down against the sink, you put your face in your hands, letting out an ear-piercing scream. The weight of the world is crashing down on you, and all you can do is cry and scream. The daydream is finally over.

Corpse saw your message.  He's tried messaging you so many times, but each time he holds himself back. All he wants is to talk to you, but he knows he shouldn't. Well, that's what he believes is best. Every day he thinks about you, thinking that you have already forgotten him, though it's the opposite. You think about him every day, remembering all of the memories. 

All the laughs and all the cries. All the comforts, to final goodbyes.

Hey Guys! I hope you're okay after this lil angsty piece of crap lmao. I tried my best. Anyways, if you have any comments or feedback, I always appreciate it! Oh, and 200 notes on 'Grocery Shopping'?!!??? Y'all are crazy, thank you so much!

If you liked this, my taglist is always open and so are my requests!

@persephone-sideblog @reinyrei @cherry-piee @alienvarmint @divine-artemis @milanienne

[captainjimothycarter]

I really love that Peggy and Sousa encounter each other in the future post 😍

I had to go back so many posts to find this post, lmao. This is a long one! 4k! This is so not what you wanted but I couldn’t stop writing??? 

--

Chaos was a normal way of life for Peggy. She had already accepted that when she signed up for the war, following Michael’s death. Being a codebreaker beforehand was hard enough and she was good at it, Peggy was good with her hands but it wasn’t enough. There was always that itch in the back of her head that just reminded her there was more that could be done and unfortunately, it took the death of her brother to realize what exactly she should be doing.

Then she met Steve, a scrawny Brooklyn Native who didn’t look like he should be breathing much less standing beside Dr. Erksine who insisted this is who he wanted for his experiment. It took very little convincing before this absolute mad man was nodding eagerly about this experiment, promising to keep the details under lock and key. As quickly as she met and no matter how hard she tried not to admit it, she lost Steve. A part of her heart went down with him in that plane and no promise to recover. To just move on because she had to.

Or so, Peggy thought.

Time travel was an idea of fiction on paper. She didn’t think it was real or something possible. Why would she? It was an amusing idea, one even Howard had tinkered with, yet as all ideas are, there is some truth to them. There had to be or otherwise, Peggy was insistent she was going mad here because Steven Grant Rogers was standing on her doorstep wearing clothes a size too big and with a bouquet of roses in hand.

The shattering teacup was the last thing she remembered.

That night, there was a long, long talk. One that went far on until they were both hoarse and bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. In reality, she was afraid to sleep. If she closed her eyes, Steve might disappear. This might be some hallucination from her imagination but every touch to his skin felt real whereas she couldn’t touch him before. He felt real when it came to the body heat and his heart. So, in conclusion, he had to be real, she just couldn’t accept it because he could easily be taken away.

There was this tale he spun for her. One about the future, about being frozen for so long, about how he fought in new wars, worse than their own, how the organization she was building in secret was destroyed from the inside out, how he had a key hand to it [and how very apologetic and downright hurt he looked by telling her this], how he has lost and gained, just to lose again, and how he got here. Time travel of all foolish things. And she wasn’t sure what was worst, the fact that he was here or the fact that she believing him.

Or the fact that she was going with him.

There was no other word for this beyond selfish but Steve had assured her that she wasn’t. Selfish wasn’t helping the greater good, he assured. They could rebuild Shield with the help of some new friends, start their life together. He would be there. And yet her life here? In this single, dreary apartment where the front door didn’t close all the way and her neighbor’s cat had snuck in and sprayed her bedsheets? Well, she didn’t think she was leaving much behind, so she agreed.

Steve did try to warn her. He did try to tell her about the future and the insane technology, not even Howard had agreed on. How Howard had a son [‘he’s hurt but he’s alive and he’s gonna be okay, Pegs, I promise.’ Funny, it sounded like Steve was convincing himself more than her], how Sargeant Barnes was alive, and the complicated history of Hydra behind it. He’d told her not to feel so guilty for it because no one knew but there was that itch, that self-guilt that told her they’d been so close to rescuing him. She just knew it, but they snuck out right under their noses.

There was a whole crowd of people waiting for her as they stepped through the portal, Steve holding the bag of essentials she’s packed. An outfit or two despite his insistence that they had clothes, a few files, photos, and even books. And of course...Steve’s photo that she kept close to her heart. She dressed comfortably, in her leather jacket from the war, slacks, and a blouse. The last she expected was a sharp whistle to cut through the crowd and to see a man with an eyepatch standing in the back. 

Steve’s sigh told him all.

“Director,” he said harshly, almost standing between him and Peggy, as if to put himself in harm’s way. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“Oh no, taking people from the past and bringing them to our future doesn’t concern me,” Fury huffed, sounding annoyed and almost amused. “Tell me why in the hell did you bring Carter here.”

“Tell me why in the hell are you speaking about me as if I’m not here?” Peggy snapped, stepping around Steve and folding her arms across her chest with an unamused look. She swore the man’s lip twitched. “I can speak for myself and don’t need Steve to speak for me. I think it’s very clear why I’m here and beyond the obvious to help recreate an organization that you have very well allowed being destroyed by your greed and a blind eye.”

There was a smirk on Steve’s lips as Fury rolled his eyes and muttered something about having ‘other plans’ and ‘not officially director anymore’ that reminded her of the scrawny boy from Brooklyn. That he was proud of her. Oh, that did the heart wonders.

“Spunky as always, huh, Auntie?” 

The voice made Peggy turn to find the owner. She felt like she was staring right at Howard Stark, except with more salt in his beard and more burn scars and a missing arm. This had to be Tony Stark. Steve’s friend, Howard’s son.

“Auntie?” She questioned, raising a brow to his amused look. “I think you’re older than me.”

Tony shrugged, still amused. “Maybe.” She scoffed as if not to say maybe. “Okay, I am but you practically raised me at points in my life. Not you, another you...the here...you. Steve, why did you have to make this difficult?”

“I did not,” Steve countered, wrapping his arm around Peggy to squeeze her close. “You’re making it awkward.”

Rolling her eyes and muttering boys, Peggy enveloped Tony in a familiar hug, mindful of the burns. 

“Auntie or not,” she sighed, patting his cheek. “I think I can still wring your ear when you need to be reminded of your manners.”

An almost familiar redhead was watching her from behind Tony. There was a sense Peggy got from her that she’s seen her before. Or perhaps another version of her. Younger, with hair and outfits that changed colors, and words that taunted her and wrung in her head. With mysteries that they still never solved. 

“Black Widow,” she breathed, much to Natasha’s amusement. “I’ve fought one of you before.”

“Dottie, if I remember correctly,” Natasha sighed, giving a small nod. “My trainers never quite let that go. You were always a pest on their side, even to the day you rescued me. Or well, you and Barton.”

Barton, she pointed out made her look over her shoulder to see a tall blonde with purple hearing aids and a boyish smile on his face. His hands wrapped around a leash, a golden lab at the end of it. Beside him stood a familiar sight. A very familiar site that took her breath away.

James Buchanan Barnes. Broader than she remembered the slender soldier, with long hair that was now tied back into a bun, and a shimmering arm of silver and gold. His stormy gray eyes betrayed the fear that echoed through him, one step more forceful than the next before he dropped to his knees at her feet. 

Peggy was quicker and saw the fall coming from a mile away, dropping with him to catch him in time and envelope him in her arms. He held onto her tightly, she was his comfort, his solace, and he was begging her for forgiveness for sins she did not know but haunted him. She felt the stubble on his face brush over her neck as he buried his face into her, his shoulders shaking with every other sob.

“I have you,” she whispered, brushing his hair back, her face tucked into his neck to give him that peace. “I have you, little one. You’re okay.”

“You-you’re...younger…” He hiccuped, trying to force those old Barnes ways back through.

“Younger and yet wiser,” she teased. Looking up, she saw the crowd disperse with the promise of introduction at dinner. Far as she understood there was still a God she had yet to meet and these other...agents. The only people who stayed were Steve, Barton, Romanoff, and another man who stood beside them with bright eyes and a smirk that reminded her of Gabe Jones.

Pulling Bucky back after giving him a few minutes, she pressed their foreheads together, brushing the tears from his cheeks. Steve had crouched beside them, a comforting smile on his face. This close, Peggy could count Bucky’s full lashes if she so wished.

“Are you okay?” She whispered in French. Steve had gotten the basics of it when he was alive beforehand, but Bucky had been fluent.

The language made him blink, the Soldier was never taught French. It was a forgotten language. But Bucky, no he knew it. It made him smile. 

“No,” he replied honestly. “Not really. You don’t understand because it hasn’t happened and I don’t think it will happen’ but I tried to kill you.” He took in a shuddering breath, avoiding looking at Steve. He wasn’t sure if Steve even knew this. “Hydra s-sent me to kill you, it was my first solo mission. No handler, no contact. In and out. I failed. You knocked some sense into me, literally, with a-a lamp post. It was...in some hotel I remember. We sat and talked. You tried to help me but I-I couldn’t let you get close. I told you of some names in..in Hydra that might be in Shield and...can remember my handlers torturing me when...when they died by your hand.”

“Damn right,” she grumbled. “Not about you...being tortured. Look at me.” She cupped both his cheeks and pressed a tender kiss between his eyes. “You are safe now, okay? You’re here and I’m not upset at you. Or going to hurt you. If...if you seeing me…”

“Stop being the selfless one for once,” Bucky snorted. “Jesus, no wonder you and Steve are perfect. You’d both take a bullet for one another.”

“Technically a grenade,” Peggy mused, making Bucky look up in alarm at the blonde.

“Steve.”

“It was...years ago, Buck, c’mon.” Steve shot Peggy a look, standing them both up and looking away as Bucky cleaned his face up.

“Did you jump on a grenade?!”

“It was a dummy!”

Peggy laughed at their bickering, hugging Bucky tightly to her and kissing his cheek. She’d missed him, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. She did miss him.

“I’m not going to avoid you, Pegs. Some days are gonna be harder than others, but I’m gonna be fine. I can’t avoid you.” He tilted her head up with the metal hand, giving her that trademark smile that reminded her of her older brother so much. “You’ll find ways to wiggle into my life later, but I...think you met my partners.”

Yes, partners, Peggy hadn’t misheard. She was reintroduced to Natasha, Clint, and now Sam. Sam, who was the great-nephew of Gabe Jones.

“I take it you kept these two in line?” Peggy teased, hugging Sam tightly who just melted into her.

“Hell no!” He laughed. “These two are hell-bent on getting themselves killed. I think they learned that from you.”

“Guilty as charged,” Peggy mused.

--

It was a full month later before Peggy was introduced to those fellow agents she was promised to meet. 

There was Mack, now the official Director of Shield, and who was very humble to meet her and as only she could describe was a giant teddy bear. He even made Steve look small.

May and Coulson, two lovebirds who were dangerous in their own way and yet we’re still in love. May just looked amused as Coulson gushed about ‘being a fan’ and Steve just looked embarrassed for her. Then it was chaos after the ‘Avengers’ saw Coulson in their living room. The chaos of yelling about how he was alive and not told for so long. That was an argument that May and Peggy quickly escorted themselves out to have a friendly chat.

Three new people arrived a day later in a small, private jet. The first soul out of it was a small blonde, little girl who came to Peggy’s hip and had all the energy as a toddler should. She laughed when Peggy caught her so she didn’t run off towards the lake, spinning her around. The laugh made her smile. And even Steve who snuck up beside her.

“Alya!” Jemma sighed, running up to Peggy before skitting to a stop over the turf when she realized who spun her daughter around in a circle. “You’re...you’re…”

“I’m told you’re a fan,” Peggy laughed, holding her hand out and shaking hers and then her husband who looked amused. “Jemma and Fitz, correct? And this is?” She held her arm up where she now hung upside down on her arm.

“That’s our littl’ monkey,” Fitz laughed, scooping his daughter up and putting her on his shoulders. “Coulson called us about...this and we didn’t want to believe.”

“You didn’t want to believe,” Jemma countered, shaking her curls. “I believed him. Why would he lie, Fitz?”

“It wasn’t lying I was worried about! Normally people pulled from the past isn’t good! Look at Sousa!’

Time stood still and Peggy felt like her heart had stopped. She was fully aware people were staring at her. Steve had stood behind her, touching her cheek.

“Pegs?” He whispered, clearly worried. “Peggy, are you okay? Hey, hey. Whoa.” 

He lowered her to the ground when her knees gave out, supporting her body. Jemma knelt beside her, sending Fitz inside with their daughter so Peggy wasn’t crowded. Even May had come out of the lake house to check in on them.

Peggy blinked a series of times, clearing her throat. She could feel Steve’s hand on her neck, checking her pulse. She felt like she couldn’t speak, her mind was stalled out. She forgot every word she knew. Everything had been replaced by his voice, his face.

While she didn’t harbor feelings for Sousa, while their kiss had been rash, and she decided not what she wanted, they parted on good terms. Really good terms. His death, his violent, needless death of a body floating in a hotel pool had made her choke on her coffee when the news was told to her in passing as if it was a normal thing.

“Sousa is alive?” She finally whispered, feeling her hands starting to shake even as Steve’s own closed around them. “He’s alive?” 

Jemma and Steve shared a look above her, one Peggy missed. “Yes,” May replied over both of them, shifting so she was in Peggy’s vision. “Yes, he’s alive. And he’s doing wonderful. They’ll be here in a few hours.” She paused as if to consider her words. “He’ll be happy to see you.”

--

“Can you handle your jealousy?”

Steve looked up from the bed, where he was trying to rethread his boots with difficulty. He paused as the boot fell to the floor, the lace slipping out of it with a heavy sigh.

“Why am I jealous? No, how am I jealous? If I remember correctly, you shot at me for kissing…”

“No, I was shooting the shield.” Peggy reasoned, fixing her last curl into place before turning to face Steve from the mirror. “And you were kissing her!”

“No, she was kissing me. She kissed me and I couldn’t back away! I’ve told you, I didn’t want her, I wanted you.”

Damn Rogers and damn him for saying the right words. Peggy’s shoulders slowly relaxed and her eyes softened as she took the boot from his hand and wrapped him in a tight hug. “I know,” she sighed. “I see you kept the marks on your shield, after all this time.”

“Well, I had to have some keepsake to remind me not to fuck up again.”

They laughed, Steve slowly kissing Peggy as he savored every moment. He only jerked when there was a knock on the door, looking embarrassed as the door opened to a new face. 

“Oh!” Daisy, breathed, her won cheeks tinging pink. “I can go if you two are busy. May just sent me to find you...two…” Her eyes fell onto Steve, then Peggy and a small smile grew on her lips as if confirming something to herself.

Peggy stood up, taking Steve’s boot in hand and lacing it in three easy strokes before handing it back to him. “I take it you must be Daisy, right?” Her hand held out to him and she smiled as they shook hands. 

“And you’re Agent Carter. Jemma has told me everything about you.” She paused, her tongue between her lips. “And Daniel.” 

“It’s okay, I’m not...jealous or anything like that.” She wanted to make that clear, even if Steve snorted from the bed. “You have anything to say, Captain?”

“Just to keep your gun away from a man who doesn’t have a shield,” Steve teased, pecking her temple. He nodded politely at Daisy. “Coulson has told me much about you and the rest of the team. He thinks highly of all of you.”

“Yeah, well for a robot...he has a lot of feelings,” Daisy laughed with a shrug of her shoulders. “Is your team still done yelling at him?”

“Friends, not team. And sorta? Thor already knew because of Sif. Tony was quick to forgive him. Bruce said he knew already from working with Fury on some side project. As for Agent Barton and Romanoff… well, they hold onto grudges for a long, long time.”

Daisy chuckled as they left, hands in her pockets as they walked down the hall. She didn’t miss how Peggy had taken Steve’s hand. “We know. Agent Romanoff has gotten May back for a few things during our time together. Try explaining to Director Fury at the time why five chickens were in her office once. It took us ages to get them out. I think Fitz still has nightmares about those chickens.”

“They’re dreadful beasts!” Fitz shouted from the kitchen. “Let’s not talk about the Chicken Incident, please.”

“They are not,” Jemma insisted, smiling at Peggy. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Wonderful, thank you. I’m glad someone knows how to make a proper cuppa. The bath and nap did help.” 

Steve pouted when Peggy’s eyes shot over to him. “Hey, I tried to learn during the war. Unlike Pinky who just put straight up a leaf in hot water one time.”

“Steven, if that’s what you call tea, then I don’t want to know what you call coffee. You just don’t have that touch.” Peggy’s hand patted at his cheek, making Steve flush. 

“Don’t worry,” a voice behind them said. “I tried through all my years with her and still didn’t learn right. Even Mr. Jarvis tried to teach me. I have too heavy of an American hand, whatever that means.”

Leaning onto his cane behind them stood Daniel Sousa with his still boyish, but more handsome face and a proud look in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Peggy’s breath was in her throat as she saw him, her hand gripping Steve’s tightly. Everyone around them, save for Daisy and Steve suddenly found they needed to be elsewhere to give these people privacy. 

“Hey, Pegs,” Daniel breathed, giving a warm smile. “Whoa, whoa hold on.”

He nearly fell if it wasn’t for Steve when Peggy darted to him and hugged him tightly. He had to admit, some part of him felt almost a little jealous until he saw Peggy’s shoulders shake. She had taken his death hard, she’d told him. The fact there was not even a body to bury had made it much worst and he wondered how much of that funeral reminded her of his own.

“She took it hard,” Steve whispered to Daisy, giving a sympathetic look to the pair whispering to one another. “Even if they were friends after...everything, she didn’t learn about his death until weeks after. Hydra was trying to cover it up. She blamed herself.”

“She’s really hard on herself, huh?” Daisy sighed, shaking her head. “Daniel has told me everything about them. Is this...weird for you?” At Steve’s confused look, Daisy shrugged. “Your...girlfriend with her ex? Is that weird?”

“Never really had anything to compare it to, so I supposed not. Daniel is an important part of her life,” he mused. “I just have to accept that, as she has to accept my friends are important to me. She knows about Bucky and I…”

That was the last thing Daisy had expected to hear, her eyes widening. “You and the Winter Soldier were…?”

“Bucky but yes, teenagers, during the war, Peggy was involved in it. And even after.”

“I think Coulson owes me fifty bucks,” she muttered. 

“Mention it to Clint and you’ll get a hundred.” 

--

“Captain…?” 

Steve looked up from where he sat on the bench by the lake, watching Alya, Peggy, and Fitz look for ‘specimens’ in the shallow end of the lake. On the other side, Bucky and Lucky were going for a jog or more as Lucky was dragging Bucky through the marsh. In front of him stood Daniel, still with that boyish smile and leaning on his cane.

“Steve,” he corrected, scooting over and patting the seat. “Sit down. I know that thing has to hurt like hell. Don’t lie, I had to have a brace as a kid for my back. Felt like torture.”

“The whole straightening rod and all? Poor you. I see it’s done nothing for your posture,” he teased, groaning when he finally sat down. “It’s gotten better. I’m looking into better prosthetics, giving this up...feels sorta odd. Is that how the serum felt to you?”

“In a way,” Steve responded after a moment to think about it. “But in another, I didn’t know what the hell to expect. None of us did. I went in an asthmatic boy and came out...able to breathe and see color for the first time.”

“Was it Peggy?” 

Steve looked over at him, raising a brow and Daniel shrugged. “When you saw color for the first time, was Peggy your first sight?”

The Captain sighed and laid his head back, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah. Red. First time I saw it, you know? I knew the color existed, been told it does, but seeing it...seeing her eyes...her hair… But that red, it stuck to me. Took my breath away. She was...beautiful. Still is.”

Even if she was covered in mud now by Alya giving up the hunt and having a mud-fight. 

“I hope you don’t find it odd that I’m here, that Peggy and I talked,” Daniel replied after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “Peggy… Marge…”

“Look,” Steve put a hand on his knee and gave a gentle squeeze. “You and Peggy have a history, that’s okay. I don’t care. She’s important to you and you’re important to her. I’m not jealous. She took your death hard given everything at the time. You were there for her in times I couldn’t be and I’m thankful that you were a crutch for her to lean on. So, stop this...awkwardness...Pegs is important to both of us in separate manners. She’s gonna be here for a long, long time and I hope you stick around too. I like to think we’ll be friends even.”

He could even hear Bucky, in the back of his head, telling him what a kid he sounds like.

“I’d like that,” Daniel sighed, squeezing Steve’s hand gently. “She never stopped, you know? She never stopped hoping to find you. A part of her always kept looking. Always hoping, even if it was a body to bury. She’s always loved you.”

“I’m thankful for that because Gods know I fucked up a lot.” He gave a strained laugh, shaking his head. “She loves you too. In her own manner. It’s why your death hit her so hard.”

“Yeah, well, now we have all the time to make up for it.” Daniel stood up, holding his hand out to help Steve up with a small smirk. “Sure wish Thompson was alive right now. He’d so owe me ten bucks for even being friends with Captain America.”

“Don’t remind me,” Steve groaned, rubbing at his brow, hearing a heavy splash. He laughed at the sight of Lucky dragging Bucky through the mud before the man had the sense to let go and let the dog run off back towards the house. “That’s a face I wouldn’t mind punching, much shit as he gave Pegs.”

“Then I hope you don’t mind I’ve done it a time or two and blamed it on the alcohol,” Daniel laughed. “You want a few beers? I think they’re gonna be busy for a while.” 

“Sure. What’re a few beers between friends?”

[coolcoelacanth]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 

Tagged by @annikki-studies omg thank u!! :) 

LAST:


1. Drink: water


2. Phone call: alex my brother


3. Text message: from my friend taylor


4. Song you listened to: i think it was flow by shawn james 

 5. Time you cried: like yesterday lmao 😂 

 HAVE YOU:


6. Dated someone twice: yup

 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yuppp


8. Been cheated on: ya but it was dumb and I didn't even care lol


9. Lost someone special: ya


10. Been depressed: yup for like my whole life hahahahhahadnkvnf 


11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yup just like a couple weeks ago 😂


LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12-14:

 dark blue, purple, and rose gold probably


IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:


15. Made new friends: yaaaaa like one new friend lol


16. Fallen out of love: yes thank god


17. Laughed until you cried: lol yup 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean yeah but i couldn't care less lmao


19. Met someone who changed you: ya


20. Found out who your friends are: you need friends in the first place to find out who ur friends are lmao


21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: don’t have facebook 


GENERAL:


22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Don’t have facebook


23. Do you have any pets: yes, i have a beautiful doggie named rex who's about 12 i think and he's my son 

24. Do you want to change your name: i used to when i was little but now i don't mind the name kasey lol


25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i was depressed all day and miserably ate cake w my family as they all argued around me lol


26. What time did you wake up: i think like 8 in the morning bc my body just woke me up at that hour for some god forsaken reason lol


27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching a let's play of uncharted 4


28. Name something you can’t wait for: to get my license in decemberrrr 😜😜👌🏻


29. When was the last time you saw your mom: idk like a couple hours ago or something 


30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i was more outgoing and sociable because i'm always alone and sad and it's rlly horrible lmao


31. What are you listening to right now: nothing lol i was just watching a youtube video tho


32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, tom is the name of one of my karate senseis 


33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my whole life in general lmaoooooo


34. Most visited sites: definitely tumblr and youtube


LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME


35. Mole/s: i have one on the back of my thigh and I actually had it removed to be tested for cancer but it's fine and it actually grew back lmao


36. Mark/s: i have a pretty big birthmark on my stomach that's scarily similar to the shape of australia, it's rlly strange lmao. then i have a rlly big scar on the back of my thigh from jumping off a counter and my thigh catching the corner of the drawer and just tearing up my leg, rlly fun lmao. and I have a scar on my knee from when i was like five and I tripped on the road on the way home from getting ice cream and everyone let me walk home clutching my bloody knee in pain and no one even cared it was great. then i have a lot more scars..


37. Childhood dream: i always wanted to be a doctor or a surgeon which I still want to be now lol


38. Hair color: dirty blonde


39. Long or short hair: short is so much easier but long hair is cool for a lot of styles. 


40. Do you have a crush on someone: not rlly lol


41. What do you like about yourself: um nothing I'm a despicable human being lollllll 

 42. Piercings: i just have my ears pierced 

43. Blood type: no idea


44. Nickname: don't rlly have one since my name is already so short lol


45. Relationship status: single

 46. Zodiac: gemini (kill me) 

47. Pronouns: she/her


48. Favorite TV Show: bob's burgers definitely omg i love that showwww


49. Tattoos: i don't have any rn but i'm planning to get quite a few lmao


50. Right or left hand: right


51. Surgery: nah but i'm gonna have my wisdom teeth out in august so that'll be fun


52. Hair dyed in different color: never


53. Sport: i run and do karate and I'm thinking of taking up swimming again. 
55. Vacation: I've been to the west coast of the us, myrtle beach, Massachusetts, and canada lol we don't do much.


56. Pair of trainers: what lol


MORE GENERAL:


57. Eating: chinese food


58. Drinking: water


59. I’m about to: start watching an entire let's play of until dawn again and try not to slip into another depression lol


61. Waiting for: the sweet release of death

 62. Want: death


63. Get married: ideally, but let's be real no ones gonna marry me lmao


64. Career?: something medical, idk I'm having a crisis about this lol


WHICH IS BETTER


65. Hugs or kisses: kisses


66. Lips or eyes: eyes ig


67. Shorter or taller: i don't care but they'll probably end up being taller than me considering i'm like five feet tall lmao


68. Older or younger: i don't care, either as long as it's within a few years of me on either side. 


70. Nice arms or nice stomach: idc


71. Sensitive or loud: idc


72. Hook up or relationship: either lol


73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker 


HAVE YOU EVER:


74. Kissed a Stranger: no


75. Drank hard liquor: hell yessss i was planning to do that tonight too lol


76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nah


77. Turned someone down: yes


78. Sex on the first date: nah


79. Broken someone’s heart: idk probably not lol


80. Had your heart broken?: destroyed, but i'm finally over it now thank god

 81. Been arrested: no


82. Cried when someone died: yes


83. Fallen for a friend: never again lmao


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:


84. Yourself: absolutely not lmao


85. Miracles: no


86. Love at first sight: no


87. Santa Claus: no


88. Kiss on the first date: yeah sure, why not?

 
OTHER:


90. Current best friend name: taylor ♥️


91. Eye color: dark blue


92. Favorite movie: either the first spongebob movie or the simpsons movie lmao 😂 

 NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: @thoughtscommentscompliments @the-life-of-string @highgaylowgpa @fatigue-queen @kitchensylph @mucho-masturbation @trumpet-skeleton @sleepie-reads @predadria @a-polyglot-tiramisu @evilqween @theinternetcitizen @justarandomguyhere and anyone else who wants to do it lol

jesus christ the format got all fucked up and i had to go through and fix it goddddd