#WHY DOES RICK ALWAYS RELEASE HIS BOOKS ON THE DAYS WHERE I GOT STUFF TO DO AND RESPONSIBILLITIES TO FULFIL

[devils-little-sista]

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[panelshowsource]

random thoughts dump of the week bc none of this deserves its own post

coming down from a smol john kearns kick and really enjoyed it, guy has a ridiculously sweet presence and i really like his voice. it also brings me great joy his previous career was working in museums and as a tour guide. i would like that life, i think (i worked at universal orlando for a little bit in 2013 and was always super jealous of the vip tour guides lol). he mentioned on one of his rhlstps that despite winning arguably the biggest (british) comedy awards there are, he never released a standup special or dvd, and he kinda wants to keep it that way so he has something special between him and his live audience — and that really made me sad face. like, my guy, what about those of us who can't see you bc won't leave that damn island. (also ed gamble's new tour having no nyc date felt personal...) in another episode, he talked a little about, in great part due to social media, people want comedians they can know everything about, get the whole look of; comedians who are the same people onstage as off. he's not like that and doesn't really like the idea of that. i think there's a lot to say about that subject but i'll just leave it for now...

speaking of touring ed byrne next week!!! and jimmy and alan carr coming up!! what a fun time :')

speaking of rhlstp and ed, one thing that occurred to me and i thought was quite funny upon listening to his recent episode is that both richard and ed have that self-aware side of them that admits to bitterness, professional jealousy, annoyance with critics/haters, believing they're not as successful as they deserve to be, etc. while it can come off whiney here and there, it's not too obnoxious or anything, i just found it amusing they had this (often concealed or private) quality in common. i might even put jenny eclair in that camp (others too but that's a discourse i don't really wanna start lmao)

if another youtuber, following amelia dimoldenberg (and munya? does he count?), had to go on taskmaster i would probably vote for ollie kendal off of jolly. in my mind he and alex would be genuinely good friends outside of the show

man i miss the horne section podcast so bad

honestly, i'm a little surprised david mitchell doesn't have a podcast. he loves radio, it's not too demanding of a gig, and he's got tons of interests that could make engaging premises for podcasts... i'm sure someone has floated this to him before, so i need the reason why he said no. maybe he was busy with his book. would love a history pod fr

does anyone else ever remember when david mitchell was in rick and morty and just sit back and go O_O also when he was on graham norton with hillary clinton like lmaooo i just love the idea of the booking agents for that show being like "we're having fucking hillary clinton on who can we bring for comic relief who is a household name but not problematic but intelligent but actually funny" i mean they hit the jackpot of course but it cracks me up that that's his brand

did david ever watch succession? rob def did but i need more about it from both of them

sometimes i think about when david accepted his bafta for peep show and the music that was playing while he walked to the stage was "sex on fire" by kings of leon hahahahaha like what who was djing that night fr

where did charlie brooker go

speaking of back in the day — and i do mean back, like 15+ years ago — and my main panel show obsession was buzzcocks, there were a few non-comedians who would come on panel shows who were properly fucking funny, like martin freeman and josh groban, and i'd always pray they'd eventually come on again. and i think at the time the person at the top of my list was professor green. how random is that TT he was just always up for laugh and just so likable. i also LOVED the song "just good to be green" with lily allen in like 2010 lmaooo this really ages me :)

been really enjoying some old angus deayton-hosted stuff, like old hignfy and wilty. i got into panel shows after he'd stepped out of the spotlight, but i remember being crushed when i found out about his scandal. i also remember stephen fry standing up for him and chastising paul & ian publicly after That Episode of hignfy — which absolutely blew my mind, even though stephen has always said what he thinks — and i agreed with him and am not sure even today if i fully forgave paul & ian for how they treated angus. ik he's still here and there, but i wonder if we'll ever see him in any properly notable capacity again

just watched the latest hignfy actually and jack dee pheww he's ageing very nicely let me just say it and pheww emmanuel sonubi please and thank you. also, paul's outfit was quite nice. an enjoyment of the eyes indeed

i've been making a lot of typos in my gifs lately for literally no reason other than not proofreading my rushing and it's embarrazzing i'm gonna do better

speaking of gifs i have NOTHING!!! in my drafts folder. nothing. no content. nothing is made. nothing in the queue. [sigh] sounds like tonight we be bustin it out huh. idk about other gifmakers (i actually don't follow any other panel show blogs, but this isn't necessarily a panel show blog thing, just a regular original content thing) but i don't usually make gifs throughout the week — instead, like, marathon gif like two times a week and build up 10–20 drafts to post throughout the week. if you gif every single day or to keep up with all of the new content, it starts to become a chore, which is never fun :(

speaking of which i probably won't gif outsiders too much because people don't seem to care too much about it + the webrips are just...so ugly in gif form, even at 1080p! it's a dave thing fr, taskmaster used to be the same way -_-

okay here we go into gif mode btw i got some of your requests and will def make them!!

[hournites]

Concert 

Hournite fluff - happy Stargirl day, babes 

~.~ 

It doesn’t take very long for Beth to realize there is something special about her time spent with Rick. She takes her seat at the old table in the dark corner of the Pit Stop to study and he drops his bag right beside her. They don’t always have to talk. Sometimes he pulls out a book and reads, which Beth always finds secretly fascinating. But other times he just watches her do stuff for the sake of it. Which could be weird, Beth guesses, if it were other people, but with Rick, it’s not.

It’s nice that he’s just there. That he’s there and likes to stick around. She’s quite certain there’s more to it than the fact he doesn’t mind hanging out, something deeper or more unsettling, like he doesn’t want to go home, but that is put aside for a later time for Beth to dwell on. For now, she is eased by the way they can turn to each other most often and see the other one nearby, and offer a smile, a secret exchange. And it’s true that only one smile from Rick holds enough magic to last Beth through a hard day.  

It could be possible that what Yolanda tells Beth could be true. Yolanda is their only friend who has ever dated, and although it wasn’t a great experience, it was an experience, for which Beth had none. And Rick had none either. When Yolanda tells Beth that Rick is super into her and pries whether or not Beth has those feelings back, Beth is sure to shrug her shoulders naively and pretend she doesn’t know.

Which is true. Beth doesn’t know. But what would be worse would be to assume Yolanda is right, and to let that possibility weasel its way into her heart. That would require a significant amount of reflection on Beth’s part. Questions to consider like Do I like him? Does Rick want to date me? Is this why he’s so nice specifically to me over the other girls? What if I don’t want that? What if I do? Would what we have change if I say something to him? Would what we have change if I  don’t? If these words didn’t come from Yolanda? What if Rick said this himself?

But there never came a day Rick would say such a thing. He’s happy to give her rides home and save her a seat at Richie’s while meeting her for lunch. He’s the first to advocate her ideas for mission plans, to pull her out of danger when she gets her hands full in costume. He’s the last person she talks to at night before she falls asleep with her phone in her hand. He’s just Rick for her.

But weeks turn into another six months, and then it’s a year since the day she really got him. The day he stopped dismissing her existence, constantly in his peripheral, and made her the centre of his focus. And it is at that time, Beth turning sixteen to seventeen, she comes to know Yolanda was more than right all along. Suddenly she aches for change. Not so suddenly, Rick is more than painfully attractive as he always was attentive to her.

Even Mrs. Whitmore stops and leans over the kitchen island to level Beth a pointed stare after Rick leaves the kitchen or heads to his car for a forgotten belonging, her arched eyebrows enough indication to put thoughts of motherly discernment in her head. She asks about how Beth is doing in those stolen moments where Beth happens to show up before the rest for team functions. Asks what her own mother thinks of them.

Her own mom thinks they’re already dating.

So it takes a chance on Beth’s part. Talking with Rick is so easy by now, they’ve cried to each other more times she can count. But it is harder to get these words out of her mouth. She freezes up, finding it difficult to control the way her body wants her to breathe rapidly. The expression on her face becomes Rick’s biggest concern. Flipping the chair in the Pit Stop on their thousandth late night, he scoots in, hand on her arm.

“What’s going on?” he asks so softly, it is less a question more a plea. “What is it?”

It brought her back to long ago. It’s only been a year but they grew so much. The fidgeting Rick was doing to calm his own nerves as he reached out for Beth to understand she could confide in him. These are the same chairs as then. This is the same table. It’s the same heart of hers, on the line.

Beth refuses to cry but she does laugh at their situation for lack of any other rational approach to face her most complex problem. “You mean so much to me.”

It’s all she can manage before she can’t say any more. It’s more intuitive to show Rick, because she’s always shown things to him first, and talked them out later. Luckily, he’s prepared to receive the force of her, pressed in a hug that has her holding onto his shirt tighter than she’s ever let herself unless she was hurt or scared. But Rick is holding her back, still rigid and unsure. He’s not able to relax and it’s Beth’s fault she’s freaking him out.

“Are you moving away?”

“No, no, I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay...”

“You know how badly I want to follow Dr. McNider’s footsteps and my mom’s footsteps and go to med school and become a doctor?”

Rick smiles. “Of course.”

“I want you just as much.”

He’s quiet. He’s really quiet and it would scare Beth if she didn’t know him this well, but she does, so she waits for the words to sink in. For Rick to blink and turn, the arms still loosely around her slipping down to his sides as he whispers, “What?”

“We don’t have to not acknowledge what we are to each other, Rick. I want you just as much.”

She sees the hand flex first, the way his mouth parts. Then the disbelief in his eyes. After that, Beth doesn’t know what she sees, because her eyes are shut tight and she can only feel the pressure of Rick’s touch against her cheek, and can only feel the kiss she dissolves in. The kiss that releases a whimper from her throat, a stumble in her balance, a surge of love sealed between them. A flowing love they have which speaks of their time and nights and days and years together of both old and new.

[skiller0dani]

Only Me | Carl Grimes

Summary: Ron gets a little handsy with you, but in order to prevent Carl from losing faith in his new home you don’t tell him. When Carl finds out, he decides to punish you. 

Pairing: Carl Grimes x Dixon!Reader

Word Count: 4.5k 

Warnings: Language, Fighting, Yelling, Smut, Unprotected Sex, Dirty Talking, Fingering, Kinky Sex, 

A/N: I know Carl is underaged at this point in the series, so if that makes you uncomfortable you can pretend he and the reader are 18. :)  also I made Carl kinky af in this bc there is a serious lack of Carl smut and I just want him to dominate me so badly hnnnngggg 🤤🤤  

Masterlist

Truth be told, Alexandria made you uncomfortable. 

Everyone within the steel walls was totally okay pretending that the rest of the world wasn’t completely fucked. They had jobs, school, picnics in the park, it all felt a little too ‘normal’ for you. You had a nook you liked to hide away in, it was a small abandoned treehouse in one of the backyards. You could see over the wall, watch the walkers roam around and see the city in the distance. You know it’s odd that you feel more comfortable out there rather than in a perfectly safe camp. The people here were nice and welcoming, and they greeted your group as if you were neighbors who just moved into the neighborhood. They acted as though you weren’t from out there, and that you weren’t covered in walker guts when you first strode through the gates. Few knew where to find you when you decided to hide away, and one of those few people was your boyfriend- Carl. 

“Thought I’d find you up here.” You hear a voice say below your treehouse, but when you look out you see Ron. A smile stretches across from your face, Ron is nice. He’s been a good friend to you ever since you got here, he’s been trying to help you adjust from living out there to living here in Alexandria. He’s introduced you to people, shown you around, and brought you to all the cool spots that the adults don’t go around. One of them being your treehouse, he’s one of the only other people who knows you’re probably here if you disappear. “Hey Ronny,” you smile as he climbs up the rope and into the treehouse. He has a comic book in his hands as he sits on the mattress next to you. You open the book you snatched from Carol’s stash and you continue to read but you can feel his eyes on you. Ron is cute, you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t a good looking guy but nobody can compare to Carl. You love Carl, and not just because he was the only one around- but for so many other reasons. 

“I figured Carl would be with you.” Ron says, his voice tight. You don’t know why there is so much tension between them, they were friendly at first. But the closer you got to Ron, the more the tension between them grew. “He’s on a run with Rick and Aaron.” You say, not really paying attention to him as you continue to read. It’s a history book on some battles from the 1940s, it didn’t really strike you as interesting but it was better than sitting and doing nothing. “Oh cool, now I get to actually spend time with you.” Ron says and you look up from your book, your eyebrows pinching together. “What do you mean?” You ask Ron, who hasn’t even opened his comic book yet. Ron leans back against the wall of the treehouse, his legs stretched behind you as he looks up at you. “Well you always seem to hang around Carl.” Ron says, and he attempts to say it playfully but you can feel the tension behind it. You laugh uncomfortably, turning to focus your attention on your book. “He is my boyfriend after all, I love being around him.” You defend weakly, you’ve never been the verbal confrontation kind of person. Out of the corner of your eye you can see Ron rolling his eyes. 

“That doesn’t mean Carl is the only guy in your life, I miss you y'know?” Ron says, his comic book still laying at his side- unopened. You shift uncomfortably, feeling a different kind of tension rising in the air as he slides closer to you. Your heart begins to race in your chest as you cling to your book tightly. “W-Well Carl is the only guy in my life… in um that way…” You respond, your voice quieter than it was before as you nervously stumble over your words. “He doesn’t have to be.” Ron whispers as he reaches up to tuck hair behind your ear, and you can feel his breath fanning over your cheek. You don’t answer as you glue your eyes to the page even though you’re not reading it. “What does Carl have that I don’t? What makes him worthy of getting to hear your pretty moans?” Ron whispers as he leans closer, his lips a few inches from your ear. Ron reaches forward and pulls your book from your trembling hands before resting his hand on your bare thighs. Why did you choose to wear shorts today? “I can hear you two at night, I can hear you moaning for him. Begging for him- but I know you’re only doing that to make him happy. You’re too kind Y/N because I know you want me, I know how your body reacts when I’m around. I’ll bet you’re dripping through those little shorts right now aren’t you?” Ron whispers huskily, his hand sliding up your thigh. 

You feel panic pulsing in your chest as you freeze in fear, the only person you have ever wanted and will ever want is Carl. “That’s not t-true!” You protest with a squeak as his hand finds the spot between your thighs reserved only for Carl. Ron chuckles as he continues to inch closer, his lips trying to find yours but you keep turning your head. “R-Ron please stop-” You gasp as you begin to squirm away from him. You expect Ron hasn’t been near many girls his age and Enid would likely cut his balls off if he tried this- but you’re too afraid to do anything to stop him. He’s bigger than you, stronger than you and walkers you can easily take down with confidence. They’re stupid, and they’re dead but people? You’ve always had a hard time dealing with people. That’s probably why he’s so sure you want him- you haven’t voiced otherwise. “Hey baby you up there?” You hear Carl call from the ground and Ron yanks away from you. Your chest is heaving as you scramble to exit the treehouse. You know you should tell Carl about what happened but you can’t, mostly because you’re afraid Carl will kill Ron. But it’s not just that, Carl is so happy here, he feels like this place could be a home. You don’t want to ruin that for him, you’ll just avoid Ron. When you drop to the ground in front of Carl you immediately press yourself into his chest, and he slowly wraps his arms around you. “You okay?” He asks, his eyes flicking up and noticing Ron sitting in the treehouse. You nod quickly, not turning to look at Ron as you grab Carl’s hand and begin pulling him away from the treehouse. “You sure everything is okay?” Carl asks, his anxiety rising as you frantically yank him away from the treehouse. You weren’t doing anything with Ron… were you? 

“Y-Yeah everything is fine! How was your run?” You ask, trying to change the subject before you break and tell him what happened. You turn to give him a quick kiss as you start towards the house and you keep looking over your shoulder to make sure Ron isn’t following you. Carl’s eyebrows are pinched together, he knows something is wrong but he won’t force you to tell him. “Went fine, got some good stuff. Nothing eventful happened.” He said, his hand locked with yours as you continue to walk at a brisk pace. You finally release a breath once the door is closed behind you and when you open your eyes you see Carl looking at you with a confused expression. “What aren’t you telling me?” He asks, crossing his arms and you begin to panic. You can’t ruin this place for him, people are important to Carl and if he doesn’t trust the people here… then the security and confidence he has in this place will disappear. You want him to believe this place can be home, you don’t want to destroy that for him. “I just… I had a nightmare last night. That you got bit. I’m happy you’re home safe that’s all.” You say, your eyes glued to the ground. You feel his arms around you, pulling you into him and you hold him so tightly. You want to scrub the feeling of Ron’s hands and his dirty words off your skin, you need to feel Carl’s hands on you. 

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. No bites.” He says, smiling into your hair as he presses a kiss to your head. You nod and release a breath before pressing your lips to Carl’s again- taking him by surprise at your eagerness. Your hands grip the collar of his shirt as you deepen the kiss and Carl’s hands land on your hips. You press your chest into his and you feel his breath hitch when you reach down to grab him through his jeans. Carl’s hands press against your shoulders and force you back, “woah just- hold on. You never jump me like this.” He says, concern etched into his face as he looks down at you. Your chest is heaving as you hold him tightly, “I need you. I’ve been so wet all day… please…” You beg, not wanting to tell him the real reason behind your want for his cock. Carl groans when you say that and he reaches down to hoist your legs around his waist. “What if we get caught?” He mumbles between kisses as he heads to the stairs to go up to his bedroom. You begin pressing kisses to his neck as you bite and suck the spot you know makes his knees weak, “then whoever catches us is gonna get one hell of a show.” You smirk as you can feel his growing bulge. Carl carries you into his room and kicks the door shut behind him before he drops you onto the bed. 

“Let's hope it’s not my dad.” Carl smiles as he leans over you, his lips finding yours. His hands find yours and trap your hands above your head as he grinds his cock into your clothes pussy, causing a moan to escape your lips. “No let’s hope it’s not my brother or you’ll get an arrow in the ass.” You laugh and Carl winces at the thought of Daryl catching the two of you. You try to free your wrists but Carl holds them tightly, “be a good girl and keep your hands above your head before I have to tie them to the bed.” Carl warns as he releases you and you can feel a rush of arousal head straight to your core. You love it when Carl gets dominant and rough in bed. You bite your lip as you keep your hands where he left them even though you itch to disobey him, just to see what he’d do. Carl reaches down and slowly unbuttons your shorts before pulling the zipper down at an agonizingly slow pace. “Faster baby, I need you in me like now.” You whine as you wiggle your hips, hoping to hurry him up. Carl’s eyes are dark as he looks up at you, “don’t rush me, good girls wait.” He says as he slowly pulls your shorts down. You groan and throw your head back impatiently. Carl tosses your shorts aside and presses a kiss to each of your hip bones before reaching for your panties. You curl your fists into the sheets, trying not to move or rush him because you know if you do he’ll only go slower. 

Carl’s pupils blow wide open once he sees your glistening folds, “you really are needy for me huh baby? Look how wet you are.” He hums as he runs a finger through your folds and you whine as your hips buck up. With his other hand Carl presses your hips back to the mattress before giving you a look, “stay still.” He orders, his voice stern and you bite your lip and nod. He returns his attention to your pussy as he slowly pushes two fingers inside you and your eyes roll back. He begins a steady pace of slowly and gently thrusting his fingers into you and you feel the heat rising in your body. When he curls his fingers inside you, you keen into his touch as you bite your lip to quiet yourself. “I want to hear those pretty lips moan for me baby.” Carl says, his voice low and husky as he watches you unravel at his touch. You back arches as his pace quickens, “oh fuck Carl- faster baby.” You beg and he obliges, his fingers beginning to thrust inside you quicker. You begin to pant when his thumb comes to roll small circles over your clit, sending jolts of pleasure to shoot through you. “Baby please don’t stop!” You cry out, your hands nearly ripping the sheets as you curl your fists tighter. You feel yourself getting closer and closer  and when Carl harshly thrusts his fingers into you, your coming around his fingers. 

He pulls off you and wipes his fingers on his jeans before he tosses you your clothes. “Baby I need your cock now.” You beg shamelessly as he turns to reach for his hat. Carl smiles as he leans over to press a kiss to your lips, “we can’t fuck in the middle of the day Y/N. We will get caught, I’ll make it up to you tonight. I promise.” He smiles and you groan as you pull your clothes on, he’s right and you know it. Carl laughs at the pout on your face, giving your ass a slap as you walk out of his bedroom. “You coming?” You ask him as he lingers in his bedroom, you see his eyes scanning the room for something. “Yeah, I just need to find my knife. Be down in a bit.” Carl smiles before kissing you quickly. You skip down the stairs and feel arms around your waist, you try to scream for Carl but a hand slaps over your mouth. “Be quiet.” You hear Ron whisper as he pulls you to the kitchen, away from the stairs. You feel the fear creep into your chest as he pushes you against the wall, his hand still over your mouth. “I heard those sounds you made for him, they were forced weren’t they? You want me, I can feel the heat between your legs Y/N. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure, I know my cock is bigger than Carl’s…” He whispers lustfully into your ear, before pressing a chaste kiss to your neck. You struggle slightly against him, your eyes wide as he looks into them. When you hear steps down the stairs, Ron pulls away from you and casually moves to sit on the counter as Carl comes around the corner. 

“Woah, Ron uh hey?” He says, jumping slightly as he wasn’t expecting Ron to be here. You’re still leaning against the wall, your chest heaving as you gape over at Carl. “Just wanted to say hey, heard you went on a run today.” Ron says, looking at Carl and completely ignoring you. Your heart continues to race in your chest as you feel panic just being in the same room as Ron, he’s dangerous. Carl’s eyes glance between you and Ron, “yeah I did…” He trails off as you brush past him and to the front door. You need air, and you need to get away from Ron. Carl looks back at Ron, “everything okay?” He asks, crossing his arms and Ron smiles. This is exactly what he wanted, he wants Carl to doubt you. “Dunno, when she came down the stairs her shorts were unbuttoned. She asked if I wanted to see her new thong.” Ron said with a shrug and Carl felt nauseous. So something is going on between you and Ron. Carl nods numbly as he turns to lean against the couch. You’re cheating on him aren’t you… with Ron. Carl feels anger boil in his chest as he looks up at Ron, “are you fucking my girlfriend?” He snaps and Ron’s eyes widen. He bites back a smile as he looks at Carl in shock, “she’s your girlfriend? She never told me you were together.” He says, not answering Carl’s question. Carl feels his heart drop as he turns and heads back up the stairs, he can’t be around either of you right now. 

When the door opens you turn and your anxiety spikes when you see Ron. He winks at you as he skips down the stairs and you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You know you have to tell Carl, Ron is starting to scare you. You don’t know how far he will go, you don’t feel safe. You enter the house and when you don’t see Carl you head up the stairs, and see his door closed. “Baby?” You say loudly before you open the door, and you see him sitting on his bed, not bothering to look over at you. “Carl there’s something I need to tell you-” You start but he stands and when he looks at you, the anger and pain on his face is unmistakable. “So you are sleeping with Ron.” He snaps, crossing his arms and your eyebrows shoot up. You shake your head as you try to take a step towards him, but Carl steps away from you. “What? Carl no I swear I’m not! I don’t know what Ron said but it’s not true.” You try to explain but he laughs bitterly as he turns away from you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Oh really? Because he didn’t even know you were my girlfriend.” Carl snapped and you felt your heart break, were. “Am I not your girlfriend now?” You ask weakly and Carl doesn’t answer as he continues to face the window. You feel lightheaded as you stand numbly in the doorway, is Carl breaking up with you? “Carl he… he touched me.” You whisper but Carl’s head snaps over to look at you. “Touched you how?” He asked, and you can see the anger building in his eyes. You look down at the floor as your cheeks flush and tears build in your eyes, “b-between my legs and he kissed my neck. I didn’t want him to, whatever he said it was a lie.” You say softly, the tears beginning to trickle down your cheeks. You look up and see Carl’s fists curled and his chest is heaving and there is a dangerously angry look on his face, “he touched you… without your permission?” He asks, his voice tight and you nod slowly. As soon as you nod he’s out the door and heading down the stairs with you not far behind him. 

“Carl, don’t hurt him it’s not worth it.” You beg as he storms down the street, heading right to Ron’s house. The dark look in his eyes tells you that he’s not really listening to anything you’re saying. You have to jog to keep up with him as he storms up the porch and straight into the house without knocking. “Carl please,” You plead again as Carl nearly runs up the stairs and down the hall to Ron’s room. Carl throws open Ron’s door, and Ron jumps up from his bed- a shocked look on his face. “Hey man you good?” He asks but Carl is already swinging his fist into Ron’s left cheek. Ron stumbles back, holding his face as it begins to swell. Carl storms towards him and takes his knife out, pressing it to Ron’s throat. “You ever touch her again and I will kill you, you even look at her the wrong way and this knife is going into the base of your skull.” Carl growls before he shoves Ron backwards. When Carl turns you see a panicked look on Ron’s face, and Carl grabs your hand and pulls you out of the house. Carl pulls you down the street, his pace hasn’t slowed since he left Ron’s house. “You should have told me.” Carl snapped and you can tell he’s angry. “I-I’m sorry!” You stammer but he doesn’t calm at all. Carl yanks you into the house and up the stairs. 

“You kept it from me, made me worry.” Carl snaps as he slams his bedroom door closed behind you. You stay quiet as he releases your wrist, “you made me think you were fucking him.” He says, his voice low. When he turns to look at you, you can’t help the wave of arousal that rushes through you. Carl takes 2 long strides and is standing in front of you, pushing you by your shoulders, “on your knees.” He instructs and you immediately drop to your knees in front of him. Your hands reach up to unbuckle his belt, the trembling making it hard as you pull the belt through the loops of his jeans. Carl doesn’t say a word as you unbutton his jeans, “baby I’m sorry. I should have told you.” You whisper as you look up at him. You know he’s angry but his eyes soften as he reaches down to stroke your cheek, “baby you seem to have forgotten the rules. You never keep anything from me, and you belong to me. I think you need to be reminded who fucks you the way you like it every night.” Carl says, his voice sweet but his eyes dark with lust. Your breath hitches in your throat as your body gets hot with lust, you squirm a bit as you free his cock. It slaps up against his stomach, the head red and leaking as it pulses. You open your mouth, waiting for him. You know what kind of mood he’s in. Carl grips the back of your head as he slowly thrusts his cock into your mouth, a groan falling past his lips. “You’re mine.” Carl grunts as he begins to thrust into your mouth. You let your jaw go slack and you relax your throat, to allow him to go as deep as he wants to. 

“Only I get to touch you.” Carl says, his voice low and you know he’s talking more to himself then you. Your hands rest on your thighs as Carl’s hands gently wind into your hair, his thrusts getting rougher. Tears spring in your eyes due to him constantly hitting your gag reflex, and drool begins to dribble down your chin. “Fuck baby, you take my cock so well.” He groans as his hips begin to stutter and you know he’s close to coming. His hands grip your hair tightly and soon you feel him coming in your mouth. Once you’ve swallowed every last drop Carl pulls you up and yanks your shorts and panties down your legs. “Bend over.” He says harshly and you immediately bend over his bed, your ass up for him. Carl runs a hand over your ass as he runs his tip up and down your folds. After a moment of him not doing anything you turn your head to complain when his hand comes down on your ass, leaving a stinging sensation that has you dripping down your thighs. “You wear these sexy shorts for Ron baby?” Carl asks, his hand coming down on your ass again. You gasp as you smile, you shake your head as your forehead presses into the bed. “No baby, I wear them for you. Only you, I promise.” You whine and his hand comes down on your other cheek, and you moan. “Who makes you feel like this?” Carl asks and you admit, jealousy looks really good on him. 

“You baby, you do!” You cry out as he spanks you again. Your cheeks are bright red and stinging when Carl soothingly rubs a hand over them, and you’re panting. You feel Carl press the head of his cock into your folds and then he stops, “beg for it.” He demands, his hands coming to rest on your hips. “Please fuck me, please I’ll never talk to Ron again I promise. Baby I need your cock, I’ve needed your cock all day please fuck me, only you make me feel this good only you.” You plead and Carl hums in satisfaction as he swiftly enters you in one thrust. You gasp as your fingers curl around the blankets. Carl begins to thrust into you hard and fast, leaving you a panting, moaning mess underneath him. “Who do you belong to?” Carl grunts as he continues his brutal pace and you whine, “y-you baby.” You moan, your body jerking with every sharp thrust. “Yeah baby that’s right, you’re mine. Only I get to fuck this pussy got it?” He snaps and your mouth hangs open when he reaches under to thumb your clit. “Y-yeah baby only you…” You gasp as you feel yourself nearing your end. “Baby please can I come?” You beg, knowing you need his permission before he’ll let you. Carl continues to thrust into you, sweat trickling down the side of his face, “yeah baby come around my cock. I want to feel you,” Carl groans, his voice softer than before. As soon as the words leave his mouth you’re squeezing around him and crying out into the mattress as you gush around him. “Fuck I’m gonna come…” Carl moans and you whine feeling him sliding in and out of you, “come inside me baby.” You beg, you need to feel his come inside you. With a few more sharp thrusts Carl is coming inside you, his hips stuttering before they stop. The both of you are panting and covered in a sheen layer of sweat as he slowly pulls out of you, and you whine feeling so empty. 

You roll over to lay on your back and Carl collapses next to you. “He didn’t touch you under your clothes did he?” Carl asks, his hand finding yours and you shake your head. “No, he more… brushed me on the outside of my shorts.” You tell him and he nods before turning his head to press a kiss to your sweaty forehead. You snuggle into his chest, “you should have told me. I would have done something sooner.” Carl whispered, and you know he feels guilty… like this is his fault somehow. You press a kiss to his collarbone as you look up at him, “I know. I just didn’t want you to feel like we weren’t safe here.” You explain and Carl squeezes you to him tighter. “All I care about is keeping you safe, I love you. If he ever tries anything again, promise you’ll tell me.” He says, looking into your eyes. You lean up and press a long, slow kiss to his lips. “I love you, and I promise. I’ll tell you. But maybe I shouldn’t if it means you’ll fuck me like that in the middle of the day.” You smirk and Carl groans, his hand pinching his nose. “They definitely heard us.” He whines and you laugh. 

“Daryl is gonna kill me.” 

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

the advisor’s book, the fixer’s confession, and the lawyer’s firing

The Traitor-in-Chief was hoping we’d talk about the racist incitement he tried to unleash at his Nuremberg Rally in Tulsa. This was, of course, dangerous and evil despite its pathetic failure, so instead of rewarding him for it, let’s go over this weekend’s reminders of his authoritarian escalations, his gluttonous corruption, and the glaring illegitimacy he is failing to hide.

The Advisor’s Book

John Bolton, the mustacioed Dr. Strangelove who served as Trump’s third national security advisor, has started leaking copies of his book, out this week. Unsurprisingly, the book contains a lot of damning evidence of Trump’s attempts to extort foreign countries into helping him steal the 2020 election, which Bolton pompously refused to provide during Trump’s impeachment. This included the shakedown of the Ukrainian president which got Trump impeached. It turns out Trump was also desperately trying to get Chinese President Xi to help him, either by announcing bullshit investigations into former Vice President Biden’s family (we knew about this) or by dramatically increasing American imports to kind of goose the economy in a way that might help Trump in the election.

Trump, naturally, has responded by having the Department of Justice sue to stop the book’s publication and threatening to have Bolton thrown in jail.

We shouldn’t get numb to the existential small-d democratic nightmare of Trump’s sabotaging American foreign policy interests for his own political benefit. Yes, we’ve been living with it all along, and you’re probably tired of hearing or saying how bad it is. It’s still really bad! But the China piece of it is, you know, relevant to current events. Bolton left the administration in the fall of 2019, so he wouldn’t have any information on the COVID crisis, but there’s no reason to believe that Trump stopped trying to get on Xi’s good side. All those spectacular failures to get the pandemic under control when we had a chance six months ago, and even some of the more bizarre decisions since then, have to be reconsidered in light of this:

The virus made it out of Wuhan to terrorize the world in large part because the Chinese Communist Party blew its early response.

Trump was trying to butter up President Xi because Trump wants to use the CCP to make himself look good.

While underplaying the virus, Trump praised the CCP’s response with a bunch of lies.

Break out your red string and corkboard if you want, but I think we’ve cracked the shit out of this case.

The Fixer’s Confession

Remember six thousand years ago when the Mueller report about the joint Trump campaign-Russian government’s criminal sabotage of the 2016 election came out? And there was SO MUCH stuff that was SO BAD, it was hard for people to remember that it wasn’t even close to the whole story? Well, we just got another look under the redactions, and WOOOO it is as bad as you already knew it was! When they agreed to plead guilty and cooperate, Trump campaign staffer Rick Gates, campaign manager Paul Manafort, and attorney Michael Cohen confirmed that former Trump campaign official and current convicted felon Roger Stone helped Wikileaks plan the strategic releases of emails stolen by Russian intelligence and then called Donald Trump and told him all about it.

Again, this is and always has been the opposite of complicated. HE DID IT AT A PRESS CONFERENCE. HE ASKED RUSSIA FOR MORE EMAILS AND MORE EMAILS APPEARED.

THIS WAS LITERALLY ON C-SPAN.

The excuse that the Very Serious People in the Republican party, political press, and cosplay-leftist-contrarian industrial complex  is that nobody knew about some secret communication where known Russian assets plotted out some aspect of the attack with the Trump campaign. There hadn’t been one particular phone call where Trump and whoever was on speakerphone with him heard about what the FSB was planning to do before they did it. EXCEPT THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. The issue, for the 132513798415th time, is not that we are unsure what happened, but that we are unsure what to do about it. The Mueller team, despite being cautious to a fault, were so sure it happened that they put it in their final report. Apply Occam’s razor to Trump-Russia and the rational conclusion is the worst case scenario.

Of course, the reason that this didn’t come out earlier is that Attorney General William Barr has turned the Department of Justice into a fully-owned Trump subsidiary, so that he could hide exactly this kind of smoking gun for Donald Trump.

The Lawyer’s Firing

Around ten PM on a Friday night, the attorney general’s office announced that United States attorney for the Southern District of New York Geoffrey Berman – that’s the lead federal prosecutor in Manhattan – had resigned, and his duties would be taken over by a reliable Trump flunky who already has a different government job. By midnight, Berman announced that he had done no such thing, he had no intention of leaving his job, and that the SDNY would continue to work on its cases as usual. (That last one is supposed to go without saying.)

You can get into the weeds on the back-and-forth of the following 48 hours, but the upshot of it is that Berman will be replaced by an SDNY career professional who …. seems reliably skeptical of Barr.

We don’t necessarily know why this sloppy, panicked attempt to decapitate the SDNY went down when it did. But OH MY GOD, we know why the fuck it happened.

These three headlines from the past few days are all part of the same story. Trump is actively trying to get foreign autocrats to help him cheat his way through the 2020 election, because he does not believe he can win a free and fair election. This is, unusually for him, a completely reasonable belief based on empirical evidence: he knows how much cheating he had to do last time. Whether it’s because of that cheating specifically or the general mobster bullshit he’s been into for his entire adult life, he’s desperate to gut legal oversight of his crimes and cheating, which is why he’s hired an attorney general who will help him cheat and cover up crimes.

All of this can only work if we agree to get distracted by nonsense. They are going to try absolutely everything they can think of to delegitimize their opponents and hide their own malevolence. You do not have to help them.

[wyattvsmusic]

Logic - No Pressure ALBUM REVIEW

Logic receives an unnecessary amount of hate. You simply can’t deny his ability to rap his ass off. I do understand certain criticisms about him but most of the time it’s people saying he’s always talking about being biracial which was literally just a few songs one album and referencing that album on other songs.  Although I’m a huge fan, Logic’s recent releases haven’t really gone over too well with me. Aside from a few songs, Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind was a major dud and I hated the Supermarket soundtrack but I didn’t read the book that it’s connected to so my criticisms of that album aren’t really valid. The last Logic album I loved was YSIV which was definitely a return to form from some of the wack stuff that was on Bobby Tarantino II. I respect Logic for trying to do different things but most of the time, it didn’t end up working that well. When I saw the title and cover for No Pressure, I felt both excited and worried. I was excited to see Logic working with No ID again who executive produced his first album, Under Pressure. Seeing song titles like Growing Pains 4 and Soul Food II also excited me. I was worried because if this is indeed his last album, I did’t want Logic to end on a bad note, which he definitely doesn’t because this album is excellent. The intro did a great job setting the tone for the project where Logic is just spitting. I love Hit My Line a lot, especially the production. That drum break is the same one that Tyler, The Creator used for IGOR’S THEME. This leads me to one of the criticisms I see about Logic where people claim he’s a biter. I have seen some similarities in the production of Logic songs that sound like other people’s songs but Hip Hop is a genre where people constantly use the same samples as other artists and every artist puts their own spin on them. Logic definitely shows us who his influences are as Under Pressure was heavily influenced by Kendrick Lamar and you can hear the Kanye West influence in his production style. Logic doesn’t necessarily have a signature sound but he does have a signature rap style that has influenced a lot of younger rappers. It’s weird to me that when a rapper like Kendrick shows how well he can try doing other artists’ sounds like with DAMN., he gets praised but when Logic does something similar, he gets shat on. I do understand it because DAMN. is miles above the Bobby Tarantinos but the criticism shouldn’t just apply to Logic. Speaking of sampling, you can hear the samples of OutKast’s Elevators and SpottieOttie as well as Tarika Blue’s Dreamflower which is most known for being sampled on Erykah Badu’s Didn’t Cha Know. I also saw this as an homage to J. Cole who is one of Logic’s favorites as Cole used the same sample for Too Deep For The Intro. I’ve said this in many of my other reviews but the only criticism I have about this album is that I don’t love it when artists use such a legendary sample and don’t do enough to it to make it your own. It’s not that big of an issue though because GP4 and man i is are great songs and Logic got his start by rapping over old school hip hop beats and making them sound new again on the Young Sinatra mixtapes so I thought it was similar to that. Logic’s rap style has always consisted of great flows but on this album, we get some of the best and most creative punchlines that he’s ever come up with. On Soul Food II, Logic returns to the slightly reworked beat of Soul Food from Under Pressue to give us some sick bars while also showing us how his outlook on the rap game has changed so much since part 1. One of my favorites lines on the song is “feeling close to the cliff, like Rick Dalton in the booth,” which references Once Upon A Time In Hollywood directed by Tarantino, who is one of Logic’s biggest inspirations. Another great scheme was when he said “livin' my life backward like Tariq on Undun / And now they wonder how I got over son (Do you want more?)” Super clever because it ties in three album titles from The Roots, specifically Undun which brilliantly tells a story in reverse order (classic imo). One thing I also love about this song is that it recaps, reveals and clarifies more information about the story of Thomas and Kai from The Incredible True Story and what happened in the story since that album has dropped. DadBod is one of my favorite songs on the album because it’s a more mature Logic and shows his current life instead of reflecting on his past one and also explains his reason for retiring. The hook is so laidback and doesn’t sound forced at all. I also love the Pac Div shoutout. On this song, he talks about his married life and fatherhood and the line he had where he said “I love my wife like I am Chance” made me laugh out loud. The third verse of this song stands out for multiple reasons. He raps, “They say that that boy done changed / He don't rap about his everyday life, he ain't the same / Goddamn, already had a hard life once / Am I supposed to recreate it every album for you cunts?” I love it when rappers show growth and progression and don’t talk about the same things over and over unless they choose to of course which is also fine with me but I also loved how he was basically like you want my everyday life? Here you go, here’s my day where I feed my son and shop at Target and then says “Is this want you wanted, everyday life material? / I'm not a kid anymore and be sure shit's boring.” I love the song 5 Hooks. The chopped up Toro y Moi sample was fantastic and he started it off with “It's what you all been waitin' for, ain't it? / This No Pressure shit kinda got us reacquainted” which is so true because this is the album that the day one Logic fans have been waiting for and this is the album we wanted. The line where he said “No I.D. my mentor, but it's time for the story’s end" as opposed to “let the story begin” really hit me too. The beat switch was hard and I loved his verse and the way he was flowing on there too. Dark Place was an interesting change of pace and it also explained his other reasons for retirement which is that he was depressed and lost his confidence in himself. Being scrutinized all the time for no reason takes a toll on a person. He also talked about how the criticism affected his love for making music and why he doesn’t go on social media. He talked about this on the Confessions title track but it brought me back to a line on Aquarius III where he said “Off the internet, that's when I'm at my happiest / Scrolling so much, my thumb fucked up / We call that carpal tunnel vision.” I have never found rhyming letters impressive unless you find a really creative way to do it and that’s what he did with A2Z. I was not disappointed at all. Logic is not the first rapper to use the entire alphabet in a song but he may have done it the best. Both Heard Em Say and Amen made for an amazing send off if it is indeed the end of Logic’s rap career (I sincerely doubt it). One thing that was super interesting to me about Amen and Obediently Yours is that it’s supposed to be Ultra 85 which Logic had been teasing as his final album for many years. These two songs being Ultra 85 or Ultra 85 being the end to Thomas and Kai’s story as well as Logic’s rap career makes perfect sense to me. No Pressure is everything I wanted Logic’s final album to be, especially because it’s called No Pressure. It’s definitely one of his best albums to date and made for a worthy sequel and final album. 

Fav Tracks: Hit My Line, Celebration, Soul Food II, DadBod, 5 Hooks, Amen

[fiction-boys-rule]

I Got You

Pairing: Shane Walsh/Sage(OC)

Warnings: drowning, swearing, fluff

Summary: Shane reluctantly lets Sage go with Daryl into the woods to search for Sophia, unaware of the unfortunate event that will follow. While on the search with Daryl, Sage suddenly gets put in danger, forcing her to be separated from Daryl and the rest of the group.

    Before joining Rick's group and meeting Shane, I had never believed that being in a group with other people was paramount to being successful in surviving the hell bent apocalyptic world that humanity has to live in now. Up until meeting the group that I am a part of now, I had dealt with the consequences of the zombie apocalypse by myself. Sure, I had encountered many dangers and setbacks of being alone, but I never thought that I would feel the need to change my survival skills in the future.

     One hot day while scavenging for water, I found a small shack and I woke up to a crossbow being pointed at my face. That was my first introduction to Daryl. He had convinced me to join his group and I soon met Shane and Rick, who gave off strong leadership roles. A few months after joining the group, I became disliked by many. I was commanding and defensive, and speaking your mind without limit was frowned upon by many. But I ended up catching the attention of someone I never would have expected to be interested in me. Shane and I soon became close friends and he and Rick supported me and defended me with the group and my opinions regarding crucial decisions for the group.

     About two months ago, Shane and I were sent on a run by Rick and we ended up getting pretty hot and heavy inside of an abandoned building. I refused to take it any further physically and was surprised when Shane respected my decision. Since then, I have seen a much gentler side of Shane than I had ever expected. We managed to keep our relationship pretty secret for a while, mostly since I wanted privacy and Shane is one of my first actual boyfriends. Following the reveal of our secret, people have been much more wary of me and many have stopped openly defying and judging me. I would say I like it this way, but I don't like that it took for me to get in a relationship with an ex cop to gain respect and fear from everyone who hates me.

     Truthfully, I would say Daryl and Shane are my only friends. I have always been more of a socially closed off person and I don't tend to trust easily. But I am fine with spending most of my time helping Rick and Shane with anything they need. In this time, people can be a liability. The fewer people you are close to, the better off you are.

"Need help with that?" Daryl asks.

"No, I'm good. Do you want any help later today with your search for Sophia? I know you hate people worrying about you, but the thought of anyone going alone into those woods is pretty batshit crazy and stupid."

"Guess I'll be batshit crazy then."

"Daryl, seriously. I don't have much to do around here anyway. Shane always has me on a tight leash and it's about time I start going out and doing things myself. Without him always looking over my shoulder."

"I'm leavin' when the sun starts to set. Meet me at the stables."

I nod, walking into the house and setting down the basket full of plants and other herbs.

"Maggie, I seriously don't know why you make me do this. Half of these plants I just guessed with because they all look the same. How can you read books about plants?" I hold up the book of natural remedies and she grins.

"Hey, Sage. I just wanted to take some work load off my dad. He has been drainin' himself too much. Which means it's about time I start leadin' around here. I'm sure you did fine. Even if you did that bad, practice makes perfect."

"Whatever you say. Need any more help?"

"No, your lesson on making the remedies will be tomorrow." she grins.

I groan, faking annoyance. She laughs as I walk out of the kitchen and into the living room, seeing Rick sitting on a couch.

"We're all out there busting our asses and you're in here relaxing on your ass?" I grin, sitting next to him.

"Well, look who's talkin'. The girl who came in here to sit her own ass down on the couch."

"Smartass." I tease.

He chuckles, laying back, "Just so you know, I'm goin' back to workin' once Carl is out of the woods."

"You do know we are technically out in the open and the woods are kind of far away from the house?"

He grins, "Who's the smartass now?"

I smack his shoulder, making him laugh even harder. I missed that sound. He's been through so much and I feel so bad for him and Lori. The group doesn't give him enough credit.

"How is he?" my voice softens.

"Gettin' better every day. Just wish he would get better faster."

"Patience, Rick. He lived at least."

"I know. I know." he mumbles.

"Well, this lazy ass needs to go work. Do you know where Shane is?"

"No idea. Don't exactly keep tabs on anyone anymore. How are you holdin' up? I know you like to help, but don't take on too much responsibility."

"Well, who else is going to be able to lead without you doing it?"

"Already thinkin' of usurping my throne, Sage?"

"Honey, I've already taken it."

We laugh, a foreign sound I still have to get used to.

"I'm actually going with Daryl to go searching in the woods. I don't feel good with him going alone. Too much shit going on up here with him," I point to my head and shake it.

Rick nods, sighing, "I know. I would talk to him but he won't listen. Carol is very grateful though."

"Let me know if I can do anything for you as your temporary replacement for the throne. It feels like we don't talk enough."

"Yeah…" he mumbles.

"Alright, well I am going to get going. I'm here for you, Rick. With anything you need. We all are."

"Thank you." he smiles.

I leave, striding out of the house and heading to the pastures. I spot Shane on top of the RV, talking to Andrea. I keep walking, reaching a hill near the woods and stopping at the top. I sit, inhaling the fresh breeze that blows. My hands grasp the grass, and I exhale.

"Hey, baby." Shane greets.

I open my eyes and smile up at him, patting the spot next to me. He sits, groaning.

"You're getting old." I tease.

"And you're not gettin' any funnier." he remarks.

He laughs and I smack his arm, snickering.

"Asshole."

"Well, I'm your asshole."

"Sadly." I tease.

He scoffs, grabbing my forearm and pulling me closer. I pull away, smirking. Standing up, I watch as his eyes stare up at me with a mischievous look in them.

"Can't even take a joke." I say.

"Me? Who became abusive when I said the truth about their humor?" he smirks.

I gasp, crossing my arms and walking away. His hands wrap around my waist and pull me back.

"Let go, Shane!" I exclaim.

He laughs, pulling me further back and he falls to the floor, dragging me down with him. I laugh, yelping as we hit the floor. He groans, hands never releasing me. I try to fight him off, pulling at his hands and attempting to roll away.

"Nah, you ain't goin' anywhere." he whispers, tickling my stomach.

"Shane, stop it!" I plead, laughing and rolling to the side, almost crying from laughter.

He climbs on top of me, hands wandering my body and tickling me even more.

"Shane, stop it!" I yell, making him laugh even harder.

Finally, his hands stop and he falls to the side. I exhale, attempting to catch my breath. I look to the side, staring at him. He is on his side, leaning his face on his hand and looking at me with a boyish grin.

"Fuck you." I mumble.

He smirks, grabbing my hand.

"So abusive." he whines.

"Should have thought about that before you made a move on me in that abandoned building."

"I liked you too much to keep actin' like a friend, Sage. You were too important to pass up. I like you, a lot. More than all of your abuse."

I laugh, smiling at him.

"Any plans for today?"

"Going to help Daryl with the search for Sophia in the woods."

Shane frowns, "You're goin' with him?"

"Yeah, I'm supposed to meet him soon at the stables. I felt bad letting him go alone and no one else has the balls to do what he does."

"I'll just tell Andrea to keep watch and that way I can go with you-"

"Shane. No. I'll be with Daryl. I'll be fine. Plus, we spend all day together. A few hours apart won't kill us."

"Are you sayin' you hate spendin' time with me?" he asks.

"You sure do love to take what I say out of context."

He smirks, and I roll my eyes.

"Plus, I could learn some very useful tracking skills from Daryl. Shane, you need to stop worrying so much. You're going to start getting gray hairs that show how old you are getting from all the stress you put on yourself."

He sighs, looking off towards the farm.

"Hey, I just don't want you overworking yourself. Just like you keep me in check, I need to do that to you too."

He looks back at me, smiling slightly, "Yeah, I just like you. A lot."

"Yeah, you said that already."

He rolls his eyes, "And I don't like you doin' all this stuff. But I guess you're right. Between the gun lessons I'm givin' you and Daryl's trackin' lessons, I feel more confident in you."

"You weren't confident in me before?"

"Now look who's takin' my words out of context."

     We laugh, and he grabs my hand, running his thumb across it. I grab his shirt, pulling him forward. He grins, moving on top of me. Leaning down, he kisses me and I still get that giddy and nervous feeling when we do this. I grab his neck, pulling him down. He groans, moving his leg to have a better position. He pulls away, kissing my neck and chest.

I sigh, combing my hands through his hair, relishing in how soft it always is. He exhales, groaning softly when I lightly scratch the back of his head.

"I love when you do that." he whispers.

"Oh, I can tell." I say.

We laugh, pulling away and sitting up on the grass.

"Andrea and I are due for another run soon. Wouldn't be fair for me to disapprove of you goin' with Daryl. I trust him."

"Yes, what a hypocrite you can be." I tease.

Laying my head on his shoulder, his hand goes around my shoulders.

"I'll be okay."

"I know." Shane mumbles.

"For the record, I like you too. A lot. Even though I don’t say it as often as I should."

"No worries, baby. I know you do. I know." he kisses my forehead, making my heart swell.

"Well, I should probably get going. I don't want to be late and make Daryl stop letting me tag along."

We stand, walking together back to the farm. Arriving at the stables, I release Shane's hand.

"Be careful, alright? Listen to Daryl, for fuck's sake."

"Okay, I know. I'm not a little girl."

"But you can act like one." he smirks.

I gasp, "Thanks, asshole."

I walk into the stables, but Shane pulls me back. His eyes hold a peculiar expression in them when I look up at them.

"I like you. A lot. Come back in one piece, okay?"

"Alright, I will. This is what I'm talking about when I say that you're going to start getting gray hairs from all this stress, by the way."

"I know, I know," he rolls his eyes.

Looking around, he leans down and kisses me. Pulling away, he smiles.

"Don't be late."

"If anything, you're going to make me late." I tease.

I smile one last time at him before walking in. Daryl is at one of the far stables, petting a horse.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Are we taking a horse?"

"Yeah, goin' to cover more ground. I would give you one of your own, but-" "Trust me, you don't want to do that. I am very inexperienced in that field and am not to be trusted."

"Alright then, get on."

We get on the horse, heading into the woods. The silence is enough to make me uneasy.

"I think I should check out the river bank. You never know."

Daryl huffs, "I don't think that's a good idea." "Daryl, at this rate, we'll be here all night. Come on."

Daryl sighs, stopping the horse.

"Fine. Don't wander off. Holler if you get in trouble. Here, take this knife."

     I get off, walking towards the river. I twirl the knife in my hand, sighing to relax my body. I near the edge of the river, the loud sound of the current speeding past filling my ears. The water from the recent spring downpours have made the river a deadly current that drags everything along with it. My feet crunch the gravel and the water crashes along the rocks. My steps falter when I spot something bright on the rocks in the river. I slowly approach leaning forward to catch a glimpse of the item. 

    A bright pink shoe is nestled between two rocks. It could be Sophia's. I should probably get it and take it back to see if Carol can say if it is Sophia's. I sigh, slowly stepping on a rock at the edge. The frightening conclusion comes into my mind that maybe Sophia fell into the river.

     I hesitate, looking back to the woods. Maybe I should tell Daryl. But I decide against it, fearing that the shoe will float away. I step forward, slowly progressing towards it and stepping carefully on the rocks to not slip. I reach the shoe and reach forward, straining my arm to reach it.

"Sage!" Daryl yells, startling me.

I turn, seeing a walker in the water with its hands reaching for my foot. Daryl jumps off the horse, making his way towards me. I turn too fast, and my body leans backward. I lose my balance, and fall backwards.

He isn't going to make it.

I fall into the water, gasping as the cold water soaks my back. I hold my breath as I fall in the water, body in a state of shock from the freezing temperature of the water.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.'

A sinking feeling occurs in my stomach when a terrifying reminder enters my mind.

I can't swim.

I swing my arms, reaching for something, anything. Opening my eyes, they sting and it's useless, I can’t see anything. My foot scrapes on something and fuck, the pain.

My head resurfaces, and I don't see Daryl anymore, I just hear the loud current. I take a quick but deep breath before my body sinks back down.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is how I die. This is it.'

My body feels heavy and my mind is telling me to keep going, but my body is protesting.

Suddenly, my body feels weightless. I reach, grasping, but I only grasp air.

I want to scream, but nothing comes out. I am blinded by bright light and them my back hits something hard. My ears are ringing and fuck, my head is throbbing.

I groan, breathing heavily.

"Fucking shit," I groan, grabbing my back. I wipe my eyes, looking around. I landed on a rock. Turning slightly and ignoring the pain from my neck, I see that I fell down a small waterfall into a small creek.

"Just my fucking luck." I whisper.

    I lay back down, body on fire. I don't want to move, I can’t move. A strong gust of wind blows, making me shiver. I exhale, looking to my left. A set of bigger rocks leads to an embankment with trees and some shelter. I exhale, gasping as I attempt to sit up. My whole back throbs in protest and I look up, seeing the sunset. It's almost going to get dark. I bite my lip, sighing. I lay back down, afraid to move. Hopefully the rock will be my protection for the night.

    I don't sleep the whole night, afraid that if I fall asleep, I won't wake up again. Every small sound in the distance makes my body tense up and heart race. The pain has reduced to a permanent throb that surrounds the back of my head and neck. My back stings and my body is cold, so cold. I sigh, closing my eyes. I look up at the sky, admiring the bright moon. Shining without a worry in the god damn world. I hope no one is out looking for me. I hate when anyone sacrifices anything for me. The group will do just fine without me. I don't think I can say the same for myself.

Faster than I thought, the sun comes up and fills the creek with golden light, making the water shine and gleam.

I slowly slide off the rock, standing in the shallows. My vision from my left eye is slightly blurry, making me extra wary of my surroundings.

"Follow the sun back home…" I mumble, staring at the sky.

I should have paid more attention during Rick's lessons.

    Walking through the limited forage, I find myself in an area with more clearings, making me anxious. I don't feel very comfortable with being so easily open to being spotted. My feet maneuver themselves easily through the foliage, accustomed to Daryl's lessons and Shane's instincts. I freeze when I hear rustling in the bushes ahead. Crouching, my eyes narrow and my heart pounds.

Rick appears, looking warily around the area. I frown, starting to stand. Rick flinches, raising his gun.

"I'm not dead yet."

He scoffs, lowering his gun and walking towards me.

"You are truly something else, Sage."

"I've been told. Now help me up. I can't stand."

He chuckles, grabbing my elbow and helping me up. He then embraces me tightly in a hug, making me cringe.

"Careful, Lori might come out all of a sudden and beat you over the head with a stick."

"I'll take the hits for you, Sage. Don't worry about that." Rick pulls away, grinning.

"Please tell me Shane didn't go on some vigilante mission to find me."

"He almost did. It took a few of us to hold him back. Daryl tried lookin' for you and came back when it got dark. Shane lost his mind, tried goin' at it with Daryl."

"Fuck," I mumble, "some things never change."

"Shane went with Daryl to go lookin' for you. Don't know when they'll get back."

"What are you doing out here alone? You should be back at the farm taking care of Carl."

"Lori's got it. Didn't want you stayin' out here for longer than needed."

"Rick, you really have to let go of some of that cop mindset."

"Easier said than done."

"Oh, I know. I have to deal with Shane, remember?"

Rick chuckles lightly, shaking his head. We finally make it back to the farm and if Rick hadn't been with me, I would have screamed with joy.

"Hershel's goin' to help you and you'll get better."

"But Hershel should be helping Carl, and I don't want to-"

"Stop bein' as stubborn as me. Come on, let's get inside. You need help."

I sigh, holding on to him tighter as we walk towards the house. Carol and Lori look up, smiling. They come over, hugging me. My back responds with a paralyzing sting, but I hug them back nevertheless.

"Alright ladies, if you'll excuse us, Sage needs to get looked at."

I pull away, smiling lightly as I walk into the house with Rick. Glenn shakes his head and Maggie cries with relief, giving me another painful hug. Hershel walks in, beckoning me into the spare bedroom.

"A little privacy please," Hershel turns to Rick.

Nodding, Rick exits the room and Hershel starts to pick and prod at various parts of my body. I wince when his fingers squeeze on a certain part of my head.

"Slight concussion. You feel like throwin' up?" "No, but my left eye is blurry."

"Hm," he says, moving to my neck. I wince, inhaling.

"I got some medication to give you. No sleepin' for another few hours. I got some ointment for your back but other than that, only time will tell. Just try to rest-"

"Without actually resting." I finish.

He smiles, "Exactly. I'll be back."

I sigh, biting my bottom lip. My luck sure hasn't run out. I hear footsteps and turn, seeing Shane at the door. I smile, patting the space next to me. He walks over, kneeling in front of me. His eyes search my face, hands grabbing mine.

"I'm fine." I mumble.

He nods, leaning in and kissing me. My hands grasp his hair, accustomed to the motion. He pulls back, leaning his forehead on mine. He sighs, thumbs rubbing my neck.

He kisses my forehead before standing and sitting next to me.

"You got some god damn luck."

I laugh, leaning on his shoulder, "Yeah. Guess so."

Hershel walks in, handing the ointment to Shane.

"Rub it on her back. As much as she needs. Make sure she doesn't fall asleep."

Shane nods, glancing over at me. Hershel leaves and I smirk, "Well, put those hands to work."

He scoffs, shaking his head. I turn and Shane pulls up my shirt. I flinch when the cream makes contact with my skin, my back stinging more than before.

"Want me to stop?" Shane asks.

I shake my head, sighing. After a while, the feeling turns to a numb one and the feeling of Shane's hands on my skin is more soothing than painful. He pulls my shirt down, setting the ointment aside. I try to stand, but falter. Shane grabs me, pulling me back down gently.

"I got you. Don't worry. I got you."

His hands make their way into my hair as I settle against his chest.

"I got you." he hums, rocking me back and forth.

[usashirtstoday]

I'm A Little Smart Short And Stout Here Is My Finger Funny

That is a I'm A Little Smart Short And Stout Here Is My Finger Funny psychotic transgender you know wife or daughter in is bad the need this bathroom handicap bathroom to break your fucking links and just in case you guys go don’t believe that this pedophilia shit is really going on take a look at this that is a pregnant child these are pregnant children how do you think these children got pregnant grown man raping that can say having sex is no such thing as consensual sex with a child that is right these children are rape victims and it happens every fucking day in Q’s been exposing it trumps been exposing and going to war with them been exposing it to YouTube is a been exposing it and as a result were being targeted but we can’t stop fighting is one from WikiLeaks to do a bad and you who Montezuma Aberdeen Obama Barack. Four year olds have the background when I got out of the FMLA moments that moment when you drop off back and asked about the people that 11 finance automatic blood profit for my children I would be me and letting worthwhile arrows on CBS news located in a story that will be Catherine Jean Harding transformer is neither a note of the charges against the and went away for me to spend his time take a look at the Thursday March 4 they looking for the election’s names and politics will choose these the questions you want is a very sorry for every the very point to face the nation CBS we are in this area to be made to look through a telescope on in a few hours to nomination for Carolyn bangs forward and primary challengers will also be speaking to Cory Booker and Michael Bloomberg meanwhile brought in from continued to make official White House tricks to key battleground stage where he campaigned against binding in Scranton a former BP birthplace been the subject throughout this week convention last when he was. Happening here and took in what they are doing that’s the that just a continuation of the hoax whether it’s the impeachment Oaks or the Russia Russia Russia hope this is what I’m talking about certainly not referring to this how can anybody refer to this this is very serious about the way they referred to it because these people have done such an incredible job and I don’t like it when they are criticizing these people and that stokes that’s what I’ve done information Dr world renowned for being my Dr is just a question has because he has had that ability to do virtually whatever is wanted to do that in fact he was never muzzled think I can speak what are you let me let me clarify I have never been muzzled ever and I been doing this since the administration of Ronald Reagan I’m not been muzzled by this ministration what happened which was misinterpreted is that we were set up to go on some shows when the vice president took over said let’s regroup and figure out how to be communicated so I had to just stand

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My mom said you dad told you smart dog judging you right now and your best friend is called crazy the only give it to a I'm A Little Smart Short And Stout Here Is My Finger Funny story mansion getting your newsletter noble in Stephenson’s sleep news straight to the store maybe more neuron than I am now with so much on the line number one for on stories stories stories is now is most likely has I had bad news ABC news live watch the street prescribers right now will hear from you 2 now away for 2021 not seem to be ready by 2021 so much attention when he may have a short answer connect and be ready training 2021 according. Our country faces well aware well aware of all the threads to this nation and ready to respond to them as a child of immigrants she knows personally how immigrant families enrich our country as well as the challenges of what it means to grow up black and you need American in United States of America per stories America story different from mine to many particulars but also lots of different in the essentials she’s worked hard she’s never back down from a challenge and she has earned each and every of the accolades and achievements that she has gained many of them often in the face of obstacles that others put in her way but never quit and this morning all across the nation little girls woke up special black and brown girls so often feel overlooked and undervalued in the communities but today today just maybe they’re seeing themselves for the first time in a new way as the stuff of present and vice presidents in her campaign the primary camel often talked about what you referred to as the 3M agenda by moms. Is based on something happening books are that years ago I remember what day is here was actually exclusive from New York comic con 2011 I believeand my friend Kal who owns straight investors the comic shop whereby complex he went to New York goneand pick up this exclusiveand he just gave to me because he was collecting the line so that was pretty sweet but I kept this guy in package I just keep picked up on my walland next a couple of she hulks services Holt’s cousin Jennifer Walters who turned into a hold of her ownand she had a blood transfusion forand this is she holding her classic fit this is what she wears in most of her miniseriesand stuff is cool I didn’t see hope in the marvel of design until very recently been released her in her grave version out which is actually a great figure I don’t have a marvelousand where she will actually Holt’s girlfriend Betty Ross came remember why she turned into a red hope for a while but to deny scope on this figure cool character we don’t ever marvel into herand I can waitand see this figure released in this formatand here we get some hope villains so first up is the abomination which is a pretty nice felt but I will say his first big muscular guy goes it doesn’t work as well for abominations of the whole what it is the sizes had me produced body because it used horses are something it’s focus is not working here but I don’t dislike the figures that does a lot of looking but do you still fly scope in the faceand the scope of the body toand then it took that they figure they did have some new additional parts hereand see he’s got these a very distinctive looks on his forearms but otherwise it he’s mostly the same figure but this is the second abomination which was actually character Rick Jonesand when he became abomination he took on any A bomb which is corny cool thing that I think this is the only A bomb figure that never gottenand I it’s very cool I hope we get him in the wasand still some point that big lookand then the leader was a classical villain pendulous face will walk you need to close this is the glare section to Beth Beth deny scope of this figure I think this one actually looks a lot better than the upcoming Marvel legend figureand the quite a bit portions are nice guys with big goofy heads like this can sometimes be hard to pull off but your think a this leader looks really good so next up with a look at some force so we can we get this file here is essentially classic though her body from the IPE’s comments is what most people associate with the words that will hammer with his little inscription a pretty cool although the head rather classic beardless had to give us his the bearded one here is not college but not a bad figure if I’m going to have one classic door I would prefer beer now than the store her this is a more contemporary look for Thorand my personal favorite store this is the look he wore no is a contemporary for 15 years but the door was dead for while composting he came back sometime after the Civil Warand he had his newly redesigned costumes that was really the first time I started reading for complex on a regularand is seeking a big fan I really love this look this is a great figure is a lot of personality in the face looks a lot like the artwork that this costume is based on you I like the wash over the over the chain mail there there is a detailed brother is a really nice figure one of my favorites from the lineand lastly the for standing this is next with the words another character called thunder strike which I use Thor’s hammer for a whileand yet he is a claim is the classic for a fit on the leather jacket over top of the objectives were popular in the 90sand the he’s okay I see a new associate figure of a character that you don’t expect but the Dr to that much soand now we have some Thor allies have been rebuiltand I absolutely love this figure looks great he’s got an articulated jaw’s message is awesome for such small figure I love this costume love the hammer elevating about it we did recently get a bit rebuilt Marvel legends but his more updated costume as just a is not as nice looking as this one so if I do choose between the two I still prefer the smaller version of the rebuiltand we got sifts so this is based on the look from the movie the first form of so as a counterclaimand the actors likenesses not great is okay for this figure the size but you need to furtherand Connie outcomes based on Anthony Hopkins this is Oden Thor’s father so this is cool again characters with Odenand said I would prefer to have the comic based version rather than a movie one but never made but based one so I will be checking my foot had byand so here are some Thor villainsand these guys are all based on the movies so low key hereand at least as lucky with his helmet on Sotelo bit of a flair for the comic design they always would prefer the comic book appearances post movie appearances but low key characters right never really loved his comic book look anyway you could get a version of this they did make one comp costume is also really skinny goofy looking so I was content with this being my only low key except we have curse you might remember he was kind of a henchman in the second Thor movieand this is a character has a really cool design of the comic books it’s really crazy looking out there is happy that they work this character into the moviesand this is a cool design but I would prefer to look more like the comic book look in your filters underused anyway but it’s cool that these have some figure of him but I hope they eventually do Marvel legend of him based on his comic book appearance then we got one of the frost giants this is supposed to be a specific guy I think I can see he’s pretty cooland then we’ve got one of the dark elves also from the second movie so Mel kicked with the leader than the discipline to henchmen dress like this so I would’ve preferred exit amount kiss but it’s always fun to get some little army builders here too so it I do dig the look of the skyand here we have some comic book based Thor villains so first destroyer in the office action probably was from the movie line as well but the movie line was so close to the car because I would tell the difference so I member this was a hard to find figure I really wanted itand I think actually not by misguided eBay pain a bit of a premium form but it’s pretty cool figure there’s a couple different variations on this one is pretty much sum of solid black are really really dark grayand his but on his chest he had some sort of light up featuring his chest look red or something but the battery emeritus long since died this destroyer is pretty cooland the enchantress so she’s plain looking she supposed to be all seductressand I don’t know how people should be seduced without Syria is a special Marvel legend is much betterand then this guy here I don’t think we go Marvel him this is you look he’s a controland this is pretty cool figure I think it uses a lot of the same body as the abominations of suffers a little bit of heaven that same kind is a look but it may be makes more sense for troll reports to be sized that way then it’s a cool figure’s analysis looks at Capt See Other related products: What Would Joe Biden Do T Shirt

[agl03]

Managing Expectations:  Fitz

Now that we have the press release out and based on what I’m seeing on there @jessiecrimefighter and I have really adjusted our expectations as to what I’ll see from Fitz in the first two episodes...as in not much if at all.  I still think he’ll come up, for example once Jemma has 5 seconds to catch her breath and process what’s happened.  Or we’ll get a glimpse of him in the tag like we did with Jemma in Season 3.  

I know this isn’t what a lot of people wanted, but its something I’ve been expecting for a long time now.  Overlord was a fantastic opportunity for Iain and a huge project.   It should also be noted he is under contract with AOS, they let him do the project.   They have clearly planned accordingly by having Fitz initially left back on earth.   

And its because he’s on earth I’m not expecting to see him much if at all.  Looking at the Press Release and the Guest Stars most of these guys seem to be in space and the one from earth are part of the initial Spacenapping:

Orientation Part 1:

Jeff Ward as Deke:

Joel Stoffer as Enoch

Jordan Preston as driver

Peter Hulne as Jerry

John Wusah as young soldier

Deniz Akdeniz as Virgil

Nathin Butler as Jone

Derek Mears as captain 

Enoch and “driver” are likely earth for sure and there is a chance we see Enoch circle back to Fitz at some point in one.   

Orientation Part 2:

Jeff Ward as Deke

Eve Harlow as Tess 

Dominic Rains as Kasius

Florence Faivre as Sinara

Paul Duna as Reese

Kaleti Williams as Zev 

Pruitt Taylor Vince as Grill

James Babson as Holt

Tunisha Hubbard as Ava

Derek Mears as captain

Wes Armstrong as Rick

Jay Hunter as watch commander

“Rick” is the only one here who has even a small chance of being on earth but l’m leaning towards him being a Scavenger.  Zev is in IMDB for 3 so he is one that can go either way, but again leaning towards Space for him too.

Due to the team and at least the first pod being in space a MASSIVE amount of set up needs to be done.  The introduction of the new places and faces to set up what is to come.   Iain wasn’t available for the first two episodes, the easiest way to deal with that was to simply write Fitz out, and they didn’t have room for an Earth story alongside the space story, and/or no time to film it when he got back, especially when the Premiere was bumped back up.  Jemma and May weren’t in in 3.01, they were both mentioned but not seen. Well, Jemma did have the tag the tag and May didn’t show up until 2.  And since 1 and 2 are airing on the same night I don’t think his absence will be as noticeable as if it was spread over two weeks.

The writers, especially our writers for 1 and 2 Jed, Mo, and DJ, have proven they don’t need to have Fitzsimmons together to give us some amazing moments.  The Return in my book is one of my strongest Fitzsimmons episodes ever, even without glorious pod hugs.

Nor will this be the first time Fitz isn’t in an episode that much.   4722 Hours and Melinda are two examples, with Melinda he was just in the tag here too.  The difference is now we know its coming.  

I will say, it does look like the writers are going to make it up to fans.  Fitz has a mini arc of why he was left behind and getting to the others.   Five looks to be a pretty Fitz-centric episode WITH the bonus bro trip team up with Hunter (bows to the wise and powerful Timeline).  Followed by when I expect him to get to Space with the others in the Clark directed episode.  Not to mention “so many cute things” for Fitzsimmons, Chloe talked about. 

Look, I get that some fans are frustrated.  When theorizing I have a lot of ah ha moments and I had one other day.  Because for me its felt like forever since I’ve had Fitzsimmons properly together where its actually them.  And it has been for viewers:

Fitz was kidnapped in 4.14 Which aired on 2/14/17.

Depending on how AOS breaks for the Christmas Holiday I can see 6 airing 1/12/18.  Nearly 11 MONTHS since Fitzsimmons were properly together especially considering how crazy the finale was and they never got a second to even catch their breaths.

The writers purposely set up a ton of stuff in Season 4 knowing they wouldn’t get to it until Season 5.  Fitzsimmons was one of those.  They left them in a good place (but didn’t wrap them up as definitely as they did Mackelena and Philinda) and intended to pick it up in Season 5....and then there were a couple of we’ll call them hiccups.

They got picked up for Season 5 but were informed they wouldn’t be back until January. 

So we need to be patient a little while longer.  I realize many of you want to outright deck me when I saw this but I think we will be really rewarded in a big way this time. 

I would love to be wrong on this but as always, Plan for the worst, Hope for the Best!

[takaraphoenix]

Book Adaptations Wishlist

Let’s start with my biggest fandom that is based on a book-series. Percy Jackson and the Olympians, by Rick Riordan.

I’m one of the... very few who likes the Percy Jackson movies. Most certainly not in the sense of them being adaptations of the books. Hah. Good one. No, I view them more as “motion picture fanfiction”. I mean, damn the pretty cast they got. I love Clarisse and Chris in particular. And I will forever be grateful to the first movie because without it, I would have never in a million years found the books simply because I’m not a big reader so the only way I ever learn about books is by watching an adaptation and deeming it to be my taste.

Now, things with PJatO were a little more complicated than that. Back before the movie hit theatres, I was checking out all the releases announced for the year and among them was this. The word “Thief” in the title caught my attention because I love a good con movie or show. I clicked it and back then the link only lead to the book and a section about it getting an adaptation, so that’s how I found out it was a book adaptation. Reading the synopsis of the book, I thought it sounded pretty cool. Next step was, of course, to check the character list. Because I love Greek mythology.

Main character a son of Poseidon. That’s cool. I love elementals, particularly those with water-powers. And there, not far down, was the name that got me hooked. Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. HOLY UNDERWORLD YES. Hades is my favorite male god. That his kid was listed as one of the main characters of the series - and NOT as a bad guy, because if modern adaptations taught me one thing, it’s that American authors love to paint everything in black and white and anything related to the underworld had to be the devil.

So Nico di Angelo was why I went to see the movie. Needless to say, Nico wasn’t in it because he only joins the series later on. But I did like the movie, Percy was cute, I was still curious to meet Nico, so when I found myself on a classtrip to Munich weeks later and was dragged from store to store and ended up in a bookstore where all six books (I do count The Demigod Files as part of the original series too) were on display at the time, I impulse-bought them.

I loved them. A lot. We’re not gonna talk about Heroes of Olympus here because that will take too many hours of my time. Let’s just say I don’t love them.

But yeah, the movies are not good adaptations of the books.

Then again, personally, I think that no movie can ever properly do a book justice. You can’t take a story that unfolds in like 500 pages of book and cram it into a two hour movie. You’re forced to cut sooo much out of it. It just doesn’t work.

That’s why I’m a huge fan of this new trend of adapting books as TV shows. It’s a very good way of covering more ground, taking things slow and giving the plot its due.

I’m desperately waiting for a good Percy Jackson adaptation. But I don’t want it to be live-action, to be honest. I mean, between Grover’s furry butt, Chiron’s horse-hide, the monsters and pegasi and demigodly powers, the show would need a huge special effects budget. And that’s just not gonna happen. So it’ll look cheap as fuck. Which would be an utter shame.

No.

I want a Percy Jackson cartoon show. I’d entrust DreamWorks with this. DreamWorks has done some amazing cartoon shows the last decade - Voltron, Dragons, Trollhunters. Particularly the cooperation with Netflix is working well for them. And with the team behind Avatar, like they’re doing with Voltron, I could REALLY envision a Percy Jackson cartoon. Imagine Percy water-bending like Katara or Korra, Nico looking like Keith in goth-clothes, I’d be dying to see that. Particularly considering that Avatar and Voltron use this beautiful 2D art style. I wouldn’t object to quality 3D like Trollhunters and Dragons, but I’d prefer 2D. I’m an old-fashioned gal like that.

To me, that would be the perfect way of adapting Percy Jackson.

Aaand I got a little lost in Percy Jackson. It happens. Oh well, I guess this is gonna be a long-ass entry then.

What I wanted to say was that I thoroughly approve of the TV show adaptation of books. I know I love Game of Thrones and Vampire Diaries and, of course as you may have noticed if you know me at all, Shadowhunters. All books I haven’t read (though I’m trying to read The Mortal Instruments. I’m just slow). I’ve just always been more of a TV-show kinda gal than a book-reader.

Now, if only they’d adapt the books that I actually love to read. That would be amazing. But somehow, I read stuff that doesn’t even get movies. Sure I read Percy Jackson and that got two failed movies, but we already covered that.

Because yes, I actually do read. Books that I haven’t met through their adaptations.

My all-time favorite book is Wicked, by Gregory Maguire.

I started reading it back in 2010 when I was doing an internship at our cozy local little bookstore - a very homey little place that was specialized on fantasy and sci-fi books. And Wicked was relatively fresh out back then and stood there in the special display and drew me in because of the green-skinned lady. I have a thing for green-skinned ladies, but that’s between me and Shego. So I started reading it during my breaks, when I had nothing else to do. Ten pages here, twenty pages there. By the time my internship ended, I was too hooked to forget about it so I bought it.

I saw its musical adaptation twice. Once in Stuttgart, the German version, and then when I was in London for the first time, the English version.

I love that musical as much as I loathe it.

The same as The Lightning Thief movie. And I mean it. Literally the same. You can view it as live-action fanfiction, but you can not with half-a-mind view it as an adaptation. It has as much to do with the book as The Lightning Thief movie had to do with The Lightning Thief book. That is to say, the characters shared the same names, but neither their behavior nor their physical appearance actually fit. And the plot, if you cook it down to a very basic one sentence summary - “Percy Jackson has to find the Lightning Thief” and “Elphaba Thropp rebels against the wizard” - fits, but do not ever dig for actual details, because those do not cover what happens in the book.

As a musical lover and someone who can view an adaptation as a separate thing from the source-material, I thoroughly love the musical. But as someone who loves that book to bits and pieces, I hate that the majority of people have only ever heard about the musical and are most likely not even aware of the book or haven’t bothered reading it and are now actually under the impression that all it is is a cheesy love-story. Which it is not. The romance is a foot-note in this long masterpiece that is basically a metaphor for the holocaust. And I will never be able to forgive the stupid fix-it shit of “Oh, Fiyero was turned into the scarecrow and they lived happily ever after”. No. They don’t. Or the fact that they turned my favorite character into a vindictive piece of crap.

(Okay, so maybe I am not as able to separate the two as I like to think, but cut me some slack they turned Elphaba’s trusted friend into a literal heartless tin-man who wants to slaughter her. What the fuck is that even.)

And I got lost again.

So, yes, I want a Wicked adaptation done right. A TV-show. After all, this is a book that literally covers her entire life, from birth to death. It tells a pretty long  story and I’d like to see it done right, instead of turned into a high school musical love drama, as the musical did. Not to mention I want to see the polyamorous relationship between Elphaba’s parents and Turtle Heart, maybe if we take more time for her childhood, we’d get more feels for the threesome too. Her two gay friends Crope and Tibbett. Her own “maybe not quite just friends” with Glinda. Her bisexual son who was entirely cut out of the musical. I mean, maybe we cut the girl out who married the Cowardly Lion, but uh they never had sex because she was a rape survivor who had no interest of ever having sex again - perhaps was even asexual, though it was never explicitely stated in the books - and only married him for safety reasons and all that did connect them was deep friendship?

I’d also like to mention my favorite book-series - while Wicked is my favorite book and its direct sequel Son of a Witch might be the only book I ever read within a literal day because I couldn’t put it down, the third and fourth books were a little on the... drawn out and exhausting side of things.

The Bartimaeus-series by Jonathan Stroud.

Bartimaeus is my favorite book-series, because it is - from start to finish - perfection. And Bartimaeus himself is a sassy little shit. We’d definitely need voice-over narration to not forget his sass. Can’t decide if I’d want it as a cartoon or as a live-action show though. But either way, I’d kiss the feet of the person who would fucking finally decide to adapt that book-series. I mean, seriously, among all the many, many shows and all the many, many adaptations these days, how has no oneever thought about giving this book any form of adaptation? It deserves it. It really does deserve a good adaptation.

And then there’s just one more. My favorite childhood books.

The Woodland Folk, by Tony Wolf.

I don’t think many people have ever even heard of this. It’s from an Italian author and as a child, I only owned two out of the twelve books that existed. But they were my most often read books. I knew them by heart, literally.

I later on, as a teen, bought the missing ten books on the internet and devoured them.

Those books are the reason I got hooked on fantasy, why I am obsessed with fairies and mermaids and witches. Tony Wolf’s illustrations in those books are the reason I always wanted to draw. They are beautiful and sweet and they would make for an amazing cartoon.

I know out of all of those books on this wish-list, this is the one that’s most far-out-there and will probably never happen, but I’d be ridiculously happy if it did.

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine #29

Spoilers, obv.

Weird issue this, for me.

We've been away for a few months, so this is the reintroduction. As I've said, the second half of Imperial Phase is more constricted in time than the first, so we've got to set all that up. And in terms of my “stuff to do” list, I obviously had a bunch. I also had a structure, which was putting the focus on Persephone and take her through her day (akin to 24). It's about that hangover, juxtaposing the realisation of Sakhmet's actions and the feeling of being sapped and wrecked and regretful.

(I'm writing this with a hangover, oddly, though it's the “last night was amazing!” sort of hangover, so not exactly right.)

Anyway – I have the story goals and the structural means and all that, and basically hit them. But I also didn't do something more than that, despite having plans for a Big Swing issue. I simply choked. I hit the point and just didn't want to write what I had planned. Not even “didn't want to”. Maybe “wasn't capable of putting myself through it.”

As such, even though the issue has gone down well – better than I would have thought – it nags at me. I suspect it was best for me not to do it, and may even show character growth on my part in choosing not to, but it's still mildly annoying. I suspect it'll be my least favourite issue of the arc... but that may have been true anyway. I am particularly fond of the rest of this arc.

Anyway – that ennui and reluctance fed into what the script ended up being: “I'm tired and I don't want to do this any more but what other choice is there?” is very much the mood and the point.

(Why has this gone down well? The character focus, I suspect. We've got 10 main characters, and all of them bar Baph (and arguably Woden) get meaningful scenes.)

Okay – remember back in issue 27 on Phased I talked about how I solved trying to fit all the information in by realising one sub-plot could be excised and then pushed later? That was the Sakhmet/Persephone relationship stuff from this issue and the rest of the arc. We obviously had some of it in 27, but it was the absolute minimum necessary for 28 to make sense and to establish their interactions. I realised the rest would be just as effective if it's stuff Persephone remembers, in terms of the ghosts of their past together. It integrated well with the themes of Waking Up The Night After And Thinking Back.

Jamie's Cover

Was mildly annoying that this was released online just before the last issue dropped, as the blood coated coat is something of a spoiler. But you end up shrugging, because “Sakhmet covered in blood” is very much her look anyway.

Jamie covered this one, due to Matt being away on well deserved holiday.

The breaking of the portrait is the theme for the second half of Imperial Phase, as those who've seen the future covers will know.

Jock's Cover

Very happy to get Jock doing a cover – one of the definitive cover artists of the 21st century, and one of the nicest people in comics. If I ever made a faustian deal, it was made on the floor of Jock's hotel room in Dublin, waking up and picking fluff off my tongue and thinking “you need to earn some money at some point, Kieron.” Jock had let Jamie and me crash on his floor, like the kind and lovely fella he is.

Anyway! Morrigan, in full fashion-sepulcharal. Obviously look at how Jock uses space here, and plays with the logo. That sort of awareness of the specifics of any individual cover is one of the reasons why he is what he is. Lovely stuff.

The 25 Issues In Future Cover

For Image's theme months, we normally say yes or no depending on whether it strikes us as a worthwhile idea in terms of the book – which normally means “do we have a good idea instantly.” In this case, Eric went “A hypothetical cover for your book 25 issues in the future.” Everyone on the team went “Well, by that point the book is over so...”

Original idea was a graveyard, but realised that a monument would be the way to go. It's based on one in Glasgow, which Jamie pointed out as we went past it.

One day I'll get the HUMANITY statue in London into the book, but not yet.

IFC

Deciding what information gets added to these is always an interesting challenge. What matters? What doesn't?

Page 1-2

We're back, and first panel is the Laura narration we haven't seen since issue 11. I miss that girl.

Jamie does this whole sequence so well. Matt too, in terms of mood. I'm always interested in the question Jamie asks me – in this case it was “why the hell is she living in a crappy room in the underworld? She's rich.” And then I have to justify it, which is nice, because it reminds me that my choices actually do have the justifications built in. I suspect I believe I used Bojack Horseman and Sid Vicious in crappy hotel as my references.

Yes, the Lucifer fangirl is cruel and unusual. That Persephone left the party saying she wanted to be alone and wasn't in the mood, and between then and now she's picked up someone else, and someone who reminds her of her old friend says a lot about her. Same as later, when she goes clubbing rather than go home.

Really interesting colour choices in the second panel of the second page by matt – that beige-y red of the cigarette light. And then look at the cold blue/white light when the phone clicks in.

I think a lot about how we hear about news, both personal and world news. Occasionally it's in person, but I think of refreshing the Warren Ellis Forum and then the top post being “Plane flies into World Trade Center” with one unread message or anything else. Just a line of text that is going to change everything.  We do a lot of stuff like that – I find myself thinking of the climax of The Immaterial Girl.

Page 3

I believe I was thinking of Bananarama's Love In The First Degree. Bananarama were my original text pop band. Huge chunks of what I love in Pop Music can be traced back to Bananarama.

Page 4-5

Earliest scene in the current recurrence, I believe... at least in terms of showing gods.

This is in part to make sure the timeline was clear. As Baal's Death Day was revealed, we know when he must have appeared... which was before 2013 Ragnarock which still clearly believed the gods not have returned yet. If this is Baal's first gig, then we know he spent a couple of weeks not doing performances.

The question of when Sakhmet came is open. I suspect I'm never going to actually say it in the script, but I can see Sakhmet's appearance basically prompting Baal into doing his first gig just to make sure he gets to be first. Those would be fun conversations. I could talk about our choices in terms of when we started our story, but there's certainly another version of WicDiv which did everything in straight chronological. If I was writing it for (say) television, I suspect I'd take that route.

(The short version is that in a monthly comic “Gods reincarnating as pop stars” isn't a big enough hook. That's a theme and setting. I needed the specific big plot, which was the Did Lucifer Do It?)

Anyway – party in a Warehouse, but look at what Matt does with the colours here, which are brutal. In an issue with so little joy, this level of pop just shows what the book isn't now.

Page 6

I'm always interested in Jamie's choices for the gods when they're not on stage. Amaterasu's clearly herself, but not quite as loud.

Eight panel grid, which is my standard choice. I suspect I could have pushed either of these half scenes to longer scenes, but I have bigger fish to fry.

Jamie does great stuff here with the body language – being questioned by the police about your girlfriend murdering a bunch of folk when you're hungover can't be much fun, and panel 2 really shows it. And then there's panel 4 – Persephone holding herself as she trudges away. The contrast between that and the detective's words is a lovely bit of irony by Jamie – she really doesn't look like someone who could.

Matt's colouring in the fifth panel is just startlingly wonderful. Just look at that.

Chrissy's ongoing biggest regret is that we did PERSY instead of PERSEY when we first did Amaterasu's nickname for Persephone.

Page 7-9

The formalist in me is a little annoyed that I break the purity of “follow around Persephone on her hangover day” and have a scene which starts before her.

Jamie and Matt always realign their work between arcs, and Jamie is trying some slightly different approaches to the page. I mention, as for me, this scene is where it's most obvious in terms of “something is a little different to usual.”

Return to the I Can't Believe It's Not The Danger Room, introduced in issue 17. Also, Minerva and Baal in Valhalla, which says how seriously they're taking it – neither live there any more.

I smile at the hot pink in panel 4 on page 8. Hot pink! Hot Pink!

The last panel of page 8 took some tweaking – originally Amaterasu didn't have a line, which made it easy to overlook their entrance, which made Persephone appear to come out of nowhere in the next panel. Adding a line to her solves that problem, but does undercut the beat of Baal/Minerva – Baal had a line which we lost, which meant the reader's eye would treat the panel as two moments. The celebration of the two – a gap on the page – and then Amaterasu coming in on the right.

I think Marlboro Shite has been in my notes since issue 4 or 5. Everything eventually finds a home.

(It's so old I was worried I'd used it before somewhere. Baal repeating himself would be terrible.)

Writing that has also reminded me that I had a stress dream last night about a continuity error in Uber where someone pointed out we'd changed names of one character mid-through the story. My subconscious is totally crap.

Page 10-11

I don't use that sort of caption-dialogue transition a lot in WicDiv, even though it's a classic story writer trope. In terms of modern writers, I always connect it to Rick Remender. It's one of his main bridging devices.

More about the gig next issue, but it was important to set up a bunch of stuff here. It's been talked about, but not in this level of specific. Clearly it's going to be a big part of the plot. It's been a while since we've done a big performance scene, after all. Imperial Phase is all about getting to your Knebworth, after all.

God, Cass is almost translucent here. She works too hard.

I really like Persephone's necklace in this page. Just noticed it.

Page 12-15

Highbury & Islington, as seen in issue 5 and returned repeatedly to since then.

I'm still not bored of how we flipped Young Avenger's White Backgrounds As Aesthetic Device when dealing with the Underground. Which probably says everything about the two books.

Obvious setting up key stuff for the Underground we'll need later in the issue on page 12 – namely that we can find to places you've been before, but it is infinite down here.

I believe ”Crap Narnia” was a last minute tweak of the script, but it does please me. The Norns are not have it with these tropes.

Panel 3 on page 13: Awwwwkward.

I have no idea how Jamie keeps on doing these outfits. He's an amazing talent. I should do a comic with him.

The specific choice of “At least 3G” makes me smile, as if Cass is working out what signal is reasonable to get in a magical underworld. “Yeah, maybe you'll lose 4G, but 3G should be good” she thinks to herself.

Yes, nothing at all comfortable in any of this.

It's always interesting to me how Cassandra is as vulnerable as she clearly is. You choose the right places to hit her, and she'll be derailed. Some characters clearly understand that, and others don't.

The last panel is the point where people who read the solicits are thinking “wait – when Kieron said “Wherein Dionysus sits in the darkness for most of an issue, but in an awesome way. Honestly, you'll love it. Also: other stuff.” was he being literal?”

Last panel is great. Full bleed gets the sense of the endlessness of the dark, and Dionysus sitting there, facing it. Art against the void. Our comic in a panel.

Page 16-17

There's more interaction with the public in this issue for a while, but the crowd stuff is where we're trying to show the responses more. Some people are petrified. Some people are still trying to snap her. Some are both.

Yet more fine gods-casual-clubbing looks.

The club they're leaving would be the Buffalo Bar, as seen in issue 18 of WicDiv (since repaired in WicDiv). They're stairs leading down on the right. Also showed up in Phonogram: The Immaterial Girl.

Interesting flashback colour choices here from Matt. Teal and turquoise? Colourists are amazing.

The Bridge Reconstruction sign is 100% period Highbury & Islington sign. We moved dialogue over it to try and signal “I know this looks important, but it's not.”

Deciding which exact euphemism for sex Cassandra should use on 17.1 was some degree of thought. Originally I'd written “Fucking” but that jarred with Persephone's own Fuck. “Banging” was the most comic option – it just speaks to the lack of respect Cass has for Pers/Baph's act.

“I've never said that out loud before” echoes with Young Avengers, of course.

I wanted the hard – mid sentence to set up for a hard-cut to the club. I'm a fan of hard-cut jokes, but doing it as an anti-joke was kind of the point. Let's go home, as I need to OH NO I AM IN A CLUB AND HAVING A SHIT TIME.

Page 18-19

I look at the first page, and smile, in purely a “I love comics” way. When I talk about “Wanting to write comics” versus “wanting to write stories that get turned into comics” way, it's stuff like this I'm thinking of. If I didn't write full script, it wouldn't work like this. Well... not as easily. It's calling for specific effects that Jamie and Matt completely get. Matt bleeding the red in is pretty astounding – that third panel especially. The second one you can think it's just the club lights, but the third is saturating the image, and then it just takes over. And that expression on panel 5. Yay, jamie. Comics!

Thinking this was a pro-pantheon fan club, so the response is different than on the streets. These people are shook up. They mean well. But... yes.

Obvious call back to Baphomet's dialogue way back in issue 7.

I believe the last panel description was “Hmm. I do like coke?”

Page 20

A general sentiment, but dancing with Taylor Swift's Blank Space.

21-22

And we return to where we started.

How good was the coke? Will we ever find out? Stay tuned to The Wicked + The Divine, kids!

(Not the first time Coke has been explicitly referenced in Imperial Phase. It was implied in episode 24, and Woden's memorable nose-piece in 28. Imperial Phase, proggy double albums and all that shit is just connected with that particular drug for terrible people. Year 4 will be less coke-y, hopefully)

And Ruth's surname revealed.

It's odd – when writing this I'd completely forgotten the obvious fact that Persephone is disobeying the television's instructions. I am useless.

That this is the second time that data access in the underworld has been referenced in this issue makes me wonder whether my own router problems were working their way into the comic. All work is autobiographical, but not usually that crappily.

(Don't worry. It's solved now.)

Great Jamie expression on the final panel, of course. The colouring of the section was one of the most debated bits of the book, and I like where we ended.

Page 23

I suspect I've got some pun interstitials which are worse than this ahead, but not many. That would be impossible.

Anyway – back next month for top sitting in the dark adventures.

Thanks for reading.

[lanadelreyfiles-blog]

Lana Del Rey: Read NME’s exclusive interview with the modern icon. Lana Del Rey’s new album ‘Lust For Life’ is her most ambitious yet. Mike Williams meets her in the city that inspires her the most, Los Angeles – a place, she says, that “enhances something in me that’s already cooking” – to talk about music, happiness and witchcraft. Interview by Mike Williams. Photography by Neil Krug. It will surprise no one to learn that Dr Dre has very good speakers in his studio. And when I say very good, I don’t mean very good in a pricey and popular headphones kind of way. I mean very good in a “holy s**t, I can hear every individual speck of space dust in this galactic wall of sound” kind of way. It’s how we would all listen to music if we were billionaire music industry moguls. Dre has given us permission to use his Santa Monica studio – across the road from the legendary Interscope Records – to hear ‘Lust For Life’, the latest Lana Del Rey album, for the first time. The inside of the studio is clad with expensive-looking wood. The lights are seductively dimmed. It looks both like Don Draper’s office and the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. There’s a bubbling lava lamp next to a Bruce Lee lampshade on top of the main desk. The drinking water is perfectly cool. It’s totally LA. It’s a fitting place to listen to Del Rey’s coming-of-age record. Huge in scale in every sense – sonically, vocally, thematically – it’s the culmination of two years of relentless work. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. As she’ll tell me the following day: “I kind of felt when I started I was going to be in this whole new zone when I was done, a whole new space. I’m really proud that there’s a shift in tone, a shift in perspective. There’s a bit of reflectiveness on what I’m seeing and it’s integrated with how I’m feeling. Normally I’m just, ‘Let me just put this all out there,’ and then I’m really surprised when people are like, ‘You’re f**king crazy.’”

Del Rey has been Interscope labelmates with Dre since October 2011, when she bought herself out of her contract with 5 Points Records, where she’d toyed with different identities and different sounds. Six months earlier, she’d become an overnight star when her aesthetic clicked and she released her debut single proper, ‘Video Games’. In the space of three acclaimed albums (2012’s ‘Born To Die’, 2014’s ‘Ultraviolence’ and 2015’s ‘Honeymoon’) she’s gone from lo-fi internet queen to fully formed Hollywood superstar. And now she doesn’t just have the songs – they’ve been there since the first day Lizzy Grant looked in the mirror and Lana Del Rey winked back – but also the production, the ambition, the pulling power and the brass balls to make ‘Lust For Life’. I hear nine tracks through the big speakers – ‘Love’, ‘Lust For Life’ (Ft. The Weeknd), ’13 Beaches’, ‘Cherry’, ‘White Mustang’, ‘Groupie Love’ (Ft. A$AP Rocky), ‘Coachella – Woodstock In My Mind’, ‘Beautiful People Beautiful Problems’ (Ft. Stevie Nicks) and ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ (Ft. Sean Ono Lennon) – before driving up to a rooftop bar in Hollywood to order drinks from wannabe film stars and looking up towards the hills to meditate on what I’ve just heard. Shoo-wops, doo-wops, wall of sound production; tender moments, angry moments; sex, cars, uncertainties; opulent LA life. If you squint, you can see the famous Hollywood sign in the distance. If you close your eyes you can see Del Rey looking out from her window right inside the middle of the H. The next day we’re in a different studio in a different part of town, this one belonging to Del Rey’s longtime collaborator and producer Rick Nowels. He greets us at the door with a massive grin and ushers us into the main room where the album was recorded. It’s untidy, in a warm and homely way. He wants to know what we think of the record. He’s excited to talk about it. Nowels is a 57-year-old music industry legend who’s worked with Madonna, Tupac, Stevie Nicks and more, but it’s obvious that there’s a particular space in his head and his heart reserved for Del Rey, who he repeatedly describes as “special” and “remarkable”. Del Rey arrives. She’s wearing a crocheted T-shirt and jeans. We sit down in a side room and both press record on our phones. There’s a book about Manson Family victim Sharon Tate on the table that neither of us notices until after the interview is over. I ask her if she’s as happy as she looks on the cover of the new album. “Yeah…” she says. “That was my goal, you know, to get to that place of feeling like in my daily life I had a lot of momentum. Like a moving-on-ness from wherever that other place was that ‘Honeymoon’ and ‘Ultraviolence’ came from. I loved those records, but I felt a little stuck in the same spot.” How did she move on? “I just felt a little more present. Writing a song like ‘13 Beaches’ – it’s a little bit of an abstract notion, but for me it took stopping at 13 beaches one hot day to find one that nobody was at. And I just thought, you know, the concept of needing to find 13 beaches might seem like a luxury problem for someone, but that’s OK, I’m going to go with that.” It’s a key song on the album. Her voice has never sounded bigger or more emotional. “I usually do things in a few takes,” she says, “but I took a lot of takes to do that. The mood that I needed to convey was better than what I was doing. I knew it was important that I came in straight as an arrow with that one. I always feel like I’m creating a new path when I’m doing a song.” Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. Not that Lana Del Rey has been completely reinvented on ‘Lust For Life’. The title track, the first of five collaborations on the album (no previous LDR album had ever featured a guest artist), may not come from the melancholic cool world of ‘Video Games’ or ‘Terrence Loves You’, but it’s just as nostalgic. Nostalgia can be sad and nostalgia can be happy, and at her best – and let me put it out there, I think this song could be her absolute best ever – Del Rey taps both at once. Does she agree? “I’m thinking about that. It goes in line with how I thought I was going to be in this more grown-up zone [writing this record], but actually I’m still somewhere right in the middle. When I think of that song I think of nighttime and this idea of, I don’t know, breaking into somewhere and carving up and kissing. That’s fun for me; like the place where I’m not 100 per cent in something really solid relationship-wise, where you’re still going out and meeting new people and all that stuff. And also, this Hollywood-centric environment is still an important thing that gives me life, being in town and the characters and the constant heatwave. It’s a little bit of a cliché – I totally get it; but I still feel like it enhances something in me that’s already cooking.” Hollywood and the sunshine can be quite an intoxicating cocktail really, can’t it? “It can. I’m naturally a careful person, so I like that the ambience… I wouldn’t go out and take a cocktail of pills or whatever, you know, but there’s something about the vibe of just being around that gives me a heightened feeling.” The biggest deal collaboration on the album is the duet with Fleetwood Mac legend Stevie Nicks. Del Rey says hearing her vocal takes made her re-evaluate her own tone. She was convinced Nicks would turn her down. She still speaks about it with a look of happy disbelief that it actually happened. But the most interesting duet is actually with the person who is, in their own personal right, the least famous and accomplished of everyone on the record, but by virtue of his surname, the most fascinating. “I’m a huge, huge John Lennon fan,” she says. “I didn’t know [his son] Sean. I got his number from my manager, who called his manager. I kind of was nervous about what he was going to say. I FaceTimed him – he was amazing. He was very excited.” The result is the sweetest song on the album, a tender folky ballad that gently taps through the fourth wall as they reference John and Yoko, then Del Rey sings, “Isn’t life crazy now that I’m singing with Sean”. There’s a story that goes with the song, where Del Rey calls up Lennon to tell him that she thought his part was perfect, and he says that he’s so happy because no one’s ever said that to him before. He’s John Lennon’s son, he’s lived his entire life in his father’s shadow, and Lana Del Rey has just given him his greatest ever compliment. There’s a tragedy in that, don’t you think? “Absolutely. It’s why I think it’s more than just a song for him – for both of us. He’s sensitive, you know. I assume that’s from his father and I think he would probably say that it’s been… some of his reviews have been difficult. I thought that was one of those moments on the record where it was a little bit of a ‘bigger than us’ moment. I told him, ‘I’m the one who’s honoured, I’m the lucky one; so I just want you to remember that, Sean, I’m singing with you.’” The interview goes off in lots of different directions. We talk about hanging in LA with Alex Turner and Miles Kane (“I randomly see Alex. I’ve been working with Miles”); about her deep friendship with Courtney Love (“I can call, and probably just ’cause she’s done so much crazy s**t, I can tell her something very weird and she’ll be like, ‘Been there, done that’”); her love of Kurt Cobain (“top influence other than Bob Dylan”); people watching (“I’m a weird observer”); detective novelist Raymond Chandler (“I’m a big fan, I love The Big Sleep”); and Californian independence (“I’m a proponent of keeping the country together, but it’s so its own zone it may as well be a different country.”) We end by talking about magic and the power of words. Firstly, Donald Trump. He’s still the president, which means that the hex Del Rey asked her Twitter followers to cast on February 24 hasn’t worked (yet). So did she get involved and do it herself? “Yeah, I did it. Why not? Look, I do a lot of s**t.” Do you cast other spells at home? “I’m in line with Yoko and John and the belief that there’s a power to the vibration of a thought. Your thoughts are very powerful things and they become words, and words become actions, and actions lead to physical changes.” The quirky video trailer that you did for the album (a magical Lana looking down on LA from her home in the Hollywood H, ruminating on the world and the space it takes to make a record) – it’s more than a trailer; it’s a personal manifesto, isn’t it? “There is a message. I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart. And I’ve seen how I feel about changing those people’s lives and I’ve been on the other side of that as well – on the other side of well-wishes and on the other side of malintent. And I’ve realised how strong you have to be to be; bigger than all of it, even bigger than your own vibrations. “I like that trailer because I talk about my contribution, which is something you start to think about. I’ve got good intentions. It’s not always going to come out right – it hasn’t come out right a lot of the time – but at the core my intentions have always been so good. With the music or when I get into a relationship, it’s always just because I really want to. That’s what’s at the root of this really cute, witchy B-movie.” You make a point in the trailer of saying “in these dark times”. Is there more pressure to contribute something positive right now? “I didn’t like hearing that come out of my mouth. I have a song, ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing’, and I went back and forth so many times about putting it on the record because I didn’t feel comfortable with what I was saying. I don’t like hearing myself say, ‘In error it’s the end of America’, ’cause it’s a troubling sentiment. I didn’t like saying, ‘In these dark times’ either…” We both stop recording but keep talking about the state of the world we live in. I tell her that I can see more and more artists starting to come to terms with the fact that they need to be more outspoken and opinionated. She agrees and says people need to be bold because there are consequences. For the next hour, she makes silly videos on my phone, eats a messy sandwich and helps me choose photos to send to the NME art desk. She couldn’t be less like the idea of Lana Del Rey that most people subscribe to. There’s a confidence in her that perhaps she didn’t have before, a confidence that comes, maybe, from knowing that she’s about to release her most complete album, but knowing too that there are tweaks she could have made, things she should have done differently, things she’ll make right on the next record, ideas she’ll try when she’s next in the studio with Rick. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding.

[berserker-official]

Then allow me to be the one who does it. -ahem- Answer all 200 questions, please.

YOU

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now?

199: I was born in: A hospital in Colorado

198: I am really: Really tired

197: My cellphone company is: Cricket

196: My eye color is: Blue

195: My shoe size is: I think 12?

194: My ring size is: I have no fucking idea

193: My height is: 6′2

192: I am allergic to: Nothing that I know of

191: My 1st car was: I share a Jeep with the family

190: My 1st job was: A pizza man at Little Caesars in Texas

189: Last book you read: All You Need is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka

188: My bed is: Small.

187: My pet: She a good girl and like 6 different breeds

186: My best friend: I have too many

185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever’s cheap

184: Xbox or ps3: Both but I’m a sony man at heart

183: Piggy banks are: Neat

182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now

181: On my calendar: Nothing special today but I have the Danganronpa V3 release date on it in a couple of weeks

180: Marriage is: Neat

179: Spongebob can: go steppin on the beach

178: My mom: is neat but I’m mad at her right now

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Silence by Marshmello & Khalid, OTONA HIT PARADE and Emotional Literacy by Bradio

176: Last YouTube video watched: Oney Plays D. Premonition WITH FRIENDS - EP 6 - Minesweeper175: How many cousins do you have? I honestly don’t know. My parents don’t really keep in touch with immediate family. My mom is an only child and my dad doesn’t talk to her sister.174: Do you have any siblings? I have a little brother who’s a fucking loser going for an astrophysics degree.

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope

172: Are you taller than your mom? By two feet.

171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play percussion in middle school

170: What did you do yesterday? A bunch of stencil work[ I Believe In ] (I’ve already answered these but here u go)169: Love at first sight: Not really168: Luck: Heart of the Cards167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Nope165: Aliens: Yeah164: Heaven: Not really163: Hell: Not really162: God: Not really161: Horoscopes: No but I look at them randomly160: Soul mates: Yeah159: Ghosts: No but not yet158: Gay Marriage: HELL YEAH157: War: No it bad156: Orbs: I BELIEVE IN THE ORBS155: Magic: No but not yet[ This or That ] (I’ve answered some of these already but here u go)154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair but I don’t really care?150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blonde cuz I’m ready to have fun149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Apples143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Doesn’t matter141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: I hate showing off my feet and I actually wore high heels once so HIGH HEELS138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m sweet and poor so that one137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither one I actually don’t like carbonated drinks136: Hillary or Obama: Thanks obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremated it’s better for the earth134: Singing or Dancing: Singing even I fuckin suck133: Coach or Chanel: I have no idea132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither?131: Small town or Big city: Big City130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: Whichever is the hand one127: East Coast or West Coast: I’m in the middle so doesn’t matter126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas cuz my birthday is in the summer so I’m dying of heat.125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Neither cuz going outside sucks123: Yankees or Red Sox: Cubs cuz they finally won the world series[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: It bad121: George Bush: He did Nine Eleven120: Gay Marriage: It’s great why the fuck do people think it’s bad119: The presidential election: In general I used to not care but NOW GO FUCKING VOTE118: Abortion: I think it’s important117: MySpace: I never had a myspace but bring back the grunge emo shit116: Reality TV: It’s obviously fake so115: Parents: Parents are good without them I would not be here (But if they’re abusive fuck them)114: Back stabbers: Drop them faster than you can say bye bitch113: Ebay: I’ve only used it once and it was good so I say sure112: Facebook: Needs to chill the fuck out111: Work: Work is good you get money and gain retail horror stories110: My Neighbors: One of them is a drunk so meh but The Best Neighbor is a guy that used to build his own motorcycles but has heart problems so he had to sell them but he’s a chill guy and I love him109: Gas Prices: TOO DAMN HIGH108: Designer Clothes: Too rich for my blood107: College: A good choice for your future but it’s not for everybody106: Sports: The only sport I care about is MLG Gaming105: My family: They cool but highly problematic104: The future: I’m at a big turning point right now so[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Last Saturday?102: Last time you ate: A couple hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Last week I think I hung out with a friend and we watched Willow100: Cried in front of someone: Months probably99: Went to a movie theater: I went to see Spider-Man Homecoming when it came out but next month I’m going to see Jigsaw with @warlord-official so that’s fun98: Took a vacation: I don’t know? When I got out of school for summer vacation?97: Swam in a pool: 2011?96: Changed a diaper: I actually never changed a diaper95: Got my nails done: Never94: Went to a wedding: Two years ago93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Sophmore year I got my lip pierced so...2008?91: Broke the law: I think I ran a red light once so a couple years ago?90: Texted: A day?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me cuz I do the dumbest shit88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog87: The last movie I saw: I was watching the Rugrats Movie on Netflix a little while ago86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Danganronpa V3 and then Jigsaw in October and the Ixalan MTG set at the end of the month.85: The thing im not looking forward to: The next time I have to go to jury duty84: People call me: by my name83: The most difficult thing to do is: Be an adult82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Leo80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad79: First time you had a crush: Probably in elementary school? She was partially deaf and my teacher told me to help her out for the year and we got pretty close78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: My friends cuz I gotta let my baggage out77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don’t remember cuz all my friends think the same way76: Right now I am talking to: No one75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I wanna do photography maybe teaching74: I have/will get a job: When I graduate73: Tomorrow: I gotta get up early for school72: Today: I did a bunch of school readings71: Next Summer: I’m gonna die from heat again70: Next Weekend: Hopefully I can hang with friends69: I have these pets: A good dog68: The worst sound in the world: When a racist opens their mouth67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Roman from the FH team cuz he’s NOT FUCKING NERFING CENT66: People that make you happy: All my friends65: Last time I cried: Just now boi we goin in hard64: My friends are: Good boys and girls63: My computer is: I have an 5 year old ASUS laptop that I should try to upgrade cuz it runs Overwatch poorly62: My School: MSU Denver61: My Car: I share a Jeep with the family60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat my friends like they’re subhuman59: The movie I cried at was: Death Note cuz it was fucking awful58: Your hair color is: Dirty blonde57: TV shows you watch: The only stuff on now that I’m watching is Rick and Morty and AHS: Cult56: Favorite web site: Tumblr even though this hellsite is full of sin55: Your dream vacation: Japan?54: The worst pain I was ever in was: My wisdom teeth were pretty obnoxious53: How do you like your steak cooked: Rare52: My room is: Very messy and small51: My favorite celebrity is: Gal Gadot50: Where would you like to be: Anywhere not stressed out49: Do you want children: Only if I have an S/O that wants kids48: Ever been in love: Yeh47: Who’s your best friend: I have too many to count but @warlord-official is one of them46: More guy friends or girl friends: I think it’s a tie?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my friends are happy or I eat a good burger44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My friend that’s in Japan I miss her43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Nope42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope41: Have you pre-named your children: I did when I was dating someone and thought we were pretty serious but then I found out she was cheating on me so not anymore40: Last person I got mad at: My mom39: I would like to move to: Japan or somewhere that is cool all the time like Washington maybe38: I wish I was a professional: Photographer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Pay Day36: Vehicle: Reasonably priced car is one of the new Jeeps. Super expensive car would be an Aston Martin or Maserati35: President: Obama34: State visited: Georgia was nice33: Cellphone provider: Cricket cuz it’s the only one I’ve had32: Athlete: John Elway31: Actor: Chris Evans30: Actress: Gal Gadot29: Singer: Kesha28: Band: Bradio or Starset27: Clothing store: DXL cuz it’s the only store that sells clothes for Big Boys26: Grocery store: Safeway25: TV show: Hannibal or Future Diary. Rick and Morty is always good24: Movie: Saw, Pacific Rim, Back to the Future, or Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift23: Website: Tumle dot hell22: Animal: Dog?21: Theme park: NONE OF EM20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: idk18: Sport to play: I used to do tennis so that one17: Magazine: Shonen Jump or Game Informer16: Book: The Disaster Artist15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: I’ve never been to a beach13: Concert attended: Either PVRIS or A Perfect Circle with @warlord-official12: Thing to cook: It’s like a mix of pizza and spaghetti11: Food: A nice burger10: Restaurant: I like Smashburger9: Radio station: I don’t remember the one that plays rock music here but that one8: Yankee candle scent: Something about rain?7: Perfume: There was a vanilla one that I thought smelled nice a long time ago6: Flower: idk?5: Color: a deep blue4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres?3: Comedian: Bo Burnham2: Dog breed: Mutt1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I hope so   

[reedusdixonfictionaddiction]

The Summer in Georgia

Chapter 22. Tell Me All Your Secrets and I’ll Tell  You Most of Mine, Part 4

Daryl unlocked the door and let Isabella walk in first. She took off his denim shirt and hung it on one of the hooks in the hallway. He took off his vest and threw on a chair. Daryl went to the freezer and got the ice cream and a spoon.

“C’mon, let’s eat it in here.” He said, walking into the living room and plopping down on his makeshift bed. He patted the space beside him, motioning for her to come sit next to him.

She sat down facing him, took the ice cream and spoon out of his hand and put it on the coffee table, all the while staring straight into eyes. Her usually, bright blue eyes were dark and lust filled. Isabella ran her hand softly up his bare arm, which sent a chill down his spine. He grinned devilishly, putting his hand behind her neck and pulling her to him. The kiss was electric. Daryl couldn’t believe she'd never kissed anyone before. She knew exactly what she was doing and she was doing it quite well. Their tongues wrestled each other for dominance, passionate kisses, wet and wild. Daryl pushed her gently down on the blankets and laid down beside her. He was on fire; she could feel the heat from his body and it was her making burn. There was only one thought on her mind, she wanted him and bad. Daryl bit her lower lip seductivly, then nipped his way down her long beautiful neck, leaving marks way. Isabella dug her nails into his back, which made him bite and suck even harder.

“Oh, Daryl. God” Isabella moaned.

“Ya’ like it? Does it feel good?” Daryl sighed.

“God, yes!” she moaned again.

He wanted to touch her, so he hesitantly moved his hand to her breast. He was unsure of himself, so he quickly moved it away.

Isabella grabbed his hand and moved it back and she whispered into his ear. “It’s okay! I want you to touch me.”

He massaged it gently, with her hand on top of his, slowly guiding it. Daryl was still biting and sucking her neck, when she sighed into his ear, which sent him through the roof. He was rock hard by now and she could feel him on her hip. He needed friction, so he thrust against her, making him moan. His mouth found its way back to hers, kissing her hard and passionately. He slowly moved his hand down her ribcage to her stomach. He began to play with the hem of her tank top, running his fingers under the stitch line caressing her warm, soft skin. She felt so soft, he wanted to feel more. Isabella was clawing at his biceps and back in a passionate fury, she wanted him on top of her, she wanted to feel all of him against her aching body. Daryl slowly ran his hand under her tank top, she knew where he was going and this lit her on fire. He reached her breast and she gasped. Their mouths parted.

“Is this okay?” Daryl whispered.

“Yes, Daryl. Please touch me. You feel so good.” Isabella panted.

He pinched her nipple lightly, sending shivers down her spine. While he was playing with her bare breast, she slowly turned on to her side, facing him. She found his neck and started lightly biting her way down, driving him wild. She moved her hand to his chest and fumbled with his shirt buttons, he immediately release her breast, took hold of her hand and tried to move it away.

“I don’t wanna’ take off my shirt.” He said.

“I know.” She said, kissing his lips. “I just want to unbutton it. If that’s okay? I want to touch you, like you’re touching me. I want to make you feel good too.”

He released her hand and she went back to unbuttoning his shirt. She ran her mouth from his neck, down onto his chest, kissing and biting her way down. Daryl’s head was spinning. He’d never been more turned on in his life. This was the first time he could remember being with a girl sober, not just that, but the first time the girl had concentrated on his pleasure. It felt good to be on the receiving end of seduction for a change. Isabella ran her hand softly down his chest to his stomach, making little circles on his skin along the way. She reached the top of his jeans and teasingly ran a finger between the waistline and his stomach. God, he wanted her to keep going, to go lower, but at the same time he didn’t. They were moving too fast, he thought. If she went lower, if she touched him, he would blow and as much as needed the release, he wasn’t willing to risk ruining the first time. Daryl gently pulled her head up from his chest and looked at her.

“Hey.” He whispered.

“Hey. Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I just wanna’ kiss ya’ some more, that’s all.” He said, softly kissing her lips.

Daryl needed to cool down, he needed to cool her down before they went too far, too fast. Isabella realized she may have been coming on too strong, she didn’t want him to think she was easy, although if he tried, she would have given him everything. Her hormones were raging; she was throbbing down there and her wetness felt like it was soaking through her shorts. She’d always heard that sex was good, sex and everything that went with it, but she had no idea it would make her so weak. Daryl kissed her a few more times, then let go of her and laid down flat on the blankets. He put his hands behind his head and exhaled. Isabella saw that he was still hard and wondered why he'd stopped. She didn’t want to stop, she wanted to keep going, she wanted to reach out and touch him there, to make him feel good. But she didn’t, Isabella knew there would be plenty more times for things to happen, she was happy just being with him. She laid down on her side facing him, then she sat back up and started buttoning up his shirt. He smiled at her, she was beautiful and she was worth waiting for. Daryl knew when it finally did happen, when he made love to her for the first time, it would be the best night of his life. He would wait, he would be counting the seconds.

“I guess I should take ya’ home now, huh?” Daryl said.

“Oh, I guess. It’s so late though, couldn’t I just stay here with you tonight? I could sleep right her.” She said, patting the blanket they were laying on. “I promise I won’t bite.”

He laughed and said, “Well, hell. If ya’ ain’t gonna’ do that, why bother.”

Isabella giggled. “Well, can I?”

“Yeah, why not. I’ll call Rick and tell ‘em you ain’t comin’ back there tonight, that yer stayin’ here with me. I don’t want him to worry about ya’.”

Daryl got up and grabbed the ice cream and his phone. He put the ice cream away and called Rick.

Isabella lay there on top of Daryl’s makeshift bed, snuggling with his pillow. It smelled like him and it was a heavenly scent. Her mind skimmed over the events of the night and she couldn’t help smiling. It had definitely been the best night of her life; she was almost glad her brother had pushed her away again. She never thought that life could be like this. She knew happiness was attainable, but was beginning to believe it wasn’t attainable for her, until now. She’d been in Georgia a little more than a week now and she had a family, friends, a job and a wonderful man, whom she believed really cared for her. ‘Please don’t let it be too good to be true.’ She thought. ‘Please God, don’t take it away.’ She suddenly felt sad. She had everything she’d ever wanted, so the thought of losing it scared her to death.

Daryl came back into the living room unwrapping a Hershey Bar and said, he’d talked to Rick and everything was cool. He told her Rick had made a comment like, ‘Wow, you move fast.’ Daryl rolled his eyes at her and laughed.

“He’s just fuckin’ around.” He said.

Isabella laughed. “Do you have something I could sleep in, like a big t-shirt or some sweats or something?”

“Uh, yeah. I got some long underwear ya’ can wear. They’ll be big, but you can pin ‘em. I’ll go get ‘em.” He said and left for the bedroom.

Once Isabella had changed, she came back and laid down. She put on the long johns and kept her tank top on. She looked adorable, Daryl thought. He was lying there with his jeans and shirt still on.

“Aren’t you going to change?” Isabella asked.

“Nah. I’m ok.” He answered.

“You’re not going to be comfortable in your pants. I mean, you don’t have to sleep in your underwear, but at least put on another pair of these thermals. I want you to be comfy.”

Daryl agreed and went to change. He came back wearing the long johns and a t-shirt. He stood in front of her and told her to move over. She was on his side. She laughed and slid over, then he laid down next to her.

“You have a goose down comforter.” Isabella said.

“Yep. Ya’ like ‘em?” Daryl answered. “Lori and Rick gave it to me for Christmas one year."

“I’ve always wanted one and pillows too. King size, goosed down pillow. Someday, someday soon. They’re in my wish book.” She said cuddling up in the comforter.

“What’s a wish book?” Daryl asked curiously.

“It’s a little scrap book I made and I put pictures of all the things I want in it.” She explained.

“Like what?” He asked.

“Just stuff. Like the pillows and the comforter. There’s a pair of leather pants…”

“Leather pants, huh? Yer ass would look great in leather pants.” He laughed. She laughed back. “What else?”

“Um, there’s a black pea coat, I don’t know why, but I’ve always thought they were very cool looking. There’s a purse…”

“A purse? What’s the big deal about that?” Daryl asked.

“Oh, it’s not any purse. It’s a Louis Vuitton monogrammed PM Brown Tote Bag with a Pochette. It’s $1500.00.” She said excited.

“What the hell’s that? Ain’t never heard of it. What’s a Pochette?” Daryl exclaimed.

“It’s a designer purse, French. It’s beautiful and I’m going to have one, one day and a Louis Vuitton backpack and laptop case.” She gleefully explained. “A Pochette is like a little makeup bag.”

“$1500.00 for a purse. That’s nuts. Does it come with $1500.00 in it?” Daryl laughed. Obviously, he failed to understand the importance of owning a handbag such as this. She just laughed and shook her head.

“There’s a laptop I want, a pair of leather boots, a leather jacket. Oh, and Shalimar perfume, lotion and powder. I’ve already got the perfume, so I’m on my way.” She said cheerfully.

“Is that all? He said sarcastically.

“You’re making fun of me, that’s not very nice.” She said sadly.

“I’m just kiddin’. Anything else?” He asked more interested.

“A couple of things, just stuff I want for my own house, when I ever I get one. Like a gravy boat.” Isabella said less enthusiastically.

“A gravy boat? Why?”

“You’ll probably think it’s stupid.” She said sadly.

“No, I won’t. I’m sorry, I was just messin’ around with ya’. Tell me why.”

“Well, because… Because in all the paintings and pictures I’ve seen of families sitting around the table for holidays and dinners, there’s always a gravy boat and they always look so happy because they’re all together, loving each other and stuff. I want that. So, I figure if I got a gravy boat, maybe someday that can be me.” Isabella explained innocently. “Have you ever seen the painting by Norman Rockwell, called Freedom from Want? It’s beautiful. That’s going to be me someday.”

Daryl thought that was sweet, he realized how important is was for her to have a normal life and a family and if she believed a gravy boat could give her that, well than she should have one. ‘If only it were that easy.’ He thought to himself.

“I don’t think that’s stupid. Sounds like the way things otta’ be. I ain’t never seen that paintin’, I don’t think. I heard a that guy though. What else?” Daryl said.

“That’s all really, just a few other stupid things. I don’t even know why I told you about the wish book, it’s kind of dumb.” Isabella said bewildered.

“It ain’t dumb. I like it. You gotta’ show it to me, okay?” He said, leaning over and kissing her. This made her smile again and that made him glad.

Daryl stood up and turned off the ceiling fan light and the house went dark. Isabella panicked.

“Can you please leave a light on. Please? Maybe just the hall light. I don’t like the dark.” She said frightened.

Daryl got up and turned on the entryway light and came back and scooted under the blankets, next to Isabella. They just lay there quietly for a few minutes, both reflecting on the day. Both with content faces.

“Hey, ya’ know them nightmares ya’ got?” Daryl asked.

“What about them?” She answered.

“I got ‘em too. Ya’ don’t have to be embarrassed about it.” He assured her.

“You do? Do you remember them when you wake up?” She asked.

“Sometimes. They’re always about my dad. Sometimes I’m little again and he’s hurtin’ me like he did. Sometimes I’m grown and he comes back and hurts me again and I can’t get away, even though I’m bigger than him in my dreams. And sometimes I just wake up all sweaty and shakin’ and can’t remember nothin’, but I always know it’s cuz a him.” Daryl explained sadly. “Ya’ ain’t gotta’ feel like yer the only one, cuz ya’ ain’t, I got ‘em too.”

Isabella’s heart broke. This big, strong, tough man, was still haunted by a man that was dead and gone. She was used to her pain, not really, but it had been with her ever since she could remember. The thought of this man she adored, hurting or being afraid of a memory tore her heart up. She didn’t say anything, she just scooted right up next to him and put her arm around him. He stretched out his arm and wrapped it around her. She kissed his cheek and lay her head on his shoulder. He put his hand on her arm and squeezed.

“Night.” He said.

“Goodnight, Daryl” She said back and closed her eyes.

f˴��3

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do This Weekend? 10/12-10/14

WHATTTTT A SWEET DELICIOUS DADDY OF A WEEKEND! I had a show each night. Two booked and one open mic. I love weekends where I am working. This coming weekend I’m off because of a wedding, but then after that it is back to work!!!

Let’s start with Friday night. I figured I was in town so I might as well head down to Slyderz in Richmond. This room on Friday night’s is run by Lynn Painter, who used to run a show at Cary 100 on Wednesdays. It’s an urban room with dope staff, and killer wings and sliders. I got there at around 7:15 and only other person there was the bartender. 

I ended up ordering the dry rub wings and they were absolutely delicious! I am a wing boy. I love chicken wings. This was like the 5th time in 7 days where my dinner was chicken wings. I am going to die young, but I will have a huge smile in the casket with sweet buffalo sauce and lemon pepper running through my veins.

Lynn showed up around 7:50 and started to set up. We caught up a bit, and shot the shit until a couple other comics showed up. Chris St. John and Moe Singleton. Both newer comics who are out here grinding at shows. Chris had a ukulele with him and was also carrying a copy of the book Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It’s basically a self help book written by a plastic surgeon. I know nothing about it other than it sounds like it would be some of the most superficial wack ass shit of all time, but Chris swears by it. 

Turns out he set some of the groundwork for a lot of modern self-help books and workshops. It’s all about getting a positive outcome through visualization. So sounds pretty interesting, but honestly I’ve never been into self-help stuff. It always feels like common sense with fancy wrapping paper and a price tag on it. But if it works for you laydees more power to you. I am definitely a proponent of self-fulfilling prophecy so I don’t have too much room to talk.

At this point it starts to look like nobody is going to show up. It is after 8 (the start time) and we have a limited number of comics and no audience, but then they started to come in. When the show started we ended up with about 11 ppl there, so we were ready to get it on the road.

Lynn went first and was performing with hip-hop music playing super loudly behind him. He did a good job of making sure the audience was done ordering, and eating by the time he brought the first comic up which is always appreciated.

The first comic up was Moe. The best part is Moe had been waiting like 35 minutes for his wings to get there. As soon as his wings arrive and he takes his first bite Lynn yell’s, “give it up for MOE SINGLETON!” 

That is one of the great fears as a comedian. That your sweet, delicious, precious, dripping with sauce wings will arrive as soon as you’re called on stage. 

So Moe is up there doing his material with Asian Zing sauce on his hands an the has an ok set. A lot of stuff doesn’t work but he has some stuff that does. There is one lady in the audience who is throwing shade the entire set. Just side comments and being salty during the set. The highlight of which was Moe closing super strong doing his best joke, and people start clapping. She responds by saying, “y’all really gonna clap for that? Ok then.” Which honestly absolutely destroyed me. 

I am up second and I decide that Im going to have to get control of this crowd. So I start my set by talking to “the mean lady”. Just busting her balls by asking her why she had to be so mean to Moe. That we are all following our dreams and she’s just ruining them, and it was killing. It was a super fun set. I ask her what her name is and she avoids the question multiple times by shoveling fries in her mouth which was absolutely hilarious to me. This goes on for like 5 minutes and I get other people involved and it turned out into being a super fun set.

Honestly those are the best and most fun ways to handle a heckler. It was addressed to the point where she apologized to Moe but nothing was said that was so mean that she’d feel offended and walked out. She was laughing and having a super fun time as well. 

After getting control of the room I did about 2 new jokes and they both worked really well. They were both race jokes, and I like gauging an all black crowd to make sure that what I'm saying makes sense and isn’t ridiculous and offensive. 

I’d give this set about an A-. I felt really good about it, and it was definitely the best set of work week. It put me in a good mood for the two booked shows I had the rest of the weekend.  Definitely a dope start to the weekend.

Saturday I had a super chill and relaxing day which was nice. I almost completely forgot I was booked at The Push comedy theatre in Norfolk VA. I was supposed to be on the showcase, but regular host/comic Hatton Jordan was under the weather and needed someone to host and zaddy needs the money so I agreed. 

They had several dropouts so I had to snag a comic to ride with. I figured I’d pick a newer comic who could use the experience, so I guilted Rick Williams to skip his hockey game to ride with me.

We headed down, and had a super good conversation about comedy, Richmond, goals, aspirations, and just bad show stories. So it made the 2+ hour trip go by super fast.

We get there a little early and decide to look for a bite to eat. We find this hole in the wall taco bar called Sanctuary. It is sketchy looking af. It is down an alley, it has a flickering light overhead and absolutely no way to see inside or out. 

We go in and we are in this super narrow but dope spot. There is two tables and then the rest of the building is a bar that runs all the way back to the kitchen.  There is like pop/punk art on the wall, and they’re playing some rocking tunes over the speakers and running music videos that don’t match the songs on the televisions. It is like we are in a refurbished lane from a shooting range it is so narrow.

The tacos were delicious and the bartender was super nice. This will definitely be my spot to eat whenever I'm invited back to The Push.

We go over and check out part of the show going on before us. It is an improv theatre so they’re doing an improvised Halloween show to a nearly sold out crowd. The audience is loving it even if Improv isn’t my cup of tea. We watch for about thirty minutes and decide to head to the lobby to get ready for the show.Once in the lobby the other comics start to arrive including Kyle Phalen and Nick Deez (rva transplant). 

The first show ends and they make na announcement that if you were there for the first show you get into the stand up show for free. This is dope and we get a pretty good retention with about 20 people staying for the stand up show. This coupled with the people that bought tickets led us to having about 35+ ppl at the show which was sick.

They had us set up with a music mic stand stand, I said bump that and went to the car to get a traditional one. I just never really like anything but a round base mic stand. I might be crazy but it just is comfortable.

The show starts and I do about 15 or 16. I had a pretty good hosting set. I get so in my head and don’t do what I should do which is crowd work. I do about 1 minute of it and then go into my material. Half of my stuff hits really hard, the rest does ok, and only one thing doesn’t work at all. All in all for a host set it was pretty dope. I’d say this was a C. 

Honestly compared to what I can do I’d say this was definitely average, but that’s ok. People are now settled down and ready for the show. I did my job as a host, and I can tell people appreciated what I was doing. The big pops really popped.

Next up is Rick Williams, and he DID NOT DO SO HOT. Oooooweeeee laydees. He definitely was having one of those sets where you can tell the person on stage is hating it. It was a good learning experience for him. He’s in that stage of being a new comic where a lot of what he writes is sexual, violent, edgy, etc. 

It was cool to see him work through that, end up getting a few laughs and realize once he got off stage that he has other things he needs to work on. Always impressive to see a new comic really understand that not everything is going to work everywhere and it is good to be versatile. 

Later Nick Deez went up and had the set of the night. The people really dug and vibed with what he was doing on stage. He’s about a year in, and def making some strides. These are some of my fav people to bust balls with, so we were having a blast after the show.

I was singing a cover of Harvey Danger’s Flagpole Sitta where I changed all of the lyrics to being about Rick bombing. I had so much fun I’m definitely recording a cover of it on Garageband and when he leasts expects it I will release it haha.

All in all a super dope night with good friends. The ride back was fun as well. We got deeper into comedy, and our fears about doing it. Talked about my hopeful future move, and why I’m so scared of it. 

We really got into some kinda deep territory, but it was definitely good to do. I am super self conscious about my self and especially my comedy. I pride myself on being the hardest working comic in the area. All I can control is how many shows I do, how much I write, and how critical I am of myself. I legitimately will do and have done shows anywhere. I’ve done clubs, colleges, coffee shops, urban rooms, improv theatres, dive bars, redneck bars, nightclubs, alt rooms, theatres, I've opened for bands, singers, poets, drag shows, and this week I’ll be performing on my first burlesque show. Unfortunately I always have this fear that I can’t cut it in certain rooms, but each show is a reminder that that is bullshit and I’ll put my stuff up against whoever.

We ended our night getting McDonalds drive thru at 2 am, and that is the perfect way to end a night of comedy. I went to sleep happy knowing I had brunch and one last show the next day.

Sunday I go to brunch with Brock Hall and Rick Williams at Metro Diner in Willow Lawn. It was a nice relaxing brunch which I followed up with watching the last Harry Potter movie. 

Then it was time to get ready to head down to Newport News to be on Sunday Funnies at Cozzy’s Comedy Club which is Virginia’s longest continuously running comedy club. I always enjoy this show, because it is run and booked by my good friend Holly Owens. 

This week Mu Cuzzo was hosting and the lineup was filled with some of my favorite people to hang and chill with. Closing it out was Sid Bridge who runs the open mic at Cozzys and is an all around swell jew. We also had Jounte Ferguson, Torrey Huggins, and Ryan Valentine on the mic. Allison Moore was also on the show and finally there was Mike Jay. I’ve never met or seen Mike Jay before but he seemed like a good guy.

This is one of those shows that you have to make fun. There were 13 people there and 5 of them weren’t on the show and weren’t employees. But honestly Mu brought some good energy in what I assume was his first time hosting. We all just got into it and it became one giant super fun workshop.

Jounte did a new joke about how he might have slept with a r******d girl. I work at a school for autism so I don’t use that word on stage, it doesn’t work for me personally, but I will never police a comic’s language on stage. 

When I went up I just made myself have fun. I did nothing but crowdowrk for the first 8 minutes and it was all me asking questions to Jounte about how it was a “maybe.” Like how didn’t he know, and asking him a bunch of questions. he was getting so uncomfortable it was hilarious. Everybody was dying laughing and we were all having such a good time. I then closed with 4 minutes of new jokes and they didn’t go so hot. With an intimate crowd they really wanted the crowd work which was ok. I had a super hot and fun set and I'd honestly say for the room and how everyone else’s set went I’d give myself an A-.

The rest of the show was fun. Allison had a fun set as well, and Mike Jay did fine. He had some questions after the show about Clash of the Comics at the Richmond FunnyBone so we chatted about that for a bit before I left. 

Sid closed it out and I forgot he has a few jokes I really really dig. He has one about replacing any word in a sentence with the word “jew” and it becomes offensive and it’s a great joke. I’d never seen him play bass on stage but I guess that’s what he closes with. 

This was a fun show and my entire ride home I just kept thinking to myself how good it felt to do super well in front of nobody.

All of my success is tied directly to how much fun I am having on stage and I always forget that. Even in tough or weird rooms with or without audiences I need to remember I love comedy and that this shit is supposed to be fun.

So that was my weekend and it was super fun and delicious so until next time LAYDEES!!! I LOVE YOU ALL XOXO

[massmurdera]

Best/Worst of 2017

Objectively speaking, 2017 was a tire fire of a year in America and I knew that going in. I’ll leave out the Trump bullshit and how I feel. Americans/people like being outraged, but it gets old to wake up every day in a panic. I did when Deflategate was happening to Tom Brady, but that had no real-world implications. Everyday, I was waking up to check Twitter to see what bad shit was happening. I think I did a solid job cutting it out as best I could and not letting it make me go mad.

It was a mostly boring year and then it picked up towards the very end. I might not feel good about America and where we’re I think we’ heading while holding out hope that this ends soon (I’m naïve and think we’re completely/totally fucked) but I guess I feel all right about where I’m going and how I feel about those close to me in my life. I’m controlling what I can control. Things could be better, but I’m all right. 

TV Funniest go-to show: Desus and Mero Late Night/Politics: John Oliver Favorite TV show (non-Game of Thrones): American Vandal TV SHOW (non-Game of Thrones): 1) Legion 2) Stranger Things 3) Godless 4) Dark 5) Sneaky Pete 6) Mindhunter 7) Marvelous Mrs Maisel 8) Better Call Saul 9) the Deuce 10) Fargo 11) Ozarks 12) 13 Reasons Why 13) Lethal Weapon 14) Riverdale 15) Mr Robot 16) This is Us TV Comedies: 1) American Vandal 2) Big Mouth 3) Nathan for You 4) Rick and Morty 5) GLOW 6) Veep 7) Brockmire 8) Atypical

I’m biased that a family friend of mine co-created American Vandal and his brother is on the show too in a minor role but it REALLY is great. It sounds stupid that older family members scoffed at or were bewildered by, but it’s far smarter social commentary than it appears. It nailed high school so well.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS Funniest: Hormone Monster/Monstress (Big Mouth) Best Jeff Spicoli that should get a spin-off: Dylan and the Wayback Boys (American Vandal) Best Philip Seymour Hoffman: Edward Kemper (Mindhunter) Most fun/crazy role: 1) Aubrey Plaza (Legion) 2) Susan Sarandon (Feud) Perfect role: Marc Maron (GLOW), Nikki Swango (Fargo) Best drunk: Brockmire Sorely Overlooked: Clayne Crawford in Mel Gibson’s role (Lethal Weapon) Star-Making: Katherine Langford (13 Reasons Why); Rachel Brosnahan (Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

DISAPPOINTING FROM GREAT SHOWS: Curb Your Enthusiasm; Fargo; the Americans; Game of Thrones; Silicon Valley; Veep Shows I half-watch but could give up on: Big Little Lies; Feud; Preacher; Runaways; Shameless; the Sinner; SMILF; SNL; This is Us; White Famous WORST Shows: 1) Twin Peaks 2) the Leftovers 3) the Defenders 4) Taboo 5) Top of the Lake Didn’t work but should have: Vice Principals -had moments Absolute Worst: any and all political panel/news shows (Fox News, CNN, MSNBC). Burn them all to the ground.

Still need to watch: American Gods; BoJack Horseman; Brooklyn 99; Carmichael Show; Catastrophe; Good Place; Halt and Catch Fire; Handmaid’s Tale; Master of None; Punisher

Overall: the new shows were damn good, but the established great shows were all letdowns.

MOVIES 5 STARS: CLASSIC: 1) Get Out 4 STARS: 2) Free Fire 3) John Wick II 4) Dunkirk 5) Star Wars 6) Logan 3 ½ stars: Brawl in Cell Block 99; Good Time; Logan Lucky 3 STARS RENTALS: WATCHABLE: Atomic Blonde; Baby Driver, Babysitter, Big Sick; Blade Runner 2049; Fate of the Furious; Okja; Shot Caller, Spiderman, Split; War for Planet of the Apes; Wind River; Wonder Woman 2 STARS-DIDN”T LIKE BUT DECENT PARTS: Girls Trip; Guardians of Galaxy 2; Ingrid Goes West; Lego Batman; War Machine Most boring/dumbest critic favorite: Personal Shopper Cool twist made up for okay movie: Split Coolest soundtrack/score: Good Time, Dunkirk Most Over-the-Top Violent: Brawl in Cell Block 99 Overrated: Baby Driver, Wonder Woman Disappointed: Lego Batman

NEED TO CHECK OUT AFTER I READ BOOK: Lost City of Z; It HAVEN”T SEEN: Call Me By Your Name; Coco; Columbus; Darkest Hour; Disaster Artist; Florida Project; Justice League; Lady Bird; Molly’s Game; mother!; Mudbound; Phantom Thread; the Post; Shape of Water; Thor; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

I’ve got catching up to do. But I think the year in movies wasn’t good.

Best Documentaries: 1) the Defiant Ones 2) Get Me Roger Stone 3) the Keepers 4) Jim & Andy BEST NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIALS: 1) Dave Chappelle 2) Patton Oswalt 3) Ali Wong 4) Marc Maron 5) Neil Brennan 6) Bill Burr 7) Rory Scovel 8) Mike Birbiglia

Burr’s my favorite comic and seeing him live he is the best comic alive but it didn’t translate live. And he cut out so much of his best stuff.  Chappelle might be more natural and have a sense of the moment though. Overplayed controversy -outrage over Chappelle’s jokes. Yeah, I don’t think they actually saw his act and just listened, out of context, to the jokes. He’s still as good as it gets. People just want to be outraged and have things be PC. Comics maybe hype that up, but it’s true. Underrated/Lost moment no one saw: Def Jam 25th Anniversary Special wasn’t good but Chappelle’s 7-minute improv off-the-cuff bit is secretly funnier than anything he did in his 2 specials. I don’t think any other comic alive or ever could have pulled that off as smoothly/naturally.

Worst special: Amy Schumer (like her, but she wasn’t ready to be released and nothing worked: felt like she wanted in on Netflix $ guys like Chappelle/Seinfeld were getting. I get the fairness, but uh, Chappelle’s specials felt like an event.

OTHER SPECIALS (comedy album/non-HBO) SOLID: TJ Miller; Joe DeRosa; Kurt Braunholer; Brian Posehn Didn’t totally work for me but I like them: Jerrod Carmichael, Tiffany Hadish

STILL NEED TO CHECK OUT: Ari Shaffir; Jerry Seinfeld; Brian Regan;  Jen Kirkman; Judd Apatow; Hasaan Minaj; Michelle Wolf; Chris Gethard

Just loaded with too much good comedy. It’s never been better with podcasts, Netflix.

Favorite Podcasts: 1) Chapo Trap House 2) Pardon My Take 3) Frotcast 4) Bill Burr 5) Fuck the Chargers 6) Inactives 6) Revisionist History 7) Dollop 8) My Favorite Murder 9) Hound Tall Best Dollop Episodes of the Year: 1) Falling Pilot 2) Falling Pilot 3) Uber 4) Trump 5) Trump part 1 & 2 5) Enron 6) Phantom of the Open Dollop can be hit-or-miss. But the hits? Are as good as podcasting gets for history, comedy, and understanding the times we live in now. They would make for classic movies/docs. but specializes in overlooked, ridiculous stories that may have had massive historical ramifications (Dope Lake, Falling Pilot qualify for that except the ramifications part). Every once in a blue moon, they nail something timely (Enron) or current (Opium; Uber; Trump). They are the calm in the eye of a storm of utter insanity. Best individual episodes: -Bertcast (#217: Dave Anthony/Gareth Reynolds)-funny stand-up stories -Joey Diaz on Rogan/Bertcast -Tom Segura/Bert Kreischer Weight Loss Challenge (Joe Rogan) first episodes of the year)-funny/strangely inspiring. They did another challenge later in the years  -Revisionist History-Miss Buchanan’s Period of Adjustment (Brown v Board of Education)-the unintended and disastrous consequences still felt today of why the decision was awful in a way you didn’t consider. It’ devastating to hear -Crabfeast #292 (Gareth Reynolds) talks about being hired to entertain kids birthday parties for 5 years as a side job while trying to make it in comedy. I love stories of failure/struggle at shit jobs Funniest podcast: 600 Dollar Podcast-bummer it ended Frotcast is my next favorite for humor (Best of 2016/2017 episodes are most accessible rather than just being dropped in). Bill Burr always. Best guest on a podcast: James Adomian as Gorka (Chapo Trap House) Best political: Chapo Trap House (and, yes, I am a Grey Wolf) Best Sports: Pardon My Take Best fan hate/schadenfreude: Fuck the Chargers Most underrated: Butterfly Effect (Jon Ronson)-only 6 episodes 3 hours 30 minutes; does what Malcolm Gladwell does but more long-form on the porn industry History: Dollop (over Common Sense/Hardcore History) Best local radio show/podcast: Matty & Nick Overrated/Lukewarm/Forgettable: Crimetown; S-Town; Pod Save America, Larry Wilmore Crimetown and  S-Town’ are basically just accents. I didn’t like them the way other people did. Pod Save America is for boring people who don’t listen to podcasts and don’t know or bother for better alternatives. They are inoffensive dudes: it’s VERY basic. I think ‘Lovett or Leave It’ is better depending on the panel. Worst: Missing Richard Simmons Other podcasts I enjoy-Binge Mode, Bodega Boys, Dumb People Town, Emotional Hangs, FOFOP, Handsome Rambler (Hannibal Burress), Lovett or Leave It, We’ll See You in Hell Need to check out more-Crab Feast, Cum Town, In the Dark, Mogul Listen to if they have a good guest -Bertcast, Joe Rogan, WTF, You Made it Weird BEST EVENTS: 1) Pats-Steelers AFC Championship  2) Pats-Texans AFC Divisional  2nd half 3) Chance the Rapper: Boston Calling 4) 1975: Boston Calling 5) Thrice/Circa Survive: House of Blues sadly I couldn’t see Thrice or the stage at all in the mezzanine but I wasn’t mad 5) My Favorite Murder: Wilbur 6) Turnover: Royale 7) Hannibal Burress: Boston Calling 8) Frightened Rabbit: Boston Calling 9) Norm MacDonald @ Wilbur Theatre: Netflix taping 10) watching my friend mosh to Converge while I held his sweatshirt

WORST EVENTS: 1) My cousin at Boston Calling -just a disaster I won’t explain, but it was the probably the most disappointing thing that I experienced all year and shit on my weekend with my friend from LA. I basically had to become a babysitter and ditch my friend. 2) Pats-Texans AFC Championship Game -freezing 0 degree cold January game (expected) in the upper 300-level section and ours was the ONLY one not standing for a playoff game. Sat next to two kids under 8. Then someone brought in a newborn fucking baby that, no hyperbole, could not have been more than a month old. Insane. We snuck into the 200-level section at halftime and it ended up being a fucking party and playoff atmosphere that I wanted, expected, and had enjoyed before. 2) Migos  -last minute replacement for Solange: just looked/sounded completely unprepared and they knew it. Crowd didn’t seem to be into it (Boston is mainly white) and didn’t know the lyrics to chant back: when they did so, it failed, and they were laughing it off but knowing it wasn’t a good setting for them. 4) Bon Iver  -I liked his new album but doesn’t translate well live and to festivals. Super boring. Watching white people LOSE their shit to lukewarm Kenny G-esque saxophone solos (5 people playing the sax) was ridiculous.

MUSIC 1a) Brian Fallon-’If Your Prayers Don’t Get to Heaven’ 1b) Brian Fallon-’Forget Me Not’ 2) Menzingers-’˜Lookers’ 3) Lorde-’Perfect Places’ 4) Carly Rae Jepsen-’Cut to the Feeling’ 5) Turnover-’Breeze’ 6) Vallis Alps-’Fading’ 7) Kendrick Lamar-Humble’ 7) Calvin Harris/Frank Ocean/Migos-’Slide’ 9) Night Game-’the Outfield’ 10) Kesha-’Praying’

Album: Menzingers-’After the Party’ New Artist: Khalid Late pass: Turnover Late pass song: Lord Huron-’the Night We Met’

WORST POLITICAL: the chaos that comes with Trump-Waking up everyday in anxiety to check what happened on Twitter in America with politics/everything. It was, objectively, a trainwreck tire-fire. There’s too much news (which he obviously likes, even if it’s bad: he likes the attention and is a cable news addict). So, yeah, I don’t want to just be overloaded with it all the time, so fuck you forever. A year’s worth of shit is dumped every week. Thing is, I don’t hate Trump the most. He’s a stooge and he’s only doing everything the Republicans want anyway. It’s just that he’s such a dunce.

Worst music moment: 1) Katy Perry dancing w/ Migos, her music videos 2) Taylor Swift album rollout 3) Eminem’s cringe-y Trump freestyle that sounded as bad as Hamilton

Favorite debacles: Uber, Juicero, Fyre Festival Only because I can’t enjoy the Trump presidency debacles since it’s everyday life. Favorite Online Writer: Drew Magary Best health choice: switching to shoes with arch support -I can’t wear any of the major shoes like Nike anymore. I’ve got super flat feet. I was walking around for 2 months feeling like my foot was broken. I was in agony. Instant relief when I got better shoes. Most Confused thought: How the hell is Martin Shkreli the only evil rich asshole to go to jail? Sweetest/Coolest: Remember, Remember the 5th of November and beyond (super dumb inside joke to only person that might read this BS). I’ll leave it at that. I mean, I totally want to write about it, how awesome/funny it is, a phone call I made to my friend that was 12+ years in the making that he didn't expect. But yeah. I’ll just say it’s really sweet and just not jinx it.

Look ahead 2018 MUSIC: 1) Brian Fallon 2) Thrice 3) Chvrches 4) Wonder Years 5) Arctic Monkeys 6) Carly Rae Jepsen 7) 1975 8) Bruce Springsteen 9) Justin Timberlake NEW HBO: 1) Barry-Bill Hader as an assassin 2) Confederacy 3) Mosaic NEW NETFLIX SHOWS: 1) Maniac 2) Altered Carbon OTHER NEW SHOWS: 1) Corporate 2) the Terror 2) Counterpart 3) the Alienist 4) Waco 5) Good Girls  RETURNING TV: 1) True Detective 2) Atlanta SHOWS ENDING: the Americans  BOOKS: 1) Stephen King-’the Outsider’ 2) new Game of Thrones? 3) Michelle McNamara Gillian Flynn is overdue for a new book MOVIES: 1) Death of Stalin 2) Incredibles II 3) Soldado: Sicario II 4) Bodied 5) First Man-Chazzelle 6) Where’d You Go Bernadette-Linklater 7) Predator -Shane Black 8) Halloween -David Gordon Green/Danny McBride 9) Widows -Gillian Flynn/Steve McQueen 10) Creed II 11) Deadpool II 12) Hold the Dark 13) Scarface-Coen brothers 14) Black Panther 15) new ‘Cloverfield’ NEW COMEDY SPECIALS: 1) Bill Burr 2) Chris Rock 3)Tom Segura 4) Bert Kreischer, 5) Mike Birbiglia

Biggest bummer: no Game of Thrones until 2019, but I’d rather they not fuck it up

LOOK AHEAD TO 2018: -moving out of parent’ place in 2 weeks while still saving up to buy a house/condos  -uh, I just turned 31, so that took forever. I have a decent amount of $ saved up to secure a house, but I want a decent one. -brother’s wedding in April -and bachelor party -cousins getting married and engaged -happening in droves -Pats playoff run and maybe the last best stand in the Belichick-Brady era. Brady could easily play 3 more years, be a top 3-5 QB (he still is the best, most durable/toughest, consistent), break every record, but something to be said about going out on top. -Shows/Tours Hoping to see: Boston Calling, Bill Burr, Brian Fallon, Bert Kreischer, Thrice, Chappelle, Pats -Gaslight Anthem reunion shows for 10-year anniversary of ‘the 59 Sound’ AND hopefully coming back again