#Werepire Stangie AU

[thelastspeecher]

15 - afterlife with the werevamp stangie au?

15. Afterlife

I had an idea that sorta plays loose and fast with the specifics of the prompt.  It’s not about a traditional interpretation of the word “afterlife”.  Instead, it’s about Stan dealing with the fact that he’s no longer technically alive.  And it’s something I’ve mentioned before but haven’t really explored in a fic format before.  Hope you like it!

Prompt List

——————————————————————————————

            Stan’s knee bouncednervously.  His fangs itched like they alwaysdid when he was anxious.

              What I wouldn’t give for aneck right now.  He heard a dooropen.  His head shot up.  Angie walked into the living room.

              “Well?” he asked.  Angie shook her head.  Stan’s heart dropped to his feet.  “Negative again?”

              “It’s- I don’t know why,” Angiesobbed, her head in her hands.  Stan gotup from the couch and put an arm around her shoulders, squeezingreassuringly.  “My- my fam’ly never hasissues conceiving.  It just don’thappen.  Stanford even said that bein’ awerewolf should make it more likely I get pregnant.”

              “Ford’s not a doctor doctor,though.  He might be wrong,” Stansaid.  “Maybe being a werewolf makes itmore difficult or something.”  Angie’ssobs strengthened.

              “You really think it’s- it’s myfault?” she wailed.  Stan closed hiseyes.

              Dammit.

              “No, Angie, I don’t- I don’t knowwhose fault it is- if anyone’s at fault even. I don’t think-”  Stan’s fangs werenow itching so much it was almost painful. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to talk and-”  The doorbell rang.  Angie’s head whipped around to stare at thefront door.  She growled softly throughher tears.  “I’ll get it.  You just sit down and try to calm down a bit,okay?”  Angie wordlessly took a seat onthe couch, tears still streaming down her cheeks.  Stan walked over to the front door and openedit, revealing his twin brother.

              “Stanley, I have been doing someresearch, and-” Ford began immediately. Stan stepped outside, closing the door behind himself.

              “Ford, now’s not the time,” hehissed.  Ford’s eyes widened in sympathy.

              “Another negative pregnancytest?” he asked quietly.  Stannodded.  “Oh, Stanley, I’m sorry.  I know you and Angie really want to havebiological children.”

              “Yeah, well, it’s-”  Stan looked away, determinedly trying to holdback tears.  “Since I can’t exactly go tothe doctor, all we can do is hope the regular old-fashioned horizontal mamboworks out.  And it’s- it’s looking likeit won’t.  So we’re not exactly in themood for your bullshit right-”

              “I think I know why you two are havingtrouble conceiving,” Ford blurted out. Stan crossed his arms.

              “Really?”

              “Yes.”

              “Fine.  Lay it on me,” Stan said.  Ford swallowed.

              “It’s you, Stanley,” he saidsoftly.  Ever since being turned, Stanfelt constantly cold, but the ice spreading through his chest now was evencolder than his base state. “You’re…you’re not alive.”

              “Then I’m doing a damn good jobpretending it,” Stan muttered.  Fordsighed.

              “You know what I mean.  You lack a heartbeat, your temperature iscolder than any human could survive.  Youdon’t even need to breathe, you just pretend to in order to not upsetpeople.  You’re not alive.  You’re undead.”

              “Gee, thanks.”  Stan frowned at Ford.  “Why is that relevant?”

              “Stanley, think about it.  If you’re not alive, neither are any of thecells you produce,” Ford said.  Stanraised an eyebrow.  “Such as…spermcells.”  It felt like ice ran throughStan’s veins.  His stomach was filledwith lead.  “If you’re producing spermcells, they wouldn’t be capable of reaching and fertilizing an egg.  And, honestly, you might not even beproducing sperm cells.”

              “I don’t wanna talk about mysperm with you, Ford.”

              “You told me to tell you.”

              “I know, I know.”  Stan dragged his hands down his face.  “But I was expecting more weird, vague shitabout magic and the phases of the moon and whatever.”  An awkward silence fell.  Stan sighed. “I guess- I guess this should make Angie feel better, at least.  She’s been freaking out, thinking that it’ssomething wrong with her.”

              “Oh.”  Ford paused. Stan opened the door and stepped inside. “Do you want to break the news about your infertility to her or shouldI-”

              “Get the hell outta here, Sixer,”Stan muttered, closing the door in his face. He stared at the closed door for a moment.  His fangs still itched.

              Shoulda bit Ford while I had thechance.

----- 

              Stan sat at the kitchen table,his head in his hands, staring at the phone in front of him.  The front door opened.  Stan looked up.

              “Angie-” he started.  Angie rushed past without saying anything.  Stan got up. “Angie, come on!”  A door closedsomewhere.  “Angie!”

              “Ten minutes!” Angieshouted.  With a low grumble, Stan satback down.

              After ten minutes had passed,Stan heard footsteps.

              “Angie, what the hell?” he snapped,glaring at his wife.  Angie looked downat her feet, carefully hiding her expression. “We finally got an appointment to talk to the adoption people on thephone, and you run out the second they pick up? Do you realize how bad that looks? I mean, with my criminal record, it’s gonna be difficult to convincethem to let us adopt already.”

              “Stanley…”

              “I know-”  Stan took a breath.  “I know you’re not happy about the wholeadopting thing, I know you wanted to have a biological kid, but-”

              “Stanley.”  Angie looked up at him.  A broad grin stretched from ear to ear.  “I’m sorry about rushin’ out, but I had to goto the store and check on somethin’.”

              “Check on what?” Standemanded.  “What’s so important that youmaybe screwed up our chance to adopt-”

              “Hold out yer hands,” Angieinterrupted.

              “What?  No.  I’mnot gonna-”

              “Okay, fine.”  Angie set something on the table in front ofStan.  Stan glanced down, then back up.

              “What is this, some kinda-”  He froze, abruptly recognizing the item Angiehad put in front of him.  Stan’s gaze slowlytraveled back down to the pregnancy test. He swallowed.

              Positive pregnancy test.

              “You-” he choked out.  Angie sat next to him, still beaming.  “How-”

              “I realized I wasn’t feelin’quite right, I was late, yadda yadda yadda,” Angie said, waving a hand.  “And I knew that I was riskin’ our shot toadopt if I wasn’t right.  But I knew thatif I was pregnant, we wouldn’t want to go the adoption route.  I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.”

              “That was-”  Stan swallowed again.  “That was a big risk, babe.”

              “Since when have we not taken bigrisks?” Angie asked quietly, resting her hand on top of his.  Stan shook his head to hide his smile.

              “Good point.  But- but how is this possible?  Ford said we wouldn’t be able to havebiological kids.”

              “Stanford has been wrong just asoften, if not more, than he has been right,” Angie said.  Stan grinned.

              “Yeah.  You’re right.”  He squeezed Angie’s hand.  “So you’re- you’re really pregnant?”

              “I mean, I need to confirm itwith my doctor, but false positives are pretty rare.”  Angie’s eyes welled with tears.  “Stanley, we’re goin’ to be parents.”

              “Hell yeah, we are,” Stan chokedout.  He blinked.

              “What?”

              “Uh…”  Stan looked down at the pregnancy test on thetable.  “Didn’t- didn’t you pee on that?”

              “…I’ll toss it out.”

[thelastspeecher]

Hi, two things.1) If I can make a suggestion for the Fanfiction Trope MASH -UP, how about 56 an Awful First Meeting with 73 Stranded Due to Inclement Weather. There's so many weather possibilities, including the impossible ones. And I just remembered Gravity Falls has blood rain. 2) In your aus with vampires and other mythical creatures that can consume blood how would the vampires and family feel about Gravity Falls blood rain? Or any of your aus thoughts on blood rain, please?

The Trope Mash-Up List

Okay, so I’m actually gonna split my response to this ask into two parts because I uh, accidentally wrote a thing when I was working on the response to the first part.  I’ll be posting that in a separate post promptly.

To answer the second part of the question, about blood rain, I’d imagine the vampires in my Werepire AU feel about blood rain the same way that humans feel about regular rain.  Like, it’s technically edible, but not considered the most sanitary to consume.  The vampires would only drink blood rain under dire conditions.  For the most part, they’re annoyed by it, more than anything.  It makes everything smell like blood and delicious, but it’s not actually something they would drink, so it makes them hungry for no reason.  Also, it’s blood rain.  You get caught in that and your clothes are stained to all hell.

As for other AUs, I can’t really think of any specifics, just a general idea for how Angie would feel about blood rain.  Blood rain is one of the few supernatural things in Gravity Falls that Stan and Angie agree is terrible.  Angie’s not exactly squeamish, but she does think it’s rather gross, smelly, and she doesn’t like dealing with the cleanup afterwards.  Stan feels the same way.  They don’t like it.

[thelastspeecher]

No title, but here’s a short little thing in the Werepire Stangie AU that we discussed on the discord yesterday.  Enjoy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

              “Thank you both for coming,” Ford said to Angie and Stan, opening the door to his study.  Stan raised an eyebrow.

              “Uh, you’re welcome?  I mean, we live here, so it’s not like it’s a big trip,” Stan replied.  Angie snorted quietly.  Ford ignored the snark and stood to the side so Stan and Angie could file in. “So, whattaya want from us?”

              “Now that we are on speaking terms, I have a few questions. Particularly pertaining your relationship.”

              “Oh, boy,” Angie muttered.  She rubbed her forehead.  “What exactly are ya askin’ us regardin’ our relationship?”

              “Well, first off, does Stan drink from you regularly?” Ford asked.  He walked over to his desk, flipped open his journal, and held a pen over a blank page.

              “No.”  Angie frowned at Stan, but the expression had no malice behind it.  “He says my blood tastes gross.  Which is awful rude.”

              “I’m just telling the truth,” Stan said, shrugging.  Angie rolled her eyes.  “All right, was that it?  ‘Cause we’ve got plans to-”

              “No, I have more questions,” Ford interrupted.  Stan groaned.

              “Great,” he groaned.  Angie elbowed him.

              “Hush,” she said.  She nodded at Ford.  “Go ahead, Stanford.”

              “Thank you, Angie.”  Ford cleared his throat.  “The second question I have regards your, ah, intimate interactions.”

              “…Care to clarify?” Angie said after a moment.

              “Sure.  Do you copulate?  And if so, how?” Ford asked.  Angie stared at him, slack-jawed.  There was a small ruckus from elsewhere in the house, but Ford ignored it.

              “What does copulate mean?” Stan asked.  Angie kneaded her forehead.

              “Stan, he’s askin’ ‘bout our sex life,” she whispered.  Stan’s face turned red.  Well, as red as it could get, now that he was a vampire.

              “Ford, what the fuck!” Stan shouted.  “Why the hell would you ask that, you perv!”

              “Look, if you do in fact, ah, engage in coitus, I’m curious as to how that occurs,” Ford protested.  “I mean, Stan, you don’t really have a heartbeat anymore, so therefore, any blood flow is minimal, including to your-”

              “Okay, bye,” Angie said, turning around and exiting Ford’s study.  Stan just stared at Ford silently.  Ford sighed.

              “I suppose I’ll have to hold off on the questions concerning her specifically.”

              “And what would those questions be?” Stan asked, crossing his arms.  Ford tapped his chin with his pen.

              “Actually, no, I could probably ask them of you as well.  Stanley, do you only have sex with Angie when she’s in heat?”

              “When she’s in-”  Stan let out an empty laugh.  “Holy fucking balls, Poindexter.”

              “Well?”

              “I’m not answering that shit.  Go read a book on werewolves or whatever, okay?”  Stan left the room and sniffed the air, then followed Angie’s scent outside. She looked over at him as he joined her on the back porch.

              “Hello there,” she purred.  Stan kissed the top of her head.

              “Hey, babe.”  Stan sat next to her.  “Ugh, sorry about Ford.  He’s the world’s dumbest genius, I swear.”

              “I get it.  Fidds can be like that, too.”

              “Yeah.”  Stan sighed heavily.  “It’s a good thing you left when you did, ‘cause you woulda punched him if you heard his next question.”

              “Oh, no, dear, I did hear.”  Angie pointed to her ear.  “Wolf hearin’, ‘member?”

              “…Right.”  Stan frowned at her.  “Why didn’t you go kick his ass into next week?”

              “‘Cause I don’t need to,” Angie replied, stretching lazily.  She grinned.  “Someone else’ll do it fer me.”

              “Who?” Stan asked.

              “The other person who overheard,” Angie said.  Her grin turned just the slightest bit vicious.

              “Stanford Filbrick Pines, what on God’s green Earth possessed ya to ask my lil sister those questions?” Fiddleford shrieked from inside the house. Angie chuckled.

              “Oh man, normally, I’d bounce to avoid two people who are dating having an argument, but I think this time, I wanna eavesdrop.”

              “Same,” Angie said.  She got up. “I think I might make some popcorn. This’ll be a real fun show.”

[thelastspeecher]

No title bc I’m lazy, but here.  I randomly got inspired to write out a scene in the Werepire Stangie AU that I’ve talked about before.  Specifically, the scene wherein Stan and Ford talk about the possibility of Stan having a kid that is a vampire like he is.  This particular scene takes place directly after Stan and Angie broke the news that they’re expecting, a good while after Stan and Angie get married (not in a church, for obvious vampire reasons).  Also, Stan and Ford have more or less made up.  Okay, now that the background is out of the way, enjoy some brotherly interactions.

              Stan took a seat on the couch next to Ford.  Ford smiled at him.

              “Congratulations, Stanley.  You must be excited to be a father.”

              “Heh.  Yeah,” Stan said.  He looked down at the floor.  “I’m- if my kid turns out half as good as Angie, I’m golden.”  He swallowed and put his hands on his knees.  “Look, Stanford, just- give it to me straight, okay?”

              “Give what-”

              “Is my kid gonna be like me?” Stan asked.  Ford frowned.

              “I mean, he or she will inherit your genetic material, so your child will, no doubt, be like you in some regards.”

              “No, Ford, I mean…”  Stan’s fingers curled into fists.  “Is my kid gonna be a- a-”  He snorted humorlessly.  “What did Lute call me when he found out?  A member of the legion of the undead?”

              “…Oh.”  Ford rubbed the back of his neck.  “What answer would you like?”

              “The one where my kid can go outside during the day.  Or won’t need a juice box of blood packed every day for lunch. Or won’t count everything he drops, or-”

              “You don’t want your child to be a vampire.”

              “No shit, Poindexter.  Being a vampire, it’s- I mean, it’s how I met Angie, so that’s all right, but-”  Stan ran a hand through his hair.  “I don’t wanna subject an innocent child to it.  Angie’s kid deserves better than to be like me.” He sounded defeated.  “Please, just- tell me my kid will be a werewolf or- or normal.”

              “I can’t tell you that,” Ford said softly.  Stan’s face crumpled.

              “That’s what I was worried about.  God.”  Stan covered his face with his hands.  “I just wanted to be a good dad, and I’m already fucking up.”

              “No, I-”  Ford grimaced.  “Please don’t let that be your takeaway from our conversation.  I have no doubts you’ll be a fully capable father.  We might have had our differences, but it’s impossible for me to come to a different conclusion after seeing how invested you’ve been in becoming a parent.”  Stan glanced at him.

              “Really.”

              “Yes.  But if you’re looking for comfort as to whether your child will be vampiric, I can’t provide you with that comfort.  I have no idea of whether your vampirism will be passed down to your offspring.  I didn’t think you’d be able to reproduce at all, due to your condition.”

              “Yeah.  I remember.” Stan looked away.  “By the way, good job with that, genius.”

              “Stan.”

              “Whatever.”

              “I’ll let it slide, because you’re under stress.”

              “How generous,” Stan muttered, eyeing Ford.  Ford frowned at him.  “…I’ll behave.”

              “As I was saying, I can’t tell you whether or not your child will be a vampire.”  Ford rubbed his chin.  “Actually, it’s likely a multiple birth.  Lycanthropes rarely have singletons.”

              “Uh, what?”

              “That’s besides the point,” Ford said, waving a hand.  Stan sat up straighter.

              “No, say that again about it being more than one kid.”

              “You and Angie will cross that bridge during the first sonogram. Look.  Is it the worst thing in the world if your child is a vampire?”

              “Being a vampire isn’t exactly a walk in the park, Sixer,” Stan snapped.  “Especially since I can’t go for a walk in the park unless it’s nighttime.”

              “Yes, yes.  But you’ve learned how to make it work.  Would you not like to pass on what you’ve learned to your son or daughter?  Impart wisdom?” Ford asked.  A slow smile began to creep across Stan’s face.

              “…That sounds kinda nice.”

              “And you can’t truthfully tell me you don’t want your child to be like you. In high school, you told me you wanted a son named Stan Jr., whom you could teach to box.”

              “I still want that.”

              “Exactly.  You would be over the moon to have your child share something with you.”

              “…Yeah.”

              “And if you need help coming up with ways to work around the difficulties of vampirism, I’m here.  I’m this close to cracking the high-strength sunscreen so that you can go outside in the sun.”

              “Heh.  Whattaya know.  Having a genius brother obsessed with the supernatural is useful.”  Stan sighed softly.

              “…Are- did I fix the problem?” Ford asked, surprised.

              “Not completely.  I’m still terrified of being a dad, even though I want to be.  And I still don’t want my kid to be a vampire.  I meant it when I said that the kid should be like Angie. The more it takes after her, the better off it’ll be.”  Stan grinned. “Man, I’m gonna be a dad.”

              “Yes, you are.”

              “And you’re gonna babysit when Angie and I want to go out or whatever, right?” Stan asked.  “I mean, we might be a vampire and werewolf, but we need alone time sometimes.”

              “It depends on where I’m at with my research.”

              “Eh.  Fair enough.” Stan looked at Ford.  “Now.  What was that about it being more than one kid?”

[thelastspeecher]

Got in a mood to write some sappy dad!Stan.  So I did.  In the Werepire AU.  Enjoy some werewolf/vampire babies.

              “The soon-to-be fav’rite uncle is here,” Fiddleford sang, knocking on the door to Angie’s hospital room.  The door opened.  Stan squinted at him.

              “Pretty sure Lute’s gonna be the favorite,” Stan said.  Fiddleford frowned at him.  “Eh, never mind.  The girls will make their own decisions.”

              “And your son?” Ford asked.  Stan stood to the side so Fiddleford and Ford could file in.  The lights were dimmed, allowing Angie to sleep soundly in her hospital bed.

              “Yeah, about that, turns out the doctor read the sonogram wrong,” Stan replied. “All three of ‘em are girls. Which kinda sucked, since the name we thought of for a boy was Daniel, and we didn’t wanna go with Danielle to replace it.”

              “What name did you land on?” Ford asked.  Stan grinned.

              “Molly.  Sure, it won’t match her sisters’ names, but we both like it.”

              “A cute name,” Fiddleford agreed.  He looked around the hospital room.  “Now, where are-”  He caught sight of the three hospital cribs lined up next to Angie’s bed.  “Never mind, found ‘em.”  Fiddleford approached the cribs and began to coo over the infants. Ford turned to Stan.

              “What you were worried about-” he started.  Stan shook his head.

              “Seems like I shouldn’t have bothered worrying.  Angie took a good long smell of all three of ‘em right away. Two are werewolves, one is human.”

              “One is human?”  Ford rubbed his chin.  “That doesn’t seem possible.  Then again, you having biological children didn’t seem possible, either.”

              “Yeah, yeah, I get it, you didn’t think I could knock Angie up,” Stan said, rolling his eyes.  “But now that my kids are actually born, cut it out, will ya?  It’s pretty obvious they’re mine.”

              “I’ll make my own conclusion about that,” Ford replied.  He walked over to the cribs.  “…Yes, these are clearly your children.”

              “Told you.”  Stan joined Fiddleford and Ford by the cribs.

              “Which one is which, and which order were they born?” Fiddleford asked eagerly.

              “That one’s Molly,” Stan said, pointing to the crib closest to Angie’s bed. The infant inside was awake, staring at the room with wide blue eyes.  “Molly Gertrude Pines.  She’s the oldest.  And also she’s a werewolf, according to Angie.”

              “This one’s got the McGucket nose,” Fiddleford crooned, smiling fondly at the crib closest to him.

              “Yeah, that one’s Daisy Leigh McGucket.  Youngest.  And a werewolf.”

              “And the middle child?” Ford asked.

              “Danica Viola Pines.  Human.” Stan grinned.  “That’s fine by me.  We can keep each other company on full moons.”

              “That’s true,” Fiddleford said with a smile.  Stan looked over at the door furtively.

              “Uh, by the way, did either of you bring any A positive with you?” he asked quietly.

              “Yes,” Ford said.  He nodded at Fiddleford, who removed a thermos from the bag he was carrying. Stan took it gratefully.

              “Thanks.  Not the best optics to get caught stealing blood from a hospital.”

              “You’ve done it before,” Ford said, crossing his arms.

              “Yeah.  In towns I was gonna skip the next day.  But my kids and my wife and I are here for the long haul.  I don’t wanna fuck things up.”

              “Stanford, don’t get on his case when he’s actually followin’ the law,” Fiddleford scolded.  “He’s doin’ the right thing and yer givin’ him grief?”

              “I wasn’t-” Ford started.  Stan grinned.

              “Yeah, Ford, don’t give me grief for doing the right thing.”

              “Hmph.”  Ford rolled his eyes and looked back down at the cribs.  “I’m surprised you haven’t picked one up yet, Fiddleford.”

              “I was waitin’ fer permission,” Fiddleford replied.  Stan waved a hand.

              “Oh, yeah, go for it.  Just try not to pick one up that’s sleeping.  Apparently you’re not supposed to wake up sleeping babies or something like that.”

              “Nope, that’s correct, let ‘em sleep,” Fiddleford said.  He reached into Molly’s crib.  Angie let out a low growl.  Ford and Fiddleford spun around to stare at her.  She was still seemingly fast asleep.  “Um…”

              “Don’t worry, it’s fine.  She heals fast, but even she is gonna need a couple hours to recuperate after giving birth to triplets.”  Stan grimaced.  “It was definitely something you need to rest after.  And the nurse said that everything went well.  I don’t wanna know what it looks like when things don’t go well.”

              “…Why should that make us not worry about holding our nieces?” Ford asked.

              “Well, she can’t get out of bed and attack you yet.  Just stay outta reach and you should be fine.”

              “Maybe I’ll hold off on holdin’ my new niece,” Fiddleford said.  “Until Angie’s calmed down a bit.  If she’s growlin’ at us in her sleep…”

              “It’s probably fine,” Stan said.  “Here.” He took Daisy from her crib.  Angie was silent.  “See?”  He started to hand her over to Fiddleford.  Angie growled again.  “Huh. Weird.”

              “You are her mate,” Ford pointed out. “She won’t have a problem with you handling the children.”

              “You guys are family, too, though,” Stan argued.  Angie rolled over, snoring loudly.  “C’mon, Fiddlenerd.  I know you wanna hold her.”

              “Yer right.  I do.” Fiddleford took Daisy from Stan. He beamed down at his niece.  “Hey there, cutie.  Gosh, you’ve got such big blue eyes.  Such curly hair.  Yer a gorgeous lil one, aren’t ya- hey!”

              “What?” Ford asked.  Fiddleford looked up.

              “She nipped me.”

              “She doesn’t have teeth,” Stan said.

              “That’s why it didn’t hurt.  But she definitely bit down on my finger.”  Fiddleford stroked Daisy’s hair.  “Somethin’ wrong, honey?  I’ve never met a baby what bit so soon after being born.”  Daisy began to fuss loudly.  “Oh, dear.”

              “Here, lemme take her,” Stan instructed.  Fiddleford handed Daisy over.  Daisy immediately calmed down.  “What’s the matter, kiddo?” Stan asked softly.  “You pissed at your uncle?  I get it, he ticks me off, too.”  Ford smiled. “And I guess I shoulda expected you to bite.  I mean. Your dad is a vampire and your mom is a werewolf, so.”  Stan beamed in pride.  “You really take after your old man, huh?  Want me to teach you how to box?  Yeah, I’ll do that.  You’ll be the best damn boxer since Muhammad Ali.”

              “That’s so sweet,” Fiddleford whispered to Ford.  Ford nodded.

              “He’s going to be quite the father,” Ford replied softly.  There was a small chuckle from the hospital bed. Fiddleford and Ford looked over. Angie had woken up.  She was fondly watching Stan interact with Daisy.

              “Yer wrong,” Angie said.  “He’s not goin’ to be quite the father.  He already is.”

[thelastspeecher]

Hi, like your werepire ficlets! You mentioned in "Odd" that Ford almost killed Angie with wolfsbane in the werepire universe. Stan's reaction is understandable; So what's, Fiddleford, the protective brother's reaction to his friend almost killing his sister. Can't really see him stopping Stan. Was Fiddleford there when it happened, or did he find out afterwards? Would Stan & Angie stick around after that? I feel a sister-protecting-Ford-deflecting robot would be appropriate after that.

Well, Anon, you are in luck!  I was inspired by this ask to write that scene (which is actually something I’ve been meaning to do for a while).  To answer your questions that won’t get answered by the ficlet below: Stan and Angie stay in a motel a couple nights after the Incident, to get some space and allow everyone to cool off.  And Fiddleford loosens up his “I don’t really like this vampire guy hanging around Angie so much” feelings, bc he knows that Stan can protect Angie better than he can.  Fidds also refuses to cook for Ford for a few weeks.

And without further ado, here you go.  A free ficlet ;)

              Fiddleford could hear theshouting as he pulled into the driveway. He stifled a sigh.

              Great.  Those Pines men are at eachother’s throats again.  He turned offthe truck’s motor and stepped outside.

              “You coulda killed her, Stanford!”Stan’s voice screamed.  The pickup’skeys, held loosely in Fiddleford’s hand, fell to the ground.

              Her.  There’s only one “her” inthe house.  He bolted from the truck,not bothering to close the door in his haste, and tore into the house, slammingthe front door open.  Stan stood in theliving room, pinning Ford against the wall. He normally tried to hide his enlarged fangs, but they were on fulldisplay in a vicious snarl.  Fiddlefordlooked around frantically for Angie.  Hecaught sight of her, curled up in a ball on the floor a few feet from Stan andFord.

              “Banjey!” Fiddlefordshouted.  Stan and Ford looked over,startled.  Fiddleford ignored both ofthem, instead rushing to Angie’s side. Her body shuddered with deep coughs and loud wheezing.  “Banjey, what’s wrong?  What happened?”  Angie let out another wheeze.  Her eyes were watering.  Fiddleford’s heart stopped.  He recognized these symptoms.  “Where’s yer epi?”

              “Epinephrine won’t help her,”Ford said.  His voice was slightly strainedby Stan’s arm against his throat. Fiddleford whipped his head around to glare at Ford.

              “Yer not a medical doctor.  I know my sister!  She has a serious food allergy.  It looks exactly like this!”  Ford’s face paled.

              “She- she does?”

              “Yes!”

              “Right pocket,” Angie wheezed.  Fiddleford grabbed the EpiPen from the rightpocket in Angie’s jeans.  As he preparedto inject her with it, Ford shouted.

              “Wait!”

              “No, I don’t give a flyin’ darn ‘boutyer opinion, Stanford-” Fiddleford started.

              “The thing that triggered theallergic reaction is in the room.  Youneed to remove her before the epinephrine will be of use.”

              “Stanf-”

              “I’ll help,” Stan said.  He let go of Ford, who promptly fell to thefloor, and strode over.  “C’mon, Ang.”  Stan picked Angie up carefully and took heroutside, Fiddleford close behind.  Helaid her on the grass.  Fiddleford kneltbeside her and immediately used the EpiPen. Angie let out a loud gasp.  Herbreathing steadied.  After a few moments,the flush coloring her cheeks began to fade.

              “We’ll take you to the ER, don’tworry,” Fiddleford said calmly.  Angienodded.  Fiddleford stood.  “Stanley, you claim to love my sister.  Why the hell were ya wastin’ precious timearguin’ while she couldn’t breathe?” Fiddleford demanded.  Stan took a step back, visibly surprised bythe venom in Fiddleford’s voice.

              “Look, I didn’t-”

              “Ford’s fault,” Angiewheezed.  She sat up.  “It was Ford’s fault.”

              “I told ya not to eat the fancygranola he bought last week-”

              “No-” Angie started.

              “And save yer breath,junebug.  Ya need every bit of air ya canget right now.  Stan can explain thingsto me.”  Fiddleford looked at Stan.  “Well?”

              “I have no clue what happened,”Stan said.  “I was working on my car whenI heard Angie start screaming.  I raninside, and Ford was shoving something in her face, and she was completelyfreaking out, coughing and sneezing. She- she got worse while I was trying to get Ford to tell me what hedid.”

              “I didn’t mean for things to gothat poorly,” Ford’s voice said.  Fiddlefordspun around.  Ford had followed themoutside.  He had the grace to look sheepish.  “If I had known she was severely allergic tosomething already, I would have tried something else.  Lycanthropes don’t typically have such strongreactions to wolfsbane unless they ingest it.”

              “Ya shouldn’t have been tryin’ todo anything that would cause any sort of harm to- wait.”  Fiddleford stared at Ford.  “Lycanthropes?”  Ford nodded.

              “Angie’s a werewolf.”

              “A- Stanford, I told you not todiagnose my sister with some spookum disease!”

              “Fidds,” Angie said softly.  Fiddleford looked down at Angie, stillsitting on the grass.  She lookedaway.  “He’s right.”  Fiddleford sunk to his knees next to hissister.

              “What?”

              “He’s right.  He- he figured it out.  I’m-” Angie’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. Stan crouched next to Angie.

              “Ang,” Stan said.  Angie shook her head wordlessly.

              “Stanley, is- is she really-”Fiddleford started.  Stan nodded.

              “Yeah.  We figured it out pretty fast.  As far as we can tell, she got bit by awerewolf that she thought was a stray dog that needed help.  When she transformed for the first time, shewas too confused to turn back, and got stuck until I found her.”  Stan swallowed.  “We think she was trying to go home, sinceshe got all the way to Missouri from California.”

              “Oh.  Oh, dear. Oh, my poor baby sister.” Fiddleford stroked Angie’s hair. Angie let out a small sob. Fiddleford grit his teeth and stood. He glared at Ford.  “StanfordFilbrick Pines, what is wrong with you?”

              “I had to-”

              “No!  You didn’thave to poison my sister to prove she was a werewolf.  What, ya couldn’t wait until the next fullmoon?”

              “Fiddleford, I didn’t expect herto react so strongly,” Ford said, holding his hands out placatingly.

              “Ya shouldn’t have exposed her tosomethin’ ya thought she would react to at all! Even if ya thought she would just sneeze once!  Yer too foolhardy, dammit!”

              “Fiddleford-”

              “Clean up everything in the housethat could hurt my sister.  Now,”Fiddleford said firmly.  “Stan ‘n I aregoin’ to take her to the hospital.”  Fordpuffed up for a moment like he was going to argue, before deflating andsilently nodding.  He went backinside.  Fiddleford turned his attention backto Angie.  “Why didn’t you tell me?” heasked.  Angie slowly got to her feet withStan’s help.

              “I didn’t want to complicatethings,” Angie said.  “You were alreadydealin’ with a lot.  Yer missin’ sistershowin’ up out of nowhere with no memory, said sister havin’ a vampire fer aboyfriend, said vampire bein’ yer research partner’s estranged twin.  I didn’t want to add to it.  And…” Angie looked down at her feet.  “Ididn’t want you to fuss over me any more than you already were.  I’m fine. Mostly.”  She coughed.

              “You were worried ‘bout how Iwould react,” Fiddleford said.  Angienodded.  “Well, that’s fair, since I ain’tquite sure how I’d react findin’ this out under dif’rent circumstances.  But with everything that just happened, youbein’ a werewolf is the least of my worries.” Angie let out a wheeze.  “Case inpoint.  We need to take ya to the hospital.  Like ya always do after ya use yer epi.”  Angie rolled her eyes.

              “I know, Fidds.  I know.”

              “C’mon.”  Fiddleford helped Angie into the passengerseat of his pickup.  She immediatelyleaned against the window, her eyes closed. Fiddleford looked at Stan.  “Allthis time, I’ve been feelin’ a bit weird ‘bout a vampire bein’ the one torescue my sister.  But if she ain’t humanneither, it’s prob’ly fer the best it was you and not some Joe Schmoe.”  Stan grinned toothily.

              “Wow, that was almost acompliment,” Stan said.  He soberedabruptly.  “But I think so too.  Can’t imagine how a normal human wouldareacted to Angie turning into a wolf a few weeks after meeting her.  Me? Weird shit like that’s my bread and butter nowadays.”  Angie rolled down the window.

              “Are you two gents ever goin’ totake me to the hospital?” she called.  “Orshould I just walk there?”

[thelastspeecher]

btw I still haven’t figured out anything for when Dipper and Mabel come to visit Gravity Falls in the Werepire Stangie AU.

I do know that when Dip and Mabs visit, they aren’t aware at first of Stangie’s....nonhuman-ness.  but don’t know much else beyond that.

[thelastspeecher]

Hi, with mother's day just around the corner, how are Angie's mother's days? Is it a casual thing or a big deal? Any special outings or crazy surprises? With so many AUs Angie is in there might be some variety.

It’s a casual thing.  Angie doesn’t like to make a big deal out of it, because her ma never made a big deal out of it.  No, making a big deal out of it was her pa’s job.  And similarly, making a big deal of mother’s day falls to Angie’s significant others.  But her significant others also recognize she doesn’t like a whole big thing, so settle for having the kids serve her breakfast in bed and having Angie suggest a couple low-key activities for them to do, like go for a walk in the woods so Angie can ramble about salamanders.

There’s bound to be some variations among AUs, for sure.  But since I have so many AUs, without being prompted for specific ones, it’s a bit difficult for me to come up with examples.  I do have a couple in mind, though.

The first variation that came to mind was the Reverse Portal Stanley McGucket AU.  Because Lute doesn’t follow Stan’s lead in having mother’s day be low-key.  He insists on going all out for Angie, every single year.  Well, every single year except for the year after Emily and Emmett are born.  Emily and Emmett were about three months old during their first mother’s day, and Lute decided to have a big to-do to celebrate.  But Angie was still dealing with post-partum depression and all of her other issues that resulted from her husband disappearing while she was comatose and then having a difficult pregnancy.  So she just burst into tears the second Lute revealed the shindig he had thrown together for her.  Lute backed off for the next year, since Angie was still very sensitive and prone to crying during specific circumstances, but she was more comfortable to the idea of a big thing once Emily and Emmett were two.  Lute felt awful, he just wanted to cheer Angie up, and he only made her sadder by inadvertently reminding her that her husband was gone.

In the MerGucket AU, Stan surprises Angie by recruiting the kids to do things for her and waiting on her hand and....uh, fin.  She asks him what exactly is going on, and Stan’s like “it’s mother’s day?”  And Angie’s like “what is that”, because the mers don’t have mother’s day.  Stan explains it to her, and while she finds the concept interesting, she tells him he doesn’t need to do it for her, she’s fine without it.  All she wants is to spend time with her mate and guppies.  Pa Guck, tho, when he finds out he hasn’t been spoiling his mate on an annual holiday for that purpose, goes over the top and showers Ma Guck with presents and attention.  Ma Guck playfully scolds Stan for telling her mate about mother’s day.  She kept it a secret for a reason.  She knew he’d go nuts over it.

In the Stansort AU (and its variations, such as King Stansort), because they’re royalty and have to keep up appearances, Stan takes Angie and the babs out and about for some fun activities on mother’s day.  I don’t know why, but my first thought was “they ride HORSES” so I’m gonna say that it becomes a tradition for them to go horseback riding on mother’s day.  And then they go to a restaurant for brunch.  They have to dress up and pose for some pictures from the press, but they have a good time.  And then once they get home from brunch, the REAL mother’s day starts.  They all put on comfy clothes (instead of the fancy stuff they were wearing) and go garden or hike, and then laze around in the evening and watch Angie’s favorite TV show while eating kettle corn (her favorite kind of popcorn).

As for like, crazy surprises, I’d imagine in the Angiewolf and Werepire AUs, there’s some sort of big drama that goes down on mother’s day, every year, without fail.  Not sure what kind or why, but it gets to the point that Angie and Stan joke they should just stay home to avoid any more chaos.  And then when they stay home, some sort of supernatural critter shows up to harass them at home.  I don’t know why I get that feeling for those AUs, I just do.

Anyways, those are the things I thought of off the top of my head.  If there’s a specific AU you’d like me to elaborate on how it would go down differently, let me know!  This was a really fun ask, thank you!

[thelastspeecher]

fun thing that was decided on the Discord yesterday that I want to share with y’all:

the werewolves in my Angiewolf and Werepire AUs are red-green colorblind.  the born werewolves are born colorblind, and people who get turned slowly become red-green colorblind.  folks who get cured of lycanthropy (like Caleb) also get cured of their colorblindness.

not all of Stangie’s kids are colorblind in the Werepire AU, since those kids are half werewolf and half vampire.  Daisy, Emily, and Caleb (who are full werewolves) are colorblind.  and so is Emmett, bc he somehow turned out human and I like giving him traits that make it seem like he’s a werewolf or vampire (he’s sensitive to sunlight and silver, for example).  

Emily would have been colorblind even if she wasn’t a full werewolf, since she’s already red-green colorblind in my AUs.  it’s something I’ve mentioned in passing before, and had characters mention before, but it’s not a tidbit I talk about a lot.  but she’s red-green colorblind, bc I decided that red-green colorblindness runs in the McGucket family.  Pa Guck is colorblind and Ma Guck is a carrier, so some of the McGucket kiddos are colorblind.  I think Lute and Fidds are the only ones colorblind, but I could be wrong.  but Angie’s a carrier, so any kids with XY chromosomes (since red-green colorblindness is sex-linked) she has could be colorblind.  and Emily’s that particular kid.

so yeah.  colorblind werewolves are now a thing in my Angiewolf and Werepire AUs.

[thelastspeecher]

Werepire Stangie AU - Odd

I went through my Werepire Stangie doc today and discovered a scene that I had mostly written but never finished: Ford seeing his twin for the first time since Stan became a vampire.  So I sat down and finished it.  Enjoy.

(This is actually the third in a sort of mini-series of ficlets that take place shortly after each other: first is this, second is this.)

              “I don’t know what yer plan is, but I’d prefer if ya stay with me fer a bit,” Fiddleford said to Angie, who was sitting with him at the card table in the living room.  Angie shook her head as she braided her hair.  She seemed more alive now that she had showered.  Fiddleford glanced at Stan, looming in the doorway.

              Not sure about him, though.  The shower didn’t seem to liven him up much.

              “I can’t leave Stan alone,” Angie said.  Fiddleford rubbed his face.

              “Banjey…”

              “Look.”  Angie tied off her braid and flung it over her shoulder.  “I won’t leave town.  But I don’t think Stan would want to stay in his brother’s home, and I can’t leave him on his own.”

              “He’s a grown man.  I’m sure Stan can take care of himself.”

              “Okay, let me amend my statement,” Angie said irritably.  “I don’t want to leave him on his own.  He’s my boyfriend.”

              “Banjey.”

              “You don’t know him like I do!  He’s a good man.  He took care of me.”

              “Yer in such a vulnerable state, junebug.  I don’t know if yer judgement is very good,” Fiddleford said.  Angie glared.

              Are- are her eyes glowing? Before Fiddleford could look closer, Angie whipped her head around to stare at the front door.

              “Who is it?” Stan asked.  Angie narrowed her eyes.

              “Don’t know.  But someone’s comin’ up to the door.”

              “Prob’ly Stanford,” Fiddleford said.  Stan swallowed.

              “I’m just gonna leave through the back, then,” he mumbled.  Before he could take more than a few steps, the front door swung open and Ford strolled inside.

              “Fiddleford, I wonder if we might investigate those reports of werewolves in the next town over,” Ford said, paging through his research journal. “There was some sort of brouhaha last night.”  Out of the corner of his eye, Fiddleford saw Angie’s hands clench into fists.  Ford looked up.  He frowned at Angie.  “Um. You didn’t tell me you had a relative visiting.”

              “Turns out you have one visitin’, too,” Fiddleford said cheerfully, nodding at Stan.  Ford turned. He glowered.

              “Stanley.”

              “Stanford,” Stan said shortly, crossing his arms.  Ford stepped closer to Stan.  “Personal space, Poindexter.”

              “What are you doing here?” Ford asked.  Stan shrugged.

              “Dunno.  I was driving with Angie, and got this weird urge to come here.”

              “Almost like something was guiding you here?” Ford asked slowly.  Stan eyed him.

              “…Yeah.”

              “I see.  I see.” Ford reached into his trench coat. He pulled out a bag of jelly beans. Angie sucked in her breath softly. Fiddleford frowned at her.

              “Somethin’ wrong?” he asked quietly.  Angie bit her lip and didn’t respond, continuing to stare at Stan and Ford. Slowly and deliberately, Ford tore a hole open in the bag of jelly beans and poured them onto the floor.  Stan twitched.

              “Stan,” Angie whispered.  Stan twitched again.  Ford raised an eyebrow smugly.  Stan let out a noise between a groan and howl before diving to the floor.

              “One, two, three,” he mumbled, picking up the jelly beans one by one. Fiddleford blinked.

              “What’s goin’ on?”

              “My twin is exhibiting arithromania,” Ford said, watching Stan continue to count the jelly beans.  “One of the diagnostic criteria necessary to identify a vampire.”

              “A- Stanford, I know you have yer issues with Stanley, but accusin’ him of bein’ undead is a mite too far,” Fiddleford scolded.  Ford shook his head.

              “His skin is pale, he has enlarged canines, he’s as cold as stone. There’s nothing else that this could be.”  Fiddleford felt the blood drain from his face.

              “Banjey, you’ve been livin’ with a vampire fer months.  Oh, I’m so sorry.  And I’m so sorry ya had to find out this-”

              “You couldn’t have asked?” Angie burst out suddenly.  She glared at Ford with such intensity that Ford flinched. A low growl came from the back of her throat.  “You had to make him count all that?  Come on! That’s just cruel!”

              “You- you knew?” Fiddleford stammered.  Angie rolled her eyes.

              “Of course I knew, Fidds!  Like ya said, I’ve been livin’ with him fer months!  It’d be pretty difficult to miss all the times he knocked out someone fer lunch.”

              “Oh, Lord.”  Fiddleford made the sign of the cross.  Angie sighed.

              “Don’t blow this out of proportion.”

              “I don’t think it’s possible fer me to do that.  My lil sister has been an amnesiac living with a vampire fer months!”

              “Amnesiac?”  Ford looked over at Angie.  “Wait, is this the sister that went missing?”

              “Yes.  And apparently she’s been with Stan, not rememberin’ anything about herself.”

              “Hmm.”  Ford looked back at Stan.  “I haven’t heard of a vampire bite causing amnesia, but-”

              “Stan didn’t make me lose my memory,” Angie snapped.

              “What did?” Ford asked.  Angie huffed and crossed her arms.

              “If I knew, I’d tell ya.”

              “If Stan didn’t attack you, how do you explain those bite marks?” Ford asked, nodding at the scar on Angie’s right arm.

              “A dog bit me, genius.”

              “When?”

              “I ain’t tellin’ ya.  Not after ya insisted on testin’ my boyfriend by makin’ him count candy!”

              “Boyfriend?”  Ford looked back at Stan.  “You’re dating Stanley?”

              “Yes.  I am.” Angie jutted her chin out proudly. “And I don’t care what you or anyone else says.  I love him.”

              “Really?” Fiddleford asked softly.  “You love him?”  Angie turned to him.

              “Yes,” she said in the same tone.  “I do.  He’s saved my life time and time again, he took care of me when I didn’t know who I was, and he- he makes me laugh.  He’s a good man.”  Angie smiled. “A good vampiric man.”  Fiddleford sighed.

              “Stanford, I want Angie to stay here fer a bit.  At least until she can get back on her feet.”  Ford nodded.

              “Of course.”

              “But she doesn’t want to stay unless Stanley also stays.”

              “Out of the question.”

              “Please, Stanford,” Fiddleford said.  Stan finished counting the jelly beans and stood up.  “Stanley, will ya promise to behave if ya stay here?”

              “What counts as behaving?” Stan asked, shoving the jelly beans into a pocket.

              “Not feeding from anyone in the household, to start,” Ford said.  Stan waved a hand airily.

              “Eh.  Everyone here is O positive, and I prefer A positive anyways.”

              “Darlin’, yer not helpin’ yer case,” Angie said.  Stan looked over at her.  He softened visibly.

              “…Fine.  I’ll behave. I’ll make nice.  As long as I can stay here with Angie,” Stan said.  Angie smiled at him.  Ford looked away, frustrated.

              “You can stay,” he ground out after a moment.  “But only because Fiddleford wants you to.  And if you so much as look at anyone’s neck-”

              ��I won’t.”

              “Good.  Because if you do, I’m going to revoke your permission to be here immediately.”

              “Figured.”  Stan stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.  He looked outside.  “Looks like it’s finally nightfall, so I’m gonna go outside and uh…do some vampire stuff.”

              “Be careful,” Angie said.

              “Don’t worry.  No one’ll even see me,” Stan said with a wink.  He rushed out through the front door.

              “He clearly wasn’t to eager to stick around,” Ford remarked.  Angie scoffed.

              “You triggered his arithromania.  Of course he won’t want to stick around when he doesn’t need to!  That was incredibly rude!”  Ford walked over to the table Angie and Fiddleford were sitting at.

              “My apologies.  I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said.  Angie continued to glare at him.  Again, Fiddleford could have sworn her eyes were glimmering eerily.  Ford frowned.  “May I see your dog bite?”

              “No,” Angie snapped, jerking her arm away from him.  She stood.  “I’m going to go outside and wait for Stan to come back.  Fidds, you can join me if ya want.”

              “I’ll be out there in a few,” Fiddleford said.  Angie left, slamming the front door behind her.  Fiddleford turned to Ford.  “Stanford, why’d ya have to go and do that?  Angie’s furious!”

              “Look-”

              “Try not to upset either Angie or Stan, at least fer a week or so. Please.  I need to find out what all happened to Angie while she was gone, and she won’t share if she’s in a mood,” Fiddleford said.  Ford sighed.

              “Very well.  I’ll do my best to keep it civil.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “But I should probably let you know that something about her dog bite seemed…odd.”

              “How many dog bites have you seen?”

              “…None.”

              “Exactly.  Nothin’ seemed odd to me.”  Fiddleford paused.  Ford nodded.

              “You saw her eyes, too.”

              “Prob’ly just a trick of the light.  You said yourself that vampires are cold, and she’s like a lil furnace right now.”  Fiddleford stood up.  “Don’t go around tryin’ to diagnose Angie with a case of some spookum disease, okay?”

              “But if she’s-”

              “Stop.  I don’t care. My sister is normal.  Or as normal as a McGucket can be.”  Fiddleford began to head towards the front door.  “Clean up the attic, would ya?  I think Angie ‘n Stan can sleep up there.”

              “Okay.”

              “Thank you.”  Fiddleford exited the house.  Ford immediately took out his journal and flipped it to the page he’d had open when he entered.

              “I’m sure I wrote something about glowing eyes in here somewhere…”

[thelastspeecher]

Does Dipper freak out when he finds out Stan is a vampire and Angie is a werewolf? Cause I feel like it'd be something he'd do while Mabel would be all invested in how they met and want all the details l("I knew those movies were onto something!")

Oh, for sure, Dipper freaks.  And so does Mabel.  But yeah, they freak in different ways.  Dipper freaks out in a bad way.  He starts asking whether Stan fed from him or Mabel, and Stan immediately says “NO why would I do that? and for that matter, Molly and Wendy didn’t feed from you either”.  And Dipper starts freaking even more, bc his crush and cousin are both vampires, too.  While he’s pacing back and forth, Angie just sort of...gently guides his pacing so that he goes into a room, and then closes the door so he can have a couple minutes to collect himself.

While Dipper is gone, Mabel freaks out in a good way.  Yes, she wants all the details for their clearly star-crossed romance.  She immediately comes up with a million different dramatic scenarios, including one where Angie comes from werewolf royalty, one where Stan saves Angie from getting killed by werewolf hunters, one where Angie protects Stan from getting attacked by a werewolf hunter, taking a bite for him, one that’s that same situation but where Stan sacrifices his humanity instead, one where it’s an arranged marriage to bring peace between the warring factions of vampires and werewolves, one where they fall in love despite their species being sworn enemies, and on and on.

Once Mabel finishes listing her many theories, she asks which one is right, and Stan’s like “uh....the third one.”  And Mabel’s eyes get all big and she asks “WAIT YOU WERE A VAMPIRE BABY THAT GOT SWITCHED AT BIRTH WITH OUT REAL GRUNKLE?”  And Stan says “....sure.”

But then Dipper comes back, a bit calmer, not about to throw up from freaking out anymore, and asks a million questions, some of them in a rather aggressive tone.  And the story of Stangie and the Werepire McGucket-Pineses comes out.

...I don’t know how exactly Dipdop and Mabs find out about the McGucket-Pineses being nonhumans, tho...

[thelastspeecher]

I like to imagine that even though Stan's diet really only consists of blood in that au, he still gains a bit of chub on his belly, which Angie thinks makes him cute but to Stan it's like "ok but HOW." And Angie just shrugs like "high cholesterol leveled blood?"

omg I love it

Angie points out that it’s not like he does regular exercise; Stan has a hookup with the local blood bank, so he doesn’t have to go hunting to feed.  so it makes sense for him to get some chub.  he doesn’t exercise as much as he used to.

Stan’s still like “but it’s just BLOOD, there’s no sugar or fat in it”.  and Angie’s like “how do you think sugar and fat get transported in your body?  it goes into the bloodstream, dear.”

and Stan grumbles about his damn werewife having a damn biology degree and damn blood being not as healthy as he thought and damn genetics making him prone to packing on the pounds and damn small town doesn’t even have a gym, how is he supposed to exercise anyways

Angie stops his grumbles by giving him a smooch and telling him not to worry too much over his extra cushioning.  after all, it’s not just cute, but beneficial.  makes snuggling much more comfortable.

[thelastspeecher]

I know it's been mentioned in passing, and once when Ford almost killed Angie with to test if she was a werewolf, but does it ever bother Ford the fact that Stan has killed someone in his time as a vampire or is it a "they probably had it coming" kinda scenario seeing as Stan probably dealt with people who tried to hunt/slay him

Hmm.

Well, since Stan and Ford are on bad terms with each other when they first reunite, Ford’s opinion on learning that Stan has killed someone is a sort of condescending “figures”.  He’s not surprised, and he’s too pissed at Stan and thinks too poorly of Stan to develop any further opinion.

Once they more or less make up, it starts to bother Ford a bit.  Not as much as it bothers Fidds, since Ford assumes Stan never went on like, a killing spree, or killed in cold blood just for the thrill of it.  He thinks that Stan killed out of necessity.  And that eases Ford’s mind a bit.

Which is accurate, of course.  Stan didn’t like killing.  He only did it to survive.

Eventually, Ford does ask Stan about it.  And Stan confirms that Ford was right.  He’s a thief and commits fraud, but he’s not a murderer.  Any kills were in self-defense.

Ford is more or less assuaged.  Fidds still feels odd about it.  But Stan doesn’t really care how Fidds feels, so that’s fine with him.

[thelastspeecher]

Stanuary ‘19 - Week Two: Travel

I haven’t had my laptop for over two weeks, so I couldn’t really write for Week One (which is all right, since I didn’t really have any ideas for that anyways).  But I sat down and wrote up something for Week Two today, ending my writing hiatus.  It takes place in my Werepire AU, where Stan is a vampire and, while living out of his car, picks up a werewolf girlfriend.  It’s great, in my humble opinion.  So here, have an encounter from the sitcom I really want to see, of a vampire and werewolf on a cross-country trip.

              “Country roads, take me home, to the place I-”  Stan reached over and changed the radio station.

              “Hey!” Angie protested, looking up from the National Geographic she had grabbed at the last gas station.

              “I don’t listen to that crap,” Stan said calmly.

              “John Denver is not ‘crap’.”

              “Fine.  I don’t listen to country.  Better?”

              “Marginally.”  Angie changed the station again.

              “Cut it out!”  Stan turned the dial back to his preferred classics station, shooting a glare at Angie as he did so.  “Even if I did like country, the driver picks the music.”

              “Nuh-uh.  Shotgun picks the music.”

              “What universe are you from, where shotgun picks the music?”

              “If I l knew, I’d tell ya,” Angie said.  Stan glanced away.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Angie go for the dial.  He grabbed her wrist.

              “You really wanna do that again, toots?” he asked, flashing his vampiric fangs at her.  Angie bared her teeth, showing off her own enlarged canines.

              “Ya really want to call me ‘toots’ again?” she retorted.  Stan chuckled and let go of her wrist.

              “You give as good as you get, you know that?”

              “Yes, you’ve told me that before.”

              “I appreciate a chick with a mouth on her,” Stan continued.  Angie rolled her eyes.

              “Where are we?” she asked, looking out the window.  Stan shrugged.

              “Dunno.  After we got away from those vampire killers, I just took off without a plan.”

              “Pretty sure that’s been what’s goin’ on the entirety of our cross-country trip.”

              “Less of a plan than usual.”

              “So, a negative amount of plan, then.”

              “Shut up,” Stan muttered.  Angie snickered.  “I’ve just been following this…I dunno, gut feeling.”

              “Gut feeling?”

              “Like wherever we’re headed is wherever we’re supposed to be.”  Angie nodded silently, still staring at the trees outside. “That sounded dumb.”

              “Gut feelings often do.  But that don’t mean yer not supposed to trust ‘em.”  Angie smiled sweetly at him.  Stan smiled back.  There was a loud ding.  Stan looked at the dashboard.

              “Shit, we’re low on gas,” he muttered.

              “We passed a sign a while back sayin’ there’s an exit comin’ up.”  Angie squinted outside.  “Yeah, I see somethin’.”

              “I see it, too.”  Stan took the exit.  The turn led them directly into a small town.  Angie watched the buildings with a small smile.  “Some Podunk town, looks like.”

              “Yeah.”  Angie leaned against the window.  “I like it. Feels familiar.”

              “Why?” Stan asked.  Angie shrugged.

              “Don’t know.”  They drove in silence for a few moments before Stan spotted a gas station and pulled up next to a pump.  Stan and Angie got out of the car.  Angie stretched languidly.  “Good timing. I was gettin’ antsy.”

              “It’s the wolf in you,” Stan said.  Angie snorted.

              “Nah, I’ve always been like this.  I’m goin’ to go get a snack.  Want anything?”

              “If they’ve got it, O positive,” Stan said dryly.  Angie kissed him on the cheek.

              “AB positive all right?”

              “Eh.  I guess.”

              “Yer cute.”  Angie headed into the gas station.  Stan leaned against the car to watch the pump.  After a few minutes, he glanced at the gas station.

              What’s taking her so long?  A shot rang out.  Stan froze.  What the- was that-  There was another shot.  Shit!  He took off, bursting through the doors of the gas station.

              “I’ll be with you shortly, sir,” an employee said politely.  “Just got to take out the trash first.”  The employee, who was aiming a shotgun directly at Angie’s chest, cocked the gun in an overly casual manner.  “Stay still, she-wolf.  If I’m off by even an inch, you won’t die instantly.  You’ll suffer.”

              “I-” Angie started.

              “Shut up.”

              “Hey!” Stan barked.  The employee looked at him.  “What the hell are you doing, man?”

              “Look, you’re not from around here, so you don’t know about our werewolf problem, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to take down a bitch.”

              “Say that about my girlfriend again, you piece of shit,” Stan snarled. The employee lowered his gun.

              “She’s your girlfriend?” he asked.  Stan nodded.  The employee sighed tiredly.  “Great. Now I gotta dispose of two bodies after my shift today.”

              “You’re not gonna dispose of squat.”  Stan ripped the shotgun out of the employee’s hands.  Stripped free of his weapon, the employee swallowed nervously. “Beat it, while you’ve still got a pulse.”  The employee ran out of the gas station.  Stan looked at Angie.  “What happened?”  Angie tugged on her hair anxiously.

              “I don’t know!  I- I was just- I found a bag of beef jerky, I went to buy it, and next thing I knew, there was a barrel in my face.  I ducked out of the way of the first two shots, but then I couldn’t avoid it and-”

              “All right,” Stan said, cutting off her rambling.  “Just get a buncha snacks and we’ll bounce.  We need to get away from this batshit town as soon as possible. We’ll figure out what exactly happened once we’re outta here.”  Angie nodded. Stan hovered by the door, glancing outside every now and then while Angie grabbed various bags of chips and beef jerky.  Once her arms were full, Stan opened the door.  She rushed outside, closely followed by Stan.

              “How did he know I was a werewolf, though?” Angie hissed at Stan.  Stan shook his head.  He unlocked the car.

              “Beats me.  You really didn’t do anything…werewolf-y?”

              “No!  I didn’t even say anything!”  Angie tossed the snacks into the backseat.  “I-” She whipped her head around and stared off into the distance.  “Do you hear that?”

              “Hear what?”

              “That!”  A faint howl echoed.

              “Oh.  That. Well, the guy did say that they have a werewolf pro-”  Without warning, Angie threw back her head and howled.  “Angie!  What the fuck?”  Angie’s eyes widened.  She clamped her hands over her mouth.

              “I- I don’t know why, I just- I had to-” she whispered.  Her eyes widened further.  “We’ve got company.”  Stan turned around.

              “Shit.”

              “Sometimes it takes more than one person to take out the trash,” the employee from earlier said. He gestured at the small crowd of people gathered behind him. “Sometimes it takes a-”

              “Mob?” Stan interrupted.  The employee scowled.

              “You have a real big mouth, he-wolf.”

              “He-wolf.  Really?” Stan shook his head.  “I’m not a werewolf, just so you know, but I’m still a offended for them.”  A tall man frowned at the gas station employee.

              “He’s right, Randy.  That man’s not a werewolf.”

              “Exactly!” Stan said.  “And neither is my girl, you dick.  Werewolves don’t exist.”

              “That was a lie,” the tall man said.  He glared at Angie.  “She’s a werewolf.”  Stan shuffled over to stand in front of her.

              “Werewolves don’t exist,” he repeated.  The gas station employee – Randy – marched over, a smug look on his face.

              “Yeah, they do, mister.  And your ‘girl’ is one.”

              “Really?”  Stan turned to look at Angie.  “Ang, why didn’t you-”  He spun around, grabbed Randy roughly, and sunk his fangs into the employee’s neck. The mob Randy had gathered let out various shouts of disgust and shock.  Once satiated, Stan let go of Randy, who collapsed onto the ground.  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in an exaggerated manner.

              “Good god,” the tall man said in a hushed voice.  Stan bared his fangs.  The mob as a whole backed away.

              “You guys came prepared for a werewolf, not a vampire,” Stan said.  He grinned viciously.  “I suggest you get going, before our backup shows up.”

              “Backup?” someone in the mob queried.

              “Yeah.  When my girl howled earlier?  She was calling the rest of her pack,” Stan lied.  He nudged Randy’s prone body with his foot.  “Her pack…and my coven.”  A howl carried through the night air.  Stan chuckled darkly.  “That’s them. They’re coming.”  He kicked Randy closer to the mob.  “Take your garbage and get outta here!”  The mob dispersed.  A few people hurriedly picked Randy up before scattering.

              “You didn’t kill the guy, did ya?” Angie asked once they were alone at the gas station.  Stan sighed.

              “No.”

              “Not like last time.”

              “Not like last time.  It was tempting, though.  That dick tried to kill you.”

              “That’s why I wondered if ya killed him.”

              “Too many people saw our faces.”

              “Ah.”  Angie stood on her tiptoes to kiss Stan’s temple.  “Thanks fer savin’ my life.”

              “Eh.  Think of it as payback for you saving my bacon with those vampire hunters,” Stan said with a shrug.  Angie chuckled.

              “Ya have to pretend to be all tough and have no feelin’s, don’t ya?”

              “Pretty much.”  Stan opened the car door.  “Let’s blow this popsicle stand, already.”

----- 

              When they were on the road again, Angie reached for the radio knob.

              “Ang…” Stan started.  Angie silently turned the radio off.

              “Where are we headed?” she asked quietly.  Stan eyed her.

              “That whole thing shook you up, huh?”

              “They knew I was a werewolf somehow.  Even though I didn’t do anything to indicate it.  Yes, I’m unnerved.”  Angie looked out the window.  “So.  Where are we headed?”

              “Dunno.”

              “Still followin’ yer gut?”

              “Yep,” Stan grunted.  Angie nodded. “Unless you had a different idea.”

              “No.  Honestly…” Angie sighed.  “I’ve got that gut feeling, too.  We’re goin’ to the place we need to go to.”  She looked out the window.  A sign flashed by.  “Huh.”

              “What?”

              “Looks like the place we’re supposed to go to is called Gravity Falls.”

[thelastspeecher]

Idk if this could work in the werepire au, but Stan giving Angie, or vice versa, a gift for Valentine's Day while they're still dating and them feeling awkward cause neither of them really took Valentine's seriously until now

All right, here’s some Stan and Angie stressing over what presents to give their significant other.  I lost inspiration and energy pretty much right after I finished the scene with Fiddleford and Stan, so I didn’t write Stan and Angie giving each other the gifts, but rest assured, the gifts go over very well.

              Fordwalked into the kitchen, lured by appetizing aromas.  His eyes landed upon a plate of chocolates restingon the counter.

              Fiddleford wouldn’t mind if I took one.  He reached for the candy.

              “No!” avoice shouted.  Ford spun around.  Angie stood in the entryway, wearing one ofFiddleford’s aprons.  There were smearsof chocolate all over her, as well as a splatter of something red on her leftcheek.  “Those aren’t fer you,” Angiesaid firmly.  Ford looked at thechocolates.

              “I’massuming Fiddleford didn’t make these.”

              “Yercorrect.”  Angie smoothed the apron withher hands.  “I did.”  She beamed. “I’m quite the lil cook.  Maraised me right.”

              “Sinceyou’ve been living rent-free in my home for a few months, I think I have theright to take at least one of these,” Ford said, reaching for the plateagain.  Angie grimaced.

              “Youreally don’t want to.”

              “Whynot?”

              “They’refilled.”

              “Withwhat, raspberry?”

              “Ra- whywould ya think that?”

              “You’vegot red on your cheek,” Ford said.  Angielet out a small chuckle.

              “That’snot raspberry,” Angie said.  “It’sblood.”  Ford stared at the plate ofunassuming chocolates.  “Specifically, Apositive.  That’s his fav’rite.”

              “It’s-it’s not your blood, is it?” Ford asked. Angie shook her head.

              “I’m Opositive.  And I’m also a werewolf.  My blood don’t taste good to him.”

              “Wait,really?”

              “He triedmy blood once, and it didn’t go well.” Angie rolled her eyes.  “Honestly,it was a bit insulting when I saw him gag.”

              “Whydidn’t you tell me this earlier?” Ford asked. Angie shrugged.

              “Yadidn’t ask.”  She removed the apron.  “But anyways, unless ya like the taste ofblood, I wouldn’t recommend tryin’ the chocolates.”

              “I’m notoverly fond of the taste,” Ford mumbled. Angie frowned, bemused.  “So, uh,what’s the occasion?”

              “Valentine’sDay is today.”  Angie chewed on her lipand looked away.  “I wanted to dosomethin’ nice fer Stan.”

              “Oh.”

              “It’s notgood,” Angie groaned suddenly.  Shepressed her palms to her eyes.  “This wasa bad decision.  He’s not goin’ to likeit, is he?  He doesn’t do couple-y thingslike this.  Whenever we see people doin’couple-y things, he makes fun of ‘em.” Angie shook her head.  “I’ll justthrow ‘em out, this was a bad idea.”

              “No,Angie, I- I think he’ll like them,” Ford said. “Stan’s very…food-driven.  Andwhile he was dating his high school girlfriend, he went whole hog wooingher.  Candy, flowers, dates at thedrive-in.”  A strange look crossedAngie’s face.

              “But henever indicated he liked doin’ those things with me,” she said slowly.

              …Oops.

              “Um…”

              “Oh,Lord.”

              “Pleasedon’t take anything I’m saying too seriously,” Ford begged.  “I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

              “So he’llhate ‘em?” Angie asked.  Ford looked downand rubbed his face.

              “I- I-”

              Can I please rewind the entiretyof this conversation?

              “Relax.”  Ford’s head whipped up.  Angie was smiling deviously in what Stancalled a “shit-eating grin”.  “I’m justpullin’ yer tail.”

              “Ibelieve the saying is ‘pulling your leg’.”

              “Don’tcare.  Either way, I’m not bein’serious.  I know ya don’t have as stronga connection with Stan as ya used to. And from what I’ve observed, yer not the most romantic person.  I wouldn’t come to ya fer romantic advicewith Stan in a thousand years.”

              “Should Ibe insulted?” Ford asked.  Angieshrugged.  Ford frowned.  “Hold on. If the blood isn’t yours, whose is it?”

              “Umm…”  Angie cocked her head, visibly thinking.  “…Ned’s?”

              “You haveno clue whose blood it is,” Ford said flatly. Angie pursed her lips.  “Will youat least tell me where you got it?”

              “…No.”

              “Will thepolice be searching for it?”

              “Probablynot,” Angie said after a moment.  Fordpinched the bridge of his nose.

              “I don’tneed the police here again.  They’llinterfere with my research.”

              “I’m goodat coverin’ my tracks,” Angie said, waving a hand.  “They won’t know it’s me.”  Ford sighed heavily.  “If they do show up, though, I promise I’llmake ya some chocolates that don’t have blood in ‘em.”

              “…Fine.”  Ford checked his watch.  “Where’s Fiddleford?  He’s usually on time for research.”  Angie shrugged.

              “Beatsme.  He and Stan were gone when I wokeup.”

              “Stan wentwith him?”

              “Sincehis truck’s still here and Stan’s car isn’t, I think so.”

              “Whatcould they be doing?”

----- 

              Fiddlefordwalked over to Stan.  Stan looked awayfrom the red and pink heart-shaped boxes of candy to raise an eyebrow atFiddleford.

              “Yeah?”he asked.

              “Theyhave the perfume Angie likes,” Fiddleford said. Stan grunted and looked back at the candy.  “It’s on sale, too.”

              “I’m notgonna get her perfume.”

              “Why not?”

              “I don’tneed to explain myself to you.  I didn’teven ask you to come!  I just said I wasgonna step out to get Angie somethin’ for Valentine’s Day, and before I knewit, I was somehow in your truck and we were halfway to the store.”  Stan huffed. “Look, I just wanna get something for Angie.  She’s a great gal.”  He squinted at the candy.  “If you’re gonna be here, you might as wellhelp.  What kinda chocolate does shelike?”

              “Youlived with her fer months.  You don’tknow?”

              “I neversaw her eat any chocolate.”

              “That’dbe because she don’t have much of a taste fer chocolate.  Angie’s fav’rite kind of candy isbutterscotch.”

              “I don’tthink they have butterscotch in one of the fancy boxes.”

              “She alsoreally likes caramels.”

              “Okay, Ithink they have those.”  Stan began to prowlthe aisle, peering intently at the candy for sale.

              “It’sprob’ly fer the best that she don’t really like chocolate,” Fiddleford saididly.  “I mean, if she’s a werewolf, canshe even have it?”  Stan stopped in histracks.

              “Uh…”

              “That’s aquestion fer Ford.  You can get back tofindin’ Angie somethin’.”  Fiddleford glancedaround.  “We walked by a bunch ofbouquets on the way in.”

              “So?”

              “Youcould get her flowers.”

              “I don’thave a good track record with flowers,” Stan mumbled.  He picked up a dark red box and inspectedit.  “The last girl I gave flowers togave ‘em right back.”

              “D’yathink that might be an issue with the girl, not the gift?” Fiddlefordasked.  Stan grunted again.  He put the box back on the shelf.

              “Thesedon’t have enough candy.  It’s not enoughfor Angie.  She’s got a wolf’s appetite.”  Stan sighed. “Maybe I should just get her a steak dinner.  Does anywhere around here serve steak?”

              “Uh, I’mnot sure.”

              “Great.  Just great.” Stan stuffed his hands into his pockets. “First time I’m trying to do the Valentine’s thing, and I fuck it up.  Of course I fuck it up.  My girlfriend’s a genius werewolf.  I’m not good enough for her, nothin’ I canget for her is gonna be good enough for her-”

              “Stanley,she’ll be happy with whatever you get her,” Fiddleford interrupted.  Stan looked at him, disbelieving.  “Angie cares very deeply about you.  As long as you show her ya care right back,she’ll be pleased as punch.”

              “Yeah?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Okay.”  Stan let out a low breath.  “Maybe it’s good you came along, after all.  Otherwise I woulda got her chocolate andlike, a coupon for free sex or somethin’.” Fiddleford made a small strangled noise. “…You’re her older brother.”

              “Yes, Iam,” Fiddleford said in a tight voice.

              “You don’twant to know about our sex life.”

              “I liketo pretend it don’t exist.”  Fiddlefordgrimaced.  “Sometimes that’s difficult todo.”

              “Yeah…we’reboth kinda screamers,” Stan said. Fiddleford turned around, his face beet red.  “I’ll stop.”

              “Youbetter.  Or I won’t tell ya what her fav’riteflowers are.”

              “Don’tneed to.  They’re daisies.”

              “Wh-”  Fiddleford turned around again.  He stared at Stan.  “How did ya know that?”

              “She toldme,” Stan said with a shrug.  “About amonth ago, we were in some sort of fancy garden, hiding from the cops.  And Angie went right for the daisies.  She started gushing over ‘em so much Ithought she saw a lizard at first.”  Stanglanced at Fiddleford.  “‘Cause shereally likes lizards.”

              “Iknow.  She’s my sister.”

              “But no,she was just excited ‘cause daisies are her favorite.”  Stan grinned. “Maybe I should get her someflowers.”

              “That’sexactly what I was sayin’.”

              “Yeah,yeah, whatever, Fiddlesticks,” Stan said, grabbing a box off the shelf andwalking away.  Fiddleford followed him,huffing impatiently.

              “It’sFiddleford.”

              “Sure, itis.”

[thelastspeecher]

For the prompt, how about the werevamp au where Stan and Angie celebrate Chistmas together since Angie can't exactly go home to her family to celebrate, but also it's also Stan's first actual Christmas

I wanted to include something at the end about Angie asking Stan when Jewish holidays are so they can celebrate them together, too, but I liked it ending like this.  So here, have Stangie celebrating Christmas in a cheap motel room with a sad Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

              Stan wokeup freezing.  Without opening his eyes hereached out for Angie.  His hands brushedagainst blankets, but not Angie’s warm body. He opened his eyes.  He was alonein the bed.

              “Angie?”he asked.

              “I’m overhere, darlin’,” a soft voice said.  Stansat up with a groan.  He lookedover.  Angie was crouched on the sill ofthe only window in the cheap motel room, staring outside with a distantexpression.

              “What’swrong?”

              “Nothin’.  It’s just…” Angie sighed.  “I can’t believe it’sChristmas Eve.”

              “Oh,yeah.  It is.”  Stan got up from the bed and walked over tohis girlfriend.  “Merry Christmas,” hesaid, putting a hand on her shoulder. Angie sighed again.  “Babe,somethin’s wrong.  What is it?”

              “I can’tremember any of my fam’ly’s holiday traditions,” Angie said after a moment.  “I- I know we had ‘em.  I have this- this vague memory of warmfeelin’s and comfort.  A full stomach.  But I can’t remember anyone involved, or whatexactly we were doin’, and-”  Sheswallowed.  “What sort of Christmastraditions does yer fam’ly have?”

              “Uh,none,” Stan said.  Angie stared athim.  “I’m Jewish.”

    ��         “…Oh.”  Angie’s mouth quirked in a small grin.  “Didn’t know there were Jewish vampires.”

              “Didn’tknow there were Christian werewolves.”

              “Touche.”  Angie looked out the window again.  She wrapped her arms around herself.  “I just- I want to celebrate with my fam’ly.”

              “Youmight not be able to celebrate with them, but you’ve got me,” Stan said.  Angie managed a small, weak smile.  “Whattaya wanna do?”

              “Gocaroling.”

              “Uhh…”

              “I’mkidding,” Angie said, nudging him.  “But jokin’aside, it might be nice to get a tree.”

              “It’sChristmas Eve.”

              “Mm-hmm.”

              “You dorealize that if we manage to find a tree, it’s gonna be one of those shittyCharlie Brown ones, right?”

              “It’sstill a tree.”

              “Yeah.  Okay. Lemme get dressed.”  Stan walkedover to the chair he had tossed his clothes onto the day before.  He picked up his shirt and sniffed itidly.  “Did your family go to church onChristmas Eve?  My high school girlfriend’sfamily did.”

              “I haveamnesia, I don’t-”  Angie paused.  “No, wait. I do remember.  Yes. We did.”

              “So youguys were like, Christian Christians.”  Deciding the shirt didn’t smell too bad, Stanslipped it on.  “I shoulda figured.”

              “How couldya have figured it out?  I didn’t realizeI grew up goin’ to church until ya just asked me.”

              “A fewthings.”  Stan tugged on a pair of pants.  “You never say ‘God’, you say ‘Lord’ or ‘goodness’.  You corrected a Bible quote we saw the otherday.  And whenever we’re around jewelry,you go right for the crucifix necklaces.”

              “Huh.  Yer right, there were a lot of ways to figureit out,” Angie said softly.  Stan turnedaround.  “Why are ya wearin’ thoseclothes again?” Angie asked.

              “They don’tsmell.”

              “Not toyou,” Angie muttered.  She got down fromthe windowsill.  “A few things are comin’back to me.”

              “Yeah?”

              “Yeah.”  Angie furrowed her brow.  “When we went to the Christmas Eve service,my older brother would always fall asleep. And my- my older sister…  We hadto dress up, so she’d braid my hair fer me.”

              “You havea brother and sister?”

              “…Iguess.”

              “Do youremember their names?” Stan asked.  Angieshook her head.  “You’ll remembereventually.”  Stan shrugged on hisjacket.  “What’s the flavor ofChristianity your family practices?  Newand Improved or Classic?”  Angie staredat him, bemused.

              “Wh-which branch of Christianity is which?”

              “Catholicsare Classic, and the other one is New and Improved.”

              “Hon, that’snot-”  Angie shook her head.  “Okay, well, Classic.”

              “You’reCatholic?”

              “Yep.”  Angie frowned, thinking.  “I remember vaguely learnin’ prayers thatweren’t in English.”

              “Latin?”

              “No…”  Angie shook her head again.  “I could almost hear one of ‘em, but it’sgone.”  She looked up.  “Let’s go get us a tree.”

----- 

              Stan dugthrough the grocery bag.  Angie hadinsisted that they not steal on Christmas Eve, but he wanted to make sure thatshe didn’t see the one item he had surreptitiously pocketed at the store.

              “Youreally should shower,” Angie said.  Shewas decorating the tree they had found at the lot.  It looked exactly as Stan had warned:scraggly, tiny, and losing needles with every jostle.  Angie carefully draped a cheap garland overthe tree’s branches.

              “I showeredyesterday.”

              “Youshowered three days ago.”  Angie lookedat Stan.  “I love ya to bits, but I havea wolf’s nose, Stanley Pines.  If ya goone more day without takin’ a shower, I will hose ya down myself.”

              “Don’t offersomething if you don’t plan on following through.”

              “Itwouldn’t be sexy,” Angie warned.  Stansnorted.

              “That’swhat you think.”

              “No, Imean it.  Think less ‘we are bothunclothed and there are soap bubbles everywhere’ and more ‘I am fully clothed,holding you down while I hold the shower directly over yer head like I’m givin’a dog a bath’.”

              “…Could stillbe sexy.”

              “Lord,yer insufferable.”

              “You knowit, babe.”  Stan found the small box hewas looking for, slipped it into his back pocket, and kissed the top of Angie’shead.  She swatted him playfully.  “When do we put up our socks for free candy?”

              “Afteryou shower.”

              “Fine,fine.”  Stan strode into the bathroom,whistling.  He paused before closing thedoor.  “Hang on.”

              “Stan, Imean it, I can’t deal with yer stink much lon-”

              “Did youjust say you loved me?” Stan asked. Angie stilled.  “If you did, I’d-”

              “Justshower,” Angie said in a small voice.  “Please.”

----- 

              Tenminutes later, Stan opened the bathroom door to let the steam out while hefinished toweling off.  He paused.  Someone was singing.

              “O, holynight, the stars are brightly shining…” Stan stuck his head out.  Angiewas sitting in front of the tiny tree, her eyes closed, singing.  A small smile began to spread across Stan’sface.

              I don’t get to hear her sing very often.  He cleared his throat.  Angie looked over, startled.

              “That wasnice.”

              “…Thanks,”Angie mumbled, her face pink.  She duckedher head.  “And thank you fer showerin’.”

              “Eh, Iwoulda had to shower soon anyways, if I wanted to maintain my impeccablehairstyle,” Stan said, gesturing to his mullet. Angie snorted.  “You should singmore.”

              “I don’tknow.  I feel so strange singin’ in frontof people,” Angie said quietly.  Stanwalked over, only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist.  He sat on the floor next to her.

              “I’m ahomeless vampire.  Pretty sure I don’tcount as people.”

              “Nah, youdo.”  Angie leaned against him.  “By the way, earlier, when I said I loved you…”

              “Yeah?”

              “I meantit.”  Like her, Angie’s voice was soft,but full of warmth.  “And it ain’t someStockholm Syndrome thing, neither.  You-yer a good man, and you challenge me and take care of me and-”  Angie kissed Stan on the cheek.  “I can’t think of anything else to describemy feelings fer you.”

              “Not justreally good friends?”

              “No,Stan.  I love you.”  Angie’s eyes caught his determinedly.  “I mean it.” Stan stared back at her silently, at a loss for words.  Finally, he cleared his throat.

              “Okay,uh, yeah, uh, I guess, uh-”  He clearedhis throat again.  “I’ve got somethingfor- uh-”  He rushed back to thebathroom.

              Dumbass, why’d you put it in your pantspocket if you were gonna take your pants off right away?  Stan dug hurriedly through his pile of clothes.  Ha!  He grabbed the small box from earlier andreturned to where Angie was sitting. Angie cocked her head at him curiously.

              “What’sgoin’ on?”

              “Here.”  Stan handed her the box.  Angie shot another confused glance in hisdirection before turning her attention to the box.  She slowly opened it.

              “Oh.”

              That’s it?  An “oh”?

              “You hateit,” Stan said, dejected.

              “No,”Angie said.  She removed the necklacefrom the box.  “No, Stan, I love it.”  She let the chain of the necklace slipthrough her fingers to admire the crescent-shaped charm.  “A lil moon.”

              “‘Causeyou’re a werewolf.”  Stan rubbed the backof his neck.  “Girls like sparkly things,and you always get excited when we go to a store with jewelry, and you don’thave any jewelry, so I figured-”

              “This iswonderful,” Angie said softly.

              “It’s nota cross, though.  You always look at thecrosses.”  Stan scratched his cheek.  “I’m allergic to religious shit, so that’swhy I didn’t get the cross, but it’s still not-”

              “Shut yeryap and help me put this on, would ya?” Angie interrupted.  Stan grinned. Angie handed him the necklace and turned around.  Stan carefully clasped the chain.  Angie turned around again.  The necklace sparkled on her sweater.  “Does it suit me?”

              “Babe,everything suits you,” Stan said earnestly. Angie laughed.

              “Stan,this was a wonderful Christmas present. Thank you.”  Her eyestwinkled.  “I actually got you somethin’,too.”

              “Really?”

              “Mm-hmm.”  Angie nodded at the tree.  A box was resting underneath it.  “Go ahead. Open it.”  Stan eagerly ripped thebox open.  His eyes widened.  “I saw you lookin’ at those watches.”

              “Oh,hell, yes,” Stan breathed.  He slid thewatch onto his wrist.  “Now my wristlooks way classier than the rest of me. It’s perfect.”  Angiechuckled.  “How did you afford this?”

              “…I didn’t.”

              “Ithought you said you didn’t wanna steal on Jesus’ birthday.”

              “Hisbirthday’s tomorrow.  Not today.”

              “Myhabits are rubbing off on you.”

              “Yep.”

              “Probablynot a good thing.”

              “Fer ahomeless vampire and werewolf, I think it’s perfectly fine.”  Angie leaned in and kissed Stan on thelips.  “Merry Christmas.”

              “MerryChristmas.”